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heanv · 4 years

Text

lowkey

genre: angst, romance, enemies to lovers! au, secret lovers! au

BASED ON A BOOK! “ Letters to the Lost” by Brigid Kemmerer

warnings: typos,mentions of death, car accident, cursing, smoking

words count: 8k.

song: lowkey by Niki

requested by: @deniiiloves

“Me too.”

Everythings was shaking.The words, the sheet of paper you were holding was shaking,your hands.Your eyes burned in the sight of the foreign handwritting.You closed them tightly and tried to take a deep breath.

Someone read your letter.

It’s been two days since you last came here on the cemetry.The letter should have been taken by the wind or animals.But now it is in your hands once again and not only this but someone felt the need to put on a comment.This was unacceptable.This was private.Between you and your mother.

It was a boy.You were absolutely sure.There were greasy fingertips on the edges and the handwritting was ugly.It radiated arrogance.How could he even think about it. To insert himself out of nowhere into your grief and to have the guts to claim that he knows how it feels. He does not. He doesn’t even have the slightest idea what kind of pain this is.

You showed up late for school, with reddened,running make up and shuddering breath.Again.It was late September, months after your mother’s death but your desparate tries to get yourself together weren’t so successful. After school you went there again.After all you weren’t in the mood for homework nor to go at home and lock yourself in your room.There was something different this time.You feel colder than usual.You feel exposed,too vulnerable.Every single thing you want to say could be seen,read,judged.So this time instead writting to her, you wrote to him.

‘‘Privacy is an illusion.

Obviously you know this,since you read my letter.It wasn’t addressed to you.It wasn’t for you.It had nothing to do with you.It was between me and my mother.

I know she is dead.I know she can’t read the letters.I know there is very little I can do to feel close to here anymore.

Now I don’t even have this.

Do you understand what you’ve taken from me?Do you even have an idea? What you wrote implies that you undestand what agony is.

I do not think you do’‘

This was the first weekend you didn’t go to the cemetry.But you are glad you did this morning because you found a letter.

“What is this?” asked Mina.

“A letter.”

She said no more because she ptobably thought it was for my mother.I let her think that.

“I don’t think you understand agony yourself.If you did, you wouldn’t have interfered with me.

Did you ever think that my words weren’t meant for you to read,either?

Are you getting crazier than you already think you are? When you read the letter for the first time this morning instead of crying, you found yourself getting angry and you wanted to punch this damn loser in the face.The silence was making you even more furious because it only caused you to overthink even more.

The bell rang.You needed to move, you didn’t want another detention.Mina escorted you to your class not asking why you suddenly looked worse than normal, which you deeply appreciated.Of course during classes you were just physically attenting.Nothing really sparked your interest anymore, you notes were messy and you didn’t even feel bad.After the teacher dissmised the class you wanted to exit the classroom as fast as you can and so you did.

You felt a sharp burn and let out a cry as the hot liquid makes contacted your skin and clothes.A cup of coffee has exploaded over you and unconsciously you fell on something solid and you see scuffed black boots.

Lee Donghyuck, with his shirt and jacket were soaked also with coffee,was “shinning” in front of you.The star quarterback that had got a criminal record and a frequent seat in detention.He’s tall,amazingly handsome but mean enought to keep all the girls away, and not only.He was simultaneously trying to help you up and pull you away from him.He looks at you with face with absolute derision and with his rough voice half whispers.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

You are definetely not afraid of him,who does he think he is?

“You ran into me”

“I wasn’t the one running” he takes a sharp move forward which causes a great intensity humiliating and horrible.

Okay, maybe you were afraid of him, a little.

“Lee Donghyuck.Late.Again” Mrs.Kim,my freshman biology teacher.

“I wasn’t late.She ran into me”

Mrs.Kim pursed her lips, looked at us,probably notice the coffee stains and sighed.

“No food is allowed outside the cafeteria-“

“Coffee isn’t food” interrupted Donghyuck.

“Mr.Lee I believe you know the way to the principal’s office”

“Yeah, I could draw you a map.” his voice sharpened and you start wondering if he is going to hit the teacher.” But as I sad this is not my fault”

Then he left the conversation,throwing the paper cup into the trash can.

———————————•••———————————

“You are right.

I shouldn’t have interfered with your grief.I’m sorry.This doesn’t mean you are right to read my letter and I still kind of hate you for that.I have been thinking about your “me too” and what it meant and whether your pain is anything like mine.

Not that it is any of my business.”

———————————•••———————————

It was Sunday afternoon and you were sitting in the sunlight for two hours.It’s a popular day at the cemetry and you’ve been watching mourners come and go all after noon while re-reading your answer.

“I’d say you are kind of dark but I’m writting to a girl who leaves letters in a cemetry, so I guess that’s given.

You said you were wondering if my pain was like yours and honestly I dont’t know.

You lost your mother and I haven’t lost mine.Don’t you think it’s funny how people say “lost” as if they are just misplaced?

My sister died four years ago.My father killed her.She was ten. People assume we spent her last days in a hospital surrounded by doctors but we didn’t even know they were her last days.

Cancer didn’t kill her.My father did.And I could have stopped it, but I didn’t.

My dad is in prison now, and my mum is married to a dumbass.’’

I’ve read the letter seventeen times and I read it one more.

“Me too”

He’s lost his sister. Four years ago. She was ten so now she’d be fourteen. Is the Letter Guy an older brother- or a younger one? Your conversations were too mature there is no way you were writting to a twelve-year-old.Just no way.

———————————•••———————————

“I’ve started a 35 notes to you and they all start with “I’m 17” and no more.

I sound like an idiot.I just don’t wanna loose it . I don’t even know you but I understand you.

And I feel like you understand me. And that’s what I like so much about it.”

I couldn’t believe I actually did write this.But what I couldn’t believe more was the response.

“I don’t wanna loose it either. But maybe we could take it digital, so we are not at the mercy of the elements?

I set up an anonymous accont

[email protected]

your move,Cemetry girl.”

Wow.

The moring breeze qas chilly, and it ruffled the paper.You read it again.

Wow.Wow. Suddenly you needed to move. You kissed your palm and slapped it to the gravestone.

“Sorry Mom,gotta go.”

From: Cemetery girl <[email protected]>

To: The Dark <[email protected]>

Date: Wednesday,October 2 ; 7:17 AM

Subject: Going digital

The Dark? Don’t you think that’s kind of ghoulish?

———————————•••———————————

Mina was waiting for me while I was hopelessly seaching for one book of mine and that’s when I overheard the conversation of two girls next me.

“Do you know him?”

“Lee Donghyuck.Duh, who doesn’t?

“Is it true that he stole a car?”

“Yeah and not only he stole it but he ran it into an office building”

I did not heard the last asnwer and I honetly didn’t really have a choise because Hendery, a friend of Mina approached us.

“How are you girls doing?”

“We are fine, what about you?” Mina asked, while trying to hide her huge smile, failing miserably.

“Never been better.So...” he put his hands on his waist and gave me and Mina a glance “Are you two going to the homecoming tomorrow?”

Mina nudged me with her hip feeling my uncomfortable state.

“It doesn’t have to be a date. Just hanging out”

A dance? Now? Maybe it wasn’t that bad idea i neee some distraction.

“Sure”

“Really?” the both look at me,not believing what they heard. Honestly I didn’t beleive it either.

“Yeah,of course”

———————————•••———————————

From: The Dark <[email protected]>

To: Cemetery Girl <[email protected]>

Date: Wednesday,October 2 ; 8:16 AM

Subject: Ghoulish

We met by exchanging letter in a cemetry so I don’t think either of us is in position to call the other ghoulish.

Are you going to the Homecoming? I am. I know you probably don’t feel doing such a thing but I think that you deserve to feel something else beside grief, you deserve to have the normal life of a teenager.

You felt yourself blushing. He cared about you. And he was right, you felt guilty going to the Homecoming When you told your father that you were going, he looked like he was having a stroke and then he handed you his credit card and told you to get whatever you wanted. He seemed releived that you started opening up but you felt almost as if you are faking it.

———————————•••———————————

A blue-silver party factory exploaded in the school gym.Ballon bouquets hang everywhere,along with crepe-paper rosettes and streamers crisscrosedin every direction. It is so cheesy but secretly you really liked the way the tiny mirrors throw spots of light around the darkned gymnasium.

You haven’t seen Hendery yet, instead you were clinging to Mina. Then your eyes rake over the crowd. The Dark is here and he could be anyone.

“Are you looking for Hendery?” Mina leaned in close.

Not at all.

“Yes.Have you seen him yet?”

“No.Let’s go over by the food tables so he can find us.”

/ Wonder what I'll do when the cops come through/

Along the black wall,six long tables that have been set up were filled up various kind of snacks and bottled water. You picked up a cup of a punch and lifted it up to your lips,prepared to scan the crowd again. But you choke on the drink and almost cough it all over Donghyuck. I didn’t really expect him to comply with the dress code of the Homecoming, but he did. He was wearing a white shirt,khaki trousers, and blue-and-green-stripped tie. You did your best to get your heart rate under control.

“Stalker much?”

“Yeah” he says with his voice rough low and full of sarcasm. “ I’m stalking you at the food table” He moved to get past you.

“Looking to spike the punch?”

/ And the whiskey's run out/

That was a mistake and you realize it as soon as the words leave your mouth. You shoudn’t have said anything. Donghyuck looks like a dog ready to bite. With eyes made of ice he looked at you.

“No.” Then he moved past you again and walked away. You saw him how he gave a bottle of water to somebody, but it took you a moment to make out who it was.

It was Mark Lee, Donghyuck’s best and probably one friend. It was the first time for you to see him not wearing a hoodie and he is actually a very decent-looking guy.

‘‘ You guys look NICE” Hendery appeared all of a sudden.

“So do you” said Mina.

You spent some time trying to dance with Mina and Hendery but eventually you got tired and you didn’t wanted to ruin the fun the other two were having.

‘‘ I’m thirsty” you excused yourself.

You stepped off the dance floor and moved to the bleachers. There was a gap in the riser there,backed by the emergency doors.The lights didn’t reach there. You almost felt as if you are in a cave, all by yourself.

“ I don’t want to scare you” said a soft voice behind you and someone moved from the shadows. It was Mark Lee.

“It’s okay”.

Mark smiled softly at you and then you thought about it. If you had to compare Mark and Donghyuck, they’d be like white and black or day and night. You and Mark talked how was the night going and then you aked him if he had a date.

‘’ I don’t really date, I’m more like wingman’’ then he looked at the darkness behind him.

‘‘For who?’‘

‘‘No, for Hyuck.He’s outside,grabbing a cigarette.’‘

Then you heard steps.Donghyck freezed when he saw you and his eyes iced over again.

‘‘Stalker much?’‘

‘‘Hasn’t anyone ever told you that smoking will kill you?’‘ you told your cheeks not flush.

‘‘You are kidding. They should write that on the package.’‘

‘‘How can you be so mean?”

He’s closer suddenly you could smell his cigarette-stinking breath.

‘‘You know nothing about me”

You speak with thinking as fast as he takes one step back.

‘‘ I know you are a loser with a record.’‘

And here we go again. The guilt. How could he make you feel so guilty? You looked up and saw Donghyuck’s colder than normal. He made a sign to Mark and they both turned back to going back to the party. You ran after them, not sure why, and you shouted at them to stop, no of them actually doing so.

“What?” a sharp turn was made by Hyuck.

The apology was burning inside you throat but never came out.

“ I think it’s time for you to go back to the dancing floor, princess. Wouldn’t want anyone to catch you slumming with the losers?”

This felt like a slap. Everything tonight was a mistake, You shouldn’t have come here in first place.

———————————•••———————————

From: The Dark <[email protected]>

To: Cemetery Girl <[email protected]>

Date: Friday,October 4 ; 10:04 PM

Subject: You owe me,Cemetry girl

I hope you are having better night than I am.

The cemetry is well of silence. It was dark but you could find the way to your mother’s gravestone even if you were blind.There was nothing really to do there especially this late.You just sat, thinking you could handle the very chilly weather but the more time was passing the colder you felt.

You are not completely sure how to answer The Dark’s email but eventually you started typing but you stopped as some raindrops landed on your screen.Cold pours down from the darkness. You ran towards the car, shivering and then you put the key ready to go home.

And then the car won’t start.

What.The.Hell

Beat this, The Dark.

You breath shuddered. You flipped every dial you saw, killing everything.Then you inserted the key and gave the ignition a try again.

The car gives a pathetic rum-rum-rum sound but then flares to life.Victory! You kept both your hands on the wheel and peer into the darkness But a loud clunk sounded from beneath the car then the vehicle lurched sideways and began to spin.All you could see was darkness.

Help me, Mom.

It took you a while to unwrap your fingers from the steering wheel and then you noticed that your entire left tire is gone. You tried calling your dad.Three times but he doesn’t pick up. Then you called Mina.Straight to voice mail. You had no choise so you clicked the mailing app and told everything The Dark about you night.

He replies almost immediately trough chat.

The Dark: Are you OK? Cemetery Girl: That depends how broadly you are defining OK.

The Dark: Seriously. Please tell me you are not standing on the side of the road.

Cemetery Girl: I am in the car and the doors are locked.

The Dark: I am still in school. Do you want help?I can come to you.

Oh my God.

You didn’t know how to answer on such a thing. Did you want to see him? Defenetly. But you really liked is as it was.Anonymous. But you were desparate and stuck of the middle of nowhere.

Cemetery Girl: Yes.Please come and help me.

———————————•••———————————

Inbox: No new updates.

It’s been almost twenty minutes since you last messaged him. Where is he? Did he saw you from far and got disappointed ? You were already overthing what could have happened. The headlights had gone dim for minutes ago, which must be a sign the battery is getting ready to give up. Before you realise you were sobbing in your hands.You don’t stop the tears.

Knuckles rapped on your window. You gasped and jerked your hands down.There was a guy beside your car.

He’s here! Oh,he’s here! Thanks, God.

But then your vison started to clear. It’s not The Dark. It’s Lee Donghyuck.

/ 'Cause I've been lookin' at you since half past two/

‘‘Are you broken down?” he said loudly.

‘‘No, I’m fine.” you yelled back.

He didn’t particularly believed you.

‘‘Did your tire blow out? I saw the rubber on the road’.‘

‘‘I’ve already called s-someone.And he should be here any m-minute.”

‘‘So you don’t want my help?’‘ his eyes went darker.

‘‘No, I’m fine’‘ you suck a shaky breath through your teeth.

He looked up at you,standing there in the rain.

‘‘Suit yourself’‘ he swang your door and turned away.

You had two options. to sit there all night,shaking and freezing OR asking Donghyuck for help.

Damn it.

‘‘Wait!’‘

He turned to you and just stared.

‘‘Is your battery dead?” he said after a minute.

‘‘Yes, I haven’t replaced for a long time.’’

‘‘Shoking.’‘he jerked his head towards the car.’‘ Come and sit in my car, so you can warm up.’’

And so you did.

You expected his car to smell like cigarettes and to be some kind of miserable but it’s totally the opposite. It’s clean and smelled nice and it was kind of cosy? He slided into the driver’s seat and started the engine and than you let your your body welcome the warm feeling. You both sit in silence for the longest time untill he spoke up.

“Are you afraid of me?” for the first time his eyes weren’t as cold as ice , instead they were soft and unexpectidly beautiful. You just stood up there, thinking of possible answer.

“If I say yes, are you going to use it against me?”

“No” his voice was even.

“Then yes,a little.’’

/ Wanna take this downtown?/

He didn’t say anything. Silence,again.

“What happened? Why are you wet and how long have you been waiting?”

“I still don’t know this whole time I was trying to figure out what’s going on.”

“From the look of your tires, you are luck it wasn’t all four.”

“You are kidding. I was so busy memorizing the latest copy of Car and Driver before showing up at the Homecoming!”

He looked amused.

“You are kinda funny when you are not so busy being judgmental.”

/ This liquid courage got me way too honest/

Everything about him was so unexpected. He’so prickly and then he’ll startle you with words that sound dangerously close to concern. You watch him in silence fixing somethings in your car and when he was ready he told you he’d follow you home so he is sure you were okay and you couldn’t even say “thank you” because he never stopped as you reached your house.

From: Cemetery girl <[email protected]>

To: The Dark <[email protected]>

Date: Friday,October 4 ; 11:32 PM

Subject: Home

I wanted to let you know that I made it home safely. I hope you are okay.

By the morning the rain had moved out,leaving the temperature even colder.

From:The Dark <[email protected]>

To: Cemetery girl <[email protected]>

Date: Saturday,October 5 ; 01:06 AM

Subject: Tonight

I’m sorry I was late tonight, I had to drop a friend off first. He was flipping out about curfew. By the time I came to you, you were already gone. But if I’m honest, I’m glad we haven’t met yet.

———————————•••———————————

“Tell me again how he kissed you!” you said,smilling widly.” You must have left out some detail.”

Mina giggled and blushed. Then she started telling you the story again.

“Look. There is Hyuck’s weird friend.”

You followed her gaze and saw Mark, back in his hoodie. You hezitated for a moment but you went for it.

“Hi,Mark!”

He looked up in a surprise and almost seems to shrink into himself untill he located you,waving at him and his whole frame relaxes and he changes his course across the stree and up into Mina’s driveway.

“Hey.” he said.’’How’s your car?”

DongHyuck must’ve told him about yesterday.

‘‘It’s okay.My dad let me trade yard work for new tires and a battery.’‘

‘‘Your dad sounds like a nice guy.’‘ his eyebrows go up.

‘‘He is.’‘

‘‘ I’m glad you got you car taken care of. Hyuck said it was in pretty bad shape.’‘

‘‘It was...and tell him thanks.No one else stopped.’‘

Mark’s expression leaked out some tension but he nodded once.

‘‘I will.’‘

‘‘Come one Y/N’‘ said Mina.’‘We need to go inside for dinner.’‘

‘‘One sec,’‘ you said but when you turned Mark was on the sidewalk,moving away,heading home.

After Mina fell asleep you decided to write an email to The Dark to tell him about Lee Donghyuck because if he didn’t help you, you honestly did’t what could’ve happened.

———————————•••————————

During one of the breaks between the classes you were hanging out with Mina in the yard of the school.

“I have to go to the homeroom,” you said. “ I don’t need another detention.”

“Okay,see ya.”

You ended up in the path of Lee Donghyuck. You considered ducking away and losing yourself in the ocean of students, until you realised that he seemed to be considering the same thing.

“Hey.” you said.

“Hey.” His voice was quieter than you expected. You knew you were going to be late, but for a heartbeat, you didn’t want to move.

/ Be as quiet as you can, 'cause if anyone sees,they'll just blow shit up/

A breathless Mina caught your arm. “Y/N, what are you doing?” Her eyes flick dismissievely at Donghyuck. “I thought you didn’t want to be late.”

“Just a second.” you looked at her in a begging way and she let you arm free but when you turned Donghyuck was already gone.

It was absolutely killing you that you didn’t know who The Dark is. You could’ve just ask him who he is but you didn’t if you were ready for that. Maybe the mystery us part of what’s so attractive about him. Maybe you’d meet him and he’d be horrible.

He wouldn’t be. You just knew it. You found him fascinating.

———————————•••——————————

The parking lot is only half full by the time you left the building. The only cars left are students with sport or club obligations, of which you had none.

Oh, and Mark and Donghyuck.

There were standing behind Hyuck’s car ,leaning on the tailgate and Donghyuck has a cigarette between his lips. You didn’t really anticipate seeing them right now but you didn’t have a choise.

“Stalker much?” Donghyuck calls, but his voice isn’t cruel, he is teasing?

/ No one's gotta know, just us and the moon 'til the sun starts wakin up/

“You know you are not allowed to smoke on school property.” He took another drag and blowed smoke rings.

“You seem to be awfully concerned about my smoking habbit.”

“ I hate it. It’s disgusting.”

The words came out of your mouth before you really considered them. Donghyuck looked startled , and he tosses the cigarette on the ground and stoomped it out.

“Sorry I didn’t know.”

He could sprout wings and you’d have been less shocked right now.

“Thank you, I hate them too” Mark made a small clap.

“Stup up,Mark.By the way should we go?”

“Yeah,maybe”

“Where are you going?” you didn’t even know why you were asking them.

“ At my place,” said Mark.” Wanna come?”

‘‘Scared?’‘ taunted Hyuck,his eyes challenging.

‘‘Not at all,’You lied.’‘ Let’s go.’‘

———————————•••————————

Mark’s house was like a mirror image of Mina’s.Nothing about it is surprising.Mark said his mother would be working for the afternoon. She had a bright,welcoming smile,radiating so much warmth that I felt lucky to be invited inside. Then we went downstairs.

‘‘Do you want something to drink?”

You inhaled to asnwer- but your throat caught.Being in the pressence of a loving mother remended you of how much you’ve lost,Your brain locked up as a grief tangled up the gears inside your had.

You haven’t visited her for days.

Guilt punched you in the chest. It became worse when his mother same downstairs with a plate. You had to turn, inhaling deeply,bliking your tears away. Your body felt like it was on a hair trigger. You needed to get it together. You cannot have a panic attack when somebody asked you if you wanted a drink.

‘‘You are okay.’‘ You heard a voice beside you. Hyuck was there with his voice all soft that you’ve never heard of it. You blikned uo at him.

/ Wizard with words tellin' me my energy's so bewitchin' /

‘‘You are okay’‘ he said again.

You liked that, how he was so sure.Not Are you okay? No question about it.

‘‘How did you know?’‘ you slowly turned to face him.

He pursed his lips as if he was hesitating.

‘‘ I know...the signs.’‘

‘‘I’m going to get some sodas,’‘ said Mark.’‘ I’m going to bring you one.Blink once if that’s okay.’‘

You smiled, but it felt watery around the edges.He was teasing you, but it was a gentle teasing. Friendly. You blinked once.

This was okay. You were okay.Donghyuck was right.

‘‘Take it out on the punching bag’‘ said Hyuck after Mark went upstairs.

‘‘Really?’‘ your eyes went wide.

You weren’t a violent person.but hitting something sounded really good. You drew back a hand and swing,throwing your whole body into it.

Ow.

‘‘Whoa...,’‘ a hand caught your arm’‘ I don’t want to be sexist but I didn’t expect you throw a punch like that. For a moment I was worried you’d break your wrist.’‘

This whole moment with Hyuck was meaningful and you wanted to see more of that side of him.

/ So I'll go first, there's an open bar, let's close this distance /

Then his phone rang.

‘‘It’s my stepfather,’‘ he seemed hesitant to pick up.’‘ I don’t really get on well with him.’‘ But he did pick up.’‘ What happened?’‘ he seemed worried.’‘ I don’t care Alan,I’m coming.’‘

Mark was coming down the stairs when he saw his best friend leaving.

‘‘What happened?” asked Mark.

‘‘My mom collapsed while making dinner, I’m going to the hospital.’‘

Soon after Donghyuck left you excused myself and went back home.

———————————•••————————

From:The Dark <[email protected]>

To: Cemetery girl <[email protected]>

Date: Monday,October 7 ; 10:22 PM

Subject: Story Time

Marrige laws are funny. If you want to get married, you can go down to the courthous , sign a few papers,and be married in less than 15 minutes.But if you want to get divorces,you have to wait a year.Even if your husband is in prison. A dumb part thought Mom would wait Dad’s 10 years of sentence. To my know ledge she never visited him either, and I can understand her, he killed her child afterall.

After the first year my mum started dating. no one really lasted long until numer six.He tried to win me over and of course I didin’t let him and since then he hates me up to this day. How should I be grateful that yet another guy was swooping in to ruin my mother’s life?

Sometimes i wished I had died in the car with my sister. They got married last May. And now my mom is pregnant.

You were sitting in the dark,staring at his email and your heart is pounding like crazy. I sense that ‘’Congratulations’’ isn’t the right thing to say. You wanted to ask him more but he probably wan’t in the mood right now. Then something hit you. Donghyuck and The Dark were very similar. They both had stepfathers that they didn’t get along with shared an atittude. But if Donghyuck was The Dark why didn’t he tell you in the night of Homecoming? Also you’ve never heard Donghyuck mention a sister but then again, you haven’t mentioned your mother in front of him.

If The Dark is Donghyuck, is it a good thing? you could still hear the rasp in his voice. You are okay.

Then another thought tamped your heart down. If this isn’t Lee Donghyuck, what would that mean?

———————————•••———————————

From: Cemetery girl <[email protected]>

To: The Dark <[email protected]>

Date: Tuesday,October 8 ; 6:24 PM

Subject: Mothers

My mom was always on assignment ,so we never really had the opportunity to have a ‘’girls talk’’ althought I could’ve emailed her. When I was younger she encouraged me to send her letters, Most of the times a letter with a lot of foreign stamps was the highlight of the week. But in my letters,sometimes I lied.Her letters were full of grand advantures and she had photographs to prove every single one of them. ‘’Ian is sending me to Malaysia this week’’ or ‘’I’m going to be a few more days in Iran, Ian wants me to get some shots of those protests.’’ Ian is her editor. So I’d lie, like I’d tell her a photo of mine got and award from the city council and thinhs like this.Anything that could grab her attention. But know all of this was meaningless. I wish I’d just told her the truth. And now I lost her. So talk to your mother and tell her how you feel.

———————————•••———————————

Mina had to skip lunch becuase of her french teacher and you went to Donghyuck and Mark’s table.

‘‘Would you like to join us?’asked Donghyuck.

‘‘I will, thanks.’‘ you sat next to Mark.’’ Woah,Mark what’s all this?’’

‘‘Mom’s obsession.She always packs up enought to feed an army.Here,help yourself’‘ he pushed a small plastic (sorry!) plate to you,full of caprese salad.

You felt Donghyuck’s heave glare on you.

‘‘How’s your mother?’‘

‘‘She’s coming home this afternoon and what they are telling me is that it was just a dehydration.’‘

‘‘So you are seeing her today?’‘

“‘Maybe, I have a community service on Tuesday nights?’‘

Oh, you were curious.

‘‘What’s it like?’‘

‘‘I ride a lawn mover.’‘

‘‘And how long do you have to do it?’‘

‘‘Probably forever”

“90 hours’‘ corrected him Mark.

‘‘Is it okay if I ask you if they put you in jail for you know?’‘ you asked hesitantly.

‘‘Yes.’‘

‘‘Was it scary?’‘

‘‘Yes. I was there two nights.’‘

‘‘Your mom left you there?” your eyebrows went up.

‘‘Yes, maybe Alone made her. No one really bothered to get me out but whatever?’‘

You felt some tension in the air.

‘‘Can I say something?’‘ Mark spoke ,visibly trying to surpress feelings.’‘ Hyuck do even hear yourself sometimes? No one bothered to get you out? I would have gotten you out, my mum but you deicded to stay in a jail cell and pity yourself,calling no one,acting like a martyr.’‘

Hyuck’s hands tightened on the edge of the table.’’What’s your problem?”

‘‘You made choises to be there,so stop acting like such a damn victim.May twenty-fifth was one day.There are three hundred sixty-four ones.”“

‘‘I am the victim?” Hyuck looked like a thunder.’‘Who’s the one hiding in hoodies when it’s eighty degrees outside?’‘

I am frozen in place,my mind repeating that one sentence,my heart tripping along.It takes my a moment to get my voice to speak up but you achieved to whisper.

“What’s May twenty-fifth?’‘ you demanded.

‘‘The day I wrecked my father’s truck’‘ Donghyuck swalloed.

‘‘The day you got drunk? The day you crashed into a building? The day you barely remember?’‘ You were screaming,yet you couldn’t catch your breath. He doesn’t utter a word. The room started spinning. A hand cathes my my arm ‘‘ Y/N, Y/N’‘ a familiar male voice is speaking to me but my vision is not working properly.

May 25. The day my mother died in a hot-and-run crash.

———————————•••———————————

From: Cemetery girl <[email protected]>

To: The Dark <[email protected]>

Date: Tuesday,October 8 ; 3:28 PM

Subject: I need to know

Are you Lee Donghyuck? If you are, I don’t know if I can ever talk to you again.

———————————•••———————————

Your dad knocked on your door and you were so tempted to pretend you were sleeping but you call him to enter the bedroom.

‘‘Do you feel like company?’‘

No, you felt like crawling under you bed and sleeping there until you die.

‘‘No, Dad, I’m really tired.’‘

‘‘Okay then, I will tell them to leave.”

Them?

Your first thoughts are Hyuck and Mark and your heart skipped to quadruple time. ‘’Wait! Someone is here?’’

‘‘Yeah, Mina and some boy Henry...?

‘‘Hendery.Can you send them up?’’

‘‘Darn,we are coming in,’‘ Mina yelled from somewhere downstairs.’‘ You can ignore my calls, but you can’t ignore Nachos BellGrande.’‘

They showed up in your room,looking like they have just stepped out of a novel, an angel and a hipster sidekick. Your phone lit up suddenly.

The Dark: What happened are you okay? Cemetery Girl: I’m okay,Friends are over. Will write back latter.

‘‘So what was all this about?’‘ asked Mina.

You inhaled slowly.

‘‘Lee Donghyuck wrecked his car on the same night my mom was killed. That’s why I got so upset . I thought that maybe he can be involved because he was drunk and he blacked out.”

Mina stopped eating with a chip halfway to her mouth.

‘‘ I haven’‘t talked to anyone.I don’t know what to d-.’‘

‘‘Do you have a computer?’‘ asked Hendery.’‘ I could look it up.’‘

‘‘How?’‘you straightened.

‘‘I have the password to the local beat crime feed.From my internalship.We could see the both cases and the details.’‘

It doen’t take Hendery long to log on to the system.

‘‘Date?” he looked up at you.

Your mouth went dry. Could this be happening?

‘‘M-May twenty-fifth.’‘

He quickly tapped at the keys, then frowned at the screen.’’ I see hit-and-run report,but the victim’s last names as Wong and Kim. Who are they?

‘‘Maybe the drivers.She was taking a taxi home from the airport. Wong would have been the driver.’‘ You whispered.

Mina took your hand.

‘‘The accident took place on Hammonds Ferry Road, that’s weird because it isn’t on the way to the airport.I mean it’s not far but still.’‘

That’s really weird.

‘‘There is nothing really much more about this case.Let’s see that loser’s police report,and we’ll see if anything mathes up.’’

He is not a loser.You almost said it outloud.

Hendery was tyoing something when he said.’’ I don’t know if this is good or bad thing.’’

Just tell me please.

‘‘It’s not him.’‘

You were so relieved.’’ Just turn it off,okay? ‘’ And so did Hendery.

‘‘Is that your mothe’s gear?” Asked Hendery,nodding at a pile in the corner.

‘‘Yeah, her editor is trying to get it from us...-’‘

‘‘Did the cops search her memory cards? Like what if your mum was able to take a picture of the vehicle?

Your breath hitched.’’Do you think that’s possible?’’

‘‘I don’t see why not.’‘ answered Hendery,reaching for a bite of his taco. Then he looked at you a litle worried,as if he is afraid to say the next thing.

‘‘Say it,don’t worry.’‘

‘‘So, it’s written she died from internal bleeding,probably from the seatbelt. So there might have been time ,especially if she had her wits with her.’‘

Holy crap.

You picked up her digital camera but Hendery took it away from you,making things easier. He slided the cards free and then returned to the computer.When the program loaded you had the chance to see youe mother’s talent once again.All the photos were amazing just like always. But there was nothing connected to the crash.

‘‘Did she have more cameras?’‘ asked Hendery.

‘‘Just two cheap back-ups.’‘

‘‘What’s that?’‘ Mina pointed to where light glinted off a lens,poking from a canvas back.

‘‘Ít’s her film camera but we don’t have a dark room.’‘

‘‘But Mr.Geradi does.Do you want me to take it. I can develop it if you want?’‘

‘‘No’‘ you shook your head.’‘That’s her pictures.I want to do it.’‘

‘‘Okay’‘

You look up,inhaling deeply. ‘’Thank you guys for coming over.’’

———————————•••———————————

Cemetery Girl: I’m okay,False awarm. The Dark: What’s with the false alarm? Cemetery Girl: Lee Donghyuck didn’t do what I thought he did. The Dark; What did you think he did? Cemetery Girl: He got drunk and wrecked his car on the same night my mom died.I was worried he was involved somehow. The Dark: And he is not? Cemetery Girl: No.

Some minutes passed before he asnwered.

The Dark: How do you know? Cemetery Girl: My bestfreind’s boyfriend did an internership in a newsroom over the summer.He still has access to their crime beat database.He looked both cases up and the times don’t match.Mom died before he even got in his car. The Dark: Are you okay? Cemetery Girl: I don’t know what I am. Anyways did you talk to your mother? The Dark: No.Because I got home late from work, and my stepfather was practically standing sentry outside her door. Cemetery Girl: And you can’t tell him you want to talk to her? The Dark: It’s complicated. Cemetery Girl: It’s only as complicated as you make it. �� The Dark: Well, I guess I’m good at making things as complicated as possible.

/ So pick your poison, love, let's go somewhere a little more exclusive /

And with that he ended the conversation.

———————————•••———————————

From: Cemetery girl <[email protected]>

To: The Dark <[email protected]>

Date: Tuesday,October 8 ; 11:45 PM

Subject: What happened?

If I upset you, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.Please don’t stop talking to me.

———————————•••———————————

From:The Dark <[email protected]>

To: Cemetery girl <[email protected]>

Date: Wednesday,October 9 ; 07:22 AM

Subject: Talking

I don’t think I can do this anymore. You know nothing about me,nothing about the real me.You only know what I’ve shared,,only a snapshot and you’ve made a judgment of me , based on the little you’ve seen, and I think it’s all wrong.

I’m not a good person,Cememtery Girl.

You don’t need me.

You deserve better.

/ Tension so intense like an asteroid /

You quickly closed the email and went to the chatlist but there was no green light- his name had disappeared entirely.

WHAT.

You tried to type a email to him but the immeadiate respond wasn’t what you were expecting.

This user does not have a Freemail account.Please try again.

He couldn’t do this. Your chest was collapsing,and you started shaking.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” asked Mr.Gegardi. Your mom’s canvas bag with her film camerawas lying in the pile beside you,while you were trying to make your heart beat again.

‘‘Yeah,’‘ You cought.’‘I’m fine. But I came here to ask something.’‘ Mr.Gegardi nodded at you to continue,’‘Can I use the Dark Room?’ I know how to do it.”

Mr.Gegardi nodded once again.’‘ I am pretty sure you can.’’

Your heart was beating so fast that your chest ached.

‘‘Do you know what’s on the film’?”

‘‘Not really,maybe some graphic war zone shots,or they could be anything’‘

‘‘Oh’‘ he continued nodding while pouring chemicals.’’So this is your mother’s film?’‘

‘‘Yeah’‘

He set the bottles down and turned to face me fully.’‘ Do you want to start from the end? Like maybe the last 5 shots?’‘

‘‘Um.Sure’‘ your heart was still jumping around.

He cut the film and holded it up to the strip but it was impossible to tell what might have been on it in that moment.You put the strip into the enlarger,shined it onto the paper,then floated the paper in chemicals to bring the images out.

‘‘I could be wrong, but I don’t think these shots involve a car. It looks more like a person.’‘ said your teacher.

Maybe it was the person who hit her! Maybe she did take a picture of them!

‘‘Mr.Grgardi can I finish developing them alone?’‘

He seemed to hesitate for a moment but then he sighs.’‘Okay,I will walk down to the teacher’s room to get a coffee’‘

You nodded and looked down, the images were becoming clearer.And then you are alone.

The images had processed.

You blinked.And then you blinked again.

It’s my mother on the photos.Smilling.

Naked.

An arm covers one breast,but the other is unashamedly bare.

You stopped breathing.

The next tray developed.Another one of my mother,still naked ,a tangle of arms ,a blurred neck,some dark hairand the edge of a jaw.

The tears went cold on your cheeks.

These features are not my father’s.

The next tray..This one caught them both.You seized the picture with your hands.

It’s Ian.Mom’s editor.He is shirtless,holding her against him.

You thought of your father for the past mounths.She was cheating on him.Cheating.

It felt like she was cheating on you too.How could she? You stood there,sobbing into your hands. You see something else. Her boardng pass,laying on the ground, probably it had fallen from the bag.

Right there the boarding pass was a wet mess but the date was in huge letters, right in the middle.

WEDS MAY 22.

Wait.

You blinked a few times,as if your tears had somehow turned ‘‘SAT’‘ into ‘‘WED’‘ or ‘‘25′‘ into ‘‘22′‘.

Your breath hitched again. Three days ealier than we expected her.Three days before she died.

All of a sudden Hendery’s voice echoed in your head.

‘‘Hummonds Ferry Road isn’t on the way to the airport’.‘

She came home early,exactly like you’d begged her to do.She came home three days early. Just not to be with you.

———————————•••———————————

You were running. And you couldn’t stop. You were out of your mind.You reached the cemetry and ran even fast to reach that gravestone.You were screaming. You fell into the rough grass and started punching the gravestone really hard. You saw your fingers were bleeding but you didn’t care.You were furious. Tears were streaking down to your face and you didn’t understand exactly what you were screaming but you punched the gravestone again.

Then something happened. Someone grabbed you,pulling you against them.Instead of fighting,you collapsed against the persone,sobbing into their chest.

‘‘It’s okay’‘ he whisperes and you know exactly who he is.’’Do you wanna sit down?’‘ he asked you.

‘‘Not near her.’‘ you both sat a few yards back to an old gravestone.

You leaned into him and after a while he asked.

‘‘Do you wanna talk about it?’‘

‘‘No’‘

He brushed a strand of your hair awat from your eyes and then you lose it.

‘‘She was cheating’‘ you whisper.

‘‘What?’‘

‘‘She was cheating.On me father.She came three days earlier than we thought.I developed the photos in her film camera. They were shots of her ans her editor in the bed’‘

His eyebrows practically hit his hairline.’’Wow’‘

You grasped your hair.’‘Gosh, what am i’m going to tell dad.’‘

‘‘Do you have to tell him anythng?’‘

‘‘I don’t know.’‘

Silence fell for a while.

‘‘‘How did you know I was here.” you asked him.

‘‘I didn’t.I saw you.I work here,sort of.’‘

‘‘Community service’‘ you whispered and he nodded.

‘‘Y/N!’‘ you saw your father running to you’‘ Y/N I was so worried. Your teacher told me you ran out leaving a mess, and we’ve been searching for you.’‘

You started crying once again.’‘I am so sorry’‘He was hugging you tightly and that was all you wanted in that moment.

‘‘It’s okay.’‘ your father patted you hair.’‘Let’s go home’‘

You saw how Donghyuck was making steps backwards , fetching his globes.

‘‘Wait!’‘ you pulled away from your father and once again you were standing ,breathless in front of Hyuck. You closed the distance and pull him over to whisper. ‘‘We were wrong. You make your own path.’‘

The spell is broken.

———————————•••———————————

When you got at home you and your father had a long talk. You told him what you knew and what shocked you was the fact that he knew it already.

‘‘Y/N , please don’t doubt your mather’s love, she loved you so much that she stayed with me.Your mother was just- a bit of a free spirit.’‘

‘‘How long did that go on?’‘

Your dad shruged.’‘ I don’t know.Forever,probably.But I didn’t know untill a few years ago.’‘

You continue the painful conversation and sadly you were really disappointed in her.

But you had your father.You threw yourself into his arms and it was the best feeling in the world.

———————————•••———————————

From: Lee Donghyuck <[email protected]>

To: Y/N Y/L/N <Y/N.Y/L/[email protected]>

Date: Wednesday,October 9, 10:27 PM

Subject: Making new paths

I thought i’d be spending the night at Mark’s tonight. I had a huge fight with Alan and mum in the morning.Forget making a path- this morning’s conversation was like aftermath of nuclear bomb. But Alan’s car broke down and I helped him fix it and we talked, we’ve never done this before.

It feels harder to write under my own name but here I am,not hidding anymore. I should have told you at the Homecoming night but I wasn’t ready to let go of what we had.

———————————•••———————————

From: Y/N Y/L/N <Y/N.Y/L/[email protected]>

To: Lee Donghyuck <[email protected]>

Date:Tuesday,October 10, 5:52AM

Subject: Letting go

I’m glad you never told me. I didn’t want to let go either. In fact I’m still kinda sad that It’s over. I keep thinking about our conversations and I probably will never stop.

There is a lot you don’t show the world,you know and I think you should.Give them a new snapshot.Show them what you showed me.

And on that note...what now?

———————————•••———————————

INBOX - Y/N Y/L/N

No new messages.

By lunchtime, he hasn’t writtien back. You had no idea what that means.Neither he nor Mark were in the cafeteria.

You were sitiing with Mina and Hendery who were feeding or kissing each other and it was hard for you to keep yourself from sighing heavily.

Then a denim-clad leg swung over the bench, and weight droped beside you. Somehow surprised,yet not at all, Donghyuck was straddling the bench.

‘‘Feel like taking a walk?’‘ he said and you nodded eargerly.

And then he surprised you by taking your hand and you went out in the school yeard.

‘‘You didn’t email.’‘ you started.

‘‘I wanted to talk to you.’‘ you hardly noticed the pink tint on his cheeks.’‘And now that I am not The Dark I don’t really know what to say.’‘

‘‘It’s okay’‘ you said softly.’‘We don’t have to talk’‘

He was thinking.

‘‘Wait,’‘he said.’‘I have an idea.’‘

He turned to you, and before you were ready for it,he moved close.Very close.So close that his cheek was against yours and one of his hands was on your neck.His breath tickled his ear.

‘‘Is this okay?’‘he whispered.

‘‘More than okay.’‘

His thumb brushed against your neck in a soothing rhythm.’‘I like you.’‘

‘‘I like you too.’‘

‘‘You were the first person to see all of me,Y/N. The first person to make me feel like this. The way you saw me as The Dark was worth more than a reputation and a record.I don’t know if anyone will ever see me the way you did.’‘

You drew back and put both of your hands on his cheeks.’‘I see all of you, and I’m looking at you that way now.”

He took your hand and put it on his heart and closed his heart.’‘You are killing me ,Y/N.”

“Look at me’‘ you teased.’‘You cannot mae your own path with your eyes closed.’‘

‘‘Watch me’‘ then he leaned and captured you mouth with his.

/as long as we keep it lowkey/

masterlist

———————————•••———————————

so hello guys! this is the first scenario,based on a book. I highly recommend ‘‘Letters to the Lost’‘ , 10/10. If you want to know how the book actually starts, or to see the things from Declan Murphy’s (Lee Donghyuck) POV and a lot of more interesting moments , you should definetely read it. Than you so much fore reading this! <3

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