#graduation's tomorrow and i gotta get the tickets delivered to my friends today

[skrunksthatwunk]

ohhhhh no. fuck my stupid baka life fuck my stupid baka life fuck my stupid baka life fuck my stupid baka life. this shit isn't funny anymore guys!!!!!! it's pretty fucking unfunny and you're still laughing!!!!!!!! god. dammit. literally just run me over with a car what the fuck

[bands-and-fanfictions]

Comparing and Wondering: Jay Park

“Y/N I don’t understand how you do it,” my friend, April, says to me from across the table as she stares at her phone.

“Do what?” I question as I move the food on my plate around with the fork.

“Be so trusting of Jay. He’s in a different country releasing these videos of him surrounded by women while you’re here studying 24/7,” April says looking up from her phone.

“I honestly don’t know how I do it either,” I reply not meeting her gaze.

What April doesn’t know is that it eats away at me, with every video that’s posted I compare myself to those girls. He’s in Seoul while I’m in Seattle. It’s all overwhelming the vast majority of the time.

“I gotta go,” April says, “I’ll see you tomorrow though.” She stands up from the table and leaves the Hub as fast as humanly possible.

I stay at the table, however. Pulling my phone out from my bag to check any notifications that I may have.

‘YouTube - JAYPARKOFFICIAL Posted A New Video’

I open up YouTube to see the music video he had posted and of course the thumbnail was of him and a gorgeous woman. I don’t need to watch the video to know what it’ll involve. It’s practically the same thing over and over again, but I still let it get to me. Maybe it’s because of the distance, the time difference, or the fact that I am so involved with my school work.

I stand from the table, grabbing my things. I walk through campus and to the parking lot. All I want to do is go home and watch Silicon Valley, that’s all I want right now. I get into my car and leave the UDUB campus and head toward Queen Anne where my apartment is.

As I drive along I-5, stuck in traffic perusal, my mind wanders. I know that I chose this life, I chose to stay here to finish graduate school at the University of Washington. Choosing to do this was because I didn’t want to hold Jay back. If I had moved to Seoul and gone to school there I honestly think I’d just get in his way. But, part of me thinks I chose wrong.

I pull into a parking space then practically run out of the car. I walk into the elevator, pressing the right button, waiting impatiently to get to my floor. I scroll through Instagram to see pictures of him partying and singing at a recent concert. My stomach turns, I haven’t heard from Jay in a couple of weeks, but AOMG has been touring so I’m not extremely hurt over it. It happens all the time.

I walk into my apartment, flopping down on the couch. My back relaxes for what feels like the first time today. I grab my computer from out of my bag heading immediately to YouTube. I shouldn’t watch the music video, but of course I’m going to. I click on the video, staring at the screen.

Beautiful and thin women dance around him, a few grinding on him. As I continue to watch the tears start to well up in my eyes. I was nothing like these girls. I was not as thin as them, I can’t dane, I don’t look so beautiful to the point that every guy looks at me. I’m none of those things. Why does Jay even bother to date me?

I push my computer aside. I wide the tears away with the back of my hand, my mind drifting further down the dark rabbit hole. I sometimes wonder what Jay even sees in me, why he bothers to stay with me. But it must be easy to pretend that I don’t exist since I’m in a different country.

The sudden sound of my phone ringing pulls me from my thoughts. I look down at the screen to see whose calling me. It’s Patrick, literally my only guy friend since Jay gets so damn jealous.

“Hey, what’s up Patrick?” I say answering my phone.

“Hey Y/N! I have an extra ticket for the Sounders game tonight and was wondering if you wanted to go,” he says into the phone.

“Do you even have to ask?” I say into the phone with a giggle. The Sounders are my favorite Seattle based team and I absolutely love going to games.

“I knew you were going to say yes. I’ll pick you up in forty-five minutes,” he states.

“Alright see you then,” I say hanging up the phone.

I change into my Morris jersey and then pull out my scarf from my closet. I sit back onto the couch, turning on the tv. I have enough time to watch an episode of Silicon Valley.

I completely zone out, focusing completely on the episode. That is until my phone rings. I look down at my phone’s screen to see a text from Patrick.

‘I’m here,’ the text reads. I grab everything I need before heading out of my apartment.

“Hey,” I say to Patrick as I get into his car.

“You ready?” He questions looking over at me with a smile.

“Hell yeah!” I reply enthusiastically.

“Your love for them never ceases to amaze me,” he says with a laugh.

We wait in line to get into the stadium, luckily it’s a nice night. Just before I go through the metal detector my phone rings. I scurry though, quickly picking up my phone from the bin.

“Hello?” I say, not even really looking at the caller ID.

“Y/N sweaty,” it’s Jay’s mom, “I was wondering if you wanted to come over to dinner on Friday?”

“Yeah of course, any special occasion I need to know about?” I sheepishly say.  

“Oh silly, Jay will be home on Friday. I thought he had told you,” she says sweetly.

“I must have just forgotten,” I lie.

“Well I’ll see you on Friday at 7.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then Mrs. Park,” I reply hanging up the phone with a huff.

“Everything okay?” Patrick asks coming up behind me.

“That was Jay’s mom, apparently he’s coming home on Friday,” I say tapping on the messaging app.

“And he didn’t tell you?” Patrick says shocked, his jaw practically hitting the ground.

“Yup,” I say harshly.

‘Thanks for letting me know you were coming home this week…’ I text to Jay. I’m furious, beyond furious. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me.

“Let’s get you some alcohol and try to have some fun tonight,” Patrick says pulling me up the stairs.

“Sounds good to me,” I reply flinging my phone into my bag not wanting to look at it for the rest of the night.

We walk up to a concessions stand. Patrick orders each a drink refusing to let me pay. He hands me a cup full of Guinness while he has a Bud Lite for himself, he knows me so well. We head toward our seats on the first level with a perfect view on the entire field.

“You sure you’re okay?” Patrick questions with concern.

“Not really,” I say to him truthfully taking a sip of my drink. “I spent a huge chunk of time this afternoon crying after I got home.”

“Wait why?” Patrick asks looking at me with wide eyes.

“He posted a new video, and me being me I let it get under my skin,” I say looking out at the field seeing them doing warm ups.

“I’ll never understand why he always has so many girls in his videos,” Patrick says.

“You and me both. Want to take a selfie?” I ask changing the subject.

“Sure,” he says with a smile.

I pull out my phone, opening the camera ignoring text notifications. We turn around, our backs to the field, taking a few picture. I pick one that I really like proceeding to post it on Instagram. There are hardly any photos of me and Jay on his Instagram, none of the fans know that he even has a girlfriend which protects me from getting any hate, though it makes me feel as if he’s hiding our relationship. 

The game starts with a boom, literally. I watch as they pass the ball back and forth trying to get closer to the other team’s goal. This is what I love, being in this environment. The entire place filled with the sound of cheering and of ECS chanting. 

I look at my phone to see a text from Jay. I want to ignore it, but at the same time I want to see what he has to say.

‘I didn’t tell you because I assumed you’d be to busy studying to even see me.’

Low blow. That’s not even true, I’d drop everything just to see Jay. Before I can even reply another text is delivered from Jay.

‘But I guess you have enough time to go to a Sounders game instead.’

This just makes my heart sink. I already feel so horrible about myself and this just made it all worse. I don’t know why he’s such an ass sometimes. Moments like these are when I wonder why I even bother anymore.

I finish off my drink in dire need of another one. I tell Patrick before heading out of the sands and out into the hallway. I grab another Guinness then walk over to the side to look out to the city.

I don’t think I have ever felt this depressed at a game before. I’m tired of feeling this way, this isn’t the way I should be living my life. It hurts for him to think I do all of this on purpose. School is important to me and I like to hold up my 4.0 GPA, I wish he’d see that. But he does’t because he’s off living his dream and running a company. Maybe it’s just time to call it quits.

The stadium erupts in loud cheering. I turn my apportion to one of the monitors near by, Jordan Morris just scored a goal. I smile to myself to see how the game is going before returning my attention the skyline. I sigh to myself as my mind keeps wandering down the downward spiral.

“I’m sorry,” someone says to me pulling me from my thoughts and back to reality. I turn around to see Jay standing there wearing an oversized sweatshirt and a worn out pair of jeans. His eyes are red, deep bags lying beneath. “I’m sorry for being such an ass to you, for not thinking more about you.”

He takes a step closer to me, moving to my side. I look down at my cup, not knowing what to say or do. Part of me wants to hug and kiss him, thank him for surprising me by coming here but the mood in the air doesn’t call for that.

“It’s not your fault,” I whisper not meeting his gaze. “We’re both busy and are running on different planes.”

“That doesn’t excuse the fact of my words and actions toward you. Y/N, I love you,” he says moving even closer to me. “I always want to be by your side and being so far away from me kills me.”

I turn to look at him. Jay moves a hand to my waist, he looks at me with sorrowful eyes and I know mine looks about the same.

“I’ve missed you,” I say sheepishly.

“I’ve missed you too,” he says with a small smile. “I want to stay here until you graduate next month. I want us to move to Seoul, to live together, to eventually get married, and have a family together.”

Jay leans his forehead against mine. It’s like we’re in a different world, just the two of us. I don’t hear the cheering or notice the people walking past. All the worries and thoughts that I had earlier disappear. Him being here says it all, that he does care and love me, that he thinks of me.

After a beat or two Jay closes the gap between us, his lips touching mine in a sweet kiss. Even though it’s a small kiss it’s filled with love, the love that both of us feel for one another. I don’t even remember the last time Jay has been here, the last time that we kissed but this moment, I’m loving every bit of it.

“I love you Jay Park,” I say as we part lips.

“I love you too Y/N,” he replies. “How about we get out of here and catch up a bit.”

“I’d like that, just let me go tell Patrick real quick.”

“I already texted him,” Jay says stopping me from running off. “Let’s go home and watch a movie and cuddle.” 

“Sounds heavenly,” I reply taking Jay’s hand.

“I missed you so much,” he says to me ask we make our way out of the stadium.

“I missed you too,” I reply with a blush forming on my cheeks.

“Let’s get reacquainted with each other,” he says with a wink.

I can’t help but giggle knowing exactly what he’s talking about, it’s going to be a long night for sure. But, being with Jay makes it worth wild. Even though I compare myself to those women in his videos at the end of the day I know that I have something that they don’t, Jay’s love and affection.