#granted a lot of it mainly just for me and i mentioned snippets here really

[halonicheart]

This Duskwight man was found on the brink of death, crawling out of the chasm known as The Palace of the Dead. Adventurers and Wood Wailers alike in the area got quite the fright… it wasn’t until he was in the hands of local healers that the handkerchief clutched in his hand was finally noticed. It was nice enough, silk with lace trimming and embroidered with the initials “D.N.”

The man was unconscious for several days. Not a single person came forward to identify him. The ones caring for him had no choice but to wait for him to awaken. When he finally did he could only remember his given name- Dorian and nothing else. Some tried to guess his last name, tossed around a few guesses in hopes of any of them seeming familiar. None did. In attempt to be humorous, albeit perhaps a touch insensitive, one suggested he be given the surname Netherfell, as if to insinuate he came from the nether realm. No one expected him to take a liking to it.

And so he lived his days as Dorian Netherfell. He made no genuine attempts to regain his lost memories.

Dorian can be described as odd and a bit distant, off putting but well meaning and morbidly curious for all things- well, morbid. Though he isn’t a loner by choice, he isn’t entirely bothered by it either. Almost as if he were content to not really have a single true friend, just acquaintances who tolerated him. For reasons he can’t even remember, he finds he is rather wary around strangers and terribly mistrusting of adventurers. He admits there might be something hypocritical about it, given he could very well have been an adventurer himself prior his memory loss.

Before he was Dorian Netherfell, he was Dorian Nicolette. He was still off and a bit distant, a bit off putting but well meaning and still morbidly curious. The major difference is he was very, very lonely. So much so he clung to the two people who took pity on him. Those “friends” of his weren’t particularly genuine. Truly kind at first, albeit they treated him like a child at times, but that soon gave way to exhaustion, annoyance, contempt…

They ended up bringing him along their adventures, not out of want but no choice, and truly grew sick of him. Their adventures took them to the Shroud where rumors about the Palace of the Dead spoils and specters reached their ears. The two formulated a plan, it was perfect, they knew better than anyone Dorian would love to go to this place. So they will go and leave him for dead. No one would find him save for the beasts wandering the place.

What they did not expect was for it to back fire. The “friends” died down there, mauled by something much more sinister than the mind could conjure. Somehow, Dorian managed to get away, the price for a chance to live being his memories, likely due to trauma from the betrayal as well nearly dying. The hurt ran so deep that even with blotted memories it permeated through his entire body.

Don’t trust adventurers. Don’t trust people. The kindness of Lovette and company terrifies him. Makes him want to rip his skin off, make the itch go away… but being alone is boring, doing the same thing day in and out is boring and he’s terribly curious of what may come if he follows them around.

Soon as he can muster up the courage to leave the Shroud, leave the Palace of The Dead, leave the place he’s drawn to in ways he wishes he wasn’t… soon… he hopes.

[cjsinkythoughts]

Teaser!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Genius!Reader (All my works are fem!Readers)

Series Warnings: Mentions of past abuse/murder, abusive drunk, very shitty dad, Reader had a really bad childhood, Winter Soldier stuff, smut (it’s not explicit as of right now, just implied, but it’s still 18+ only please and thank you), kidnapping, HYDRA being shit, a *cough* spoilers - pregnancy *cough*, there’s lots of angst, but there’s lots of fluff too, cursing, of course, I tend to do a lot of that, half the population dying, alternate Endgame ending, there’s probably more that I’m forgetting, but there will be chapter warnings too, so please please read them just in case! 

A/N: There’s a lot that goes on in this series and I have most of it written, I just have to rewrite it to fit 2nd POV (this snippet isn’t, it’s in 3rd, but the story will be in 2nd). Plus some other stuff I’ve gotta edit. The beginning half or so will follow the MCU - mainly Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Captain America: Civil War - and I don’t know how many parts there will be. I’m excited for this series. I just hope I can actually finish it…

Anyways, here’s a little snippet. Again, this is from the rough draft. It’s not edited to fit the format the actual story will be, and there’s a part from the original missing, but it’s just a teaser. I nearly posted the entire first part, because I didn’t know where to stop, but this is what you get. Also, this was originally an OC, so if there’s ever a descriptive characteristic of the reader, feel free to  (politely) inform me. That’s totally my bad and I’ll gladly change it to make it more inclusive. 

Uh…yeah. So this is the next thing I’m working on. I hope you guys enjoy it. Be kind to yourselves and others. Enjoy the teaser and stay tuned!

CJ’s Masterlist

***

The small cell was dark, the only stream of light coming from the lamp at the desk where a figure hunched over notes and scans. The young woman let out a tired sigh, leaning back in her chair and rubbing her eyes. After three years, she had gotten used to the lack of natural lighting.

Three years.

Three years she had been stuck in the hell hole, witnessing horrible acts; she couldn���t tell if the screams she would hear at night were real anymore. Three years ago she was blissfully unaware of how terrible the world could be - the nightmares underneath every surface, lurking in every shadow, hiding in every corner. Which, she thought, was saying something considering her childhood. She never imagined she could ever long for those nights taking shelter under her bed from her father’s drunken rage, covering her head with her pillows to block out her mother’s pleadings and shouts of pain. Yet, here she was. Longing for the freedom that would grant her.

Then again, it was her father’s fault she was here in the first place.

She looked over, snapping out of her thoughts, at the sound of her cell being unlocked. “He’s back.” The agent at the door growled out.

Raising her eyebrows, she checked her watch; it was late, after midnight, but that wasn’t what she was checking for. He was back quicker than usual. She didn’t think anymore of it, standing up and walking over to the agent. She had lost her curiosity her first year being held there, quickly learning that her only business was the mental state of their soldier.

She followed the agent out into the hall, blinking at the bright hallway lights that flooded her sight. She had memorized the route by this point and could probably walk to the familiar room with her eyes closed. Take a left here, go down the stairs, pass through the hall, right turn, wait…left turn again.

They finally got to the room, which she reluctantly entered. It was large and, like most of the base, was blinding with artificial lighting. There was a room in the back separated by glass with more computers. In the center, surrounded by computer screens, was the cursed machine. If she never saw it again, it would be too soon. She couldn’t help her visible surprise when she saw the man sitting in the chair, agents hooking him up to the machine.

This was the worst part. Studying him. She had to watch - note every minor tick and major squirm. Listening to him was even more heart wrenching.

But it was her job. Her job that she was basically sold to, but her job nonetheless. She couldn’t help him, as much as she wanted to. If she so much as spoke to him without permission, they’d both get in trouble.

She often wished she never got a degree in psychology. It didn’t help that she studied kinesiology and linguistics, either. Maybe if she did music or art she wouldn’t be here. But, then again, she had always been a quick study. She supposed she was doomed to be here one way or another. Being born a genius sucked.

[junejalow]

“You have a daughter!?” Kali/Smoke

Bringing this over from my Archiveofourown prompt requests! Hope you enjoy! This prompt/dabble is for thelordchanka with the prompt "You have a daughter?"

The base was buzzing with work, recruit's heading out for last minute flights since they weren't needed for the upcoming cross training session and missions Harry had lined up. Most of them would require select operators, one's who wouldn't be able to leave for the holidays. Upon a collective request among the select few, three hours of negotiating (mainly whining and complaining) Harry finally relented on his restriction of having civilians on base. Although he was still reluctant about the entire choice all together, he had very strict rules. 1) No pranks. 2) Armory stays locked. 3) Kids/teenagers must stay with parent(s) at all time. 4) Common room and training/simulation room may be used as forms of entertainment. The last rule strictly applied as long as the kids remember that everything they see must stay a secret, he could trust the operators to reinforce this. After all, Rainbow didn't technically exist. A ghost in the shadow of every military unit on earth. They handled situations and missions no one will ever know about and the few that were public? Covered as special ops or joint missions. Everyone in Rainbow were all highly trained soldiers hand picked from even the best operators. They never disappointed Harry while on the job, but more humane moments like now? Well, it was just a simple reminder that they were still human behind their harden military mind sets. 

Kali was still trying to process the information she just heard from the table behind her, Smoke had a daughter? The crazed chemist actually had family, much less a child. How in the world did someone like him maintain a lasting relationship enough to reproduce. Ignoring Ace's conversation with Wamai, she focused back on the SAS group behind them. 

"She didn't like the idea of taking Christmas break but I'm pretty sur she'll love being here, I'm always telling her about everyone here. Despite her studies, Charlie does love hearing them. Surprise right?" Smoke mused as he fiddled with a picture he kept in his wallet, staring at it fondly. He had rarely spoke to anyone outside the SAS about his adoptive daughter, she was in her last year of high school and scoring straight A's and would graduate with honors. Charlie was the embodiment of everything Smoke couldn't be when he was growing up and so much more. He loved seeing her view of the world and everything she was learning, she had taught him a lot about life that he would never have thought of looking at in a thousand years. She was his connection to being human, a safe haven away from his crazy job. 

 "You're acting like we haven't mess the lass before." Sledge replied after swallowing a spoon full of mash potato's. They had met her once before when Smoke had to go check on his apartment a few miles away following a series of break in's. She acted nothing like the chemist aside from sharing his twisted sense of humor. Charlie basically kept him out of trouble when he had leave time from work. 

"Yeah but she hasn't met the rest of this lot, wonder what she'll think." 

"You worry too much." Mute mumbled beside him, a neutral frown on his face over the fact that Thatcher had taken his phone minutes earlier so the young operator would eat instead of burying his face in the device. More than once he had complained later in the day of being hungry because he missed dinner or breakfast for that same reason. Thatcher of course scolded him every time but taking his phone was a last ditch effort to get the man to eat properly. He didn't need the defender light headed during training from lack of food. 

"I'm not worrying too much! I just don't trust most of these barmy bastards not to try something stupid when everyone shows up. Bandit hundred percent I don't trust, he'll twist her beautiful little mind into something terrible."

"Yet you're just as bad, ever think about that or has Doc's scolding taught you nothing?" Thatcher piped in from his spot across the table. 

"All he's bloody taught me is how much I can get away with before I have to hide." Smoke chuckled, putting the picture of his daughter back in his wallet. 

Kali made a mental note to ask him later about the entire conversation, she was on good enough grounds with the defender that they could have a decent and friendly conversation when they crossed paths. Soon enough the cafeteria slowly became devoid of noise. Most of the operator's were calling home to invite whoever could make it or simply wishing their family and friends happy holidays. Kali on the other hand decided to hit the training room for awhile, not surprised to see a few operators spread out doing their own training. She listened in on different conversations as she bedded down to work on her sniper aim. Nothing caught her interest though, most of the banter was work related or Christmas gift ideas. She had learned from Mira that most of the operators exchanged gifts as a way of team building, an idea Harry had implemented soon after his employment as the new director. 

She had to give the man some credit, he surely knew how to bring a team together. Most of his tactic's were questionable at best but even she could the good intent behind each choice, he was even able to pull Doc and Lion to even ground and now the two seemed like friends all over again despite the random bickering they still did with Montague or Castle playing peace keeper as usual. Some small part of her felt bad for them, they were all adults but some parts of them still shined like children fighting over a toy. It was a vast difference from the attention to detail they all showed in the field though, she had heard Jackal mention it was like flipping switches off and on in their minds. Essentially they were all two sides of the same coin, one side a passive civilian living day to day while the other side was a ruthless soldier who wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger on someone wishing to cause harm. 

Personally she never really understood where she placed in that category but as long as the job was done who cared? She has taken out countless dangerious men and women alike. She seriously wouldn't have her life any other way. She sighed after spending the rubber bullets she acquired from the training gun rack and headed back to the main building, she noticed Smoke hanging around the common room and remembered the conversations from earlier, deciding now was a good time as any.

"Porter, mind a chat?" She asked as she approached the man relaxing against the bar across, tending to a half drank beer, the room from the tv that was currently playing some nature documentary. Dark chocolate brown eyes met her hazel eyes, a question playing across them before he motioned to the seat next to him. 

"I can fancy a talk, what's on your mind Kali?"

"You have a daughter?"

Smoke nearly choked on his beer at the straight forward question, he shouldn't expect less from her but at the same time he didn't think anyone had been listening in. Each table/group always stuck to their own conversations and rarely asked or interrupted anyone on theirs. 

"I didn't think you were bloody listening in! I could barely hear my own thoughts over Ace's loud mouth." A small smile tugged at her lips, Ace could very well be loud and self centered at times but he was a man that truly cared about other's safety above his own, rushing headlong into the worst of a situation just to make sure no one needed having. A natural thrill and need to protect and serve. 

She still owed him greatly for saving her that one time. "I happened to catch a small snippet. So I grew carious. Never heard you talk so fondly over something other than those canisters of yours." 

Smoke rubbed at the scar at the base of his hair line, no one at base had ever dared to ask him about it. Hell they all had their fair share of scar's, physically, mentally and emotionally. He simply waved the question off all the time and gave the same short handed reply. It was work related. Of course a lot of the operators around base never bought into it but out of respect for privacy no one ever pushed the subject. 

"She's not... blood. I adopted her years ago before I got invited to Rainbow. Never saw myself being with anyone but I've always wanted a kid, someone that could show me the world in a different view right? Charlie's done just that. She's excelling in school, straight A's and honor's. Nothing like her old man." He chuckled softly before taking a swing of his beer, pausing for a moment before continuing. "Charlie she... see's everything so bloody different than I do. I've forgotten what a civilian's view on life is, I don't see everything the same as when I was a kid. I was too busy exploring, a free spirit I was. That kid on the other hand, smart head on her shoulders. Been teaching me a lot over the last few years I didn't even know were things. Like all these new math and science categories she's studying, blew my mind at first. Seems like they expect them to know college level stuff before they even graduate. But what about you Kali? Got any family? Husband? Wife? Siblings? Kids?"

Kali slowly took in every ounce of information the man offered, she never really considered Smoke an open guy but at the same time there were rare moments each person just needed an outlet. She figured this was one of those moments. He was going to expose someone he held close to his dangerious line of work, granted she wasn't going to be in harms way by any means and neither would the other kids. A bigger smile graced her features, her hazel eyes settling on the tv across the room. 

"No, nothing of the sort. I'm married to my work as most people say. I don't have time for any relationships, to me it's a burden I don't need." 

Smoke scoffed and sat up a bit straighter in his seat, "You're missing out then Shah, Charlie's the best thing that ever happened to me." He told her with a warm grin, "Give it some thought, might change your mind after you meet her." 

The next few days flowed by quick, families arriving as they could. Most of them were settled in spare rooms while most operators didn't mind sharing dorms with their families. Currently the cafeteria was buzzing with chatter and stories being tossed around while a few decorated the base for Christmas, of course the chaos worsened over a snide comment Bandit made to Smoke. Before the man could retort it, Charlie already had him by the ear and was basically dragging the full grown man away from the fight all the while scolding him. 

"You promised me you wouldn't fight with uncle Dom while I was here and you almost did it anyway! I seriously can't leave you alone for one second!" Charlie argued. 

"I'm sorry! I promise for real this time! I won't bloody do it again I swear!" Porter tried to protest.

"Fat chance dad!" 

Kali chuckled quietly to herself because Wamai who had his hands clasped behind his back, "Rethinking what Porter said about family?"

"As far as I'm concerned Wamai? this is my family."  

[negression]

Tiffany Gholar (image courtesy of the artist)

This is Part 2 with Tiffany Gholar (Part 1 here). I was personally blown away by Gholar’s fourth publication, The Sum of Its Parts: Artwork, 2014-2018. Immediately upon completion of it, I recalled Carrie Mae Weems in a video commemorating her 2014 MacArthur “Genius Grant” win. At the time, Ms. Weems was featured in solo exhibit at the Guggenheim, a show I visited several times. Yet, her relief and decompression was palpable as she described what the notably large grant meant most to her upon first word of it: “I won’t have to fight so hard for every, single thing.”

As an outside fan, my impression was Weems was writing her own ticket. As long as I had followed her career, I never imagined she had to fight for anything. And while I have the privilege of friendship with Gholar to come inside, I still had the same impression of her career from my outside look. The Sum of Its Parts was a wake-up call I needed and could have written myself. I suspect Weems and more could as well. Why don’t we?

Gholar has provided missive for a new way to write about the creative life, art-making and (most specifically) Black women navigating those historically troubled waters for all talents. Usually, we receive saccharine look-back chronicles of celebrities’ “early days” as starving artists and couch surfers, after the most iconic artists blossomed into household names. Rarely do we hear from those of us who remain somewhere in the middle, as budget artistry and near volunteer work for our works are not the most sexy and glamorous revelations for a public who needs its stars to help them escape or fantasize.

Daily, in real life and online, we walk on a lonely balance beam between the blessed opportunities we have to show dreams come true and our necessity to be paid or sell. The Sum of Its Parts suggests the world must see both in equal measure and respect if writers, artists and creatives at large are to persevere. It is my honor to join Gholar in enlightening others on the unseen fight for every success.

Gholar is a multi-facted visual artist whose many offerings include personalized interior design for commercial and residential spaces, custom made artwork tailored to clients and participation in women-centered art exhibitions. She is an expert in a variety of space models, building types and art materials as well as current trends in art, design and color. She is also a prolific writer who has documented four bodies of work with companion books to explain the theoretical, process and societal depths behind each body. Her contributions to fiction include the novel A Bitter Pill to Swallow, a Chicago Writer’s Association 2016 Book of the Year; School Library Journal praised it for inserting an uncommon element of multi-generational concerns into modern YA fiction.

Her vibrant, uplifting collections of smaller retail products, apparel and displays are available through Zazzle’s Mixed Media Art Design store– including offerings based on one of my favorites of hers: “Flower Power.” This juicy, complex collage work is but one example of Gholar’s radical efforts to bring fine art to the mass public, with printing options available on products such as journals and totes. It is artwork I passed on to inspire for my latest novel’s cover and I was happy to see it influenced the final result. Please enjoy the rest of our discussion on what it is to be Black women creating today.

“Flower Power” by Tiffany Gholar (image courtesy of the artist). Click image to purchase office products such as journals featuring this art and more.

Kalisha Buckhanon: I remember coming to last year’s The Other Art Fair and seeing “Violet Verve.” That’s a real painting. It spoke to me, called out. Thank you for documenting its creation in the book. I regret I could not buy it, mainly because of these self-funding creative issues you document in The Sum of Its Parts. Ironically, my friends who aren’t creators splurge on art, film, theater more than I do- and I’m the one who needs that creativity on a regular basis, to power my own creative motor. So if creative professionals can not splurge on each other or feel guilty when we do, and the masses are just on the internet, how can we adapt: artist cooperatives, individual subscription services, social media boycotting?

Tiffany Gholar: Thank you for remembering “Violet Verve.” That really means a lot to me. To answer your question about how we can adapt, yes, I think artist cooperatives and individual subscription services are a great idea. I have seen other artists do well with them. I’m not sure if boycotting social media is the answer. But I am trying to network more in-person because I haven’t reaped the benefits from being online that I had expected to. That’s why I am also feeling a lot more skeptical about the social media for artists “experts.” I am wary of wasting my time with their webinars and articles, or buying services I don’t need.

  “Violet Verve” by Tiffany Gholar (image courtesy of the artist). Click the image to find out about Gholar’s latest show and explore pieces.

K.B.: I never noticed “Violet Verve” had a flaw, the number “7” you said the paintbrush accidentally dried into it. I also did not notice you had a want of buyers, were responsible for the booth fee, did not get a grant to pay the exhibition fee, had no help hauling your work to set up and dismantle it, and- though I should have known this one- weren’t paid for two-days time you spent there. Reading your side in the book, which I participated in the unpaid labor of, made me realize how much I speak and put on shows for free. All writers do. But I go to writers’ public readings, and museums, just assuming grants pay big speaker fees and wealthy patrons buy larger artworks. I never consider the sum of my part adding to a whole, and I am an artist. Besides buying books and small art pieces here or there, what can I do? Am I wrong for sharing many things and artists I love online, giving glimpses and snippets with awareness people may not be buying?

T.G.: No, I think it’s great that you share the work of the artists you love online because you never know who might see it, or if what you’ve shared will be passed on by someone who could make it go viral. If even ten percent of the accounts that follow me on social media would share my work as much as you have, I would be so much better off.

K.B.: That’s good to hear. I do think you are exemplary to others for offering so many options to the public, from your quite informative social media channels to your many smaller products many fine artists are not considering or providing enough of.

T.G.: Yes, I love it when people buy small art pieces from me. That’s why I make them. I know that not everyone can afford to spend a few hundred dollars on a larger painting, but plenty of people have $25 for a miniature piece that can decorate their cubicle or bookshelf. That‘s also why I use print-on-demand sites like Zazzle and Society6, so that I can also sell my work at lower price points to customers who want something practical, like a throw pillow or a phone case.

Gholar’s “The Doll Project”, created out of concern for thin body images forced on women and girls, features a variety of charming and affordable gifts or products at Society6.

T.G. (continued): As for the art fair, my brother actually helped me bring the paintings from my studio to the venue. He helped me hang them as well, so at least I did have help in that area. But you’re right about the time that I was not paid for. I spent four days total and never sold a single painting. I had to borrow money to even get my booth! You’re right about the unpaid labor of creative work, though sometimes the venues that will pay may be surprising. A few years ago, I did a show at a university gallery. They sent a messenger service to pick up the artwork and return it when the show ended, in addition to paying me a fee for participating. I would love it if all my shows were like that.

K.B.: You wrote about leaping into Instagram with high hopes and finding out it was just another area to compete in the “Best Life” show. But you pointed out great connections you made from Twitter and Facebook. So, it is a two-sided coin. I am curious how you stay so prolific on social media, but still manage to create as much art as you do. Any tips or ideas about best practices for those who are overwhelmed in this area?

T.G.: I try to schedule my social media in advance so I don’t spend as much time online, although sometimes it’s easy to get distracted because so much is going on I want to keep up with. Scheduling allows me to continuously share my work while I am actually not on my computer or phone. Half of the “content” I share is finished work or occasional photos of work in progress. The other half is work that inspires me by other creatives. I only follow accounts that I enjoy hearing from, at least when it comes to individual people. I don’t believe in “hate-following” people.

There are some local organizations I don’t necessarily agree with, but follow to see what they’re up to. I don’t debate people on social media, either. I’m not afraid to stop following accounts that annoy me, turn off retweets from accounts that share things I don’t want to see, mute accounts that are tedious, and block people who are downright hateful. It’s not perfect, but it has helped make my experience tolerable, and even enjoyable sometimes. Although my work has never gone viral on social media and I have only gotten a handful of art sales and projects because of it, it has benefited me in other ways. It’s made me aware of grants, galleries, art shows, and other opportunities I wouldn’t have known about otherwise.

K.B.: I have a personal mission to avoid mentioning “Trump,” not even in a card game. My horror is so deep. But I can not avoid applauding you for being so clear about his contamination of our souls, and our souls root all creatives. I, too, stopped creating from it. This unqualified leader has scattered our thinking, given us forms of mental and emotional illness. In the book, you vowed you are “Reclaiming My Time.” What do you hope will be the sum of all you are and have learned in your next body of work, 2019-2023?

T.G.: I can definitely understand that! I didn’t want his name to defile my book, so I never used it once. “Horror” is a great way to describe how I felt about everything that has transpired since the 2016 election. I was also furious, disgusted, and depressed. I disapprove of him on so many levels. But as a Black woman, I feel a deep resentment for the power he and the unqualified people around him have been given when I am under so much pressure to be ten times as good to get paid half as much and get half as far as a mediocre white man. And I despise being governed by fools.

For the sake of my own sanity, I spend less time watching the news as I did when he first came into power. I think that obsessively watching the news on TV and online was what drained my creative drive in 2017. Now I try very hard to maintain some semblance of balance, between staying informed and being overloaded with information that enrages me because there is so little that I can do to change things. I still support resistance movements, but I allow myself the creative freedom to make whatever kind of art I feel like in the moment, even if it means some people might dismiss it as escapist if it’s not a vessel for all my negative feelings or if it’s not protest art.

K.B.: There is so much pressure, especially on artists of color, to make protest art. Sometimes we just want to tell stories and make magic like we’ve done all our lives. But given this has been our lives for so long now, I’m coming to a loss on how not to infect my work with it. It’s going to be interesting to see how both our work evolves within this.

T.G.: I’ve actually started working on my next art book, though at the moment it doesn’t have a title. My goal for now is to build my interior design practice so I feel less pressure to sell my artwork. Of course, I still want to sell artwork. However, worrying about sales can make painting less enjoyable for me. I am really interested in continuing to work in the same style I’ve been working in. I feel like I still have a lot more textures and shapes that I want to explore, and still feel excited about the prospect of making new work.

(Tiffany Gholar will read from The Sum of Its Parts tonight at Tuesday Funk, Chicago’s longstanding reading series, at 5148 N. Clark Street, 7:30 p.m.)

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“I allow myself creative freedom to make whatever kind of art I feel like in the moment…” More with #TiffanyGholar on her new book #TheSumOfItsParts, a must-read for women artists dealing with doubt. #Arts #Women #Culture #Justice

This is Part 2 with Tiffany Gholar (Part 1 here). I was personally blown away by Gholar’s fourth publication, …

"I allow myself creative freedom to make whatever kind of art I feel like in the moment..." More with #TiffanyGholar on her new book #TheSumOfItsParts, a must-read for women artists dealing with doubt. #Arts #Women #Culture #Justice This is Part 2 with Tiffany Gholar (Part 1 here). I was personally blown away by Gholar's fourth publication, …

[kalishaonline]

Tiffany Gholar (image courtesy of the artist)

This is Part 2 with Tiffany Gholar (Part 1 here). I was personally blown away by Gholar’s fourth publication, The Sum of Its Parts: Artwork, 2014-2018. Immediately upon completion of it, I recalled Carrie Mae Weems in a video commemorating her 2014 MacArthur “Genius Grant” win. At the time, Ms. Weems was featured in solo exhibit at the Guggenheim, a show I visited several times. Yet, her relief and decompression was palpable as she described what the notably large grant meant most to her upon first word of it: “I won’t have to fight so hard for every, single thing.”

As an outside fan, my impression was Weems was writing her own ticket. As long as I had followed her career, I never imagined she had to fight for anything. And while I have the privilege of friendship with Gholar to come inside, I still had the same impression of her career from my outside look. The Sum of Its Parts was a wake-up call I needed and could have written myself. I suspect Weems and more could as well. Why don’t we?

Gholar has provided missive for a new way to write about the creative life, art-making and (most specifically) Black women navigating those historically troubled waters for all talents. Usually, we receive saccharine look-back chronicles of celebrities’ “early days” as starving artists and couch surfers, after the most iconic artists blossomed into household names. Rarely do we hear from those of us who remain somewhere in the middle, as budget artistry and near volunteer work for our works are not the most sexy and glamorous revelations for a public who needs its stars to help them escape or fantasize.

Daily, in real life and online, we walk on a lonely balance beam between the blessed opportunities we have to show dreams come true and our necessity to be paid or sell. The Sum of Its Parts suggests the world must see both in equal measure and respect if writers, artists and creatives at large are to persevere. It is my honor to join Gholar in enlightening others on the unseen fight for every success.

Gholar is a multi-facted visual artist whose many offerings include personalized interior design for commercial and residential spaces, custom made artwork tailored to clients and participation in women-centered art exhibitions. She is an expert in a variety of space models, building types and art materials as well as current trends in art, design and color. She is also a prolific writer who has documented four bodies of work with companion books to explain the theoretical, process and societal depths behind each body. Her contributions to fiction include the novel A Bitter Pill to Swallow, a Chicago Writer’s Association 2016 Book of the Year; School Library Journal praised it for inserting an uncommon element of multi-generational concerns into modern YA fiction.

Her vibrant, uplifting collections of smaller retail products, apparel and displays are available through Zazzle’s Mixed Media Art Design store– including offerings based on one of my favorites of hers: “Flower Power.” This juicy, complex collage work is but one example of Gholar’s radical efforts to bring fine art to the mass public, with printing options available on products such as journals and totes. It is artwork I passed on to inspire for my latest novel’s cover and I was happy to see it influenced the final result. Please enjoy the rest of our discussion on what it is to be Black women creating today.

“Flower Power” by Tiffany Gholar (image courtesy of the artist). Click image to purchase office products such as journals featuring this art and more.

Kalisha Buckhanon: I remember coming to last year’s The Other Art Fair and seeing “Violet Verve.” That’s a real painting. It spoke to me, called out. Thank you for documenting its creation in the book. I regret I could not buy it, mainly because of these self-funding creative issues you document in The Sum of Its Parts. Ironically, my friends who aren’t creators splurge on art, film, theater more than I do- and I’m the one who needs that creativity on a regular basis, to power my own creative motor. So if creative professionals can not splurge on each other or feel guilty when we do, and the masses are just on the internet, how can we adapt: artist cooperatives, individual subscription services, social media boycotting?

Tiffany Gholar: Thank you for remembering “Violet Verve.” That really means a lot to me. To answer your question about how we can adapt, yes, I think artist cooperatives and individual subscription services are a great idea. I have seen other artists do well with them. I’m not sure if boycotting social media is the answer. But I am trying to network more in-person because I haven’t reaped the benefits from being online that I had expected to. That’s why I am also feeling a lot more skeptical about the social media for artists “experts.” I am wary of wasting my time with their webinars and articles, or buying services I don’t need.

  “Violet Verve” by Tiffany Gholar (image courtesy of the artist). Click the image to find out about Gholar’s latest show and explore pieces.

K.B.: I never noticed “Violet Verve” had a flaw, the number “7” you said the paintbrush accidentally dried into it. I also did not notice you had a want of buyers, were responsible for the booth fee, did not get a grant to pay the exhibition fee, had no help hauling your work to set up and dismantle it, and- though I should have known this one- weren’t paid for two-days time you spent there. Reading your side in the book, which I participated in the unpaid labor of, made me realize how much I speak and put on shows for free. All writers do. But I go to writers’ public readings, and museums, just assuming grants pay big speaker fees and wealthy patrons buy larger artworks. I never consider the sum of my part adding to a whole, and I am an artist. Besides buying books and small art pieces here or there, what can I do? Am I wrong for sharing many things and artists I love online, giving glimpses and snippets with awareness people may not be buying?

T.G.: No, I think it’s great that you share the work of the artists you love online because you never know who might see it, or if what you’ve shared will be passed on by someone who could make it go viral. If even ten percent of the accounts that follow me on social media would share my work as much as you have, I would be so much better off.

K.B.: That’s good to hear. I do think you are exemplary to others for offering so many options to the public, from your quite informative social media channels to your many smaller products many fine artists are not considering or providing enough of.

T.G.: Yes, I love it when people buy small art pieces from me. That’s why I make them. I know that not everyone can afford to spend a few hundred dollars on a larger painting, but plenty of people have $25 for a miniature piece that can decorate their cubicle or bookshelf. That‘s also why I use print-on-demand sites like Zazzle and Society6, so that I can also sell my work at lower price points to customers who want something practical, like a throw pillow or a phone case.

Gholar’s “The Doll Project”, created out of concern for thin body images forced on women and girls, features a variety of charming and affordable gifts or products at Society6.

T.G. (continued): As for the art fair, my brother actually helped me bring the paintings from my studio to the venue. He helped me hang them as well, so at least I did have help in that area. But you’re right about the time that I was not paid for. I spent four days total and never sold a single painting. I had to borrow money to even get my booth! You’re right about the unpaid labor of creative work, though sometimes the venues that will pay may be surprising. A few years ago, I did a show at a university gallery. They sent a messenger service to pick up the artwork and return it when the show ended, in addition to paying me a fee for participating. I would love it if all my shows were like that.

K.B.: You wrote about leaping into Instagram with high hopes and finding out it was just another area to compete in the “Best Life” show. But you pointed out great connections you made from Twitter and Facebook. So, it is a two-sided coin. I am curious how you stay so prolific on social media, but still manage to create as much art as you do. Any tips or ideas about best practices for those who are overwhelmed in this area?

T.G.: I try to schedule my social media in advance so I don’t spend as much time online, although sometimes it’s easy to get distracted because so much is going on I want to keep up with. Scheduling allows me to continuously share my work while I am actually not on my computer or phone. Half of the “content” I share is finished work or occasional photos of work in progress. The other half is work that inspires me by other creatives. I only follow accounts that I enjoy hearing from, at least when it comes to individual people. I don’t believe in “hate-following” people.

There are some local organizations I don’t necessarily agree with, but follow to see what they’re up to. I don’t debate people on social media, either. I’m not afraid to stop following accounts that annoy me, turn off retweets from accounts that share things I don’t want to see, mute accounts that are tedious, and block people who are downright hateful. It’s not perfect, but it has helped make my experience tolerable, and even enjoyable sometimes. Although my work has never gone viral on social media and I have only gotten a handful of art sales and projects because of it, it has benefited me in other ways. It’s made me aware of grants, galleries, art shows, and other opportunities I wouldn’t have known about otherwise.

K.B.: I have a personal mission to avoid mentioning “Trump,” not even in a card game. My horror is so deep. But I can not avoid applauding you for being so clear about his contamination of our souls, and our souls root all creatives. I, too, stopped creating from it. This unqualified leader has scattered our thinking, given us forms of mental and emotional illness. In the book, you vowed you are “Reclaiming My Time.” What do you hope will be the sum of all you are and have learned in your next body of work, 2019-2023?

T.G.: I can definitely understand that! I didn’t want his name to defile my book, so I never used it once. “Horror” is a great way to describe how I felt about everything that has transpired since the 2016 election. I was also furious, disgusted, and depressed. I disapprove of him on so many levels. But as a Black woman, I feel a deep resentment for the power he and the unqualified people around him have been given when I am under so much pressure to be ten times as good to get paid half as much and get half as far as a mediocre white man. And I despise being governed by fools.

For the sake of my own sanity, I spend less time watching the news as I did when he first came into power. I think that obsessively watching the news on TV and online was what drained my creative drive in 2017. Now I try very hard to maintain some semblance of balance, between staying informed and being overloaded with information that enrages me because there is so little that I can do to change things. I still support resistance movements, but I allow myself the creative freedom to make whatever kind of art I feel like in the moment, even if it means some people might dismiss it as escapist if it’s not a vessel for all my negative feelings or if it’s not protest art.

K.B.: There is so much pressure, especially on artists of color, to make protest art. Sometimes we just want to tell stories and make magic like we’ve done all our lives. But given this has been our lives for so long now, I’m coming to a loss on how not to infect my work with it. It’s going to be interesting to see how both our work evolves within this.

T.G.: I’ve actually started working on my next art book, though at the moment it doesn’t have a title. My goal for now is to build my interior design practice so I feel less pressure to sell my artwork. Of course, I still want to sell artwork. However, worrying about sales can make painting less enjoyable for me. I am really interested in continuing to work in the same style I’ve been working in. I feel like I still have a lot more textures and shapes that I want to explore, and still feel excited about the prospect of making new work.

(Tiffany Gholar will read from The Sum of Its Parts tonight at Tuesday Funk, Chicago’s longstanding reading series, at 5148 N. Clark Street, 7:30 p.m.)

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"I allow myself creative freedom to make whatever kind of art I feel like in the moment..." More with #TiffanyGholar on her new book #TheSumOfItsParts, a must-read for women artists dealing with doubt. #Arts #Women #Culture #Justice This is Part 2 with Tiffany Gholar (Part 1 here). I was personally blown away by Gholar's fourth publication, …