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#granted there is some big stuff that is still heavily dissociated from anyone who fronts
faggling
·
4 months
Text
sobbing
#its kinda dumb
#but im so angry and heartbroken that katie got rid of all our LPS's
#i always have been ig
#she did it with a lot of shit that our smaller parts miss really bad
#we used to wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety that she had gotten rid of something else we loved and then we'd go check
#god i hate her
#what the actual fuck
#i also used to dread when winter would be over because i knew there would be a mandatory day i had to go through everything
#and i wasnt allowed to Not
#she's so fucking mean
#just. that's a fucking child man
#let them have their fucking things
#im also angry because i can't replace these things to try and make us feel better or whatever
#that's stuff that's just gone and not being produced anymore
#im so sad
#genuinely someone just was like. I want to die so theres some intense feelings in the brainspace rn
#fascinating what stuff really hurts
#i'm glad it's not everything anymore
#but you'd assume the big stuff would still cause the most distress
#granted there is some big stuff that is still heavily dissociated from anyone who fronts
#most alters are internal only tbh
#or emergency only
#i've made a lot of progress but i think ive just realized that there's still a lot to go
#and it's probably a lot of stuff that im embarrassed to call trauma
#it's easier to call rape trauma than psychological/emotional abuse
#even the more covert sex abuse is easier for me to accept
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