#most alters are internal only tbh

[faggling]

sobbing

[littlest-bugz]

The Collective You

[one system's brief advice about accepting the idea of the collective you]

One of the best pieces of system advice started from a tumblr post and was elaborated by my DID specialist. I can't find the original tumblr post that started it, so I'm making a little post of my own <3 Share the knowledge. and also hope that someone can link the original post lol.

When I was REALLY going through it™ with my first diagnosis w/ DID, and a lack of integration, all of my alters felt like separate individuals, some of us feeling as distanced as a coworker or a stranger altogether. We were just getting a grasp on internal communication between all of our subsystems, and it was rough. We felt so entirely differentiated that we were our own people trapped in one body. While I don't really care about what language you use, all alters in CDDs are a part of one person [there's only one body and brain]- the collective you.

So obvs, I'm scrolling tumblr like the chronically online doomscroller that I am, and I see this post that goes along the line of not knowing who you are, but knowing you are 'you', regardless of who you are [referring to alters]. And it said something like "we're all me enough to pick up our meds"- something like that. iirc it was a half light hearted, half advice post, but that was really good advice for me. I kind of internalized it after I processed it in therapy. It's actually why I have started to love parts language lately tbh.

After further processing this idea in therapy, Identity Confusion stopped mattering in the grand scheme of things. I focused less on worrying about who I was, and just focused on the fact that I'm me. Just like the post I saw- We are all me. The example of all being me enough to pick up my medications just applied, like, everywhere. Even when it came down to the smallest things- with coping with other symptoms too.

Oh? I don't like coffee right now? I guess I should switch to something else. [differentiated alters]

Oh? I have barely any drawing skills right now? Okay, really sucks but I can work on something else and come back to it later. [skill variance between alters]

Oh? I have to go to a doctor's appointment? I know I'll forget that- Gotta write a list, and put it up on the board so I remember. [day to day amnesia]

You know what happened? My dissociation got better! Not immediately or entirely, obviously, and my memory [re amnesia] still sucks, but that's part of the disorder- plus other disorders that I have. This idea of the collective you is something that I think is really beneficial to all CDD systems, especially during the mid to later stages of recovery.

I, admittedly, credit most of my healing to conversations I have had with my DID specialist. Especially since, without her, I wouldn't have been able to process this idea of the collective me further, but the conversation wouldn't have been started if I hadn't seen that post on tumblr. This was a budding concept with us due to the separation we had. It helped with integration. GRANTED... Not every alter got the memo, obviously, but It's something that I'm still working on. Of course, being me comes with the prerequisite that I am a person with DID, and that I am made up of multiple parts.

Now for the piece of advice I got from my therapist- Though it requires a certain level of knowledge of your own system, such as a list of alters and some identifying info [fav drinks, fav colors, those type of things]. Look at the list of your alters wherever it may be. Just whatever you use for logging your system members. Look for the commonalities between alters. There will be at least some commonalities.

For example; A good 45% of us like bunnies, 45% like cats, and 10% have a liking for other kinds of animals. Using this information, I can pretty much deduce that 1. the collective me loves animals and 2. the collective me likes cats and bunnies especially.

Another example; I looked through our simplyplural, which has a favorite color thing [in ours at least]. By looking through the list, I figured out 1. wow I like literally all colors- my fav color is rainbows and 2. I especially like pink and light blue.

More examples; the list.. THE LIST... I looked through it and saw that a good 90% of us like MONSTER ENERGY DRINKS- of varying flavors, but the common denominator was Ultra Strawberry Dreams, but all of us like [or tolerate] water as a preferred drink. From there I can come to the conclusion that I prefer water over anything else and that I have a problem with monster [being light hearted but I genuinely do].

I hope you get the idea I'm going for. I used this process for nearly every aspect of our collective identity, though some had to genuinely be voted on, such as our LGBTQIA+ labels [offline, we just call ourself queer, but that's.. aside the point LMAO].

Obviously, there are going to be outliers- Having DID comes with the fun [/s] aspect of alters being differentiated from each other in some capacity. Example for the monster energy one- We have a handful of alters that HATE energy drinks- even just fizzy drinks in general. There's one guy who will only drink Black Coffee and water- nothing else. He's the guy who is always hiding away our monsters in the way back of the fridge, but guess what!! He's me!! The part of me that doesn't want me to ruin my health over energy drinks. The part of me that knows I deserve better than my unhealthy habits.

Getting to know the collective you is just like learning about your system! It is not inherently different than figuring out what an alters dislikes or likes are. The idea of The Collective You shouldn't feel scary or anxiety inducing- if it is, you may want to confront those feelings with a therapist if you have access to one. Every CDD system is the collective [or, well, system] of one fragmented individual- That is a studied and objective fact. I wanted to give advice from one recovering system to another.

No, this will not work for everyone, every system is different, but I'm hoping this post finds the right audience in knowing that it's worth a shot to try this!

[growinguparo]

Hii! this is my first post here and i'm not sure about what to say, but i hope someone can help me. I'm really new to all of this, this world of aromanticism, it's like i found something that was missing. i just came to realize being aroace this year, so i'ts just a few months of knowing that i'm aromantic, but i'ts years of being aromantic and honestly, i couldn't say i'm not confused, but i really want some advice on how to.. accept myself. because, honestly, i reaally love romance movies and books, and i grew up thinking some day it would be me, but what if it isn't, what if it's not going to be me, like ever. how do i lead with that? how do accept the possibility to not fall in love like everybody else does, and meet someone to stay together for all life an get married. i know i don't want to get married, but this idea is internalized in my head, how to be happy without romance? without a partner to take care of me, to support me, to help me. maybe one day i'll wake up and realize that i've fallen in love and that i'm not going to be single forever and that i can be just like people expect me to be. but what if i don't? what if that day won't come and i'll be "Loveless". i really loved that book Loveless and i't just felt like maybe it wasn't that bad to be like this, i also watched Koisenu Futari and honestly, i never felt so part of something, like i've found the REAL happiness for me, not that one that people always talk about, saying that is the only happiness, to date, get married and have kids. i know most people feel fulfilled with this, but what if i don't? i'm not everybody else, i don't need to live based on people's expectations. if anyone reading this, feel something similar, please(if you like) share your experiences :) thank you for your attention

tbh my first impression here is that you've already figured out what i think is the most important part: the fact that what will (most likely) make you happy is different than what seems to make everyone else happy. and you being happy is the goal. you've figured out that you don't want that traditional romantic relationship, and that that's okay. that's awesome!

i also love that you were able to see yourself positively within Loveless and Koisenu Futari in a way that felt authentic to you. representation helps us imagine what our life could be like. if you can't see yourself in a traditional marriage, what can you see yourself doing? you could live a life like in Koisenu Futari. allow yourself to imagine a life you would be happy and authentic in. try to be free with it, not shooting down ideas because they're "unrealistic". (btw - this might be hard. there are nearly infinite varieties of romantic relationships that are spoonfed to us from birth. coming up with your own ideas is harder than being spoonfed, so don't get discouraged.)

if you haven't already i'd suggest reading about relationship anarchy. it's basically the idea that no one type of relationship is superior to another, and within your relationships you can do whatever you want forever, tailoring them to your needs and wants.

besides that, i think acceptance takes time. you're altering your view of yourself and your future and your place in the world. you've had your whole life to get used to one reality, one self-image, and now you're changing that. it takes time to get used to.

there are also some very real material concerns that come along with being aro. to name a few: navigating the world as a single person is harder legally and financially. western society is built on individualism and we are trained to only seek emotional support from a life partner, even though that is a blatantly unstable way of living even for allos. that can result in single people struggling to find continued support throughout their lives.

accepting being aro doesn't mean the hard parts go away, and ignoring them will not help. it's like accepting being gay - there are real material concerns that come along with being gay, but you can still love being yourself and love being gay. and you can fight to make the world a better place for people like you, if you want to.

followers, any advice?

[lupuslikethewolf]

marauders!au where the war never happened and they all got to go on and live happy lives :) its set years later, when Harry, Ron, Neville, Luna and Hermione are going into their first year.

I haven’t come up with an actual plot yet :/ but this is the setting, and they are all around their early-to-mid-thirties at this point. it's likely just domestic fluff and slice-of-life type shit, with Harry still getting into impossible amounts of fuckery whilst stressing at least 10 different adults (as he should tbh)

i can't decide whether this is set in the 90s or in the modern!era so i left it ambiguous

Barty Crouch Jr, now Professor Barty (just Barty, Crouch is my father), teaches DADA and his fiancé, Evan Rosier, is a Magizoologist who travels during the school year, comes back home for the holidays and weekends to spend with Barty, either on Hogwarts grounds or at their own home. Barty has a close friendship with McGonagall, who is Headmistress, and Poppy (who are married, but no one figured it out).

Dorcas and Marlene play International-Level Quidditch: Dorcas for England, and Marlene for Wales or Ireland (undecided). Everyone thinks they hate each other from the way they treat each other during games. They played for the Holyhead Harpies until they got recruited, and their wedding was basically the biggest, most dramatic and over-the-top graduation party Hogwarts had ever seen, hosted in the Potter Manor. everyone was hungover for days afterwards

Lily and Snape are best-friends-turned-rivals, who achieved a Mastery in Potions at the same time, and are both the youngest people to ever do so. Sev specialises in theoretical potions, and Lily specialises in experimental work, altering old potions and creating new ones. She commandeered the entire basement for her own potions lab, and Remus helps her research in his spare time.

Pandora started publishing with Xenophillius (the definition of gender-fuckery; no-one knows how they identify, not even Xeno), and they publish the most outlandish work they can, alongside Pandora’s books!! They also run Xeno's Quibbler and a couple other independent newspapers. They live out in the countryside w/ Luna. Barty & Evan are their only walking-distance neighbours, but they floo to their friends houses semi-regularly

MaryLily and StarChaser are co-parenting Harry, and being godparents/family friends of Draco, Blaise Zabini, Ron, Neville and Luna. When Harry is at pre-school, he makes friends with Hermione, and the four of them introduce Dr and Dr Granger to the magical world over the years, instead of the two month crash-course Hogwarts gives

Mary is an artist, and since she was raised half-blood, absolutely adores the technique and process of muggle painting, later enchanting it to move and learn and talk. She doesn't own anything that isn't stained with paint, bleach or hair dye. She is famous for her work, in Magical and Muggle circles, but is almost completely anonymous, and they only know what she looks like because of a group portrait she painted

Regulus is an independent researcher of old Pagan traditions and 'Muggle' magic, how different solstices and days (like All Hallows Eve) affect the Magical community, etc. He visits Barty at Hogwarts with Harry every few weeks, and later with Hermione as well, so they grew up learning about the secrets at Hogwarts, in the library, and with the teachers. Also friendly house rivalry, and the adults completely split on which houses they will go into at Hogwarts. Evan started a betting pool.

James and Sirius are the wizarding private investigators. They work everywhere, for everyone (no matter what. they don't need to charge more than what people can afford), and love it. James absolutely adores the 'Sherlock Holmes' vibes, but they are both Sherlock Holmes b/c they are simply too baddass not to be!

Remus opened a bookstore-cafe, and him and Sirius live in the flat above it. It’s really popular and became the place for students and young queer people. The bookstore stocks everything from really popular and really unknown books and authors of every genre. The regulars also notice all these really famous but really mysterious friends of Remus who come-and-go (artist!mary, author!pandora, athletes!dorlene, etc). And then, of course, is the “private” investigator boyfriend, who couldn’t be less subtle at anything if he tried.

Alice is still an Auror, and the Best of the Best, but she is so fucking fed up of the politics, DMLE, and Ministry in general. She is starting a revolution/reformation from the inside- and if that doesn’t work, quit her job and do the same thing from the outside! Frank ended up in law and becoming a Lawyer, and is glad he did, because it might be the only thing that will keep his partner out of jail if she decides to commit treason. They love Neville to bits, and would do anything for him!! They built a whole-ass greenhouse when he discovered his talent.

Peter Pettigrew works part-time with Remus at his place, but is currently training with Gringotts/other cursebreakers to become a professional cursebreaker! it is taking a long ass time with a lot of testing and work to put in, but Peter finds it interesting and it meant that he always has more stories to tell the kids when he sees them, which is a bonus because children are hard to entertain.

[not-poignant]

Im really sorry if this is too personal please ignore me if it is but i saw your post just at the right time and im just, im struggling in my twenties at the thought of possibly having did right now. And you say you "used to", can i ask how you healed?

A lot of therapy, anon.

It does tend to show up in someone's 20s, and I went the path of Internal Family Systems Therapy (also known as IFS or IFST) which is extremely useful alongside the three C's (Compassion, Communication, Co-Consciousness).

I wasn't aiming to eliminate any alters, and anyone who wanted to stay as a separate alter could, but I taught myself through the help of other/s to be self-compassionate, to open up opportunities and methods for communication (which also included art, writing, journalling, etc. in fact the very first tumblr that 'I' ever made was actually made by an alter, and was originally called artforartists - it's now renamed and run by 'me' because Dani has absorbed back into the system, but you can still go to the earliest entries and see her in them.

It took a few years and I didn't rush things. The main thing to know is that while it feels extreme, it usually comes about as a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation, and it usually becomes very manageable with self-compassion (to all yourselves), impartial judgement, open communication, compromise (i.e. if you have an alter that wants to play video games 24/7 to the point that you're losing weeks of memory, find out small areas of compromise where they can be given something in exchange for something), and sharing consciousness where possible (co-consciousness).

It's very scary at first but imho for me personally, it has been the 'easiest' of all of my diagnosed disorders to deal with. I still have severe treatment-resistant depression and I still have severe treatment-resistant PTSD/C-PTSD, but my DID went into remission after about 4 targeted years of therapy. It's now DDNOS (Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) which means I don't have the symptoms enough to qualify for DID anymore, but I still have a system prone to dissociation / derealisation / depersonalisation and I have days where some alters are fronting a bit more than the central self, but I usually just use it as a sign that I'm really stressed and overwhelmed, rather than a sign that there's something wrong with me.

I'm extremely zen about it, tbh. And look, I didn't have the goal of 'absorbing' my alters (or them dying or w/e), I didn't set out with the idea of getting rid of it so much as learning how to live with different people who have different opinions about things in my head. But through the course of IFST and giving everyone a voice, that started to happen anyway. Healing doesn't always mean 'getting rid of alters' it mostly just means getting a handle on the memory loss (which is the most severe part of the disorder for me) and the polarisation so that it becomes regular dissonance and not so distressing it causes someone to switch. A person can be fully healed from DID and still have alters that front, if there's co-consciousness and communication for example. This was actually what I was aiming for, it just didn't end up being my outcome.

You may not be able to access therapy or IFST, and it can be hard to find DID-friendly therapists who know what they're doing, but you can actually look up and explore IFST on places like Instagram and in books like No Bad Parts and start doing the work gently already. (IFST isn't just or only for DID patients, but it is uniquely very well suited to them).

It can be very scary at first, anon, to think you might have this. Because it's a highly stigmatised and misunderstood disorder. At its root it can be understood as 'a child who didn't understand how to cope with something, at the time of personality formation, just developed a new personality to deal with it. But as a result of this, their brain got so good at developing new personalities that it became a maladapted coping strategy, and as an adult they can learn ways to cope that aren't splitting, switching, or losing memory with compassion and self-understanding.'

And honestly we all have a lot of maladapted coping mechanisms and the whole journey of life is learning to unpack them, and repack some healthier coping mechanisms into the lunchbox. And that's really about it. Still very scary and upsetting to go through, but also not a mysterious, "insane" thing. <3333 If you can reach out for help, please consider it, but otherwise do look into IFST. I started working on those strategies long before I found a suitable therapist and I honestly feel like just the mindset of radical self-acceptance and self-compromise and self-compassion was - while extremely hard to do often - the key for me, and some of those things will at the very least be helpful for you.

[sapphorror]

Now that you have read the ZimVoid arc, what are your toughts on Zib and Za2r (Zib❤Zim2[2im{twoim}])?

I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED!!! alright, maybe I was definitely going to say this all anyway, but now I have a decent excuse to braindump it all at once instead of trying to write, I don't know, coherent analysis.

Yeah, I'm obsessed with this guy. I'm still only just starting to build a proper 3D model of him in my head, so don't take anything I rave about here too seriously, but my god is Zib something else. Also, really cute. No one told me he'd be cute and I wasn't at all equipped to deal with what I got. I was operating under the assumption he was going to be at least a LITTLE cool, but this is the most pathetic wet meow meow of a character I have ever seen, and that is no small statement.

(Also also, is it just me, or does the way Zib's drawn remind anyone else of rubber hose animation like, moreso than the comics artstyle generally does? I can't quite pin down what's making it feel that way, but I like it. Gives him Vibes™, y'know?)

Anyway. Fusions like Zib are always going to be fun, just for what they imply about their component characters and the game of trying to identify what characteristics come from where. And Zib is especially fun for this because Zim and Dib are such similar people to begin with. It honestly doesn't surprise me that the Zimfluence went initially unnoticed by our Dib, not just because he's more prone to cognitive bias than he likes to believe, but because there are so many overlapping traits between these two guys that Zib wasn't so much altered by the fusion as he was exacerbated. They blend seamlessly to the point it's really hard to pick out where one ends and the other begins, and in a different kind of story, Dib might actually be forced to reflect on what that implies about him and his motivations. As is, he's just going to keep fooling himself, though.

Probably the most obvious dichotomy between them, at least where it applies to Zib, is motive, and that definitely brings up some interesting questions. When he chooses to take over the Earth, is that the Zim side disguised by Dib-passing justifications, or does it say a whole lot more about Dib's actual loyalty to the Earth against his loyalty to opposing Zim than anyone would really like it to? How about the total lack of internal conflict when it comes to decimating the Armada and wrecking the Irken Empire? What does that say about Zim's ultimate loyalties?

Granted, I am at this point pretty certain Zib didn't just put on the PAK and call it a day, I think he took precautionary measures to ensure that the Dib half remained the 'dominant' personality, given that in 10 Minutes to Doom we see him completely subsumed by Zim's coding, so this isn't a perfect equal split. But it is still a split—Zib clearly did not have the foresight to account for everything, if he even wanted to—and the fact he prepared himself for this is itself interesting, because it means the decision was premeditated, not done on a whim during some momentary mental break. This might even be why he's half-Irken; instead of the PAK altering his biology, maybe Zib altered his biology so it could survive the long-term integration of the PAK. And isn't it just insane to imagine any version of Dib willingly body-horroring himself like that, stripping away his own humanity? When he accused our Dib of being just another ignorant human, could that maybe be a sign that he didn't want to have anything in common with those people anymore?

None of this is what really gets me about Zib, though. This is.

Admittedly, I'm sort of predisposed here, because I have this whole Thing about Dib's unfaltering belief he can somehow prove himself to humanity, despite all evidence to the contrary, being in essence identical to Zim's delusion that he's already adored by all... that's it's whole own post, tbh, but my point is Dib's ostracization wouldn't be solved by exposing Zim, and it's fun to see that explicitly confirmed.

But it's also more specific than that. Because what Zib was forced to realize here is that he destroyed the only person capable of actually caring about him. And that's why the Zimvoid is the Zimvoid, isn't it? Zib could've used those portals to escape anywhere or lure in anything, but instead he does this. Part of that's the obsessive need to succeed where he'd previously failed and decimate the Armada (+ repeatedly 'defeat' Zim because he's still too emotionally stunted to understand that's not actually what he needs), and I think all of that is important, but there's also something to be said about how deeply driven Dib is by the desire for external validation, and here he went and fused himself with the one person in the universe who might be even more love-hungry than he is. Zib's not afraid of being alone simply because he dislikes isolation—I mean, even within the Zimvoid, he still physically and ESPECIALLY emotionally isolates himself from the other Zims. Being the only person left in his reality means there's no one to admire his greatness, and given who he's a combination of, of course that's his worst nightmare. And ridiculous as it may be, he understands that Zim is the only person who's ever given him that kind of attention. So why not make a whole planet of them? Why not trick them into idolizing him? I mean, who else could even matter besides Zim?

Also? This one's sort of auxiliary to the last point, but there is something deeply, deeply sexy and thematically chewy in Dib wanting/needing Zim so badly that he quite literally became him, and that not being enough. I mean, what is the Zimvoid but a huge collector's display? And it's exactly this that makes him the architect of his own ultimate tragedy. I have a thing for characters who damn themselves not through any single choice, but by passing up a million little opportunities to save themselves, totally confident in their decisions right up til the moment it actually is too late. He could've used those portals to escape to another timeline. He could've designed the Zimvoid as anything other than a ticking timebomb of lies, conflict, and an ever inflating population of lunatics. He could've given up on his destructive plans and just enjoyed the huge fucked up harem he built for himself. He could've quit while he was ahead.

And the really funny thing is, even after the collapse of the Zimvoid, his total isolation is still a consequence of his own actions. I mean, the Zim from his own timeline literally cannot be taken away from him through any method short of murder. He's still right there. But by winning, by possessing his Zim to the point of consumption, Zib defeated the entire purpose of having Zim in the first place. They'll never be separated, and that's exactly the reason why he'll always be alone.

As for ZA2R... hm. I'm not sure if I have much to say about them just yet, but suffice to say I am Deeply Compelled. I'm always weak for that (false) god x worshipper dynamic. It's about someone as lonely and broken and closed off as Zib finding out the hard way that they're still capable of genuine love, no matter how bad they are at it, and there's something very special in every Zim's desire to be someone's favorite being so specifically exploited. I mean, the dynamic of highest subordinate is essentially identical to the one Zim likes to imagine he has with the Tallest, only actually real. Dishonest and exploitative, to be sure, but still real. And hey, important question, but what about #2's personal Dib and the fact Zib is always going to be implicitly competing against the person actually cosmically destined for his partner, because he fucked his own cosmic destiny up so badly? Or the inevitable spectacle of Dib's semi-latent yandere tendencies being brought to bear against himself?

Also! Shameless Homestuck chatter, but I take so much joy in pale ZADR dynamics (black diamond romance my beloved), and the fun thing about ZA2R is that their default pacifier/pacified dynamic swaps. In, uh, normal person terms, they've managed to contrive themselves a situation in which Zim is actually the comparatively sane/stable one, keyword comparatively, and being worked to death about it. There's nothing I love more than a justified role reversal, y'know?

THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT FOR NOW but like I've been thinking about these guys nonstop for 24 hours already, I WILL be losing my mind about them again. I don't know when, I don't know how, but it's gonna happen.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Heya! I hope you're having a great day! I saw in your askbox guidelines that you're open to advice asks so I thought I'd drop by but please delete this if you're uncomfortable! I know this is a MASSIVE ask so I really will not be offended if you don't want to answer. Para in this context is meaning another character in my paracosm that I interact with instead of being. If anyone else sees this and wants to add their own opinions in the notes, please do!

I'm really struggling to figure out if I'm plural so I thought I'd get your opinion (/nf) given I've been using the resources off your blog for months LOL. I have a potential headmate who was originally a maladaptive daydreaming para. This para would be a fictive from a popular game. He follows the same archetype I've latched onto for paras since I was little & has told me he sees the other characters as similar to him when asked. I've been daydreaming since I was 4ish, he has been my para since I was 11. I'm currently 17. I'm going to bullet point real quick to stop it being an absolute wall of text! Reasons I have to believe he might be a headmate:

He often expresses different opinions to me or interest in different topics.

He seems to generally know almost all of what's going on/what has happened, but sometimes asks me to remind him or explain something (moreso for stuff several years back).

His voice sounds different in the internal monologue.

I think I've sensed him watching what I've been doing in the past & possibly felt him be triggered by stuff relating to his source.

One of the times he interacted unprompted was due to me being very negatively triggered.

He has gender dysphoria (see the bit below).

He's nothing like me identity wise. He's middle-aged and a cis guy and I'm fairly certain he has a different sexuality.

Reasons I doubt him:

He only speaks once prompted or once I think about him passively, excluding a couple of rare occasions. I very rarely hear from him unprompted at the moment unless I'm stressed.

He has never fronted fully. We might've switched once or twice in the past (though it was more co-fronting). It normally feels like the internal monologue switching to be his in the front & mine in the back. I'd say the terms non-possessive & monoconscious would be most fitting. I think us being able to switch on demand that early though feels wrong - though we can't always. Oh adding it here as it connects but not as a point against him: these 'switches' are sometimes accompanied by gender dysphoria, though I'm genderqueer anyway. His dysphoria is more for being male though (I actually realised I wasn't cis because of him abt 3 years back!).

I can talk to any fictional character I've engaged a lot with due to maladaptive daydreaming. I'm nervous I'm just daydreaming him tbh or forcing his responses bc sometimes he merges with my daydreaming and the lines blur.

I had a past episode where I thought I was a system a few years back but that was unrelated to him (though he was an 'alter' in that) and totally ungrounded in anything LOL.

As far as labels go, I think we might be median?? Perhaps OSDD but unlikely. I got a 35.7 on the dissociative experiences scale denoting OSDD but I got 21 on the MIID (though that felt heavily geared towards aggressive and/or childlike alters imo). I promise I'm not looking for a yes or no or a diagnosis or anything! Just any general opinions/pointers/advice you've got. It's good to hear the opinions of outsiders sometimes. Don't feel pressured to say yes either, I won't feel invalidated if you're like "urmm no that's definitely something else" because it very possibly is! If anyone else sees this and wants to add their own opinions in the notes, please do! This is all /nav /lh

hey, so we (and anyone else, really) can’t confirm or deny whether or not you’re plural. in the end, it’s going to be something you have to figure out or decide for yourself(ves). no one knows you better than you know yourself, after all, especially not people online.

plurality is an at-will label that anyone at all can use if they feel like it fits for them. it’s a label you can put on and take off at your own discretion as it works for you. if you feel plural, you’re welcome to call yourself plural, and you belong in the community just as you are. if you ever realize and decide that you’re not actually plural in the future, no harm done. it’s okay to question, and it’s okay to be wrong. it’s all a part of learning and growing as a person.

it is totally possible for someone with maladaptive daydreaming to consider the beings from their daydreams as headmates. in fact, paragenic as a term refers to systems whose plurality originated from madd or some other form of immersive daydreaming.

switching is not a requirement for plurality. our partner system is plural, and they do not switch at all. having imaginary friends or talking to characters in your mind doesn’t always have to be a plural experience, but it definitely could be. it all depends on your comfort level and how you and your potential headmates choose to identify. you very well could be a median system, if you feel like that label works for you.

as far as osdd goes, we will say that complex dissociative disorders (like did and osdd) do often arise from a history of repeated childhood trauma. these disorders form by helping children dissociate or disconnect from overwhelming stress or painful situations as a method of survival. it is absolutely possible to be plural or a system without a complex dissociative disorder, but it is not possible to develop a cdd without a history of repeated trauma in childhood.

if you suspect that you may have osdd, we can’t stress enough the importance of seeking outside help, preferably from a understanding, trauma-informed therapist or counselor. while we do believe it is possible and sometimes necessary for individuals to self-diagnose, healing from the complex trauma that accompanies dissociative disorders like osdd may require some form of outside guidance and/or support.

we’ll leave you with this post we have with resources for questioning systems. if you’ve been following us for a while, you’ve probably already seen it, but we’re sharing it anyway.

and of course, if anyone reads this who has advice for anon, you’re welcomed and encouraged to share :)

discovering and coming to terms with potential plurality can be a difficult, lengthy process. please don’t rush yourself on this journey, and give yourself space to breathe and process as you try to come to a conclusion about whether or not you’re a system (or a member of one). we’re always happy to help however we can if you have any more questions throughout this process and beyond. best of luck to you :)

[thesupreme316]

Any wrestler with face paint, painting the reader face like their for a match like Darby Allin and his skull face paint?

SORRY FOR THEE DELAYYY

Pairing(s): Darby Allin x Fem!Reader, Jeff Hardy x Fem!Reader, Finn Balor x Fem!Reader, Tama Tonga x Fem!Reader, Ricky Starks x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 817

Supreme Speaks: i had fun writing this cause jeffery is back and my heart is full (i hope he is healthy and everything is going great in his life). thank you to @hookerforhook for being so patient and allowing me to write your request. Also I hope everyone is doing well and please remember that you are loved and appreciated.

Warnings: slightly proofread, gifs are not mine, i repeat gifs ARE NOT MINE

Taglist (if you wanna be a part of it, lemme know):  @hookerforhook  @hooks-martin @sheinthatfandom @wwenhlimagines @triscillal

Jeff Hardy: (MY FIRST WRESTLING CRUSH AND FELLOW CAROLINIAN)

IS VERY EXCITED TO HELP YOU

Typically with him, he would allow you to pick out the colors

“I like those colors too darling” (I will always love this man)

Will dedicate some looks to you and your favorite color

When you said you wanted to start painting your face, Jeff immediately bought the supplies and gave you tips

“Okay this brand is the best with brushes, but if you want to use your fingers use this brand” (again I love this man)

Will coordinate looks with you

As you do your first look, he will look at you with love and admiration (he feels honored that you wanted to start wearing faceprint)

Believes that faceprint shouldn’t have structure, just do what you want aka abstract

Jeff will ensure that your faceprint looks good, even if you don’t think so

Will only fix it up if you want him to, not a second before

“Of course sweetheart, I’ll help you” (I can just hear that beautiful country accent in my head)

Will post your face paints on his instagram/twitter

Darby Allin:

This man would be excited internally, but would not allow you to see it

On the outside: Oh cool, yeah I’ll help you

On the inside: WE ARE SO GETTING MARRIED

Will show you how to achieve the iconic look

After failing a couple of times, you just asked Darby to paint your face

I CAN TELL THAT THIS MAN WOULD BE SO GENTLE WITH YOUR FACE (pause)

Like you wouldn’t even feel his fingertips that’s how gentle he is (again pause)

Darby would talk you through what he’s doing 

“Okay I’m going to apply the stitches around your mouth…stop moving…no you’re not ticklish, you’re just childish”

I feel like for him he would use brushes especially around your ear

Will give you the proper tools to take off the remaining faceprint, even though most of it will be in the ring after your match

Darby would be the one to take aesthetic photos with you

And would constantly reference your face paint as his “most perfect look ever”

Finn Balor:

THIS MAN WOULD BE HELLA EXCITED

Definitely would ask you to do something comic book inspired

Venom, Spiderman, Carnage, Spawn, etc.

“DO GWEN STACY”

“WHY ARE YOU YELLING?!”

Would giggle as he puts on your face and bodypaint on (or as the makeup artist does)

Like Jeff, he would definitely give you recommendations for brands of paints

Has many makeup wipes on standby incase you don’t like any of the looks

Definitely would do a throwback look to his Demon era

Tbh, I think Finn would also give you the arm decorations that he uses as well

Expects you to have an alter ego as well

Wants to do a couple look if you guys can or in a match

Everyone lost their shit when you and Finn stood across the ring from Edge and Beth Phoenix 

Tama Tonga:

Although he doesn’t do faceprint anymore, I had to include my husband

He kept his face paint simple tbh

When you asked for inspiration or advice he simply said

“Do what your heart desires”

“Who are you? Bob Ross?”

“A Tongan Bob Ross….yes”

Would definitely do his past face paints on you

Doesn’t want you to talk as it breaks his concentration and makes him giggle

Tama would definitely reminiscence with his brother about the days they use to put on the faceprint

He would bring back his face paint just to match with you for one match/night

Everyone would lose their shit on twitter and take it as a sign of the old G.O.D coming back

“Nah I’m just supporting my girl”

Bonus** Ricky Starks: (cause of that one time he painted his face to mimic Darby)*

THIS MAN WOULD BE CACKLING

Long story short, you wanted to poke fun at your opponent who wears faceprint (Abadon, Rosemary)

This man would grab the nearest makeup artist and ask them to do an “inspired” look

“I don’t know you would make this look good…it looks like they got dressed in the dark”

Would post progress photos to his story

Gives you tips on how to mock your opponent

When your look was finished, man STRAIGHT UP CACKLED

“I’m surprised that you actually look very cute yet scary”

Would definitely pinch your cheeks to tease you

But then gets upset that the paint ended up on his fingers

….would definitely take credit for the work….

[lovelyrotter]

alright big post of alter art here we go

our headspace/internal/metaphysical(??) looks tend to change as we integrate and resettle into ourselves so theres a few inconsistencies which tbh is fascinating af. first off heres me. its only literally the other month since i could actually percieve myself bc my system twin came back after 10 years of being somewhere else(tm) and hes the one who can percieve me the best. i drew this off of his instructions

dirks talksprites ^^^ also my system twin. were two of the oldest fuckers in this headspace along with bro and ambrose. we both have a ton of splits/splinters which is why most of this post just looks like au versions of the same guys. more under the cut cause it got long real fast

below we got hal and timaeus, or mae (he/zem/hir for mae) one of our intersystem relationships. the ones just below are the most recent for both of them. hals looks change a lot bc he likes to customize himself. he really loves how he looks and were super happy about that cause hes really fought to be where he is right now

hal draws mae as often as he can and its so fuckin sweet he really adores zem

the orange 'freak' was written by dirk whos just recently became his kismesis so i promise its nothing but affectionate. the 'asshole' was written by hal in retaliation lol. 'if mom strider was a thing' is my handwriting. hals hair got curly without his permission when dirk came back to the concious system too. he also sometimes popps human ears and it wigs him out its hilarious

dear sweet crow with his glowing eyes. we all think hes pretty. his freckles are actually shifting motes of light. they kinda float around just under his skin. needless to say this guy is universally really precious to us

below is when crow first came back to the concious system. the other guy with him is dietrich who we all just call deet. hes also incredibly beloved and ambrose's forever baby. deet was so excited to have crow back he drew this entire thing in half a day

and ambrose and D whos in our partner system (they are so especially married but D is with all our dirk-type guys, its cute)

bros talksprites for streaming and playing games w/ our friends. he insisted on his talksprite being a chibi even though were not really good at those anymore

aaand heres bro unchibified. he and dirk look like identical twins with a few minor differences to differenciate and maintain their structure in the brain

rox and his talksprite. he really does look like me and we like that a lot

the only drawing i have of damien rn which is a shame cause hes hot as hell

and last is jake and dirk from our partner system. theyre cute as fuck and i should really finish this.

[kafus]

if you’re still doing the DID ask game! 🌺 (describe one part of your inner world) and/or 🌍 (can you change your inner world and access it freely?)

one of my friends IRL has DID and she’s described her inner world to me some, it sounds super interesting! i don’t have DID but have a super vivid imagination/inner world type of thing going on, which i think for me is part of my being autistic, and i related a lot to your post about having a visualized self rather than perceiving “you” as your physical body, if that makes sense lol. (it was the one about the kaf music video where she’s walking through an empty city/port)

all this to say, thanks for sharing info about DID and talking about your experiences! ^^

oh my god i totally meant to answer this and forgot and only remembered just now. ironically my memory issues caused by DID made me forget a question about DID in my inbox

somewhat amusingly while my visualization of my internal world can be pretty vivid, despite being considered complex/polyfrag (i still don’t know what term i prefer for myself, i don’t talk about it often) most of my complexity is in my splitting patterns and “layering” of alters. but the actual LOCATIONS those layers are in? not super detailed or huge tbh. so i don’t have a ton to say here. BUT

our “fronting room” for lack of a better word, where alters are while fronting, is actually a bedroom, and like specifically a really over the top pink, princess-y looking bedroom that 8 year old girls could only dream of. i honestly have no idea why it is that way, none of us have ever been particularly feminine in that way even as children, it just has been for as long as its been here and now i’m so used to it i kinda don’t care to attempt to manually change it. it has a massive comfy bed with numerous pillows and a canopy, literally what more could i want as someone who is fronting a lot of the time dbjdjdkd

we are capable of changing our innerworld within some limits? there will probably come a day where we have more control over different locations but i currently don’t have a ton. as for free access though, the fronting room is easily accessible to anyone, like while fronting i can tune my attention to the bedroom and interact with it at pretty much any time. but some parts i cannot access as host and some are fuzzy or i can only access at certain times

tldr it’s complicated lol

btw ur innerworld is totally valid, i think there’s a good chunk of DID experiences that are like, experiences non-DID folk can have but adjusted to the left yknow. if it helps you or is a natural part of ur brain then go for it

[spacestationstorybook]

Light Em Up, The Mighty Fall, and Rat a Tat with Rainbow Dash!!! 🖤

HI TYYYY <3 i love. Her

2: "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)" - What’s one item that your f/o and/or you/your s/i has that has a lot of sentimental value? Now, what would be both of your reactions if it was destroyed/ruined? hm i think for both of them it would be items from their childhood...dash isn't huge on the concept of physical stuff. which isn't to say she doesn't Have a lot of stuff but most of it's just junk she hasn't gotten around to getting rid of yet. i think the first trophy she ever won would have significant sentimental value for her though. it reminds her of how much winning means to her and how good it feels. if it got broken or destroyed she probably would try to play it off like it wasn't a big deal but internally be pretty upset about it and might close herself off for a little bit while she dealt with it.‏‏‎ ‎astral‏‏‎ ‎keeps detailed notes on all the spells they've managed to successfully complete and any alterations they've made to them, if any, and the first journal they started keeping when they were a foal is probably one of their most important possessions, since it has the edited spell they got their cutie‏‏‎ ‎mark‏‏‎ ‎for inside it. they don't have a photographic memory like other magically talented unicorns we've seen, so losing that book or having it destroyed would be literally losing knowledge on top of losing something sentimental, and they'd freak out a Lot. way more so if it was intentionally damaged or damaged in some kind of easily avoidable way, and it would probably be close to the angriest they could ever get.

6: "The Mighty Fall" - If you were both asked for relationship advice from your experience together as one, what would it be? probably the number one thing that both of them have learned from each other is that everyone needs reassurance, some more than others, but just because they don't show it openly or aren't good at asking for it doesn't mean they don't need it.‏‏‎ ‎astral‏‏‎ ‎was obviously incredibly nervous about dating someone as high profile and impressive as dash and was in total disbelief about the fact that she actually liked them at the start of their relationship, so dash needs to remind them a lot that they are worthy of love. i also hc‏‏‎ ‎dashie‏‏‎ ‎as being a tad bit commitmentphobic pre-astral‏‏‎ ‎and maybe someone who feels like she's not cut out for serious relationships in general, and despite her toughie posturing does tend to get insecure and only feels comfortable sharing that vulnerability with those she's really close to.

10: "Rat a Tat" - If your f/o could tell their past self from a time before they started dating you one thing or give them advice, what would it be? Would it be related to your relationship or something else entirely? probably related to the above tbh...i think she was afraid that being in a relationship would mean that her partner would a) try to change her into someone she's not or b) she would accidentally hurt them and just confirm for herself that she's bad at relationships and they're not worth the hassle. so i think her advice to her past self would be to CHILL OUT ABOUT IT GIRL!!! (also depending on how far back you go she'd want to tell her past self she becomes‏‏‎ ‎a wonderbolt‏‏‎ ‎<3)

[bitch-butter]

Fic Writer Ask: 3, 8, 18, 30 :) have a good day

3. Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do?

i read a Yu-Gi-Oh fanfic when i was like 12 or 13 that permanently altered my brain chemistry, i started writing miniature fics because i was so inspired and truly never stopped. i still go back and read it sometimes, it holds up (to me) lol.

8. How often do you reblog/comment on fics that you like?

not often enough tbh just because it takes me so long to read things between work and relationship and writing my own shit, so that by the time i finish something i just move on and internalize it and forget that i actually should be like Externalizing the fact that i liked something. resolution for 2024 is to Do Better lol

18. Do you have a WIP that you keep telling yourself you’ll eventually get back to, but deep down you know that’s probably a lie?

i will Always finish something, it just might take me 20 years to do it lol

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

“It would make you feel bad to go down to my car with me,” Joe said, teasing out David’s intention skillfully, better than he had any right to.

“If I thought we’d just snort shit I would feel less bad,” David said, voice dipping down, the same way his eyes continued to dip down and check on the other man’s lips, pulled in by them the same way his mind was pulled in by the promise of trouble. “But I know that’s not all that would happen.” 

An indescribably pleased expression crossed the other man’s face, his smirk becoming a genuine, nonplussed smile. “You think you’re really hot shit,” he observed, sounding like the idea was both hilarious and - miracle of miracles - arousing. 

It made David feel strong, sure of his worth in the way male attention often made him, and he nodded back to the other man’s amusement. “I know that I am.” 

Joe was caught off guard by his brazenness, but the only tell he gave for certain was the way he turned his head just so, just slightly enough that the blade of his cheek was presented in place of his mouth. Refusing to balk, David tilted his face into the space between, eyes unwavering as they held the challenge in their depths, and Joe appeared caught, helplessly interested, gazing back at him with something dark, intriguing in the most ordinary of ways like a double-cherry.

If one of them made a wrong move, even just the barest shift of weight, their mouths would be on each other. 

[heartbroken-ghost]

To be honest I hate that people say they find DID interesting and cool. Like oh okay sick take mine please then so I don't have to deal with constant internal arguing, disagreeing about most things in life, feeling like you are a different sex than your own body (which isn't even yours entirely since you share it with other people), getting fake claimed or misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, having flashbacks that feels horrifyingly real and literally Terrifying™️, meeting people for the first time only to find out they've met you before (on more than one occasion apparently) and call you by a different name, and black out involuntarily only to start fronting randomly only to notice that you did a bunch of stuff you don't remember doing (including submitting schoolwork, emailing people and having new contacts added to your cellphone that you texted but don't remember texting, etc. NOT TO MENTION seeing that "your" life has been lived by someone you dislike and wouldn't talk to (and you cant even EVER get away from them)), being "trans" and never being able to be yourself physical appearance wise because most of us are females or more feminine, feeling r**** by other people you share a body with, and hearing constant internal arguing ALL day long some days (which seems endless) - plus people not believing you despite being diagnosed.

Like tbh idk I wish we were more like systems that seem to be having a good time or at least don't seem to live a chronic, daily nightmare filled with "self-abuse", constant gaslighting and invalidation, flashbacks, extreme anxiety, arguments, triggers, having completely opposite and/or conflicting needs & desires & values (etc.), inappropriate behaviours, pe**philia, differing sexualities, and abuse we can't even speak to anyone else about unless they're another DID system (AND even then we can't even relate to other systems sometimes since we have more of a Partial DID presentation).

LIKE WHY COULDN'T WE JUST HAVE LIKE TWO ALTERS THAT GET ALONG MOST OF THE TIME OR SOMETHING AND THAT LIKE EVEN TRY TO GET ALONG FOR EVEN A SINGLE DAY?

Smh I want a refund

[antis-hell]

Answering every question in an ask game because I'm bored and no one can stop me<3

(This game is from a deactivated blog, but you can still find the og post here!)

🦒 Do you have an inner world? If so how big is it?

Yep! It's fuckin massive tbh;-; several islands that we can't really access cus they're too far apart kind of big

🐈‍⬛ If you have an inner world did an alter consciously create it? And is anyone able to change it at will?

Nope;-; the majority of it was forcefully made by our abusers to distress us but some parts are slowly healing and changing from how it was originally, afaik the only alt that can change anything at will is Felix/Ion and that's only in selective parts.

🦝 Who is the most responsible person in your system?

Darky. All the fuckin way💀

🦋 Who fronts the most?

Me lol, I'm always at least in vague co con cus im the host

🦢 Do you mostly communicate externally or internally?

Bit of both tbh! We have chats in sp and discord that we use if amnesia walls are high, but mostly we can talk with people that are nearby when fronting

🦮 Do you have any animal alters?

Yep, we got a bunch, but our more frequent fronters are Mopha, a blue moth. Vulpix a kitsune looking cat thing and Fredbear a small yellow ish bear that kinda just chills with Darky

🦇 Do you have any parts/fragments that aren't fully alters/headmates?

Yep! Polyfrag goes brrrrrr, so we have a bunch of alts we consider parts rather than headmates

🦄 Do you have supernatural beings in your system?

Yep😭 again religious trauma is a bit silly, so we have most major Catholic demons, jesus, a few angels, God, celestial besings from the stars, and so much more;-;

🐖 If you were to be in a relationship would all of your headmates/alters date that person?

Nope! We have alts that are in strictly monogamous relationships in headspace so they wouldn't date the person the body is dating, same also goes for littles/middles and animal alters due to the fact they aren't mentally able to consent to a relationship (+ also any aroace alters that wouldn't want to date them)

🐭 Do most of your alters/headmates have the same or similar style/aesthetic?

Not in the slightest💀 we have fairly different styles which makes clothes shopping absolute hell

🪱 Do your alters/headmates have different sexualities? Do any contradict?

Yep! Most of us are gay men/masc aligned, but we do have a handful of lesbians and aroace ppl chilling up in this head

🐇 Do you know what your head count is?

700 at our last guess, but really, it could be anything😭

🦥 What is something that instantly makes someone switch in?

The taste of blood instantly makes Darky switch in. This is a but awkward when eating steak/meat, but he's pretty good at masking as me, so it's okay in the end

🐴 Do you have child alters/syskids?

Yep! We have a bunch:] Some are allowed on here, but we mostly keep them off social media due to safety concerns

🐆 If you have syskids/child alters do you have more adults/teens or children in your system?

Probably adults tbh😭 we have a LOT of littles, but if we're counting everyone that's not a little/middle as an adult, we dwarf them by a mile

🦔 Does anyone in your system age regress/dream?

Yep! I age regress in stressful episodes afaik only a few others do but I won't name them just for their privacy

🐶 Who has the best memory in your system?

Either Darky or Felix probably- they're the top gatekeepers, so they have access to everything pretty much

🦊 Do any of your alters have their own blogs just for them?

Darky does! He hasn't posted much on it yet but he's been mumbling about doing book reviews or some shit (like a fuchin old person would do/lh) I half told him to make one cus he needs more friends so go check it out if ya want! @upin-the-dark

Anyway, I had fun doing this:D If you want me to do any specific ask games/want me to do your ask game, send me the link, and I'll check it out!!/gen/nf

-anti💚🗡

[chronal-anomaly]

meta + found family

Send me headcanons || always accepting tbh

Found family is really the only family that Lena's had.

Maybe that's not entirely true. Maybe one day, there was a bouncing baby Lena and parents that loved her so dearly, it felt like their hearts would burst. That she would be dressed up in baby sundresses and taken for picnics and music in the park. A mother that showed up to gymnastics recitals and tacked her paintings to the fridge. A fiery-haired woman who loved as long as the sun was bright, fierce and whole. Once upon a time, there were dances in the kitchen and pretend-airplanes in her father's arms. Somewhere abroad, a large family who shared her mother's passion for the world.

But accidents happen, and grief is a fickle thing.

Lena doesn't remember the car accident that killed Ciara, doesn't remember the days of grieving later. Conversely, she doesn't remember the grief etched into her father's face, deeper at every interaction. Lena was too much like Ciara, too in love with life and exuding brilliance that it physically hurt him. Who could blame him for retreating into his office work? Who could blame him for saving himself the pain of watching the reminder of the woman he loved so dearly, grow up?

Lena's second family was a group of friends she met at a rock concert she snuck into at 13. A mixture of human and omnic, all reunited by the deep, rocking base and the drive to feel connected in a way beyond. Days continued with this group, time spent graffitiing London, attending parties and concerts, and not a small amount of vigilant justice against the rampant anti-omnic mentalities. But there has to be a point where they grow up and move on, and Lena fell for the trap of military recruitment.

Her third family, and most short lived, consisted of her cohort in the Royal Air Force Academy. United this time over 60 miles runs and broken spirits - and more than a couple broken bones - these were the first people she trusted with her life. She had to, given the circumstances. They were the ones destined to take over the decimated ranks of the Royal Air Force, the next generation against whatever threat the world spit out. But nepotism is a dangerous game, and the prodigy they called Lena Oxton was separated for her skill in the sky. Today, they're still her family - she has lunch with Hamila and Natalie, sometimes - but that boundary had been cast and changed the course of everything.

Her fourth family was with Overwatch. It began with the Blackwatch boys, Cassidy and Genji, being close enough in age to be brothers. Genji mourned with her, their broken and altered bodies, in his own silent way. Eventually that net expanded to include Jack, Angela, Fareeha as a younger sister, Gabe, Ana, Vivian - they all became closer to family, the first people Lena would go to. In fact, Jack was the first one she went to after her first relationship during her time as a Hero exploded in her face ( Lena was too dedicated to her work, a feeling he could resonate with entirely ). When that, too, was lost to her, Lena believed herself unworthy of a family. It was hard to trust, to love again, even for someone with that fiery passion of her mother. Lena sufficed with love for people, for humanity, and animals, and everything else she deemed 'good' in the world. Doing her part to correct wrongs and bring light back into people's days.

But one can reject love, and it still find them.

Her fifth family was another fiery, red-headed woman with power in her eyes and a quicksilver tongue. Emily, international news reporter, covering everywhere where she shouldn't be, including the active warzone made up of the former streets of Belgium in a rogue omnic attack. Lena had saved her then, ignoring the punch to her gut at the beauty of the woman ( as covered in ash and dirt as she was ). However, it wouldn't be until a subsequent, similar encounter that had Lena sprinting to a medic, Emily tucked to her chest as Lena screamed to save her. Lena had visited her in the hospital later, a rare happening for a woman so insistent on the few degrees of separation she was able to maintain. This family, she held tightly, like embracing the setting sun, and so far, Emily has yet to dissipate from between her fingers.

Her final, and current family, is a hodgepodge of different lives lived in different worlds. Family built in the hardship of war, friends made over rucks and arms training and sleepless. Love found in the battlefield. Newcomers and old friends, people that she would happily burn up for just to see them succeed. They've never asked such a thing of her, however, existing in relative harmony compared.

And Lena loves. Gods, does she love them all.

[alchemicon]

Who is your favorite character from bsd?

Hello!!! GREAT question hahahahahaha (pretending this question doesn't keep me up at night). i have a few to say the least. Here's them in random order (except for dazai)

-Osamu Dazai: for me dazai is like a life changing character. I can confidently say he changed my brain structure and chemistry permanently. maybe it's how he struggles with being genuinely good and how hard he tries. maybe it's how he masks his inner turmoil with a clown facade. maybe it's because, despite all the grief and all the pointlessness he sees in life, he tries so hard to stay alive, to do good and to honor the promise he made to his friend. he's a character that was written for people like me, he's a babygirl, i want to hug him and i want to see him suffer and i want to study him under a microscope

-Sakunosuke Oda: i was really drawn to him in the anime but what cemented him as one of my favourites was reading the dark era ln. His internal monologue is so bizarre and whimsical and genuinely funny and so charming. I'm enamored with him and i understand why dazai loved him as much as he did as well. In the end I really love a well executed tragedy too and oda's story is a beautiful tragedy.

-Nikolai Gogol: guess i have a thing for entps being one myself but I'm head over heels for kolya. I've genuinely never seen a character like him before. he's so unpredictable and while he's seemingly unhinged and violent, i think the glimpses of the person behind that behaviour are fascinating. I genuinely consider his interaction with atsushi where he tells him that he has guilt and feels emotions just like everybody else and how he craves freedom, one of the best character moments in the whole manga tbh. His character design is beautiful too, very hard not to love

-Ryonousuke Akutagawa: there's so much pain in akutagawa, it is impossible for me to not like him. he's so lost, so far away from the path of the light. he begins by trying to prove himself to dazai and he's so so hurt and so alone. and he finds atsushi... their rp is the heart and lungs and soul of the manga I'm so serious about this. and specifically the way they influence eachother to become better versions of themselves. akutagawa being the only one atsushi can be the most genuine version of himself with. the way he honors his promise to not kill anyone until their fight. his character is still developing and I'm SEATED to watch it all the way which also brings me to .....

-Atsushi Nakajima: i adore atsushi. I've never seen such a raw and visceral portrayal of trauma, the long term consequences it comes with and the issues it leaves people with. he feels worthless and insecure and we see how much this impacts him. he deals with things that are considered scary and he's just a great example of the fact that mental illness affects primarily the people who have it and doesn't cause them to be violent or whatever ( the fact that he canonically hallucinates is also so so so important i just love these things about his character). Same thing as aku, his rp w aku is the heart and soul of bsd as a story. I specifically love how he impacts aku in such a positive way, but also how we see his more snappy and sassy side with aku that he usually hides from others. Lovely protagonist too, atsushi you will always be famous

-Chuuya Nakahara: i love chuuya to death. Like it's concerning sometimes. I used to be a bit unsettled by him because i couldn't understand how a person like him who seems like a person with morals and loyalty and so much love in him, ended up in the horrific world of the mafia. And then i read fifteen and stormbringer. And my heart broke for this boy. I'm rooting for him to find another path tbh but idk how that will go. He's made for the world of the light and I'll die on this hill. Soukoku is also like a brain chemistry altering ship. The way they trust each other and the way they bicker like an old couple and the way he brings out dazai's protective side (stormbringer rooftop scene and fifteen arcade scene you'll always be famous). Chuuya is a storm, you can't look away, he's so beautiful and I'm just as obsessed with him as dazai is. Just like everything else i really love how he isn't scared to call dazai out on his bs, how kind he is to aku and how much he cares about people. It's so hard not to love chuuya

-Sigma: I'm still waiting for more information to be revealed about sigma but from what I've seen he's up there with the rest of them. He's similar to atsushi in some regards which makes him easily lovable to me. He also regards himself lowly because he believes that amongst these superhumans around him, he's painfully average and ordinary. That's a very relatable sentiment even if you're not surrounded be people with superpowers. Combined with the fact that he's desperately looking for a place to belong, it's so hard not to love sigma. I really hope he gets to join the agency, that would be wonderful for his character.

Thanks for the question and sorry for dumping all of this on you!