#grief isn't linear its a stealth sniper
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not to be dramatic but ooooohhhhh my god???? what???? what the fuck?????? can anyone hear me??????? what the fuck??????
#just like in general#but also. i'm. i'm sitting here trying to learn how to calculate population growth rate#my dad died. and im trying (and failing) to learn how to calculate population growth rate. my real life dad is dead and i'm doing homework#im sitting on the floor of the communal laundry room eating spaghetti out of tupperware trying to teach this to myself#and the only reason i have to teach it to myself is because i missed most of this class. because my dad died!#like???????? this feels unreal???????#how am i supposed to do this. how am i supposed to just do this.#a week before he died almost exactly i walked for hours around the parking lot of my apt complex in the middle of the night#and then he died. really died. is not coming back died. and now im sitting here calculating population growth#this is not possible#what???????????#how am i supposed to just pick everything back up and turn in all my late work? my fucking dad died! in pain! terribly!#grief isn't linear its a stealth sniper#um. oh my god.#i keep having this intrusive thought that i want to grab people by the shoulders and shake them and say isnt this insane? isnt this terribl#how could this have happened? isn't it terrible? isnt it hard to believe?#i feel like i want someone to look back at me shocked and say oh my god that is terrible it is hard to believe it is insane#so that i dont feel so insane. i dont know#i feel like im going to throw up my tupperware spaghetti#and then what? i keep doing overdue homework?#i go outside to throw up in the parking lot then i keep doing homework and in a bit i fold my laundry? how am i supposed to do that?#vent post#obviously#j.#tw: grief#orating!
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