#gurl idk what this is but here we are just putting into the universe some unhinged lyrics to use

[eulcgizeme]

OPEN TO: @stayliquid for anyone MUSE: calliope "callie" adler, twenty-seven. probably a florist in a normal au stealing rose petals to use as rolling paper.

"Even if it's handcuffed, I'm leaving here with you."

[sparklyicecube]

Scorching Romance

I JUST FINISHED ONE OF THE BEST MANHWAS EVER AAAAAH

Why you should read it: a review? Suggestion? Anyways.

Name: Scorching Romance

Status: Completed!!!

Length: 90episodes (pretty long but it’s worth it I swear)

Genre: Highschool romance

Quick summary:

‘Cursed girl who is constantly hot meets cursed boy who is constantly cold.’

Ok so:

Despite the ‘cursed’ parts we honestly don’t have magic running rampant in this place besides the fact that our two main characters genuinely feel really hot and cold to the point that Ember (the girl and hot one) can heat stuff up and give burns with body temperature, but mostly it is set in our normal universe. The start of the whole thing is pretty slow-paced with me not really that invested, but not turned off by anything. It gets reaaally action packed eventually and I nearly cried ahahahah.

The author is genius. The characters are honestly not one-dimensional, no matter what the story tries to trick you into believing, and the best part is that they introduce sooooo many characters in but by the time the story ends, there are virtually no loose ends and you are invested in all their stories. They don’t take advantage of misunderstanding nearly as much as they could realistically actually do and it will make you squeal!

I would say the overall theme of the entire thing is forgiveness and owning up. The amount of times someone said sorry for doing something awful and I genuinely believed them, because that ‘sorry’ just held all that weight.

Ten outta ten would recommend!!!

Spoilers from this point on! (I rant about my feelings on it down here)

OKAY SO THEY ARE SO CUTE I SHIPPED THEM SO MUCH AND AAAAAAAAA

I loved the dynamic between them and I love how they ended up being really truthful to each other and Aspen didn’t lie even though he thought about it :...) they’re so sweeeet

I looked at the chapter number when their curses broke the first time and was like waiiiiit. I then also wondered whether the rest would be just fluff scenes (not that I’m complaining) but the author really said “BUCKLE UP IT GONNA GET SERIOUS”

The author put so many references to little things that happened and tied everything together so nicely??? Also Trevor, idk when I started rooting for you but you were real. You and Moxie should get together. (You will never make it as a kpop idol because your bullying scandals) 

I think overall, I really liked how it all came together and ended?? They even had that Rocky dude go with someone else??

The forgiveness/repenting aspect of the entire thing was really amazing. Aspen kept saying ‘sorry’ for so much at the start and throughout, yeah he was genuine but he was also overusing it. Later on, ‘sorry’ became such a powerful word that was used in such serious cases, like when Harry’s grandma cursed Ember or when Monica burned the place down.

Can we talk about Harry???

HARRY is BEST BOY

At the start, even though I knew that it was Aspen and Ember I was like ‘does Harry sorta like Aspen though?’ and low-key shipped it but then he said ‘he’s too good for you’ and there was the whole “I DO NOT LIKE ASPEN” when being bothered by Ember and I think that is actually really sweet. We never get the answer to why he sticks with Ember, well, at least not explicitly, but we definitely know why. 

1. He and Ember were childhood friends, he saw her deteriorate to such a serious state and is willing to stick with her because they’re friends (serious state being both her heat and her temper as he sees how she did actually attempt to be nice to people only to be backstabbed)

2. She’s been there for him when very few people have. When Aunt Monica left him Ember was right next to him, that makes them very close and also feel like they’ve been through a lot, and so are willing to stick to each other more.

Harry not having any romantic interests in Ember or Aspen just makes him so much more appealing, he teases them, is there for them, and we can see how amazing he is and without having any romantic unerlying agendas! Love fuels a lot of stuff in this manhwa but so does platonic love and I love that for him. I also don’t think Megan deserves him, because she is too immature and honestly, still hasn’t figured out love yet. (Especially with the ‘buying him ice cream was worth it’) like GURL have you SEEN his HOUSE he does not need a sugar parent. Even until the end she eats ice cream with him, which just shows she can’t open up to him and she was honestly pretty childish thoughout the whole thing. Either way I love how the author baited us several times with Harry for us all to be like ‘Could it be??’ and then ‘I knew it.”

AMBER AND ASPEN”S RELATIONSHIPPPPP

I love how the whole thing played out to be honest. At the start, I didn’t like Ember’s attitude, or Aspen’s attitude but they both grew so much as people and their character growth through was just so amazing! You could see so many parallel’s where Aspen stands up for himself, where Ember is more restained, it’s *chef’s kiss* amazing!

One of the best bits was when Aspen couldn’t bring himself to lie to Ember, which was what I feared. It seemed like the worst misunderstanding ever but Aspen managed to trust Ember enough and vice versa, showing how far they’ve come. The two of them are now able to banter and converse freely, which both of them trusting in their love and relationship so much! 

Aspen trusting Ember was the bit thing I think, if he couldn’t trust Ember they would keep having these issues, but Ember had grown to be more trustworthy and Aspen had grown to be stronger and have better self-confidence.

At episode 64 or smth where Ember’s curse broke and I thought ‘are they going to have another 30 chapters of just fluff?” (not that I’m complaining), and they didn’t, but the fluff they did have was so cute!!! Also when Ember collasped and hugged Aspen after ‘faking’ a relaspe *sobs* it was so cute :.)

This next part will be a collection of little observations I found (there are probably still more) that I though were super cool!

1) Aunt Monica’s cigareete. We see her throw it as a little thing like a (I’m leaving/I’m outta here) thing when we first find out that she was Harry’s aunt, then we later find out that Harry’s grandma cursed Ember because of a fire from a cigarette butt from him. At that point no one realises what happened yet. Then she has an epiphany when some person from some car throws at her when it’s all dramatic (I thought that was Lucifer or someone going to burn her originally but it was just a random person) and then we find out it was all her! We even find out that the fire happened on the day of her leaving and no one realised! Anyways...

2) Hypnosis. Monica says in her little ‘angels club’ thing that they must wear sunglasses all of the time lest they hypnotise people. I read that, realised that Lucifer was from there, then went ‘wait a second...’ because Lucifer hypnotised Moxie!!! Several times!!! Cool easter egg I love

3) Remembering things. Aspen didn’t remember Monica from when he was so young, only his mom did, because Aspen was 1. Young and 2. Monica didn’t have much of an impression on him. I like it when author’s decide how much people can remember because let’s face it, even when we’re not children we don’t remember what we ate yesterday morning. Also, Ember not remembering that Monica told Harry to think of her as his mom. Same logic, Ember was young and it had waaaay more of an impact on Harry than anything. More than that, Monica left the next day and it would seem like an irrelevant detail technically.

4) Names. I love how they actually tied in names with meanings, it made it so easy to remember the names and it also made it not really weird and obvious (I’m looking at you J.K. Rowling) but integral to the story. One could predict what role they had in the story by their name. Rocky’s name particularly threw me off a bit, because I could tell it was based off the ‘Rocky mountains’ but was unsure of whether that was related to ‘cold water’ and just decided that it was, but it wasn’t as Aspen’s. Making him just ‘water’ was really nice because it gave us reason as to why Ember seemed to be helped by him but also make him just out of the picture as well.

5) The ice storage. Making the bodyguards faint and be cold too, especially wen they didn’t really coma (or at least, the second one) because we knew you had to go in involuntarily to no be in coma, very good detail.

6) Aspen still having the misunderstanding that Ember was up on that roof saving him to this day because it was never disputed. Ever.

There are totally loads more than that but I need to re-read it a few more times to spot them I suppose!

I think the only hing I want more content of in the whole thing is from Aspen’s dad. His guilt after what he heard his son and wife went through, his bonding with Aspen, him and his family, I feel like that was the only thing that was left unfinished and that I’d want to see more of. 

Finishing it off with a- how are you reading this part??? You must really like reading me ramble. Anyway, that might or might not be all from me on Scorhing Romance, I’ve been getting into manhwas lately and especially finished ones (bcs duh) so these rants might come in a bit more frequently but who knows.

Bye!

[shijiujun]

[History3: MODC] Ep 1-2 Summary - SOMEONE PROTECC XI GU PLS

Alright guys! I managed to make it home in time, and watched both episodes, but I guess I’m able to do a mini summary of sorts - But my verdict on the show is while the first two episodes seem a tad bit slow in terms of plot but there ARE NO GLARING PLOTHOLES THANK GOD and i gotta say I LOVE XI GU AND HAO TING AND BO XIANG AND ZHI GANG AND THE TWINS LMAO THEY ALL SO CUTE and surprisingly I like the main girl as well Si Yu although okay it kinda sucks that she’s going after Xi Gu while still attached to Hao Ting unless she was aiming for threesome but then no communication there and FRANKLY it might even be a love rectangle between Xi Gu - Hao Ting - Nintendo Switch - Si Yu lmao 

We start off with Hao Ting and gang (the fiercer twin, Gao Qun, Bo Xiang and the other guy whose name I still don’t know but he’s a Singaporean actor) in class and the Chinese teacher reading off abysmally low scores ranging like in the 30s and below out of a 100, and guess what our lovely main lead Hao Ting scores THIRTEEN OUT OF A HUNDRED

And okay you gotta give it to Hao Ting - He’s a little shit but he’s a CHARISMATIC little shit with a glib tongue, anyway the teacher yells at him for being not serious about graduating and his friends cheer him on and are just generally obnoxious, and then Hao Ting quips that this is about freedom yeah, and of course the teacher is like fuck you dumbass & threatens Hao Ting that if he dares to leave this class he doesn’t have to come back

Don’t ever dare and threaten your dumbass jocks in class cuz they hear a dare they gonna CARRY OUT THE DARE TEACHERS HAVE YOU NOT LEARNT ANYTHING - so Hao Ting leaps over a desk and runs out much to the cheers of his friends and everyone in class who get up and run to the windows and doors to watch him go - And then one of his friends yell at him to ask him to buy fried chicken early from the canteen I think

And then cut to the next scene - The gang at the courtyard/stage thingy and Gao Qun filmed the whole thing earlier and is showing to everyone while they eat fried chicken, and then Hao Ting demands for 300 NTD each from his friends, who refuse to pay lmao although Hao Ting digs into Bo Xiang’s pocket and digs out some coins and keeps them 

Then Hao Ting’s girlfriend pings him and he runs off

Cut to the infirmary, and HT’s shirt is half off as his girlfriend Si Yu is helping him to ice his shoulder and spray muscle relaxant on his back - She’s chiding him for being so reckless earlier and asking him not to do that again because she’ll be worried, and HT obviously soaks in the attention and TLC from her, and then they proceed to MAKE OUT

Pretty good makeout scene really, although idg why the camera angle had to show like her cleavage specifically like LMAO ARE U ALLOWED TO SHOW THE CLEAVAGE OF A TECHNICALLY UNDER-18 GIRL?!!! No idea, anyway, things get really heated up, but they’re interrupted

And XI GU makes his first appearance here!!! He’s taking a nap in the infirmary and is totally disturbed by these two horny teenagers, in any case SY and HT go out, although SY’s eyes are totally on XG as they leave - She’s curious about him

Then the infirmary doctor comes in, and obviously XG is like the apple of everyone’s eyes and I GET IT BECAUSE WHEN HE SMILES IT’S DEVASTATING - So the doctor is chiding him for not eating lunch (and if you read the character intro translation I did you’ll know it’s because XG is poor and he wants to save money, like that’s driving force behind all his actions for now at least) and because of that XG is obviously thin as fuck and pale like Edward Cullen - So doc tells him to take more care of himself and rest etc. etc.

And then side character 1 and side character 2 - SY’s friends, the girl (SC1) calls herself a fujoshi and is obviously a fan of XG and you’re a bit creepy but I get you girl, and then anw SY is asking SC1 about XG after she sees that XG is first in exams again, and SY gurl don’t two-time please

HT is DYING to buy a Switch, and after dinner with his fam, he tries to secretly ask him mom for money but the mom and sis totally gives him away and the dad threatens to hit him to see if ‘he’ll be more normal’ after that LMAO - and anw dad chases HT to the room but HT wins by shutting the room door and son and dad yell at one another through the door - But despite this u can see that they’re really close

Mom and sis settled on the couch eating fruits in the chaos - a MOOD

Then next day SY catches up to XG as he’s walking to (class? to lunch? idk?) and asks him to tutor her, and XG rejects her of course cuz he likes to study alone and he hates everyone else kinda but she insists and he refuses and then because they’re doing this on the stairs she slips and OF COURSE SMOL XG catches her and upstairs, the fiercer Xia twin videos it and them in that position

Fiercer Xia twin meets the rest of the gang on the rooftop but no one has much of a reaction to his news until he pulls out the video - HAO TING EATING REGARDLESS OF THE NEWS IS LIKE A BIG MOOD REALLY - the nicer Xia twin tries to speak up for XG because they’re like classmates, and then WHOA there’s a strange like almost-kiss moment as Xia En and Xia De like confront each other over that

HT finishes eating and goes confidently, “She won’t like him”

And then he goes to the infirmary wanting to take a nap right, and when he pulls open the curtain THERE XI GU IS ASLEEP AND THIS IS WHERE WE GET THE HAO TING FALLING ON XI GU ON THE BED SCENE FROM THE TRAILERS - And HT groans, “First he ruins my plans and then now he’s taken my bed”

HT reaches for a red pen from the table on the other side of Xi Gu’s bed and of course he falls and lands on the bed, and then XI GU WAKES UP AND HORRORRRRR

Doc comes in and reprimands HT for bullying/disturbing XG basically

And then I can’t remember where the scene is exactly but XG at some point goes to work at Zhi Gang’s soy milk store?!!! I think or cafe that sells soy milk lmao, and Zhi Gang asks if he’s eaten dinner, and XI GU SO CUTELY SMILES OMGGG and lies that he has, but obviously ZG already knows that XG is lying and already bought dinner for him, and also lets XG go home early out of consideration for XG’s studying schedule since he’s also studying to graduate this sem I think?!

Oh okay then before this scene, we have THIRSTY BO XIANG AT HIS COUSIN’S GYM WIPING THE EQUIPMENT AND ALSO TAKING SECRET PHOTOS OF ZHI GANG - His cousin catches him, makes a scene and he’s ZG’s personal trainer I think and when he lifts up ZG’s shirt to ‘check’ on his progress, wow, BX DROOLS OKAY

And then at some point, Si Yu ambushes XG in class and gets him to tutor her after school because he stays behind for two out of five days, and then the twins find out, so when the time comes, the fiercer twin bullies XG out of class, and SY is left disappointed 

HT basically begins to skip school and part time, and helps his mom to give out flyers in his neighbourhood to earn some extra money, and he also somehow cheats his mom by deliberately over-counting his daily part-time rate LMAO, but the sis does the math and outs him, and dad chases after him to try to hit him again but HT ain’t scared at all and they just play cat and mouse

And then the gang corners XG during lunch, bully him and basically makes him late HALF AN HOUR for class which has NEVER HAPPENED TO PERFECT ATTENDANCE AND ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE XI GU - He’s distressed because he needs a perfect attendance record and grades to get scholarship for university - So he’s fucking distressed, and the nicer twin at the back obviously sees it and he FEELS BAD and XG didn’t eat lunch again so he’s having gastric probably

End of the class XG begs the teacher not to record his tardiness because he really needs the scholarship, but the teacher is like everyone saw you come in so damn late, how can he like not put it on record? But when XG insists - white-lipped and shaking and all - teacher asks him to tell him why - and so XG tells him (which also doesn’t help him in terms of being bullied more by the gang when they find out)

So the gang ends up sweeping the corridor lmao

XG once again goes to work and kind-hearted LOVELY OPPA ZHI GANG gives him a bread again and asks him to go home early to study CRIES WHERE IS MY DADDY LONG LEGS

and BX probably because of his punishment, is unable to go to the gym for a while, but ZG asks the cousin where BX is

End of episode 2 shows BX on his bicycle cursing his cousin out for making him go all the way out to like... find a soy milk store, and GUESS WHAT SOY MILK STORE BELONGS TO HANDSOME ZHI GANG OKAY

Oh yeah and then he sees his lovely oppa in store helping XG to straighten out his collar and then he gets jelly

and the next day he confronts XG and pushes him against the wall and THE EPISODE ENDS HERE LIKE STOP DIS BULLYING

THOUGHTS ON THE SHOW:

This is pretty damn cute so far i have to admit, and I PROMISE YOU ONE OF THESE EPISODES, XI GU IS GONNA FAINT FROM HUNGER OR ILLNESS AND THEN EVERYONE FINDS OUT HOW POOR HE IS AND HAO TING CARRIES HIM TO THE INFIRMARY AND THEN BULLY GANG REGRETS BEING SO MEAN TO HIM

And for now, it seems like Si Yu may actually be supportive when she finds out that HT has taken an interest in XG - More on that in the next trailer I think, because somehow HT will mess up and XG ends up losing his first place on the exams and walks away dejectedly as HT regrets being a fucking idiot

And also at some point Zhi Gang will see Bo Xiang having fun with another girl on the streets and be all pissed and jelly and withdraw, and then HT tells BX to please go apologise and get him back, which BX attempts to do - CRIES HANDSOME OPPA IS DEFINITELY ZHI GANG OKAY

***

For @decadentdeerpolice <3

[galaxyacerodoesart]

As I promised, more Sanderstuck Panel edits, this time featuring Remy, Emile and Dolian (AKA. Deceit) 

More about my Sanderstuck AU can be find under my sanderstuck tag HERE! And under read more, is the dialogue of the situation going on in the panel, in case anyone is interested in knowing what would be going on behind it, and a little more about some of the events in the AU! :o

If anyone seeing this would like to be tagged in any future Sanderstuck art, please let me know! 

DOLIAN: Let’s face it Princey, despite going around saying how strong and great you are, you are one of the weakest people in this team, and that’s just facts~ ROMAN: WHY YOU- DOLIAN: I mean, if we want to talk about power, Remy would be the most powerful being in this team, seeing he LITERALLY ascended to god status already and not only has ACTUAL powers, but is also pretty much immortal at this point. REMY: idk if you can call me powerful tho, i mean, i literally have no idea how i even reached god-tier gurl REMY: … I literally have no idea, one moment I was good old me, the other i was in a stone bed bleeding to death, and in one more I was back to life with this clothes and wind going wild all around me. REMY: so yeah, i don’t think i can take much credit? i don’t feel like a worked to reach this status or anything so- DOLIAN: Why, see?! Remy doesn’t even KNOW how he did it, and yet, there he is. Started from zero, all the way to hero. DOLIAN: While you are still aaaall the way down here. No powers, no powerful weapon, just the old pathetic Roman.  DOLIAN: I know you are trying to reach the god-tier status, don’t think no one noticed.  DOLIAN: you struggle and struggle, but still, at this rate you will probably be the last one to get any power. IF you even get it DOLIAN: You might just die before it, after all :) EMILE: NOW NOW EVERYONE! Let’s not say things like that, okay? Dol, we talked about this right? Everyone has their time! We can still do great despite not have ascended to god-tier, no problem! EMILE: There is no need to fight, we are ALL working together after all! And I know we will reach god-tier whenever we need to! The fact Remy had ascended already just means it was his time, even if he isn’t sure how he did it, and yet, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have work to improvement, right?! Remy, you aren’t even entirely sure how you powers work, isn’t that true? REMY: i sure don’t. All I know is how to fly and i’m pretty sure that’s like, basic to literally any god-tier, not just because my aspect is breath.  EMILE: See? The fact he has ascended already, doesn’t put him in a pedestal! We can always improve, Remy surely still will, and who knows, perhaps he still won’t be sure how his powers work by the time Roman ascends. EMILE: But still, who says we even need to? I’m sure as long as we work our hardest and give our best, we can beat this game and reach peace! God-tier or not!  REMY: also i’m pretty sure i can still die? like, there is certain conditions, but i remember one of the lil carapace guys mentioning something REMY: i don’t really remember all they said tho, lil guy was talking pretty fast, like he had to get away from there quick, he just mentioned a clock and something like REMY: “Heroic” or “Just” death being the only way to get rid of me??? so yeah, i don’t really understand it, but there clearly is a way to get rid of someone even if they reached god-tier status REMY: so yeah. I definitely can stil die lol EMILE: See Dolian? Everyone still got to work hard to beat this, but most importantly, we have to stay together! We are a team, like it or not. DOLIAN: *sigh* Yes, yes… I get it. DOLIAN: … Doesn’t mean I am entirely wrong in what I said though…  DOLIAN: I still haven’t ascended to God-tier, but let’s not forget who was able to pull dear Virgil out of the void in the first place, hmm~? DOLIAN: Say Roman, where where you when Virgil was almost being consumed by the void? Crying in a corner faced with the reality of not being able to save him, or still trying to hold onto the idea you are the “leader” of this team? Because trying to get him out of there, you certainly were not.  DOLIAN: So really, do us all a favor, and stop trying so hard to be a leader for this team, you are far from one. ROMAN: … EMILE: Dolian, ple- DOLIAN: I’m sure Patton would be a better leader, and he literally doesn’t have the heart to even kill a single Imp, despite his life being at risk. EMILE: Dolian- DOLIAN: And I mean, Logan? That’s someone who knows what he is doing. I’m sure if anyone saw our team without knowing us before hand, they would be sure he was in charge here, because let’s be real…he is, Isn’t he~ EMILE: DOLIAN. THAT’S ENOUGH.  DOLIAN: I’m just- EMILE: PLEASE… Just…Please… I’M asking you to stop. You already made your point. DOLIAN: … DOLIAN: Sure. You are right Emile. There is no reason for me to keep beating a dead horse.  EMILE: Dol- DOLIAN: I’ll just go back to my room, like you said, I DID Make my point already. So, I’ll take my leave. See you all around~

—DOLIAN Left the conversation— 

EMILE: …I…I’m sorry Roman. It wasn’t right of him to say such things. I have been talking to him, I promise! He seems to be making progress every now and then, but suddenly out of nowhere he just- EMILE: …does things like that. ROMAN: …It’s not your fault Emile, it’s mine… He isn’t wrong after all. EMILE: Roman, no! Don’t let what he says get to you, it’s what he wants after all. And it is partly my fault, i’m his therapist after all… Got to take responsability for when he acts like this.  ROMAN: BUT STILL! What he said wasn’t a lie… I am not a leader, I act like one, but anyone in this place has more leadership than I could even dream of! And I HAVE been trying to reach God-tier, I thought- I think that perhaps then, I will be able to do more? I’m suppose to be the Space player of this team, one of the most important parts of the game, but all I do is mess things up! ROMAN: We almost lost the crucial part, that was our time player, but most importantly, OUR FRIEND because I was just thinking about me and trying to make ME be the big hero in this! ROMAN: The universe and everything we knew is GONE, and i keep acting like this is just any other game. If we fail, it’s game over forever. Everything is done for. And it will be all because I couldn’t stop to look around me. REMY: …Dude. REMY: even I know that is all bullshit REMY: pardon my potty mouth, btw REMY: but seriously. You? Not caring about others?? Stop believing Old Dolly lies, gurl REMY: you are putting yourself in the front to make sure no one you care about gets hurt REMY: sure, you messed up with V, but no one is saying you need to be perfect, nobody is perfect. Don’t let Hannah lie to you, she is full of lies.  REMY: you tried so much to get V away from the void, and kept keeping everyone spirits up when they started to think there was no way of doing it REMY: no joke, i’m almost sure even Pat was starting to give up on seeing Virgil again REMY: sure, in the end Dolly was the one to successfully bring Virgil back to us, but let’s be real. he have no idea how he did it, and probably only got as far as he did because of the natural connection with the void that he has for being both, a void player and a derse dreamer REMY: so yeah, don’t be so hard on yourself man, you might be making mistakes, but you are learning from them and improving every day REMY: you are doing pretty great, if we didn’t think so, someone would have said something already REMY: ya’know, someone that isn’t Dolly, lol  EMILE: I couldn’t have said better myself, Remy! ROMAN: I… Thank you guys. The support is appreciated… REMY: no worries R-man, we’re here for you~!  EMILE: Just keep believing in yourself Roman! You are a great leader! We are sure to beat this game and save everything! REMY: heck yeah, my man. ROMAN: I’ll make sure to remember that… Really, thank you, both of you… EMILE: You can count with us! 

—END OF CHATLOG.—

[brokenhayatim]

the projectionist

[now playing: the projectionist & north by sleeping at last]

this has been a long time coming but i couldn’t put my words to paper screen.

when hands are tied and clocks are ticking an audience convinced: we’re leaning in  holding our breath again

i can’t wait to go back to my place. i used to say that a lot, not out of spite or rudeness but because i genuinely couldn’t wait to be back to my own calm. its hit me now how i’ll no longer have that. and i wish i could feel finally sad or even say i’m still overwhelmed and confused, but it’s this sense of somber longing i guess. longing to keep something so good and somber at the reality that i just..won’t have that soon. i began calling this place home years ago and not because of the state (please, i would’ve anywhere but this state if not for the people i’ve met here) but because it’s my home. i more than just studied here, i built a fresh start, a life here. and i feel like i won’t have that again. is this what people feel like when they move out of their home of like 14 years that they raised 4 children and adopted 3 dogs in. it’s more tough than i thought, you know. every lease i’ve signed (shaking bc commitment may i add) i’ve always know i would be here the next, even though not in the same place and living with the same people, i’d still be here. i get emotional and nostalgic thinking of my former places every time i move, and i still think back to my first. i remember moments so vividly and what the apartment looked like from every square inch. but this is different. i moved an entire state away, essentially to be alone, and i love it. i love that i don’t depend on people for the simple things and less for the difficult things. i love that i have a routine. i like that i come home and i’m alone (roommates, i know, but it’s different). i go to the grocery store alone, i’ve learned the way and i’ve walked. i like that i could walk to target and walgreens, because i’ve learned the way. i like that i don’t have to depend on driving especially, i take a few ubers but even then, i’m comfortable doing that. something new york asiya would never have been. i go for mri’s alone. i walk to uni alone and back (except when i take the bus bc gurl i would sweat). i go the airport and fly alone, something i’ve loved. don’t get me wrong i love my siblings and miss them dearly but that’s what visits are for, and we have those every few months. no one has also came to visit me except my sister twice, and would i really want them too..i don’t know. **to expand on that first time at a later date** but now my brain is like ‘come. see the life i’ve made for myself. i want to show you all i’ve built’.

we'll tell our stories on these walls. every year, measure how tall and just like a work of art we'll tell our stories on these walls

i’m not ready for so many unknowns. where will i live soon? how many jobs will i have to apply for and which ones? even simplest things like where will i do my laundry? i’ve babbled about this but i’m so incredibly grateful for the apartments that i’ve had with amenities. my sisters are always shocked to know how i live at such a small price, but student housing [chef’s kiss]. but things like central ac and in home laundry, i’ve never thought of that, but new york i’ll have to. i’ll probs have to buy my room ac and walk for laundry if i live in the city. i can’t imagine i’d get a graphic design job or something similar anywhere near where i live, so the city i shall be. how far will i have to go to the store? what may happen on the way? i’ve sometimes worried about walking to the store here, mostly when they have kidnappers on the loose, but i always feel more safe than not. i walk 20/30 mins to target and walgreens on foot on the side of the main road and i’ve taken public transportation too. story on that, i told my first roommate how to get to the store from the bus and she was terrified so i went with her and she was like ...i can’t do this alone, i’ll just call a car. would new york asiya have done that too? probably not. because florida me is more independent (idk if bold or courageous is the word) and probs just a little crazy. ubers also are way more expensive in new york, just to add on that. i’ve taken the subway and train alone in new york and have walked blocks alone around nyu and parks. i know new york well, where i live and a bit of the city, but it’s not the same. my dream would be like keeping what i have here and copy and pasting it into the state of new york. i’ve always been and felt like a new yorker here, not once a floridian. i definitely don’t even do that school pride thing, some people actually never knew where i went to college. new york is also home for me, but it’s like my baby home. sometimes i think i was genuinely crazy coming here alone and not even knowing anything about the state nor ever seeing the university. but it was the best thing. i’m always depressed, yes, and i hate people, yes. but despite all of me being a constant emotional tragedy, i really love what i have here. it’s my own. i’ve become that person that tells you directions or tells you where to get what where. and now i’ll have to go back to someone that has to ask 89 questions and gets lost 14 times. ah, but if only i was rich and i could have it all. 

so we’re leaving,  we’re leaving our shadows behind us now we’re leaving, we’re leaving it all behind for now

i can’t wait to go back to my place. i’ll no longer have a home to run off to for months when i don’t feel right. i’ve actually booked flights earlier than i and my family planned/expected just to jet sometimes. i always come back with my suitcase(s) and feel at home walking into my place. i know, inshallah, i’ll have that again in new york or wherever i am, but i HATE CHANGE. its such a big shift that i’m like..can we do baby steps?? i haven’t even been avoiding it for months, i’ve genuinely forgotten until like march when i had to decide on graduation stuff. and now i’ve opened my suitcase and feel like i’m doing my my clothes wrong by putting them in a suitcase to travel a state away and not a few streets. my 3 apartments have essentially been in between two streets, you see one, turn right and drive down, there’s another, turn left and then another left, drive down the road and there’s my current one, which is about two minutes from the first if you drive up a little down. it’s legit a square..but irrelevant. i know i can always come back to visit, but it won’t be the same. my social interaction meter already runs out in like 24 hours as it is then i need to come back home, imagine if i have to stay at someone’s house for like 3 days, lord. i don’t really know if it’s leaving that’s unsettling or going back knowing i won’t be fully alone from people that know me. 

(not so) tangent I: i always daydreamed of traveling to another state and getting a place there. my friend is thinking of coming from germany to practice dentistry here and we could find a place together. i know moving half way across the world for someone seems like a terrible idea, and i’ve lowkey done that coming here between states, but almost seven years of adoring each other’s existence makes you mushy and a little crazy. i feel like i’ll be awkward living with friends bc i’m such a loner, but who knows. the only thing getting her through these months of her final year in dentistry school is this idea and we’ve said inshallah every other week basically so inshallah, if it’s best for us. wild also that i knew her before she even started uni, way before she started dentistry school, like damn i hadn’t realized it’s been that long. 

ACTUAL tangent part II: late 2020/2021 was gonna be my planned travel year. rose was gonna have her dentistry school graduation in february so i was gonna go with more bouquets than my hands could hold. but before that i really wanted to see noor in like late december/january (shoutout to her getting her license i will never not be proud. am i smiling right now typing this? yes). i would find a way to not die in one of those taxis for this surprise, wait outside in the rain (if the sky allows) and play a neighbourhood song outside her window with my iphone that would get water damage and die, then i would sing it (i memorized the lyrics on the flight over, duh). point is, i wanted to see her first and also in one of the least hottest months bc although i would die for her, i’m not going out from heat stroke. thank you miss covid-19, i must postpone that to 2041. i would say i could move to dubai, but i love wearing black and not like..oh yeah..dying. with germany, (ironically enough where my cousin and i were gonna go, me for uni) i can barely speak english let alone learn another language. i wouldn’t subject anyone to murica so alternative options are encouraged. anyways, it’s like the virus knew i was an absolute loser. and it’s as if i have a bug to just keep hopping on planes to avoid having to deal with myself for more than twelve minutes. additional tangent, sometimes i think about how i’ve known noor for five years and like four of those years, we’ve spoken like every day..like how the hell do we do this??? we’ve exhausted every topic humanly possible and still find something new. imagine if we met and it was just [crickets] jhfghfg. i would say we share a braincell and she has it, but i feel like she has five at least. i always have the same tangent topic that literally should just be it’s own solo post..ANYWAYS. 

let the years we're here be kind, be kind let our hearts, like doors, open wide, open wide settle our bones like wood over time, over time

i’m gonna continue this later bc the tangent sent my mind in a whole different direction ,, what are thoughts

[wearethejerkoffs]

1-100 ;;;-)

1. How long have you had a Tumblr?2011 i think? 2. Describe your first kiss, who was it with, what was it like, where was it etc?his name is justin. he had a gf at the time and kissed me (shitty af) in a library. it was nothing special. i really liked him though. 3. What’s your biggest regret? I know we all say we don’t regret things but obviously it’s how we learn, from our mistakes. So what’s something from your past you wished you could have changed?dating emilio for as long as i did. 4 Favorite Songs at the moment?i cant pick its too hard 5. What is the craziest thing that you have ever done?i am not wild6. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?i erase this shit from my mind7. Do you have any scars and if so, how did you get them?they come from myself hahahh 8. Where would you like to be in 10 years?just successful and happy. 9. What are your views on drugs and alcohol?theyre fine just dont make them your top priority 10. What are your views on religion?believe what you want. dont bash me for not believing in anything though. 11. Have you ever thought about ending your own life? If so, why?of course. i get sad, hoe. 12. Write 5 facts people might not know about you.i am very open. there is very little people dont know about me. 13. last really important text you got?ky cam saying shes down to shop w me and maddie :)14. Can you let go?not easily 15. Discuss your first love.have i even had one?16. Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up. Explain why each song is on there.i dont have an ipod but fuck i wish i DID17. Name somewhere you’d like to move or visit.visit? probably canada. id move there too. or wisconsin. 19. What are your views on mainstream music?no beef, i dont often find stuff i vibe with on the radio but i have18. Are you currently missing someone?more than anything 19. At what age do you think people should have sex?prolly high school, but really whenever you are comfortable. 20. What are your highs and lows of this past year?highs: leaving my abuser! getting a job i love! leaving people who are shitty and toxic! meeting rachel! meeting jessie! seeing amity!lows: spending the first half with my abuser! self harming again! crashed my car! 21. What are your strongest beliefs?i believe in aliens and ghosts (who doesn't?) i believe in an after life. 22. Who are you closest to in your family?my brother hes my best friend damn near 23. How important do you think education is?pretty important. i dont think college is necessary. 24. What’s one of your favorite shows?how i met your mother25. How have you changed in the past 2 years?i am stronger and happier. i have better friends and just a happier life. 26. Name 5 people who are famous who you find attractive.ryan ross, detective nick amaro, the rock, young matthew lillard, and ellen page27. Name your favorite movie and what it’s about.nick and norahs infinite playlist. its about a girl falling for a dude thru the mix cds he made his ex (her friend) and meets him at the club and soends the whole night with him looking for her drunk friend and a secret show. 28. Who is someone who fascinates you and why?aalyssa. shes so interesting to me and i could listen to her talk for hours. 29. What kind of person attracts you?lanky emo boys. douchebags. pretty girls. 30. What’s a problem that you have recently had or are currently having?i want to find another job 31. Name something that you miss.dhanes laugh. 32. Share 5 goals you want completed in the next 30 days.get in the shape i want to. thats it. 33. What’s been the highlight of your month and the lowest point? anytime i see michael and rachel its a highlight. low point: my FUCKING CAR GETTING HIT. 34. What’s something that you’ve done in the past that you would never do again?molly damn near. 35. What is you’re biggest insecurity & why?tummy. its too big. 36. What were the last 3 songs you listened to and what did they mean to you?eeeek i cant remember.37. Do you have a toy that’s really special to you and if so what is it, how did you get it etc?no i dont but i wish i did. 38. Have you lost anyone close to you to death? yep. i love you dhane! i love you christian! 39. What is your purpose in life?do i really have one? 40. When was the last time you cried and what was it over?today at a sad facebook video 41. If you got to spend an entire day with your favourite celebrity what would you guys do? we would have sex i love you ryan ross 42. If you could only listen to one artist for the rest of your life, who would you choose and why?nevershoutnever. you fuckin know why. 43. What are 3 traits that you like about yourself and what are three that you dislike about yourself? Personality wise.goods: im very empathetic. i look out for people. im fucking funnybads: im too nice. i get angry very fast. im petty. 44. Can you cook? If so what are your favorite dishes to make? yes!! i love to just make pasta with chicken and homemade pizza. 45. What was the last decision you regretted making?probably fucking sy hahahaha 46. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”?nope47. Do you ever wish you were famous?not really 48. What’s the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to YOU? Or something that’s hurt you above anything else and why?emilio said some of the most disgusting shit to me for months. dude told me he was gonna kill me hella times and how i should just end my life already! fucks wrong with that dude? 50. What mark would you want to leave on this world after you are gone?just want people to remember the good about me and my laugh 51. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?not really52. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?hell no whats the point 53. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?yes54. What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?drive around with me and not make fun of me while i sob my eyes out. thanks becca! thanks jessie!55. What is one of your favorite memories?amity performing youngbloods. thanks for making me cry! 58. What’s the nicest present you’ve ever received?becca bought me an amity ticket, i love that bitch. emilio got me a stuffed animal that is sully so that was pretty nice of him to do (rare) my fav is when people give me flowers. 59. Have you ever had your heart broken?yeah im a sensitive bitch. not his fault tho!60. Have you ever wanted to change anything about your life? If so, what?yeah like mostly where i live. i would just like to leave here. 61. What is something you feel like you are really good at? problem solving62. What are your top 5 favourite all time songs by your favourite artist?open letter. deaths hand. i hate hartley. youngbloods. chasing ghosts. 65. What’s one thing someone has done for you that was really small but made a huge impact?becca had my back throughout my past relationship. she really did everything for me. s/o to her for being legit the best person i have ever met. 66. What do you do when you can’t sleep?watch more tv68. If you could change 3 things within your government, what would they be and why?get trump out of office. thats all i got. i dont know much about the government. 69. What’s your favourite holiday and why?id say halloween. i like the spooks. 70. What’s the kindest thing a stranger has ever done for you? Even if it’s TINY like holding a door open for you, something that you remember even though they were a complete stranger.the nice anons i get. thanks guys. 71. Who’s your favorite cartoon character?honestly? probably scooby. 72. What’s the first song that comes to your mind while reading this and why?scooby doo theme song. i love that shit. 74. What would you like to be the first dance song at your wedding?idk i never think about my wedding plans tbh. something alternative ideally. maybe something by flatsound or across the universe. 75. Have you ever been told you look like a famous person, if so, who?nope 76. What’s one thing you can not live without?becca! 77. What is the most selfless thing you have ever done for someone?idk i will really do anything for anyone. mostly just helping out with driving. 78. Are you a girly girl?i dont think so 79. What color is your bed?black80. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?dark. ideally brunette. 81. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?hell yes but not his fault 82. Do you have a best friend?yes. s/o to becca. s/o to maddie. s/o to tony. 82. What song makes you cry the most?i cant even pick. probably something by flatsound 83. What’s the funniest film you’ve ever seen?eeeeeekkkk...... i have no idea...... honestly for some reason all that comes to mind is 21 jump street and thats weird 84. What’s something crazy that you’ve always wanted to do?im just tryna kiss a gurl85. Has anything ever happened to you that you just can’t forgive?yes for sure. i will never forgive my abusers. 86. Ever been really drunk?sadly87. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?not really. these people were saying i do bars and thats pretty fucked up considering ive never taken prescription pills for "fun"89. Have you ever felt ashamed about something? If so what was it & why? yeah i'm not gonna talk about it 90. Do you keep a journal? If so what mostly goes in it? Random thoughts, feelings, stories?i did, i should start again. 
91. Do you like somebody?yep :-)92. Craziest shit ever done?im not crazy 93. What’s the saddest story/one that’s touched you the most that you’ve ever heard on the news?the kid that hung himself because people spread rumors that his girlfriend killed herself. 94. If you were told you were going to have 3 daughters, what would you want to name them?i have no idea because im never having kids. 95. Do you have a middle name and if so, what is it?marie96. Are you in a relationship?no 97. Do you enjoy drama?not really98. Are you a virgin?nope99. Are you short or tall?short100. Do you have siblings? If so, what are their names and how old are they? amber is 31, erin is 29, and tony is 16

[itslisafira-blog]

I AM IN VIETNAM

First post in Vietnam!

Hello folks! IM SO EXCITED TO TELL YOU THAT IM NOW IN HUE CITY, VIETNAM! *horay*

I still cant believe that im here! Im breathing and stay in Vietnam woah I wanna cry just let me cry, *cry so hard*. Sorry, for my reaction!.okay continue to my post. Well in this post I would like to share you how I get here in Vietnam

My journey begin at 2 of February, that night my mom came from Palembang the previous day to make sure she always there whenever I need here to preprare everything. How sweet it is!. Also my boyfriend help me a lot a night before I go to airport. He came, have a dinner with us and help me to carry my things. My boyfriend surely so sweet to me. *I miss both of em.

Okay after Im done with all my lugages. Me and mom heading to the airport about 10pm.  Anyway I bring 2 lugage. One is bigger than another one, the medium size and normal size for each. For those who wants to have an exchange programe like me, moreover for a long period time (3 up tp 6 months or more). I really suggest you guys to bring all of the necessary things you probably hard to find in your host country and only plenty of your favorite clothes! Do not bring too much things and to much clothes! Trust me, you will thank me for tellin you this. I’ll explain you latter why.

My departure actually were arranged at 3 of February in the early morning, but since my dormitory wont let any cars enter the campus area to get in above 11pm we already leaving my dorm before that time. At the airport me and mom wait for about 5 hours. We are sleeping in the waiting room hahahaa. I might said. It wasn’t comfortable. Yes it is. Because anyone can see you sleeping and the room was so cold. So make sure if you wants to stay longer in the waiting room don’t forget your warm jacket! ^^

Finally it’s 5 in the morning. I already made some contacts with another share scholarship awardee from indonesia. (awardee: people that selected to honoured the scholarship). Couple minutes later, I found out two girl infront of me, and im sure that is the gurl from diponegoro university, kak putri and amal. Not so long, right after I go back from toilet. There are 2 girls gathered with us, they are kak yanti and maul. These gurl were my room mate in dorm. And absolutely crazy fun and kind as fuck. I LOVE MY CABE HEHE

Next, were heading to Malaysia. Of course after I hugged my mom so tight and listened to her advice as usually. The moment I check in before I finally reach the plan was so incredible. I bring to much things till I couldn’t take care of my luggage :’). Its like somebody always help me whenever my luggage needs to be check. LIKE I WANNA CRY. GOSH its really tiring, and also I need to transit to hcmc to hue sooner. God damn it. LUCKYLY, this gurl around me are so PEKA as hell. Waqaaa ee, whenever I need help, before I saidi it they are already put their hands behind my back saying im ready to help you. :’’’) LOL I compliment you guys, gw baikan? Ya iyain aja woi

Therefore, you have to know if my luggage weight was out of 20kg, so I have to pay Rp650.000 rupiah. You know, I have no choice. I cant leave my clothes out of nowhere. NO I CANT L. Not only me, this also happened to kak putri and amal. Their luggage was out of 20 kg. but luckily they have some totte bag so they open up their luggage back, and put some clothes to decrease its weight. And it’s WORK!.

 So guys, if you wanna go abroad make sure you always bring more totte bags or anykind of bags that light and can helo you carry things. And make sure (I just wanna remind you) only bring necessary things that u cant or find to hard in ur host country and don’t bring too much clothes!.

BEIEVE ME YOU WILL BUY LOT OF CLOTHES IN UR HOME COUNTRY, MOREOVER IF U GET PLENTY OF MONEY FOR YOUR MONTHLY ALLOWANCE. BECAUSE NOWDAYS I WANNA CRY, ITS BEEN A MONTH FOR ME TO STAY IN HUE BUT I BOUGHT SO MANY THIGS. GOSH

 After every obstacle that I pass during the check in prosses. We finally arrived in Singapore ^^. Yipiiii

Some of the officers are women, and I can say they are not really friendly to me. This is just my opinion guys, idk maybe they are on their period or maybe they just havin prob with his hubby L. I just don’t know or maybe they are hungry or dehydration so that they need aqu* (?)

So here I am with 4 girls that I never meet before out of nowhere stuck together and condition forces to smile everytime they are jokin even I don’t understand what they are sayin HAHAHAHA. No kidding, they are very kind, and its just me that being so quite. LOLS. We all wait in waiting room. I see a lot of foreigner in the waiting room. I wonder, why so many western people come to Vietnam? Well before I ever read some article that stated that Vietnam is very beautiful. Idk I haven’t arrived yet at that time, also I haven’t going out more in HUE. *ratapann anak baik-baik, pulang ngampus ke dorm, bocan*

Feeling bored and hungry at the same time. Me and anisah amalia (well her name remind me about the girl in my old junior high) just call her amal anyway, look around and try some food. But the things that happened was, we have no ringgit :V. LOLS. So we have to exchange our money first to ringgit. Its quite expensive I think T_T. 60 ringgits be like Rp100.000 rupiah (if im not mistaken). In the airport, I buy famous amous. Its kind of biscuit that is really delicious :’) I love it so much. But yeah it is expensive. I also eat some kind of roti cane :/

Finished with the food, we are going back to the waiting room and found out everybody has make a line to go through the gate ._. that was fast man!. So yeah I have to sit alone because me and my friend were not sit side by side idk why. Yeah I just sleep in the plan and look up to the sky and wonder am I dreaming or not, or how beautiful Vietnam is from above.

At first I was like, WOW THAT WAS HO CHI MINH CITY AND IT WAS AMAZING. I SEE LOT OF SKYSCRAPER AND ANYTHING SO BEAUTIFUL.

Finally we arrived in ho chi minh city. Kind of confuse to find the local airport, because after this we need to go to Vietnamese airline for the local flight. So guys, ho chi minh city and hue city is like sumatera and java island. Jaoh coy hehe.

AND FINALLY FINALLY WE ARRIVED AT HUE AIRPORT. YEEE.  The airport is actually quite simple and not crowded. After get our luggage we were greeted warmly by a man that is command by mrs. Huy (the one that responsible for share scholarship and the one that has a duty to manage the international relation in hue university) to pick us and help us to put our luggage to our dorm. He also take us to some places to eat some Vietnamese food.

IM SO HAPPY because my first day in hue at that time was amazing. Im so excited. And you know I never imagine my friend gonna be this awesome and funny. I hope we will always be friend forever *mulai baper*. And I start to think I don’t wanna leave Vietnam!! ><

Well guys if u want to know the truth, I just finished this post a month after I stayed I hue.so its kind of outdate. But later is better than not at all HAHA excuses.

I hope you guys enjoy my writing!

In the next post I will tell you some interesting facts in Vietnam and some photo of Vietnam!

SEE YOUU!