#guys too. but this cant sustain me. im getting lonely and im getting bitter and i dont have anyone to blame. like. not even myself. which

[lovphobic]

damn are u me bc SAME (unfortunately)) and it's kinda eating me alive bc one of them has this super awesome bf that really cares about her and is putting in the effort to show it and yeah I'm happy for her bc she deserves the world but also I sometimes think about how I've always been alone and haven't even kissed yet and I'm like. am i not pretty or interesting enough for someone to put effort in?? and i feel bad about feeling envious lol but it's ok

FORREAAAALLLLL like god i love my friends i am happy for them but after having two like supremely toxic relationships its just like. well when will it be my fucking turn huh. and i FEEL u on the kiss thing bc neither have i <3 and ive definitely been pitied for it too.. YAY.

but like. ok maybe this is toxic maybe not but. i think being envious is ok? just as long as its kept in check. like you dont Ruin your friendship over the envy. is that toxic am i cancelled.

[borderlandscast]

btb: leave no vault unturned (epilogue) preview, part four

He’s cautious, at first. Ravs understands his need to initially keep it under wraps, letting Rythian feel out his comfort zone at his own pace. He’s easier to please than Rythian initially assumed. His physical affection doubles; Ravs is unbearably doting, needing to touch Rythian in some way every time they meet, brushing his hand over his, gracing him with a quick hug or delivering a cheek kiss.

Certain people observe that he’s cheerier than he’d previously been, as with Rythian. Rythian takes his mealtimes with Ravs in the mess hall instead of in his own room. It’s a good excuse to stretch his legs and boost Junior’s contact with people aside from himself. Occasionally, Ravs will reserve the kitchen from Honeydew and cook Rythian a special meal.

Rythian forgets that Ravs is a phenomenal cook when he’s not busy. It’s all homemade (barring his use of raw ingredients, measured by ‘eye’ sprinklings of condiments and extra bits). If Rythian hadn’t been watching Ravs make it all, he’d thought that Ravs had magicked it into existence from a secret pocket dimension.

A few weeks after these private dinners, Ravs actually tries to teach him how to cook. Rythian almost declines the lessons, then realises that it’s Ravs’ way of wanting to spend time with him without first exhausting all their other dating options on The Blackrock.

Well, there’s always sex (which Ravs would definitely be up for), Rythian would rather wait until he’s good and ready. He’d like his second time with Ravs to be better than the first; the first happened when he was in a bad mental place, when the guilt to sate his own loneliness proved too much for him to bear in the aftermath. Ravs still clearly looks upon it without bitterness of any kind; it’s clearly a precious memory of his. Once upon a time, Rythian wanted it gone from Ravs’ head. This time, he wants to do it right.

He tries broaching the subject with his favourite listener: Teep. Teep’s gone for long periods of time, so the best way to reach them is through ECHO. He’d also not rather endure the humiliation of having to ask them in person and their reaction.

> hey teep, i got kind of a personal question to ask but you can answer whenever you’re awake or free

> it’s embarrassing but i’m tired of hitting my head against a wall and i

> shit i hit enter too fast

> go ahead and shoot

> oh, you’re awake?

> ya im between planets right now so i got loads of free time

> oh okay

> how did you...ask ravs?

> youre gonna have to be more specific than that bc you can ask a lot of things and depending on what you ask you may either want to bury yourself or him

> fine, how did you preposition ravs

> step one you mentally prepare yourself

> step two you make sure you have clothes on bc very important so you dont look desperate

> step three you go and find ravs which is easier than you think just look for the signs pointing to the frigate drunkard

> step four ask if hes dtf and if he says yes then you take off your clothes and get dirty with the buff bara man

> step five profit

> all you have to do is ask???

> yes rythian asking is is a part of communication

> did they not teach you this at that fancy university of yours

> excuse me sirs i wanna get fucked hard so tonight that i cant walk tomorrow and skip class so do you know the nearest dive bar

> TEEP, THAT’S NOT WHAT I LEARNED AT UNIVERSITY

> clearly theyre teaching you the wrong life skills

> you must be thinking of the dahl military

> are you calling me a slut

> NO, I DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU WERE IN THE MILITARY

> surprise bitch where else did you think i honed my sick knife throwing skills but anyway im telling minty, zylus, daltos and arsenal that youre slut shaming us

> please no, i don’t want to get annihilated

> hmm okay since im in a good mood youre safe for now

> why are you in a good mood?

> that lazy panda finally paid off their snack tab to me with interest

> you’re cruel to charge for snacks in the first place

> so says the guy who lives on a moving ship and has the luxury of a proper kitchen while all i got here is what i can fit into my modules and storage units

> okay you may have a point

> plus snacks are an important part of a survivor’s action kit

> never know when you might want to chow down on some jerky while beating some zombified guy’s head in with a crowbar you found

> back to the original subject before i give up all the major secrets to my zombie survival plan

> i dunno, i kinda wanna hear about your plan

> first we get a planet thats got everything we need to sustain civilisation as we know it for the next two centuries and then we get big cannons so that we shoot down all ships that aren’t responding to our hailing so therefore we dont get infected by people trying to sneak in past quarantine and we shoot anybody who tries to hide their bites and

> nice try rythian

> seriously just ask ravs

> what if he thinks im just in this relationship for sex?

> he wont because he knows that youre better than that

> you could always ask daltos for advice if im not around either

> why would i want to ask him?

> newsflash you forgetful asshole hes ravs ex

> oh

> shut up i dont keep track of all these relationships so intimately!

> wanna see my board then bc you might learn sth from it

> no thank you i bet it’s about the size of my wall

> heh you wouldnt be wrong about that

> im gonna go and play some games now before power napping so run along and ask ravs ifs he dtf and lemme know how it goes later

> remember that theres nothing wrong with wanting a lil bit of sweet loving you sad lonely deprived beanpole

> okay good luck with your games and the prep talk and i’m going to ignore that last bit

> i dont need no stinking luck when i have fast hands and an impeccable aim

> knowing braggart

> learned slut shamer

That concludes that. Rythian closes his tab with the conversation, sinking onto his bed. Junior’s taken to hiding in his closet for some reason. They must like how quiet and dark it is in there. Not concerned, Rythian switches off his light and slumps on his side, slightly more content with his life decisions.