#ha ha. it starts cute but it’s gonna derail SUPER QUICK

[dick-meister]

@lachrymosestorm

A mother’s love was a powerful thing. A solemn prayer said from a recently deceased spirit, a plea for protection of a loved one. A divine gift was bestowed in exchange for a last breath and Adam, the First Human, would respond and play the role needed of protecting someone so young and innocent.

Since passing of the mother, Adam was perched on the shoulder of the toddler. Desdemona. Otherwise called Dez. He wouldn’t be seen by her, only once the time was right and sensing that she was about to make a daring escape from her home, attracted to playing games with the local kids, Adam would be amongst one of those children.

Brown hair, Golden Amber eyes a smile of innocence and a killer kick. He would be amongst all the children who played together, even allowing Dez to join in too. After some time, he would hear it. A stumble, a scraped knee and he was gone, coming back quickly with a bandaid and a sweet smile.

“Are you ok?” The innocent child would ask, holding out the bandage for the other with that large smile, only to tell his friends angrily to shut up when they were both picked on, Dez for falling and Adam for assumedly ‘falling in love’. Innocent banter expected from children in their growing age.

His eyes were on hers again, silence, this would be the first time of many that the unassuming girl would meet her guardian Angel and Adam prayed that he would leave a positive, lasting impression.

“You know, you’re pretty good at soccer. For a girl.”

[chockfullofsecrets]

Critical Role: The Opposite of Cuddling

(Read on AO3)

Rating: Gen

Summary: And maybe it wouldn’t be too bad, but - “That’s not gonna work,” he says, feeling a little bad as her face falls. “I’m way too ticklish for that.”

Jester’s expression rebounds at lightning speed. “Caduceus! You’re ticklish?”

“Oh. Yeah,” he grins.

Dome cuddles don't quite work out, but the Mighty Nein make do.

Wordcount: 1.8k (it would be short if it wasn’t supposed to be a snippet fic aaa)

A/N: maybe i am just in the mood for cuddly gang tickles. maybe so. 

---

“So,” Jester is proselytizing, brandishing a diagram from her sketchbook into dubious faces, “if we cuddle up around Caduceus just like this it’s going to be super soft and comfy and warm until we get out of this stupid weather! Any questions?”

Caduceus puts his teacup aside and leans down to peer at the sketch. It’s really good, especially the faces. She must have drawn it while watching them sleep last night.

And maybe it wouldn’t be too bad, but - “That’s not gonna work,” he says, feeling a little bad as her face falls. “I’m way too ticklish for that.”

Jester’s expression rebounds at lightning speed. “Caduceus! You’re ticklish?”

“Oh. Yeah,” he grins. It feels good to see her happy, tail flicking as she clutches her sketchbook in clear delight - after two days of nonstop freezing rain, even her forceful cheer has been wavering. “It’s nice, sometimes, but not when we’re, you know. Sleeping.”

“So I could tickle you right now and you wouldn’t be, like, really mad at me?” Jester presses. She’s scooting towards him as she asks, practically trembling with excitement. It’s awfully cute.

Well, it’s been a while, but he can’t say he’s not a little eager for the contact. He ignores the looks from the rest of their group and flops back onto his bedroll, wriggling a little to get comfortable. “Yeah, that’d be good.”

“Um,” Beau says from somewhere behind him, a little strangled. Oh, right.

“We’re not keeping people awake, are we?” he asks, craning his neck to the various edges of the dome people have settled in. “Anyone set on sleeping right now?”

Beau makes a face. "That's not the weird part, Duceus."

“They can help!” Jester chirps, and then she’s cuddled into his side and wiggling tiny tiefling claws above his belly. “Oh, Ca-du-ceus!”

She’s pitching her voice as deep and scary as it can go. It’s not very far. “Yeah?”

“Where’s your very worst tickle spot?”

He laughs. “Telling you that feels like a bad idea.”

“Then I’ll just have to fi-ind it!” She tugs his shirt up with one quick move, and he barely has time to feel the cold before she’s latching onto his sides and burying her entire face into the downy fur on his belly. “Ooh, you’re so soft and warm! I want to cuddle you forever, Caduceus.”

It tickles, but just a little - honestly, he’s more amused by her. “Can’t say I’ve heard that before,” he chuckles, reaching out to poke gently at her side. “You’re not bad yourself.”

She squeaks, pulling her head up just enough to gasp at him. “Oh my gosh, Caduceus, did you just tickle me back? Guys, you have to come help me!”

“Nah, I’m good,” Beau snorts.

Jester lets out a massive sigh and flops back down onto him, and for a pleasant minute or two it’s just her nuzzling into him as he watches raindrops pelt off the amber dome overhead.

Then there’s a rustle, and some clinking, and before he can do anything more than lazily twitch one of his ears in the direction of the sound Yasha’s upside-down face pushes into his field of view.

“Do you mind if I join?” she asks in her quiet way. “I don’t want to overwhelm you.”

Jester springs upright, grabbing happily for her hands. “Yes! Join us!”

Caduceus echoes her, snorting out a quiet laugh as Jester regains some of her energy and starts to scribble her way up his sides. He doesn't have any quiet siblings - Yasha reminds him a little more of the mourners, so it’s always nice to see her reach out. He's good at appreciating that sort of thing.

Yasha smiles shyly down at the both of them as she pulls his head into her lap and starts to play with his ears. “These are so soft,” she marvels. “Are you ticklish here?”

His ears have always been one of his siblings’ favorite spots to tease him with, and apparently they haven’t gotten any less sensitive in the last ten years. “Yeah,” he gasps. “Heh - just - hehe - a little bit.”

There's a frustrated groan off to his right. “Okay, I’ll bite.” Footsteps track around to his side, fleet and quiet, and he waits patiently for a flash of blue cloth to cross his gaze. “But only ‘cause ears are a fucking weird spot and I want to see if this works on you.”

Beau crouches by his side and curls her fingers loosely. “I’m gonna punch you,” she warns. “Probably not that hard, but don’t tense up.”

He nods as best as he can while tilting his head to better let Yasha worry her fingernails at the backs of his ears - he’s not sure if he could feel more boneless if he tried, right now.

The heel of her fist strikes him right in the middle of his chest, fingers clutching around something intangible - that something scurries its way down every nerve he has, and he coughs out a startled laugh before he can help himself. “What was that?”

“Payback for growing lichen on me back at your house,” she quips, but her eyes are narrowed in clear concentration. “Okay, ears, ears… wrists? And knees? And - fuck, man, your entire back? Really? Jes, let’s flip him over, this is going to be good.”

Well, that’s unexpected.

“Wait - ha!” Caduceus yelps, squirming as fingers start to pry their way underneath him. “Hold on now-”

He’s bigger than both of them by far, but they’re strong and not above tickling the backs of his ribs until he starts to squeal. "You're so thin, Caduceus!" Jester exclaims, hooking a finger into the tender gap between two bones and wriggling it mercilessly - his back arches entirely without his permission, letting Beau pry him another inch off the ground, and he whines defensively. "We have to feed you more!"

They get as far as rolling him onto his side before Beau loses patience and starts prodding smugly at his spine. “Your ki is pretty shivery around here, Duceus,” she teases. “Trying to hide your worst spots, huh? Bet you thought we weren’t gonna take this seriously.”

Caduceus is too busy laughing to deal with - any of that, really, especially when Jester slings herself over him so she can reach his back too. “I’m - ahaha! aaa! - oh, that tickles!”

As if in direct response to his babbling, a small weight bundles into the back of his knees. He curls up reflexively with a strangled shout - it’s Nott, cuddling up to him with a shivery sigh as an invisible hand starts to pinch at his kneecaps. “You’re right,” she crows to Jester. “He is soft.”

It does feel nice, being buried under this many people and tickled till the marrow of every bone in his body shivers, happy and helpless, and when Fjord finally sits in front of him and presses a questioning hand to his shoulder Caduceus doesn’t resist the impulse to clutch his hands and pull him in closer.

Fjord comes easily, huffing in quiet amusement as Caduceus buries his face in him and Yasha and wriggles like a freshly surfaced earthworm. “You alright there?” he drawls. “You sound like they’re trying to kill you.”

Nott snorts from somewhere near his belly. “We should stop, then, we’ve only got the one cleric.”

“Hey!”

Everything abruptly derails as Jester launches herself towards Nott and, from the sound of it, kicks Beau right in the face - there’s wheezing, and then shouting, and then the telltale sugar-sweet scent of Jester’s healing magic.

Caduceus holds very still. "Is everyone okay?"

"Yeah," Beau confirms, mangled. He can practically picture Jester frantically squishing her cheeks around as she checks for damage.

A typical tickle fight, as far as the Clays are concerned, just with a different smell - the Wildmother's healing tends more earthy. Even though they’ve stopped tickling, Caduceus can’t help but laugh.

He’s not sure if he imagines Fjord fluttering light fingers along the insides of his wrists as he catches his breath, but by the time he wheezes out one last fit of giggles and rolls himself back over everyone seems to be keeping a respectful distance, if a good deal closer together than they were at the beginning of the evening. “I think that went pretty well,” he says, pleased.

“...so you’re stupid ticklish,” Beau says dryly, scrubbing a bit of dried blood from her lip. “No cuddling Duceus while he’s trying to be unconscious, message received.”

There’s a chorus of agreement from all but one - Caduceus looks around and spots their final member for the first time since they sat down for dinner, nose buried in a book and ears suspiciously red.

He hasn’t moved an inch all night, even to escape the noise, which leaves him only a few feet away from the rest of them. Caduceus gets the feeling he’s about to regret that. “Oh, I’m sure there are those that have it worse,” he grins. “Right, Mr. Caleb?”

Caleb’s gaze snaps up over the edge of his book. “Ja,” he rushes out, strangled. “I mean - nein - of course I am not - I am just trying to read here-”

Jester doesn’t wait for him to dig his grave any deeper. “Oh my gosh, Cay-leb, are you super ticklish too?”

Caleb stuffs his book back into its holster and holds a hand out preventatively, reaching with panicked precision for a strip of leather tied just above his knee with the other. “No, I am not-”

“Oh, no you don’t.” Fjord rocks backward and reaches out with one broad hand, latching onto Caleb's wrist, and Caleb promptly abandons all spellcasting to kick at him like a startled rabbit.

Despite that, he reels Caleb in gently, scooping him into a neat little ball before he heaves him into the middle of their little circle and squarely on top of Caduceus. “I think we owe you a nice, long thank you for this lovely dome, don’t we?”

There’s a moment of silence as Caleb presumably thinks about how easy it would be to kill them all in this enclosed space. “This,” he says, as severely as he can with his feet in the air and hair in his eyes, “is the opposite of cuddling, and if you do not leave me alone then tomorrow night I am going to make all of you sleep in the rain.”

Even the seasoned homebody in Caduceus knows that’s the exact wrong thing to say to a group of damp and grumpy adventurers - if the mood in the dome was mischievous before, it takes a steep dive into outright evil.

Beau cracks her knuckles. “Yeah? Let’s see what you have to say when we tickle you again tomorrow.”

And if Caduceus laughs as Caleb gives one startled owlish blink and then scrambles to hide as much of himself behind Caduceus as possible - well, that’s not from the tickling at all.

[trensu]

Episode 29: The One where WWX is the Grandmaster of Self-Loathing and It Kills Me

~THEIR SONG~ IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND ALREADY

WHICH MEANS WE’RE STARTING THE EPISODE WITH QUALITY WANGXIANTICS

Actually the whole episode has High Quality wangxiantics and then it guts you with depressing feelings ahahaha 

bc apparently we’re not allowed to have nice things without Suffering™

So they’re sharing a meal at some meal-selling place in Yiling (idk guys, is it a winehouse? a teahouse?? An inn??? DOESN’T MATTER)

Lwj and wwx are sitting on either side of the table looking somber

I guess they’re feeling awkward maybe??

Idk why, it’s weird

A-Yuan starts frolicking around lwj and wwx gets all antsy about it

He’s all hey, stop bothering lan zhan, come here!

And A-Yuan is all like, NO, I DON’T WANNA and clambers oNTO LWJ’S LAP

IT’S TOO ADORABLE

Wwx starts to scold him but lwj is like NO NO, THIS IS FINE

Wwx teases a-yuan

He’s all, oh, i see how it is, you’ll just chuck me to the side for anyone who’s willing to buy you stuff, huh?

Like i said before, a-yuan is a smart cookie

Then a-yuan takes a seat and goes to town on a bowl of soup.

I understand, a-yuan, i love soup too.

And then he calls wwx to get his attention SO HE CAN SPOON-FEED HIM A BIT OF HIS SOUP AND IT’S TOO CUTE 

Wwx is like, oh, so you DO still love me!

Lwj watches this go down and then informs A-Yuan very somberly of the lan fam rule “no talking during meals”

That’s RIGHT

LWJ JUST DAD’D THE HECK OUT OF HIM

A-yuan continues to chow down on his food but definitely stops talking

Wwx is offended and aghast that a-yuan obeys lwj so easily and he complains to lwj that he has to repeat himself SEVERAL TIMES before a-yuan listens to him

Lwj: silence during meals. You too.

Wwx just smiles at the ridiculous rule and continues talking

Wwx: you haven’t changed one bit. 

Wwx: you know, i know my way around this town, i can be your tour guide!!

Lwj pointedly does not take him up on his offer AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY, IT’S NOT LIKE HE DOESN’T WANT TO SPEND EVERY WAKING MOMENT WITH WWX ANYWAY

Wwx: lan zhan, you’re a terrible liar. You aren’t in town for me, are you?

And still lwj doesn’t respond??? 

IT’S BECAUSE OF THAT STUPID LAN FAM RULE, ISN’T IT??

TALK TO YOU SOULMATE, DAMN IT

WHO CARES IF YOU’RE HAVING A MEAL WHILE YOU’RE AT IT

Wwx: you know, i was gonna invite you over to my place but if you’re just gonna nag at me about my demonic cultivation and how i should meditate or whatever, then forget about it

Wwx: i can control myself! I don’t need anyone to save me.

Lwj: wei ying

Wwx: lan zhan, i finally bump into someone i know who doesn’t try to avoid me...it’s been a boring couple of months, why don’t you tell me about any big events happening?

Lwj: what do you mean by big events?

Wwx: idk, like if there’s any new clans or if any clans expanded or made new alliances...just chit chat! Anything is fine.

Lwj: a marriage

Wwx: a marriage? Which clans? 

he sounds so excited to get some juicy gossip here

It’s not gonna last long

Lwj: the jin clan and jiang clan

Wwx: do you mean my sister---Lady Jiang and Jin Zixuan?

Oh god it HURTS

He corrected himself when he called jyl his sister

BECAUSE HE’S NOT PART OF THEIR CLAN ANYMORE

And then he plasters on a smile TO HIDE HOW HURT HE IS THAT THIS IS ALL HAPPENING WITHOUT HIM and asks when the wedding will be

WHICH TURNS OUT TO BE TWO WEEKS AWAY

And his face iS ALL SAD AND HE’S STILL TRYING TO MUSTER UP SMILES 

He’s all, such a big event and jc didn’t even try to tell me about it!

Wwx: even if he told me about it, what could i do then? I defected officially and have no ties to them. What could i do if he had told me?

Wwx: *chugs wine*

Alcohol, wwx, we’ve talked about the alcohol thing. Please stop drinking.

LWJ CAN’T EVEN LOOK AT HIM RIGHT NOW BC HIS SOULMATE IS HURTING AND THERE’S NOTHING HE CAN DO TO MAKE IT BETTER

Wwx: lan zhan, what do you think about this marriage? Oh, right, you don’t care about this sort of thing.

Wwx: i know everyone says that my sister doesn’t deserve jzx, but in MY eyes, that peacock doesn’t deserve her! 

He slams down his wine jar and his voice gets all upset 

And little a-yuan reaches out and grabs wwx’s wrist TO COMFORT HIM, PRECIOUS DARLING BABY

Wwx: She deserves the best man in the world!! JC and i promised her a grand wedding that would be remembered forever!! No other wedding would compare!!

Wwx: and it doesn’t even matter because i won’t be able to go anyway.

AND HE HAS THE SADDEST SMILE ON HIS FACE 

Obviously he takes another swig of wine here because alcohol makes everything better in wwx’s book, which is a lie but since when does anyone listen to me

Lwj: wei ying

And lwj was about to say something else but they get interrupted by wwx’s home alarm talisman informing him that’s something going down in the burial mounds

So wwx grabs a-yuan and dashes out the door

Lwj is quick enough on his feet to remember to pay for the meal and grab a-yuan’s toys (very important, very important, it’s why a-yuan likes him right now) and then follows wwx

Wwx: lan zhan, why are you following us??

Lwj: wei ying, where’s your Magic Ghostbusting Sword?

Wwx: uhhhh...i forgot it at home?

Lol, lwj doesn’t even bother to respond to that. He just grabs a-yuan and runs with wwx all the way back to the burial mounds

OH NO, THERE’S RESENTFUL ENERGY EVERYWHERE BEATING PEOPLE UP AND MAKING A MESS OF THINGS

Holy crap, wwx does this really impressive Dramatic Twirl and magically slams the resentful energy away

HE’S SUCH A BADASS

IT’S ALL IN THE ~TWIRL~ BABY

Lwj hands a-yuan off to granny while wwx gets the low-down

Turns out Wen Ning sort of woke up but is not, like, all there or smth idk

It’s sad seeing wen ning all violent and mean like this when he’s such a gentle soul :(

ON THE PLUS SIDE, we get to see wwx and lwj work together to save him!!

Surprisingly, the flying here is not super cringey, it’s only mildly awful

LWJ HAS GOT HIS GUQIN OUT AND PROCEEDS TO GUQIN THE HECK OUT OF WEN NING

Also, i love how it kind of looks like he “powers up” his guqin attack by making that circular motion over the strings? The accompanying music from that motion really makes it seem like it’s charging up. I like it.

While lwj is guqin’ing wen ning to stay in one place, wwx goes ninja-fast and slaps like, ALL the talismans on wen ning and activates them simultaneously

And between the two of them, they manage to save wen ning from being a mindless zombie forever!! I mean, he’s still a zombie but he’s got his mind back! EVERYONE’S REALLY HAPPY, INCLUDING ME.

Wwx to wen ning: how are you feeling?

Wn: i feel like crying

LOL ME TOO WN THAT’S USUALLY HOW I FEEL LIKE WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME THAT

Wn: ...but i can’t

Oh.

I take back my lol

Not being able to cry when you want to is actually super depressing.

Lwj: you did it *is impressed*

Wwx: of course! I’m a man of my word. Hey, since you’re already here, why don’t you visit for a bit?

Cut to wwx and lwj walking into the cave that wwx calls home

Lwj: ...it’s called the demon-subdue palace?

Wwx: YEP! I named it myself!!

Wwx: now, i know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s a terrible name, BUT THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE WRONG

Wwx: see, i know everyone thinks i’m, like, evil or whatever and this is the place i sleep most often. 

Wwx: a cave with a demonic man lying down in it all the time? Of course it should be called demon-subdue palace lololol

Me: *facepalm* stop….stop naming things, wwx.

Wwx: let me show you around!

I would like to point out that they walk past the ONE BED in the cave to start the tour

This ONE BED in this SPECIFIC CAVE has featured in many a wonderful fic! And should continue to feature in many more wonderful fics

Wwx: this here is my Blood Pool! It’s where i heal up and buff my stats, just like you have your Cold Spring! Except mine has water that smells like blood and comes out of that creepy giant stone face thing

Lwj looks rightfully concerned

And also, i am offended on his behalf that wwx would compare this creepy ass pool to the cold spring. How very dare.

Oh man, they’re about to have a Serious Conversation

BUT IT’S BETTER THAN THEIR LAST SERIOUS CONVERSATION

Because this time they actually talk things out

(see, lwj can learn from his mistakes!)

Lwj: wei ying...can you really control it?

Wwx: control what? Wen ning? Of course I can! Look at him, he’s all better!

Lwj: what if he loses himself again?

Wwx: i’m a pro at handling his rampages now. As long as i have Plot Device 2, nothing will happen to him!

Lwj: but what if something happens to you or Plot Device 2?

Wwx: it won’t

Lwj: how can you be sure?

Wwx: it won’t and it can’t!

Lwj: you want to keep it this way from now on?

Wwx: what’s wrong with that? Don’t underestimate this land! It’s bigger than YOUR land and the food here tastes better too!

Lwj: wei ying, you know what i mean

Wwx: lan zhan, i’m trying to avoid the topic and you keep talking about it!!

Then their Serious Conversation gets derailed bc wwx starts coughing. Which might not seem like a big deal but it is

Lwj: your injuries…

And here lwj grabs at wwx’s wrist but wwx yanks it back real fast

Bc the wrist is where they check for spiritual energy or smth and we all know wwx doesn’t have that anymore, since he GAVE UP HIS GOLDEN CORE

Wwx: no need. Why use spiritual energy for such a small wound. I can just sit here and let it heal on its own

LOL, WE’RE GETTING A FUN BIT HERE TO MAKE UP FOR ALL THAT SERIOUS STUFF BEFORE

Wen Qing walks in and is all, what, my badass doctor skills aren’t good enough for you? I could totally heal you

Wwx: what are you doing here interrupting my date with lwj. Are you done crying already?

Wq: i’ll make you cry

Wwx: pffft, yeah right

Wq: *goes and hits wwx in the back*

Wwx: *coughs up blood*

Yeahhh, i wouldn’t want to go toe-to-toe with wen qing unless she asked me to and then i would happily do whatever she wanted

Wwx: you’re so cruel! *swoons like some maiden*

Lwj: wei ying! *catches him all gallantly*

WWX YOU LITTLE FAKER, YOU JUST WANTED LWJ TO HOLD YOU

And we know this bc wen qing pulls out her Very Scary Medical Needles and wwx wisely RUNS AWAY even tho he was all “passed out” two seconds before

And after that fun bit, the show makes me sad about tea somehow. I don’t even like tea.

Wwx is all, wen ning, why are you serving our guest water?? How embarrassing, go get the tea!

And wen ning is all, but there’s no tea??

Then wwx is like, well we gotta get tea for next time we have guests

There’s a hella awkward pause

Wwx: that’s right, we won’t have any more guests…

THIS STUPID SHOW IS GIVING ME FEELINGS ABOUT TEA

MY ONE TEA OBSESSED FRIEND HAS BEEN TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL STUFF FOR TEA FOR YEARS WITH NO SUCCESS

AND THIS, LIKE, TWO MINUTE SCENE MADE ME SAD ABOUT TEA

Anyway.

We cut to the next scene which has wwx walking lwj out of the burial mounds and we’re getting another Serious Conversation

Wwx: lan zhan, you asked me if i intended to keep things the way they are now. Tbh, i also would like to know what else i could do besides this.

Wwx: give up my crafty tricks and turn over Plot Device 2? What happens to the Wens? Do i turn them in? I can’t do that.

Wwx: i believe if you were me, you wouldn’t be able to do that either

WHY IS HE SUCH A GOOD PERSON. WWX IS BETTER THAN ALL THE OTHER CULTIVATORS PUT TOGETHER

Wwx: can anyone give me any better options? One where i can protect those i want to protect without using demonic cultivation?

He says this so passionately. HE JUST WANTS TO PROTECT PEOPLE. HE’S WILLING TO DO OTHER THINGS IF IT MEANS HE CAN STILL PROTECT PEOPLE BUT HE CAN’T!!! AND I AM DISTRESSED.

Lwj doesn’t say anything in response.

He knows wwx is right and there’s nothing he can do to make things better for him

Wwx: lan zhan, thank you for your company today. And thank you for telling me about my sister’s wedding

HE SAYS THIS WITHOUT LOOKING AT LWJ AND HE LOOKS LIKE EVERY WORD HIS HURTING HIM BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL WORDS HE’S USING TO SAY GOODBYE AND HE DOESN’T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO LWJ.

And before i can start crying, A-Yuan appears to make me feel better!!!

He’s latched onto lwj’s leg again (bc i mean, honestly, who wouldn’t??)

And he’s asking lwj to stay for dinner!!

Wwx: a-yuan come here. Lan zhan has his own food at home. He won’t be eating with us here.

A-yuan: but i heard a secret! I heard there was going to be lots of tasty food today!

Wwx scolds a-yuan for half a second before turning to look at lwj WITH THE MOST HOPEFUL EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE

HE WANTS LAN ZHAN TO STAY FOREVER FOR DINNER TOO

But for some unfathomable reason lwj looks at a-yuan and says that he is leaving.

WHY

YOU WANT TO STAY THERE TOO

WHY MUST YOU TWO MAKE THINGS SO DIFFICULT FOR ME YOURSELVES

Wwx gives this stiff, sharp nod like, yeah, of course of course, i knew that, this doesn’t kill me inside AT ALL

Lwj walks off and wwx + a-yuan make their way towards the burial mounds

A-yuan: will the rich man ever visit us again?

Wwx: what rich man?

A-yuan: the one from just now!

Wwx yoinks the toy butterfly from a-yuan’s hand here

Wwx: you really like him that much, don’t you?

And he holds the toy out of reach and teases him

A-yuan: give it back! He bought that for me

Wwx: no! I won’t give it back until you say i’m your favorite

And this entire adorable scene is being watched by lwj who is just a ways away 

I’d say he’s lurking like a creeper, but Hanguang-jun is too honorable and handsome to be called a creeper by anyone ever. 

BUT he is lurking. 

He looks all solemn

A-yuan tells wwx what he wants to hear and gets his toy back.

Unfortunately wwx’s distraction tactic didn’t work

A-yuan: so will the rich man come back or not?

Wwx: probably not

A-yuan: Why??

Wwx: there’s no reason why. In this world, everyone has their own paths to walk.

A-yuan: oooh

Lol, he nods like yeah, i totally understand what you’re telling me bc i’m a big kid who can know things. HOW CUTE!

AND HERE WE GET THAT QUOTE. THAT IMPORTANT ONE. THE ONE THAT IS LATER USED AS A PUBLIC LOVE CONFESSION.

Wwx: who needs the crowded, broad avenue? I’ll stick to my single-log bridge until it’s dark.

Lwj is still here, watching. And he hears wwx say this.

Lwj doesn’t turn to walk away for real until wwx and a-yuan are out of sight

HE WANTED TO SEE THEM FOR AS LONG AS HE COULD

I’M TOTALLY NOT TORN UP ABOUT THIS

I’M CHILL AND COLLECTED FOR REAL

Then we cut to wwx arriving back at the demon-subdue palace where there’s a surprise dinner party!! 

AND A-YUAN GETS SO ADORABLY EXCITED OVER THE ABUNDANCE OF FOOD, I LOVE IT SO MUCH i get excited about food too, a-yuan!!

This whole thing here is very sweet and this is when we really see wwx accept the wens as his family rather than as his moral obligation

As the @theuntamednarrator said, they gave him homemade liquor! That’s the one guaranteed way to our sunshine boy’s heart!!

It’s all super sweet, like i said, until wwx gets himself plastered. Then it takes a turn towards the Hella Depressing. 

I really want to skip over it because it really is HELLA DEPRESSING AND STILL MAKES ME LEGIT CRY ACTUAL TEARS EVERY TIME I WATCH IT 

but i can’t because it’s got some wangxiantics and this is a wangxiantics guide

So everyone at the dinner party drinks until they pass out, basically. 

Except for wen qing, who is completely sober, and wwx who is an alcoholic with an inhumanly high tolerance apparently

He’s all flushed and red-eyed tho

Wwx: wen qing, the first time i saw Lan Zhan was when i snuck Emperor’s Smile into the Cloud Recesses

He laughs here, remembering; it’s all cute here for a bit.

Wwx: it’s too bad you didn’t see his face, his stony face...but the emperor’s smile is really good. I wonder if i’ll ever get a chance to drink it again

And his entire demeanor changes here. He started out more or less cheerfully reminiscing about his first meeting with lwj but in that last bit his whole posture droops and he gets the saddest look on his face

Wen qing notices this, but is kind enough to pretend not to by focusing on wiping down that table.

Wwx: i’m a good for nothing

OH GOD

Wwx: i promised my sister i would help her hold the most splendid wedding in the world

FUCK, HERE COME MY TEARS

And wen qing fucking freezes here eVEN SHE KNOWS THIS IS GONNA HURT

Wwx: but now, i can’t even attend the wedding

Wwx: i’m completely useless, i am completely useless

SHIT, GOD DAMN IT, I DON’T FUCKING WANT TO CRY WHERE ARE THE GOD DAMN TISSUES 

Wwx: i am completely useless

HAVE MERCY, HAVE MERCY ON MY POOR HEART, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

So while i’m fucking sobbing out every ounce of moisture in my body, we cut to the cloud recesses and we see lwj kneeling in front of a set of closed doors

(we’re not going to dwell too long on that because i’m already in fucking shambles from two seconds ago and i can’t handle any more Family-Related Sadness right now)

He’s on his knees, with his arms outstretched holding two long, heavy bamboo sticks

There are disciples scurrying around and avoiding the scene, like oh shit, better not get in the middle of that

Lwj’s head is ever so slightly bowed, still as a statue, and completely blankfaced

And we get ~their song~ BUT WITH VOCALS THIS TIME

THE FIRST TIME WE HEAR THE VOCALS WITHIN THE SHOW

YOU KNOW

THE VOCALS THAT ARE SUNG BY THE ACTORS PLAYING OUR BELOVED LWJ AND WWX???

YEAH

THOSE VOCALS

BECAUSE I WASN’T FEELING ENOUGH INTENSE EMOTION YET

The scene starts off in the daylight and we see him enduring this punishment 

HOURS go by bc it’s dark and there’s a good inch of snow accumulated around him by the time some random lan cultivator dismisses him

Lwj gets up GRACEFULLY (bc that is his default mode, i guess?? HOW??) and there’s a literal patch on the ground completely devoid of snow bc that’s how long and still he kneeled there for, holy shit.

And he walks away calmly

There’s no more wangxiantics in this episode

But show-runners decided they didn’t want to COMPLETELY DESTROY OUR SOULS just yet so they give us an anticlimactic but kind of cute ending to the episode 

We get to see that there are “yiling patriarch disciples” who are actually frauds in terrible cosplay trying to sell mediocre talismans at high prices

and wwx is all “who the heck are these guys, wait, i don’t actually care”

We get to see that the wens are slowly starting to prosper in their little corner of the burial mounds

Also, somebody built a shrine and left food offerings at the entrance to the burial mounds?? Which, hey, wwx doesn’t say no to free food and neither do i because what kind of crazy person turns down free food??

And, i mean, that’s basically it?? Like i said super anticlimactic

SO WHO ELSE HERE IS SITTING IN A PUDDLE OF TEARS NOW? ANYBODY?? ANYBODY???? PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME CRYING BY MYSELF, THAT WOULD BE PATHETIC, I CAN’T HELP IT IF I HAVE A HEART FULL OF FEELINGS

Return to Masterpost

[heyktula]

Closer, Chapter Two: Aware - Bonus Features

(I'm sorry about the chapter titles, lolsob. They are, in fact, "Risk", "Aware", "Consensual", and "Kink", plus a surprise title for the fifth chapter.)

((Okay, fine, I'm not nearly as sorry as I should be.))

Chapter two of Closer, the first installment in Somewhere in Canada (the Terror kink AU)... is now up! What is wordcount! (Apparently shit to me, since this chapter is three times the length of chapter one!)

Same deal as last week--technical notes first, story notes after, line notes to finish it all up. (Although I still blame Edward, a number of this week's line notes are Jopson's fault, and he's a lying liar on a number of occasions, the terrible sweetheart.)

Alright, here we go.

Technical Considerations:

Chapter Length: So, this story was intended to be much shorter than it is. Initially, the fic was a one-off. After all, it's only taking place over a weekend, how long can it be? (lolsob--sixty k, as it turns out, and that's with a significant number of hard cuts. I cringe for the future Fitzier, because the winter conference is longer than the summer one.)

Initially, I'd followed the same chapter structure I used in one of my earlier fics--one day = one chapter. Obviously, that worked fine for Friday, but didn't work for Saturday or Sunday, both of which I've split into two chapters. I still feel like the chapter length is a bit obnoxious--I prefer a 7k chapter, and chapter two is 15k, but it's the best place to make the cut, I think. I considered a cut after Edward's talk got derailed by Hickey--but that would have left Edward in a really ugly headspace for a week while everybody waited for the next chapter, and I didn't want to let him chill there knowing that Jopson is gonna make him feel better, like, immediately.

Hard Cuts: One thing I really like about the source material for The Terror is that it uses hard cuts liberally, and something about that feels like it frees me up to do the same in my own work? So I cut the things that don't matter to the story, even when they're things that I care about. (That rope suspension scene with Sophia and Gore and Dundy was real good, but Edward did not give one single shit about it, and thus, it is not on the page.  Similarly, we didn't get dragged through any of the other panels, etc, that were happening throughout the day, and the one panel we actually did attend, Edward is giving by rote, without thinking about anything he's saying, because Jopson! is! there! oh! god!)

Story Considerations:

Goodsir: Like, of course Goodsir moved to Canada. I don't think it was for Silna, necessarily--and she would have been super unimpressed with that if it had been--but it wouldn't have been not for Silna either. I just think he really loved it here on his first visit, and that was it for him--he came home, he missed Canada, he went back, and he stayed. I'm sure he's in the process of getting his citizenship, and in the meantime, he's going out for hikes and taking pictures of elk and going ice-fishing and organizing kink conventions and generally just having a wonderful time living his best life, and I love that for him.

(And if he's on the receiving end of Silna's strap in increasingly regular frequency, I love that for him too.)

The Tozer-Little Experience: So, outside of the joplittle, which was my primary reason for writing the fic--I also have, like, the world's biggest soft spot for Solomon Tozer. And the dynamic that I ended up developing for Tozer and Little in this fic is a hell of a lot of fun, because it's deeply intimate, and steeped in years and years of shared experiences, but it's platonic at the same point--or, at least, what constitutes as platonic for them, which is more intimate and open than you would see for a lot of male friendships. (I'm putting a pin in the discussion of feelings as feelings relate to their friendship, but we'll come back to it in a few more chapters.) If you asked either of them to describe an ideal partner for the other person, they could both do it, and they've got all kinds of stories about each other, which Tozer shares easily and at length, and Edward keeps his goddamn mouth shut about.

That easy camaraderie between them is, I think, why the takedown panel goes so wrong so quickly.  Tozer has no reason to suspect anything is different than it has been any other time, and Edward isn't admitting how much he's obsessing over Jopson, so he's also just stubbornly pretending things are fine. I don't think that Tozer had any intention of letting Edward win, no matter how good Edward thinks his chances are, because it's Tozer's panel, and goddamn it, if Sol's going to all the effort to give a talk, he's gonna try to get his dick sucked as part of the aftermath, am I right, lads?

(Conferences that I've been to are hyper-careful about bodily fluids, and for good reason--so if blood is a possibility, everything should be tarped off and proper protective gear should be used, and Edward visibly bleeding all over everything would have been a Very Bad Look. Thankfully, it wasn't as bad as it could have been.)

((Also, just as a side-note, can we talk about Tozer's quick transitions between "shit, fuck, Little--", "and that is a takedown!", and "do not bleed in here, don't fuck this up for me, I don't know what the fuck your dumb ass was doing"? Because I love that Tozer's first reaction is "holy FUCK are you OKAY" and then he immediately takes control of the room to finish his talk, and then leans in to threaten Nedward. As though the threat is gonna take away the part where your first reaction was being horrified that you clocked him in the face, Sol.))

The Jopson-Little Meet Cute: Okay, fine, I guess it's not really a meet cute when one of you is bleeding into a sink, and the other one of you snuck into a takedown panel late in the hopes of seeing your crush and gets the bonus experience of watching your crush totally get hit in the face. But, whatever. They'll work with it.

One of the things I love about this scene is that the balance of power is exactly the opposite of where it would normally be--Jopson is the one controlling the scene here, through service, and Edward is the one that's following Jopson's lead. Jopson is, in canon, a caretaker, primarily, and I set this scene up so that he would shine, and I think he does that effectively here. Edward is the kind of guy that gets easily rattled when things don't go the way he expects them to, and it's indicative of their compatibility that he unwinds so easily for Jopson.

Also, I appreciate the hell out of Jopson gently bullying the topic of conversation around to giving talks, so that he could just slide his own talk under the door to gauge Edward's reaction. After all, if one is a trans man, and one's crush is a transphobe, better to find out before this goes any further. Between us, Jopson was reasonably sure things would be fine--after all, as Blanky notes later, he's had his face in Edward's blog*, and I'm pretty sure Edward went through his blog a while back and edited all his posts for gender- and trans-inclusive language, and left a footnote indicating he'd done so--but it was important for Jopson to make sure everything was on the table, and Edward's meandering discussion of the requirements for giving presentations was as good an in as any.

*Jopson clearly didn't know who Edward was by name on Saturday morning, but knows by Saturday afternoon. There's any number of ways he might have found out Edward's name, but I suspect he talked to someone** who had attended the power play panel he was on with Tozer earlier that day.

**I have a candidate in mind for this, but we'll get back to it later.

The Rough Physical Play Panel: Well, when that went wrong, it went real wrong, huh?

I think one of the things I'm enjoying so much about writing a modern Terror AU is that it lets me explore Hickey in more detail, because canon!Hickey just makes me so goddamn furious (the motherfucking BOOTS, he took James' BOOTS, and then EVERYTHING ELSE, and I CAN'T) that I can't even delve into him right now without wanting to throw things. But I can dig into him here, because I have the protection of this, you know, not being canon.

One of the things I really love about Hickey is that I think, one hundred percent, that he's exactly the kind of person that pays attention to the things you're interested in, and that makes it easy to start a friendship with him. I can guarantee that he knows every single item Tozer has ever stocked in his booth, and how well each of those items sells. I also know for sure that he's read every single post on Edward's blog, and can talk intelligently about any of them. However, Hickey is also exactly the kind of "friend" that will use that information against you at the drop of a hat if it benefits him in any way--and I can guarantee that the temptation was irresistible for Hickey here, because not only is it an excuse to deliberately trigger Edward's anxiety in front of a room full of people right immediately before those people leave the room, thus guaranteeing it's the last thing on their minds--but it's an opportunity to do so in front of the guy that Edward has been interested in all weekend. From Hickey's perspective, it's for Edward's own good--any idiot can see that Jopson is way out of Edward's league, and the sooner Edward stops making an ass of himself, the better it'll be for everyone involved. (I would also argue that  if any of their friend group "deserve" to have more status in the community, Hickey feels that's him, so any attempt by Edward to "rise above" by, say, associating with someone linked to Crozier, is going to be viciously stamped out.)

The miscalculation here, of course, is that Hickey has misread Jopson just the same as everyone else has misread Jopson. We'll come back to why this mistake is important next week, I think.

(It's unfortunate we didn't get the good version of the panel, with the demo, because it's very good--Edward picks a random audience member, demonstrates the consent negotiation in front of everyone, and then walks through an entire gamut of activities, the intensity of which varies depending on how the person he's chosen is enjoying it. This is the way that I had my first exposure to this type of play, and watching the talk was a goddamn delight--and there's nothing that makes someone look competent more than them just improvising an entire talk on the spot.)

Dungeon Setup: So, again, because Canada, every dungeon I've ever been in has separated the drinking section from the fun section for safety reasons. Usually they're in separate rooms, though I've been in a couple dungeons where the drinking section runs along one wall of the fun section. Because this is my fic, and I'll improve it if I want, I went full bore on this and created that second-floor lounge that's open to the dungeon below, so you can stand up there and drink and watch the dungeon from above (or you can sit up there and drink with Hickey, but yuck).

The showcase performance thing isn't something I've seen at a kink conference before--I borrowed that from burlesque conventions I've been to because I needed it for the upcoming Fitzier fic. I kinda wish Edward had paid attention, I feel like that was a really good rope suspension scene. But, he was standing too close to Jopson, and thus, nothing else mattered.

Also, is it really a dungeon if it doesn't heavily rely on Enigma's music? I don't think I've been in a dungeon once without hearing Return to Innocence or Sadeness, and at this point, if I hear either of those pieces outside of the context of a dungeon, I get really nostalgic for dungeons.

(I guess while we're talking about setup, I'll also confirm that pretty much everybody* is staying on-site here--the hotel has a bunch of space set aside for the kink conference, and as long as people booked their rooms quickly, their hotel rooms are also in the same venue, so there's no need for transport, or going outside, or anything like that. Poor Nedward can have his meltdown about collars without needing to call a cab once.)

*I know a certain repressed somebody who has opted not to stay at a hotel full of perverts, but, uh. I mean, it's a Choice, but maybe sit with yourself a second, John.

Line Notes:

“Dude,” Tozer says, swinging his duffel bag off his shoulder and booting it under the table. “I had the most repressed guy in my talk this morning, it was fucking brilliant.”

Hi, Irving.

Edward can’t quite tell what Jopson is talking about, they’re too far apart for him to be able to eavesdrop. He wishes he was over there, though. Listening.

They're talking about you, Edward. Jopson knows who you are by this point, and he is three hundred percent telling Blanky about your blog right now.

He hasn’t paid attention to the specifics, because it’s not his talk, and it doesn’t matter.

Except it does matter, Edward, because one of those times the door opened and Jopson came in.

Jopson takes another step forward, his hands down at his sides, palms facing Edward. “I saw what happened,” he says. His voice is gentle, low. Hypnotic.

I appreciate Jopson approaching Edward like Edward is a wild animal that's going to spook at any moment, because Edward is, in fact, a wild animal that's going to spook at any moment.

“One of the better quality sessions I’ve seen this weekend,” Jopson says.

Thomas Jopson, you are a lying liar. It is the first day of the convention, and this is the first instance in which you've left your booth for any significant length of time.

“—you must see there are gaps. I was thinking, maybe, there’s another conference in six months...”

I can guarantee that this is a conversation that has been had with Francis in slowly increasing levels of volume, and I can also guarantee that Francis has been very supportive of Jopson wanting to fix those gaps. I would also side-eye the length of time (none) it took Jopson to pull up his fully-completed notes for a talk that Edward notes later is ready to go, and doesn't need any alterations. (Anyone taking bets on whether or not Goodsir has seen this? Yeah, I wouldn't bet against it either.)

It’s only after Jopson’s left that Edward realizes his black handkerchief is still on the edge of the sink.

Remember that conversation we had last week about the hanky code? Good, because Edward doesn't.

“Don’t wanna have a discussion about feelings if we don’t have to,” Tozer says gruffly.

Translation: if your eyes are wet because I smoked you in the face, then we'll have that conversation, but for fuck's sake please provide me with literally any other explanation--oh, thank fuck, I forgot about your septum piercing, perfect, good, onwards.

(I'd argue that Edward's probably all up in his feelings from Jopson's talk, BUT both of them are talking around everything in this scene, so I guess we'll just let them have that.)

They’re walking down the hall, and literally anyone could walk past Edward right now—fucking James Fitzjames could walk past Edward right now—and there is no way in hell he would notice, because Jopson is right there...

James Fitzjames, "that online guy" and most recognizable kink celebrity, would be So Offended by this, and it would be good for him.

They’re walking side-by-side, Jopson just a fraction behind Edward, and Edward can’t tell if it’s on purpose.

Jopson knows how to sub--it's on purpose, Nedward.

(I should note that this isn't at all a requirement for subbing--but it's part of how Jopson, in particular, submits, and since that's how he wants to interact with Edward, that's how he's behaving now.)

—not a blog post from five years ago that he’d kept up because there’s hardly any information out there and he wanted to make sure that people were aware of the risks and safety concerns, and—

And, I mean, also because you like to do this, Edward. Let's not beat around the bush here, you're not writing entire blog posts about things you have an academic interest in for safety reasons, although it would be totally valid if you did. But you aren't. You wrote an entire post about how to safely fit your fist into someone's ass because you did a lot of research as to how to do it safely and then subsequently did it on multiple occasions.

“It’s right there on the blog post,” Jopson continues, fingers clenched on his notebook. “The exact same blog post you’re citing has the answers to the questions you’re asking, and it’s disingenuous of you to…to purposefully derail his panel and pretend that the answers aren’t right there.”

If Edward was thinking critically about any of this instead of just bluescreening, he'd realize that it's Significant that Jopson knows this without consulting his cellphone, which he hasn't needed to do here, because his hands are still on his notebook, which means that Jopson either a) sought out this post specifically, b) made it multiple years back in Edward's blog archives, or c) both AND remembers it in detail.

But, he's Edward, and he's not thinking about shit right now except possibly how nice it would be if the building just randomly caved in on top of him. Not everybody else. Just him.

Jopson’s posture relaxes slightly as he exhales. “I was wondering about aftercare,” he says. “What you would normally recommend.”

Translation: Reassure me that you know what the fuck to do with me after we've just done everything that you've been talking about, because I AM DOWN TO DO THIS RIGHT NOW.

“Fucking peckerhead,” Tozer says, straightening up and rolling his shoulders, his eyes flashing. “I needed him to do some goddamn work.”

Yeah, well, Hickey’s got no fucking work ethic, so I dunno what the fuck you were thinking, Tozer. Duty owed, indeed.

It’s the guy that was watching Tozer. His eyes are burning with fanaticism. “It’s not too late,” he repeats. “Your crisis is an opportunity to repair yourself.”

Irving, sweetheart, buddy. You are at a fetish convention. Nobody here is interested in repairing themselves, and neither are you or you would not be here.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Jopson says. He’s still behind his booth, which is entirely too far away from Edward. “And Blanky’s due back any minute, so unless you want an interrogation over what you’re planning to do with the collar, you might want to come over to my side and look at books instead, I promise I won’t give you the third degree about anything.”

JOPSON, you are a LIAR. You fully intend to give him the third degree about everything, you just want him physically closer to you while you do it.

He’s not quite close enough to hear the conversation, but he is close enough to watch the way Jopson’s hands move in front of his body as he speaks, realizes after a moment that he’s signing. Realizes a few moments later that the words he’s saying aren’t English—and only then because it’s a different rhythm than Jopson usually speaks in, a little more halting, less fluid.

Francis' crash course in Netsilik went alright, apparently! I'm sure Jopson is disappointed in himself for not being fluent, but Silna will confirm to Francis that Jopson tried hard.

“We’re acquainted,” Jopson says carefully. Then adds, “It’s been a bit since I’ve spoken to her.”

LIAR, Jopson, you were literally in a deep conversation with her YESTERDAY. Edward, of course, does not notice this, even though he observed said conversation. (*cough*himbo*cough*)

Jopson shrugs, the motion a little self-deprecating. “That’s it. I’ll be finished then.” He sets his jaw, looks away. “I imagine we’d need to be more concerned about your availability than mine.”

Bold of you to assume that Edward "anxiety" Little actually checked his Fetlife messages and sorted out any play dates with anybody in advance.

Blanky grins at him. “That’s more like it. If you’ve got a couple minutes to wait, I’ll cut back the extra leather on the straps here for you.”

A number of people who make collars leave extra length on the straps in case it's needed. In this case, Blanky knows it won't be, so it can get trimmed back before Edward even leaves the booth. (Also, the Edward Little energy of Edward dropping a bunch of money on collars for Jopson, and then immediately freaking out and sticking them back in his hotel room?)

As an aside, considering Blanky is #teamjoplittle, I would give so much to see the content of the inevitable groupchats that are happening right now.

Phew. That's it for this week! Chapter three, Consensual, goes up next Friday! See you then! And if you have questions or anything in the meantime, you can always drop me an ask on tumblr or Curious Cat. I know I didn't cover everything, even in this long-ass entry, cuz there's a fuck of a lot of stuff going on in the foreground, much less the background. I honestly don't mind if you ask, it's totally cool. :)

See you next week!

[jejublr]

Super!Woozi

A/N: Did someone say Super!Woozi?? Because I’m here to deliver ;) omg Nat stop. I’M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG T^T Here’s something an anon requested and the AU update @mansaeboysbe asked for bazillion years ago. This one is suuuuper long to make up for it so I hope you all enjoy! This story is such a hot mess tbh. Also this gif of Jihoon is exactly what this fic is all about.

You thought Jihoon would be a hero?? lmao think again 

Bc I think he’d be the perfect villain

Ok not really but hear me out

Jihoon would be some kind of a genius mastermind ok?

If you think that’s not a superpower, you’re wrong

You can say he’s some kind of a technopath bc this guy can literally build anything tech-y out of everything

For example, he made his first weapon at the age of five. fIVE.

Like what was i even doing at the age of five?? my only accomplishment by then was being the champion in a cracker-eating competition during independence day celebration smh

I’m so proud of it tho so y’all can fight me if you disagree

He can also manipulate most forms of technology

He can turn off lights without having to switch it off, manipulate computer data, he can hack into cyber systems, restore information and break computer codes

He could’ve done much worse but since he never had any form of training since he first discovered his power, his power is pretty underdeveloped

Nonetheless, technopath!Woozi is still super powerful, even with his limitations

Supervillain!Jihoon would wear some kind of a black suit with some cool-ass tool belt strapped on his hips for his tinkering needs

Definitely no spandex and absolutely no capes

We hear ya, Edna

He’d wear the typical black mask and his red hair would be a stark contrast against his dark ensemble

I live for red-haired Woozi

He also got these cool gauntlets on his wrist and he can shoot out sedatives, tear gas pellets, tasers, grappling hooks, a radio transmitter and explosives

Woozi also got his own personal A.I. assistant

Think of it like J.A.R.V.I.S. and it works exactly like it

It oversees Jihoon’s overall health, help him construct weapons and sometimes poppin’ some popcorns for Jihoon during Friday movie nights

Jihoon would also be super agile! He’s really quick on his feet and can do some cool acrobatic s***

Because Jihoon might sit around and construct weapons all day so you’d expect him to be out of shape lol

But Jihoon figured that while he wasn’t tinkering, he’d be running away from the cops or smth so why not start training his cardio right?

So yeah he did a lot of gymnastics and acrobatics

Besides running from the cops, he wants to make memorable entrance and exits in the future, too, lmao

It’s pretty funny bc one second he’d be like Bob the builder and the next he’s tumbling like a f***in ninja

It’s incredible

Anyways

So Jihoon has been plotting his big debut as a super villain for a long time now

He’s so tired of everybody underestimating his power despite him probably being able to ensemble a makeshift grenade in record time to blow your ass off

And he’s also tired of the times people called him cute

He’s not cute, alright?!

It’s been his lifelong dream to be able to look into people’s eyes and see fear in their eyes as he whispers,

“Am I cute now, you little s***?”

And he also decided that his super villain name would be Woozi

O yeah, bc something that means Our Jihoon is so evil. Oooh, I’m shaking in my boots

I’m getting off topic

About his super secret world domination plan..

Woozi had built a robot army to take over the city

I mean, he could’ve done it all by himself but

It’s his big debut, man

Give him a break

In no time, the city was completely taken over by his army of evil robots

He didn’t do anything serious

Just letting his robots do their evil stuff

Pulling out dead 2010 memes on people

Stealing candies from children

The usual

Also, people were already pretty terrified at the thought of a robot uprising so it wasn’t like he needed to work very hard to make people s*** in their pants

At this point, people are screaming, babies are crying; it’s music to Woozi’s ears

And everything’s going to plan until 

OK, WHAT THE F*** IS THAT?

Ok quick backstory: the local factory had been dumping all its illegal waste into the local reservoir, the chemicals contained in the waste genetically transformed some of the wildlife around the reservoir into mutants

Wow did this just become an environmental propaganda?

Nevertheless, don’t litter, kids

Woozi looked ahead at the sight ahead of him and the city was suddenly swarmed by dozens of mutant creatures, animals and plants alike

It’s like Jumanji on steroids

F***in mutts tryna derail his plan of world domination?

Woozi is not having it

So Woozi whipped up random stuff from his tool belt and started to construct a make-shift weapon

And so you got Woozi who’s combating evil wildlife with his Object Animator

Which is like, a gun but instead of firing bullets it would “scan” objects and turn them into data in which he stored in the memory card in the weapon 

HE’S LIKE A POKEMON MASTER

And there are few other heroes from different parts of the city who came, too, bc they heard some crazy guy tried to take over the city

But now instead of seeing some maniac cackling as they watch the robots take over the city, they see animal mutants everywhere like Madagascar: Evil Edition

The hero from a neighbouring city, S.Coups, was throwing mutant elephants here and there like nobody’s business 

Honestly, at this point, the city was a hot mess with robots, evil mutant wildlife and heroes all compiled in one city

Anyways

So you’re one of the city’s local journalist so cliché

You were reporting from the roof of a carpark building

“I s*** you not, viewers, we just saw a flock of two-headed swans chasing down the police forces. You may laugh but have you ever had a swan hot on your trail? It’s the scariest s*** ever. Now imagine it with two heads and multiply it by tEN. Ok wait, let me put down the mic bc I’m gonna pray for the police bc only God can save them now.”

“WHoA, Ben’s Taco is on fIRe, everyone! Lmfao bc f*** Ben, he always charges extra for guacamole so he finally got what’s coming for him. Moving on..”

I’m so sorry if your name is Ben and bc Ben is the least Mexican name ever

You’re pretty controversial bc you speak without any filter but that’s also the reason people love you lol

Anyways, you’re up there reporting, ready to deliver the biggest drag of the century on national TV when a group of winged monkeys decided to go ape s*** lmao get it? ape s***? on you crew

You’re like “Elphaba’s not here. Wrong show !!!”

But of course, did they listen? No.

And somehow you got cornered to the ledge and by the time you realized what’s going on, you’re free falling

Free falling.. falling...

Bonus points to the person who gets this reference

Coincidentally, at that very moment, Woozi was right at the bottom of the building, completely unaware of what had been going on a few meters above

He was shouting at one of his robots for not doing its work properly

“You dips***! Why do you have a cat in your arms! How did you even find it?! I designed you to be evil! EvIL!

“But boss, villains always have a cat in their arms!”

Ok Woozi couldn’t argue with that but

“Priorities!! We’re supposed to tear those mutts apart!! They’re in the way of my plans!!!”

“But I know my priorities!!”

“Oml I should’ve done all of this myself! Now if there’s an answer to all of this f***in mess-”

Woozi had his arms out in exasperation at this point and BAM 

He wasn’t ready when you suddenly fell into his arms lmao

You were lucky you both didn’t fall into a messy heap on the pavement bc Woozi regained his footing pretty quickly

You were definitely ready for sweet, sweet death but you felt like you weren’t falling anymore and

You opened your eyes to see the most beautiful confused face you’ve ever seen???

Your heart did a little backflip in your chest and you’re like

“My hero~” *heart eyes*

Woozi almost dropped you bc he’s anything but

“Who the f*** are you??” he said

“Y/N. And you are?” you asked breathlessly

Now your name sounds familiar to him and he remembered you’re that notorious journalist everyone seem to have a love-hate relationship with

You’re just..blunt and cute

This was like his chance of publicity lol so he was like “Woozi.”

You would have loved to stay and have a little chat with the hero with the clearest eyes you’ve ever seen but he got to go

So that’s how your first encounter went

With you falling into his arms lel

It did take them some time but they eventually managed to save the city

Mostly with the help of Woozi and his robot army

‘well, at least what remained of it’ Woozi thought as he looked at his robots, most only with one of its limbs left attached and barely able to stand

same tbh

People knew this but they were also confused??

Bc wasn’t he the guy to tried to take over the city earlier?? Is he the good guy or the bad guy??

They were pretty baffled but grateful nonetheless

So everyone’s cheering for Woozi and chanting his name and Woozi’s like??? why

Tbh he’s just as confused as you are

“Ok this is not going according to plan.”

And somewhere down on the streets you’re like “YeAH! WOOZI! MA BOI.”

The first person he’s gonna kill after this mess is you for calling him your “boi”

He’s not your “boi”

Anyways, the crowds are chanting and Woozi’s confused

And emerging from the crowd was S.Coups who approached him and was like 

“Dude, you’re pretty cool. Come to the Heroes Conference tomorrow. It’ll be great having you on the team!”

And Jihoon’s never been one to be approached, let alone being invited to something

But despite him not even liking superheroes he couldn’t help the meek “O-Okay” that escaped him

dang it.

HE’S NEW TO THIS SUPERHERO-VILLAIN ORDEAL ALRIGHT? LET HIM LIVE.

And that’s how he finds himself at the Heroes Conference the next morning

So the Heroes Conference is a conference held regularly by the Heroes Association after any sort of event when a super managed to defeat a villain

It’s a way for the Heroes Association and the people appreciate having their city saved

Here, the supposed-hero would receive a token of appreciation, a medal of some sort

And most of the times, new heroes are recruited during these conferences

To say Woozi felt like he’s out of element is an understatement

He couldn’t help but feel like he’s a black sheep there

A supposed-villain surrounded by heroes

Why is he here again?

Well he came bc he thought it’d be weird if someone who everybody thought saved the city doesn't come when a big superhero like S.Coups invited him to get initiated into a team

Unwittingly, he said yes

Yeah, it’s not like he was starstruck or anything

And it’s not like he’s curious, pffffttt what’re you talking about

But he’s been seething inside bc what’s supposed to be his big debut as a super villain was completely ruined by those stupid mutant motherfrickers

His evil daydreams are ruined now 

He was brooding when he heard a familiar voice

“Hey! Woozi!!”

And there you were, approaching him with a sun of a smile and he couldn’t help but feel his breath hitch roll his eyes

“Oh. It’s you.”

“Yeah! It’s me!”

“What do you want?”

You dismissed his tone and was like “Please let me do an interview??”

And he’s like, “Me?? An interview??”

say whaaaaa

Woozi was already in a bad enough mood from being where he doesn’t even want to be

Adding to that fact was you asking him to do an interview was stretching it a little too far

Woozi was so ready to say no

But you’re looking at him with so much admiration?? Nobody has ever looked at him like that?

He couldn’t help but feel his heart melt a little

BUT WAIT HE ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE FEELING LIKE THIS!

HE’S EVIL.

E-VIL.

Woozi wouldn’t admit to himself that he’s weak for you and it’s not even day one lmao

“Fine. Make it quick.”

Seeing the smile that bloomed on your face almost made it worth it

Almost

So that’s how he found himself sitting face to face with you

Honestly, the interview was pretty colorful and entertaining, even to him, with you hosting it

You: “~And BAM your robots just sent that freakin rhino into the gas station and BOOM it exploded!!! And then the monkeys went SWOOSH and then I’m falling!! Right into y o u !!!!”

Honestly he didn't see the point of this interview since you just chronologically explained the whole story but oh well

Woozi had never gotten himself interviewed before but?? wOw aren’t you a handful but he likes it

He didn’t mind, though?? bc all he was thinking throughout the whole interview was you

When the interview finally ended, he almost regretted when he said to make it quick

He couldn’t stop thinking about you that day and they day after that, and the day after that 

So now Woozi has two issues; aside from having a huge f***ing crush on you, now Woozi’s kinda stuck doing the Good Guy stuff

Like, he still doesn’t understand???

How do you do the superhero thing?????

Woozi literally doesn’t know how to superhero

Some days he’ll be on a mission and his teammate suddenly go

“Woozi! The what are you doing?!”

“I’m beating up the bad guys, like you said.”

“...wOOZI THAT’S OUR GUY.”

Whoops

He’s been trying to ask you out for weeks but all of his free time is now spent doing boring good hero stuff

He couldn’t even use his explosives anymore

Trust him when he said he asked

Why did he agree to this again??

But what he didn’t expect was how much he’s been seeing you?

Like, for reals, this town is super heh problematic istg

So Woozi gets to see you a lot irl bc well, you’re a journalist

But you seem to be always at the right place at the wrong time whenever whatever happens and he saved your ass more than he could count

Like, there was the time a super-robbery happened

Yes, super-robbery, bc regular robbery is boring and apparently, aside from being problematic, this town is also very extra when it comes to crimes

And you somehow found yourself as a hostage? Like hOW?

And another time when you got kidnapped for ransom? You were pretty calm about it tho but Woozi’s the one getting grey hair bc of you

But you could say it was also the right time bc Woozi got to swoop in to save your ass multiple times, too

And from all the times he did save you, you just...fell for a little more??

Bc by the end of it, while he nags at you for being so useless and careless and everything in between, you know he cares

What a tsundere

Ok but this is where it gets fun

So Jihoon had a rough night, so he decided to maybe get some fresh air, right?

So he was walking around with his earphones on when wait.. is that?

You were cornered by a group of what seems like drunken men and Jihoon’s like here we go

How do you find yourself in this kind of situation all the time?

“Get away from her, you dick!”

You were a little bit surprised when you heard someone shouting

You weren’re really expecting someone to notice so you were shocked when this guy showed up with the scariest pissed-off look you’ve ever seen

And the drunk guys just sneered bc who is this squirt?

Oh but Jihoon’s familiar with the condescending looks in their eyes

Jihoon had experienced his fair share throughout his high school days alright

So he used everything he’s ever learned from always getting made fun of for his height

He kicked one of the f***ers in the kneecaps, grabbed your hand and ran

You finally stopped when you’re sure you’re safe enough and you couldn’t help but admire this stranger who just saved you

“My hero~”

Do you say that to every single one of your savior? bc Jihoon is getting major flashbacks now

Of course, you felt very very grateful for getting saved so you wanted to treat this cute stranger

“Here, let me treat you to some coffee. I insist.”

And that’s how he found himself sitting across from you in a quaint coffee shop

“Thank you so much for saving me!”

And Jihoon swore under his breath bc there it is again

That smile

“No problem.”

You couldn’t help but think that the guy looked kinda familiar??

“So tell me about yourself!” you said

‘Well, you actually know me but not the real me but I’ve been pinning on you from day one but this is not how I imagined our first date would be like.’ Jihoon wanted to say but he figured he’ll just sound like a creep lol

Wait is this a date? F***

“Uh, I play the guitar???” 

Nice, Jihoon, smooth.

Hey, a supervillain can have a hobby, alright?

And Jihoon didn’t know how it happened but you seemed interested in what he has to say and he ended up having a lot of fun talking to you??

The conversation went for a long time that he didn’t realize it’s been hours since he left headquarters and he’s still got things to do and he’s like crap gtg

And you’re like “Oh! You need to go?? I really enjoyed talking to you.. Maybe we can..meet again??” 

Bruh, you may look super cool and suave outside but you’re literally freaking out inside bc !!! You’re actually asking this cute stranger guy out !!!

And that’s how Lee Jihoon ended up back in the headquarter, everything’s the same except for the number written on the entire length of his right arm in black ink

But then the next morning people were shookth from the obvious series of numbers written on his arm lmaoo

The other peeps on the team was like, “OoOoO are you dAting someone???”

“S.Coups, I know you can’t fly and I will not hesitate to push you off this ledge and make it seem like an accident if you don’t step away this instant.”

*S.Coups backing away slowly*

One of the team members almost prank called you claiming to be Woozi but then he got strangled by Jihoon lmao

You and Jihoon started to hang out more often

One time you guys (you guys as in you and Jihoon, you’re still unaware of his alter ego apparently smh) were talking about your favorite supers and Woozi came up in the conversation

“I don’t know, I just really like him.”

That caught his interest

“Uh, why?”

“Because! He’s so cool, don’t you think??? Saved me couple times, too. What a man.”

Lmao, more like hundreds of times

Woozi couldn’t count how many times he had to save your ass now

“But why do you even like him? He’s not like S.Coups or anything. He’s not..nice.”

You looked at him a little offended bc 

Did he really just say that? In front of your f***ing salad?

“Uhm, excuse me but he cares about other people, Jihoon! Just because someone’s nice doesn’t mean he’s good!”

Jihoon never thought he’d hear someone say something so nice about him?? For once, someone actually cared about him

And it feels...nice

And if he had a huge crush on you then, by now he’s f***ing flipped

“Plus, I’d totally date him.”

Choke

So you guys obviously starting to like each other more and more; him bc of your, uh, refreshing personality and him bc of his blunt nature

What a charming couple, honestly

But he couldn’t work up the nerve to ask you out when he’s not wearing his super-villain, er, hero costume

But he can’t help it now!!!

He needs to do something about this stupid crush!!!

It’s taking over his brain

It’s taking over his life

HE ALMOST DIED ON A MISSION THINKING ABOUT YOU

They really weren’t kidding when they said that love is a disease bc he feels like he gets heart attacks whenever you smile and him and it makes him want to write stupid love songs about you and it’s just ugh

He’s a swimming lovesick fool around you

But Woozi isn’t keen on grand gestures

So one day, he finally swallowed his nerves and went up to you after work  in his super suit 

And you were like,”Woozi!! It’s you!!”

But then he took of his mask in front of you

And “Wait, what? W ho? Jihoon????”

Again, how you’ve ever put the pieces together baffles me smh

“Yeah. It’s me.” He looked like he’s ready to s*** his pants tbh

“Look, I hate your stupid face. I hate that you made me think about you everyday. I can’t even look at a monkey the same way without ending up thinking about you now. I hate that your smile always gives me heart attacks. So let’s just get this over with. Y/N, do you want to go out with me?”

Lmao w hat

Is he...asking you out???

So all this time, Woozi is Jihoon and Jihoon is Woozi?

IT MAKES SENSE NOW

Sigh

So you stood there gaping like a fish

Which kinda reminded him of when his robot short-circuited, cute.

And Woozi’s ready to flee the scene and go home and spend his night eating a tub of ice cream while writing a two-page essay on how you will never ever be together and hide under his covers and–

“Alright, let’s go on a date.”

Well, he be da**ed.

Did you just agree to go out with him??

He feels like he can take over the world now

But maybe later bc now, he has a date to attend to ;)

(But honestly, if he had asked you without the suit and all, you’d still pick him.)

(Because in the end, you fell for Jihoon, not Woozi.)

(But also you’re feeling lucky bc you happen to like both so what a steal.)