#happy anniversary ptn haha

[vanrouchu]

sparkling starlight

Inside an abandoned theatre, you find yourself drowning in a sea of stars guided by a shooting star.

— Hamel x Reader (Gender Neutral)

It was silent. Far too silent for a room that was supposed to be full of music followed by an applause so loud that it's deafening. You were glued to your seat in the empty theater, watching nothingness take its place on the stage. The rundown theater used to be a place filled with life, hopes, and dreams from performers and the audience alike.

Now it was a desolate place devoid of life.

It was a strange sight to anyone else who might see. A single person sitting on a worn out chair in a theater that looked like it's about to break down at any given moment—what kind of person would willingly stay there and stare at an empty stage? Soon, there was a sound of footsteps approaching from behind but you didn't turn your head to look back. The sound of the accessories of their clothes hitting the floor was comforting despite the way your heartbeat quickened ever so slightly.

"What are you doing in such a lonely place?" Her voice was close. Hamel took the seat next to you, placing her hand over yours as her gaze followed yours. For a moment, you wanted to know what came across her mind when she saw the empty stage. You wanted to know if she wanted to dance for the dreams that crumbled into stardust. She was selfless like that—she gave too much and got little in return.

"I was just thinking. This used to be a popular theater where performers would fight to get a chance to perform in… It's strange to see it so empty." You sighed but the way Hamel started caressing the back of your hand with her thumb distracted you as you stumbled over your next words. "I guess– I'm not used to it."

"... Did you come here often?"

"Often might be an understatement. I came here every chance I got."

Hamel blinked curiously, tilting her head to the side. "I wasn't aware you were a big fan of theater performances."

You couldn't help but chuckle. What she said wasn't exactly right but you couldn't deny it either, so you're left with the choice to answer with an explanation. "I wouldn't say I'm a fan of all performances… I only came to see one person."

Hamel hummed, urging you to continue.

"It was the first performance I've ever seen in this very theater. I was enchanted the moment she started dancing." You held your breath, not daring to look at Hamel's expression but you can only assume she figured something out with the way her finger twitched against your hand.

"Ever since that performance, I came to this theater again and again in hopes of seeing her again." You finally let out a heavy sigh, "in the process, I saw a lot more others perform. I thought they were amazing but they weren't what I was looking for."

"Like a shooting star, she appeared briefly in my sky and left me wishing in silence."

That was when Hamel stood up from her seat. She wasn't smiling, but she wasn't frowning either; it was a blank stare followed by a voice filled with expectations. It was as if she was waiting for something—a correct answer to her question.

"Did you manage to meet her again?" She asked.

You couldn't help but stare at her from your seat, trying to search for answers in the familiar pink of her eyes. She let go of your hand and you couldn't help but notice how much colder it's gotten—how lonely it suddenly felt.

"I did. After many years, I finally got the chance to see her in this very theater again." You stood up and took her hands in yours, firmly this time. Her face slowly turned soft, the corner of her lips tugging into a small smile as she pulled her hands away from your grasp just to hold your face. It was warm—your face was warm and you didn't know if it was because of her hands or the heat that crept up your neck.

Her gaze was so gentle; you couldn't deny the love it held.

"Did I keep you waiting?"

"... I don't mind." You turned your head, placing a kiss on the palm of her hand. "I would have kept chasing after you."

"You don't have to anymore. You caught this shooting star among countless others. I hope the brilliance that captivated you does not disappear."

"Even now, you're shining so brightly in such a rundown place."

"... It's because I'm with you." It felt warmer. "Won't you dance with me on this stage?"

She asked but she was already dragging you to the stage without waiting for an answer. The floorboards were old and creaked with every step you and Hamel took but it hardly mattered in that moment.

Stuck in your own little world, she brought the stars with her and decorated the stage with its brilliance one last time as a reprise of the dance that enchanted you many years ago.

[dulcesiabits]

2023 poll results

Thank you for everyone who participated in my poll for 2023, and indulging my love for compiling statistics! I appreciate every answer and comment I received, and I want to wish everyone a happy new year! Without further ado, let me present the results of survey!

What would you prefer for an anniversary celebration?

drabble requests: 64.6%

love letters: 10.4%

character interactions: 10.4%

fic giveaway: 8.3%

(Drabble requests always win these polls by a landslide! I wonder if I should stop asking this question and just implement yearly drabble requests... Or let a runner-up idea win for once, haha!)

How long have you been following me?

four years: 2.1%

four to three years: 6.3%

three to two years: 8.3%

two years to a year: 25%

a year to six months: 25%

six months or less: 22.9%

(A majority of people tend to be more "recent" followers, which I find interesting! I appreciate everyone who's followed me, though <3)

How did you find my blog?

ao3: 4.2%

recommended to follow by tumblr: 12.5%

recommended by a different blog: 4.2%

searching the tumblr tags for a particular character: 43.8%

searching the tumblr tags casually: 27.1%

the for you page: 2.1%

(Lat year, almost no one came from ao3, so I'm pleasantly surprised it's wormed its way up the list! It makes sense that the tumblr tags are where a majority of people bump into my blog.)

Which of the following fandoms (selected from my masterlist) do you like reading fics about? (choose as many as you want!)

blue lock: 31.3%

fire emblem: 12.5%

genshin impact: 68.8%

honkai star rail: 39.6%

path to nowhere: 18.8%

twisted wonderland: 75%

your turn to die: 14.6%

dating sims: 37.5%

persona 5: 2.1%

(genshin and twisted wonderland are by far the most popular fandoms on this list! I don't think I've written for twst in a while, so I'm pleasantly surprised that it's number one on this list! And congrats to persona 5 for finding a spot!)

Which characters do you like reading about? (they don't necessarily have to be your favorite!)

(number of times people mentioned this specific character)

lyney: 4 mentions

ruggie: 4 mentions

nagi: 5 mentions

any twst character: 5

scaramouche: 6

any character: 6

(number of times people mentioned characters from these fandoms)

twst: 17

genshin: 10

bllk: 9

ptn: 2

(I'm shocked twst was the most-mentioned fandom, to be honest! I didn't realize it was quite so popular. Scaramouche is the character most specifically mentioned by name, which I find interesting. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised Nagi, Ruggie and Lyney are mentioned so much because they're my favorite characters, haha, and I tend to talk about them a lot, and attract fans of these characters!)

What's your favorite piece of writing from me? (You can put list down general categories such as twst fics, or more specific titles, like Chrysopoeia).

(number of times people mentioned this specific fic)

twst fics: 8

villains lover: 6

iillusory moon: 4

piggy bank: 3

bllk fics: 3

(number of times people mentioned characters from these fandoms)

twst: 16

genshin: 9

bllk: 5

ptn: 2

hsr: 2

(once again, twst takes the polls by storm! It is by far the most popular category in this poll, and people tend to mention specific twst fics they liked more than fics from any other fandoms.)

Links to previous polls

(2022 poll results)

(2021 poll results)

[nurfitriaazimah-blog]

Everything Has Changed

3 Februari 2017

Sendirian di rumah, suami lagi pergi sebentar. Karena lagi bedrest nggak boleh banyak gerak, naik-turun tangga, jadi memutuskan untuk duduk diem aja dulu di bawah sembari nunggu suami balik. Nothing to do, so, buka laptop dan surfing. Tiba-tiba iseng buka tumblr dan lawaaaaas! Malu baca semua postingan. Langsung beberesan. Tahan hapus satu-satu, dan pas udah mau kelar baru nengok ke kiri ada fitur yang bisa buat hapusin rombongan. Hm.

I’m not an smartphone or internet addicted semenjak menikah. Karena apa, banyak hal yang jauh lebih menyenangkan dibanding harus mantengin layar, scrolling, comment haha hihi, stalkingin artis dan lain sebagainya. I’m so much happy real-life people. Dari pagi sampe malem mungkin total pemakaian gadget cuma sekitar 1 atau 2 jam. Lebihnya saya pakai untuk interaksi sama suami, telponan sama keluarga, masak, cuddling (yang tentunya halal), dan nyetrika sembari nonton FOX hehehe

Everything has changed. I’m 25th years old now, married, and on the way to have a baby Insya Allah (8 weeks pregnant). Sudah ibu-ibu. Jadi baca postingan 5 tahunan lalu, sedih. Menengok jauh kesana, jaman dibutakan oleh banyak hal nggak penting, maunya keliatan keren, indie, semi vintage, sometimes metal (absurd kan?), maunya diliat sebagai pasangan romantis (pada saat itu masih pacaran nggak jelas - well, salah satu bentuk dosa yang dibanggakan). Dan lagi, media sosial nggak lebih kegunaannya cuma untuk caper, baper, nyinyir dan lain sebagainya. Seiring berjalannya waktu, saya semakin paham bahwa hidup nggak cethek, nggak sekedar ngejar keren aja, nggak sekedar nyari penilaian orang lain, nggak sekedar pencapaian yang pada ujung-ujungnya butuh pengakuan dari orang lain juga. Bukan cuma itu. Dibaca dari feed saya 5 tahunan lalu, life goals saya kurang lebih : next life mau punya pekerjaan mapan, di agency khususnya. Punya konsep pernikahan yang edgy, punya suami yang rock and roll, tinggal di luar negri, punya anak yang keren diajarin skateboard + dibikin gondrong + pake kaos tengkorak dan happily ever after! *hening* sedih ternyata dulu sempet punya ambisi seperti itu. Tapi memang semuanya berproses. Butuh waktu. Lama. Jangan harap sebentar. Dan bukan tanpa cobaan. Dari yang cuma sentilan hingga yang super dahsyat.

Mari kita flashback…

April 2013

Saya menyelesaikan studi D3 jurusan DKV dengan tepat waktu di tahun 2012. Dan wisuda di tahun berikutnya pada bulan April. Setelah itu galau akademik karena orang tua nuntut untuk lanjut ke jenjang S1 yang dengan sistem ekstensi dengan jurusan yang linier supaya nggak terlalu lama lulusnya. Sembari cari universitas, saya nyambi kerja dan freelance desain.

Oktober 2013

Disini saya memutuskan mengenakan jilbab. Alasannya? Karena merasa hidup yang saya rasakan saat itu begitu sulit. Salah satunya sulit cari tempat lanjutan kuliah, sulit mencari pekerjaan yang layak menurut versi saya, sedangkan ngerasa umur produktif terus berkurang. Dulu, entahlah saya paling takut untuk memikirkan kelanjutan masa depan saya sementara waktu saya terus-terusan terbuang. Karena merasa apa yang saya inginkan sangat sulit untuk diraih, saya mencoba merenungi kembali, dan dari situlah terbesit apakah saya pantas meminta dan menuntut untuk semuanya dapat dipenuhi oleh Allah, padahal telah lalai dengan apa yang Ia wajibkan? Songong amat gue? Akhirnya ber-jilbab-lah saya. Namun pada saat itu, jilbab yang saya kenakan masih jauh dari kata layak (abal-abal). Lengan baju masih digulung bahkan ada yang cuma sampai siku, masih pake kaos band, celana masih ketat, nggak peduli pantat kemana-mana, jilbab juga seadanya menutupi dada. Dan pada saat itu saya sudah merasa “itu cukup”.

Photo : Alay? iya. Gagal gaul? Iya. Caper? Iya. Coding? Iya. Combo!

Desember 2013

Saya mengikuti test di salah satu PTN di Solo dengan jurusan Ilmu Komunikasi (FISIP). Malam setelah test bertepatan dengan keluarnya hasil biopsi ibu saya yang ternyata positif mengidap sakit tumor Thymoma Mediastinum. Saat itu saya bermalam di Solo di rumah kerabat dan hanya tau kabar Ibu melalui telepon. Sedih? Jangan ditanya.

Awal 2014

Saya diterima di PTN tersebut dan memulai matrikulasi di bulan Februari. Sementara itu, sakit ibu saya, yang katanya tumor jinak, dapat sembuh dengan 3x kemoterapi. Tapi kenyataanya, ibu saya harus merasakan 9x kemoterapi dan 33x sesi radioterapi ditambah lagi ikhtiar kami yang membawa ibu ke pengobatan alternatif lain (mengenai detail perjuangan untuk kesembuhan ibu mungkin akan saya tulis dalam satu thread khusus).

Agustus 2014

Saya full time mendampingi ibu untuk menjalani serangkaian pengobatan (pada saat itu radioterapi). Karena kebetulan juga saya sedang libur semester. Pada April hingga Juni saya sempat bekerja di salah satu korporat air minum di Klaten (kuliah saya sore & malam hari, jam kerja tetap 8 jam sehingga harus masuk pada jam 6 pagi hingga jam 2 siang agar jam 3 sore saya dapat tiba di kampus untuk mengikuti perkuliahan). Jarak Solo - Klaten adalah 1 jam. Pada bulan Juni resign karena ibu nggak ada yang mendampingi. Bapak saya kerja di luar kota, adik saya 4. Yang pertama sedang menjalani KKN pada saat itu, yang kedua masih kelas 3 SMP, ketiga kelas 6 SD, dan yang terakhir kelas 4 SD. Jadi pada saat itu, yang memungkinkan untuk mendampingi ibu adalah saya. Pada moment inilah saya menjadi begitu intim dengan ibu. Lebih tau apa yang beliau dan yang saya butuhkan, juga lebih leluasa untuk berbincang dalam berbagai hal antara lain - saya disadarkan bahwa saya sudah cukup dewasa (23 tahun pada saat itu) sudah nggak seharusnya masih terlena dan main-main. Perlu juga untuk memikirkan rangkai kehidupan selanjutnya baik dalam karir maupun hubungan. Pada saat itu, saya sedang menjalani hubungan pacaran yang telah berlangsung cukup lama (5 tahun) dengan tanpa tujuan yang jelas. Dalam arti, dengan tidak adanya kelanjutan yang serius. Pacaran yang gitu-gitu aja. Dia nggak balas chat, kita galau nggak jelas. Dia nggak inget anniversary, kita marah. Dia nge like foto cewe lain, kita jealous. Dan berbagai printilan nggak penting lainnya. Semuanya tanpa benefit. Sama sekali. Dan ya, saya jalani itu selama 5 tahun. Setelah itu kami sepakat berpisah baik-baik sama sekali tanpa dendam prahara yang membara. Fix jomblo, tapi lega. Mungkin banyak yang merasakan hal yang sama dengan saya, bahwa (menurut saya) pada dasarnya pacaran itu tidak lebih dari buang uang untuk makan, nonton, pulsa, baju couple, hadiah valentine/ulang tahun/anniversary/monthversary/weekversary dan juga buang waktu untuk nangisin yang nggak jelas, cemburu nggak jelas, stalking nggak jelas dan serba nggak jelas! Yang sepaham, tos! Yang kontra, silahkeun, mohon maaf ini subjektif menurut pangalaman hidup saya sendiri. Yang pacaran tapi akhirnya menikah, selamat! Buang-buang uang tersebut jadi nggak sia-sia :) Bagi yang masih pacaran dan ngerasa enak-enak aja, yaudah nggak usah sewot, monggo silahkan nanti rasain pas akhirnya nikah bukan sama yang dipacarin :p

To be continued…