#hard to explain. i think i'm afraid i suddenly won't enjoy it or smth. and i haven't wanted to ruin the few good things i have lmao
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got a brand new weighted blanket today so i'm taking it for a test drive rn to soothe my anxiety as i finally crack my laptop open for the first time since sunday
#for some reason i've been. afraid. to try writing anything while i'm in this... weird state.#i've been afraid to do a lot of my usual things??#hard to explain. i think i'm afraid i suddenly won't enjoy it or smth. and i haven't wanted to ruin the few good things i have lmao#god but this whole week has been fucking weird as hell dude idk how to explain any of how i've been feeling#other than like. you know how when ur sick and things don't feel normal? but it's okay bc u know it'll only be a few days#before ur feeing better & things are back to where they usually are?#it's been like that except there's been no reassurance of 'i'll feel better & back to normal in a few days'#just this dread of things perpetually feeling Off and Not Right with no end date in sight#......fortunately things have slowly been getting less terrible. it kinda comes & goes in waves now#ANYWAY sorry to keep ooc posting... typing it out really does just help me process & get some of it off my chest lmao#gonna. try to eat some lunch quick & then hopefully see about poking those text prompts ♡#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.#personal cw
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