#have a somewhat high fever and an immediate family member is in the hospital again

[cornsnoot]

DEVASTATING. this little freak had to get out of bed

[thefinalcinderella]

Tsurune Book 2 Chapter 6-Door (Part 2)

It’s the Inter-High finals! Who will win, who will lose? Read on to find out! Also some really weird shit happens and by that point I was just like “...yeah okay”

This part took forever, but I hope it isn’t so tedious to read

Glossary here

Full list of translations here

Translation Notes

1. Heki-ryu Insai-ha is one of the styles still active today

2. Sakae Urakami was a 10-dan hanshi rank archer who was very well known in the kyudo world. He shot in the Heki-ryu Insai-ha style

3. Mato-tsuki means pointing the arrow at the target and teki-wari literally means dividing the target, which means turning the bow with the arm outstretched apparently. I could only find one English source for this the rest was in German hahahahahaha

4. Meigen is the ceremonial plucking of the bowstring. It is primarily done for the Imperial family. It’s believed that the tsurune helps drive away evil spirits

5. Fudou Myouou or Acala is a Buddhist deity who is a Wisdom King. He usually looks angry, carries a sword in the right hand, and has flames at his back

6. This isn’t the first time I came across wabi-sabi, and you’ve probably heard of the term before, but it’s a “world view centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection

7. The “Bow Saint” is a title given to Awa-hanshi

Previous | Afterword

At the moment one step foot in that place, one was invited into another world.

A tsurune, a matooto that pierced through the chest.

The shouts of "Alright!"

Bows and arrows came into this world as tools to sever the lives of others, but archers used them to sever their own lives.

And then, be born again.

Minato slept like a log after he returned from the hospital, and the next morning, his fever had completely receded. Even though there was still some pain left, his body felt lighter than he expected.

The fourth day of Inter-High, the last day.

The venue was wrapped in a tingling atmosphere. The number of spectators was also the most on this day out of all the days. There were many famous schools that had won, and their bow covers and bags with their schools’ name on them let their tradition and self-confidence peek through.

Next to Seiya, who was stretching, Ryouhei and Nanao were having the mysterious conversation of "Did you gooshura last night?” “Of course I did.” It was somewhat comforting. Here was the same scenery as when they were at Kazemai High School.

Kaito, with a sullen look, suddenly struck Minato’s back.

“Ow!”

“Yesterday you seemed to be gasping for breath, but since you’re able to cry out that loudly, you’re fine.”

“Your way of making seems a bit rough, Onogi.”

“Whatever. Right, we going soon?”

Prompted by Kaito, the five bumped their yugake-covered right fists.

Their opponent in the quarterfinals was the winning school the year before last. Kazemai won with seventeen hits against fifteen.

After the deciding matches for fifth to eighth place were finished, the semi-finals began. They won and advanced, but it was hard to listen to the sobbing from the people crouching behind the venue or from the washroom stalls. This was the path that they had taken, and for this tournament as well, there was the bitterness everyone except for the winning school tasted equally. The insides of their mouths felt coarse and rough.

Kazemai’s opponent in the semi-finals was Tsujimine High School.

In the hallway before the waiting rooms, Nikaidou had an amiable smile on his face. His large eyes were so full of vigor and spirit that one wondered if his panicked self from yesterday was an illusion.

He approached Minato, who was swinging his white headband.

"Why, if it isn’t Minato-chan. We were both miserable yesterday, weren’t we?”

"No, it was a good experience for me.”

"Heh…what a mature way to handle it.”

Behind Nikaidou, Fuwa was standing at a distance. He did not like to get friendly with others, so this sense of distance felt comfortable to him.

In the extreme cases of Ootaguro, Higuchi and Aragaki, they did not belong to any group from the start, because they had the air of people marching to the beats of their own drums. They were neither ashamed nor proud to be minorities—they had a natural attitude towards it. They wouldn’t feel insecure or worried even if they weren’t connected to large number of people.    

Minato fixed his gaze on Nikaidou.

“Nikaidou-senpai. I’ve been recalling a lot of Saionji-sensei’s words since then. Because of that, I am convinced of this. Even if Saionji-sensei opened his door wider, your uncle would never be his disciple.”

"I’m shocked. Minato-chan, the always good boy, is provoking me? Do you feel like doing whatever it takes for the sake of winning? You sure have grown, Senpai is so proud of you.”

“Your uncle shoots in the shamen uchiokoshi style of the Heki-ryuu Insai-ha, correct? (1) Also, taking the ‘sanbun no ni’ is from the Urakami school, isn’t it? (2) Saionji-sensei talked about it. He said that since nowadays most people did shoumen uchiokoshi, he didn’t want the number of shamen archers to decrease. He also said that since he could only teach shoumen uchiokoshi, if we ever wanted to try shooting in shamen style in the future, that we shouldn’t hesitate to seek other teachers.”

“What?”

"I think Saionji-sensei knew the difference between who each archer wanted to be, and where they are aiming for. He wasn’t amazing because he hit a hundred targets. Hitting a hundred targets doesn’t have that much meaning, but the figure of someone shooting a bow is cool.”

"Heh…Thank you so very much for your valuable opinion. You must have an awful lot of free time to think about things like that the day before the competition.”

“I loved seeing you shoot, Nikaidou-senpai. The Heki-ryuu taihai you showed us several times: mato-tsuki, teki-wari and the yudaoshi towards the front of target—it was all truly cool. Yeah, you really love kyudo, Senpai.” (3)

“…I’m doing kyudo out of a force of habit. It’s just that since I’m doing it, I don’t wanna lose, and when I need to, I can use it for university referrals. It’s only insurance for broadening my future course.”

"Even so, I looked up to you when you were holding a bow. Those kinds of sharp movements could only be done by someone who trained a lot, and even now, you don’t seem like you’re doing kyudo out of a force of habit at all.”

"Hah…you two really are alike. Just as I thought."

"Huh? What do you mean ‘alike’?”

“You and your master.”

A corner of Nikaidou’s mouth lifted, and he left while fluttering his hand at him.

At the convocation call, they went on towards the third waiting room and passed through the door.

In the space enclosed by white cloth, there were also five to six staff members in addition to the competitors and managers from the two schools. Minato’s team placed their bows and arrows in the designated place and sat down in their seats with Tommy-sensei, their manager, at the end. To verify the identities of the competitors and manager, they underwent inspection of their equipment and numbers, as well as their attire, hands, and other body inspections. The staff told them that even if they lost, the deciding matches for third and fourth places would begin immediately, so they would need to come back there again.

Tommy-sensei collected the ID cards hanging from their necks, and took with him a small basket containing things like reserve arrows stuck in palm-sized, three sun (9.1cm) targets and spare bowstring reels, then they moved to the second waiting room. The competitors put down their bows and arrows again and sat down.

They would be entering the shajo once they left there. Tsujimine’s Ootaguro was cramming his left hand into a flat can filled with fudeko powder, and next to him, Seiya was doing things like rotating his shoulders.

At the signal, the ten competitors took their bows and arrows in hand and lined up in one single line.

When they entered the kyudojo, Tsujimine and Kazemai entered the first and second shajo respectively and sat down—it was finally time.

“Rise, begin!”

They did their yuu bows simultaneously, advanced to the shooting line and nocked their arrows.

First to shoot was Tsujimine’s oomae, Nikaidou.

A yugamae done in the shamen style involved making the tenouchi small to make it look like red leaves piling up, and pushing open the bow diagonally to the left at a third of one’s yazuka. Keeping that form, one raised their bow, and then at hikiwake, the right hand passed over the ear, and the arrow stops at a height that is almost level with it, which is the “sanbun no ni” position. After doing kakehodoki—making a grinding noise with the yugake at kai—he flicked his thumb, and the sharp flight of his arrow invited a matooto.

Next was the second archer, Fuwa.

His hoozuke was slightly higher than those for shoumen uchiokoshi, and his arrow was placed in between his cheekbone and the corner of his mouth (kuchiwari). He continued to stretch his arms as though they were holding the ends of a piece of string and he was extending it evenly to the left and right. He waited for the "yagoro"—the moment that led to the perfect opportunity for hanare. He also hit the target.

The third archer, Ootaguro, was very conspicuous due to his bamboo bow that was unusual for a student, the huge size of that bow, and not to mention his massive and bulky body. His amber bow bended so much that it seemed to engulf other people, and his arrow pierced the target with such a force that it made the azuchi cave in.

Conversely, the fourth archer, Higuchi, slowly lifted his bow. He drew his bow so gently that it verged on being too careful, and even if one thought that he finally reached kai, he took a considerable amount of time to release his arrow. After the spectators, wondering what was going to happen, were kept in suspense, finally at last, his arrow drew a parabola and fell to the target.

The ochi was Aragaki the maskman. Of course, he took off his mask in the shajo. Since he was narcissistic about his profile, he was extremely particular about the angle of his face. He fixed his gaze on the target to ascertain it, as though his name was being called from the target. He did not blink even once since he started uchiokoshi. He performed nobiai at kai as though to thoroughly worship his own profile.

The five got a kaichuu, and there was applause from the stands.

Kazemai did not succumb to them.

Elderly people, even if they were great archers, could never imitate the lively and youthful shooting they performed one after the other. They captured their targets in succession, and heated shouts of “Alright!” flew from the stands. The frog fans were shaking faintly.

In the second round of shooting as well, neither school missed.

Aggressive Kaito, cheerful Ryouhei, intelligent Seiya, sparkling Nanao, and cool and clear Minato――.

They increased the freshness of the colours each of them possessed, and painted a picture rich with those five colours.

Suppose that the settings book for the story called life had been written in one’s genes before one was born. Inevitable large events were prepared at each important point. However, it was up to the person themselves to write a heavy and dark story or a fun and bright story. Even if the plot was the same, it would become something else depending on the episodes one chose, and even for the same episode, just changing its arrangement would change the implications and meaning of it. There were endless ways to write, and each person had their own impressions and feelings.

Just as everyone’s faces and voices were different, no one had the exact same shooting form. No one could always shoot with the exact same form. Humans were creatures who kept on changing moment by moment. What one ate became flesh and blood, the information that entered from the eyes and ears was processed and stored by the brain, and skin cells were reborn in two weeks. One’s faces yesterday and today were similar but different. Even if one came to a stop, hung one’s head, bent over, crouched down, or shed tears of blood, a wind would still blow somewhere.

A new wind blew.

Supple limbs danced.

The color of evergreen.

Let’s etch these moments that would never fade into our memories.

The third shooting round. Seiya missed.

In the fourth shooting round, Nanao also missed, and Kazemai had the result of four, four, three, three, and four for a total of eighteen hits.

For Tsujimine as well, Fuwa and Aragaki both missed one shot each, and the results of four, three, four, four, and three—a tie.

For the tiebreaking match, each archer would shoot one arrow, and the school with the most hits won. Each person received a spare arrow from their manager, who acted as the kaizoe and sat in a reserved chair, and steadied their breathing. Even though it was just one arrow, it felt heavier than the four arrows they always had, and it was slippery in their hands from all the sweat.

“Begin!”

After finishing yugamae, both schools’ oomae raised their bows grandly. Both were marked with circles.

The second archers hit. The third archers hit.

And then, the fourth archer. The ochimae.

Tsujimine’s Higuchi missed, and Kazemai’s Nanao hit.

In the stands, the spectating Hanazawa, Shiragiku, and Seo shouted while holding each other’s hands.

The last was the ochi.

As Aragaki’s matooto sounded, Minato was inserting himself into the centre of his bow. He performed nobiai in all directions, and waited for the moment of release. After he let go of his arrow, a circle was displayed on the scoreboard.

In the midst of the applause, they exited the shajo, and Minato’s team clapped each other on their shoulders. Ryouhei carried Nanao on his shoulder and they were shouting joyfully as though the championships were already decided for them.

Kaito, overcame with emotion, covered his mouth with his hand.

“…Did we just break through the semifinals?”

Seiya answered him.

“Yeah. We defeated Tsujimine.”

“Crap, my stomach kinda hurts.”

“Again?”

While Kazemai was shouting for joy, the competitors from Tsujimine were silent. They walked as though they were heading towards the practice venue.

Nikaidou and Fuwa looked at their two senpai.

“Higuchi-senpai, Aragaki-senpai. We should hurry on back to the waiting room.”

“I’m sorry for missing…”

“It’s fine, Higuchi-senpai. That’s just how kyudo is.”

Aragaki also nodded deeply.

Nikaidou turned his back on Minato’s team and started walking. His eyes were tinged with a quiet heat.

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

So frustrated, so frustrated, so frustrated, so frustrated…

I will not be finished. This isn’t over――.

Fuwa laughed scornfully.

“It still ain’t over yet. Let’s go take third place. Then, after the closing ceremony, we’ll have a strategy meeting. When we win third, I’ll turn the information I learned into a souvenir, we’ll snatch permission to use the gym, and then we’ll reassemble a practice regimen for next year’s Inter-High.”

“…You serious?”

“If you don’t wanna, then I don’t really care.”

“…You’re still a crafty bastard, as ever.”

“Aren’t you the same?”

Nikaidou gave Fuwa a good punch in the stomach.

Tsujimine High School won third place.

The finals match.

The school that lasted to the end was, as expected, Kirisaki High School. It was a match between schools in the same prefecture.

The five Kirisaki team members were face-to-face, and Motomura gave them his final words.

“Let’s make this our greatest stage. There is nothing that can frighten us. Let’s show everyone the shooting of the powerhouse, Kirisaki!”

Shuu and the others got goosebumps at strong and confident Motomura’s words. No, they were trembling with the excitement of warriors. It felt like a burning in the pits of their stomachs. An impulse only understood by archers were in love with the bow, who were at the mercy of the bow.

Bargaining with the target.

One must not let it know that you wanted to shoot through its heart.

The five light bumped their yugake-right fists together.

Meanwhile, Kazemai was also gathered around Tommy-sensei. Masa-san spoke.

“Forget everything I’ve said up to now. You should shoot as you want, as though this is the first time that you are holding a bow.”

Tommy-sensei spoke after him.

“I feel the same way as Takigawa-san. All of you are plenty cool as you are. The best archers. This is today’s final mission. Now, let’s go.”

“Yes!”

Tommy-sensei put out his hand, and Kaito, Ryouhei, Seiya, Nanao, Minato, and Masa-san placed their hands over it.

After they entered the second waiting room, the two schools sat next to each other.

Kirisaki High School—Motomura, Senichi, Manji, Sase, Shuu.

Kazemai High School—Kaito, Ryouhei, Seiya, Nanao, Minato.

There had never been a scene that was so tense. The prefectural finals felt like it had happened a long, long time ago.

Shuu was on Minato’s left side. Even at this tournament, he got a continuous kaichuu and accomplished a monster-like act, but didn’t that put more pressure on him instead? You couldn’t keep on hitting forever. No matter how masterful an archer was, the moment when they missed would inevitably come.

However, Shuu was indifferent to Minato’s worries; he seemed happy. When he met Minato’s eyes, he smiled gently. It was like the time when they played with Souta at Saionji-sensei’s house, like even now he was planning a trick. Seeing him like that, Minato unintentionally guarded his left flank. He was far from his persona of being the “Young Prince Shuu” who many archers knew him as. He was just like a child.

Where did that calmness come from? He said that he would embody “one shot and expire,” but Minato didn’t even know what that meant.

What he did know was that his heart was pounding, and that he was excited.

The joy from being able to shoot on the same stage as Shuu.

At the signal, they stood up, and Kazemai and Kirisaki faced each other and bowed, saying, “We look forward to competing against you.”

It was the start of nyuujou. The five sat down simultaneously in the chairs of the first waiting room in front of honza. Tommy-sensei also sat down behind the competitors. The arena was different from the kyudojo they had always shot in, and even the smallest sound was picked up. It felt like everyone could even hear the sound that persisted in Minato’s chest.

His exposed heart.

The immovable target.

At the order to “begin,” the two schools went towards the shooting line, their yellow-green and purple headbands swaying above their shoulders. Masa-san, holding his breath as he watched over the group with the same-color headbands, was also at the very end of the shajo.

The oomaes began to raise their bows.

Motomura had the face of a young family head, and his true form was that of an extraordinary exorcist. When admonished by his gentle face, one would forget suspicious things and uncanniness. There were “sounds” and “words” that made people uncomfortable and those that soothed them, and seeing miracles on the bow since ancient times was because of the beauty of its form and shape. Before true beauty, people lost their wickedness, and a beautiful tsurune possessed the wavelength to heal people.

Meigen—the sound of joy. (4)

A sound that reset everything, returning them back to zero.

Kaito did not hide the heat that slept within him, and suppressed the demon with his look of anger. Like Fudou Myouou (5), he held a sword in his hands and carried flames on his back, waiting for sprouts of new life in a burnt field.

The second archers after them were Senichi and Ryouhei.

For both of them, their ideal archer was Shuu. His shooting that surpassed those of the same generation as him always captivated those who saw it. They groped for how close they could get to him, how it could superimposed over them, and how to recreate it. It was fascinating how even if they copied him, it wouldn’t be exactly the same as the original, but another way of shooting was born, mixed with their own colors.  Senichi was delicate, and Ryouhei was bold and heroic. They both hit their targets.

The third archers were Senichi’s younger brother Manji and Seiya. They painted layers of muddy paint and hid their own inborn colors.

Manji had sealed up his fast shooting and kept on practicing to shoot carefully and without rushing in order to not have hayake. Just like how Senichi chased after Shuu, Manji chased after Senichi. The two of them absolutely couldn’t stand was being left behind or surpassed. A circle was shown on the scoreboard.

Rather than imitating someone, Seiya pictured his ideal image of what he wanted to do in his head and simulated it. He repeated that until he tricked his brain into believing that was truer, so even he himself completely forgot who he was originally, but from Kaito’s point of view, he didn’t seem to be able to change completely. His intricately calculated hanare induced a matooto.

Sase was an idol lover, and he himself had the talent of an idol. Like a refreshing and easygoing sportsman, he was not bashful at all, and was always in the center of a circle of strangers. He started talking to Motomura, who was brimming with wabi-sabi (6) even when he was young, not because he worried that he felt out of place in class, but because he wanted to talk to him and so he did. He also started doing kyudo because he wanted to try doing it. That was all it was.

Nanao was actually quite straightforward. He knew very well that his popularity with girls would make him the enemy of some boys, and that was exactly why he spread love. He couldn’t keep his overflowing feelings in his chest. I smile because you smile. I’m happy when you’re happy. Your angry faces, your troubled faces, I want to see lots of you.

After he snatched a magnificent hit, the yellow-green frogs in the stands swayed.

The ochi were Shuu and Minato.

When Shuu raised his bow, the world changed completely. One got lost in a shining golden land. Before that divine and beautiful archer, everything that had life stopped breathing. The fire he released from the depths of his body created an updraft, which started up and quickened. He slowly raised his two wings and spread his white feathers.

Sound was what fell.

A sound that stole away people’s memories.

When the watchers recovered their senses, the area was engulfed in the echoes from shouts of "Alright!" It gently rained with the sound that made their skin tremble and scorched their chests.

At the same moment, Minato raised his bow up high. He held his bow at kyuuha, with a strength like he was playing with it—not too strongly, not too weakly. The beautiful tsurune he heard when he was young. When that sound rang, Minato’s world changed. On the other side of the rain that fell beside him, a rainbow from thick clouds spread.

Even if he tried to not recall what was taught to him, his body remembered it all perfectly. The disciple inherited the master’s colors. Kazemai had Kazemai’s colors, and Kirisaki had Kirisaki’s colors. Even from among the many archers, when told, "You are from Kazemai High School Kyudo Club, aren’t you," he could continue hitting.

In the silence that made one even hesitate to move, the shouts of "Alright" bounced off the surrounding walls, continually going back and forth.

From right to left.

From left to right.

Thud, thud.

The sound, similar to fireworks, echoed.

The instrumental trio of tsurune, matooto, and shouts.

In the second shooting round also, tsurune were played in succession. It was all hits. Two five-person kaichuu were carried out, and there was applause.

When they entered the third shooting round, A bead of sweat ran down Minato’s cheek. His hearing wasn’t working normally, as the way he heard things was somewhat strange. A sensation of having dozed off, like he was being talked to in his head, like he was talking to someone in his dreams. Where was he right now? What was he doing? Even the act of drawing his bow felt like he was doing it in a dream-like state and lacked a sense of reality.

In the stands, Hanazawa, Shiragiku, and Seo whispered to each other.

"They are so good it’s kinda scary…"

"I agree. I feel chills, even though it is the middle of summer."

"――This is divine possession."

Seo’s words made their surroundings more and more frozen.

In the fourth—final—shooting round, the oomae Kaito missed. At someone’s sigh, the tension in the shajo was broken for a moment. Perhaps overwhelmed by the change in the flow of that wind, the arrow the second archer Senichi released also pierced the azuchi. Since it was an indoor azuchi that didn’t use soil, a tap sound, similar to a matooto, resounded.

With that, both schools had one miss――. Once more, it became a one-on-one battle between the two ochi.

The spectator’s gazes were fixed on Shuu and Minato.

When Minato raised his bow, Shuu also raised his to follow him. They parted their bows grandly and inserted their bodies into the middle of them. They slowly released their breaths from their filled and content dantian. Upon doing that, the target itself approached the archer and assimilated into him.

The target is me, and I am the target. The great I, whose boundaries as an individual had blurred, will draw my bow.

They extended in all directions and formed crosses.

Nikaidou had asked Minato, "For what reason do you shoot a bow?", but that question didn’t make sense to him. He didn’t draw the bow to win or to train his body; he faced the target to breathe. Breathing was the proof of living. Therefore, on the days when he wasn’t holding a bow, he felt like he was dead.

It wasn’t "correct shooting makes for true hitting," but "correct questions make for correct answers." A good answer was born from a good question. If one were to ask Minato a question, it should not be "for what reason," but "How do you shoot a bow?" He embodied the answer to that question every single day.

Minato and Shuu were no longer thinking anything.

They didn’t hear anything.

They returned to the time when they met, losing themselves in drawing their bows.

For honing one’s body and entering a state of absolute concentration, it was annoying and hindering to have words inside one’s head. Thinking interfered with physical activity. Therefore, deep breathing was what helped empty one’s head. Along with breath, one would make "thought" get out of one’s body.

The one who shaded the event of an arrow hitting a target with good or bad, or emotions, was the "self," and the opposite of hayake and Yips was the state of "selflessness", or the zone. Being unconscious, in a sense, was like being someone who had expired. Dead people had no consciousness, and babies played innocently and without thought. Words did not intervene there.

――One shot and expire.

The archer dying at kai and being born again at hanare was the greatest shooting technique in the ultimate secret techniques left behind by the one who was called the Bow Saint. (7) The two were making use of that technique—Shuu intentionally, Minato unintentionally.

They cried their yagoe in their hearts.

Fly, yagoe.

Clear your path.

Run, yagoe.

Today’s a day of beginnings.

The two arrows were sucked into the bull’s-eye.

Amidst thunderous applause, the bell signalling seven-and-a-half minutes sounded. Minato and Shuu turned to face their targets and moved backed towards honza, and then sat down in their chairs.

Nineteen hits to nineteen hits. It was a tie.

The two schools’ managers handed their archers one backup arrow each. Each team shot a total of five shots, and if it couldn’t be decided in one set, then they would repeat the process. It was like an izume match for group competitions.

"Rise, begin!"

The Kazemai and Kirisaki archers nocked their arrows. With a single arrow, victory or defeat was decided. An arrow that was too heavy.

My chest hurts. My chest hurts. My center of my head feels hazy, and my fingertips are getting really numb. The insides of my ears sting. To get away from this choking feeling, I’ll breathe slowly, slowly.

The first shooting round. Both schools got hits.

Next was the second round.

Ryouhei’s arrow landed to the right of the target. Sighs overlapped with shouts of "Alright" from the stands.

Third round, hits.

Fourth round, hits.

And finally, the fifth round.

Minato and Shuu made beautiful tsurune ――.

After they exited the shajo, Kazemai and Kirisaki bowed to each other. Kaito and Motomura, feeling just like Ryouhei and Senichi, mutually smashed their yugake together. Minato and Shuu also bumped the backs of their yugake.

When they passed through the exit, the press gathered to interview the winning school. Minato and the others passed by them. On the return path, there was the staff room partitioned off with white cloth, and large windows on the left side. It was dazzlingly bright outside the windows, the trees swaying in the breeze.

Ryouhei came to a stop in front of the wall between the windows, and collapsed on the spot. He pressed his head against the wall hard, and his shoulders were shaking. He got on his knees temporarily, then he couldn’t stand up anymore.

"If I…If I hadn’t missed… I wanted to shoot more, and more… It’s my fault we lost…”

Minato put his arm around Ryouhei’s shoulders from behind.

He couldn’t say anything. That regret he himself had also tasted. That intense anger and sadness towards himself.

If one was experiencing such painful emotions, then they shouldn’t be doing things like kyudo.

I’m so frustrated, I’m so frustrated, I can’t forgive myself――.

Seiya also bent down in that spot and placed his hands on the two boys’ shoulders.

"Me, Kaito, Nanao and Minato—we’ve all missed before. We’re all the same. Someone who never missed before doesn’t exist."

"Uugh…ah…"

Kaito was watching over shoulder at Nanao folding Ryouhei, Minato, and Seiya together into a big hug. Kirisaki, having finished their interviews, passed by them there, and Shuu remained behind as the other members continued on.

When Nanao and the others noticed him, they removed themselves from Ryouhei, and Shuu knelt down before him.

"Ryouhei, Sae wants to meet you. Summer vacation is still long, so would you come and play with us, if you like? It seems Toujou would also like another bout with you."

"…Alright. I won’t lose, after all."

Ryouhei had his hands taken by Seiya and Minato and stood up. He then smiled.

Shuu left them.

In the hall, competitors could be seen chatting with their families. The accompanying children, perhaps bored, ran around in their slippers while making pitter-patter sounds.

Suddenly, Shuu remembered that it was the day of Sae’s violin lesson today. He turned his face towards where the sun was shining and narrowed his eyes. He could see an illusion.

"…Sae? Why are you here?"

“Shuu-niisama, congratulations. We came here to support you, of course. We thought we would make you nervous if you saw our faces, so we made sure to not be seen. It was hard.”

Next to her, Shuu’s mother was also smiling.

“Congratulations, Shuu. You were wonderful.”

Unexpected words, from an unexpected person.

As Shuu was at a loss for words, a man appeared from behind. Without needing to cross swords with anyone, he gave off the air of someone who made others lose their will to fight—someone who had the nickname of “Samurai.”

“Father…”

“Congratulations. Your shooting closely resembled that of Saionji-sensei’s in the past. I can see that you trained a lot, Shuu.”

“…Thank you very much. I am truly sorry that you had to come all the way here while you were the one who was busy, Father.”

“To tell you the truth, I received many phone calls at my company. From Sugawara Senichi-kun and Manji-kun, Motomura-kun and Sase-kun, as well as Narumiya-kun and Yamanouchi-kun. All asking me to please come and see Shuu shoot. It seems that my son has some good friends. I am looking forward to seeing the growth of all of you from now on.”

Shuu wanted to respond, but couldn’t make words come out of his mouth no matter how hard he tried.

The unseen words written on that Tanabata paper strip were, “From your son, Shuu.”

To be able to heard the word “son” come from you--.

When the wind came dancing in from the doors, the light that reflected off the windows hid Shuu’s face.

Meanwhile, Minato and the others exited the hall to find Masa-san waiting for them.

He smiled, and while saying things like “Alright!” “Okay!” and “Let’s go and eat something tasty”, he roughly tousled the five boys’ hair. Tommy-sensei also patted their backs.

Even though Minato had been holding it back for a long time, it was at that moment that his tear glands loosened. Seiya, Ryouhei, Nanao, and Kaito were the same.

Masa-san, Tommy-sensei, you’re both awful.

Even though the closing ceremony is going to take place after this, isn’t it super uncool to mess up our hair like this…

The five boys formed a circle.

And then, they shouted that they would stand on this stage again.

At dusk, the train carrying five boys departed.

On the screen of Ryouhei’s phone, there was a picture sent by his sister.

It was a picture of overpowering mountains and a tall sky.

The first star of the evening, which couldn’t be seen from the windows of their rooms, shone.

Fragrant ears of rice and the sound of cicadas.

Before he knew it, Minato dozed off, and leaned on his teacher beside him.

Previous | Afterword

[mermaidsirennikita]

August 2019 Reading Wrap-up

Easily the highlight of my reading month was Leigh Bardugo’s King of Scars, AKA “My Monster Boyfriend: THE NOVEL”, but it was overall a decent month for me.  In terms of being engrossed, I would say that Erin Ferencik’s Into the Jungle, a classic survival thriller, was probably the other major standout.  Excited about fall reading this year!

Cocoa Beach by Beatriz Williams.  2/5.  Virginia arrives in Cocoa Beach with her small daughter to collect upon her dead husband’s estate.  The issue?  Virginia and Simon were estranged.  After meeting Simon and embarking on a whirlwind romance against the battlefields of World War I, Virginia discovered that he was not what she thought, and is now confronted with the realities of her husband’s life--and his death in a fire, which she does not believe was all it seemed...  I never connected with Williams’s style in the book.  She’s obviously talented, and I’m not against trying a different book of hers, but--much of the novel is flashbacks to Simon and Virginia’s romance, and I think you need to buy into Simon in order to enjoy the novel.  I did not.

King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo.  5/5.  In a follow-up to Bardugo’s Shadow and Bone trilogy, Nikola, now King of Ravka, is hiding a terrible secret from his people.  Still struggling with demons both personal and literal, he hunts for a cure alongside Zoya, his adviser, while attempting to strengthen a nation weakened by war, and quell a continuing fascination among the people with the Darkling.  I can’t say much more without spoiling two different series--as a main character from the Six of Crows duology is also a POV character here--but this was SO GOOD.  I feel like I might have liked it more than anything else Bardugo has done?  Though I did love Six of Crows so much.  I feel like she’s grown a lot as a writer since the Shadow and Bone trilogy, which was honestly just okay for me--but how much of that was just me not connecting with Alina?  Here we visit Ravka again, but with more compelling characters.  And I adored it.  Nikolai and Zoya’s side of the story is my favorite, and I need those two just MAKE IT FUCKING WORK.  Can’t wait for the next book.  And yes, I loved the ending.

The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons.  3/5.  As World War II looms, young Tatiana lives in Leningrad with her family. In a chance meeting, she encounters Alexander--a Soviet soldier with a mysterious past--and they immediately connect, only for her to discover that he is already seeing her older sister.  Once the war starts, however, Tatiana and Alexander are plunged into the realities of fighting for their lives, and while also holding back their true feelings for each other.  I read this years ago and gave it 4 stars; I had to dial it back a bit here.  The tension between Tatiana and Alexander is great, and I respect the way Simons portrays the horrors of war from a Soviet perspective.  But the book hasn’t aged super well, not only in terms of Alexander and Tatiana being a bit cipher-y, but the very... odd way that the Russian perspective is handled.  Simons emigrated to the States, but did so as a young teen from what I can tell.  Obviously, for reasons her family can attest to.  But I felt like I was getting a very... anti-Russian Russian perspective?  And it overwhelmed the emotional aspects of the story.  Plus, it was just too long for what was essentially, overall, a romance novel.

Scandals of Classic Hollywood by Anne Helen Petersen.  3/5.  Anne Helen Petersen takes on scandals from the beginnings of Hollywood the the 1960s, examining what happened and how the stars--and the systems backing them--dealt with the public fallout.  That’s pretty much it.  This is a collection of essays, really, and while I appreciate the work Petersen put into it and the shrewd observations she makes, I would have liked a BIT more detail on the scandals themselves, versus what they meant on a larger scale.

The Whisper Network by Chandler Baker.  4/5.  Attorneys at a high-powered at TruViv, Inc., Sloan, Ardie, and Grace have forged a friendship and alliance, of sorts.  Then TruViv’s CEO dies--leaving the position open for Ames Garrett, their boss, to take.  Sloan has her own personal issues with Ames, stemming from a years-old affair that he never fully forgave her for ending; but the women’s concerns hit a fever pitch when Catherine, a new hire, reveals that Ames harassed her.  As the lawyers’ paths cross with that of Rosalita, a member of the cleaning staff, the consequences are not just high stakes, but deadly.  I listened to this on Audible, and I’ll admit that my enjoyment was somewhat affected by the fact that the narrator had the most put-on Texas accent for Sloan on the face of the Earth, and I wasn’t... 100% sure about what she was doing for Rosalita either.  But the novel is not only timely but exciting.  Ames isn’t a cartoonish figure.  Nor are the women saints.  Sloan in particular can be borderline insufferable, but in a way that I found realistic for a privileged, high-powered white woman.  Do I think Baker could have called out that aspect better, especially since Rosalita, a POV character, isn’t white or rich?  Yes.  And towards the end, there was one reveal that seemed tacked on just for the sake of symmetry.  But then there was that OTHER reveal............. and that, I loved.  It’s a bit of a mixed bag of a book, but entertaining and timely.

Into the Jungle by Erin Ferencik.  4/5.  Nineteen-year-old Lily has lived in foster homes for all of her life.  In an effort to make a new start, she moves to Bolivia for a teaching job that ends up being a scam, and finds herself working at a run-down hotel. That’s when she meets Omar, a Bolivian man, and is swept off her feet. When Omar receives news that his nephew was killed by a jaguar, his compelled to return to his home of Ayachero, a village deep within the Bolivian jungle.  Despite his warnings, Lily follows him, only to find herself not only completely out of her depth culturally, but at the mercy of the jungle and all that comes with it.  This book had fucking atmosphere.  I felt all of it.  The romance, the terror, the increasing danger of the jungle.  It was kind of a classic woman vs. nature novel.  It’s probably one of my favorite books of the year--but I’m held back from rating it higher because it was written by a white woman, and most of the characters are native Bolivians and I tend to wonder about how accurate or fair the portrayal of that culture is.  I just felt uncomfortable at some points--but I can’t say if that was justified or not.  I would recommend it as a thriller, of sorts, but not in a traditional sense.  It’s certainly compelling.

Year One by Norah Roberts.  2/5.  After the chance killing of a bird, a pandemic begins to spread throughout the word, killing off billions of people in a matter of weeks.  Those that are left to survive do so in a perilous environment, with the Uncanny--people with magical abilities--targeted in some areas while rising up in others.  Lana, a witch, traveled with her lover Max in an effort to find a safe place, alongside others who are Immune from the Doom--only to find that she’s a much greater part of the world’s fate than she would have though.  The beginning of this book was great.  Then the urban fantasy elements set in.  I love urban fantasy, but the introduction of fairies and elves didn’t work well here.

How to Walk Away by Katherine Center.  4/5.  On the day that she gets engaged to her boyfriend, Chip, Margaret is injured in an accident that will change her life forever.  Waking up in the hospital with third degree burns and having lost her ability to walk, her relationships with her partner and her family are immediately altered, and she struggles to see what the future could hold.  At the same time, she’s partnered with Ian, a brusque and demanding physical therapist--who ends up bringing even more questions. As Margaret seeks a new identity, she discovers support where she would have least expected it.  This is a fluffy romcom of a book, while dealing with a serious issue--and though this is being compared to be Me Before You, I tend to think it handles that issue in a much healthier way.  The book certainly benefits from being from the perspective of the disabled person, versus a caregiver.  On the flipside, I do think that it suffered somewhat in the romantic department, which could probably be critiqued better by someone who has been in a wheelchair; part of me felt like, had there been less fluff and more physicality, I would have been more invested.  But while it doesn’t reinvent the wheel, this is a nice story if you’re looking for something light and quick without sacrificing emotion.

Catherine the Great by Robert K. Massie.  4/5.  A biography on Catherine the Great, attempting to tackle her as a woman.  I don’t know what else to say.  It was good?  Nothing super in depth, doesn’t bring anything particularly NEW to the table from what I’ve read, but it seems like a good primer.

[kristinebritney]

Pre-Stem Cell Harvest Thoughts

Forgive me for this long post as I have nothing else to do in the hospital but to wait until my stem cells can be harvested. I am on Day 15 at the hospital and hopefully soon, my stem cells can be harvested already then after a month, the stem cell transplant will happen. I have so many thoughts going on in my head that sometimes I could not sleep.

Will I beat cancer again?

Can my body handle all the toxic chemicals being infused for me to get better?

Will I ever not worry about cancer coming back?

Can my family ever recover from this sickness?

Why is it so hard to beat cancer?

When will I get out of this hospital?

When will I go back to work?

When does the suffering end?

Diagnosis

Being diagnosed the first time was the worst day of my life. And being diagnosed the second time around is the hardest and also the worst day of my life. Just after putting all my efforts in rebuilding my life, cancer struck me out of nowhere. I knew I had to be vigilant that’s why I never let a simple pain be forgotten. That’s how life is after cancer. I feel like I am walking on eggshells – I have to be careful not to trigger anything. What triggers cancer anyway? We wouldn’t know. I still don’t know. Since I got better, I have been living a somewhat “stress-free” life. My family and friends are very kind to not let me stress over simple things. I admit, I still eat what I want but I do it in moderation.

The second time I was diagnosed, my first thought was, “What about my work?” Back in 2016, I had to take a 6-month leave to finish my chemotherapy. Some people can still work while having chemo. Me, I can’t even walk on my own that time. I am so fortunate that the company I am staying with is very considerate with regards to my case. The support of my colleagues all over the world were tremendous! When I came back to work on January 2017, I still had to do radiations so what I did was to wake up at 5:00AM then proceed to the hospital so that I can start radiation by 7:00AM, finished by 8:15AM, get to work by 9:30AM just in time for my 10:00AM shift. That was a routine for 19 days straight. I was so relieved that finally, I am done with the treatments!!!! Now, my company is again very gracious to allow me to take a leave again for me to get better. I was devastated to take a leave because I was starting to work on a project, but I had to let it go as health is my priority. Back in my mind, I am feeling guilty for leaving my colleagues for an indefinite time and passing on my work to them. But deep down, I am so thankful for their understanding. I am relieved when they say “Don’t worry, just focus on your health and we’ll see you soon” all the time. You see, it is important for a cancer patient to still look forward for work. This motivates me to heal faster and get back on my feet the soonest.

Having Cancer in the Philippines

Coming from a middle-class family, earning my own money is a big deal. Just a few weeks after graduation, I started working and earning my own money to fund everything I want and need. I was financially independent. I’m not earning a huge amount, but it was enough to live a comfortable life.

My first diagnosis, we were told to prepare PhP750,00.00 for chemotherapy alone (not including other complications of chemo – which I had) I was unfortunately diagnosed with the expensive type of Lymphoma. I don’t even have enough savings to fund 1 cycle of chemotherapy.

My second diagnosis, a stem cell transplant is the recommended second line treatment for relapse in Lymphoma which costs around PhP 2.5 Million. Basically, I will be having an autologous stem cell transplant in which my own stem cells will be harvested, a high dose chemo will be given to kill the cancer cells, then my stem cells will return to me. Seems easy, right? But no, I had to undergo a total of 4 high dose chemo because the transplant can only be successful if I am in Partial or Complete Remission.

We were given two choices -  to go with stem cell transplant or just go with 6 cycles of chemo. In comparison, stem cell transplant has the highest chance of cure compared with chemo alone. However, neither of them guarantees the cancer won’t come back. I asked helped from my friends in making a decision and one answer struck me the most, “No matter what the cost, I would do anything to increase my chances of living.” Although we do not have the money for the transplant, my parents never hesitated to push through with the procedure. “We will make it work,” they said. And for the past months, we did make it work through the help of so many angels.

I have joined many Lymphoma support groups all over the world and I am jealous of their health care system. They don’t have to worry about the cost of the transplant. Having a stem cell transplant in their country is not a question. It’s part of the procedure. While here in the Philippines, you have to think about it because it is not easy to shell out PhP 2.5M.

Here in the Philippines, PCSO gives medical assistance whether you are rich or poor. I believe that when one of your family member has cancer, it will always drain your savings. Processing PCSO guarantee letters is definitely not a walk in the park. I am lucky enough to have a brother and sister-in-law to process my papers instead of me going to PCSO. Imagine how many sick people line up as early as 3:00AM for them to secure the golden ticket in the form of a guarantee letter or medicines. It would take up your whole day! For some people, PCSO is their best way to survive the costly chemotherapy.

Miracles and New Beginnings

I would sometimes wonder what it would feel like to not ever worry about money which is an impossible world. Everyone worries about money. I remember telling my mom that with all the medical expenses we incurred, we could be millionaires right now. But then she told me, “None of them was ours. They were all given and donated for you to get better” Then it hit me how so many people are always willing to help. When I needed my first chemo immediately, my mom’s brother and friends willingly gave us money. When the bill was too high to be paid in cash, my mom’s friend went to the hospital and swiped her credit card. When there was a problem with my health card, my dad’s friends did everything to get it approved. Whenever we are about to be discharged from the hospital, help from my colleagues and friends would always come. I remember a dear friend of mine giving me P50,000.00 just because they have extra blessings in their family. Colleagues from Manila, Amsterdam, and Singapore pooled funds to help me with my medical bills. I receive so many messages saying that the only thing they can do for me is pray. Please know that prayers mean everything! I am blessed to have so many prayer warriors. I am deeply touched with the help I’ve been receiving. Even until now, my friends haven’t stopped creating fundraising events for my transplant. Miracles are indeed everywhere. You just have to stop and realize them.

Series of events led us to losing our house at the same time while I am battling cancer. It was heartbreaking. I kept on thinking why does these have to happen at the same time? With God’s grace, we were able to find a new place to stay immediately – as if it was handed to us without any glitches. I take this struggle as God’s way of telling us to start something new. I read a quote saying “You cannot heal in the same environment where you got sick” so maybe this is my new beginning.

Waiting Patiently

I am currently on my 15th day of confinement. I had 5 days of intensive chemo and now that my white blood cell count is down to 0.15, we are waiting for it to shoot up, so the stem cell harvest can be done. The waiting game is not easy. My counts are low, hence, I had a platelet transfusion and will be having a blood transfusion in a bit. I currently have a fever. My electrolytes are low too. For the past few days, some of you may know that I feel a bit down. I feel like I am not as strong as before when I was first battling cancer. I feel like I am so tired from everything. I just want to go home. But of course I will not stop fighting. I have so many angels standing with me in this fight and I won’t let them down.

I recently had a chat with one of the nurses that will handle my transplant. He was so informative because he told me what I should expect. Hearing his stories scared me. He said that when stem cells are transplanted back to me, I will experience a 40-degree fever, problems with the GI tract (this one is what I’m scared of the most), stomach pains, unable to eat anything to the point that my nourishments have to be given thru IV, that familiar feeling of weakness due to chemo but this time, it is more intense. The good news is, this will not last forever. I just have to endure the pain for a few days or weeks. But I admit, knowing these scared me so much that I had to cry to my parents.

I am almost there! I am wishing and hoping that I will be cured and cancer will never ever come back for my family.