#he has a 40 masterdoc

[thirteenemeraldcats]

RULES: make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

tagged by the phenomenally talented and FAR TOO HUMBLE @jamietarttsnorthernattitude

because he had no say in it (no say in it at all)

i said, maybe

strays

migraine

panic attack

i'll be the one with my heart in my lap

(i also have a masterdoc of 40+ fics in various stages [some are paragraphs, one is literally a sentence followed by 'it's the vibes girl'] if anyone wants a peak into the 'mountainous pile of non-active development' fics just shoot me a number between 1-40 [and hope you don't land on 'it's the vibes girl' 🙄])

not sure who has and hasn't been booped but tagging with no pressure @kvetchinglyneurotic @sighonaraa @abubblingcandle @fanficfanattic @jamietxrtt @jamiesfootball

[eric-the-bmo]

Tysm for the ask about my OC Isaac- I was so happy when I saw it. So this is an ask about your OCs! I've seen quite a few posts of yours tagged with Ceremorph vibes- who are they? 👀

Also I just love hearing about other people's OCs in general. Feel free to use this ask to rant about like. Any OC you want :D

hi hi hello!! aaa ok so! let me explain the tag system i've got real quick! It's always "[character name] vibes," to show that it kind of has? the vibes of one of my OCs, in a sense. (they're almost all dnd ocs because that's my special interest ig) This might be incoherent because I don't know how to talk about my characters in a way that makes sense but here we go!

(woahoho, old-ish art! ^)

Ceremorph is one of my villain ocs! It originally started as an AU version of one of my other characters, Ven- that AU was based on the idea of "what if he embraced his magic instead of being afraid of it?" and then oops! Ceremorph eventually became its own character in Ven's canon story. Because they're so entwined with each other (quite literally), I have to talk about Ven for a short moment.

oh wait uh quick CW for kidnapping, talk of parasites, starvation(?), cannibalism, loss of bodily autonomy/possession

Ven is a human who got kidnapped by illithids and was put through the process of ceremorphosis- it's the process of how illithids reproduce, where they lay a clutch of eggs which hatch into tadpoles. The tadpoles cannibalize each other for a while, before eventually being inserted into a suitable host. They latch onto the brainstem (or eat through the brain? not sure) to take over the mind, and slowly, the host's body changes into the body of an illithid. Ven had a tadpole inserted into his eye, it latched onto his brain stem, and perhaps this was a new experiment the illithids were doing or perhaps something went wrong, but the transformation didn't happen correctly. Ven was found two months after his disappearance, still looking like a human but with no memories of his past. What he did have, however, was a parasite in his brain and the new ability to cast magic- of course, he didn't know about that.

Ceremorph is the source of Ven's magic and has all of Past Ven's memories, but is aware that those aren't its own- in fact, it hates Ven's wife because she stirs up all of the emotions Ven had felt towards her, and Cere is very emotionally repressed and doesn't like that At All. Its people aren't very big on emotions, and it carries itself with a logical and manipulative coolness, though it can have a flair for theatrics and can be prone to anger. Cere, like all illithids, eat brains for the psionic energy, and the hungrier Cere gets, the more... feral/ less sentient it gets.

Currently, Ceremorph can observe almost everything Ven does from inside his brain- it occasionally takes a step back if things get boring, but it Watches. Cere can also take over Ven's body, but almost never does this when Ven is awake, and prefers to do it when he's asleep so it can be passed off as sleepwalking. Given how Cere can mimic Ven really well, the reason it doesn't take over when Ven is awake is due to the fact Ven himself would question the gaps in his memory, possibly causing Cere to be discovered. Also because as good as an actor Cere is, it's not perfect- it dislikes touch, and some of its mannerisms and movements are off. Despite being hidden, Cere talks to Ven: as far as Ven is concerned, it's just his anxiety or part of his subconcious. Cere was actually the one who pushed Ven to unlock their magical abilities- Cere was thrilled at the magic finally being unlocked, and Ven was horrified over the fact he tore a man apart with sorcery he didn't even know he had.

There are some scenes I'm excited for, actually: Ven is currently travelling, and locks the door from the outside so he can't leave while he's "sleepwalking." Eventually, perhaps some other characters will wake up to hear Ven's voice asking them to open the door, please, why don't you? Another scene is where Cere's hunger finally gets the best of it, causing it to take over Ven's body while he's awake and attacking a low-level antagonist, smashing open their skull with magic and devouring their brain in front of Ven's friends. Cere unintentionally reveals itself, and Ven has to wake up and realize he's committed an act of cannibalism, there's a parasite in his brain, and oh yeah! He's becoming a monster that can only live if it kills others.

And of course!!! If Ven ever dies, Ceremorph will in fact take over his corpse!! I don't know what it's planning, but it will absolutely form a cult, and Ophelia will have to fight the monster that looks like and can almost perfectly mimic her dead wife.

Since it's a dnd villain npc, I truly don't know what it's planning. Where does it try to go at night when it's not hunting? Why did it form a cult?

I had a whole paragraph talking about the seperate physical differences Ven and Cere are drawn with (sharp teeth, webbed claws and ears, etc). but even then Ven gains all those traits once his body starts to change. The floating hair is difficult, since Ven has that when he uses his magic, and Cere really only starts to float off the ground once it realizes it doesn't have to pretend to be Ven anymore and can use its magic however it wants. I'd argue the glasses, but Cere wears those when pretending to be Ven (although Ven!Cere's glasses always have a lense flare to hide its eyes). It's all a wild mix.

(behold! quasi-illithid Ven, he's not doing okay ^)

I have no idea if that was? Making sense? I'm aware there's not much to it, it's just a typical dnd villain, but I have a lot of fun with it- Cere is surprisingly easy to joke about

Anyway this probably didn;t make sense and it is! 12am now, oh goodness

but yeah i just think it's cool and tbh i made Cere bc I wanted a self-indulgent au for myself where my nervous poet was a very dangerous and pretty villain

any-vay goodnight, it's so so very cool someone's intrigued by my ocs, thank you ☆

[veganidiotsblog]

a comprehensive list of gay shit i’ve said (who tf am i?)

1. if i had sex with a man i wouldn’t want to look at him

2. I FIND MEN VERY ATTRACTIVE, sexy even.. but it kinda stops there

3. i either only view men sexually or romantically it’s very rare that it’s both

4. i’ve never been bothered by men they just kind of exist

5. i don’t feel the need to seek men out, they are like fritos they’re cool but i would never buy them from the store

6. i like men in a gay way, as if i’m a gay man

7.i like very soft feminine men and often like men for their personalities

8. when i get high i feel like i don’t like men

9. i don’t like dick, whenever i see them i look away

9.5 dicks are just objects that i put up with

10. to me sex is not all that desirable and tbh i don’t like anyone

11. i don’t want most men to find me attractive

12. i find most men to be annoying

13. throughout my life i’ve i can’t tell whether i’ve had many crushes of many boys or just a handful

14. i question if i’m interested in men but not women

15.whenever i think about dating men i ask myself “what does dating mean”

16. i used to think lesbians had no purpose in life since they could not have kids/marry men (internalized homophobia)

17. i’ve had a full sexual fantasy about a man maybe twice in my life

18. i don’t want to be a lesbian

19. i don’t want to be bisexual

19.5 i want to be a lesbian but it sounds weird

20. i like men who are foreign or “different” in some kind of way

21. my standards in men are very high

22. my standards in women do not exist

23. i feel like i’m in-between identities

24. i dress and act like a lesbian

25. dating a man and introducing him as my boyfriend feels odd to me

26. i don’t understand m/f relationships

27. i don’t understand why a woman would want to suck dick

28. i seek out men's protective mature and think i could use them

29. i like to flirt and tease men but i wouldn’t actually go past that

30. i would fuck a man if i was horny but i don’t know if i would otherwise

31. i’ve never kissed a boy and i don’t feel like i need to

32. if i did fuck a man it would be in a dominant way

33. i feel like dating men would be a hinderance or waste of time

34. i have read the lesbian masterdoc multiple times

35. i’ve considered myself to be asexual/ demisexual but that usually refers to my attraction to men

36. whenever i like a man it like “ugh how dare you make me like you”

36. i’ve related to the trans man to lesbian thing and have been asked if i was one

37. i don’t know how to differentiate me liking soft men like a bisexual woman vs thinking i like soft men like a lesbian

38. i have questioned whether or not i like men on multiple occations

39. my mother thought i was a lesbian and was surprised when i told her i like men

40. i think all men are atleast a little annoying

41. whenever i watch porn i only watch lesbian or gay porn

42. i don’t feel disgusted men i just feel pretty null

43. i have an odd relationship with gender

44. i used to think i had to be a boy to like women

45. only liking women makes me feel trapped

46. I label myself as a bisexual with preference for women

47. 47.

48. childbirth/ pregnancy and motherhood all scare me

49. at one point my type in men was just boys with dark hair

50.  I would only want to date men that make me feel safe

51. this is just the lesbian masterdoc at this point lol i stole their whole flow

52. I refer to myself as “almost a lesbian” i like women, don’t like dick, has a very specific taste in men but i don’t feel like dating a man would be impossible.

53. I don’t know if the phrase “ I don’t like men is accurate or not”

55. I feel like god built 75% of a gay person but got too lazy and stopped there

56. dating men feels unattainable

57. i get annoyed when men hit on me or find me attractive

58. i find femininity attractive in men and masculinity attractive in women.

59. if i date or like a man i feel like he would also have to queer

60. my attraction to men is very emotional

61. i am somehow both attracted and unattracted to men.

62. i view men as a concept

63. are men cactuses 

64. i feel like i have to have some emotional evaluation on why i don’t think i like men

65. my relationship with lesbianism is similar to being nonbinary, i am but i’m not but i really am but it makes no sense

66. i have googled “ how to know if you are sexually attracted to men”

67. i have regared myself as being “ homosexual/ biromantic”

68. i’ve gone from 10% gay to “a little gay sometimes” to pan to bi to bi with a preference for women to bi romantic homosexual.

reasons why I’m not gay

men are fine

men have nice personalities 

marriage with a cute dude sounds fun

I do not feel repulsed by men

I’ve had cruses on real men ( not fictional!)

I can see myself not liking everyone regardless of gender

I go through phases where I find every man to be hot

i know what's hot in men and i’m attracted to that

tl:dr

i AM attracted to men at face value but i’m having trouble getting past that state which i find to odd.

but tbh i won’t truly know if i like men or not till i date one, i think

sexuality is confusing if there was a sexuality for women who “ like men but not really but really like women but would most likely end up marrying a man” that would be me.

There is, it’s called lesbianism

i don’t want to say I hate being bi but it’s definitely a very confusing a frustrating sexuality to have. I feel like I’m floating about between absolutes and a i wish i could just be gay and not just “mostly gay and fluid?...”