#he should literally get to kill him and rip his carpet up WHY DOES NOBODY TALK ABT IT

[elytrafemme]

every single fictional character i like should split and have mood swings like me. "ohhhhh but it's not canotical" "ohh they have good control over their emotions and stable views on the world" i don't fucking care. i see cq in his fake desert i see klavier's control dialogue i see dahlia and her serial murders and komaeda and the gun literally fuck with me right now. we need to stop being cowards about our fictional character headcanons i think everyone should kill people always because i can't

[thanksjro]

Polyhex Wars, Book 1 Part 2: The Timeline for the Robots Being Gay Goes Back Further Than I Thought

Ratchet wakes up from that whole, “mystical passing out” thing to find himself strapped to a table with his head all poked into with wires. Optimus and Prowl are also being subjected to this treatment, but they’re not awake yet.

I guess we all have that one character we just latch onto, don’t we?

Chromedome was there when all three of these guys collapsed, and went to go get help. Ratchet explains that there was black fire and breaking glass and it was all like some god-awful acid trip.

No kidding, doc.

Ratchet seems to think that all that actually happened, but it turns out that it was all in their heads, much like everything else that they’d seen. Chromedome just saw them drop with a flash of light.

Optimus wakes up, and First Aid explains that their mental trips into Limbo are coming closer and closer together,  and becoming more violent as a result. There’s a good chance that the next time they have an attack, they’ll be sharing a dreamscape.

Prowl hasn’t woken up. Optimus is worried that he’s stuck in Limbo, and demands that they be put back under to guide him back to the land of the living. First Aid has his reservations, but what is he gonna do, argue with the space pope? Optimus and Ratchet are sent back in with the power of mind-transfer.

Let’s take a quick look at some Chromedome canon before we move on to the next chunk of story, because I want to try and get a feel for why Roberts seems to like him so much.

In the Marvel comics, Chromedome was kind of a reclusive computer nerd, who very much disliked the fact that all his programming skills were only being applied to the war effort as opposed to literally anything else. When Fortress Maximus decided to up and leave, he went along gladly. He ended up getting paired with a very outgoing, vain Nebulan partner named Stylor when the whole Headmaster thing happened. They had their differences, but ultimately were brought together by the common goal of kicking Decepticon ass for the greater good. Comic Chromedome is a relatively nice guy, if a bit cowardly- his final entry in the series was heading for the hills when Unicron showed up, but honestly I can’t really fault him for that.

And then there’s the Headmasters anime. Yeah, Chromedome was an anime protagonist back in the 90’s. Anime Chromedome is a completely different entity than his comic counterpart. His whole thing is that he wants revenge for the murder of his friends at the hands of Sixshot. He’s also a Headmaster- no shit- but it works a little differently, in that he’s the only one involved with the process. Chromedome himself IS the head, and the big body he plugs into is just this sort of inert mecha that he pilots when he wants to be able to reach the higher shelves at the supermarket.

Anime Chromedome is the second-in-command to Fortress Maximus, and he’s a bit of a jackass at times, but he seems to have his heart in the right place. You know, when he isn’t busy beating Decepticons to death. Anime Chromedome goes hard.

Getting back to the story, we return to the scene we left at the end of Part One, with the 40 Autobots having been caught in a trap in Darkmount.

Well that lasted all of five minutes. Poor Grandpa.

This starts a chain reaction, and it isn’t long before all the Autobots are throwing punches. Blaster goes full cowl, taking four guys on at once, and potentially kneeing someone in the nuts so hard they flies up into the air and are promptly exploded by gunfire. Blaster throws a gun to Sights, who is a sniper, and then is right back in the center of the fracas.

Sights is a sniper here, but it looks like the only Sights in Transformers canon is a bird who can turn into a fusion cannon. They probably aren’t the same character, unless there’s something I don’t know about birds.

Sights hauls himself up to a ledge using a grappling hook, and starts picking off Decepticons. Things seem to be turning around for the Autobots at this point, because Sights is the best.

Sights is what some might call a Mary Sue- he’s the best at sniping, rivaling Optimus Prime himself with his accuracy, everyone seems to know him, and he singlehandedly has turned the tide of this fight. As the Autobots escape, he manages to explode a key piece of Decepticon equipment, killing over a dozen enemy troops.

This is an earlier work, if you couldn’t already tell.

We do see some neat transitions in the writing, though.

Ratchet and Optimus have entered Limbo, and are feeling a little manic about the whole thing, especially since the space is just filled with corpses from the Time Wars. Like, it’s a carpet of dead bodies.

Roberts was all about that edge from the get-go, huh?

The two robots start walking, looking for Prowl.

Over with Red Alert on the Celestial, he’s not really feeling the vibe on this spacecraft. Neither is Hot Shot, but neither of them can really pinpoint why exactly that is. Sideswipe points out that Getaway doesn’t have his Nebulan partner with him- for this particular story, we’re going with the take on Getaway as a Powermaster, which means he has a smaller person who plugs into his body to act as a battery, kind of like a reverse parasite.

Comic books are weird.

Toy gimmicks are also weird.

This cues in the Autobots that things might not be on the up and up here. You know, that and the whole “Witterquick” thing. The boys load their weapons, but keep them concealed as they approach not-Blaster, who’s beginning to worry that he’s been caught after all this time.  He must have sort flavor of social anxiety, because he’s kept his cool over the video chat for the last few weeks, but the moment Red Alert enters the room, he blows his cover and orders the Decepticons to attack.

Back at Darkmount, it seems we’ve lost a few people, as the count has gone from 40 to 29. The boys are running through the halls, completely clueless as to where to go in order to escape.

Don’t be shocked by the language, this is G1 Silverbolt, not the one who fucks is a complete gentleman to a spider.

I’m still convinced that this Courier guy is evil. You should be tossing him out the window, not looking to him for help.

The Decepticons are gaining. Hound, exasperated, asks as nicely as he can for Silverbolt to try and wake Courier up as they attempt to keep the distance between factions as wide as they can. Laser fire quickly becomes involved, and Swerve and Bumblebee go from the back of the pack to the front. Little fellas can move when they want to.

While Sights does another cool thing with some guns he stole, Courier wakes up and says- with some trouble, since he’s just woken up and still bleeding from that leg wound- that they should jump into the sewers to escape.

That’s all well and good, but if they intend on doing such a thing, they’ll need to put a bit more distance between themselves and their assailants. Everyone starts shooting at the ceiling, attempting to bring it crashing down. Everyone except Sights. No, instead Sights goes on picking off any Decepticon who gets too close for comfort, until they manage to bring the house down.

The strong, silent type, Sights is. Tall, dark, and handsome, too, most likely.

Back in Limbo, Ratchet’s starting to crack.

As if on cue, the ground starts to crack, revealing lava of all things, and the whole scene turns into Dante’s Inferno-flavored Hell. Yeah, proper noun Hell. Optimus and Ratchet are exploded by contact with a downpour of acid rain, then their bodies reconstituted, only to be burned to crispies by the lava. When they wake up from that, they find themselves stuck on a spinning silver plate in the sky, where they have an excellent view of where Prowl’s gotten to- he’s stranded on an asteroid with a big, scary Decepticon, who’s about to complete wreck his shit.

You know, the snark has always been there in Roberts’ writing, but it didn’t really hit its stride until after this piece of work.

Meanwhile, in the sewers, our Autobots aren’t doing so hot. Courier’s probably going to die if they don’t get him medical attention soon. I guess they just didn’t have any sort of medic on the Celestial when it was overtaken, which seems like a massive oversight. Or maybe they’re dead.

We don’t have time to worry about the hiring practices of the Autobots right now though, because a few Decepticons just arrived on the scene.

Well, there goes the token girl character.

Seems like nobody told these ‘Cons to not hit their deep cover operative. There goes several thousand years of Autobot secrets, dumbasses. Soundwave’s going to be so pissed.

The Autobots quickly fall into formation and start defending themselves. Turns out Rev-Tone’s on the scene.

Hi Rev-Tone!

Someone gets shot and proceeds to explode, which causes enough chaos for a Decepticon to load up a missile launcher without being noticed and fire it into the crowd.

Things are looking hopeless, so that means it’s time for Sights to make his Heroic Sacrifice™. Hound begs him to stay, because he can’t bear to lose anyone else.

Unfortunately, the Hound/Sights coffeeshop AU slowburn fit written by Rewind will have to have a fix-it fic tag, because Sights is almost immediately and literally ripped apart by a smattering of Decepticons. Knowing his time is running out, he busts out the big guns.

Oh my god he’s got fucking laser vision.

That isn’t quite enough though, so he initiates self-destruct, thereby saving his fellow Autobots and dying a hero.

You know, if you stack Sights on top of what was left of Quark after the interrogation scene, you make a whole robot. Worst. Duobot. Ever.

Not to worry though, because Wheeljack’s taken the opportunity to be all weird and cryptic, and insinuates that they potentially COULD bring Sights back from the dead. Because of course he can.

We don’t get to find out how that magic’s going to happen though, because it’s time to check in on Optimus and Ratchet.

Things aren’t going great. They crashed the disk, and it turns out that the giant Decepticon threatening Prowl and throwing body parts at him is Galvatron. Optimus leaps into action, attempting to use his magnetic repellence on the enemy.

I guess that’s a thing he has.

It works, but it’s taking a lot out of Optimus, so they need to figure something else out fast. Optimus, ever light on his mental feet, surges the power so that Galvatron explodes. Ratchet goes over to Prowl to see what his deal is, and it’s looking like he’s going to need brain surgery.

“Now back the hell up, Optimus, you’re breathing contaminates all over Prowl’s exposed brain.”

Back on Cybertron, it turns out that things might just be okay after all, as Hound and company have stumbled across the lost city of Subterrainia. Subterrainia did not exist in Transformers canon at the time of this writing, but it would in 2012, when Roberts used his immense power as a hired writer for the franchise to make it so.

Now that they’re in a place that has medical equipment, they can heal their wounded and indulge in a little lore. Trasher provides us with the backstory of this lost city.

Long before the War, Transformers lived on the surface of Cybertron. Then, one day, someone said, what if we didn’t do that? Then they built Subterrainia and lived there instead. Then the War happened and people sort of just forgot that it was there. The end.

That’s literally it.

After that riveting explanation, we check back in with Optimus, who I suppose forgot to put on his patience hat this morning, as he asks Ratchet to hurry up with the life-saving field surgery he’s currently in the middle of. Ratchet calls him out on it, as he should, and Optimus apologizes, going back to worrying about his troops outside of Limbo.

Over on the Celestial, Red Alert’s just had his arm shot off, and there’s a continuity error running amok.

You are supposed to be back at base, mister!

The Autobots are getting their asses kicked, and it’s not hard to see why- a lot of the Decepticons on this spacecraft are heavy hitters. Starscream’s here, the entire Combaticon team, it’s wild.

Then Starscream calls for escape plan 3 to take place, and they just… leave. It’s strange, and it’s sudden, and the Autobots can’t help but agree. Red Alert decides to see what’s on the computer to try and figure out what they’re planning, and ends up setting off the countdown for a bomb. Slapdash yells at him for being an idiot.

Back down in the City of the Mole People, Getaway’s come back from checking out the place, and informs Hound that it’s completely abandoned. He theorizes that the Decepticons killed everyone who lived here, an will probably come looking for them sooner rather than later. That’s all fine though, because Courier’s back and better than ever.

I still don’t trust him.

He says he knows how to get out of Subterrainia- which only chalks up more points against him being a true Autobot- but hold on! What about Sights?

Sights just got Goldbugged. It’s Ammo now.

Roberts will never let a pair of robot titties go unnoticed. I can’t believe that Wheeljack, with the limited time they had, would go and make Ammo this attractive, and then have the audacity to show him off with a dramatic reveal. It was completely unnecessary, but here we are, staring at Ammo’s strong arms and thighs, wishing to be held by Hotbot 9000 over here.

Hound is all about this overhaul. Look at him, getting all flustered.

Ammo as character is present in the IDW run of the comics, but in name only. They are very different creatures, much like the different iterations of Quark. Roberts is very into recycling, and here is no exception.

After Ammo’s debut, the narrative checks in on Autobot City, where things aren’t nearly as sexy; Starscream made a beeline for the place the moment they left the Celestial, and they’re wrecking shop. He’s doing this without orders to do so, by the way. This is just how Starscream wants his Monday to go, I guess. It’s looking pretty grim for the Autobots, and Optimus is still stuck in Limbo. Hopefully he gets back soon.

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

I wonder how Anti would react to Kinkiplier? Would he be just as annoyed as Dark?

okay, so the mission seemed easy enough. sneak into the other egos offices, steal a laptop, and rush back to their own meeting room so they can go through it. kink nodded as wilford and dark brought him up the speed. "you do realize we're only asked you because you're quite literally the only ego free right now, right?" dark asked.kink nodded and made a noise of approval. his gag still in place. "and you do realize if you mess this all up they'll either kill you or hold you captive, right?" wilford added, "you don't wanna end up like mark bop, poor guy was capture for a week and now all he speaks in is gibberish and babbling."kink tilted his head in a sign of confusion, furrowing his eyebrows. dark rolling his eyes before shooing him out the getaway van, "wait!"kink turned back around, dark cringing as he unbuckled the gag from kink's mouth and removed his blindfold. "please, for the love of evil, throw this shit away." he pulls up the wet gag."no can do, darkidoo--""hey! that's my nickname for dark!" wilford yells. turning around towards the commotion."i mean, as long as i'm screaming for dark under some covers i'll take any name he likes," kink purred. dark giving a...less than amused face and flipping him off before closing the van door. "he...is gross." dark shuddered, climbing into the front seat of the van. "are you sure he's not just misunderstood? perhaps he has different tastes but he does hold consent and respect above all things. perhaps he has weird kinks but he makes sure everyone and everybody is safe, sane, and comfortable. perhaps its us who just don't understand the taboo behind different lusts just because its different to our own, we're the ignorant ones here.""...jesus, wil, where did that come from?""hmm? oh, sorry, blacked out there for a second," wilford sits up, "anyways yeah kink's fuckin' weird." ***kink successfully snuck past their so called security guard -- which was really just some undead looking boy with a baseball bat. poor guy was muttering about a 'stupid job' and 'why can't chase be security man today?'he barrel rolled out the hallway and into the nearest open office. thankful a guy like him is so flexible (in more ways than one). nearly missing a pair walking by. "dude, the avengers can beat any type of dorky magic bullshit any fuckin' day." one dressed in a red superhero suit spoke up. walking beside another copy of himself wearing a tuxedo and cat mask. the two arguing, making kink laugh. what nerds. finally he stood up, closing the office door and getting to work at finding a laptop. not taking in his surroundings until, well, it was too late. looking up from his search at the desk. the walls were a shade of black, dark -- almost sickly green carpeting under him. the walls adorned with targets, all littered with /knives/ instead of darts. the bookshelf filled with books of rituals of...well, who know what fucking demonic powers. the desk itself was littered with instructions on different methods to kill. and a large, stainless, steel knife on the edge of the desk. "what the hell kind of office is this?" kink asked. his blood running cold as he heard the doorknob jiggle. ducking under the desk and hiding out as he heard the owner of the office enter. he bet it was some emo kid, some dark and edgy guy who probably still listened to Panic! At The Disco or Green Day. he wasn't expecting such a cute and mysterious boy sitting down in the office chair. scrolling through his phone, his dark eyes and glitching static. smiling as he felt the need to woo him off his feet arise. kink bet this cutie was into some weird shit and he was all for it. "hello, baby boy." kink said as he moved himself from under the desk. anti jumping back and screeching, almost hissing. "who the hell -- wait," anti stopped, "wilford? did you shave the mustache?""what? no i'm not--""bim?""no, i'm not--"host? did you get some shady plastic surgery to give ya eyes?""i'm not!! i'm a new egos!!"anti sat up, intrigued. his need to kill and stuff this new ego's dead body down a trash can subsiding, "new ego? what the hell is that mark doing making new egos," he sighed. "what's your name?""kinkiplier.""...kinkiplier...?"the sudden outburst of laughing made kink frown, it...it was a good name!! it /fit/ him like a glove!! oh, but he knew how to deal with people like this. dark and mean, but once you got under their skin..."laugh now, but soon i'l have you squirming and screaming, baby boy." kink smiled as he inched closer to anti. anti's laugh dying on his lips."erm, what the hell are you on about?""can't you see? i know how bad boys like you like to play." kink laughed low in his throat. inching anti back into his chair. kink taking a seat right on anti's lap. the position awkward, but suitable for his plans."bad boy? i'm...i'm just -- i mean!" kink laughed again, catching anti's chin in his fingers gently. making him look into his eyes, half lidded and full of lust. "tell me, baby boy, what's your fantasy? anything you dream of when alone, and don't be shy," he leans in to peck anti's cold lips, "i'm no prude like the others. i can make all those fantasies come true."anti flustered as he experimentally kissed kink back. heart thumping and breathing slow and deep. he's never had this attention before. most run away and cower in fear of him, this guy was...different. in a good way. "i...like this one thing...""hmm?" kink smiled as he kisses anti's cheek, "what is it, baby boy? give me 30 minutes and i can make those little dreams come true..."***"WHERE IS HE?!" dark finally cracked. throwing the soda he had been drinking out the window in rage. the poor woman who was drenched in it looked around confused at whoever dirtied her. "probably dead. or alive but captured. or playing dead." wilford said through bites of his burger. the kinky ego gone for so long they had time to drive off and get a late lunch. getting nothing for kinkiplier though, he didn't pitch in at all. "or...he...wouldn't use other methods of getting a laptop from them would he...?"the two stared at each other. wilford with a few fries hanging out his closed mouth and dark's realization. "oh no." the two stared back at the building as kink rushed out. climbing into the van with the promised laptop. "DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE." he yelled as wilford sped away, robbie the zombie trying to chase after the two before throwing a tantrum and rushing back inside the building. "don't ever say i--wait you guys got lunch?" kink stopped as he noticed the burger wrapper, "without me?!""hey, you didn't pitch in jack shit for this Burger King, so suffer." wilford munched away, "how did you get it?""i used some good old fashioned methods to get it. nothing too bad though," he laughed as the two others groaned. grabbing his gag again, "hey. question -- who was the cute demon dude with the wound in his neck?"the van screeched to a halt. the two head egos looking back at kink, who had his gag back in, smiling away. "you went after anti?!"***"DOCTOR!" robbie the zombie rushed back in, "they got away!! and i don't want to be security anymore, its hard!!""damnit!" schneeplestein cursed, throwing his pen and clipboard down in anger. "what did they take?! who did they take?! is everyone here?!""doc," chase rushed in, "found everyone but..." he shook his head, "i need help with anti."schneeplestein grabbed his first aid kit from his own office and ran over to anti's office. expecting the worse scenario -- anti decapitated, anti shot, anti (ironically) stabbed. he wasn't expecting to see anti disheveled and clothed. tied up some weird kinky bdsm way, thick rope over his chest and legs, blindfold in place and a makeshift gag in his mouth. "what the?" the doctor muttered as he ripped the gag and blindfold away from anti. anti thrashing about. "FINALLY," he gasped, "what took ya so long, kink? i thought you said you're gonna get the--""kink?""...schneep? oh--" he tried to get out of his binds, blushing madly as he trashed about, "g-get me out of here!! i...i was tied up by some mad man!! i had no idea!!""anti, is that a hickey on your neck?" "shut UP chase!! it was...a mad man who marks his victims with...uh," schneeplestein laughed as he cut through the rope. anti sitting up, crossing his arms. grumpy and used. he knew kink was bullshitting him -- they always did. and now kinkiplier was just added to the list of 'People I'm Going To Kill Without Mercy' -- right under dark and right before the cast of Riverdale (hey, he hated the show a lot. give him a break.) "...hey," anti spoke up from the teasing and mocking laughter, "did that fucker take my laptop?"the laughter quickly died as they all looked at anti. "...you /idiot!/"***kink sat down with the host in the shared break room, tired from his so called mission that day. removing his gag to sip at the hot chocolate he'd made himself. "the host inquires about the last mission kink had with the other egos today.""hmm? oh yeah, /that/." he laughs as he takes another sip, "i walked right in and put the moves on the dark emo one.""anti? the ego with the wound in his neck?""yeah yeah!! him," he laughs more, "i just wooed him, as i do, and he told me some private shit he likes. tied him up, promised i'd come back with something to gag him with. i took his laptop and booked it out of there, i was like james bond." he hums the theme song as host laughs quietly. "the host must ask what anti is into. he's a peculiar ego who nobody knows much about.""aw, just normal stuff. he really likes being told he's loved and appreciated. poor guy's starving for positive attention.""the host feels displeased with this realization. did kinkiplier really play with anti's emotions?""host, babe, its a dog eat dog world. gotta take advantage of what you can to move forward," kink chuckles darkly, "you should know that. right, author? stealing people out of their lives to move forward in what was your career. killing, maiming, and silencing anyone who got in your way. don't think just because i act the way i do doesnt mean i don't know shit about you and everyone else here, author.""...the host is uncomfortable and wishes to leave. a panic attack rising in his chest, ready to burst out the longer he stays.""aw, i'm just messing with ya, hostie!!" kink laughs and presses a kiss to the host's cheek, the smell of hot chocolate rich in the host's nose, "im gonna go see google, see ya around!"the host sits and starts to cry bloodied tears. holding his cup of coffee close. shaking with fright. no...no, he...he was promised those secrets were buried. he was promised they would never be brought up again. the host cries harder as the gravity of what just happened hits him. perhaps kinkiplier isn't what he seems.