#he specifically points them out during Riko's interview

[plutoslvr]

Okay so in my last Kevin post, I mentioned I have analysis' on how Kevin isn't a coward and how his trauma still affects him and you guys wanted to read it so here!

Why Kevin Day Isn’t a Coward: 

Essentially this comes down to 3 specific points in the fandom and even in the books since people are very adamant about the whole coward thing. The two things that people (in book and fandom-wise) use to argue that Kevin is a coward are: 

Kevin is still afraid/ doesn’t stand up to Riko 

That he left Jean behind in the nest.

Starting off with the first point. Kevin is still afraid and doesn’t stand up to Riko for the majority of the books. Firstly, we need to understand that Kevin has been abused from an extremely young age in the Nest and was conditioned into thinking that kind of behaviour was normal. And by that I mean specifically Riko’s abuse but before that, it was Coach Moriyama that abused both of them. 

He was stuck in the Nest for over a decade where his only role was “property” the entire time. That was all he would ever be to them and additionally to that, he wasn’t even allowed to be better than Riko. His entire life from the very start has been about exy but it was only after his mothers death where it became life or death. 

During tfc when Neil finds out how Kevin’s hand really broke Wymack says “But the day Kevin stops playing forever is the day he dies. He has nothing else. He wasn't raised to have anything else. Do you understand? We cannot lose to the Ravens this year. Kevin won't survive it."

He wasn’t raised to have anything else, exy is quite literally his everything, and without it, he has nothing and nobody. In this same scene, Wymack says, “Kevin doesn't talk about his time at Evermore, but I could tell it wasn't the first time Riko or Moriyama laid a hand on him. It was just the first time Kevin was smart enough to pack his bags and walk away.”

We never find out in detail what exactly happened to Kevin in the Nest but in TRK when Neil goes there we can see how deluded and obsessed Riko is with Kevin.

Neil moved up alongside him and regretted it almost immediately. Postcards of faraway cities both foreign and domestic were taped to the walls. Beneath each one were scraps of paper. Kevin's now-familiar scrawl listed dates and explanations for the travels. Most of them were games. Some indicated photo shoots and interviews. Books lined the shelves built into the headboard and Neil knew from skimming the spines they were Kevin's. Kevin was majoring in history for reasons Neil couldn't understand; these dry titles were the sorts of things he would find fascinating. It gave Neil chills to see his space preserved like this. It was like Kevin had gone out on an errand, not that he'd transferred to another team entirely.

Riko is so sure that Kevin is going to come back to him because he’s instituted such fear into him, he doesn’t think Kevin has the strength to stand up to him. Which he does, but people don’t seem to realise you can’t undo over a decade's worth of trauma overnight. 

Anyway, during Neil’s time in the Nest, he’s treated very similarly to how Kevin would be considering he was in his place but also not as harsh because they had to send Neil back to the Foxes inevitably.

"I am going to love hurting you," Riko said, "like I loved hurting Kevin."

What follows this is Riko tying Neil down and torturing him with a switchblade. By the time Neil leaves the Nest he doesn’t remember anything from the experience- he was so traumatised by it that he doesn’t remember it at all. (It also kinda sucks how Neil gets more sympathy for being in the nest for 2 weeks than Kev did for being there for over a decade.)

Putting this into perspective, Kevin went through that for so much longer and doesn’t get nearly enough of the same sympathy Neil did. Neil returned and Kevin got punched for letting him go even though he tried persuading Neil not to. Kevin has always had Neil’s best interest at heart. 

Kevin shook his head and bulled on when Neil started to argue. "The master wants to salvage you. He's going to sign you to the Raven lineup in spring. So long as you keep quiet and keep your head down he won't tell the main family he's found you." "I'm not a Raven," Neil said. "I never will be." "Then run," Kevin insisted, low and frantic. "It's the only way you'll survive."

Kevin was willing to sacrifice the only chance he had to prove his autonomy to the Moriyamas if it meant Neil would be safe. Without Neil, they wouldn’t have enough players to qualify and they wouldn’t be able to play at all. (Again: “But the day Kevin stops playing forever is the day he dies. He has nothing else. He wasn't raised to have anything else. Do you understand? We cannot lose to the Ravens this year. Kevin won't survive it.")

Not to mention the whole “Kevin was silent for an endless minute, then said, "You should be Court." It was barely a whisper, but it cut Neil to the bone. It was a resentful goodbye to the bright future Kevin had wanted for Neil. Kevin recruited Neil because he believed in Neil's potential. He brought him to the Foxes intending to make a star athlete out of him. Despite his condescending attitude and his dismissals of Neil's best efforts Kevin honestly expected Neil to make the national team after graduation.

And even after that, he promised to teach Neil, because at the end of the day, Neil was still Neil and he never gave up on him once.

And Neil understood that being on the run for 8 years was more preferable to the Nest. 

“But all Neil had to do was look at Kevin to know he would have hated that life 

too.”

Sorry I kinda went off track there anyway we can also see how much Riko’s presence still affects Kevin especially in scenes like the Kathy Ferdinand show. 

“Any animosity Neil felt toward Kevin for forcing him onto this show evaporated. He couldn't be angry when Riko was here, not when Riko was to Kevin what Neil's father was to him. Petty anger had nothing on this full-fledged terror.”

Obviously, we all know what a dickhead Neil’s dad was to him so Neil comparing the fear of his father being similar to Kevin’s fear of Riko is so important because it just puts into perspective how afraid Kevin is here face-to-face with his abuser the first time since said abuser permanently disabled him.

But what I don’t think is that Kevin has been standing upto Riko since the start because right after this when they were backstage, Kevin physically stopped Riko from hurting Neil even if it meant getting hurt by Riko again.

A black look twisted Riko's expression into something ugly and unrecognizable. He reached for Neil, but Kevin caught his arm to stop him. Riko slammed his elbow back into Kevin's face without missing a beat.

This scene is probably the best to describe how downright afraid Kevin is of Riko but there are others when Kevin has multiple panic attacks at just the thought of Riko or being in the same vicinity as him and rightfully so! Riko abused him, manipulated him and then took away the only thing he had. And Kevin was just forced to think this was okay. 

And a lot of characters and fans see his fear as cowardice instead of a normal trauma response. This is also because Neil tends to speak out more against Riko than Kevin (You know I get it…) but unlike Neil, Kevin has had direct repercussions towards him for the “mistake” of talking back to Riko which of course makes him hesitant. 

He knows the Moriyamas could drag him back at any moment and he's terrified of that happening.

Which leads to the second bit of “Kevin doesn’t stand up to Riko.” when many times, he has.

The most prominent example is in TRK, just after the foxes lost their first match to the ravens.

“You have fallen so far, Kevin. You should have stayed down and saved us the trouble of forcing you back to your knees." "I'm satisfied," Kevin said. It was the last response any of the Foxes expected from him. They forgot about Riko in favor of gaping at Kevin. "Not with their score or performance, but with their spirit. I was right. There's more than enough here for me to work with."

Kevin chose the foxes over the ravens- over Riko. He doesn’t allow their loss to become something Riko can use against him but instead something to affirm his current standing with them. This is also the first game Andrew played without his meds meaning he’s crashed by the end of it.

Kevin distracted the Ravens from Andrew's unsteadiness by facing them.

Kevin willingly turned to talk to his ex-abuser and his team if it meant Andrew wouldn’t be under fire. Most people only see Kevin and Andrew as Andrew protecting Kevin but Kevin protected Andrew just as much.

And of course we have the whole tattoo removal and the last exy match against the foxes but I need everyone to understand that those are so so so important. Kevin spent the entire series save the last quarter of the last book viewing himself as Riko’s property. Riko refers to him as such and even without Riko near him, his control is still strong over Kevin.

So Kevin removing his tattoo and replacing it with something with a higher hierarchical structure than Riko’s status as king is so detrimental, it’s a turning point for him because he’s viewing himself as his own person now. And Kevin scoring the winning goal brings us full circle because the last time he did that with Riko, he ended up disabled and shunned.

This brings me to my second point about Kevin running away from the nest. Alot of people see Kevin escpaing from the nest and leaving behind Jean as an act of cowardice. This bit gets a bit complicated because in no way shape or form am I trying to compare trauma’s or anything like that.

But to continue on. The ravens had a very strict policy that we got to see during Neil's experience one of which being that no matter how injured they were, they were still expected to show up to practice. The more mistakes they made the more punishment they'd find themselves in. Not showing was practically a death wish.

Now Kevin having his hand fucking broken would mean thay either he doesn't practise and get punished or practise with his fucked up hand and further damage it. If he stayed I wholeheartedly believe he would've died.

He ran away to save his life and that will never be cowardice not once. He didn't go to Wymack immediately when he found out because he knew what kind of target he'd paint on Wymacks back.

"He was trying to protect him," Neil said. "If Coach knew Kevin was his son, he'd have tried to take him from Edgar Allan." Nicky grimaced. "They'd have never let Kevin go." 

He only left when he had no other option. He had nothing left, the one thing he did have was taken away from him, he had no purpose and for once Riko didn't care enough about him to pay attention. And he used that to run.

Leaving Jean behind was something he always regretted, but it was a game of survival. Jean was a gift to the Moriyamas, he was also property to them and couldn't leave. And if the roles were reversed I strongly believe Jean would've done the same thing.

Also Kevin finds a place for him layer with the trojans because he knew that being a fox wouldn't be good for him.

"He isn't safe with us," Kevin said. "I won't give him false hope."

Staying in the nest would've been suicide for Kevin. He's one of the biggest victims in the series but nobody talks about it enough I fear and there's so much to learn about him via context clues etc.

And the saddest thing in my opinion is that Kevin knew was it was like to be loved, he was raised by his mother for a few years before going to the Moriyamas. 

ANYWAY to conclude, I suck at essays and I hope I've worded everything well and what I'm trying to say gets across. Kevin is not a coward, never has been a coward and never will be. He's survived through such a damaging and abusive environment only to get moved to a separate environment where everyone just ridicules his defense tactics and he has no real sense of support. 

His reasons for what he does always stems from the fact the he doesn't want to go back to being under Riko and Coach Moriyamas "care" and that he's afraid. And most of the time it's things he can't shake from the nest.

Like when he pushes the foxes its so they're always at their best and so none of them get hurt or punished for mistakes. He pushed himself the hardest because he doesn't want to directly affect his teammates. 

Or the celebrity persona he was forced to develop.

Or how he makes sure everyone is staying healthy and that they don't force themselves to play when sick or injured because he knows what it's like to be forced to play like that day after day. 

AND IVE GONE OFF COURSE AGAIN yeah I kinda mashed together both analysis' of how Kevin's trauma from the nest affects him and how he's not a coward into one thing AND THIS IS SUPER LONG so if ur still here thank you very much for reading I really hope this makes sense

[stuffingprize]

Why ship Agon & Yoichi? Welcome to the 2nd portion of my long AgoHiru meta post!! I ended up having to break it into 3 parts because of the sheer amount of images. If you missed Part 1, please go HERE.

~~Part 2~~

TWO YEARS LATER - Agon doesn’t care about football.. except when he does

Agon is considered such a high-value player that scouts from University teams & Sports writers come see him play. Unfortunately for them, Agon doesn't actually enjoy football enough nor deems his participation important enough to play full time or train. And yet, when it comes to Yoichi’s new High School team, Agon makes exceptions.

During Sena’s first Deimon vs Ojo match, Agon makes surprising appearance. And he's not only keeping tabs on Yoichi, but also on any interesting newcomers to the team:

Checking out Mamori, downplaying Sena, insulting Yoichi.. tsk tsk

Remember how Agon insults Sena along with Ryokan during Riko’s interview? From the moment Yoichi’s football team begins to boast a new star, Sena becomes Agon’s new target of ire. Sena who, like Ryokan, lacks in areas Agon can excel. Sena who is currently Yoichi’s trump card.. the position that should be Agon’s.

Sena has no power, but his speed gives Deimon a chance at the Christmas Bowl, & Agon can’t stand that. Because at the end of it all, I think his issue isn’t the fact that Yoichi plays football, it’s the fact that he continues to choose his less talented friends to accomplish his goal instead of the "once in a century genius athlete" that is Agon.

For all his talk about playing football to crush those without talent, nothing personally motivates Agon more than playing for the sole purpose of ruining the dream Yoichi Hiruma has with his friends..

An answer that evokes an image too similar to the one Agon saw the day he decided to join Shinryuji.. Even Riko can tell this topic spells a land mine, oof

Yoichi influences Agon: +20 points! (Agon hates Yoichi’s friends, specifically Ryokan & Sena.)

~

DEIMON VS SHINRYUJI - Dethroning the Gods

When the chance to play against Deimon finally arrives, Agon, of course, decides to play the game in full, much to the surprise of his teammates. And he quickly escalates to participating in ALL ASPECTS due to Yoichi's continued provocations, because it is of course Yoichi’s opinions that he cares about:

When he finally faces off against Yoichi himself, Agon chops him down the same way he does everyone. But once Yoichi gets a hold of his leg, Agon smashes him to the ground so hard, the demon bleeds!

Such strong aggression.. like some seriously pent up UST

And five minutes after contact, Agon still can’t stop thinking about it because he’s so affected by it!

As the match goes on, Agon reluctantly begins to accept Sena as a formidable player, but nonetheless he continues to keep an eye on Yoichi, often bringing up his history with him to assess the potential of Deimon’s plays.

Despite not speaking to each other for two years & the fact that they mostly only hung out for blackmail, Agon sure knows quite a lot about Yoichi’s stats & play style. I think this shows he’s clearly very invested in him.

Deimon's match against Shinryuji is SUPER DELIGHTFUL to me for several reasons, especially because:

We got a story of origins: how the Maou trio ended up in Deimon

The Shinryuji Nagas have been set up since vol 6 as the Best Team in all of Kanto, with 9 consecutive championships won

Agon is presented as a personal villain to the our protagonists, which makes winning against his team all the more sweeter

Yukimisu debuts!

Because Agon is a man who can play any position, this is the only game where every touchdown by Deimon was done by a different character

Agon, the once-in-a-century genius had such malicious intent in proving to Yoichi that his team was made up of losers. But he instead ends up getting owned by a variety of Deimon's players, even those who had never before touched the ball in an official match!

By the end of the game, guess what Agon thinks about?

His conversation with Yoichi, and the two players he bashed the most. The end result of this match crushes him so badly that he decides to do the previously unimaginable: to TRAIN.

Yoichi influences Agon: +30 points! (Agon plays a full match. Agon tastes defeat. Agon decides to train!)

And so.. after being bested by Deimon, Agon begins to take the sport seriously, fully intent in seeking another rematch. Another chance to once again prove he’s the best player & that Yoichi should've chosen him.

Oops.. Except that Deimon’s third years don’t get to participate in sports.

See, training soon proves to not be enough for Agon. Not only does Agon keep a close watch on Deimon's next matches, he even goes so far as to try out for Teikoku High after Deimon secures their ticket to their long-coveted Christmals Bowl. Because Agon doesn’t want to wait a whole year for a rematch. 

Maybe it's just drama to up the stakes, but taking his history with Yoichi & his tremendous grudge against Yoichi's friends into account, I posit he did it because he knew Deimon’s third years don’t get to play sports. Defeating Deimon without facing Yoichi would feel pretty pointless, after all, it is Yoichi whom he wants to brag to.

A year ago, Agon turned down Teikoku because of how committed he was to staying at Shinryuji specifically. Yet that goes out the window the moment it wasn’t enough to ruin the dreams Yoichi build with his friends

In any case, Agon goes to watch Deimon vs Ojo in person once again, as well as the Christmas Bowl. As for the Hakushuu match, he only watches it through TV (maybe he couldn't watch Yoichi get crushed in person).

Yoichi influences Agon: +20 points! (Agon tries to get into Teikoku. Agon gets increasingly more invested in football)

→Continue to Part 3→

What’s it like when they finally play on the same team? Where do they go from there? And other bonus topics!

[fallingin-like]

november 20

back to the start by @fuzzballsheltiepants​ [requested by @nikothespoonklepto]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

containing an injured!andrew who loses all of his recent memories, this fic is has heartbreak and healing. this fic has great pacing and flow, you don’t even notice that you’ve read 30k words until you’re done.

this is an absolutely amazing fic. you did such a great job writing the characters in a way that was in depth and stays really true to them. it was funny, serious, angsty, and fluffy in a way that tied everything together and made it really easy to read. i loved having the opportunity to see andrew fall in love with neil again and see neil really fight to protect andrew.

parts that i especially liked:

”andrew and neil had watched kevin’s interview the night before on exy night in america from andrew’s apartment. neil had spent the ten minutes grinning at kevin’s well-practiced persona while andrew drily commented what they both knew kevin was really thinking” this is so cute! there’s really nothing that brings people together more than making fun of kevin

EXCUSE ME HOW DARE YOU INJURE ANDREW IN THAT WAY

andrew waking up so disoriented and confused and afraid is so heartbreaking. to be brought back to that terrible night, surrounded by strangers, in so much pain. i really cannot handle it, he’s already suffered so much in his life ;-;

ohmygoodness andrew sort of recognizing kevin? is this based on andrew having seen kevin before the club incident or because he’s actually recognizing kevin?

”’did they kill him?’ he asked dully.” ahhh i can feel andrew closing himself off, resigning himself for bad news

”he didn’t know why he was talking, he was revealing too much, he needed to stop but not as  much as he needed to know” i hate seeing andrew so distressed, to the point where he can’t contain himself

”he almost laughed, it was such a ridiculous idea that andrew’s perfect memory could be compromised, but dr. kupra’s face was serious.” oh no, what a terrible and ironic injury, for andrew to lose the memories that he likely actually wanted to keep

what in the world kevin, why would you not call nicky to get him to talk to andrew??

”that voice… it tickled something in his chest” AHH even without his memories, something within andrew recognizes neil, so soft

”and you need to understand that you can’t just start touching him when  he’s asleep” it’s so comforting to know that neil is around to protect andrew while he is extremely vulnerable.

it’s really not surprising that andrew has a panic attack, to learn that you’ve lost seven years of your life? i can’t even imagine how upsetting and scary it would be

ah yes, of course neil forgets to charge his phone

”like i’m worth something, like i matter” oh no i totally forgot that since andrew is back to his 17 year old self it means his mental health is probably a lot worse. oh my goodness 17 is so young! 

”it’s amazing how many words they can say to avoid telling you they don’t know” oh my goodness neil

ANDREW REMEMBERS SOME THINGS, I HAVE HOPE. and it seems like now neil does too!

to hear that they’ve had conversations with andrew that he can’t remember, that they’ve explained the situation to him multiple times already, it sounds hard for anyone, but andrew who is used to his eidetic memory? oof

”this felt more like he had read it in a book, like if he turned the page he would already know what was on the next one, but he couldn’t manage to turn the page. and the next page was important, of that he was sure” wow this description is so so good.

OH NO ANDREW THINKING NEIL AND KEVIN ARE TOGETHER and then “it didn’t seem such an unreasonable question to andrew… the alternative didn’t make sense. the alternative was impossible” ahhh this is so painful, at least neil is not around to hear this.

”that didn’t really surprise neil; he had suspected that andrew had been interested in kevin at some point” ooo i like this

neil talking to andrew’s coach oh my goodness he really can’t help himself. but also it’s his way of caring too, protecting andrew from everyone

ahh i love andrew falling for neil again. “aggression of an eight-pound terrier” THIS IS SO TRUE. picking fights, but too small to actually fight them

”neil was reading on his phone and andrew watched him through his lashes until he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore” this is so so sweet, i love being able to see things from andrew’s perspective, he hides so much from the outside that i am always interested in what he’s thinking

”he wouldn’t be the first who thought andrew could be ‘healed,’ whatever that meant.” the thing i like about their relationship is that i think that neil doesn’t think andrew ‘could be healed’. i think neil thinks that andrew doesn’t need healing. that bad things happened to andrew and yes, these things changed him, they shaped him to be the person he is now, but they don’t mean he is broken. uhh i don’t know how to say the words i am thinking. BASICALLY, NEIL DOESN’T THINK ANDREW NEEDS TO CHANGE. HE LIKES (LOVES) HIM AS HE IS

”... but he could still taste his old grief and guilt and fury” ANDREW FEELING GUILT SO MUCH GROWTH

”nicky had been there; he could call nicky, and find out what - who - had broken neil so badly” ahhhhhh i love this!!!

ohmygoodness, all the things that neil is remembering. i love it so much

ugh i want neil to go off on all the people trying to pin down andrew, but at the same time, i guess they had a somewhat reasonable reason for doing what did. BUT STILL THEY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER. andrew has been through so much!!!!

i love these moments of andrew finding out what happened to neil. we get to see his genuine reactions, even what he’s feeling, not just what he’s emoting (which i’m sure is not much). it’s a little different, because although he still feels this emotional connection to neil, he doesn’t understand why, but his reactions are so pure and unfiltered. i love it

”it’s who i am, it’s not something i can forget” I LOVE THIS LINE and i love love love nicky’s reaction. 

ugh, neil fighting to protect andrew is just *clenches fist* so good

okay i love neil, but woah. when he thinks of how lucky he is to have andrew and the first thing that comes up is andREW BREAKING RIKO’S ARM. LOL what a legend

ohmygoodness i forgot that neil is still in school. i really cannot believe that he is able to balance everything, like it’s just so wild to me.

i’m so glad that neil has matt. he has andrew yes, but matt is just a good friend, something that neil has never really had. someone that is openly affectionate and talkative enough to balance neil’s anti-social personality. someone he can go through during these tough times when andrew is not around

NEIL JOSTEN CERTIFIED HOTTIE HAHAH

oh, hearing andrew’s perspective of millport is so good, so interesting

ANDREW ASKING WHICH SCARS ARE FROM HIM ACTUALLY BREAKS MY HEART. nonononono

NEIL ROASTING THE REPORTER IS WHAT I LIVE FOR. but also i’m pretty mad that this guy was able to get into the hospital and approach neil like this. people are so rude and have no sense of privacy somethings UGH

”neil was a trouble magnet. andrew didn’t remember too many specifics, but he knew it with a bone deep certainty” hah

oh, the way that you wrote andrew regaining his memories about riko and drake and maybe easthaven. it’s so impactful seeing it from neil’s perspective. “he watched as that bomb hit, the slow motion ripple effect it had as memories resurface and deductions were made.” your descriptions are so good

the contrast between the texts from the foxes and neil trying to deal with andrew remembering is amazing

it’s so interesting to me the way that the sense of distance between neil and andrew are for different reasons. neil is being so careful not to cross andrew’s boundaries because he doesn’t know what andrew’s okay with, etc. and andrew is still learning about the relationship that he previously shared with neil and doesn’t know where they were at with that, doesn’t know what past him did

oo i love twinyard moments, the bonding. “i didn’t forget you” AHHH i like that they’re so civil now, aaron is probably less stressed (now that he’s not trying to balance school, exy, and the MAFIA) and has matured, he doesn’t repress as much of his emotions maybe. he cares about andrew and both lets himself care about him and allows himself to show it, even if it’s in small ways

so much growth/development to see that neil turns to betsy and actually calls her!! she knows so much about their history, i’d be interested in what kind of relationship neil had with her after their first year

”didn’t know how to tell him that he remembered other things - remembered bits and pieces of meals and drives and games and shared cigarettes on the roof, the weight of neil’s mouth on his own and the feel of his skin, the sound of his hitches of breath. because none of that felt real” THIS IS SO GOOD BUT ALSO HURTS. NEIL IS A PIPE DREAM BUT ANDREW DOESN’T KNOW THAT HE’S ALSO A REALITY TOO

”then neil came out of the bathroom and andrew decided maybe he didn’t hate the girlfriend after all. not if she’d picked out those clothes.” ohmygoodness andrew

”four years. four years since andrew had been nearly torn apart by terror. four years since he had felt that anguished need that seemed so fresh in his memory. and yet neil was still here” THIS IS SO GOOD AHHH

EXCUSE ME HOW DARE YOU BREAK MY HEART LIKE THAT BY SAYING NEIL CAN’T HELP DECIDE WHAT HAPPENS TO NEIL ALSO “everyone but andrew, whose glam intensified” WHAT DOES THIS MEAN AND THEN NEIL SAYING “do you think if andrew cared he wouldn’t let them kick me out in the first place?” AHHHH

oh okay you have redeemed yourself by having aaron and andrew BOTH agree with neil. “look, i might have head trauma but i’m not an idiot” LOL

”andrew wasn’t sure why his stomach clenched, why his fingers dug into the blanket” HHHH HURTS

AARON YELLING WRONG MINYARD YES

oh! so cute to have bonding between andrew, neil, katelyn, and aaron!!

oHH no i forgot that people might hold andrew’s sexuality against him and that makes me so mad

”aaron said mildly ‘out of all the men in this world, why did you have to end up with one who’s too stupid to feed himself?’” LOL

”it would only be a week tomorrow, but it felt like he had always been here, that the rest of his life had been something he’d seen in a movie or read in a book. like this was the only part that was real” oh oh oh. this is so sad, but also it makes so much sense. “it was always like that, though” OH. this, and the rest of the paragraph is so interesting. i love the way that you explain it. and the end of this chapter is so good. it really sets us up for the last chapter and leaves me aching for resolution. for andrew to realise he can and does have this. that it’s real and won’t be taken away from him

i’m a little bit confused about the whole discussion about sexuality and mental illness. why did katelyn misunderstand and what was she thinking? i think i’m just missing something here LOL

”the way andrew hesitated before he nodded meant no, but neil wasn’t going to push him” ugh it’s so good to know that neil can read andrew so well, can tell what he’s not saying, but knows when to push and when to back off.

NO SELF-CONSCIOUS NEIL IS SO SAD

”aaron refusing to sign anything, turning it all over to andrew and neil” aaron is such a complicated character, we don’t get to see him fully explored in the books and i love the way that you used this fic as an opportunity to do so. he cares, but in his own way. even though they have disagreements, at the end of the day, he wants what is best for andrew and i really liked how you portrayed him and throughout this fic.

WHY IS ANDREW SINGING WITHOUT KNOWING

ANDREW KISSING NEIL AND THEN GIVING THE PAPARAZZI THE MIDDLE FINGER IS THE BEST THING

i love that you have parts of this fic from andrew’s perspective. it’s so so interesting to see his honest reactions to memories and people and to experience his introspection. and it’s not super obvious, but i love that with perspective shifts, we also see your writing style adjust to reflect that. you handled this whole fic so well, there was a great balance between humour, softness, and angst that made me really enjoy reading this. 

you did such a good job with the characterization, it was so wonderful seeing andrew rebuild his relationships and fall for neil again, the interactions between everyone (including your OCs). i appreciate that, although andrew and neil have kind of re-established their relationship (they both know that they like each other and are comfortable with each other), there’s still some sort of distance. things are still a little bit off and they still have work to do to continue to learn each other. it keeps things realistic and, for some reason, brings me closure. this is such a significant event for both of them and things are different because of that and i’m glad you didn’t ignore that aspect of it. this was just such a wonderful fic, thank you so much for writing it!!

[natsthinkitythinkthinkthonk]

ANN Interview: Made in Abyss Composer Kevin Penkin

This is all originally from an Anime News Network interview.

Interview: Made in Abyss Composer Kevin Penkin

Interview Info: October 7th, 2014 By Callum May for Anime News Network

As a person who is aspiring to become a score composer (kind of an unrealistic dream that I can’t seem to let go), I found this really, really interesting. I left a lot of stuff in because I feel like there’s so much to unpack, and most of the information is interesting to me.

I did edit a few things out (mostly not music related), and I put in some square brackets for the sake of explanation and context. 

It appears that all of your anime soundtrack work has been with Kinema Citrus. How did you come to work with them?

I met Kinema Citrus when we were attached to the same project called "Under the Dog"[...] Since then, we've enjoyed a wonderful relationship on other projects such as Norn9 and most recently, Made in Abyss.

Do you expect to be working on anime outside of Kinema Citrus in the future?

That would be lovely. It's not entirely up to me, but that would be lovely. I'm very grateful to get any work in anime, as I'm very, very passionate about this industry. If I do get the opportunity to work on another project from any company, I would consider it to be a great privilege.

What was your first reaction to Made in Abyss when you were approached with the project? How much of it did you get to read?

I was given the first 4 books as source material to read and was immediately taken by the world that Tsukushi Akihito had created. The early stages of production were just me going through the books and finding interesting scenes or artwork to write music to.

Who did you have the most contact with on the Made in Abyss staff? What sort of questions did you ask?

I have a music director named Hiromitsu Iijima, who I would talk to on a daily basis. Every couple of weeks after a large chunk of the soundtrack had been written, we'd set up a meeting with Kojima-san [Director, Storyboard, and Episode Director] and Ogasawara-san [Animation Producer who works with Kinema Citrus] to discuss the current state of the soundtrack. We'd discuss if there were any points of concern or if anything needed to be changed. We essentially repeated that process until we were ready to record, mix, and finalize the music.

What sort of instructions and materials were you given in regards to making tracks for Made in Abyss?

In addition to all the manga books, I got a lot of background and concept art that I could reference. Trying to match the visual colour palette and the musical "colour" palette was really important to me. For example, looking at how the foregrounds and backgrounds were so juxtaposed gave me ideas such as writing for a small ensemble of instruments, but recorded in a large space. This was meant to act as a metaphor for Riko and Reg exploring in this humongous, expansive cave system.

Could you elaborate on the idea of developing a musical "colour" palette? How do colours and music correlate?

It might be best for me to give some examples. Starting more broadly with Reg, he's a character made up of both organic and mechanical body parts. So combining organic and mechanical sound sources when writing for Reg felt perfectly natural.

Talking more specifically about colour correlation, there is a lot of information in colour that allows us to perceive essential things such as relationships and distances between objects. The sound has this as well. Depending on how you combine the essential components of sound (pitch, timbre, harmony, loudness, etc.) and controlling how they either complement or clash against each other is going to result in a specific listening experience.

“Depths of the Abyss” is another example of the musical key slowly “ascending” over time to act as a sonic metaphor for the Abyss rising up to surround and engulf our main characters. There's the flip side to this as well. The title track “Made in Abyss” features descending string passages to represent Riko and Reg's descent into the world of the Abyss. I've personally found that thinking about these sorts of concepts can be very helpful when trying to establish the palette of sounds (colours) that you think will complement and/or enhance what's being displayed on-screen.

How much did you know about how your music would be used? Did you know that Underground River would be used to introduce the world in a montage just six minutes into the first episode?

Syncing music to anime is a slightly different process than what I've experienced [...] In the limited amount of anime that I've done, I've typically been instructed to create music away from the picture, which is then matched to the desired scene(s) at a later stage of production. This might contribute to why a lot of anime music can feel like a music video at times. From what I've experienced and from what I can research, I've seen directors take large chunks of time out of an episode to let the music take over so that the audience can “breathe". Underground River is a good example of this. [In episode one] you're introduced to characters, their motivations, world building, monsters and action all in a very short amount of time. Taking a minute or two to let the viewer digest all this can be very effective, and music can help with that.

You're also known for your work on Necrobarista and Kieru, two Australian indie games. What draws you to working on Aussie games, even after making your debut internationally?

[Being an Aussie], there's a lot of pride in how interesting and unique Australian indie games are. I've always had a connection to games and Australia. So even though I'm currently living in the UK, the fact that I'm still able to work on games with friends who are living back home is something really special.

It's not common to see an Australian in the credits for anime. Do you think musicians from outside of Japan are becoming more common?

I [...] grew up watching Dragon Ball Z on TV. There are actually two scores composed for that series depending on [whether you are watching dub or sub]. So I actually grew up listening to Bruce Faulconer's music for DBZ, not Shunsuke Kikuchi's original score. 

[In regards to other foreign anime score composers] There are also other examples such as Blood+ with Marc Mancina, Gabriele Roberto with Zetman in 2012, and Evan Call has done quite a few things as well [like Violet Evergarden]. So I think while it may be becoming more frequent to see musicians from outside of Japan being attached to anime projects.

How would you say composing for games differs to composing for an anime series like Made in Abyss?

Speaking for myself, composing for games, anime, or whatever typically starts the same. I feel that if you're able to nail the concept and/or tone of the project, that's a big part of the process already completed. Then it's just up to the individual needs of the project. Games are typically approached from an interactive point of view. If it's film or TV, you need to know if you're writing to picture or if you can write with no time contractions like I described before. You sort of go from there really.

How would you describe that concept/tone of Made in Abyss?

Made in Abyss offered the perfect opportunity to get really specific with instrumentation. We had analog synthesizers, field recordings, vocal samples, and much more that were heavily manipulated to create distinct electro-acoustic textures. Deciding where to record was also a really important discussion, and we ended up recording at a studio in Vienna.

[It was] a huge, state of the art recording facility just outside central Vienna. I asked for a custom chamber orchestra comprised of three violins, three violas, two celli, one double bass, two flutes, two clarinets, one bassoon, two french horns, one trumpet, one trombone, and one tuba. Totaling 19 musicians. Each musician had their own “solo" part, meaning that there was up to 19 different “lines” being played at the same time during a piece of music.

The concept behind such a setup was to represent the small company of characters exploring the Abyss. Everyone's in this massive underground cave system, so I felt having a small group of soloists in a space designed to fit over 130 musicians was the perfect sonic metaphor for this. It just so happened that we were also working with some insanely good musicians and an unbelievable technical team as well.

If you were given the chance to collaborate on a soundtrack with one composer working in anime today, who would it be?

That's an interesting question. To be honest, I think I'd rather be an understudy of someone really experienced, rather than write side by side with them. If I could be a fly on the wall while Cornelius was writing Ghost in the Shell Arise, or Yoko Kanno while she was writing Terror in Resonance, that would be so, so informative. That said, Flying Lotus just got announced as the Blade Runner 2022 composer so I'd do anything to get in on that, even though it comes out in a few days (laughs).

Made in Abyss is one of the most highly regarded anime of the year. What do you think about the reaction to it?

I can't tell you how happy I am about the reaction to Made in Abyss. Writing the soundtrack was tough. The music is experimental in nature, and it required a lot of time and effort from many, many people. Everyone came together to make this work, and I'm over the moon with how it turned out.