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floralseokjin · 4 years

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⤑ made-up love song ii.

Your first encounter with Kim Seokjin doesn’t go so well, nor your second, or your third… and maybe that’s because it shouldn’t work on paper. You’re an elementary school teacher living with your best friend, and have never left the country despite hitting the third decade of your life not so long ago. He’s the dad of one of your students, nearly a decade older than you and divorced. Oh yes, and just another minor detail – he’s a multimillionaire.

Your lives are lightyears apart, yet somehow, your paths having now crossed, things just seem to fall into place…

pairing; kim seokjin x reader au/genre/warnings; strangers to lovers, romance, eventual smut, eventual angst, single dad! seokjin, ceo! seokjin, elementary school teacher! oc, age gap (oc is 30, seokjin is 37), seokjin is a dilf, things are heating up! the phrase ‘dilf dick’ gets thrown around way too much, RJ and taehyung cameo, hoseok, yoongi and namjoon are mentioned, as well as jungkook if you squint words; 12,169

↪︎ chapter index

chapters; i • ii • iii • iv • v • vi • vii • viii • ix • x • epilogue (+ drabbles)

After Seokjin dropped you off at the station, he and Arin waving you goodbye, it would be two weeks later when you saw him again. Not that you were holding out on it or anything… No way… That would be ludicrous.

The last week of school was always hectic, activities and games top priority now that teaching had come to a standstill. The children were hyper, the teacher’s worn out, but without fail you always looked forward to the summer fate. Head of the committee every year, you and a handful of your fellow teachers organised each game, each stall and each prize. As well as wanting the children to have fun, it was also an opportunity to celebrate their achievements throughout the year with their families. There were an arrange of awards for most subjects, third through to first place for each grade, and this year you’d convinced the principal, Mr. Jung, to include a new creative writing award. It wasn’t technically a subject – you already had the spelling bee for English class, but he’d thought it was a great idea to celebrate the students’ talents in a brand new way.

Of course, there was one child you had in mind when you’d gone to him with the idea – Arin. It was only fair in your eyes, she’d been with you not even three months and hadn’t had a chance like the other kids. The other awards were spoken for but you wanted her to at least get something, just so first grade could end on a good note for her and help her look forward to September.

You were at the entrance of the fate, in casual conversation with Mrs. Jeon as well as greeting the students’ families, when you caught a glimpse of Seokjin. He was hand in hand with Arin who skipped happily beside him. He was wearing a sea green thin sweater, that blew in the light breeze, and black jeans. He was even in sneakers. Way more unbelievable than the slippers. He looked effortlessly good, and you thought you preferred him like this, casually dressed. The suits were great yes, but he looked far more attainable like this. Not that you wanted to attain him.

Damn it.

You tried your best to ignore the strange heat that had seemed to settle in your chest at the sight of him, the faintest flurry of what could only be described as butterflies aggravating your stomach. What the hell? What was wrong with you?

“Hello, Miss.” Arin grinned, giving you a small wave, and you shook yourself out of it.

“Hi, Arin,” you waved back, of course catching Seokjin’s eyes in the process.

“Miss. Y/L/N,” he greeted, the hint of a smirk across his mouth. Teasing, again. Two could play at that game.

“Mr. Kim,” you replied, unable to keep a straight face – especially when you heard him laugh as he passed by you.

You watched him walk off, secretly pleased now that you knew he was here. You wouldn’t admit it out loud, wouldn’t dare tell anyone, but you’d been hoping he’d be free to attend the fate. To see Arin receive her reward, of course – nothing else. But, okay, maybe you had spent an embarrassingly long time choosing which dress to wear last night. Not that you wanted to impress him, more like… stand out.

“Who is he?” Mrs. Jeon whispered animatedly – hopefully out of earshot and once again knocking some sense back into you.

You tried to sound casual, like you weren’t aware of Seokjin’s jaw-dropping good looks – or more so, that they didn’t affect you whatsoever. “A student’s father.”

She made a noise of disbelief. “He is just pure… sex on legs.”

“Eunbi!” You exclaimed, taken by such surprise you used her first name. She burst out laughing, something you couldn’t ignore and ended up in a fit of giggles yourself.

“Behave.” You warned, trying to compose yourself. “You’re a married woman.” You’d attended her wedding last summer, bringing along Soojung as your plus one.

“Looking is still allowed,” she replied, making you both explode into laughter once again.

You were giddy. Really, what was up with you?

The afternoon was a success, the children and their families enjoying immensely, as well as the teachers. It was your job to announce the creative writing reward and it was so heart-warming to see how happy it made Arin to come first place. She held her little trophy and movie theatre vouchers proudly for the camera, Seokjin looking just as over the moon as her. Mr. Jung convinced him to join for a few snaps and you looked on with a polite smile. Other than earlier and a thank you as you passed the prize to Arin, those had been your only interactions with Seokjin for the day and now the fate was drawing to a close. You wouldn’t say you were disappointed, because that would be preposterous, but if those were going to be your only exchanges then it made the times he’d fleeted into your mind these past couple of weeks highly embarrassing…

It wasn’t as if you wanted to think about him, he just kept popping up. First you blamed Soojung, who wouldn’t shut up about Mr. Dilf for a few days after the exchange at his house (mansion), but soon the topic bored her, no new developments to keep her hooked. You on the other hand found yourself imagining instances where you’d bump into one another again. You know, happenstances… Like if he had the time to drop Arin off at school, although you doubted he’d end up in the staff parking lot again… You’d had a good giggle to yourself remembering his face when he’d realised.

Other incidents were less realistic, like maybe he’d drop off a thank you present the students liked to gift to say goodbye, or maybe you’d bump into him at the grocery store, the park – highly improbable, but you found yourself thinking all these things when you were procrastinating or trying to get to sleep.

Even now as you tried to win a prize at the Ring Toss stall – don’t ask how much money you’d already spent – (obviously using your free time wisely before you were needed again), you found yourself disappointed that things hadn’t worked out quite like you’d imagined today. You were being stupid. The guy was supposed to annoy the heck out of you, yet here you were unable to stop thinking about him. It had been a long time since a man had gotten you this distracted. A really long time…

“Can I help?”

You jumped at the sound of Seokjin’s voice, granted you were in deep concentration, about to launch the hoop, but you felt like you’d been caught doing something wrong. As if he knew you’d been thinking about him, caught you in the act. You whipped your head up, forcing yourself to relax and smile.

“I’ve been watching you try to win for the past ten minutes.” He chuckled. Great. How embarrassing. He stepped closer. “What do you have your eyes so set on?”

Oh, god. Even more embarrassing. You had a split second to make a decision. Be truthful or lie and choose something else. You know what, who cared? You were thirty and still loved stuffed animals. It wasn’t out of the ordinary.

“The alpaca.” You pointed to the white fluffy animal sat on the top shelf. With his cute round face and a red scarf wrapped around his neck, he was adorable and you really wanted him.

Seokjin wasn’t fazed at all. “He’s cute. I’ll try but don’t get your hopes up, okay?”

You nodded and handed him the hoops. He needed to loop all three around the skittles. You watched him with anticipation, thinking to yourself this definitely wasn’t one of your fantasies, but you liked it regardless. Liked it even better when Seokjin managed to win.

“Thank you, Seokjin,” you smiled, his name still feeling strange to say aloud. The man in charge of the game passed you your new ‘pet’ and you held it fondly, unable to stop yourself. Your landlord didn’t allow animals so you’d had to improvise over the years. You’d never had an alpaca before, but you were sure he’d fit right in.

“No problem, I’m glad I could be of service.” He chuckled.

There was a silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable but it was new. You were so used to Seokjin joking about you were expecting him to take the lead. Today he was quiet, actually right now he looked pretty awkward.

You opened your mouth to ask him how he was when you suddenly realised something. How stupid of you. You’d been so distracted by the stuffed animal you hadn’t realised a little certain someone was missing. “Where’s Arin?”

“She’s playing with a friend and their family.” You watched him scratch the back of his neck, looking at you, but not really making eye contact. “Y/N, do you maybe want to take a walk? We could find some where to sit and talk?”

“About what?” You could’ve kicked yourself. Why did you have to ask that? You were just a little dazed from hearing him say your name again.

“Uh, just about Arin really.”

You didn’t really know what you’d been expecting so any answer would’ve surprised you, but you nodded, taking him up on the offer. “Okay.”

You knew a bench away from the fate but still on school grounds, and you walked side by side, noticing just how tall and broad he was. His shoulders looked unbelievable in that sweater, and it hugged his chest perfectly when the light breeze of the afternoon hit him, his well-built chest visible. Not that you were staring or anything, you just happened to notice…

You small talked along the way. Not much, mostly about the fate, but it was enough for you to hit your destination without any awkward silence. You wracked your brains as you sat, wondering what he had to say about Arin. Maybe he wanted to discuss her stories more, thank you for the prize she’d won. What you did know though, was that his cologne really did smell amazing. It was woody, maybe spicy, and just plain addicting. This close proximity was wreaking havoc with you again. You sat the alpaca between you both on bench, acting as a barrier for your sanity.

Seokjin patted its head absentmindedly before he side-eyed you, that amused smile you’d become familiar with upturning the corners of his mouth. “You seem a lot less scrappy today.”

You raised both eyebrows, thrown for a moment. “Scrappy?”

“Yes,” he chuckled, “a lot less intimidating.”

You? Intimidating? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? The sheer power of Seokjin’s brow line alone could bring a person to quivering knees, and that wasn’t mentioning the obvious, like you know, his face. However, he seemed genuine enough. You didn’t really consider yourself feisty, but then again, when pushed to your limits maybe something just snapped inside of you. You had powers you weren’t aware of, obviously. Better own them then…

You gave a small shrug, smirking slightly. “Maybe I’ve chosen to forgive and forget.”

He chuckled again, genuinely amused, but you sensed some reluctance his end, a slight awkwardness. Was he stalling? You suddenly grew a little nervous. The dynamics you’d grown somewhat used to during your last few encounters had shifted without you knowing. Seokjin was a lot less teasing today. How come?

“So,” you pressed carefully, unable to handle the anticipation. “What was it you wanted to say?”

He lifted his head up, warm eyes meeting yours and your insides did that flurrying thing again. Your imagination hadn’t concocted this. When he smiled you realised how kind it was – how kind it could be when he wasn’t being infuriating. “I just want to thank you.”

Your eyes widened before you could control the surprise. “Thank me?”

He nodded, relaxing a little now, pressing his back into the bench. “For being such an amazing teacher to Arin these past couple of months.”

Of course, Arin. That’s what he’d said in the beginning, right? He wanted to sit and talk about Arin.

“That’s really no problem,” you smiled. It was your job after all. Yes, teachers liked being appreciated for their hard work, but personally, praise sent you a little red in the face.

You didn’t know if he heard you, already continuing, as if he’d rehearsed what he wanted to say. “It’s been really hard on her, the change – you know, uprooting the life she knew to come and live with me. New school, making new friends. She was incredibly worried, but you made it so much easier for her.”

Looking at you again, sounding so genuine, you found yourself freezing. You stumbled a little over your words before managing to come up with something functional. “Of course, it’s my job to make every student comfortable in my class.” You were sure any teacher would’ve treated her with the same kindness and care. But, yes, truthfully you had become very fond of her in such a short time. You wanted him to know that in a roundabout way. “I’ll miss her come September.”

He gave you an appreciative smile. “She’ll miss you too.”

Serious Seokjin always threw you. Maybe it was because you had to accept that you’d misjudged him completely. He wasn’t the rich pompous jerk you’d first thought the morning he’d hit your car. You had to admit that like this he impressed and intrigued you. It was why you hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him these past two weeks. Which was stupid because you doubted he was doing the same.

“Thanks for choosing her to win that writing competition, by the way.” His voice brought you back to Earth, concentrating on him again to find that mischievous grin all over his face. “Even if you didn’t like the way it ended.”

You scoffed. Was he ever going to drop that? He knew that wasn’t the case. He’d asked for the damn pointer himself. “Well, if Lewis Carroll did it.”

“Kim Arin can too?” He finished, both of you instantly laughing. Once it petered off, he tilted his head to the side, gazing at you almost. It made you fidget a little, getting flustered. “She’s really fond of you. I meant what I said at the parent-teacher meeting.”

God, you really were horrendous at taking compliments. Especially from a man that already made you feel funny.

“She’s always speaking about how kind and lovely you are.” A pause. "...How pretty you are.” You froze. He hesitated, contemplating something in his head it seemed. He looked you straight in the eyes and said casually, “I have to admit, I agree."

Oh. What?! You felt heat begin to travel up your face, your cheeks burning and you prayed it wasn't visible. You didn't know what to reply, but thankfully (perhaps) Seokjin simply carried on, hopefully oblivious to your awkward reaction. You should bypass it too. It probably didn't mean anything. He was just being polite, right?

“Realising it was your car I hit made me feel even guiltier." He shook his head regretfully. "I really am sorry for all that. The damage, stealing your car."

"It's fine, Seokjin." He hadn’t really stolen your car, you’d been extremely overdramatic there. He'd apologised enough already. You were over it. You had two days left of school, the summer all yours, your mood was much better. Let bygones be bygones.

“Yeah but, I should’ve never gotten your car towed. I realise I was out of line. You said you didn’t want my help but I didn’t listen."

You nodded, listening to him, aware he needed to say this. Again, it seemed as if he'd rehearsed it almost, or maybe it was the professional in him. You were too damn stubborn so he wasn't all to blame. You smiled appreciatively, fighting your hand's strange urge to pat his shoulder. It was maybe best that you didn't touch him. Instead you gave a teasing grin. “But you still won’t let me pay you back?”

He whined – or at least that's the only way you could describe it. It tugged at something inside your chest. Maybe it was more like a wail. Less cute. He couldn't believe you were back on that.

"I'm just messing around," you laughed, trying to compose yourself to let him know something too. “While we're on apologies... I'm sorry for being so short with you annnd for calling you a car thief."

He chuckled, brushing a hand through his hair. Oh, it was pushed back above his forehead again today. You hadn't noticed, too distracted by what? His sneakers? The outfit as a whole? His face? “I deserved it, let’s be honest."

"Maybe in the beginning," you admitted carefully, causing him to laugh harder.

“I was way too preoccupied when I hit you. With work and promising Arin I’d drop her off at school – because shamefully I’d never done it before." He turned a little pensive at that, lost in his own thoughts.

“You must be really busy," you said, voice soft. There was no way he could do it all. Work seemingly six days a week and still try to be there for Arin 24/7.

He looked across at you, an eyebrow quirking slightly. What was he surprised by? That you were sympathising with him? He nodded slowly. “It’s just hard learning to juggle everything. Don’t get me wrong, I love having her with me every day, but...”

“I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it soon.” You wanted to say it would be summer break soon enough, but then on second thoughts, maybe that would make things even harder.

“Yeah, maybe,” he shrugged, changing the subject back to you. “Besides, me being busy doesn’t really excuse the fact I hit you. I mean, what if god forbid you’d been walking past my car instead, it doesn’t bear thinking about.” He looked beside himself at just the idea.

“But I wasn’t,” you reminded him, “so it’s perfectly okay.”

“You’re right,” he murmured, giving you a small smile that rounded his cheeks.

There was silence then, where you waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t. Was that all he’d wanted to talk about? To thank you for being a kind teacher to Arin and to say sorry once again for the car debacle? For some reason you felt eager to keep the conversation going. It was an urge deep inside you that acted on its own accord.

“So, what do you do?” You asked, trying your best to sound casual. Not that you weren’t casual. You just didn’t want to make it seem like you were desperate for small talk. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

Again, he looked vaguely surprised. What, that you were interested in him? No, that was phrased wrong. That you were interested. He didn’t meet your eyes as he replied. “I, uh, I’m the CEO of LG. I took over from my father about three years ago.”

You swore your eyes bugged out of their sockets you were so overcome with shock. You were glad he wasn’t looking at you as you tried to pull it together. “The LG?”

Like one of the biggest companies in the country LG? He was way too young surely? Weren’t those type of CEOs old and round looking?

Seokjin chuckled, finally looking you in the eyes. “Unless you know another one.”

You were speechless, well aware you needed to actually say something in reply instead of gawping but what? What could you say to that? “I guess that explains why you’re always so busy then.”

God, why? Of all the things, why that? Well done for stating the obvious, Y/N.

Seokjin gave you a modest smile. “It’s difficult, yes. Trying to manage work and being effectively a single dad, but I really am trying.” He shook his head slightly, as if he was telling himself off. “I missed her so much these past couple of years, so to finally have her living with me is a dream come true. I’m trying to be the best father I can but I guess it’s a work in progress.”

You weren’t expecting him to be this open with you at all. But maybe Soojung wouldn’t be so surprised. She and a bunch of your other friends, even acquittances said that you were easy to confide in. That you listened well and didn’t try to solve everything. You didn’t know how true that was but you didn’t mind listening to him right now. Sometimes confiding in a stranger just worked.

“Arin obviously adores you.” You smiled. “I could see that the day I dropped your car back.”

He gave you a tiny smile of thanks but sighed softly. “I just want her to always be happy. I know coming from a broken home may make that statement hypocritical but…”

“Not at all,” you insisted. “If a relationship isn’t working out then you need to do what’s best for your child, and you.” That was important too. “I mean, my parents divorced when I was quite young and I have a million and one happy memories growing up.”

You grew a little self-conscious, thinking that you were oversharing, but he seemed happy to hear it, perking up a little. “Really?”

“Yep. They beat the ones I have of them yelling at one another.”

He gave a bitter chuckle then, nodding in agreement. “That’s right. It’s just…” He paused and you wondered if he was going to carry on. Was it bad that you felt curious? You liked seeing this side of Seokjin, it wasn’t how your fantasies had gone at all, it was better. Things had taken an unexpected turn but it just seemed to fit. It seemed natural. It felt nice to talk to him like this. Suddenly you didn’t seem so different. Despite the contrasts in your job and lifestyle, they weren’t very apparent here on this bench…

“My ex-wife is… she lives a busy life – even busier than mine. But she loves it. She goes looking for it.” Seokjin explained. You listened politely. “That’s why Arin had to start living with me, and even though I’m pulled thin, I still try to make enough time for my daughter, no matter the day, no matter the time, no matter anything. Nana doesn’t…”

Nana? That was her name. You imagined someone slim and beautiful, it was only fitting seeing as Seokjin was the man she was married to once upon a time. Beauty attracted beauty.

“Is that why you divorced?” Okay, maybe you were prying now. You hoped he didn’t find it rude.

He didn’t. “There were a lot of reasons,” he answered honestly. “It was as much my fault as it was hers. We were going in different directions and had fallen out of love. It’s been a while now, nearly two years, I’m fine.” He met your eyes at the last part, as if he wanted you to understand that. Or maybe you were reading it wrong. Why would he want you to know that?

“Does she live far?” You remembered Arin’s disappointment that weekend when her mom had cancelled their plans. Maybe she lived a while away and it was hard to commute with Arin back and forth.

“No, just in the next city. It’s not far at all. She’s really high up in an accounting firm there. That’s why when we divorced I moved closer to my building here. See, that’s what annoys me the most,” Seokjin scoffed, an edge to his voice now. Oh shoot, you’d made a mistake with that question. “It’s really no distance at all, so why can’t she spare one single day for Arin?”

You made a sympathetic face, unsure what to say. You decided on honesty. “I’m sorry, I can’t even begin to imagine how all that feels.”

Break-ups and divorces were hard yes, but when a child was stuck in the middle a tonne of other complications arose. As a teacher you understood that very well, but as a long-time single woman, maybe not. It had been a while since you’d opened your heart to someone, your life taking a very different turn to what you’d expected three years ago. Not that you minded, you liked where you were heading right now, comfortable and at ease. There was nothing missing. You had your friends and family and that was enough. You hoped Seokjin had people around him too.

“No, I’m the one that should apologise,” he said suddenly, face tinged with colour, as if he was embarrassed. “I’m offloading onto you, that isn’t fair.”

“I don’t mind.” Honestly, you didn’t at all. It wasn’t even offloading, more so a conversation. You were getting to know him.

“You’re just so easy to talk to and I got a bit caught off guard when you started asking about me.” He admitted, his warm eyes finding yours.

Oh. So now you knew for definite he was indeed surprised by all your questions. When was the last time he’d spoken about all that stuff relating his ex-wife? Had he ever spoken about it at all?

“I haven’t been entirely honest with you today.”

His words caught your attention, interrupting your thoughts and in the process confusing you greatly. You raised a questioning eyebrow. What did he mean?

“When I asked you to take a walk I did want to thank you for being so kind to Arin and to apologise for the car trouble, but there was also something else…” You waited patiently, heart thudding quite roughly against your chest for some reason. He looked nervous again. Nervous and awkward just like earlier, before you’d distracted him.

He chose a new direction. One that left you a little dazed. “Y/N, would I be crossing the line if I said I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you lately?” His dark brown eyes searched for any reaction across your face.

“Me?” You asked quietly.

He chuckled bashfully. “Yeah.”

Somehow you found your voice. Well, some of it anyway. “No, it’s not crossing the line.” You wanted to tell him just the same. How he’d slipped into your mind at random times of the day and how you’d secretly been holding out on another meeting. How you’d been anticipating today. But none of that came in your stunned state. Seokjin had been thinking about you? The annoying, exasperating so-and-so hadn’t been able to stop thinking about you?

He instantly looked relieved – and pleased – at your answer. “I’m glad.” A pause as he hesitated. “Do you maybe want to… go out for dinner this Saturday?” He sounded hopeful, adding quickly, “with me, obviously.”

You would’ve giggled at that but nothing was working. You needed to process his question. He was asking you for dinner?

“My way of apologising for everything, my treat…” You guessed he felt the need to explain now, a little panicked by your reaction (or no reaction.) “For hitting your car and towing it away without your permission.”

You laughed then. Just like that your shock dispersing. He was so oblivious it hurt, and now you knew he wasn’t doing it on purpose. He really was that unaware. “So you want to spend more of your money on me?”

You weren’t mad, of course. He knew that, laughing too as he weighed up your reply. “I see the problem.” You snickered, your gaze intimately locking with his in the process. “So, what do you say?” He murmured. “I mean, it’s for a plethora of things really. The car business, all you’ve done for Arin. One massive thank you.”

Oh. You were getting mixed messages here. Was this an apology dinner, a thank you dinner? Or something more? Maybe he read the questioning in your eyes because he was rushing to say more. “As well as just wanting to enjoy your company. I feel like I talked too much about myself today, I’d like to get to know you too…”

Okay, now this sounded awfully like a date… And that word freaked you out. Had you not just been thinking about how happily single you’d been for three years and how all you needed were your friends and family? But honestly, you were getting ahead of yourself. It was one dinner. There was no way to predict the outcome and you shouldn’t even be thinking that far ahead. Sometimes you didn’t need to think. You needed to remember that. Sometimes it was just good to act in the moment. Take cautious to the wind and accept this incredibly handsome man’s dinner invitation, whatever his intention was.

You smiled. “Dinner sounds lovely.”

Seokjin’s eyes widened a tad, surprise visible and he didn’t try to hide it. “Really?” You laughed and nodded. Really you should be the one still shocked, because despite everything – the misjudgements, the attitude, the way you’d been itching for numerous fights with him, it was a wonder why he still wanted to be anywhere near you. …Maybe he liked that… Maybe he liked you? Or were you absolutely barking mad?

“Can I have your number to arrange everything?”

You went to relay it to him, watching him pull his phone from out his front jean pocket but then remembered something. “Oh, I already have yours, should I just text you?”

“That’s my work phone. Maybe we should swap personal phone numbers?”

You mean, you only had one phone, but it made sense why he had two. You were still stuck on the personal part though. A little dazed (and excited) as he saved your number into his phonebook. Your phone was locked up in your classroom, so you couldn’t take his but no matter, you’d just save it once he messaged you.

Seokjin glanced at his watch – an expensive looking thing, but that was really no surprise now – and hummed. “We should head back, the fate will be finishing soon.”

You made more small talk as you walked back, Seokjin wondering if you had any allergies or a special diet so he could bear it in mind when he chose a restaurant. Luckily for you no, but you found out that he was allergic to garlic and potatoes, which seemed ridiculous and highly unfair. But he did admit that he ignored it sometimes, which resulted in disaster often because garlic made him itch like crazy. You had a good laugh over that.

“So, what are you going to name him?” Seokjin asked, stroking the top of your alpaca’s head who was hooked against your hip as you walked.

“Hm. I don’t know.” You shrugged, turning to him. “You decide? You did win him after all.”

“Hmmm,” he thought aloud. A few seconds later he came up with something. “How about RJ?”

“RJ?”

Seokjin chuckled. “Yeah, it’s cute.”

Smiling, you had to agree. “Yeah, it is.” You held the stuffed animal up in front of you, tilting your head to the side. “RJ the alpaca. Perfect.”

Still walking as you spoke, you felt Seokjin move in, hovering his hand behind the small of your back in case you stumbled, your attention elsewhere. You felt the same warmth you had the day he’d called you by your name for the first time…

Of course you had to tell Soojung about the events of the day. It wasn't as if you could keep it a secret – and it wasn't as if you wanted to, you just knew what would happen... She was like a dog with a bone, unable to give it up, making you recall every minute detail down to the socks he was wearing (black, by the way, to match his jeans. You had indeed noticed).

“He’s so smart. He waits until you’re not this kid’s teacher anymore and then BAM, do you want to go on a date?”

“Soojung, it’s not a date," you sighed. “He’s just…being nice."

You were still reluctant to call it a date, because well, he hadn't used the word himself. You didn't want to get your hopes up. Although you would never admit that to her, you knew she understood, in her own roundabout way.

“Being nice?!” She exclaimed, scoffing absurdly loud.

You shrugged. “Yeah, thanking me."

She spluttered, as if she found you terribly naive. “What, thanks for being kind to my daughter? SHUT UP, it’s your job! No, he wants to give you that Dilf dick!"

“Oh, my god. Soojung!” You hushed, immediately feeling your face burn. The thought hadn't even crossed your mind because it was so unbelievable.

Saturday was not that long away, the last two days of school flew by, and whilst you were emotional, your mind was also a little too preoccupied with the weekend and what it all meant. Gradually, you’d finally had to admit to yourself that this was probably, most definitely a date. The word sent a fear through your body like no other. Despite being single for three years, you had been on a few first dates in that time, and obviously they had never led to anything. In fact, it had been over a year since your last and that's when you had sworn off dating altogether.

Min Yoongi. That was the last guy you'd said yes too. A fifth grade teacher at Primrose Hill up until last September. (That had nothing to do with you, by the way, he'd just moved cities last summer to pursue a different career. The date hadn't been that bad...) He was easy on the eye and funny, although maybe a little too sarcastic at times, so much so, you hadn't been able to pick up on the signals until he was cornering you in the staff room and asking you to watch a movie with him that coming weekend. Being both teachers, you'd assumed you'd hit it off straight away, but that wasn't the case. It turned out that Yoongi pretty much hated his job, only there for the extended vacations. That was perfectly fine, you guessed, but you realised that a man like that wasn't for you. How could you both love and hate the same job? It just wasn't feasible.

You didn't miss dating, mostly because you hadn't been that into the idea anyway. But now? Now that the idea had presented itself again? After the most peculiar string of events, you had suddenly found yourself being asked out for dinner by the man who had hit your car, and you were… excited. For the first time in forever, you were excited for a date.

You hadn’t felt like this since –

Since Donghae.

Even thinking his name turned your heart heavy. Not as bad as the original heartbreak three years ago, but the memory was still enough to dampen your mood, if even for a moment. You'd met one another during your last year of college and had stayed together for the next five years. He'd been your forever man, the one you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with – he had proposed to you on your 26th birthday after all... Only, being his fiancé hadn't lasted. Since months later he confessed to cheating on you – repeatedly with a girl that worked in the Starbucks near his work building. It had been the pressure of settling down, that's what he'd told you. He was still young, had been very young when you'd gotten together in college and he wanted to experience life properly. His friends were out clubbing every weekend while he stayed inside playing boardgames with you and your friends. Your friends, as if they weren't his too, as if you all hadn't been joined at the hip in college...

Your life had pretty much crumbled after that. Everything you'd known had been ripped from under your feet and you had no idea what to do or where to go. One day you had been someone's wife-to-be and the next you were a lonely, broken human. You moved in with Soojung, had to take a month off work because you couldn't function properly, and slowly had to learn how to live your life without the love of your life.

It took a while, but gradually you got there. You and Soojung found a new, bigger place to live – where you still lived now – and you found ways to stop thinking about him, went on weekend vacations and started new hobbies. It took just over a year to feel yourself again but dating never seemed right.

Soojung slowly encouraged you to try it out, but the handful that happened in that twelve month period just felt forced – even the one with Yoongi, which had pretty much happened organically (as in, Soojung hadn't set it up…), felt like it was missing something. In a way you knew you were comparing everyone to Donghae, you couldn't help it. You couldn't imagine potentially falling in love with someone else again. He was all you'd known for so long, and once upon a time your relationship had been amazing. He'd been amazing. Getting out of that mindset had been difficult, but there had been an even more difficult one... One you were still struggling with now. The issue of opening up your heart again.

Truthfully, that's why you’d stayed single for so long. Why you'd given up on dating and didn't want to know. The thought of you meeting and falling for someone only to inevitably get hurt again terrified you. You wouldn't say you had trust issues, you knew not every man was like Donghae, but just imagining your world crumbling like it had three years ago was enough to just give up.

It wasn't like you were unhappy though. You’d meant all that stuff about liking where your life was heading. You had your friends and family and a job you loved. Your life was fulfilling, there was nothing missing. But maybe that’s what you’d needed to realise… Life worked in mysterious ways. Once you were happy and content maybe it was finally time to open up your heart again.

The truth was, you were very, very attracted to Seokjin. You felt something, even when you wanted to poke his eyeballs out for being so annoying. Actually, thinking about it, maybe that’s why you’d been so scrappy, your mind was fighting with your heart… Despite the obvious differences between you both, you oddly weren’t fazed by that right now. Seokjin didn’t seem unrelatable in that sense. Yes, your lives were crazy different, but there was something between you. You were sure of it. The way he’d opened up to you on that bench, the way he’d smiled at you, and even the way he’d teased you. It had to mean something.

Sometimes it was okay to trust your heart. That warm feeling weaving its way through your chest… Sometimes it was okay to be a little exposed. Not everyone was out to get you.

What was the worst that could happen? The dinner never led to anything else? That would be okay, you’d get over it. But what if it did lead to something more…?

You deserved to find out, right?

Saturday morning you received a text from Seokjin. You were eating breakfast at the small table you had set up in the kitchen alongside Soojung. She had only just woken up and was still a little bleary eyed but still managed to instantly perk up at the mention of Seokjin. She demanded to see his message straight away.

Unknown (9:32am) Hi Y/N, It’s Kim Seokjin, Arin’s father. Just wondering if you still want to have dinner tonight? If so, please let me know and I will send through the restaurant details. We can decide on a time for me to pick you up. Regards, Seokjin

She squealed. “This guy writes his texts like they’re emails. You just know he’s going to be a good lay.”

“Soojung,” you groaned. She would not shut up about Dilf dick this and Dilf dick that. “What does that even mean?”

“He’s a CEO,” she said simply, eyes wide as if that explained everything. “Of one of this country’s biggest companies. That’s like some type of erotic novel shit.”

You groaned loudly, dropping your head into your hands, but she still continued – sadly.

“But none of that creepy Fifty Shades of Grey stuff. This guy is a real gentleman. Like he puts your pleasure above all else. I think he’d be really good at going down on a woman.”

By this point, you’d stopped feeling flustered by her insane claims. They were just normal now. She was unbelievable. Why was she even thinking of these things and where did she come up with them? You didn’t want to think of Seokjin like that because you really wanted to keep your sanity for tonight. Plus, no way were you ready for something like that yet. You hoped Seokjin wasn’t anticipating something more. You were sure he wasn’t, you hadn’t gotten those vibes. Soojung was just being dumb.

You rolled your eyes. “You don’t half talk some shit.”

You wanted her to point out how cute his text was instead. Like how he’d said he was Arin’s father, you know, just in case you’d forgotten who he was in two days, but no, she was too caught up on potential erotic novel titles.

You slipped to the side with a start when Soojung nudged your shoulder, getting all up into your personal space as she teased you. “I’m right though, huh?”

You pushed her back. “This is just a dinner. Not the start of an erotic novel.”

She shrugged. “I’d read it.”

“What would you read?”

Taehyung’s voice appeared from the doorway and you both looked up to see him leaning against it, eyes still pretty much glued shut, his thick hair pulled all ways.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” Soojung greeted, standing up to make her way towards him. You watched her wrap her arms around his middle, nuzzling into him. She’d only left him in bed not half an hour ago. Seeing your best friend in love was odd but nice. You weren’t used to sappy Soojung, but you had to admit it suited her well. They were cute together.

Taehyung wrapped one arm around his girlfriend and lifted the other to his face, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. “What are you guys yelling about down here? You woke me up.”

“Y/N’s date tonight,”

“Oh, Mr. Dilf?” He sniggered, perking up.

Soojung screeched and joined in. “CEO Dilf dick.”

“You told him?!” You whined, standing to dump your bowl in the sink.

“Of course.” Taehyung smiled smugly. “She tells me everything. Don’t you, babe?”

“Yep.” She grinned. You watched in minor amusement as Taehyung leant down to peck her mouth, Soojung gagging loudly. “Your breath stinks.”

You replied to Seokjin promptly – well as soon as Soojung and Taehyung had vacated the kitchen – and not long after that he messaged back with the restaurant details, asking if it was okay to pick you up at 7pm. You sent him your address, almost immediately freaking out. You knew his wealth hadn't fazed you that bad, seeing as he was so easy to talk to, but your place and his place were on different planes of existence. You knew it wouldn't bother him, he wasn't like that, you knew that now, but you were still a little self-conscious. It was probably the nerves regarding today. The reality was setting it. The slight doubt…

Soojung wasn't helping.

“There’s steaks on the menu that are more than our rent a week," she awed, looking down at her phone.

Why had you given her the name of the restaurant again? You would never learn your lesson. She had already googled his name when you’d told her he was the CEO of LG and she had been this close to searching his net worth before you’d stopped her. You didn’t want to know, not only was it incredibly invasive, it made you feel slightly faint. Seeing his image pop up online was enough for you . A professional headshot, he smiled kindly into the camera lens. It was crazy to think that it was the man you’d be going to dinner with.

Soojung would be good for one thing though – helping you decide on an outfit for tonight. Taehyung had gone home a couple of hours ago, needed at the bar he owned so she had nothing else better to do. Not that she was listening to you though…

She shrugged. “What did I expect? This dude is a billionaire."

“He’s not."

Billionaire seemed a lot more intimidating than a millionaire, but in reality what was the difference? He was unbelievably rich and you were just... you. You shook your head, attempting to claw yourself out of the anxiety hole you'd found yourself in. His job didn't matter. The restaurant he'd chosen didn't matter. You were going for dinner with him to enjoy his company and get to know him better. The finer details were irrelevant.

“Come on! If not he must be a multi-multimillionaire." She rationalised. "His dad is the billionaire."

You groaned. "Will you stop making me nervous and help me pick something to wear?"

You decided on the midi dress you'd actually worn to Eunbi's wedding last summer. It was the only fancy thing you had – or at least fancy enough to dine at a restaurant that sold insane dollar steaks. But wait, the restaurant wasn't supposed to matter, remember?

You still wanted to look nice though. The dress was modest in itself but maybe the colour was a bit eye-catching – a deep red. Soojung said it was perfect and you'd knock his Dilf socks off. By now you were getting sick of the word. You told her as much.

"What if I don't want to sleep with him?"

"As if." She scoffed. "Your dry spell has gone on far too long. You deserve this." She caught the look of apprehension on your face. "When you're ready of course."

"Don't make me –”

"Nervous, I know" she finished for you, sighing loudly. "There's no need to be. Mr. Dilf is whipped for you, I just know it."

How did she know? She hadn't even met him, but you appreciated the sentiment. You did not appreciate it when she was being a clever bitch though.

"I'm just trying to work this out." She said, watching you apply your mascara in the bathroom mirror. It was much later in the day now, about forty minutes before Seokjin was due to pick you up. You were dressed, hair up, makeup nearly done, and sick to your stomach with anticipation. You hummed, letting her know you'd heard her and to continue.

"You were mad when Dilf spent money on your car but you're okay with him spending mad money on you at this restaurant?"

"Soojung," you warned, staring at her reflection in the glass.

She held her hands up in apology. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just curious. Is it okay when it's food?"

You sighed. You knew it didn't really make sense, you guessed, but well, you'd said yes to the dinner. You hadn't said yes to the car being repaired. That was the difference.

"I'm not going to order the most expensive thing on the menu."

"Well, don't just order a side salad, he'll think you're weird..."

You simply stared at her. Her input was so appreciated.

“He’s here, oh my god, he’s here!” Soojung screamed, spying through the voile curtains in the living room. "Ten minutes early. I love that."

“Soojung, move away, now." You told her sternly.

“The fucking car–” She cut herself with a muffled sound. As if she was trying to stifle her own screams. You guessed he'd gotten out of said car. “What the fuck, what the fuck, he’s SO hot. I’m going to pass out."

“Soojung!" Dropping your phone into your purse you slipped on your heels, nearly tripping over in the process. You gripped onto the back of the couch just in time. "I swear to god if he sees you."

She spun around, pointing an accusing finger at you. “You never said he was that hot."

You shrugged. "You never asked."

"I asked every goddamn second of the day. You lucky bitch." She walked towards you, fixing a piece of your hair that had fallen into your eyes. “How come you get hot billionaire Dilf and I get the man-child whose special talent is making cocktails."

"Shut up," you scoffed. She loved Taehyung and his cocktail making skills. That's how they'd met after all. She drunk at the bar three days a week for a month straight until he asked her out.

The doorbell rung and you froze, remembering how nervous you were. Soojung's antics had distracted you for a while but now reality was setting in. As you turned to leave she tapped your ass. “Get that Dilf dick, girl!”

"Soojung, I swear to god –”

"I won't wait up."

Ha. As if. She'd be glued to that window until Seokjin dropped you off back home. You knew her all too well, you'd been best friends for over ten years.

In the entryway now, you didn't have time for breathing exercises. Although, you wished you'd had once you opened the door to see Seokjin stood there looking devastating handsome.

“Hi," he smiled, eyes lighting up when he saw you.

“Hey," you managed to squeeze out, cemented to the ground.

He was dressed in a double breasted navy two piece that must have been tailored to fit his body down to the millimetre, a crisp white dress shirt on underneath. His hair looked shorter, falling just above is eyebrows and parted slightly in the middle. He looked good enough to eat. Or good enough to make you pass out. Either one.

“You look beautiful," he awed, rendering you pretty speechless.

This was a date. It really was a date.

"Thank you," you managed to reply, needing to return the compliment. But what could you possibly say?! “You look…really good."

Oh god. How embarrassing.

Especially when Seokjin burst out laughing, that familiar squeak to it that you'd heard at the parent-teacher meeting. "I'll take it. Thanks." He tilted his head. "Are you ready to go? I'm a bit early, I know. Sorry about that."

You nodded, clutching your purse tight to your side. "I, uh... I would invite you in to kill time but my best friend’s embarrassing." You raised your voice a little so she'd hear you, but on her best behaviour she stayed deathly silent. Well done, Soojung.

Seokjin raised an eyebrow, a little confused, but you figured you'd fill him in inside the car. "It's fine," he shook his head.

Seeing you stepping forward he moved to the side, outstretching his arm to invite you to lead the way. You did, making sure not to look back towards the living room window, because you knew for a fact you'd see Soojung pressed up against it.

“This is all new for me.” Seokjin admitted, sat opposite you as you waited for your dessert. “I haven’t been on a date for years.”

To say the night had gone well would be an understatement. At first you’d been too nervous to even breathe, especially with Seokjin looking like that just a few centimetres away from you as he drove. It didn’t help that he seemed to be some type of regular at the restaurant, getting greeted as if he was an old friend of the manager and led to his ‘usual’ table; a quiet spot away from the hustle and bustle. It turned out he co-owned the place with his brother, looking mildly embarrassed as he told you. It was cute, but he had nothing to be self-conscious over, this was his life, normal to him. I hope you don’t see it as a cop-out, he confessed, causing some confusion your end. Why would you see it that way? This restaurant was beautiful, certainly popular, and you couldn’t wait to try the food. You told him as much and he laughed about feeling nervous now.

You tried lobster for the first time ever – his recommendation. It was kind of messy, but he ordered the same so you were both in it together. You laughed, you joked, you got to know one another more. Conversation came easy, both relaxed in one another’s company, and after the main you both decided to share a dessert, too stuffed for anything more.

“Snap,” you grinned, silently happy that was the case, although rather amazed. Seokjin was, well… him, who wouldn’t want to snap him up? However then again, he was a busy, divorced father. Dating probably wasn’t high up on his list. You were so distracted by his confession, you didn’t even comprehend he’d used the word ‘date.’

“Really?” Seokjin’s eyes bulged slightly. Why was he so surprised?

You shrugged casually. “It’s been well over a year since my last date.”

Seokjin’s mouth curved, amused. “Try over ten.”

“I wasn’t aware this was a competition,” you laughed, but yes, he indeed had you beat.

He laughed along, the arrival of your lemon cheesecake interrupting you both for a moment. It was a few bites later when the conversation got back on track again, Seokjin’s tone careful as he looked across at you, both of you reaching for another bit of the cheesecake with your dessert forks. “You don’t mind me calling this a date, do you? This isn’t the part where you tell me you’ve been in a relationship for five years and you just thought this was an innocent thank you dinner?”

You giggled softy, shaking your head. “No. I don’t mind you calling it a date.” You brought the fork up to your mouth, taking your time to chew before you continued. “Soojung was adamant it was but I… didn’t want get my hopes up?” You wanted to be honest. This night was about opening yourself up to the uncertain.

“Soojung, your best friend? The one you live with?” He asked.

You nodded. You’d already told him all about your best friend, about how you lived with each other. Seokjin hadn’t bat an eyelid, which was nice. You weren’t embarrassed or anything, but the differences in your living arrangements were stark. He thought it sounded fun. He still remembered living with his best friend Namjoon back in college and how entertaining that had been. He’d definitely be up for it again if they weren’t both dads now – divorced at that, but hey ho, that was life.

“Well, she was correct.” Seokjin continued. “I thought I made it clear but I guess I was too cryptic.”

“So, which one is it?” You asked, lifting an eyebrow in interest. “Not an innocent thank you dinner or not an innocent dinner?”

You were feeling brave, however your heart still thudded inside your chest, adrenaline whooshing through your veins. There was something about Seokjin that made you act so out of character…

Seokjin failed to conceal the visible surprise across his features and you watched him swallow before he composed himself, a smirk appearing on his lips immediately. “If I didn’t know any better I would say you were flirting with me right now.”

You shrugged. “I’m just checking if your intentions are innocent or not?” You took another bite of the cheesecake.

His smirk grew, and you watched him drop his fork onto the plate to lean back in his chair. “I would say they are, however, I did have plans to kiss you on the cheek tonight, so maybe, busted?” He chuckled then, at himself – he liked doing that you’d noticed. It was kind of cute.

The butterflies were back. Now there was no need to ignore or try to explain them. You took them as what they were – a good sign. Humming aloud, you tilted your head to the side and pretended to contemplate. “I think I can let you do that.”

Seokjin laughed. “You can? Okay, that sounds good.”

You reached for your glass of wine, needing a sip just to calm the flurry inside of you. Seokjin tucked his chair closer, still laughing but quietly now, more like a chuckle. “Honestly, I was pretty much shitting my pants today.”

You snorted into your glass, taken by surprise at his choice of words. “Sorry,” you apologised, feeling a little bit embarrassed by the sound that had just left your nose. He didn’t same fazed. “I was nervous too.”

That seemed to settle him. He smiled fondly, fingers tracing the brim of his glass. “I guess we were being silly.” His lips parted to say something else but he hesitated. You watched him take a quiet exhale, then he continued. “My therapist has been begging me to try dating again for months but the thought has always been pretty terrifying.” He gave a small shrug, his warm eyes locking with yours. “Until I met you.”

You could feel your heart rate speeding up, unable to stop the smile that spread across your face. He was pleased, grinning back, posture visibly relaxing. “She said I should face up to my fears and just ask you out.”

There were a lot of thoughts whirring through your mind right now. The fact he felt comfortable enough to disclose with you that he had a therapist, and the fact that he’d even mentioned you to her, that she had encouraged him to ask you out. The fact he’d liked you enough to want to take the plunge at all. After two years of being alone, you were the woman who had made him want to try again… It felt comparable to your own thoughts, to your feelings… and that’s why you felt so relaxed tonight. It just felt right.

“I like you, Y/N.” He confessed. “I know we don’t know one another very well, but I hope that this is just the beginning.”

Despite his words sending your butterflies crazy, you kept your cool, trying to stunt your smile. “You’re not so bad yourself, I guess.”

He chuckled. You let yourself smile at the sound. “Not so bad. I’ll take it.” He picked up his fork again, taking a bite of the cheesecake you’d both forgotten about. His voice was careful, genuine to match his expression, when he carried on. “Despite the circumstances of how we met and what followed, I don’t know, I haven’t felt a spark like that in forever.” He reached for a sip of his wine, laughing. “What do you think? You can call me crazy if you want.”

“I think you’re right.” There was no doubt about it now. You’d been adamant in the beginning that was nothing there – no spark, no flirting, insisting Soojung was wrong, but now you couldn’t deny the obvious attraction. You’d immediately bounced off one another that evening during the parent-teacher meeting, despite your annoyance the day before.

You grinned. “You frustrated me to no end but I felt something too.”

He tilted his head to the left, a teasing lilt to his voice. “Frustrated you? How so?”

“You know how,” you laughed. “I may or may not have called you an exasperating bastard in my head.”

He couldn’t contain himself then, taken back and genuinely amused. “Oh god,” he practically wheezed. “I like that one.”

You laughed along, unable not to when the sound he made brought you such joy. You reached for another forkful of cheesecake, the dessert nearly coming to an end. Just like the date, you thought. You didn’t want it to end, you were enjoying yourself too much.

“What about now?”

You looked up at Seokjin, eyes widening in question. What did he mean? He was staggeringly composed now, although his eyes shone with mischief as he grinned and explained. “Do I frustrate you now?”

You tried to stunt your own smile, shrugging your shoulders. “Not tonight.”

“At the fate?”

“Nope.”

He nodded his head, seemingly happy with your answers. “I guess things are looking up then.” He picked up his glass again, about to take a sip before he paused and added, “Although, I must admit, I liked frustrating you. You look so cute when your mad.”

You felt heat immediately burn its way to your cheeks, hoping the lighting in this restaurant was dim enough not to make it obvious. He took a swig of his wine. “Watch it, Mr. Kim.” As he chuckled it muffled inside the glass.

You went for the last piece of cheesecake, figuring you were owed that now. You looked across at him as you chewed, knowing that if you really wanted this to happen again you needed to let him know. Face up to your fears of opening up, telling people how you really felt. “I’d like to get to know you better, Seokjin.”

“Really?” He sounded hopeful, fingers playing with the rim of his wine glass again.

“Mmhm.” You nodded. “You seem like a lovely man if we ignore the car stealing...”

“Hey,” he whined, “you apologised for that already, you can’t bring it up again.” You held your hands up in silent defence, chuckling silently, watching him lean closer. “But please, go back to what you were saying about me being a lovely man. Stroke my ego, it’s been a long week.”

Had it? You were curious, concerned really. You thought to ask him if he wanted to talk about it, but you guessed the last thing he’d like to do was discuss work on a date. Instead, you decided to tell him about what attracted you most to him. The thing that had inevitably made you change your mind and realise that maybe, quite possibly, you’d misjudged him.

“Arin really adores you and I can see how much you dote on her. Any man cherished by his child is a good one in my eyes.”

“Oh.” He simply replied, possibly at a loss of words. He looked touched – happy, but ultimately unsure of what to reply, so he bypassed it in a way, raising an eyebrow. “So is there some kind of checklist?”

“What do you mean?”

He gave a slight shrug. “Like, ‘kids like him – check.’ ‘He knows how to clean dishes – check.’ – I can by the way. I’m really good with a pair of washing up gloves and some dish soap.”

You burst out laughing, not quite believing your ears. “Yeah, okay.” You admitted. “There’s a list.” Didn’t every woman have one?

“Let’s see how I fare then.” Seokjin said, sounding sure of himself as he leant back in his seat, hands behind his head – the image of casual. Maybe you were into this cocky Seokjin… It was sort of hot.

“Okay so…” You began, leaning forward. “Family man – check.” You’d already approved that one. “Loves animals?”

He scoffed. “Easy. Animals are so much better than humans.”

Okay, more points his way… “Uhh.” You thought aloud, racking your brains. “Does he make me laugh?”

Seokjin mulled it over. “That sounds like a decision you have to make, but I think it’s a yes? I mean, you’ve been laughing all night. Unless you were just being nice.”

“No, you are funny,” you confirmed, although you were unable to miss an opportunity to mess around with him. “You have that, what should I call it,” you pretended to think, “that old man type sense of humour.”

“Hey. I’m not that old,” he huffed.

You chuckled quietly. True, he wasn’t old, but you were still surprised when you’d found out he was turning 38 this coming December. Some people were blessed with ageing gracefully. Of course he was one of them. The man looked amazing for someone two years away from forty.

“What about you?” You wondered. “Do you have a checklist?”

He sat upright again, setting his elbow on the table to drop his chin in his palm, giving you his full attention. “Yes, and you check them all.”

“I do?” You laughed in disbelief. Either he was easy to please or he wanted brownie points.

He shrugged, as if to say of course. “You’re funny, caring, can be kind of scary at times – which I’m sort of into, to be honest.”

“I’m not scary,” you protested, pouting slightly. However, what? He was into it? That made you feel funny…

He smirked. “I beg to differ.”

You rolled your eyes. “What else do I check off?”

He didn’t need time to think. “You’re insanely beautiful.” Your dumbfounded expression made him second guess himself. He pulled a face. “Yikes. Too cheesy?”

You grinned, getting a hold of yourself. “Maybe, but then again, maybe I like that.” How could you not like being called beautiful? How could you not like receiving a compliment? Especially from him.

He smiled, gazing into your eyes as he leant forward. You felt immediate warmth when his hand cupped yours across the table. This was the first time he’d touched you, right? Your mind was a blur right now, unable to recall two hours ago, let alone two weeks ago. When he spoke, you only felt warmer, the soft timbre of his voice fluttering through your whole body. “I’m really attracted to you, Y/N.”

And what could you say to that? You swallowed, wetting your throat, realising it had become dry. He was waiting for a reply, amused by something – your blank looking face most probably. He had the ability to render you speechless, and he knew it. He liked it.

Well, no, not on your watch. You’d get the last word. You’d win.

Composing yourself, you slipped your hand from under his, tapping it lightly, as if you were consoling him. “I’ve said it once already, but you’re not so bad yourself, Mr. Kim.”

Taken aback, he chuckled quietly in bemusement, shaking his head. “You’re going to give me wrinkles.”

A man of his word, he did kiss you on the cheek after the date was over. He waited until he had driven you home and opened the door for you to step out of the car – ever the gentleman, you’d teased. You stood by the little gate that lead a pathway to your front door, and that’s where he’d leant down to place his lips ever so lightly against the top of your left cheek. You smiled shyly up at him, unable to play it cool this time.

He looked a little rosy in the face too, unsure as he smiled. “I had a lovely time tonight.”

“Me too,” you agreed. “Can I take you out next time?” You surprised yourself by the offer, that kiss must have shot some confidence into you.

He looked surprised too, but into it, tilting his head in curiosity as he looked down at you. “Where do you suggest?”

“My place?” Okay, so it wasn’t ‘taking him out’ but you liked the idea best. Soojung could stay over Tae’s. She owed you one. “I can cook for you,” you offered, a hand unconsciously reaching for the collar of his jacket, straightening it for him. “To you know, return the favour of you paying for dinner to say sorry for paying for my car to get fixed.”

His hand clasped around yours, dropping it between your bodies to hold it as he chuckled.

“This is getting a little confusing now.” He swung your hand gently and you curled your little finger around his loosely. You could get used to this physical contact. It felt ordinary, like you’d been doing it forever. “Can’t we just call it dating and have done?”

You rolled your shoulders with a sigh, sounding casual and unbothered. “I guess, if it’s easier.”

Seokjin’s laugh got lower, his face closer. His eyes kept looking between your eyes and lips, and you realised your heart was beginning to beat slower, or was it faster? You couldn’t tell anymore, but you could hear it pounding lightly inside your ears. You were in the middle of playing the same game – eyes then lips, eyes then lips – the seconds feeling more like minutes as he leant in closer and closer, but then –

You spotted Soojung in the window as you happened to glance behind Seokjin’s shoulder. She had now totally bypassed the voile curtain, thinking she was Miss. Inconspicuous with the lights off. The street lighting was as bright as anything though, and all you could see was her face glowing like a ghost as she ruined the moment entirely. You were not having your first kiss with Seokjin in front of her prying eyes.

Seokjin realised your attention was elsewhere now, awkwardly pulling back to scratch his neck with his free hand. You clutched at the hand that was holding yours, not wanting him to think you’d blown him off. He didn’t say anything though, just continued your conversation with a bemused smile. “Um, so what are you going to cook?”

“What do you like?” You asked, only half your attention on him. Maybe you could silently signal to Soojung, tell her to get the hell out of the window before Seokjin noticed.

“I’m easy,” you heard him reply. “What’s your speciality?”

“Uh…” Think Y/N, think. Distracted you said the first thing that popped into your head, still trying to force Soojung away with just your eyeballs. “Lasagne.”

“Lasagne?” He sounded interested.

You finally met his eyes for more than five seconds, feeling a little panicky. “Yeah, my World Famous Italian lasagne.”

Oh no.

Seokjin laughed, dropping your hand to cup your cheek instead. Earlier, if this had happened you would have spontaneously combusted but now you had a case of the Nosey Friend and you couldn’t concentrate to save your life. “Okay, now you’re just talking big.”

You couldn’t help it, your eyes attempting to dart past his shoulder again. He noticed – he’d probably noticed this entire time, an eyebrow of his raising. “What is going on over my shoulder?”

You tried to stop him, clinging to his elbow, but he turned around anyway, eyes falling on Soojung immediately. You saw her instantly panic and jump back, dropping the curtain in front of the window again. “That’s just Soojung,” you sighed. “Ignore her, she’s an idiot.”

Seokjin was deeply amused, laughing as he turned back to you. “So, is next Saturday okay?” You pressed.

He grinned. “Saturday sounds perfect to me.”

As you said your goodbyes, Seokjin turned to the window and gave a small wave, chortling to himself. You couldn’t see Soojung anymore but you just knew she was still spying. But relieved Seokjin didn’t seem fazed, you made your way inside, giving Seokjin a wave by the door as he pulled off, feeling happy, yet a little sad the night was over already. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d enjoyed yourself like that.

It was only when you were inside did you remember what you’d just done, too preoccupied to think properly beforehand. Oh God, the lasagne. Saturday night was going to be a disaster.

Soojung came running into the entry way, interrupting your freak out. “He saw me! He saw me!” Her voice was shrill, and you couldn’t tell if it was because she was embarrassed or excited.

“That’s what happens when you spy, idiot,” you swiped, kicking off your heels. The instant relief brought you no comfort. “Soo, I’ve done something stupid.” You admitted.

She instantly looked worried. “What? What have you done?”

You sighed, already feeling like a fool. “Okay so, I invited him over next weekend and said I’d cook for him.”

“Girl is horny for that D–”

“Shut up, that’s not the problem,” you stopped her. She looked puzzled. “You were distracting me!” It was all her fault. You weren’t taking the blame. “He asked me what I was gonna cook and I told him I make a World Famous Italian lasagne!”

Your best friend was silent for an extended second, making sense of your words before she burst out laughing. Highly dramatic, practically doubled over, splitting her sides. Even more dramatic than you for freaking out over a damn lasagne.

“You have never made lasagne in your entire life!” She exclaimed. “What were you thinking?”

“It was your fault!” It was also her fault you didn’t get to kiss Seokjin properly too. But you weren’t going to bring that up now, unable to bear the constant teasing that would ensue.

“My fault?!” She laughed. You just rolled your eyes. She did not appreciate that at all. “Whatever. I can’t wait to see your “World Famous Italian lasagne.” Make sure to save me some, won’t you?”

“Right,” you huffed. “For that, I’m not telling you how the date went.”

She soon changed her tune, needing all the details just to be able to sleep tonight…

Written 2020 - 2021. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021

#jin fanfic #bts fanfic #seokjin fanfic #floralseokjin:writings #fic:mls

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gokailyger84 · 6 years

Text

12-Secrets Revealed

Revealing Bri/an's Secret

BH-dan takes Bri/an out on halloween to make him realize he does love the way he looks

halloween party when they’re already in la

LZ-Dan would be so excited, while Bri/an is just kinda whatever. But he is kind of curious to how the others will react to his demon form, even if they think it’s a costume. He is a little worried since there will be more people he doesn’t know coming to the grump Halloween party.

Dan wants Bri/an to see that their friends would accept him too. It’s been over five years and Dan is still the only person Bri/an has revealed himself to. He’s kinda been encouraging Bri/an to at least reveal himself to Arin and Suzy.

Bri/an’s still hesitant. He doesn’t know if he can handle rejection. It been so long since he’s been in that self loathing mindset, he’s in no hurry to go back. Dan promises they won’t reject him. Dan knows they won’t.

He really wants Bri/an to trust the others and he kinda wants someone else in on Bri/an’s secrets but he tells Bri/an he won’t push it but the party would be a good opportunity to ease them into it.

LZ-Bri/an would be so nervous walking around the office in his demon form. He sticks close to Danny not wanting to be alone. But he’s gotten nothing but compliments and whenever someone asks how he made the horns and wings, dan would take over having researched cosplay materials so they’d have a believable reason for the “props” existence

BH-someone’s like “i never pegged you as the festive type, Bri/an” and dan jumps in all

“hahaha yeah, that’s my fault! i just thought he’d look really good in this, i’m glad he puts up with me”

LZ-Suzy would corner Bri/an and would be asking all kinds of questions, cause it looks so authentic and real(she would know) and Bri/an is in a panic because Dan’s not with him and he actually wants to tell her the truth. Of all their friends Suzy would definitely be the most accepting of his true self.

BH-suzy would be so into this

BH-“you even got full sclera contacts, that’s dedication! aren’t they uncomfortable?”

“i, uh-“

she’s turning Bri/an’s hand this way and that, admiring his claws like

“god i wish i could do this with my nails”

LZ-‘What do I do? what do I do? Where’s Danny???’

(BH-pic of Bri/an and Suzy)

BH-suzy is full-on "what a cute monster you are!!"

LZ-Then to make matters worse Arin comes over and asks if he’s okay, which is weird since Bri/an’s expression is completely neutral(maybe Arin unconsciously senses Bri/an’s feelings)

BH-suzy asks if it’s alright for her to examine his tail because that tuft at the end looks so soft and that’s when dan interjects

SG-IXNAY ON THE AILTAY

LZ-Oh that would be a disaster, especially since Suzy would be so curious and she knows how Arin gets with his tail

LZ-Now Bri/an has both of them questioning him and he’s about ready to bolt when Dan appears next to him.

BH-Bri/an thanks his lucky stars because he’s not about to fucking explain THAT reaction

LZ-Dan would excuse them and take Bri/an off to the side in the hallway. He’d ask him if he’s alright and Bri/an would shake his head. He feels so conflicted. He’s tired of lying to their friends but he’s so afraid of them looking at him with disgust. And what he and Dan have with them is so good.

The past two years with the Grumps has been amazing. He doesn’t want to ruin that. Dan assures him it’ll be alright and even if it wasn’t, he’d still have Dan.

Bri/an would look at him in disbelief. Dan won’t leave him? Dan’s a bit offended that Bri/an would think that he’d just dump him but he understands Bri/an’s fears. After thinking it over a bit more Bri/an agrees to reveal himself to Arin and Suzy.

Dan hugs him and kisses him on the forehead telling Bri/an he’s proud of him. He then tells him to go wait in the grump room while he gets Arin and Suzy.

Bri/an would be pacing back in forth in the grump room, his tail snapping in the air from agitation. This could go wrong in so many ways but also so right. He wishes he could just vanish, which he could but he also doesn’t want to disappoint Dan.

As soon as he hears the door opening, Dan announcing they’re coming in, Bri/an takes a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

BH-Bri/an reverts back to his human appearance right before they walk in and arin and suzy are surprised he was able to change out of his costume so quickly

like, where’d he stash the wings

LZ-They’d be looking around expecting to see the costume on the floor or couch. Dan would give him an encouraging smile as he takes his place by Bri/an’s side, which Bri/an is extremely grateful for.

Bri/an looks at Suzy and Arin and tells them he’s known them for a little over two years and that he can’t ask for better friends and he trusts them and he wants to show them a part of him that only Dan has seen. Dan slips his hand into Bri/an’s and squeezes it in comfort.

Arin and Suzy notice and are a bit worried. They’ve never seen Bri/an so nervous and scared before. Arin nods and tells Bri/an that whatever it is he has to tell them, that it won’t change the fact that he’s their friend. Suzy would smile, agreeing. They care about Bri/an and would never turn their back on him.

Their words give Bri/an hope and he thanks them, also muttering to himself that he hopes they stay true to their words. He then closes his eyes and changes to his true form.

Bri/an hears Suzy gasp and Arin is all, ‘no fucking way.’ and Bri/an flinches, believing he’s just made a huge mistake. Dan’s hold on his hand tightens.

‘Arin.’ Suzy would start. ‘He’s like you.’ She says voice filled with awe. That’s when Bri/an opens his eyes, because that’s a confusing thing to say. Dan frowns.

‘What do you mean, Arin’s like Bri/an?’

Arin would lift up his costume shirt and Bri/an and Dan watch with wide eyes as a tail similar to Bri/an’s unwinds from his waist. Arin then reaches up his hands and pulls his hair back, holding it in a ponytail, revealing his pointed ears.

(BG-Arin’s secret revealed pic)

LZ-‘What she said.’ Arin would say. ‘He’s like me.’

Arin's Secret

LZ-Arin is half incubus. A cambion and he was immediately rejected by the demon world so he’s been living with humans most of his life.

BH-arin’s hair hides his ears

LZ-ears and tail are the only things Arin has. He looks completely normal otherwise

BH-they’re both easily hidden too; maybe he can’t even do it willfully so it’s super inconvenient

BH-arin’s been trying to figure this shit out on his own for so long and all of a sudden here comes Bri/an who actually knows what he’s doing

LZ-Bri/an would just be staring, he’s so in shock. He couldn’t have ever predicted this outcome. Dan would ask the question they are both wondering. ‘Arin’s a incubus?’

Arin would release his hair and shake his head.

‘Partially. Actually just half.’

‘A Cambion.’ Bri/an would whisper, his voice low, filled with disbelief.

Arin would look at Bri/an, confused. ‘Is that what I’m called. Interesting.’ Dan would look between Bri/an and Arin.

‘How could neither of you have noticed?’

Bri/an’s asking himself the same thing and believes it may be because he’s weaker than an average incubus. Arin just shrugs. He’s been getting weird vibes from Bri/an but dismissed it as his reactions to Bri/an’s persona.

LZ-Because he doesn’t have a full understanding of his demon abilities Arin couldn't tell there was something off with Bri/an.

It also adds another layer to the email. Was Bri/an’s influence because of his heritage or something else?

Bri/an would walk forward, pulling out of Dan’s hold. He’d come to a stop before Arin and hesitantly brush his hair back and touch his ear.

‘You had no idea what you were?’ Arin would shake his head.

‘I was abandoned as a child. I have no memories of my biological parents. If not for the ones who adopted me...’. Arin trails off not wanting to think about it.

Bri/an understands. Arin may not know for sure but he would have been an outcast, with humans and demons.

Arin would then smile. ‘I’m glad you told us Bri/an. It’s nice to know I have a friend who’s like me. Nice to know I’m not alone.’

That’s when it hits Bri/an. He’s not alone. Sure he has Dan and his friends. But what was missing was someone who could relate. Arin may only be half incubus but he’d know what it feels like trying to fit in with humans , despite not being one. What it feels like denying a part of yourself because no one accepts you. Bri/an feels his eyes watering.

‘I’m not alone.’ He whispers.

Arin immediately pulls him into a tight hug. ‘That’s right Bri/an. Neither of us are alone anymore. You have Dan. I have Suzy. And now we have each other.’ Arin says, tears streaming down his cheeks.

They would just hold each other, both weeping happily over their shared discovery.

Suzy and then Dan would approach wrapping their arms around them both. ‘This is the start of a new beginning for us all.’ Dan would say.

BH-Bri/an went out to this expecting to feel so isolated and alone and now he’s got all these friends to turn to

and when you think about how lonely he was before

(LZ-Bri/an later that night, tuckered out from all the emotional reveals)

Bri/an and Arin

LZ-Arin sitting on the floor before Bri/an, listening with wonder in his eyes, tail swaying back and forth behind him, as Bri/an tells him all about his heritage. Giving him answers to the questions he’s had his entire life.

(LZ-Arin listening to Bri/an pic)

BH-arin listening to bri/an helping him make sense of everything is adorable

bri/an’s been trying his best to distance himself and yet here arin is grasping for every shred of knowledge he can find

LZ-Only after some training from Bri/an is Arin able to change his ears(good reason for him having his hair up so much after Bri/an joined)

LZ-regular training with Arin, Bri/an is able to teach him how to change into his true demon form and his complete human form.

Ever since he’s gone through puberty, Arin has had to make an effort hiding his tail and ears. Now he can finally appear completely human. Can finally put his hair up. Maybe even cut it for once.

BH-he’s so happy the first time he can tie his hair back

LZ-Suzy is overjoyed when she sees Arin’s demon form, she especially loves his markings and wings.

(LZ-Arin changing to full demon form for first time pic)

BH-“look bri/an i did it!!”

LZ-Bri/an would feel like a proud parent. He’s still apprehensive of taking Arin under his wing considering his own self esteem issues but he’s glad he is capable of making someone’s life better without a contract

LZ-Arin curling his tail around Bri/an’s as a show of affection and admiration

Arin's Feedings

LZ-There was also a side effect to Arin heritage. Every few months his incubus half demands he absorb a lot of sexual energy. Normally he doesn’t have to worry about feeding but during those times Suzy can’t satisfy him and it’s too dangerous. Arin ends up having several one night stands and he hates it but maybe with Bri/an he wouldn’t have to go sleeping around anymore.

LZ-Suzy reminds Arin he has about a month and a half left and should probably ask Bri/an if there’s something different he can do than having several one night stands.

Arin would be really nervous and Bri/an would just tell him to spit it out. Arin would take a deep breath and say, ‘you feed off of Dan right?’ Bri/an would stiffen. They hadn’t broached the subject of incubus feeding.

In fact, he and Dan hadn’t really told Arin and Suzy about their contract relationship. It’s kind of been an unspoken topic. Sure they are a bit more open with their affection around Arin and Suzy but nothing that’d make them question what happens behind closed doors.

Arin immediately calms him down, seeing it’s obviously a touchy subject. ‘Hey it’s cool. I’ve seen Dan’s mark and it’s similar to yours. You gotta survive man. I don’t know all of your history with him and that’s fine. As long as Dan is willing, it’s yours and his business.’

Bri/an would breathe a sigh of relief, thankful for Arin’s considerate nature despite his young age. Bri/an doesn’t like to dwell on what’s going on between him and Dan.

In truth the contract has been fulfilled, but he’s tangled up in Dan’s success and it’s made bringing it up difficult.

‘So, what I wanted to ask is,”. Arin says drawing Bri/an’s attention back to him. ‘Do incubus have like...feeding spikes?’

‘Feeding spikes?’ Arin nods.

‘Yeah, like a buildup where they need a lot of sexual energy?’ Bri/an looks up in thought.

‘Hmm, usually that only happens if a incubus hasn’t fed in...probably months.’

Bri/an would then frown. He remembered those days. When he questioned what his kind were doing to mortals and decided to try and stop feeding. That didn’t turn out well. Especially for the humans he targeted when his hunger had peaked. Terrible memories. Bri/an shakes his head, pushing his past misdeeds far back to the locked corner of his mind.

He looks back at Arin. ‘Are you not feeding off Suzy?’ Arin sighs running his hands through his hair.

‘I don’t need to. Maybe because I’m half human I’m wired differently or something but I only feel the need to feed about every three months and by that time it’s too dangerous to feed off of her. I need so much sex.’

Bri/an is surprised at that. Every three months? He’d be starving. He can get by with two feeds a week with Dan, though they tend to do more but to go that long? Are Cambions really that different?

‘What I need to know is if you know of some way I can satisfy that hunger.’ Arin looks down blushing with shame. ‘I’ve been having a bunch of one night stands to fulfill the need but I hate going out and fucking strangers. But I don’t know what else to do.’

Bri/an thinks over what he’s been told. He doesn’t bother asking Arin how he found out feeding on Suzy was too dangerous. It was probably a painful memory for them both. Similar to the time he lost himself and took control from Dan. Not something to be proud of. But he may have a solution for Arin.

‘There was a time that I had starved myself to the point I could barely function. A fellow incubus took pity on me. They fucked me and I was able to absorb enough energy from them until I was full and it didn’t adversely affect them.’ Bri/an says thinking back on that day.

When he learned to absorb energy from bottoming and received quite the tongue lashing for letting himself get to that point. But it was a good lesson. One of the few good things that came from his time in the demon world.

‘Maybe I could do that for you. You’re only half incubus, I should be able to sate your hunger with one or two feedings.’ Arin nods in agreement.

‘And I won’t have to prey on humans anymore.’ Bri/an then crosses his arms.

‘We should still tell Dan and Suzy about all of this.’

Suzy being married to Arin definitely needed to know. Dan not so much but Bri/an didn’t want to keep any unnecessary secrets from him.

‘Oh yeah, we’ll tell them no doubt.’ Arin says. He then smiles up at Bri/an. ‘Hey Bri/an.’ ‘Hm?’ Arin looks away blushing again.

‘I really appreciate all this. You helping me out. The training, tips and answers. It’s nice to have someone who understands. Someone I can look up to.’

Bri/an would be staring at Arin, feeling touched. To think that he could be a mentor to another. He’d never had one, no one wanting to put up with his “rebellious” ways. But here Arin was, looking to Bri/an for advice and guidance.

‘It’s no problem Arin. I’m happy to be there for you.’

After all nobody was there for him. Bri/an just hoped he didn’t let Arin down.

LZ-incubus on incubus action where Bri/an is dom, teaching Arin how to correctly absorb energy while bottoming.

LZ-Bri/an and Arin meet up to talk about his upcoming feeding time. Bri/an sets some ground rules so that neither of them will cross any lines. Find out what the other is okay with. Arin has never been with a man before, so he's nervous and actually very excited. Suzy is usually the top in their relationship, so he's interested how it'd be to submit to Bri/an. After finishing their conversation, they scout some areas outside of the city, since they are unsure as to how they will both react. Bri/an was already an anomaly amongst incubi and Arin is half. Anything could happen, so they figured it would be safer to do the feedings away from humans. They find a cave in the mountains outside of L.A. and decide it would be an ideal location. With all the preparations made, now they just have to wait.

A week later, Arin calls Bri/an in the middle of the night. The urges have hit and he needs to get away from Suzy. He’s already on his way to the cave. Bri/an kisses Dan, who tells him to be careful and keep his cell on. Bri/an strips to only boxer briefs and grabs a bag of supplies. He flies to the outskirts of the city near the mountains.

He finds Arin in a cave before a campfire, shivering with need. When he sees Bri/an he growls and charges him. Bri/an easily dodges the attempts to subdue him. He manages to pin Arin and order him to get a hold of himself. He needs to submit. Arin snaps out of it, going limp beneath Bri/an and apologizes. His eyes are wide with fear and need. He tells Bri/an he’s never felt it this bad. He had to force himself away from Suzy. He couldn’t even tell her where he was going. Bri/an thinks it may be because of the training. Arin’s full incubus instincts have awoken and his human side can’t handle them anymore.

LZ-Probably more instinctive rougher sex but Bri/an still uses what he’s learned from Dan to make it feel good for Arin. Also Bri/an fishing and hunting to provide for Arin’s human side while his body is resting between feedings.

SG-yeah yeah! i was actually thinking how it'd be much more "animalistic", especially these first few times, since arin is so unused to having someone on equal footing to him re: instincts and such. so i can see him being impatient and growly and insisting on just getting it over with bc needs so to hell with foreplay and prep, but bri/an persists. he's gotten so used to it during his own feedings that he knows how much infinitely better it is that way

it helps to calm arin's incubus side down as well, so he doesn't snap again like he did when bri/an walked in. human feelings start surfacing just enough for him to somehow be able to keep himself grounded, but it still helps that bri/an can hold him down if need be while they prep

and once they can get going, arin is in full sweat-mode, panting and whining like his life depends on it, so they turn him around so he can grab the nearest wall (and maybe claw and scratch at it if he needs to) and when bri/an enters him he lets out this half-groan, half-growl that echoes through the cave.

LZ-Arin would be so difficult and Bri/an is just using his infinite patience, knowing it’s not Arin’s fault. He can’t help it and Bri/an is just holding him still, doing his best to prepare him, while Arin is growling and grunting his frustration. There’s a source of energy near him and he can’t take it. But when Bri/an is finally able to get inside him, Arin’s training kicks in and he starts absorbing the sexual energy and what a relief it is. His growls turn into whines and whimpers. His human side gradually comes back, recognizing that it’s Bri/an who has him and his tail instinctively finds Bri/an’s, curling around it to keep him grounded through the waves of pleasure flowing through his body.

(LZ-Arin feeding)

LZ-Afterwards when they’ve both come, Bri/an’s leaning back against the wall and Arin is lying on him, head in his lap, covered in the blanket Bri/an brought. Arin is still panting lightly still recovering from the strain of his instincts and emotions. Bri/an’s running his claws gently through Arin’s hair, softly rubbing his horns and ears. A comforting action reminding Bri/an that Arin is of his kind and he’s not alone. Arin would sense Bri/an’s happiness at his presence and would maybe start purring at the attention, his tail curling even tighter around Bri/an’s and they would just be curled up together until Arin falls asleep and Bri/an prepares him something to eat before the next wave of feeding urges hit him.

BH-i like how Bri/an is so patient with arin’s agitation and frustration

poor guy’s mindless in his desire to get at what he wants/needs that he’ll tear everything apart if he has to

but Bri/an just handles him like it’s nothing

SG-in retrospect it makes sense, dunnit? arin is only half whereas Bri/an is full incubus, of course he can use some hellish demon strength to keep arin subdued and nice and less likely to attack/give in

LZ-After a few days pass and Arin’s aggressive behavior has calmed down, his instincts understanding that Bri/an will give him what he needs, he’s able to enjoy the feedings more. Arin getting so lost in the pleasure, he tries to bite Bri/an at the base of his neck. Bri/an has to stop him and Arin is so embarrassed that he let his instincts take over once again. Bri/an assures him that it’s okay, it’s only natural that Arin would want to mark Bri/an also. Not only is Bri/an a close friend but also of his kind and has been helping him figure out so much about himself. Of course he’d want to physically manifest their bond but Bri/an reminds him, as he wraps his tail around Arin’s (the first time he’s done it) that they are already bonded through their shared kinship, as well as their friendship and no one can take that away from them.

LZ-It also helps that Bri/an already has an emotional attachment to Arin, because this is all new to him too. He hardly interacted with his own kind. So having to deal with the raw instincts of a half incubus is nerve wracking. Arin is now representing everything Bri/an’s cast aside

SG-okay but yes!!! Bri/an's lived long enough to have learned how to deal with all this stuff, not to mention now after his time with dan he truly knows the ways to hold back and not go completely demonic. but arin is half and half and has never had anyone to show him the ways so of course he'd be overwhelmed BH-not to mention “next wave of urges”

how long does it take to run him all the way down

LZ-I’d say probably a week and a half now that he’s fully awaken. A weekend of one night stands was enough before but not only did Arin hate doing that but now with the level of increased aggression and sexual need, he can’t risk it. Unless he wants to end up draining several humans to get satisfaction, his only option is Bri/an.

After the first time is all over, I’d expect Arin to have a serious drop. Feeling guilty for how he behaved and attacking Bri/an, reminding him of what he dislikes about incubi and being an inconvenient husband for Suzy and intruding on Dan’s relationship with Bri/an. Just a burden to them all. It would take the combined efforts of Suzy Bri/an and Dan to convince him that’s not true. They would have to provide an abundance of aftercare. Maybe even Bri/an and Dan staying at their home until he’s better.

BH-poor arin, he’s taking it so hard :( what an intense situation for him

SG-the drop scenario physically hurts me, like can you imagine the waves of self-loathing it would bring on after the fact. all these things he's been so good at keeping under control, now have surfaced and "proved" to him that even tho he's half, he's still just as "bad" as the rest of them, he's still dangerous, an uncontrollable monster you're damn right everyone's gonna have to chip in for comfort

BH-cuddle pile

SG-lots of kisses from suzy

BH-all the kisses from suzy

and dan’s famous blanket snuggles

SG-coupled with some demon warmth from Bri/an and tail wrappage

Side Revelations

LZ-Bri/an isn’t as weak as he thought. He’s been verbally belittled for so long because of how different he is that he’s come to truly believe he’s a disgrace and weak for an incubus.

In actuality he has average strength, even more because of his bond with Dan but because of his past abuse, he’s mentally stunted himself. He thinks the times he is able to protect Dan are flukes.

It isn’t until he’s training Arin that he questions his abilities because Arin is only half incubus but he’s stronger than Bri/an. That can’t be right.

#ninja ship party #ninjaraptor #incubus!bri #our au #my au #my art #polygrumps

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shardvixen · 5 years

Text

What Suit is best for the Ocean? An Autobigraphy Paper from 2003From the Den

Greetings All, Shardvixen here. When I first enter college for my Master's degree, I already knew that education equaled a lot of writting. but there are all kinds of different writing styles and in college at any level you learn different ways. I do best in fictional writing because article writing has real weird and fancy ways of doing things and if you don't do them right, you look at the least stupid and at the worst a fake, so your words have no meaning.

I love to write but the format of writing and spelling are difficult for me. Mostly it is because of my processing disorder. And partly my outlook on life. For me "Just good enough" works. Why spend more energy on something for the best out put when just good enough gets you to the same place. Basically why spend more time on something you don't like or care about, when you can put time into things you do. Been that way all my life. This pushes against my need to do the best I can and usually wins when things get to frustrating.

So I had to write an autobiograhpy upon entering college to finish my BA. I wasn't graded on the material part but on grammer, spelling and format. I did just good enough. It is always hard to be graded on something that has personal value. The worse part for me was, the instruction and most of the class failed to understand it which is also a common occurance for me. Sometimes I feel like an alien where ever I am at because for what ever reason I fail to communicate properly leaving most of my conversations with people lacking in some way.

As I go through my papers from college and decide what to throw away and what to keep, I have also decided that some of them will go into this blog site. Maybe to be used as a vlog down the road. It will make finding them easier and to allow others to reflect on them as well. So here is the first one, my first paper of my Master degree.

Life is a rollercoaster is a famous metaphor. I understandit but it just doesn't work for me. The type of rollercoaster that would represent my life would defy the rules of sscience and never get any willing riders except for the death seekrs. The only control, on has with a rollercoast is whether or not to ge on the ride and I would have never gotten on this ride willing.

For me, life is an ocean. There is life above and below. If you flip over, you end up in the same place with the same but yet different landscape. I once saw how a dolphine sees their surroundings, which is an upside down landscape with the bottom being up and the top is down. This is a perfect metaphor for my brain. I am sitting in a little ru-a-dub tub and I am perfectly balanced in it. Sometimes I see the land and franticly try to get there becasue that is what a functional person does. The land represents the things that most people seem to have an easy time attaining. I just have to decide on a regular basis whether or not they are things I want.

I was born disfuntional into a disfunctional family with gernerations of disfunctional history. At the age of 38, Year 2003, I was told i had peronality disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder. On the website National Institute of Mental Illness, "borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity.Originally thought to be at the 'borderline' of psyhosis, peoople with BPD suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation. While less well known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder(manic-depressive illness, BPD is more common, affecting 2% of adults, mostly young women." https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml

The same site states that the mood swings can last up to a day, for me they can lat a lot longer. I can go into swings that last up to sixmonths which is why they took so long to diagnose. my road to self discovery stated withen I was 14, a day that is crystal clear in my memories. I woke up feeling different not like myself. I have no clear connection to my child self and my teenager self. It was like I was now two different people

There are many accounts of what it is like to be mentaly ill from all knds of different mental illness. There is a very good book about Borderline personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland. The Book is called " Get Me Out of Here". Parts of her life arin ways very much like mine, butin oterhways not. That is because mental illness tends to customize tot he person who has it. If a peerson has a curved spine, then he/she will learn to live a the spine that is bent and that changes lots of actions like how clothes look and how a person walks. It is the same for mental illness. I believe that all people know they are ill whether it is a phyical ill or a mental one. How they deal with it will differ, thus making it hard to diagnose.

i have many people from both professional and personal areas ask me what it feel like inside my head. I have thus come up with the iead inspsired from the movie "Men in Black". There is the scene where J and K are asking Beatrice about the bug that took over Edgar. She said, "It was like a big Edgar Ssuit." Thus I describe my illness as suits. Lately I have added color because color is a good way to describe my likes, dislikes, and emotions. So one morning I wake up with the blue suit on. the blue suit is that over happy state that reminds me of a Car Bear catoon. Little hearts and cute little yellow birds sing witht he happy face sun. The blue suit describes a manic phase. All the suits have different characteristic moods and likes/dislikes. I like the pink suit the best because that is the even keel where I walk like a normal person. I deal with emotions pretty well and seem to have aporopriate responses. An orange suit could be an angry suit or even diestructive ideal. Something will happen and I will wake up with a new suit. I have learned what kind of things trigger different mood swings. Most come as a hindsight of information.

Some suits are multi colored becaue inside of me, it is very easy to feel like yes or no to things. i am totally a maybe child, like waves that are hard and fast on top and cross waves down below. When someone sys, ' you know I like him an I don't, I totally get it. That is how I feel all the time. Emotions are not easy for me. Sometimes body language messes me up with how a person is talking. I tend to show an emotional face to the world but that is because that is the mask of control. If I can wait before making a choice, I love that but life doesn't always give us time to make the choices slowly and then my reptile brain needs to be kicked into overdrive, to deal with things quickly and usually ends up making the less then desirable choice. I live in that flight or fight pattern daily though I am now better at maintaining a balance due to self understanding i have learned over the years.

Now that we have established that I have had many large tital waves in my life and things from beneath the waves deciding to move me in other currents it is easy to see that my experiences with counselors has best been interestig. As a child my teachers liked me and wanted to care for me, while my peers didn't. I loved to do school work which made me very popular with the teachers. Learning is to this day very exciting to me and helping others to learn is what moved me towards my carreer choices. I was tutor in high school and Jr. college for people who had issues learning to read. My first conselor I remember meeting was in 6th grade getting ready to go to Jr. High School and he seemed to feel i was going to hae problems. He was right. Academically school was always easy, it was the peer interactions that prove to be trickier.

In high school, my counselor made the recommendation that I see the school mental health worker. I did not do well with him and he did not do well with my parents. At this time my parents finally seperated and my whole got a whole lot stormier. I was forced to take care of myself and proceeded to do a horrible job of it. It was decided I need to see a therapist more often but my parents refused to participate as was required and I stopped receiving any menatl health help. I was removed from high school and sent to a continuation high school for drop out, criminals and pregnant teen girls.

At my new high school, my art teacher was also my counselor. He was one of the main reasons that the school staff became my new family to take over with the one that had left me out in the cold. I wish I could say I trusted them all but I didn't because my mental health wouldn't let me. Adults lied all the time and hurt you because they had the power and many refused t o see how the world really treated me. It was always my fault somehow for eevery thing that happen. My fault that my father was a drunk, my fault that my uncle abused me, my fault my mother decided to relive her teen life, my fault that the peers hurt me. Always my faut. How could I trust anyone when those i should have been able to trust had failed me. It is a lesson that I have worked hard to correct.

I was once told that other people can sense when a person isn't quite right and that is why many children will shun a child who is menatlly ill. Mentally ill children make great targets especially when others support the attacks. Teachers, parents and others were quick to ask, "waht did you do to make them act that way towards you?" I have not only in my own life found this to be true but also in other children's lives that I have been lucky enough to be a part of. For me, I just learn to work hard to make people feel comfortable around me, but teaching children to social can be a bit harder.

All of my adult life there has been a need to ehlp if I can because that is something that was always missing in my yout, people who wanted to help. Really help, while my teachers were kind they never pushed to find out what would be really helpful for me. I learned that there are people who just need a little extra help for all kinds of reasons. Since I was 16 years old I have tutored peers, adults and children with special needs in one way or another. Social skills is one skill that many people seem to lacking or just need a little extra help in understanding. I think because there isn't a course on can take to learn what they need to know, it is just taken for granted that we will all learn it by being part of a group(family, peers and society). Sometimes thought these groups take it for granted that every one knows how to interact with others, especially if the individual is very smart. Really smart children can get lost in social actions and few peoople realize that even now in 2003. I am very good at observing a person and seeing where they may be missing an important of the silent code that every society has when learning and using social interactions ad cues.

When I decided to pursue the careeer of behaviortherapy, I was told I needed a masters degree. At the time I was following the path of a teacher, even though I didn't really wantt to be a school teacher. I have a talent that kind of has moved me down a certian career path. I can desing a lesson plan for anyone, I have a way of understanding how people learn. I learn this while in school of computer software programing. Though I had really been doing it for a long time, like teaching people to read.. i have a talent for teaching the most unteachable(described that way by others who tried and failed to teach them anything) children. I have changed many children's lives and many have come back over the years and thanked me for doing my best with them. I don't really believe that anyone is unteachable but that rather it is our own expectations of what is needed to be taught based on what their brains can do. I am very proud of the work I have done and the accomplishments I have helped others to achieve.

In my life at this time, I sit and wonder do I have what it takes to be a counselor, I have to think do they let crazy people become counselors. Most of the psychologists I have worked with in the school systems have told me yeas because we are all crazy and a few of us are menatlly ill. I believe it is important to tell people I am mentally ill. Most people have their own concepts of what mental health issues look like and how each one should be treated. Many people are afraid of mentally ill people espcially mentally ill children. They are fearful of asking questions. I know that sometimes it is hard to know what is appropriate to ask. When peoople ddeal with mental illness they still want to put peoople int an area or slot that is very easy to understand, but it is never that easy because well, people really are not easty. It would be grand if we were all like those cookie cutter perfect people and we all came from cute little perfect homes and lives but imperfections occur in all kins of different ways. And while many peoople may understand this logically, they fail to refelct it in their own lives and the lives around them.

One of the things I think I can bring from my own history to my career as a counselor is that I do know how it feels. There is none of theat, " Wow did she really say that or do that?" I know that people can do the things that makes most of the societies' population go, "wait what?" I observe people and wait to see what is going on before I decide if they need help or not. People say "help me" in many ways without saying they need it.. I know how to wait for those signs.

I have been an employee of various schools for over ten years working with all kinds of school populations. I have been working in both regular education and special needs. I like working with children and find joy working with those that others have gotten very frustrated with. I know how it feels to be held hostage by your brain and your illness. I have been a caregive and taught people how to care for themselves and their children. All of these jobs will help me become the best helper I can be in the therapy field. I do believe I am sensitivite to the needs of people and nojudgemental about their choices they make and the lifestyles they choose to live. I very much believe that every one has the right to be happy and content.

one of my biggest challenges is that I nned to understand my own illness and then to get others to understand it without it becoming an issue to how well I can do in being helpful. People are very leery about letting people with mental illness work with others. I can understand why, but not all people want to hurt others. I want to help, but I can't fix people only guide them to make their own choice to helpthemsleves.

So as i float in my ocean learning the suits I need to be successful and knowing what kind of suits I am wearing and how that helps or disrupts my life, I think about how maybe I need a super hero suit. One that can protect me while helping others. I know i will do good in this new career path I have choosen and it may move me in another current as I learn more about myself and what I have to offer the world.

The End: Not really. This was written about 16 years ago and a lot changed along the way. But I kept learning about myself which was very helpful.�� I don't have many manic eposides. I have learn that PTSD can cause a lot of suit changing, so I feel like I am in and out of the closet of my mind. But through all of it the one thing I did learn is the best thing you can do for yourself is not give up or give in. Sometimes it is just best to float in the sun and bask while taking a moment to reflect in the waves that life is most certianly interesting and rarely dull.

I know this was a rather long bit of writing but most papers in college are required to be long. I hope this gave you some insight to how I use to think of myself and how far I have come. Catch you all on the flip side and i am outta here....Peace all.

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