#he used to tell us darth vader and emperor palpetine were following us home

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

What happens when the sullys (that includes spider) go to the grocery store?

Someone’s bound to get lost🙄

KSKSK I love this question I'm obsessed with this thank u.

I did just read a fic where Neytiri got accused of kidnapping Spider at the grocery store (racism! we are never free!) so that is living with me rn as I think of this ask, so let's try to make a more positive version.

Like I said once before for my modern au, Jake Sully is a retired-veteran-stay-at-home-dad. He is dedicated, he's at all the school sports on time, he's first in line at parent pick up. These are actually just perks because he can park in the handicap spots close to the doors, so he doesn't have as far to wheel. So naturally he does the grocery shopping, because I think the idea of Jake and four kids under five wheeling around a Stop & Shop is really funny.

The kids are usually fairly chill out in public when it's just them and Jake, because one time when they were being crazy a lady told him people like him shouldn't be allowed to watch kids alone and he looked like he might cry for a minute and it scared them all. Lo'ak does not remember this incident, and no one has told him about it so he will still be a little shit. Spider's fresh from his childhood trauma and newly adopted so he's like, very insistent on being held 24/7 so he has to sit in Jake's lap and hold his little stuffed dragon Kiri gave him. He's pretty chill he's just not 100% sure they're not all gonna leave him at Stop & Shop if given the chance.

Jake treats shopping like a scavenger hunt for the older kids, giving them one item at a time in the aisle to grab for him. He stops the car and turns back around to be like "Alright gang, here's the mission:" and lays out the grocery list like it's a battle plan. Then he makes them all put their hands in and go "BREAK," and throw their hands up. Spider isn't comfortable yet, but later he climbs the shelves to get higher things for Jake when Jake isn't looking. Kiri and Neteyam are old grocery shopping hats at this point, they know how to fetch things that Jake asks them to get from the lower shelves. It is a silent battle between them to see who can get the most things and faster.

Lo'ak is on strict front of the cart jail because last time he climbed to the top of a shelf and knocked an entire display of cereal boxes down because Jake said no Cocoa Puffs. Now he just focuses on losing one item of clothing discreetly during the shopping trip. No matter how many times it happens, how hard Jake tries to watch him, he will ditch one item. Usually a shoe. Jake will like turn around to grab milk from the freezer and look back at Lo'ak and he's got one shoe. His other shoe is gone forever, into the ether. Neteyam was getting butter and Kiri was staring at the dogfood for some reason, so there were no witnesses. Jake just has to buy Lo'ak new shoes and hope Neytiri never notices.

When they finish shopping every kid gets a small candy for behaving, including Jake Sully. Lo'ak gets mad on the way home that he didn't get to help with the scavenger hunt, but Jake pretends to notice a car behind them has Dr. Robotnik in it and tells Lo'ak to keep an eye on it and make sure he doesn't follow them home. Lo'ak has never been more quiet and serious before in his life. It backfires later when Lo'ak refuses to go to bed, intent on watching the street in case Dr. Robotnik comes back.