#he’s been a vampire for like 600 years and his brain cannot develop past when he died.

[friendlygirlswag]

still cannot believe vladislav "the poker" wwdits is canonically sixteen years old. and i’m supposed to be Normal about that

[theblowsyouveinventedandblamed]

Part One: Ableism

TW for: abuse, ableism

So. Some of you may have seen posts about me that were written by my ex-boyfriend/datemate, Ezri (tumblr user @regal-roman and @panpunksexual).

The first post (https://regal-roman.tumblr.com/post/170845546062/he-was-abusive-i-know-he-couldnt-help-that-he)

[Transcript: He was abusive. I know he couldn’t help that he had mental illness, just like I can’t help that I do.

But his illness hurt other people. His illness hurt me all the time. But no matter how many times I asked, he would never get treatment so he wouldn’t hurt me anymore.

I am not ableist. I don’t believe that I’m better than him because I don’t have the illness he has. I wouldn’t mind him having his illness at all if he weren’t hurting other people.

If you are hurting other people because of your mental illness, it is your responsibility to get treatment so you no longer harm others. Victims should not have to accept abuse just because the perpetrators were mentally ill.]

To begin with, the “illness” they are talking about? Dissociative Identity Disorder [DID]. According to the DSM-5 [Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder, Fifth Edition] DID is diagnosed through five criteria. For efficiency’s sake we will only be focusing on the first criteria (criteria A) which is detailed as followed: “A. Disruption of identity characterized by two or more distinct personality states, which may be described in some cultures as an experience of possession. The disruption of marked discontinuity in sense of self and sense of agency, accompanied by related alterations in affect, behavior, consciousness, memory, perception, cognition, and/or sensory-motor functioning. These signs and symptoms may be observed by others or reported by the individual.” [Information taken from: http://traumadissociation.com/dissociativeidentitydisorder#dsm5, further reading can be done at: https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/dissociative-identity-disorder/dissociative-identity-disorder-did-dsm-5-criteria/]

The line “distinct personality states” is of significance here. Alters (also known as headmates or system members) are separate from the core/original. They are different people occupying the same space. Yes, there are alters known as fragments or shards that are not “complete” personalities, however out of a system of eleven only two of our members are fragments (Anya, a trauma holder and Frank, a protector, neither of whom can front independently). The other nine members of our system are fully formed and act independently of each other. For the purpose of this explanation we will however, not discuss certain members of our system for various reasons, largely because they never directly interacted with Ezri. They are as follows: Nina (a four to six year old child alter), Lucien (a 600 year old vampire priest), Harley (a fictive of Harley Quinn) as well as our fragments Frank (a fictive of Frank Castle, the Punisher) and Anya (a fictive of Anya from the 100). The alters that are important to our narrative are: Lucille (protector), L337 (protector), Gl!!tch/Glitch (protector), Luna (protector/headspace manager), AJAX (protector-ish) and ting (core).

I began my three-month altercation with Ezri on October 18th, 2017. They had known that I had DID and at first their general attitude about it was positive, even before we had begun dating.

[Transcript:

panpunksexual 09/27/2017 This is gonna sound dorky but the way I view you being a system is literally “well that means more friends”]

They continued to ask questions about it, claiming that they had a “pretty good understanding of it. The best I could get without being a system myself”

[Transcript: 

panpunksexual 10/24/2017 Did you ever think people wouldn’t want to date you because you’re a system? 

newt on a newt 10/24/2017 yeppp 

panpunksexual 10/24/2017 When I was first learning about it, I never thought it was weird and I still don’t. I was really curious about it, but I didn’t want to ask a bunch of questions and seem like [I] had a creepy fascination with it 

newt on a newt 10/24/2017 questions r good dw 

panpunksexual 10/24/2017 I think I have a pretty good understanding of it now. The best I can get without being a system myself I’m a pretty optimistic person, so I view it as just having more friends, even though I’m only dating you and not any of the others]

To continue with their claims about me, we come across the line “…his illness hurt other people.” No example of “other people” are given (likely because none can be found). My DID has never hurt anyone directly. My alters (predominantly L337, Gl!!tch and AJAX) have been rude or cruel to Ezri, which they should be held accountable for (even though they were simply attempting to defend me or themselves) and AJAX had previously caused me (and only me) physical harm but he is the only alter that has caused physical harm to anyone. Ezri continues with “But no matter how many times I asked, he would never get treatment so he wouldn’t hurt me anymore.” This is simply untrue, although the ‘treatment’ I am in may not be what he wanted.

If we look at this article by Natasha Tracy “DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER (DID) TREATMENT” [found here: https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/dissociative-identity-disorder/dissociative-identity-disorder-did-treatment-challenging/] a list of treatment options and goals are provided. Treatment options are:

[Transcript: Dissociative Identity Disorder Treatment Types

Dissociative identity disorder is primarily treated with psychotherapy of various types. According to the Cleveland Clinic, the following are DID therapy types:

Psychotherapy – often thought of as “talk therapy.” This DID therapy encourages communication of conflicts and insight into problems.

Cognitive therapy – involves changing dysfunctional thought patterns.

Family therapy – helps to educate the family about the disorder, recognize its presence as well as work through issues that have developed in the family because of dissociative identity disorder.

Creative therapies such as art or music therapy – allows the patient to explore thoughts, feelings and memories in a safe and creative way.]

Treatment goals are as follows:

[Transcript: Dissociative Identity Disorder Treatment Goals

There are many dissociative identity disorder treatment goals. The goals of DID treatment include ensuring the safety of the patient, symptom relief as well as:

“Reconnecting” all existing DID alters into one, well-functioning identity

Allowing the person to safely express and process painful memories

Developing new and healthy coping skills

Restoring functionality

Improving relationships]

We are in therapy and have been for the past two years, seeing a therapist weekly (Wednesday’s at 5:30) which has been beneficial to us and helped us with symptom relief, safety (AJAX no longer poses a threat to me), processing trauma, developing functionality and improving relationships. The only area that we do not, have not, and will not ‘work on’ is integration. Integration is the 'reconnection’ of alters and is not a healthy or tenable option for us and would cause us more harm than good at this point in our lives. Our therapist, a trained medical professional, agrees. Ezri, who is a teenager and not a trained medical professional, decided otherwise and considered it the only acceptable form of treatment and only valid form of treatment. Please note that the only reason they say I should get treatment (which I have been in for two years) is for their benefit, not mine, not anyone else’s. Just theirs.

The third paragraph states “I am not ableist. I don’t believe that I’m better than him because I don’t have the illness he has. I wouldn’t mind him having his illness at all if he weren’t hurting other people.” He begins saying that he is “not ableist” despite the numerous derogatory remarks he has made towards me and my system members about DID, frequently calling them less than human or not real, saying that he is “how things should be” and that we are not normal or less than human.

(Please note, during this conversation Lucille is fronting.)

[Transcript:

newt on a newt 12/11/2017 DID is caused by childhood trauma that is so severe that a child’s brain cannot handle it, causing the mind to splinter and break, forming a completely separate personality. 

panpunksexual 12/11/2017 Yes I know that. But Tyler thinks that you are all real people when you’re not  You’re just in his head. It’s all in his head 

newt on a newt 12/11/2017 “It’s all in his head” much in the same way you are in your own head. 

panpunksexual 12/11/2017 Yeah, but I’m only one person. That’s how things should be. And I don’t like getting worried one of you will make me cut myself again 

[Tyler’s note: no-one encouraged/told/made him self-harm, they told him not to. This is guilt-tripping.] 

Or that one day Tyler will disappear and not come back 

Nobody thinks about how all this makes me feel]

[Transcript:

panpunksexual 12/11/2017 If you’re not the original then you’re not real either]

(Note, the alter fronting here is Gl!!tch/Glitch, who has several typing quirks which I will transcribe as an original version and as a readable version) 

[Transcript: 

newt on a newt 12/12/2017 s0 y0u sxx l337 as lxss than human? [so you see L337 as less than human?] 

panpunksexual 12/12/2017 Yeah]

Ezri clearly seems to view DID/being a system as something that is unnatural and wrong, something to be “fixed” even when it is important to my survival. Their actions and words indicate and are proof of their ableism, which they are not exempt from just because they aren’t neurotypical. Having BPD/BD does not mean he cannot be prejudiced against other people.

“I wouldn’t mind him having his illness at all if he wasn’t hurting other people.” As said before, my DID hurt no one but Ezri and even then it was only a few people acting in defense of me, more comparable to your best friends telling someone who is hurting you to go fuck themself that to being hurt by an illness. “Other people” were not being hurt as anyone who is close to me can attest. They are attempting to use unnamed and made-up “other people” to back up their ungrounded accusations.

I agree with their final paragraph, however 'treatment’ should not just be for other people. Mentally ill people deserve therapy and help for themselves, they deserve to get better and feel loved and accepted. And yes, victims do not have to accept abuse simply because the perpetrators are mentally ill which is why I am no longer excusing Ezri’s actions.

Therefore, we will be presenting all of our evidence against the false accusations that Ezri has made on their blog (shown at the top). This evidence will be separated across multiple posts, and a masterpost will be made.