#he's loyal not stupid. like why the fuck would he stay if they really were that shit? at the end of the day this is his job

[introspectivememories]

my f1 fanfic pet peeve is "charles leclerc is a red bull driver". it literally makes no sense to me. that man is was like molded for ferrari. you really think he's leaving them???? like i feel like everyone forgets that he chooses them. he chooses them every time!!! he's not fucking stupid. if they really were shit, he would've fuckin left by now. but he hasn't!!!! because he believes in them!!!! he is their little champion in the making!!!!! he is their predestined!!!! they are his dream!!!! they are his home!!!!!! he'd look ugly in navy blue anyway

[entername322]

Someone like you

Chaewon (ex Izone, Le Sserafim) x Male Reader

Length: 17666 words

TW: Abusive relationship

Next part

Pain, that's all you can say about yourself. Why does falling in love always have a risk of heartbreak? Sometimes you wonder if the risk outweighs the gains. For your particular case, it doesn't, it never has. “...... and then I came home to see him decorated the whole place with flowers and candles. Isn't he so romantic?” Right, flowers and candles, you know where that was going. “Yeah, that sounds great Chae”, It felt like your heart was being plucked out of your heart and set on fire. Why is your love stronger than your heart, if only your love breaks before your heart does. “He's so romantic sometimes, I love him so much-, Awwww”, Her cries of pain distract you from the twisting feeling your chest feels.

“I'm sorry Chae”, You steady your hands and continue stitching her wounds. “It's fine, thanks for this Pup, I owe you a lot”, You cringed a little hearing her nickname for you. “Chae we're both grown up now can you please stop calling me that?” It's a cute nickname, which only hurts you more realising that this is as far as you can get from being with her. “No, you will always be the cute little puppy”, Yes you are, who's a good puppy? The guy who keeps simping for his crush even after she's been in a relationship for a year now. It's you by the way, you're the good puppy, so loyal to your master. “There, all done, now just the bandages”, A good puppy who has graduated from medical school, hey that means you can take care of your master even better now. “Is it really okay for you to do this for free?” What dog would ask their owner for money? Alright let's lay off the dog jokes, you're still lame by the way.

“It's fine, they're cheap”, Even if they aren't, you wouldn't charge her anything right? “Thank you, I really mean it. I don't know how I can even repay you pup”, Chae grabbed your arm, her warm palm felt like a red hot iron that scorched your skin. “Yeah, it's fine. It's my job to care for people's lives after all”, You tried your best to smile at her, to show her you're doing this out of the goodwill of your heart. “You're just so, kind and stupid sometimes. If only he can be more like you”, She muttered the last part but it was loud enough for you to hear it. It fucking hurts, so fucking painful hearing something so ignorantly brutal. “So, how's work? Everything is fine in the hospital?” If Chaewon noticed your pained smile then she doesn't show it. “Nothing interesting is happening so far, although there's an offer for a transfer. I haven't read much about it but it will be a year long ‘voluntary work’. It's not fully voluntary though because we're gonna get paid decently, and we're gonna be working with a few other volunteers from all over the country”, Chaewon tilted her head curiously, “Are you gonna take it?” You were surprised to hear her words. It caught you off guard so you didn't get to hear a little hint of anxiousness in her words.

“I don't know, it's interesting”, Maybe that's what you need, a time away from your crush. “Oh, I'm sure you'll do great in it”, Chaewon smiles encouragingly, which only hurts you even more. Honestly, what were you expecting? Did you think she would ask you to stay here? Tell you how much she needs her and doesn't want you to leave? Come on bro, she's not like that. “Yeah, I was thinking about taking it”, You didn't really mean that when you say that, however seeing her genuine encouraging smile made you really consider it for real. “Well, I need to go home, thanks again for today pup, I owe you a lot”, Chaewon stood up with a smile on her face ready to leave. “Yeah see you later Chae”, You just sit there watching her leave your place while a storm is brewing in your mind. 

“Fuck”, You muttered to yourself, completely unaware that Chaewon is also cursing herself once she left your house. “Goddamnit pup why do you have to leave. You idiot”, The stinging pain in her arm is gone, covered with the sour mood she felt in her heart. “It's been years already and you're still waiting for me”, Oh, she does notice your feelings it seems. Of course she does, the two of you have known each other for years now. The memory of your meeting plays very differently between you and Chaewon's mind. For her she remembers how clumsy and cute you were, stumbling over your own words, overdosing on teenage hormones because of talking to a girl. For you it was an embarrassing attempt at making a friend on your first day of highschool, something that would keep you up at night with cringe.

“Idiot”, She kicked a can on the road out of frustration, but it's not enough so she started stomping on it with the hope of burying down the guilt that's building inside her. It's not that she wanted to use you, but…… she's just busy, or so she thinks. Her boyfriend, uhhhhh his name is irrelevant, is a hassle to deal with. She loves him, he's kind and caring and honest and cute and kind….. it's just sometimes he loses his tempers. Sometimes he would, lash out and accidentally hurt her, but he never meant to do so. It's getting better now (It's not) his outburst is getting less frequent (Pretty sure the ideal and normal frequency is 0) and he always tries to make it up to her (With empty promises and lies). 

Chaewon stops stomping on the poor can and just stares at the sky, finally realising it won't help erase the guilt she's having. On her defence she wanted to help you get over your crush for her. She cares about you, and she wants what's best for you. She wanted to introduce you to her friends, let you fall in love with someone who will love you back. Sometimes she thinks about a future where you date someone else, then you and her can be platonic friends, a brother from a different mother. It's just that, when her boyfriend got mad, and she got hurt, she can't run to the hospital because they would pester her about it. She can't run to most of her friends or family because they would also pester her, you're the only one who can help her. You were, the only one who would enable her. Young people, they're so dumb sometimes, both you and her included.

“Haaaaa, why can't we just be friends”, Chaewon sighed, she's not blaming you for your feelings, it would be hypocritical for her to judge someone's feelings when she's being chained by her own feelings. When you told her about the project she wanted to say don't take it, she wants you to stay here, to help her. Thankfully she recognises how selfish she is, and encourages you to leave, to get over your own feelings. It hurts, it feels wrong, seeing you break away from your feelings. Perhaps she yearns to have the courage to break free of her own chains. “I'm back”, Chaewon put on a smile as she got back to her place, “Welcome back babe, how was your day”, Of course for now she can only put on a smile and let herself fall deeper into the abyss.

“Are you sure? You know it won't be an easy trip right?” It's been a week since that talk with Chaewon, and today you are finalising your proposal of joining the volunteer work to your boss. “I'm sure sir, beside…… I need some time away from this place”, Is running away considered a solid reason for joining a harsh voluntary work? “Hmmm, well, if your only reason for taking this job is just a getaway from whatever shit you're dealing here, I suggest don't”, You flinched hearing your boss. “I think I can handle the job boss”, You tried to sound tough, “You know, I always pity you”, That's kinda harsh. “You are a good guy, smart and very nice. You're just too nice I sometimes hope you didn't get scammed and used by other people”, Yeah that sounds kinda familiar alright.

“I want to try something new. I think I can handle the work, and it might help me too”, If you say that with a little more conviction it would sound cool you know. “Haaaaa, youngsters with their self-finding journeys”, He shook his head and signed the form, “Comeback here, in one piece”, A smile form on your face before you quickly nod and bow to him. It's odd, you don't exactly feel excited about it, but you don't feel scared or disappointed about leaving everything behind, you're just numb to it. “Stop daydreaming and prepare the other documents you need”, Your boss slammed his hand on the desk waking you up. “Ahhh right, thank you boss”, He shook his head and sighed seeing your awkwardness, “I really hope you didn't get shot out there”, He's joking right?

After submitting the rest of the paperwork you went back home, had a nice call with your mom where she absolutely desecrated you with her words. “Are you insane? You're doing volunteer work in an active warzone?” Holy shit you are? “I'm not working in the warzone itself, I'm just a civilian mom. I'll be at the refugee camp, away from the battlefield”, That's the word you keep repeating to her for hours before she finally calms down. “Just, tell me it's not because of that Chaewon girl”, 2 hours and 16 minutes into the call your mom finally asked the right question. “No, of course not mom”, You can't lie to your mom, she's the one who teaches you how to lie to your dad. “Are you an idiot? Did I spend months carrying you around and 20 years plus feeding and taking care of you just to have you die somewhere because of a heartbreak?” Oooffff, why can't you be more like your mom?

“No mom, it's I think I-”, A knock on your apartment door can be heard, “Hey pup, are you there?” Speak of the devil. “Mom I'll call you later”, Your voice came off shaky and anxious, the time has come to test your resolve of running away. “Yeah, just a second”, Take a deep breath, calm your nerves and try not to lose your composure.

“What happened?” Come on now, you know what happened, “It's not a big deal, just a scratch”, You reached out and grabbed her face, inspecting her cheek. Chaewon smiles seeing your concerned face, you've always been awkward and shy around her, except when she's injured. When she got a scar you would just disregard your shyness just to make sure she's fine, it's a cute gesture she always likes about you. “I guess, it really is just a scratch”, You sighed relief seeing it wasn't a deep cut, then you realised how you are holding her and immediately let go as your face turns into a tomato. What happened to maintaining your composure?

“So?” Chaewon just tilted her head cutely, “Are you gonna invite me in?” That's a pretty ambiguous question, would you let her in again? “Right come on in”, You're hopeless sometimes. Chaewon sat down at your living room, silently noticing the packed up bag you had in your room. Her heartbeat rises as she realises what it means, some part of her wants to deny it but the other part knows that your leave was inevitable. “Tea?” She smiles and nods as you go and prepare her some of her favourite tea, of course you have her favourite tea at your house. “So, what happened?” You asked after giving her a warm cup of tea, “You know, the usual. He had a stressful day at work, I was also kinda tired from mine and we just clashed”, Usually the ‘clash’ that happens is between her and his fist.

“Well, you know what I want to say right?” Chae shrugged before she stood up and walk towards your cat, “Little Luna is getting fat aren't you?” Chaewon picked her up and started pinching her stomach. “She's gonna cut your face you know that right?” Chaewon laughed and sat back next to you while still holding Luna. “Well, I'm sure you trained her not do that right?” Her smile is such a deadly weapon to your conviction. “It's a cat Chae, you don't train them, they'll train you”, And to hammer this point Luna let out a loud meow and scratched Chaewon's hand. “Luna '', You scolded the fat cat as she jumped off Chaewon's lap, “Hehehe, one day I'll make her enjoy my cuddles”, Chae laughed as you examined her arm.

“We should clean this up”, It's really not that bad, it's just a little cut on the epidermis, “It's really not that deep bro”, You flicked her head and cleaned up her hand as she teases you for over your perfectly reasonable hygiene. “So, can I crash the night here?” Her question made you stop in your tracks, not because it caught you off guard, but because you know she only asked if things really went bad at her place. “Pup?” Chae was taken off guard seeing how quiet you've become, “Chae, I…… can't do this anymore”, She raises her eyebrow hearing you. “Do what?” You sighed and finished cleaning up her hand before sitting in front of her.

“I can't, keep letting you hurt yourself because of-”, You start talking without thinking and Chae immediately bites back, “Stop it, I don't want to hear that from you”, She felt awful for raising her voice but she really doesn't want to hear those things. “Well this might be the last time you ever hear it from me ever again”, You blurted out, making her heart stop for a moment, “What?” Her voice sounds squeaky and vulnerable. “Chae, I'm leaving”, Seeing her suddenly had glassy eyes made you second guess yourself. “For how long?” It's hard for her to accept it, “The volunteer work is one year long, but it might be longer since I'm gonna arrive early to have some field training”, You can't look her in the face, it's painful for you to see her so hurt with the notion of you leaving. 

The two of you sit in silence for a while, Luna moves to your lap and starts purring as if she realised you're having a tough time right now. “Is it-”, Chae’s voice broke and she took a second to calm herself down, “Is it final already?” Yet it still came out all squeaky. You didn't answer for a second, hearing her concern for your leave felt nice. It's a dangerous bait, she's giving a false hope that getting her is actually plausible if you stay here. “Yes”, "Oh you actually didn't take the bait, good job, “I already submitted the required paperwork and they already approved it. My flight is in 3 days”, In your mind, you just think Chaewon is trying to use you.

After all this time you finally opened your eyes and saw that she's out of reach, she was never going to like you the way you like her. Obviously you don't really see the complex feelings she has for you but hey at least you're taking a step in the right direction. “How long were you planning to keep this away from me?” Seeing her being aggressive made you feel bitter, you hate seeing her with this new lens. “I didn't know how to tell you, besides…… I didn't think you would care”, Suddenly Chae grabbed your face forcing you to look at her. 

“You're my best friend, of course I care. Just because I encourage you to go doesn't mean you should just leave without saying anything”, It's painful, finally realising that the person you care the most is inherently toxic. You're not saying that she's in a toxic relationship because she's also toxic, but she has certainly dragged you into one because she is selfish. Chaewon needs you, because you're the only one who would enable her Stockholm syndrome. “It's just…… I don't know if I can face you”, You pull back your head away from her grip and look back at Luna who's acting cute to cheer you up. “What was that supposed to mean? You can't tell your best friend for, 8 or 9 years that you're leaving? And you just want me to accept that suddenly you went missing without saying anything?” 

“Chae….. you know I liked you right”, Silence fills the room, you anxiously wait for her responses, hoping that somehow she can break the new image you had for her. Yet the silence was long and the curiosity you had is too loud to ignore, so you raise your head and look her in the eyes. She wasn't surprised, or confused, or angry, she just had the look of understanding, “I know”, Those words flowed out of her mouth. It was so quiet that it was barely a whisper, yet it echoed through you like a thunderclap. When the ringing subsided the only thing you can hear is the loud crash of your heart breaking into a million pieces. She knew, this whole time she knew about it and never said anything. Had she enjoyed watching you squirm and dance for her while your feelings laid bare like an open wound? Was it some cruel game to her?

Chaewon felt regretful, seeing your heart break right in front of her is tormenting her conscience. It's inevitable, yet she was not prepared for how painful it was for her as well. “I know, and I'm sorry I never said anything-”, Chaewon saw you stand up and stop talking. “I….. god, this whole time?” Tears start to flow down your cheek, “I never meant to use you, I just, don't know what to say to you”, Chae reaches for your hand, her touch sending shivers down your spine, but not the comforting kind like it used to. It feels calculated, manipulative, a stark contrast to the warmth you once associated with it.

Chae sees the disdain you had in your eyes and it made her scared. Scared of losing you, scared of seeing you lose your temper, and worst of all, scared of having to confront the consequences of her actions. “Pup-”, You pull back your hand making her flinch, “Don't call me that. You….. you like seeing me like that didn't you? Being a good puppy, chasing you around, wagging my tail like a loyal dog”, Your words came out as a thunderous roar that made her squirm in her seat. “No, of course not, please I'm sorry, can we talk this out first”, Chaewon reached out to grab your hand again before pulling you to sit back down. “I….. I can't, you're just…….. I….. this whole time…..”, You just keep muttering to yourself. “Please sit down, I'm sorry I messed up okay? Can you please hear me out first?” Chae pleaded as tears also started to pour down her face. Those tears, they're real, but not to you, you think you know better and managed to see through her ‘manipulation tactics’. You grabbed your phone on the table and just stormed off the apartment, running as far away as you can from her.

Chae wanted to stop you, to reach out and grab you, yet her vision is blurred and she can't even see you leave the front door as the floodgates burst open. She can't even hear you slam the front door as she starts to cry her heart out. Her actions can only lead to one outcome, and she knows the longer she stalls the confrontation the worse the fallout is going to be. Unfortunately in her delusion she hopes that one day you'll just let go of your feelings and everything will be good. Your apartment, once a safe haven for her, is now empty and devoid of your warmth. The ‘beautiful friendship’ built upon the unspoken words between the two of you has crumbled like a house of cards by a single gust of wind. Hours passed away before her tears finally dried out. Chaewon lay down on the couch devoid of energy, all she can do right now it's just text you hoping that you'll answer her. 

You on the other hand are being absolutely ripped apart by your mom, “You ran all the way here?” Her voice boomed around the house. “Haaaaa, Haaaa, haaaaa, nooo……” Your whole body is drenched by sweat, your mom's place is like a 30 minute train ride and you just ran there like a mad man. “You idiotic rascal, tell me what you did”, Your mom starts slapping you as you are dying from exhaustion. It took a while for her to calm down and give you a drink. Throughout your recollection of what happens your mom keeps the same expression, it was the ‘I told you so’ expression. Once you finished the two of you just sat there in silence, you wanted to say something but words just couldn't come out of your mouth. “Haaaaaa, go take a shower and get some rest darling, you're all sweaty and smelly”, You nod before going back to your childhood bedroom.

As you finish a long hot shower you see Chaewon has messaged you almost a hundred times already alongside a few missed calls. You just stare at the notification, too scared to open it. In the end your fatigue overtake you and you slowly drift off to sleep without reading her texts. The next day you silently join your mom at breakfast, she sees that you're not ready to talk yet so she just silently acknowledges it before giving you farewell as she went to work. The day passes by slowly,  it doesn't help that you were just laying down on the bed as you rethink what happened last night. Is Chaewon really a toxic bitch, or was she just a product of her environment. Are you seriously trying to give her a pass for what she did? Okay yeah she's your friend for years now and you've seen her slowly turn from this confident and unapologetic girl into a meek abuse victim. However does that excuse her behaviour of leading you on for years? 

No, I need to give her the benefit of the doubt. I need to hear what she has to say at least. One chance, after all I'll be gone soon and I might not be able to see her again for a long time.

Alright, if that's what you want, just know you might lose yourself in her eyes again. “Mom, I need your opinion on something”, That's not exactly a polite way to greet your mom when she gets home. However she nods and follows you to the living room where you recounted your dramatic talk with Chaewon. “Darling, look at me”, Your mom grabbed your hand, “You are being an idiot a hundred percent”, Jeez thanks mom. “But if she is as manipulative as you said she was then it's also not fully your fault. After all, you can't really blame a victim fully for being taken advantage of”, Hey that's not an encouragement for your stupid idea. “Yeah, you're right mom….. I guess a toxic environment would make toxic people right?” Fucking hell you're hopeless. “What? Are you letting this slide already?” Thank fuck your mom wouldn't let such stupidity pass, “No, I just…. I guess I want to understand why she did it. After all I'm gonna be away for a year at least and if I don't get this straight then I might spend the better part of my time being distracted by her”, That's not a convincing argument, at least not for your mom.

“ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? You just said she's a manipulative bitch and now you want to run back to her with the risk of you falling for her trap again?” It felt kinda nice, channelling the pain you're having in your heart with your mom's beating, however you should stop her before she accidentally kills you. “Mom, I just want to leave this place with some peace in mind, okay? Can you just trust me this one time?” The answer is no, but she took a deep breath before she examined you slowly. “I'll trust you just this once, how do you plan to meet her again?” Relief and determination washes over you seeing that your mom has agreed to let you have closure. “I'll text her tonight hopefully we can have lunch before I leave in two days”, Solid plans, surely nothing bad would happen. “Fine, now go order something for dinner, I'm starving”

You: Hey, sorry about yesterday 

Chae: Where are you? Why did you ghost me for the whole day? Do you have any idea how worried I was?

You: No sorry Chae I'm at my mom's house already. Sorry for running off like that yesterday 

Chae: It's fine, are you coming back?

You: Not today, I need some sleep to clear my mind.

Chae: Then, can we talk tomorrow?

You: I hope so. Can we meet up at lunch?

Chae: That would be nice, I'm sorry too.

You: Yeah, guess we were too hot headed last night 

Chae: Yeah, I'll see you back here at your place tomorrow then?

You: You're still there?

Chae: Duhhhh, you left with your keys dangling on your phone, what am I supposed to do? Leave the door unlocked so someone can break in?

You: Oh yeah, I forgot. I'll come by at lunch then, I'll see you tomorrow.

Chaewon has been spending the day with her mind full of anxiety. She's scared that you might do, something drastic. The fact that you didn't answer or even read her text made her think of the worst possibility. However when you finally reply she lets out a sigh of relief knowing that you're fine. Tomorrow, she has to apologise to you, she has to make sure you leave on a high note. If things go wrong and you leave before she can mend this friendship then the two of you would never recover from it. She can't let that happen, after all you're also an important part of her life. Even though it wasn't in the way that you wanted it to be.

You see, the thing about life, it has a humorous side. To whom might the humour cater to? Nobody knows really, but it certainly wasn't aimed at you and Chaewon. “Chae come home now”, Those words are the things Chae feared the most. After every fight her boyfriend has two possible routes he will default too. One, surprise her with gifts and romantic gestures to make sure she remembers how nice he can be. Second, he can double down and try to ‘reason’ with her by making her accept that his outburst is just part of who he is. Unfortunately, today he decided to take the second option, which means if Chaewon didn't comply there's gonna be a second fight. “Can I see you after lunch, I'm-” Her hand is shaking anxiously when she says, “NO, come home now”, And when he interrupts her she almost drops her phone. “Babe please, I have an appointment at lunch”, She pleaded, “Babe…… come home”, He used his cold voice which is the final warning, and Chaewon can only curse her own luck, “Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can”

Chaewon quickly scrambled throughout your apartment, “Fuck me, why the fuck can't anything to right for once”, She glance over the flight ticket you had and memorise the schedule before quickly wrote a note on pen and paper. “Fuck, pup please, for the love of god please understand, I promise I can make it up to you”, She pray, to whomever would listen and grant her wishes. As she writes some tears start to fall down her eyes and stain the paper. It was supposed to be a short note saying how her boyfriend suddenly called and she hopes you can reschedule lunch. However, due to her frustration she ended up writing a long essay saying how much she's sorry and even writing out about the things she wanted to tell you in person. During this she was interrupted with a text message from her boyfriend asking her where she is. Chaewon haphazardly finishes the note before bolting out of the apartment, leaving the door unlocked.

A few hours later you anxiously knock on your apartment door, waiting for her to open the door. Every second felt like an eternity and as time passes your stomach starts to twist making you feel like you want to puke. “Chaewon?” You tried to unlock your door to find it was unlocked, walking inside you call up to Chaewon but the only response you get is Luna purring on the couch. It was clear, she wasn't here, “Fuck”, For the first time in forever you actually yell out your frustration. On the coffee table you find a stack of paper, glancing over it you easily recognise her handwriting. 

This is it? This is how we're parting ways Chae? With a stack of notes?

Take a deep breath, calm your nerves and sit down on the couch, try to read the note with an open mind.

Hey pup, sorry but babe wants to meet me. You know how it is, I don't want to make him mad. I really, really, really, like I mean really feel bad for leaving you this note but I sincerely hope you understand. I know I don't deserve to ask for another chance but I hope we can reschedule our lunch tomorrow. If you don't want to, I get it. It'll hurt but I get it. The thing is pup, I never want to hurt you, I really don't. You're kind, strong and smart, I always admire how mature you are and how you can get your shit together. It's hard for me to say this, but I'm sorry that I never felt any romantic attraction towards you.

I don't want to make this cliche but it's not you, it's just me. I know you're cringing right now but just know that sometimes people just aren't made for each other. I love you, as my friend. Sometimes I dream of a different life for us. One where you and I can stay as friends, one where you're my shy, innocent and diligent little brother and I can be your caring and teasing older sister. I know it's hard for you to read this but just know even though you and I are not meant to be, you still have a special place in my heart. And I'm sorry, I never say anything about this.

I was scared, I was confused and I was distracted. Fuck it sounds so bad but I really wanted to help you get over those feelings pup. It's selfish I know, but I want to fix my relationship with my boyfriend before I start making things up for you. You know I have a lot of friends, I know you've been eyeing Kazuha some times, and I know she is interested in you. Fuck, I really wish things would go a different way. I wish we could be best friends forever, you and I, confiding in each other. I hope it doesn't sound too harsh but you and I are special, it's just, not in the way you hope it would be. 

When you said about this volunteer work I might encourage you, but deep down I was scared. I know one day you'll finally snap and confront me about this weird dynamic between us. When you say about an opportunity to leave and get out of your shell I was scared that you'll leave me and come back as a different person. I was scared, because in this fucked up and chaotic world you were the one who made me feel safe. Someone that would understand my struggle and help me through it. However on the other hand I wanted you to break off your shell. This whole time you've been living for me, for the hope that I'll be yours. I wanted you to find your own path and find yourself, get away from me so that you'll find a way to let go of your feelings.

Now, writing this whole thing I realised, I can't keep being selfish. I hurt you enough, dragging you down to a toxic relationship unintentionally. So, if you're looking for a farewell, I'll give it. Go out there pup, save people's life, realise that you're much more than what you've given yourself credit for. I hope you'll break free of the collar I've put on you this whole time. You're an amazing person, and I hope you can live up to your potential. Maybe one day, once you come back you'll find a reason to forgive me. For the pain I cause you, for all those medical supplies you've spent for me, for ditching our last meeting with these notes. I know I don't deserve to ask anything from you, but this time, I ask you to be happy. I ask you to let me go, and just, find someone who can love you as much as you love me.

Fuck I've been rambling for too long already. Pup, if you do feel like meeting me before you fly away just text me. If you don't, I'll understand. I won't let you go without saying goodbye to your face though. I remember your flight schedule, so if you don't want to meet me again I'll go there and just, wave you goodbye. Stay strong pup, I hope we can meet again.

Chaewon's tears that have stained the paper are almost gone, replaced by your own tears that almost render the paper unreadable. Is this the closure you wanted? Was there some sliver of hope you still hold on to thinking Chae might actually have some form of romantic feelings towards you? It's bittersweet, although the sweetness is nowhere to be found, you know one day you can see this note with fondness. Maybe this note will be the catalyst of your change. But for now, you just had to swallow this bitter pill and move on. Well, cry your heart out first, let the catharsis calm you down after.  “Fuck Chae, I don't know if you'll still be here after I come back though”, Yeah that's a fair point. “Don't die, please don't die while I'm away”

The whole day, and the day after, you just felt this new energy flowing through you. There's still some pain and bitterness there but you understand, it's the first step towards the right direction. Your mom also seems to be pleased with the outcome of this. “Okay, maybe she's not as bad as I expect her to be darling. She's pitiful, that's the best way I can describe her”, Just like how you are attached to Chaewon, your mom also had some attachments toward her. After all, Chaewon was the person who has been keeping you safe from bullies and was one of the only genuine friends that is still in contact with you after all these years. “Mom, can I ask you a favour?” Your mom nodded confidently, she knew what you wanted to ask. “I know darling, I'll take care of Luna while you're away. And I'll make sure that your dear friend will still be in a recognisable state when you come back”, The lady part needs some better wording but that will do.

“Thanks mom, and if she contacts you, can you just give her these?” You hand her a little gift box, “Darling, this isn't a therapy appointment, she won't need this”, Hopefully you can find your mom's sassiness within you in this year long journey. “Just, give it to her okay mom? I'll be off”, She nods and kissed your forehead, “Don't die out there sweetie, I love you”, She smiled at you, a mother's encouraging smile is an over powered buff, “I love you too mom”

Let's move back to Chaewon, she knows it's your departure day and she read your text saying that you won't mind seeing her wave you goodbye at the airport. However, like usual she is being held back by someone. “Chae I need you to stop lying to me okay?” The calm tone her boyfriend is talking in is unnerving. It was like an ice pick that's being stabbed to Chaewon's fresh open wounds. “I'm not lying babe, he really is just a friend”, Chaewon cried, she doesn't want to cry because- “Liar”, He would scream at her, *CRACK* a loud smack echoes throughout the room as he slapped her with all his might. “I wasn't, babe please believe me. He's leaving for a year. I promise I just want to say goodbye to him”, Chaewon cried out as she lay on the ground while her body was screaming with pain. “I know you spent the night with him, Chae, don't lie to me. I let you off this whole time because I know that pussy won't be brave enough to make a move on you. But you, I know you fucking sluttyness knows no bounds. You were giving him a farewell gift, weren't you? You let him have sex with you after years and years of simping for you. Now you want to go there and make him rethink about leaving so you can keep him. I know a fucking bitch like you would keep a side man, a second option”

After a while he just left her in his house. Chae lays down on the floor, face messed up with tears and bruises, her body is exhausted from the mental and physical torture she's been subjected too in the last two days. She lay down there for god knows how long before she finally regained her consciousness. Looking at the time it's already an hour past your departure. Her tears are already dried up so she can't even let out her frustration anymore. “I'm sorry pup, I really do”, Not long she heard a knock on the door, “Hello, anyone in there?” It was a familiar voice but she can't remember who it is. Chaewon tried to stand up but her body could barely move. She wanted to say something but no words came out of her mouth. “Hello, I'm looking for Kim Chaewon, is she here?” Chae realises that whoever's behind that door is trouble, but her voice, Chae could swear she knows her from somewhere.

Chaewon tried to stand up but she failed and just fell down and caused some of the empty beer bottles on the table to fall alongside her and shatter on the floor. “Hello? Is everything alright?” It wasn't, some of the glass shard hit Chae which made her let out a barely audible painful whine. “I'm coming in”, Then a loud slam can be heard from the door before it opens. From the floor Chaewon is laying on she can finally see the person that's looking for her, it was your mom. “Jesus, what happened”, Your mom immediately ran up to Chae, her mind racing with concern, and hatred for Chae's boyfriend. “Ma'am, what are you doing here?” Chae flinched when she felt the older woman's hand examining her wounds. “I'll tell you later, did your boyfriend do this to you?” Chae flinched hearing that question, it's not the first time she heard her ask that. “Fine, don't answer if you don't want to. Let's get you to the hospital”, In one swoop she grabbed Chaewon and just carried her away. Usually she'll refuse this type of help, but now you're no longer there to help you, and she's too weak to refuse so she just let herself get taken away. 

Your mom lay Chaewon in the backseat of her car before she took her radio and contacted the nearest hospital. “Dispatch, this is Unit 23 responding. Requesting immediate medical assistance. One injured victim, multiple bruises, possible head injury and a few lacerations due to glass shard on her arm”, Chaewon struggled to stay awake and ultimately went unconscious again before she even reached the hospital. “Hang in there kid, my son gonna kill me if he come home to find you dead”

A few hours earlier you were waiting at the airport, hoping for Chaewon to show up and wave you goodbye. However as the time for departure was nearing Chaewon was nowhere to be seen. You text her and she didn't read it and when you finally boarded you ended up calling your mom to check on Chaewon. As you were busy worrying for her, a girl suddenly sat down next to you, “Hello, are you also here for the volunteer work?” Oh shit, Chaewon who? “Oh yes, I'm from Serenity Medical Institute, nice to meet you”, Hey maybe moving on won't be that hard after all. “Nice to meet you too, I'm Minju from the Oasis Regional Hospital”, Minju gave you a weird look when you heard where you came from. 

“Serenity Medical Institute huh, I didn't know they sent anyone for this”, Seating next to a beautiful girl like her made you feel nervous yet somehow she looks more nervous than you. “I am the only one who's going”, You smile a little embarrassed. “Really? That's surprising”, Minju smiled, “Well how many people went from your hospital?” She thinks for a second, “Probably 12?” Is your hospital just very stingy? “That's a lot, I didn't expect so many people would actually be interested in doing these kinds of stuff”, Would sending 12 medical personnel cause some problem in the hospital? Wouldn't it get crippled due to the lack of personnel? “Yeah well, it's not like we're short on people, also doing this will give our hospital some subsidies that would help a lot”, Minju looked at your confused face and got confused herself.

“You get subsidies? I don't think I read that part in the application form”, Do you even read the form though? “Well yeah the form is made asking for international aid. The subsidy is our government's way to encourage the nation’s medical personnel to help”, Did they just send you for the government money? “Although I don't think Serenity would care about that type of stuff”, She was sending some jabs to you but you didn't catch it. “Really? Why do you say that?” Minju furrowed her eyebrows trying to see if you're messing with her, “Well, because it's the rich people hospital”, Your genuine confusion took Minju off guard. “Really? I never knew”, Minju stares at you for a second, “How did you get a job there?” This is a good time to point out how clueless you are at everything.

“Well, after I finished college the owner, well I think he's the owner, came to me to offer me an internship. He said he knew my father and owe him once”, Pretty sure you never met that guy again, also your mom tore you a new hole after you accepted the offer thinking it must be a scam. “See, there's almost no way for people to get in without nepotism. The place has such a service fee that most of its clients are millionaires”, Minju saw you even more confused which frustrated her. “I thought the hospital was the best hospital in the country. I mean, wouldn't that be the reason for the high price?” She clicked her tongue hearing your response.

“Yes, but also because the benefactors and clients are some of the richest people in the country. Most of the people working there have been working there for generations already. It's almost impossible for someone to start working there fresh off college. Any new recruits needs to have at least 10 years of experience in any other prestigious hospital before they have a chance for an examination by them”, You are very clueless about most things. “Huh, I never knew about that”, Minju pinched herself to see if she's hallucinating, there is no way someone is this dumb right? “What's your parents job?” Could it be, you're just a savant in the medical field that attracts their eyes? “Well, my father was a firefighter, and my mom is a cop”, That doesn't sound like a rich person's job.

“Huh, then….. Did your father save someone's life and that person happened to be a very important person?” You shrugged, seemingly not caring about that, “Maybe, I mean he died when I was a kid and mom said he saved a lot of life so maybe he saved someone important and the guy gave me a job out of gratitude?” Minju was baffled with how little shit you're giving about this. “That's…… I'm sorry about your father but do you know how lucky you are? There's people who would die to have a job at your hospital”, This rubs you the wrong way. “Why? What's the difference between your hospital and mine? I mean you and I still both save lives regardless where we work so it wouldn't matter right?” Minju was taken off guard again, you sounded so genuine with your words that she felt embarrassed for forgetting the main job of a doctor.

“You're right, sorry I didn't mean to come out as a materialistic person”, You felt guilty seeing how embarrassed she is, “Oh no don't be, I'm sorry I didn't know most of those things so thank you for telling me this”, Minju smiled at you. “You're just an innocent puppy aren't you?” Eeeehhhh, are you an actual dog? How come two beautiful and completely different girls can see you the same way like that? “I guess”, She laughed seeing you reluctantly accept her nickname. “So, since we'll be working a lot closer from now on I think this would be a perfect time to get to know each other right?” This whole thing feels nostalgic, it's a deja vu for the first time you met Chaewon.

No, I can't keep living in the past. Come on, I'm on this trip to break free of my shell. Be more confident, talk to her. Fuck what if I fall for her and it end up the same way as I did with Chae? Fuck I'm not gonna find anyone if I keep being scared.

“Of course, why don't you start first?” Minju did start first, and she also took the majority of the speaking time because you're too shy to speak up. In the middle of it you got a text from your mom informing you of Chaewon's condition. “You're okay?” Minju said after seeing you turn catatonic for a while, “Oh, yeah just, something came up”, Your voice sounds shaky and you turn around to watch out the window. Minju stays silent after realising that you're not in a talking mood, although she is curious about the situation. Moreover she's curious about you, she finds you to be pretty cute and attractive, and your innocence has some charm to it.

After a while your mom texted back informing you that Chae is stable for now and sent you her medical report. You read through it extensively, the more you read it the more you regret going on this trip. Without you there Chae would probably run back to her boyfriend after being discharged from the hospital. Well, even if you're there you won't be able to stop her from going back to him. It's like you are Sisyphus and she is your boulder, no matter how hard you try, she will always stumble down the hill into her boyfriend's arms. “Hey, you're okay there?” Minju decided to speak up seeing how distraught you've become, “Ahhh no, something came up”, Having someone to talk to would be nice, but would she care to hear a story of a complete stranger? “I don't mind listening you know, if you don't mind sharing of course”, Minju smiles at you, “Well, I have this friend, her name is Chae…….”

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“Uggghhh”, A pained groan escapes out of Chaewon's mouth before she even gets to open her eyes. As she tried to sit up a hand stopped her from moving, “Take it easy now kiddo, you're still hurt”, This time she immediately recognised your mother's voice. “Ma'am, I….. where am I?” Chaewon tried to open her eyes but the room was too bright for her so she immediately closed it again. “In the hospital, you were pretty rough when I saw you”, The first thing that came up in her mind was to run, anything involving hospitals is bothersome, from the bills to the questioning she'll get. Thankfully she's well aware that your mom wouldn't let her run so easily, so she just lay back on the bed trying to regain her stamina.

After half an hour or so she is able to open her eyes and sit on the bed, looking around the place she realises where she is right now. “No, my son already left”, A quick reality check from your mom completely buried her hopes of having you delay your departure. “Why……. Why did you come to my place?” It's hard for her to look at your mom in the eyes. Unlike you, your mom has this dominating aura around her that shows she takes no shit from anyone. “My son asked me to check in on you when you didn't show up to his flight”

Oh right, I ghost him again. Fuck how can I keep messing this up?

“Listen kiddo, I never liked you. For years I've already told my clueless son that you're leading him on and he never listens. I would've confronted you but I digress because he always told me not to”, It's really jarring feeling the difference between you and your mom. Her words and piercing gaze made Chaewon shivers in her place. “And worst of all you actually push him to take a dangerous job off country just because you two can't be a grown up and talk about your feelings”, Just for the record, your mom was trying to not be overly hostile, she just came off that way. “I'm sorry”, Chae said weakly, “However, after he came to me with your notes I got a glimpse of your side of the story and, somewhat open to listen to the whole thing. Today, after I see you laying down half dead on that abuser's floor I think I understand enough”

“He's not an abuser”, Chae immediately bites back, as those words left her mouth she immediately flinched and felt scared for going against your mom. “Kiddo, I've been in this line of work for the last 25 years already. I've seen your story play out a thousand times. I promised my son that I'll keep you safe, so I'm taking you away from that whether you like it or not”, That's illegal right? “But he's not, he was just having an episode. Sometimes he just lash out, he can't help it, that's just who he is”, Chae is way too far down in her own hell to realise the exit is right in front of her. “Really? You're blaming this on his mental state?” Your mom wasn't taking any of that, “He's bipolar okay? He can't help having drastic mood swings”, He was never diagnosed, Chae just read some online article and associated him with that disorder to rationalise his sociopathic behaviour. “Blaming that maniac’s behaviour on mental disorders is an insult to the people who actually have mental disorders. Kiddo, I don't think you understand how irredeemable he is. What he did to you today is unacceptable, and if you don't want to fight for your own sake then I'll fight for you by bringing him to court”

Panic starts to set in, Chaewon can't let her do that, “He's not like that, I promise, please just give him a chance”, Seeing how pathetic Chaewon is, your mom wonders how you can enable her behaviour for so long. “Let’s have this talk in the morning. It's late and I need to get some rest. Go get some sleep, I'll be back here tomorrow morning. If I didn't see you here tomorrow morning I'm coming back to your apartment with a warrant for your boyfriend”, It's not your mom's first rodeo, she knows girls like Chae would care about her boyfriend’s feelings over her own well being. “Okay then, I'll see you tomorrow ma'am”, Not even a thank you, so rude.

Fuck why did things got so complicated now. You were always so caring but this is too much pup. Your mom is gonna be the end of me. Fuck how do I convince her to drop this, I can't let her make babe mad. I need to convince her.

How would Chaewon convince her? Well, with a stupid idea, “Are you being serious right now? You want me to talk with your boyfriend?” Downright idiotic honestly. “Please, it's just one talk. You'll see that he's not as bad as you think he is”, Your mom is absolutely flabbergasted with this request, this little girl actually wanted her to have a nice and civil discussion with an abuser? “I don't think you understand, assault and battery isn't just a civil case. The law enforcement such as myself have the right to pursue this case, you know that right?” This also means if she talks to Chaewon's boyfriend and he loses his composure your mom can use his incriminating words against him. 

“Trust me just this once okay? Please?” No way in hell your mom is gonna trust Chaewon, she sees Chae as an even more clueless person than you. She wants to say pathetic but she's not heartless enough to consider her own son pathetic. “I’ll drive you back to your place, I'll ask him about what transpired yesterday and that will be it. That's all the chances he's getting”, Although honestly she does see this as an opportunity to gather more evidence. “What? I need to tell him about this first”, Chae didn't have her phone, he broke it yesterday so she can't contact him, “Tchhh, so you can warn him? No, I'll give him this one chance so I can see him being unfiltered. So get your ass up because we're leaving now”, Despair, that's what Chae feels right now. 

Your mom led her to the receptionist where she signed the paper for discharge. Since you were working there she used her family member card so that Chaewon's hospital bills would be reduced to zero, and that's a good price. Throughout the ride Char can't stop herself from biting her nails, her legs are all jittery and her heartbeat is beating irregularly, she's scared out of her mind. Once they arrived back at her place she was so nervous your mom had to wake her up from her thoughts. “Ahhhhh, oh sorry, you scare me”, Chae tries to calm her breathing down while your mom is staring at her, then the latter gets out of her car prompting Chae to follow her.

Chaewon knocked on the door, after all your mom didn't exactly search around to pick up her personal things such as wallets or keys. “You do know I broke the door yesterday right? The locks haven't been fixed”, Chae blushed hearing this and just opened her door, going inside she called up for her boyfriend but there was no response. “He must be out”, There was some relief in her voice, hopefully your mom would just leave the place so she can brief her boyfriend about what's gonna happen. “That's unfortunate then-”, However Chaewon's dreams were short lived as the older woman's words were interrupted by some ruffling sounds from the bedroom followed by some footsteps. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Really? That's the first thing your mom said in her mind. She's completely baffled that Chaewon would ruin her own life for someone like that. No body shaming of course, the guy was good looking, but he looks like the most generic fuckboy ever imaginable. “I'm here to talk to you, I am Officer Hwang, last night I find…….”, She trailed off letting silence fills the room. The reason for that is because a girl walks out of the bedroom he just came out from. Seeing how minimal their clothing is, it's quite easy to grasp what they were doing. “Who is this?” Chaewon's fear and anxiety is replaced with unbridled rage as if he just crosses the line. “None of your business, and why the fuck did you bring a cop here huh? Hwang? Is it that retard’s mom?” He's so eloquent, no wonder Chaewon fell for him.

“Lady her your clothes and get out”, The random girls immediately sprint back to the bedroom, “Who the fuck is she?” Chaewon screamed at her boyfriend. “Fuck you, who is this? You brought a cop here? Are you insane?” Seeing him refuse to answer, Chaewon raises her hand and slaps him. It is unprofessional to laugh at someone who's getting ‘assaulted’ but your mom can't help but crack open a smile. “Are you crazy, bitch?” The slap has taken him off guard, never in his life did he think that Chaewon would have the balls to do something like that. The random girl came out of the bedroom wearing her pants with some of her underwear being stuffed into her bag. “You were cheating on me?” Chaewon roared, she looked at the random girl and was ready to pounce on her but thankfully your mom swooped in and pulled the girl outside.

“Move, I need to talk to that bitch”, Chaewon tried to push your mom away but the latter hold firm, “I think you should deal with this one first”, She pointed at her boyfriend. “Shit fucker, look at me”, He roughly pull Chaewon's hand making her body ragdoll to the ground. “You think you're hot shit because you have a cop here?” This guy has issues, “You were fucking some random girl? AFTER YOU SNAPPED BECAUSE YOU THINK I WAS CHEATING ON YOU?” Huh, maybe Chaewon's final line is just cheating. It's impressive that he never crosses that line for the last few years. Seeing how Chaewon wasn't being a scaredy cat like usual hurts his pride, so he raises his hand to hurt her in return. 

“You should stop that”, Your badass mom just grab his hand before he can slap Chae, “You fucking disgusting pig, HOW DARE YOU CHEATED ON ME”, But she didn't stop Chaewon from slapping him. “You fucking whores”, His pride really can't take this anymore and he took one of the empty bottle on the table. “I warned you”, With a bored tone your mom pulled out her taser gun and just shot fade him. Immediately he fell to the ground, the bottle thankfully didn't break and cut his skin, despite how much your mom wanted that to happen. “You asshole”, Chaewon walks to him and just kicks him in the ribs, “Alright don't do that, you're gonna get in trouble”, But her words don't reach her like usual. Chaewon tried to kick him again prompting your mom to just drag her out of the house.

“Let me go, I need to kill that bastard”, She was taken off guard seeing how Chaewon just flipped a switch out of nowhere, “Well it's better than before I guess”, She muttered before pushing Chae to her car. “Stay here for a second, I need to clean this mess”, Well at least her menacing glare is enough to stop Chae from struggling. “Here, go busy yourself while I call up the medic”, She shoved a little gift box you prepared for Chae to her lap. Chaewon immediately recognised your writing and opened it, inside is a note and she immediately read it.

Hey Chae, I was writing this note because I feel like that's just gonna be our thing from now. Let me start by saying, it hurts. Reading your notes was painful and really fuck me up. However, I do understand where you're coming from. I can't force you to like me, although I really want to, I realise it's just not possible. I guess we were both an idiot, so caught up in our feelings that we ended up hurting ourselves. I just want to say, I don't hate you, I understand where you're coming from, I really do. I hope one day when I come back home we get to sit down together and talk about this further. I hope once I get back we can have a civil and mature conversation about our friendship and other things.

However, for that to happen, I need you to still be around when I come home. Yes I helped you throughout these years because I loved you. But it would be wrong if I say that was the only reason why I helped you. I was scared for you, this relationship you had with your boyfriend isn't healthy Chae. When we first met you were this badass girl who never backed down from anything. Now you're just this vulnerable girl who is being dragged through hell because you can't let go of your feelings. You know I'm right, all your friends have given up on you already because they can't bear to watch you destroy yourself. You say something about setting me up with Kazuha yet the last time you talked to her was already 2 years ago. Chae, I'm scared, I'm really scared with the idea that you won't be alive by the time I come home. I wrote this note because I want you to let him go.

No, I wasn't saying this because I feel jealous of him, I'm saying this because I care about you. I'm on this “journey” in hope that I can let go of my feelings, in hope to “break my chains” as you put it. Now I'm asking you to break yours as well. I know you're tired of hearing these words but you're sacrificing so much just by staying with that guy. I might sound biassed, but you can get any guy in the world and you're choosing the worst option. I never thought I'd say this, but it's also hurting my pride knowing you prefer staying with an abuser rather than, me. Fuck that sounds so bad, but if you were dating some rich handsome guys I'll have my heartbreak way earlier than this and probably move on. Chaewon, you're a beautiful, talented and strong girl, you can do better than him. It hurts seeing your mental toughness that I always envied are being used just so you can tolerate him. Please, now that I'm gone I can't keep you safe any longer. For the love of god please let him go Chae. I don't want to come back home seeing you six feet underground.

I might just be beating a dead horse but I hope you can see where I'm coming from. In this box there's my apartment keys. I already pay rent for the next 4 months so you can stay there if you need to. And finally, there's a hospital card here, you can use it in Serenity and get treatment free of charge. I hope you'll never need to use it, but I also hope for a lot of impossible things. Anyway I've been rambling for too long, I hope mom didn't go too hard on you. Stay safe Chae, stay alive. I hope we can meet again once I'm back home. I'll miss you.

It took her almost 30 minutes rereading that note you left her. It all boils down to, “Chaewon your boyfriend is trash, leave him already. Here take my keys”, But she keeps rereading them hoping there's more. She needs more, she needs you to write something, anything that could comfort her. “Fuck pup, why can't I just listen to you”, But alas there's none, after all you never expect this messages to actually change her mind. It technically didn't, her boyfriend's act of crossing her line did but this note is the nail in the coffin. A certain word rings in her mind, “If only he can be more like you”, So fucking cliché, yet sometimes clichés came from real life things.

Why the fuck did I say that? You're so fucking stupid sometimes Chae. Why ask for someone to be like him when he's already available. God what have I done.

No point of crying over spilled milk, but that doesn't stop her from ruining your notes with her tears. Is this your thing now? Sending notes and soaking them with tears. “He’s not a problem anymore, just in case you're wondering”, Chaewon jumped back at her seat when she saw your mom had rejoined her back in the car. “Right”, Chae wiped her tears and put the notes back in the box, “You want to go somewhere or do you want to go back to your house?” Chae glanced back to her house. It was inherited to her after her parent's death a few years ago, it was around the time she started dating that pig. Those beautiful childhood memories, all tainted by his presence. 

“No, can you take me back to your son's apartment?” It's not that your mom wants to snoop around, but she's just curious and has checked the gift before she hands it to Chaewon. “Got it”, Your mom thinks it would be a good idea for Chae to stay away from her house for now, 4 months is a pretty long time to cool down. However Chaewon had different plans, “I'll wait for you to come back pup. I can fix this, I can fix us. I'll wait for you to come back, then we can start over”, Her barely audible whispers float off to the wind. A promise for a better future, no matter what it takes.

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“Babe you need to stop dozing off”, You were woken up from your daydream with a gentle touch to your shoulder. “Right, I just feel weird. I can't believe a year passed already”, Yeah, it felt like a year just passed in an instant. “Come on, don't tell me you're thinking about staying here?” Minju wrapped her arm around you, “Of course not, I'm just a little sad that I'll have to go already”, Minju smiled and gave you a kiss. “There, I don't want my little puppy to be sad anymore”, She said teasing you, “Don't call me that, please never call me that in front of other people again”, It's bad enough that she calls you that in front of her coworkers, if she pull that name in front of your friends, or even your mom, you'll die out of embarrassment.

“Heheheheh, I won't promise anything. Now come on I need your big muscular arm to help me out the bags on the truck”, Living with no reception has bore you a lot, which is why you start working out alongside the soldiers that keeps the area secure. So needless to say, you've grown into a Chad, after loading the luggage you sat down with the rest of Minju’s coworkers. “So, what are we eating once we get home?”, Jaehyun, one of Minju's coworkers, asked the group. “I want some junk food, like 10 big macs covered with cheese dips type of junk food”, “No way in hell, we're eating something fresh, I want sushi”, “I don't care what we're eating but we need alcohol. Like a lot of them”, You've been pulled to be part of their friend group, although most of the time you and Minju would just fool around somewhere else. “Let's vote then, what does everyone want?” Voting with friends is such a bad idea, “I'm down for anything”, “Yeah me too, I don't mind”, “I don't really crave anything so I'll just follow what everyone wants”, In the end Minju just pull you to the passenger truck and sit with you at the back while her friends are busy discussing.

“So, we're going to meet your mom once we land?” It's hard to communicate with the people back home, you can only send her a letter every few weeks or so. Well except last week when you were given a satellite phone to arrange yours . “Well she did say she's gonna pick me up, so maybe we can have dinner with her after”, You haven't really told your mom about Minju so you're kinda nervous, “I don't think I'm down for thay babe. It's a 10 hour flight and I would rather go home and have a good long bath. Maybe we can have dinner tomorrow night”, Thankfully she rejected the dinner. “Guess you're right, I'm sure mom also wants to ask me about what I did for the last year”, It would be awkward to tell your mom that you actually got shot here. “Yeah, don't die okay baby”

“I told you you're gonna get shot”, You're like an inch away from getting shot by her out of frustration. “But mommmm, it was just an accident, some stray bullet from the soldier's training”, They even send you money for the inconvenience, or to shut you up. “Haaaaaa, I'm really this close to losing it. You didn't think about telling me in one of those letter you send me?” This is certainly a welcoming party, “ I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you worry”, She sighed and just shook her head. “Mom, where's Luna?” You tried to change the topic, “With Chaewon, that fat fuck want to stay at your apartment over here”, You raised your eyebrow in confusion, “Chae still living at my place?” 

Your mom does send you some update about her in the first few months, most of it just saying how Chae is getting better and has been reconnecting with her friends. “You should go there and talk to her”, Right, the long awaited reunion is due, “I should, tomorrow we're having dinner with Minju so I guess I could come over now”, Time zone difference fuck you up because you left around sunset and arrive back at your home around 8 AM, which isn't fun. “I can drop you off at your place if you get ready right now”, As you took a shower you can't help but feel nervous. For the last year you didn't really try to reach out to Chae and your mom didn't say anything if Chae tried to reach out to you. Going back to the living room you immediately noticed how tight your outfits has become. “That usually happens when you build up muscle darling. You should go and get some new clothes”, You remember Minju said she is a shopaholic so you made a plan to do a shopping run later with Chae. Just as a friendly reunion right? Right?

“Congratulations on your promotion by the way mom”, You pull out a gift for her, “Ohhh? What's this? The bullet that they took out of your body?” Damn that would actually be a pretty good gift for her. “Uhhh no, it's just a knife one of the refugees gave me”, Without hesitation she ripped open the box and pulled out a pristine military knife. “Ohhhh, good job darling, I'll put this on my desk”, She smiles happily before strapping the knife into her waist. “Now come on, I'm gonna be late”

You stand in front of your door, feeling anxious and nervous. If any of your neighbours see this they're probably gonna be weirded out since you’re just standing there for 5 minutes. Suddenly the front door clicked open and you saw Chaewon. She was going out and she bumped into you, “Sorr-.......” The two of you just stare at each other silently. The first thing you noticed is how healthy she looks, her cheeks are no longer hollow, her skin isn't sagging, she looks better. “Hey Ch-” Chae jumped to hug you before you finished your sentence, “It's you, you're home”, Even her strength is back, enough to suffocate you. “Chae, calm down for a second”, But she doesn't want to calm down, “You're back, you're really back, I miss you so much”, Chae hugged you even harder without any intentions of letting go.

“Chae let's not do this in the hallway”, She suddenly felt your arm wrapped around her body and picked her up with ease. It was at this moment that she noticed you don't feel so scrawny anymore. “You've grown”, She let go of the hug as you closed the door behind you, her eyes travelling all over your body. “Yeah well, I got a lot of free time there”, Your cheeks turn red as Chaewon shamelessly feels up your arms. “Meow”, Luna walked out of the bedroom and the moment she saw you she immediately ran to your leg. “Hey there Luna, did you miss me”, You picked her up and she immediately purred in your familiar embrace again.

“Well come here take a seat. Don't be a stranger in your own apartment”, Chae smiles and pulls you to sit down on the couch. Looking around you notices she has done a few furnishings, the place still looks familiar, yet there's some of her touch painting the whole apartment. “You like it? I don't want to change too much but I feel like your previous decorations were kinda bland”, Is her snarky remark making a return as well? “Well the place does look less grey”, Chaewon sits closer to you, “So, how was your trip? Come on tell me everything”, She leaned towards your arm and rested her head on your shoulder.

“It's a long story, weren't you just leaving to go somewhere?” Bering with Minju for a while you've grown immune to women's advances due to how flirty she was. “I was just about to get some breakfast. Have you eaten anything yet? We can order some food”, Chae notices your lack of embarrassment and it makes her, happy. “Well I ate some airplane food earlier, so I wouldn't mind going out for some actual good food”, Luna let out a growl as if she understands that you're leaving already. “Come on let's just eat here, I want to hear everything that happened to you”, Chae pinched your cheek as she leaned even closer to you. 

“Come on let's go out Chae, I also need some help. I actually gained some weight and my old clothes are getting too tight for me. Can you help me do some clothing runs?”, A date, Chae is ecstatic that you wanted to have a date with her the moment you return. “Yesssss, let's go then”, She stood up and pulled your hand, “Hahahaha, sorry Luna you're gonna have to wait for me again”, Luna let out a protest meow before jumping off your lap. “She's gonna be fine, let's go pup, it's shopping time”, Surely Chaewon won't take the whole day to help you get some new clothes.

“So you were actually shot? Like with a real bullet?” Chae is filled with concern hearing your story, “Yeah, it was just a ricochet so it's not that deep but it still hurts”, Don't cut off the fun part, tell her you cried like a baby as they tried to stop your bleeding. “That's terrible, I swear to god I'll kill that idiot who dares to shoot you”, It pisses her off, she could've lost you because some stupid drill. “It's fine, I was too close to the training yard anyway”, You can't help but smile seeing her angry face. It reminds you of the time when she used to get angry every time someone tried to pick on you. “Tchh, I'm only letting it go because you're safe and you got a cool scar from it”, Chaewon continued looking at your arm, rather, your bicep.

“Yeah, it does look cool”, You trailed off as you checked your messages that Minju had sent you. Chae furrowed her eyebrows seeing you've been busy chatting with someone on your phone throughout this breakfast. She wants to know who's making you smile and what those texts are, but she refrains for now. “Well I hope your feets are ready, we're giving you a makeover”, She'll ask you about those texts later, after all she has all the time in the world with you.

The shopping was hellish, Chaewon keeps pulling you to every clothing store there is and has you tried every single piece of clothing she can find. Then to top it off you had to bring all the luggage yourself. Well you don't have to, but you don't want to make her carry it so you just swallow the pain and move on. “Chae can we stop here? I think this is enough'', Chae does notice your suffering but she can't help herself to dress up her boyfriend. “Alright, let's put it back at our place, we can order some food for lunch”, Our place? You're gonna say something about that? “Our-”, Unfortunately your phone rings before you can ask it. 

“I need to answer this call first, can you order a cab for us?” Now, Chae is not exactly a nosy person, but she feels irritated with how much you were on your phone during this date. “Fine”, She doesn't want to make a scene so she'll just frown as she watches you walk a way to answer your call. “Hey babe , I was thinking that maybe we can grab some lunch? Or are you still dealing with jet lag?” Minju said, “I'm outside right now, having a reunion with Chaewon”, A little slither of guilt can be heard in your voice as you felt bad for refusing your girlfriend’s invitation. “Oh well, did everything go well?” She doesn't mind though, “Yeah, I think we're having a good day so far. I'm kinda happy seeing her revert to her old self. Although I think I would rather have her tone down her occasional jab. Physical jab, she's one of those people who like to playfully punch you and it hurts”, You hear Minju laughed out loud at your complaints. “Oh no, my poor baby can't take a woman's punch? Even with all those muscles?” PSA: Domestic violence is not a joke, please seek professional help if you or someone you know are dealing with one. 

“Hey listen she's not your average girl okay? She used to be the badass tomboy who beat up guys bigger than him. Besides you should see her biceps, they're huge”, Chaewon can't hear you but she is certainly not happy with the smiles that's forming on your face. “I would love to, is this an invitation for me to join your reunion?” Ahhhh shit, what did you just do? “Well”, You look back at Chae and are surprised seeing her hostile glare, “Maybe not today”, You're not sure why she's mad but you think it's best not to ask it for now. “Well, hopefully I can meet her soon. I'll see you tomorrow okay babe? Pick me up for the date please, you can buy some used car with the money they gave you for the bullet wounds”, You can't concentrate on what she's saying and hurriedly end the call before walking to Chaewon.

“The cab will be here soon”, Oh no, she's using her cold angry voice again, “O-okay”, The two of you awkwardly stand there waiting for the cab. Throughout the whole ride Chaewon was looking out the window trying to calm herself down. However the moment she hears you typing on your phone she immediately turns to you and lets out a vicious glare. Feeling your life might be in danger you put down your phone. Anxiousness starts to rise within you, it's not the first time you see her this mad but it's still terrifying.

What the fuck did I do now? Chae only got this mad when I did something stupid and hurt myself. Think Mark, think. Whatever it is, I should try to apologise once we get home.

The two of you silently walk back to your apartment, as soon as you walk in you hear Chaewon slam the door behind you. “Put it there”, She pointed at the floor, you obediently put down the groceries trying to find words to calm her down and inquire on what you did wrong. “Who was it?” Her voice, cold and piercing just like her eyes, “Who was what?” That's not an answer, so she walks towards you and pushes you to the wall. “Who were you talking to on the phone? The whole day you were busy talking with someone. Throughout our fucking date you were just chatting with someone else. Do you not respect me at all? Your girlfriend is in front of you yet you were busy with whoever it was in your phone”, Alright, what the fuck?

Let's break this down, first she doesn't like you talking to someone, which is understandable since it was pretty rude to be busy with your phone while you're hanging out with someone else. Then she says date, you didn't think it was a date, friendly date possibly but isn't that just a hangout? Lastly, girlfriend, this one actually takes you out of it. Hearing her referring to herself as your girlfriend is not something you ever thought you'll hear. This time, after a year of spiritual journey, you actually don't want to hear her say that.

“Chae?” Seeing that you're not answering she just digs her nails into your arm. “ANSWER ME. Who was it? And don't fucking lie to me”, Her voice echoes throughout the whole room, yet it feels so distant, as if this whole thing is just a dream to you. “That's…. I…. I was talking to my girlfriend”, Chae was about to scream back saying you weren't talking to her enough, then she realised you weren't referring to her. “Your. Girlfriend?” Her face contorted as she spat those words, “I guess I haven't mentioned her yet. Her name is-”, Your words are interrupted by her slap. 

"Girlfriend?" she spat, her voice laced with disbelief that morphed into a chilling possessiveness. "Don't lie to me, babe. You're mine. You've always been.”, Words are stuck on your throat, after years of following her shadow with the hope of getting a whiff of her warmth you managed to get it at the worst possible time. The name ‘babe’ rings like a distant lullaby, those words that you crave from her felt like venom to you now. “Chae when I was there I got close with Minju. We-”, Her hand flies quickly to grab your mouth, silencing your words that's about to break her delusion. “No, that's not right at all babe. I see now, you're confused and tired. Serving there must've been very tiring for you babe. You were just homesick and miss me, yeah let's get you some rest babe”

Chae leaned and kissed your cheek, yet her eyes are challenging you to refute her words. “No, Chae I have-”, The second slap was much more painful than the first one, because this time she put her back on it. “Baby I really think you're just tired, come on let's get you to your bed. You must've missed sleeping on your bed right? I'll accompany you, we can eat lunch later”, Chae grabbed both of your hands, tugging them for you to follow her to the bedroom. “No Chae, she's real. Minju is very lovely you'll like her”, This whole situation was so odd for you that you're also in denial of Chaewon's transformation. 

Chaewon's eyes narrow, trying to pierce through your skull to inspect your mind, then a humourless laugh escapes her mouth. “I see now, you had a rebound girl while you were away. I don't think I appreciate that babe, but for now let's get you to rest. I can punish you after you get some sleep”, The room was silent as if it was waiting in horror to see your next move. “No Chae……. I love her. I love Minju”, Your muscles stiffen, trying to brace for her next slap. Yet it never came, there was only silence.  “Love her?”

Alright, stop denying, you know what's happening right now. “Chae I-”,  You were once again interrupted by her, this time with her lips that aggressively crashed into yours and sealed it shut. This is it, the dream you've always wanted to achieve, a kiss from the girls that has held your heart for years now. Yet the kiss brought a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. On one hand, it ignited a dormant flame within you, a spark of the yearning you'd harboured for Chae for years. The warmth of her lips, the familiar scent of her hair, it all felt like a dream come true, a gift from god for all the good things you've done. On the other hand the sweetness was quickly tainted by the bitter reality. Your heart, now entwined with Minju's, ached with guilt and betrayal. This wasn't supposed to happen. Chae had friend-zoned you, leaving you to move on and build a new life. This sudden shift, this desperate claim of ownership, it sent your mind reeling. 

Is this the Chae you know? The one who has explicitly told you that the two of you can never work? Or was that Chae a fake one? You've never heard those words outside the notes she left you. Perhaps those notes are just her denial of the feelings she actually had for you. Denial that was hidden by the guilt she had for using you all this time? Is this confusion you're having is just a pathetic rationalisation for your own feelings for her? Was Minju truly just a rebound girl? Did you leave your heart here with Chae this whole time and only notice it now that you're back with her?

So many questions yet no answer. You didn't try to think of an answer, after all there's a fight going on within you right now. Your body has been yearning for these moments and responded instinctively. Your heart screaming with protest as it was being torn apart by the guilt you harbour for Minju. Each agonising second felt like an eternity. You wanted to pull away, to break free from this confusing entanglement. Yet with each second passing Chae's grip tightened, her kiss becoming desperate, almost pleading. It was like witnessing a damsel in distress, someone drowning in a sea of their own obsession, and a part of you, the part that once loved her fiercely, wanted to save her.

“Haaaaa”, Finally she broke the kiss, her head pressing against yours, her hand still tightly gripping on to your collar. Her eyes are filled with ecstasy, she's in a trance, for a moment you wonder if this is what you would look like if she kissed you before you left. “You're mine babe, you're mine and mine alone”, A hushed whisper can be heard flowing out of her mouth. The kiss, it was a culmination of all the obsession and longing she has for the last year. Your absence in her life was a hellfire for her loneliness, forging her into this, thing. Day by day her longing got more and more intense until it slowly turned into a need. Now that you're here those feelings only become more intense, like a sword that has finished sharpening and ready to be used.

While she was lost in the vortex of her own emotions you finally connected the dots. Despite her rejection she has explicitly said that she has special feelings for you. A love that was strong in every way but romantically. However it would change once she finally broke free of her chain, of the collar her boyfriend has put on her. Lost, confused, exiled, her only source of hope was you. After all her friend left her the only person she can rely on was you. Yet you were already gone, left to find your own love. Of course, that's why she is still here, living in your apartment with the thought that you two can reconcile after you return. Funny how life works, Chaewon finally has the same feeling you've been ‘hiding’ from her for years just right after you lost those feelings. 

“You know you love me babe. Whoever that Minju girl is, she's irrelevant. We belong together, and I'm so sorry that I hurt you for so long. I promise I'll make it up to you. Just be patient okay babe, after all we have our whole life to be together. Nothing can separate us anymore, I love you”

“I-”, NO! 

Your mind managed to take control of your body before you answered her. “I...” Chaewon smiles thinking you were just too shy to say it back. “Chae, it's too late”, Desperately you tried to bury back those feelings, you can't hurt Minju, and for some reason there's this voice warning you that whatever Chae is feeling right now, it's dangerous. “Baby, you know how much you hurt me by saying that”, Her face formed a disappointed frown as her tone turned sour, her eyes turned glassy as if she was about to burst into tears. “I can't Chae, I'm sorry”, It hurts seeing her like this as well, you never thought you'd make her cry by rejecting her. 

“You don't mean that pup, I can see it in your eyes. You didn't move on and I know it. You have loved me for years already, how can you just let go of all those feelings in just one year”, Her vulnerable tone and pained expression was nothing but a calculated move. Loyalty and charity, those are your two strong suits, and she knows acting hurt and vulnerable would be an easy way to change your mind. “I….. I can't Chae”, She also knows, despite your physical growth, mentally you wouldn't even hurt a fly.

“Why are you lying to me pup? I can feel your body is calling for me”, Her hand slips inside your sweater. As her cold and slender fingers feel up your abs you can't help but feel like the inside of your stomach is twisting. This is all you ever wanted yet it terrifies you. “You've grown pup, I like it”, With inhuman strength she just ripped apart your flimsy sweater. “Chaewon no”, You try to stop her, your mind does,  but your body is much more honest. “Did she do this to you?” Chae pressed her finger towards the hickey you had on your collarbone, “Chae stop this”, You pleaded again, but your words aren't coming through to her. “I'll hide it babe, I'll hide it with my make so you'll forget that whore”, Chae leaned in and bite on your collarbone.

The pain, you're not even sure if it was physical or emotional. Out of all the way that you could have her you never expected that it would be done through, rape. Is this rape? Do you truly hate this? “Who was that?” Your phone buzzed making Chaewon stop her marking session. “I-”, She didn't bother waiting for your answer before rushing through your pocket and finding your phone. The name Minju was written on the screen showing she just texted you something. “Forget about her”, Chae throws away your phone before diving back to your shoulder. 

I don't want this. I don't want this at all.

You pushed her away but it was so weak she barely moved. “Stop doing that”, She mumbles as she continues biting you. “Chae stop this please”, You push her again but this time you managed to put some power into it. She doesn't budge, her teeth still hooked into your flesh refusing to let you go. “Chaewon stop”, Finally raise your voice, she stops biting you yet her body is still pressing you to the wall. “Baby, I need you to stop playing so hard to get okay? I know you want this”, Come on tell her no, tell her she's wrong. “See, you need to stop lying to me”, Her hand caressed your bulge, “I know you more than you know yourself”, She whispered in your ear.

Do I actually want this? Was I overreacting when I call this rape? Chaewon would never do that. She's a kind and loving person. She would never do anything to hurt me. Right?

She fucking gaslight you so easily? “My god, you're so big baby”, You glanced down and realised Chaewon was already kneeling in front of you, your pants already pulled down exposing your cock. “Chae”, She smiles, your tone is much more meek now, she knows she got you by the, well, balls. “It's okay babe, I'll be gentle”, Her slender fingers gently wrapped around your cock as her lips kissed your tip. Your body shivers with the sensation, her gentle touch was enough to make you leak some precum. Chaewon smiles proudly, “I'm flattered babe, you've been missing me too right?” Her tongue sticks out and licks your tip. 

The more she licks the more you leak out. Her hand starts stroking you as she licks your cock like a lollipop, savouring the taste of your precum. Not long after that she kissed your tip again before pushing it into her mouth. “Ohhh fuck”, You moan, her mouth was too small for it and despite her best effort she can only go halfway. Feeling defeated she pulls away before spitting onto your shaft, her hand continues stroking and coats your cock with her saliva. If she can't take all of your length she will be creative. So as her head bobs up and down her hand jerks you off with the lubricant she just applied. Wet sloppy noise echoes throughout the room, accompanied by the sounds of your grunt and moans. 

“Chae, fuck”, Feeling your cock starts to throb she got even more intense. Her hand and head go in sync as she tries to milk you. “Chae, I'm cumming”, Your hips buckled forward forcing Chae to choke on your cock as you unload down her throat. The sensation of your thick and warm cum travelling down her throat gives Chae a sense of victory. Her eyes never leave yours for a second and she watches every single emotion you went through this whole time. She knows, you can't run from her.

“You taste so good babe”, She moaned once she pulled out your cock. Then she just let it rest on top of her small and pale white face, a view so arousing yo8r body starts screaming for round two. “Chae, I-”, It only took five seconds and your guilt already came back, this displeases her. “Come here baby, let's continue this in our bed”, She stood up and grabbed your hand. Now that your mind is clear, the post nut clarity should help you make your decision. Should you run now? Or should you just let yourself fall deeper into this, abyss.

“Come on babe”, Realising you're second guessing yourself, Chaewon grabbed your hand using both of her own while using her cute and innocent face. She hates to do this, she really does, because right now she's using a strategy that her ex used on her. “I……” Yet seeing you falter made her happy, there's always a silver lining in everything. Right now, she won't mind personifying her ex’s attitude if it means she gets to make you stay with her. “Hehehehehe, come on let's do a quick one babe, we can have lunch after this”, With one pull she managed to crumble down your common sense.  So you follow her, right into the dragon's nest. Inside your room you can see it's pretty much the same. The only difference was her makeup and dirty clothes that filled up the room. “I don't want to change too much, after all I want you to go back home to a familiar sight”, She smiles before pushing you to the bed. Chaewon takes off her skirt before jumping on to you. She pushes your erect cock into her stomach, “Look babe, you're gonna split me in half with this monster”

Seeing how quiet you are, Chae just takes off her top before leaning towards you. “Don't be shy babe, I know you've been dreaming for this moment for years now”, Her hand pulls yours into her breast, “Feel it babe”, She whispered in your ear. Overtaken by lust, your hand gently squeezed her tits making her moan, “Yeah baby, just like that. Don't be shy anymore okay? I know you like this as much as I do”, Chae raises her waist and aligns your cock with her wet entrance. “I love you”, And with that she lowers her waist, struggling to take your cock. “Fuck”, You grunted feeling how tight she is, “It hurts so much babe”, She moaned before leaning into your neck. “You're really gonna split me apart”, Her breath has become shaky as she continues pushing more of you into her. 

“Chae”, You whispered, “Yeah baby? Do you like it?” She bites your ear, “Take it slow” Oh no. “Hehehehehe, I'm not fragile you know”, Hearing your submission gave her a new source of energy. Her lips crashed on to yours as both of her hands hugged your head, not letting you move. As she managed to take your full length she didn't bother to rest a little and start moving. “I'll get used to this babe, I promise. We're made for each other, you and I”, She moans while her lower body is screaming in agony, but she couldn't care less. Her mind was already overtaken by lust, all those sleepless nights from missing you has caused her to have so much pent up stress. “Fuck Chae, calm down for a second”, You moaned feeling how aggressive she has become.

“No baby, you have no idea how much I miss you”, Chae presses her head against yours, you can see her eyes are filled with nothing but madness. “Those sleepless nights, all those times I woke up in the middle of the night, dreaming that you'll be there with me on our bed. Now you're back baby, and I will show you, just how much I've been missing you, how much I needed you”, She rode you even faster, making you let out a moan. “Yeah, do you like it baby? Do you like my pussy”, Chae whispered in your ears, “Grab my ass baby, I know you've always liked them”, She said before she started kissing you again.

In for a penny, in for a pound. Your hand reached down to grab her ass cheek. The first thing you noticed was how soft and smooth her skin feels, and as you squeeze them you find yourself enjoying the firmness of it. “Do you like it baby?” Chaewon moaned, “I….. do”, Chae smiled hearing your words. “Well don't be shy, use me however you like babe”, Her words are way too potent for you, “Fuck, Chae I'm about to-” Feeling your cock throbbing inside her Chae closed your mouth with her hand. “No baby, you need to hold it in”, Your eyes give her a protesting glare as Chae continues riding you. “I know it's your first time, baby, but I need you to be strong”, She loves seeing your panicked face thinking that you are having a hard time holding it in, but then you open your mouth. “It's not my first time”, Her waist sits on you as she stops moving, her eyes clearly filled with hatred.

“My baby, my innocent baby boy was corrupted by that WHORE?” Chae wanted to scream at you, to slap you for allowing yourself to get used by some whore. “Haaaaa, that bitch, I won't let her get close to you ever again”, But then she continued moving again, “Chae?” You on the other hand are struggling to hold your ejaculation, god knows what she's gonna do if you fail to follow her commands. “I guess it would be selfish for me if I wanted you to stay virgin. But that's okay right babe? Even if it's not our first time, what matters is that from now on we will only do this with each other”, Chae finds her rhythm back, riding you aggressively. Slowly the feelings turns into torture for you, “Chae I really need to-, Fuck”, Everytime you begged her she would just bite your chest, “You can hold om just a little more right babe? I want to finish with you so wait for me a little more baby”, Chae gives you a cute pouting expression, completely contrasting how her lower body is riding you like an animal. 

“Fuck Chae, please?” You whined again, this time you lost control of your face making it contort into a pathetic pleading expression. “Haaaaa, you look so cute like that”, Of course this whole thing is about the power play with Chae. She loves seeing you struggle and suffer just so you can please her. “Chae please?” you whined, “Call me babe”, Chae feels her orgasm is building up as well. “Babe, let me cum please?” Oh yeah, she's awakening a new kink right now, “Tell me you love me”, She whispered in your ears. “I love you babe”, You can feel Chae start shaking, “Tell me you'll leave that whore for me”, Last change bucko, will your rational mind return? “I will leave her for you babe, I love you”, Guess not.

“Haaaaa, then cum baby, cum inside me. Fill me up with your love please”, Hearing your total submission sends her over the edge. As your cum starts to shoot inside her, Chae kisses you again, desperately biting onto your lips as she's also having her orgasm. Your mind went blank for a moment as it short-circuited. “Haaaaa, haaaaa, haaaaa, welcome back baby, I love you”, Chae kissed your cheeks as the two of you were catching your breath. “Can you, get off me Chae?” She shakes her head, “Call me babe okay? I'm your girlfriend now so I need you to call me your baby from now on”, On top of that she kinda likes having your dick inside her. “Baby, can you get off me?” But of course, being the perfect girlfriend she will do anything to please you.

You tried to stand up when she got off of you but her hand immediately grabbed onto yours. “Where are you going?” Her voice filled with annoyance and a tiny hint of threat. “I need to wash up”, Her smile came back as she stood up with you, “Then let's have a shower together, I'll clean you babe”, She wrapped her arm around yours and pulled you to the bathroom. Once the two of you finished the shower Chae pulled you back to the bathroom and cuddled up with you. Her head rests on top of your shoulder as her finger is drawing around on your chest.

Now, how do you deal with this situation? Would you pick her over Minju? Or would you come clean to Minju that you just cheated on her. Your mind wanders around to the countless times you spend the night with Minju. Her warmth, her smile, her….. love, do they feel the same as what Chaewon is doing to you? Those memories hit you like a truck, alongside it are the guilt that just tearing you apart. Looking down at Chae, you see her smile at you before moving on to caress your hair. It really does feel like a fever dream, having her like this with you. Maybe it was a sign, Chaewon is just a dream and Minju is the reality? 

Your conflicted expression doesn't escape Chae, she knows that you're having second thoughts again. It pisses her off, but she doesn't want to push you too much, after all her ex tends to use a much more delicate approach when she's being, defiant. “Baby, I feel so tired right now. You really did a number on me you know?” She wrapped her arm around you, caressing your cheek and pulling your head closer to hers so she can kiss the other one. It feels wrong, her touch, this all feels so, artificial. You stay quiet, trying to organise your mind. Chae sighed before she cuddled up closer to you, “Let's get some rest baby. You said you just got off the plane this morning right? Get some sleep baby, I'll order us food for later”, Her leg wrapped around your waist. You of course managed to read between the lines, “You are not leaving here”

“Meow”, Luna? Where did that little shit throughout all this? “Come here Luna”, Chae said, Luna jumps up onto your bed and comfortably snuggles into Chaewon's torso. Huh, that's weird, is this an omen? Chae looks at your bewildered face and starts letting Luna, “I told you I'll make her enjoy my cuddles” And I'll do the same to you, babe.

[juyeonszn]

SWEET

PAIRING lee juyeon x f!reader

WORD COUNT 4.61k

GENRES fluff ﹒ smut ﹒ minuscule bit of angst

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, mature language, boy next door/neighbor au, reader was in a toxic-ish relationship, juyo is so cute and so sweet, until he’s kinda 😵‍💫 yk?, um kevin and changmin appearances, reader being absolutely irrevocably impossibly down bad for juyeon’s hands, so hand kink lol, making out, vaginal fingering, cum eating…. lol, they get a little sappy at the end

SUMMARY maybe this was for the better. maybe it was okay to let your guard down every once in a while, so long as it was always for your flirty neighbor.

MORE i would like to apologize for putting this out a day late… um i was really busy preparing for my enhypen concert so 😭 not a lot of writing was happening since there wasn’t enough brain juice flowing. anyways. ENJOY <3 pls rb if u did! (ALSO THANK U REESE AND @sungbeam FOR BETAING AND EDITING <<<3 i love y’all sm)

PERM TAGLIST @winterchimez @maessseongs @itsbeeble @zzoguri

If there was one thing you took pride in, it was your keen sense of hospitality.

You’d been raised as the type of girl to always be welcoming when a new face arrived, to be that guiding light for them as they adjusted to all the changes in their life. When you were little, your mother taught you to introduce yourself first, because you never knew if that person was shy or not. Of course, there was the usual ‘Stranger Danger’ pep talk, but it differed greatly from the new friend pep talk.

The first time you exhibited this wonderful trait of yours was in middle school when the foreign student in your class was forced to stand at the front of the room. He wasn’t necessarily shy, but you could tell he didn’t really enjoy being put on the spot, hands behind his back as he said his name and where he was from.

Kevin Moon. Age 13. Vancouver, Canada.

The only empty desk in the classroom was the one beside yours, and that was the golden opportunity to become best friends with the new kid. As soon as he settled into his seat and class had resumed as normal, you leaned over slightly and cupped a hand over your mouth to whisper loud enough that he could hear.

“Hi! I’m Y/N!”

He gave you a small smile in return and from then on, you and Kevin Moon were the best of friends.

The second time you proved your kindness was your freshman year of college. It was still syllabus week, but your professor had sent out an email over the weekend with papers that needed to be printed and brought to class. The guy next to you didn’t get the memo, freaking out over already messing things up on the first day.

You didn’t know him at all, but you felt bad that he was so stressed. In turn, you decided to rip up your own papers. He looked at you like you were crazy, maybe because you were. What idiot does something like that?

You give him a warm smile. “There. Now we’re both missing it.”

All he can do is laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “I’m Changmin.”

“Y/N.”

After that, Ji Changmin came to be another one of your closest friends. It was kind of silly that something your mother instilled in you at a young age had become such a big part of your life. It brought you people who you’d cherish forever. But it also brought people you wish you’d never met.

“Get the fuck out.”

“Y/N, babe, we can work through this—”

“Are you deaf?” Your tone raises and your feet carry you to the front door, swinging it open. “I said to get out of my apartment.”

“We’ve been together for three years. You’re not gonna fight for us?” He pleads, clasping his hands as he stands in front of you.

“Why would I? Why should I stay with someone who doesn’t value me enough to stay loyal?” You seethe, your anger growing in size the longer you glare at his pathetic face. The face of a man you thought would love you until death did you part.

“She meant nothing to me!” He tries to rationalize with you, but you won’t have any of it. You weren’t stupid and you sure as hell weren’t blind.

“Do you take me as a fucking fool, Daehyun? I’ve known for months that you weren’t ‘working late at the office’. She even DMed me and showed me screenshots of your messages. Now get out before I call the cops.” You’re so pissed off that you don’t even realize you’re crying, fat tears trickling down your hot cheeks.

“After all I’ve done for you and all I’ve given you? You’re gonna act like a bitch?” He drops the innocent boyfriend act, backing you into the doorframe.

“Leave, Daehyun.” You say flatly. You’re not gonna give him the satisfaction of crumbling beneath the weight of his words. You knew the truth, you knew what kind of person he truly was after all this time.

He scoffs, grabbing his jacket off the hook beside him and finally storming out of your apartment. You cover your mouth with your hand to muffle the sobs that so badly want to escape. You watch as he bumps shoulders with a stranger holding a box, thankfully not looking back at you.

You make eye contact with said stranger, eyes wide like a child who’d just gotten caught with their hands in a cookie jar. His eyes resemble those of your friends’ when you told them you’d found out about your boyfriend’s infidelity. You both stand there for a moment, an impromptu staring contest ensuing.

Quickly, you snap out of your trance, cowering into your apartment. You vaguely remember the elderly woman across the hall mentioning that someone was moving into the unit beside yours. She had never told you a specific date, though. Had you known it was today, you might’ve expedited the dramatic break-up with Daehyun.

How could you possibly introduce yourself to him after he witnessed that? And in your current state; snot-nosed and teary-eyed? There was no way. You’d just have to postpone that for another day. Hopefully he didn’t mind too much.

“Was he cute?”

“Kevin, why is that what you’re worried about?” Changmin’s mouth pulls into a thin line, smacking the slightly older male over the back of the head. He winces, caressing the spot to ease the pain.

“I wasn’t really paying attention to that when I had just shoved my cheating ex boyfriend out of my apartment,” you push around the ramyeon on your plate with your chopsticks. “I do feel terrible that he had to see that though. But how can I face him after that?”

Kevin taps his chin with his index finger, lips pursed in thought. “Why don’t you bake for him? Welcome him to the complex like the hospitable neighbor you are.”

“That’s not a half bad idea, actually.” Changmin nods, shoveling some rice onto his spoon. The Pisces deadpans and reclines in his chair.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Okay, enough bickering you two. I need you to finish eating so I can start planning what to bake.”

The third time you practice your mother’s life lesson, is the next evening when you’re face-to-face with your neighbor’s door.

Your hands have begun to clam up beneath the warm tupperware of cookies you were holding. Were you supposed to just knock on his door like everything was fine and dandy? What if he wasn’t even home? Maybe you should just leave the baked goods with a note and—

The door swings open to reveal the stranger from a few days ago. However, this time he also wears that expression of shock, cat-like eyes widened. Your mouth moves like fish out of water, not sure what you should say or how you should say it. So you don’t think and you just act, extending the tupperware towards him.

“H-Hi, I’m Y/N, I’m your neighbor,” your speech is a little shaky, but you’re too nervous to focus on that. “I— um— I baked these for you as a housewarming gift to welcome you to the complex. As well as an apology for making you a bystander in my messy breakup.”

His features relax as a smile inches its way onto his face, graciously accepting the treats you made for him. “Thank you, you didn’t have to do that. And don’t even worry about it, I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“N-No, you’re fine, I swear! We shouldn’t have aired our dirty laundry so publicly like that. You did nothing wrong.” You wave your hands as if physically dismissing his words. He lets out a little chuckle that warms your chest.

“If it’s any consolation, I’m glad that you left the dude. He sounded like a total asshole,” your neighbor tucks the tupperware under his arm, leaning against the threshold of his apartment. “You seem too nice to settle for somebody like that. From what I’ve seen, of course.”

You don’t know why that has your heart skipping a beat like a high school girl. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that he really was cute. He had a boyish charm to him, but not so much so that it overpowered how handsome he was. Kevin was going to have a field day with this information.

“Uh, thank you. I should be getting back to my place now. I have an early day at work tomorrow. Have a good night!” You clear your throat to kick yourself out of whatever stupor you were about to fall into, bowing. As you’re turning on your heel to make the ten foot trip to your own apartment, he calls out your name.

“I’m Juyeon, by the way.” He grins, waving as you push open your door.

“Now that is quite the interesting development.” Kevin snorts, helping himself to one of the raspberry filled donuts you’d just finished baking.

“If you keep eating my product, I’m gonna have to kick you out of the kitchen and out of my bakery,” you chide, swatting his hands away from the baker’s rack. “And how is that interesting in the slightest? I literally gave him the cookies, apologized, and that was that.”

“He was literally flirting with you, Y/N. Changmin, tell her I’m right. Apparently I’m no longer a voice of reason here.” He says through a full mouth.

“I mean, yeah? Kinda? Calling a girl nice is usually guy code for ‘I think you’re attractive and I could see myself sleeping with you’,” Changmin shrugs, tearing off a piece of Kevin’s donut. “But I also see where you’re coming from. You did just meet each other. He could’ve just been trying to console you in a way.”

“Why am I even friends with men when they’re useless?” You throw your head back, speaking to no one in particular.

Perhaps Kevin truly was overthinking the situation. Juyeon seemed to be a kind person who probably didn’t want any problems with his neighbors. It made sense why he’d side with you after witnessing your break up. Besides, the wounds were still too fresh to even consider thinking of anyone else in such a way. No matter how hot they may be…

You’d just have to wait and see for yourself. Only time could tell what would become of the nature of your relationship with your cute new neighbor.

You look insane with everything in your cart, filled to the brim with baking ingredients. It was around 10 PM and here you were, at the grocery store buying the things needed to make cinnamon rolls. Being a baker with a bit of a sweet tooth meant your cravings got a little out of hand at times, forcing you to make drastic decisions. (I.E. grocery shopping so late at night.)

Even your clothing choice was silly: flimsy pajama shorts with Care Bears patterned on them, a baggy t-shirt, and matching slippers. It’s not like anyone cared anyway. And it wasn’t like you were trying to impress anybody either.

But as you’re walking towards the registers, you start to regret your outfit. You very quickly spot your neighbor with a basket on his arm, waiting in line for self-checkout. You feel all the color drain from your face as you stand there, staring like an absolute idiot.

He’s dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants, a hoodie swallowing his figure. He looks so effortlessly good, it kind of makes you upset. Because how are you just now meeting a guy who’s both kind and attractive? As far as you were concerned, they didn’t exist in real life— they only existed in fairytales.

Juyeon looks up from his phone and catches your eye, his hand coming up to give you a little wave and one of those crinkly eye smiles that he does when you pass each other in the hall.

As the weeks have passed, you’ve seen him more and more than you deemed normal. You’d bump into each other on the way to or from picking up your mail, you’d hold the elevator for the other in record time, and you’d even leave your apartments at the same time. Now it appears you’re running into the guy at the supermarket, too. You tried to chalk it all up to coincidence, that you just both happened to be thinking on the same wavelength.

But shyly waving back to him right now reminds you that divine intervention had crazy ways of working its magic. Perhaps those had all just been openings for you to engage in something more with your cute neighbor. And there was only one way to find out.

You psych yourself up as you walk towards him, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. Juyeon’s smile grows wider as he notices you approaching. “Hey, stranger. What are you up to tonight?”

“Some late baking,” you giggle, wanting to punch yourself in the face for sounding like a goddamn school girl. “I was actually wondering if you’d like to come over and keep me company? Totally up to you of course! I just thought it might be nice to get to know each other properly.”

Your suggestion is what leads the two of you to meet back up at your apartment after purchasing your respective groceries. You attempt to tidy up as best you can while you wait for the knock at your door, setting out all the ingredients on the counter and preheating your oven.

The soft knock comes moments later and you find yourself practically running to open the door, grinning at the sheepish expression on Juyeon’s face. You allow him inside of your apartment, trailing after him into the kitchen. Part of you felt like you were moving on too fast after Daehyun. As a baker, your kitchen was your safe space. It was where you went when you needed to be alone and in the comfort of what you knew best. Kevin and Changmin were the only ones you trusted to be within that element. For you to let Juyeon in— to let him permeate the walls you’ve never let down before, not even with your ex— was brand new territory.

“I almost forgot you own a bakery,” Juyeon speaks up, fingers tracing along the stand mixer. “But seeing all this expensive equipment reminded me of that. It only makes sense that someone as sweet as you would constantly be around sweet treats.”

You fail to bite back your smile. Maybe this was for the better. Maybe it was okay to let your guard down every once in a while, so long as it was always for your flirty neighbor. He laughs when you nudge his shoulder, grabbing all the dry ingredients for the dough.

“On a scale of one to ten, how patient are you?” You ask, avoiding his eyes as you open the flour. The question was in regards to several things.

“I’d say about an eight or nine. Patience is a virtue, you know. It comes easily if you practice hard enough.” He answers, leaning against the counter and watching you.

You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding in, searching for your measuring cups. Both you and Juyeon begin to measure out the dry ingredients, dumping them into the mixing bowl. You decide to let him take some of the reins, folding in the mixture of milk, egg, butter, and yeast. While he does that, you prepare the cinnamon sugar.

“I think I’m done. What do I do next?” He turns to you, head cocked to the side slightly. You might actually die of cuteness aggression. The duality of man would one day drive you to the brink of insanity.

“Now you just knead it until it’s smooth.” Your back is to him as you say this, putting away any refrigerated items so they don’t go bad. But as you face him again, you wish you hadn’t.

Your eyes zero in on his hands, kneading the dough with careful, nimble fingers. You feel light-headed as you slip into a spell, gawking at how long and slender they are, massaging the dough like an expert. How had you never noticed how big and pretty his hands were?

Maybe baking with Juyeon was a bad idea. You could barely focus on anything but his fingers pressing the under-construction-cinnamon rolls into the counter. Oh how badly you wanted to be that dough— his hands all over you, groping and massaging and kneading and caressing everywhere they could reach.

The veins running up his arms weren’t helping either, instead fueling the fire burning in the pit of your stomach. You feel your lips part, eyes glossed over with that all too familiar lustful intensity. You wouldn’t be surprised if you had to wipe away drool after this.

“Y/N?” Juyeon glances up from the dough, a little taken aback by your reverie. He follows your line of sight, grinning to himself smugly when he realizes what has you so transfixed. He’s finally found your weakness, and he couldn’t wait to dangle it over your head. Patience was a virtue, but perhaps it would be okay for him to dabble with a vice for once.

He pushes out the dough, using his thumbs to spread it into a rectangular shape. He feels his blood pressure rising the darker your eyes get. However, he’s aware that you just recently got out of a relationship. He wants to move at a pace you’re comfortable with. So he won’t take the first step. He has to leave that up to you.

It’s at a certain point that you come to, blinking to force away the dirty thoughts plaguing your mind. You travel your field of vision to his face, where you find him already looking at you. Your cheeks heat up in mortification from being caught red-handed. You were just gawking at the poor guy’s like they were a piece of fresh meat. This was terrible.

You swallow thickly, averting eye contact to grab the bowl of cinnamon sugar. “Uh, we can start forming the rolls now so they can rise. And then— um— and then we can make the glaze.”

The burn of his gaze on your profile has you tripping over your words, cinnamon sugar sprinkling onto the counter space surrounding and the knife almost slipping from your grip when you go to cut the dough. Juyeon catches it for you, wrapping his fingers around yours to guide your movements and keep them steady.

You feel his breath behind your ear, his chest pressed to your back. His hand is so much larger than your own, nearly covering it entirely. He doesn’t make an effort to move either, rolling the dough into swirl shapes along with you. The whole time this is happening, neither of you are saying a word, letting the silence consume you and the air around you.

As the rolls are rising/baking, you set up everything necessary for making the icing. Juyeon watches with hearts in his eyes as you whisk the sugar, cream cheese, vanilla, and butter in a separate bowl. He wonders how many other people you let see you in this setting. How many people get to see you do the thing you love so dearly?

“I’d like to visit your bakery sometime, if you wouldn’t mind,” Juyeon suddenly says, resting his elbows on the counter as you taste test the icing. “I wanna try all of the desserts you bake.”

“I’m opening later tomorrow morning actually,” you smile, humming in appreciation when the sweetness of the glaze hits your taste buds. “You can come with me to try the fresh batches before I put them out? I’ll warn you though, I get there at like six.”

“AM?” His eyes practically pop out of their sockets.

“Yes, AM.” You laugh, lightly shoving him backwards.

“I’ll put like ten alarms so I can make sure I’m up in time, then.” He pokes his cheek with his tongue, tipping his head to the side. The goofy smile on your face remains even after minutes have passed and the two of you are just waiting for the cinnamon rolls to finish baking.

It feels like hours have gone by with the two of you standing there when they’re finally ready. The ding of the oven has you springing into action, putting on some oven mitts and taking out the baking sheet. Juyeon's eyes light up and even though you’d just been losing your mind over how insane he was making you, you find yourself cooing at him.

He laughs as you grab a couple spare icing bags for the cinnamon roll glaze, filling them generously. You hand one over to him and decide to split the rolls evenly, icing one half yourself while he does the other. And for once, you think that tonight might end normally. You think that nothing eventful will happen and you’ll just ice the cinnamon rolls without problems.

But you were wrong, like always.

“Ah, shit—”

You glance up from the roll you were glazing to see what the fuss was about. Juyeon’s icing bag tore somehow, the sticky topping getting all over his hand. Truly, you were no better than a man, with the filthy thoughts inhabiting your brain almost instantaneously.

He brings his hand up to his mouth, licking the glaze off the back of his hand and wrapping his lips around his thumb. You felt dizzy, drunk on the sight of your extremely attractive neighbor doing something so sensual without even trying to. You bite your lip, accidentally dropping your own icing bag due to lack of attention.

Juyeon smirks slightly, relishing in the way it takes absolutely nothing to hypnotize you with his hands alone. He really tried to keep himself contained. He really wanted you to extend the first olive branch, but he knows you’re apprehensive. So just this once, he tells himself that it’s okay to initiate, to give you a little push in the right direction.

He takes a step closer to you, caging you against the counter. You stare up at him with wide, doe eyes, as if you were completely innocent despite the naughty images flashing behind them. Juyeon brings his thumb up to your lips, the pad of it still covered in icing.

“Think you could clean this up for me?” He asks, voice low and husky. You could actually combust with that all on its own.

Just like your formal introduction, you don’t give yourself the time to think, and act, instead, running your tongue along the length of his thumb. Juyeon doesn’t restrain the groan in the back of his throat, holding your face in his hands and pulling you in for a kiss.

You reciprocate immediately, fisting his hoodie like it was the only thing capable of stabilizing you. Maybe it was, with the way Juyeon’s lips synchronized with yours and his fingers tangled in your hair. You thought the ground would swallow you whole and wake you up from this dream. On what planet did someone like Lee Juyeon like a girl like you?

His hands slide down your body, groping everything in their path desperately before cupping under your thighs and lifting you onto the counter. He knocks the baking sheet of cinnamon rolls out of the way, palms rubbing up and down the sides of your legs. You want more, so much more, but you’re afraid to ask. You’re afraid to start something you’re not even sure you can emotionally handle.

Juyeon senses your hesitation, detaching from you momentarily. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want. I understand if you still need time.”

“N-No, I want this— I want you— I'm just… scared.” You breathe, your forehead using his shoulder for support.

“I'm not him, Y/N. I can give you the world if you’d let me. I’d never do what he did to you, that’s a promise.” He holds your chin between his thumb and forefinger, kissing the crown of your head.

“Okay,” you nod, smiling up at him. “I trust you, Juyeon.”

You reconnect your lips as his fingers slip beneath your pajama shorts, toying with the waistband of your panties. His lips curl up when he feels you squirm, legs parting to make more room for him in the middle of them. You sigh, body shuddering when he drags his knuckle down your clothed slit.

Juyeon hooks his fingers into your shorts and underwear, hauling them down your legs. You place your hands behind you to brace yourself, a shiver trailing your spine when the cool air of your apartment hits your warm core. He groans again at the sight of you bare for him, using two fingers to spread your lower lips.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty,” he swears, his thumb slowly circling your clit.

You whine, tossing your head back as he applies more pressure. Bit by bit, you begin to lose yourself to the pleasure of Juyeon’s gorgeous hands. Soon the stimulation on your clit amplifies when he adds another finger, thrusting it in and out of your entrance. He curls deep inside of you, like he was reaching for something he’d left.

One finger turns to two, and before you know it, Juyeon’s openly finger fucking you on the counter. He leans over your body to keep your lips together, kissing you sloppily while all his focus is on drawing you to the edge. You can almost taste it, your saccharine release in your field of vision now.

It’s a little embarrassing how quickly he was able to wind you up and trip you over the edge, but you feel too euphoric to care. You pause in your kiss to look down at his handy work. (No pun intended.) It makes your head feel foggy and your vision blurry to see his deft fingers fucking you open, veins bulging, like he’d done this many times before. Your hooded eyes follow them up his forearms, a whine escaping your lips.

A particular curl of his fingers and circle of his thumb have you clenching around him, creaming like you’d never had an orgasm in your life. He doesn’t slow his assault, bringing you down just to put you back up on that summit once again. The overstimulation has you cumming a second time in a matter of what felt like seconds, whimpers becoming voluminous moans.

Juyeon kisses you softly, gently pulling out his fingers to lick them clean like he did with the cinnamon roll glaze. A choked groan bubbles past your mouth, tossing an arm over your eyes. He laughs, towing you to the edge of the counter.

He brushes some stray hairs out of your face, moving your arm to smile dopily at you. “I hope you know I was being serious about the whole treating you better thing. If you’ll give me the chance.”

“I know. I told you I trust you, remember?” You nip at the inside of your cheek. His eyes crinkle up like they tend to do when he’s smiling so genuinely. It forces the wind out of you, because how could you ever get used to a sight so stunning?

“You’re so cute.” He laughs, kissing all around your face and smushing your cheeks together.

“Juyeon,” you mumble. “I’m half naked…”

“Even better,” he grins, pecking the tip of your nose. “Makes it that much easier to do all of the other things I wanna do to you.”

© juyeonszn. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[khuzena]

12:59

| Michael Kaiser x g/n!reader

summary: everyone in life comes and goes, but sometimes he wishes you stayed; but it's too big of a request to ask.

Warning: toxic rs,no happy ending, cry bitches. Angst, Angst, Angst. (Cheating again because this man is the reddest, crimson flag ever)

A/n: was writing this in school, no activities for the entire day so i was writing this. (This is so cringe oh my god i swear I'll write fluff next time what character do you guys want as long as it aint barou because idk how to write him..)

It sometimes gets too hard to breathe at night.

There are times where he'd find solace in your embrace, you've made home in his heart and you know.

The cupid to your psyche, the romeo to his juliet. So tempting yet so dangerous.

Trust, such a simple thing yet so hard to keep and attain. Something he's won from you years ago yet he lost instantly.

A prodigy as he, the loyal man he used to be.

Rainy days like these you'd find yourself in his well-sculpted arms, inhaling his scent and his kisses marking you his.

Two weeks before the fallout, he's been a distant man, eyes filled with disdain for you and you don't know why. Just a month ago there were flowers on your doorstep, a genuine compliment through text and light kisses pressed on your forehead here and there.

Though recently, he's been looking at you with such hate in his eyes, like you ruined his life— like you're the reason you brought pain and suffering in his world. Why?

There you were, sitting at the marble kitchen island and eating some fresh fruits while watching a boring show on your phone.

Kaiser walked past you as he grabbed an energy drink from the fridge, not even sparing you a single glance.

"Hey, love." You said smiling, nervously fidgeting your fingers under the table.

Kaiser rolled his eyes before looking at you with such disgust. Was your hair really that unkempt? Did your acne come back again? Was he no longer attracted to you? Or was it because he's found someone else. You don't know but these questions spiral in your brain, wondering, asking where you went wrong.

"Hey." He replied, the irritation in his voice was too obvious.

"Can we talk?"

If anyone could see you right now they would compare you to a homeless man asking for scraps or spare change. But at least a hobo has more dignity than you.

Like a broke man begging for money and food to survive, you're pleading, throwing away all your dignity— if you even had any left; begging for a tiny speck of his attention. Some answer, some closure for why he's been treating you like this.

"I don't have time for that and you know it, I have a game again next week in france. Let's talk next time when I have the time"

Confusion and anger boiling in you at this point, what do you mean he has no time for a simple conversation? When he has all the time in the world to do stupid shit without you when he's actually free.

"What the fuck? You barely have any fucking time for me."

He stared down at you with a blanm expression, it was irritating how he wasn't even taking you seriously.

He didn't say a word before walking away to the comfort of his room.

A week later he came home.

It was 12:59 am.

A knock on your door disturbed the peace in the living room, you made your way to the main door. Sighing with relief that it was him, that he got home safely from whatever team party he attended.

"'M sorry…"

Your eyes widened, the moment you opened the door he lunged himself at you; his grip as he hugged you not loosening.

"What happened to you, micha?..."

The smell of alcohol getting on you, the red lipstick stains on his blouse and how pathetically dishevelled that man was.

The sight took your ability to speak away for a moment. You've never expected this, he told you earlier that he'd just be drinking with his team but to go as far as this?

"Don't touch me."

Kaiser tightened his grip, the shame on his face says it all. He's never cried this hard before as his tears soaked your shirt, "Liebling.."

"I said go away." Venom dripped from your voice, causing him to flinch in his very drunk state.

A loud thud can be heard throughout the house as he fell on his knees, like the shameless bastard he is, he cried, "I still love you", "I won't do it again I promise", "You're everything, please, schatz"

The next day, he was lying on the couch. His bags being too dark one could mistake him for a panda.

Even though his stomach is growling loudly, vomit bubbling in his throat or face dried with tears he couldn't help but just wail.

Hands trembling as he looked to the alarm clock to his left, 12:59 pm. Kaiser's legs wobbled as he checked every room, looking for a sign you were there but no.

"Liebling! Please, please. Where are you?"

His voice echoed in the walls of his apartment but there was no one who answered back.

Kaiser's lost you and it's all his fault yet he wailed pathetically on the floor, holding on to the railings of his stairs like someone took you away from him.

As time passed by, he's lost count of the days he's skipped training. His hunger being his least concern even though he barely eats nowadays as he spends most of his time staring at the ceiling.

Wishing for a miracle, wishing that god hears his prayer for one last time.

In this time of deep depression his spotify playlist has become his friend, his pillow being the tissue for his tears and the sheets crumpled from his thrashing around the bed.

kaiser: please come abck

kaiser: back***

kaiser: please

kaiser: please

kaiser: i love you

kaiser: liebling

kaiser: liebling lets talk

kaiser: please.

*seen*

It's hopeless.

No matter how many times he blew up your phone with calls and texts you never answered. Though you never even blocked him too.

It was that time again, he called you again. Screen stained with tears as his eyes sparkled with hope when you finally picked up.

"Liebling, im sorry, im sorry."

The call was still on but he could only hear your heavy breathing, his breath hitched as he shakily held his phone to his ear.

"I know my sorrys won't change anything, but I still love you."

"I can't live without you"

"You're my everything."

"Please."

Please.

Still not a single word from you, he plopped down on his bed as he stared into nothing again in his empty room.

"Michael, stop."

He clutched his phone to his chest as he sobbed quietly, making sure you didn't hear him.

"Yeah, sorry."

"Stop apologising, Michael," you let out a sigh, "let's break up"

"Yeah, sure. Good night"

The call ended right then and there.

Kaiser kept replaying your voicemails over and over again. His nerves calmed down for a bit until the reality set in, he'd never hear your voice again.

There will no longer be any you standing outside the door with your arms wide open to congratulate him on his win or a lover he'd call his. The person he vowed to love and protect forever, gone.

And it's all his fault.

For one last time, he checked his phone as he saw a notification on his lock screen. The bright light almost blinded him.

love: i know you're still awake

love: go to sleep

*sent 12:59 am*

He sighed, putting away his phone and staring at the clock.

"Yeah, maybe it is getting late"

Note: we js had a halloween party 2 days ago, cosplayed as krul, had so much fun. °^°>🍦. I'll stop writing for kaiser i swear im js obsessed w him :((( (this fic not proofread m sorryyy)

[yenqa]

APPLE CIDER (bedroom sessions)

Sparkling apple cider. Once a sweet, refreshing drink you could easily enjoy. Now everytime you’re reminded of that cursed drink all you get is the sour memories that came with it. One memory including the fallout of yours and (now ex) boyfriend, Jay's relationship. But, it just so happens Jay is determined to win your heart back once again. Will he be able to restore the sweet taste? Or will apple cider ruin your life once again?

read part one here!

genre : exes to lovers, written fic, angst, fluff, dual pov (but more y/n, highschool au

featuring : enhypen, chaewon of lsfm, kwon eunbi, ocs : hyun-woo, mrs. lim

warnings : swearing (lots), ignorant parents (only mentioned), crying, food, parties, groveling??? idk, reader has the same bad habits, blood/injuries

wc : 7k

pairing : jay x fem!reader

YENQA : i worked really hard on this and im really happy with the outcome!! i hope you guys like it as much as i do :) also!! everyone thank @yeokii and @redm4ri for proof reading this!!

000 FIRST HEARTBREAK (prologue)

It was junior year when you first met him. Just last year (2022), Hyun-woo walked up to you in the library with a charming but sweet smile, he sat next to you and introduced himself. At first you were skeptical, unsure of your new friendship. But his stupid cute smile and his enchanting eyes lured you right in.

That night you had left with his number and a smile on your face.

The next few weeks he barely ever talked to you, sufficing with a small wave in the hallways or small talk about classwork. But when spring was just around the corner, that had immediately changed.

Hundreds of messages came through in the span of two months. You two would talk for hours and hours on end about anything really. His sweet smile would stay throughout all those facetimes, sometimes you wondered if his face would fall off if he smiled any longer. 

After months of talking, you figured out you were hopelessly falling for him. And there was no way out. But you also figured he must’ve liked you back—I mean those hundreds of calls weren’t for nothing were they?

At first, they weren’t. He eventually asked you out in May and you dated happily for three months. 

Since he was your first you didn’t know how a relationship should work, or how one should act in it. You thought him ghosting you for weeks on end was normal, and that everyone went through it. Even if it wasn’t normal, he came back to you, showering you in gifts such as stuffed animals and gold jewelry. So, you continued on with the relationship, knowing he would come back to you anyways.

But then, he didn’t come back. It was September and you hadn’t talked to him all August—to say the least you were confused. Where had he been all this time?

The first day of school you had immediately ran up to him, you remembered you had said, “What’s wrong? Why have you been ignoring me all last month?” 

And he laughed.

He laughed straight at your worried expression. 

And you want to cry.

It was all a bet, he said. One that involved completely playing with you to win some money.

You couldn’t cry in front of him, nor could you run away from him like a fucking loser (which you really wanted to do but you wouldn’t want to see the pleasure on his face). All you could do was say “Okay,” and walk away. That’s all you did—So hopefully to him you seemed unfazed. But that facade didn’t last long.

You almost tripped over things or even people on the way to the bathroom, sobbing your eyes out until they had wrung dry.

You were sad—Yes, but you were also frustrated by how stupid you were.

He didn’t even talk to you half the time, he barely even knew what you liked or disliked, he didn’t even pay attention to the kind of jewelry you wore—he bought a gold necklace for you as a loyal silver wearer, and overall you were just stupid. Stupid to fall for the role he put on.

Crying usually didn’t take long for you, usually an half an hour at most. But that day you had sobbed and sobbed in that stupid toilet stall for one hour and you didn’t feel like going back to class with your crusty eyes, so you accidentally skipped your first three periods. 

You remember that day as vividly as possible. Your parents were furious that you skipped three classes—So angry they didn’t even look twice at the dark circles under your puffy eyes or the red tint that had covered your face.

One thing you knew was that you never told them, the only thing telling them would get you was a scolding because you skipped three classes over a boy. A boy who was your “first love”. And as stupid as it sounds, they wouldn’t understand. Honestly you wouldn’t be surprised if they told you that they thought your feelings were just little pranks you were playing on them.

If your parents thought that, everyone probably thought that. So, you put on a happy face for Chaewon, even if she knew you were sad she probably didn’t even care. I mean if Hyun-woo didn’t even like you, who would?

001 REALIZING THE OBVIOUS

Jay never thought he was stupid. Actually, he found much pride in how smart he was. He was always the kind of person to think before they say something. He was never impulsive—Well until he met you that is. But that didn’t really end well did it?

It made it even worse that nobody seemed to care. Sunoo didn’t even send a sad look his way (which by the way—Was totally deserved even if he did mess up).

“Why the long face, Jay? You lose another cute girl?” Jake teases, a grin appearing on his face. 

“Who was it again? Hyun-woo’s ex-girlfriend?" Sunghoon's smile grows, “Finally played her?”

Jay groans, “Yeah, i did, but i messed up, bad.”

“What- did Hyun-woo threaten to jump you again?” Jungwon's eyebrows furrow, almost worried that Jay would lose in a fight with him—which he definitely wouldn’t.

“God, you guys are so ignorant, think about the poor girl for once.” Sunoo sighs, rolling his eyes at his friend's fuckboy-ness.

Jay almost rolls his eyes at Sunoo's comment. Were you thinking about Y/n when you blurted his secret out? But he knew he had to take accountability, whether he liked it or not.

“No way. Does the Park Jay feel bad about a girl? The Heartbreaker Park Jay?" Jake asks. And Jay wonders why he’s even friends with them. “Okay, I do feel bad. How do you apologize to a girl? Also Sunoo?" 

He tilts his head.

“Never get drunk again.” Jay warns.

He scoffs, “Weren’t you planning on telling her anyways? I just ripped the bandage off for you.”

The group of boys burst into laughter but Jay couldn’t seem to figure out what was funny. “I didn’t come here for you guys to laugh at my misery.”

Niki gasps, “Jay, you’re actually serious about this one? This is a first.”

This time Jay actually rolls his eyes, “No dumbass- I’m just mad I can’t play around with her anymore.” The group seems fully convinced, some nodding their heads in expectancy. Jay’s eyebrows furrow seeing them be so blind to his problem, “I was kidding.” He deadpans, “I’m serious about her.”

His nose scrunches ever so slightly, “Oh. Well then you’re in huge trouble.”

“I know.”

“Okay—But seriously,” Jay asked, “How should I apologize?” A sudden wave of silence washed over them, looking at each other and shrugging.

-

Apologies, apologies, apologies was what went through his brain that night. What could he do that could fix the mess he had made?

People say real apologies came from the heart, but what even came from the heart? It’s an organ.

Jay’s mind felt like it was about to explode. It’s been an hour but his mind was empty, completely hollow. How could he fix this situation? Well first he could say sorry—Not that you would forgive him easily but it was a crucial part to his fix.

Until it finally clicked.

002 JAY’S “MASTER” PLAN

Last week you couldn’t bear the thought of coming back to school after the party, but here you were, driving yourself to school after a very sad three week mid winter break. A band aid now covering the tip of your finger that you had picked off. And—Of course. You forgot your water bottle again.

You sigh, fixing your silver necklace, you brush your hair behind your hair and open the car to—Oh fuck.

Why did Jay just happen to look like a fucking angel fallen from heaven at 7am in the morning?

And why was Jay here so early at school? You usually arrive much earlier than him.

You compose yourself, walking past him. Holding yourself to not even slightly slow down or look back. 

Finally arriving at your locker you open it, looking at the light pink bag in it, one that you never put in it. Your eyebrows furrow as you pick it up, opening the mysterious bag.

You smile at the small snacks inside. A small bag of your favorite chips and a few of your favorite candies. That smile drops when you see an apple shaped sticky note with familiar handwriting inside. 

Some gasps behind you, you jump,  quickly turning around to see your beloved friends. “Someone’s got a secret admirer?” Eunbi teases, both Chaewon and her walking up to you.

You sigh, “It’s from Jay, do you want it?” You offer to both of them. They both grab it, sharing whatever snacks are in there. 

“Oh!” Chaewon lights up, “Here’s your coffee.” She smiles with guilt. You smile back, gladly taking a sip of the slightly bitter drink to quench your thirst.

“Did the note say anything?” Eunbi pulls out the slightly crumpled sticky note in there. You glance at it, noticing Jay’s very asymmetrical heart.

You unconsciously laugh, quickly covering it up before grabbing the small note, reading it.

To My Apple,

I was stupid to use you to get back at him. Honestly the most stupid thing I would ever do and I deeply regret it. I’m sorry. I know you probably don’t want to see me right now and I understand that you want your space from me. I just want to make it clear, I really do love you and I would never ever do something that horrible to you again. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be on good terms even if you don’t fully forgive me for what I did to you. I truly am in love with and honestly I can’t live without you. Fuck I just miss you, you don’t have to respond or anything I just want to make it clear that I’m sorry, and I love you so much.

Jay

And your lips tug up just a bit.

“Y/n are you okay? You’ve been quiet since you’ve read that. What’s on there?” Chaewon asks, moving next to you to read from the flimsy paper.

Your eyes widen slightly, “Oh—It’s nothing.” you fumble with the paper a bit, “Nothing important.” 

Eunbi laughs, “You’re such a bad liar, Y/n. But if it’s from Jay then you have to tell us.” Chaewon nods.

“No! I mean, it’s not from Jay. Let’s just go to class?” You smile at them shoving the sticky note into whatever pants pocket you have.

“You’re lucky you have your first period alone Missy.”

Throwing them a cheeky smile, you quickly walk to the nearest trash can, quickly tossing it in before looking around. You make eye contact with Jay and quickly look away again.

God—Why was the universe never on your side?

Though you try to ignore the small frown on his face, it runs through your head all day. Until, suddenly you're walking to your math seat again.

“Y/n you’re lucky that this is the only period I have with you, and that we spend all of lunch with our mouths stuffed” Eunbi groans, unpacking her notebook. She places it down neatly on her desk, before leaning forward to you.

“So, was it from Jay? Weren’t- like apples your thing?”

You let out a sigh, turning around “Apple cider was our thing. And maybe.”

She frowns, “Maybe? Y/n tell me, yes or no.” 

You shrug again, turning back to the front making eye contact with the man himself again.

Does this man ever stop looking at you? Because you were almost certain his eyes were glued onto you. You look down at your notebook, trying to act as unbothered as possible—Which doesn’t really work since you hear Eunbi snickers..

You roll your eyes even though Eunbi can’t see it, she can read you like a book, whispering “If you keep rolling your eyes they’ll fall to the back of your head.”

Leaning back, you whisper, “I don’t think that’s how it works, stay in school Eunbi.”

003 PLAN IN MOTION

Getting out of the car the next day you hope and pray to every fucking god you know that you won’t see his familiar face again. But nothing ever seems to go well for you, because you see his sad smile through the window of his car.

You repeat what you did yesterday, walk away as quickly as you can without looking weird. But your legs quickly pick up because of your nervousness, speed walking to the entrance doors instead. You lean on the door, pushing to open it before walking in the same pace to your locker.

Then you finally slow your pace, opening your locker to see another light pink bag.

This time, the same snacks but with a plastic water bottle inside, with a little note saying “Make sure to drink lots of water <3”. You subconsciously smile, fishing out the piece of paper neatly tucked in.

Unfolding the paper, your jaw drops at the pencil writing that manages to cover the whole page.

Apple, my love, I might not be the best at words but I think seeing your lips tug up at my other small note motivated me to write this. Did I ever tell you that your smile brightens up my day? As cheesy as it sounds at night I used (I still do btw) to think about whatever stupid joke I made when we were on a date and how you would laugh happily at it, even if it was the worst joke ever known to mankind. And as embarrassing as it is to admit it I would giggle about it. Before and after we started dating. But you always cover your mouth when you laugh. but you shouldn’t. Your smile makes me feel like everything going wrong in my life will fix itself. When I was with you I had no worries, you made me feel free. But I’ve only brought you worries. I’m sorry. 

Recently, I’ve been noticing you’ve been smiling less and yesterday you forgot to bring your water bottle to school. Please stay healthy and eat well, okay? Even if you hate me, I still care for your health. Don’t skip meals and drink lots of water, please. I’d do anything just to have a five minute conversation with you. I understand that what I did was unforgivable and that you shouldn't trust me again but please, put your trust in me one more time and please come to Azalea park at 3pm tomorrow and I’ll explain everything. I know you're angry but I beg that you be angrier at a closer distance. I’m sorry for the mess I’ve made, and I promise I’ll fix it.

Jay

Your eyebrows furrow. Was he serious? Was he trying to publicly embarrass you? Why did you want to go so bad?

Opening your phone to quickly text up Eunbi and Chaewon, who mysteriously hadn’t shown up yet.

You

bitch jay just wrote me a long last letter abt how hes sorry and how he truly loves me and wants to meet up and make things right????

where tf are yall btw

eunbi mlll

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

ARE YOU SERIOUS??

YOU HAVE TO GO

also chae cant drive me so bus it is…

chaechae

sorry ill be late to school 2day bc doctors lolsies

but r u sure eunbi????

y/n i love u but idk if this is a good idea

wait what did he say

eunbi mlll

NO U HAVE TO GO

but let us see the letter to confirm if hes sincere

You

im not about to show U guys the letter

Omfg guys i almost giggled reading it. this is Bad.

he said that he would do anything for a five minute talk with me and that he knows im mad at him but to be mad at a close distance???

now… i am Nawt your strongest soldier.

chaechae

shit if he wrote me that i wouldve folded too

changed my mind i say do it

You

so…. 2/2 votes yes?

thats kinda nerve racking idk if im ready to face him

eunbi mlll

y/n i am ready to get down on my knees and beg for u to go

you got this girl!

worst case scenario u slap him and embarrass him

chaechae

or maybe slap him when you get there, saves you the time

Just Kidding!!! Hahaha

You

Not funny at all.

hate u all

FUCKK now i have to text him and say im going

eunbi mlll 

why not let him suffer???????

You

ill feel bad

chaechae

Oh

i mean did jay do that when you guys met??

You

fuck u

You exit your group chat, looking several spots down and spotting Jay contact, wincing at your last messages.

You

i’ll be at the park by 3. don’t fuck this up park

jay

wouldn’t even think about it 

004 THE MEETING

Why did I agree to this again? 

You glance at the clock, 2:58, I should head out now. 

Sighing you open your door, walking to—From what you can distinguish from his back, Jay. you walk around the bench, brushing whatever dirt was on it and taking a seat.

Jay gives you a relieved smile, glasses framing his face perfectly-

“Glasses?” You blurt, studying the frame of them.

He coughs awkwardly, “Yeah- I um—I got them yesterday, forgot to wear them to school.”

Awkward silence washes over you two. Well was he going to say something or not?

And it’s almost like he can read your thoughts, because he starts, “Look—Apple. I just wanted to apologize in real life. It was a shitty move of me to use you-”

“Yeah- very shitty.” You interrupt, “Sorry, go on.”

“Oh okay, um- it was a terrible decision I made and I totally messed with you at the beginning, and never told you, I’m sorry.”

He pauses, choosing his words carefully.

“And—I regret it so much. I mean, you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I didn’t want to fuck it up, which would’ve happened anyways. I should’ve told you earlier on before I asked you out but I was afraid. Afraid that the only good thing in my fucked up life would vanish. So I ran away from the problem instead of talking to you about it like I should’ve. I’m sorry for running away and I swear, I would never hurt you—ever again. You don’t have to give me an answer yet, but just know that I still love you with all my heart.”

You take a deep breath, Fuck—what do I say? Should I ask him what he had against Hyun-woo?

Deciding to ask, you look at him with a hint of disappointment, “So why? What do you have against him that made you play with me?”

His eyebrows raise slightly, surprised you didn’t slap him and leave. 

“Oh— it’s kind of stupid.” He says, pushing up his glasses slightly.

“I mean he both kinda fucked us over, right? I won’t judge, I hate his guts anyways.”

Jay lets out a breathy smile. “I used to be on the rugby team, remember?”

“Of course I do.”

“Well—I sound like such an egotistical jerk when I say this, but he took the captain position from me by sweet talking his way to the top. It wasn’t mine to begin with, but everyone thought that I deserved it the most, but of course, he took it from me. I wasn’t super mad or anything, I actually thought I was too cocky for um—thinking I deserved the position. It didn’t really help that he also kind of made fun of me any chance he got for not being captain. Blaming me for every loss we had then I just- snapped I guess? I quit then and there and here I am now. Even after I quit he still talked shit about me and I couldn’t really do anything. And I saw you and…” he trails off, “You know what happened.”

You swallow hard, trying to take it all in. “I’m sorry that happened to you.” 

You nervously start picking at whatever skin on your ring finger you could find, looking down so you wouldn’t have to look at his expression.

“It’s not your fault, don’t apologize, Apple. Plus I’m over it.”

He suddenly scowls, grabbing the now bleeding hand. 

“Stop doing this. It’s not good” He pulls out a bandaid from his pocket, carefully placing it around your finger.

You laugh at the sight, “You carry around band aids now?”

“Ever since I met you, yeah.” He slips out and you both go silent.

Was that true? He noticed it?

You clear your throat awkwardly, yanking your hand away after he finishes. “Thank you for the band aid—uh, about your apology, I appreciate it, but I need some time to think about it, if that's okay?”

“Yeah, take your time, I understand.” He gives you a soft smile, which you return. Waving at him while walking to your car.

You sit in the driver’s seat, calling the group chat while backing out.

Chaewon joins first, “So…. How’d it go? Did you slap him? Or did you forgive him?”

Eunbi joins just after, waiting for your answer.

“I don’t know how to feel.” You answer, sighing.

“Hey, you’ll figure it out Y/n! Don’t worry, everything will be fine.” Eunbi gives you a thumbs up with a soft smile.

You nod, returning her smile, and you try to believe it too.

005 THE CALL

As soon as you were out of view Jay pulled his phone out, noticing the ten text messages from the man himself.

sunoo 

jayyy

hello

where r u

wait r u two meeting today

OK IK U WONT SEE THIS

so i just want to say sorry for… kinda ruining ur relationship.

IM SO SORRY I WAS DRUNKK PLEASE FORGIVE MEEE

anyways.. text me back whenever u can!!

have fun with y/n

hope it goes well

A smile grows on Jay’s face, he presses his contact photo, bringing his phone to his ear.

“Jay! I didn’t think you would answer so soon?”

“It’s been fifteen minutes? I feel like that's a good amount of time to have a conversation.” Did you just want to leave him as soon as possible? Fuck maybe he didn’t have a chance to win you ba-

“Oh! It’s been fifteen minutes? I guess time flies when you’re on your phone right?” Nevermind.

“So! Did you and Y/n kiss and make up? Or was she angry?”

“No, we just talked? Like I said we would?” 

“Are you sure?” Sunoo says in a teasing tone. With that simple sentence, Jay could tell Sunoo was probably giggling to himself about you two meeting up.

“Yes I’m sure? Why would I be lying?” Jay feels the wind pick up some speed, an indication he should go home. He walks himself to the car while talking to Sunoo.

“So you’re telling me, all you did was apologize and she left?”

“Yeah.”

Sunoo groans, “That’s so boring! Totally thought you would have a movie moment then.”

“I mean the only thing unexpected I told her was what happened with Hyun-woo and me.”

He dramatically gasps, “But you never tell anyone? Why does she get to know and not me?”

“She asked.” Jay shrugs, starting the car.

“But you never told me, I only know that you two hate each other! This is straight favoritism. Can’t believe you.” Sunoo angrily exclaims, deciding to hang up the call.

Jay sighs, driving back home.

006 DAY RUINER 

Today, you smile as you leave your car. Instead of walking as fast as you can to the doors, you even wave at Jay’s car pulling in. He waves back, a big smile on his face that catches onto yours. You happily walk to the entrance, pushing open the entrance door and walking to your locker.

Getting your first period textbook, and closing your locker, you quickly spot Eunbi and Chaewon walking towards you. 

“Someones happy, did you get a good morning message from your lover?” Eunbi teases.

You take a sip of the coffee Chaewon gave you. “No? Can’t a girl just have a good day?”  You twirl around.

“Okay you’re acting really weird. Is something wrong?” They exchange glances, waiting for your answer.

“Yeah, somethings wrong.” A male voice comes up to you. Your smile immediately drops. Hyun-woo looks at you, standing between you and Eunbi, he grabs your hand dragging you away.

“What the fuck? Get off me!” You exclaim, trying your best to yank your hand away from him. But apparently his rugby muscles could keep you in his hold, but definitely way too tight for comfort. Hopefully you won't get a big ass bruise there.. He leads you to a hallway which is surprisingly empty.

“Can we talk? Y/n?”

You scoff, “Are you crazy? You drag me here and expect me to want to have a civil conversation with you?’ huffing, you turn back around.

“I want to get back together, Y/n!”

You stop in your tracks, turning around at his conflicted face before bursting out laughing. You only laugh more looking at his hurt face.

“Y/n are you laughing? I’m serious! I want you back! And I know you want me back too!” 

You finally stop laughing, taking a deep breath “Gosh you’re funny Hyun-woo. Okay, I’m leaving.” He grabs you again. Does this guy think he’s in a kdrama or something?

“Y/n. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I miss you. Can we get back together?”

“So… you played me, and you want to get back together?”

“I wouldn’t say played-”

“Oh but I would. And can you get your hand off me? I can feel your odor latching on to me.” Yanking your hand away, you look at him in disgust.

“Y/n please. Can we-”

“You’re insane Hyun-woo. If you haven’t gotten the hint yet—Which I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t, I’m not interested in dating someone who’s a lookalike to the hunchback of Notre Dame. Actually, maybe that would be an improvement to you.” You shrug, walking away. Shivering in disgust at the thought of him grabbing your arm.

How did I even like this guy? Also what is it with men these days? A scowl is very obvious on your face as you walk back to your lockers. Before you get back to Chaewon and Eunbi, someone taps you from behind.

You turn, “I swear to god Hyun-woo if you-”

“Not Hyun-woo, just me.”

You turn to see Jay, a frown present on his face. Your mouth widens slightly and you close it right away. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for that, but are you okay? Why did he do that?” He checks your wrist for any forming bruises. Tsking at the slight red tint on your arm. “I’m fine, Jay. It was for something stupid anyways.” you answer, grabbing at his hands to stop.

“What’d he do?” You can hear the genuine concern in his voice and you know you’ll feel horrible if you don’t tell him.

“He just,” you cough awkwardly, “asked to get back together.”

His face changes slightly, but you can’t tell how, “Did you agree?”

“Oh god no—oh my god I wouldn’t even spare a single thought thinking about it.” You laugh, squeezing his hand slightly. A wave of relief washes over his face, “I’m glad. Call me if he does it again, okay?”

“Am I supposed to be your damsel in distress?”

“I was thinking we could kick his ass together.”

You let out a giggle, “I’ll make sure to let you know then,” waving goodbye, you walking back to your beloved trio.

“Oh my god, I didn’t know the talk went that well, you guys were flirting so hard!” Chaewon whisper-yells.

“We were not flirting.”

“Oh you so were. You literally giggled while talking to him” Eunbi agrees.

“I did?”

“See it was so natural you didn’t even notice! I wasn’t really a fan of Jay but he clearly makes you happy.” Chaewon admits, putting her hands up in surrender from Eunbi’s offended look.

“I don’t know. I mean he did kinda use me. So who says he won’t do it again?” 

“Me, I do. If he does I’ll literally punch him to oblivion” Eunbi and Chaewon start pretend boxing, the bell interrupting their match. They both groan, giving up mid match.

“I’m glad I’m friends with the next Muhammad Ali, but I’m going to go to class now.” You laugh, waving goodbye and walking to your first period.

007 CALLS AT MIDNIGHT

Your math class gave you time to think about everything going wrong in your life, because who was actually listening to Mrs. Lim’s blabbering? You doodle little hearts in your notebook, now noticing that you hadn’t written a single note and the whole page was just covered in your drawings.

Does this class never end or something? You wonder, checking the clock. 

Twenty minutes left, you internally groan, how is it that time moves so slow during times like these? You bring your hand to your mouth, biting the nail off your ring finger. Feeling a vibration coming from your phone, you quickly take a look at the board, making sure the teacher was still writing before checking it.

jay

stop

You

whatd i do???

jay

stop biting your nails

i can see you doing it yk

You

thats none of your business

jay

it’s not

but i still care ya know

You

oh really?

jay

really.

You

fine whatever 🙄🙄

The smile that had grown on your face quickly fades the moment you even notice it was there. Why are you folding so easily Y/n? You have to give him a hard time! You sigh louder than you realize, quickly feeling embarrassment when Mrs. Lim stares right at you.

“Is something wrong, Y/n?” Mrs. Lim asks, a cruel eyebrow raised.

Oh, fuck me. “No Mrs. Lim, nothing is wrong.” You smile as sweetly as you can.

“Then I guess you won’t mind answering one of these questions?” She showcases three equations on the board.

Your smile falls slightly, not this shit again, you complain, walking up to the first equation staring at it blankly while she picks the next two students. Holding the marker up and pretending to think, knowing damn well that you hadn’t listened to a single thing she said that day.

Looking over to the person next to you, Jay, seems to already be looking in your direction, a small smile on his face.

“Looks like you need help this time, Apple? What a twist.”

You roll your eyes, “You didn’t even need help last time. But yes, I do. Could you please—like give me the answer or something?”

“X equals four point five seven.”

You finally return his smile, a small thank you coming out as you write it on the board.

After another long twenty minutes the bell finally rings, indicating that school is finally over. Your usual after school routine was, 1. walk to your car with Chaewon and Eunbi (sometimes you hung out, but today you weren’t) 2. Go home (duh), and start your homework,  3. Eat dinner, and 4. Go on your phone until you fall asleep. You didn’t mind this arrangement, it kept you comfortable knowing that you had some free time later in the day. But today, you were dreading it more than ever.

Why? you ask?

Every couple of days, whenever your phone wasn’t doing your boredom justice you put it down for a good three minutes. And those three minutes entirely made up of you staring at the ceiling and thinking. That was the problem. You didn’t want to think about a single thing that happened today. You didn’t want to think about your upcoming tests that only got you nervous before you were about to go to bed or your love life (which it sometimes went to but you always dreaded even bringing up the topic to yourself).

Tonight was one of those nights you would stare at the ceiling.

The topic you always first thought of was what you did earlier that day. But unfortunately for you, half of the day you had thought about you and Jay basically holding each other's hands. And the other half was thinking about if you forgave Jay yet.

You wanted to say you didn’t. That you would have to take at least two weeks after the apology to even think about the apology. But two days after the apology, here you were. Staring into space about how you think he would react to you forgiving him.

I mean you had basically already forgave him, I mean you wouldn’t have squeezed someone's hand you hated, right? And you definitely don’t miss the voice of someone you hate.

Staring at the ceiling clearly wasn’t a good idea. Because you were already grabbing your phone, looking at his contact. Just above it is your group chat with Eunbi and Chaewon. Maybe you should get a greenlight before you decide to call him.

You glance at the clock, making sure it wasn’t too late to text your friends. The clock hits 11:52 as you look at it. Typing out the texts, you wait until the message sends before closing out of the app.

You

hey guys lawl

r u awake 

pls say Yes!

Luckily, Chaewon answers just a few seconds after you close the app.

chaechae

hi im awake

is eunbi awake around this time???

You

no shes never awake past 10 LMFAO

shouldve messaged u privately

chaechae

HELPP FR

wait so what did u want to talk abt

You

Uhmm

so uh

do u think its weird that i’ve forgiven jay so easily and should i call him.. lowkey miss him

chaechae

BITCH U FORGAVE HIM??

WHEN

ok but no??

i mean anyone could literally see how hard he tried to make it up to you

and call him!! Yolo

You

ok Thx!!!!

chaechae

yw 😘😘

Closing the chat, you look at his caller i.d, noticing how big his smile was in the contact photo you never deleted. Smiling, you look down at the call button, wondering if this was a good idea or not. You hesitantly lift your finger, hovering over the rectangle before clicking it.

The phone rings twice, before he answers.

“Y/n, is everything okay? Why are you calling at midnight?”

“Everything’s fine, don't worry, but sorry, did I wake you up?”

You can hear shuffling on his side of the call, before he answers, “No no, I was awake. Why did you call?”

“Honestly? I just wanted to hear your voice.”

He lets out a low chuckle, “Really? That’s it?”

“I also think I forgive you and I want to be your girlfriend again.”

A wave of silence washes over you two. Not a single sound comes through your phone, not a single shuffling or anything. Maybe you shouldn’t have called him, this was a stupid idea. Who let you make important decisions past ten o’clock?

Until he starts up again. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“You don’t have to answer that right now if you’re not ready to, I can wait eternity for you.”

“No it’s okay, That’s my answer. Let’s give this thing another try.”

“Thank you, Apple. I’ve missed you a lot, you know?”

You smile, “I’ve missed you a lot too.”

008 FOREVER

“Jay, it’s a Saturday.”

He has a huge grin on his face, he very proudly presents what’s in his hands. A bouquet of white and purple roses with a mix of some unknown flower sit in his hands, the brown paper wrapped by twine making him loudly announce every move he’s about to make.

“So? I missed my girl.”

You sigh, rubbing your pried open eyes. “At nine in the morning? I wake up at like eleven.” His smile never falters, not a single bit, “I got you flowers.” Jay says, handing them to you.

“Thank you, Jay. But these are so bright they could literally blind me.”

“I put a lot of thought into this, you know? ‘Made sure to pick the prettiest one for you.” He points to the unknown purple flower. “This is called a Heliotrope.” 

“Is there a meaning to it?” 

“You’ll figure it out.” He smirks. Rolling your eyes, you invite him into your house. placing the bouquet carefully on your desk before inviting him to sit on your bed.

You lay back in the spot you were before you had opened the door. About to tuck yourself back in when you realize you have a guest with you, you toss the blanket open, gesturing for him to lay next to you. Jay gladly accepts, laying next to you. Closing your eyes you feel the dip in the bed  right next to you.

You two both move to get comfortable, finding it best when you’re facing each other, arms lazily thrown over each other.

“Did you just come here to cuddle?” You ask, the words barely coming out of your throat. A soft chuckle comes out of him, you can feel the vibrations of his chest when he says, “Would you mind if I said yes?”

You shake your head no, pulling him impossibly closer. He wraps his arm around your head, softly caressing it until you fall asleep.

Later, you wake up to Jay still sleeping soundly. Checking the time you realize you’ve been sleeping for at least an hour. You grab your phone from the bedside table checking your notifications and social media apps. 

In your peripheral view, the bright purple flowers stand out brightly to you. You quickly switch apps to look up the meaning of the flower.

Pressing enter you read the first box you see.

“In the language of flowers, Heliotrope symbolizes devotion and eternal love.”

A smile grows on your face, Eternal love, I could get used to that.

009 TO DRINK SOME APPLE CIDER (extra timeskip)

Sitting down at your vanity, you look over at Jay to see his familiar dyed silver hair, and a nice dress shirt. You turn back to the mirror.

“Can you believe 2024 is over?” You ask Jay, blending out the eyeshadow you’re putting on. He walks next to you, wrapping his arms around your body, laying down on you. “I’m glad I’ll be spending it with my girl.”

You cover your face feeling the warmth grow on it, slapping his arm, and he quickly pulls away, hissing at the contact. 

“Hey! What was that for?”

“For not letting me get ready.” You jokingly roll your eyes, he quickly kisses your cheek before going back to fix his shirt.

Once you finish you showcase your look, you decide to wear a satin green dress, matching Jay’s dark green shirt. You both look at your full length mirror admiring how you look.

“You look so pretty, Apple.” He says, pressing a soft kiss on your forehead.

You smile when he does that, “You don’t look too bad yourself, Park.”

He frowns, “Don’t call me Park.” he says. You smirk mischievously, “I’m sorry, my big baby.” You tease, pinching both his cheeks. A knock to your apartment door sets you apart. You quickly let his cheeks go, a red tint fills them as you run to open the door. Chaewon and Eunbi greet you two, both holding food of some sort.

Later everyone arrives and the sound of the room grows. Laughter and banter fills the air as the clock continues to click to midnight. 

You stand off to the side, wanting a break from everyone for a little bit, taking a sip of the sparkling apple cider you’ve had in your hands the whole night. You look back up to see Jay approaching you with a smile, showcasing his matching cup.

“We both have apple cider!” He exclaims, gesturing to the amber colored drinks in both of your hands.

“What a coincidence.” You laugh, enveloping him in a hug. “Where have you been all night? I haven’t seen you since Jungwon arrived.”

“Sorry, I was just talking with them. Got caught up and then suddenly it’s minutes to midnight! Couldn’t miss my new year’s kiss with my girl could I?” 

The seconds count down as the crowd of friends all join to count down from ten. 

“Ten!” They exclaim.

“Who said you were getting one?”

“Nine! Eight! Seven!”

“I’ve been hoping for one. Would you like to be my New Year’s kiss?”

“Five! Four! Three!”

“I’d love to.” You respond,  he barely hears it before the friends scream in excitement. 

“Two!”

You close your eyes, smash your lips into his, tasting the sweet apple cider from both of your lips. He smiles into the kiss as the whole apartment celebrates. He wraps his unoccupied hand around your waist, as you wrap yours around his neck, being careful to not spill.

You finally pull away and he looks at you with a love sick gaze. You let out a breathy smile, “Happy New Year, My love.”

“Happy New Year, Apple.”

Giving him a huge hug, you look at everyone chug down their champagne drinks, laughing when Sunghoon spills on his shirt. 

“I love you.” Jay whispers.

“I love you too, Jay. I hope we spend the rest of the year together.”

“Maybe even forever.” He replies.

You look back at him, tilting your head slightly. A huge smile still plastered on your face. “Forever and always.”

taglist : @jwnghyuns @ja4hyvn @trsrina @redm4ri @badmuni @yeokii @enhastolemyheart @softpia @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @flwoie @kjrcrz @hsgworld @boyfhee

yenqa © please do not copy, steal or translate.

[kimakento]

i’m hurting, but that's okay

synopsis: koga yudai was the boy you had loved for long, yet he’s always abusing that love you cultivate for him. you’re hurting, but as long it was for him you were fine. ⌙ 3.4k

pairing(s): rich heir!student!koga yudai x student!fem!reader

genre(s): angst

tags: pyramid game!au, heir!yudai, koga yudai as baek harin’s character, fuma as sung suji’s, yudai is vry glorified from reader’s pov, smoker!yudai, original male character (tomo)

warnings: (TRIGGER WARNINGS) physical and emotional abuse, love bombing, heavy manipulation, gaslighting, possessiveness, implications of unhealthy infatuation (from reader)

author’s note: i’ve been so obsessed with pyramid game lately and couldn’t not write something based on it. i wrote this all in one night surprisingly. this is inspired/based off of the pyramid game, with some references to characters (yudai as harin, fuma as suji) it does not include the actual pyramid game yet, but if this is well received and i make a pt2, i will definitely add it in. feel free to notify me if i have missed any warning(s) on this post.

disclaimer: this is in no way a real life depiction of how koga yudai acts in real life, if you cannot distinguish that i suggest you click off now.

“so?”

yudai’s voice was monotone, almost uninterested; a tone he never used with you. he held a cigarette in between his index and middle finger, and blew a puff of smoke in your face.

as docile and timid as you were, you weren’t flat-out stupid — you could tell he was just using you. but you just liked being near him. and for yudai, he thought you to be akin to an obedient pet, fulfilling his every bidding. doubts filled your mind as you nodded, a while ago he had asked you to steal the answers for the coming exams and like the loyal person you were, you did exactly that.

there was just something adorable about you to him. he liked that you were terrified by him, but also infatuated with him simultaneously.

it was fun, to say the least.

your voice wavered as you brought the bunch of unkept papers from your back and handed it to him, “here, i’ve brought it.”

your class all knew about you and him, they all ridiculed you; belittling you to be a mindless and blindly loyal suck-up to him. as much as you liked yudai, you didn’t think there would come a time when he did like you back.

at once, he snatched the papers from your trembling hands and brought them closer. as yudai squinted his eyes, a vexed expression adorned his face. brows furrowed, the creases in between them instensified; conveying his anger. in a fit, he threw them at your face.

“this isn’t even our class’s exams. how can you expect to be around me when a bitch like you doesn’t know how to read?”

your eyes fell to your worn-out shoes, taking in the scent of his — probably expensive — cologne and the acrid odour of smoke. dropping your knees, you collected the crumpled papers immediately.

watching you at his beck and call was… exhilarating.

koga yudai liked when you were so quiet. he liked it when you heeded to him and only him.

but most of all, he loved possessing this boundless power over you.

and you would do absolutely anything to stay in his grip. he didn’t even have to lift a single finger since you were always so desperate to be near him.

scrambling back to your feet, yudai tutted tauntingly at you. a haunting smirk took to his face.

“i must’ve read it wrong then, i’m really sorry,” it was like reasoning with an iron wall. “i’ll return to the staff room and try to get the actual answers, yudai.”

immediately, his face dropped. throwing his cigarette, he snuffed the flame with his boot while his expression hardened.

“don’t ever call me that again if you know what’s good for you.” an expression of confusion took to your face. “it’s ‘k’ to you.”

you knew you fucked up. k hated when anyone called him ‘yudai’. no one, not even you, knew why.

hanging your head down in shame, you nodded meekly in response.

yudai smiled. that’s how he liked you to be, weak and faithful. he despised change, he also hated when his plans were ruined.

that all changed a few weeks later, when a transfer student joined the school.

murata fuma.

he was nice; a little naive to the happenings of the class 2-5 but still kind nonetheless. soon after, fuma became your seatmate. and both of you hit it off straight away, finding common interests and such. that was why you decided to tell fuma to steer clear of yudai to which he agreed. it wasn’t surprising to see yudai wasn’t a fan of this new friendship that was blooming. it ruined his plans, he wanted needed to isolate you from everyone else.

before this ‘fuma’ arrived, everything was all in place and uniformly at that. you were isolated and at his heed; now, however, you were slowly slipping through his fingers. yudai observed from a distance in the school cafeteria as you chatted excitedly with fuma, a hand on his shoulder.

he’d make note to speak with you about this in due time.

while laughing at whatever fuma said, you received a message from yudai; asking commanding you meet him behind the school.

as you trampled on the crackling gravel lightly, you notice yudai leaning against a discarded, crumbling, wooden table. with another cigarette in hand, he drew you in with a hand motion. to be honest, you were frightened that you had something to upset the boy you publicly yearned for. taking broad steps closer, you now could fully inhale the smell of nicotine. eyes drawn to his hands, you raked your gaze over his skeletal fingers, the ones you wanted to hold so dearly.

fingers gripped your jaw tightly, forcing you to look at him, “look at me.” his voice was firm and strict, like he was training an animal. “i don’t keep you around me to run after other men.”

that’s what you were to him. a faithful and obedient dog.

the cigarette still in his other hand, he gave a sarcastic chuckle.

“i don’t quite understand.” one by one, those fingers retracted.

you had upset him.

“are you fucking stupid or what? get your shit together. i know you told him to stay away from me. did you honestly think i wouldn’t know?” with his towering figure looming over you, he took a step closer; the end of the cigarette an inch from your face. “i think you deserve a little punishment, don’t you?”

smoke wafted around the koga heir, concealing his knowing smirk. “give me your hand.”

he put his hand out towards you, nodding for you to put your smaller hand in his. when you didn’t, with an overpowering amount of strength, he yanked your wrist. his nails dug into your arms as you grimaced, knowing what’s to come. the heat of the cigarette hovered around as yudai lowered it to come in contact with the skin of your palm.

the odour of burning flesh invaded your senses and you let out a yelp, retracting your hand away. tears welled up in your eyes as you gazed down at your burn. those same tears fell down to your chin as you looked up in disbelief.

yet you never uttered a word in retaliation. you could never.

“i-i won’t do it again, please.” yudai had never been this upset with you, and you hated it. you’d never been on the receiving side of his unfiltered wrath, usually observing those that had been unlucky to have been.

“if i see you so much as look at that bitch of a transfer student,” the name ‘fuma’ left a bitter taste in his mouth, even refusing to utter it. “expect much worser than this. and you know i never take shit like this lightly.”

he added one last part, “remember this. you don’t want to upset me again.”

again, you nodded; not wanting to even imagine yudai frowning in your direction. a lighthearted smile replaced his previous vexed expression. his plan of isolating you was again reinstated. you were his puppet, as always.

“now, you know i don’t like doing this to you.” your eyes perked up hearing the surprising statement from him. heat rushed to your cheeks as you avoided his gaze.

the right words always at the right time, he knew how to get you to stay in his grasp.

you asked him a simple question, “you don’t?”

and with that, yudai nodded his head and moved a strand of hair out of your eyes. a look of ‘worry’ took over his features as he stared at the purple-brownish burn on your skin. somewhere inside him, a burst of exhilaration ensued at seeing you like this. it was addictive; you still being the follower you always were even after being treated like dirt.

yudai liked that about you, this was your normal.

rough hands wrapped around the wrist of your palm that was hurt and spoke softly, “let’s get you patched up, hm?”

you were hurting, but that was okay. it was all for yudai.

after that day, you swore to keep away from fuma. that included avoiding him when he tried to speak with you at any point of the school day to even blocking his number on your phone. you weren’t necessarily scared of what yudai could do to you (you were to an extent), but you were scared what he’d do to others, especially fuma.

everyone in class school knew koga yudai came from old money, rumour had it that his parents were afraid of him. something to do with him being a ‘psychopath’, you obviously did not believe that though. the boy you were so hopelessly in love with was definitely not a psychopath.

yudai was always so protective of you and cared for you.

all your classmates avoided affiliating with the dangerous heir, terrified of his influence socially as well as economically; even his control over the school system. he would be able to arrange an expulsion for any that happened to be unfortunate get on his bad side.

however for you, that was not the case; yudai had immediately taken a liking to you. you still remembered when you first joined the school.

at first, yudai was intrigued by you. this came as a shock to him, he’d never been this interested in a classmate before, let alone a transfer student? it was your quiet and timid nature, but the fact you still had a presence in the class. ‘oh he had to have you’, he first thought. a plaything like you would perfectly complete his play set, he even thought it to be a bonus that you were seemingly infatuated with him. to him, people were like chess pieces and life was a chess board; you were only a pawn in his game — an easily discardable one at that.

he still remembered when you stumbled over your words whenever you spoke to him; also that he thought it to be sickeningly adorable.

yudai loved playing with people, especially those who were naive.

when in front of you, he put up a front; a kind-hearted, friendly and helpful facade that drew you in quickly.

amongst your first days, you had decided on studying in the library. observing your classmates whispering secretly, you unconsciously started listening in.

“i hate kei, he’s so stuck up. he deserves what’s coming to him.” one boy — you think was called tomo — said.

“he’s a borderline psychopath, remember what he did to fuji?” his friend, a girl, included. the conversation came to a hush as they realised you were present and able to hear.

“fuck, you’d better not open that mouth.” tomo interrupted with a glare in your direction.

gathering your belongings in one arm, you nodded, and got the hell out of there. during your alone time walking down the halls, you were contemplating on if you should tell yudai. that was until you had collided into someone and almost tripped over had they not wrapped an arm tightly around your waist. your gaze raked along their body until you recognised it to be the boy you were just thinking about.

a warm feeling of admiration coursed through your being.

noticing the worried expression on your face, he pulled you to an empty staircase. the smell of nicotine lingered around in the atmosphere faintly only masked by heavy amounts of expensive cologne. you were confused where the stench came from as you knew yudai didn’t smoke.

the smell made you faint-headed as it didn’t take long of you watching his pretty face to put you under a trance. it was so strong it had stuck to your blazer.

“is something wrong? you look out of it. a little worried perhaps?” his tone was laced with a hint of concern. he put a hand on your shoulder, snapping you back to reality and compelling you to look at him. “you can tell me. i’m here for you.”

a gentle touch, a caring tone, a concerned look all seemed to keep you from communicating back coherently.

should i? you contemplated inside your head, shutting your eyes and tuning the world out. it’s none of my business. but they seemed like they wanted to hurt kei.

koga yudai’s smile was gentle and radiated a disposition of kindness. your heart leaped at his lingering words and you lowered your voice.

“uhm… it’s about some of our classmates,” you whisper as an eyebrow raised on his pretty face. “tomo? i think he’s trying to, uh, hurt you.”

a shiver ran through your body at the thought of anyone laying a finger on the boy in front of you.

you waited for yudai’s expression to shift into worry — for him to react like normal person. but instead, he laughed in your face. you furrowed your eyebrows at his peculiar antics.

“let me guess, he said i was a psycho or something?” a snicker left his mouth again.

at once, you nodded.

he replied with a grin that didn’t quite reach his eyes, “don’t worry your pretty little head about that. i’ll deal with him. thanks for telling me.”

once again, your stomach leaped at his words; he always knew exactly what to say to keep you in his trance.

the phrase ‘i’ll deal with him’ kind of stuck with you.

only to be remembered the next day when you observed the same boy, tomo, entering the school gates with green-blueish bruises painting his face and a busted lip. it didn’t help that tomo kept returning his gaze to yudai and that the koga heir’s fists were covered with bandaids. yudai skipped happily towards you, an arm locked around your shoulder.

“you’re being cute again today.” he whispered to you.

the dots had all seemed to connect, but it was too late; you were already caught up in his spell.

since then, he started smoking around you more. you always caught him with a cigarette in hand and wafts of smoke dancing around him. at first when you saw him smoking carelessly, you had accidentally inhaled the smoke and started coughing violently.

yudai couldn’t contain the smile that threatened to make its way to his face. he loved seeing you in pain, it made him giddy. without delay, tears threatened to fall from your eyes and eventually did. the index finger of his free hand grazed your cheek softly, collecting that tear and wiping it away.

“you look better when you’re crying for me, hmm?” with a sigh of satisfaction, he took another puff and blew it at your face.

this time, you inhaled the smoke, biting back the reflex to cough. that had brought a smile to the man’s face.

meanwhile, murata fuma had tried his best to look out for you after noticing the predicament you were in with the heir that possessed psychopathic tendencies. there wasn’t much he could do after you avoided him and blocked his number. he had to work fast and work now.

so he took the chance; you walked alone in the empty hallway, earbuds in your ear and humming along to some music. you were looking around for yudai, wanting to show him a new artist you had discovered. that was until you were pulled inside a spare classroom by strong hands.

“what the hell— fuma?!” you yelped as you recognised the boy. “no, no, no. i can’t be here with you.” worry creased your face.

confusion laced fuma’s features, prompting you to continue your blabbering.

“if he sees me here with you, we’re both done for. please, i need to go.” as you turned to leave, you felt his hand wrap around your wrist. his gaze swept along the burns that littered along your skin and raised his eyebrows.

“go back? to him? he’s a fucking psycho. that…” a finger grazes one burn softly. “is not someone to return to.”

you were so tired of everyone dictating your life, you shrugged him off angrily. “you don’t know me or yudai. stay out of this, murata.”

and with that, you stormed off. muttering all sorts of curses, you decided to report to yudai himself.

dull sparkles seemed to settle in his eyes as you informed him of the happenings amidst your fellow classmates. your thoughts ran wild; remind you of what you refused to tell the heir in hopes of keeping your dignity. your classmates had asked you to help them bring down the boy and strip him of his power. obviously you had refused, but you couldn’t deny that you were tired of the games he played with you and others.

“they ambushed me randomly. i left before they could tell me anything though.”

you did well, right? you knew he’d be proud of you, yet an unsettling feeling churned in your stomach; plain fear quite literally manifesting inside your body.

a hum of understanding resonated from him, “why do i have a feeling you’re lying to me, pretty?”

the koga heir loved when you heeded his command, but loathed when you’d lie to him.

a liar was one thing he’d not tolerate. and you knew that.

in all his beauty, you observed as he walked towards you, his hazel eyes staring at the burn marks that decorated your palms — it was a reminder of your undying loyalty to him. a reminder of your love for him… that he would never reciprocate.

koga yudai didn’t know how to love, he never wanted to learn either. yet he knew enough about how to manipulate the love others had for him. now, he slinked back and admired his work.

“did those fools mention anything else?”

“no.” another lie.

genuine fear laced with obedience conveyed through your body language. now was not the time to be nervous. you watched as his brown locks ruffled when the wind blew.

yudai always made sure to wear his signature cologne around you. you were obsessed with the smell and it always seemed like you paid more attention to him when he wore it. the boy would also noticed that you would stare at his lips every time he parted them to speak and found that hilarious.

he liked the way your eyes would dart around nervously after before settling on your shoes. the way your cheeks heated up; it delighted him to know that you weren’t planning on leaving anytime soon.

his favourite puppet. sitting prettily for him, responsive and loyal.

sending you on mindless and endless errands was his favourite pastime.

something inside him told him you were a person who liked to feel needed, so he put you to use. as always, you were there to give him a good and proper laugh. who’d need entertainment when he had you, figuratively and comically chasing your own tail. always beaming, you’d return with whatever he told you to, over the moon that you could be of service to him and only him.

it wasn’t like you were any wiser, currently on your way to buy coffee for yudai (or as per his command for some girl from class 2-4 he had been speaking to for a while). as much as it pained you that he had another person he was close to, you did what you could.

cautiously balancing the coffee, you walked towards the table they were at and noticed yudai’s hand was on the girl’s thigh. forcing a smile on your face, you placed — more like slammed — the tray down onto the table and stormed off. the smile on the boy’s face only grew wider at your visible discontent.

this was something he had to do.

to yudai, you looked a bit too satisfied with your position around him, he had to remind you of your designated place in his school.

he followed you to your empty form room and grabbed your wrist, “what’s wrong?”

you took your hand back as you replied, “it’s that girl. why do you hang around her when you have me? am i not enough?” jealousy coursed through your veins.

“i always do exactly what you tell me to.” you take his hand in yours and prompt him to meet your awaiting gaze. “please, look at me and only me. and i’ll do anything you want me to.”

inside him, the wealthy heir couldn’t contain his excitement. this was exactly what he needed; he enjoyed this push and pull game.

“you’re amusing.” perplexity laced your eyes as he spoke. “i like you.”

and yudai always came out on top.

[jedi-enthusiast]

Can you please elaborate on the 4-hour conversation about Palpatine screwing himself over bc I would genuinely LOVE to hear it

OH HELL YEAH, I'D LOVE TO!!! and tagging @shootingstarpilot because they also wanted to hear me shit on Palpatine.

I'm gonna do my best to summarize our discussion, but it's probably gonna be long as hell, and for everyone reading please keep this in mind:

My friend and I were obviously not discussing the ethics of Palpatine's way of ruling or our own suggestions--this was just us talking about how he was stupid and could've probably ruled longer if he did the following things.

----------

Number One - The Death Star Was a Stupid Idea

Ok, we both agreed that the Death Star was the fucking stupidest thing ever because it 1. was a huge expense that could've gone to other things that would've worked better and 2. odds are, it would've just led to an uprising in Imperial ranks and wouldn't have worked as the "intimidation tactic" he thought it would.

We're just gonna be focusing on 2 since 1 is discussed in the other parts.

Basically the gist was that obviously Imperials come from the same planets as everyone else, right? They're recruited, not created (something we'll come back to later).

That means that if the Emperor and high ranking Imperial Officers just destroyed planets willy-nilly every time a rebel from that planet didn't listen (like Leia and Alderaan) or had a rebel presence, then they'd be 1. destroying other Imperials' home planets as well 2. destroying those same Imperials' friends and families and 3. destroying the Imperial forces on said planets, which wouldn't send a good message to the Imperials working for them.

That obviously wouldn't go over well with Imperials whose planets were destroyed or probably any other Imperial, because Palpatine would be sending the message that "it happened to this officer, why wouldn't it happen to you?" which would then probably lead to a lot of Imperials defecting to the Rebellion, spying for the Rebellion, or just plain quitting.

And you can't really threaten planetary destruction if they quit because 1. again, there are other Imperials from that planet and 2. that's literally already a possibility, even if they work for the Empire. And if they don't destroy planets willy-nilly because of a rebel or rebel presence, then the Death Star isn't even a very convincing intimidation tactic and ultimately useless.

So either way it's just a very stupid, expensive show pony.

Number Two - They Should've Stuck With the Clones

Choosing to recruit random people from across the galaxy instead of just sticking with the Kaminoans and the clones was just fucking stupid.

Firstly, the clones could be controlled by the chips in their heads. Yes, newer material is showing them start to question the Empire as their chips degrade, but that's because Palpatine's plan was specifically to use them to kill the Jedi and then toss them away--not because he planned on using them as soldiers in the long term.

If that was his plan, I guarantee you that the Kaminoans could have found ways to make the chips permanent or, at the very least, last a lot longer--and, honestly, they probably could've made the effects a lot stronger to the point where it suppressed all personality traits. They also could've made ways to stop the faster aging process after a certain point so that the clones could stay "viable" longer. They just didn't because that wasn't really the plan, it wasn't meant to be a permanent thing.

Second, the Kaminoans were obviously willing to stay loyal to the Empire as long as they kept buying clones--and for an Empire that's constantly fighting and conquering and expanding, I'd say they'd never really have a reason to stop buying clones. Plus, with how much Palpatine shelled out for 2 Death Stars, which were ultimately useless, he obviously has the money to keep buying clones--and obviously the clones aren't being paid. So the fact that he wouldn't be paying the millions of Imperials that work for the Empire would probably pay for the clones themselves.

So Kamino would always be loyal, since it's obvious they don't really give a shit about the moral quandary of things from what we're shown, only really their personal connections/gains. The few surviving Kaminoans only became willing to turn on the Empire (and, even still, it takes a lot to convince them) after Kamino was destroyed.

Third, let's just be honest here, the clones are a whole hell of a lot more skilled and efficient than stormtroopers. Stormtroopers literally miss most of the shots they take, meanwhile clones are shown to be very skilled and capable and also shown to overcome the odds a lot of times and succeed where they should've failed. Yes, sometimes that's because of the Jedi, but a lot of times they're able to just do it themselves (like Rishi and Umbara, for example).

I can't remember the last time I've seen the Stormtroopers actually be successful in a show or movie, unless there was a Darksider helping them or some really high ranking Imperial with them (like Moff Gideon).

So basically, Palpatine threw away a force of skilled, capable soldiers that he could've made be unquestionably loyal to him--a force of soldiers that honestly would've been far more intimidating than the Death Star--in order to recruit a bunch of untrained soldiers that would have to be trained later and could turn on him at any point.

Again, stupid.

Number Three - The Shitty Training and Supplies

I'll admit, my friend was the one who outlined this part for me because he knows a lot more about weapon types and such than I do--but basically his ramble boiled down to this:

Palpatine basically gave Imperials shittier armor, weapons, and ships than the Republic did because he was cheap and that's probably why everything didn't work very well and/or was easily destroyed. I can try to elaborate on this in another post, but he honestly was the brains behind this part of the discussion.

We also talked about how, since Imperials were recruits and their training was done later in life (even if that "later in life" was just like 15), their training was probably a lot more rushed than the training the clones went through, and it probably didn't stick as well. Plus, just because of the nature of recruitment, their standards probably had to be lowered some in order to fill their ranks and also because you can't really threaten them with the same shit the Kaminoans did with the clones.

----------

So, in conclusion, Palpatine made stupid ass decisions.

In other news, water is wet.

[supraveng]

Trying to mend a broken heart

        Part Two

Part One

Summary: you and Bucky don’t get along, constantly pushing each others buttons, this time he may have pushed you too far

A/N: Non canon; Marvel characters but no superheroes or Avengers; post college AU…..I am focusing on angst for the first few chapters, I’ll decide if it changes to a happily ever after based on feedback

MAIN MASTERLIST

Word count:~1200

The next morning you woke up and decided you were not going to extend your pity party any further.  Today was going to be a day for you to be self indulgent and selfish as much as you wanted.  It would be the first weekend in a long time that you wouldn’t do a few hours of work at home just to stay on top of all the ongoing projects.  

The first thing needed to start your day was caffeine so you made your way downstairs, happy to see that none of last night's guests were crashing on the couch.  Once your coffee was brewed you put on your favorite Frank Sinatra album that reminded you of your dad and always put you in a good mood.

Deciding to pamper yourself more than your usual self care, you found your most expensive face mask and applied a thick coat to every inch of your face.   

Breakfast was needed, so you began pulling anything that looked good out of the fridge to figure out what you could make.   Before you could get started, there was a knock on the door, knowing you couldn’t ignore it, you answered the door without an embarrassment for being in your pjs or the state of your hair or face.  

The last person you expected or wanted to see was standing there when you opened.  Bucky looked shocked when he saw you, but you ignored it and just stared at him, expecting him to ask for Natasha or at least why he was here. 

 “Uh…hi” was the only thing that came out of his mouth.   

Were you still mad about last night? Yes.  Did you expect him to show up and apologize for the way he spoke to you?  No, but you hoped he would.  

Last night had been a low point for you, sure you had only been dating a few months, but you had hoped that this relationship would go somewhere with Jeffrey.  Then to have this dipshit belittle you like he did in front of everyone hurt more than you had anticipated.  

Deep down you had always hoped that there could be something between you and Bucky.  He was smart, funny, charming, loyal to his friends, and to top it all off, drop dead gorgeous, but his comments last night showed you what he really thought of you.  

It wasn’t playful teasing, like Natasha had tried to convince you through the years. It was mean and hurtful and completely intentional, so right now, him standing in front of you was a bit shocking, but you tried your best to not allow it to show on your face.  

“What are you doing here, Barnes?” you asked, hoping to move this painful interaction along.  

“Right, um, last night” he managed to stutter out.  Was he nervous?  Was he actually here to apologize?  

“I think I left my cell phone here.  I would have called or texted Nat….but I don’t have my phone”   is this a fucking joke?  You scoffed as you opened the door, stupid of you to assume this man had any respect for you at all. 

“I haven’t seen anything but take a look around”  He only nodded as he passed by you, heading into the living room.  

Having no interest in being in the same room, you headed back to the kitchen and started chopping veggies for your omelet.  Focusing on your food, you hadn’t realized that Bucky had entered the kitchen until he cleared his throat to get your attention. 

Staring at him standing there in front of you, you almost forgot the hurtful things he’s constantly throwing at you.  He’s just so handsome that you would probably dissolve on the floor if you didn’t hate him so much.  You scoffed at how you had previously revealed your attraction to him to your roommate in a drunken stupor.

~~~flashback  (2 months after meeting Bucky)~~~

Today was crazy but you tried your best to get through it without biting anyone's head off.  Being promoted to the head of your department was supposed to make your life easier, but you couldn't be more wrong.  

"All right, gorgeous, that's enough for today, let's go, I'm taking you to dinner." Looking up you see Tony Stark anxiously waiting for you in the doorway. 

"Hi handsome" you shook your head and tried to continue with your work only for him to proceed to annoy you into giving him attention.  

"Chop chop, I'm hungry" he started snooping around your desk without really even asking if you could leave now. 

"Thanks for the invite but I have a lot of work to do" you look at him trying to convince him to leave only to be more agitated by his presence.  

"It wasn't a request, Pepper is stuck in Chicago and if I go to dinner by myself, well we don't want to think what could happen.  And as your boss, cousin and favorite person alive, I insist you join me" he extended his arm to you and you couldn't help but laugh at him. 

 "Ok, you win.  Where are we going?" You asked while grabbing your things and taking his arm.   

Dinner with Tony was a blast, just watching people react and practically trip over themselves to impress thee Tony Stark was very entertaining.  

By the time he dropped you at home, it was later than usual and Natasha and Steve seemed to be waiting up for you in the living room.  "Oh thank goodness you are ok" Steve immediately pulled you into a hug.  

You couldn't help but laugh at his response, "I was at dinner, if you were so worried, you could have called" you booped his nose and laughed again at his response.  

"Are you drunk?  On a Tuesday night?"  That had set you over the edge and you laughed so hard you fell to the floor.  

Only responding with a "yep", popping the P for extra emphasis.  “Oh, and Tony gave me his VIP box at the Knicks game this weekend, so tell  everyone.  M’kay, I’m going to bed”  Heading up the stairs, Nat and Steve were following right behind you.   

“Here, sweetie, let me help you get ready for bed” Natasha was always worried about you when you drank too much, her motherly instincts kicking in to help you out.  

Steve watched from the doorway as Natasha went about helping you wash your face and brush your teeth, before speaking up.  “When you say everyone, does that include Bucky?” He wanted to see you both happy and knew you would be good together but didn’t want to push.  

Your face immediately had a dopey grin at the mention of Bucky, somehow forgetting how he played with your feelings the last time you were around each other. 

 “Oh definitely, he’s so handsome” you smiled at Steve before spitting the toothpaste in the sink.  Steve and Nat exchanged a look that you missed, but you continued to chat about all the positive traits Bucky seemed to possess, almost curious if he was even real.  

Steve left in the middle of your babbling to grab you water and aspirin, but you were curled in your bed snoozing by the time he returned, leaving the items on your nightstand for you to find in the morning.  

The rest of your week flew by, mostly because you were so excited about the basketball game that you were in a good mood about everything.  When the day of the game finally arrived you were bouncing off the walls, when Tony told you the car would pick up you and your gang an hour before tip off.  

That allowed you all to relax and start the celebrations before heading to the game.  You were on your 2nd cocktail when Steve arrived with Bucky in tow, you were a bit shocked, not remembering anything from your drunken ramblings earlier in the week, but put on a small smile and decided his presence was not going to hinder your good time.  

By the time you all made it to Madison Square Garden, your entire group had a very good buzz going and laughing about anything and everything that was happening.  

The VIP box Tony gave you was fully stocked with food and drinks, but at this point all you wanted to do was watch the game.  You perched yourself on the stool closest to the window to watch the action on the court, even though the game hadn’t started yet.  

Almost immediately the group broke out with the guys huddled together and the ladies hanging by you after everyone had a drink in hand.  Yelena was full of questions, so you did your best to explain the rules of the game, the rivalry between the Knicks and the Celtics, not really paying any attention to the rest of the group.  

Just after tip off the door to the suite opened and in walked Tony.  Most of your friends had met him, and knew your relationship with him was important to you, but most didn't understand the extent of it and that was fine with you.  Tony was your ride or die, he was 10 years older than you and as your only cousin but acted more like a big brother.   

You spent as much time together as you could but when his parents died and he was forced to grow up and run the company, nothing you could say seemed to help, but he knew that when it all got too much, you would be there for him, no matter what.

He comforted you when your mom passed away when you were 12 and was there for you when your dad started dating when you were 16.  But now, even as adults he kept a watchful eye on you, helping you find your way in the world after graduation, offering you a job immediately. 

A job which you turned down multiple times, as you were determined to make it on your own merit, until you had offers from several of Tony's competitors.  Only then deciding that you would rather work for him than against him. 

 And his continued admiration and constant spoiling you, like giving you the VIP box for you and your friends to watch your favorite basketball team.  You were a little surprised he made an appearance at the game but he was welcomed by everyone immediately.  

"Can you keep it down?  I'm trying to watch the game!" you sassed at him the moment he made his grand entrance.  He made his way over, wrapping you in a hug, and pretended to be interested in the game you were watching.  

Bucky was immediately star struck and watched the interaction without trying to make it obvious.  He didn't know you knew thee Tony Stark, and wasn't sure of the connection but tried his best to get more info out of Sam, as he was the only other person not engaged in conversation.

"So, what's the deal with Stark?" attempting to sound casual but a little to in shock to really concentrate on how he was behaving.  

"Huh?  Oh, Y/N works for him, he is always throwing stuff like this at her" Sam responded without taking his eyes off the game. 

"That's not normal for a boss" Bucky thought out loud still wondering what was going on. 

"Well that's how they act, I think he bought her house for her too" he shrugged then cheering at the play when the team rebounded the ball.  

That has stunned Bucky, there is no way you were just his employee.  There had to be more going on there and he wanted to know, his first thought was family, but he knew Tony was an only child. 

Maybe it was a sugar daddy thing, if thee Tony Stark was buying you a house. 

As Bucky slowly made his way closer to you until Tony noticed and turned to him.  

"You're new, I've never seen you before" Tony eyed Bucky before extending his hand. Bucky didn't react right away, you'd seen it before, how people would be in awe of the mere presence of thee Tony Stark, you found it ridiculous. 

"He's a friend of Steve's" you tell Tony without actually introducing them. At this point Bucky some what snapped out of his daze and shook his hand, introducing himself and immediately gushing on Tony's work on blah, blah, blah.  

You weren't in the mood to talk shop, you were here to have fun and watch the game. Half time had started so you finally pulled your eyes away from the game and refocused on the conversation the two were still having. 

"Well, now you have an in, just send your resume in with Y/N's name as your reference and there won't be any problem" Tony smiled from Bucky to you. 

 "Thank you, uh, I didn't know she had that much pull at Stark Industries" Bucky smirked at you as if he was making a joke, assuming you were some sort of assistant answering phone calls and fetching coffee.  

"What? Didn't you tell your friends about your promotion?  You are looking at the new head of Research and Devolvement" Tony looked like a proud father gushing on his kids report card.  Rolling your eyes at the comment you noticed the look of surprise on Bucky's face.  

"Yes, well, be that as it may, you are going to be late for dinner with your wife if you keeping gabbing" trying to push him out the door while grabbing another drink. "Shit, you are right! What would I do without you, gorgeous?" 

"Crash and burn?   Send the Mrs my love, handsome" he pulled you into a tight hug, kissing your cheek, and with that he was out the door.  

Bucky stood there for a moment, not sure how to continue the conversation without Tony there, but he would try.  

"Head of R&D for Stark, that's impressive" Bucky stated as he sat in the empty seat next to you.  

You eyed him, tempted to start a fight as to why he seemed surprised but decided against causing a scene, you just wanted to watch the game and have a good time with your friends, so the only thing your dumb brain could come up with a was "thanks" along with a forced smile.  

Trying to be friendly seemed way too difficult for you at the moment, but it was 1 night, you could make it through.  Looking at Bucky, you could tell he was expecting more so you took a deep breath and continued, 

"I've been there since I graduated, working hard to make my way up the corporate ladder, but Tony's a great boss, so it's worth it" you shrugged before accepting another drink from Yelena when she plopped down on the other side of you.  

The rest of the night the two of you chatted, nothing deep but you were nice and friendly with one another.  Maybe you could let him into your inner circle, if Steve and Natasha thought he was so great maybe you could try and tolerate him for their sake.

~~~~end flashback ~~~~

"Found it" he raised the phone in his hand.  You simply nodded and continued to cook your breakfast, not sparing him anymore attention.  

"Um, about last night" he started and you could feel yourself cringe at his comment. 

"Nope, we aren't going there" you shook your head and continued to ignore him.

 "Come on, I just want to" but you cut him off before he could finish.  

"I don't care what you want, and I don't give a damn about what you have to say" your cold glare made him take a step back.  Realizing how badly he had screwed up, he wasn't sure what to do next.  

"You know where the door is, you can let yourself out" you grabbed your food, passed him and headed to the living room to enjoy your breakfast.  

Bucky let out a breath before heading to the front door, closing it behind him as he dialed Steve’s number. 

"That didn't work" he grumbled into the phone before getting on his bike.  

"Ok pal, we'll figure this out" 

[3tabbiesandalab]

Branded - Part 1

Here we go folks. Another Rhett Abbott x Reader.

Part 2

Featuring soft kinda messy Rhett, friends to lovers. Reader is Maria’s step sister and to Perry, Maria is a see you next tuesday (if you’re Aussie you will get it!)

I can totally picture Rhett’s inner dialogue as just single words and phrases!

I promise Rhett SMUT next chapter. It wouldn’t be complete without it!

I found writing a bit harder this time so I really fingers crossed you like it! 

Lots of swearing!

My masterlist if you want to read other stuff I write.

Enjoy xox

The usual Friday night crowd filled the smoky bar, and Rhett Abbott took a sip from his third beer as he quietly sat with Perry in a booth. They were both there drinking for their own reasons, Perry drowning his sorrows about his missing wife Rebecca and Rhett because he had nothing else but riding bulls, his fucked-up family, and their struggling ranch.

It’s not like he hated his life, he loved the familiarity and beauty of Wabang, even though most of the people in the town didn’t think much of him. And he loved his goddamn mess of a family and despite everything, he would do anything for them. When it came down to it, Rhett was a pretty simple man, but he felt like he just wanted something more.

Rhett wanted to make something of himself, but he was on borrowed time on a bull. At 26 he already had a permanently screwed up wrist and a recurrent shoulder injury, but he just needed a few more chances for a big payday and to make a name for himself. He coveted more responsibility and input at the ranch, a chance to get it back up and running to save Perry’s, Amy’s, and his legacy. And maybe he’d like to see the ocean someday.

But most of all, he wanted a girl to share his life with. Not his typical quick fuck in a buckle bunny or some girl out to make their daddy mad or boyfriend jealous. But somebody loyal who loved him for who he was, but could challenge him to be more. A best friend who he could talk and laugh with. Someone he could fight with then fuck it all better.

Rhett longed for the girl.

He took a long pull from his beer and sighed. Until he found her, he would just have to make do. Not for the first time that night, his eyes drifted over to Maria, the girl he had liked in high school. She’d flirted with him like crazy back then and caused a bit of drama. Nothing ever happened between them though, and she left town soon after they graduated. Now she was back, he wondered if she’d want him now.

“Fuck knows why, but you’ve had eyes on that girl since you were sixteen. You gonna make a move?” Perry teased him.

“It never worked out, then she left for college, and I stayed here.” Rhett offered.

Perry shook his head. “How many excuses you gonna make? I thought you were sposed to be good at pickin’ up women.”

“Perry. Nah I don’t… Listen...” he tried to argue.

“Chicken shit. I don’t like her but get up there. Go get that girl. C’mon now.” Perry encouraged as he took a swig of beer.

Screw it.

He wasn’t a stupid teenager following her round like a lost puppy anymore, and he was itching for a fuck. Rhett took a deep breath and chugged the rest of his drink. He got up out of the booth and walked towards Maria and the couple friends with her and just as he was about to reach them, the Tillerson brothers stepped up to them.

Rhett stalled and watched helplessly as Maria flirted with and giggled at whatever Luke Tillerson was saying and ran her hand down his arm. “Fuck” he whispered under his breath and he quickly changed course and headed towards the bar.

“Any open bottle of tequila.” he grunted at the bartender.

“You know, she’ll only notice you when she wants something,” the gentle, female voice beside him filled his ears.

He knew that voice anywhere, it was YFN. He touched the brim of his trucker hat in greeting. “Not like you to say shit ‘bout your sister.”

She shrugged with a small, pained smile on her lips. “Step-sister,” she reminded him. “Just ‘cause she’s family doesn’t mean I have to like how she treats people.”

Rhett acknowledged her with a small nod, because he knew Maria and YFN were very different people, thrust into a relationship when they were teenagers by their parents’ unexpected marriage.

“Don’t blame you for tryin’ to get her attention now though. She strung you along all through high school after all,” she whispered sadly, although loud enough that Rhett caught it.

She blushed when she realised he’d heard her. “Sorry.”

“Anyways...” YFN changed the subject with a wry smile. “What ‘bout you Rhett? Pretty sure I’ve heard you say all kinds ‘bout Perry.”

Rhett chuckled. “Guess you and I are just as bad as each other then.” And she hummed before taking a swig from the beer in front of her.

Rhett and YFN had known each other since diapers, Cecelia had been good friends with her mamma before she passed. They’d been thick as thieves growing up, and their mammas even used to joke they’d end up together at one point in time. Teenage emotions and immaturity, Maria’s arrival in their lives and Rhett’s hormones fucked that up. And even though they still shared a tentative friendship, it had never really been the same between them since.

YFN was kind, witty and smart, and she had left Wabang only to go to college to become a teacher. She’d come back home happily once she was done, and taught at the local school, and this year she was Amy’s teacher.

YFN had been real good to her and all of the Abbott’s, especially after Rebecca disappeared. She’d come around and sit with Amy and Cecelia, cooked them dinner sometimes and had even helped out at the ranch when Perry was so low he couldn’t get out of bed. Rhett’s family, even Royal who could be a prickly bastard, adored her.

He pointed to the two beers in front of her, “Drownin’ your sorrows?”

She raised an eyebrow at him when the bartender passed him an almost half bottle of tequila and two shot glasses and Rhett shrugged at her.

YFN turned to watch Maria and her friends throw their heads back in laughter at something Luke, Trevor and Billy said.

“Just needed to get out of the house now the golden girl’s back in town. It’s all dad and Angela can talk about. Everyone just loves her and sometimes I feel a bit invisible,” she sighed softly.

Shit.

Rhett grimaced uncomfortably because a moment ago he had tried to get Maria’s attention and hadn’t even noticed YFN in the bar. The memory of when he’d hurt her when they were younger, because he’d become infatuated with her sister, flashed before his eyes.

“Hey,” YFN smiled at him genuinely and touched his arm softly. She must have sensed his discomfort. “Sorry. I didn’t mean… I’m just sayin’ stupid stuff ‘bout my family. We’re past all that now. You and me… we’re good Rhett.”

Her warm voice and sweet smile calmed Rhett, just like it did back when they were younger, and he was suddenly hit with how much he’d missed being close with her.

Rhett glanced down at the small hand that rested on his tanned forearm. He was pretty sure this was the first time she’d touched him since she returned home from college. His breath hitched a little and his skin broke out in goosebumps from the contact.

Huh. Weird.

Rhett blinked a few times at the foreign feeling. “You ah… You wanna join Perry and my pity party?” he asked, and he gestured to the bartender for another shot glass, hoping she’d say yes.

“Sure. I guess I could slum it with the Abbott boys for the evenin’,” she chuckled, and he gave her a small smile as he collected the bottle and glasses, and they walked back to the booth.

Perry laughed when Rhett and YFN approached the table. “Came back with the other sister I see. Thank fuck. ‘Cause I prefer YFN so much better. Come ‘ere sweetheart,” he said and stood up and gave her a small hug before she slid into the booth beside Rhett.

“So how’d my little brother get the sweetest woman in Wabang to follow him hmm?” Perry teased and Rhett grunted in warning as he filled up the three shot glasses with tequila.

YFN snorted and the corner of Rhett’s mouth lifted at the sound. “I actually followed the booze. He just happened to be carryin’ it.”

The brothers smirked at her cheekiness and the three of them picked up a glass and clinked them together. Rhett caught YFN’s eyes, and they didn’t break eye contact with each other while they downed the shot. His chest burned and he was confused whether it was the booze causing it, or the way her tongue collected a stray drop of tequila off her bottom lip.

Jesus.

Rhett shook the thought from his head as he watched YFN immediately fill up the glasses again and he elbowed her. “Thought teachers were sposed to be good girls.”

“I am. Monday through Friday, 9 til 3,” she winked and swallowed her next tequila.

Rhett chuckled lightly as she scrunched her face up in disgust. He could tell she didn’t have a lick of makeup on her face, but her cheeks were flushed from the alcohol, and her skin looked so smooth and soft, with freckles dotted all over her nose that he’d never noticed before.

She was kinda gorgeous.

“How bout you? Are you ever a good boy Rhett?” YFN asked with fake innocence as he took his next shot, and he choked on the liquid and spluttered at the unexpected question.

She threw her head back in laughter before she moved closer to him, and gently ran her hand up and down his spine and the skin beneath his t-shirt tingled. As her soft tits pressed into his arm, Rhett’s cock came to life.

Fucking hell.

He took a deep breath through his nose to try and calm down, but her intoxicating vanilla scent invaded his senses and Rhett bit the inside of his cheek, so his hard dick didn’t get any more obvious.

“Sorry,” YFN smiled at him cheekily as she moved out of his space. “You’re always so easy to rile up.”

If only she knew, how riled up he was right now.

“So YFN…” Perry started, and Rhett glanced at his brother who watched him with a puzzled look on his face. “Amy mentioned you’re barrel racin’ Sunday night in Jackson. She’s excited to watch you.”

YFN’s face lit up at the mention of Amy. Rhett guessed teachers weren’t supposed to have favourites, but he could see how much his niece meant to her. And he loved that she cared about his family.

“Did she? Oh she’s too sweet. I have a good feelin’ ‘bout Sunday. Cherry and I’ve had some good runs lately…”

Rhett listened as she spoke enthusiastically about her horse Cherry and her racing. He loved the way she was excited about it and found himself looking forward to seeing her race. Maybe he should take a leaf from YFN’s book and just enjoy the thrill of the bull ride in Jackson, maybe he’d feel less pressure, and he might get some better results.

YFN was actually a woman he had something in common with. And she was excited about stuff that was important to her. He knew that from conversations when she’d joined them for family dinners occasionally. Rhett adored that she was passionate about things that mattered to her.

A stupid smile took over his face as he watched YFN talk. Her eyes sparkled, she wore a wide smile, and she waved her hands around animatedly as she spoke. She had always been fun to be around when they were younger, and her sweet, joyful personality was still infectious. Rhett really loved that too.

Of course he’d noticed YFN in the last few years, he’d seen her at Amy’s school and in town, and she’d been around the ranch and his family. She always greeted him with a warm smile, they traded little quips back and forth and she was always interested in his mundane life. But tonight, he felt like something was different.

Just before, Rhett had momentarily felt slighted that he’d lost another chance with Maria. But now he was thankful she’d been flirting with the Tillerson brothers, because he was so much happier spending time with YFN. Warmth bloomed in his chest at the possibility that they could become really close friends again.

And maybe even more.

Jesus.

Oh fuck.

Rhett panicked ever so slightly as he came to his realisation.

He loved her. He fucking loved everything about her.

And he had no idea what to do about that. So he downed another tequila and prayed YFN, and Perry didn’t notice his internal freak out.

Rhett had lost track of the conversation, so he let the booze wash over him and gazed at YFN’s profile while she chatted with Perry. How had he never noticed that her lips were so pink and plump, and her dark eyelashes were so long that they almost tangled together when they fluttered. She had an adorable light flush from the tequila that travelled down her neck and disappeared into her shirt that stretched tightly across her full tits.

Fuck.

Rhett had always thought YFN had been a pretty girl when they were teenagers, but now she was a beautiful woman and so fucking sexy. And she’d been right under his nose.

Shit. He was fucked.

He fidgeted in the booth as his hard cock made his jeans uncomfortably tight and he quickly poured and downed another shot to hide the fact that he’d been openly checking her out.

Rhett turned his attention back to Perry who looked at him with a knowing smirk. “Well what do you think ‘bout that, baby brother?”

Oh crap.

He looked at Perry and YFN blankly, he’d obviously missed out on a key part of the conversation in between staring at her and figuring out he was in love with her.

YFN rolled her eyes at him. “That’s the same sort of look you’d get in class when you got asked a question by Mrs Mac, but you’d been pervin’ at Maria’s boobs instead of listenin’.”

Perry barked out a laugh because he had obviously just caught him doing exactly that, but this time with her step-sister. Rhett pinched the bridge of his nose; he was never going to let him live this down.

Rhett shot Perry a mildly threatening look. “Sorry. I ah… umm…” he mumbled to YFN.

She laughed lightly at him and poured them all another drink. “What! No clap back? You goin’ soft on me Rhett?”

“Nope. He’s definitely not soft. That’s for sure.” Perry cackled, tears in his eyes as he did another shot.

“Fuck you Perry.” Rhett grumbled. His body was wound up so tight, he had another tequila. He should probably stop, or he would be absolutely smashed soon.

Perry howled at his obvious discomfort and pointed to YFN. “Thought that was her job, when you were like sixteen.”

Shit.

YFN gasped and Rhett winced.

Rhett remembered back to that Sunday afternoon when they were sixteen, hanging out in the western pasture and drinking beer they’d snuck from Royal’s stash. YFN tipsily suggested they could have sex, just to see what all the fuss was about. Rhett didn’t love her, but he did care about her and as a teenage, horny virgin, he definitely didn’t turn the offer down.

It had been a little awkward, but she made light of it and put them at ease. They laughed and had fun as Rhett discovered how to, with her help, messily finger her to orgasm. The feeling of her soft hands touching him, and her tight, hot pussy had been too much for him. The actual sex was over embarrassingly fast, with him only managing to thrust into her a few times before he came.

About a week later, YFN confessed she wanted to be together, but Rhett didn’t feel the same way as her. All seemed ok until he fell under her new step-sister’s spell, and their close friendship quickly dwindled. It ended up being all for nothing as, despite her constant flirtation, Maria always kept herself just out of Rhett’s reach, and he lost his closest friend.

Rhett slowly turned towards YFN; he was concerned about her reaction to Perry’s comment.

She blushed bright red, and playfully smacked Rhett across the shoulder before she covered her face with her hand in embarrassment. “It was one time! I can’t believe you told him, you ass!”

Perry grinned at them. “He didn’t sweetheart. But you just did.”

“You little fucker! I’m gonna make you parent volunteer in class for every shitty job I can think of now!” she threatened good-naturedly and gave him the finger.

Rhett let out the breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding and chuckled. Without thinking he grabbed YFN’s hand that gestured at Perry, brought it under the table and linked her fingers with his. Warmth spread from their clasped hands, and an indistinguishable look passed over her face, but she didn’t pull away.

Perry held up his hands in defeat but smirked at YFN. “Okay. Okay. I swear I already knew. Fuck. Ma and dad did too. We remember the day you both wandered in for dinner. Rhett had this dumb, blissed out smile on his face and you couldn’t look anyone in the eye.”

“Shut it. Perry.” Rhett warned unconvincingly, with a small wry smile on his face.

YFN groaned and the sound made his cock twitch. “Oh fuck. How am I gonna face ‘em now.” And Rhett snorted at her.

She looked at him teasingly. “Blissed out you said? That must have been a hell of a minute for you, huh Rhett,” she mocked sweetly as she squeezed his hand and held her shot glass up to Perry to cheers.

Rhett let his head hit the table with a thud and Perry burst into laughter again as he clinked his glass to her, and they both downed the tequila.

She was right. It had been a memorable minute.

The experience always stuck with Rhett, but not because he’d lost his virginity and humiliatingly quickly. He couldn’t forget it because it’s the one and only time he’d ever had sex with someone he cared about. He’d never been in a relationship and every girl since that day, had just been a casual fuck or a quick drunken screw.

And now, seemingly out of the blue, he found himself aching to fuck YFN again. Not just that though, he wanted everything with her. Rhett was in love with her and when he really thought about it, he’d loved her in someway their whole lives. And now he had no fucking clue how to act around her.

He lifted his head and gazed at YFN intensely.

She loved him once. God he hoped she still did.

He must have taken too long to respond to what she’d said, because YFN rubbed her thumb over the back his hand and looked at him concerned. “Are you ‘lright baby? Maybe it’s time we get you some food.”

Rhett’s eyes widened and his stomach flipped at her calling him such an intimate name.

YFN rubbed her other hand over the back of her neck sheepishly. “Shit. Sorry. Slip of the tongue.”

Fuck.

He could think of a few places he wanted to slip his tongue…

“I can get it.” Rhett blurted out loudly to try and get the thought out of his head.

YFN chuckled at his bizarre behaviour. “Nah. I got it.”

“Thanks darlin’. Food would be nice please,” he said softly, and he squeezed her hand before releasing it. He gave her a shy smile, which she returned.

“Thank you, sweetheart. Put it on our tab yeah?” Perry said and YFN nodded and got up out of the booth.

His ma taught them to be gentleman, so both Rhett and Perry stood up as she did.

She must have got up to fast or something, because she stumbled backwards slightly. Rhett moved quickly and grabbed her hips to steady her. On reflex, the grip he had on her tightened, and the back of her body came firmly in contact with his front. He had to hold in a moan when the yo-yo that was his dick, pressed into her and YFN inhaled sharply.

Shit.

No hiding the effect she had on him now.

Rhett released her hips, and she turned around. A dark pink blush covered her cheeks and neck, so maybe there was hope she felt the same way about him.

“Ah sorry. I umm think the tequila’s gettin’ to me. Better go get that food,” she practically whispered.

“Okay darlin’.” Rhett nodded dumbly and he watched YFN walk towards the bar. He couldn’t take his eyes off the sway of her shapely hips or her tight ass in those sinful jeans.

Yep. He was fucked.

Rhett sat down and breathed in deeply to try and regain some composure.

Perry chortled. “What the fuck was all that?!”

“I ain’t never seen you in such a state over a girl ‘fore,” Perry said seemingly baffled, and he poured himself another tequila and downed it.

Rhett flipped him off, but he wasn’t wrong though.

Perry looked at him seriously. “YFN’s special Rhett. She’s important to all of us. You better not be screwin’ with her.”

“I’m not.” he cried out. “I ah… I’m pretty sure I’m ah in love with her,” he murmured.

Perry narrowed his eyes at Rhett. “Pretty sure? Or you are? ‘Cause you can’t just fuck ‘round with YFN. She looks at you like you hung the damn moon! You stuffed up ‘fore ‘cause of that cunt of a sister of hers. You can’t do that again.”

“I know okay! I’ve been so fuckin’ stupid!” Rhett practically yelled.

He lowered his voice. “Even tonight I tried to...” and he shook his head angrily at himself.

Rhett sighed. “Perry. I don’t want no one else. I never loved anyone else. It just fuckin’ hit me tonight. I’m in love with her. And I’m a goddam idiot ‘cause I think I’ve loved her one way or another forever. Pretty sure she branded me a long time ago.”

Perry chuckled. “Well fuck. Took you long enough. You better tell her all that romantic shit. God knows she’s waited long enough for your stupid ass.”

“How do you know… How do you know she feels the same?” Rhett questioned softly.

Perry let out a slow breath. “I know she does baby brother. ‘Cause she looks at you the same way as Becca looked at me,” he said sadly.

He poured tequila into his and Rhett’s glasses and quickly shotted them both and got up out of the booth. “I ah… I’m gonna go for a smoke. She’s the girl Rhett. Don’t fuck this up.”

Rhett nodded and he watched him stumble towards the front door. He hated how much Rebecca’s disappearance hurt him; he’d do anything to see him happy again.

Perry was a fucking mess, but he was right about one thing.

YFN was the girl. And he could not fuck this up.

“Well if it isn’t the sexiest bull rider in Wyoming,” a flirty feminine voice broke him from his thoughts.

Rhett turned his head as she slid into the booth next to him.

Maria.

Fuck.

………

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

Hi Atlas :0 i have new request but for BAU team with teen!werewolf!reader?

Hotch & Rossi are the only ones to know about reader being a werewolf when he is put on the team bc government wanted to keep him under the eye and recruited him in the end, his records are sealed so Penny doesn't snoop around the important stuff lol. And Rossi being his handler and the main person to see after the boy, to do a report to Hotch about his performance etc. And the reader mostly being there for scent search ( like the reader has a sharp nose for scents and us able to distinguish them with ease even if old and somewhat able to even if masked under fresher scents or added scents) but he's in general a lot faster with more stamina and energy to burn unlike humans .

So the team gets to know the reader's so called secret by seeing him action just zooming past them to catch up with a escaping Unsub in a mountain-like scenery and they're having a hard time catching up to them bc Rossi gave him the go ahead bc the Unsub would otherwise be able to escape in-between the trees and rocks.

Just imagine reader being big enough in his werewolf form(doesn't matter if 4- or 2-legged form to me (as in folklore or twilight type lol) ) that he can just plop all his weight down on the Unsub and pin them to the ground. Possibly disarm them by grabbing the thing in their hands or biting their arms/wrists.

How would the team react? Would they have had some suspicions on the topic?

Sorry the request's a bit long again lmao. Please if the request is too much, your requests are closed or you just don't feel like it, don't feel pressured to do it! Stay hydrated, have a nice day and keep your head up! uwu

Okay, so I wasn't going to write this originally because I wasn't sure how to, but then I started thinking about it and ideas kind of just came to me aha. I hope you like it, I'm posting it now because I just finished writing it and I'm giggling and I just wanted to post it because I think it's funny, but not like a funny funny like a stupid funny if that makes sense?

Warnings: Bullet wound, blood, make shift first aid

Word count: 1385

“A handler?” You asked in disbelief, you scoff, shaking your head at the director with a laugh, “I don’t fucking think so, I’m not a dog-”

“We need someone to monitor you who’s on the team.” He said, pausing before continuing, “Like a mentor,”

“Then call it a mentor. Not a fucking handler,”

“Could you give us a minute?” Rossi asked, speaking for the first time. Hotch, Strauss, and the Director look at each other for a minute before leaving the room. 

“The prick may as well ask me to roll over,” You muttered bitterly, wiping the frustrated tear that had made its way down your cheek.

“Look, kid, all I’m going to be doing is making sure you’re settling in okay,” Rossi said with a shrug, “I don’t care about what else they’re saying. I’m only concerned about if you’re okay.”

That’s how you were introduced to one: the fact that you would be working with the BAU, and two: that you’d have a ‘handler’ constantly monitoring you. 

When you met the team, an hour or so later, they noticed that you seemed to be full of energy and, despite only having met Rossi an hour ago, seemed to be pretty loyal to him already. Over the next coming months, your secret (as promised) was kept between you, Rossi, and Hotch. All the team knew was that you ‘had good tracking skills’ and that’s why you were recruited. You knew the truth was going to come out eventually, but you didn’t think you would ever be prepared. 

There wasn’t much difference with this case then the others, an unsub who was a horrible person, lashed out at people, the usual. He even had a lair surrounded by woods. When you found him and the team confronted him, he ran (also not unusual) and he was fast (unusual), really fast (definitely unusual). 

You stare at Rossi until he nods, giving you approval. You pelt your legs fast after the unsub, even if you did lose him, you’d be able to find him quickly. He stunk of the familiar scent of blood, mixed with cigarettes, and Jack Daniels. You let yourself shift as you run, the familiar feeling of your bones resetting subtly as you did so - more energy and strength seeping through your body as you changed, clothes tearing as your body transformed. Soon enough, you’re ready to drop down on all fours, a growl crawling up your throat you do. It doesn’t take you long to catch up with him, maybe thirty seconds. When you do, you tackle him to the ground, keeping him pinned with a heavy paw, you lift your head into the air, howling loudly to signal to Rossi that he’s been detained.

The team stared at you in absolute shock when you walked back over to them, now dressed in the spare clothes Hotch and Rossi always kept close by (as a just in case). 

“What the fuck-” Derek’s the first to speak.

“It’s sort of a long story?” You reply, unsure. 

“There’s been numerous sightings of werewolf individuals throughout history, not to mention clinical lycanthropy,” Spencer chimes in.

“So you’re a-?”

“Say it,” You say dramatically, you hear Rossi and Hotch sigh deeply, already knowing where this was going. “Say it. Out loud.”

Derek and Emily share a confused look. “Werewolf.” Hotch mumbled, hoping to get this whole thing over with.

You turn around dramatically, “Are you afraid?”

“No.” You grin, you had never heard Hotch sound so done with you in your life. This was brilliant. 

“This is the face of a killer, Bella.” You say, disappointed when none of them get your reference. “Really? None of you? JJ, come on, you know what Cullen means, surely you get it?”

“Sorry, I’ve never actually seen Twilight,”

“Ugh,” You groaned, “Penelope would get it, you all need to be more like Penelope and laugh at my jokes,”

“No need to bite back so hard, kid,” Derek grins. 

“If this becomes a frequent thing, I might actually kill you.” You state. 

“You’re all bark and no bite,” A growl sounds through your throat and your eyes flash. Derek puts his hands up in surrender, “Alright, alright, no more jokes. Can you eat chocolate though? Serious question. Rossi, why’s he looking at me like that? Rossi, Rossi-!” Derek yelped as you tackled him to the ground.

“Yes I can eat chocolate, it makes me feel sick though.” You answer, you hadn’t shifted, you just wanted to scare him a little. “Nice yelp though, sounded like a little girl.”

“I did not!”

“Yeah, you did,” Emily answered with a snort. 

Now, months later, you stand in a warehouse, locating the unsub with Rossi whilst you wait for backup. “He’s definitely here,” You mumble, “Jesus, he eats a lot of fast food,” Rossi gives a small snort, “I think he’s in here,” You say, pointing at the room just ahead of you. Rossi nods, raising his gun slightly as he begins to enter the room, you’re close behind.

You watch in horror as the gun cocks into place, you let yourself start to shift - knowing that you wouldn’t be able to make it in time in human form. You weren’t going to let them get hurt. You were nothing if not loyal. Rossi waits for the bullet. He knew it was going to happen eventually, it was inevitable in this line of work. But the bullet doesn’t come, instead, the crack of the gun in heard, as well as the sound of impact. Then nothing. And then the small whine comes. It’s pathetic and sounds like a wounded animal. A wounded animal. It clicks and Rossi looks around, spotting the form of a wolf, he watches as the fur shifts, slowly turning to skin in order to preserve your energy. 

Another shot sounds and the unsub drops down dead. Rossi sends a brief nod of thanks to Morgan as he rushes over to you, shrugging off his windbreaker to place over you. Morgan joins him, peering over you, eyes widening when he sees the bullet wound. He reaches for the radio, “We need a-” Rossi puts his hand up and Derek stops.

“What do you need us to do?” Rossi asked, turning back to you.

“Rossi, he needs an ambulance,”

You shook your head, “My body will heal, I just need to get it out,” Rossi nodded as you lifted your head, the bullet wasn’t too far in. You could probably just reach in and grab it, you’re body would flush out any infection or bacteria that was in the wound and you’d be as good as new within a day or two. Your fingers hovered above the bullet wound and you let your head drop back to the floor. You take a deep breath before you plunge the fingers into the wound, feeling for the bullet. Your back arches and you ground your teeth, you clench the bullet with your finger tips and force yourself to take a deep breath before you pass out or something. And then, when you’ve got a good grip, you yank it out. And fuck it hurts. You groan loudly through your teeth, throwing the bullet to the floor.

“You okay?” Derek asked, you huff a small laugh as you nod.

“Just peachy,” You mumble. “I’ll be fine. The outside of the wound will close within a few hours anyway,”

“Won’t you bleed out?”

“Should be fine,” You said with a shrug, “This is hardly the first time I’ve been shot,” And with that, you force yourself back on your feet, clutching a hand to the wound as you walk.

When you’re back on the jet, now with a gauze over your wound, you lay slowly on the couch. “I know what will help,” You say, lifting your head up slightly, “I’m going to make you all watch Twilight. You need to get my jokes - they’re like over half of my humour and none of that can be appreciated if you haven’t seen it.”

“Is it any good?” Emily asked, you shook your head.

“Nope, it’s absolute horse crap,”

“Then why make us watch it?”

“Because you all need to suffer to get my humour,” You said, before adding, “And I’m injured so you can’t say no,”

[coleszzzworld]

My yandere college! Yandere jock head canons!

A/n-(yoooo , these are just some random head canons for my yandere jock series ! I just wanted to push something out , and it’s been forever since I wrote for kai lol lowkey this is some character backstory for Kai , happy reading enjoy!❤️)

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️- suggestive content , daddy issues, mentions of murder? (Kind of) just some crazy stuff lol and yandere behavior. Do not read if easily triggered!

•I already said this in the first chapter butttttt kai is definitely a golden retriever boyfriend, he’s just so damn stupid, and he has a bright personality. But when someone fucks with you in anyway … let’s just say he gets scary 😭 , and I don’t mean that in a cringe way , that man will kill for you . And make sure you’ll never find out 🧍🏽‍♀️he could go to 0 to 100 real quick !!!

•Kai loves being around you , no matter what . Oh your going back to your dorm ? Or home (that’s if u don’t live on campus) it doesn’t matter he’ll be behind you , and he’ll lowkey invite himself to stay the night at your place , like this man literally lives at your dorm/house , like I’m not joking his toothbrush, clothes, blankets etc . Is at your place even if you have a roommate or you live with your family , surprisingly your roommate/family love him! And says he’s welcome anytime! , yeah you definitely need space from him. “Y/n!! Let’s watch a movie!”

•I don’t want to be that person but I will be , he definitely has home problems , that boy ain’t got a daddy (just like me fr 🤠) when he was two years old , his dad left . And his mom always works . She’s barely home , and when she is , they don’t really talk , and when they do they always fight about the dumbest things , so basically he ain’t got no dad , and his mom is a workaholic, and he’s a insane psychopath! w for his parents fr !!!🥳 that’s part of the reason he stays with you , he’s alone most of the time , that and he likes to have you close.

•also I will be that person again🙃, when your sleep , and he’s laying on the floor next to your bed (he refused to stay in the guest room , he says your room is more comfortable.) he definitely the type to get hard from just being near you , and he has to release his aching pain some how ….👀 now he’s respectful he’ll make sure he’s quiet (even tho he doesn’t want to be.🤠) and he’s makes sure to clean up after , don’t hate but he’s definitely a whimper 😩 like he bites his lip when he’s coming to his high , his hand going up and down on his length. 😵‍💫 he just thinks about how you would feel on his length and how he would just claim you as his , all he can think about is how tight you would be … “f-fuck , y-y/n I’ll be g-good , just be mines , p-please”

•now let me tell you this , he’s definitely not a virgin, his body count is two , everyone on campus thinks he’s a play boy but naw 😭he has a low body count and he’s loyal to one person and that person is only you. That and all of his team mates and friends are play boys so that’s were the expectations come from fr lol .

•now , he does have siblings(he has 3 other siblings), but he has never met them (well kinda of) ,the first thing he knows about his dad was when he was starting college and football he was meeting everyone and he met a cheerleader , she kinda of looked like his dad , I mean the pictures of his dad he had she looked like him , and she had the same last name as his dad (Kai has his moms last name) curiously he wanted too know more , so he went digging and fount her instagram, he saw photos of her family and sure enough he saw his dad … he definitely stayed away from her when he fount out his dad , left and had a new family, a family with another woman , and new children, a child that HE goes to school with , someone HE shares the flied with basically, he lost it , bro was definitely feeling all types of Emotions , actually as matter fact , when he first fell for you , yk at the football game , the reason why his head was out of the game and the team was losing , was because his dad was their , not for him , hell his dad probably didn’t even recognize that Kai was playing, his dad was their for his daughter. The cheerleader. Kai was feeling anger, sadness, he wanted to go up on those bleachers and beat the hell out of his dad…all that was running through Kai Head was “how dare he leave me , and have a new family. How fucking dare he come here . And act like I don’t exist. How dare he.” But when break time happened and he bumped into you near the concessions stand that’s when he met you .Suddenly he felt wanted, he knew he had to have you.

•now let’s talk about Kai’s mom , like I said she’s a workaholic, she wasn’t married to Kai’s dad when he split , and she works as a nurse, she picks up shifts and works all day / night ,she really didn’t talk about Kai’s dad , while he was growing up , and refused to talk about him , when Kai wanted to get in contact with his dad . She’s a nice lady tho , when she was at home , Kai dragged you to his house to meet her , and surprisingly you and her bonded , then she left for work . Kai looked disappointed but he’s used to it 🙃

•Kai just needs love and attention, bro is , Touch starved too😭 he just needs some love fr , so no matter where y’all are , he will always be holding you hand or holding your waist , or just lean against you , bro just down bad fr 😭

•he’s your best friend, as you put it , but I’m telling you now , that man is trying to be more then friends, like he’s literally insane over you . And even if you don’t like him like that , that’s okay , you’ll never get rid of him!

•this man drives , so your a passenger princess , so when you guys go out , he likes to blast music and put his hand on your thigh , and he says it’s not werid, but you’re like “🤔” he definitely has no chill , like I said he loves holding you . So his hands go to your thighs when he drives you , too school or anywhere else

•I have a feeling that this man listens to indie and rap , I’m talking like gorillaz and Marc demarco , jid , sometimes Kodak and nardo wick when he’s feeling devious 🤭 he also listens to glass animals, anddddd tame impla and Tyler the creator😤

•let’s do say , someone fucks with you , In anyway I mean he fought Cameron Harris for you , he definitely was trying to kill him , and he would if his friends didn’t pull him off Cameron , but let’s say someone disrespect your name or spreads Nasty rumors about you , that man is ready to split whoever skull open for you , like I said he’s bat shit crazy, he literally thinks of you as a god . He thinks your his savior damn near 😵‍💫 like he can’t have no one talking down on your name 🗣️

•overall If I had to rate him on how dangerous he is I would say 8.9/10 like he’s insane and basically he has nothing to lose , he’ll go to war for you any day , if you say to , he will , he just real like that🤭💅🏽.

“Nobody will talk to you like that y/n . I’ll forever love and protect you . You’ll see I’m the one for you! And If not …I’ll make you love me .”

[applebutter-and-cinnamon]

Simplicity

Summary: You come to terms with your feelings for Jake. Jake realizes that sometimes relaxing is who you're with and not where you are.

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader

Read the Story: Morning Coffee (Part One)

You weren’t sure how Phoenix had figured it out, just that she had and that she wasn’t planning on dropping it anytime soon. You’d been avoiding Lt. Seresin since you’d left him the coffee that morning about a week ago. It wasn’t that you were ashamed of having done something for him-you’d wanted to give him a proper thank you for all that he’d done to help you. It was more that you were afraid of his reaction to it: what if you had overstepped and he thought you were creepy or what if he’d just wanted to put the whole thing behind him?

Every time you saw him on base you would either hurriedly exit the room or you’d go out of your way to avoid entering the room at all. When Phoenix had invited you to a bonfire that they were all going to you’d declined saying that you had an important project that you were working on that was going to require you to stay late. When she’d mention him in a conversation that you were having, you’d freeze up and be unable to contribute anything further. 

You were frustrated with yourself for developing your little crush on him. He’d just been doing something kind and you’d managed to dig yourself into a hole. He probably wanted nothing to do with you. 

Added to that, you’d heard the rumors about him. That he was a ladies’ man, taking a different woman home with him every night that he went out only for nothing to come of it. He was a bad idea, but a bad idea that had gotten itself stuck in your head like a song that refused to leave. 

It’s why you blushed so hard when Phoenix confronted you about your odd behavior.

“What’s going on with you and Jake?” She asked, sipping on a cold coffee. The two of you were on the front patio of your house, sitting on the swing-bench that was suspened from the roof. 

“What? Nothing,” You told her, your eyes intently looking away from where she was sitting next to you.

“That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one,” She chuckled and nudged you with her shoulder, “Seriously, is everything ok? You’ve been really jittery about him recently and don’t think that I didn’t see you run out of the cafeteria yesterday when he walked in.”

You let out a heavy sigh and pushed your hair back from your face with your good hand. It was a little disheartening to know that you’d been so obvious, but it wasn’t like you’d really had time to think in those moments. You’d see him or hear his name and your heart would just…race. 

“I don’t know,” you groaned, “The short answer is no, he’s never even looked twice at me.”

Phoenix nodded, looking at you with those same kind eyes, “And the longer answer?” You knew that she would never pressure you, over the last couple of weeks you’d grown incredibly close to one another and you counted her as one of your closest friends. You knew she felt the same and only wanted the best for you.

You blew out a long breath of air, “The longer answer is that I’m stupid.”

She snorted, “That doens’t seem very long.”

“I may have a tiny crush on him,” You told her, “But I know it won’t end well. There’s no way that a guy like him would ever even be attracted to someone like me. Plus, even if he was, from everything that I’ve heard he isn’t the type to want anything more than sex. I would want more than sex with him. So, I’m trying to ignore hi- it.”

The two of you sat in silence as she processed everything that you’s said and you stared up at the clouds, wishing that you could float up to join them where things wouldn’t be unnecessarily complicated. 

“I can’t believe I’m about to be Hangman’s fucking wingwoman,” Phoenix grumbled. 

Your eyes narrowed as they looked at her, “What does that mean?”

She shook her head, “It means that not everything you’ve heard about Hangman is true. Yes, he’s an asshole to work with but he’s also one of the most loyal people that I know. He- If you repeat this I’ll kill you, but he once told Rooster and me when he was super drunk that the reason that he only sleeps with women was because they never expect anything more from him. They walk up, flirt, fuck him and leave before he wakes up.”

“The one girl that didn’t,” she continued, “Fucked him up in terms of relationships and cheated on him with someone he knew while he was deployed. I don’t think he’s ever really recovered from that so he’s just sorta stopped trying and that’s before all of that shit that his family put him through.”

You sat quietly, listening as she spoke with an intensity that can only come with a well-defined friendship. 

“There’s one other thing you should know,” She told you, her eyes locking on yours, “He hasn’t slept or flirted with anyone else since he met you.”

You looked at her, completely confused.

She nodded, “He took a lot of shit for it from Coyote. He didn’t even defend himself, he just took it until Coyote figured something out and dropped it. Not that it’s really hard to figure out.”

“What did he figure out?” You asked quietly.

She smirked, “That he’s constantly looking for you on base. That he keeps the note that you gave him in his pocket. That he walks a little slower when he’s walking through the data wing…” She trailed off, looking at you expectantly.

You scoffed, “That can’t be true, you don’t know that he likes me.”

Phoenix looked at you with mock-offense, “Honey, trust me, I can. He’s never looked at anyone the way he looked at you the night that creep attacked you at the Hard Deck and he’s never been so protective over something so simple as a note, he hasn’t even let Rooster read it, which is a pretty big fucking deal, those two have shared every single thought since we were formed into our own unit instead of going back to our usual bases.”

You shifted in your seat, bring your legs up to sit criss-cross in the swing and causing it to rock softly from side to side. You knew Phoenix would never point you in the wrong direction and you trusted her implicitly. The fact that she was defending Jake’s reputation to you was a big deal.

“I’m scared he’s going to break my heart,” you told her.

Phoenix grabbed your hand in her own, resting them on your knee, “What’s life without the opportunity for love?”

Her words were still rattling around in your head when you walked out of your favorite bookstore the following weekend. Your work projects were finally wrapping up leaving you with some unexpected free time to do anything you wanted. It was a cloudy day and uncharacteristically windy as a storm started to blow in.

You were proud of yourself for managing to leave with only 3 books in your bag instead of the 12 you had wanted. You opened the door, looking around in your bag to make sure you’d put the receipt in there and walked straight into another person. 

Their arms quickly grabbed you by the shoulders, steadying you and keeping you from falling to the ground. 

“Woah, you alright,” a familiar voice asked.

You blushed, realizing the man who you’d run into was none other than Lt. Jake Seresin, the man you’d been hiding from up until the moment that you couldn’t.

“Oh, yes. I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” you rushed out, avoiding looking at his face as you willed the color out of your cheeks, unsuccessfully.

“No worries, accidents happen,” he chuckled, “Hey, I wanted to thank you for the coffee from the other morning.”

Your head shot up to look at him, completely shocked. His face was soft and he was giving you a hesitant smile, like he was nervous to see you. He’d already dropped his hands from where they’d caught you and he’d shoved them into the front pockets of the jeans he was wearing. It was a thought that struck you as you realized that you’d never seen him without a Navy uniform on. 

He wore a pair of worn jeans and a black t-shirt. He had a ballcap that kept his hair hidden from you, but he’d taken off his sunglasses and his green eyes were on full-display. 

You cleared your throat, trying to bring yourself back to the conversation and make it less obvious that you were very much enjoying the sight of him in civilian clothes.

“I’m glad you like it, I was a little worried that it might be weird coming from someone you’d just met,” you told him honestly.

He shook his head, brilliant eyes softening further, “No, it was one of the kindest things that someone’s done for me in a while.”

You shrugged, unsure of how to take all of the attention he was giving you and a little intimidated that a man that attractive seemed to be genuinely interested in talking to you. 

“You deserve people doing nice things for you,” you said, your voice coming out a little quieter than you’d intended. 

He looked away as a dust of pink bloomed on his cheekbones, but looked back as he registered you moving your book bag around in your hand. Your wrist still in a cast had left you unable to switch hands and you could feel the red irritation building in the hand that was holding the plastic.

“Can I help you take that to your car?” He asked, gesturing towards the bag.

You offered a hesitant smile, “I actually walked here, but thank you for asking. I really appreciate it.”

He raised an eyebrow, “You walked? It supposed to start raining soon, could I offer you a ride home instead?”

You paused, you really hadn’t intended to inconvenience him and you were pretty tired at his point, but you did like the walk back to your house.

You had just inhaled to respond when, like out of a movie, the skies opened up and started to pour rain on you.

Jake quickly moved the two of you so that you were standing underneath the awning of the bookstore you’d walked over. 

“That would be nice, thank you,” you said with a chuckle.

He shook his head, giving you a broad smile.

“Let me take your bag and we’ll make a break for it? I’m right down the road,” he told you.

You nodded, handing him your plastic bag and the two of you bolted from under the cover. The rain was cold, a stark contrast from the hot blood that had been pumping through your body since you’d run into him.

His truck wasn’t parked too far away, but the both of you were absolutely drenched by the time you’d make it into the cab. The rain was pounding against the windshield and you couldn’t help but giggle at the state the two of you were in.

He looked over at you, chuckling himself at the situation. He gave you his phone to put your address into the GPS, when his expression darkened. 

His hand gently grasped your cast, turning it gently in his hands like you were most delicate thing that he’d ever held. 

“It’s alright,” you told him, “It’s a waterproof cast so it should be fine.”

He shook his head, “I wish you hadn’t needed it in the first place.”

Your heart ached at the complete devastation on his face as he set your arm down carefully and grabbed the phone back from you, starting the route that would take both of you to your home. 

The cab of the truck was mostly quiet, except for an old country song that played softly. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but you could tell that he was lost in his mind again and you wondered if he’d ever let anyone in to share what was going on in there. 

He’d turned into your driveway before you could ask, the truck rocking slightly as it went over the dip in the concrete. 

He put the truck in park and grabbed your bag from where it rested between you. The two of you hopped out and hurried to your front porch, where he stopped to rest the bag against the doorframe. His body language was one of someone who was about to leave and you spoke quickly to prevent it. 

“I-Let me have your clothes,” you rushed.

His eyebrows shot up and his head tilted slightly at your words. 

“I mean,” you sighed heavily, “I can’t let you drive back to base in wet clothes. You’ll get sick, so I thought that maybe I could dry them for you?”

You were sure that you were blushing again, but you maintained eye contact. You wanted him to know that you were being genuine and that you really didn’t want him to go back to base.

He nodded, “That would be nice, thank you.”

You bit your lip and turned to unlock your front door as Jake bent down to pick up the bag again before you both stepped inside. He toed off his shoes and set the bag down so that it was leaning against the wall by your coat rack. 

“I’ll be right back,” you told him. You didn’t wait for him to respond as you went into your room straight to your dresser. You ruffled around as you pulled out some clothes that you thought might fit, before heading back out. 

He was standing where you’d left him, his picture perfect posture reminded you of when you’d seen them all standing at attention. His eyes were scanning the walls of the living room that were displaying pictures of your family and friends throughout your life. 

His head turned towards you when the sound of your footsteps on the floor reached his ears.

You held out the clothes to him, “I think these might fit.”

He took them, his face going carefully blank, “Your boyfriend won’t mind you giving his clothes to another man?”

You chuckled and shook your head, “They’re my dad’s old clothes, so Mr. Non-Existent-Boyfriend better not mind.”

The tension left his body a second after you spoke like it took him a minute to really register what you’d said. 

“There’s a bathroom just down the hall that you can change in, if you would just leave your clothes there I’ll dry them for you when you’re done,” you told him as you gestured to where everything was. 

His eyes followed your every move and the places where his eyes met your skin seemed to warm at his attention. He nodded at your instructions and moved towards the bathroom to change.

You watched him go, highly aware of the way your home seemed complete with him inside of it, but trying to brush it off. 

You changed into some soft shorts and a large hoodie with the logo of your college on it. Grabbing his wet clothes from the bathroom and yours, you threw them both in the dryer before heading into the living room where he sat on the couch.

He was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees as he flipped through one of the books that you’d left sitting out on your coffee table. 

“I should’ve known you were a big reader from your comment the other day,” he told you when you’d sat down on the other side of the couch. It wasn’t big by any means but it seemed smaller as your body buzzed with the energy that seemed to radiate from him.

You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear to dispel some of the nervous energy, “It was something I started to do when I was at my grandparents one summer. They had a huge collection and I’d just steal one from the shelves to read in my Grandad’s big recliner by the window.”

Jake smiled at the mental image you’d give him, carefully setting the book back from where he’d gotten it. 

“Your clothes are in the dryer,” you told him, “Do you want to watch a movie or something while we wait?”

He settled back into the couch, one leg moving to rest on the other, “I’m fine with anything.”

You nodded, grabbing the remote and booting up the television. You flipped through a couple of different options before you gasped excitedly, “Have you ever seen this?”

“Can’t say that I have,” he told you, amused to see the animation of your face and the way your jaw dropped in indignation.

“What? We’re watching this. It’s so good, based on one of my favorite books, you’re going to love it,” you told him. 

“I’m sure I will,” Jake chuckled, moving his arm so that it rested along the back of the couch. 

You jumped up from the couch heading towards the kitchen, “Do you want anything to drink?”

His deep voice carried easily through the room, “Umm, just get me whatever you get yourself.”

You came back juggling a bag of chips, a box of cookies, and two bottles of water. Jake jumped up from the couch to help you, unloading the things from your arms and onto the coffee table.

You both settled on the couch, much closer this time than before and you reached to grab the throw blanket from the back of the couch. You shook it to get it out of it’s folded position before covering both of you with it. 

“Ready?” You asked, giving him a wide, excited grin.

He gave you a small smirk and nodded. The smirk revealed the small dimple in his left cheek and the look he gave you made you blush.

You pressed play on the movie and let yourself settle into the soft cushions.

The one thing that hadn’t occurred to you was just how exhausted you were. The movie that you were watching was one you’d seen a dozen times, pair that with how Jake seemed to exude warmth and you were out. 

Jake didn’t know exactly when you fell asleep, but he knew that you were asleep when your body sagged against his and your head fell to rest on his chest. He’d been trying to pay attention to the movie for your sake but when he felt you snuggled up against him, he gave up.

Instead he allowed himself to admire you in ways that he couldn’t when you were in public. His eyes carressed the softness of your skin and the slight part of your lips as you breathed in deeply in your slumber. They traced the strands of your hair and the curve of hand where it bunched his shirt softly, almost as if to keep him close to you.

The smell of your shampoo and perfume comforted him in a way that he hadn’t felt in a long while. He felt, he realized, like he could completely relax here with you. He didn’t need to keep up appearances, nobody was counting on him to be the best. Here, with you, he just needed to be Jake. The man that carried your bag and let you use him as a pillow. 

He shifted, careful not to wake you, into a position that more comfortable and turned his attention back to the movie that was playing. As his body relaxed, his eyes began to close and it wasn’t long before he joined you in sleep as the rain left trails on your living room windows. 

You didn’t know what time it was when you felt yourself disturbed from your slumber, but a passing window showed evidence of the sun beginning it’s journey into the sky. It took you a minute to realize that the gentle motion of swaying was coming from the arms that were carrying you down the hallway and into your bedroom. 

Jake set you down carefully on your bed, using the blanket from the living room to cover you in warmth. 

You reached out for him, your hand finding security in his shirt, the same black shirt that you’d tossed in the dryer for him. You grabbed it in your hand, still half-asleep.

“Don’t go,” you mumbled, trying to pull him down beside you.

Jake smoothed your hair behind your hair and grabbed your hand where it was grasping him. His hand swallowed yours completely and the comfort of it made you release his shirt, allowing him to move it down to the blanket. 

“I’ve got to go to work, darlin’,” he whispered. His other hand was still smoothing your hair back.

You half-opened an eye to look at him, “You’ll come back though?”

His expression was more open than you’d ever seen it, his green eyes were soft as they watched you. His breath hitched at your question.

“Do you want me to?” He asked.

You nodded, “Yes, please.”

The hand that was in your hair, stroked your cheek softly and you found yourself leaning into it. 

“I’ll be here whenever you ask,” he told you.

You shook your head, “You’ve got to promise.”

He took your hand, separating your pinky from the rest and wrapping his own around it, “I promise.”

You let out a quiet, happy sigh and pulled the blanket over your shoulders. It still smelled like his cologne you realized as you drifted off to sleep, his hand brushing through your hair softly.

Jake stood from the bed when your breathing settled into the same easy rhythm he’d recognized from before. He walked out of your bedroom and towards your kitchen where he grabbed a pen to write you a quick note. 

He locked the doorknob of your front door as he left, but not before giving your bedroom door a wistful look before he shut the door. He needed to get going or he’d be late, and he still needed to change into his uniform. He sighed and let his legs carry him to his truck. 

Y/n,

xxx-xxx-xxxx

Whenever you need me, I promise.

Jake.

[sugartitstownley]

The fevers, the heartaches (Trikey)

Prompt: A tiny glimpse of Michael’s first night after Ludendorff. Honestly, this is just angst. :,)

Warnings: small depictions of blood, vomit, and other gta-esque things.

I listened to this classic for the story.

The soft rumbling of cars driving by is barley noticeable over the radio being tuned in the corner. Dave Norton sits on the brown leather motel chair — a motel right off the main road in Ludendorff that he brought Michael to so both men could lay low until it was safe to relocate him and his family to Los Santos.

“Now, why won’t this stupid radio work? All I’m getting is static.”

Michael faintly hears Dave’s voice call out from his spot on the bed, but he doesn’t answer. Instead, he keeps his eyes straight ahead, watching as a fly makes its way off the small boxed TV to the once-white walls that are now stained yellow and brown from ware.

“Townley, you listening?”

Michael forces himself to look at Dave, who’s now frowning in his direction. “What?”

“I don’t like that look,” Dave says. “There’s no backing out now. It’s too late. Philips is long gone. And we will be too in a few days.”

Michael gives a noncommittal hum. “And do you think I’m doing the right thing?”

“Michael — I think this is the only right thing you’ve done.”

At that, Michael just turns back to the wall, his eyes following the fly as it walks, buzzing and flying every so often. Life was so fucking easy for some creatures, he thinks.

After a few minutes have gone by, he lets his quiet voice wash over the room. “What’s going to happen to Trevor?”

“I don’t know. Does it matter?”

“Yeah, Christ,” Michael huffs. “I mean — I guess. Shit, I don’t know. Are you going to go after him?”

“I don’t think so,” Dave shrugs, his voice quiet too. “There’s not really a point. He thinks you’re dead.”

“Yeah,” he shakily breathes out. “I think I’m gonna go shower.”

Dave barley spares him a glance, continuing to poke and prod at the radio while Michael slides off the bed, grabbing his duffle bag and making his way to the bathroom.

Once the door is closed and locked, and he’s a safe distance away from the agent, he leans back against the door. The almost numb feeling he was experiencing mere moments ago vanishes in the silence of the four walls, and the events of the past 24 hours slam into him.

Michael’s face suddenly burns with a mix of anger and overwhelming regret. Trevor’s face — his words — ring through the air like the man is standing right next to him, screaming in his ear.

“T, you gotta get out of here!”

“Ain’t gonna leave you, Mikey!”

He knows Trevor is loyal, almost to a fault. And the only reason he ended up running was because Michael pleaded at him to go, yelling that he was dying and Trevor, if he stayed, would only be next.

He has been trying with everything in him to convince himself for months that his friend was a liability — someone that would end up killing him, Amanda, and their kids. Trevor’s reckless and irresponsible behavior only worsened as Brad pushed his way into the group, and it was becoming too much to deal with.

Even now, Michael knows that Trevor would never hurt Tracey or Jimmy on purpose. And if he was being really honest — truly, truly honest — he might even admit that his disdain for Brad’s integration into their little two-man posse was mostly driven by jealously at Trevor’s infatuation with him, even if it was friendly.

It was no secret that he and Trevor were more than friends themselves. It wasn’t uncommon for Michael to find himself kissing him after a successful score or leaning up against him during a movie just to be close. Which is why, as utterly fucked up as it is, Michael told Trevor to run.

But now, as his vision swims with unshed tears, he isn’t sure if his last minute decision will bring Trevor more torment than even death would have.

Michael tries to grab the towel off the broken rack, determined to forget the mess he’s created for himself. But as Trevor’s last words to him swirl in his mind, his hand grips at the rack too forcefully, leaving a bleeding gouge from the protruding metal as he pulls his arm back .

“Fucking shit!” Michael curses, watching the blood drip to the floor beneath him.

Michael grips the towel rack that’s already pealing off the wall from use and poor upkeep and yanks on it until the paint is falling to pieces at his feet and the bar is tearing off the wall.

“Fuck you,” he spits, throwing the bar into the corner of the small bathroom, the harsh sound of metal hitting tile echoing through the otherwise quiet room. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Feeling himself losing control, something he so desperately craves, he can no longer keep the tears that threatened to fall earlier at bay.

As his muffled cries fill the room, he slumps until his back is against the wall and shoulders are hunched as if the weight of his guilt is physically pushing him down.

The silence in the bathroom suddenly feels suffocating, and Michael can’t help but clench his fists as his heart pounds so loudly that he’s surprised he can’t hear it.

Grappling with the onslaught of his sudden panic, he tries to wipe his tears, only to smear blood down his face from the open wound on his hand.

“Damn it,” he hisses.

Usually unbothered by the sight of blood, he’s not sure why the metallic smell filtering through his nose is all of a sudden becoming unbearable. Queasiness twists in his stomach, leaving him trembling and lightheaded as he pushes himself off the floor, barely making it to the toilet before he was emptying what little dinner he had.

He takes a few shallow breaths at the end, trying to get his body back in his control.

“God, I don’t know if you’re there,” Michael’s raspy voice forces out, raising his head — eyelids half open. “But please.”

Michael doesn’t know what he’s begging for. The vomiting to stop. The tears to stop. Trevor’s crushing last words to him to vanish from his mind. Or, maybe, just for God to kill him right then and there.

A man is better off dead if he’s just going to cry and whine to God every time he sins, his mom used to say. How fucking ironic.

He flushes and then lays back against the tile floor. “I’m so sorry.”

He’s not sure if he’s talking to himself, to God, or to Trevor. He briefly allows himself to wonder what the other man is doing right now. Probably, if Michael has to guess, he’s somewhere a few towns over, creating upheaval in a dingy motel — quite like Michael is now. He and Trevor can be alike in that way at times.

He grabs at the toilet paper and dabs at his blood-dried hand before pulling out his phone and looking through the last couple texts between him and Trevor.

Dont forget the beer M. Need it to celebrate after the score.

Got it already. Be back soon.

K

Michael hits ‘reply’ and runs his fingers over the keys, typing slowly.

Please take care of yourself. Delete.

I’m sorry. I’ll always love you. Delete.

I wish I could forget you. Delete.

Michael drops the phone on to the tile beside him, knowing he can’t send any messages, and moves to stand up. His legs feel like jelly as he starts to pull his shirt over his head and unbuckle his pants for the shower he was supposed to take fifteen minutes ago.

Reaching for the metal handle, he turns on the hot water and steps inside, reveling in the steam that nearly burns his skin.

He knows San Andreas is waiting for him, and it’s too late to back out now. It’s too late.

When Michael finally does emerge from the bathroom — clean from blood, tears, and vomit — he finds Dave still toying with the radio, pretending not to watch as Michael lays down in the motel bed.

But just as his eyes start to feel heavy and the events of the day briefly begin to fade from memory, Dave’s voice sounds softly from the other side of the room.

“Los Santos will make it easier. Forgetting will get easier.”

And, God, Michael hopes that’s true.

[sublimecatgalaxy]

Hiya bestie, hope your doing well and staying hydrated! My current daydream is a lovely mix of 17. Miscommunication and reader telling Daryl D or Eddie M they are pregnant (angst/comfort vibe) Totally understand of you don't wanna.

Love from a silent follower 🔆

Choosing my man Eddie for this one since an idea immediately popped into my head lmao.

I can't believe he blew me off.

My legs bounce up and down as I watch my front door, waiting and hoping that it flies open any minute now, revealing my boyfriend in all of his late glory. He's never late, not for me and not for Hellfire Club. Those are the two things he holds so dearly to his heart, the two things he would never skip out on and the two things that are never pushed to the back burner.

So where is he?

Claiming he's at Hellfire Club for an impromptu meeting on a Sunday but then forgetting to inform Lucas, Mike and Dustin? They were shocked when I saw them at the grocery store just hours ago when I told them that Eddie had told me that there was a campaign today. I could tell by their fumbling that they weren't telling the truth and immediately trying to cover their asses and Eddie's, their loyal leader.

I hear a car door shut outside, my heart leaping in my chest but my anxiety only increases at the thought of telling him what's actually going on, why I'm so freaked and why I'm so pissed that he's late.

The door opens timidly in front of me, Eddie's sad and sorry smile immediately seen as he kicks off his shoes. "Hi sweetheart." He mumbles, shoulders drooping a bit and he shuts the door, making his way towards me slowly with clasped hands.

"Could've brought me flowers or something to make up for the fact that you're late." I fold my arms over my chest as his face drops, lips parting but I continue. "Ya know, and for blatantly lying to my face."

"L-Lying?" He stumbles, sitting down beside me on the couch, brows pulled together.

"You said you had Hellfire. Well, I saw the three musketeers at the store earlier and they looked like they were going to shit themselves trying to lie for you." I explain with a bitter laugh, nausea churning in my stomach. "If you're lying to me, great. But just like dump me now if you're cheating on me or you plan on continuing to lie to me because I have much bigger fish to fry right now." My voice is stone cold, Eddie's eyes widen a sobering amount as it begins to set in what this conversation is.

"Wait, no. I'm sorry, I did lie." He admits, reaching over to take my hands in his. "It's just really complicated and I don't know how to explain it to y-you. Fuck, if you could just give me like a day to figure it out and talk to some people then-"

"Is it drugs?" I cut him off and he pauses, brows ticking up in confusion. "Did you sell to the wrong person and now you're deep in debt?"

"No, fuck no, I'm not that stupid." He blows out a breath but I don't find any of this funny. What couldn't he tell me? What's too complicated for me, his beyond loyal girlfriend, to understand? "I don't even know how to vaguely explain it to you without fucking it up- um, Hawkins is cursed and there's a very small group of us, Steve Harrington, Nancy Wheeler, Robin Buckley- you know Robin- and the kids, who actually understand what's going on." My mind spins as I think back to the terrible things this town has been through the last few years, the disappearances, the random killings, the overall weird vibes- it makes sense, but why is Eddie involved. "I just need them to explain it to you. I can't do that especially when you're threatening to dump me if I sound the slightest bit disingenuous." His voice cracks fearfully and I frown, reaching up to run a hand through my hair.

"I'm not just thinking about myself anymore, Eds." My voice quivers as frustrated tears prick at my eyes. "I don't know how to tell you this and I don't want you to be angry, I just-" I cut myself off with a deep breath, pressing my shaking hands into my knees. "I'm pregnant." His face immediately turns a shade of green, but not out of disgust, he's afraid.

"You're-"

"Pregnant. So forgive me for getting mad about you lying to me and being late." His face drops into his hands as he nods, his whole body tense in anxious energy.

"Oh my god. Why didn't you tell me?" He asks, his voice squeaky and I let out a bitter laugh, throwing my arms up.

"I wasn't going to tell you over the phone!" He immediately breaks a bit, laughing embarrassingly as he nods, waving his arms in front of me, brushing off his previous question.

"Right, right." He mutters, scooting closer to me and he pauses, his lips parted in shock as he tries to find the right words to say. I understand that this is a big thing to drop on him, that we both needed comfort and reassurance, but I'm the one who's been holding onto this, worried that he's out there lying and cheating on me. "A-Alright, we'll figure it out." He shrugs breathlessly, squeezing my hands in his.

"After you find a way to explain what's been going on." I add, watching him gulp but a soft smile stretches across my lips, calming his anxiety a bit as his eyes flicker down to look at my belly. Five different emotions pass through his expression at once, almost as if he's trying to prepare himself for the next nine months and so on.

"Yes, right- you're right." He laughs, leaning forward to rest his head on my shoulder. "You still love me?" His question makes me laugh as I wrap an arm around his shoulder, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Get over here. Of course I do."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi @crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the-heart @vampviolets@haylee-e@popehaywardssecretgf @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife @smoke-and-fire @officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @smoke-and-fire386 @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr

[saezurufeels]

What do you think of Kage and Yashiro friendship? I think Kage is a very shitty friend.

So sorry for the late reply!! Thanks for being patient :)

Kageyama is one of those characters that I'm simultaneously frustrated with, and sympathize with. Kageyama told Doumeki once that he felt like an outcast in high school, which means he was probably struggling with his own self-concept— he was ashamed of his burn/scab fetish and very insecure about his sexuality, even into adulthood. On top of that he didn't know how to deal with Yashiro's tragic confession. I think it's normal for anyone to be taken aback by Yashiro's sudden childhood trauma confession, especially someone as young as K at the time. it's natural he was pity (he just didn't have to say it out loud). I think Kageyama does have a capacity for empathy, even though he is very self-centered and mainly focuses on his own problems and beliefs. Even when Kageyama met Kuga, he couldn’t hide his pity. He kept asking about how Kuga got his burn/scars and if it hurt, etc. Kuga got annoyed with the pity questions and wasn’t afraid to show it. Sadly, either Yashiro was too afraid to show his true feelings, or the more likely scenario, he didn’t understand his strange/unknown feelings and didn't know how to communicate his romantic emotions effectively. Because Kuga was very straightforward whenever he was mad or smitten by Kageyama, K understood the assignment, and eventually pursued Kuga romantically (with Yashiro’s push).

The major difference with Yashiro, and the reason Kageyama stayed oblivious to Yashiro’s feelings, was because Yashiro never showed him his annoyance, frustration, affection, etc. In high school Yashiro came off kind of unserious and unbothered at all times. I think Kageyama thought Yashiro was fucking with him most of the time. Y would randomly say things like, “I think about you crying at your father’s funeral when I jerk off,” with a grin on his face. I’m sure anyone would think it’s a stupid joke, not a love confession. Yashiro didn’t know how to be affectionate in a way that would be understood by most people. Once I talked about how Yashiro’s attitude and personality around Kageyama is basically the same as it was when they were teenagers, and I still stand by that. Kageyama told Doumeki that Yashiro is still a “high school brat” who hasn’t changed. “High school brat” gives off the image someone who is unserious and annoying. That’s what Yashiro is to Kageyama. But, can we blame Kageyama for thinking that? Yes, for sure. BUT, we can also kind of understand why he thinks that, based on what and how much Yashiro has chosen to show of himself to K.

Yashiro probably started off not knowing how to show affection for Kageyama, but slowly the rejection and hurt caused him to close off and build a personality that would keep him from feeling like he was rejected. Ofc Kageyama could have done more to understand Yashiro better, but again, he was too preoccupied with his own struggles to pay attention to Yashiro’s. There were plenty of opportunities to mature, and be an emotionally supportive friend, and Kageyama failed every time. But the more I read this story, the more I realize how many people actually fall for Yashiro’s persona. It’s not really easy to detect Yashiro’s true self, and only people who are very attuned to their environment, and emotionally intelligent can detect Yashiro’s true heart. Kageyama is not one of those attentive people, and I don’t think he did it maliciously, but I do think he could have tried harder. Even Kuga seems to understand Yashiro better. Yes, K is a shitty friend, but he’s also a very loyal and empathic friend. Thanks for the great question!

[im-goofball]

Since some people really want to know more about Xebec, Garp and Roger, I'll give you the first of the five important aspects of their brotherhood.

Part 1. Childhood

Xebec grew up in Dawn island, specificaly in Gray Terminal. This is where he meets his loyal and closest friend, later his brother, Garp.

Their relationship starts a bit of rocky, ( no pun intendet ) as Xebec doesn't want to have anything to do with Garp, even tho Garp really wants to be his friend.

After months of fighting eachother and hunting animals together two form some sort of bond. It isn't friendship from Xebec's point of view. He would never admit he started liking that annoying and loud brat.

They both shared a dream to go out on the sea, wanting to find treasures and have so many adventures. They decided they will be pirates together. Yes, Monkey D. Garp, the Hero of the Marines, aka Garp the Fist wanted to be a pirate. Shocking isn't it?

Their relationship changed one day. Xebec was out training while Garp wanted to protect their small ship. They wanted to sail tomorrow, they were ready. They knew what others would say. „Two ten year old kids on the sea? Pah! You won't survive a day!“ But they trained hard every single day, preparing for leaving the Dawn island and Gray Terminal for good.

When Xebec returned, he found the ship destroyed, piles of wood floating on the sea. He noticed Garp laying in sand, he was all bloody with so many cuts and bruises. Xebec just stared in horror. Without hesitation, he took Garp into his hands and ran to the Foosha village.

Xebec took him to the doctor, but he couldn't do anything. Xebec was so pissed off he beat the crap out of that old man. He then ran to the Gray Terminal, but they just yelled ,fuck off!' Xebec had no other choice. He had to go to the Goa Kingdom. After hours of searching he found a good doctor in a big hospital. He promised Garp would live. He had to. Xebec didn't like to admit it, but he hated being alone. And he wanted him to live.

After Garp woke up, two of them got into fight, Xebec yelling at him that he is a fucking moron and idiot and Garp yelling back that he had to protect the ship.

„Why? Why did you stay? Why didn't you run away? They could have and would have killed you! WHY?!“

„BECUASE I WANTED TO BE YOUR FRIEND!!“

Xebec's eyes widden. No one ever wanted to be his friend. Not a single person ever he met. Not until him.

'Monster. Devil's child! Stay away!' All those years he thought he would end up alone. But now he had that stupid brat. That stupid brat that won't go away, that stupid brat that helped him with hunting and stealing the boat. That stupid brat who cares about him.

„Why?“

He asked in shaky voice. Xebec was on the verge of crying and so was Garp.

„BECAUSE BEING ALONE IS WORSE THEN BEING HURT!!“

Right. Being alone is worse then any pain in the world. But now he had the br-...no. Now he had Garp. His friend. His only friend. His dearest Treasure.

And nothing could separate them.