#he's so used to this harsh cruel lustful prideful UN-SOFT way of living

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

oh? what am I thinking about tonight?

Sebastian casually trauma dumping on his S/O, without realizing that's what he's doing, and being surprised when they're concerned about him

like he just mentions something his mother did to him (telling him he was too weak to hunt, keeping his hair long so she could PULL it to control him, never telling him his father was still alive or that he had siblings, being all around INCREDIBLY cruel to her child, take your pick)

and he says it in this way of "sigh, Melinda is such a nuisance" instead of acting like it was what it was, which was abuse

he doesn't realize how horrific his childhood was until suddenly his S/O starts crying and hugging him and telling him they're so sorry, she wasn't right to do that, does he need anything from them??

he views what Melinda did as NORMAL. that's how it is for demons. isn't it? hell is hell for a reason; it's not good. but a demon's normal is a human's worst nightmare.

it's sad if his S/O doesn't know he's a demon, because he wants so badly to tell them that what he went through was normal for a demon. but he has to keep quiet and pretend he's human, and he just... doesn't know what to say in response. except to hold them and say "thank you" and then just think about how deeply his mother scarred him and whether or not it actually was normal

but it's even worse if his S/O does know he's a demon. they know what he is. they know he's a monster. they're very sweet to him, but they have no delusions about his true nature. so why is it something that concerns them, to hear that demons have acted like demons? why do they think he somehow deserved anything else? deserved the same things as a human? he's not a human. he doesn't deserve human things, he deserves demon things, and demon things are BAD. it's just a fact.

... but they're so concerned about him. has he been mistaken? everything that his mother did to him, was it really not acceptable? he's been convinced it was normal for demons, but even if it is, does that automatically make it okay? the person he loves doesn't think so. they think he's been terribly hurt, and it's even worse because he doesn't quite realize it until they react in the way a person SHOULD react when they're told their loved one was abused.

it's even worse than if his S/O doesn't know he's a demon, because if his S/O does know, he can't even really say thank you. he can't get a word out. all he can do is be held, and cry silently.

and he's not really crying because he's realizing the effect Melinda's abuse had on him. there's a little of that, sure. but the main reason he's crying?

because his S/O, the person he loves more than anyone or anything in the world, is crying for him.

he doesn't want to hurt them, or make them sad.

and, he hasn't done that, really.

they're crying and hurt because of something that hurt him. and they know it hurt him, and they love him so much, they're angry and sad because he was hurt.

he can't believe that someone could love him so selflessly, that they're crying over his scars simply because it means he was hurt. moreover, because that pain was something they think he didn't deserve.

he doesn't know how to react, or how to feel... except that their love feels like a bandage wrapped around all his old wounds. to keep him safe, because they don't want anyone to ever, EVER hurt him again.

he thinks he doesn't deserve that kind of love. but he wants it anyway.