#heena wants

[bespectacledbookworm]

Crying, screaming and throwing up. Left work too late and got home an hour before I was supposed to be in bed. That's not happening now. I keep losing more and more aleep.and with it my sanity.

[theprocrastinatingredkitty]

These panels are painful to read ffs

I had to take a moment and cry at these panels

LOOK AT THE PAIN IN HIS EYES 😭 That is the look of a haunted and broken man who's willing to blind himself to his own pain if it means being with the one he loves

In a way, Na-Kyum is now absorbing Seungho's coping mechanism of making a daydream for himself, skirting around a bigger issue that's right in front of him. In his mind, Na-Kyum is probably thinking the short amount of time that Seungho was away was simply a bad dream

Also

THOSE PANELS ABOVE. The fact that the greatly feared Yoon Seungho is not afraid of looking "weak" and even going as far as to apologize to Na-Kyum magnifies the change love had done for him. It can also be because of the presence of his sisters-in-law (yes, I am referring to them as his in-laws now at this point)

I hope Heena can finally understand that no matter what, Na-Kyum will always get what he wants, even if it means it is to be doomed with Seungho in the end

[nxght-shxft]

same question for the scp one's too ;3c (i wont make you draw allat (unless ,you want me to....))

OKAY WORD!!!

afastyr likes gossip and theatre!

mephis likes creating stringing up the heenas and puppeteering them (FUCKING FREAK!!!)

vauxarin likes peoplewatching!

sabayon likes hunting and eating gods

ryka likes sewing!

i’hvihra likes singing :3

varya doesn’t like much of their own anymore (they’re succumbing to the sickness)

helvella also likes singing but she also likes taking walks!

koi likes collecting things!

lilin used to enjoy sparring with others but doesn’t have the luxury anymore </3

[lovefrombegonia]

"Master Yoon has changed. Since that night, he hasn't said anything awful."

"He doesn't even call me to his chambers at night."

"Instead, he comes to dine with me, for every meal. From time to time, he brings me treats and smokes a pipe. Sometimes, he asks me if I wanna take a puff."

"And sometimes, he visits me...only to sit by my side, and gaze at me. And every once in a while...he will give me a kiss, nothing more, before leaving. Just that, and nothing more."

P.S. - Basically, Nakyum is wondering what happened to your libido hehe

On a serious note, Yoon Seungho finally realizes he has become like his father, and even beyond that, worse than his father...that thought finally smacked some conscience in his brain. He is changing but he is still Seungho. Which is why, Nakyum still won't open his heart to him. And Heena's warning, still rings true in Nakyum's mind.

"Noona is right. It's a mistake, a fleeting emotion that will fade away."

"Not only that. I am sure master Yoon feels the same. He is a fickle man, quick to move on to new interests.

In a way, Heena's warning was correct. Nakyum almost died because he was targeted by Seungho's enemies. Which is why, it's almost poetic how the only way Seungho was able to save him...was by choosing to kneel down in front of his abuser, his father, offering his servitude to the one he despised the most.

"It is precisely...because you are nothing...that your plaything will pay the price with his life."

"I swear to live as you command."

"From this moment on, I shall not bring any further shame to your name. I pledge to be the honorable, upstanding son that you always wanted."

"I beg of you, father. Spare the boy's life and you'll have all the leverage you desire to do with me as you wish."

"You'll have me as a willing servant for the rest of my days."

The fact that the only way he could ensure Nakyum's safety...Nakyum, the man he loved the most and also the man he hurt and abused the most, was by bowing down and begging for help from his own biggest abuser, his father... Thinking about it really breaks my mind a little. That Seungho had finally reached the point where he willingly swallows his past enmity, his ego, his past pain to protect and, in a way to repent, for his own sins...I really like that about this story.

[fishylife]

Thoughts on Painter of the Night chapters 103-126

First of all, it's pretty unfortunate that Byeonduck has been going through so many health problems :/ I know comic artists are under an immense amount of stress with deadlines and such. I'm glad that they're able to take hiatuses from drawing and writing, but hopefully they can take MORE of them :///

On to Painter of the Night, chapter 126 ends with Nakyum in jail because he took the fall for Seungho's crimes, and Seungho is there vising him. They're at a bit of an impasse because Nakyum is insistent on taking the blame, whereas obviously Seungho doesn't want this.

At this point, the story is kind of formulaic. Nakyum gets hurt because of something to do with Seungho, Seungho does what he needs to do to get Nakyum back (often using violence), rinse and repeat. And yet, I CAN'T STOP READING lmao. I just love seeing a guy get whumped for love, and that is what's happening to Nakyum. But the patterns are rather obvious now.

The handful of chapters after the murders of the lords, when Nakyum was still recovering, and Seungho had wanted him to stay at the kisaeng house...honestly those chapters had me tearing up. Nakyum was so worried about being abandoned by Seungho that he was doing everything he could to show him that he wanted to be there, pretending to be happy, even making sexual advances to Seungho. And Seungho...he reacts so gently now. I remember in the early days when it was so hard to read Seungho; he was so erratic, you never really knew what he was thinking or going to do. It was terrifying, even just as a reader. Even though Seungho and Nakyum's love is kind of obsessive, we can't deny that the love has grounded him a bit, for better or for worse.

After the deal at the kisaeng house, we see Heena mulling over things, probably because she sees with her own eyes that Nakyum wants to be with Seungho. Before, she was still kind of convinced that he was being held captive but now, seeing him run after Seungho, she's thinking about how things have changed, and probably aren't how she thought they were. Side note on Heena, it appears that she was the person that had been saved from the water, because she was looking for Inhun's stuff? And I think it was Seungho's people who saved her? Sorry, I'm picking this manhwa back up after a long time so my memory's a bit foggy, and I know that that panel was a callback to that time when Nakyum confessed to Seungho followed by a panel suggesting that Inhun had possibly drowned. But we're supposed to interpret it as Heena having been saved after looking for Inhun's stuff. I think lol.

I do love the scheming!!!! One of my favourite themes in historical stories. We start to see more into the relationships between Seungho, Seungwon, and their father who I'll just call Lord Yoon. Seungho isn't totally out of it, being a noble himself, he has an inkling of what's going on behind the scenes, because he knows these people well enough. And we come to realize that the reasons why Seungho is still alive right now is (1) because he has some dirt over the older nobles and (2) his dad still has a sliver of love for him. Apparently the older lords like Lord Yoon and Lord Haseon had done some shady shit and the petition was evidence of that, which Seungho held.

I CHEERED when I found out that Seungwon was on Seungho's side, and was the spy within the Yoon family. We'd only seen him briefly before, but I was always hoping that Seungwon would be cool and he is lol. I do appreciate that Seungwon is in the middle between Seungho and Lord Yoon though. He understands that Seungho's been through shit, and he's very sympathetic to that. However, he is also there to push Seungho to get it together. See, Seungho lives in a manor with people who all report to him. Nobody is telling him to get his shit together. That can only come from outside, and the only noble that Seungho even barely trusts is his brother Seungwon. And it's not that Seungho needs to study for the civil service exams like his brother and get a government post. But it's clear that because he handles things recklessly, that danger is always coming back to him and his loved ones, including Nakyum. So yes, there is a need for Seungho to get it together, and imo Seungwon is right to push him.

Inhun was approached by Lord Haseon to get the petition. I did enjoy the conversations between Inhun and Lord Haseon. It appears that long ago, Inhun had berated Lord Haseon for bullying a child Nakyum at the kisaeng house. And here they are, years later, Lord Haseon ordering Inhun to find evidence of Lord Haseon's own misdoings, and Inhun desperate to do so. There was that panel where Lord Haseon said that "time changes us all," and we see Inhun on the floor, kowtowing in desperation for another chance. Inhun was once a bastion of justice and the bureaucracy broke him down to the man he is now.

Lord Haseon pointed out that Inhun already showed that he was a man that was open to bribery the moment he agreed to an audience with Lord Haseon. Anyway, Lord Haseon got Inhun to look for the petition, and in return, Lord Haseon would help him get a government post.

It appears that Inhun always knew about Nakyum's affections for him, and used that entirely to his advantage to get the petition. It was so ugly when we saw Inhun burst into tears, feigning worry over Nakyum's "captivity," because we know how fake those tears were. But ever since Nakyum confessed to Seungho, we've seen his fondness for Inhun go from romantic to something of admiration for an elder. And that's what it is now, it's his admiration for a man he used to look up to, whereas Seungho is the one he wants to kiss, the one he wants to spend his days with.

See, this round of Nakyum being whumped and kidnapped is a little more personal than the last round (with the lords), because Inhun and Haseon both have personal connections with Nakyum and Seungho. Nakyum choosing Seungho over Inhun to his face is a big step.

As for Seungho, we're finally getting to see more into his past. It was hinted at that he'd suffered sexual abuse as a teenager (?). According to Seungwon, he believes that Lord Yoon does still love Seungho, and pushed most of the blame of the abuse onto Lord Haseon, which is a bit of a copout because they both should be responsible. But I'm guessing the story wanted to set up Lord Haseon as the big bad with regards to Seungho's depravity, and then Lord Yoon is going to be the big bad in terms of keeping Seungho and Nakyum apart. In any case, Seungho killed Haseon so that chapter is kind of closed. Kind of. It depends on how Byeonduck's going to handle Lord Yoon and Seungho's conflict.

And that brings us to where we are!!!!!!

Seungho and Nakyum's toxic relationship grows to be slightly healthier, if only because they considered the running away together. Seungho's starting to understand that...you should want to make people you like happy, and Nakyum being around all the people that hate Seungho is only going to hurt Nakyum. But they're struggling just to leave because Seungho's enemies are too strong and all around.

That being said, I don't know that Seungho has a lot of tools in his arsenal. He has no political power, except for the petition. I also don't know that he can get either him or Nakyum out of the crimes because, like, my man did commit them. Maybe he can get some leniency on punishment but ??? how???

For some reason I was under the impression that Painter of the Night was going to end happily (not sure why), but I wonder if this is going to end with Nakyum and Seungho dying together. Byeonduck once mentioned that in our world, Seungho would be a criminal, and even in his original world, he is a criminal. It's going to be a rough time getting out of this one, but with the power of bureaucracy and an imperfect political system, maybe there's hope for Seungho and Nakyum.

For some love stories, dying together isn't a sad ending to me. Usually when it just hurts too much to be together. But despite the ills they went through, I don't think dying together is necessarily the happiest ending for Seungho and Nakyum. Maybe because there was hope, and there was intention; I do think there's a realistic possibility that they could be happy together in their own world, not bothering anyone. But we shall have to wait and see what Byeonduck has for us!!!!

[lacrymoon]

Up to no good

+ concept: The Phantom Thieves (Persona 5) after school +

Two of my closest friends recently came back to SL and I asked them to take some pictures with me and Akira ♡ We’ve been having so much fun hanging out with them again and we’re helping catch them up to all the new stuff they’ve missed after having been away for several years.

Well, I’ve actually also just recently got back to SL last December but I sure did do a lot of research and studying to catch up on what’s new as soon as I got back~!

It just so happened that School Day Summer event was going on when we started planning taking some pictures together, so we decided to each get a different school uniform. I don’t remember whose idea it was, but we wanted to look like friends from different schools getting up to no good together after school. ;)

We also had fun getting stuck shopping and (sim)hopping together at the SL18B Shop & Hop, but that’s a blog post for another day~

Lacry (white hair) + Akira (pink hair) + Keqinq (blue hair) + Jewel (black/red hair)

✧✧✧

Credits:

✧ on Lacry ✧

LeLutka Lilly EvoX 3.1 head + Maitreya Lara v5.3 body

Bold & Beauty – Jin Skin in Shell + Maitreya Shell body skin

Nuve – Crystal Eyebrows in Black

IDTTY Faces – Butterfly Kiss eyeshadow #1

GoreGlam – Dreams Tonite lip oil

Somnus – Ghoul Eyes in Basic Eye [Silver] & Night [Red] (available at the marketplace)

Monso – Babi Hair – Mix & Pop color pack

Toksik – Elite Top in Burgundy (School Day Summer exclusive)

Toksik – Elite Skirt in Grey (School Day Summer exclusive)

e.marie – Kestra Earrings in Golds

SEKAI – Dark Aura Particle 2.2 [this is the red floating text in the pictures~]

SEKAI – Courage face tattoo (group gift)

Addams – Zoe Combat Platform Short Boots in N*30 + Zoe Wool Socks

Vibing – Lydia Rings

✧ on Akira ✧

LeLutka Lilly EvoX 3.1 head + Legacy Classic meshbody

Nuve – Suri in Milk (group gift)

Nuve – Crystal BOM lip tint pink (group gift)

IDTTY Faces – Love Hard eyeshadow (gift)

VCO – Jihyo 002 in Pink

Uzu x Dalgona – Love Chronicle Uniform 2 (Love Chronicle gacha)

Addams – Frida Dr Addams Boots in N*30

SEKAI – Courage face tattoo (group gift)

Secrets – Shelly Earrings

Viena – Mortalia Fallunt tattoo pack

✧ on Keqinq ✧

LeLutka Lilly EvoX 3.1 head + Legacy Classic meshbody

S@R – Bom Skin Snow White (SL18B Shop & Hop gift)

Nuve – Skin Tint in Tint 7 (group gift)

LuluB! – Nebula Eyes in Ethereal

Monso – Choi Hair – Mix & Pop color pack

Cheezu – Sailor School Uniform in Black

Addams – Zoe Combat Platform Short Boots in N*30 + Zoe Wool Socks

SEKAI – Shadow Spirit Kitsune Mask #11 RARE (Shadow Spirit gacha)

SEKAI – Right Cheek Seal Sticker #2 (Shadow Spirit gacha)

SU! – Tormey Septum (SL18B Shop & Hop gift)

✧ on Jewel ✧

Genus Strong Face head + Legacy Classic meshbody

7 Deadly Skins – Brionie Skin in Cotton Candy

AviGlam – Nightsky Eyes in BOM 1 (SL18B Shop & Hop gift)

Monso – Lalisa Hair (Mid option) – Mix & Pop color pack

Izzie’s – BakesOnMesh Layers Eyeliner – Genus – 09

GoreGlam – Secret Code Tint

Cheezu – Heena Outfit in Black

Addams – Frida Dr Addams Boots in N*30

SEKAI – Left Cheek Seal Sticker #2 (Shadow Spirit Gacha)

COCO – Lace Choker in Black (group gift)

✧ other credits ✧

MINIMAL – April 2021 group gift

Kazza – Rose&Wood Table

♡ Lacry

wordpress post

[wanna-say]

I found this in my notes and I still feel guilty about it, what should I doooooo🥺

Ufffff, today was a today for real... Let me start with this

I am learning driving.. And till today I was proud of myself that such a good learner I am.. But now it has turned all upside down. Today is teej(Another Indian festival) and mum Aryan and I went for lunch to mamaji's (maternal uncle) house.... And yesterday when we went there I was quite upset why mom didn't let me drive... And today after the fuwarha chauk (roundabout ) Aryan gave the responsibility to me... Responsibility of driving the car and responsibility of our lives... Most importantly someone else's life.. Then with a deep breath I started driving and as you know what an ill- mannered person I am and how easy it is to provoke me then on the turn in front of gate no. 4, Hau, I got angry for some really silly reason( ma said something)and then in that narrow... Really narrow road Aryan said:

"Aine gusso na dilao aa kde hi thauk degi"(don't make her angry else she will bump into something)

But even at that very narrow passage I got the car outside in a tip top condition but but but in the next street just few houses away from my destination I screwed up... A car came from front and one was parked in my left.....so that I can give way to the car coming from front I asumed that there is lots of space and can get out even though I was suspicious I took the risk and... There you go.. I bumped into the car and that is not the end I just didn't stopped to say sorry or something I just went away from there and then this was not enough that I also touched a rediwaala (cart) lthough he faced no injury but it displays my alertness and then I parked the car safely ( am I even allowed to use this word now? ).

When we moved for the mamaji's house from the point where we parked where we parked the car Aryan said:" Tune 3 baar thoki"(you bumped 3 times) one extra because there was a scooty as well as with the car but that was just merely touched... And after that for a long time I was in a bad mood.. Although it was my mistake I still didn't wanted to admit it and the fact that I harmed someone else's car.

And then when I went to buy mahendi(heena) keep to shop I planned to see the harm I have done and then near the shop I spotted the car and 2 ladies were standing beside it and one of them was mentioning it to other "dekh koi khadi khadi n hi thauk gyo" ( someone bumped into it even if it was just standing only) and my heart sank at it.. After returning to home I felt sorry for sometime and in between somewhere I told Koshika and Jaggu about it and both of them tried to console me in their own way that it was okay but even I knew it is not... But 😞

After a while I had some really delicious food( cholle puri and halwa) and when mamaji woke up and when I started applying mahendi..in all this hustle bustle I forgot everything ..but deep down I know I did something really wrong today.

Ps : I never tried driving after this incident... It's been 6 months

Ignore typos it was written in heat of the moment

[barclayitaly]

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[visionaryphotographysblog]

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[bespectacledbookworm]

anyone who knows anything about lifting weights for strength and not muscle, is three pounds good or do I need to get like. more

[theprocrastinatingredkitty]

Someone asked this in one of the pages I follow

So here’s my take on this

BD posted a teaser of Seungwon’s appearance in season 4 before in one of her tweets

And in this season, we also see Heena, taking Seungho’s side after she’s been saved

Since Seungho and Na-Kyum are mirrors of each other, we can also assume that even their respective families are mirrors as well

With Seungwon now in the picture, him having shown to appearing as a defiant younger brother who’s messing up his older brother’s household, we can take this as his version of Heena’s first appearance in the manhwa, where she raised ruckus in the Yoon household

Notice that in both cases, they barged in under the assumption that Seungho had commited a crime. For Heena, she assumed that Seungho kidnapped Na-Kyum, whereas now, Seungwon assumed that Seungho burned down the shaman house after the murders of the noblemen

In Heena’s case, Na-Kyum defended Seungho’s name and told her that she’ll stay with him despite the “evidence” that Seungho committed the crime of murdering In-Hun

And we can assume that in Seungwon’s case, Na-Kyum will also do the same to Seungwon. We can assume that Na-Kyum will not believe that Seungho murdered the noblemen, as Na-Kyum had been brainwashed that the night of the kidnapping was merely a nightmare, and I think that in his delusion of wanting peace to remain in his heart, Na-Kyum will believe it for some time unless he sees or hears evidence that Seungho did commit a crime

Seungwon can come off as someone who is hardheaded just like in his first appearance when he barged in on Seungho’s bedchamber despite even being told off by Kim, and we can assume that Seungwon has been brainwashed by Chang-Hyeon that his older brother had committed a crime and must be punished before officials find out, because a nobleman committing murder of another noble, let alone a bunch of noblemen, can equate to the annihilation of the criminal’s entire clan. Additionally, the sacrilegious act of defiling and burning down a shaman house along with a sacred tree, warrants hatred from the Shamanistic Joseon people, who considers these elements as beings not to be destroyed, as doing so would incur the wrath of heaven upon the entire village or even the nation itself. With this knowledge of the gravity of the situation, this is why Seungwon orders the guards around in such haste in case any of the servants have destroyed any evidence unknowingly

Seungwon has yet to know though, that the biggest evidence would be in the form of Na-Kyum himself. The trauma is still fresh in his mind even after a month under Seungho’s care and supervision.

And just like the brainwashed Heena who was convinced that In-Hun had been kind to Na-Kyum, Seungwon would initially not likely to believe that his brother didn’t burn the shaman house down, as it’s most likely that the info he got had been from his trusted source, Yoon Chang-Hyeon, their father. Who, in Seungwon’s eyes, is most likely his hero who does everything he can to preserve the Yoon family name. Seungwon had most likely been subjected to information that Seungho is a stain on the family and would one day be the cause of their annihilation. And Seungwon is now there at Seungho’s house to “save the family from his brother’s misdeed”. I think Seungwon thinks Seungho “can be saved from his father’s wrath if he can only come clean with his crime”. Judging by the urgency and the calm appearance of Seungwon in chapter 115, I think he wants his older brother’s affection in some way, despite them being estranged. Hence this is why Seungwon might initially come off as an enemy (like Heena did in her first appearance), but is most likely going to be an ally once the truth is revealed to him—that his brother didn’t destroy a holy place and the sacred tree, that his brother committed murder in the name of love

Seungwon, I think, has a heart in there somewhere, a heart that wants to understand why his brother acts the way he does. And yet, his actions come off to Seungho as meddlesome—exactly like how Heena is to Na-Kyum’s life when she found out he was living with Seungho.

For now, I am placing Seungwon as a gray character who’d be most likely become one of SeungKyum’s supporters once the truth is revealed to him—that the bad guy had been his father all along. But I am sure he’ll be having a moral dilemma at that point, it’d be hard for him to believe it at first, just like when Heena didn’t believe Seungho until she gets kidnapped

Which brings me to another theory, that at some point, Seungwon might get caught up in a conspiracy and he’d be wrapped up in something he’s not supposed to see. And just like Heena, Seungwon, too, could get kidnapped—either by Song’s men, or maybe even Chang-Hyeon himself, probably under the pretext that “your brother did this to you and therefore you must kill him”

I think that is the plan that Chang-Hyeon is going to pull off. He doesn’t want his hands dirty, he always gets others to do the dirty work for him. And Seungho’s death could include that. Since the ending of chapter 115 showed Seungho being stabbed, we can assume that it’s Chang-Hyeon’s guard who did this. This coincides with the appearance of Song before In-Hun. The older nobles are looking for ways to dispose of Seungho without linking the crimes back to them—and I think they found their fall guy with In-Hun

Now, I think: Chang-Hyeon made a deal with Song and it seemingly appeared as if they want In-Hun to take the blame under the pretext that In-Hun hated Seungho enough, he hired an assassin to get him killed; but all the while, Song is thinking of something else entirely. I think Song wants Seungwon to take the blame. Song could manipulate Seungwon at some point into thinking that the younger Yoon is helping his brother when in reality it’s not. (Like in the case of Min manipulating Heena into thinking he’ll save Na-Kyum when he did the complete opposite.) Song could take down both the Yoon brothers and Chang-Hyeon in one fell swoop, all the while Chang-Hyeon is unknowingly signing the death of his entire clan to this one devious man

[hanumantraders]

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Heena powder works by combining to keratin present in your hair, a protein that offers right structure to your hair.

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Select best-quality Heena powder

It is important to select the best quality Heena powder that is free from any chemicals. Choose an organic Heena powder that is finely grounded and has a deep & rich color.

Prepare Heena paste

To create a thick paste, mix Heena powder with hot water. To enhance color, you can add some natural ingredients like tea or lemon juice.

Apply Heena paste to your hair

You need to apply Heena paste to your hair, assuring that it covers all your hair evenly.

If you want to create lowlights or highlights, then apply Heena to particular sections of your hair.

Leave Heena in your hair

Leave Heena in your hair for almost two hours, or longer to achieve more intense color. To keep Heena warm and moist, you can cover hair with a shower cap or towel.

Rinse your hair

To remove Henna paste, you need to rinse your hair with water thoroughly. You can use a mild shampoo when necessary, but avoid do not using a conditioner for first 24-48 hours after you color your hair.

Tips for using natural Heena powder

To achieve best results, here are some tips for using Natural Heena Powder:

Do a patch test

Before you use Heena powder for the first time, do a patch test to ensure that you do not suffer from an allergic reaction.

Use protective clothing and gloves

Heena might stain your clothing and skin, so wear gloves and protective clothing when applying paste to your hair.

Select right color

You can use Heena to attain different types of colors, but final result is going to depend on natural color of your hair.

Conclusion

Therefore, natural Heena powder is best choice for people who wish to achieve hair color without getting exposed to harsh chemicals.

[lovefrombegonia]

POTN Ramblings

CW: abuse, rape, childhood abuse, homophobia

POTN experts on Tumblr anyone? What is the tonic that Seungho needs to consume regularly, and then what is it for? I am guessing the "disease" they keep talking about is being attracted to men. But I was wondering if the tonic keeps causing delirious fits and insomnia.

Also, I am still not clear about what happened in Seungho's childhood. He was beaten, and forced to watch others have sex by his own father and Lord Song. But I think it's implied he was also molested. I can guess that but I think the servant Kim is the one who told Elder Yoon about Seungho kissing another boy, right?

He already looking unhinged even as a child tho but I am gonna say that's just Seungho's face 😭

Also, Kim was shocked to see how Seungho was beaten up after he was locked in the shed. Idk why Seungho was on a mat tho?? I guess it's implied he got the same punishment Nakyum almost got in the initial chapters when Seungho thought he ruined the painting. But I thought that kind of punishment was only for the low-born class.

I don't think Seungho'e father knows that he was actually molested by Lord Song or his minions, otherwise, he wouldn't work with Song later too. Elder Yoon only knows about the fucked up "conversion therapy" part.

Kim stayed with Seungho out of guilt but I can't blame him. He couldn't have known his single complain to Elder Yoon would result in so much torture for Seungho. And he did try to help Nakyum as much as he could from Seungho's rage and madness. I feel so bad for him.

Painter of the night is such a tragic saga of the cycle of abuse, manipulation, homophobia, classism, and obsession. I even hesitate to call what Seungho and Nakyum have as love. It started so bad....Nakyum has always been a strong character, even in the face of Seungho's abuse.

Even when he is trembling , scared shirtless, he will still call out Seungho's bullshit. He will defend In Hun when Seungho calls his poetry derivative. He defends his Noonas when Seungho calls them names. He even tried to protect dokjae or whatever that servant's name was that was working with the nameless jester. Most the things he did for Seungho, only to protect Jung In Hun. And when In Hun left him heartbroken, insultingly calling him a whore, Nakyum gave up fighting. Deciding to just stay as Seungho's boy toy. I am not a psychologist but this just screams STOCKHOLM SYNDROME, right? Even though in the end, so much genuine affection and care bloomed between them, you know, what Nakyum feels could be his own mind breaking and "falling in love" with Seungho to cope with the sexual and physical abuse.

Heena also points out the same. I am not saying Nakyum has NO desire towards Seungho, be it emotional or physical desires. From day 1, Nakyum did find Seungho at the very least physically attractive. He draws out of passion, almost driven by instinct, and he drew Seungho with a lot of detail. But the power dynamic is so dangerous here that until the last the moment when I saw that Seungho was ready to leave Nakyum with his Noonas in Kisaeng House, I wasn't sure if the "love" they have can even get enough fresh air to bloom, surrounded by so much miasma of Seungho's initial abuse towards Nakyum. Until that point, I wasn't sure if what Seungho feels is only obsession or is there love mixed in there too. All the gentleness, tenderness, protection and comfort Seungho gave Nakyum until that point, I found myself thinking: this could very well be coz he feels like he owns Nakyum right? But his willingness to leave Nakyum, even figuratively bowing in front of Heena to make sure Nakyum remains safe felt like something akin to selfless love.

And even then...even now....I hesitate to call it love. In a way, this is some-what of a gothic love story, I guess. Like Dracula and Mina. Seungho has lived most of his life wanting to torment and punish his father, his primary abuser. In the end, he bowed down to his father, promising to be under him, be his puppet, to do whatever it takes if it means Elder Yoon can rescue Nakyum from death row. When Seungho was bowing down to his father, it made me feel so angry LMAO I really hope Seungho actually slowly poisoned his dad. OMG my own daddy issues gonna go wild 😭 ok, ok...

And Seungho himself did realise along the way how he was becoming what he hated the most. How he was hurting Nakyum again and again. Once more, Kim plays a pivotal role, when he made Seungho realise what he was doing to Nakyum, showing him a mirror to his own actions. Heena, too, unknowingly made Seungho see how much pain and misfortune he has brought to the one he feels like he has fallen in love with. Nakyum too never hesitated in telling what he wants in their relationship. And that he will leave if Seungho starts being all demonic again. How interesting that the only ones who could actually force Yoon Seungho, a powerful noble, to see what a monster he has become were the so-called lower class people: a house servant, a low-born painter and a kisaeng.

I have read a lot of manga and manhwa with the typical "toxic yaoi" pipeline story but for some reason...this one. This one. It just...it has me a chokehold. Painter of the Night has left bruises in my heart. So odd, a story about obsessive love has me obsessed with it.

It is not often that I come across stories that feel like they are driven completely by a deep, hidden, raw emotion threatening to explode; a story of visceral obsession, so frightening, you feel it will suffocate you and you will welcome it.

[quransurahverses]

38:1

صٓ ۚ وَٱلْقُرْءَانِ ذِى ٱلذِّكْرِ ١

Ṣãd. By the Quran, full of reminders!

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

Sad walqur-ani theeaththikr

— Transliteration

Saad; demi Al-Quran yang mempunyai kemuliaan serta mengandungi peringatan dan pengajaran.

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

38:2

بَلِ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ فِى عِزَّةٍۢ وَشِقَاقٍۢ ٢

˹This is the truth,˺ yet the disbelievers are ˹entrenched˺ in arrogance and opposition.

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

Bali allatheena kafaroo fee AAizzatinwashiqaq

— Transliteration

(Orang-orang yang mengingkari kerasulanmu - wahai Muhammad - tidak berdasarkan kebenaran) bahkan mereka yang kafir itu bersifat sombong angkuh dan suka menentang kebenaran.

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

38:3

كَمْ أَهْلَكْنَا مِن قَبْلِهِم مِّن قَرْنٍۢ فَنَادَوا۟ وَّلَاتَ حِينَ مَنَاصٍۢ ٣

˹Imagine˺ how many peoples We destroyed before them, and they cried out when it was too late to escape.

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

Kam ahlakna min qablihim min qarninfanadaw walata heena manas

— Transliteration

(Tidakkah mereka menyedari) berapa banyak umat-umat (yang ingkar) yang terdahulu dari mereka, Kami binasakan? Lalu mereka meminta pertolongan, padahal saat itu bukanlah saat meminta pertolongan melepaskan diri dari azab.

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

38:4

وَعَجِبُوٓا۟ أَن جَآءَهُم مُّنذِرٌۭ مِّنْهُمْ ۖ وَقَالَ ٱلْكَـٰفِرُونَ هَـٰذَا سَـٰحِرٌۭ كَذَّابٌ ٤

Now, the pagans are astonished that a warner has come to them from among themselves.[1] And the disbelievers say, “This is a magician, a total liar!

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

[1] The pagans demanded an angel to deliver the message, not a human being like themselves.

WaAAajiboo an jaahum munthirunminhum waqala alkafiroona hatha sahirunkaththab

— Transliteration

Dan mereka (yang mengingkari kerasulan Nabi Muhammad itu) merasa hairan, bahawa mereka didatangi oleh seorang Rasul pemberi amaran, dari kalangan mereka sendiri. Dan mereka yang kafir itu berkata: "Orang ini adalah seorang ahli sihir, lagi pendusta.

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

38:5

أَجَعَلَ ٱلْـَٔالِهَةَ إِلَـٰهًۭا وَٰحِدًا ۖ إِنَّ هَـٰذَا لَشَىْءٌ عُجَابٌۭ ٥

Has he reduced ˹all˺ the gods to One God? Indeed, this is something totally astonishing.”

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

AjaAAala al-alihata ilahan wahidaninna hatha lashay-on AAujab

— Transliteration

" Patutkah ia menafikan tuhan-tuhan yang berbilang itu dengan mengatakan: Tuhan hanya Satu? Sesungguhnya ini adalah satu perkara yang menakjubkan!"

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

38:6

وَٱنطَلَقَ ٱلْمَلَأُ مِنْهُمْ أَنِ ٱمْشُوا۟ وَٱصْبِرُوا۟ عَلَىٰٓ ءَالِهَتِكُمْ ۖ إِنَّ هَـٰذَا لَشَىْءٌۭ يُرَادُ ٦

The chiefs among them went forth saying, “Carry on, and stand firm in devotion to your gods. Certainly this is just a scheme ˹for power˺.[1]

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

[1] They meant that the Prophet (ﷺ) is not concerned with their guidance, and that he only wants to gain dominance over them.

Wantalaqa almalao minhum aniimshoo wasbiroo AAala alihatikuminna hatha lashay-on yurad

— Transliteration

Dan (ketika itu) keluarlah ketua-ketua dari kalangan mereka (memberi peransang dengan berkata): "Jalan terus (menurut cara penyembahan datuk nenek kamu) dan tetap tekunlah menyembah tuhan-tuhan kamu. Sebenarnya sikap ini adalah satu perkara yang amat dikehendaki.

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

38:7

مَا سَمِعْنَا بِهَـٰذَا فِى ٱلْمِلَّةِ ٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ إِنْ هَـٰذَآ إِلَّا ٱخْتِلَـٰقٌ ٧

We have never heard of this in the previous faith.[1] This is nothing but a fabrication.

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

[1] This refers either to the concept of the Trinity in Christianity or Arab polytheistic beliefs.

Ma samiAAna bihatha feealmillati al-akhirati in hatha illa ikhtilaq

— Transliteration

" Kami tidak pernah mendengar tentang (soal mengesakan Tuhan) itu dalam ugama yang terakhir; perkara ini tidak lain hanyalah rekaan dan dusta semata-mata".

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

38:8

أَءُنزِلَ عَلَيْهِ ٱلذِّكْرُ مِنۢ بَيْنِنَا ۚ بَلْ هُمْ فِى شَكٍّۢ مِّن ذِكْرِى ۖ بَل لَّمَّا يَذُوقُوا۟ عَذَابِ ٨

Has the Reminder been revealed ˹only˺ to him out of ˹all of˺ us?” In fact, they are ˹only˺ in doubt of My ˹revealed˺ Reminder.[1] In fact, ˹they do so because˺ they have not yet tasted My punishment.

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

[1] In other words, they do not question the honesty of the Prophet (ﷺ), but question the Quran itself. This verse is similar to 6:33.

Aonzila AAalayhi aththikru minbaynina bal hum fee shakkin min thikree bal lammayathooqoo AAathab

— Transliteration

(Mereka berkata lagi): Patutkah wahyu peringatan itu diturunkan kepada Muhammad (padahal orang-orang yang lebih layak ada) di antara kita?" (Mereka bukan sahaja ingkarkan kelayakan Nabi Muhammad menerima wahyu) bahkan mereka berada dalam keraguan tentang peringatan yang Aku wahyukan (kepada Nabi Muhammad) itu, bahkan mereka belum lagi merasai azab.

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

38:9

أَمْ عِندَهُمْ خَزَآئِنُ رَحْمَةِ رَبِّكَ ٱلْعَزِيزِ ٱلْوَهَّابِ ٩

Or ˹is it because˺ they possess the treasuries of the mercy of your Lord—the Almighty, the Giver ˹of all bounties˺.

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

Am AAindahum khaza-inu rahmatirabbika alAAazeezi alwahhab

— Transliteration

Adakah di sisi mereka perbendaharaan rahmat Tuhanmu Yang Maha Kuasa, lagi Yang Maha Melimpah pemberianNya?.

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

38:10

أَمْ لَهُم مُّلْكُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَا ۖ فَلْيَرْتَقُوا۟ فِى ٱلْأَسْبَـٰبِ ١٠

Or ˹is it because˺ the kingdom of the heavens and the earth and everything in between belongs to them? Let them then climb their way ˹to heaven, if their claim is true˺.

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

Am lahum mulku assamawatiwal-ardi wama baynahuma falyartaqoofee al-asbab

— Transliteration

Atau adakah mereka menguasai langit dan bumi serta segala yang ada di antara keduanya?. (Kalau ada kekuasaan yang demikian) maka biarlah mereka naik mendaki langit menurut jalan-jalan yang membawa mereka ke situ (untuk mentadbirkan seluruh alam).

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

38:11

جُندٌۭ مَّا هُنَالِكَ مَهْزُومٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْأَحْزَابِ ١١

This is just another ˹enemy˺ force bound for defeat out there.[1]

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

[1] This verse alludes to the defeat of the Meccan pagans later at Badr.

Jundun ma hunalika mahzoomunmina al-ahzab

— Transliteration

(Sebenarnya mereka hanyalah) satu pasukan tentera dari kumpulan-kumpulan (yang menentang kebenaran), yang pada suatu masa kelak tetap akan dikalahkan.

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

38:12

كَذَّبَتْ قَبْلَهُمْ قَوْمُ نُوحٍۢ وَعَادٌۭ وَفِرْعَوْنُ ذُو ٱلْأَوْتَادِ ١٢

Before them, the people of Noah denied ˹the truth˺, as did ’Âd, Pharaoh of the mighty structures,[1]

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

[1] i.e., pyramids and obelisks.

Kaththabat qablahum qawmu noohinwaAAadun wafirAAawnu thoo al-awtad

— Transliteration

Sebelum mereka itu, kaum Nabi Nuh, dan Aad (kaum Nabi Hud), serta Firaun yang mempunyai kerajaan yang kuat, telah juga mendustakan Rasul masing-masing.

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

38:13

وَثَمُودُ وَقَوْمُ لُوطٍۢ وَأَصْحَـٰبُ لْـَٔيْكَةِ ۚ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ ٱلْأَحْزَابُ ١٣

Thamûd, the people of Lot, and the residents of the Forest.[1] These were ˹all˺ enemy forces.

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

[1] i.e., the people of Shu’aib (ﷺ).

Wathamoodu waqawmu lootin waas-habual-aykati ola-ika al-ahzab

— Transliteration

Dan juga Thamud (kaum Nabi Soleh), dan kaum Nabi Lut, serta penduduk Aikah; merekalah kumpulan-kumpulan (yang menentang kebenaran).

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

38:14

إِن كُلٌّ إِلَّا كَذَّبَ ٱلرُّسُلَ فَحَقَّ عِقَابِ ١٤

Each rejected their messenger, so My punishment was justified.

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

In kullun illa kaththaba arrusulafahaqqa AAiqab

— Transliteration

Tidak ada satupun dari kaum-kaum yang tersebut, melainkan telah mendustakan Rasul-rasul; maka berhaklah mereka ditimpa azab.

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

38:15

وَمَا يَنظُرُ هَـٰٓؤُلَآءِ إِلَّا صَيْحَةًۭ وَٰحِدَةًۭ مَّا لَهَا مِن فَوَاقٍۢ ١٥

These ˹pagans˺ are awaiting nothing but a single Blast that cannot be stopped.

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

Wama yanthuru haola-iilla sayhatan wahidatan ma lahamin fawaq

— Transliteration

Dan orang-orang ini (yang menentang Nabi Muhammad), tidak menunggu melainkan satu jeritan suara yang tidak akan berulang lagi.

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

38:16

وَقَالُوا۟ رَبَّنَا عَجِّل لَّنَا قِطَّنَا قَبْلَ يَوْمِ ٱلْحِسَابِ ١٦

They say ˹mockingly˺, “Our Lord! Hasten for us our share ˹of the punishment˺ before the Day of Reckoning.”

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

Waqaloo rabbana AAajjil lanaqittana qabla yawmi alhisab

— Transliteration

Dan mereka pula berkata (secara mengejek-ejek): " Wahai Tuhan kami! Segerakanlah azab yang ditetapkan untuk kami, sebelum datangnya hari hitungan amal (yang dikatakan oleh Muhammad itu)".

— Abdullah Muhammad Basmeih

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[zanzibarbookings]

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