#hen pissed on willy first

[theeryn-the-gold]

I FOUND IT. I KNEW SOMEONE HAD ALREADY PISSED ON WILLY. I JUST COULDNT REMEMBER. IT WAS A PROPHECY.

[latibvles]

8 and 21 for Vicki, 32 for Charlie

someone give sam an award for being the number one Vicki advocate. we need to get a Medal of Honor commissioned

NO. 8 : What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

Forgive the moment of depression here but uh ... she was told to stop talking, a lot as a kid. She was a very chatty and excitable kid. Very extroverted. She was also told to start standing straighter and to hold her shoulders back because she had "bad posture."

NO. 21 : Why do they get up in the morning?

"To prove it's all real," so-to-speak — Vicki went out on her own and it's hard for her to wrap her head around this newfound independence (as much independence as a woman could have in the 40s). Sometimes she can't believe it herself, that she has a job she loves and a place of her own and friends who listen and eventually, a man that loves what she is and not what she could've been. She gets out of bed in the morning to confirm that it's not all a dream she thought up.

NO. 32 :  Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

Charlie has go-to-stories about each of her siblings. For Willie it's about the time he pissed off one of their hens and got chased around the yard back in Virginia for a solid ten minutes. For Hazel-Grace it's about the time they went to see Santa and the guy's beard fell off, and she screamed in public at the sight. For John Jr. it's about the first time he tried to get dressed by himself and managed to get the entire outfit backwards, even the part in his hair. For Sammy it's about the time he tried to make their mother breakfast in bed and ended up waking that woman an hour before she needed to be up. And for Alby : it's about the time he tried to fry an egg on the front stoop of their apartment building because it was so hot out and it worked.

She gets more funny stories to tell, in Toccoa and across Europe.

thank you for the ask!!

[Unusual Questions for OCs]

[tenaciousarcadeexpert]

ASK GAME FOR 9-1-1 !!

also ! julie and the phantoms ! bc ur so right it deserved a season 2 !!!!! netflix did jatp so wrong

Because this got super long

9-1-1

my all-time ultimate fave character: Chimney

a character I didn’t used to like but now do: Hen

a character I used to like but now don’t: Buck

a character I’m indifferent about: Eddie

a character who deserved better: Taylor Kelly

a ship I’ve never been able to get into: I’d prefer not to answer that 

a ship I’ve never been able to get over: Madney

a cute, low-key ship: Bathena

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it: Michael and David

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened: There aren’t many but I didn’t like the Buck and Lucy kiss in 5x11 if that qualifies

my favourite storyline/moment: Fight or Flight

a storyline that never should have been written: The whole cheating storylines, it was just terrible and unnecessary and ruined the characters

my first thoughts on the show: What drew me into the show was the found family dynamics, Angela Bassett and Jennifer Love Hewitt in another show. I also love the ocassional chaotic moments in some of the emergencies they dealt with like in Jinx (4x06), Treasure Hunt (4x12), Ocean’s 9-1-1 (2x15), Monsters (3x06) etc

my thoughts now: I have mixed feelings about the show especially after 5b and idk if I want to give season 6 a chance cause of it. There’s too much discourse going on and a lot of bashing and hate due to bias towards a ship and characters, which ruins any enjoyment I have in the fandom. Aside from Boston (5x12) and May Day (5x16), 5b was probably my least favorite season overall. While 5a had the problematic blackout storyline and the lack of Maddie and Chimney, the episodes were more rewatchable than in 5b as I felt that a lot of the characters were a bit ooc in 5b. I also did not like the season finale aside from the Henren wedding and Maddie returning to work. Also Taylor deserved better and I hate how we did not get to have any potential storylines that was set up in 5b

Julie and the Phantoms

my all-time ultimate fave character: Julie

a character I didn’t used to like but now do: Ray

a character I used to like but now don’t: there’s none, I do hate Caleb but I never liked him in the first place. Bobby, it’s more indifference but I hated that he took credit for Luke’s songs

a character I’m indifferent about: Julie’s aunt Victoria

a character who deserved better: Julie and the boys

a ship I’ve never been able to get into: Julie and Carrie

a ship I’ve never been able to get over: Julie and Luke

a cute, low-key ship: Alex and Willie

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it: there’s none that I know

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened: anyone with Caleb

my favourite storyline/moment: The climax at the orpheum 

a storyline that never should have been written: it’s hard to choose, given that the show has only 9 episodes

my first thoughts on the show: I thought it was very cheesy and had a 2000s vibe to it but after watching the first two episodes, I grew to love the characters and the storyline is actually pretty good

my thoughts now: The show had a lot of potential and the fact that Netflix cancelled it after a year of ignoring the show still pisses me off. The fact that the show left so many unanswered questions is upsetting

send me a tv series and I’ll tell you

[corkcitylibraries]

Cork in Verse | Ana Spehar interviews Jim Crickard

Cork in Verse is a series of interviews by Ana Spehar with Cork Poets. This week Ana interviews Jim Crickard.

Jim Crickard’s poetry is camp, entertaining work that explores culture, sexuality and identity with a hint of colour. In 2020 he was invited to represent Cork in the Cork-Coventry Twin City Exchange, which was moved online due to pandemic. In 2019 he was selected by Poetry Ireland for the inaugural Versify series and performed to a sold out show at Dublin Fringe Festival. He came second in the 2019 All Ireland Poetry Slam Final (and is working through his feelings about it with a therapist). In 2018, he won the Cuirt Spoken Word Platform and was awarded a slot to perform at Electric Picnic. In 2020 his poetry was broadcasted on RTE Arena. A poem he wrote was shortlisted in the 2018 O'Bheal International Five Words Competition, and his work has been published in Automatic Pilot, A New Ulster, and Contemporary Poetry.  

When did you start writing?

I started writing when was 16. I had just come out of the closet, my older brother Shane (20) died the same year in a road traffic accident. Looking back, I think I needed space for expression. I started out with a journal before sleep. It was playful, private, and helped organise my thoughts. I’d draw a little picture at the end of each entry. I acted a bit like Virginia Woolf, with a high-neck collar, writing solemnly by candle light. When people write diaries, I think they secretly fantasise them being found and read by the masses.  

When I was introduced to poetry in my Leaving Cert, I found it to be a bit stiff and flowery with poets like Keats, which had some appeal, but when we moved on to Adrienne Rich and Eavan Boland I was a lot more inspired. It was seeing people use the art form to represent women and give voice to minorities, and how they both textured their work with the confessional. I started writing my own poetry at the end of my journal entries but kept it secret. After a few years, and my first break-up, I started sharing online on a site called AllPoetry. It was great because there were little competitions between users and when I won a few of them I felt brave enough to share my work on Facebook. A few people were kind, but most were indifferent. 

When I started going to O’Bheal in Cork, though, I really felt like writing could have a future for me. Writing and performing alongside other writers really makes it a lot more gratifying and instils the self-belief you need to keep going.  

Could you tell us more about your creative process?

I’m always on the lookout for something to play with and tease out until it’s a poem. I write with the intention of making people laugh when they hear me perform. Unfortunately, ideas rarely happen when I’m walking around day-dreaming. I mostly need to sit down and write to find the idea or follow whatever I’ve got on my mind. One of my favourite poems that I’ve written takes a hen party in a gay bar and expands it into a series of images and scenarios that delight me and make me laugh. If it makes me laugh, then I trust that it’ll make a crowd of people laugh. I didn’t start out with that idea of the hen party though, I was trying to write a rather embarrassing romantic poem set in a gay bar, it was for a guy I was briefly dating. Suddenly there was a hen party in the corner. They abducted me with their willy-straws and novelty-glasses, and I followed their embarrassing moments and social faux-pas as they ran around, interloping and ruining the sacred queer-space. I was much more interested in them than the romantic poem I set out to write. I suppose it’s important to trust where the poem is going and let it reveal itself. If I ignored them and focused on the poem I was trying to write then I’d have missed out. 

How does the creative process of writing affect your mood?

I’m elated when it comes together. I love when I get into a flow and my fingers are typing as fast as they can and what I’m writing is surprising me. That doesn’t always happen though, it can be slow and boring and the cursor can be blinking in front of me waiting for me to write something. 

How often do you write? Do you write every day?

I wish I wrote every day. I’ve heard multiple sources say that that’s the best way to approach it, and I would definitely believe it. I have had periods where I wrote a new poem every week, possibly more than one. I have also had long periods of not expressing anything on the page. The latter feels depressing and I feel my life passing me by. It is this dread I feel that I’m losing precious time to grow and improve as a writer. I rationalise it by reminding myself that I need to work full-time, clean my apartment, cook dinner, which is all true. I also excuse myself by saying that I need to relax and watch some TV or listen to a podcast. I think that writing is the purest of me-time and I’d like to transform my relationship with it.  

Can you tell us more about Venus Envy?  

I have been known to dress in drag from time to time... I performed as Venus for Pride in O’Bheal. Afterwards I went to The Crane Lane with all of the poets. It was interesting being a drag queen out of context in another bar... People wanted to talk to me, some random stranger touched me as they passed by, and someone confided in me with something they had not mentioned before. There’s a strange power to being in drag. It’s like being a shaman, a eunuch, a jester, who is on the outside looking in. You can say things that you daren’t dream of otherwise, and people love you for it. If I had the time and money to do it more often I would. Drag will always have a special place in my heart, and on my right arm is a tattoo-portrait of Panti Bliss, the Queen of Ireland. I’ve thought about putting more drag queens beside her, but it would be like Mount Rushmore of Drag on my arm. Who knows, maybe I will.  

‘Hen Party in The George’  

Be careful around the corners, don’t make eye-contact at the bar, 

watch out for the mom, she’s on safari, in search of exotic birds. 

For a parrot to echo her punchlines, 

or maybe a cockatoo, 

she’s prowling around the cocktail lounge, 

she’s looking for me and you. 

The mother of the bride uses her lazy-eye  

to her advantage,

she edges into a group of faces with meandering conversation. 

Now blocking their exit, unsure 

who she’s addressing, 

on about her gay hairdresser, how great 

he is with the scissors. 

“I’ve never had a problem with the gays now myself” she says, 

pausing to sip from a pink plastic penis, 

pausing for praise.

And one by one, the gays fly south, 

migrating to the bar, 

to the dance floor, to South-Africa if necessary. 

“Snobs” she calls em -

“them gays can be awful touchy.” 

All her Christmases at once 

when the black crow drag queen

stalking her long legs across the stage, 

seven foot tall, in a silver crown of feathers refracting light off the disco-ball.

“Jesus” she says, stealing the

microphone:  “you’re looking better than me” 

“I should feckin hope so” the drag queen says “you’re twice me bleedin’ age!” 

Slowly, slowly, the hen party has pissed off all of the George... 

Abandoning punctured plastic husbands all over the stage. 

Flashing so many cameras it feels like E.T.’s family has landed.

A gathering parliament of lesbians  encircles the hens,

a murder of goth gays come down from their perch 

I wonder if they’ve seen Hitchcock’s movie, ‘The Birds…’ 

by Jim Crickard

Sex in the Housing Crisis  

We are the generation of born-again virgins 

headboards disturb housemates on shift work,

Air-traffic controllers should be included in rent  

to coordinate times to get the ride

Landlords can afford to support our sex-lives 

and change carpets once in a while 

We are the generation of born-again virgins  

Like ships in the night, we work to survive,

but we are no thirty year old cargo boats…

anchored in the harbour, waiting for labour,

we are Ferrari red speed boats    

with miles to go before we sleep,   

miles to go before we sleep.  

We are the generation of born again virgins 

Nothing kills the mood like mildew 

home-sense is built on the backs of millennials 

fumigating probate houses 

converted into one-beds 

with constellations of mould 

and half their salary paid  

to make out on an old couch  

facing a microwave

We are the generation of born again virgins 

If you’re living with parents you can forget it 

unless you can face breaking their trust   

and explain condoms in the toilet-drain. 

We must not forget about our parents sex-lives 

afraid their carefully considered bed springs

will be heard by their thirty somethings 

Let’s give the government hell for 

this inter-generational dry spell! 

by Jim Crickard

[ramrodd]

COMMENTARY:

Speaking as a 46 year resident of DC, every new administration is disruptive by definition. I wasn't here in 1969, when the Nixon crowd came to town, but I know that they felt totally beseiged by 1975 until they finally retreated completely to the Guards in Georgetown with their collective tails between their legs.

The Carter people took the first two years being obnoxious with Hamilton Jordan doing his Hamilton just being Hamilton schtick on the west end of Pennsylvania Avenue, but, after midterms, the city got down to work, Willy Nelson and elan from Houston taking the edge completely off.

The crypto-Nazis that came to town with a wave of champagne, cocaine and Cadillac limos idling in front of every trending resturant, a practice that hasn't abated since Reagan died. Tahe Reagan people hit the bricks running, but it wasn't entirely clear where they were headed, just stay out of their way,  And, then, Reagan got shot and the mean came out in the open, lacqeured over by Morning in America, which was the beta test for MAGA.

The Clintons were under fire the moment they showed up. People like George F. Will started talking about "failed presidency" in February 1993 and he didn't let up until they left the White House. And, at the midterms, Newt Gingrich and Tom Delay started the jungle drums of impeachment. The crypto-Nazis had become throughly entrenched in the media and on K Street and basically, they lined up all of DC against the Clinton administration. Yet, he was so much better a politician than them that their singular achievement, impeachment, demonstrated just how insanely incompetent these people truly are. And this was way before Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

Bush came in on the strength of the crypto-Nazi success at packing the Supreme Court with Fascists and the sabotage of the Boward County geriatric vote by the GOP Deep State and considered this lack of legitimacy a mandate, They came to town looking for an excuse to invade Iraq on the pretext of paybacks for the assassination attempt by Hussein on Bush the Elder, but in reality, a determination by Cheney to seize control of that oil for his Houston/Haliburton Big Oil patrons. The China Spy Plane Incident almost set these guys off, but Colin Powell smoothed things out, so the only thing Bushie et al had to do was too deny they had inherited a recession set off by Enron and the collapse of the dotcom bubble until 911 and then,it was naked crypto-Nazi bully boy tactics and intimidation until they managed to run the nation in the abyss and the neo-cons put on a display of cosmic adminstrative incompetence in civil affairs, all the while the mortgage bubble was inflating to burst in 2008. Unlike most Presidents, who have a 2 year learning curve, Bushboy pushed his Gentleman C mentality out to a 6 year learning curve, when he replaced Rumsfeld with Gateas and gave up his job as Special Presidential Assisstant to Richard "Dick" Cheney, America's favority war criminal.

Obama came to town and his first two years was an extended celebration for everybody but the crypto-Nazi elites, who had come to believe that they represented the heartbeat of DC, only to discover that people didn't have to put up with their shit any more and, in spite of the economic and diplomatic disasters they, the neo-con/crypt-Nazis had created, Obama and the Democrat majority went about getting things fixed and improving things with Obamacare and that pissed off the crypto-Nazis in town and they amped up their natural bigotry to create the Tea Party and won the majority and sat on their hands on orders from the GOP Deep State the next 6 years.

And the Trump people come to town and their are grabbing every pussy in sight and denying it's happening and holding rallies to celebrate all the pussy grabbing going on and Trump is only 500 days into his 730 day learning curve and he and his Deplorables and Despicables are beginning to run into the reality that DC's learning curve with any new administration is only 393 days and the crypto-Nazis are beginning to become as beseiged as the Nixon administration after Kent State until the resignation,

And it's just going to get worse.