#her least favourite national park ranger has come around to check on her

[softquietsteadylove]

Would love to read more form the wildfire one? Maybe something funny and soft?

"Thena?"

She jumped, fumbling with the key in her hands. She managed to catch it, at least. Gil did give her this key himself, after all. It was quite a leap of faith, considering how isolated anyone and everyone was out here.

"Everything okay?" Gil asked as he closed his truck door and walked up his driveway to the cabin.

She fidgeted with the key in her hands. She had somewhat been hoping to slip in and out while he was on duty, maybe at the station. She was going to leave him something as a thanks, of course! But she had been hoping to...keep to herself.

"Yeah, everything's fine," she insisted, still somewhat more agitated than he usual demeanour. She gripped her key, "sorry to...drop in."

"No, it's okay," Gil shook his head, smiling slowly, "that's why I gave you the spare."

She had been cleared to return to patrol weeks ago. And as her parting gift, she had left him a little bear carving she had made. It was crude and rough, but in her own words, she had little option for whittling lessons when she was stuck in his fucking bed all day.

In return, he had given her a spare key to the cabin, saying she could come any time she needed a break from the wilderness.

"How was duty?" she asked in hopes of appearing more normal, even moving aside as Gil used his own key on his belt clip to get in.

"Pretty routine," he smiled and spoke over his shoulder, a subconscious invitation for her to follow him in. "Not too many idiots looking to start a fire when it's this wet out."

"Hm," she nodded as she stepped into the both eerily and comfortingly familiar cabin behind him. Despite any and all circumstances, it smelled like home. Well, it smelled like 'a' home, whether hers or not was beside the point.

"Are you hungry?" Gil asked, still fishing for the reason to find her at his doorstep at the end of the workday. "I can make something."

"Uh," she paused, her eyes darting away just for a second, "y-yeah, that would be nice, Gil."

He gave her this look, like she was trying to bullshit her way out of something. He crossed those stupid arms of his and shifted his weight on his feet, "that'd be...nice?"

She rolled her eyes at him, "I can't be fucking nice?"

"You can be nice," he countered easily with a chuckle. If anything, she doubted that was the true part. "But that's not what you're here for."

She looked up at the ceiling, which also felt very familiar to her. Why was this so hard?--why did it feel so embarrassing to say? "I was hoping...to use the shower."

That obviously surprised Gil, and she couldn't even blame him a little bit for it. "The shower?"

She sighed, feeling as if he'd unearthed this horrible thing about her, when really it was very logical! "I guess I got used to it - or something - while I was here. Sometimes it's hard to go back to the lake knowing I could have nice warm water for it again."

"Right," he nodded slowly, visibly thinking through whatever litany of things he had on the brain. She had told him about going to the lake to bathe, and he had of course very chivalrously asked if that was safe for her. Guy was a gentleman even in hypotheticals.

"I mean," she cleared her throat, unsure herself as to why she was still explaining herself. There was a time when she would have walked right in, used his shower as she liked, and gotten the fuck out of there. And she wouldn't have felt the need to tell him shit either. "It won't be every time. Just, uh, it was pretty cold today and-"

"Thena."

God, those eyes were just so brown, and big and sad looking--like a puppy whining to be loved. She rolled her eyes at him, which was basically a physical reflex of hers, now.

"Use it any time you want," he shook his head, as if he couldn't believe she would even feel the need to ask. He uncrossed his arms, "when I said use your key any time, I meant it. I had it made for you and everything."

Fuck. That was...really sweet. Thena looked down at the key in her hands, her gut twisting and flipping and doing all sorts of things. She gulped, "fuck."

He just chuckled.

She tried to look him in the eyes, but her gaze kept sliding around everywhere else. "Thanks, Gil, that's...really nice."

"I did tell you that before you left, right?" he tilted his head, and there was the asshole who liked to tease her about her sweater habits and tell some of the worst jokes she'd ever heard in her life. "Or did I hallucinate that morning we had breakfast and you even let me hug-"

"Okay, okay, dry your eyes, Mister Sentimental. I'm just gonna wash my disgusting hair and be on my way."

"Your hair is beautiful."

"Hm?" she looked back before dropping her bag in the bathroom. She tilted her head; she couldn't have heard what she thought she heard. "Sorry, what-?"

"Spaghetti--do you want spaghetti?" he asked, also halfway into the kitchen, over his shoulder.

She must have heard wrong. She nodded, "uh, yeah, that's--sure."

"Okay."

"Okay."

The two stared one another down for another second before continuing on. Thena set her bag down and unclipped it to fish out her fresh clothes. She tried to replay what she had thought she heard in her head but it was no clearer than the damn inkblot tests in a psych eval. "Whatever."

If he had something to say, he could say it to her face. Even if it was something like that.

[nautiscarader]

Wendip Week 2017 - Day 1, Meet the parents

(My fanfiction masterpost) (Read on Ao3) (Read on FF)

Rated: G, older!Wendip story 

Dipper is about to meet Wendy’s father, officially as her boyfriend. What could go wrong? 

- Hi! I'm Dipper Pines, remember me, Mr. Corduroy? - Of course he remembers you, you doofus. We helped him find his stolen beard last month. Not to mention all the other times we did something around the forest while he kept screaming "You crazy Pines go back to your crazy house of crazy craziness!".

Dipper threw an angry look to his sister, shuffling through the pages of her magazine. For the better part of last hour, she's been trying to help prepare Dipper for an official meeting with Wendy's father, although so far, her support turned out to be nothing but collection of casually thrown snarky responses.

- Alright then. - Dipper cleared his throat and tipped his hat to his reflection - Hi, mr Corduroy! I'm so glad I can finally have a dinner with my girlfriend's father... - Are you really glad, though?   - Of course not! - Dipper shouted - He's a walking mountain that could crush me with his little finger! If I say anything wrong, then I'm dead, do you understand that?

Mabel rolled onto her back and let out a deep sigh.

- Dipper, you are doing it again. - What? - You're over-thinking things - she finally looked at her brother's frowned face - You've spent so much time prepa- is that a bow-tie?

They both stared at the curious bit of Dipper's attire that stood out from the rest of his vest and shirt.

- Okay, this has to go. - It will work, Mabel! I've got something neater to wear it with. - Dipper, they are lumberjacks. - Mabel sighed, looking at her brother flipping through his set of identical, white shirts - They only know one colour: PLAD. If you wear a suit, they're gonna take you for a penguin!

A loud sound of a car horn interrupted the twins' bickering, but eased none of the tension Dipper was suffering from.

- Oh my god, she's here! I'm late! - In a car? What for? - Mabel raised her brows and jumped to her feet as well

And indeed, when Dipper opened the triangular window, the source of the sound turned out to be a green jeep, driven by the red-haired park ranger, Wendy Corduroy. She waved at her boyfriend through the car's roof, that was not so much "open" as "turned into a molten bit of metal about a week ago". Seeing his silhouette, Wendy pressed the horn once again, hastening Dipper's arrival.

- Hi, Wendy! What's going on? - Dipper exclaimed, running through Mystery Shack's door without any care, leaving them open. - I got an unexpected call, do you want to come with m- What are you wearing?  

Dipper looked down, noticing that in the minute he had to finish dressing up, he has managed to put on his blue vest over the pristine, ironed white shirt, as well as socks of distinctively different colours. And the bow-tie.

- Sorry, I was preparing for the dinner! - he apologised, giving her a quick peck on her cheek, as he hopped to the passenger's seat - So, what's the problem? - We got call from the Multibear. Their daughter is missing. - Oh no! Bear bear? - Dipper yelped - Yeah. She's not a kid anymore, but still, things can go wrong. Hold on tight.

Dipper managed to lock his seatbelt a split of a second before he was pushed into his seat, as Wendy released the gas pedal and drove straight through the woods to the mountains towering over the treetops.

The term "park ranger" is a bit misleading. It implies a person that takes care of a park, but no one sane would ever use that word to describe the forests around Gravity Falls. Regulations, no matter how strict would fall flat on unicorns demanding supplies of glitter, or gnomes declaring their dens independent nations at least twice a year. The word "ranger" is also ill-fitted; no group of people would be able to range over the vast, ever-changing terrain of the Gravity Falls forests, that might look perfectly fine on Monday, but could be completely unrecognisable by Friday. And yet, when mayor Cutebiker decided that something should be done to protect the citizens of Gravity Falls from the forest creatures (as well as the other way around), the idea of "park rangers" was the most sensible one that was proposed. That position certainly wouldn't be Wendy's first choice of career, if not for the fact that nearly absolutely everyone else was terrified about the prospect of keeping the forests under control. It meant, however, that in Summer she would get to spend a bit more time with Dipper and Mabel, who, while not rangers themselves, provided much insight into the three key parts of the local ecosystem: fauna, flora, and the unknown. And truth to be told, the forests and the creatures could mostly take care of themselves, giving Wendy arguably even more free time than during periods of no visitors in the Mystery Shack.

As they drove up, Dipper remembered the first time he had to traverse the long road to the caverns atop the mountains surrounding Gravity Falls to prove his manliness to the clan of Manotaurs by killing the Multibear they were going to visit now. The very same reason pushing Dipper to these ridiculous quests was now keeping her focus on the bumpy, rocky road.

- What? Is there something wrong?

In the corner of her eye Wendy noticed that for the last minute or so, Dipper kept staring at her, sitting motionlessly in his seat.

- What? No, nothing. - Dipper quickly answered - I just like you in that outfit, it goes, uh, well with your eyes. And the, uh, the hat, I think it looks great too.

Wendy returned a polite, warm smile.

- Dip, I hope you're not making some sort of list of small-talk jokes and praises for tonight, like this one. Dad doesn't like those, he can smell them. - What? Me? Never! - Dipper retorted and tucked his hand deeper into his pocket pushing the piece of paper he spent his last night on. - It's just I- - It's here.

Wendy stated firmly, rescuing Dipper from an awkward dead-end he got himself into, as they reached a giant, ominous cave at the very end of a windy road. The two adventurers got from the car, took their backpacks and wiped their boots on the colourful doormat, before they rang the doorbell.  

- Al-right, al-right, one head at a time! - Wendy shouted through the cacophony of ten jaws of the Multibear trying to explain what happened - So far, I got that she was sick, she got fed up with her favourite band, she thought the porridge was too hot, too cold, just enough, all at the same time. I, I need some clarification.

Wendy put away her notepad, trying to calm the distressed creature.

- Multibear, just tell us what happened, step-by-step. We're gonna help you. - Dipper joined Wendy in her consolations

Ten loud sneezes into ten large handkerchiefs later, the Multibear told their story anew.

- So, she hasn't come home tonight, and wasn't that keen on talking for the last month or so... - Wendy pondered. - Have you tried searching for her before you called us? - Of course! We went that way!

Wendy was quick enough to push Dipper from the reach of the claws, before the arms of the Multibear pointed, predictably, in seven different directions.

- Please, help us! She only has two heads! - Multibear, don't worry, we will find her! - Dipper quickly assured them. - Okay... we're gonna start the search, and we will contact you if we find anything. - Wendy spoke unsteadily, giving her boyfriend a knowing nudge with her elbow.

The two rushed to the door, and only when they exited the cave, Wendy spoke.

- Dipper, you don't say "don't worry" to someone, whose kid got lost. Worrying is kinda a part of the deal. And she obviously has tried searching for her. - Wendy fumed - I'm sorry, Wen! - Dipper apologised profusely, getting into the car - I sometimes panic with stuff like that. That's why you do the talking, you're way better than me. - That;s cos' I got experience, Dip. - Wendy smiled - Three brothers, and one more baby to scold at now. - Wait, who are you talking about?

Only when Wendy gave him another smug smile, Dipper threw his arms into air with a loud "Come on!" that only cheered his girlfriend, opening the series of teasing that lasted all the way down the mountain.      

After less than an hour of searching, Dipper was the first to notice oddly broken tree branches, paving their way down the forest.

- Wendy, I think she was here. - Well, it was something big. - she added - Actually, two of somethings.

The ground beneath them was filled with two overlapping trails, though both Wendy and Dipper had difficulty telling which series of paw-prints started and ended, or how many of paws each one had. Without any doubt, however, the mixed trail lead them to another cave underneath the mountain they drove from.

- Is that cave on the map? - No, it wasn't there last time we checked! - Dipper exclaimed, opening a large map - And that was last month, so Multibear's story makes sense. Something's fishy here.

Equipped with torchlights and guns with sleeping darts, the two adventurers followed the path up to the entrance of the cave, masked with a simple net of sticks and leaves. The two gave each other a knowing nod and held their hands one last time before pushing the provisional door away. As much as they both would like to make sure the other one is secure, four ready hands were better than two, providing better protection than the strongest infatuation. From the very start it became obvious that the creature, or creatures, had problems with the height of the cave. The middle of cavern's roof nearly looked like a cartoon cut-out of some enormous head trying to push through the rock. As the two ventured down the steep slope, Dipper tried imagining what animal could leave such unique markings. But when they saw a light at the end of the tunnel, they both spoke its name under their breath.

A horned silhouette of a manotour was visible on the wall in front of them, giving Wendy and Dipper some idea behind Bear bear's disappearance. It didn't help the fact that the manotour stood next to a huge steaming cauldron, and a sound of bones cracking and meat chopping reached Wendy and Dipper's ears. The two gave each other one final nod, prepared their weapons and crept towards the angled turn. The stench of a stew made from unknown meat filled their nostrils as they were about to lean over the wall, causing both of them to hold their breath for a moment.

- And it's finally ready... Bear... - the deep, husky voice of the manotaur reverberated through the thick air.

Dipper and Wendy looked at each other, their eyes wide with both fear and determination, and on her mark they leaped from around the corner, ready to stun the manotaur.

- Don't move, manotaur! And tell what you did to Bear bear! - Ah! Humans! Help! - the manotaurs shrieked in a voice much higher than either of them expected, dropping the metallic bowl that landed on the rocky floor with a loud clunking noise. - Oh, no, honey, your soup! - said a third, feminine voice.

Wendy lowered her gun and was about to instruct Dipper to do the same, but her boyfriend already seemed to have realised what was going on and stared, unable to shoot or aim, at the bizarre sight in front of them.

The bowl of spilled soup laid on the floor, to the dismay of two creatures: a manotaur in a pink kitchen apron, and a female multibear, with her four arms around her two heads, cowering in fear. She sat by a large, decorated rock table with two sets of utensils and a flowerpot in the middle of it.  

- What the heck...? - You're not going to hurt us...? - Bear bear lowered her arms, staring at the two intruders. - Gosh no, of course not! - Wendy explained, tucking her gun behind her back. - We, uh, sorry for the intrusion, but we got call from your...uh, mom, and we're not really sure what happened to you, so... - Oh come on, Wendy. - Dipper interrupted - They are dating, isn't it obvious?

The brown face of the multibear blushed with red tint, matching the red skin of her boyfriend. Wendy moved her eyes from one to another, finally getting the whole picture.

- But, shouldn't manotaurs be hating multibears...? Or has something happened in the last year? - Most of us do.

The large horned creature, who was wiping the fluid from the floor for last minute or so stood back and faced Wendy.

- Hi, I'm Razortaur. - Uh, hi, I'm Wendy, and that's Dipper. - she reached to shake the enormous hand of the manotaur towering over her. - So, you guys live here? - He was probably banished from his tribe - Dipper interjected once more. - Or something, the manotaurs seem to have lots of weird rules.

The cavern shook again, when Razortaur slammed his fist against the table, breaking off a part of it.

- Razor, darling, don't get upset, they didn't mean to. - Bear bear closed gently her three paws around the manotaur's fist. - Of course they banished me. They think I'm weak because of my love to you, my dearest!

To both Dipper and Wendy's surprise, Razortaur lowered his head and begun weeping into Bear bear's shoulder.

- I was told to kill her as my trophy to prove my manliness! - he roared - But I couldn't kill someone of such beauty...

Razortaur cupped her closest mouth with his other hand, giving her a quick, oddly disproportionate-looking kiss.

- Listen, guys - Wendy started - I hate to interrupt you, but your mom is seriously worried about you. And they knows something is up. - But I can't go back! - Bear bear cried - They will hate me for dating our mortal enemy. - Of course they won't. - Dipper retorted, sitting on the stone bench next to her - They love you, and will understand you, I'm sure of it. - Are you, though...? - Wendy whispered, giving him another subtle nudge. - Well, what else can we do to help them? - I don't know, you do the talking. You seem way better at it.

Wendy sent him a cocky smile, stunning him momentarily, as he understood he was in charge now.

- I really think you should go back to Multibear now. - Dipper replied to the creatures - Both of you, in fact.

Razortaur raised his head, staring at Dipper with utmost confusion in his eyes.

- But... What if she hates me as well? - Listen, I know it may be hard to confront your girlfriend's parent. - Dipper calmly replied - I mean, you are a manotaur, and she's a multibear- - No, no, I'm not worried about that. - Razortaur quickly replied - Well, maybe a bit. But what if she doesn't like me as her daughter's boyfriend? What if I do something wrong, like eat honey with a spoon instead of a hand?

Dipper turned his head and exchanged a smile with Wendy, feeling the fingers of her hand intertwining with his.

- Well, in worst case scenario, at least you will know it. Can't live in uncertainty forever, can you? - Actually that was our idea. - Bear bear suddenly replied - We spent two weeks decorating this place! - Okay, aside from that - Wendy took over from Dipper - I think Dipper is right. And we can vow for you that nothing nefarious is going on here.  

The table shook again when Razortaur suddenly stood up, raising his fist into the air, and subsequently, the roof.

- You are right, tiny humans! - he roared - I cannot cower in fear anymore! Quick, to your parent's cave!

Before Wendy or Dipper could react, the manotaur took his girlfriend into his arms, who in return grabbed them and flung the pair of adventurers onto his back, covered in thick hair they could grab onto. With three extra passengers, Razortaur ran with surprising ease, getting to the exit of the cave in no time, and traversing the rocky road much faster than their jeep could.

- Okay, this is the moment. - Wendy put her arm on Bear bear's back, giving her much needed bit of courage. 

- When do I come in? - Razortaur's voice reached Dipper's ears from the corner he was hiding behind. - We're gonna give you a sign. - Dipper whispered. - Oh, and one more thing.

Dipper ran to the Razortaur, took the bowtie from his neck and placed it crudely in his thick chest hair.

- Now you look the part, buddy. - Dipper patted his back, before running back.  

The doorbell rang again, and the figure of Multibear appeared in the doorway.

- My child!

From the side, Dipper and Wendy could safely observe the heart-warming scene of mother and daughter hugging and exchanging kisses with combined twelve snouts, and wait until the right moment arrived.

- But what happened? - the Multibear reached to Dipper and Wendy - Where was my Beary bear? - Mom, don't call me that. I'm a grown up now. - the two mouths of younger multibear cried in anger - And, I want you to meet someone.

Dipper and Wendy grunted, and moved aside in unison, opening the road for Razortaur to appear. As they both predicted, Multibear was taken aback, but remained restrained, so neither of them had to use their stun guns.

- This... This is Razortaur. And, uh, he's my boyfriend, mom. - Afternoon, uh, mrs Multibear. I'm Razortaur. - the manotaur stepped from the behind the turn, fixing his bowtie, and digging his hoof nervously in the ground. - And your daughter was taking care of me when my tribe banished me. She was really sweet, and all of that.

Ten mouths gasped in awe and disbelief, before ten arms closed around manotaurs' neck and back.

- I'm glad he omitted the whole "daughter killing" business - Dipper whispered to Wendy, getting a soft giggle in response - Well... That's not what I expected - the Multibear admitted through tears - Would... Would you like to come in? - Oh, it would be my pleasure. - Razortaur smiled - And you can come too!

Multibear turned to the two humans standing somewhat cautiously by the rocky wall, once again hiding their guns behind their backs.

- I didn't even thank you properly for finding my daughter. - Not a problem, Multibear. - Dipper replied, tipping his hat. - And anyway, we have to attend, uh, another dinner now. - Yeah, that was one heck of surprise, but we have to go. - Wendy added - We're glad everything turned out fine for you and Bear bear.  

Arms of the multibear closed again, this time around Dipper and Wendy, smashing their bodies together and soaking them with salty, motherly tears.  

- At least now you will have to get a change of clothes... - Wendy wheezed through her teeth. - And it can't be worse than this, can it? - Dipper smiled, wondering how long will Multibear's hug last.

- Are you ready, dude?

In an oddly reminiscent fashion, Dipper stood in front of the large, wooden door of the Corduroys' house, still feeling a bit scared to make the first move. As if she could read his mind, Wendy took his hand and they both pressed the doorbell, and knocked the door a couple of times, just to be sure.

No one answered back.  

- Dad, guys, we're home! - Wendy shouted, wondering why her father wasn't responding. - Uh, mister Corduroy, sir? It's me, Dipper Pines!

Suddenly, a loud, thundering series of approaching footsteps echoed through the house, giving both Wendy and Dipper an obvious sign to move out from the door, expecting Manly Dan to appear any moment now. Instead, however, not only he, but Wendy;s three brothers burst through the door, clinging their hands to their unnaturally weird looking faces.

- My beard! They stole my beard again, damn pelicans! Why would they do that?! And my boys' too!

Wendy was first to reach to her father's back to give him a consolatory hug, leaving Dipper to get lost between the three crying beardless Corduroy brothers. Wendy gave Dipper a silent nod, and once she freed him from her family, they ran to her car again, knowing that their dinner might turn into a late supper today.  

Author’s note: To all of you claiming that the multibear didn’t sound female, had different number of mouths, or arms, or the fact that pelicans do not steal beards, I have just this to say to you. 

[george-sykes86]

Weird towns, camping and lots of penguins

This next instalment comes after a week which has been filled with action. Despite only having been away for two weeks it feels like we have already crammed in a months worth of activities and the prospect of getting up and going to work is a distant memory. The crossing into Patagonia 'proper' to Puerto Natales was impressionable. The bus stopped at the immigration point on the border to have bags searched etc. Leaving the warm comforts of the bus, we stepped out into blustering gales, rain, rather bleak seemingly endless baron landscape and a portacabin. At this point I did think.. why on earth did we leave the warm cultural splendours of Buenos Aires and central Argentina?! This thought was further emphasised when we arrived in Puerto Natales (still pouring).Probably the strangest place I've ever been... Imagine if you will a cross between a ski chalet village and a tin shantytown and that's sort of what this place looked like, and at this time of the day deserted. However, waking the next morning we were greeted with something relatively rare in Patagonia- SUNSHINE. Suddenly, this odd place seemed somewhat charming and we were ready to set on our quest to try and find a way of entering the nearby national park, whose complicated booking system made it like Fort Knox of Chile. With all the campsites full and the town filled with disconsolate visitors desperate for even one night in the park we didn’t hold out much hope. After visiting the main park office it was looking like our only options were to either pay for a couple of nights in hostels in the park at the price of a central London hotel or alternatively chance our arm and head into the park and hope the rangers took pity on us and allowed us to stay in the free campsites. As we sat in the office of Fantastico Sur, the company with the only remaining availability, desperately trying to piece together some sort of a trip and our wallets groaning in our pockets the door swung open and two Brazilian angels entered. In this brilliant bit of serendipity they had two nights camping to sell, which aligned perfectly with some other availability meaning we were going to be able to get 4 nights in the park. It’s safe to say we almost bit their hand off for the bookings. With bookings stowed away it was off to the supermarket to buy provisions then to the outdoor shop to rent some fairly ancient camping gear. We were feeling pretty smug at this point and filled with enthusiasm for what the next 5 days had in store for us. Despite a few delays getting across to the starting line, we made quick progress through to the first checkpoint and were feeling confident of being at our camp well ahead of schedule. Then the trail got steep, the footing became rocky and the wind picked up. Progress was slow! It was during this last stint that my lack of aerodynamic form led to a gust blowing me across the rocks and unfortunately her ankle took the brunt of the incident. We eventually hobbled into camp with the rain coming down and the wind howling only to be lead past the lovely sheltered woodland camp spots to our pitch for the night, a wooden platform set out in the open with full exposure to the elements and whose only redeeming feature was it’s proximity to the toilets. The tent went up quickly and we piled into the dining area of the Refugio to be treated to a delicious three course meal of log life food which even featured an old favourite, Angel delight. That was as good as the evening got. George's well honed ability to sleep served him well but I had a night to forget. With the wind gusting still gusting at 70mph and the rain coming down heavily, conditions in the tent were tense. Every few minutes you could hear the wind building from high in the valley and the noise grew louder and louder like a oncoming stampede. Then it would hit! The tent, staked down and covered in boulders to hold it down, was rattled from side to side and the wooden platform shuddered beneath our matts. A 4am call of nature was like going over the top at the Somme. Well rested and suitably smug, George woke to find me white as a sheet, huddled in every item of clothing I brought, mumbling discontent. Ah well at least it was breakfast time!! Day two was an absolute triumph- fantastic lakeside views all day, minimal aches and we strode into a fantastic campsite where the tent fairies had already set up our abode ahead of arrival. This was topped off by a warm shower- a very welcome surprise after the previous nights experience where one had to dangle each limb in the shower for a few seconds at a time to survive the glacial waters. Day three; smugness gone. Awoke with ankle feeling like someone had taken a hammer to it. The first part of the morning was a very steep scramble up uneven paths and giant boulders. OWW- enough said.All discontent was forgot when we landed at the Mirador del Torres, breathtakingly beautiful! after a night of storms we arrived to see the highlight of the park and its glistening turquoise waters in perfect sunshine. WOW- just so beautiful, 8 understand why it is considered the highlight of Chile, captured on the notes. If only we didn't have another 25km to conquer before the next campsite...! Moods varied so much that in the morning I would be discussing how much I'd like us to get our own high-end kit, and even suggesting a summer camping jaunt to WALES (a moment of weakness surely), by the afternoon the tone would be more along the lines of 'george this is a one time thing, OK?!?!' Towards the end of the day as legs and back ached, my mothers childhood nickname 'firey harriet' came into its own. Luckily george had enough provisions stowed away that he was able to cure my low blood sugar levels (otherwise known as bad mood spikes) by feeding me snacks to promptly restore my enthusiasm- like a cart horse being fed polos to retain momentum. Now, if you're thinking it was just me, while George strode around the park with glee,. think again. Even Sykes was coining phrases such as 'I think I will cry when we finally get to the campsite' and reformed the lyrics to Queens don't stop me now, 'having a shit time, having a shit time..' which I could here him belting behind me. However, our home for the night was delightful and soon all wrongs were put to right. Perfect evening sunshine, and a sheltered spot for our tent- back to my 'I love camping, let's buy that tent!'. I was unable to walk the following day so George embarked on an adventure round the backside of the mountains en solo (probably relieved to ditch his counterpart, now affectionately referred to as 'the snail'). I had a wonderful morning in the sunshine, reading and bonding with the local staff who I sat with playing his flute he'd created out of a plastic pipe. On Georges return we treated ourselves for a valentines meal of canned tuna and crackers, then playing 'who can keep there feet in the glacial river longer'. I won :) After another OK nights sleep we trudged the 4hours trek back to the bus- and eventually made it back to the luxury of indoors, delicious un-packeted food and most importantly a BED; my old friend. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Reflecting on our time in Torres del Paine, we both say how incredible it was- insane natural beauty around every corner, and a catalogue of picture postcard photos; not to mention the sense of achievement on completing a challenging 5days hiking- totally out of our comfort zones. However, Probably best we didn't write this blog while we were walking or the language may have trouble into the slightly more vulgar. It was an experience I'll never forget and I truly thoroughly enjoyed, but next year it'll be a spa break for Valentine's Day George! On arriving further south in the large industrial town of Punta Arenas, the weird streets of Puerto Natales started to seem like a fairytale picturesque town. THIS was bleak. Maybe it was the constant rain but this is was not a charming place. On our first day, after listening to the hostel staff whinge about how much they hated the town we decided to brace the elements and check out the top sites which turned out to be a graffitied statue and a shipwreck which we got half way to and then turned back. Luckily we weren’t there for the sites but instead to catch a boat to Isla Magdalena home of 120,000 Magellenic penguins. Patagonia; the most beautiful landscapes we've ever seen, the most uninspiring architecture. But the region keeps growing on me.. I'm sure I'll be back one day.

[ethelbertpaul444-blog]

5 Movie Problems That Kids Today Will Never Understand

Like everything else, movies senility. Special aftermaths inspect worse, favourite slang and fad are left behind, and government and social framework displacement. But sometimes, the terribly central dilemma of a movie becomes so outdated that the cinema itself is no longer relatable to modern-day gatherings. Now are five examples of accurately that, delivered to you in convenient roster model — a format that they are able to never, ever become out-of-date or strange.

5

Christmas Vacation Is About A Middle-Class Homeowner Pee-pee That He’s Not Getting A Huge Christmas Bonus To Comprise A Pool

The holiday classic National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation remains a staple of the December basic cable movie pirouette. Its most famous scene is a holiday-pressured Clark Griswold lastly blowing a gasket in front of his family after he opens his highly apprehended Christmas bonus, only to find it’s a subscription to the Jelly of the Month club.

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That’s not one insignificant vistum from a simpler period; the whole planned is organized around that instant. Clark is counting on this bonus so he can mask the pay for the purposes of an in-ground fund, which he’s previously purchased in advance to stun their own families. To anyone under the age of 50 read this, suspect a sidekick of yours complaining about this today. How much tendernes could you muster?

Warner Bros. Studios “Sorry about your reserve. I guess you’ll have to just use the community pond, which I too can’t afford.”

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Meet The Spider That Subsists By Literally Looking Like Crap

Clark is not drowning in homeowner or student loan obligation, or the costs of referring two kids to college. He’s drowning in a pay of his compel, trying to prematurely compute a pond onto the beautiful live he previously owns. He has a house in suburban Chicago, his wife doesn’t manipulate, and he probably has health insurance and a 401 k. All those sweetened “employment” perks sound like some lost fantasy metropoli of Atlantis to Millennials enrolling the labour force today. And we’re supposed to share his madnes at not getting a good Christmas bonus? It might have been a relatable problem to a lot of parties back in the day, but be said that scene to your median “middle-class” laborer now, and prepare for some reeled seeings, accompanied by the most careful and exhaustive jerk-off flow you have ever seen.

4

One Hour Photo Is About A Creepy Guy Who … Gazes At All Your Illustrates

One Hour Photo performs Robin Williams as Sy, health professionals photo developer at a local supermarket … and we’ve previously confused our younger readers in several different ways. Sy befriends a family of regular customers, but his carefree professional behaviour revolves baleful when we view him at home, exhaustively browsing every picture their own families has in the past created him.

Fox Searchlight Pictures “Developed? Like, he added some filters? “

This scene still stops across as unsettling today, but digitize any of his actions, and we’d wager person predicting such articles is doing the exact same concept in another tab. You know, moving through every pole on their crush’s Instagram account. Still potentially frightening behavior, but nobody’s gonna make a movie about it.

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Today, this photo-obsessive mommy would definitely have an Instagram, and that accounting would almost definitely be public, and random beings would constantly be scrolling through photographs of her kids’ boasting incidents and their family vacations all the time. She’d want the maximum number of people to insure them; that’s the whole level of affixing photos publicly. Really, for modern publics, the only occasion tip-off them off that Sy is a creep is that haircut.

Fox Searchlight Pictures He is clearly the love child of King Joffrey and Flo from Progressive.

3

In Airheads , A Band Breaks Into A Radio Station To Get Exposure

In the ‘9 0s Comedy Central rerun staple Airheads , an amateur boulder strip referred the Lone Rangers attempts to “make it big” by taking a local radio station hostage and forced into to represent their demo strip. The plan is that an operator will hear the single, indicate them, and notebook them for Lollapalooza, or whatever the 1994 equivalent of Coachella was.

20 th Century Fox And the idea of guys storming into a workplace with guns could be used in a comedy movie and not horror.

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Imagine a strap nowadays recollecting the only impediment for entry into the music business is coming their chant played one time on a neighbourhood radio terminal. Hell, depending on how media-savvy the objective is, you might have to explain the whole idea of radio stations to a modern teenager. “It’s like a podcast mixed with Spotify, but ever on. Also there are ads. Ads? Well you consider, firms used to make money on circumstances called adverti-“

There’s likewise the fact that the band owns TWO physical copies of their lyric: a reel-to-reel( which catches barrage) and a cassette tape that they lose and urgently need to track down. Nowadays, anyone would have a digital folder easily accessible on their phone, or a flash drive, or the damn cloud. 40 times of this film would today get abbreviated into a 15 -second scene in which Steve Buscemi re-downloads an email attachment.

20 Century Fox “What studio did you register this in? ” “The laptop in my apartment.”

2

In Sixteen Candles , Nobody Remembers A Girl’s Birthday

Sixteen Candles heralds from a stage in human history when a person could make it through their part daytime without going 75 Facebook birthday remembrances from acquaintances, family members, and forgotten senior high school relationships with babies you’ve received more occasions than a sunset.

That’s the driving force behind John Hughes’ directorial introduction, wherein Molly Ringwald’s character, Sam, bemoans the fact that everybody in her life forgot her special day. Her Sweet Sixteen happens to fall one day before her sister’s bridal, so everybody in her life is too distracted to convulse an “HBD” her channel. They don’t have Facebook, Google Calendars, extremely basic knowledge of their own flesh and blood, or the ability to read a teenager’s glaring facial cues.

Universal Pictures Props to John Hughes for making a movie with an F-bomb and nudity, yet still drawing a PG rating.

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Nowadays, Sam would be instantly cataclysm with “Happy Birthday” messages, beginning at 12:01 a.m. and continuing for three days after her birthday, at which point she would move through them, “like” best available ones, feel bad for not “liking” all of them, then agree and deplete the rest of her daytime politely “liking” the full 200. The 2018 edition of Sixteen Candles would concern Sam checking her email and wondering, “Why am I coming a birthday wish from ‘your friends at O’Hare Long-Term Parking? ‘”

1

The Ring Is About A Video That Kills You … Unless You Share It

In The Ring , beings succumb seven days after watching a cursed videotape. That is, unless they make a print of the videotape and register it to someone else. But this was in 2002, before the rise of the omnipresent, omnipotent YouTube.

Today, the cursed videotape would get rent immediately — possibly before it even officially came out — and then emulated hundreds of days, inspiring reaction videos, lampoons, and dozens of memes that would be beaten into the anchor within a week.

Dreamworks Pictures ” The Ring , but each time Superintendent Chalmers adds the letter ‘B, ‘ it kills you twice as fast.”

No one would ever succumb from the Ring curse. Well , not for at least a few months, regardless, after which our fleeting scrutiny distances would all change to a clip of a bird that looks like it’s doing the Dougie or something.

Also , no one actually owns a functional VHS player anymore. Unless it was uploaded to YouTube, the strip would claim the well-being of, like, two library technicians and 73 hipsters watching it ironically.

Dreamworks Pictures As if a VHS tape could have subsisted that long without going gobbled in a VCR or videotapeed over with a baseball game.

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