#her lunch. so i fed mabel and then myself and got back to it'

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Obsessed with the way my most recent homework task was like "create this program in javascript and then document the process on your blog" because like. You know you're not getting an honest depiction of my process, right?

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Nano 14

Hello everyone,

I missed another day yesterday. I am trying not to let it defeat me. I have to try to get back on the horse and write for at least the rest of the month.

Thursday sucked a lot. As you will remember from my previous posts, my boss, Nakamura, reported my assistant manager, Randy, for making up data. I let Nakamura know that it was hard for me to go to Randy for QC issues because I don’t trust his judgment. It was just a little aside. I thought it was relevant information to the fact that he was making up data.

WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWO did that not turn out great for me.

So Nakamura said he talked to the COO about this. They agreed that we need to restore the chain of command, and he was going to let Randy know I didn’t respect his opinion in the hopes that Randy will try harder. I told him to PLEASE not do this as Randy has power over me and this won’t end well. He said he will grab a translator and we will talk more about it. Julie in HR, would have been a great intermediate to discuss this, BUT she was on a trip to the east coast.  She had to attend a job fair and help recruit people. Instead of HR, Nakamura grabs the production manager to translate. I like Roy. He’s a great guy, but he is not good with people. His real name is Takumi, but most of the Japanese pick English sounding names to help with customer relations, so we call him Roy. I told Nakamura, through Roy, PLEASE don’t tell Randy I don’t trust his opinion. I will go through the chain of command. I got screwed once by Randy’s bad advice. He advised on a ginger teriyaki sauce which had the viscosity collapse. He said it should be OK, and it was not. Ever since then, I stopped going to Randy. If he wants me to respect the chain of command, then I will ALWAYS go to Randy and I will just let the chips fall where they may. I told Nakamura all this through Roy. I also told all this to Julie in an E-mail.

That killed my mood for the week. I couldn’t look at Randy without the anxiety that he knew what I said about him. This is the EXACT reason I was afraid of getting in between my managers. I chose a side and now I am paying for it. I could have just played dumb and I would have been happier.

I got very stressed out on Thursday. I went to my friend Akiko’s house again to help out with her new born. She was the woman having trouble because her husband was on a business trip. I watched the baby while she showered, did laundry and dishes. She said she would have to hold the baby while doing all these chores because she could leave him alone. He cried a lot in my hands. He kept trying to crawl away. He has like two months of motor development, but he used all of it to try to get away from me. She apologies, but I didn’t care. He has only seen like two people, Kosuke and his mom. He was calm when I fed him, and other than that I just let him cry. I tried to make it better, but he wasn’t having any of it. I was only able to stay for an hour and a half because Alia needed help.

Alia called me because she locked herself out of her car. I didn’t get a chance to finish my Japanese homework. I did half of it during lunch and I was starting it at Akiko’s when Alia called. I left to go get Alia and her spare key, and during the drive I was debating even going to class. I HATE this class. The students are SOOO disruptive, and I get SO much second hand embarrassment that it give me a head ache and a bunch of stress.

I had this inner dilemma while driving. I don’t think I should quit something because it’s stressful. I want to be the kind of person who can handle a lot and take on a lot, so I don’t want to quit because it’s too stressful. I tried to convince myself that I could handle it and I should challenge myself. Don’t get my wrong, if some is actually TOO stressful then I’ll quit, but I was sure it wasn’t that bad. On the other hand, I hate this class so much that I am not learning anything. I have such distain that I don’t retain anything. I need to recognize when I am wasting my time. I might be able to learn more on my own without this class. I could try again next semester and maybe I’d have a better class and environment to learn.

I decided not to go. I decided that I will take at least this day to decide what to do. If I feel better Tuesday then I’ll go back. So instead I spent the rest of the night with Alia, at least that what I thought. I got home and started watching youtube videos. Alia asked me to empty the dish washer then to come to the living room and keep her company while she washes dishes. I did that, but I don’t remember anything after that. As soon as I got comfortable, I fell asleep on the couch. I remember Alia tired to wake me up, but I didn’t want to get up. I woke up about two hours later, around 11:30pm. I went to bed and didn’t do my Nano for that night.

Today I wasn’t excited about work. I mean it’s work, but I usually have a positive attitude about it. I am usually excited about proving I can do a good job and I try to challenge myself. The whole Randy thing just got me down. I dragged my feet though the day, but I picked myself up after lunch.  

Alia said we should go out tonight. She got a lot of sleep and we haven’t felt this good on a Friday in a while. I messaged some friends to see if they wanted to come too. Everyone said no. I think I asked seven or eight people ): . it’s OK. I know everyone is busy and have a lot of responsibilities. We went to get pizza, went to four bars, and ended with Karaoke. I sung, “Everyone wants to rule the world.” I know the lyrics well because of the NSP cover. It was a fun night. I’m going to meet some friends tomorrow to make tempura and ramen. Should be fun.

That’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been feeling anxious due to this whole Randy vs Nakamura thing. My Japanese class is causing my stress, and the more time I spend decompressing the more I fall behind on my projects. I still need to plan and make changes to my DnD campaign for Monday. I want to keep up with these Nano’s and I want to get into shape. I also want to try to put more time into my friendships. I feel like I’ve been lacking lately, and I need to challenge myself to do more. We’ll see, I dunno.

I’ve been getting back into Gravity Falls. I’m not actually watching the show, but I’ve been watching fan videos and comics. The show gets me a lot more emotional than it did back when I was watching it. I saw a comic about Pacifica Northwest running away from home and it got me teary eyed? Which is weird. It’s one of those situations where I had an emotional response without realizing why. The scene where Mabel feels like Stan betrayed her also gets me. Not too sure why either. I got really into Stanly and Stanford’s relationship too. I think I liked it more after seeing the new Thor movie. I saw a post that mentioned how quick Thor was to forgive Loki and work with him. It defended that idea because they were brothers who grew up together. The post suggested that because they used to be so close it was easy for them to fall back into the supportive brother role. I mention this because seeing Stanford and Stanly repair their friendship always got me too. I am a sucker for siblings coming together. I don’t know if this says anything about me. Meh.

I do this a lot though. I come back to old shows I used to watch and consume a bunch of fan made content I missed. I did this with Undertale last year. I used to cry about Sans a lot. I’m trash I just keep it under wraps well.

If I had to take a guess as to why the Pacifica thing got me emotional, I’d say it had to do with the way I see myself leaving home. I was so happy to be out of my home town. I don’t like my parents. I am confident that if I stayed with them I would have got dragged down. My mom and dad are supportive of me and I’m grateful I still love them, but I cannot live with them. My dad has a lot of anger issues, conservative views, and he was abusive. My mom was very neglectful, leached off my grandmother (stole from her a lot), and enable’s her boyfriends to ruin my grandmother’s home. They are both heavy drug users. I am SO happy I got out of there. I wouldn’t have gotten out if it wasn’t for my first girlfriend Jessica. I think the Pacifica thing makes me said because her parents were kind of shit too, and it makes me really happy to see her get out of that situation. I dunno this is kinda a stretch, but I’m just trying to rationalize a feeling.

Anyhoo, It’s getting late and I have a lunch at my friend’s house tomorrow. Goodnight everyone.