#her same position in the frame........ and they're looking directly at each other.....

[jessiethewitchzard]

Mahoako Propaganda

This is the post where I try to convince you that Gushing Over Magical Girls(aka Mahou Shoujo Ni Akogarete aka Mahoako) is actually a wholesome sex positive story about young lesbians exploring their feelings for one another in a world without homophobia. (and I'm serious.) If you are a fan of yuri or magical girls, who dismissed mahoako as being horrible exploitative garbage, this post is me trying to convince you to give it a chance. It's not some horrible male gaze rape fest.

These characters are explicitly, canonically lesbians, who are in love. They're women who love women, and aren't afraid to show it.

This is a story where a girl struggles with whether she's being a creep by thinking her girlfriend smells nice.

They talk frankly about their anxieties about kink.

there's pining childhood friends. (who actually get together.)

There's all sorts of lesbians, from wholesome uwu schoolgirl crushes, to weird traumatized alt girls making each other worse.

Also, a character looks directly at the camera and reminds people that consent is important and you shouldn't touch someone without their permission. Basically, the story uses magical girl tropes as a framing device for the 'magic circle' of kink. In the same way that people use bdsm is a safe space to explore their feelings in new ways, the characters use magical girl battles, which are kind of treated as 'not real' in a similar way. But of course there's the elephant in the room. It's an extremely horny manga, and most of the characters are minors. These are high schoolers who touch each other's boobs. I totally understand if that alone is enough to put you off it, but I will say, these are horny teenagers getting weird feelings about each other and figuring themselves out. They're not powerless victims being exploited. For one thing, there's literally no men in this entire show. Not even a single background character. They're all women. If you're on board with a story about 14 year old girls having funny feelings about their classmates, I'd say give it a shot.

If you're *almost* on board, but the objectification still makes you a little uncomfortable, I can assure you, the story consistently focuses on how the girls feel as people, and goes far beyond simply objectifying them in a sexy pose. The kinks serve a purpose in the plot, and to enhance characterization, so if you do read it, don't completely skip past the kink scenes.

Also, if you're actually curious the kink, I should mention, it's not just bondage and spanking. in the first season alone, they've done waxplay, giantesses, abdl, exhibitionism, electroplay, tentacles, and "the room you can't leave until you fuck" among others. There is a smorgasbord of perversion here, but it's balanced out and contrasted against a bunch of really cute little character moments, especially in the manga.

[angel-wings-and-tattoos]

i can't stop thinking about the potential of s5 stonathan. it's a disease. this is directly inspired by the .5 second frame that steve and jonathan share in s4 bc i am actively psychotic and audibly gasped when it happened even though they literally didn't even look at each other.

when jonathan sees them for the first time, he assumes that steve and robin are a couple.

those two are practically the same person. they work on the same level and it's obvious to everyone around them that they're just meant to be together. steve and robin both know its in a platonic way, but it's hard for everyone else to look past the fact that they're a boy and a girl; how could the two of them be that close and not be dating?

robin has no idea about steve and jonathan's complicated history (surprising, i know. but steve's memory isn't what it used to be and truthfully he just assumed that he's already told her everything about his entire life, which is approximately 87% true. but jonathan happened to fall into that pesky 13%) but clocks the weird energy between the two of them immediately.

i'm just imagining jonathan lowkey cornering steve in order to talk to him. not that steve was avoiding him or anything. he just was not not avoiding him. so it takes a little while but jonathan finally gets steve to himself for more than 5 seconds and just overall asks how he's doing.

after a little small talk he asks about him and robin, very, very extremely (can't emphasize how bad it is) awkwardly. this is a man who is shitty with small talk at the very best of times talking to someone who he beat up and then kind of stole his girlfriend (jonathan stands by the fact he deserved the beating up part and would also like to point out that nancy is her own person who can't be stolen from anyone) so there's really no script to be going by here.

neither of them really know what the goal of the conversation is. jonathan just had a vague urge to talk to steve and steve didn't want to talk in the first place so, again, cannot emphasize the awkwardness of the situation. steve eventually realizes that jonathan thinks him and robin are a thing and, in a very mean girl way that only steve can pull off without sounding like an absolute asshole, bodily rolls his eyes and huffs at him that no, byers, we're just friends. capital P-Platonic.

jonathan is suddenly hit with an overwhelming reminder of steve back in high school. surprisingly, it's not in an entirely bad way, it's weirdly nice. he hasn't genuinely talked to steve in so long and it's at that exact moment that he realizes that he missed him. which is bizarre, in jonathan's opinion, because he's pretty sure you have to have more than two positive interactions with a person in order to miss them. (jonathan is also resolutely ignoring the bizarre relief he felt when steve said he wasn't dating robin).

another thing is that jonathan has the weird urge to hug steve. when the california crew got back to hawkins, jonathan had mainly been focused on nancy, which he thinks is perfectly understandable. by the time that talk was over (they had somehow managed to end the conversation while still ignoring one or two majorly important issues that their relationship might not survive talking about) steve was a dozen or so feet away, one arm still around el in a hug that never quite ended and talking to her, dustin, mike and will. jonathan had sort of vaguely waved at him and steve's returning smile and wave were genuine, but less than enthusiastic.

by the time he managed to get steve alone, it was past the time jonathan deemed as hug-appropriate. he settled for somewhat stiffly laying a hand on steve's forearm when he noticed the distinct bite marks peaking past his shirt sleeve. jonathan took it as a win when steve minorly tensed, but, more importantly, didn't brush his hand off. he assured jonathan that he was fine and that they look worse than they actually are, i'm fine, i promise.

they continue to talk for a little while, steve quickly asking about will and el (give him some credit at least, he hadn't seen jonathan in months but he still knew the man pretty well) and letting him ramble about them for a while. (neither of them acknowledge or do anything about the fact that jonathan is still holding his arm, all he would have to do for them to be holding hands would be shift his own hand 3 inches down)

the scene that robin eventually walks in on is steve and jonathan standing less than a foot apart, jonathan's hand still loosely resting on steve's arm, and them talking quietly enough that, even in the small living room, she can't make out what they're saying.

the thing is, robin has seen steve in just about every scenario there could possibly be with other people. she's seen him fake smile at customers, bitch at the kids, sweet talk the kid's parents, charm his way through dates, try to be less charming with her parents, play nice with his ex-girlfriend, play even nicer with his ex-girlfriend's parents, try and fail to not be flustered with eddie flirting with him, hell, even try to get along with her bandmates that one time. so, needless to say, there was hardly anything that steve could do to surprise her anymore.

that all flies out the window with jonathan byers, evidently. it would be more understandable if she had heard anything about jonathan from steve. she only knows what she heard and witnessed when she was in high school with the two of them, but in all of her thousands of conversations with steve, jonathan only made an appearance once or twice, and never for very long. at the time, she didn't think it was intentional, but now she's starting to reconsider.

robin clears her throat pointedly, startling the two men. they look up at her, but don't move away from each other. steve turns to look at her which coincidentally (or not, robin thinks its the exact opposite, actually) shifting him slightly closer to jonathan. robin tilts her head in the direction of the door, trusting that steve can easily follow her train of thought. they had to leave soon in order to make it back to the school to help with the make-shift relief center.

steve nods at her, his gaze sliding back to jonathan. he says something that robin still can't hear before going to clap jonathan on the shoulder. jonathan apparently decides that this isn't enough and goes straight in for a hug instead, looping his arms around steve's neck. steve is visibly surprised by the show of affection, but he immediately tucks both of his arms around jonathan's waist. robin's eyebrows go up slightly as steve practically tucks his face into jonathan's neck. (turns out, steve missed jonathan more than he anticipated. also, it's been a long time since someone hugged steve without almost dying immediately before or after so, sue him for enjoying it a little)

the hug doesn't last for very long but robin has seen enough to qualify steve for a very long talk the second that the pair leave the house.

the two men somewhat reluctantly let go of each other, jonathan letting his hands quickly trace over steve's shoulders to loosely grasp his elbows as they separate. steve gently drums his fingers against jonathan's side once, saying goodbye before turning to follow robin.

jonathan watches as the two leave the house, feeling better about the whole situation but still somewhat off-center. obviously steve didn't hate him, seemed to actively like him despite their convoluted history, but jonathan wasn't sure why that mattered to him so much. he barely even likes steve in the first place (that's a bald-faced lie, your honor) so why did he feel relieved when steve hugged him back? jonathan's subconsciousness files that right along the relief from earlier to be examined at a far later date (read: hopefully never).

-

basically i just want jonathan and steve to have a moment together, robin to clock the weird tension, and then for them to all get along forever. without dying tragically. that is probably far too much to ask but i'm nothing if not a clown who will watch and likely thoroughly enjoy s5 regardless of the chance that nancy and jonathan will probably end up staying together.

[prince-toffee]

Spoilers for Mutant Mayhem:

So, yesterday I watched TMNT Mutant Mayhem.

And yeah, it was good, it was fun. But I wouldn't say it's the best version of the TMNT or anything. The only reason why it's so popular and why the larger world is saying that 'the turtles are finally back' is because it's a theatrical movie and associated with Rogen. Also, that little tidbit kinda pisses me off, 'the turtles are finally back' wha- fu- where did they go? What the fuck are you talking about? Seth Rogan didn't revive a dead franchise or anything. TMNT has been thriving for years! The comics is excellent. The shows are phenomenal. Fuckin' we've been here! We didn't go anywhere. I imagine it's people who aren't turtle fans that are saying this. People who watched 87 as kids and then grew up and didn't stay with the franchise and saw it evolve through the years. Geewankers as we Transformers fans call them. And I think this movie is fun, it's good, but it's not God's gift to humanity or whatever. If I'd have to rank it it'd be directly in the middle of turtle media, far from the worse, far from the best.

So here's some positives:

It's gorgeous. It's beautiful. It takes the creativity of Spider-Verse and makes it it's own, with the graffiti, school desk doodles aesthetic. It's. GORGEOUS. The artistic story telling of this movie is amazing, having the humans be just as 'ugly' and isometrical and dirty and lumpy as the mutants, showcasing a sense of realness and the fact that they're just as monstrous as the mutants they fear. Not that it looks anything like that, but it reminds me of the art of Gary Frank, artist of Superman Secret Origin (highly recommend) who manages to capture the beauty in the imperfection and sometimes uglyness of humanity. All the while the turtles are portrayed as these claymation-esk cute little potatoes, and that makes you immediately endeared to them.

Some of my favourite effects have to be using scribbles as lens flares for car headlights, and for dust kicked up by car tyres. I also love the use of inbetween frames on the weapons when they're in motion, that is one of my favourite visual tropes in animation, chef's kiss, that's why the bo staff was always my favourite weapon from the 2003 series (which introduced me to the TMNT), it's always so satisfying to watch.

The pacing of this movie is fantastic. Not a boring scene in the movie.

The action is out of this world. I think we all know the scene I taking about. The 'No Diggity' scene is by far the best scene in the movie. Nothing for me can beat the Shredder fight from Rise, but this, this is second place no doubt.

All of the characters are likable and cute. I don't know if I have a stand out favourite in this film, I just like all of the boys equally. And that's another really awesome thing about this movie. It's not the Raph and Leo show, each turtle is given an equal amount of screen time. It helps that all the turtles have the same unified character arc so it all follows nicely, especially tied with April's own arc, which feeds into Splinter's arc. Nicely done.

Soundtrack is a banger.

Darker than I thought. But not too much. A nice balance. That opening scene is immaculate. The tone, Trent Rezenor's ost, the vibes are off the chart.

Now, the negatives (for me) :

None of the characters are really my favourite incarnations of the turtles. (In my opinion) It doesn't have the best Leo (2003) or the best Raph (2007) or the best Donnie (Rise) or Mikey (Rise) or April (Rise). Splinter is like the RiseSplinter but with way less going on, and way less interesting.

That romance is death. It didn't work with Donnie in 2012, it doesn't work her, it's weird and gross, and I don't want to think about it. At least it's not his step-sister.

The comedy isn't for everyone. There's so many pop-culture references it gets ridiculous. When they mentioned Mark Ruffalo I was so done with it. Also, literally every scene that the turtles are together in they will mumble over each other. Every. Scene. It was cute and fun the first two times, but it happens over and over again, drop it, get a new joke.

Splinter and the turtles have no connection to Hamato Yoshi or Oroku Saki, and they learn ninjitsu from Bruce Lee films... sure, whatever. I'm interested to see how the Shredder fits in in the sequel. By the way, great tease, it sounds like this Shredder is like a bounty hunter/mercanery, cool, sounds interesting, I'm in.

The puke girl... thing, is so Rogen it hurts. I'm not the biggest fan of his writing, I think he suffers from the dudebro disease that's been an epidemic at Hollywood for too long. But I was surprised to see that it was quite subdued in this film. 'Quite' not totally.

So, yeah, those are my thoughts on Mutant Mayhem organised in a semi-coherent 'review' If you could call it that, I suppose. So... Bye.

[burnmyloveaway]

Johan's "Kimi" to Nina's "Anata"

WARNING: LONG-ISH POST

The following post is an acid trip down Monster Lane following some observations, permanent weeb-ness and massive brainrot.

I watched Monster subbed, and when the twins talk about what happened back at the RRM in episodes 66 and 67, they use two different forms of "you" for each other.

Johan addresses Nina with "Kimi."

Nina addresses Johan with "Anata."

I can't speak Japanese, but I've watched enough anime to understand that there are different pronouns people use to refer to others in Japanese (depending on the context, on the degree of formality/informality, etc...) and, in this case, I got curious about the difference between "Kimi" and "Anata" specifically, so I looked it up.

Firstly, "Kimi" is more informal, familiar, intimate, and affectionate (even translatable as "honey" or "sweetie": source). It implies closeness on the speaker's part and is used only for people the speaker knows well.

In particular, men use "Kimi" towards those lower on the social hierarchy (source) and between members of the same family, romantic partners (men use it when talking to their girlfriends or wives), or with kids (source). Also, [Kimi] "is for talking to friends who may be younger than you" (source). Or, again, it can be used condescendingly, as if looking down on the other person (source; can there be just a bit of resentment on Johan's part for Nina?).

I'm not sure whether or not Johan truly believes he's somewhat above Nina (i.e.: does he believe he's "chosen" in a way Nina isn't? Doesn't he also believe they're one and the same? If he truly believes he's chosen, wouldn't that make Nina chosen as well?).

Perhaps it's more likely he uses "Kimi" when talking to her simply because he's the elder twin. In the original script and dub this is emphasized many times as the vocabulary - on the part of both Johan and Nina - is rather insistent in underlining it throughout the series, even if they're twins.

Also, the pronoun "Kimi" is used to display having "the upper position" in a situation (source) in the sense (to my understanding at least) of being the one in control.

This last point reminded me of something. On having the upper hand, below is the scene of the aforementioned episodes where the twins meet in the ruins. Johan (having decided to have Nina escorted there) is standing literally on the upper floor when she finds him:

[manga vs anime]

In nonverbal communication proxemics is the branch of knowledge that deals with the amount of space that people feel necessary to set between themselves and others (Oxford Dictionary).

As adults, Johan and Nina never get close. She seemingly wants to kill him after the murder of the Fortners. Instead, he openly invites her to kill him again and again and remains distant from her as events unfold (it's also interesting to note that the one time he effectively saves her life - back in the Nazis' mansion - he decides not to meet her directly, as if taking it upon himself to looking after her from the shadows).

Another interesting detail about the frame(s) above is how Johan's silhouette is obscured in the light background of the open sky in contrast to Nina's. The latter's is illuminated by the sun in the midst of the darkened ruins, resembling the inverted dots of the Yin and Yang symbol.

Johan's mind is clear. He has recovered all his memories. He stands above the ruins because there's a memory only he can recall. Nina's still missing something as she can't reach the sky above her, she's framed by the ruins of her own dark and fractured memory.

However, at this point, they can't reunite. The heavy baggage each carries, doesn't allow the two halves of the same whole to reconcile yet. This is possibly represented by the wooden column in the middle dividing the frame between Johan's light half and Nina's dark half.

As a further contrast between the two, while Johan uses "Kimi" for Nina, Nina uses "Anata" for Johan.

The latter is more polite, neutral, and formal (source) but it also denotes more humbleness on the speakers' part (source).

In correspondence to how "Kimi" is used by someone in a higher position, "Anata" also implies respect (source) for the other person (are there mixed feelings on Nina's part in this particular moment, or is it simple politeness?).

As for "Kimi," "Anata" is gendered and used mostly by women. While it's a formal "you" more often than not, it's also used as a term of endearment by wives for their husbands and can be translated as "darling" (source; this case is similar to the possible translations of "Kimi" as "honey" or "sweetie" for couples).

Interestingly, "Anata" can be used by a speaker to put a certain degree of emotional distance from the other person (source) or when the speaker doesn't know who the other person is (source). It can often express exasperation as well (source).

Moreover, Nina has always identified her brother as "Johan."

To Nina, even if she doesn't really know him as a person in the present (since they didn't grow up together), her brother is "Johan" and Johan is her brother.

It's the first name he received and the one he used more often. He keeps going by it in the canon timeline (at least until the end?), as everyone associated with him refers to him by it. Still, he tells Dr. Tenma that it's not his real name as he doesn't have one (never completely identifying with it: Wolf argued it may have awakened something in him, though.)

As such, while Nina knows her estranged elder twin brother as "Johan," "Anata" can also be used for someone whose name you don't know (source). Usually, it's used to politely ask someone's name, which is not what Nina's doing in this scene.

However, she's dealing with what happened in the past after she has refused to face it for a long time: she's still processing it.

She's taking her memories back from Johan, who made them his. Figuratively, she gave a name to the girl who said: "I'm back," and a name to the girl who said: "Welcome home." For the longest time, she had believed the latter was herself ("I was greeting myself?").

That girl wasn't real. That was her brother. That was the brother whose existence she forgot and then confused for her own. It can be as if through that "Anata" she's asking him who he is, in a sense.

Or in Nina's words just earlier: "So you know what we are?" (As the results of a particular experiment, their parents met in unusual circumstances: it's safe to assume they'd have never existed otherwise).

Although this last use of "Anata" isn't literal, considering the problems on identity posed by this work, it can be thematically coherent and relevant.

[chasingfictions]

SPUFFYGIFS LINES & LYRICS WEEK | day iv: lighthearted

the world's a little brighter / come on, come on / just get yourself inside her love

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Brother': New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Brother"

"You need to stay strong...a warrior believing in our Greater Russia..."

Chapter Summary: The investigation at Peter's place put Yirina's mood in a bad way, impossible to express how she feels to Park and to talk to her, now trying to forgive herself about that and just trying to forget things...

Link of the Picrew used !

To read it on AO3, click here!

Words : +3200

Taglist : @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart

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What I saw inside Peter's apartment didn't actually give me a better mood from earlier today, acting a bit different than I usually am and finding myself rude at some point with Park when she was forgiving herself to me again for what she did. Peter was leading his own investigation against the Collective and hidden from the MI6 sight and I found out that even to him, I couldn't be fully trusted because of my past of having been 'Perseus child' and that, I should have known that even some people around me could still not see me as an ally because of what happened.

I came back to the car alone, wanting to have some relief and trying to think about myself as some cars were arriving on the street picking my curiosity and preparing my M1911 in the case of a surprise, ready to open fire before realizing that it was just the MI6 cleaning crew that was coming after Park made her call to them, me staying in the car as a witness of the scene while Park was supervising that part outside, guiding the others who were transporting card boxes outside to their car's trunks...all of Peter's work landing right into the MI6 hands and it was a lot at seeing those filled up boxes in their hands.

Once that this little cleaning was done in more than 20 minutes, the agents left the place, Park going back to the car to drive away and return to Century House for the car and then, walking back to the apartment but during those moments, I didn't move my lips once to start a discussion or to respond to Park who was trying on her own to do so with me, wanting to talk about things that weren't linked to what she did and our pasts but even with that happening, my lips stayed sealed during the drive and our walk back to the apartment until arriving in our bedroom.

Undressing and removing myself from the clothes I took with me as Park was looking sad, still trying to talk to me but nothing wanted to come out, not a goddamn word would be wanted to escape from my mouth despite that I would have like to do it, my mood wasn't just allowing me that to happen as it just wanted me to lay down on that bed in front of me and that's what I did, doing it without saying a word and looking away from Park, blank stare at the wall on my side of the bed.

Deep inside of me, I was feeling so bad for leaving Park without telling her what was wrong with me...everything was wrong, it was easy to think & guess but saying was harder...always been harder. To try to forgive me to her for this, I managed to turn around on the bed to look at her uncovered back, seeing those scars from her days in prison and the only thing I could do...was a cuddle with my arms, wrapping them around her and her reaction...I didn't want to know what she was going to think about it as I shut my eyes, drifting into sleep.

Two knocks...two knocks were the first things I could hear when I found myself standing upright in front of Zasha's apartment door in Moscow, dressed in my civilian's clothes: a dark green denim jacket, a black buttoned shirt, grey fingerless gloves blue jeans, and a pair of black boots, going over the bottom of my jeans. I was looking a bit worried about something I couldn't know before I starts to hear some footsteps coming through the door before it opened slowly but not entirely.

"Oh," I heard someone gasp at my sight before I could see Dedov behind the door, his body covering the space between the door and its frame. "That's...that's you, Yirina," He said, a little smile on his face.

"Hey, Dedov," I waved at him with my left hand, smiling too. "Is there Zasha here?" I asked him, trying to look inside but it was impossible as Dedov was on the way.

"Zeze?" I nodded at him. "No, they aren't here, they left to have a date with Portnova," He replied at me, his hands getting on the door.

"Oh okay, I thought that they will be here," I said, sounding a bit confused about it, scratching my right arm with my left hand.

"Well, that wasn't planned but the two didn't see each other since you & them...you know, left for your job in...Solovetsky, right?" He demanded, sounding curious.

"Yeah, it was more complicated than we thought and our work didn't allow us to make personal calls," I responded, my left hand crossing along my upper body to join the back of my head, scratching it. "I'm sorry about this," I apologized.

"No worries, it's okay if it was for your job," He exclaimed, accepting my apologies before a little weird silence got itself between the two of us as if it was impossible to find something to talk about.

"Uhm, since that Zasha isn't here...I guess that..."

"Oh no, you can come in," Dedov offered, getting the door open for me before leaning on the ground to catch the little Beans that was going for a run outside. "As for you, you can't come out, I told you that," He said, pointing at the cat who meowed at him, sounding a bit not understanding why she wasn't allowed to leave the place.

"Oww," I moaned at this scene, seeing Beans' eyes going into a cute mood focused on Dedov. "That's so cute," I affirmed, grinning as Dedov got Beans in his arms, holding her like a baby and giving her cuddles.

"Come in, I insist," Dedov insisted, gesturing at me to enter the apartment and seeing that there was nothing that was going to make me occupied, I decided to agree on his proposal and stepped inside the apartment. "You maybe want something? Tea? Coffee?"

"No, I wouldn't want to steal from Zasha's coffee reserves," I scoffed, him closing the door behind me while still holding Beans in his left arm before he laughed about it.

"Got lucky that the reserves didn't go down during the days you weren't here...well, until now," He added, releasing a friendly laugh at that remark from him. "The first thing they did when they come back after hugging me was to take one coffee...no, two...or three,"

"Put the blame on the coffee machines back at Solovetsky," I proclaimed, moving with him to the living room who was well cleaned up, a little TV turned on. "Coffee over there was awful, had to spit it multiples times, that's explaining why Zasha needed some...necessary caffeine in them," I continued, taking a breath as I walk next to the couch.

"I'm pretty sure that right now, they're arguing with Portnova about having another cup of coffee during their date," Dedov presumed, arriving in the room after me as he was just closing a door from the hallway leading to the living room.

"Them & their coffee," I muttered, rolling my eyes around before deciding to get sit on the couch.

"Go on, Beans, I'm letting you go," Dedov whispered as he leaned down to let Beans go back on the ground on her paws, directly taking the direction of the kitchen. "To say, it's nice to have an animal with me,"

"Sounds nice, shame that I didn't have the same luck on that part," I expressed, putting my hands on my lap, Dedov turning around to me with a curious face. "I can't have any animals with me at my apartment and because of a lot of things,"

"Why that?" He asked, starting to move towards a seat near the main couch. "Is this because you're not allowed to have animals in the place you're living?" I nodded.

"That but also because I can't let a little cat or puppy alone at my place while I'm away, my position isn't really helping me," I started, staying positive in my voice and gestures, feeling a bit sad to talk about it to him. "And also because I would have trouble to take care of an animal,"

"Like, you need someone else with you for that or...you want to have one but your current life isn't helping?" He guessed, me nodding at the second part of his question.

"Freya is there...well, not always here but our lives aren't allowing us to do that and even, I have to convince Freya about having either a cat or a puppy,"  I fully answered, my fingers tapping over my legs in a slow pace. "She's like me but she doesn't see the interest of having an animal with us, you know?" I added. "I don't want to force her much about this,"

"I understand," Dedov agreed, us both getting on the same line of thinking about that subject as he got himself comfy on his seat. "You know, I never thought that Freya was Norwegian, her name wasn't sounding very Russian to me," He commented.

"Yes, she is, Norwegian at heart," I smiled, just by thinking about it. "Even if she's been working with Perseus since we're been raised together by him, she's a patriot, she doesn't want to see Scandinavia getting caught in the Cold War," I continued, giving a part of the vision on her actually.

"I see, seems normal," Dedov simply told, his face telling that talking about Freya wasn't in fact the best idea of the moment, maybe thinking that he wouldn't want to have her name pronounced. "To change, why...Uhm...why did you want to see Zasha?" They asked me, turning his head to perceive Beans coming from the kitchen and in my direction.

"To give them..." I moved my right arm to reach the inside of my jacket, grabbing a sort of white envelope in my hand. "To give to you two some money," I revealed, handing over the envelope to him.

"Uhm..." He was looking a bit hesitating to take it in his hands before he resigned himself to do so. "Why?" He asked, starting to open the envelope to see the money inside.

"Money isn't my reason to live and if I can secure better tomorrows for you & Zasha, I will," I admitted, joining my hands together while Beans was starting to caress herself along my feet. "I don't need too many things to live with,"

"Like...why you don't try to pleasure yourself?" He demanded, putting the envelope on the little brown table that was separating us, the sounds of the Soviet National Anthem emitting from the TV in a low tone. "I'm not saying that you shouldn't do this but...why you don't try to...you know what I mean..."

"I'm not a person that wants to show what she did, I just want to have a normal life," I replied, feeling Beans around my legs and prompting me to take her over my lap as she was insistent to get petted by me. "I can understand that my actions aren't the best for me, you ain't the only one who told me that: Freya, Perseus & even Zasha at some time," I added, gesturing with my left fingers for counting while my right hand was stroking Beans' head. "I know that I should profit from my life but can I really enjoy it when the person I'm working with is a terrorist?"

"I...I don't know," He said, having no answer to it as I thought, he couldn't tell me how. "Me, I know that living here in Moscow isn't the thing I want to do for the rest of my life," He proclaimed, Beans moving her head towards him. "I want to go to Yale, Havard or better, Oxford," He told me.

"Western Universities?" He nodded at me.

"Hard to say but that's my dream," He claimed, smiling. "Zeze wants the 'best for their brother' as they sometimes said to Portnova but about that, it's a bit hard to make it true," He confessed, staying silent to listen to him. "What do you think about it?" He asked.

"I'm not the one to ask about something like this but yeah, I hope that you'll live your dream," I responded, trying to give my best opinion on the surprise question he asked me.. "Don't worry, Dedov, we'll find a solution for that," I said with a little smile to him before I looked at Beans, still caressing the top of her head as she was laid down on my lap.

"What do you think about it, our little Beans?"

I tried to not think about what was Park's reaction when my arms wrapped around her to give her cuddles to forgive myself but when I slowly opened my eyes in her direction, I was already feeling that something was wrong...my arms were both against the bed, wrapped around just nothing, my brain taking seconds to realize that Park wasn't here in the bed with me and in the seconds I realized that I was mixed between getting panicked or not...maybe that she was already prepared and taking breakfast, the time saying 8:24 AM.

Panic, not panic, panic, not panic...that's what I thought, and honestly, I shouldn't be panicking for that. So, after a bit of calming myself down a bit, I got up from the bed to get inside my clothes, using the same one I used last night when we had to move away in an emergency. Thinking about that while putting on my jeans was making me wonder how Zasha & Portnova will take the news, the bad having happened: Peter was missing and may be dead while Sarah was abducted by Perseus.

With a big deep breath once I put my light green jacket around me that I walk to open the door, getting out of the room to join up the others in the dining room but then...as I moved to the room and entering it, there was only Zasha present at the table with only their side of the table filled with cutlery and food as the other place were empty.

"Uhm...are you alone?" I asked them, looking around the room and to the living room part behind me, having seen no one except them here. "Where's Park? Portnova?"

"Portnova is still sleeping, she got a bad dream and I had to give her some water at 4 AM," They replied at first, sounding a bit low in their voice. "Very bad dream," They added.

"And...and Park?" I continued, my voice breaking down for that but also for hearing about Portnova, seeing that memory when I talked with her alone near the Moskova.

"You should sit down, okay?" Zasha proposed. "Have breakfast, will you?"

"Where's Park, Zasha?" I demanded, insisting on it despite their pleas before they moved away from their chair to face me.

"She's...she left earlier," They revealed, looking impossible for them to look at me in the eyes. "I tried to convince her to wait for you but she said that she got a call from the MI6, had to go before us," They added to their response, making me think that she probably didn't like my attitude with her last night.

"Shit, fuck," I cursed, shaking my head about that. "I'm going in too now," I said, starting to move to get to the front door before Zasha stepped in front of me.

"Yirina, you need to take breakfast and..." They started, moving their hands above my shoulders, wanting to say something else than this but..."Just sit down and eat something, would you?" They demanded at me, our eyes meeting again and pleading with mine.

"Fine," I sighed in a bad mood, turning around to walk towards the seat I'm always using, Zasha staying at their spot. "Did...did she told you about..." I sit on the chair, looking at them.

"Peter & Sarah?" They guessed, nodding at me. "Yeah, she did...fucking bad to hear that," They moved away to go back to their seat, my eyes crossing around the food they were having near them. "I just can't believe it,"

"I'm sorry," I apologized, my hands getting on the top of the table before crossing my arms. "Did you know if the two had families?" I asked them

"No, the two were mostly discreet in their personal lives, Peter was the one doing it the most," They responded, making me do a silent sigh away from them by looking down at my lap. "Even if we know each other since I became an MI6 agent, the two weren't willing to talk about them," They continued, crossing their arms like me.

"I'm sorry about having to make you learn that, Zed," I apologized again, tapping my fingers on my arms at a slow & silent pace, a silence coming between us that someone needed to break. "Uhm...I've got two memories back last night, you...do you want to know?" I changed the subject for the moment, unsure if the subject I chose was better.

"Tell," They simply said.

"The first one was talking with Portnova along the Moskova, only with her," I started, concentrating myself to remember it well. "She was scared about how things were happening days after...Dedov left," I added, seeing them froze in place at hearing their brother's name. "That's the first time I saw her cry in tears, it was troubling,"

"I know...she's never like that," Zasha exclaimed, their voice sadder than ever at saying it.

"The second one....it's Dedov," I admitted, thinking that I shouldn't be talking of Dedov with Zasha, knowing the current state of Dedov now. "We talked about you, things and...yeah, we talked," I breathed, stopping myself in my words, looking at Zasha who was saddened of hearing more & more about Dedov, remembering the moment I told them of Dedov's state. "My night was hard to live, things are still shitty, I didn't talk to Park at all since we left Peter's place and I'm feeling bad about a lot of things, a fucking lot," I said, holding back my tears inside of me and moving my arms on my lap.

"You don't need to..."

"Feel bad? Why shouldn't I be good?" I asked them, cutting them straight in their words. "No, I can't, I'm just trying my best to not convince myself to end the misery that I call my life," I told them like that, going up from my seat, without having eaten anything. "I want to save Dedov, to make Park & everyone happy and that we can destroy Perseus but my life is just getting resumed at reliving almost each night something that is saying that my life is filled with trauma, I'm going to live with that for months, even years," I raised up my voice as I moved to the front door, Zasha this time doing nothing to stop me.

"Yirina, I...you don't need to feel bad," They insisted, finishing their sentences that they couldn't finish. "I know the pain you're facing with...that brainwashing bullshit, we're all here for you,"

"Yeah but...I can't feel myself alone and each day, I'm getting lonely inside myself, discovering about who was 'Yirina Grigoriev' before she was left for dead on an airstrip in Turkey," I muttered, putting my hands on the front door handle to open it. "I'm holding my promises, don't worry, Zasha," I then opened the door, ready to leave for Century House before I turned around to look at them, a look of sadness on our both faces...

"I'm trying my best but I'm holding my promises to everyone,"

[irepookie]

Wake up Call, Infinity Ch.3

Summary: QUEEN AU WHERE ROGER (ROWAN)IS A19 YEAR OLD SINGLE DAD TRYING TO FIND A PLACE IN THE WORLD OF MUSIC

WARNINGS: iNTENSE FLUFF AND SOME SWEARING

Chapter 3: Row has to start stepping out of the bubble him and his daughter have been living in while in the safety of the hospital, and break the news to his best friends. 

John- Rick

Fred-Len

Bri- Terry

Rog- Rowan

When Row had hung up on Len mid sentence, the boys had been confused. Then again, he was at his mom's house and they had heard her infamous shout of <<ROWAN EUGENE QUEEN>> that always preceded an argument, so they let it go. But then he didn't turn up to rehearsal, or called back for the rest of the afternoon. Or the following afternoon. Or for rest of the week. And that was unlike him. He always called back. (Well, most of his former one night stands would disagree with this). Let's just say he always called his band mates back. Sometimes drunk, at 4 AM, Thus leaving  a wakeful Terry with 2 hours to spare nothing to do but to start revising for whatever exam he had ahead.

So, when they didn't know of him, they went directly to the village's police station, to see if he was locked up, and if not, to report him missing.

"What if we ask Gina?" Rick suggested

"I'd rather check the morgue first, thanks" Len said.

"Well, what else can we do? Huh?"

"Audition new drummers"

"Seriously boys. Let's go."

They knocked on Row's childhood home. Gina opened, with messy hair, a dressing gown and slippers

"Oh, hello boys. He ain't here" she took a drag of the 4th cigarette she had smoked that day despite it only being 8:30 AM.

"Where is he?"

"He isn't at home?"

"We've checked and there's no track of him. We haven't seen him in 7 days"

She sighed "in the hospital, I think. If he hasn't left already"

"Hospital?" All three said simultaneously

"What happened?!" Len added

"You don't know?"

"Know what?"

She smiled, mockingly "Wow, father of the year isn't so sure after all"

"What?"

She laughed bitterly. If he hadn't told his best friends yet, it maybe meant he was reconsidering the whole thing. Maybe common sense had hit him after the first stinky nappy.

"You know what? Come in."

"Oh we were actually in a rush..."

"You wanna find him or not? Come in, I don't bite

"Alright" all three musicians entered somewhat awkwardly in the house where so many sleep overs had taken place, back in the day.

She led them to the kitchen, where the phone was, and dialed.

Callie was the closest to the phone "Row? Yes, I'll get him"

She made her way to the room where the Prune had been moved in the previous evening, due to her favourable evolution and the need of free incubators.

She grinned at the scene: the 6 day old infant was dozing against her dad's bare chest, supported by his hands -which seemed huge in comparison to her small figure-. His eyes were closed, but Callie could tell he was awake as his left hand was stroking her head. It was adorable, and they seemed at such peace -poor Row had spent his first whole night on night watch and was exhausted-.

"Row" she called softly

He opened his big blue eyes in acknowledgement.

"You have a call"

"A call? From who?" He whispered back, before looking down at the baby to make sure she was asleep

"Didn't say. But she was kind of irritated"

"Oh, that's mom then" he smiled sarcastically, but didn't move a bit.

"You aren't gonna get on the phone?"

"I don't know. She doesn't deserve our attention does she?" He cooed

"How bad can it be?"

"You don't wanna see my bad side. And I don't ever want her to see it either"

Callie smiled "Go. I'll stay with her"

He groaned in annoyance. He was so comfortable, and he didn't want to get up.

"C'mere darling" he mumbled, detaching his daughter from his lap and carefully lying her on the cot

He exited the room and walked to the phone "What?"

"Row! Where are you?" The three voices of his best friends greeted him from the other side

"Oh, hi guys I... How did you get this number?"

"We're calling you from your mum's. She says you're in hospital" Terry's soft voice said worriedly

"You've gone fucking AWOL! Where are you man? We're worried as hell" Len scolded

"Oh yeah, hehe been..."he scratched the back of his head "been pretty busy" He glanced in the direction of his daughter's room, where he saw Callie readjusting the yellow teddy bear he had bought her the second day.

"Busy? With what?" Rick inquired

"It's... It's a long story."

"Well we've got time"

"Shouldn't you be in uni?" Row said in hopes they'd have to run into class

"It's Sunday, Row!"

"Oh is it?" He had lost track of time, honestly

"C'mon! Spit it"

He sighed "Alright, huh..." He tried to think of where to start. He couldn't really think much tho; his brain was pudge at that moment. "I met a girl in..." He counted nine months back from February "June?" No wait Piper was premature so it could be July or... Then it hit him. "No, remember that afternoon when we set up that Live Aid session in your parents backyard, Len?"

The boys nodded. July 13th. How could they forget? It had been dubbed the best Summer Party of 1985 in town. The four of them had tried to get tickets, but they couldn't even afford a ticket to London in the first place. And so, They watched the whole show with four TV screens around the yard instead, and the whole village had joined them, arguing on which performance had been the best.

Of course, all four members of Symbols agreed that it had been Queen.

"But they signed up late" someone said 

 "Yea, they came late to the party" another agreed. 

"So what? They rocked the party! You just say that because you like U2 better"

 "Like you prefer Queen!" 

 "But we've got a point! Regardless of how much we like them, they were, objectively, the best performance" /

"Objectively? Bullshit!" Anne Williams snapped "They played the same shit they always play! And Bono was a true gentleman, helping that girl who was getting crashed by the crowd."

 "Yea, I'm sure Freddie wouldn't have given a shit, so full of himself and his teeth up his~" /

Dennis Phelps couldn't finish his sentence as a  someone tossed him a Converse, which hit his head. A young woman, with Bowie-like orange dyed haircut approached, with  a bare left foot and the matching shoe on the other 

 "You know nothing about putting up a good show then. Also, you mess with Freddie Mercury again and next time the shoe will be stuck up your ass" she told Dennis, retrieving the item "I mean, it's clear who I'm rooting for but Queen really did what had to be done. Geldof told them all to play the hits, because that's precisely why they're hits: they work. Other artists, like your boyfriend Bono and his band played new material, as if this was their concert. And it's not. Even though they signed up on time and whatever. They took a risk, crowd didn't know the song, they lost interest. But Queen had common sense: they played the hits, the anthems, and people connected with them. And it's not about Freddie or him hypnotizing Wembley. It's having some common sense. And not even you two knew the lyrics of U2s new song. So shut the hell up"

Row had liked her instantly. That's a girl who knows the stuff.

They exchanged a smile, a wink and a complicit nod

"We must join our forces to help out our friends under pressure, don't we?" She said

"Oh yes, Bowie girl." Terry remembered

"Yep."

"So what's with her?" Rick said

"Well, that.. she..." He cut himself off when a cry echoed in Pip's room "Gotta go, guys. I'll call you back"

"No! Row!" Len said, but the line went dead

"Shit"

"What happened?" Gina, who had watched the scene from the door frame, -and was about to finish her 6th cigar in a row,- asked

"He rambled about that Live Aid day, and a girl he met there"

"Did he say her name?"

"No. He had to go suddenly. It's all weird"

"Yea, well... Life is weird, boys"

"I don't understand. What's going on? Can't you tell us, Mrs. Queen?"

"Oh no. No. It's not my story to tell. Nor my business. I tried my best, but that stubborn bastard didn't listen. I'm sorry" she said

"But is he okay?" Len asked, concerned

Gina grinned, at how despite it all, the four boys would stick up with each other to the end of the world "Yes. He's fine."

"Row, are you okay?" Callie said, as the drummer wordlessly took the bundle from her

"Yes, yes. Why wouldn't I be?" He said, sitting with the fussy baby

"You're a bit pale"

"Oh I... Nothing. Just... I'm nervous honestly. Because we're about get discharged and I'm gonna be alone with her and I'll have to dad around all by myself and... And everyone will know..."

"Know what?"

"About her"

"And is that a problem?" Callie crossed her arms

"No, I mean... No, of course not. But everyone will ask questions and judge me and... I'm worried I will end up believing them more and fuck it all up"

"Believing what?"

"They'll start telling me it's a mistake, that I'm gonna screw everything up and that I won't be able to be a good dad and I'm afraid it will become true"

"So you're saying that how people think of you is gonna affect the way you... How you called it? Dad around?"

He nodded "Well, answer me these, will you? Have you, in this moment or at any point during these seven days, thought you are making a mistake?"

He looked at the tiny bundle and shook his head.

"Are you willing to always do your best for the shake of Piper?"

He nodded, noticing he was unconsciously rocking her back and forth.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Look I haven't exactly been a role model in... Well anything. One thing my mom's proud of is that I'm not into drugs. Everyone who has a daughter in the block hates me. So how am I supposed to raise one?"

"Exactly how you've been doing the last six days"

"Yes but I have you guys. And the medics, and the equipment. But there I'll be all alone"

"You will never be alone. You have the friends you've told me about. And your mum...Maybe the little darling is gassy"

"Oh stop about my mum" he carefully changed the Prune to an upright position and began to rub circles on her back without even hesitation. Wow he was actually getting a hold on the burping stuff.

"Yes. Your mum will eventually come to terms with the lil'raisin. I'm sure." She said, whist handing him a muslin to place on the baby's range of accuracy

"Oh you don't know her"

"I know she's a mum. Your mum and mother's rarely ever turn their backs on their children for good"

Row looked at the baby, then raised an eyebrow at Callie

"I said it's rare. There are obviously exceptions" she said "And believe me you're better off. Also, she did call. That's gotta Mean  something"

"I didn't speak with her. Just the band. They were at her place, yeah but... I don't know. I'm not gonna beg on my fucking knees..." He was interrupted by a burp I his ear. Damn, that was a big one. He'd need 2 beers to produce such a loud one.

"Easy, tiger." He laughed "Goddamn it, where did that come from, huh? You're unbelievable" he praised, while getting the muslin out his shoulder and handing it to Callie

"And a neat one too. 10/10." She chuckled

"Atta girl. That's my lil'raisin. Yeah, good girl" he cooed, bringing her to face him, before she started fussing and he nested her again on his chest "Aw, don't cry honey. Please. You're alright. C'mon" he begged. She settled down quickly, and he sighed in relief.

"The point is, that here is like... I feel safe, you know? It's like another world. Another life. And now I have to fit her in my every day, and be in charge and stuff, and... I'm not sure I'm ready"

"Parents are never ready to take them home. Not even those who had 9 months of preparation, and parenting classes, and a nicely decorated and supplied nursery. No one feels ready. But nerves are good. Nerves mean that you care. Worrying and doubting about your ability to be the dad your child needs is precisely what's gonna make you raise your game. Just one last question: are you 100% that you love that lil one with all your heart?"

He looked at his daughter, who had gone back to sleep with the rambling of his voice, as his hand still caressed head and grinned "Hell yeah" Otherwise, how could he explain the way his chest seemed to be holding two hearts whenever she was in his arms? Or how, when he had to leave for the night it felt as though both those hearts were ripped away from him? Or how else could he have turned this goddamn sappy? Yep. That was the proof.

"Then that's all the two of you will ever need. She won't care if you two are rich or live in a cardboard box, or if she wasn't in your initial plans, or that she doesn't have a mom. As long as you love her and make her feel like it."

He nodded, and rested his lips on her soft scalp.

"Right, I Gotta get to another patient. Call'em back."

He stood up, this time taking his Prune along, and went to the corridor where the phone was. Making sure her head was safely cradled along with the rest of her small body on his left arm, he tucked the phone between the right shoulder and neck and dialed their shared place's number

Rick picked up "Yes?"

"I'm a dad" he said simply, and waited for his reaction. 

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I’ll post the picture separately in order to preserve my goddamn sanity cause Tumblr is being a pain in the arse!!!!!

How do you guys do it? Am I the only one who needs 5 bloody tries to post this things?

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Awaiting' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Awaiting"

'Us...we have really fought together...we have really bled together..."

Chapter Summary : Yirina is filled with pain after her talk with Adler that ended into an fight and more she's staying captive, more she start to feel more broken...but she has to stay strong....

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +3000

------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't simply resist the urge of making the thing that I should have done more longer at an multiples occasions after my come back in the fight against Perseus. He's not only 'the American Monster' that people describe him but he's also the man who has fucked up my entire life and I have to be gentle with him.....I don't know how this world work but it's strange. The things he has done, it did make people angry...mad at him and instead of realizing his own mistakes, he prefer to laugh about them and that's why punching him was an way to make him suffer like I did.

However, the fact that I wasn't able to finish, that the others came in to separate ourselves...it broke me in the inside. They could have let us fight but they decided to intervene and that, it made me really cry, tears that was real and it wasn't just me that was doing this....Bell was crying in the inside as me, in the outside. Adler broke me but more I will be facing him & talking to him face to face, more I will be sure that he will finish the work. Freya & Sonya saw that by listening to the two.

They quickly left me alone, still sounding shocked of what happened as I was still on that bed, facing the same wall as before and crying all the tears in pain from my body. It was the only thing that I was able to do right now, feeling the entire pain and my left wounded arm, hurting me despite the bandages on it. I don't think that nothing around her could stop the pain that I was enduring, they have Park in an another cell and I'm missing her....I need to....stay strong.

I was back in my old apartment in Moscow, feeling more younger and sounding younger too as I was putting in an frame, an picture of me & Zasha, sitting on an bench near the Moskova, supposing that it was maybe Freya or Dedov who took the picture, the latter seeming more real. Next to the little space I put the now-framed picture, there were an calendar indicating that we were in 1977 in June, giving me an perfect date of that memory for the moment.

An deep breath after I put the framed picture at its place, I decided to move next to an closet in my living room to reach out an bottle of scotch and an empty glass from it before moving to my couch after half-filling my glass with scotch and then, sitting down. But as soon as my lips was coming in contact with the glass that I could hear knocks at my front door, stopping me in my move.

"I'm coming." I started, putting my glass down and sounding an bit annoyed before walking to open the front door and discovering Zasha, dressed in an black suit, black tie & and an white shirt. "Zed !" I spoke up, amazed to see them in that outfit.

"Hey, Yirina." They waved at me, looking an bit disturbed despite the smile on their face.

"You're looking good and not good at the same time." I told them as they bit their lips, their eyes away from me.

"Listen, can I come in ?" They demanded, gesturing with their hands behind me.

"Of course." I said, moving away to let them enter my apartment before I closed the door behind them, wondering what do they have. "So, what's happening ?" I asked them curious, my hands still on the door handle.

"We need to talk about things to be honest." They responded, hesitating to sit on the couch by looking at them before they decided to do so.

"About which particulars things, Zed ?" I precisely questioned as their voice and sudden attitute wasn't helping me to know.

"Well, it's....about me, you, Dedov, the only friends I had in here." They exclaimed, putting their hands to holding their head, placing them under their jaws, their eyes. "I'm feeling to be very alone." They added in an sad voice.

"You're not alone, Zasha !" I expressed, getting to sit next to them, fully worried about them.

"I know but my life, I have like only one person in the world I'm friend here and it's only you." They proclaimed, looking at me, sure of their words, me an bit troubled in the inside. "In my life, I have you & Dedov to hold me."

"Only us ?" I breathed.

"I tried to make friends in the KGB but they aren't nice towards me, I lost an friend when I was an border trooper in the 10th Hichaurskiy Detachment." They continued, sounding like they were lamenting themselves for that life. "I don't think I'm made to have friends."

"No, don't say that." I whispered, joining my hands with theirs to try to recomfort them. "You're wrong because I'm here as your friend." I grinned an little at them. "The most important thing is that it's better to have an friend that will always have your back than an lot that don't know if they are really meaning what they're proclaiming." I told them, giving my thoughts about the situation they were now.

"Yeah, I think that you're maybe right." They expressed, their voice an bit better than before but still not normal. "The most important is that you & Dedov are here."  They affirmed as their eyes fall on our both hands joined.

"Anything wrong ?" I asked them, seeing an curious look on their face.

"I was thinking of something else too...." They started, slowly moving their eyes to met mine. "Do you believe that there's something between us ?" They demanded, curious as me, I was blushing from their words.

"I...." I stopped myself, having an sort of revealation in me, like if it was something I couldn't hide to be honest anymore. "Yes, I think there's more than just an simple friendship." I revealed, my left hand slowly moving to get on Zasha's cheek. "Zed....I love you." I whispered in an very low voice, catching their attention.

"Me too, Yiri." They said, using an nickname that I never thought to be used by them. "It's been days that thought was in my mind, it was something to tell."

"And I'm proud of you."  I snorted before we got our foreheads against each other, smiling before finally, our lips met together, causing an sweet, passionate kiss to happen between us on that couch. "Zasha..." I breathed silently as we broke the kiss an little second before starting again, my arms wrapping around their waist and then, they started to move slowly on their back, finding myself on top of them, looking at them with an big smile.

"You're looking amazing, Yiri." They admitted, their right hand posed on my left cheek and stroking delicately as my hands were posed on their chest, under the black vest and above their white shirt.....

"And you....you're looking really nice in an suit !"

That memory did gave me an peak of my short-lived relationship I had with Zasha in 1977 and it was looking so sweet and tender to live but even if it was nice & also strange to have that memory in my head, I could still feel the pain of the last events. The good feelings slowly fading away to be replaced by those of everything bad that happened to me. I wanted to know more about that moment of my life with Zasha but my bad thoughts was taking over, avoiding me to think clearly and perfectly.

Suddenly, I slowly opened my eyes, finding that I was still sleeping in the same direction my eyes totally feeling dryed after crying for hours, my left arm still hurting me an little and my head feeling heavy like an big headache. I first got up from my bed even if I knew that there were nothing to do in that little cell : having an blank stare on an wall, sitting on the edge of my bed and trying to find an way, there were just nothing to do in that fucking cell.

As I was trying to reason myself, I could see that the sweet plate was still near my bed and feeling hungry, I took this time 3 sweets called Kara-Koum like Freya explained to me as they were probably my favorites before, I didn't know that and I wasn't sure of it to be sure. To change, I decided to move away from the bed before sitting against an wall, just next to the little sink but it was still nothing to do, I did only changed position in that cell.

Then, after some times still sit near that sink, I could hear the door of the cell getting opened, meaning that I was going probably to go out for another of their damn test and it was in fact Sonya themselves but they were alone this time.

"Are you the sleeping beauty or the woman that can't sleep ?" They started to ask me like that, their voice sounding very curious.

"Why are you asking that ?" I raised an eyebrow, not understanding their question at all.

"Well, seems that you didn't see the time." They said, pointing at their own watch on their left hands before realizing that I wasn't wearing one.

"Maybe because I'm not given anything to know the time." I exclaimed in an lazy voice, my voice struggling with the pain inside of me.

"It's 3 AM in the morning, the 5th of June." They revealed to me, making my eyes go wide. It's been 3 days that we were captured and nothing was attempted by the others back in Verdansk but are we in this city or far away from it ? "Guess that you aren't the sleeping type, know." They scoffed around.

"Is that funny ?" I muttered, putting my hands on my face before my eyes went back on them. "Why are you here anyway ?" I asked them directly, wanting to know why they were here at that time of the day. "To tell me to go to sleep ?"

"No, I'm not your mother !" They exclaimed, almost breaking an laugh as I wasn't opened for that type of thing now. "Well, the people that are watching you told us that you awake minutes ago and I volunteered myself to go see you." They explained to me, moving at a few meters from me.

"Seems that it isn't your type to do that, looking by your face." I told them in an clear voice, my left hand holding my head.

"Yeah, it isn't my type to go check the prisoner but...." They started to say before cutting themselves out. "I'm somehow curious by an lot of things."

"It isn't the rude Sonya Kuzmin I know." I expressed in an low voice, releasing an little grin on my face.

"You barely knew before for at least 5 minutes before the CIA showed up in your little hideout." They claimed, right in their words before they walk to get sit on my own bed. "If you want to know how I escaped that day,  let's just say that the CIA wasn't very discreet in West-Berlin and Perseus took advantage of it." They added, giving me infos about how they were able to escape the CIA.

"Always the CIA been like that." I joked, making an laugh as for them, they were mostly looking curious & also worried...an first to say.

"Tell me." They crossed their arms, looking at me fully. "Why did you hit Adler ?" They asked me, not removing their eyes from me.

"I have my reasons." I replied intentionally sounding low and putting my eyes away. "He did things that disgusted me, he send me into an war that I shouldn't have fight."

"I heard that but it was going great until you start to get up." They affirmed, unintentionally revealing that they were looking at the scene when it happens. "And then, you flew over that table to hit him."

"I have my reasons, Sonya !" I repeated, raising my voice to make things clear with them. "I'm not even sure that I can consider him an friend." I sniffed, deciding to get up to lean against the wall. "You wouldn't want to be at my place right now."

"Oh hell, I wouldn't want to !" They spoke up, nodding to me in approval. "It's already trouble to have to keep an eye on you but to be you....never." They continued as I crossed my arms, wondering about who was Sonya more deeper.

"Tell me, when did you join Perseus ?" I demanded to them, an real question that I was asking them.

"Why do you want to know ?" They asked back, raising an eyebrow.

"Just like that, to know who are the persons detaining me & my friend." I told them, telling the truth in an way.

"I did joined Perseus in 1980." They started, going up from my bed to face me, looking dead serious. "It's my brother that kinda lead me to join the ranks of Perseus."

"Stitch ?" They nodded to me even if they were an bit shocked that I was knowing that, despite the family name.

"He was mostly the one who raised me during my youth." They added, taking an deep breath. "Our dad was dead before I was born and our mom, she was always working, causing my brother to raise me." They explained, getting my full attention before an look of disturb appeared on their face. "Wait, why I am talking of this to you ?"

"You thought it was maybe best for you to....."

"No, I wouldn't do that." They cut me in my words, looking away in shame. "We're supposed to be enemies like you said but we're talking like friends." They protested, feeling ashamed of themselves.

"And is that an problem ?" I whispered loudly.

"No but...." They started to say until....

"Sonya !" An voice coming from outside the cell was beginning to be heard for us and then, I could see Stitch himself, alongside Knight before he entered alone in the cell. "Sonya !" He repeated, mixed between looking at me & them. "I heard that you wanted to talk with her."

"Yeah but I have everything right." Sonya said to him, looking disturbed to face their brother as me as an spectator of the scene. "It just that she managed to make me talk about things."

"That was only between us." He made them recall, the tone of his voice more threatening than before, apparently knowing of what we talked about. "We're supposed to made her talk, not let her make us talk."

"Uhm....you know that I'm here ?" I questioned him and my words broke him out of his little discussion he had with Sonya while I was watching.

"Knight, bring Sonya back to their quarters, I'm going to have an discussion with Bell." He ordered to him as he gestured to Sonya to leave.

"And now, I'm an taxi !" I could hear Knight mutter as he was walking away with Sonya out of the cell, leaving me alone with Stitch.

"Bell !" He started with me, moving back to my bed to sit on it. "There's things I want to know."

"You want to know why I hit Adler ?" I guessed right as he nodded to me clearly. "I have my reasons." I repeated again to him this time.

"Come on, why did you punch your friend to almost kill him ?" He asked fully without me guessing.

"If you have heard of what I said before, you should know, right ?" I make him remember of the words he told to Sonya an moment ago. "Frankly, I hate him, end of story !" I added to him, giving him for his great pleasure my real answer.

"Good, I know that Adler wasn't the kind of person to be friendly." He exclaimed, looking at me with his only eye remaining. "We're making progress, little but effective."

"So, this talk was to see how much I'm important, I suppose." I suggested.

"Exactly, more we learned about you, more we can help you." He reaffirmed to me and acting like Bell, I moved around to laid down on the bed, ready to look at the wall again to go to sleep. "You need to understand that your behavior against us isn't in fact helping us."

"Isn't the rules of war ?" I peaked my eyes at him, my hands on my chest. "I suppose to be an prisoner, not one of yours. I'm not an terrorist." I admitted.

"We're fighting for the right ideas and you will soon see it well again." He clenched his right fist towards me either as an threat or to give me his ideas through my head. "For now, you will be awaiting for the next test." He continued, slowly moving towards me, an deadly glare at me. "You're maybe one of us but both of us aren't best friends and I'm not intenting to change." He exclaimed in an clear voice, his hands behind his back.

"Like you wounded me." I pointed at the wound at my left arm as he looked at the knife at his vest.

"It was an mean to make you remember but I did only wounded you so I will leave these options for the moment." He told me as he start to move away to reach the door. "Your next test will start in one day, the 6th of June in the evening." He explained.

"And what it would be ?" I questioned him as he stopped moving to peak his right eye to me.

"You will see soon, Bell !" He only said to me before he could leave the cell, the door closing behind him, alone again in that room, on my bed.....

"I need to stay strong...I need to stay strong for her !"