#hes gonna miss his eggies in heaven

[bluebellhairpin]

Snakes lay eggs. I'd like to think Sir Pentious sees the Egg Men as his babies.

[casbeanwrites]

Dean goes on a terrible Tinder date. Cas is the waiter and sees the whole thing. “I can do way better than that.”

also on ao3

Cas notices it about two minutes after they’ve sat down. Actually, he notices it before, when the guy pulls Dean’s chair for him, and Dean looks a bit dumbfounded and clears his throat like he does when he’s uncomfortable. Cas is immediately on high alert.

Dean’s been a client here for a while – bringing dates, friends, or even sometimes dining alone. He’s friendly, a generous tipper, and his warm laughter makes Castiel weak in the knees. Also, he’s ridiculously attractive.

Which is why Castiel doesn’t understand what he’s doing, week after week, with a different and insufferable date. He understands why Dean always end up taking a cab alone at the end of the night, though. Cas knows this because he’s usually on his break, hanging out on his phone in the back alley, when Dean leaves, and Dean stops to chat with him if he’s managed to escape alone. It’s how Cas learned his name and the very few other details he knows about him – like the intricate pattern of freckles scattered on his cheek, and the fact that he’s a mechanic and owns his own body shop. It’s how he knows that there’s nothing in the world Dean loves more than his little brother, even though his car comes pretty close second.

It’s also how he knows that one of those dates deserve him, but the mystery remains of why he’s dating them in the first place. Dean shouldn’t be trolling for dates on a stupid hookup app – people should be lining up in the street for a chance to be with him.

That man should be loved and cherished every single day, and if Cas had a chance with someone like that… But he chases those ridiculous thoughts away as he makes eye contact with Dean from across the room. He can see already that this is going to be another bad one, just from the way Dean glances around with a contrite look on his face as his date keeps talking about his very scientific workout and diet in details. 

Cas can only see the back of the other man – broad shoulders in an expensive suit, a haircut worth at least 200$, and too many rings on his large fingers. Their eyes connect again, Dean’s widen in a please help me way Cas knows too well. 

“Are you ready to order?” 

“Yes, finally, we’ve been here for at least an hour,” Dean’s date complains when Cas steps up to their table.

Dean frowns and opens his mouth, probably to apologize, but Cas shoots him a reassuring smile. That guy isn’t the first client to be a dick, and Cas is used to it – at least he’s not the one who has to sit there and listen to him all night long. He orders a chicken salad but asks for a vegan dressing, which makes no sense but Cas notes it down anyway. Dean looks at him the whole time, sympathy and apology in his stunningly green eyes. Warmth, too. His eyes are warm like the sunshine through the leaves on Cas’ favourite plant and they make him melt from the inside out. 

He’s worked in this restaurant for years, has been a waiter for even longer – yet he almost forgets to note down Dean’s order because he’s too busy getting lost in the delicate pattern of freckles on his cheeks. In the admiration of his pink, plush mouth, in the way it moves as he speaks. Cas blinks quickly when he realizes Dean’s not talking anymore, and that both him and his date are watching him expectantly. His hands are shaking as he picks up their menus and his heart beats loud against his ribs all the way back to the kitchen.

Dean is leaning over with his head in his hand when Cas walks towards him, balancing two plates on one arm and a water carafe in the other. He only looks up when Cas puts his steak in front of him and then gives him a weary smile, along with the usual thank you, which so many costumers don’t even bother with. 

“Is your date gone?” Cas asks, slowly refilling the water glasses just to give himself reason to stay.

“No, uh, just the bathroom, I think. Shit, I’m sorry, he’s been such an asshole to you.”

“It’s fine,” Cas chuckles. Dean’s hair is sticking out from running his hands through it. “What does he have on you?”

“What?”

“Why are you still here? You don’t look like you’re enjoying yourself.”

Dean huffs, the hint of a beautiful smile spreading on his lips.

“Nothing, just… my brother’s been on my ass to settle down since his wedding. I guess I want that too, y’know. Figured I gotta give people a chance.”

“People, yes. Him? I think you should run.”

Dean laughs fully at that, and Cas heart flutters happily. He made Dean laugh. He did that.

“I would, believe me, I would… But he works with my brother, and I don’t wanna make things awkward between them, y’know. Straight up leaving wouldn’t be subtle.”

“I could tell him you have an emergency.”

Dean doesn’t have time to reply that the guy gets out of the bathroom. Cas could swear his hair is even more shiny and wet-looking than it was before, as if he’s dropped a second bucket of hair gel on it while he was gone. He’s not bad looking, with a professional stubble on his large jaw and piercing blue eyes, but comparing him to Dean would be like comparing a rock to the actual sun. Cas gives Dean an apologetic look and makes his exit before the guy can comment on how long it took for the food to arrive.

“How is everything? Are you enjoying your meal?” 

“Chicken is cold,” the guy says, and Cas doesn’t miss the way Dean looks at the ceiling in a silent prayer.

“I’m so sorry, do you want me to take it back?” Cas politely offers, resisting the urge to tell him that of course the chicken is fucking cold, that’s why it’s called a cold chicken salad. 

“I don’t know, are you sure there’s no eggs in that dressing? I feel like I can–” the guy ticks his tongue against his palate in what is possibly the most annoying noise Cas has ever heard, “–I feel like I can taste it, it’s eggy, it’s–”

“No, there are no eggs, sir. It’s a cashew nut dressing. Will that be all?”

The guy shoots him a glare at the interruption, like Cas is the most offending person he’s ever met.

“No, we’re fine.”

At that moment the man’s phone – that’s been laying next to his glass the entire meal, Cas saw him check it almost obsessively whenever Dean managed to slip a word in – lights up and starts ringing. He takes it with a rude “excuse me” directed at Dean and steps away from the table.

“Help me,” Dean immediately whispers. His green eyes are pleading, his hand reaches forward as if to touch Cas and then falls back on the table, grasping at his utensils. “I’m fucking dying here. He keeps talking about the benefits of egg white and about how dumb his assistant is and how much his fucking suits cost and I’m about to stab this fork into my fucking brain.”

He still manages a smile when Cas laughs. “I’ll see what I can do.”

The easier way would be to tell Dean that he has a phone call, but thanks to modern technology, no one calls restaurants to talk to costumers anymore. He’s seen Dean use the emergency phone call trick a few times, but on his last date the girl definitely saw through it and started yelling at him in front of the whole restaurant. Dean ended up having to comfort her and his eyes stared at Castiel in complete panic as she sobbed against his chest.

Cas isn’t entirely sure of what he’s about to do when walks back to the table. He has a bottle of the wine the guy’s ordered in his hands, ready for a refill, and he mulls over his options. The thought of just grabbing Dean and kissing him crosses his mind – he could maybe pretend to be his jealous ex, make a scene – but that would basically be assault. It’s tempting, though. And could possibly work, but… 

This is his brothers’ restaurant, and Cas is their best waiter, so he can get away with a lot without getting fired – but he suspects that assaulting a client in front of his date would be crossing the line.

He still has no clue when he steps up to the table. The man is currently explaining something to Dean and Dean is looking down, his cheeks a little red. Cas frowns, and then he hears it – “Look, I’m not saying you’re fat, but you could use to eat a little less pie, if you know what I mean–”

Cas’ ears are ringing and he doesn’t even question it – he pours half the bottle of wine directly into the man’s cold chicken salad. There’s a moment when everything is still, except for the dark red liquid pouring and sloshing and dripping all over the white tablecloth… and then the guy shoves his chair back and scrambles to his feet. 

“What the fuck, idiot?” He yells, his face as red as the wine, as Cas calmly straightens the bottle back up. “This is a ten thousand dollar suit you incompetent fucking moron!” 

There’s barely a drip on his pant leg but he’s wrapped his hands around it as if Cas had stabbed it with a butter knife.

“I’m gonna fucking break your–”

“Alright, alright,” Dean says and Cas finally looks at him – he looks strangely calm, as if he’s fighting hard to keep a straight face. He quickly stands up and places himself between his date and Cas, almost like a shield. The whole restaurant has fallen silent, all the eyes are on them, but Cas only sees Dean – standing tall and protective in front of him. He smells like a field of wildflowers under the sun, he smells like cool wind and an autumn walk… 

“There’s a dry cleaner two blocks from here, if you run you can make it before it closes. I’ll deal with him,” Dean turns towards Cas as his date frantically tries to wipe his pants with a handkerchief. His eyes lock with Cas and there’s a spark in them, almost teasing. “I’ll make sure the ‘idiot’ gets fired.” 

The guy barely lets him finish that he’s storming out of the restaurant, phone against his ears, saying something along the lines of “I know you’re it’s after-hours you dipshit this is a fucking emergency”. 

Dean stares at Cas like he’s just fallen from Heaven and crashed right into the restaurant. Wine drips along the leg of the table. 

“Holy fuck, Cas,” Dean finally says. “I could fucking kiss you right now.”

“That would probably be inappropriate since I’m on the clock,” Cas answers without thinking. He’s too lost in the way Dean is looking at him, soft and adoring. “But my break starts in five minutes.”

He hears the words come out of his mouth but doesn’t fully register them until Dean’s eyes widen and his lips part. And suddenly Cas isn’t standing in front of him anymore, but instead he’s slamming shut the door of the walk-in and leaning back against it, sighing in relief as the cold metal presses against his back.

Crap. 

Oh god. Oh god, Cas has made a complete ass of himself. He just poured wine all over a table, caused a scene, and then somehow managed to expose his feelings for Dean in the most pathetic way possible.

He takes a few minutes to breathe and let the crips cold bring him back to his senses. He still needs to clear his head, though, so he grabs Anna in passing and asks her to take care of his tables for a few minutes. He hears Gabriel call for him – “who the fuck just poured wine in the middle of my dining room?” – but manages to escape through the back door. He’s barely made two steps that he collides with a warm, insanely good smelling chest and would’ve fallen back on his ass hadn’t it been for Dean grabbing him.

“Hey,” Dean chuckles, his breath warm on Cas’ face. 

For a moment Cas is too shocked to answer. Dean’s face is breathtaking form up close, and Cas resists the urge to grab him and kiss him senseless.“Dean, I’m so–”

“Did you mean it?”

Cas stares at him, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. His heart is pounding wildly in his chest and he’s pretty sure Dean can feel it. Their noses are inches apart. Dean’s never looked quite as beautiful, the hard lines of his face softened by the yellow glow of the street lamps. 

His eyes dart down to Cas’ lips, then back up again. His grips softens around Cas’ waist but his hands remain there, warmth seeping through Cas’ clothes and onto his skin.

“Yes,” he breathes out. He feels like he’s under a spell. Dean’s eyes flick down to his mouth again and he licks his own lips. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you since the first time you walked into the restaurant.”

“Damn it, Cas. You should’ve said something earlier.”

Before Cas can reply, a smooth, warm mouth presses against his lips. His eyes flutter close, his fingers grasp at Dean’s shirt to bring him closer. The kiss is gentle, soft and tentative at first, but Cas can’t resist deepening it. Dean groans his approval and his arm curls around Cas’ waist, slamming him against his chest, his other hand sneaking into Cas’ hair and pulling. Cas pants, heaves, grasps at Dean’s strong shoulder as if he could possibly hold him closer. This is so much better than anything he’s dreamed about, Dean’s lips are plump and soft and fucking sinful to bite into, his tongue is playful and warm and Cas feels shivers running under his skin and deep into his bones.

“Really should’ve done that a lot sooner,” Dean mumbles when they finally part. He still keeps them close, resting his forehead against Cas’. 

His cheeks are deliciously pink and Cas can’t quite believe he’s real. 

“Maybe I should give you my phone number so you can call me and save me next time I’m on a shitty date,” Dean murmurs, letting his lips run along Cas’ jaw, then down his neck.

Cas freezes. Again, the words leave his mouth before he can even think about them.

“Or maybe I should give you my phone number so you never have to go on another shitty date again.”

Dean smiles wide and bright, and his neck kiss leaves Cas dizzy and barely able to stand on his wobbly legs.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think you should do that.”

[summerdutkowsky]

You're gonna hate me: 6, 7, 9, 10, 12-15, 19, 21-24, 30, 35-39, 47-49, 55-57, 60, 63, 64, 72-75, 81, 82, 91, 96, 97, 100, 107, 110, 111, 113, 114, 119, 125, 128, 129, 133, 135-139, 145, 146, 148-150

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Genuine, funny, caring people who make me laugh and get my sense of humor and make me feel cared for and make my heart full

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I hope so

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Not... really? I mean I’ve never had it, not that high on a priority list for me personally, but yeah nah I have no problem talking about it

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Fem probably, the bff is always at the receiving end of my deep nonsense convos

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now:

Feel it Still by Portugal. The Man

Bottom of the River by Delta Rae

Hold On by ZZ Ward

It’s Tricky by Run DMC

Want You Back by HAIM

The rest behind the cut because omg so so many numbers. I’m sorry for people on mobile

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Y E S

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? idon’tknowher.gif if it exists I’ve never seen one

15. What good thing happened this summer? Um, well the good things are still to come (I’m seeing Green Day in concert in September) but so far my favorite band acknowledged my existence and we have a cute litter of kittens that adopted our house as theirs. Also I’m getting healthier so that’s nice too

19. Do you like bubble baths? Yes. I only like bubble baths. Showers suck

21. What are you bad habits? I have an addictive personality so I get hooked on things really easily, most of the time not healthy. I also stay up way too late if that’s considered a habit

22. Where would you like to travel? Wherever my friends live. And Italy

23. Do you have trust issues? Yes

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? The morning, especially when I’m home alone and it’s just me making my breakfast with my music up super loud and I get to sing as loud as I want and then I eat and catch up on my shows. It’s the most peaceful time. From noon-3pm is prime me time, the best time of day

30. Do you ever want to get married? Maybe if I find the right person but it’s not super important to me atm

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Music. Though that’s a tough choice

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Oh yes. Absolutely

37. What do you say during awkward silences? Nothing, silences are only awkward if you make them awkward. I personally love sitting with people in silence and I’ve been told I have a calming presence so silences aren’t awkward

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Someone caring and funny and makes me happy and knows how to make me feel better with just their presence

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Places I can afford. Also Target, and any “nerdy” store

47. Have you ever been high? Yes, but not like you think, like I’ve been in the hospital and on painkillers so that kind of high

48. Have you ever been drunk? Noooo never ever. I come from a family of alcoholics so I touch alcohol as little as possible

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? No? I mean I’d like my family to not see how sappy I am with my datemate because they don’t necessarily know I’m queer as hell so I don’t want them to know that but like something bad? No

55. Favourite blog? Um. Idk. All my friends? Is that a cop out? Probably but I really only come to this hellsite for my friends since we share fandoms and content

56. Favourite colour? Purple and neon orange

57. Favourite food? The beef souvlaki from my favorite greek restaurant

60. Ever won a competition? For what? I used to win a lot of awards for grades and stuff in school but competitions? No. I never competed for anything

63. Ever been in love? Yes. Absolutely and it’s wonderful

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? Well my boyfriend at the time and I were in sixth grade and he sent his friend up to me at the end of the day to ask if I would kiss him and my gay ass was like *shrug* sure and so I did in front of my bus because he walked me there and his lips were super dry and chapped and he smelled like farm and the next day he sent the same friend up to ask me if I would “french kiss him” and I immediately said “no and please tell him I don’t want to go out with him anymore” 

72. What colour are your towels? Purple

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Not with but I have a bunch close by

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? Well I used to have a ton but now I only have my favorite 20 or so scattered through out my room

75. Favourite animal? kiwi birds, raccoons, and capybaras

81. Favourite tv show? Adam Ruins Everything, Wynonna Earp, Underground, Sweet Vicious, Crazy Ex Girlfriend...... I watch a lot of shows so it’s impossible to pick just one.... 

82. Favourite movie? Alto (please watch this movie), I Can’t Think Straight, DEBS, Pleasantville, Pitch Perfect, Guardians of the Galaxy, Wonder Woman. I have a lot of favorites.......

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Yes, always (spoiler: it’s usually my mom)

96. Favourite actress? Jessica de Gouw, Jessica Chastain, and Ruth Negga

97. Favourite actor? Idris Elba

100. How are you feeling? Terrible. Like really awful. Life is terrible

107. Have you ever been on a horse? No. Horses scare me. I’d like to ride one one day but I’m terrified of them

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Hahahaha yes

111. Do you have trust issues? Yes. We covered this

113. What was your childhood nickname? Well I had a few. My uncle used to call me Eggy because that’s what I called myself when I was a wee babe, so he called me Eggy until I was in my teens. My aunt still calls me Megamoo when she sees me. My friends in school used to call me Eg. All of those nicknames I hate and only just started becoming okay with people calling me Meg

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? I walked to Canada by accident once but other than that I have literally never been out of the immediate area. The furthest I’ve gone is Rochester and just over the border into Canada. Someone please come take me away from here

119. Favourite book? 11.22.63 (Please please please please read this book. It changed me as a person and I have literally never loved a book more than I love that one) The Stand, The Dark Tower books (aka my personal Harry Potter series)

125. Do you believe in true love? Maybe? Idk it’s hard to say but yeah I think I do

128. Would you change your name? No. It took a long time but I finally like my name

129. What your zodiac sign? Taurus and yes I am the literal definition of that sign

133. Favourite lyrics right now? “Your kisses are poison and all your words are treason” Cold Day in Heaven by Delta Rae (I have a lot of favorite lyrics but for some reason those are the ones that have been stuck in my head for weeks, it’s not even my favorite song??

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? Omg don’t make me do this. I was in fourth grade and I once told my mom that a friend’s mom said she didn’t want me playing with her daughter anymore because I didn’t like the girl (she was a mean girl) and didn’t know how to be direct??? So instead of just saying “mom this girl is mean and I don’t want to play with her anymore” I told my mom that the girl’s mom told me to stop playing with her daughter. She still believes it to this day and I hate that I can’t take it back

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Open because it’s too fucking hot

137. How tall are you? 5′3″

138. Curly or Straight hair? On me? Straight

139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette (assuming you’re talking about my hair color)

145. Tea or Coffee? Both. Coffee in the morning, tea at night

146. Was today a good day? No. Not even a little bit but I did finish a super fucking long power point about Dr Who for the bff today and discovered another one I made about The Dark Tower and I’m really proud of them so if anyone wants to see what I wasted my day on let me know and I’ll send you the link

148. What’s your favourite quote? Top ten because I love quotes

“Life is tough, but darling so are you” 

“The man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed”

“There is a battle of two wolves inside us. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, inferiority and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope humility, kindness, empathy and truth. The wolf that wins is the one you feed”

“Stay afraid, but do it anyway”

“...stupidity is one of the two things we see most clearly in retrospect. The other is missed chances.”

“But I believe in love, you know; love is a uniquely portable magic. I don’t think it’s in the stars, but I do believe that blood calls to blood and mind calls to mind and heart to heart.”

“Life turns on a dime. Sometimes towards us, but more often it spins away, flirting and flashing as it goes: so long, honey, it was good while it lasted, wasn’t it?”

“The place where you made your stand never mattered. Only that you were there...and still on your feet.”

“A person can't change all at once.”

“I do not aim with my hand; he who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.I aim with my eye.I do not shoot with my hand; he who shoots with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.I shoot with my mind.I do not kill with my gun; he who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father.I kill with my heart.”

And a bonus: “Go then, there are other worlds than these.”

149. Do you believe in ghosts? No

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “If that guy Sam comes up to me and puts his arm around me and calls me “Buddy” one more time, I’m gonna complain.”  -Postcards From the Edge by Carrie Fisher