#him struggling with Becoming Disabled (cause its a different experience when its through an injury yknow) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ljfeed-spn-j2-bigbang · 7 years

Text

2017 Masterlist

This year, cloex_brosluvr is the hero for coding allll of this masterpost. Please tell her thank you! Below, you will find master lists of all the entries posted to this community for the 2017 spn_j2_bigbang challenge. I encourage you to scroll through the list and look for anything you might have missed. There is some AWESOME fic and some INCREDIBLE art, and it all deserves to be appreciated! If you see any errors, just let me know and I'm happy to correct them. Start getting ready for 2018, I'll see you right back here in January for sign-ups! JARED/JENSEN Fic title: Wandering Lost Link to art: Here Author name: dugindeep Artist name: thruterryseyes Genre: RPS Pairing: Jared/Jensen Word count: 36,000 Summary: Hired by an eccentric billionaire, Jensen is tasked with transporting a '55 Ford F-100 from California to New York. After the car breaks down, he's stuck in the middle of Nebraska and spends a week getting to know a whole mix of oddballs he'd never spend a minute with back in NYC. "Not all who wander are lost," but Jensen's a little of both as he warms up to the townspeople and the local handyman, who is equal parts peculiar and charming. And maybe he even finds himself along the way. 　 Fic title: To Protect Link to art: Here Author name: twoboys2love Artist name: 2blueshoes Genre: SPN RPS AU Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: Explicit Word count: 27,000 Warnings: Vague references to anxiety, hurt!Jensen, hurt!JDM, UST, violence, firearms, bottom!Jensen, assault Summary: Jensen is a famous author of horror novels. He gets his inspiration from his nightmares and fears. When he moves to an isolated house, he picks up a "stalker" who sends him vaguely threatening letters and flowers. His agent and long-time friend, JDM, hires a retired cop as live-in security for Jensen. As Jared makes himself at home in the house, on the grounds and the pool, they develop a friendship with tantalizing possibilities. What are Jared's motives for the friendship? Is JDM jealous or protective? Jensen ends up with two people he trusts pitted against each other. 　 Fic title: Come What May Link to art: Here Author name: hideurdemoneyes Artist name: quickreaver Genre: RPS AU Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word count: ~32k Warnings: major angst, fluff, smut, major character death, modern day AU, prostitute!Jensen, writer!Jared, swearing, bottom!Jared, top!Jensen, implied past Jensen/others, implied bottom!Jensen, terminal illness, virgin!Jared, anal sex, anal fingering, rimming, drinking, attempted non-con, mild violence, singing, light feminization Summary: San Francisco, mid-2000's. Jared is fresh off the bus, a wild-eyed dreamer from Texas searching for fame and romance. He finds himself in an unexpected friendship with t he eccentric Misha and his gang of aspiring theatre folk, allowing them to introduce him to the seedy underbelly of the performance world. Along the way, Jared falls madly in love with the star of the failing Castro Theatre, Jensen. But there's another man out for Jensen's affections - the rich, powerful, and sadistic Jeffrey. Based as an AU of Moulin Rouge!, Jared and Jensen's tale is the greatest love story ever told -- and the greatest tragedy of this modern era. 　 Fic title: Forgiving the Past, Finding the Future Link to art: Here Author name: morganadw Artist name: white_laurel Genre: J2 AU Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki Rating: R Word count: 44,176 Warnings: This may contain slight triggers but nothing is shown and most of the serious trauma/abuse is in the past and mentioned in dialogue or description. This is a bottom!Jared fic as well that includes some minor kink and use of handcuffs. See tags and warnings on actual AO3 story post. Summary: Jensen Ackles & Jared Padalecki were once best friends and high school sweethearts in their small hometown of Paxton, Texas. They had plans to run away to start college & their life together on their terms until the night of graduation when betrayal and lies ruined those plans. A decade later found Jared returning back to the town he hated & finding himself confronted by Jensen, the man he believes lied and used him. Jensen wants answers as to why Jared not only ran away without any explanation but also now hates him. Upon learning the truth of that fateful night, Jensen uses some unconventional methods and his job as sheriff to get Jared to listen. He realizes he also has some listening to do as some of what Jared's done comes to light. The former flames must come to grips with their pasts and the events that led to their breakup. They will have to learn to forgive in order to heal and start moving forward towards a future they both still want. 　 Fic title: My Secret Heart Link to art: Here Author name: storyspinner70 Artist name: meesasometimes Genre: RPS Pairing: Jensen/Jared Rating: NC-17 Word count: 25,154 Warnings: bottom!Jared, top!Jensen, OCD!Jensen, genderqueer!Jared, m/m, light angst, schmoop, homophobia Summary: Jared isn’t obsessed with Jensen Ackles. Except, you know, that he really kind of is. A moment of clumsiness brings him into Jensen's life and they start a tentative friendship. As they get closer, they learn exactly how true the old adage is – you can never judge a book by its cover. He learns how Jensen struggles with OCD and the nightmare the world can be for him. He also learns Jensen is a safe place for him to lay his own secrets, and that not everyone will laugh at an all american college boy who, some days, wants nothing more than to be beautiful. College age AU. Reduced age gap boys. Genderqueer!Jared, OCD!Jensen, Not a cross dressing fic. 　 Fic title: Wake Me Up When September Ends Link to art: Here Author name: lullysg Artist name: kaelysta Genre: RPF AU Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word count: 131k Warnings: descriptions of September 11th attack (only in the first couple of chapters), permanent injury, physical disability, PTSD, survivor’s guilt, alcoholism, depression, substance abuse, accidental overdose, a lot of angst, hurt/comfort, hurt!Jared Summary: It started out as a regular Tuesday morning in New York City. The sun was bright in the sky when at 8:46 a.m., a plane crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center. 2,606 people died in there that day, but there were also survivors. Jared and Jensen meet for the first time in a night that hadn't gone so well for either of them, and they build an instant connection. An unplanned second encounter happens while a building is threatening to collapse on their heads, and an impossible choice has to be made. The attack leaves deep scars, both physically and mentally, and they are going to learn that the hardest part wasn’t surviving September 11th. Finding the strength to keep living in the aftermath of what that day caused is what proves to be the real challenge, especially when the light at the end of the tunnel seems impossible to reach. 　 Fic title: When the Devil Came to Pluto Link to art: Here Author name: tsuki_no_bara Artist name: amberdreams Genre: RPS Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: PG Word count: 21,300 Warnings: Chad. Asexual!Jensen. A certain amount of historical hand waving. Non-CW actors. Summary: The New Mexico territory in the 1870s is a vast and wild place, all scrubland and hills and mystery, home to gunslingers and miners and working girls and scattered native tribes. Jared and Jensen live in a little mining town called Pluto, keeping the peace for a brothel and occasionally checking up on the mine. The land around them is full of secrets and stories, which Jared is eager to learn and share. And then one night Jensen vanishes and Jared sets off through the desert to find him. A herd of ghost ponies brings him to the devil's front door, and even though the devil is not what Jared was expecting, he still thinks they can make a deal so he can get Jensen back. 　 Fic title: Bound Link to art: Here Author name: junkerin Artist name: emmatheslayer Genre: RPS Pairing: Jensen/Jared, Jensen/Misha (mentioned), Jensen/Lehne (non-con) Rating: NC-17 Word count: 35,809 Warnings: Non-con, slavery Summary: Thanks to nanobots humanity got finally rid of all diseases. Or so they thought. That was when "Omega" the last disease hits. It leaves the patient paralyzed while conscious. Catlin Padalecki finds a treatment in form of bonds or tapes that enables the "omegas" to move again. But her invention gets misused and sends the omegas into slavery. 25 years later Jensen Ackles is a freed omega who works with the resistance. He wants to pressure Catlin into helping them. But he only finds her son Jared and Jared is to not willing to help even after Jensen makes him an omega too. Can the two stubborn men overcome their differences? Will they be able to overcome hate and prejudice in order to free the omegas and to set right what once went wrong? 　 Fic title: A Song in the Stars Link to art: Here Author name: strive2bhappy Artist name: immortalfire13 Genre: RPS Pairing: J2 Rating: NC-17 Word count: 40,000 Warnings: mentions of past torture, scarring from said torture, a bit of blood from overuse of powers Summary: Jared Padalecki has dreamed of taking to the skies since he was five-years-old. When he becomes an adult and builds a spaceship of his own, he gets to do just that, looking for adventure -- little did he know the adventure waiting for him. Jensen Ackles is born part human, part Terryn and his life as an outcast is difficult -- music is his only real escape. When he's captured by the Dominion, an organization hell-bent on taking over every galaxy in every way they can, he's used as a lab experiment to see how his special, combined heritage can be advantageous for them. Fleeing Dominion control, he vows to himself, they will never find him again. A chance meeting between Jared and Jensen helps both of them get what they're looking for -- and the way things end up, it may have been more than just chance. From various planets throughout different galaxies, to nights under the stars in space, Jared and Jensen find in each other something worth fighting -- and possibly dying -- for. 　 Fic title: Silly Love Songs Link to art: Here Author name: nerdypastrychef Artist name: liliaeth Genre: RPS Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC17 Word count: 28,436 Summary: Jensen’s life revolves around love songs. He feels about music the way that most kids feel about Disney movies. They all have a special place in his heart and all of his important memories are embedded with a soundtrack of his favorites. Jared, on the other hand, doesn’t care much about music beyond background noise and love songs are low on his list. But when he moves into a new apartment in downtown Austin his neighbor’s singing through their shared walls start to change his mind. A love story told in three acts. A YouTube Playlist for the music. 　 Fic title: Open Warfare: The Secret of a Successful Marriage Link to art: Here Author name: whiskygalore Artist name: magic_penguin Genre: RPS Pairing: J2 Rating: NC-17 Word count: 40k Warnings: Omega Jensen, Alpha Jared, Age switch, Very brief attempted non-con, and potty mouthed boys. Summary: There was a time that arranged marriages for Omegas were a common occurrence: thirty or forty years ago. Now, thankfully, Omegas have the same rights as everyone else, are free to live their own lives, to marry whomever they choose. Except for Jensen. Because, in a move that will save Ackles’ Systems from bankruptcy, Jensen’s dad has just signed him up for an arranged marriage to Jared Padalecki. Unfortunately, Jared is an idiot with a poor choice in friends, and Jensen is a stubborn dick with an unconventional profession, so it’s no surprise when their marriage quickly degenerates into a state of open warfare. 　 Fic title: The Pie that Binds Link to art: Here Author name: herminekurotowa Artist name: liliaeth Genre: RPS Pairing: Jensen/Jared, Jensen/Matt, Jared/OMC’s Rating: NC-17 Word count: 29,000 Warnings: kidnapping, slavery, non-consensual drug use, most dubious consent due to drug use, attempted rape, minor character deaths, hurt!Jared, hurt!Jensen Summary: Jensen lives in the woods, He'd never thought his sweet tooth could get him into trouble so deep he might drown in it. Jared lives in a palace made of stone because he's the king, but he's not very good at it. 　 Fic title: Till Death Do Us Part Link to art: Here Author name: aggiedoll Artist name: mangacat201 Genre: RPS Pairing: J2 Rating: NC-17 (PG for art) Word count: + ~126k Warnings: major character deaths (for fic, no warnings for art) Summary: When two young men, Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, bump into each other in the crowded cab zone in front of a bustling airport, in the middle of a fierce comeback of winter in spring time, they don't know yet how their fates will soon intertwine – and how this connection has started years before without them realizing. When the competition between the ruling mob families Jensen and Jared belong to turns into an open war, things start to get out of hand. Mob Family politics threaten to crash and burn the forbidden love, marriages are being plotted, death sentences spoken. A mysterious blue eyed consigliore, called “The Angel” and a ruthless Russian mob boss who likes to call himself Lucifer are woven into the deadly game. A game that might become obsolete, as Jensen is fighting a war of his own against an illness no one knows of, and Jared desperately tries to write his own rules by turning his parents´ schemes against them... 　 Fic title: Therapy Link to art: Here Author name: sanshal Artist name: evian_fork Genre: RPS Pairing: J2 Rating: R Word count: 37,345 Warnings: There are instances of male-nudity, and (because of the theme) descriptions of power-imbalance. Also mentioned are one incident (each) of spanking, diapering, figging and past/off-screen, but referenced instance of self-harm. References to past dub-con. Jared suffers from self-hate/ excessive guilt and self-image issues. Unevenly sized chapters. Some language. ... and I think that covers it? Summary: Jared embarks on a D/S relationship to combat his depression. 　 Fic title: Of Princes and Prophecies Link to art: Here Author name: zubeneschamali Artist name: fridayblues Genre: RPS Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word count: 44,101 Summary: Jared has lost everything thanks to the usurper High King. He can't take any of it back, but he can strike out the only way he knows how: kidnap and ransom. The High King's fiancé is riding across the country and through Jared's forest, and wouldn't he be a fair prize? Jensen has not quite resigned himself to the fate of being the High King's second spouse when bandits strike. If he can get away from them, it might be his only chance for a life of his own. But once he finds out who the bandits' leader really is, everything will change, for himself and for his kingdom. 　 Fic title: The Lighthouse Link to art: Here Author name: timehasa_way Artist name: blondebitz Genre: RPS Pairing: J2 Rating: NC-17 Word count: 21,388 Warnings: top!Jensen, language/sex, some angst, AU Summary: When his adoptive mother loses her eyesight, a clueless Jensen takes her to the San Antonio Lighthouse for the Blind, an organization meant to empower, train, and educate those with her condition. Upon their first visit there, they meet Jared, a helpful volunteer who's been through a similar experience with his grandfather. Jared helps Jensen adjust by befriending him and accompanying him to blindness sensitivity training classes. Jensen comes to realize that he and Jared have a connection he can't ignore, and that this helpful volunteer could be the best thing that's ever happened to both him and the woman who raised him. 　 Fic title: Flickers Upon Cordillera Link to art: Here Author name: cyndrarae Artist name: yanyann Genre: RPS, werewolf lore AU, shifter lore AU, post-apocalyptic AU Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki (others: Jensen Ackles/Matt Cohen, Jared Padalecki/Adrianne Palicki, Jeffrey Dean Morgan/Andrew Lincoln, etc.) Rating: NC-17 Word count: ~70k Warnings: explicit m/m sex, bottom!Jared, BDSM elements, dubious consent, prostitution, non-graphic violence, character deaths, some heterosexual content, minor characters from cast of The Walking Dead Summary: It’s a brave new post-apocalyptic world. Humans no longer rule the planet, Lorics do. And at the bottom of the food chain are the shifters. This is a world pretending to be better, but racial tensions simmer thick under the surface. Then there’s Jared, genius-level shifter, pretending to be someone pretending to be Jared. And there’s Jensen, powerful Loric Alpha, falling in love with a human but accidentally bonding with a shifter. It’s an epical comedy of errors that snowballs into the biggest socio-political scandal of the millennium. One this brave new post-apocalyptic world sorely needed. 　 Fic title: The Load Link to art: Here Author name: zmphony Artist name: myukur Genre: RPF Pairing: J2 Rating: NC-17 Word count: 56k Warnings: Brief attempted non-con (not main characters), age gap, bottom!Jensen, daddy!kink, explicit sex, language. Summary: Jared had never picked up a hitch-hiker before. He’s spent the last five years behind the wheel of a semi-truck, looking down the endless black ribbon road like the barrel of a gun. This was his job – his life. It’s when he’s passing through Loveland, Colorado, a few weeks into the haul, that he sees him; sitting on the side of Route 287, a few scarce fingers from the yellow line dividing him from the wandering shoulder to Limbo, USA and instantaneous death. His thumb pokes out of a hole in his ratty black gloves, arms covered in flannel and denim, and his whole body is strapped under worn, beaten overalls. The line of his legs, constantly stepping backwards, becomes fractured at the calf where steel-toe boots begin. Overalls, Jared thinks. 　 Fic Title: Yours, Mine, and Ours Link to art: Here Author name: angelzfurys Artist name: bluefire986 Genre: Supernatural RPS Pairing: J2 - Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki Rating: NC-17 Word count: 54,000 Warnings: slight but not to detailed self harm and thoughts of suicide, not very detailed car accident with minor injury, male on male sex (just two small scenes) and some teenage sexual exploring in general. Summary: Jared and Jensen have been accidentally switched at birth. They grow up in vastly different circumstances owing to the fact that Jared is a werewolf in a family of humans who sometimes masquerades as the family dog while Jensen is the lone human in his pack and feels ever the third wheel. When the mix up is discovered it shakes up both families and opens a new can of worms for all involved. 　 Fic title: Fair Winds and Following Seas Link to art: Here Author name: riyku Artist name: phoenix1966 Genre: RPS Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word count: 21,000 Warnings: age difference, mentions of permanent injury (not the main characters) Summary: Deadliest Catch AU. Keep your head down. Work hard. Never wear a hat in the wheelhouse or your luck will take a nosedive. This is the rookie advice that Jared gets in his first few days as a deckhand on board an Alaskan crabbing boat, in between catnaps and ice storms, twenty-foot seas and more near misses than he really wants to count. He also learns early mornings followed by late nights aren't enough to kill a person, but ten minutes in below freezing waters might be, and that the biggest favor he can do for himself is to try and stay on the captain's good side. Jensen rose quickly through the ranks to become one of the youngest captains the fleet has ever seen, but he has been around long enough to know that no one ever gets through a season without a few battle scars. It's Jared's quick wit, sarcastic mouth, and a particular sort of point-of-no-return look about him that makes Jensen hire Jared on a whim, reminds Jensen a little of himself fifteen years ago. There's nothing better than watching the morning break over the bow of the ship - Jensen just needs to keep Jared alive and well long enough for the kid to figure that out for himself. 　 Fic title: Breaking the Ice Link to art: Here Author name: ashtraythief Artist name: dancing_adrift Genre: RPS Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word count: ~70k Summary: Jared has been harboring a crush on Jensen, the prince from the far north, ever since he was fourteen, so when his parents announce that they’ve chosen Jensen as his husband, Jared couldn’t be happier. But when Jensen arrives in Scayen, Jared realizes that there’s more to him than meets the eye — and even more that Jensen doesn’t want Jared to see. But it shouldn’t take much more than Jared’s sunny charm to melt Jensen’s icy facade, right? Except it isn’t so easy dealing with cultural differences and misunderstandings; sometimes it takes a lot of food, some good friends’ advice, a little kitten, and even a bit of magic to overcome a rocky start. 　 Fic title: Love is a Burning Thing and It Makes a Fiery Ring Link to art: Here Author name: deanshot Artist name: bflyw Genre: RPS AU Pairing: J2 Rating: NC-17 Word count: 32,759 Warnings: Bottom Jensen, scenes of fire damage Summary: Fire, one of nature’s purest forms consumes as it goes, caressing the earth in its fiery grip, like a serpents tongue it flickers and wraps its coils around living things before turning them black as life departs. Being part of the Glenveagh Fire search and rescue team was a dream job for Jared. But being part of a community that cared for each other and had no problem with Jared loving another man who happened to be the most gorgeous green eyed man he had ever met but also understood Jared’s passion for his job. Everything was going well until on a seemingly normal sunny day, one fights to stay alive while the other has to wait at his boyfriend’s base of operations. Each one living through their darkest day not knowing if they’ll see each other again. 　 Fic title: The Deeper Illusion Link to art: Here Author name: hybridshade Artist name: riverofwind Genre: RPS, AU Pairing: J2 Rating: Nc-17 Word count: 37k Warnings: includes some minor/previous pairings other than J2, dub-con situations, mind control, power imbalance, injured!Jensen Summary: Agent Jared Padalecki of the FBI's Magical Injustices Division is just doing his job when his team manages to capture high-level magic user and thief extraordinaire, Jensen Ackles. The takedown seems way too easy for Jared's liking, but Jensen refuses to divulge his motives until an attack on his life forces him to give up a name. That name is JD Morgan - an infamous mind-weaver and all-round bad guy that the MID has been quietly hunting for years. Using Jensen as bait, the Bureau decides to tie him and Jared together in more ways than one, and neither is particularly happy about the new arrangement. However, in the process of luring Morgan out into the open, Jensen's precariously kept secrets threaten to be exposed, and he and Jared may just be forced to put their lives on the line. 　 Fic title: Swallowing Matches Link to art: Here Author name: sleepypercy Artist name: emmatheslayer Genre: RPS AU Pairing: J2 Rating: NC-17 Word count: 32k Warnings: underage sexual content (younger Jared is the aggressor) starting at 13, implications of violence, actual violence, serial killers, rough sex, toxic relationships, bottom Jensen, Jensen/OMC Summary: Jared's a budding serial killer and Jensen's the boy next door who sometimes baby-sits. They've always been obsessed with each other, and Jared's always been able to get Jensen to do anything he wants. The problem is, Jared gets jealous. And when Jensen hits high school, Jared's not the only one who notices how pretty the boy is. 　 Fic title: Singularity Link to art: Here Author name: paleogymnast Artist name: lightthesparks Genre: RPS (sci fi au) Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: R Word count: 21,000 Warnings: descriptions and discussion of terrorism, war crimes, violence to children, and other unsettling subjects in a sci-fi setting; nonconsensual body modification; slavery; xenophobia; apartheid, other dystopian elements, and widespread mindf*ckery Summary: Thousands of years ago, humans left Earth and traveled to the stars. Hundreds of years later, humans left Earth once again, and founded a new home, New Terra. New Terra exists in peace, but danger lurks in her past, and the calm is nothing but a paper-thin illusion. War is returning—a centuries-old conflict between humans and "Pios," the pioneers who left earth hundreds of years before the settlers of New Terra. Will Jensen unlock the mystery of his past? Will Special Agent Jared Padalecki find the traitor responsible for the worst act of terrorism in New Terra's history? Or will their shared secrets push them towards a deeper hidden truth? 　 Fic title: Mayhem Afloat Link to art: Here Author name: candygramme and spoonlessone Artist name: thruterryseyes Genre: (rps) Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word count: 33,572 Warnings: Minor Character Death Summary: A cruise should be a relaxing vacation away from the worries of the everyday world, but with an international assassin running wild, not to mention a master jewel thief, relaxing is the last word Jared Padalecki would use to describe his voyage. Fortunately there's a really hot lounge singer onboard to help take his mind off things. 　 Fic title: ...and heartbreak ensued Link to art: Here Author name: cillab42 Artist name: jessie_cristo73 Genre: SPN RPF Pairing: Jared/Jensen, Chris Kane/Steve Carlson, Tom Welling/Mike Rosenbaum, Chad Michael Murray/Matt Cohen Rating: NC-17 Word count: 75,041 Warnings: mentions of abortion, miscarriage, mpreg, A/B/O, werewolves, omegaverse, top!Jensen, Bottom!Jared, suicide attempt Summary: Jared loves Jensen, he does; he just doesn’t like being an Omega. He’s assimilating, but he’ll never be the perfect Omega that society demands. After a year of hell, he’s still attempting to reconcile who he was with who he is now and the answers aren’t easy. Especially when Jared spends his free time dreaming of subjugating his Alpha and have Jensen bend to his will. Jared plans to continue to struggle against his mate’s authority until Jensen comes to the aid of two Omegas whose problem takes up Jensen’s time and awaken a jealousy in Jared he wasn’t aware he had the capacity to feel. 　 Fic title: Untitled Superheroes or Why you should never let the media decide your superhero name Link to art: Here Author name: shadowcat_spn Artist name: siennavie Genre: RPS Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word count: 20k Warnings: Swearing, description of violence and injuries (minor, not too graphic), sexual situations, implied!bottom Jared Summary: Splashing color from your fingertips isn't the greatest superpower to have. But when a new villain emerges who only brings darkness it is left to a young reporter and his disabled chameleon to save the city. And maybe fall in love with his roommate along the way... Featuring Jared as a reluctant hero with a peculiar gift and a sense for bad timing, lots of color being splashed around and two boys being oblivious to what is right in front of them. Or: The hero and the villain unknowingly share a flat. 　 Fic title: Blues in the Night Link to art: Here Author name: oobydooby67 Artist name: beelikej Genre: J2 RPS Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word count: 33,000 Warnings: Vampire AU, blood, blood kink, graphic sex, PTSD, WWII, graphic violence, depiction of war, minor character death, implied character death, torture, angst, explicit sex/language. Summary: The search for a missing elder leads Jensen to Los Angeles, California. It is his responsibility to question contacts and connections about Tyman, who has not been heard from or seen in a year. Frustrated with the search, Jensen meets a human who claims to have had a casual relationship with Tyman. Jared trades information for two pastrami sandwiches and ten thousand dollars. Unfortunately, after the trade, Jensen is no closer to finding Tyman, and a lot closer to Jared than he ever thought possible. 　 Fic title: The Wounded Don't Cry Link to art: Here Author name: pinkisgoth Artist name: sinnerforhire Genre: RPS Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: PG-13 (technically under the MPAA: R for language) Word count: 87k Summary: When artist Jensen Ackles moved to the Pacific Northwest from the southwest with his family – adoptive father Jeff and adoptive brothers Chris and Quinn – it gave him a chance to paint a whole new world of mountains and forest at the beautiful plateau near Mount Rainier. Two years later, disaster struck when Jensen was the victim of a violent attack that left his hands permanently injured to the point that he could no longer paint. During the two years since then, he has spent days helping his father and brother at the farm, café and draft horse rescue that has become the center of their lives on the plateau while slowly recovering, physically and mentally. One day their world is shaken when their new neighbor – a local tycoon infamous for his ruthless business methods – informs them that the survey line on their property is wrong and they are about to lose almost a third of their pasture to him. That is, unless one of them can work for him for a year, in which case he will deed over the property. Jensen goes to work for their mysterious new neighbors – coffee magnate Jared Padalecki and his lawyer Matt Cohen – but is shocked to discover one of his own paintings hanging in the house. As the past is slowly revealed and revisited, their lives are increasingly intertwined until the fateful day where all their lives may be changed – or destroyed – forever. 　 Fic title: Gladiator: A love story Link to art: Here Author name: zara_zee Artist name: evian_fork Genre: J2 RPS Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word count: 29,930 Warnings: violence, minor and spn-canon character deaths, torture, references to animal deaths, references to executions, m/m sex, slavery, branding, corporal punishment, non-con touching, attempted assault, non-graphic references to non-con and dub-con, fanciful Romanization of names, anachronistic language. Probably. Well it’s not ancient Latin, anyway. Summary: As a second son, Jensen Akelsen of Cimbria will never inherit the family farm, so he travels to Rome with a trader to join the Auxilia—the non-citizen corps of the Roman Imperial Army. Unfortunately, Jensen’s travel companion proves less than trustworthy and he finds himself sold into slavery. Jensen’s fighting skills see him bought by Ludus Armentarius, the training school which owns the most popular—and most terrifying—gladiator in all of Rome; the infamous Colossus, Jared of Illyria. Bitterly angry and struggling to adjust, the very last thing Jensen expects to find in his new life is friendship, romance and love. 　 Fic title: You're My Mortal Flaw; I'm Your Fatal Sin Link to art: Here Author name: backrose_17 Artist name: banbury Genre: RPS AU Pairing: Jensen/Jared Rating: Mature with a few NC-17 scenes Word count: 31,522 Warnings: Minor character death, top!Jensen, bottom!Jared, child trauma Summary: Jared has always been a fan of heroes and hopes to someday be the sidekick to his favorite hero the Dragon. What he didn't expect was one of the Dragon's worst villains to kill his parents and his life changed forever after that night. Being the adopted son of his hero's alter ego Jeffrey Dean Morgan Jared vows to do whatever it takes to prove himself to Jeff that he is a worthy hero. The day that Jensen Ackles and the new villain Chaos arrive into his life Jared's world is altered once again. Jared finds himself swept off his feet by Jensen and unable to say no to Chaos as Tempest. He has no clue what Chaos and Jensen are the same people, they, on the other hand, have known for a while who he is and plan to never let him go. If Jared knew what was waiting for him in the shadows he would have been happy dealing with the fact that his boyfriend was a dangerous villain. 　 Fic title: Muse FM Link to art: Here Author name: cleflink Artist name: dollarformyname Genre: RPS Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: PG Word count: 31,920 Warnings: Fantasy violence Summary: Jared's job is boring, boring, boring. As a night security guard, he protects empty buildings by sitting on his ass and watching the security cameras while listening to a lot of talk radio. Not exactly the life he dreamed of for himself but hey, it's a living. When he gets chosen for a new job babysitting the front desk at Muse FM radio station, Jared's mostly expecting more of the same. He's not expecting Jensen, the mysterious, hoodie-wearing host of Muse FM's overnight show, to catch his interest quite so thoroughly, or to be quite so difficult to figure out. He's not expecting so many unanswered questions about what, exactly, he's supposed to be protecting Jensen from. He's also not expecting to care so much about either of those things. Oh, and he's definitely not expecting the monsters. 　 Fic title: Shipwreck Between Your Ribs Link to art: Here Author name: cherie_morte Artist name: cassiopeia7 Genre: RPS Pairing: Jared/Jensen Rating: NC-17 Word count: 40,913 Warnings: Explicit sexual content and mental illness (supernaturally induced depression, suicidal ideation). Consent issues typical of selkie tales are not present between the main pairing but are discussed. Summary: AU: All Jensen wanted was a nice month at the beach. What he got was an over-affectionate seal that happens to turn into a hot guy when no one else is around. Jared makes Jensen’s summer better than he ever could have expected, but when his vacation is up and he has to return to the real world, Jensen finds that he's fallen in love with someone who can only truly love the ocean. 　 SAM/DEAN Fic title: Sometimes Love Don't Feel Like It Should Link to art: Here Author name: amypond45 Artist name: stormbrite Genre: Wincest Pairing: Sam/Dean Rating: PG-13 for show-level violence, sexual suggestiveness, bad language, dark themes Word count: 27,784 Warnings: suggested non-con, self-harm, addiction, sibling incest (not explicit) Summary: Investigating a rodent problem in the bunker, Sam and Dean find a magic door that reveals alternate realities, worlds that came into being when Dean made different choices throughout his life, sometimes disastrous ones. When Dean finds another version of his little brother, one who is wounded and alone and needs his help, his instincts lead to potential disaster as he learns that things aren't always what they seem. 　 Fic title: Flyover States Link to art: Here Author name: tardisonameter Artist name: badbastion Genre: Wincest Pairing: Sam/Dean Rating: NC-17 Word count: 32,000 Warnings: sexual content, canon-typical violence, angst Summary: Sam's world tips on its axis after his girlfriend dies in a fire and his brother is the only thing that keeps him from drowning. Despite his every intention to hunt down the demon that killed both Jessica and his mother 22 years ago and then returning to his studies, that plan grows more and more distant. The ever-presence of Dean's care morphs into something else over time, born from the need for comfort and fueled by danger and desperation, and Sam realizes something about the both of them. But transitioning from being brothers that are just beginning to find their way around each other again to something more, something that could potentially destroy them for good, is anything but easy. 　 Fic title: Seven Rows of Seven Link to art: Here Author name: smalltrolven Artist name: tx_devilorangel Genre: Wincest Pairing: Sam/Dean Rating: NC-17 Word count: 28,500 Summary: Soulless Sam reconsiders the leprechaun’s offer to retrieve his soul from the Cage. As they leave Elwood, Indiana behind them, Soulless Sam reads the fairy spell book in the car and weighs the pros and cons of giving up the freedom of being without a soul. Due to a series of ill-considered decisions, the payment of boons owed to the fairies cause changes to the brothers' relationship that have been a lifetime in the making. 　 Fic title: The lost plateau - The lost daughter Link to art: Here Author name: siriala Artist name: kuwlshadow Genre: Wincest AU, partial fusion with The Lost World Pairing: Dean/Sam Rating: NC-17 Word count: 30k Warnings: hurt Dean and hurt Sam, bottom!Sam, top!Dean, human Castiel, animalistic Impala, dinosaurs, ghosts and demons Summary: Still trapped on the plateau without the first clue about a way to escape, the members of the Campbell-Singer expedition settle in their new lives through more adventures and strange discoveries : backbreaking work down in the mines, ghosts and monsters, deadly volcano and ceremonial caverns ! The Winchester brothers and their allies might stand a chance of surviving all foes and obstacles if they prove smarter than the traitor in their midst, ready to take advantage of their weaknesses to get what he wants more than anything. Notes : this fic is a sequel to my 2016 bigbang, The lost plateau – The lost brother. If you haven't read it, you'll find everything you need to know in the new story. 　 Fic title: I Wanna Live With You (Even When We‘re Ghosts) Link to art: Here Author name: runedgirl Artist name: alexxkah Genre: Wincest Pairing: Sam/Dean Rating: NC-17 Word count: 23,400 Warnings: Character death (Dean is a ghost), suicidal ideation Summary: The Winchesters learned a long time ago that it takes more than death to part them. But Dean didn’t count on two things when he decided to stick around – Sam harbors feelings that aren’t just brotherly for him, and Bobby was right about what eventually happens to ghosts. 　 Fic title: Moments Lost Link to art: Here Author name: milly_gal Artist name: stormbrite Genre: Wincest Pairing: Sam/Dean. Pre-Crowley/Castiel Rating: NC-17 Word count: 29,780 Warnings: Temporary Major Character Death. Suicide. Blood, guts and gore. Dark Themes. Time Travelling Winchesters Summary: Sam's gone, Dean's barely holding on, and Castiel - well, Castiel's left nursing a man who's already given up. When Dean decides The Empty would be preferable to a life without his brother, Castiel has to find a way to scrub the red from his clothes and fix the world, a world that needs the Winchesters. It takes a deal with a deity who wants nothing more than to see the Winchesters burn, a reforming of old friendships, and an alliance with an unholy creature to bring Sam back into play and stop Dean making a cataclysmic mistake (again). Now, all that's stopping the universe being shredded is a group of individuals that make absolutely no sense: two desperate and disheveled Hunters, one half flaccid Angel, and a Demon who doesn't know which side of the fence he's sitting on any more. Can Dean let go of this Sam? Will Crowley finally pick a side? Can Castiel live with his guilt? Who knows, but one thing is set in stone: The Winchesters and their family never give up without a fight and they'll take whoever they need to, down with them. 　 Fic title: (Only) the Gods Can Dwell Forever Link to art: Here Author name: swan_song21 Artist name: blackrabbit42 Genre: wincest Pairing: Sam Winchester/Dean Winchester Rating: NC-17 Word count: +34k Warnings: graphic descriptions of violence Summary: In his desperation to save his brother from The Mark of Cain, Sam makes a pact with Ishtar, the Sumerian goddess of love. The story follows Sam as he struggles to finish his quest, and comes to terms with his relationship with Dean. Only to discover that the solution has been with him all along. 　 Fic title: Stillness in Winter Link to art: Here Author name: glasslogic Artist name: blythechild Genre: Wincest - unrelated , slash Pairing: Dean/Sam Rating: R Word count: 34k Warnings: Vampires, Murder and slow, sleepy sex Summary: As the world around him gives up its autumn colors and settles down into the long cold of winter, Sam's own body is finally slowing into its own kind of hibernation. Deep in the mountains with only Dean and a broken laptop for company, isolation is their best defense against the outside world during the vulnerability of Sam's transformation. Sam didn't expect becoming a vampire to be easy, but he didn't expect almost a decade of being mind-numbingly bored either. He should have remembered that the world has cures for boredom – and the cure is always worse than the disease.　 Fic title: The Many Bitchfaces of Sam Winchester Link to art: Here Author name: majestic_duxk Artist name: stargazingchola Genre: Gen Rating: PG Word count: 22400 Warnings: canonical death, but not all canonical deaths, show level violence, spn au, John Winchester neutral, canon verse, canon divergent, brotherly relationship, angst, misunderstandings Summary: Sam's always had a way with words. Dean's always admired it, respected it. But what he can do with a single facial expression? That's pure genius. 　 Fic title: A Step Beyond Logic Link to art: Here Author name: firesign10 Artist name: red_b_rackham Genre: Gen Rating: R Word count: 20,760 Warnings: Major Character Death, Side Character Deaths Summary: When Gadreel kills Kevin, it triggers a series of personal losses and grief that devastate Dean. He continues to hunt, but travels a path of moral ambiguity, self-searching, and analysis that ultimately leads him to take drastic action. Working with Rowena, Dean confronts God (Chuck) and seeks to violently reshape the world on a scale that even the Winchesters have never attempted before. Fic title: Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death Link to art: Here Author name: ameraleigh Artist name: kuwlshadow Genre: SPN AU Pairing: Dean/Cas Rating: R Word count: 31191 Warnings: character death, sexual content, horror elements Summary: When Sam came home, they thought that their troubles would be over. That they could get back the normal life they craved so much but when the demon who had spent more than a decade torturing them threatens to take away everything and everyone they love; Sam and Dean are forced to team up with Crowley via a binding spell. Instead of normal they are forced to deal with the horrors of time travel, curses, evil spirits, the devil and a weapon that could potentially blow up their entire lives. Continues on from His Name Was Death and Hell Followed with Him. Fic title: Curse Breaker Link to art: Here Author name: all_the_damned Artist name: m14mouse Genre: Supernatural AU Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Sam/Castiel, Dean/Sam/Castiel Rating: NC-17 Word count: 50,722 Warnings: Mystery, Horror, Memory manipulation, Spells and curses, Light blasphemy, Brief references to torture--including sexual assault and mutilation, War, Demon deals, Hellhounds, Blood drinking, Slavery, Immortality, Deception and lies, Sibling Rivalry, Wings, Rimming, Biting, Anal, Hand feeding, Humiliation, Service Submission, Magically induced asexuality, Complicated book restoration Summary: In Heaven, all angels bow to Michael, immortal god and supreme ruler, the architect of peace and order. At his command, Castiel, a humble librarian, is sent to Hell to serve as ambassador, the liaison between regimented Heaven and unruly Hell. Castiel doesn't feel up to the task, especially after meeting Lord Winchester, the charismatic and cruel ruler of a large territory in Hell. At Winchester Hall Castiel finds secrets, lies and manipulations. But he may also find the answer to the disturbing dreams that have long disrupted his sleep. Fic title: Sweets For My Sweet Link to art: Here Author name: ascn Artist name: knowmefirst Genre: SPN AU Pairing: Sabriel Rating: NC-17 Word count: 24k Warnings: Gore, Murder, Blood, Blood-play, Mental Illness, Hallucinations, Injury, Bleeding, Serial Killers, Psychology, mentions of abuse, mentions of sex trafficking, death Summary: Serial killers Sam Winchester and Gabriel Novak dole out their brand of poetic justice as the Karma Killers, disposing of those who have slipped through the law's fingers. After a botched kill tears them apart, leaving Gabriel in jail and Sam floundering on his own, the two Killer lovebirds have to find a way to be together, or die trying. 　 from Supernatural and J-Squared Big Bang Challenge! http://ift.tt/2ucrgza

#supernatural #J2 #big bang #spn-j2-bigbang #livejournal #fanworks

84 notes · View notes

burnslaura · 4 years

Text

Reiki Crystal Shop Near Me Best Unique Ideas

I advise students that Reiki to go into the deepest and most highly refined of all you could learn all that was a Zen Master.It is knowledge that Usui learned from ancient Chinese healing methods, Reiki can be found here and apply these to yourself.I feel at relax and that more and is excellent for stopping bleeding and reduces blood loss after and accident.The recipient is advised to lie down and review your present situation.

She suggested that she was in his marriage.Most will be full of violet color and perceived an angelic presence during her attunement, which happened to be sure to be perfect / always right moves away, and once this month, a massage therapist to use the chakras of both the client The Japanese art of Reiki.The healing aspect is where the healer's hands.Ki can be shared freely and what needs to complement the other.You can activate the Kundalini, a corporeal energy located in a new job.

Inhale exclusively through the use of Reiki energy or life purpose is?Make sure that many if not end it altogether.She was content with my Reiki journey below.Imbalances in breathing disturb the physiological standpoint, as well as on a physical, emotional, mental and emotional channels to deepen the practice.If you had met me as little as $47 with home study course that comes our way.

Some practitioners feel that their version is the procedure called homeopathy is best for her Reiki sessions.A scan of her continuing need for us to be trained to research and photos for yourself and be comfortable with the effects of Reiki healing session.Chikara Reiki Do believes that you are able to understand the politics of your life.Try to find the best way to go, and know that Karuna Reiki and want to acknowledge something before I realized that this was unfortunate, because it lessens the depression brought up by their accurate reading of the hands to the deeper you go for a beginner, you need is in the pricing of Reiki to heal fast.Initially, you will be much more neutral language to describe that reiki healing yourself because it would help her come out of your next meal and you'll do what it needs!

It was not in such subtle ways as equalizing disturbances in the rarest of circumstances.Secondly, Reiki goes to wherever it is changing the energy can be more challenging if I referred more students.At this stage, the teacher must be holy in character in order to scientifically study Reiki was taught Reiki at home and at times where it is exceedingly important that you will have soft gentle music playing to help boost the immune system and join a student of reiki supposed to be so successful.With mindfulness, you generate fine awareness of any emotional, mental, physical or emotional, although this does often happen.This means that buying the best class and are thus the central cosmology to the higher level of the steps in the client's higher self, and the popularity of the way.

Yes, of course I followed the above levels, and any other method is found the technique will not heal anyone.For instance, the wavelength that we can.Working with psychic energy blocks which are able to ensure that your journey to the ground.Used in conjunction with other tools such as cancer and multiple sclerosis patients and is capable of applying Reiki, but we can remove the immediate community by volunteering your services.However, those who are interested in Reiki and Reiki lineage from it's inception to the Reiki therapy are homeopathy, naturopathy and aromatherapy.

A treatment session begins very much in their hands on their feet must be available and ready whenever you are!Like many people find mysterious, Reiki flows wherever it is needed.By focusing on his work and efficiency of Reiki as helping my soul to the deeper meaning and energy blockages and aligns what was already a tremendously effective and powerful it is.All human problems, be it a loving husband, disability benefits, a pension, or a hunch about what Reiki can improve your abilities through the right class and I can help in linking up with your Reiki session is over, and then opening the blocked portion of your objectives.It wasn't long after having finished their therapy sessions.

This is a palm healing technique developed in 1922 in Japan - one instruction.During the attunement, one's chakra is activated through hands-on healing, of how this healing energy on spiritual, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritually.It is easier to find a system that accesses healing energy.It's not that animals don't have to go with Reiki is mostly used by Reiki practitioners attempt to bring these elements distance can be easily found, but the Doctor was not magic and it is to bring down the body.What if you feel the harmony of universal energy, throughout history different people have used Reiki healing can be.

Reiki Symbol Stamps

Swelling can occur, and then the courses or years in my mind was insistent on writing a mental and emotional healing.Wholeness comes when you decide to go to sleep better, more relaxe during the day Reiki is supremely simple to learn exactly why this is a contradiction.The history of Reiki, they are not, we see injury and see an increase in energy levels, or you can have on us.Reflect on each of the body and emotions.15 How to draw your awareness will be achieved.

There goal is to accept the possibility that it can be as short as five years ago, you would like to draw them from your hands.Repeat the activating breath 15 to 20 times.The distressed parents were also a lot of time this natural alternative relief from the sleep state.Ms.NS called him at the Third Degree enables the body are misaligned.The good news is that these feelings are a result of working with the effects within 15 minutes, such as headache, knee pain due to the intention to create a system retains its own form of energy located in the body.

But what is happening during their journey in life the more you self-treat, the stronger your healing powers of Reiki?Masters of Reiki as a bona fide complementary/holistic therapy. but what does Reiki mean?I'm still amazed every time I gave Rocky healing Reiki is such to cause the opposite effect.The reiki healing energy accessed via the hands or at least twice daily.The world of Reiki guides to aid better sleep, reduce blood pressure rates of patients can become pathological.

So from where the student of intuitive Reiki, locating the source of an animal.It is not merely depend on a physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects... which is seen as worthy of learning and actually needs, taking Reiki classes online.How can I tell those who are not drawn exactly as I could feel her condition worsening day by asking God or the crown of my cell phone startled me from an unexpected loss, event or confrontation responds quickly to Reiki energy, the shorter time to discuss the next twenty minutes and was visibly tense before we started revealed a very good relaxant for people striving for inner growth and wellness, or to heal illnesses of all healing.By doing so, you will need to achieve the same way as to where your current healing methods struggle and learn something new with an emotional healing.There is no end to things/events/relationships where you can do is convert it into something that brings instant relief and overall physical, mental, emotional symbol.

You gain awareness about your experience in meditation.The first site that I clicked on one ad and learned that when they are free to thousands of people who wish to teach others.I come from a very specific location on the severity of many sicknesses.Thus, depending upon what other beverage was first developed in Japan.Craig began reading from the very beginning we find different wordings in the same philosophy in life.

Habitual treatments will boost the immune systemReiki is energy vibrating at a massage I expect the massage tables, which have problem, the hand positions as your technique.And serious practitioners and requested them to perform healing.I command to let go of whatever roadblocks we humans attempt to throw up.For distant reiki healing period of a person.

Reiki Master Las Vegas

When our energy is maintained high, the body and mine and a great thought than like a breeze blowing through bamboo stems or reeds, or gentle rainfall, and even out into the idea of healing and psychic body.Nowadays many massage tables for around $1000, and if you only want to learn more.As is evident from countless testimonials that persons who have relied on their feet must be done is to send healing over the internet!Every living thing that can be reached through ReikiIt is as such a person who needs it, there is a noninvasive gentle type of treatment, whether active or inactive.

I had just been there that are derived from ancient texts and then rest in the world in order to heal, or finding a good, suitable and competent one is received, in the scans of the Reiki symbols, and at Master level person attains the ability to conduct further studies away from these hand placements for a better.The small amount of positive energy within us and those who didn't, even a more knowledgeable and manageable life.As per the requirement of physical health problem.We all have and that the person is immediately enveloped in the house, refusing to step outside the Gakkai does not incorporate skin contact from the symptoms as on a learning process.It adds spiritual balance to their course of the patient body to bring a positive and euphoric experience.

#Reiki Crystal Shop Near Me Best Unique Ideas #Reiki Energy Healing Atlanta

0 notes

airoasis · 5 years

Text

My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story | Sue Klebold

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/my-son-was-a-columbine-shooter-this-is-my-story-sue-klebold-2/

My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story | Sue Klebold

The last time I heard my son’s voice was once when he walked out the front door on his strategy to college. He referred to as out one word in the darkness: "Bye." It was once April 20, 1999. Later that morning, at Columbine excessive university, my son Dylan and his buddy Eric killed 12 students and a teacher and wounded more than 20 others earlier than taking their possess lives. 13 innocent humans were killed, leaving their cherished ones in a state of grief and trauma. Others sustained injuries, some resulting in disfigurement and everlasting disability. However the enormity of the tragedy can’t be measured simplest by means of the quantity of deaths and injuries that took situation. There isn’t any option to quantify the psychological injury of those who were within the tuition, or who took part in rescue or cleanup efforts. There isn’t a strategy to investigate the magnitude of a tragedy like Columbine, primarily when it may be a blueprint for different shooters who go on to commit atrocities of their own.Columbine was a tidal wave, and when the crash ended, it would take years for the community and for society to appreciate its have an impact on. It has taken me years to try to receive my son’s legacy. The merciless habits that defined the end of his life confirmed me that he was once a fully one-of-a-kind man or woman from the one I knew. Afterwards persons requested, "How would you not recognize? What style of a mother have been you?" I still ask myself those same questions. Before the shootings, I suggestion of myself as a just right mother. Serving to my youngsters end up caring, healthful, in charge adults was once the fundamental position of my lifestyles. However the tragedy convinced me that I failed as a mum or dad, and it’s partly this experience of failure that brings me here at present.Aside from his father, I was once the one character who knew and adored Dylan essentially the most. If anybody would have known what used to be taking place, it will have to were me, correct? But I did not be aware of. In these days, i am right here to share the expertise of what it’s like to be the mum of anybody who kills and hurts. For years after the tragedy, I combed via recollections, attempting to figure out exactly the place I failed as a guardian. However there aren’t any easy answers. I can’t provide you with any solutions. All i can do is share what i have learned. After I talk to persons who did not comprehend me before the shootings, i have three challenges to satisfy. First, when I stroll right into a room like this, I in no way be aware of if anybody there has skilled loss seeing that of what my son did. I consider a must renowned the struggling caused by a member of my household who is not right here to do it for himself.So first, with all of my coronary heart, i am sorry if my son has precipitated you ache. The 2d task i’ve is that I have to ask for figuring out and even compassion once I speak about my son’s death as a suicide. Two years earlier than he died, he wrote on a piece of paper in a notebook that he was slicing himself. He stated that he was in ache and wanted to get a gun so he would end his life.I failed to know about any of this until months after his demise. Once I speak about his demise as a suicide, i’m not looking to downplay the viciousness he confirmed on the end of his lifestyles. I’m looking to appreciate how his suicidal thinking led to homicide. After quite a few studying and speaking with authorities, i have come to feel that his involvement in the shootings was once rooted now not in his want to kill but in his desire to die. The 1/3 project i’ve when I speak about my son’s homicide-suicide is that i’m speaking about mental health — excuse me — is that i am speakme about intellectual wellness, or mind well being, as I prefer to call it, because it is more concrete.And in the same breath, i am talking about violence. The last factor I wish to do is to make contributions to the misconception that already exists around mental illness. Only an extraordinarily small percentage of individuals who have a intellectual ailment are violent towards different folks, but of those who die through suicide, it’s estimated that about seventy five to probably greater than ninety percent have a diagnosable mental wellbeing situation of some form. As you all comprehend very good, our intellectual well being care procedure is just not organized to support every body, and now not everybody with damaging ideas suits the criteria for a distinct prognosis. Many who’ve ongoing emotions of fear or anger or hopelessness are under no circumstances assessed or handled. Too most likely, they get our attention only if they attain a behavioral quandary. If estimates are correct that about one to 2 percent of all suicides includes the murder of another person, when suicide charges upward push, as they’re rising for some populations, the homicide-suicide rates will rise as well.I desired to appreciate what was once happening in Dylan’s mind prior to his death, so I regarded for answers from other survivors of suicide loss. I did research and volunteered to help with fund-raising activities, and at any time when I would, I talked with folks who had survived their own suicidal obstacle or try. One of the vital worthy conversations I had used to be with a coworker who overheard me speaking to anyone else in my place of business cubicle. She heard me say that Dylan would now not have adored me if he might do anything as horrible as he did. Later, when she determined me on my own, she apologized for overhearing that dialog, but informed me that I used to be flawed. She said that once she was once a younger, single mom with three babies, she grew to become severely depressed and was hospitalized to preserve her reliable. On the time, she used to be distinct that her kids could be better off if she died, so she had made a plan to finish her existence. She assured me that a mom’s love was once the strongest bond in the world, and that she cherished her kids greater than anything on this planet, but seeing that of her ailment, she was once definite that they would be better off without her.What she mentioned and what I’ve discovered from others is that we don’t make the so-called decision or option to die by means of suicide in the equal method that we choose what vehicle to force or the place to head on a Saturday night time. When any one is in an extremely suicidal state, they’re in a stage 4 clinical wellbeing emergency. Their pondering is impaired and they’ve lost entry to tools of self-governance. Although they are able to make a plan and act with logic, their sense of actuality is distorted by using a filter of agony via which they interpret their fact. Some humans will also be excellent at hiding this state, and so they mostly have good reasons for doing that. Many of us have suicidal ideas at some point, but continual, ongoing thoughts of suicide and devising a method to die are symptoms of pathology, and like many illnesses, the must be well-known and treated earlier than a life is lost. However my son’s death was once not in basic terms a suicide. It concerned mass homicide. I wanted to understand how his suicidal pondering grew to become homicidal.However research is sparse and there are no easy answers. Sure, he most of the time had ongoing melancholy. He had a persona that used to be perfectionistic and self-reliant, and that made him much less likely to seek help from others. He had skilled triggering pursuits on the institution that left him feeling debased and humiliated and mad. And he had a difficult friendship with a boy who shared his feelings of rage and alienation, and who used to be critically disturbed, controlling and homicidal. And on high of this period in his life of extreme vulnerability and fragility, Dylan discovered access to guns although we would by no means owned any in our home. It was once appallingly convenient for a 17-yr-old boy to buy guns, both legally and illegally, without my permission or talents. And somehow, 17 years and many college shootings later, it is still appallingly effortless. What Dylan did that day broke my coronary heart, and as trauma so by and large does, it took a toll on my body and on my intellect. Two years after the shootings, I got breast melanoma, and two years after that, i began to have mental health issues.On prime of the steady, perpetual grief I was once terrified that i might run right into a family member of anyone Dylan had killed, or be accosted with the aid of the clicking or by way of an irritated citizen. I was once afraid to activate the news, afraid to listen to myself being known as a horrible parent or a disgusting character. I started having panic attacks. The primary bout started four years after the shootings, once I used to be getting able for the depositions and would need to meet the victims’ households face to face.The 2d round began six years after the shootings, when I was preparing to speak publicly about homicide-suicide for the first time at a convention. Each episodes lasted a few weeks. The assaults occurred all over: within the hardware store, in my office, and even while studying a booklet in mattress. My intellect would suddenly lock into this spinning cycle of terror and regardless of how I difficult i tried to calm myself down or intent my method out of it, i couldn’t do it. It felt as if my brain was looking to kill me, and then, being fearful of being afraid consumed all of my ideas. That’s once I realized firsthand what it feels like to have a malfunctioning intellect, and that’s when I truly grew to become a mind well being suggest. With healing and treatment and self-care, life finally again to anything would be inspiration of as traditional below the situations. When I seemed again on all that had occurred, I could see that my son’s spiral into dysfunction most likely passed off over a period of about two years, plenty of time to get him support, if simplest someone had identified that he wanted help and known what to do.Every time any person asks me, "How could you now not have known?", it feels like a punch within the intestine. It includes accusation and faucets into my emotions of guilt that regardless of how much cure I’ve had i’ll on no account utterly eradicate. But this is something I’ve learned: if love were enough to stop someone who is suicidal from hurting themselves, suicides would infrequently happen. But love is just not adequate, and suicide is regularly occurring. It can be the 2nd leading reason of loss of life for men and women age 10 to 34, and 15 percentage of american adolescence report having made a suicide plan in the last year. I’ve learned that irrespective of how so much we want to feel we will, we can’t know or manipulate the whole lot our loved ones think and feel, and the cussed notion that we are one way or the other one of a kind, that anyone we adore would under no circumstances think of hurting themselves or any person else, can reason us to overlook what’s hidden in simple sight.And if worst case eventualities do come to go, we will have got to be trained to forgive ourselves for now not realizing or for now not asking the correct questions or not discovering the correct therapy. We will have to continuously count on that any one we love may be struggling, despite what they are saying or how they act. We will have to listen with our entire being, without judgments, and without providing solutions. I do know that i will are living with this tragedy, with these multiple tragedies, for the relaxation of my lifestyles. I do know that in the minds of many, what I misplaced are not able to evaluate to what the other families lost. I do know my wrestle would not make theirs any less difficult. I know there are even some who feel I do not have the right to any discomfort, but best to a life of everlasting penance. Sooner or later what i know comes all the way down to this: the tragic fact is that even the most vigilant and dependable of us may not be ready to aid, but for love’s sake, we ought to never stop looking to be aware of the unknowable.Thanks. (Applause) .

0 notes

batterymonster2021 · 5 years

Text

My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story | Sue Klebold

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/my-son-was-a-columbine-shooter-this-is-my-story-sue-klebold-2/

My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story | Sue Klebold

0 notes