#hmm. lets say way of helping my 3 players not die forever and ever

[steffsatelier]

Tried my hand at painting Vezsrar because I am having a The Character Event in my mind. Masked & unmasked.

Here's a closeup. First time painting tentacles in a realistic style.

[marveloussupernerd]

Truth or Dare in Gym 3 - Gym 3 Squad

The (big) gym 3 squad plays truth or dare. That’s literally it. BokuAka. Mentions of Tsukiyama. Implied YakuLev, KuroKen, Kagehina, but they’re not actually together in this fic so

They were absolutely wiped out from their three-on-three, slumped against the wall of the gym as they tried to catch their breath.

“You guys wanna do something fun?” Bokuto asked, still working on catching his breath from the intense game.

“Like?” Tsukishima asked.

“Truth or dare~” Kuroo suggested, pushing some of his sweaty hair out of his face. “We can do it while we cool down.”

“No.” Tsukishima stood up. “I’m good-“

“But Tsukishima! It would be fun!” Hinata whined, grabbing onto the middle blocker’s arm and attempting to pull the much taller boy back onto the floor of the gym.

Tsukki wasn’t budging. “This isn’t working, you know,” he said simply.

“I guess if you don’t play I’ll have to reveal the blackmail Kenna’s been collecting of you,” Kuroo shrugged.

“The what?”

“You can believe me or you can take that chance, up to you.”

Tsukishima sat back down in the circle. “Fine. But we can’t play for long—we have to get to bed soon.”

“Yay!” Lev cheered, lifting his arms up in triumph, as though he had done anything to convince the boy to stay in the first place.

“But you know how there’s always that person that only does truth,” Bokuto complained, glancing slightly at Akaashi, trying to make it discreet (and failing). “I don’t wanna have that happen.”

Akaashi rolled his eyes playfully. “Okay. How about everyone does two rounds - you have to do one truth and one dare. Your choice when you’re asked is mainly if you trust the person asking to give you a dare or not.”

“You’re a genius ‘Kaashi!”

“Oo!�� Hinata squirmed in his seat. “I’ll go first!! Bokuto! Truth or dare?”

“Hmm, let’s start out easy with a truth!”

Hinata puffed out some air—he was obviously hoping for a dare—and took a minute to think. “Okay! Who’s your best friend in this group?”

Silence. Bokuto glanced between Kuroo and Akaashi, the two boys to the side of him. Then he looked back at Hinata. “Can you give me another one?” He pouted. “I can’t answer that.”

Tsukki rolled his eyes and grumbled something, but the other boys ignored it, trying to come up with another truth so Bokuto wouldn’t be sad by having to choose a favorite friend.

“Got it! Who on Karasuno do you think is the most intimidating?” Classic Hinata always thinking of volleyball.

“Oh, your captain, for sure!”

Kuroo nodded solemnly in agreement. “Dude freaks me out sometimes.”

“...Daichi does?” Hinata asked, tilting his head in confusion. Daichi was such an encouraging leader, he never even thought of him as intimidating.

“Definitely. When his gaze gets all cold...” Bokuto shivered. “He’s scary, dude.”

Hinata laughed, as did Tsukishima shockingly. “Guess I never thought about it that way,” the ginger said, shrugging.

“Anyways! My turn to ask now. Tsukki! Truth or dare?” Bokuto asked, pointing his finger at the blonde.

“Still Tsukishima, and truth. I don’t trust a dare from you.”

“Booo,” Bokuto pouted. “But okay. If my team were to play Kuroo’s in an actual match, who do you think would win?”

Tsukishima paused, glancing between the two captains, trying to assess what he had seen of their teams the past few days before coming up with his answer. “Fukurodani.”

“Ughhh, why?” Kuroo grumbled.

Tsukishima pointed to Kuroo. “You’d spend the whole match trying to outsmart Bokuto. But he’d catch onto it immediately and shut it down,” he pointed to Akaashi. “Kenma might be able to outsmart Akaashi, but you’re too proud to ask for help.”

“You’re scary Tsukishima.” Lev blurted out. Tsukishima just glanced his way, a blank look on his face.

“Anyways. Kuroo. Truth or dare?”

“I’m gonna trust you to start out the night with the first dare!” Kuroo said excitedly. “Don’t make me regret it.”

He regretted it immediately once he saw the widening grin on Tsukishima’s face. “Go ask one of the coaches for a condom.”

Kuroo buried his face in his hands, embarrassed. “What’s the aftermath for backing out of a dare?”

“Death.” Tsukishima replied seriously.

Kuroo groaned, then got up, walking out of the gym to find the coaches with the other boys in tow, excited to watch this play out.

There they were, drinking in one of the rooms. He knocked quietly, making his way in. “Uhh, could I steal Karasuno’s coach away for just a second?” He asked awkwardly, unable to look any of the coaches in the eye. Coach Ukai smiled and followed him outside the room to the hall, where the other boys were eavesdropping around the corner.

“Uh, sorry to bother you!” Kuroo blurted out.

“It’s fine kid. What’s up?”

“Uhm,” Kuroo pulled on the collar of his shirt. It was getting hot in there, probably from all the nerves. “Do you have a c-condom?”

Absolute silence for a second. Kuroo could feel himself dying on this inside and the boys had to fight to hold back their snickers.

“Sure.” Coach Ukai pulled out his wallet, pulling out a condom and handing it to the captain. “Is that all you need?”

“Uh, yup.” Kuroo gulped. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” the coach waved to the student then walked back in to join his fellow coaches.

The other boys rounded the corner, laughing their asses off.

“That was awful!” Kuroo whined, his face bright red. “I highly recommend nobody accept a dare from Tsukishima ever again.”

“Wah, wah.” Tsukishima rolled his eyes. The boys started walking back towards the gym. “Anyways, you get to ask next.”

“Chibi-Chan, truth or dare?”

Hinata’s back straightened as he finally got picked to go. “Dare!!” He exclaimed. Kuroo stopped in his tracks.

“Okay. While we’re still in the dorm area, I dare you to go in, ask Kenma for his PSP, then just leave with it.” Truth be told, Kenma always played the game long into the night. If Kuroo tried to take it away, there’d be hell to pay. But maybe Kenma would give in for Hinata.

“Alright! That’s not too bad.” Hinata started to skip towards the Nekoma dorm where the students were saying. The light was still on, signaling that all the players were still awake.

Hinata opened the door shyly, sneaking in but leaving the door open a crack so the boys could eavesdrop.

“Hey Kenma!” Hinata exclaimed as he walked over to the boy, his face still buried in the game.

“Oh, hey Shoyo. I thought you were practicing late?” Kenma asked, glancing up from his game to look at him.

“Oh yeah, but I got bored. Hey, I’m trying to figure out what games to get on my PSP. Can I borrow yours and see what all’s on it?”

“Sure thing,” Kenma handed him the gaming console.

“Thanks!” Hinata cheered, making a quick exit out the door with the device. He shut the door behind him and held it up triumphantly, handing it to Kuroo.

“Easy one.”

“Well, it’s never easy for me,” Kuroo chuckled. “He may actually be able to get some sleep tonight, thanks.”

“So it’s my turn?” Hinata asked as the group made their way back to the gym.

“Yup!” Kuroo answered.

“Kuroo. Truth or dare? Remember...”

Tsukishima grinned. “It has to be truth.”

“Okay, okay. I don’t like the feeling I’m getting but... truth it is.”

Hinata stopped, pulling the guys closer to him so he could keep his voice low. “Have you ever asked Kenma on a date?”

“What!?” Kuroo’s face turned bright red. “No! We’ve been friends for forever.”

“Yeah and? Same for the Great King and Iwaizumi but that didn’t stop them,” Hinata said simply, shrugging. A majority of the boys had no clue who he was talking about, but just figured it was one of the many people Hinata had befriended.

“He doesn’t like me like that!”

“You never know Bro!” Bokuto encouraged him, patting his back. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Silence.

“He doesn’t like him back and things get awkward,” Tsukishima answered truthfully.

“That! Exactly!” Kuroo exclaimed.

“I think you’d be fine. Kenma isn’t the type who’d hold a grudge over something like that if he doesn’t feel the same,” Akaashi explained, shrugging.

The group make it back to the gym, sitting against the wall. “Well, let’s put a pin in that for now. Lev, truth or dare?”

“Dare! Dare!”

Kuroo had an evil grin on his face. “Bad choice.”

“I take it-“

“Nope.” Kuroo got up and glanced out the door of the gym. “Perfect timing. Go out there, pretend to be sad, and ask Yaku for a hug.”

Lev’s mouth dropped open. “Do you want me to die?” He whined. “Yaku San will MURDER me!”

“A dare’s a dare,” Bokuto shrugged, pushing Lev to stand up and stumble towards the door. The boys all followed, standing in the doorway to watch the scene take place.

Lev forced tears to form in his eyes, biting his lip hard to get his eyes to water from pain. There was no way this would work. “Yaku San,” he whimpered, making his way over to his elder. Yaku was walking back to the dorms to call it a night.

Yaku turned to face him. “Lev? I thought you were practicing?”

“I was but...” he frowned. “Yaku San... can I have a hug?”

“What? Why?” Yaku’s eyes scanned the taller boy’s face, trying to find a smirk or anything to prove that Lev was pulling his leg, but nothing was there. He just looked... sad.

Lev flopped down onto his knees. “I’ve been practicing so hard and I just... can’t get it.” He ran a hand through his hair. Was this even acting anymore? What he’s saying felt true. “It’s frustrating. I feel like I’m not getting any better.”

Yaku rolled his eyes, wrapping his arms around the now-shorter-than-him Lev. “Don’t tell anyone about this,” he grumbled. “But you are getting better. I can tell. I promise.”

“You mean it Yaku San?” Lev asked, his eyes shining as he looked up at the boy. “Thank you!”

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” Yaku pulled Lev’s collar, pulling him close. “If you tell anyone, I’ll kill you.”

“You’re the best Yaku San!” Lev exclaimed, running back to the gym to tell the boys about his successful dare.

Lev entered the gym, but was cut off before he could even open his mouth. “We saw. Please don’t talk about it. I never want to talk about it again,” Kuroo looked pale, shocked to see his teammate showing his soft side.

Lev rolled his eyes. “Fine. Bokuto, truth or dare?”

“I love that nobody’s asked Akaashi yet,” Tsukishima pointed out.

Kuroo shook his head. “Akaashi’s dares are probably even worse than yours. We couldn’t give him that power.”

“You’ll have to eventually,” Akaashi shrugged.

“Anywaus! I already did a truth, so dare!” Bokuto said excitedly, pulling the attention back to him.

“Okay, okay.” Lev smiled to himself. “I’ve seen this around online. So I dare you to play the pocky game with Akaashi!”

“The pocky game?” Hinata asked, turning his head in confusion.

“Yeah!” Lev felt around in his pocket, pulling out a pack of pocky. “You put one side of the pocky in you mouth and the other in someone else’s, then you see who eats the most.”

Hinata’s eyebrows raised. He didn’t really get it, but he figured he would once they played it.

“Akaashi?” Bokuto asked, looking over at the setter. “We don’t have to if you’re not comfortable.”

“It’s fine, but it should count as a dare for me too.”

“That’s fair,” Kuroo nodded. “Go on ahead then.”

Lev pulled out a pocky stick, handing it to Bokuto. Bokuto gently held out the stick towards Akaashi, who opened his mouth and let Bokuto put the end between his teeth. Then Bokuto followed suit, cheeks bright red, trying not to get too close to Akaashi quite yet.

But then the game begun, and they had to get closer to one another. Bokuto hates losing, but Akaashi hates it even more. Akaashi didn’t give in, letting his lips press against Bokuto’s as he took the last bite to win. He bit the piece off then pulled away, a bright grin on his face. “That’s a win for me, Bo.”

“Trust me, that was a win for him too,” Tsukishima teased, picking up on the dazed dreamy look in Bokuto’s eyes. “Akaashi, maybe you should go, since he’s in another dimension right now.”

“Okay. I’ll even be nice. Lev, truth or dare?”

“It has to be truth, right?”

Akaashi nodded. “Who at this training camp, not including your team or those of us right here, do you think you’d get along with best?”

Lev paused, taking a minute to think. “Hinata and Tsukishima’s little blonde manager! She seems so sweet.”

Tsukishima shook his head. “She’d be terrified of you.”

“She gets nervous around tall people,” Hinata explained. “But I think you two would get along well once she got over that!”

“Oo! You should introduce us at some point then. I need a new best friend!”

The room fell silent once again.

“...Bokuto? I think you have to go now, since I already told two dares,” Lev said awkwardly.

“Oh yeah! Kaashi counted as a dare too. Well then... I have the perfect question.” Bokuto’s eyes lit up as he turned to his setter. “Akaashi, truth or truth?”

Akaashi rolled his eyes playfully. “Hmm... I’ll have to go with truth.”

“Perfect! Did you want to play the pocky game with me?”

“What?” Akaashi’s ears turned a very light shade of pink.

“You know, did you want to?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t a bad dare at all.”

Bokuto frowned. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Okay... yes, Bokuto San, I wanted to play the pocky game with you,” Akaashi admitted, refusing to meet Bokuto’s eyes.

“Akaashi!” Bokuto squealed, pulling him into a hug, swinging him back and forth. “You’re so cute!”

“Okay, okay, but... I need to ask a question now, Bo...”

Bokuto let him out of his tight embrace, but scooted closer so that he could rest his hand on top of Akaashi’s. Akaaahi’s face had still not calmed down from the bright red flush that had risen on his cheeks from Bokuto.

“I’m not taking this alone. Tsukishima. Truth or dare?”

“You’re screwed,” Kuroo whispered under his breath.

Tsukishima frowned. “Dare.”

Akaashi turned to Hinata. “What’s the name of the boy with the freckles on your team?”

“Yamaguchi?”

“Him.” Akaashi turned to Tsukishima. “Ask him on a date,” he dared, a small smirk on his face.

“I-“

“Tsukki!? You like Yams?” Hinata gasped.

“I knew you weren’t the brightest...” Tsukishima muttered. He pulled out his phone. “Can I just call him? He’s probably ready for bed by now.”

“You two know each other’s schedules. How sweet,” Kuroo gushed.

Tsukishima called Yamaguchi, putting it on speaker.

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked. “You still practicing?”

“Yeah, sorry, I’ll be back soon. But I had something to ask you...”

Lev started laughing, and Kuroo clasped a hand over his mouth to conceal the sound.

“Okay? You’re freaking me out.”

“Will you go on a date with me? Once we get back home?”

The line went silent. Then Yamaguchi started laughing. “You called to ask that? Of course I will.”

“Great. I’ll be back soon.”

“Okay! See you then! Love you!”

Tsukishima sighed deeply, glaring at the boys around him who stared at him in disbelief. “...Love you too Yams.”

He hung up, pressing his face into the palm of his hands. “Don’t talk.”

The boys burst out laughing. “Love you too Yams,” Hinata cooed.

“You guys are dating!?” Bokuto exclaimed. “You never told me.”

“We never told anyone. It was pretty obvious though,” he shrugged. “Anyways, Yams is waiting for me. Last one. Hinata, truth or dare?”

“Truth, I guess, but go easy on me.”

Tsukishima scoffed. “Oh, no way. Not now that you know about Yamaguchi and I. So? Do you like the King?”

“The King...?” Kuroo asked.

“Kageyama? Of course I like him! Wait- do you mean like, I like him like he’s a good setter, or I like him like we hang out and watch tv on the weekends, or I like him like sometimes I can’t focus when we play because his hair sticks to his forehead and frames his face so pretty and his skin just glows and he makes eye contact with me before he spikes but his eyes are just so pretty and that’s why I’ve had to close my eyes when I spike-“

“No. Nevermind. You don’t have to answer.” Tsukishima got up, walking to the door. “That was disgusting. Good night everyone.”

“You sure are leaving quickly,” Kuroo teased. “Got a date?”

“Yeah, I’ve gotta go cuddle with Yamaguchi. At least I had the nerves to ask out my childhood friend,” he winked, leaving the room.

Continuation:

Tsukiyama cuddling fic

Kuroken confession

[somethinglacking]

Shooting For Stars Chapter 3

Summary:

Hyuna Lee just started college, and while procrastinating decided to give a popular MMO called LOLOL a try. Here she will meet new friends, battle monsters, part takes in epic quests, and potentially find love!

Most of this will take place in LOLOL at the beginning.

This takes place a year/ year and a half after Seven’s good end, and the secret endings. Yoosung x OC

Chapter word count: 3603

Smut in later chapters, of course Shooting For Stars: Chapter 1 Shooting for Stars: Chapter 2 ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

There was something strangely comforting about her new daily routine. Despite having to live off of instant ramen for a week, Hyuna didn’t regret buying her monthly subscription and a couple of the expansions for LOLOL. It’s only been 5 days leading into Saturday now since she joined the game. Without fail her new friend would either be online waiting for her or log in shortly after she did. They’d just do things about the map and chat and laugh. She was curious now of what he sounded like. It’d be nice to have a headset, but she already wasted enough of her money setting her account up for the month. It’d have to wait for her next allowance date. Also at the same time, she was nervous about chatting with a stranger over a microphone. She knew it was common for MMO players, but she couldn’t help but feel a little self cautious. 

Another thing she appreciated about Yoosung, he never asked her gender. He didn’t seem to care if she was a girl or a guy. He never got pervy with her like a few nameless avatars in the world chat would get with one another. He was respectful and it made her trust him a little more. Yoosung never mentioned her lack of microphone when they play either. A part of her wondered if he thought she was a guy. It would make sense, he treated her like one. Not that she minded. A part of her was worried he'd get weird if they ever voice chatted and he found out she was, in fact, female. 

She rinsed off and stepped out of the shower. It was Saturday and she had nowhere to be. Also, her only friend happened to be online, so it wasn’t like she was about to be invited out somewhere. It was warm for late September so she pulled on a pair of panties and an oversized t-shirt. The artist made her way to the coffeepot she had set up in her dorm and started brewing coffee. It wasn’t by any mean early, about eleven am, meaning she slept in. Yawn to herself she watched as her coffee pot made a single cup of coffee. She added three spoonfuls of sugar along with a hazelnut coffee creamer. The steam rising off her hot drink was nearly intoxicating as she moved to her computer chair. 

The computer booted up as the heel of her foot swayed her chair from side to side while she blew at the steam rising from her coffee. Sipping it carefully she watched as LOLOL loaded up and checked for updates. The newsletter popped up, which she skipped in favour of getting into the game. Soon her now super cute and classy Avatar booted up. She was Level 23 now only after a few days of playing with Yoosung. Smiling she checked her friend’s list. Unknown was online but other than that nobody seemed to be around. Frowning a little the artist when to the brewing station in the town she was in. She wanted to build her skills before even attempting the revival potions Yoosung wanted so badly. 

Hyuna opened the Wiki on her phone and quickly read all the ins and outs of potion brewing. Revival potion was basically and extra life, you use it at the beginning of the battle and once your hp became Zero you’d ‘revive’ with half a health bar. She could see how that was useful for a Tank that took the brunt of the damage. Though it only had a 5% brew success rate, and even with the craft level maxed at 99 it was a 10% craft rate. Her class gave her a brewing luck stat, but it wouldn’t help with the rarity of crafting the potion. She whistled at how difficult it was to obtain. They were missing a couple of ingredients, yet she did have a good supply of the rarer ones, the glow mushrooms. 

The avatar moved to the pot in the back room of the item store, and she began crafting very basic potions. Hyuna soon realized she would have an abundance of them. Sighing she set to work leveling up her craft skills. It didn’t take much, her avatar would keep making this one potion until supplies ran out. So she settled for opening MeTube on her phone and sipping at her warm coffee waiting for the busy work to be done within her game. She typed in LOLOL and found a tutorial for her class. Looking promising she loaded it up and learned some info and tricks about being the parties, Arche Master.

Once the fifteen-minute video was over she noticed her character had stopped brewing potions. She smiled running back into the town square. Yoosung had told her she could sell items for a better price on the trade, but she didn’t quite understand how to do that. Plus her friend wasn’t online, so what he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him. She sold her potions for probably a fraction of their worth to an NPC and ran back to the brewing station. A notification popped up and her heart fluttered, then disappointment set in to see it was only HackerGod logging in, and not Yoosung. She bit her lip making her Avatar start brewing more potions to build the skill. 

Her friend might have used the weekends to catch up on the sleep he was clearly depriving himself of during the week. Hyuna frowned wondering if he suffered from insomnia; if that was the case she hoped he was sleeping right now, and that she wouldn’t see him until later in the afternoon. She knew for a fact the boy needed all the rest he could get. While she was lost in thought worrying about the stranger she had been playing the game with a DM came in 

HackerGod: lolol

HackerGod: You low balled your potions price

HackerGod: I saw that

HackerGod: Actually, Saeran did and tattled on you

Hyuna raised an eyebrow reading the messages before her face flushed in embarrassment. 

Sapfyre: Shush!

Sapfyre: And whose Saeran?

HackerGod: Oh, he’s my brother

HackerGod: Guess you know him as UnknownUserName

HackerGod: But that’s a mouthful

Sapfyre: Oooh, I think you all were using your first names that night Yoosung tried to get us all killed. ^^;

HackerGod: Mmmhmmm~

HackerGod: Yoosung is usually a really good boy too

HackerGod: Wonder why he would take such a risk with only you in the party

HackerGod: Think he was trying to show off?

The artist read the messages. It was clear to see this person knew her new friend on a personal level. She flushed again, not sure why they were talking about Yoosung in such a weird way. Or even talking to her at all. 

Sapfyre: Yoosung’s a good boy, huh?

HackerGod: Pbffft

HackerGod: If you talk to him like that he’d die of heart failure for sure.

Sapfyre: ^^;

Sapfyre: You’re the one weirdly speaking of him.

HackerGod: So my name is Saeyoung!~

HackerGod: My wife is AhaChaCha and her name is Mi-Cha

HackerGod: >-< 

HackerGod: What’s your name?

Hyuna smiled eyeing the messages with suspicion. Clearly, this guy was trying to get information out of her. She doubted Yoosung had asked for him too, but you can never be too careful with strangers on the internet. It was odd he was introduction all of them with their first name. 

Sapfyre: It's a pleasure to meet you ^^

Sapfyre: But don’t tell me you can’t read D:

Sapfyre: My name reads Sapfyre!

There was a silence between messages, she wondered if she upset them. Chewing her lip and loaded another round of potions to brew as new messages flooded in. 

HackerGod: Haha you shy?

HackerGod: I promise you I’m not creepy ^^

HackerGod: Okay, I guess that statement made me look creepy haha

HackerGod: It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me

HackerGod: I admire your caution when dealing with strangers on the internet

HackerGod: Now only if Mi-Cha would learn some caution from you

The girl snorted as he dissed his wife so casually. 

Sapfyre: Never be too careful!

Sapfyre: Wouldn’t want someone to kidnap me and sell my organs~ 

Sapfyre: I’m quite attached to them, you could say

HackerGod: You’re funny

HackerGod: Well Yoosung is about to log in

HackerGod: Shhh don’t tell him I was talking to you

Hyuna looked as HackerGod logged out and Yoosung logged into the server. She smiled looking at his now lit up username. He was in the same town as her, maybe he did log off after her last night. She hoped so at least. 

Opening her forever long private messages with Yoosung; she messaged first

Sapfyre: I should sing a witch’s brew song as I make these potions

Sapfyre: Ahem! 

Sapfyre: Bubble and Bobble

Sapfyre: My magic stew!

Sapfyre: If you burn another potion

Sapfyre: I’ll make a commotion 

Sapfyre: ^^;;

Sapfyre: Good Morning 

SupermanYoosung★: Hahaha

SupermanYoosung★: Should I come dance around your pot?

SupermanYoosung★: Sing your witches song too?

SupermanYoosung★: Good Morning~

She smiled warmly at the messages. Her rhyming and song weren’t very good, but at least he didn’t make fun of her for it. She made her Avatar dance as the final potion finished. 

Sapfyre: Did you have a good sleep

Sapfyre: Have you eaten?

Yoosung’s Avatar loaded onto the page and he joined in with her dance. It looked silly and she couldn’t help the bubbly giggle that escaped her. This boy was something else, for sure. 

SupermanYoosung★: Are you caring for me?

SupermanYoosung★: ^^

SupermanYoosung★: I got a couple of hours of sleep and had some cereal  SupermanYoosung★: What about you Sap?

Sapfyre: I had coffee and my mandatory 6 hours of sleep.

SupermanYoosung★: D:

SupermanYoosung★: Coffee isn’t good on an empty tummy!

Sapfyre: Now who is caring for who, hmm?

SupermanYoosung★: Ahaha caught me 

SupermanYoosung★: You should at least have a piece of toast.

SupermanYoosung★: And let me sell your potions for you

Sapfyre: Which one tattled?!?!?!?!?

Sapfyre: Was it HackerGod?

Sapfyre: Or was it UnknownUseName who tattled on me!!

Sapfyre: Tell me!

Sapfyre: I’ll have my revenge! 

SupermanYoosung★: lolol

SupermanYoosung★: It was HackerGod

SupermanYoosung★: He sent me a text message with a SS of you being naughty~

Hyuna facepalmed and blushed re-reading the words, Truthfully they were harmless, but her filthy mind went to other places. 

Sapfyre: Ya well he got all creepy

Sapfyre: Scolding me

Sapfyre: Speaking weirdly about you

Sapfyre: Asking me my real name

Sapfyre: Bullying his wife

SupermanYoosung★: ……

SupermanYoosung★: He did what now!!!

SupermanYoosung★: D: 

SupermanYoosung★: What did he say!?!?! 

SupermanYoosung★: Did you tell him your name D:

A smile form on her lips. Take that you god damn tattle tale. You and your brother! An almost sadistic smirk took root on her face as she cracked her knuckles and stretched. 

Sapfyre: It’s so sad Yoosung!

Sapfyre: He can’t even read

Sapfyre: Clearly my name says Sapfyre

SupermanYoosung★: lolol

SupermanYoosung★: Good! 

SupermanYoosung★: NEVER! EVER TELL!! THAT GUY ANYTHING!!!

Sapfyre: He is such a bully!

Sapfyre: If I was a higher rank and level I’d go set his guildhall on fire

SupermanYoosung★: Looooool

SupermanYoosung★: I’d pay to see that 

SupermanYoosung★: He’s actually my best friend IRL 

SupermanYoosung★: T^T 

SupermanYoosung★: Can’t believe he got all weird on you like that.

That was an interesting development. They all knew each other outside the game then? Hyuna re-read it pondering the implication of what that HackerGod guy was trying to do. There was absolutely no way he knew she was female. They all had taken to using male pronouns for her. The safest bet, more guys than girls on the platform. Was Yoosung gay? He didn’t seem like it, but then again everyone can be something their not online.

Sapfyre: He did tell me-

Sapfyre: Maybe I shouldn’t tell you >-<

SupermanYoosung★: GAH!

SupermanYoosung★: Tell Me!

SupermanYoosung★: So I can yell at him later!

Sapfyre: It’s sooooo embarrassing 

Sapfyre: But

Sapfyre: He told me you’re usually a-

Okay so maybe she was being mean, but she paused there. Waiting for his reaction. She just couldn’t help herself, he was sooo cute so riled up like this. 

SupermanYoosung★: WHAT DID HE SAY ABOUT ME?!?!?

SupermanYoosung★: Don’t do this to me!

SupermanYoosung★: I have to know now! 

Sapfyre: T^T

Sapfyre: He said 

Sapfyre: You’re usually a good boy~

SupermanYoosung★: Eh?

SupermanYoosung★: …..

SupermanYoosung★: What the actual hell, Saeyoung… 

Sapfyre: lolololol

Sapfyre: Ya, he didn’t say anything bad about you. 

SupermanYoosung★: I swear I had a panic attack for a moment

SupermanYoosung★: He’s a prankster

SupermanYoosung★: I use to fall for his crap all the time.

Sapfyre: Well… I’d say you fell for it again

Sapfyre: Ahaha you’re kinda cute all worked up like that

SupermanYoosung★: Heh~

SupermanYoosung★: But seriously hand me your potions

SupermanYoosung★: I’ll sell them for you while you go AFK to have some toast

He left no room for argument. Heaving a sigh, she opened her inventory and started a share with Yoosung. She handed him a ton of potion’s so which he typed out his surprise. Well, she had been at it for a while, what did he expect. Hyuna then told him she’s gonna be a good and have something to eat. She left her Avatar crafting more potions while she wandered into her kitchen.

The coffee pot was turned on once again as the artist looked at what she had for food in her apartment. To say the least, it wasn’t much, but she did have some eggs, bacon, and milk. It would do. Sighing she grabbed them and set the ingredients on the counter and set to work making herself some food. 

Half an hour later and 2 cups of coffee her scrambled eggs where bacon was done. Smiling to herself pleased with her meal she went back to her computer. Her Avatar had long since stop brewing due to a lack of items. Taking a bite of her food she checked her level and clicked on Yoosung’s name. He was in a dungeon with UnknownUserName. A little disappointed, but knew it would get boring waiting for her to return. It probably took him all of 2 seconds to trade and sell her good too. Opting to leave her friend to do his own thing, and ran back to the storage and stored what she had and took out her fishing rod. After that, she headed to the lack to start fishing. 

It wasn’t much, but it was honest work she supposed. Truthfully Yoosung mentioned a farming farm where she could breed and raise livestock, but you had to be level 30 to get in. Hyuna eyed her taunting level 23. Maybe Yoosung would run a couple of dungeons with her as the day progressed. As it stood, she wouldn’t stand a chance in the level 70 dungeon him and his friend was currently crawling. 

It took her half an hour to finish her food and coffee while working on her busy work. Her fishing and cooking were going good. No one ever wanted to buy cooked fish so she felt safe just selling it to the NPC and calling it done. After that, she went to smiths and browsed today’s selection of weapons and armor. Nothing stood out, after all, she had some nifty level 30 equipment that she was waiting to equip. She just had to hang on a couple more levels. 

SupermanYoosung★: Why didn’t you tell me you were back? Sapfyre: You were busy in a dungeon with Unknown SupermanYoosung★: So??? SupermanYoosung★: We were just killing time while I waited for you! SupermanYoosung★: weren’t you bored? Sapfyre: I fished? SupermanYoosung★: I rolled my eyes sooo hard just then SupermanYoosung★: Let’s get on with today’s missions! Sapfyre: Yes Sir! SupermanYoosung★: How was your toast Sapfyre: I don’t have any bread Sapfyre: I ended up making bacon and eggs Sapfyre: I’m on coffee #4 SupermanYoosung★: You know SupermanYoosung★: I’m in this coffee making club at my school SupermanYoosung★: I’ve been practicing latte art Sapfyre: Wow Sapfyre: My schools tiny Sapfyre: Really only clubs is like a drawing, crafts, sculpting, dance, drama and things like that SupermanYoosung★: Those sound fun, you join any? Sapfyre: I started class this week. It’s my first year of college SupermanYoosung★: Wow I’m going into my third year Sapfyre: Oh you must be older than me then SupermanYoosung★: I turned 22 in March Sapfyre: I’m a baby Sapfyre: I’m only just turned 20 SupermanYoosung★: I’m so used to being the baby of my friend group SupermanYoosung★: It’s kinda nice being older than someone for once SupermanYoosung★: One of my friends is 29 nearly 30! Sapfyre: You must have a wide variety of friends Sapfyre: ^^ SupermanYoosung★: Ya! SupermanYoosung★: But the ones closest to me in age are the ones you’ve met here SupermanYoosung★: So naturally we became the closest in terms of friendship SupermanYoosung★: Though I’m pretty close to this other guy who is 26 SupermanYoosung★: What about you? SupermanYoosung★: What are your friends like? Hyuna frowned looking to the side sadly. She remembered the variety of friends she had up until high school. She was a loner now, and the idea of telling this stranger that she considered him her only friend was depressing. What was wrong with a little white lie? After all, they were only internet friends. No need to seem needy or pathetic. Sapfyre: They’re great! Sapfyre: We all kinda went our separate ways after high school Sapfyre: But we all stay in contact on social media ^^ A stray tear escaped and rolled silently down her cheek. Hyuna wiped it taking a deep breath. At least he couldn’t see her, see what a bad liar she was in actuality. SupermanYoosung★: That’s good SupermanYoosung★: Plus you’ll meet more people with the same interests as you at school! How was this guy so optimistic about literally everything! The forced smile turned genuine as she took a sip of her coffee. Sapfyre: Well I did meet you too Sapfyre: We are friends right? SupermanYoosung★: Hell ya we are! SupermanYoosung★: you almost finished? Ready to crawl a dungeon? Sapfyre: Sure! Sapfyre: Want some cooked fish? Sapfyre: I have plenty~ SupermanYoosung★: hahaha SupermanYoosung★: No thanks Sapfyre: Saying no to a gift coming from the deepest part of my heart! Sapfyre: I’m crushed Yoosung. SupermanYoosung★: Maybe I could take one fish >-> SupermanYoosung★: Just sell the rest to the NPC SupermanYoosung★: Wait! His Avatar ran over to her and offered a trade. SupermanYoosung★: I have the money from your potions! SupermanYoosung★: Here!!! Hyuna accepted her money back blinking. Okay so HackerGod hadn’t been wrong, she really did low ball herself out of some money earlier. She would really have to study the trade and sales part of the game, she couldn’t keep having Yoosung do it.  She quickly threw 99 cooked fish over to his inventory before opting out of the trade screen. Sapfyre: Thank you~ Sapfyre: Sorry to keep bothering you for something simple SupermanYoosung★: I don’t mind SupermanYoosung★: I like helping you out Sapfyre: You’re like a literal ball of sunshine! Sapfyre: Like you’re so amazing! Sapfyre: I’ll stop SupermanYoosung★: No keep going SupermanYoosung★: Don’t stop complimenting on my account Sapfyre: Oh and the ego grows. SupermanYoosung★: I think you’re pretty great too though SupermanYoosung★: And tbh it makes me happy that I can help you and teach you the game Sapfyre: Mr. Sunshine over here SupermanYoosung★: Haha Sapfyre: I’m really glad you slid into my dm’s Sapfyre: I hadn’t even been in the game for 5 minutes when you messages >-< SupermanYoosung★: Seriously? SupermanYoosung★: Well enough being mushy SupermanYoosung★: We are gonna tackle a level 20 boss a few times for its rare drop! Sapfyre: Cool beans Sapfyre: I might be able to do something! SupermanYoosung★: Whooo-Hooo SupermanYoosung★:  Progressing!! The entire day passed and stars came out while the duo played their game. Hyuna yawned rubbing her drying and strained eyes watching the avatars move about the screen together. They were headed back to guildhall where Yoosung was gonna put some items in the free to grab box in case someone in the guild needed them. The items where various monsters drop but didn’t sell for much. When she suggested putting her cooked fish in there Yoosung told her everyone would end up leaving the guild. Everyone has more cooked fish then they knew what to do with. She couldn’t help but laugh at how insulting cooked fish seemed to be to everyone on the server. SupermanYoosung★: I’ll be AFK SupermanYoosung★: I should shower >-< Sapfyre: Okay! Sapfyre: I’ll go cook more fish Sapfyre: Enjoy your shower! SupermanYoosung★: More Fish! SupermanYoosung★: Haha okay brb. More busywork it was! Heading down the street running past the busy town square she was on a mission. There was a daily field where you could harvest crops, so she decided to stop there first before heading to the fishing spot. After about half an hour, Yoosung logged back in and her heart racing in her chest. SupermanYoosung★:  Hate to do this SupermanYoosung★:  But a friend of mine showed up SupermanYoosung★:  I guess I’ll be off for the night Hyuna frowned feeling utterly disappointed. Logically she had been playing with him all day. It made sense that he would want some actual human interaction during his weekend. Smiling in defeat she replied. Sapfyre: Have fun! Sapfyre: I’ll be on tomorrow sometime Sapfyre: We can pick up where we left off then! SupermanYoosung★:  sure Thing ^^ SupermanYoosung★:  Have a good night! Sapfyre: You too~ Just like that, he was gone, and Hyuna looked around her empty apartment sighing to herself. She might as well draw or something now that she was free. Swiftly she logged out of LOLOL and grabbed her tablet.

[bts-dontknowher]

It's You || Jung Hoseok

Genre: Fluff, A Lil Touchy Stuff (did i literally make up a genre?? )

Words: 1,893 

A/N: okay okay nothing dirty just absolute fluff bc jhope deserves the fucking world okAY. This is my first fluff, it took me forever and 3 days to accomplish this lol. Leave some feedback, pls!  Maybe a jhope smut will come soon (sooner lol) but hey, I hope you enjoy this fluffy stuff and know that our requests are open! We do pretty much everything! :D 

-admin courtneycat

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 "Hobieeeee! No! Ew, no," you giggled out. Hoseok's giggles came right after yours and you could barely keep him standing straight. "No, no, I don't like Jin. He's like a big brother to me!" It was true, though. Jin was the older brother you always wanted and vise versa. He treated you like the little sister he always dreamed about. Feeding you, taking care of you and just always being there for you was very much appreciated both ways.

 You should never have mentioned that you liked someone from BTS. The only person who knew was Jin. He must have blabbed a little and now Hobi was on your case. Little did he know...

 "Oh come on Y/N, you have to tell me! Is it Namjoon? You like tall guys... oh! It has to be Jungkook! Huh, you into younger boys, huuhhh?" He wiggled his eyebrows at you and you couldn't help but choke on your laughter. You shook your head 'no' again.

 "Jungkook is really nice to look at sometimes but I'm positive he's in love with Tae," you joked. Hobi let out another fit of giggles and you couldn't help but admire him. Oh how he was so oblivious. Jin was watching you two converse from the living room of the dorm since the kitchen was open and connected. He wished you two would just confess to each other soon, because little did YOU know, Hoseok had come to him a bit before you did and confessed to liking you, as well. 

 You weren't too sure when you figured out that you liked Hoseok more than a friend. You guys had plenty of movie nights, dance offs, and lunch dates, but somewhere in between all of that- it became something more. Though he figured out when you became something more to him. 

 It was a few months ago. You were both having a movie night, deciding on facing your fears together and watching all of the Paranormal Activity movies. Though, you were both pretty sure you were hiding into the blankets rather than watching. You had snuggled into Hoseok's side more, pulling the blanket closer to your face. He wrapped his arm around you and pushed you right into his chest, without even realizing it. It was until that moment, he realized his feelings. He glanced down at you, curled up into him, hair in a messy ass bun, glasses pushed up into your face and damnit. He just knew it. You were the one he wanted. 

 And yourself, waking up the day after those scary movies, noticed him as he slept soundly beneath you. His bare face was beautiful and you'd fight someone to the death if they say otherwise. He had one arm wrapped around your waist and the other on your thigh, which was slung over his. It was at this moment that you knew you wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

 "Come on, Y/N! Please tell me!" He was doing his best aegyo and you almost caved. He was too cute. Fortunately for you, Jin stepped in and swept him away.

 "Alright, stop bugging Y/N. We need to get to practice or Joonie's going to bust a nut again. We'll see you later!" Jin dragged Hoseok out the door and the door slammed shut. Puffing out air, you threw your hair up into a ponytail and started cleaning. No, you weren't their maid. You met them when your were on a school trip visiting South Korea and literally ran right into Hoseok. Ever since then, you guys both befriended each other and haven't been separated since. Two peas in pod. Since you were visiting again for a while, they decided that you could bunk at their place to save money, and you repaid them by cooking food and help cleaning around the place.

 After cleaning, you made supper- making more than usual because the boys were always hungry when the got back from practice- even if they did eat at practice. You ate yours, and covered the rest and putting it into the refrigerator. You wasted some more time watching some dramas that came on TV, reading a book that Namjoon recommended and scrolled endlessly through social media. Looking at the clock, it was only nine in the evening. You sighed a bit before deciding to take a shower to relax and waste some time. The boys should be home around ten in the evening, as they were able to get a few days off to relax as needed. That meant, lots of movies and park dates with Hoseok.

 Hopping in the shower, you noticed that you were currently out of your body wash. Frowning, you tossed the the empty bottle outside the shower and grabbed the body wash you knew belonged to Hoseok. You're sure he wouldn't mind. After quickly washing, shaving and perhaps a rap battle of Cypher Part Four against yourself, you turned the water off and dry yourself off. Clicking the home screen button on your phone to check the time you realize it's almost ten. Oh crap.

 Rushing to finish drying your hair, you slip on your change of clothes consisting of shorts and a tee shirt. You heard the door unlock and open, the sound of feet hitting the floor. You rushed out the bathroom and back into the living room to greet the boys.

 "There's leftovers in the fridge, if you want something to eat. Just heat it up!" You told them, they all rushed into the kitchen and bombarded the food and microwave. 

 You watched them with amused eyes until arms wrapped around your waist and spun you around. You let out a squeal of surprise and smacked the arm of your attacker. Loud giggles erupted from behind you and you immediately knew it was Hobi. He stood you still and rested his chin on your shoulder.

 "Did you miss me?" He questioned, you nodded and placed your arms on his that were still wrapped around you. You could die like this and be happy. You heard him sniffing into your neck and you giggled a bit from the tickling feeling.

 "What are you doing?" You questioned him with an eyebrow raised. He smiled, and you felt your heart flutter. My god he's beautiful. 

 "Well, you smell good." Oh, you forgot you had used his body wash. Heat traveled to your face and you tried covering up your face, but he grabbed your hands from doing so. He spun you around and faced you, "it's okay. I like it,".

 "Would you guys just get a room already!" Shouted Jungkook. He knew his hyung liked you and was tired of him not confessing yet. The redness in your face came once more and you buried your face into his chest. You heard him chuckle.

 "Okay," and with that he swooped you up into his arms and ran into his room. Throwing you onto his bed, he turned and locked the door. You giggled and covered yourself underneath the blankets of his bed and curled up in a ball.

 "Aren't you hungry, Hobi?" You asked him. He shook his head no, 

 "Nah, I ate a couple hours ago. I'm good. I just want to spend some time with you," he smiled softly at you. Your heart fluttered and you couldn't stop the blush that rose upon your cheek again. "What movie this time?" He questioned you as he squatted down to movie case and DVD player.

 "Nothing scary this time. We will never conquer our fears, and I'm okay with that," he let out a loud laugh and placed a DVD in. He grabbed the remote and jumped onto the bed, joining you under the covers. Pressing play, he placed the remote onto his side table and snuggled you closer to him. The heat will never leave your face at this point. 

 The opening credits reveal that he has chosen Spirited Away and you couldn't be more happier to watch something. Hobi's hand was rested around your waist and his right leg was entwined with yours. You were comfortable- wait. Scratch that. You were in complete bliss. He was warm, cuddly, and cute. What more could someone ask for? He lowered his head on top of yours and yawned a little.

 "Are you tired? You should get some rest," you told him. He whined and shook his head 'no'. You rolled your eyes. Typical.

 "No, no. I'm not tired!"

 "You yawned,"

 "I'm mentally tired, not physically," What?

 "What's that suppose to mean? What quadratic equations were you solving today?" You jokingly asked him. What could he be thinking about that's got him worked up about? What you didn't know what that he was thinking of you. He wanted to know who you liked. Because if you didn't like him, he would have to fight everyone. And it seemed that the only person who does know, is Jin. And Jin does not let secrets spill to often.

 "Come on, Y/N! I just wanna know who you like? Is it Yoongi? You like rappers, yah?" He asked you. Ahhhhhh. 

 "No, it's not him. I do like rappers, though..." you trailed off. Thinking about Hoseok's parts in Cypher. God, the feels. 

 "Why do you want to know so bad? Hmm? Is there a certain reason why?" You asked him this time. His checks turned rosy and he was quiet. Time passes slowly as the two of you lay in silence. 

 You lift your hand to rest on his arm. This is now or never. Taking a breath in, you grip his arm tightly and whisper, 

 "It's you."

 He stiffens. You close your eyes tightly. Frick frack, frickitty-fuck. This was a mistake. Why, why did I do this? Someone save me. Get me out of this. Why would I say that? He doesn't even like-

 Lips were pressed against yours. Soft lips. Heart shaped lips. Holy crap. Hoseok's lips. His hands rest against your cheeks as yours tightly grip his biceps- oh god his arms you moan in your head. He backs from your slowly, his eyes dark and wide.

 "Holy shit, I'm going to have to get you to make that sound again," he rasps out to you. Oops. That was out loud. His lips press back onto yours and you're sent into a bliss. You lift a hand from his arm to the back of his neck and curl your fingers into the soft strands of hair. Groans meet your lips and they open and let his tongue inside. One of his hands drop to your hips and squeeze and grab at them. Your moans light a fire inside of Hoseok as he lowers himself down on you a grinds slowly. Yes, you could definitely get used to this. 

 You break from him, trying to calm your beating heart. He places his forehead on yours and you feel like you're literally becoming one. His left hand that hasn't left your cheek, caresses it and he places another longing kiss on your lips.

 "I like you too, Y/N" he smiles at you. Holy shit man, he's literally the sun. And what's more amazing is that he's now YOUR sun.

 "It's about damn time!" Jin shouts behind the door. The two of you freeze up for a moment before laughing.

[rainbow-lucifer-doom]

ignore, long post

I’m not sure whether to be super obvious about who I’m talking about or just do “_____” or a codename or something, lol. it’s not like the people I want to talk about will complain or care either way, but I guess I just want to avoid people being like “who’s that” or “why do you talk about this person you know all the time”. I guess I’ll go with _____ even though that’s kind of a problem since I know a huge number of people with 5 letters in their names, lol

okay so, _____ was reading this dbt workbook yesterday and just getting offended over literally everything it said. he apparently doesn’t understand that 1. the book isn’t sentient/a person, 2. the book doesn’t hold any kind of power or authority over him, 3. the book (or whoever wrote it) isn’t going to like get mad at him or punish him if he doesn’t strictly adhere constantly to everything it suggests? and 4. the book isn’t giving orders like “you must do everything written here constantly 24/7 Or Else”

I keep trying to make him understand that it’s giving suggestions, it’s not trying to say “if you ever aren’t “mindful” for a single second you are Bad and deserve to Suffer and Die”. like, the analogy I made was like, if I was giving someone some pens for some reason, like maybe this person only has one pen and it’s a really shitty pen so I’m giving them some new ones idk, that wouldn’t be me saying “you MUST use ALL of these pens CONSTANTLY FOREVER or ELSE”, it would just be more like “now you have extra pens and you can choose which pen to use when”, with no implication that they HAVE to use the pens I’m giving them or that not using the pens I give them makes them a bad person who deserves to suffer and die.

like I get _____’s reasoning, it’s kinda like jumping a few steps ahead, sort of like how professional chess players will be like “well, if I make this move, then the other person would be able to make this move, which would mean that I could make this move or this move...” etc, like thinking out all the possibilities in advance. like the reason chess players do that is so that they can figure out which move is the most logically beneficial, or whatever.  what _____ is doing is more like, trying to figure out in advance how other people will respond to anything he ever says or does, so that he can avoid being hurt, punished, criticised, etc in any way, pretty much

but also in his mind “x is possible” becomes “x is guaranteed” (for some reason. we don’t know why but kinda speculate that he starts out assuming the only two possibilities are “always x” or “never x”, so if you say “x is possible”, you’re ruling out “never” but not ruling out “always”) so it goes something like, “if I don’t use mindfulness constantly, then it’s possible that someone (a mental health professional? idk) will use that fact against me”. and that’s true; it is possible. it’s just also possible for that not to happen, but because to _____ possible = guaranteed, he just assumes that it will happen.

so I guess then it’s like “if I want to avoid the possibility of someone saying that because I don’t use mindfulness constantly then I’m “not even trying at all” and therefore it’s my own fault I’m mentally ill and therefore I don’t deserve any other help ever, then I have no other option but to use mindfulness constantly, 24/7, every second of the day” idk. like “any single second of me not using mindfulness could be used against me as evidence that I’m not trying at all to ever use healthy coping skills”

so like... I’m not really sure how he gets from “mindfulness can help with emotions” or whatever to “if I don’t use mindfulness 24/7 they will tell me that I don’t deserve treatment because I’m not trying hard enough” it seems kinda like he thinks “it is possible to do this thing” = “you must do this thing or else”?

idk. I feel like if I could figure out what fucking thought process makes him respond to “try being mindful” with “how dare you say that if I ever do anything other than focus on the present constantly then I deserve to die!” then I could like reason against it a bit easier. but it’s like I can see how he gets from like, A to B, and like C to D, but not B to C? idk. like I have pieces of the weird thought process, but I don’t have all of it.

like I said, I think it comes from something reasonable, or like, it’s an understandable reaction that was drilled into him. like, of course you want to avoid people hurting you and dismissing you and refusing to help you. and of course you want to predict people’s possible responses to your actions so that you can avoid any possible harm or anything. the whole “think about how people might respond to an action and avoid any possible negative responses” is the kind of thing that prevents people from like going up to strangers and punching them in the face, lol. like, maybe you’re pissed off and want to yell at someone but then you’re like “oh wait, if I do that, then they might yell back/hurt me, and I don’t want that” or alternatively “if I do that then they might cry and then I’d feel bad and I don’t want that” (if you’re one of those people with “empathy”, lol) or whatever

I guess _____ just takes that too far?? idk. like, he’s afraid to do anything for fear of someone yelling at him or whatever but then he just gets pissed off about the perceived limits that that fear is placing on him, and resentful that he’s being “”prevented”” from doing things, as if other people are the ones saying that bad things will definitely happen if he does or doesn’t do whatever

so back to the dbt thing, like, the book will say “try being mindful and focusing on the present” and he’ll get really pissed off and be like “what the fuck, how dare this book order me to never ever think about the past or future ever” and I think he’s scared that he’ll be punished if he goes against anything anyone ever says. so suggestions become orders, like “try this” becomes “you must do this Or Else” with the implication of “if you don’t do this then you’re Bad and will be Punished and hurt”

oh yeah, and he interprets everything as a fucking constant extreme thing. so “try focusing on the present” apparently = “always think only of the current second, never ever think of anything that isn’t happening right now” like obviously that would be stupid and impractical. of course if you’re on a 3 hour train journey you’re allowed to daydream instead of just staring at the seat in front of you and thinking only of that and your breathing, lol of course if you have an exam next week you’re allowed be like “hmm, I have an exam next week, I’d better study now” instead of just never thinking about it and never making any plans ever of course you’re allowed make plans for the future or acknowledge/remember things that happened in the past, or let your thoughts wander and think of things other than what’s happening right now, like, idk, if you see an ad for the power rangers movie and then are like “oh I remember power rangers, I used to watch that when I was young, I wonder if the movie’s any good, I heard the blue ranger is autistic and done really well. oh that reminds me of the autistic puppet Julia on Sesame Street, I heard they didn’t consult with any actual autistic people and that sucks but I still like the picture of her with her blue feather” like yeah none of that is “focusing on the present” but it’s not bad, you’re allowed do that, like to have thoughts and think about things and whatever.

the whole “focus on the present” thing doesn’t mean “focus only on the present constantly and if you ever think of anything else you’re bad”, I take it to be more like “practice focusing on the present sometimes so that if you’re ever in a situation where your thoughts are upsetting or distressing you or out of control, then you’ll be good at focusing on the present instead, and you can use that skill then to get out of the obsessive loop you’re in”

like, just because mindfulness exists doesn’t mean you’re obligated to use it constantly. I really think you only need to bother trying to “focus on the present” if you’re like ruminating on something upsetting in the past, or stuck in a loop of imagining the same upsetting hypothetical situation over and over, or worrying obsessively about the future, or something like that. that is, if your thoughts are actually distressing and bad. if you’re having fun daydreaming or remembering things or planning for the future then yeah obviously you don’t need to stop doing that?

basically yeah all of this seems obvious to me, that when something says “focus on the present” it doesn’t mean all the time always forever with no exceptions, it’s just telling you a thing you can do, like giving a suggestion that is optional and can be used selectively but somehow when _____ sees something say “focus on the present” he takes that as “always focus on the present forever with no exceptions”, lol. and doesn’t get the same implied common sense or whatever that I do. like he’s like “well if they mean only to do it sometimes, then why don’t they say to only do it sometimes, instead of saying to do it all the time?”

but. they never fucking said to do it all the time. they just never gave any specification, presumably assumed people would fill in the specification with something reasonable, and he filled in the lack of specification with “always” idk if that’s an autistic thing or a bpd thing or either/both or whatever. I don’t think it’s something he’s just doing on purpose to be annoying, lol, but I also think that “most people” wouldn’t interpret an unspecified thing as meaning “always with no exceptions and you’re bad if you ever don’t do this constantly”, idk.

(though to be fair, it seems pretty common for people to fill in a lack of specification with “all” in some specific circumstances, like “men tend to... (whatever)” and people will interpret that as “every man always does this constantly” lol. but ironically, _____ understands that “x group does y thing” means “it’s common for a lot of people in x group to do y thing at least some of the time” as opposed to “every single x constantly does y all the time” but also doesn’t seem to get that “x thing is possible” doesn’t mean “it’s impossible for x thing to ever not be the case”. so like, an inversion of the average person, I guess?)

line separating because this is a mostly separate subject

I’m like 99% sure that _____’s mom is/was emotionally abusive

but he will not fucking listen!

like! he acknowledges that she instilled some fear reflexes in him, that the things she does/did are considered emotionally abusive or harmful, that he’s been negatively affected by her (and still is), that she’s generally a shitty parent in a lot of ways, etc, but ??? like he’ll acknowledge most of those things but once I’m like “what she did is emotionally abusive” he’s like “no that’s impossible”

I get that it’s denial or whatever and maybe I just shouldn’t be pushing it but to me it’s so! fucking! obvious! and the thing is, the fear she instilled in him with her shitty parenting influences and drives so many of his thoughts and actions, and if he doesn’t acknowledge that then I don’t know how he’s meant to like deal with any of it.

like, he can’t just pretend that he “mysteriously” has this massive fear of people punishing him for anything and everything he could ever do, and that it wasn’t caused by anything? or that there’s no reason that he’s constantly like “oh god what did I do, she’s going to yell at me/hurt me”? like the problems can’t be dealt with properly if he’s gonna pretend they just came out of nowhere. I think it would be a lot easier to try and address or deal with the whole “if I don’t do exactly what everyone says then I’m Bad and they’ll yell at me/hurt me” thing if he acknowledged that it likely comes from his mom always yelling at him and punishing him over random shit inconsistently and whenever she felt like it.

apparently she also used to slap him on the hand and then yell at him for crying, but idk whether that would fall under “abusive in some way” or y’know at least damaging and harmful (well no, I’m sure it was damaging and harmful, but idk whether that was something that she was “within her rights” to do or not), or if it would fall under “normal physical discipline”, unless you’re someone who believes that all physical punishment is abusive I know there’s been studies done on spanking, but that’s spanking, not slapping on the hand, and honestly idk if the location of a physical punishment changes how abusive it is??

but like also with that, he has no idea how often that was or why she did it, unlike with the excessive yelling which he knows was definitely pretty often and can remember tended to be for completely contradictory things (eg, she’d sometimes get mad at him for getting up before 10am on a weekend and other times for getting up after 10am on a weekend, sometimes get mad at him for watching tv without permission and other times get mad for asking permission to watch tv (as opposed to just watching it without asking), sometimes get mad for doing laundry or something without being asked and other times get mad for not doing it without being asked or for asking permission first, etc)

and like when I’ve asked him about it to try and get some kind of detail he’d be like “idk, the memories are gone, it’s like I can’t see them properly anymore” I find that suspicious/worrying, if the memories just “disappear�� sometimes whenever he tries to focus on them??

he said that he’s reasonably sure that some of the times she slapped him were for eating candy or whatever without permission or something, he’s definitely sure that she’d yell at him for crying when she slapped him and be like “you’re just crying because I’m mad at you/because I slapped you!”, like yeah? he’s like 6? what do you fucking expect? anyway he’s also reasonably sure that she used to act like she wasn’t mad and that whatever he was saying or doing was okay if they were in front of other people, but then as soon as they were alone she’d yell at him and slap him

he also said that he thinks some of the times she slapped him was because he had “said or done something he wasn’t supposed to”, which is honestly vague as hell?? like okay, that could be anything from getting up too early/late (like I’d already mentioned) to like murdering someone? except I think the idea was that it wasn’t “something bad”, it was “something he wasn’t meant to do”, so like it wasn’t something harmful or immoral, it was something where literally the only problem with it was that, according to her, he “wasn’t supposed to” say/do it.

and apparently “something about being respectful/disrespectful”, which again is super vague, so idk

he did say that he remembers that he was always being told to “be respectful” but he had no idea what that actually meant, and that he’d look it up in dictionaries and google it but still have no fucking idea what the “be respectful” thing that adults were asking him to do actually was, lol. I’m gonna guess that if he was always told to “be respectful”, and that some of the things he got in trouble over were “saying/doing something he wasn’t meant to”, then it may be that some of what he got slapped for was “being impolite/disrespectful”? I’m just guessing/making connections there.

assuming that’s the case, then like, 0/10 for her, ‘cause if you’re gonna slap a child for something I really don’t think “eating without permission” and “being disrespectful” are good reasons, because nobody’s literal safety is in immediate danger or anything. like I can’t think of a good reason necessarily anyway, but maybe if they were bullying another child or something? trying to literally murder a younger sibling maybe?? idk

also he said he thinks it doesn’t count as bad because she didn’t seem to do it impulsively? like something somewhere said that the difference between “physical discipline” and “abuse” is that discipline is like structured and on purpose or whatever, whereas abuse is “out of anger” but the thing is, she did slap him (and yell at him) “out of anger”, but it also wasn’t “impulsive”

but I mean whatever, even if it doesn’t fall under physical abuse, I’d personally count it as emotional abuse anyway because, combined with the (seemingly) made up rules and inconsistent punishment and yelling, it fucking damaged him.

oh also, in the one incident that he bothered to write down (to be fair he said that he remembers being too scared to write in his diary or do anything at all when his mom was mad at him, in case she got more mad at him for that, and she did read his diary, so it’s understandable that he never wrote it down when she yelled at him or whatever), what it was was that she grabbed him and shook him and yelled at him that he was stupid and so on and the reason for it was because earlier that day he’d worn mismatching shoes, and then he was meant to wake her up at a certain time but forgot. like seriously?? why would you fucking shake someone and scream at them for that? is there even any good reason to do that kind of thing? like maybe if they weren’t your fucking child, like if they were equal to you as opposed to you having complete power and authority over them, and they had like, repeatedly destroyed your possessions or something and you’d already told them to stop a billion times? idk.

anyway so I’ve always been like “why are you always so terrified to say or do anything? why do you always seem like you’re afraid that someone’s gonna hurt you? you honestly seem like you’ve been abused in some way” and he’d be like “nah that’s impossible, my mom is the best parent ever and has never been anything other than perfectly nice to me. except for those times she wasn’t, but I was bad then and completely deserved it so it doesn’t count”

honestly saying it like this just makes me really fucking surprised I didn’t notice sooner based on that fucking bizarre answer. so he’d basically be like “yeah I have no idea why I react like someone who’s been yelled at and punished for anything and everything, I must just have been born like this and naturally have an inherent fear of being yelled at or hurt for doing or saying anything “wrong/badly” or without permission, for no reason” ?????

like would it just be cruel to be like “listen to me! your mom is/was clearly fucking emotionally abusive to you! she harmed you and fucked you up and you fucking know this! just admit it and acknowledge it and get the fuck away from her as soon as you can!” obviously trying to leave or whatever wouldn’t be easy, or actually would be incredibly difficult for a lot of reasons, but still, that’s not the main point I’d be trying to make.

I’m not gonna say I “don’t get” why he’s so fucking insistent on denying it, because I know it’s a thing for kids of emotionally abusive parents to (sometimes) think their parents are great and not realise that what they were doing was bad, and to rationalise it or whatever. but like, the evidence is right there, and to me it’s so obvious!

and like. he massively resents her and is generally unable to feel sympathy/empathy for her (his mom specifically, as opposed to pretty much anyone/everyone else in the world), so obviously he must know on some level that she treated him badly, or else why would he be so pissed off? but he won’t admit it. even though it’s right fucking there. as if emotionally he does know but consciously or whatever refuses to acknowledge it anyway. idk.

like, his denial wasn’t even this bad about his drug problem, I don’t think. I’d be like “you have a drug problem” and he’d be like “nah” except, idk, he was more open to acknowledging it? he wasn’t like “that’s completely impossible”, it was more like “hmm, maybe I do. actually, no I don’t. actually, maybe I do.” back and forth over and over. 

I guess that’s all I wanted to say, I’m not entirely sure where I was going with both of those things, idk

just complaining about _____ I guess, lol