#homegirl has not made peace with ANYTHING that has happened in her life so she has the personality of a wet paper towel

[essaysbyciara]

Old Habits Die Hard | Part Four: Down The Stairs And To Your Left

SYNOPSIS | PART ONE: DAYS BEFORE | PART TWO: JUST BE GOOD TO ME | PART THREE: RECOGNIZE THE BUTTERFLIES

Peace! 

Warnings: Lightweight mentions of sexual situations, language

A few things! Old Habits Die Hard is now on WATTPAD! If you’re more of a person that uses Wattpad to follow fanfiction, you can now follow on that platform. It’s all up to date over there. Secondly, I’m dropping off the internet grid (new year fasting, you know how it is...) from the 6th until the 26th so there will be no update until I come back (hopefully, it’ll be finished by then lol) Lastly, I love you all and I’ll see you on the flipside!

DOWN THE STAIRS AND TO YOUR LEFT

The latter parts of the day’s sunlight stream into Ariel’s bedroom and bounce off of the water-stained Word Up! posters of Mindless Behavior left hanging onto her bedroom walls. You understand why Aunt Jerri wouldn’t want to remove them; your Dad kept your B2K posters up in your room well after you left for college too. It made him feel like you never left  home. 

Stuffed animals mark their spot on top of the dresser and in front of the vanity mirror that’s reflecting an image of you braiding Ariel’s voluminous hair into two large french braids. It was getting too hot for her hair to live wild and free. 

“I can’t believe my mom is actually hosting a party here tonight. This is not like her at all.” 

“Ariel, I can’t either… she’s wildin’ tonight.” So was Yahya for that matter. His insistence on staying  the night could only be explained by his desire to get a break from the hyper-emotional and high-stress world of being a civil rights attorney. He wanted to be as wild and free as Ariel’s hair that you’re trying to tame. You’re successful with Ariel. With Yahya, not so much. 

Ariel grabs EcoStyler for her edges as you take a look at your phone. Dave has yet to message you again since you ignored his first message  and you couldn’t help but feel a bit dismayed by his lack of a following gesture. For him to go out of his way to message you after a year of paying you no mind, you would think he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Your pride, at least, wanted a fight out of him. 

“I hope this party is lowkey, Ari. I do.”

“It should be just family and maybe Mr. Jones’ family down the street.”

“I don’t think I know the Joneses like that at all.”

“One of them, this boy Pardi, is fine as shit…”

“Ari…”

You didn’t like Ari to curse even if she was old enough. “Leave those boys alone, homegirl.”

“Speaking of those Jones’ boys … that low-ass Dave’s been asking about you.” 

Your emotions spike. You don’t want to show your enthusiasm for  Dave’s inquiries about you  but you also feigned to know how much he much he misses you and if he craved you or wanted to see you. 

“Oh word?” Your poker face is ice cold. “I haven’t talked to him in a minute. He’s okay?” 

“Looking real dusted, yeah. He kept asking me about you too. Got on my nerves.” 

You sit on the edge of Ariel’s bed, rubbing the corners of her mattress with hands that twitch at the thought of running into Dave before your trip is over. You try your best to shrug off Ariel’s notice of Dave’s attention towards you but curiosity is starting to get the best of you. “What did you tell him?”

“Nothing. Felt like it was better to show him.” 

You quickly realize how Dave found you. You wanted to make sure that Ariel wouldn’t pull such a move. 

“Ariel … how did you do that?”

“Showed him a picture of you and your man.”

“Girl, no… that wasn’t your place to do that.” 

Ariel shoots a puzzled look toward you and you shoot it right down. “I get it but Sis, that wasn’t the move…”

“It ain’t like Dave hit you up, right … fuck, I’m sorry.” 

Ariel  received -- and believed -- the farcical cliff notes of the story of how you and Dave ended. You told her that you two decided that distance and travel would be too much to continue the relationship. You didn’t want to tell her the real story:  that your texts to Dave went unanswered and that when you called him, it went straight to voicemail. You even hopped on I-95 unannounced to drive up to Philly  but once you were minutes away from the tolls, you bailed. All of that you couldn’t tell Ariel. 

“I doubt he shows his face, Y/N. It ain’t like he knows that you’re here.” 

“You sure you ain’t tell him that, Ariel? Since you showing my life off…” Your misdirected irritation toward Ariel is rearing its ugly head. You quickly reel yourself in once you see Ariel start slamming the drawers shut on her vanity.  “I’m sorry, cousin. You didn’t deserve that. I know you meant well by what you…”

The faint ring of the doorbell stops your apology in its tracks. You pass a frightened look at Ariel who quickly passes it back to you. You don’t know who that could be at the door. You’re hoping --  but yet praying that it’s not-- Dave. 

You run into the bathroom to straighten yourself up before parading down the steps to maybe see your impending doom for the first time in a year. You adjust your sundress to show the right amount of plump and cleavage and shift your dress to show the most thigh you could. You check your Nikes for scuffs of asphalt on the toe box. You inhale  so much air into your lungs that they may explode. You exhale once you walk down the steps to see it’s just Yahya coming into the house with his hands beyond full. 

Crisis averted. 

“Oh you went to the good state store, Yahya. You ain’t holding anything cheap.” Aunt Jerri grabs the two bottles of Woodford Reserve from up under Yahya’s right arm, ignoring the  weight of the rest of the goodies that are almost causing him to topple over. The bags of ice are set to fall  until you quicken your pace down the steps to catch those bags before they hit the floor. To Yahya, you were on time. 

Dave doesn’t want to be late and miss Aunt Jerri’s afterparty, his favorite black t-shirt  sticking to his body like glue as the sweat pools toward the middle of his back. He cranks up his air conditioning unit to the maximum. He’s trying to not lose his cool. 

Dave’s been thinking about what to say to you all day.  A part of him needs to corner you and pour his heart out but he’s too much of thug for that. A part of him desires to play the corner with hopes of you making the first move. Ultimately, all of him hopes that your fiance isn’t there to fight any and all of his fantasies. He  knows that he must be on his best behavior: Aunt Jerri and his Mom are close friends. There will be no corner-like-behavior up in that house. 

As Dave adjusts the laces on his Nikes, his brother Pardi softly raps on Dave’s door to let him know that the family is ready to head over to Jerri’s house. Dave heaves what feels like gallons of air from his chest and proceeds to walk down the hallway towards the steps. Pardi suddenly stops Dave in his tracks, causing him to almost slip on the top step of the staircase. “Yo, nigga… what are you doing?” Pardi could smell Dave’s tense demeanor since Trace told him that you were back in town. He remembered last summer and what fits those two weeks drove Dave into: insanity. 

Like Ariel, Pardi didn’t receive an honest answer about what happened between you and Dave. Dave told Pardi that you were just “a fuck” and that you just made yourself available when Dave needed you. Pardi looked squarely through Dave’s misogynistic postering bullshit to know that Dave was all the way gone when it came to you. You were the woman that paused passionate games of NBA2K when you called his phone. You were the woman who Dave would let sleep in his bed long after he left for work. He wanted you there when he finally got home. You were the woman that had Dave on a James Harden-like tear on the basketball court, showing off just for you. 

Pardi called Dave a “bitch” when your phone calls and texts went unanswered and when he, Dave and their boys took a trip to party out in DC and Dave didn’t reach out to you. 

Pardi can see the scared in Dave as they stand at the top of the steps. “Yo, you good?”

“Fuck you asking me if I’m good for?” 

“Shorty from last summer prolly there, that’s why.”

“Nigga. I’m not even thinking about her.” 

Pardi shrugs off Dave with a laugh and walks down the steps. “Yeah, aight. You buggin’...” 

-----

“Oh, you trippin’! LeBron is better than Jordan!” Uncle Ro’s passionate  basketball debate with Yahya is causing his rotund body to almost careen off of the couch and onto the floor. Although you hoped that the party would be small, nothing associated with your Aunt Jerri is that. She’s beloved on the block and the amount of people filtering into her home is showing you how much. Some pre-wedding donations slipped into your hand during the course of the evening, making tonight’s impending torture somehow worth it. 

For a brief moment, you weren’t thinking about Dave. You were overwhelmed by the embracing of Yahya by your family -- blood and neighborhood. You almost cried when Aunt Jerri spoke about your Dad during her impromptu toast to you and Yahya’s engagement. “My brother is smiling, I know that. And that fool wouldn’t crack a smile for a damn baby. Except you. He loved you.” Those were the words you wanted to hear after a day of beating yourself up for a decision you made last summer to make some neighborhood dude named Dave a priority for two weeks all the while he seemingly made you an option. 

Your current priority has been watching you filter in and out of the kitchen, grabbing drinks for your Uncles and some of the OG queens from the neighborhood. The brown and white liquor are making love inside of his body, thoughts escalating inside of his mind that would make your Reverend Uncle Ro want to perform an exorcism on him. He couldn’t wait to take you out of that sundress when you both got home. But why did it have to wait for DC? 

As Yahya peels his now overheating body off the plastic-covered couch, the front door opens allowing a needed breeze to hit the living room.

But suddenly you get hot. 

Although it’s been 365 days,  you and Dave catch eyes quicker than an Olympic runner. It mirrors the way that you both first looked at each other last summer, a moment so intense that Aunt Jerri whispered “oh shit!” to herself as if she was watching the drama unfold on The Young & The Restless. She could tell that you and Dave were two magnets that desperately needed attachment. That’s why she told you to “have fun with that.” As he stands at the door, your eyes fixate upon his body. You forgot how sexy he was. He mimics your move, staring down your body like he would be quizzed on it. You were so beautiful. Last year’s feelings and emotions quickly replicate themselves in this moment causing Aunt Jerri to say “oh shit!”. This time most of the room heard her.  

Aunt Jerri received the honest story about you and Dave’s fallout. She forgot about all that in the midst of trying to set a party off inside of her house. 

Yahya sees your face and knows that something isn’t right. As he attempts to save you, Dave and his family make their way throughout the living room to greet everyone. They became the river that Yahya couldn’t cross. 

“Y/N, can you grab that Grey Goose in the basement?” Trace orders, breaking you out of your Dave-induced spell. You happily oblige, needing to get away from the love of your life and the lust of your last summer standing just feet apart from his each other. Yahya finds a way around the crowd to follow you downstairs. 

You find yourself leaning over the oak-colored bar while  yelling internally at your chest to calm down. You fail to hear Yahya shuffle down the steps and come up to you. 

“Yo, what the fuck!” You jump at the precise moment that Yahya attempts to wrap his arms around your waist. He’s never seen you this wound up or scared. It’s uncharted territory for the both of you. 

“Y/N, it’s me … it’s me. Wow.” 

You never went in for a hug so fast once you realize that it’s Yahya and not Dave. “Babe, I’m sorry. I’m just … I’m just really over-”

“Overwhelmed? I would be too if half the damn city just walked into the house. You know them?”

You  know one of them and in ways that you would never tell Yahya. You shrug off Yahya’s question with a kiss which intensifies with  every mounting second.  Yahya’s lips fail to break from yours as he walks you backward, finding your backside up  against the bar. His right hand eagerly climbs inside the slit of your sundress, causing you to whimper and fall even more into his arms. 

“Yahya, we can’t. Not down here…”

“Is so loud up there though, They won’t hear shit…” 

“Shit? You’ve been around my peoples for too long. But no, not here. Not in my Auntie’s house.” You and Dave didn’t follow such protocol last summer. 

Yahya obliges. “If this is your way of punishing me for making us stay up there, I don’t like it.” Yahya playfully bites on your neck before letting you go against the wishes of your body. He’s always there to protect you and you really want to show your appreciation. As he walks up the basement steps, he’s too distracted from trying to hide what’s going on inside of his jeans that he fails to notice someone trying to open the basement door. 

“Oh, my bad. I didn’t see you there.” Dave’s too on a mission to get at you that he doesn’t care to become upset at Yahya almost smacking his face with a door. Or that Yahya, the man that now has your love and attention, is standing in front of his face. 

“You good. They told me to grab a bottle down there.”

“Yeah, man. The bar is down the steps and to your left. My girl is down there. She can show you where everything is...” 

Taglist:  @yoursoulstea​​​​ @harleycativy​​​ @twistedcharismaaa​​​ @dorkskinneded​​​​ @need-my-fics​​​ @ghostfacekill-monger​​​ @writerbee-ffs​​​ @chaneajoyyy​​​ @amyhennessyhouse​

[ofperez]

♔ — * in tonight’s performance of ensemblehq, the role of the leading lady will be played by paola perez.

hello everyone ! my name is kiwi, i’m 20 years old, vibing in the est timezone, and i use they/she pronouns. a fun fact about me is that i’m actually studying theatre in college right now !! if i was a skeleton in this rp, i would definitely be the comic, as i tend to get typecasted into comedic roles in literally every show that we do ever (will i ever play a romantic lead in my life? probably not. i’ve made my peace with it.)

i will be writing the incomparable paola, everyone’s favorite rachel berry wannabe. while you can read her full bio HERE (and i’ll love you forever if you do), i’ve included some bullet points below because i know that i wrote a lot nsfkgjdfs

SO without further ado (adieu? ado? adue? how did i get into this rp, i have literally one braincell) i present to you: the grand journey of paola perez.

fictional character inspirations include: rosalie hale from twilight, dany from game of thrones, winter anderson from american horror story, maddy perez from euphoria, mariana foster from the fosters and (bc i have to) angelica schuyler from hamilton and also rachel berry from glee (don’t @ me, i had to do it)

ABOUT.

paola is the only child of luciana perez, an immigrant from colombia who fled her hometown of quibdó before her daughter’s first birthday. she got an american work visa, packed up all her things, and left the life she knew behind.

they never found a place to settle down in the united states, and moved around every couple of months to avoid detection and suspicion from neighbors and authorities.

(RACISM TW) this was exciting for paola, and she never really gave it a second thought until one day in the eighth grade when a boy told her to “go back home,” and that she wasn’t a “real american.” this made her upset as she didn’t know what he meant and she ran home to her mother immediately, demanding an explanation.

her mom was about to explain when the phone rang and she was told by a coworker that they needed her at work. she told paola to pack a bag and head to the neighbors for a bit. her mom never came back and she’s lived with her neighbor, linda, ever since.

she did not find out what happened to her mother until a year and a bit later, when linda sat her down and told her that her mother wrote her a letter, and she wanted to explain what happened to her first.

(DEPORTATION TW) the phone call her mother received was from one of her coworkers who was also undocumented. she said that ICE (immigration and customs enforcement) had shown up at their place of employment and was asking questions to employees, getting information about the ones who weren’t at work that day. if luciana didn’t go to work in that moment, ice would have shown up at her door that night, and they would have taken both her and paola into custody. her mom was now back in colombia, and paola was alone.

she wasn’t entirely alone, however. she had the theatre program at school and she had linda at home, and at school, she was super successful. she got lead role after lead role, building her resume so that she could get into a good college and then have a successful career and be able to take care of her mother.

things that happened before the end of her senior year also included officially being adopted by linda and applying to DACA (deferred action for childhood arrivals)

upon arriving at alderidge, paola realized that she could be anything she wanted to be, and what she wanted to be was rich and powerful and successful, and SO homegirl lies about being on scholarship and having tons of money and basically has created this whole second identity as a wall between her and everyone else.

she loves orson. not in like a romantic way, but in a “the only father figure i’ve ever known” kind of way. she used to spend hours in his office crying, working on assignments, getting advice from him on grad schools and life after college. his loss is devastating for her, and she’s definitely gone into full conspiracy theory mode.

HEADCANNONS.

i think for her audition monologue to get into the school she did the “out damned spot” monologue from m*****h, and i think that orson shed a tear at her performance.

she has saved a flower from every show that she has been in, pressed it, and preserved it so that after she graduates, she can have something to take with her to each dressing room she ends up inhabiting during her career.

linda tries her hardest to travel from florida to washington to see every show she can. if she can’t be there in person, she will email the school repeatedly until she gets a video recording of the performance. linda and paola have a tradition where after each show, they get ice cream and just talk MAD shit about everyone else in the cast. this is alive and well, and even though they sometimes do this over facetime, they still love doing it.

paola is really bright ! like super academic (enough to get a full ride to alderidge) but that’s something she keeps under wraps. she does have to maintain a 3.0 gpa to stay at school on her scholarship, and that is something she’s never had to worry about. she’s also minoring in business b/c even the most confident among us gotta have back up plans.

(TW: DRUGS) let’s talk about coke ! i imagine that her and the leading man found orson’s secret stash one day years ago and tried it “just for shits and giggles,” expecting to do it once just to try it and then to never do it again. that didn’t work, and now she is sort of reliant on it. she does coke before every performance and audition, when she needs a little pick me up to finish an assignment or to memorize the last of her lines, at parties, literally any reason she can find to take more she will take more. this is a problem !! homegirl needs an intervention, stat, or else she is not making it to broadway, no ma’am.

i think she has a completion compulsion, meaning once she starts something, she has to see it through. this manifests itself in many different ways. she won’t move on to the next question on a test until she answers the one prior, she won’t quit a project in the middle of it until she has some sort of finished project, won’t quit a club or a show or a commitment until the end. this also can be seen in her friendship w/ the scene stealer !

okay this is just because i’m a huge theatre nerd but i think she was definitely mayzie la bird in seussical the musical at some point, also probably the witch in into the woods and then i think her senior musical was mamma mia and she was donna.

her dream roles include harper in angels in america, lady m*****t in m*****t, and honestly probably goody proctor in the crucible (although she’s SUCh an abigail williams, smh).

she was born on the same day as barack obama and that’s not REALLY a headcannon, because it’s more a fact, but i think it’s neat.

WANTED.

you can find my wanted connection tag here ! it’s a bit scarce right now, but it has some fun jumping off points

other wanted connections i included in my app are: “line study partners, the person who she always goes and gets taco bell with after every rehearsal, maybe a roommate in between the supporting role sophomore year and the statue senior year who she actually really got along with! some sort of love interest would be cool but is definitely not mandatory although the most theatre kid romantic ship i can think of is being paired up to do a romantic scene and then dropping the scripts and making out so that could happen and be very cool very nice”

that’s it ! i’ll shut up now ! can’t wait to get started !

[lifeofacomplexmixedgirl]

Surviving a Quarter-life Crisis

15-minute read | to be listened with: ‘Our Destiny’ by Hinda Hicks

It's November 30th, and I'm sitting at the corner of the bed, having a panic attack, hiding underneath the warmest cobija I could find in Tio Edwin's cold and abandoned room. The only clean and conveniently isolated corner of this entire house - buried behind mountains of hoarded clothes, furniture, and mail from the '80s - to shield myself from Abuela's nightly rage. If I silence my thoughts, I can hear her shouting from the attic, "Pinche cayajera…siempre yendo y viniendo. You make me so mad!" Five minutes later, she's baiting me with a peace meal, "Mija, ya comiste? I cook for you some arroz," only to get caught in her next course of torment - no, thank you.

Surrounded by unfinished ink drawings plastered along the walls, a few discarded guitars, and a hot wheel collection, I volunteer to solitary confinement as I wait till she exhausts herself to sleep. Tonight's interrogation began the same as every other - with my face cradled in my hands, asking, "why the fuck am I here?". I fall back onto the bed, close my eyes, and take deep breaths until my mind saturates with fantasies of the free and steady life I long for. The sight of my own home decorated with open space, natural light, greenery, walls filled with photos, and shelves of books evokes earlier memories of what I used to have. Suddenly, my mind becomes inflamed with countless regrets, and I cry - depending on my tears to flood away the fires that have been set ablaze inside of me for some time. Feeling desiccated, I reach for the phone and call the only person who can restore me... mom.

Answering the first ring, I immediately drop a dumbbell of weightless questions in hopes she will have the solutions to maybe one or two - but let's be honest - all of my problems.

"Um… hello? Ma, did you hear what I said?" I ask irritably.

"I'm listening… sounds like you're having a quarter-life crisis kid," she jokingly remarks.

"Ha ha ha…-_- I need to get out of this house like now. Abuela is stressing me OUT! I ain't gonna make it…" I respond in desperation.

"Do you want me to pick you up?"

"PLEEEASE!"

"Be cool, gymshoe. I just dropped your brother off at home. I'll be there in about an hour."

"Alright, bet."

I'm checking the time every few minutes, then finally an hour elapses. A rush of energy fills my body, and I jump out the bed, grab my jacket, and race out the back door in an escape. Just in time, I see mom pull up through the rain, and I hop in the driver's seat as she climbs over to the passenger side. "You hungry, lovebug?" she asks. "I stay hungry," I assure her. We bop in-sync to our favorite R&B throwbacks driving east down Division to scoop a pound of jumbo shrimp from Goose Island and make our way to my mom's mentor and long-time friend, Dr. O.

Dr. O'Bannon is the epitome of black excellence - a woman of independence, knowledge, and self-love. Dining at her table, pouring glasses of cabernet wine, in a high-rise that overlooks Navy Pier and Lake Michigan, everything about her exuded strength. As she and my mother are sharing childhood stories, ancestry, and accomplishments, I'm leaning in to listen and absorb it all. After a few hours, I'm so inspired and loaded with courage that I ask her if she would be open to having me as a guest for a week, and with the help of my mom, she accepted. 

And with this new blessing, I'm setting out to heal, learn, and reach a higher state of self because in ten days... I'll be 25.

How I Prepared Turning 25 in Ten Days

Day One: Sunday

I woke up to a new day, new week, new month, so I decided to start my day by doing something active. League of Their Own, a Chicago based women's recreational sports group that meets up every other Sunday, was holding a double dutch event - I couldn't miss out on the opportunity to enjoy some culture and bask in positive girl energy. Afterward, I had a healthy breakfast - drank some fire peach coffee - and engaged in pleasant conversation at Peach's in Bronzeville with one of my homegirls. Then I kicked it back to the crib for the rest of the day to indulge in self-care rituals and prepare for the week ahead. 

What it cost: $20 (splendid breakfast + tip) What I gained: Strength and timing - I have to get my footwork right before I step into the new decade. 

Day Three: Tuesday

On my way home from work, I decided to take a detour through Millenium Park, and I saw everyone crowd around the rink to watch the staff resurface the ice. Out of curiosity, I went to inquire about admission and told myself, "If this is more than $15, I ain't skating". Ha - it was $13, so I took it as a sign to go out there and take a break from adulthood. Unconcerned about time or priorities, I put my headphones on, skated for an hour, and reminisced on my favorite childhood memories. Remembering when my mom placed me in ice-skating classes for the first time and how much I loved it. I couldn't remember why I stopped going, but alas, there I was - my child-like spirit being awakened inside of me.

What it cost: $13 (skate-rental) What I gained: Childish innocence - my most appreciated attribute - and a new activity to keep every Tuesday during the winter to stay active.  

Day Five: Thursday

I picked a route and stuck to walking home for the rest of the week. With an enormous love for all things design, I stopped by the Chicago Cultural Center to check out the Chicago Architecture Biennial. I have this goal for when I turn 30, which is to go back to school for architecture, design my family's home in Mexico, and successfully retire as 'the ultimate designer.' I walked through the exhibit, sat down, and sketched. I looked up at my favorite piece and just knew that this was something I'm committed to accomplishing. 

What it cost: FREE (Admission is always free to the public) What I gained: Inspiration and reassurance of my future goals. 

Day Seven: Saturday

After drill, I stopped by Abuela's to pick up some things. I made my way towards the back door, and when I opened it, there stood at the top of the stairs, my Tio Huber's savage-ass dogs. I was still until one started barking, and the other three charged for me. "Oh shit," is all I could think as I turned around and dipped. Once I made it to the gate, I felt a sharp pain pierce through my thigh and pull me back before I could jump over. At that moment, I gave up and broke down in tears - because as much as I've tried to keep my spirits high and pass on positive energy, I'm always thrown a curveball. I let them bite and claw at me as I made my way back to the door to attempt to run again upstairs.

While trying to care for the wound and Abuela shouting at me, I realized that my time living here has come to an end, and come January, I need a new place to stay. Sharing this news with her made her even more upset, but I left for the hospital, accepting my circumstances. On my way out, my tio's friend shares with me, "Life is really kicking your ass right now...everything is going to be okay, remember it's only temporary. The universe is preparing you for something greater." - Great, what in the possible world could the universe be preparing me for? -_-

What it cost: We're not even getting into this... What I gained: Acceptance.

Day Nine: Monday

I took it slow today. I went to work, then home. 

As I poured a glass of wine and appreciated the views, I reflected on the past 5 years of my life. I pulled out my secret journal, wrote down my lessons, blessings, goals, and planned my next steps. What else should do I be doing the night before I turn 25? 

What it cost: It doesn't cost anything to invest in yourself.  What I gained: Closure and enthusiasm for a new and healthy beginning.

Day Ten: Happy 25th Birthday

"Happy 25th birthday to me!" I yelled in excitement- I hope I didn't wake Dr. O, but I couldn't help it. I usually keep special days like this to myself and only share with close friends, but I wanted to make an announcement to the world that I'm here, healed, healthy, and loved. I went to work and had a beautiful dinner with Dr. O. It was the perfect night to wind down from an amazing week. 

I planned a get-together tomorrow night with all of my day ones at my favorite bar, Estereo, so my birthday isn't over until I'm hungover, haha!

What it cost: Vulnerability and patience. What I gained: Genuine support, long-time friends, and healthy relationships. 

It's hard for me to accept that things aren't going to go the way I intended, but I've learned to accept it because everything really does happen for a reason. One of the biggest lessons I learned this year is to lead a life with no expectations because life itself is unexpected - who we meet, where we go, what we say, when things happen - that way, I'll never be disappointed. 

Your girl,  ~Eva

[themarchblessing]

TRULY GOD’S PLAN

COREY

Finding a bench to sit down at I checked the time on my phone, happy to realize that Eva should be here soon. So she finally hit me back early this morning on some crack of dawn shit. I wanted to do a backflip off my balcony when I saw that she responded to my message from a few weeks back. Just sitting by, waiting around and constantly checking my inbox was terrifying. We agreed to meet up in Central Park close to where the birds gather daily.

Adjusting the brim of my scully around my ears I shoved my phone in my pocket and chose to watch the scenery. Bikers, walkers, cops on bikes, and random exercise groups were all out enjoying the weather. For it to be March it’s still kind of chilly in New York but it feels pretty good out today. Just admiring this view gets my brain going to reflect on my life and what’s been happening recently.

My trip to Miami was amazing. That was probably one of my favorite work trips ever. XXL treated me like royalty. The best hotel, a car to drive and all the works. I was surely impressed with their hospitality. The magazine is set to hit the shelves by the beginning of summer, the company’s words not mine. As the main photographer I should get a copy before the public does so I’m definitely keeping my fingers crossed on that one. Damn, I miss that hot ass sun already.

“Well if it isn’t one of most handsome men I know.” A voice said. I turned to my right seeing Eva walk closer to me. She’s looking so vibrant these days. Clearly whoever her new man is giving her some good pipe.

“You know I do my best to stay looking good. How you been mama?” Standing to greet her I accepted her want for a proper hug, rocking us from side to side a bit. “You smell good as hell. Don’t tell me you got all done up for a nigga?” I teased pulling back to watch her smirk at me.

“Shut up boy. I’m good, how are you? Where have you been at?” She kissed my cheek and motioned for us to sit.

“Man I’ve been working and staying black. That’s what I do best of all. What about you?” I glanced at her left hand seeing her trying to hide the ring she’s sporting. “I can see that. Tell me about it.” I encouraged, stretching my arm out behind her back.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and showcased the rock proudly. “It was the best day of my life. Without a doubt. I’m so happy Corey.” She smiled genuinely.

“Tell me about it! What’s been going on?” I reiterated, getting comfortable beside her. Eva and I caught up for lost time and walked around for a bit. The vibe between us never shied from peaceful. Which is exactly what I want and hoped for. I always do my best to keep that friendly, level of respect between my past hookups and I. Not for any funny reason but because I prefer it that way. I don’t like negative energy in my life. I had so much of it in the past but now I’m too old for that shit. I just need peace and happiness.

“So what did you ask me to meet you here for?” She said turning to me.

“Okay here it is. So my homegirl came back home last month with her son. I’ve been spending a lot of time with him but something is off. Do you recall seven years ago when I called you really late at night asking for a favor?” I started.

“Mmm..vaguely yes. Wait do you mean when you FaceTimed me and asked me help you get a nut off?” She chuckled.

Nodding in embarrassment I sat back against the bench.

“I remember now. Why are you asking me about that night?” Eva looked at me intently and I knew this moment would clear everything up.

“Well the favor I asked you for...I ended up doing something kind of crazy with it. Long story short, I got this feeling that the boy is mine but I don’t know why I can’t remember how it all happened. The whole night is mostly blurry except for me calling you.” I explained.

“Um well yeah I do recall you telling me to hold on after we were done. I couldn’t see much but you were so damn wasted Corey. I think I saw you holding a small cup with a label on it. Why were putting your sperm in there? Is that what your friend wanted?” She asked skeptically. I dropped my head in my hands feeling the entire night rush back to me clear as day. “Oh my god! I get it now. Oh goodness Corey. What the fuck did you do?!” She gasped, gripping my shoulder.

Blowing out a breath I stared at the sidewalk just thinking freely. “It all makes sense now. I altered her entire pregnancy, goddamn.” Shaking my head abruptly I stood up from the bench, pacing back and forth not knowing what to do with myself. “He’s my fucking kid. That’s my fucking kid Eva. Oh my god. This whole time. This whole time I’ve been overlooking the comments from strangers, my old man..Brian. I can’t believe I did this shit! Fuck!!” I yelled.

“Hey, hey come sit down. Breathe and relax.” Eva coached. She grabbed my hand forcing me to sit down and listen to what she’s telling me. “Breathe Corey. Just breathe.” Eva gave me time to myself. Everything that happened the night of Bri’s 30th birthday with the help of Eva has come back to me full circle. How could I have gone this long not knowing what I did? “Corey? How long have you been feeling like this?” Eva spoke to me softly as she continued to rub my back and provide me with true comfort.

“Since the second time I was in his presence. I picked up on how alike we are and pushed the comments from others to the back of my mind. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions you know? I hate that shit and with something like this you can never assume. But my gut was right. And now I don’t know how to tell her. I have to right?” Turning to Eva I searched her eyes not knowing where to go with this.

“I think you need to. I could never tell a man to keep a secret like this and as a woman, I wouldn’t want any man keeping anything like this from me. You always follow your gut Corey. Always. I’m sorry you realized this now instead of seven years ago. But think of it this way, you not figuring out that he’s your son back then gave you time to grow and prosper. You said work is going well and you’re in a good space in life so don’t blame yourself. You were drunk and horny and it was a long time ago. Everything is going to be okay as long you take responsibility and keep your cool.”

After I talked with Eva we parted ways and I came straight home. I need time to think about how I’m going to tell Bri about what I did.

“That’s my boy.” I said over and over again. I’m stuck. I don’t know how to think or move. Eva was right when she told me that I needed to follow my gut. Just thinking of every encounter with Zay and seeing how happy Sabrina was is all I can see for my future. I’ve seen Bri at her highest but the smile she has when she watches our son and I interact is the most beautiful thing in my eyes. I told y’all ever since I kissed her I’ve been all over the place.

And now that I’m beyond sure that I have a child I want to complete this puzzle. When I can find the right way to tell Sabrina I will.

Searching around my room for my phone I spotted the device hidden under the blanket on my bed. I need to call my dad. I need to get his opinion on this subject again but this time it’s me actually having some news to share with him. The line connected and I could faintly hear the sound of someone snoring.

“Corey? Why are you calling me at midnight son? What happened?” My dad rambled sounding like he was in the middle of getting a good night's rest.

“Pop, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I just really need to talk to you man..” throwing down face first on my bed I listened to my dad move around.

“Hassan, what’s going on? Why are you up? Did something happen to Corey..Liya?” And as if I didn’t feel any worse about myself I groaned in disappointment that I woke up my mama too.

“Nothing Carla, go back to bed. Corey and Liya are fine baby, go to sleep. Everything is okay.” My dad gave my mom some more reassurance that me and my sister were alright before I heard just him breathing. “Ok kid, what’s up?” He began.

Turning over on my back I slapped my hand down my face, hard. “He’s mine.” I muttered.

“Izaiah?” He rebutted strongly.

“Yes, I know for sure that Izaiah is my kid.” Nodding to my own truth I found a spot on my fan to look at and study. “I’m lost pop. I’m so damn lost and I don’t know where to start with telling Sabrina.”

“Corey, what do I always tell you? Keep your head in the game at all times. I know this news may be shocking for you and maybe even scary but I believe in you to do the right thing. And I know this might sound crazy as hell but I don’t think you should tell Sabrina right away.” The last words to come out of his mouth made my pull the phone away from my ear.

Did I just hear this man correctly? My father, the man who always gives me sound advice to follow is going against his normal.

“What the hell have you been smoking Hassan?” I asked sitting up straight. Letting my legs dangle off the side of the bed I glanced around wishing Lori and Izaiah we’re here right now.

My dad got a kick out of me addressing him by his first name. He gave himself a second to calm down before speaking again. “I know it sounds crazy not to tell her just yet. And I say that because you don’t know how she’s going to react. You confessing to your mistake from so long ago all of a sudden might seem a bit brash, crazy, and really fucking crazy.”

“I’m not doubting you on that. But I disagree with the first part. I have to tell her. I can’t look at that girl in the face everyday and lie to her! Do you understand how often I see this woman? Do you know how often I’m with Izaiah? I pick him up from school dad! Everyday it’s my face who he sees before he goes home to Sabrina. Mine. And Bri..” I had to take a minute to think. The reality of what my mornings, afternoons, and nights have become are swirling around my head. I’ve already put in time with this little boy. He’s already become so comfortable with me. I’ve even grown to a distinct level of comfort when I have him all to myself.

These feelings of warmth, protection, and a sliver of tenderness and likeness have taken over me. I always enjoy spending time with Izaiah. And now that I am more than sure that he’s mine, I’m overwhelmed with a whole new set of feelings.

“You love her. Whether it takes you the rest of your life to figure that out, I know you love Sabrina. You are someone’s father now, son. Just like I am yours and Liya’s. When I lost you for those three hours I wanted to lose my mind. I had never seen your mom more upset. Not so much with me but at the reality of the situation. I don’t want you to know what it feels like to have your child taken from you. Don’t get me wrong by any means when I say this. I love Sabrina too but she is the mother at the end of the day and woman tend to make decisions with their emotions a lot more than we do.” The explanation my old man is giving to me makes sense.

Nodding in agreement to his testimony I began to pace my room. “I hear what you saying and I understand all that. But how am I supposed to prove to her that I’m worthy enough to make up for a screw up like this? I drunkenly and stupidly altered Bri’s first pregnancy and then I FORGOT about it. What kind of man does that make me?”

“Well all do dumb shit when we’re fucked up Corey. The way you went about this whole ordeal is very unorthodox. It’s wrong as some would say but you weren't in the correct frame of mind that night. Son, please don’t sell yourself short. You know better than that.” He assured. Having my dad remind me that I’m human and that humans fuck up especially when they’re fucked up, is exactly what I needed to hear.

When I was talking to Eva earlier today in the park, a big part of me felt ashamed and embarrassed to reintroduce that night. To go over again aloud about how I hijacked Bri’s pregnancy made me feel sick inside.

“Thank you pop.” I sighed. Stopping in the doorway to my room I stared around my kitchen recalling the night I kissed Bri. The night that fucked up my head forever.

“Anytime son and congratulations. Take your time with this and keep your head up.” I let Hassan give me some more advice before calling it a night myself.

Today is also going down as an important day for me. Until I can find the courage to confess to Sabrina I think I need to sit on this. I want to make sure I’m fully aware of what I’m stepping into.

[jellojolteon]

Hi! I know you get a lot of asks on the grey long Ay but I was curious about something. How are some of the main characters supposed to get Akumatized. Eg. Nino wanted Adrien to have a birthday party but that didn't happen because Gabe was being a jerk, or Alya when she got Akumatized because she wanted to find out LB secret identity. I know this might be too much to ask but I'll ask anyway. Could you make a master list of how the Champions were made in this AU? (pt. 1)

No, no worries! Every ask I get makes my day! In fact you made my dreams from last night come true by filling my inbox haha ;u;

So as a basic pretense, the champions still come about the same way; the folks who get made into Champions are still upset about something when Greyling reaches them, but it’s the handling thereafter that makes the difference between what Hawkmoth does and what Greyling does. I can still make a master list for you of people who have been akumatized up to S1 (sorry if I miss anyone lol), but there are only a handful of changes. 

As for Chloe? An excellent question. I think it’s complicated because she’s still Adrien’s oldest friend and now she’s indirectly doing him a huge favor, but he is also much quicker to wake up to the bully she’d become since he see what she’s like when he “isn’t watching”. 

Unfortunately for this end of the story I’m more interested in the interactions between the main three, so it’s likely that a lot of this, if I can get this big ol thing off the ground, won’t make the actual cut.

(See below cut- numbering is not indicative of order, but if order is important I’ll mention it. Also note that this may change in the final go, if I get there.)

1. Stoneheart - This is LB’s first fight against Tux and while the theory of it is the same, Greyling does not exist yet to bring Stoneheart to life. Marinette encourages Ivan much the same way as she does in canon and he and Mylene still get together.

2.  Stormy Weather - We’ll go with this one as Greyling’s first Champion. Aurore loses the weathergirl competition, but Adrien tells her that if it’s recognition she’s looking for, he might be able to help. Help he does.

3. Mister Pigeon - Ramier gets chastised by the police for feeding the pigeons. Adrien consoles him (somewhat regrettably considering his allergy) and tells him that pigeons are not inherently bad, and that a good way to show how honorable and invaluable pigeons can be might be for Ramier to help enlist them to fight Tux. This champion marks the beginning of Mari’s internship.

4. Lady Wifi - Alya snoops in Chloe’s locker, she pitches a fit, gets suspended. Greyling comes to her explaining that he knows her intent was innocent, and that if she really wants to show everyone she’s the bigger person, perhaps she can help him fight Tux today. Alya is of course like “oh fuck, I’m communing with my homegirl’s crush” and wholeheartedly agrees. Things look dire, and hers is the first instance of possession we see. I’m going to (unoriginally) henceforth call this special “ability” the Butterfly Effect.

5. The Bubbler - Mari introduces Adrien to Nino and Alya via video chat. Adrien is super excited to have friends and both Nino and Alya want to meet him. Adrien’s birthday is soon and Nino suggests a party. Gabe never yells at him directly but Nino finds out from Adrien that it’s a no and gets upset on Adrien’s behalf. Greyling suggests later, when Tux attacks, that it’s no birthday but hoo boy would Adrien think it great if Nino helped fight one particularly nasty adult. It might help get all those negative vibes out.

6. Copycat - This one might ultimately not happen in the AU, just because the pretense is so intertwined with the canon dynamics.

7. Kung Food - This is the first time LB witnesses and must repair a cataclysm death. Mari is lucky that her Uncle is in town to help her through the experience. Greyling reasons with Kung Food in Chinese (which is much better pronounced than in the show) that the cooking competition isn’t the end of the world, and that he’ll help him get another chance to prove himself in a fair environment.

8. Darkblade - not sure where this one falls, but when D’Argencourt loses the mayoral election, Greyling explains that maybe he can help show Paris true nobility by standing up to another person who has usurped the peace.

9. Vanisher - Greyling catches Sabrina at a low point when Chloe is snubbing her. He points out that there are many many unsung heroes throughout history but if it would help her, he might be able to arrange something that would get her recognized in the form of assisting LB.

10. Antibug - Here’s a fun one! This one doesn’t go super hot but I think this is where Chloe develops a little bit. Greyling tells Chloe that if she really wants to make a good impression on LB, maybe getting in the way isn’t the answer. But what if she was a champion instead? Chloe is too bitter to be working alongside LB at the moment, but things eventually turn out ok, even if it involves Tux getting the upper hand for a bit there.

11. Horrificator - Mylene is scared and Greyling explains that sometimes it takes some help to face your fears. I’ll help you face down the scariest monster in all of Paris, and I assure you that you’ll always be able to face your fears after that. This one is also a bit of a shaky one but it works out ok because as she grows bigger, Tux gets more frightened by her.

12. Timebreaker - another that I’m not sure happens? I feel like time travel is a bit of a slippery slope in this AU for some reason.

13. Princess Fragrance - After Chloe belittles Rose, Greyling compliments her heart and says that helping him fight tux might be a good way to prove Chloe wrong. (Aside: I can’t imagine a lot of these kids would normally have the sense to take down a murderer. But Ladybug hasn’t lost anyone yet and the trust they put in her to keep them safe is immense)

14. Reflekta - You might see that showing Chloe what a good person looks like is a pretty common thread here. Greyling gets good at convincing people that Chloe is wrong and that fighting Tux with the things she demeans about them is a great way to prove it. She slowly learns.

15. Evillustrator - Nath wants a date with Mari, and also for Chloe to Not. This one doesn’t go well.

16. The Puppeteer - This is where Greyling figures out that Tux is his dad. In his rage, he makes a very bad decision to send out Manon after Tux. Granted she’s not doing anything directly but still. Ladybug deadpans him a look through Puppeteer and he has an ‘oh shit’ moment. He pulls her out and goes for Simon Says instead.

17. Simon Says - Adrien isn’t quite ready to let go of his petty yet and this is just as much for himself as it is for Simon. Nooroo and Adrien have an important talk about choosing champions after this battle is over.

18. Heartbreaker - Much of the same spiel about proving Chloe wrong, though I don’t know how his powers could be of threat to Tux. Not sure if this one makes the cut.

19. Rogercop - After getting fired, Greyling hits Roger with the whole “If you really want to serve and protect, boy could I really use your help.” After Roger’s proven bravery against Tux, he regains his job. There are probably more long-winded effects of this in the au but I’ll have to get there before I figure it all out.

20. Animan - When Kim insults Otis’s prized panther, Greyling suggests that maybe a catfight is exactly the kind of shakeup Tux needs, and it would certainly prove Kim’s ridiculous comments wrong. As for Alya and Nino getting together? I can still see them getting locked in the exhibit for their own safety.

21. The Gamer - Mari and Adrien kick ass in a gamer tournament, and Max gets upset because he’s overthrown by someone he’s never even met. Adrien just has a lot of time to play video games when he’s shut in, y’know? But Adrien realizes he may have gone a little too hard and requests Max’s help defeating Tux. He fluffs Max’s confidence by pointing out what a skilled and analytical fighter he is. Ladybug could use someone like that (instead of someone who sits from afar… hm…) in her fights against Tux.

22. Guitar Hero (pffff oops) - “Hey Jagged Stone, you know what would absolutely skyrocket your popularity? Riding around Paris on a DRAGON while blasting a cat man with SOUND WAVES. Does that sound like some killer album art to you? It sure does to me. Also I’ll throw in glowy tentacle hair as a bonus, I’m a big fan of your work actually.”

23. Pixelator - Greyling says, “Hey, man, maybe let the guy have some space, y’know? Being famous is stressful. Here, if you really want to be like him though, help me fight this guy.” Please don’t ask me how that works Greyling just gets real good at his job at some point.

24. The Mime - Fred’s meddling understudy tricks him into missing a performance, but Greyling sees an opportunity for the most kickass show of Fred’s career. He’s not wrong.

25. The Pharaoh - unfortunately, another one I’m not sure happens? Remnants of this ep might be involved though, with Jalil helping LB uncover some of the history of the miraculouses. Looks like the Kubdels get off easy in this story haha

26. Volpina - Lila’s compulsive lying gets her into a sticky situation (probably actually not with LB tho) and Greyling tells her that maybe he can give her a true story about herself worth telling. Greyling has been itching to get out for a few attacks now and this is where he finally gets the opportunity to go out. He just has a bad feeling about things and goes out to check. As I mention in the comic about their first “meeting”, Greyling’s intuition is correct and he saves LB from a nasty head injury as she passes out on top of a building from a previous wound. This also incidentally marks, for the most part, the end of Greyling’s use of others to fight. He still brings a few out (maybe I’ll get to integrate some from S2?) but this pretty neatly ties up most of the pre-outside timeline.

Sorry this got so long, but thanks again for the ask, @randomstar365! I hope this is a satisfactory answer. 

[nowaybutnorway]

Wow, it’s hard to believe that season that I hold so near and dear to my heart is already a year old.  About a year ago today I was in Norway, I had just started to expose myself to the Tumblr Survivor community and play some side seasons, but now it was time to try myself out in the big leagues of a main season, so I signed up for Season 39 and never looked back, and now as I look back about a year later from the time we started this season, I feel blessed to have gotten to be in a season with all of y’all, you are my og tumblr survivor fam, and I figured what better way to celebrate today than collect all my thoughts about my 19 fellow castaways and hosts. I’m in a starbucks right now so hopefully I don’t bust into tears, but then again that wouldn’t be new for this one, so let’s begin.

Laure-Now Laure was probably the only person that I had no interaction with over the course of the entire season, just because of how tribe divisions were set up and all, but learning that over time I was playing with a ts legend, it inspired my frail newbie heart to no end, so Laure, despite not knowing you, thanks a billion from this fanboy <3

Dani-OK so contrary to popular belief, Dani met her demise to due to EVERYTHING GOING WRONG FOR HER.  Originally the plan was to vote out Eric, then Eric won immunity, then the plan was Danielle, but she went to Exile, so Dani became the next best option, and it was so awkward because I remember being in the HOS11 house on call when the tribal happened and people were talking about how they loved Dani, and as the votes kept coming in, I was just sitting there watching people’s jaws drop and then after I had to say....sorry about that.  But it was clear you did not deserved what happened to you, you were sick and the Darian v Dylan fiasco was just a damn mess that culminated with your demise, but despite of what you may think of me, I feel your tribal where you left was crucial to how I play games now, so thanks babes.

Angela-WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS GIRL. Now people may think that my closest alliance mate was Brian or Stevie, but you guys never knew Angela like I did, we ironically made an alliance day 1 called the Trashy King and Queen, an alliance I would later replicate with Ting Ting in Myanmar, and it was honestly a god send because she was the one person on Lipari I could trust, and she was honestly the most fun to talk to because all the newbies were like cracked, while Angela and I just talked about arson and ate popcorn, it was great to have her in my life, and my snaps had never been more LIT.  Then came swap and Angela peaced out like the boss she is, probably because Grace never gave her cheesecake, anyways I digress. Angela you were one of my favorite newbies to play with and its always a pleasure to see you pop up on snapchat, ily and nothing can ever change my first ts alliance with you, long live our trashy mess <3.

Eric-OK so prior to playing TS I had never gotten on call for a game before, so when Eric called me to talk game, I had NO idea how to do anything, it was 20 minutes of awkward talking, but it was clear to know that we weren’t gonna align anytime soon, but you know in my delusional manner I thought I had totally played him.......yeah I wasn't smart then and I’m not smart now. We later swapped with Brian onto the Alicuidi tribe, and while I had hoped newbies could be strong...he targeted me, but thanks to the lovely Stevie and his ability to connect with the First Boots, I was saved and Eric left.  I’m not sure exactly what I did to mess up our relationship but I’m sorry, I’ll give you a hug if I’m ever in Mass....again.

Darian-I feel what I have to say about you and Dylan are around the same lines so I may say look above for previous comment when I write something for Dylan, but DARIAN OH DARIAN, to say you made that first tribal interesting is an understatement.  I feel you taught me what not to do in games, you made me realize it was probs a mistake to start an alliance on call or be the center of attention, but DANG you were entertaining to say the least and that was no understatement.  You left me as fast as you came into my life and your rivalry with Dylan was funny as you both went out back to back after targeting each other so hard the first tribal, you definitely made my ts introduction a memorable one so thanks <3.  And when we reconvened in Westeros, I will admit you had grown a little as a player despite what people think, not a lot, but a little.  I’ll never know what happened on Salina but your exit was a quick one, who knows, maybe another Mass visit is in my future and I can see you and Ashley together cause she my Myanmar homegirl.

Dylan-(see comment above for jist) Now a special place Dylan has in my heart that separates him from Darian is the fact he was the first person in TS I was shady with, basically talking about what the heck Darian was doing and how in any world that would make sense.  Sufficed to say much more shade would follow, but thanks.

Jason-OK we literally did not have more than a 30 minute conversation in the game, but we talked about CBB and tbh that was a quick way to my heart so thank you.  While we never met up on a tribe, we connected ever so slightly, and you actually are the first person I got to give me ts memorabilia with Jenny, Hector and Jordan when you guys sent me a post card, it was nice and sweet and it’ll be on my TS wall for enternity.  We also played The Amazing Race together twice....but there are certain things we don’t talk about like how I was a mess in TAR4 and y’all got eliminated 2nd in TAR AllStars.  I love ya and miss ya <3 

Dalton-I’m just going to start off and say my #favoriteDaltonMoment was when we just swapped onto alicuidi and we were just talking about the most random things, and I think it was with you how fvf3 was going to be like on Survivor when they’d bring back Baylor and Cirie and we’d jump into the fire at f4 with them just so they could win and all would be right with the world, it was random, but tbh randomness is one of my more favorite things and I love ya for it.

Nic W-NIC I GOT A FEW WORDS FOR YOU, FIRSTABLE, how are you, hope you’re partying somewhere or some junk, but wow, we spent a decent amount of time together pre-merge, but our time at merge certainly DID NOT LAST LONG.  You went out in a unanimous style, and famously called out Brian, Stevie and I, all for being fake to your face, which is kinda funny cause I’m pretty sure you inadvertently called out our trio on accident, and the rest of merge was a nightmare trying to convince everyone we weren’t a trio when it was very clear we were.....so party.  One of the last great callouts of the tag era, so thank you <3

Max-MY OG AUSTRALIAN BAE.  It was a dream for my entire adult life to have a best friend from Australia, but as I couldn’t find one in Norway, I settled for the next best option and found one online in you <3.  Now in memory I don’t think there was ever a point where we worked together and that was a mess in a hand basket, but you still were great in your own ways.  My favorite thing was when you compared everyone to people from Eurovision of that year and it was amazing so thanks.  You left a special place for Australia in my heart and every main season I played since then I had played with an Australian, and despite loving Jimmy with all my heart from All Stars, you will always be somewhere in my heart.

Danielle-Please call me out again for going on too much during my ftc speech because that has changed my performances quite a bit, I mean I’ve lost everytime I showed up in a ftc since this season....BUT STILL IT MEANT A LOT.  Personally it sucked because as soon as we started working together at merge, those bums voted you out and that began me feeling worse and worse in the game.  I still believe you had one of the best ftc moments of all time because you called every one out and I loved every moment.  Congrats on winning Crusade, you deserved it <3

Stevie-Words cannot personally describe how I actually feel about you, and I feel you know that Baevie.  You were the first connection I made on any Survivor season EVER.  You took me into this community and showed me so much.  You gave me my first idol, showed me my first alliance, and once I lost in Rakiura, you not only showed me Myanmar, which I won for myself and the draft for you (my faved loved one too btw), you also got me into this season.  Now at the time I didn’t know we would be playing together again, but when I saw your beautiful bearded face pop up in the cast announcement, I kid you not I jumped for joy in my Norwegian room, because that meant I was going to be playing with my best friend in the community again and I was excited as all get out.  You took me in under your wing on alicuidi and we wrecked havoc, we got some idols, and we did some idol plays at merge.  You graciously gave me an idol when I asked and were always there to help me...until ftc where you didn’t vote for me to win, but lets be real, my performance was a train wreck, you made the right choice.  Once the votes tied during the round we got the votes on JC, my heart dropped because that meant I would have to campaign against the person who mattered the most to me in the community and the pain I went through to muster up the strength to was unbearable but I did anyway, and I played my hardest as I knew you wanted me to do if you were there in my place.  You not only gave me so much in the game but so much in life, I’m not sure if I can ever make it up to you for how things played out during the season but I will sure as hell try, I love you Stevie, never change.  And thanks btw for letting me sleep with you, it was a great night ;)

Danny-DANNY OMG. K so firstable, I think you know when I say this I mean it, I GLUCKIN LOVE YOU.  You’re so funny and I love when you just pop up out of nowhere with several puns and its great and ily, but god, you were a terrifying force in that game because you could gather SO many people at merge it was ridiculous.  Your demise was also probably the move that I was proudest in my entire career and something I’m sure I could never replicate ever again, but dang was it fun.  I may not be able to go to six flags with you but I’ll be there in spirit forever, love ya.

Jenny-Jenny you’re probably one of my best friends to come out of this season, and that’s why I will always feel awful for how I organized your demise, but in retrospect you have to admit it was clever, not managed well but clever.  You sent me my first TS memorabilia, and I love it with all my heart, and whenever I come to you about my personal life, you’re always so happy to hear it and I lvoe you for it, and whenever I lose a season.......you’re kinda mean but to be fair I come to you crying about an online game, when its very clear MUCH worse has happened to more people so I’m sure that harshness is out of love so thank you.  You were probably the person I never thought of working with at merge because you not only sold me out at the beginning but you also voted me out when Stevie and I were tied to leave......but you also helped me pull off the Danny blindside so thank you, ily, and I can’t wait to see you come home and hopefully I get to see you for my TS birthday party.

Nick-NICK WITH A K, you were the last newbie to go out before ftc, and to be fair you were one of the most level headed people playing this game, and it was great to have someone who despite being amongst some of the most cracked people, could stay calm and semi-reasonable.  I look at your vote off as one of the biggest mistakes cause maybe had I voted off Van I would’ve won.....but at that point I had already pissed off most of the jury, plus I thought I could beat Van....OH HELL WAS I WRONG, but still, you made for a fun time and were a sound mind for me in the first tribal we went to as Lipari....cause god we didn’t need anymore crazy.

JC-next.....JUST KIDDING, you think I would dare forget about you, I could never.  You hold many special places in my heart.  You were the first to call me out during a challenge, but it was so entertaining in retrospect, you also tried organizing my demise at final 5, but watching your face and those of the other first boots drop when I won immunity after 1 question, thus ruining your predetermined plans, was PRICELESS, it was great to organize your demise after that because it almost felt like Karma, but after the season I could not love you more bae.  You may not have voted for me, but you are the only person from Aeolian I played with ever again, because we All Stars baby <3, now while we didn’t get to play together, it was still a blast to be reunited with an Aeolian bae again, and I’m sure we could’ve take that game....ok maybe not taken it, but still we could’ve rented it and had a good time, but alas no, only in our dreams.

John-John....I love you, you and I were like baes for the longest time now, and tbh I was about to vote you out in Myanmar because I was sketched out by you, but then Aeolian started and you and I were in a season together, and so that plan had to be re-routed to voting out Kylie, but YA KNOW. I could never not be blessed to have you in my life CoffeyCakes, you’re that important, you came to see me in Massachusetts and it was honestly a blast, partially cause you got to see me get voted out in All Stars but still.  Sitting next to you in FTC in Myanmar was one of my most favorite memories ever, and you’ll always be near and dear to me <3

Brian-Literally what can I say about you besides being the best purchase I ever made on ebay tbh (that one’s for you JC <3) but in all seriousness at the beginning of the season, I never thought I could ever meet someone like you, you seemed to always be there for me and we became brothers in a sense, we went through the entire season, we played our way from the bottom, every move that I made during Aeolian, you were there, by my side throughout all of it, almost not the Danny move, but that told me I had to play the idol so thanks bae.  You not only were my confidant this season, but through so much of my life afterwards, we still stay in contact even after a year has passed, and I could not be happier to be honest.  Yes you maybe messy, but you’re my mess and I wouldn’t have you any other way babes.  I’m happy you won Lazio, and if anyone tells you otherwise they’re lying.  You were my rock and I hope you stay in my life for many years to come babes, I hope everything goes your way.

Van-Now to one of the most important people in the season tbh.  Now when we first met, I never thought in a million years I would lose to you.....and I was honestly pissed when I found out that hey, that was gonna happen, but that was in the moment and I feel we were both heated at that moment, but you know what, I’ve learned the value of your game and that is one of the most impressive that I’ve ever witnessed to be honest.  Your game reminded me of Michelle from Kaoh Rong, and if you were Michelle, I was Aubrey I think.....I could also be dreaming, but your social game was that on point and it was bloody impressive and I love it.  You earned your win and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, because it was amazing.  I one day hope to achieve your level of sociability and unlock my innerVan as you say to me whenever I begin to play a new season...that I later flop in but that’s besides the point, you’re an inspiration, a lovely person and iconic and I love you so much <3

And finally our hosts for the season Grace, Ryan and Intern turned mom Emma, y’all took a chance on me that Bora Bora never gave me and gave me a random chance to shine and I could not be more grateful, through this season I met such an important family, but I was also able to accomplish moves that I don’t think I could ever do again.  You introduced me into a community that holds such a close place in my heart and I could not thank you guys enough for it.

So in the end thank you Aeolian Islands, though you were hell to get through, you gave me a family, and a community, and I’m forever grateful.  Thanks for making me a favorite in Myanmar and an All Stars, you mean the world <3  Happy Anniversary, and Gratulerer Med Dagen

-Fra Steffen Reals

[seriesofcostumes-blog]

Saturday 22nd September

mood: feel like doing something new and exciting but don't have the energy to do so

I had started so many posts but haven't gone past mood in any so now I have a collection of my moods on different days.  A lot has happened since I last wrote, but just focusing on the recent, I went out for lunch with my homegirl last Friday. It was my last meat day so I made her come so that I could have some chicken. We also went to the park and laid there for a few hours listening to cringy songs that we listened to when we were 12y/o. I don't know what it was but I would easily say that day was one of my top 5 days this year. Even though we did nothing or may have not talked much, we just sang badly, laid and stared at the sky. It was peaceful, I felt like I could think about anything and everything without feeling overwhelmed or lonely. I need more days like this. My introverted ass was over the moon.

I don’t think she realizes how capable she is for a lot of things! I don't know anyone who studies as much as she does, she’s so fcking selfless and it frustrates me that I can’t get her to see that she is actually doing enough or in fact more than enough. But its just the systems and reality of it all where we’ve all adapted ourselves to this mindset where we need to do this and this for something and go above and beyond of it all, but what if we don’t want to do this anymore? What if we want that? I think that she should go for whatever she wants to do and not feel trapped in this bubble. She shouldn’t feel that she is disappointing others by changing or doing something different than what she originally planned to do. She’s in this for life, literally. If science gives you fanny flutters then go for it. You ain't disappointing me, I think I’ll be even happier for you cause I think that it’ll give you a fresh healthier mindset. 

I went on a dinner date with my man and had ice cream at a place that had board games which we could play! I totally beat his ass at checkers and tic tac toe. I also went over to his place yesterday. I got my period. I was a bit emotionally unstable. I say “ a bit” but really I had a sook after we did some things, then in less than a minute I was normal again and didn't know why I teared up so I had an ice cream bar. Boyfriend points for offering me some ice cream bars. I am actually quite shocked at how moody I was and how normal he was with me, I can’t believe that he likes my crazy ass lol. I really like you lmao you don't need to be better g, I like you for you, haha cringe gross, okay churr. 

There was a moment where he was laying on me, we were in silence, and my mind had drifted off a bit to naughty land. The creepiest thing happened. He asked me if I’m okay. I said, “yeah, why?” - “Nothing your heart just sped up all of a sudden.” I just laughed it off but really I was slightly mortified and amazed cause I didn’t expect my heart to do that, he then further said: “now it’s really going.” Like yes, yes it is going because I am shy and embarrassed and thought about doing things with you!!

I also found out something about myself; I really like taking naps. I was never the kid who took naps after school or during the day. What type of taboo is this? I really like naps, specifically naps with him. I would trade to have a day where we both could just nap together with a blanket. 

Something also happened yesterday, I got a call from a place I applied to and had a mini phone interview. I think it went well from my side tbh but idk. I’m going in for an interview on Tuesday. I’m not that nervous cause it hasn't hit me yet but I’m positive that I’ll be a mess on Monday. I just need to sell myself I guess, I think I got this. I really need and want this job. It will give me stability and some responsibility but I wouldn't be surprised if I didn’t get it. I’m not expecting much. But I do hope that I get it. 

Oh and on Thursday my lecture got canceled, my assignment got extended and my grades were incorrectly entered meaning that I actually got a higher grade so its safe to say that this week treated me super well and I got to spend some quality time with these people. 

I wanna get a massage with someone or get my nails done with someone, I wanna go to a park and chill and play board games or general games, I wanna go to an island, I wanna exchange handwritten letters with someone, I wanna do something. My life is so mundane that I try to seek any type of ‘adventure’ I can get. But then I also just wanna be home, in my room, and be on my laptop and watch random videos or read. Sometimes I get bored of doing that, so I try going out then get tired of being out or the idea of getting ready to go out sigh lol the struggles. 

Even if I don't see them often, I 100% enjoy the time I get to spend with everyone. I don’t care about how many times I can see them in a week, I get to spend quality time and I really really like that. It's not that I don't want to see my man or girl every day, its that I like that we both can have our own personal bubble so that when we do see each other it feels amazing for me to let them in. We don't have to be doing many different things but it’s rather the way we spend our time together and interact that’s important to me. It may seem like we go our own ways most times but we still like each other and want each others time and attention. So it’s nice to have my own space, to recharge, I think it's important to not be overbearing or suffocating. But I think that I do do this from time to time, or maybe I’m just overthinking. I just wanna know what's up, but don't want to be at your throat and want to know your actions and location for every minute. So here’s your happy post! *throws sparkles everywhere* I had a great week babe! xoxo, gossip girl

[bazaardailynews1-blog]

OH BIG BROTHER! OMAROSA HAS A NEW HOUSE TO DAMAGE

0SHARES

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80% of America is still buzzing over The Grammys, you can go on any social media platform to get the moments or thrills your eyes or ears might have missed. Our pens are glued to the pad over here at Bazaar Daily. The only thing we still discussing is that promo for Celebrity Big Brother! (blinks eyelashes really fast) OH! YOU SAW IT! Did Omarosa make a jaw dropping entrance back into reality t.v or what? Say what you want but the woman makes major moves. At a time where things are so racially charged, is no one going to commend her for being the only black person in the Trump’s administration? Just asking for a friend.

It should have been celebrated especially due to the fact that she was booted out from her gig as Director of Communications in the office of Public Liaison just after a year. People questioned OM’s job title and the actual role she played in the Trump administration. When asked during her CNN interview, what she did: 

 Mrs. Newman stated, she communicated the vision the President had..

(Rolls eyes) How Sway? Trump doesn’t even know what he’s communicating. (Sips cup) Now here’s where it gets tricky; stay with me. The people on the inside said they didn’t know what the apprentice’s position was! Furthermore those people in the oval office said her presence alone was confusing. Excuse my language, but Helllllllllll Naw! WE DON’T BELIEVE IT! Noella Fe says, more like intimidating and shocking!

The woman was working in the WHITE HOUSE with security clearance(until it was taken away). Least forget Elaina Plott from the Daily Beast reported last November that Omarosa was making $179,000, the highest pay allowed! (grabs imaginary pearls).So you mean to tell me that not only can a black man be president, but a black woman can get a job in the white house getting paid top dollar and nobody knows who she is or what she does?  GTFOH! Sign me up for the courses they took asap! Hell Monique might wanna sign up too being she wasn’t to excited about that $500,000 Netflixed offered her.

Every white house presidency has had a scandal. LIES. I tell you, LIES. NOT MY PRESIDENT OBAMA. I don’t think anything this juicy has happened inside the presidency during my adult life. Oh wait, The Clintons. How could I forget Bill but I wasn’t an adult. Omarosa’s story is better! Home girl has tapes!! I wonder if she’s going to spill the beans on Big Brother? Come thru sis!! Listen a woman has got to eat! Plus, are you thinking what Noella is thinking?, that maybe just maybe this was her plan the whole time. Reports have come out that she was known to record anything and everything, using voice apps and notes on her iphone.

The world, (black america especially) turned their backs on O-dog for riding orange face’s wave; sounds like some parts of white america didn’t like her either. Is that a win for unity? To be fair I poked my nose around to sniff out the shit that makes OM stink! Let me state this in my Cleo voice, “I don’t think any of Omarosa’s actions were spontaneous”.

This american opportunist isn’t new to the white house, homegirl has actually been staffed twice before plus add the commerce bid, she’s no newbie to the presidential office. Former co-workers said, “she was a monster”. (opens eyes wide) they couldn’t wait to get rid of her.  Remember earlier when I said, certain individuals claimed not to know what she did or who she was? Don’t you find it a little weird that those same people claim she resigned to pursue other opportunities? Mmmmmm (rocks back and forth) Sounds like the regular office bs that goes down every 6 seconds; someone was mad and wanted her out.

 “When the story broke that she was dragged out as an angry black woman, Omarosa took to defend her name and stated, “When I have my story to tell as the only African-American in the white house during Trumps reign people will listen, it is a story that people want to hear. I have seen things that made me uncomfortable. Things that have upset me, hurt myself and my community deeply”. 

As reported by fox news. OHHHHH OKAYYYYY sis. Like really? When did you begin to feel uncomfortable, after the photo shoot you and your 39 bridesmaids had at the big house or after you started spending some of that salary? Wait it had to be right before they kicked you out, oops! After you resigned? Noella Fe says, she seemed comfortable to me.

Come onnnn people, come on!! Are you that mad you don’t want to hear the tapes?  Noella Fe isn’t mad at her come up. Seriously, she did break barriers for black women. To throw salt on some of those wounds, The Apprentice star is the only truth we have. Why not play nice, Omarosa is the one with the power to tell what we speculate. As 45’s right hand, you don’t have to be a genius to know she got the low, on the low. Eyes & ears open, pens ready and story developing over here at Bazaar Daily. 

LET ME STATE THIS CLEARLY, WE ARE NOT FOR OR AGAINST TRUMP WE JUST DISH THE NEWS AND VIEWS. Can we really be mad though? Like is anybody mad at the workers at H&M? (you guys are too messy) Nobody from H&M is coming with receipts to take down a whole corporation! Dammit be fair! Let the woman live in peace! At least until she comes up off the tapes, lol. Omarosa if you need security or somebody to hold those tapes come see Bazaar Daily!

Noella Fe says, Until the tapes or Big Brother airs express yourself or engage on our page! Twitter@bazaardaily or our Facebook page @BazaarDaily

*not the original owners of pictures unless stated

[youreghanamissme]

Hey There, Brown Booger

a11/14/2017

It's that time of year again-- when I'll have to filter my tears, my sweat, and every drop of water imaginable because the rain has finished. The landscape has reverted back to its tan and dusty self. I can no longer leave anything of value near the windows overnight lest I want to a nice coat of dust on it in the morning. My boogers are red-brown, and soon, my hacking cough caused by the dust will return in full force. Moto drivers have already started to wear their face masks, some of which perform double duty as a fashion statement (fuzzy cheetah print is all the rage right now, y'all). It's been a while since I've sat down and typed about myself. I wish I could say it is because I'm a very, very important person who hasn't a modicum of time to spend on my arse, detailing the contents of my crazy life to the internet. Nope, nada, nein! Idleness is three-fifths of existence in country. Henceforth, the abridged capitulation of the past few months for my five readers out there (hey peeps!)...

I.       Wake Me Up When September Ends

Half a year later, and GLOW/BRO camp still lives! One of my favorite campers had been reminding me to visit her community for a while, and I wanted to! But life happens, so instead, I invited her to mine :) She's a Gonja by tribe, so I thought it would be cool to show her a little taste of how we live it up in the heart of Dagomba land. Her stay was short but sweet. She wanted to continue living a slice of my siliminga (foreigner) lifestyle, but she couldn't bear to be apart from her mother for too long. Her siblings don't help their mother out at the market. Honest, my few days with Gifty were some of the most rewarding and intense bonding moments I've had as a mentor. Spending time with her illuminated a fact of Ghanaian life that I already knew but never fully internalized until Gifty shared with me the hardships of her life—that children in Ghana are forced to deal with the burden of adulthood far too early. We cried, we laughed, we watched a lot of movies and played a lot of checkers... Youth camps may be a finite venture in the Peace Corps realm of projects, but I say participate if you can. Or, just work with youth through volunteership or something. If not for GLOW/BRO I wouldn't have met some of the most intelligent, self-motivated, and hopeful young people in Ghana.

Casa de Deeshini was lit in September! Thankfully not literally. The end of the month marked the Fire Festival, a traditional Dagomba celebration. The story goes something like this:

A long, long time ago a Dagomba prince went missing. His father—the Chief—and the community members scoured the land for him. At the edge of the community they found him asleep in a tree. They concluded that the tree was evil for stealing their prince from them. They rescued him, and to punish the tree, they threw flaming torches at it. And every year following the prince's abduction, they would set a tree on fire with flaming torches to commemorate the return of the prince and to penalize the tree.

I wasn't able to go last year because I was at OpSmile in Tamale, so I knew I HAD to go to the one in my community this year or else I would forever regret it. And y'all... IT. WAS. LIT. ...LITERALLY!! I have never seen nor experienced so much energy in my community. Hell, I have never seen so many people out and about in my community. There was so much food and drumming and singing, and people were so, so kind. We made torches; we gave torches away; people gave us torches... I loved it. Every single minute of it. I got such a high from the cumulative energy of the whole experience. I invited a few PCV's to come and join in on the festivities where my community lit not one, but THREE trees on fire. We were conked after Tree #2 and headed back to decompress and catch some Z's, but I have never danced, screamed, yelled, sang, and ran with such intensity or felt such ecstasy as I have at Fire Fest. I truly felt beloved and accepted by my community at that moment, and I will forever hold onto those feels when PC life isn't looking so bright.

  II.    It's Scorpio Season, Bitches

October was so intense that I was barely in my community. I had a lot of workshop prep going on that took me out of site (more on that below). It was also my birthday month, the race in Accra, and Halloween (one of my Top 5 favorite holidays of all time)!

It was a little embarrassing this year. I forgot how old I was. I did the math and thought I lost a year of my life, culminating in one of the most pitiful weeks in the history of my existence (sorry, PCV friends who had to deal with my woes and existential crisis), but then I realized I did the math wrong and felt young and relieved (who needs to swim in a tub of virgin blood to retain your youth when you can just buy a calculator?)! Woo-hoo! But then it made me think... is my shitty memory due to the antimalarial pills or am I just truly deplorable in simple arithmetic? The jury is still out.

I celebrated my most recent revolution around the sun with my long-lost twin... who just happens to be from the other side of United States of America (South Carolina, holla at yer guuurl). Something was amiss when I found out that Allie and I both had an unhealthy obsession with costume/ period dramas, chiefly of the British persuasion. And then she told me she used to be a museum docent (!! One of my dream jobs!! Up there with bartender). And when I I found out we had the same birthday... OH LAWD.

It all made sense. We are basically the same person. Once our mutual love for Antiques Roadshow was uncovered, it was basically like the universe was fucking around. What else was there for us to do? Throw a joint costume birthday party, duh.

October 23rd, dudes. I made acquaintances write it on their calendar, and I'm not even ashamed.

But we celebrated the day before because, y'know, the weekend.

She dressed up as Squints from The Sandlot (ugh, a classic!). I dressed up as a deadbeat-nik. Yeah, YEEEAH. Y'all aren't the only ones who didn't think it was punny/ funny. It's fine though. I chuckled to myself. It also gave me the opportunity to finally, after a year and a half, wear that beret that I got in Accra. KG had proclaimed time and again, “Di, I don't know why you bought that fucking beret. It's a million degrees outside. YOU'LL NEVER WEAR IT.”

I whatsapped her a photo of me in the beret.

It was super fun. Friends came and dressed up, even though some of them hate costume parties, DIY costume parties even more so. I had a grand ol' time, and I thank the folks who made it out and those who wished me a HBD.

A couple days after my superspecialawesome day was the regional Tamale Spelling Bee. My homegirl Sarah is involved with the organization/ event, having volunteered last year. It seemed like such a cool opportunity that I asked and received permission to help out too. I'm not well-versed in the logistics, but the brightest of the bunch in Tamale will travel down to Accra to participate in the national spelling bee. Ghana is the only country in West Africa that participates in the International Spelling Bee held by Scripps. The winner of the national spelling bee gets to go to America to participate in the Scripps competition. They also receive a cash prize (thousands of Cedis, dude), material gifts, and a trip to South Africa or something. Their teacher gets to accompany them too, so it's not just the student benefiting. It's such a cool opportunity, and I'm sad to say that the students (Primary 6 to JHS 2 are eligible) in the north do not have as great an advantage as those in the more southern regions, especially those from Greater Accra or Tema with their ipads and better, more consistent education. But to see the Northern students try their hardest made my heart swell. These students were so bright that some stiff competition will not diminish their shine!!

There were two parts to the regional contest. A written comprehension portion and a verbal spelling portion. The combined scores determined who was going to go to Accra. At the end of the verbal spelling portion, after students had been spelling for over two hours, many remained, but only five students were supposed to be selected. The spellers were exhausted, and somehow the MC of the event asked her boss, the event organizer, if he would allow to send the remaining six spellers to Accra. In a moment of unexplained virtue, he was convinced (sucks for that seventh student that was eliminated...), and the crowd erupted into cheers and whoops and whistles. Just pure happiness, y'all.

 After the Bee, the Accra International Marathon happened. I participated. I didn't die. #praisebe #underhiseye

It was awesome to see so many expats, Ghanians, children, and students participating in the race. I even ran into (not literally, thank jah!) a colleague from an NGO in the North at the 10K starting point! Pardon my smugness, but I wasn't last! In the scheme of life, it doesn't matter as much as the fact that I finished! WOO-HOO!! It was such a thrill. And I felt overwhelmed with joy when I heard the friendly cheers calling out my name near the finish line. These voices were familiar... these voices could only come from loud PCV's who DGAF!! It was bliss to see my friends there. The best thing to come out of training and completing the race was my new found appreciation for running. I have said in the past that I hate running. I often scream it at the top of my lungs when people ask me my views on the very subject, “I. HAAATE. RUNNINGGG!!”

I hate it less now. Part of it may be my assumption that “running” meant going hard, 100% of the time. I'm more lax about it. I walk a little here and there, and I always listen to a good podcast while I'm out completing a run. Take home story: if I can be converted to the Church of Somehow-Running, you can be too. Even though it often appears so, it's not some sort of cult. It just feels nice after you finish (It's those goddamn endorphins). I even kinda feel like a lump if I skip running for too many days. I'm hoping to one day train towards a half marathon and then, maybe, a full marathon, kindasortanotreallyidunno.

Whenever I'm in Accra, which is seldom, I try to couple my visit with a medical purpose because all medical distins are taken care of there. Sucks for folks in the Northern and Upper regions. I went to the dentist for some tooth pain that had been recurring for months. The PC Medical Officer had been telling me that we should “wait and see” about the pain for the past half-year. Whelp, I got it sort of checked out. It's a cavity, underneath a filling of an older cavity... probably. They weren't 100% certain since their x-ray machine was broken and they couldn't fix it before I left for the north. Dang-diddily-nabbit. Add that to my diminishing hearing abilities (to be checked out next time I'm in the country capital as well) and frequent questionable moles (sunscreen is moot when you sweat it all off), and I tell ya what—Ghana, maybe, has a vendetta against me.

  III. I'm An Unauthorized Authority Because I Have a Degree In This

I was chosen to be a trainer for the 2017 Nutrition IST (In Service Training). YASSSS. YAAASSSSS. Started as a participant, now I'm here!

It was a lot of work and planning, and my team was fabulous. The star qualities of this IST compared to the other IST's offered in country are that a female counterpart is required, that female CP's can bring their child, and that there are translators available, so English comprehension/ a formal education is not a requirement. The latter two solutions are imperative in overcoming many of the barriers that prevent women (the primary caretakers and often the MVP when it comes to nutrition in the household) from going to Peace Corps Ghana trainings. I am so proud that the Nutrition IST was so inclusive and mindful of the mamas.  It's empowering to the women that participate, and it's encouraging as trainers and as PCV's to witness their growth and excitement.

I have to give plenty of kudos to the Moringa Man and the Health PCVLT (Peace Corps Volunteer Leader-Trainer ?? I don't know. Too many letters in this acronym) for arranging curriculum that is interactive and varied to meet the needs of our audience.

The Ghanaian diet is mostly carbs and fats because it's cheaper to, say, pound a cash crop like maize into a ball and eat it with groundnut stew, a soup made of a lot of oil (more fat means more calories AND it helps preserve the stew) and another accessible crop, than to buy fresh fruits and vegetables. Poverty already affects access to vegetables and meat. The dry season—a time when food is scarce and can be more costly to families whose plush harvest money has already been spent—makes good nutrition even harder. Knowing that food security is an issue, we did our best to come up with applicable alternatives that Ghanaians can explore, highlighting the nutritional benefits of staple crops but emphasizing the addition of others that are available in the market.

We put the men to work in the kitchen!

We did a LOT of cooking demos, often with fortified recipes for existing Ghanaian meals. We discussed the benefits of breastfeeding, certain micro-nutrients during pregnancy, the correlation between food safety/hygiene and malnutrition caused by frequent diarrhea, and so much more. Because the crops and the culture of the northern regions of Ghana are vastly different from the southern regions, we had two separate workshops.

The best surprise is hearing updates from PCV's who attended and their stories about their empowered CP's holding space to talk about nutrition in their communities. Moments like these remind me of the reasons why I'm here and why I choose to stay. I have a lot more thoughts on the Nutrition IST that I'd like to spotlight in a post apart, just because there are so many facets to it. Look forward to it soon, hopefully haha

  It's November now, so I can stop listening to Christmas music in the privacy of my own room and start singing “Santa Baby” off-key in public. More updated posts coming somehow-soon (read: as soon as I finish my session plans for future nutrition IST’s, eek!)