#honestly nothing has compared to How Cringe this one is tbh. even my living with Dante (DMC) daydream is not as cringe.

[foxgloveinspace]

My fucking cringe Sleep Token daydream is being in an actual 'cult' with them, and I get to wear a kickass hooded poncho and follow Vessel around and help him make spells, and get up to mischief with them all. And also sometimes I have to think about being curled up against one of their sides to sleep.

[hollyhomburg]

3,5,18, and 22

3. is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten food poll 

the only thing i can think of is like- some pretty hardcore kinks, or at the verry least like ‘stepbrother is in love with me’ i just find it cringe tbh, 

5. share one of your strenghts 

this isn’t Nessicarily something I understand or pat myself on the back about, but people comment all the time that i make them feel things, so maybe like- putting emotions into words is my strenght? 

18.  do you use any tolls? like worksheets or outlines?

no- not really, but one thing that I make for basically every one of my fics that has a complex setting is a floor plan, like of the house or of the town where they live. i have one for Reasons wretched and divine, Don't care if it hurts, and of Dance to this/call me yours, it really helps me writing scenes where people are moving from one spot to another. maybe one of these days i’ll share them with you guys! 

22. choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it in your current writing style 

oh one thing i’ve totally wanted to revisit and rewrite is hybrid house. so i’ll go and pick a section of that. 

original version:

- You take a bath one night with Jimin, Hating it at first but then liking it more once they get it to the right temperature.You let Hobi brush your tail through and blow-dry it shivering every time his hands get too close to the base of your spine as you lay sprawled over his with your head pillowed on Jimin’s soft thighs in nothing but a large shirt of Namjoon’s.

-Hoseok isn’t immune to your nudity, and he has to take special care not to let his hands wander every time he gets a view of your cute butt. Jimin grins at him when he catches Hoseok staring, all the while running a careful brush through your hair careful not to snag it on your ears.They both giggle when you start to purr loudly and giggle harder when you flush after realizing they’re watching you.

edited version: (kinda??? more smuttish??) 

- that night jimin invites you to bathe with him and although normally you’d be shyer, the draw of the pleasant smells and warmth of the bathroom alleviate your misgivings about being naked in front of them. Jimin is already mostly undressed when you pause at the door.  his body concealed under a fluffy layer of sweet-smelling bubbles, the puppy makes little happy grumbles as hoseok shampoos his hair. being careful not to get the soap in his ears. 

-“do you want a bath too honey?” hoseok asks, his eyes kinds as he watches you from where you stand half-hidden behind the bathroom door, still rubbing the suds into Jimin's ears, his tail flops happily splashing water onto the floor. jimin’s cheeks are pink, his eyes half-closed when he mutters an apology, sliding closed again as Hoseok keeps scratching. 

- you nod a little shyly, and hoseok whips off his hands on a nearby towel before he stands, his knees cracking as he straightens. you nuzzle your face into hoseoks hand when he lifts it, and it smells like jimin- like orange blossoms and freshly cut grass. you Pur and chirp in agreement and Hoseok help you undress, careful to keep his eyes at face level. giggling when you almost get into the tub with your socks on. 

- You were right, the slow drag of hoseoks fingers against your scalp and sensitive ears is heavenly as you sit against Jimin’s front. It dosent feel sexual- it just feels sensual and tender when Hoseok drags the cloth he uses to clean you down the front of your chest. 

-he’d never admit it- but the way your skin pinks up in the hot water is kind of captivating- as is your pliancy as you relax into the hot water (oh- how the elder cat hybrid is going to bitch and moan when Hoseok teases him later- you have no problem getting we compared to how finicky the elder cat hybrid can be about bathtimes). 

- Jimin traces his fingers down your back when you lean forward for Hoseok to rinse you off, tracing the freckles you have you your back, his wagging tail making a thump thump thump against the sides of the clawfoot tub. Hoseok can tell he’s deep into his puppy headspace, the way all hybrids do when they get comfortable.

- Even thought you yowl when he leans forward and licks a sloppy stripe up the back of your neck. You’re just surprised, and jimin continues to nibble on your fingers when you reach up to touch your neck. Letting out a low whine when you initially pull away. The licks slow and sloppy eventually transitioning into little kisses until Hoseok makes a noise in the back of his throat and uses Jimin's hair to tug the puppy away, “hey- she’s not a chew toy pup” 

- You look wide-eyed and a little out of your depth, and Hoseok is glad that he has control over himself- because you’re definitely not at the point where he can do what he wants, where he can take this relationship to where all of them have been feeling it’s headed. 

-(later that night, he imagines it, Seokjin above him and his hands tied to the wrought iron bed frame, a blindfold tied around his eyes to make the elders hand movements a mystery; namjoon makes him tell- the words barked out from the corner where he sat content to watch- and play later.  how he would have ordered jimin to take you in the bathtub and make the water slosh everywhere, how he would have taken special care to clean every inch of you, even using less orthodox methods that wouldn't have left you very clean at all. by the end of it- Hoseok’s is sure he would have had you meowing)

-but this isn’t that- this is just them takeing care of you. 

- You let Hobi brush your tail through and blow-dry it, and honestly- that alone has you sold on the idea of bathtimes. You decide you love baths if you can have hoseok’s hands-on you running up and down the column of your hail. carefully combing it out so that it dosent curl as he blowdries is. every time his hands get too close to the base of your spine you shiver, phantom fingers running down the whole of your spine. 

- between his minstrations and jimin brushing through your hair and your boor bristle brush- you’re a pliant mewling mess between the two of them,sprawled over his with your head pillowed on Jimin’s soft thighs in nothing but a large shirt of Namjoon’s.

-Hoseok isn’t immune to your nudity, and he has to take special care not to let his hands wander every time he gets a view of your cute little butt- turned pink like the rest of you from the overly warm water. Jimin grins at him when he catches Hoseok staring, all the while running a careful brush through your hair careful not to snag it on your ears which flick and pin to your head when they do something you’re not fond of or too sensitive for. 

- They both giggle when you start to purr loudly and giggle harder when you flush after realizing they’re watching you. resting your cheek against Jimin's thigh to look up at both of them, their gazes needy, you’re pretty sure the tent in Jimin’s boxers an inch from your face isn’t normal, but there is also a softness there, a fulfillment in Hoseok’s gaze as he twines your puffy and clean tail over his fingers and humms like he’s satisfied.

- He loves Taking care of you- you realize with a jolt that has nothing to do with jimin suddenly leaning down- overcome with his puppy instincts to nibble on your ear. you’ve never been taken care of like this before- never had someone who wanted to take care of you so bad.

- You sit up in Hoseok’s lap quickly, letting the purrs ripple out and fill the bathroom- melodic and honeyed. You rub your cheek along his chest, his neck, even licking little kisses there- Hoseok’s hip almost jump at the feeling of your rough tongue against his sweet spot. “thank you hobi” 

- His hands come up around your back, holding you to him carefully. “it’s no problem honey, any time” his voice sounds as wrecked as he feels, but it’s soft, even more so soft, when you take the brush from Jimin's hands and start running them through hoseoks curls as well. 

[savedbybangtan]

Masterlist

Here’s the work I’ve done on this blog! Hopefully this will help me and you keep track of what’s going on on this blog.

Right now, I’m sO busy, but hopefully in the future I will sort out the aesthetics of this blog. I write as a form of stress relief (writing helps me to sleep for some reason... I think I have anxiety?Like how the members let Joonie peel potatoes on Bon Voyage to calm him...writing and posting has the same effect for me), so I’ll be writing and posting :), but for now I am not putting very much effort in the entire reading experience - I apologise for this. 

Please, look forward to me spicing up this blog when the semester is over! I have some big plans.

To me, fluff is a soft plot. There will be nothing explicit or made for mature audiences; no sex scenes, no intense language, no drama. Typically, this can be compared to PG13 movie ratings.

Smut is not written for anyone under  the age of 18. If you are 17 and younger please do not read the stories that I’ve tagged as such.

Not Delulu (Kim Namjoon)

Summary: You always hated women who dated kpop idols and are so glad that your ultimate bias, Kim Namjoon, has never disappointed you by being involved in such a scandal. You swear you’re not a delusional fan who doesn’t want him to be happy. You truly just want what’s best for him.

               Apparently, He just wants whats best for you, too <3.

Chapter warning tags: mild invasion of privacy?

1,498 words

Puppy Love (Jeon Jungkook)

Summary: At this point, you’re not even trying to remedy the issue.

smut, dubcon, stalking, possessive, unprotected sex (wrap it up yall), pwp, one shot, unhealthy relationship

1,498 words

Let Me Love You (Park Jimin)

Summary: She lucked out one too many times. Luckily, Jimin was there to ‘save’ her.

Warning tags: smut, dubcon, stalking, possessive, unprotected sex (wrap it up yall), slight yandere?

2,916 words

Smell the Roses (Kim Jin)

Summary: A woman living alone in the city makes a new friend, Jin.

Smut

Warnings: smut, dubcon, mild stalking, possessive, unprotected sex (wrap it up yall)

5,503 words

Intermittent Fasting (Jung Hope)

Summary: She changes her entire being to be perfect for Hoseok. Don’t you think she has a right to him?

Smut

Warnings: fluff?, smut, drinking, drug use

2172 words

A Phantom Came at Night (Kim V)

Summary: You never thought Taehyung would take things this far.

(This is heavily based on Singularity.)

Genre: Thriller

2,200 words

Document (Min Suga)

Smut

You and your fwb, Suga, have sex.

999 words.

Miss Connection (Kim Namjoon)

Fluff

Namjoon takes a break from work and encounters a strange, shy girl.

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Coming Soon!!!

I don’t want to spoil what I’m writing about so I wont include any summaries for these. Instead, I will use a “purity” scale that I think would be more useful. For this scale, a 1 would signify that it is normal and free of disturbing or deep themes while a 10 would mean its highly disturbing. The rating will be in parentheses next to the title.

*The reason why Tae and Jiminie has so little drafts is because my stanning goes in cycles, and when I had cycled through them, I was not writing fanfics yet lol. I honestly didnt think I would reach the part of stanning where I wrote fanfics tbh but here I am ahaaa.

**This list does not include ideas on stickynotes or my unholy OT7 fics. I have three separate degenerate fics that include OT7 x Reader. There are like 10 sticky notes I have for ideas for fics that I will most likely use for vmin. 

JHS

Its Just a Phase/Gothic (2)

Smut, Angsty af

A Reason/Mafia AU (7)

Smut (ofc), unhealthy character, mental illness innit

Magic Shop/Magic (4)

Smut, violence, kinda depressing

Intermittent Fasting (6)

New Chapters As I wrote in the first part’s summary, its going to get darker.

Zion (1)

One shot, Pure smut, pwp, cute imo

PJM

Psychological (7.5)

Yandere, Smut, disturbing

This one is up next! Update: Posted under new title!

JJK

Gym (6)

No smut, no fluff, no angst. more thriller like

Missed You  (2)

Smut, might add angst 

Retrospect (5)

PTSD, domestic abuse, physical abuse, violence

Siren (10)

noncon, unhealthy relationship, mc cant get a break

Summer (9)

Smut, Angst, idk if the rating is high because a main theme is personal to me and i think its the worse thing a man can do.

Tutor (1)

fluff, <3

KNJ

Miss Connection (2)

New Chapters!!! 

I really want to finish it even though its a series.

Language Barriers/”Hyung” (1)

Fluff, Smut

Most pure thing I’m writing tbh

Guinea (1)

Drabble, domestic, smut because why not

Respectful (3 for cringe themes)

Smut drabble 

Not Delulu (7)

smut, unhealthy themes

This one is up next :)  Posted the first chapter! Now I’m working on the second. I’m having a lot of fun writing this one rn.

KSJ

Smell the Roses (3)

New Chapters!!! 

This one is up next!!!! - (2Jan2021)

Cyber Sex (2)

Smut, not illegal but weird so it has a 2 rather than a 1, unhealthy themes but not so so bad

This Is Not an Exit (5)

idek. angst for sure

Together/Regret (2)

Angst, unhealthy themes

Love Aesthetic (1)

The name is the explanation

KTH

Separate (2)

Smut, angst

MYG

Dae (4)

Little smut, scifi?

Debut (2)

Angst, Smut

Graduate (2)

Smut

[vnshkk]

Let's talk about Kyo's media blackout.

It is with a slight reluctance that I post this. It's not wise to mention Tanuki online nor share what they talk about within the overseas fandom for a multiple of reasons. 

1. I don't want them to get angry at me

2. I don't want the overseas fandom to flip out and judge the Japanese fandom

3. I just want everyone to be chill and happy and flowers

But I've seen a lot of people freaking out, a lot of random theories floating around and people worrying so I wanted to post this theory and open it for discussion. 

Of course this isn't fact. It's pure speculation. But given the timeframe, PERSONALLY I feel like this may have had something to do with Kyo decision. 

So I post this with two DISCLAIMERs. 

1. As mentioned this is not in any way fact. There is no proof that Kyo does or doesn't look at Tank. I simply find it interesting the sequence of events, the timing of the media blackout and I am only translating this for those who are interested. I hope this doesn't cause any huge arguments or any bad blood. It's simple here to discuss and consider.

2. Please do not judge the whole fandom based on Tank. Just like any forum, any comment section on the world wide web; there will be people who leave negative feed back. It is a tiny portion of people and not a reflection of the Japanese fandom as a whole. Judging them based on what they said would be like someone looking at negative comments or sarcastic jokes on Tumblr and judging the English speaking fandom. That's not to say what they post is okay, but it's just dumb shit posting and shouldn't be taken to heart. 

you get me fam?

Okay, so I contemplated posting screenshots and translating what happened immediately after Kyo changed his profile picture up to when he deleted everything but as I said I don't want to be taken out by angry tank users so I'm just gonna translate a selection of posts. 

These posts are taken from the Meg thread (remember the girl linking arms with him at a concert? That's Meg.) which to be honest is a shit show. It was a thread born from those notorious pics and for over a year now has remained a place where people post rumours, shit talk, complain and just make shit up a lot of the time. So please, AGAIN, bare that in mind. It is a place of negativity born from a scandal that shocked a lot of the fandom. Aint nothing nice ever gonna be said there. Periodt. In reality a lot of the people who post there are still fans of Kyo. I think they're just still a little hurt by the way it came to light about Meg. 

After Kyo posted his new picture I checked tank before going to bed because I was curious about what their reactions would be and everyone had exploded. During the 7 hours I was asleep Kyo deleted everything and left the internet forever so tbh given the fact he was probably bored in a hotel in Fukuoka, just did a radio show, probs wanted to see peoples reaction, etc I personally, believe he was on Tank. This is a running theme in the thread itself and people often say he actively browses it (this is not a major thing, a lot of guys in bands browse tank same as celebs browse twitter. Why Kyo would look at the meg thread in particular? idk. ) 

SO TLDR 

Yesterday around 7pm the thread suddenly changed to mixed reactions after Kyo changed his Twitter pic. 

"His new twitter icon had me shook lol" 

"I hope he changes his instagram one too" 

"Idk I don't like how quickly he's become some kind of social media old fogey" 

"Kyo's turned into a social media monster too" (*edit; my bad Yuchi is beer monster, Shinya is social media monster lol)

"It's kinda cheap" 

"I get you, it's like he's lost his values" (probably because Kyo has always made big deal about how much of himself he shares) 

 It continued like that for a while with people more or less saying the same thing until he posts about leaving social media.

"He just suddenly said he's not gonna do social media anymore" 

"lol after he went to all the effort of changing his profile picture" 

"I'm shook" 

"annoying 40 year old nut job" 

"Bet you he came on here"  

"Do you normally change you icon then quit" 

"Join Kyo online" 

"idg why even though Kyo's had so many haters since he first started twitter he's suddenly affected by it??" 

"I still think he's cute even when he's sulking like this lol" 

"I knew he was looking at Tanuki"

"I don't get why he's suddenly deleting it after all this time?? It's like what is this old man on about?" 

"It's lame how he's making such a big deal of out saying he's quitting" 

(lots of people agreed with this post saying that he's acting childish)

"I wonder what happened? Like everything seemed fine recently. I mean we'll never know but like I'm sure he has a lot going on.." 

"I can't believe he basically wiped his instagram clean but left all the pics of cake and omurice lmao" 

"If only he'd go to sleep earlier and eat a banana the serotonin would fix everything" 

The random comments and mixed reactions continued for all of Friday.  One of the main points that stuck out after the initial reactions was how people began to become suspicious that this was merely a tactic to get people to join Kyo online with people claiming this was typical of business man kyo,  that it was about that time of year where they usually begin to advertise and promote in order to get new members. 

So, allow me to play devils advocate for a second. As someone who is a member of Kyo online I have to admit since he started posting more and more online (compared to hardly ever on Kyo online), the membership has become more or less invalid. In the past it was worth the money for the videos and pictures that as fans we rarely saw. But if he's going to post them online then it raises the question (tickets to concerts aside) is there any point in being a member if you can just get the content for free?  I'd imagine that this plays some kind of role in why the reactions are often negative. Members of Kyo online have suddenly gone from having something exclusive that was only for them, to simply being a part of something anyone can access. 

Another point someone brought up is that whilst it's acceptable for Kyo to be upset. It is very, very childish and the timing is selfish.  Sukekiyo literally made their instagram days ago and suddenly Kyo states how he isn't going to post online anymore. This act instantly casts a negative feel on Sukekiyo's insta. It almost gives a vibe that any picture Kyo is in might be "against his will". Kyo is not new to criticism. He's been in this game for 20 plus years. Everyone who is in the Indies scene knows about Tank. Every fan, every bandmen, knows it's a bad place filled with mostly shit posting and rumours and doesn't represent fans a whole. 

The meg thread is simply fans flogging a dead horse, posting any poor Japanese girl with a straight fringe and some tattoos, anyone who looks even a little like Meg and saying she MUST be a groupie of Kyo. Which begs the question why would Kyo go there? Why would he look at that? Why would he want to subject himself to that kind of thing and then punish the majority for some dumb comments a few bored fans made? What was he expecting by going there?

Of course there is no proof Kyo lurks. But the reality is he probably does, I mean he's only human, he' s bound to be curious about fans reactions for Madara, etc and where else to get honestly reactions than an anonymous forum? Personally, as someone who has lurked tank for a few years now, I think he reads it. There have been times in the past where he's mentioned certain things, done certain things and I've thought "hmmm that's weird tank was literally talking about that". But once again there's no proof. It's just one of those vibes you get sometimes. (one major one I can think of is during the interview for mode of gauze where he said everyone massively complained about it. I know people can submit questionnaires after lives but I feel that a lot of Japanese people are more brutally honest when they can hide behind anonymity. ) 

Considering the "staff" posted a pic of his feet on the sukekiyo instagram today, I feel like this is just Kyo being (sorry to say) butthurt and it might just blow over.  A lot of the comments mention his age, mention how he's clearly trying and failing to copy 20 year olds by using insta, that he's lame or cringe and that's gonna hurt anyones pride. But I honestly think Kyo should be looking at the billions of comments on instagram of people who love him rather than a few trolls online. 

So with that being said I hope this was an interesting read and gave a little insight into why Kyo is often private. It was a big deal that he was posting so much and actively using instagra. I for one was very happy. I believe that in this day and age it is something that is required in order to engage with your audience and keep a good relationship. Hazuki and Ruki are good examples of this and Ive been saying for the longest time I wish Kyo would get more on board with it. So it's a shame he's left at the first hurdle. 

Oh well. This is why we can't have anything nice isn't it. 

[multi-fandomtrashtm]

We Made It. Fairy Tail Finale: Chapter 545

We made it, guys. Through the high blood pressure, grins and tears, we made it. To celebrate, I’ll go back to my old style of reviewing; page by page.

Finale or not, prepare for salt. I’ll try to be as calm as possible.

This is a nice cover, but Levy looks very out of place. She’s not really that important of a character. 

Oh cool, Lucy won an award. That’s nice. I honestly kind of forgot that she’s a writer since it’s barely mentioned. 

Look at the upper left hand corner of that group shot. Those are all of the characters that despite them frequently appearing, we know almost nothing about. And Lisanna is a catgirl for some reason. 

Not much to say here. 

If that cup is not made of iron,is Gajeel eating glass?

I’m so confused by drunk Juvia. Why do you feel the need to strip as well?

Lucy looks good with a ponytail.

Ugh. Anna...can you just...die? There’s literally no reason for you to still be here. Natsu, you remember her? Bruh, why did you never say anything??

Cue Gajevy ship tease. That’s about the twins from the spinoff I bet. 

Wendy being an idol is...the only change from the timeskip that stuck except for power levels. Also, good for Chelia, now we can say that there were no consequences for the war whatsoever. Great.

With how they’d been mostly ignored during the war, I was not expecting to get news about them. And of course Kagura fanservice because reasons.

Juvia, you are the only girl in this series that I’ve seen wear a bra consistently and appropriately. Just wanted to point it out. 

 And here we go with the gruvia. I stand corrected. Gray and Juvia have scars. Amazing. And yes Juvia, your body. I’m not sure why you’re questioning that statement? 

I’m absolutely confused. What was that moment? What are you trying to say with “maybe it should be mine”? Why are you getting all stuttery and embarrassed NOW? You guys lived together for 6 months. What happened to that “answer” you promised? Apparently it wasn’t much because only you have changed your behavior, Gray. And quite abruptly, I might add. Do you guys see what I mean about gruvia now? This behavior makes no sense because up until this point, Gray and Juvia have had the exact same dynamics no matter what happens. This change should’ve happened sooner and over time. 

Obligatory Elfgreen. Haha, all of the main (straight) Laxus crack ships were acknowledged. All of those shippers must be laughing. 

Oh look, Erza’s boobs.

I don’t mind Hisui being queen and I think it’s great that she made the effort to establish a diplomatic relationship with another nation. However, the abrupt politics is very odd and has me thinking about the magic council again. What happened to them after Tartaros, anyway? Where have they even been during the war?

Hisui: I also know about your sins. But I’m more concerned about the future than the past.

Translation: Look, compared to Acnologia and Alverez, y’all ain’t done shit so let’s just move on. 

Never expected Erza of all people to have trouble reading. But then again, Lucy had a way more privileged upbringing with proper education so...yeah. I can see her being more booksmart. 

So she started brushing her hair as a sign that she’s actively waiting for Jellal. Okay, but just...Erza, you’ve waited years for this man at this point. Just go after him yourself. 

Why his legs of all things? That’s so random. Genuinely surprised to see Porlyusica at a party. Didn’t think she was the social type. 

Yeah, no. This moment is meaningless. That is not Mavis or Zeref and those are not their reincarnations with their souls. Somehow, those two had doppelgangers running around for more than a decade and we’re just now seeing them. 

“It’s really hot this August.” Stop. I’m getting flashbacks. He was screwed over beyond belief. 

Okay, but why is everyone smiling like this is a perfectly normal and happy thing? I would be flipping out if I saw clones of my guild’s “tactician” and greatest enemy. 

Good for you, Romeo. Those old guys are kinda cringe, tbh. No. No no no no. Kinana, no. Stop. You and Erik? No. That ship is the most unnecessary and out of nowhere thing ever. It is built off of anime only filler. If you’ve only read the manga, it makes no sense. 

Required reference to the early days of Happy screwing Lucy over in a comedic fashion. 

Drunk Lucy=Cringe.

Pages 31-32 Why are you suddenly getting emotional, though? He’s told you that you’ve got a job to go on a billion times at this point. These are some seriously random and out of place flashbacks. 

Pages 33-35 Nalu fuel because this is the closest that they’ll ever get to canon. 

...The ambigiousness of that “we’ll be together forever” infuriates me with unsatisfaction. I don’t ship nalu, but the lack of any cementing evidence here is killing me. 

Oh look, everyone looks the same as the early days. It would bring nostalgia if they’d changed in appearance at all since that point.

A 100 year quest? Cool, but what is it, though?

Really wishing that that question had been answered at some point. Frankly, that question has been completely irrelevant throughout this entire series. We didn’t really need it at all.

HOLY SHIT, IS JUVIA INTERACTING WITH FREED?? SOMEONE WHO’S NOT GRAY?!

The funny thing is that if anyone hadn’t read FT Zero, they’d have no idea how important Zera actually is.

Aaaand, that’s it. We made it. Fairy Tail has come to an end. Well, the first thing that I can tell you is that this finale was not very good. Despite constantly teasing ships to the point of ignoring actual friendships in favor of ship moments, only 2 major ships have been confirmed as together. I think. Unsure if Elfgreen counts as canon, but for now, I’ll just count it as that. 

Despite all of my salt and rage and frustration, I will miss this series. I spent a lot of my time and energy into rants about this series and it’ll be strange to not rage at or look up spoilers for a new chapter every week. I really did love this series in the beginning. I think I started watching in 2013. I binge watched the anime then started reading the manga. It was happy reading until I find ForneverWorld’s Youtube. He discussed each chapter and pointed out flaws that I’d never quite realized before. Even so, I got excited over the 2014 adaption then disliked the animation despite all of the hype. I liked the music, though.

 Fast forward a bit and one day, I run into @ac-fairytail ‘s blog. Their posts about Juvia stung a little, but it was their other posts about Gruvia that were a slap in the face. THOSE hurt, but it did make me realize the faults in my OTP and at that point I started criticizing FT more as I read it. From there, I found @fairytail-whathesays whose posts turned me into the bitter old lady I am now. I found myself agreeing with a majority of their criticisms and had to acknowledge that Fairy Tail was turning to shit. I refused to stop liking Gray, though. I think I found @the-archangel-of-zeref in between finding those two? Not sure. But I agreed with some of their opinions too. 

Right around the time FT started getting edgy, I started looking for fanfics. I found some good ones, mostly Gratsu at first. It was only last year that I realized that almost all of the fanfics I’d read were probably better than FT 2016-2017. 

I guess I just wanted to reflect on things. Overall, I regret that this series ended on such a terrible note. I really do wish that it had lived up to its full potential. I think a big part of it is that Mashima didn’t have competition for the most part. Therefore, nothing pushed him to improve/change his storytelling methods and the quality of his work. I also think that if FT hadn’t been ecchi, we could’ve avoided a lot of terrible/unnecessary moments. I do wish Mashima good luck on his next project, however, I hope that he does it right this time. I will read his future work that he was oh-so-excited about. I have a feeling that excitement made him start rushing to end FT so that he could move on already.

Now then, I’m going to start reviewing the following series: 

Boruto: Naruto Next Generations

Boku No Hero Academia 

I’ve caught up to both anime adaptions. If you have any other ongoing shounen to recommend, pls send an ask or reblog this post with the title & if it’s good or not. 

Don’t worry, I’m not going to rip these two apart as well. They’re actually pretty good. 

[pother]

It’s hard to stay positive about myself. It just feels easier to beat myself up in preparation for the times I’m going to fail or the times that people will inevitably make me feel stupid through ‘friendly’ arguments or because by being timid as to not make other people feel dumb, I’ve been type casted as stupid. Also doesn’t help that my memory and math skills are shit and I can be really bad at phrasing questions 

It’s just more of a reason to give up at that point though, and to not care about trying to make sure I never make anyone feel inferior or dumb by correcting them or asserting my ideas over theirs. Like.... I haven’t been doing that as much lately but I’d fucking bend over backwards before. “I think this is...” “Wouldn’t it be....” “Wait, it works like this, right?” Like y’all I fucking phrase questions to sound like I’m unsure a lot so that way you won’t feel like you’re being corrected. Because I know that can be embarrassing but all my friends in highschool were for the most part painfully unsure of themselves or at least less aggressively ready to turn me into the Stupid Child of the group, so I didn’t want them to feel spoken over or dumb, and I guess for some reason I assumed everyone didn’t like to feel that way.  Like I’m not asking for people to go to the extremes I have in the past by second/third/fourth guessing themselves before even considering that the other person might be wrong. Cause that’s not healthy.

But I would really like it if no one ever called me stupid ever again in my god damn life. Nothing happened recently, I just think about how one of my friends would do that, or how I’ve accidentally labelled myself as lazy and it’s become another type cast thing. Like I have lazy days sure. But fuck, I do things when people ask me to. Pay close fucking attention because I onlt procrastinate on things that are beneficial to me only. My room is a mess, my laundry isn’t done, etc etc, but hey, dishes need cleaning?? Living room is a mess?? Someone’s hungry? I got this.  I’m not lazy. I’m not. I just hate myself a little bit.  I guess because I keep telling myself how little I matter over all. I know people care about me but some times it feels like they only care about me because of the attention I give them, and my only worth as an existing creature is being an emotional provider.  I know that’s not true. I know that for a fact, and that a lot of people care about me genuinely because I’ve been a good friend to them in the past. I’m just afraid of screwing that up. Or of people getting too close to me and then me never being able to get away. I don’t want a relationship to be one sided and I don’t want to have to take care of someone and be there for them non stop because I’ve done that like 3 fuckin times and it sucks. 

I’m a hypocrite too because there’s nothing wrong with me at all. I’m honestly just venting right now, and I don’t need help, I guess I just want to know someone cares about me enough to worry without expecting anything from me in return which is probably selfish?????? Tbh I just want someone kind and empathetic to care about me, and I want to be able to care about them too in the same way. I like taking care of people, but I’ve just been taken advantage of in that department too many times to pour myself into someone who can’t/won’t care about me too in the ways I need. I just want quiet, comfortable company, and to stop stressing out every 8 seconds about making a conversational misstep by stuttering over a word or forgetting a date or not being careful about packaging liberal ideas in ways that are excessively non threatening. 

So much of existing comfortably is just building up a reputation so people won’t question every single thing you say, or worse, dismiss you, and apparently being timid and careful to make sure you never hurt someone else’s feelings is a good way to let people know it’s okay to talk over you and treat you like a ‘doofus’ and I use the word ‘doofus’ because it’s an insult on someone’s intelligence that has the audacity of sounding like it’s being affectionately deployed.  “You’re stupid but I still love you” Fuck you I’m not your god damn pet. “Oh Lauren~” Yeah funny.

One of my friends once compared me to Carl Pilkington. I love life and new experiences and having an open mind. I also like to extrapolate on fantastical and inane ideas because I think it’s funny. The fact that some people can’t distinguish between a jokingly proposed hypothetical and an idea born of ignorance drives me nuts. The fact that people will ignore my good qualities and try to impose bad ones over me to make me into the slovenly comedic relief of their imagined sit com of a life drives me even more crazy. 

It’s just subtle things, you know???? It is easy to get to know people if you spend enough time around them. It’s easy to put yourself in their shoes, understand what you can, and care about them. It’s easy and it’s worthwhile because then you can make them happy and cheer them up and offer them what I really really hope is a genuinely understanding and judgment free environment to vent and open up and feel cared for but it all starts with making an effort to understand them without judging them.

That’s what friends do in my mind. That’s what I try to do for all the people I consider my friends.  Why can’t they do that for me too? Why do I feel like any bit of compassion I get can be easily snatched away if I dare to assert the fact that I’m not unintelligent or lazy or lowly. Why do I feel like, if I ask for respect, I’ll get laughed at or judged, or people will just push me away because it’s easier to have an emotional foot stool who you can kick around to make yourself feel better, even if it’s just a little bit now and again. 

Maybe I am actually just a huge, useless, whiny, lazy, ugly idiot. No one ever tells me I’m not. When I joke about it, no one tells me I’m not. It’s okay to beat myself up in front of my friends as long as they can laugh at it. 

Fuck that. Fuck me. I always think about stepping in front of cars on the road or standing on ledges way up high. I don’t want to die and I don’t want to commit suicide, but sometimes I just want something to hit me really hard and hurt so I know I’m still here and that, despite it, my body still endured. Some part of me is able to survive and endure and I can remember my mortality and appreciate my life. I’m not suicidal and I’m not depressed, I’ve thought about it a lot. But I’m extremely sensitive about my intelligence and worth and I need that to be understood and respected, and I WANT that to be understood and respected without me having to bring it up. You should know intuitively what makes your close friends cringe and get upset, but I guess it’s my fault for trying to never look upset or express it so people don’t feel bad about hurting my feelings. Argh. Fuck me. I’m either bad at letting people in or people are bad at being LET in. It’s just easier to push them out and stop trying. People drift away and leave all the time anyways. I wonder how much of this comes from the unhealthy relationships I’ve had all my life. Unhealthy codependence and escapism and masks. You show every bit of yourself, and people pick one aspect they think is unusual or funny and exaggerate it and then try to keep you within that one field. That’s why, I think I’m starting to learn, that’s why it’s important to talk about things you’re good at and show some false confidence. It always felt like bragging and lying to me. I don’t want to presume I have any special skills or talents over other people. I’d rather let it speak for itself and try to learn from every one by treating everyone like my equal if I can?? I sound seriously pretentious. The good news is this is so long no one will read it which is nice. I like to vent like this. It’s sort of better than poetry because poetry meant to be shared that’s about the authors personal feelings about being pettily wronged, I feel, can get really pretentious real fast.  “EVERYONE LOOK. I FEEL EMOTIONS SO STRONGLY,,, THAT I’VE TURNED MY SUFFERING INTO STANZAS.”  Just, makin shit with the express purpose of sharing it to an audience WHEN you’re doing it to put yourself on a pedestal rather than give others things to relate to, it just seems really narcissistic and not cool. But lookit me being judgy on my high horse. Anyways the vent outside turned off and the sound of my fingers typing all alone in the dark at 3 AM is disconcerting so I’m gonna end this rant session here good bye good bye, someone hurry up and love/believe in me or need me cause anything unneeded is unnecessary lololol

[theonstyles]

Eurovision 2017

[happyieness]

Truth is that I’ve heard about this drama since it was aired (and the fact that it was Nam Joo Hyuk, huh. Of course I’ve heard about this). BUT I wasn’t really planning to watch it (at least not so soon). However, people talk about this drama. A LOT. So I got curious. And honestly, watching this drama was one of the best decisions I’ve made in 2016! I watched it on the last day of 2016 - how cool was that (but anyway). 

I thought it was just another (boring) drama with nice actors but this drama is anything BUT boring. I was so hooked (still am, tbh) on the first episode. But my favorite part? When Joon Hyung agreed to see a clinician (I was actually expecting that he wouldn’t.) I thought it was just another drama that will worsen the stigma by refusing to seek professional help BUT NO. At that very moment, when he agreed with his brother that he will do it, I know that I will love it.  And this drama is more than that so allow me list the things I love about it:

One. This is a very good tool to promote mental health (honestly, in one way or another, it is). Remember: you can always seek for professional health and there’s NOTHING wrong with that. Joon Hyung wasn’t even ashamed about this fact. He even helped Si Ho out. They’ve shown what really happens to people who are suffering from mental disorders. And I am actually impressed on how they’ve presented the signs and symptoms of disorders. Well done!

Two. It wasn’t annoying. Honestly there’s not a single episode that I did not enjoy. Every episode is a masterpiece (and gets better all the time!). So how can I not love this? I usually can’t finish a drama (but I was able to watch episodes 1-13 in an unhealthy amount of times in span of one week. Thanks to Christmas break!) And I couldn’t wait to watch episode 14 that I even watched the raw video three times and watch the subbed video.... I don’t know. I’m not even sure anymore. And episode 15... man. You have no idea. I just love everything.

Three. You will love all the characters. All. Even the minor characters. WHY? They all felt real. No extra mean people, everyone acts with justification (except maybe Joon Hyung’s (biological) mom because she’s the only character I’m not really fond of), the characters are there for a reason. They’ve portrayed the daily lives of people well and I think that’s beautiful. I like real. That’s what I always look for whenever I read a book or watch dramas. REAL. Lastly, the character development is fucking awesome.

Four. Kim Bok Joo is a really brilliant character. ISTG everyone can connect to her in one way or another. She’s that character. You just can’t not love her. She’s woman enough to be a proud woman (and honestly, we should never be ashamed of being one!). And besides, I think Lee Sung Kyung did well. I mean, I fell in love with her (and her acting). So, so, so, so good! I also like the fact that she had been in a slump because truth be told, that’s life. Life is not always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes we have to let ourselves breath. It’s always okay to quit or take a rest. Bok Joo just proved us that. It doesn’t matter how well you think you are. Time will come that life will... happen.

Five. Jung Joong Hyung. We all  need a person in our lives like Jung Joon Hyung. He’s just so... perfect. Not perfect perfect but perfect. He’s a sweetheart. You get me? He’s not over-the-top nice (unbelievably nice), he’s not annoying, he’s got his own problems to deal with just like any normal person, he’s a good friend, and just a nice person (character) in general. Most of the characters like this are the second male leads but, clearly, Jung Joon Hyung is the fucking lead. And I couldn’t imagine this character being portrayed by other actors. So as Bok Joo’s character. It was as if Sung Kyung and Joo Hyuk are made for this drama. Actually, it was as if all the actors are made for this drama.

Six. The characters felt real so what’s next? The story! Yes. I mean, come on. Most of (if not all) the dramas are just... too meh. They’re just unrealistic (except if it’s fantasy, of course). Because you know, fiction came from reality. And most dramas just give us a different kind of reality (which is probably their purpose) but why remove it from the actual reality that we have? Reality sucks. We’ve clearly seen it in this drama. But it can’t be all that bad. There’s hope for all of us (I probably sound way too optimistic but the drama made me, tbh). I know that some of you will tell me otherwise but to tell you the truth, you wouldn’t have watched this drama if it wasn’t for that. I’m pretty sure you’ve seen reality with this one. It was its charm.

Seven. Bok Joo and Joon Hyung’s healthy relationship. I know that not all relationships can be healthy but this broke all the stereotypes in drama world. No abusive relationship. No bullshit. At all. And once in a while, this is all we need.

Eight. They’re the cutest fucking couple. Their sweetness is not annoying. Normally cringe-y couple stuff are no no no for me but I guess I have to make an exemption. They’ve surpassed all the dramas I’ve watched.

Nine. It has its fair shares of meh parts but just like what I’ve said, there’s not a single boring episode. Every episode is worth your time. It wasn’t perfect perfect but perfect (as per my concept of ‘perfect’ - flawed but makes an impact. REAL!).

Ten. Now that it’s about to reach its end (actually, it already did... they’re done with the filming and I... just feel like crying), I think I can already say this: a masterpiece. Sometimes you don’t need those exaggerated things. All you - we - need are the simplest of things that count.

So currently it’s my favorite (I don’t even watch other dramas, I mean I did. I used to. But right now I’m kind of busy so I really shouldn’t be the one to compare but then again I’ve talked and I’ve seen enough people talk about how good this drama is so I think that makes up for it!). So 4.5/5 stars (I don’t give 5. Never have.)