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atopearth · 3 years

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Collar X Malice Part 1 - Enomoto Mineo Route

It was hard choosing between Cafe Enchante, Code Realize and Collar X Malice, but I decided to choose the latter because I think it sounds the most interesting to me, and I'm not really in the mood for magical or steampunk fantasy hahaha. I'm still not really into the art style of Collar X Malice though haha. Anyway, I always find it saddening to see people killed for a group's justice/ideologies since a lot of the time, it's not like they particularly targeted a specific person, but alike this case, they target a specific group of people - the police. It always makes me wonder about how cruel it is thinking how of all people, it had to be them, and what other people who were "luckily" not in their place would feel? Would they feel guilty but happy that it wasn't them? Or just rage over the idea that they've done this to their colleagues? It's always terrible to think about the lost of freedom of the captured, how they live in fear for months over the possibility of their incoming death, and then having to experience death without even really knowing why it had to be them. I already find the setting quite interesting, not only does it seem like a terrorist organisation is rampant, but the government decides that enclosing people inside Shinjuku to find these terrorists before the supposed X-Day is the best measure, and even giving people over the age of 20 guns for self-defence is certainly a fascinating way to handle things. It obviously isn't a great idea, but I'm curious to see what would happen~ Wow, it was obvious things would be tense but seeing normal people aim their guns at police officers calling them useless to vent out their stress and anger at being stuck in Shinjuku is pretty scary... this is definitely not a good time to be a police officer. I think it's great to see how different both Mochida and Ichika are, but still see how they both are really kind in their own ways. Mochida may have been a hot-headed guy back in the day (as he says), but seeing him right now shows how mature and strong he is. He knows how to calmly handle situations, and also prioritise protecting Ichika. I think it's really sweet to know that when the guns were first distributed to citizens, Ichika used to get really scared when people would pull the gun on her, but Mochida would always protect her. It's nice to see that she's now also grown enough to handle it in her own way by calmly writing down their firearm numbers (on each individual gun to identify people).

Saeki seems like a cool guy too! I love how he encouraged her during their training academy days that to shoot is to protect, and that helped her have the conviction to try her best to practise shooting with a gun. I love how Ichika trains daily even though it seems like her department doesn't really "need" it, I like her passion for her work. Feels bad for Ichika that she had to experience near-death from poison, that's pretty scary. On the other hand, the CG with Yanagi desperate to save her was pretty. I thought Enomoto was the harsh one, but it seems like it's actually Sasazuka who is hahaha. Shiraishi seems like the mad scientist type, but a fun one? Lol. Ooh he does criminal profiling and is the director of the Field Ops team/the forensic part of things. Hmmm so Yanagi and them are all former cops. I wonder what the people who put the collar on Ichika mean when they call her a sympathiser that may exact their will in the future? How does killing police and other people through the X-Day incidents exact the justice they desire? Maybe there's more to the specific people they killed and the police are hiding it? Lmaooo when Enomoto did his introduction to Ichika and took out a fan for the kabuki style intro hahahaha.

Aww, Okazaki is so cute, I like him, I think he's my favourite right now. He seems innocent but suspicious at the same time haha. On the other hand, Sasazuka is pretty intense, I felt sorry for Ichika when he so chillingly stared at her at such a close distance, like geez personal space please, even if you hate her lol. I'll admit that the questions she asked were pretty obvious, but that's because I can see it objectively whereas she's actually in the situation so it's more tough for her. At least Yanagi is nice enough to explain anything she doesn't understand. Lmao when Okazaki fell asleep on her shoulder. I think it's really nice how Okazaki gives off such a gentle feel, I guess it's not too hard to gauge what kind of person Ichika is considering how easily she went along with him and even let him sleep on her shoulder for half an hour lol. Honestly if I had to pick a suspicious Adonis guy, I would have to pick Saeki (sorry if I'm wrong😂), mainly because I feel like he understands her passion best and he even spends time drinking with her and knows her quite well. Lmao I find it so cute how "traditional" Enomoto is being shocked at Ichika taking the drunk Saeki back to his house and having gone over to his house many times loll. HAHAHA when Saeki kinda woke up for a bit and said Enomoto must be Ichika's boyfriend and they both rejected the idea adamantly. The funniest thing was when she said Enomoto wasn't her type (in retaliation of him saying the same thing to her) and he got hurt by it lmaooo.

Ohh I see, so the police officers who were captured and killed in the beginning of the game were actually "corrupt". Hmm it's interesting how each of the incidents involve very different types of cases, it feels more like Adonis is comprised of different people with different thoughts rather than just one team with one objective or just one person. It seems that one thing Adonis can agree on is that it thinks of bullying as the ultimate crime imo🤔 Trust me to be interested in the case that the guy I'm least interested in (Sasazuka) is in charge of. Nothing against Sasazuka but he's not really appealing right now so hopefully he'll change my mind haha. Anyway, I quite like Enomoto so I'm excited to check out his route~ He's the most "normal" I guess? Maybe it's because he's close in age to Ichika so he's straightforward but not super nice like Yanagi, and not so extreme like Sasazuka, and not weird like Shiraishi haha. Enomoto seems like such an awkward guy with women, it's so cute hahaha. HAHAHA, I loved it when he said "I didn't just think you were cute or anything like that!" He's so hilarious. It was cute how she popped an ice cube into his mouth when he drank the scalding hot tea lol. I think it's pretty cute how Ichika already kinda knows how to deal with him lol.

On the other hand, Ichika's little brother seems like such a little shit to her right now lol. He's probably protecting his friend from bullying or whatever but still, his attitude towards his sister is pretty bad. I'm definitely warming up to Sakuragawa, she's like the girl friend Ichika needs that helps her with the guys since they're all confusing to her lol. Is it just me suspecting everyone or does Shiraishi's playfulness telling Ichika to try her best to not die in this collar "test to see if she's worthy by Adonis" sound like the playfulness of Adonis during the May incident with the killing of the four police officers?🤔 Anyway, lmao at how shy Enomoto is that he immediately ran away the moment he accidentally bumped into Ichika, and she tried chasing him but he's way too fast lol. It's so cute how he came running back when she tripped and scraped her leg though lol. Enomoto was so hilarious when he piggybacked her and tried to calm himself down saying he shouldn't think and only feel HAHAHA, not sure if that's gonna help you😂 It's so funny how he doesn't know how to handle all these situations with Ichika but demands to be a gentleman, I love it. I also couldn't help but laugh when he told her the reason he wore an eyepatch is because he respects Date Masamune hahahaha, to be fair, I think it's awesome how much he loves the Sengoku era part of history, and to be fair, the eyepatch thing is pretty hot. Just as I was about to say Sasazuka was really annoying asking whether Ichika was serious about this and talking about her collar, (like dude I'm sure she's the one who is the most worried, she's the one that's going to die, just because she doesn't look like she's doing anything doesn't mean she isn't, she's just not as smart, and it's not like she can throw aside all her other problems just for this), Enomoto stood up for her!! I was so happy. I'm also happy Ichika finally said something against Sasazuka and it was for Enomoto! But it does seem like Sasazuka is kinda concerned for Enomoto or maybe just his case hahaahha. Anyway, sometimes Ichika just takes so much shit from Sasazuka, I honestly feel bad for her.

Omgg, the police officer called Fujii who had been confirmed dead from the April/May incident was actually Enomoto's senior and he really respected him as the embodiment of justice? They even seemed so friendly... No wonder why he lacks the motivation to find the truth about these incidents. He probably wouldn't know what to do if he really found that the guy he admired all this time really was a criminal... But at the same time, since he had the resolve to leave the police for this, shouldn't he hope to investigate and find evidence that maybe Adonis was wrong? But I guess I can see why he would be so down. It honestly broke my heart to see Enomoto filled with anger looking at Fujii's dead body... Especially when he was trying this best to save him by looking everywhere for him... He was so close.. oh..I see, Enomoto really did try to prove Fujii's innocence, until he actually found undeniable evidence of the opposite..That's sad.. Honestly, I thought I would find Enomoto frustrating to deal with, and I guess in a sense he can be, considering how he can't let go of the case but at the same time he's not doing anything about it. But I just relate so much to him being stuck in a rut right now, I just couldn't blame him. His reasons are of course more understandable than mine, but yeah that feeling of being stuck and not knowing how to handle it really kills. Anyway, Ichika in terms of words didn't really do much, but I think just chasing after Enomoto and expressing to him that she wants to continue being his case partner and that she would never betray him was enough, the rest depends on if he can face it and her.

Is that guy with piercings in a band with Kazuki, Okazaki??? That's so random lmao. (EDIT: no, I’m just not used to the art so they looked similar to me LOL, my bad Okazaki!) When it comes to Kazuki, I can understand his frustration considering how his sister never has the time for him and his parents are insistent on him inheriting a boarding house he doesn't care for, but what I hate is how he blames everything on Ichika without looking at his own problems. Whenever Ichika tries in any way to talk to him, he's hostile about it, has he ever cared about her? Has he ever asked her how she's doing?? She's the one that has to go to work so many hours a day during a crappy time like this, and it's not even the best time to be a part of the police, but has he ever thought to ask her how is she doing physically and mentally??? Instead, she's always trying her best to make his meals, feed him properly and using any time she has to speak to him in some way but he never appreciates it and never sees it as anything more as she's "annoying". Yeah, he's going through a rebellious teenage stage but he annoys me so much because it's all about me, me and me, and he doesn't spare a thought to her, she's not even his mother but she has to take care of him like she's one and he still complains about her without even trying to communicate himself. Lmao when Enomoto used Ichika as a body pillow and drunkingly told her how cute he thought she was hahahaha. HAHAHA, I love how dramatic Enomoto is to dogeza to Ichika and apologise for his drunk self, I nearly died when he misunderstood so badly he was about to propose to her😂😂😂 Anyway, Ichika trying to have a proper talk with Kazuki when he's sleeping is definitely not a good idea lol! For one, he's definitely someone who hates waking up, so the idea of her waking him up early + being in his private space would definitely annoy him lol, I still think he's an ass but I feel like Ichika should properly think about and communicate with him to find a time they can both be calm and talk without anything like work interfering. Okay, lmao at Enomoto reciting the numbers for pi to calm himself down, can this guy can get any more funnier and cuter?🤣🤣 Hahahaha, it's so Enomoto to say he wanted to be a policeman because of police dramas right after Ichika talked about her touching story of wanting to help people😂 I honestly can't get enough of Enomoto, I love how straightforward and honest he is complimenting Ichika's food, and I love how he's such a doting older brother. He's so sincere with everything, it's so sweet. Blushing Enomoto is the cutest thing everrr!

Honestly, seeing Enomoto be so mature and own up to Kazuki that it was rude of him for being loud in their apartment was nice, but wow, Kazuki is such a shit that he can't even treat guests with any form of politeness. Like seriously dude, does the whole world owe you something that you feel like you need to treat every person like crap? Hahahah, I love how Ichika decided to tease Enomoto a little bit when he finally returned her feelings (towards the cases), and decided to try again with the investigations having her as his partner. I feel like they suit each other well because they're both unafraid to speak their feelings towards each other and tease each other. HAHAHA LMAO when Enomoto shouted so loudly on the streets asking Ichika to be his partner, I died from laughter, especially when he followed up with a please😂😂😂 It's kinda funny how Yanagi kinda deciphers for Enomoto and them what Sasazuka means even if he's being pretty harsh, he's like Sasazuka's interpreter lmao. Anyway, I'm glad Enomoto also told Yanagi and Sasazuka properly about his intentions and apologising for not doing anything the whole time he's been there. Honestly, I loved the part when Enomoto came to save Ichika, it was just so cool how he put a coat on her (since the thugs told her to strip or they'll kill the hostage) and then beat those guys up. I just love how dorky he can be, but also how mature he is when it's required. I also find it so sweet that Enomoto didn't reprimand her or anything about being rash without a plan, and instead told her that her efforts weren't in vain since it took the thugs off guard and gave him time to subdue them. I really liked the part where Ichika held Enomoto's hand as he talked to her about Fujii. It never really occurred to me that Enomoto would have possibly thought that Fujii died because of him. Since it was because Enomoto started racking up achievements and was transferred to Field Ops that it apparently made Fujii feel desperate to get a promotion, leading to all those false arrests he did... It must hurt to think that the person you respected in the end became desperate for their own position because of you. It's pretty saddening as well since Enomoto genuinely felt encouraged with Fujii's support and words, and it was because of Fujii that he was able to achieve what he could. Personally, I feel that even if Fujii did feel like that, I'm sure he was also happy for Enomoto, because being happy for them but dissatisfied with your own position doesn't have to contradict each other. Anyway, for some reason when Hana appeared, I couldn't help but imagine the idea of Kazuki being a part of Adonis...🤔🤔

I love how easily Enomoto is able to lighten the mood of the story. It's so adorable how he practised before asking Ichika out for lunch hahaha. It's so cute how Enomoto and Ichika bond over pudding hahaha. I think what I love the most about Ichika and Enomoto is how frank they are with each other. There's no misunderstandings because Enomoto will always explain what he means when he says things, and he always tells her his appreciation for what she does. Maybe that's the influence from Fujii, he really knows how to encourage others and reassure them. I find it so funny how Ichika knew Enomoto doesn't like carrots but was too shy and prideful to admit it, so she suggested exchanging her bowl for it and even said she loves carrots sooo much lmao. Enomoto is so honest even when it comes to texts hahaaha, it's cute how he actually told her he thought it would be just them two going to Kazuki's concert. I also really liked how Enomoto helped Ichika to understand that Kazuki doesn't really hate her, he just thinks that she doesn't care about him or his dream, and that's understandable since she's so busy. It became obvious that the crazy one was Hana but I didn't think she would ruin Isshiki's concert considering she's such a big fan of him. But yeah, I really admire Isshiki for being able to pick himself up after losing his big chance at debuting because of Fujii's mistaken arrest, it was also nice to know that Fujii really regretted his actions and sent many letters to apologise for ruining his dream at that time. My heart really hurt for Enomoto having to hear that Fujii begged for his life but Hana happily tortured him to death. It was just so heartbreaking. I honestly can't take it when I hear or hear about people say they don't want to die, it always makes me cry. I can totally feel Enomoto's rage, so I'm glad Ichika was there to remind him of his justice, just like how he was there to remind her to keep calm about Kazuki being a hostage.

LOL I kept missing the trigger for trigger mode because I had no idea where I was supposed to aim for, I had to Google and find out that it's the bold outer red ring lol. Sorry Enomoto for missing so many times lmao. Anyway, Saeki's "last words" do make it seem like he's the Adonis guy who got her caught up in all this with the collar, but at the same time Akito seems like he knows something too? As for Hana, is she being controlled or brainwashed or something? Well, it's okay, I'm just glad that Kazuki and Ichika can finally talk a bit more and have each other both realise that they both do care for each other and were just jealous of what each other had that the other didn't (Ichika was jealous that Kazuki was smart and their parents had expectations of him, whereas for her, they didn't seem to care, but at the same time, Kazuki was jealous of the freedom Ichika had to become a cop like she wanted to). It makes me wonder though, is Adonis actually made up of a bunch of dissatisfied cops? I love how frank Ichika and Enomoto are with each other, it was so cute how they were arguing about how nice Enomoto was being hahaha. I loved it so much when he said she was the best partner he could ever ask for, my heart melted. I also loved how he reassured her about Saeki, since they're police and putting their life on the line for the people they protect is something they all understand. Lmao when Enomoto was so proud that Ichika called him Mineo and wanted to stay as the only one Ichika calls by first name hahaha, he's so silly.

I was wondering what led to the mistaken arrest with Isshiki and Ogata, and omg, that's honestly pretty saddening. I feel more sorry for Ogata though, his life literally fell apart with him losing his job and family when all he did was try to stop the drunk guy from going crazy harassing Isshiki, and then he tried to stop the guy from suiciding but was mistakenly seen to have pushed him. That's bad, especially since what made Ogata admit to his guilt was basically pressure and stress from dealing with it all, and the reputation of Fujii and his testimony made those who handled the case further biased into thinking Isshiki and Ogata really did it. Like, at least for Isshiki, it may have been a chance of a lifetime but he still has people around him who believe in him, but who does Ogata have? It was surprisingly easy to get Ogata to talk, but it's not like he's a professional killer considering he's driven by revenge... Anyway lmao when Sasazuka got some info that would help Mineo but said he didn't do it for him, and Mineo called him a tsundere hahhaha. Anyway, I loved Mineo's confession, it just felt so sincere, sweet and full of affection and care for Ichika, I was super happy for her~ I wonder if Akito was going to join Adonis but decided not to because he realised that if Adonis continued, then Kazuki's dreams would be destroyed (since Shinjuku would be in chaos). I think Ichika personalising her reasons for wanting to stop Adonis other than the killing is wrong thing helped Akito put into perspective that not only are their actions wrong, but also that what they're doing isn't helping people like Kazuki who are trying their best despite all the fear and murders in this city. I assume that the bomb that someone told the police to disarm was related to Akito then. Anyway, I wanted to say Mineo was silly for playing right into Ogata's hands by punching him and stuff, but Mineo is right, even with Ichika's support, this isn't something he can just magically get over especially when it comes to Fujii. Blame the bad guy and not the victim! Otherwise, I'm soo happy with Kazuki and Ichika's relationship right now, they're so cute, I love how he's really helping to encourage her to just straight up tell Mineo her feelings and stop dilly-dallying haha. It was so hilarious when Mineo thought Ichika cooking for him and confessing to him was like a dream or something that's happening after death lmaoo, I'm glad she put him in his place and said it's disrespectful to her for saying that when she's trying so hard to tell him she likes him though haha.

Seeing Ichika and Mineo act as a couple is so cutee, and LOL when Mineo told Kazuki he can call him big brother now hahahahha. I really like Isshiki, I think his speech at the concert was really touching because you could feel how much he was hurt by the wrongful arrest, but at the same time you could feel how grateful he was to the police he originally hated. It doesn't mean he necessarily likes them again, but at least he understands that there are police like Ichika and them who are willing to sacrifice their lives for others and I think thanking them for that was really heartfelt and kind of him to do, especially considering what Ogata is saying on TV now. On the other hand, I really feel for Ogata because imo, he lost much more than Isshiki did. Isshiki may have lost a once in a lifetime chance for his dream, but he never lost himself. For Ogata, he lost everything that supported him as a person, his family, his job, probably his friends, but I think his biggest lost was his sense of justice and his principles. He must have always thought that as long as you do what you think is right, then justice will prevail, but from his wrongful arrest, it was proven untrue and I feel like that was probably what shattered him the most, the fact that what he believed in his whole life (as a person with a strong sense of justice) was a lie. Anyway, I like Minegishi, he's a pretty cool guy, rational and kind. Also glad Sasazuka worked with the police to get Ichika's collar off, I felt so relieved for her, and I loved how Mineo cried a bit after hearing it, he cares about her so much. Aww I really liked how Mineo staged that farce at the TV station to make Ogata realise for himself that the justice he seeks isn't really in the destruction he's trying to cause right now. Otherwise, it's kinda anti-climactic that the route just ended after that lol! It felt so random. But I did think it was cute how Mineo practically proposed to Ichika, and it was nice to see him go back to the police, I think he really belongs there. Adonis just giving up was random since I don't feel like Ogata or the collars were what made up the core of their being and values but whatever, can find that out in other routes. The tragic love ending was pretty sad, like I felt so bad for Ichika, but also for Mineo. Sad for Ichika that she lost what it meant to be a police officer for herself, and sad for Mineo that he thinks that he "ruined" her by making her decide that saving him was more important than the justice she and Mineo strove for together. It was pretty devastating to see Mineo try to tell her that they could get through this together but Ichika couldn't do it and just left, that was pretty heartbreaking. Seeing Ichika's indecision in other bad endings were pretty sad, I think they could have developed them better, especially the one where Mineo shot Ogata, but oh well, not important haha.

Overall, I really loved Mineo. Most of his route was great, but I do think the way they handled Ogata was more awkward than I liked since I feel like, they could have explored his pain better? Other than him repeating how his life was ruined by the police, you didn't really get much of his story from him aside from the fact that he was a guy who believed in justice, which was obvious, so I personally think if they did that better, Mineo could have understood him better too? Like, Isshiki was easier to understand because Kazuki's dream and respect for Isshiki helped to build on his character, but Ogata didn't have that. Anyway, those are probably my only gripes because omg Mineo was such a highlight. Honestly, I didn't expect much from Mineo because whenever anyone mentions this game, it's always about how great Sasazuka and Shiraishi are, but wow, I love Mineo SO MUCH. He never failed to make me smile and laugh throughout the entire route because he was such an earnest, wholesome and sweet guy. I loved how awkwardly he handled relationships and love (it's so cute to see the guy flustered instead every now and then), but it was also great to see how cool he could be when he expressed his thoughts and feelings to Ichika. I really enjoyed the two of them together because it really felt like a normal relationship where they both support each other, tell each other off and work things out together. I could really feel why and how Mineo came to appreciate Ichika, and I could feel why Ichika would fall for someone so cool yet silly. I liked how they dealt with Mineo's past and reasons for being the way he was as well, and I think that was the best part of the route, I really felt his anguish and torment over Fujii, and all his confusion over his beliefs and what he should do now, I absolutely loved all that. Definitely a touching, sweet but also heart-wrenching route, I don't know if the others can top this for me honestly but we shall see!

#collar x malice

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kinkymagnus · 4 years

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Hey I've read a lot of your posts, where Magnus is a trans boy and I like that a lot, but I was wondering if you don't like the canon cis male Magnus? I'd ask you non-anonymously too, but I'm honestly scared of some people's hate messages for a question like this... sorry

long answer long answer lmao

hmgmgmnggg ok so i, hm. ok, i don’t think this was meant in a rude way at all, and i promise im in Education(TM) mode not Kill The Malicious Evil Transphobe(TM) mode like im not, accusing you of anything here, at all

but i do have a few Issues with like, the way this was asked i guess

i will answer your question just--give me a sec, im a little uncomfortable here

also like, ok, i get why you’re sending it anonymously, it’s cool--personally i’ve never seen anyone get hate on behalf of trans magnus headcanons (rather than against them) but i mean, hate can come in all shapes and sizes i guess? and anxiety, so. whatever, it’s fine, i get it

but anyway moving on: first, “canon” cis magnus. my dude... my guy... did at any point magnus say I Am Cisgender or pull out his dick.... like... neither trans or cis magnus is really “canon” just as like, you know, izzy isn’t confirmed straight or bi or pan. we know she likes dudes and personally i think the way she looks at clary indicates she sure do like girls, too, but that doesn’t seem to have been intended so it’s debatable, and that’s basically it.

also, in the context of just like... historical shit, realistically magnus isn’t cis. is he trans in the way i write about (like afab, “pre op”)? no, not necessarily in canon (although he isn’t... not that either i guess--we do see his flat chest, no scars, but HYPOTHETICALLY that could be a glamour, or the scars are magically healed. we know he has an adams apple, but there ways to do that without magic, let alone with magic. so like. i’m just saying.)

but like, he wouldn’t be cis how we understand it either by the simple virtue of being much older than the western gender binary as we know it. even if he was born with a penis and all of that and identified as a Man(TM) And Nothing Else that wouldn’t mean his idea of masculinity/manhood would be the same as ours, or that it wouldn’t at least be shaped by very different factors. so like. even if my version of trans magnus isn’t confirmed canon, cis magnus certainly isn’t either i think. that might be slicing hairs or getting finnicky with language, but it’s how i feel about it.

and just assuming that he’s canonically cis rubs me the wrong way, like, characters aren’t cishet by default, you know? obviously the writers probably weren’t intending to make him trans, and cc certainly wasn’t when she stole his character from dark hunters and made it “her own”, or else there’d be a bunch of transphobic tropes in there, but like, you know, death of the authors, we make sense of canon now. intentions arguably don’t matter, we do with the story what we will, especially when working within it.

again i don’t think you were necessarily being like “well magnus is canonically cis so :/” but it rubs me the wrong way and is something i’ve seen before so like, yeah

secondly, “trans boy” magnus versus “cis male” magnus. why boy, anon. why boy

(god why does “why boy” sound like a bizarre t-shirt slogan or a mbmbam segment--NO, BRAIN. WE ARE ON SERIOUS BUSINESS.)

but seriously tho like the sort of infantilization of trans men is really a thing (seeing them as “soft bois” and “uwu cute boys” and feminine/soft/small/delicate) and like, specifically calling magnus a trans boy versus when he’s cis he’s a “male” (which technically can refer to any age but has those like, Connotations) sits wrong with me. like, magnus isn’t a boy, you know? i mean i get making jokes like “aw my boys <3″ or whatever, but with this it’s not that say memey context AND specifically it concerns a trans man (not to mention him being asian) so like, it feels, yikes? like just. he isn’t a “trans boy”

im sorry i realize it seems like im just like harshly picking apart your answer and i really dont mean to sound like a bitch here but like, again. Education(TM) mode not Anon Hate(TM) mode. just for learning, it’s cool, i’m not angry at you, it’s chill.

to answer your question with the yikes language gently nudged to the trash chute: do i dislike cis magnus?

simple answer: yes.

complicated answer: not really. i already stated why i don’t like Cis(TM) magnus as it feels unrealistic and dumb and also he just doesn’t have cis energy lmao, but if you just mean like... well this isn’t really “cis” but kind of what people mean in this context, AMAB magnus (meaning he was “assigned male at birth” aka has a penis and all that) and he’s canonically gnc so like, he’s “cis” even if his understanding of masculinity might be different than ours and obviously we’ve seen him be gnc and all that.... i don’t really hate that, and objectively, i have no issues with it, but personal taste wise, i basically only read/write trans magnus as you see on my blog now. because i’ve kind of absorbed it as “canon” in my head (fanon, i guess, lmao)

plus, just generally trans magnus is really important to me because like, a) he is #goals i too want to be a muscular gnc hottie, b) he’s relatable and i project all my shit onto him lmao, c) it just feels very validating, in a lot of ways--with the sexual preferences i write about, his insecurities, just the way he looks, and him being trans is just kind of reassuring, you know? also d) i honestly think it fits him/his character/his backstory and he just has the vibes u kno

so basically, Cis(TM) magnus? no-go. cis magnus as in AMAB/identifies as a man full stop even if it’s wibbly wobbly compared to current times and lbr no one is going to really explore that much beyond him being outwardly gnc sometimes? fine, whatever. trans afab magnus still being gnc as hell? yessssssss

ldkgjfgh anyway im glad you like my posts!!! and hopefully ive Inducted Another Into The Trans Magnus Cult (thats a joke, but seriously, im just like,,,,,maam do u have time for ur lord and savior trans magnus?? maam blease)

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aijee · 3 years

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hello! i’m the anon who left the 6-part ask regarding mg a few months ago (i refer to those asks bc i’m back to drop more thoughts about mg and might touch on what i previously said). i wrote this whole thing disregading word count, believing i could drop it all in one go because i managed to log in to my tumblr, but it seems i still have to break it up… lmao i don’t know how many parts this will be or if i could post it all tonight, but i will signify the very end with “6-part anon” :)

Cont’d with response under the cut (I made some executive decisions about where the paragraphs break lol so it’s not all one block of text):

they want to be famous; that part just came along with the package. then i read in your bts post, you see mg as more wrapped up in entertainment, having star power with a bright personality, liking the limelight. reading that, i do agree, but i guess ive never thought of that before. i think wanting to be a star and wanting to be in the spotlight can seem self-centered. i hope im not coming across like im judging everyone who wants to be famous as “bad” because that’s not what i’m trying to do, but i think it’s safe enough to say that wanting to be famous means wanting people’s attention on you. i’m trying to tread carefully but i suppose i am saying that on the surface, wanting to be a big star can seem a little selfish in the sense that you want to boost your image, present your best self at all times, want people’s eyes on you and want them to think good things about you. combining those general thoughts about wanting to be a star, with my thoughts about mg in particular, is interesting to me.

i’ve always seen him as someone so selfless, so lovely, so considerate towards others. throughout idotsc, you’ve written him throughout as someone so amiable, liked by everyone, and also selfless and considerate. and in chp 7, his reaction twds the pictures is... well, I think they’re pretty true to character, and again i think it shows selflessness. then the ‘Love Languages’ text that OP had written— while, of course, OP doesn’t know him and everything is an assumption to a certain degree, I think their writing summarizes in one place what I observed about mg through the content available to the public: he constantly gives to people around him, exhibiting sincerity, words of gratitude and acts of service. at the same time, i definitely agree with what you said about his star quality, so i think that was the first time i really stopped to examine my thoughts about stardom and how some things may not be mutually exclusive.

“stardom” also makes me think about his recent incident, because of course, such incidents are definitely a potential consequence of fame. during that time i’ve also come across several opinions saying that they’re not surprised if a current idol was a past bully… i don’t remember exactly what people said but i think it was somewhere along the lines of, if they were so confident and cocky since predebut, then they might have had the qualities of a bully. something like that. i think from the outside looking in, it may be easier to equate star quality with a diva attitude/disregard twds others.

one thing i’d like to add is sth that a famous person said abt fame, and why they value it more than money, bc if they meet a fan, the look on the fan’s face upon meeting them gives them a feeling money can’t buy. and i suppose from this angle, being a star seems selfless. with svt too, they expressed how meaningful it is to them that theyre able to bring us so much joy. i think from the outside looking in, it may be easier to equate star quality with a diva attitude/disregard twds others. one thing i’d like to add is sth that a famous person said abt fame, and why they value it more than money, bc if they meet a fan, the look on the fan’s face upon meeting them gives them a feeling money can’t buy. and i suppose from this angle, being a star seems selfless. with svt too, they expressed how meaningful it is to them that theyre able to bring us so much joy.

i hope this all makes sense; i had lots of thoughts and wanted to try to write them. i struggled to understand why one would want to be a star, and went in circles questioning if i thought it was more selfish or selfless, and what one’s true motives might be behind wanting fame. ik u implied u embrace long writing bc you also write in length, but i’m less eloquent than you are so i hope this was fine! thank you again for having a space where people could offload their thoughts :) ~6-part anon~

There’s a lot to unpack here, isn’t there! A buffet of food for thought, for sure. I can’t possibly respond to everything written here because there’s just so many points, so I’ll write a few points. As always, take what I write with a grain of salt.

I don’t think there’s anything bad or inherently wrong with pointing out that, hey, people who are interested in a profession necessarily tied to a public image probably to show off or want attention. These things are perfectly natural to want, even for people who aren’t celebrities, because we’re (1) inherently social creatures and a lot of our survival is contingent on external success, and (2) we are brought up to feel validation from others, especially in an age where our lives are much more on display. But I can see why “selfishness” may be thrown in the mix because we often look down on attention-seekers and “popular” people, many of whom exhibit arrogant/tone-deaf behaviors. On the other hand, it’s understandable that an idol with a big public image necessitates putting their best foot forward all the time to maintain good opinion of them and to earn more money, frankly.

I’ve probably repeated myself too many times, but something I’ve been grappling with recently is this black-and-white mindset/judgment system we often have of others (very much exacerbated by social media, e.g. witch hunts). Bad is bad, good is good. I’ve thought this way for a long time of myself in an upbringing that always punished/looked down on bad behavior (or what was considered behavioral flaws, like speaking out against elders, swearing as a femme person, etc.) rather than acknowledging that “bad” behavior can be exhibited by people who also do and act “good.” In short, while I can only speak from my perspective, I think we’re programmed to subconsciously seek behavioral perfection for a number of reasons: we were raised that way by family; and/or society; we feel judged by the presence of social media and greater access into our lives; accessibility to celebrities and “perfect” public figures makes us judge ourselves by comparison; education systems that poorly address internal learning as well as external learning, etc.

In Mingyu’s case, there’s nothing wrong with seeing and continuing to see him as all those good qualities in my opinion. There’s nothing wrong with grappling with potential past problematic behaviors of your faves, as long as you’re critical and open-minded about the parties involved (which is rarely ever a fanbase at large, but the skewed authority of a fanbase is a different can of worms). Idols are human, which means dealing with the good and bad that comes with interacting humans. Contrary to popular belief (and I write this sarcastically), people CAN change. People should be ALLOWED to change. Characters are static. People are not. And it’s sad to say that this is still an issue in the K-Pop world.

As hard as it sounds, a person who bullied others in the past could still have good or pure intentions for becoming an idol. They could still feel fulfillment from making others happy; is that a bad thing? I personally don’t think so. Or maybe a person’s intentions for becoming an idol could be mixed good or bad, who the fuck knows? Not us. Honestly, I firmly believe that we fans don’t have the right to make definitive moral judgments of idols in the first place because we don’t know them personally. That, and people are extremely complex and hard to categorize, as much as we want to because it’s easier to do so. People are messy. Real life teaches us that more than the Internet does imo.

In any case, I don’t think selfishness and selflessness are mutually exclusive in the same way a person can be both good and bad. I learned that language, too, is a powerful vehicle that influences how we think. In that vein, with how compartmentalized definitions are in specific words, perhaps we think that their existence/practice is separate, i.e. being “selfish” is never being “selfless” because each word’s definition exists solely in their respective word and not the other (hopefully that makes some sense).

TL;DR: I think wanting attention and validation from others is okay and not inherently a bad thing, and people are fucking messy and rarely good without the bad (and vice versa).

Pretty sure I rambled a ton as well and probably didn’t hit that many points that you offered, anon. You ended up putting me on a thought train as well!

#askaijee

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