#hopefully this doesn’t sound too preachy…it’s just a matter really close to my heart

[leonsliga]

thinking of robert enke today ❤️ can't believe we lost him 14 years ago. I saw a docu earlier where he seemed so happy, joking around with manu in their last game together

My heart’s with Robert today too, as well as his family and loved ones.

I’m just going to issue a quick trigger warning for mentions of suicide here. The rest of this post will be below the cut, so if this is a topic that hits too close to home or is too personal in any way, feel free to scroll past it. There’s no shame in doing whatever you need to do to preserve your mental health ❤️

First and foremost, after a life under public scrutiny, I hope that Robert Enke has finally found peace. For as great of a footballer as he was, he was an even better human being; I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve read about him that all come to the same conclusion—that he was a man who treated his teammates, fans, friends, and family alike with the same compassion and care. He went through a great deal in both his personal and professional life, more than anyone should ever have to go through, but he always stayed kind. He always had time for the people around him.

I recently watched a video covering his time as a footballer, and the fan abuse he faced was unimaginable. One story in particular stuck with me: Robert suffered a 3-0 loss in his first match on loan at Fenerbahçe, and the fans threw lighters and bottles at him to “punish” him for it. After that, I couldn’t help but think about how much that sort of thing has happened (and continues to happen) at other clubs throughout the world. In our drive to win, we all too often forget that there’s a human being behind every footballer we boo or ridicule. Words and actions borne out of hate hurt them as much as they do us.

I think, in mourning the loss of a beautiful soul like Robert, it’s important to remind ourselves to always check in on the people around us. All too often, we’re fooled by seemingly happy faces. We take a smile as a sign that someone is doing well—that we don’t have to worry about them. Like you said, Robert always seemed so happy. But sometimes the people with the brightest smiles are fighting the bloodiest battles in their heads. Sometimes reaching out to them and simply asking about their day can make a big difference—can remind them you care.

For those who are currently struggling with depression and/or suicidal ideation, take it from someone who has in the past (and who’s had family members who have attempted suicide): it sounds cliche, but it really does get better. The best times in my life came after the times I was at my lowest and nearly ended my life. I know things feel hopeless right now, but you have people who love you and want to be there for you given the chance, each in their own way. Maybe it’s your family, your friends, your pets, or even people here on tumblr.

Depression has a way of isolating us; we often worry deeply that we’ve become “too much”—that the people around us can’t handle what we’re going through or wouldn’t want to, so we don’t bother. We burrow deeper into ourselves because we want to spare them the pain. I felt the same way. But the truth is, sparing them your suffering in the moment isn’t worth the cost of your life. And no matter how heavy a burden that pain may seem, the people who love you will bear it with you if it means they can save you.

On another note, I just want to say that it takes incredible strength to fight depression and suicidal thoughts, and I’m so proud of you. There’s so much courage in waking up every day and facing this messy world again. You are unbelievably brave, and I just want you to know that. And you’re not alone (I know, another cliche). You have a community here who loves and cares about you, I promise you that. We’re all fighting to survive this crazy world in one way or another, and you and your fight matter.

Let’s all take care of each other, ok? Oftentimes, just making ourselves available and giving the people around us a safe place to land is the best thing we can do for them. Let’s take today to remind ourselves to do that. You never know who needs your kindness the most.

I’m sending you all the biggest hug I can muster, today and always. I know that sometimes living is the hardest thing we can do, but hang in there. It’s worth it, I promise <3

[shawnjacksonsbs]

The "not-so" secret formula to my contentment.    9-8-19

"Nobody else can live the life you live. And even though no human being is perfect, we always have the chance to bring what's unique about us to live in a redeeming way." - Mr. Fred Rogers And that's all I am trying to do with my writings, my shares, my whole life really. My story may not be some great made for t.v. triumph, but in its uniqueness, it's important (and not just to me) that I share it, as I live it and grow in it. I look at as much of the negatives as I can, like more of an opportunity. Not always in the immediate heat of the moment sometimes, but I try. That's one of my life lessons I imagine will stay current with me each day as we move into our respective futures. Living resentlessly is pretty big. They say that resentments are the number one cause of relapse for people like me, as in, those recovered from or recovering from some type of addiction. I'm pretty sure I've dealt with most of all those toxicities that kept me so sick, albeit some not the way I wanted (whole other story lol). I try to live in such a way these days that I don't harbor any new resentments. Should something arise I can usually handle it pretty quickly. Because. . .as it. . . "TURNS OUT, RESENTMENT IS CORROSIVE AND I HATE IT." - Tony Stark Living in gratitude, being loving and as kind as humanly possible are pretty far up there in that formula as well. I'm secure in the fact that living with as much gratitude as I can works hand in hand with not keeping with the resentments on that end too. Trying to make good, right, and sound decisions doesn't hurt either. Nor does the whole truth-telling bit I have added to my life. Having to remember stupid ass lies all the time used to be exhausting, to say the least. Lol I sleep well every night knowing I am living the best way I know how, for me, and for those in my life, here, or at a distance. I ask myself "Did you do the best you could today?" If I answer yes, then I sleep good, and tomorrow is a new day. If I answer no, then I tell myself that I'll do better tomorrow. Apologize where I need to, then sleep good and tomorrow is a new day. Love me or hate me, that's on you. At least I know I keep it real and I'm sincere. We may not see eye to eye, but I always tell the truth as I see it, how it comes at me, and how it feels to my heart. A lot of people relate to me and plenty of them support me and my life decisions. My life is just that, my life. Your options are either take it or leave it. I'm not above reproach or even above criticism, but that's mainly for differences of opinions. Feel free to speak your mind at me and change my heart if you can. Moral issues and matters of the heart, I'm probably less likely to swerve on those, because they are personal to who I am, and who I've become. A very long hard road has brought me here and your approval, on those things are not needed. I no longer need acceptance from others to dictate who I am, at all, ever. I've never felt so sure about who I am, where I'm going or why, in all my life. A good, just, and positive life is for me. I can't imagine ever going back, or living as less, or even changing my perspectives, on much really, but I will always try to listen, or try if I can, to hear someone out, albeit it may be hard as I try to live as right as I can most of the time. Love and kindness always being on the forefront doesn't leave much room for anything you might say that might take away from that love and kindness, at least in that regard. The only other thing might be how I call people out on what I feel isn't right. If that's the case, you may be right, but I'm probably never not going to stand up to people who treat others in a bad way, and I will never stop standing up for what I believe is right, especially when it involves others being mistreated, whether grouped or individual. Granted I'm working on me, and better, more delicate ways to try and approach some of those issues because I am far, far from perfect. But I also feel a moral imperative responsibility to try something, because of how far I've come. Look it's real easy, if you want to be a part of my life then be prepared to be called out on shit like that. If you care about me we can talk about it. If there is no love from your side or mine, then the door swings out too. Peace out. The things in my heart, are much more important to me, and for the little people in my life to see from me, than what you may or may not not be agreeing with. I'm not saying that your way or ways are necessarily wrong, but if they aren't what I'm trying to live by and be an example of, then I'm probably not having it in my life. Especially if I deem them to be negative, in any way. You can do what you want, as can I and I will continue to live the absolute best way I know how. I finally got my moral compass to point true north. You may feel yours does too, but if I see yours slightly askew then all that means is, you and me, we ain't the same. That doesn't mean we can't have love for one another unless you see it differently. To me, it just means maybe we have some talks in our future and that sometimes it takes more than just blood to relate to someone. I'm super blessed to have so many who do see and feel things like I do, both blood relation and those who are not. I suppose most of this would be nil, if not so many people did relate and support me. If it was just love and/or respect, but it's not. I know in my heart where I stand. I mean keeping my moral compass pointing in this direction has served me pretty well the last several years. It attracts the right people into my life as I slowly eliminate any toxic people not ok with how I live my life, or how I see life. I'm pretty sure, people who know me, know I that don't want bad shit for anyone, but if negative people fall off my ship instead of learning the life lessons that exhume gratitude for everything, even the most difficult, then that not my fault. Finding the silver in everything now is never ever going to be something I feel shame over. I'm sorry if you feel attacked. I assure you that's not my intent. Sharing my story, which constantly is changing, isn't meant to be preachy or soap boxy. It's meant to be relatable or at least understandable. 'Nough said I think. I didn't mean to hijack the entry in this direction, but it is a blog about how I feel about things so. . .lol . . . So there's that. Saw this post the other day; ~{I was asked, "You're willing to lose friends over politics?!!" I said, "No. I'm willing to lose friends over morals. HUGE difference."}~ I felt that in my heart. Even though I didn't share that post, it is important to my internal peace so I thought I'd write about it because I assure you that its only a coincidence, the fact that sometimes its related to politics. The banter, debates, and popular post discussions are a huge fuel source for my writing. I keep them close. Those talks are part of what frame us. What frames my perspectives anyways. Like it makes the edges more defined. I do share in some talks outside of social media that do the same thing, but either way, it's what is needed to help keep my mind fresh, my writings intact, plus my emotional and mental health stable as well. "Wouldn't I be OUTSTANDING in that capacity.", although John Bender said that under a slightly different context, I think its fits for me here. I use what you guys fuel to give back to you as I see it and repeat the cycle, as it were. Thank you for that. Now to shuffle and deal myself a fair, and sane hand I'm going to have to plan a vacation to see my Washington people, hopefully, sooner rather than later. I miss them fools more than anyone knows. They hold a huge piece of my heart in theirs, from my Fence Specialists family to my extended "other" family, (my everything else out there family.) The ones I spent holidays with and shared in joys and some sorrows with. The universe alone knows how much I love and miss the lot of them. I think quite a bit about being back there with them, although I could never, ever give up what I have here, back home with my family. In a perfect world we could all live somewhere close to one another, those from Washington and my family here, but . . .What I've gained by being back, along with finally holding a place in my family is pretty close to untoppable. Therefore, because I will never not be able to have them in my life a visit is the balance I'm going to need, as I did in reverse for the last several years. Anyways, with a tear in my eye and the small pain tearing at my heart, I will move from this topic, for now. Visit soon, seriously, period, exclamation point, stop. Period. End of discussion. I imagine a big part of why I'm missing them harder recently is probably because of the holidays, birthdays, my 6-year dope free anniversary are all coming up quick, and for the first several years they were the ones celebrating them with me. Don't get me wrong, making these new memories is worth more than its weight in gold, but a lot of silvers were shared with them. Remember to share the love and the laughter with the world around you. And please, please always be kind where you can, to who you can, especially if you know they're struggling with anything. Our world could be so much more than it gets credit for, as too the people living on it. Compassion doesn't make you weak, it makes you brave as it takes courage to stand up to those who don't agree with it. Until next week; "There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind." - Mr. Fred Rogers