#hopefully this will pass soon but in the meantime this blog will be on low-activity

[rogaire-a]

Self care is (attempting) to recreate your muse face on Artbreeder

[caradunningart]

Chris Cornell & Chemical Imbalance

I don't know a lot of things. I know a few things really well. One of them is how to destroy myself. What I do know is that every time I have ever taken drugs of any kind that altered my thoughts and feelings- I would first feel differently, that would Make me behave differently, and then because I was feeling more or feeling less, and I was willing to behave differently than I normally would, I would make different choices. Many of those choices I would regret as soon as I had come down. And many of those choices I would realize were destructive. I also know I do not think it's wrong to talk about depression or to destigmatize it- we should be talking about it, absolutely. Definitely not meaningless. For the most part I was really liking the article, until i got to the part where "depression is caused by a chemical imbalance". This statement frustrates and angers me to no end. You can read about the myth behind the "chemical imbalance" in many places, some very scientific, some not as much- but one thing is true- There is no lab test that has ever proven there is a chemical imbalance in the brain. This is something that has been pushed to no end by pharma in a big way. To sell pills. Even if you can find an article that tries to suggest otherwise- bring me your blood test- bring me your lab results. It doesn't exist. It is explained very well by several reputable sources like psychology today, the scientific American, citizens commission for human rights has loads of articles quoting psychiatrists themselves saying it's a theory- not a fact. There has been however, brain mapping - brain mapping shows brain activity. It has shown connections to depression and lowered or raised brain activity in certain areas, and some like to tout this information as proof of imbalances- the only problem with this is that if pharmas drugs were actually curing a chemical imbalance- (a supposed lack in neuro synopsis activity means a low serotonin level or a low dopamine level etc - so give it to them artificially-)it would cure everyone- AND like antibiotics- wouldn't you be able to stop taking it? just because pills are seemingly effective for SOME doesn't mean it's correcting a condition. You take aspirin for a headache and it's possibly effective- but you are not correcting a deficiency in the aspirin your body is producing, right? So I guess it's totally cool with pharmaceutical companies that they are ruining livers and falsely advertising that it balances out chemicals when that's unfounded? You know what else has been proven with brain mapping? things like drug free therapy, stroke rehabilitation, nuerofeedback therapy, etc. studies you can look up about brain mapping have proven that they can actively change the synapsis and neuro activity within the brain without the use of dangerous drugs. While they do exist- there are few studies that cover this in the mental health field. They have shown changes in activity with Alzheimer's, stroke patients, along with many other forms of disease that effect brain function, one study was done on a blind man that restructured his brain to see with his ears using SONAR! but the mental health field always seems to lag grossly behind. Hmmm- that's weird since it's the fastest growing and one of the most profitable-maybe that research is underfunded because it's a multiBILLION dollar drug industry that would essentially become obsolete. But you know, what do I know I'm just a girl. I really truly believe there is a more spiritual cause behind some if not many ailments one can prove or see in the brain- on something like brain mapping. I hope that in my lifetime someone finds a way to prove it hands down across the board in a way that will finally be accepted. But in the meantime - I feel it is my responsibility to make sure that no matter what- the people within my sphere of influence are diligent in their research for truth and are diligent in living an authentic life. Even if that is unpopular, extremely difficult and emotionally draining. The drugs being prescribed by pharmaceutical companies CAUSE SUICIDAL tendencies - the FDA required that it be printed right there in the list of side effects on the bottle- among other horrible side effects. Many of us including Chris Cornell have lived with our existential crisis for decades, had our ups and downs, become amazing artists, writers, singers, hurt people, hurt ourselves, dimmed our light, been a creative and destructive force and lived. etc. but not all of us spoke to our wife about vacation plans right before a show and after said they- took an extra Psychotropic prescription- a drug known to cause hallucinations and suicidal tendencies- and all the sudden decided to hang ourselves. This is tragic- and I'm not saying the drugs are totally the blame- I know that there is way more going on - but Im really suspicious about wether he would have resorted to ending his life had he not been on those drugs. I wish they weren't a part of the scenario- I really wish they weren't. One study that I read did a test with 100 depressed patients. They swabbed the patients mouths and told half of them that they were chemically imbalanced- that it was a sort of biological deficiency- the other half they told there was no proof of anything biologically wrong with them. The truth was that it was a social experiment and neither swabs had actually been tested (cause that's impossible) However the results were interesting. within the group that had been told they were biologically deficient- they became more hopeless, they were less likely to be motivated to seek any life improvement goals or seek help or therapy- they felt it was something wrong with them but at the same time out of their control. I feel like this speaks loudly to our own believe system, and how we construct our minds reality, what gives us hope, and what keeps us going. What I would never want to be told is that there is something fundamentally wrong with me- for which there is no cure- but here's a pill that might help -Kind of - sometimes- but with great risk. No thankyou. I'll take all of my crazy and all of your crazy too and love you anyway- and if someone is truly a detriment to themselves and those around them- they should be kept somewhere loving and safe and comfortable and quiet where they aren't a danger to themselves or others and can recuperate and hopefully start to feel better. Not strapped to a bed and made into a guinea pig for whatever new drug or lobotomy or shock therapy some "doctor" thinks will win them a spot in a medical journal. If any of you disagree- I get that. Just know my intention is not to make anyone wrong for their decisions or their reality or their very real struggles. I say this from a place of anger and compassion for YOU and my friends and family who I strongly believe are being misled and hurt by institutions they should be able to trust. I say this because I'm tired of reading articles where people just state bullshit in passing or state bullshit as the basis of their entire article. The brain still is one of the biggest mysteries to science maybe the only larger mystery to science being spirituality and quantum physics- but we just love to fuck around with it, drug it, blame it for our problems, and on and on. Sources: https://thefirsttenwords.wordpress.com/2017/05/20/its-not-what-you-think/ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-depression-just-bad-chemistry/ https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/curious/201403/what-causes-depression-myths-about-chemical-imbalances%3Famp http://www.cchr.org/sites/default/files/Blaming_The_Brain_The_Chemical_Imbalance_Fraud.pdf https://www.google.com/amp/articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/04/06/amp/frightening-story-behind-the-drug-companies-creation-of-medical-lobotomies.aspx https://www.madinamerica.com/2014/06/psychiatry-promote-chemical-imbalance-theory/