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op-peccatori · 4 years

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Selenophile (M) | IkeVamp Comte

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire

Pairing: Comte de Saint-Germain/Fem!Reader

Rating: Explicit/18+/NSFW

Word Count: 5k

Summary: You’re just a girl who fell in love with the moon, and got lucky enough to have him love you back.

a/n: Always thought Leonardo would be my first, and then Faa happened (~˘▾˘)~ All those Daddy Comte conversations sent a hoe tumbling into love. Also told myself this was going to be short and sweet, and in doing so, played myself. Sorry about that.

Also, for Thirst Purposes, we’re going to believe that Comte can bite her without turning her.

Warnings/Tags: explicit sexual content, vaginal and oral sex, mentions of blood due to vampire bite, this is my love letter to Daddy Comte, pretend im v romantic, also another episode where I had fun with online translators French speakers please don’t kill me

Selenophile (n.) a person who loves the moon.

“Here’s the next stack, and please, try to finish them before dinner?”

Collecting the last of the stray envelopes on the desk, you jog them and place the stack in one corner. Narrowed, aurum eyes watch you over the top of a letter. “These aren’t quite as urgent, so you can have a look at them later.”

“Mm,” the Count sighs into his cup for the fifth time, no doubt waiting for you to turn around to see what’s got him so down. Your eyes drift to the ostentatious bouquet of roses in the corner of the room, a soft, blush pink this time, before you squint at the seal on the last envelope. Placing it on top of the pile in front of him, you smile down at his pursed lips and pleading eyes.

You know the gentlemanly persona is just one of the many facets of the Count’s personality, and it seems to be the one he chooses to adopt when amongst company. Your relationship thus far has been nothing short of an adventure, complete with adversaries and sacrifices, and a man that can take your breath away with just one little smile.

He loves, and lives to spoil you. He delights in drawing you into his arms and kissing you as he stealthily clasps delicate necklaces around your neck and slips bracelets set with sparkling gems onto your wrists. It still makes you uncomfortable at times, but the way his eyes shine when he admires the way they rest against your skin, a pleased smile tugging at the corners of his lips–it kills any real motivation to protest.

And when he undresses you, with a soft-spoken request to keep the jewellery on, you’re hard-pressed to find any real reason to object. It’s all part of his favourite evening game; with you completely bare, wearing just the priceless trinkets he’s picked out for you. His seat of preference is the armchair he pulls up to the front of the bed, from where he calls out his requests for you. You can say no, you’re expected to tell him if anything makes you uncomfortable, but when he tells you to spread your legs a little more, to finger yourself a skosh slower, nearly panting as the smell of your arousal–all you feel is hot, dizzying lust.

To see the wild lust lurking beneath that noble veneer, to open your eyes, trembling through the aftershocks of an orgasm, and see the sheer hunger in his face as he strokes his cock. The way his fangs sink into you speaks of rapidly fraying control, sending agonizing ecstasy pumping through you as he makes you come again.

You enjoy teasing him. It’s a dangerous game to play in front of the ever-observant residents, especially a certain author who would love nothing more than to see you seduce their sire. You had nearly gotten caught just once, when he had had enough of your games.

A brush of your fingers, over his shoulder. A stroke of your thumb over his knuckles, and if you were feeling bold, weaving your fingers through his hair. A lingering kiss on the corner of his mouth and feel the air between you grow heavy. Just a quick pet at the nape of his neck and pulling away before he could lean into your touch.

He always catches on almost right away, and gives you serene smile in response, a gentle warning. Only once had his patience spun out of his control and he pinned you to a bookshelf in the library, slipping a hand under your dress as he crushed his mouth to yours, hissing when he discovered the lack of a barrier between your legs.

You were sure he would have taken you right there if not for the sudden, loud whistling of a jaunty tune–a hint that you weren’t alone in the library. Still, he had considered it for a moment. You could tell by the look on his face–all he had to do was make sure you stayed quiet.

But then Leonardo started singing, completely off-key and almost insistently, as if warning him off. It was the confused whispers from Isaac, no doubt wondering if Leonardo had lost his mind, that finally had your beau stepping away.

Even now, as you pour him his afternoon tea, you can feel his eyes doing a full sweep of your figure, longing and wondering. He’d been away on business for the past two weeks and you’ve missed him terribly. He had only gotten back yesterday, and you’ve somehow had your hands full with errands and tasks for the residents and no time to spend in his arms.

Although, if you must be perfectly honest, you have had a little fun leaving him with affectionate kisses and tender whispers before you rush off to attend to the next task.

“How is your day going, ma chérie?” he asks, accepting the cup with a soft smile.

“Well enough, I’d say. Sebas is going to teach me how to make coq au vin, so please look forward to that!” you inform him, stars in your eyes. You pretend not to notice the way his smile grows just a tad strained, no doubt at the realization that you’ll have your plate full today as well.

“I can’t wait to try it.” His sincerity is genuine, though, and you have to restrain yourself from climbing into his lap, striding over to the door instead. “Darling?”

You turn back to see him hesitating, searching your face for something before sinking back into his armchair.

“Have a wonderful day.”

There’s hunger in his eyes and your heart pounds within its cage.

“You too. I love you,” you add, unable to help it, and you’re glad you did because of the tiny smile curling along his mouth as he echoes the words back at you.

This waiting game can’t go on much longer. He hasn’t lost his composure the way you had secretly hoped to see, but it seems that his patience is running out.

You rarely find chances to spend together during the day, and today is no different. Dinner takes up much of your time, and after you find yourself swept up in conversation with Napoleon and Isaac, cleaning up takes more time than you had hoped.

As Sebastian shares what he had discovered about Napoleon’s sparring preferences, while you dissolve into helpless giggles at his enthusiastic reenactment as you scrub the dishes, the Count stops by for more tea.

“Ah, still here? It’s quite late, you must be tired.” He watches over the rim of his teacup as you study at a plate, before wiping at a barely-visible smudge.

“We’re nearly done, Sir. Not to worry though, it’s always fun when we work together,” your companion assures him, and you shoot him a quick grin.

“That’s right. And we do make a great time, don’t we?” You raise your hand, and with a half-hearted roll of his eyes, Sebastian smacks his palm against yours.

“I suppose we do.”

You turn to Comte just in time to catch his small smile, and your own fades slightly as he turns to leave with a low, murmured goodnight.

Even as you hurry through your bath, rushing to your room to change and don a thin robe, the hint of melancholy in his smile stays with you and apprehension courses through your veins.

It wasn’t quite jealousy. It’s tempting to play that game, but usually, you avoiding it. He’s a gentle, benevolent man, but the Count does not wear jealousy well. Thankfully, the only resident you run into on your way to his room is Vincent, who asks no questions, only wishing you a pleasant night with a knowing smile.

His chambers are empty and you find him standing in the balcony instead, the summer evening pleasant and soothing on your skin as you step out. His head is tilted back, and you realize he seems to be studying the night sky. With the soft, shimmering moonlight eager to paint him in its subtle tones, there’s an ethereal glow beneath his skin.

He shines brighter in the sunlight, but in this moment he truly looks like one untouched by the grasping hands of death in any of its forms, blessed by Selene herself or perhaps, she chose another form, one that is surely far more beautiful than any other. You wonder if that makes you Endymion, the spellbound mortal to his smitten immortal, desperate to do whatever it takes so you never leave his side, destined to be together forever–but only in your dreams.

“Come join me, ma chérie.” He sounds almost distracted, and curiosity bubbles up as you step up next to him.

He’s more underdressed than you’ve ever seen him outside his room; clad only in his white shirt and slim pants. He always appears to be svelte, but with the soft fabric stretching taut over his shoulders, clinging to his narrow waist, you can only try to keep your eyes off his backside. An unbuttoned collar reveals a slender neck, his tie hanging loosely over his chest, his sleeves rolled up to his toned forearms, a glass of half-finished blanc in one hand.

He doesn’t look away from the sky, staring at the stars as if they hold the answer to all his questions. You choose to look at the moon while it observes the stars, studying him quietly, wanting to get closer before thinking better of it and coming to a halt, waiting for him to gather his thoughts.

Always out of reach, but always returning to you.

Or perhaps you’re the moonflower instead. Yearning for the light, for it to find you. With its quiet, yet all-consuming love; too bright for you at times, but even if you close your eyes you know its there, its soft light embracing you, giving itself over to you and sinking into your bones, its love unchanging. You thrive in his arms, blooming to life at his touch, the marks left on your skin always fading but you’re content to keep the one left on your heart, a quiet claiming.

He sighs and rakes a hand through his hair, caramel bangs falling haphazardly over his forehead, before turning to you with a rueful smile that breaks you out of your musing. He finishes his drink with one last sip and sets the glass down to the side, on top of the balustrade.

“Forgive me, darling. I’m feeling a little out of sorts tonight.”

The muted atmosphere falls away as he turns his back on the sky to look at you, and you wonder if the stars think him foolish for it.

“Anything I can help with?” You take his hand in yours, clasping it between your palms and watch as a hint of mischief upturns his lips. And you realize it doesn’t matter if all the planets in the sky call you fools, as long as he never stops smiling at you.

“Perhaps. All day, I feel as if my most precious, mon trésor, has been a tad elusive.” He reaches out to tuck an errant lock of your ear behind your ear, his finger trailing down the length of your jaw as you tilt your head, adopting a thoughtful look.

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“Not at all,” he agrees, assuming a downcast expression, although his eyes still glint with purpose. “Every time I reach for her, she slips right through my fingers, leaving with me nothing but the memory of her warmth.”

“Oh, but that’s dreadful,” you gasp, holding his hand up to your chest. “What fool would try to elude you?”

He smiles a little, leaning in conspiratorially, his mouth ghosting the shell of your ear. You can barely keep from smiling as your stomach clenches in your anticipation.

“One who takes joy in teasing her poor, desperate lover,” he breathes, winding an arm around your waist as you try to slip away, your palms braced against his firm chest. “All day, she smiles at me, and with every smile I’m left wanting nothing more than to kneel before her and take everything she chooses to give me.”

His next breath leaves him on a shudder as you turn your head, your lips skimming the length of his jaw.

“With a man like you, is there really ever a choice? You make a woman want to give you everything she has.”

His smile is truer as he kisses the tip of your nose, while the hand on your hip inches lower. His eyes are bright, almost glowing and you’re struck mute as you watch his long lashes flutter. “As I should. After all, when a woman holds the power to take her lovesick fool apart with a smile, the fool can only try to aim for the same.”

“If this fool tries anymore, there won’t be anything left to take.”

“And, perhaps, then I’ll stop fearing her distance.” His lips trace the length of your neck, his nose pressing to your skin as he inhales deeply. “And the fear of her being ripped from my arms will fade.”

You press your lips to his temples, love and sadness tight leashes around your heart. “Then I suppose I’ll keep giving you everything I have.”

His palm slides further down to cup the swell of your rear. “Your love?”

You kiss his cheek. “You have it.”

His licks at the pulse point on your neck, and you tremble in his grasp. “Your body?”

“Yours.” A gasp leaves you when he sucks at the skin harshly, satisfied at the mark blooming to life. There’s a scrape of something sharp against soft flesh, and your knees grow weaker when you realize it’s the sharp-edged tip of a fang.

“Your happiness?” He tugs at the sash holding your robe together, loosening it to reveal your underthings. Brimming with his desire, his eyes are molten gold as they bore into yours.

“With you.” He kisses you, gentle and deep. Your hands meet at the nape of his neck, tugging him down so you can slip your tongue into his mouth. A low noise of protest escapes you as he pulls away to kiss his way up to your ear.

“And yet, you’ve been denying us both the pleasure of each other’s company.” He nips at the lobe of your ear, squeezing your ass gently, his tone dipping into something sly as he continues. “Then I see you laughing without a care with Sebastian. I...I cannot help but wonder if I’ve robbed you of the happiness you deserve.”

You can’t help the quick roll of your eyes. “Any happiness I deserve is the kind I want.” Your fist the hair at the back of his head, tugging it back to look him in the eyes. They waver in the face of your fierce affection, his lips parted as you tug harder, but you don’t back down. “And I want you.”

He sighs, but his chest quivers beneath your touch.

“Such ferocity. And no power in the world could make me give that up.” He isn’t teasing anymore, but he slips a thigh between your legs, using his grip on your ass to pull you forward. Your fingers dig into his shirt as you try not to gasp. “Ah, I’m afraid you are stuck with me.”

You run a hand through his hair as he ducks his head to pepper kisses all over your neck, and down to your collarbone.

His tongue draws slow, maddening circles over your skin. “So earlier in the kitchen...that wasn’t an attempt to drive me to jealousy?”

“I barely have to attempt, but no, it wasn’t.” You hide a sly smile in his hair. “Why, were you actually jealous?”

“I’ll admit I do find myself rather put out when I can’t have you all to myself. And knowing how deeply you’re coveted…” He pauses. “So you were playing games.” He lifts a breast from the soft fabric of your bustier, tucking the cloth underneath as he squeezes it gently. Even as your body begins to throb under his ministrations, you throw a nervous look over his shoulder to ensure nobody’s in the gardens. “And the roses you received in my absence?”

You roll your eyes, half-hearted this time, even as your heart attempts to inch its way to your throat. “A gift for you, no doubt, from your oldest friend.”

He chuckles, soft and dark, and it goes straight to your pussy “A gift for me they were not. Perhaps an attempt to entice my lady love while I was away?”

“A failed one, then. My heart is perfectly content where it is,” you retort, a pleased smile breaking across his expression before he clears his throat and looks at you seriously.

“Even so. The very thought of somebody else’s hands on you–a touch uninvited by us, that is–I will not stand for it.”

“What do you suggest we do, then?” A soft palm slips down his abdomen, and he smirks down at you.

“I have a few suggestions. Each more depraved than the previous, and none you will approve of.”

His mouth closes over a nipple, sucking harshly, and this time you do moan.

“So-somebody might hear us!” Even so, you push his thigh back to push your hips into his, your lips parting at the press of his clothed arousal between your legs.

“Good. I feel that they can all do with a reminder of who you chose. Including me.” He bites down and you’re helpless to your combined lust in the way you grind against his erection. “This should be a fact they can never forget.“

In a quick movement, he’s shifted your positions, leaving you half-sitting on the balustrade. And then he’s sinking down to his knees, urgently planting hot kisses on the inside of your thighs as he spreads them. You can’t tear your eyes away from the entrance to the balcony, afraid that someone will walk in.

A soft click catches your attention and, incredulous, you look down to see him looking all too pleased with himself, holding your foot up to admire a delicate anklet studded with–

“Those better not be real,” you warn, and he simply smiles at you, pressing his lips to your ankle as his other hand slides up your leg. His tongue traces the skin surrounding the jewelled band, and all the fight leaves you, not that there was much of it in the first place.

He looks happy, after all.

He pets your clothed sex, moving on too smoothly for your liking. “Sometimes, I wonder. What would they think, if they smell you on my breath?”

He pulls the barrier of your panties aside; you can barely suck in a breath before you feel his tongue, hot and deliberate as it sweeps along your glistening slit.

“My, my. You’re nearly drenched. Does making me suffer bring you this much pleasure?” he teases, smiling up at you before closing his lips around your swelling clit. Your teeth sink into your lip as you hold your voice back, but he presses his teeth to the flesh, almost biting lightly and a loud cry forces its way out. Your hands are wrapped around the surface of the railing, knuckles white with strain, and with each second he spends sucking at your bundle of nerves your moans get frustratingly louder. “Good girl, let me hear you.”

You freeze when voices from the garden reach your straining ears. His tongue pushes past your entrance.

He won’t stop.

You can feel it building in you, the slow, familiar sweep of pleasure ready to greet you, and you know you don’t really want the others to hear you scream as you come. Your thoughts begin to cloud over, and you have to act.

“Please?” you whimper, threading your fingers through his hair. He freezes in place. “Not here.”

He peeks up at you, groaning when he catches sight of your face, lower lip jutting out and eyes pleading with him. “Princess, how am I supposed to punish you when you make that face?”

“I’m sorry,” you say as sincerely as possible, your smile clear in your voice.

“I shouldn’t be lenient,” he mutters, kissing the skin where your thigh meets your hip. “And it’s so lovely out here.”

You reach down to cup his cheek, unwavering in the face of his pouting. It’s the Van Gogh brothers down in the gardens, and you’re sure one of them will end you if you subject his brother to the sight of the Count taking you in the balcony. “Do you really want someone to see us?”

He hums, kissing your palm. “Maybe.”

You fight to keep the grin off your face as you school your face into something thoughtful and shy. “I could...I could show you how I’ve been touching myself while you’ve been away. I’ve missed you so much, I...did it almost every day.”

He stares at you.

“You, mon coeur, are bad, bad woman.” Desire flashes, burning bright, in his eyes. “Fine, if that’s what you wish.”

You can only laugh as, before you can feign innocence, he sweeps you into his arms, tugging your robe closed as he practically sprints through the doors. His growls at the way you lick down his neck are warnings, the flash of his fangs at you arousing you more than you would have once thought possible.

“I couldn’t sleep last night, wondering if I should just give in and sneak into your room. Wake you up with a sweet kiss or with your cock in my mouth,” you whisper in his ear, sucking at his earlobe. “You always like that.”

“___,” he warns, even as his grip tightens. “I’m not joking, my love. Say another word and you’ll live to regret it.”

You nod solemnly. He looks satisfied as you grow closer to his chambers. Just as the doors are in sight, you catch his attention with a quick oh!

“I used the hairbrush you gave me once. Just a little bit–”

He kicks the doors open and tosses you on the bed, striding back to slam them shut. There’s that dark, unforgiving sort of lust in his eyes and it’s exactly what you’ve been craving. You slip your robe off your shoulders as his thumbs hook into the waistband of your panties, leaning over you to get them off as you pull the bustier over your head.

“On your back. Spread your legs, you know what to do. I want you ready for me.” He brushes your hair away from your forehead. “And darling–you will not come.”

Your fingers pause in their light stroking.

“Comte?”

“I know you heard me. Your first for the night will be with me. Allow me this, please.” He runs a warm palm up the length of your leg, and to your slight surprise, he takes a seat next to you instead. “Go on, show me.”

You’re inexplicably nervous at first, with him looming over you, but with the way his hands glide over every inch of your skin, tender yet possessive, and his mouth sampling wherever it pleases–it doesn’t take long before your hips are jerking up into your hand. His fingers caress your soft breasts, tugging at the pebbled peaks, sucking until they appear nearly swollen.

You peek up at him, catching the slight bob of his throat as he looks at the fingers sinking into your heat. You don’t think twice before slipping them out and holding them up to his mouth, and he takes them into his mouth with a soft groan and you take this wonderful opportunity to peek at the tent at the front of his pants.

“I didn’t tell you to stop,” he says, but doesn’t stop licking until your skin is free of your slick.

“You just looked so hungry, I couldn’t help it.” He doesn’t argue and doesn’t fight you when you pull him down next to you. He just watches you, fervent and patient, breath growing heavier as you unbutton his shirt before shifting your attention to his pants, tugging them down his toned thighs, smiling at the wet spot in his silk underpants before you help him pull them off.

His hips jerk up when your tongue circles his nipples, his hands digging into the sheets as you lick a warm path across his collarbone, a choked groan leaving him when your hand sneaks past his neglected cock to cup his balls. But as you’d suspected, his patience is nowhere to be found tonight as he groans and yanks you up into a torrid kiss.

“I thought you were going to punish me,” you manage to ask in between his heated kisses, hot jolts of arousal sparking through you at his weak moans as you stroke his cock, spreading his slick along the length.

“Later,” he mumbles, dragging his tongue along your jaw, his abdomen taut as he twists under your touch. “Later. I need you.”

He sits up, his tongue still licking into your mouth, and his hands are everywhere. On the nape of your neck, down your spine, digging into your waist, squeezing your ass. Urgent, needy sounds escape his mouth and send your blood pumping through you.

It’s one of those nights.

You hold him close, even as he moans at the slow rut of your hips against his, your dripping entrance sliding over his length and back, and his fingers dig into your skin as he looks at you through half-lidded eyes, lips never too far from yours.

There are times when he loves a slow, unhurried seduction, to woo you and take his time pampering you. And there are times when he all he needs is to lose himself in your heat, needs you to peel back his carefully crafted layers and dig into the man underneath, to pull him out and hold him to your chest. This man who loses his composure, who throws his head back on a near-silent moan as you sink onto his length, who clings to you as you begin a quick, harsh tempo.

“I’ve got you,” you whisper, your voice breaking, spine arching when he slips in deeper. “I’ve got you.”

He holds on to your hips when you falter, stopping you from rising up and keeping his cock deep in you. “Ma moité. If I could, I would stay here forever. I would keep you in my bed, bury myself in you and never move again.”

“Fu-,” you gasp as he grinds deeper, as if trying to gain access to your very soul, to get his hands on what makes you you and hoard it for himself. He thrusts up, his grip on your hips helping you move against him, forcing you harder onto his cock.

“Mm. Je t'aime et je t'aimerai pour toujours.” You shudder as his honeyed tone roughens into a rumble. He kisses you, hard and fast, and your mind can’t muster up a coherent thought as he bounces you in his lap.

Comte stops to rise to his knees and press you into the bed, hooking your legs around his waist. He continues to push deeper, with his cock and his body, until your legs are bent, thighs nearly touching your sides.

“Hold on tight, darling.”

You’re going to need tomorrow off, you realize in a distant part of your mind as he rears back to slam his hips into yours. Your head crashes back into the plush mattress, muscles straining as you try to meet his thrusts. The refined persona sheds completely and his fangs slip out, and your breath catches in your throat, your cunt clenching tight in the face of the other side of him. His hair is in complete disarray, falling wildly around him, his eyes are all greed and lust, but his hands are gentle as they slip into yours and pin them above your head.

“You’re so beautiful. So bright,” he murmurs, pressing rough kisses over your breasts, groaning at the taste of your skin. And you can only laugh, at this moon turned man kissing his devotion onto your skin when you’re burning inside out with desire and elation, when you’ve managed to draw the moon down into your arms and hold him in your arms.

“I love you,” you sob, trembling with the force of his thrusts and the ardour in his gaze. The anklet jiggles where it hangs over your ankle. You drop your head back, baring your throat to him and you can feel him struggle with his overwhelming need as he whines low in his throat and leans in.

“And I love you.”

His fangs graze your skin ever so lightly even as he pounds into you, and with one last thought of how there probably hadn’t been any point in retreating to the bedroom, you scream as his fangs break through the barrier of your skin. One of his hands slips between your legs, pressing insistently.

“My name, ma chérie. Say my name.”

It leaves you on a broken moan as you come hard around him, your walls squeezing him frantically, and his hips stutter as he continues to suck greedily, his sinful moans muffled by your skin. You can’t stop trembling as he pumps himself into you, mind-numbing pleasure stealing your mind away. His mouth leaves your skin just as he loses control, a warmth filling your trembling sex as you watch him swallow dazedly.

His pupils are blown almost completely wide as his licks around the edges of his lips, hips slowing to a stop as you both look at each other, chests heaving, skin slick with sweat. His blinks rapidly at the taste of your blood, looking half-intoxicated, eyes raking over your flushed skin and wild hair.

“...are you alright?” he asks gently, and you can’t quite speak just yet, nodding mutely in response. He licks the puncture wound clean, wrapping his arms around you and lifting you up, shuffling around the bed until he relaxes back into the pillows with you clinging to him, his softening length still buried in you. “Could we stay like this for a while?”

“Mm. Yes, please,” you finally mumble, and he holds you tighter, smoothing his hand up and down your back. “Feels nice.”

He laughs softly, and you muster up all your strength to shift up and kiss him straight on the mouth, the taste of copper strong on your tongue. You brush past it insistently, tangling your tongue with his as you swallow his soft noises. He keeps you there, breath mingling, smiling fondly as you fight to keep your eyes open, your skin pleasantly warm against his.

His skin is bright with the afterglow, every line of his face relaxed, and you marvel at how unguarded he looks right now. Even now, moonlight falls in through the windows, trying to reach him, but he’s content to kiss the tip of your nose with a soft mwah, repeating it despite your complaints about sweat. You return it, stretching up to reach his nose, and it turns into a swift exchange of kisses until you’re both smiling like complete fools.

“...Did you really use the hairbrush?” He sighs softly, tucking your head under his chin. “I would love to see that, but I can always get you better toys.”

Your responding snort is more amused than disgruntled. “Would that include ones I can use on you?”

He’s quiet for a moment, before pressing his slow smile into your hair, the rise and fall of his chest steady under your cheek.

“Mm. Anything you want.”

Translations:

ma chérie: my darling

mon trésor: my treasure

Mon moité: my (other/better) half

Je t'aime et je t'aimerai pour toujours: I love you and I will always love you/I will love you forever

ending note bc I can’t shut up: the moon was so gorgeous last night, I actually stepped out to get a better look. It seemed to have an almost golden tint to it, which made me think ‘Ah, yes. Comte.’ And then I rushed back in. Yes I’m that b*tch. Romance, baby. its 6 am i havent slept

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp comte #ikemen vampire comte #le comte de saint germain #ikevam comte #will i ever stop rambling nervously in my posts #a question for the universe #ok i've agonized long enough #im posting and going to bed #IM DONE #any editing will have to wait till i wake up #if i f*cked up somewhere...pm me plz #ikevamp #ikevam

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logically-asexual · 3 years

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okay i'm already procrastinating and i don't plan on sleeping any time soon so here we go.

☆ ✩ my personal ranking for every season 1 Sanders Sides episode. ✩ ☆

i think it's going to be pretty similar to @dukeofonions' but let's see if i find something new to contribute haha. i see you didn't include that one about Patton in the Big Game or whatever, so i'm not including it either xd. also i think i'm going to count Accepting Anxiety as one episode only.

edit: i finished and now i dare you to drink a shot of water every time i say the word spanish or a version of the word comfort and become very well hydrated.

#16 I'm in a Disney Show

(i agree with dukeofonions here) i always forget this episode exists. it was ok in terms of being happy for real life Thomas but as a Sanders Sides episode it didn't do anything. the sides were just giving their opinions but it wasn't very funny or interesting. also i'm bitter because it made me look up the episode he was in and i didn't like it at all. i don't know if i'm too old for those Disney shows now but Thomas was literally the only good part of it, everything else was really dull and boring imo. a waste of time.

however, Logan supporting clickbait is one of the funniest things ever, and i'll never forget it.

#15 Becoming A Cartoon

i didn't hate this episode but it was just .. meh.. you know? several factors contribute to this. one, i couldn't feel much nostalgia for Butch Hartman's shows because i watched them in Spanish, and everything feels really weird when they speak English, i don't like how my old cartoons sound in English. two, it was disappointing to me because we were all desperately waiting for Plot™ and instead they give us this short episode about nothing (oh how the tables have turned now it's the other way around haha). and three, i didn't like the style of the animation :/ their faces and expressions freaked me out, Roman's douchey face still haunts me.

#14 Way Too Adult

here i'm biased because i don't like Patton much, and i didn't back when i watched the series the first time either, so this video was a little disappointingwithout the rest. also it wasn't relatable to me because i am still too young and dependent on my parents haha. but Patton is funny and it's funny to laugh at Thomas' struggling.

#13 The Dark Side of Disney

i've never been a fan of Disney movies. i actually never watched Mulan or the Lion King or Aladdin as a kid, so meh. i liked the ending, though, it was cool to see Virgil have fun and be right for once. it does make me a bit uncomfortable because the way Thomas tries too hard with Virgil's mouth movements and his low voice reminds me of a guy that had made me v uncomfortable not long before watching that video. so an icky feel overall.

#12 A New Year of Lying to Myself

this video was actually kind of fogettable to me. i had a hard time connecting the voices in the song to the characters and idk. i don't love it nor hate it, just .. neutral.

#11 My True Identity

pretty much the same opinion as dukeofonions, again. it's a good introduction and it's good that it was the beginning of it all but on its own it's not very special. i think it's awesome on Thomas to have come up with such a clever idea, like choosing the dad, the teacher and the prince and putting them together and match them with thoughts?? that fit so perfectly?? it really is just very impressive when you think about it, that it was just a random idea he had for a short 5 minute video.

#10 Taking on Anxiety

i liked this video a lot because when i watched it i had recently been a lot on tumblr, and found out through relatable posts that i had anxiety. so watching this video was really fun and it made me happy to feel so seen, specially the intro when Thomas just talks about what it's like to have Anxiety and Virgil is so smug about it.

- ★ -

okay now that those are out of the way things are going to get hard... all the following i love with all my heart so i'm going to rank them based on the smallest things.

#9 Growing Up

once more, Patton isn't my favorite. so that's why i'm putting this here, plus the echo at the end askjhsahg, but i love love this video. i remember we were waiting and oh so ready for the angst of nobody taking Patton seriously. and we received!! i love that though Roman and Logan are antagonists here, they're both so happy about Thomas wanting to have a healthy life. and i just adore the way Logan admits his mistake at the end and asks Patton directly. my heart... also aw.. the nostalgia. i remember none of us knew how to spell Patton's name and were writing it in very funny ways until Thomas and Joan told us lol.

#8 The Mind vs The Heart

when i watched this video the first times i didn't like it much, because i only had eyes for Virgil, but later i came back to it and loved it. so taking that into account i'm putting it here. logicality was the first ship i ever shipped in the show because i saw a gifset on tumblr of Patton screaming "what do you know about love?!" and Logan "apparently more than YOU" and the caption said "MARRIED", and i thought hey yeah... anyway. i love them. they're both my dads since that day.

this video is so so so relatable and i love it. Logan and Patton are so much fun arguing and i love how they compromise at the end and work together. im reconsidering.. i might move it higher? no, fine i'll leave it here.

#7 Making Some Changes

this video was absolutely hilarious. i personally couldn't see it as the Sides still once they were acted by Thomas' friends, i enjoyed it more as that bunch being silly and trying to be the sides but failing in so many ways, while sometimes nailing stuff suddenly. i really don't take this one too seriously as an episode. except Joan!Logan and Valerie!Logan, my beloved... i love how Joan acted as Logan and their voice and that they kept their ace ring on.. there's a reason i had them as my icon for so long. and Valerie looks a bit (a lot) like me with the glasses and dressed in dark colors, plus she spoke Spanish and there's .. no words to describe the joy i felt when seeing/hearing that. wait i'm getting emotional...

#6 My Personality Q&A

when i watched this Virgil was my favorite side and i didn't care much about the rest lol. when i heard his answers i related to him SO much it was scary, and also his voice is so soft and it was all very comforting. it was also when i first starting looking at Logan with more attention, because when he brought up Big Hero 6 and Fall Out Boy and said he didn't sing and would recite it like a poem? it only took a couple seconds but my brain said "me" and never went back.

now this video is a little underwhelming to watch for me, most of the appeal for me was in finding out the answers, and also watching it when we didn't know a lot about the sides. now we know more and want to know more so it's not as fun to me as it was first.

i wish so bad they'd do another one, although i know it would be more difficult with a much bigger audience, i think they can manage and i just need it. the chaos.. the energy.. they all being so savage with each other, learning little random facts about them you didn't expect.. i need it.

- ★ -

oh boy top 5 here we go. the next three are practically a tie. i can't choose.

#5 Alone on Valentines Day

i love Valerie, and the idea of this video was perfect and so perfectly excecuted. every side just giving their crazy opinions on how to woo a random stranger, i laughed SO much. first with Logan speaking simlish out of nowhere? at that point i didn't know practically anything about the sims except that it was some video game and the whiplash of Logan going AYO and the rest killed me. then when Roman whipped out that dialogue in Spanish??? my life was completed. i've never felt more happy than i did in that moment gosh. just the hilarity of Roman's drama, the shock of them speaking Spanish suddenly like that, the absolute JOY of seeing a creator i like speak (may i say) perfect Spanish, the other characters' faces after that.. never been happier.

also the conclusion was so cute. Virgil solving the whole problem without wanting to. i loved it.

#4 Am I Original

i think this video speaks for itself. it was fun to watch them all do the ideas Roman had, plus Logan and Virgil nodding at each other, (i love them so much), plus the angst at the end of Roman's perfectionism, plus Roman's just perfect name. this video has it all.

i think Thomas posted it kind of late at night and i watched it at 7am in the classroom as i waited for my classmates to arrive and the class to start. (i usually was like 40 minutes early to school due to mom’s work). i had to contain my laughter and it wasn’t easy.

#3 Losing My Motivation

i started loving this video after a while, when Logan passed Virgil in the position for my favorite side. but once he did this episode was beautiful. it's so funny and i love Logan and Patton's dynamic so much. and the video also so damn relatable in general. i felt so seen with it because they named all the problems i have when procrastinating, down to Patton's vague explanation of his feelings, it's exactly how i feel every time i want to do stuff. and the plot twist! i can hear the dramatic sound effect and see how they all turn to Logan clearly in my head, and it always makes me smile. plus there's so much Logan angst that can be dug up and overanalized. i love to watch it over and over.

#2 Accepting Anxiety

this video was perfect. everything we wanted. we knew it was coming and it delivered perfectly, better than any fanfic done in the waiting time. the week between the parts was agonizing but in a fun way somehow. i remember precisely when i was watching part 2 in my living room. i screamed. and i cried, a lot. i was feeling terrible at that time in my life and Thomas was such a comforting presence and i can't begin to describe how this episode made me feel.

and later it is always fun to rewatch with all their different reactions to being in Virgil's room, the energy of that was on point. Thomas is such a great actor and the characters where just amazingly performed. plus it gave so much to talk adn think about, the idea of the rooms, lots lots of insight into the characters, foreshadowing, so much. it's just perfect i have nothing else to say.

#1 (for purely emotional reasons, ironically) My Negative Thinking

i think Accepting Anxiety is the best episode of the season objectively but my favorite is My Negative Thinking. because i love Virgil and Logan so much and seeing them argue together was and is great. the comfort.. i can't repeat that word enough throughout this post. it's such a soft video while not being overwhelming with Patton and Roman's outbursts. just quiet (mostly) and clear and with perfectly timed humour.

Logan my beloved.. learning spanish... helping me with my own anxiety.. and their debate was so good. and the fact that they were friends i- i can't. Virgil didn't think Logan liked him and Logan told him explicitly that he did and the casual softness of it i cant even. Logan is happy that he tried.. it's just marvelous. Virgil and Logan as best friends will always be my favorite pair, and their dynamic will always be what i strive for in any relationship i might form, with both sides silently comforting each other within their own limits and realistic perspectives. so nice.

- ★ -

so yeah. that's all. thank you if you read all the way up to here. ♡ ♡ ♡

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders

19 notes · View notes

novannna · 3 years

Note

Idk if this counts as a fic request? But If you're cool with it, maybe you can write a little thing about your OCs? I really liked hearing about Sloane and Jordan!!

ANON I LOVE YOUUUUU

ahhh i will forever talk ab them 🥺🥺 i love them so much tysm for listenign me scream incoherently ab them

i wasn't exactly sure what you wanted, so i wrote their first meeting (if you wanted something different, lemme know, i will happily write more of them ajhfsadf)

some background info that i may or may not have already said, idk, but im saying again: Jordan's name is technically Lydia Jordan, she changes it after she meets sloane, sloane works for a nameless organization where people hire thieves to steal for them, through the organization, and the organization in turn provides housing, and food, and safety, as well as guaranteed jobs.

this is all probably v confusing im so bad at explaining stuff, ask if you have questions!

also i kinda dont like this i was only partly coherent when i wrote this, but whatever :)

Sloane pulled at her dress, nose wrinkling as the fabric itched against her skin.

“Are you sure I have to wear shoes Elias?” She asked the man next to them.

He glared at her. “Yes. Sloane, this is for real now. You have to act proper. Stop fidgeting.”

Sloane sulked. “I am proper.”

Elias groaned. “Why did I have to be the one stuck with a fucking child?”

“I’m not a child!” Sloane protested. “I’ll knock you to your ass again, if you want me to prove it. And you’re only 10 years older than me, it’s not that much!”

“If you’re so grown up, then stop complaining.”

Sloane glared but didn’t say anything. They were sitting in a carriage, waiting to arrive at the Duke of Cantol’s manor. They had been hired to steal a case of jewels, hidden away somewhere within the grand building. The only way to steal them was to pose as nobles, and infiltrate the Duke’s solstice party themselves.

This was Sloane’s first real job. Before this, she had only done petty crime for the elders. Minor pickpocketing, and stealing for low paying clients.

This was their chance to prove themself, both as a thief worthy of jobs given out by the elders, and a chance to prove that she wasn’t merely a child.

The only problem was, Sloane had never interacted with nobles before. The other thieves had put her through rigorous training, everything from how to respond to questions, to which cutlery to use.

But it didn’t matter if this was all new to her. Sloane was prepared. These were high stakes, where they worked best. They wouldn’t fail.

Slowly, the carriage pulled to a halt.

“Remember, do not speak out of turn. You know your job?” Elias asked.

Sloane nodded. “Find out where the jewels are, then report back to you. I remember everything.”

Elias nodded, only partially sated. “And-”

“And don’t complain,” Sloane interrupted. “I know.”

“Good. Don’t forget who you are, and who they are. Don’t give them a reason to doubt you.”

Sloane nodded. Though her face was a perfect mask of emotions, her stomach was writhing. Their fingers were tapping out a pattern onto her leg, the familiar motion a relief.

Elias opened the door, and together they stepped out onto the lush lawn.

---

Lydia hated everything, she had decided. She hated her dress, which pinched her ribs and kept her from breathing in a deep breath. She hated her shoes, terrible contraptions that threatened to send her tumbling to the floor with each step. She hated all the formal dinners that her family had to attend.

It was ridiculous! Why couldn’t they just stay in Roidan? It’s where they lived, after all. There was no point in traveling across the country to attend a pointless dinner.

But, despite everything there was a glimmer of hope in Lydia. A week ago, she had heard whispers of priceless jewels within the Duke of Cantol’s manor, and an anonymous person who had wished to possess them. Lydia had heard that someone would steal them, and she was determined to stop them. Determined to show how skilled she was with both her blades and her wit. Determined to show that she wasn’t the helpless little girl everyone insisted on seeing.

Lydia was so much more. She just needed everyone else to see it as well.

“Lydia! Stop pouting, and hurry up!” Her mom bustled into the room, her gown an atrocious combination of velvet and tulle. It nearly swallowed Lydia up, as her mom grabbed her hand, and pulled her through the doorway.

“The Duke was kind enough to allow us to stay here, and you thank him by making us late?” Her mother sighed. “When will you grow up?”

Lydia bit back a retort, instead gripped the handle of a dagger buried within the folds of her dress. It had been her fathers, until she had stolen it years ago and taught herself how to use it.

Lydia kept her mouth shut, and her fingers strangling the hard hilt. Head raised high, Lydia followed her mother down the grand stairs, and into the dining room.

The room was large, with at least twenty people sitting around a large, deep mahogany table. Lydia vaguely wondered how much it had cost.

Looking around the table, she barely registered the faces. She knew everyone. Until her gaze settled on a mismatched pair, sitting closest to the door.

A man, with short red hair, and soft pink skin sat next to a girl, looking to be about Lydia’s age. The girl had dark skin and hair a black so deep, Lydia thought she was looking at a starless sky. She was not from here, that was for sure. Lydia felt herself be drawn to her, as if some form of magnetic attraction.

“Lydia,” her mother hissed. “Sit!” She nearly forced Lydia into the chair, right next to the duke himself.

Lydia tried not to grimace. She didn’t want to spend the evening wearing a forced smile and pretend to be the perfect lady. She looked up again, trying to spot a glimpse of the other girl. She sat perfectly still, her back almost like a ruler. Her face was perfectly poised, just the slightest hint of a smile, no sign of anger or uncomfortableness. She looked perfectly at ease.

Lydia had to stop herself from sighing. Disappointing. Another perfect noble, someone Lydia could never be. Never wanted to be.

And then, she spotted the crack in the other girl's impenetrable armor. Her fingers, tapping out an anxious rhythm against the elegant table cloth. That tiny sliver of personality, of imperfection made Lydia almost burst into a grin.

Under the layers of makeup, and finery, and jewels, she was still a child, just like Lydia. She was human. She was human, and she was real, and maybe, just maybe, Lydia could be real too.

But it was foolish to entertain such an unrealistic notion. So Lydia tamped her smile down, and turned to her food, ignoring the stare the other girl was burning into her head.

---

“Who will be most likely to know where the jewels are?” Elias asked Sloane under his breath.

Sloane glanced around the table. “The Duke, and a few of the servants.” Her eyes were fixed on the only other child at the table. A girl, around her age sat next to the Duke, her blonde hair twisted into a bun. A few strands had escaped, and were floating loose around her head. The girl was staring at her food, refusing to look around.

“Sloane!” Elias hissed.

Sloane stiffened with annoyance. “What?” they spat.

“I asked who you will need to talk to to discern the location of the jewels?”

“This isn’t a quiz. You don’t need to test me, I’ll get it done.”

“I do, actually,” Elias responded. “I’m not just here to steal, I’m here to supervise and see if you actually could handle a permanent position within the organization. The elders asked me to oversee, and if all went satisfactory, then you would get a chance. And if not… well failure isn’t tolerated.”

Sloane froze. She knew a lot had been riding on this for her, but she hadn’t known how much. She hadn’t known everything was.

“I’ll ask again. Who will you ask?”

“The girl,” Sloane said quickly. She nodded across the table pointedly.

“Her? She has no idea where they are!”

Sloane sighed. “Yes, but young ears are attuned to what others miss. And, I’m her age. Befriend her, get her to trust me, and I’ll find them.”

“You think that’ll work?” Elias scoffed.

“I’m willing to bet everything on it,” Sloane responded. She turned her fiery gaze to him. “Trust me, I can do this.”

Elias hesitated, before reluctantly nodding. “If you’re sure… But the servants would be a better choice.”

Sloane didn’t respond. They turned her gaze back to the girl, mind already racing to plot it all out.

---

Lydia walked her perfect little steps, completely in sync with her mom. She kept her head bowed low, and eyes downcast.

Perfect daughter, perfect lady.

God, she was tired of it all. Her hands had the imprint of a dagger on them, from clutching the blade so tight.

A hand reached out, touching her shoulder.

It was the girl, a slight smile on her face and a far off gleam in her eyes.

Her other companion stood right behind her, his suit tailored and pressed to perfection.

“My Lady, if I may,” he said smoothly, his voice like butter, “my young cousin hasn’t often gotten the opportunity to interact with ones of her own age. I was wondering, with your permission, if the two of them might be able to talk, if only for a bit?” His hands rested on the girls shoulders.

Lydia looked up at her mom, daring to hope.

“I suppose. My little girl is much the same. Why don’t we let the two of them run along to the library.” Her mom knelt down her face at Lydia’s level now. “Learn what you can about them, yes dear? What threat they may pose to your future crown. And don’t forget who you are.” She gripped Lydia’s shoulders tightly.

Lydia nodded. Always some scheme, and other motive. Just once, could her mother let her have something with no string attached?

“Good girl. Now run along, and don’t forget.” With a barely concealed shove, she sent Lydia tumbling down a side hallway, the other girl close behind.

Lydia led them to the library, not bothering to talk. Her throat was tight with something other than tears. She pushed open the ornate wooden doors, and practically collapsed inside.

The other girl looked around the room with a critical eye. Looking at everything, Lydia noted. Interesting.

“Where are you from?” Lydia blurted out. “I’ve never seen you before.”

The other girl turned to face her, amused. “You presume to know everyone in this world, then?” Her voice was more rough than Lydia expected, and strangely lilted, as if trying to hide something underneath.

Lydia blushed. “No. But I know most nobles. I’ve never met you before. So, where are you from?”

“Abrynth, as are you.”

“You don’t look it,” Lydia retorted bluntly.

The other girl laughed. “Straight forwards and honest. You're different.” Not a question, just a simple fact.

But it was so much more.

“And is that good?” Lydia couldn’t help but ask.

The other girl paused. “Well, I personally think that when everything’s the same, we lose sight of what we are as a whole.”

“And that is….?”

The other girl grinned, showing a flash of white teeth. “One people, no good and no bad. All unique and all the same. Something so beautiful and powerful.”

“So good then?”

“Definitely.” The other girl extended a hand out to Lydia. “I’m Sloane.”

Lydia paused, hesitant to reply. She didn’t want this girl to know the proper lady she was supposed to be. The one raised to one day court the prince, and hopefully become queen. The one whose very name meant royalty. Her mom’s voice echoed in her head, saying, “Lydia means noble one, beautiful one. You’ll live up to that one day. Focus, and one day you’ll be queen, at the King’s side.”

Lydia hated that version of herself. It wasn’t true. It wasn’t her.

But she was a Jordan. Sharp tongued and quick witted. Handy with a blade, but not so with words. She was her fathers daughter, the son he had wanted in every way but gender.

“Jordan,” Lydia replied, shaking Sloane’s hand firmly. Just a single word, but it changed everything. And it felt so right.

“I’m pleased to meet your acquaintance,” Sloane said, grinning.

“Likewise.”

---

Despite everything, Sloane couldn’t help but like Jordan. The noble was more aware than the others. She was smart, and bright, and honest.

But Sloane only felt a little guilty about using her. It wasn’t like she was hurting Jordan by doing this anyways. She was helping herself, and no one else. It wasn’t as if Jordan wanted for anything, after all. She was a noble. The world practically bowed at her feet.

“Is this your first time here?” Jordan asked, breaking the silence.

Sloane nodded. “My cousin doesn’t often travel. This is his first time bringing me anywhere.”

“Your parents don’t bring you?”

Sloane froze, unsure how to respond. What had they decided her backstory was? Fuck.

“They’re dead. I live with my cousin now, at least till I’m old enough to be on my own.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jordan said, actually seeming sincere.

Sloane smiled slightly. “Thank you. I try not to think about it too much.”

Jordan nodded. “Well, that’s understandable.”

Sloane nodded, with what they hoped was appreciation. In truth, it felt more like a grimace.

For a few hours, Sloane let them get lost in the world. She and Jordan talked about everything. Sloane was surprised by their similarities. It was only when Jordan’s shoulders finally relaxed, and her fists stopped clenching in her dress, that sloane knew the other girl fully trusted her.

“I was wondering,” she added, making her tone more shy, and apprehensive. “My uncle had mentioned the Duke was an avid collector of all things old. Have you seen any of them?”

Jordan’s face gleamed. “No, but I know where they are,” she said, smirking. “Do you want to see?”

Sloane hesitated. “Is that allowed?”

Jordan’s grin widened. “No.” She extended a hand, and Sloane hesitantly placed her own inside it.

She knew she had been right. Jordan had been the right person to use. She was leading Sloane towards the goal, not a doubt in her mind. Sloane would earn her place within the organization. The elders would see that she truly was a worthy thief. She’d show them.

Sloane followed Jordan as she led them out of the library, and through the halls. They were mostly quiet now, the guests retired to the parlor by now. It was just Sloane and Jordan, almost as if no one else had ever existed.

Jordan stopped in front of a door, and slowly pushed it inwards.

Sloane bit back a gasp as she saw the trove of treasures within. The room was a study, but it seemed more storage than anything. Priceless pieces were arranged on bookshelves and cases all over the room.

Old pieces of pottery, and intricate blades. Tapestries, and scrolls cracked with age.

But no jewels. Yet.

“Oh,” Sloane breathed, breathless from the beauty. And anger crackling within her ribs. These were all no doubt stolen from other nations and people. She couldn’t help but wonder how many of these things had come without the price of blood.

Jordan was similarly mesmerized, her eyes stuck on a pair of matching daggers.

“This is amazing,” Sloane said. “There’s so much.”

Jordan’s eyes brightened. “But would you like to see more?”

Sloane’s body tensed with anticipation. She was only supposed to locate the jewels, but if she could steal them now, then it would be less risky, wouldn’t it? No one would believe Jordan if she said the other girl at dinner had taken them. Barely anyone even noticed them. She doubted that they had all even realized she had been there.

“There’s more?” Sloane widened her eyes.

Jordan grinned, and stepped to a tapestry hanging on the walls. “I heard from a servant that the Duke had demanded nobody touch this tapestry. Claimed it was fragile. But-” she tugged it off the wall, sending the fabric tumbling to the floor. “I believe differently,” she said proudly, standing next to a newly revealed hole in the wall. A small wooden chest gleamed from within. Sloane felt her feet carry her closer, her deft fingers opening the box, and a smile lighting up her face as a collection of red, blue, and white stones gleamed up at her.

“Are these…?” Sloane asked, barely needing confirmation.

Jordan peared over her shoulder. “Ruby, diamond, and sapphire,” she whispered. “That’s gotta be worth…” she whistled. “At least 300,000 crowns.”

Sloane grinned. Confirmation enough. She snapped the lid shut, and turned to face Jordan sharply.

“Thank you, My Lady,” Sloane smirked, curtsying shallowly. “You’ve been quite helpful.” She grabbed the tiny chest, and shoved it into a pocket sewn into the inside of her skirt.

Jordan stared at her slack jawed with confusion. Then, realization dawned upon her. “It was you! You were the one who was going to steal tonight.”

Sloane stared at the girl, head cocked in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“I knew someone was attempting to steal tonight. But it should have been a man! An adult! You… You’re just a little girl.”

Sloane snorted. “Well, that little girl has places to be, and money to make. Get out of my way Jordan.”

“You used me,” Jordan spat. “I wanted a friend for the night, and you just wanted those jewels.”

Sloane rolled her eyes. “Don’t take it personally. If it makes you feel better, I didn’t completely lie about everything, I was pleased to make your acquaintance. You led me here, after all.” Sloane smirked. She was on top of the world. She was going to prove the world that she was good. She wasn’t just another useless pickpocket. That one day, she was going places. “Now get out of my way, and forget you ever met me. It’s easier for both of us that way.”

Jordan’s eyes narrowed. “I can’t let that happen.” She reached into the folds of her dress, and drew a long silver dagger.

“Put that back before you kill yourself,” Sloane scoffed.

“Try me.” Jordan was all hard edges now. Gone was the soft laughter, and gently smiles. She was completely serious.

Sloane was starting to think that Jordan was more than she had said she was. But it didn’t matter. No matter how good Jordan might be, Sloane would be better. She wasn’t ready to let herself be defeated by a noble. Not now, not ever.

Sloane darted forwards, quicker than lightning. She jabbed under Jordan’s stomach, knocking the wind out of the girl.

Jordan recovered quickly, and threw a punch towards Sloane’s face, grazing her cheek bone.

Sloane ducked under another blow, and kicked her legs out at Jordan’s face while flipping out of the noble’s hands.

Jordan knew what she was doing, Sloane would admit. In a fair fight, she may even stand a chance. But Sloane didn’t fight fair. She fought rough, and dirty. She survived, no matter what her actions were. That's where the two girls differed.

Sloane tackled Jordan, knocking them into a display case, the glass breaking under their weight.

“You aren’t getting away,” Jordan grunted.

Sloane laughed. “Keep telling yourself that,” she hissed. Sloane grinned, and leapt away from Jordan, right before the girl swung a punch towards her unprotected face.

Sloane backed away quickly, letting Jordan block the door.

“Nowhere to go,” Jordan taunted. “What’ll you do now.”

“My lady, it has been a pleasure,” Sloane said, bowing deeply. “But I’m afraid I’m needed elsewhere, and must call it a night.” In a single smooth motion, Sloane leapt out of the window, sending jagged shards of glass everywhere.

Jordan leapt forwards, too late to stop her.

Sloane had managed to catch a hold of the balcony on the next room over, and was quickly scaling down the wall, using ledges and decorative gargoyles as holds, Jordan’s silver dagger clenched between her teeth.

Sloane finally dropped to the ground, and waved up at Jordan standing far above. She slipped the stolen dagger into her waistline, and reached up into her skirt, pulling out the jewels.

The box was still shut tight, the contents rattling around inside.

“What the hell?” Elias screamed, running around the corner. “Locate them! You were supposed to locate them! We need to go, before the Duke realizes a child tried to steal his prize jewels.” He hooked his arm through Sloane’s and started dragging her away. “You aren’t ready to steal them. You ruined the job, for both of us.” He glared at Sloane. “You are taking blame for this. This is your failure.”

“Failure?” Sloane asked. “What do you mean? I got them!” She held out the box, rattling the jewels inside.”

Elias stopped dead in his tracks. “You got them? You actually succeeded?”

“Yes,” Sloane responded, her voice laced with annoyance. “I’m a good thief, a good fighter, a good liar. I’ve been trying to prove this to you all along. I did it. Will you recommend me to the elders now?”

Elias sniffed. “You are reckless, arrogant, loud. You are unable to follow simple instructions. But, you got it done.” He smiled slightly. “You impressed me, little thief. Well done.”

Sloane grinned. She cast her gaze back to the broken window one last time, where she could make out the shape of Jordan, still standing and staring at the two thieves.

Sloane bowed, as if she was on a stage, performing some great act. Then she hurried to catch up to Elias, and her future.

---

Lydia was furious with her mother, with Sloane, but mostly with herself. She had allowed Sloane to find the jewels, and couldn’t even stop her. Lydia was a failure.

But she wouldn’t be again.

Sloane may have bested Lydia once, but never again. She’d see the thief again, and Lydia would catch her, and prove to the world that she was more than just a lady, meant to sit and look pretty. She was strong, smart, and talented.

She’d catch the thief, and show them all who she was.

Not a beautiful noble lady, as her first name suggested.

No. Lydia had never felt right for a reason. It wasn’t who she was. She was Jordan, loyal to the country, and to herself.

She wasn’t anything but that.

Her name was Jordan, and she would catch Sloane, and make her hurt for giving Jordan a glimpse of a future she could never have. .

#asks #request #sloane #jordan #my oc's #slordan ✨(still laughing ab that)#heavy is the head #enemies to lovers wip #ty!#anon

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demonicintegrity · 3 years

Text

Pondering on self destructive behaviors lately.

I thought I was getting a whole lot better but a lot of my old habits flared up as soon as I got stressed/things got hard. So that made me realize I would self destruct when things got “too rough” but why?

My guess is that it’s some old ways of thinking taking advantage of the stress. My money is on “you don’t deserve anything until you do better” flaring up as a way of motivation. Only, it stops being motivation at some point and becomes another task continuing to overload me. I can’t even remember a time where that ever really worked. From my foggy memories the lack of fun/food/whatever wasn’t a motivator to finally get my shit together so I can have those things I wanted again, but more of a quantifiable method of showing myself something. Im not sure what.

( I use to be obsessed with tracking every moment. Bullet journaling was at its peak when i was in middle school. I thought charts and data would help me figuring out what was “wrong” with me. And I could identify trends to use. Except I didn’t know what to do or think with the data I was collecting. It was just there. And all the low days and missed things was just a reminder I wasn’t “good enough”)

No one ever pushed it onto me. Nor did anyone notice/pay much care to the fact these behaviors were happening. So it’s not like I was getting any sort of approval or validation for it. (Even if I do resent the fact that family never noticed.) It was purely for myself. Which meant untangling my own thoughts and ways of thinking in order to heal. I still have a hard time figuring out why I did/still do it to myself.

Punishment was one thing. And I get the punishing reasoning, even if I hella don’t agree with it. I don’t deserve to not eat because I’m stressed or because I’m behind. No one deserves to have food be withheld. I don’t think it was a “challenge” or some sort of mark of internal “honor” whenever I would still function (read: do work but v sluggishly and be moody) on low sleep/fun/food. Perhaps it wasn’t honor but as some sort of thing to hold against myself in a “you’ve gone through worst you can go through this” manner. That was something I was used to, and I think that’s what I imitated.

I didn’t know if you go prolong periods starving/eating very little you ruin your stomach liner. Thus ruining your ability to eat normal portions again.

I’m not trying to trauma dump with this stream of consciousness, I’m hoping that by walking through my thought process it helps someone else learn how to walk through their own in order to start to heal. There’s a way to turn “you don’t get to eat until you do work” into “you can’t work until you eat something.” (I’m not great at it, but it’s possible.)

It’s was partially apart of the therapy I was going to. Learning why I was doing these things so we together could figure out how to untangle that thought and put its energy into something healthier. She, and these skills, are very helpful, even if emotionally draining.

So ig moral of the story is when you catch yourself on your spirals again, reason out why you do it if you can. What habit are you doing and why did it start? What was the reasoning/influence for starting the habit? When you do X habit to get Y, figure out what healthier options you can do to get Y. (If you even need Y at all.)

#rambles #mental health #mental illness #neurodivergence #ok to interact #ask to tag

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julykings · 4 years

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tips for getting started in running? i want to get into it but im v overweight + self conscious about it but as someone with a lot of anger and aggression and emotional regulation issues i think it would help me like its helped you

again, i’m super new to running but i can share a little bit of my experience and hope it helps! some things that i’ve found helpful for me: 1. stretching a lot before and after you run does wonders for your muscles + gets your body all warmed up. i love Yoga with Adriene’s pre and post run yoga videos 2. don’t try to take on more than you can handle at the beginning, it can be tempting to want to push yourself but you have to remember to listen to your body and not get discouraged if you can’t go as far / as fast as you’d like, especially when you’re first starting out 3. when i’m feeling self conscious i play music that makes me feel pumped up + badass + usually it makes me feel more motivated to run + also care less about what people might think (also, the likelihood that anyone is thinking anything negative about you running is So Low, so try to keep that in mind!) also given the state of the world it’s probably for the best that you run when there are fewer people out, anyway, so going early in the morning (or late in the evening - but be safe!) is nice in that regard and also is a great way to start your morning! 4. kinda similar to what i already said but it’s so important that you not push yourself too hard as far as frequency + expectation goes - your body needs to rest so it can get stronger + get used to running !! hope this helps 💓

#sorry this is so long :0 again im so new to running and in no way an expert nor do i really know anything about science / biology i’m just #a big fan of running !!#another point: i’ve found that doing interval runs where i switch between running and walking for 1-2 minute intervals is really great #especially if you’re new to running or if you’re feeling particularly tired / less motivated on any given day !#idk if this is helpful at all but i love u ! if u want to talk abt running send me a message i love it very much #asks #if anyone else has any tips pls feel free to reply !#long post #update: someone sent a message recommending that you wear good shoes ! stretch your calves ! drink lots of water ! roll out your muscles !

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blarhiv · 5 years

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hi, i was the recent anon who asked abt ur opinion abt ppl calling jimin out with his stage presence, and i was very sad just by reading these set of comments who called him out like that when the comment they replied under was standing up for jimin and then the replies started to kinda think low of him when he wasn't even part of anything, and the fact that this person actually said jimin was the least. and then another comment replied, he's a good dancer, but he's very boxed, and focuses +

focuses more on his dance-- when it was the complete opposite. everything she said abt jimin was the complete opposite, i wish i could copy paste everything she said right now, but i dont wanna be at the worst mood bc of it. it really pissed me off, bc the replies were only defending the others, whereas jimin was the only one who was disregarded. they say jk and v, have the best stage presence, but there is also jhope, and i think they only have that idea pretty much because they're also the two most popular members in the whole group, and you knoww the visuals. i dont really disagree with them having oke of the best stage presence bc it's true, but the fact that they would degrade jimin or rank him at the least when it comes to dominating the stage, makes no sense whatsoever for me. that is completely ironic, if u were to tell me. out of everyone, they name him like that. seeing as to how im a person who's attached to him for a very long time now, it's sad to say that they sad to say that they have missed so much about him. like they're forcing themselves to deny him like that. I'm just super sad when everyone talks about him like this, especially that he's the most insecure and perfectionist out of all the members, working himself off to the brim of torture. and yet here they are. she said, (i literally had to copy paste this) "jimin has stage presence but i feel like it's very boxed into what he's used to, sometimes he focuses on his dance you don't see the feeling on his face or vice versa, the way he interacts with the crowd is also limited idk its very limited to me.... he's definitely talented but stage presence and HOW you command a crowd is a whole other thing. Its like a painter being a master at all the fundamentals but it's different when someone is a master AND goes beyond the fundamentals, wrecks havoc on a canvas, creating something that evokes wild emotions into whoever sees their art..." (- banconx on YouTube) was what she said, but isn't that what he has been doing his entire career? the fact that he enraptures me just by the growl of his voice he is actually very loud and he knows how to use his volume. the fact that just by a look from him, he has dominated the whole performance, for example with that one performance they had in a concert during Dope, and the Perfect Man stage are good few examples especially thE fAN dance that he did. he recieved the most attention during the dance line's intro in Idol MMA 2018. he literally sassed everyone at that time the responses said he was boring and only focused on his dance-- how when at the same time he still gave off strong vibes and with his facial expressions, and the fact that his moves were still very sharp without looking away from his dance. and obviously the rest of the members were also trying to focus with the accuracy of their dances, just by doing the same with whatever jimin was executing. instead of having me convinced that these people were giving out their opinions, they have convinced me that they more of clowning him. so, that actually means they're shaming the whole music industry. and i know i am overreacting but it just pisses me off, because they were making no sense. and i wanted to rant to someone. i know i said so much, but that's how park jimin made me so dedicated to him and how much he has inspired and motivated me to become a performer myself. (idk if im adding)

Anonie,sorry for late answer.

I understand your feelings.. Sometimes it seems really hard,but please try not to be affected so much about what other people have to say (haters and antis include). People most likely want reaction,or they just have nothing to do etc etc etc. So instead of giving them what they want, focus on your own opinion, focus on why you love Jimin, not on why they hate him(haters gonna hate anyway,while boys will live their best life).

#ask

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lemonjoonah · 6 years

Text

Under Fire - Pt 13

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Title: Under Fire Word Count: 6K+ Rating: M Genre: Gang AU/ Mafia AU, Drama Warnings: Violence, Minor Character Death Pairings: Hyung Line x Reader (Primarily Namjoon x Reader), very slight OT7 x Reader. Pairings (in this chapter): Jin x Reader, Namjoon x Reader

Summary: As a child you lived among the most wealthy and powerful, after the death of your mother you were shipped off to stay with her sister. Even after finishing your education you continue to live apart from the elite, but a visit home creates an unexpected disaster. You are suddenly roped into a darker world, and who better to be your guide than the infamous gang known as BTS.

Chapter 13 - Consorting with Monsters

POV (Y/N)

“That was quite the entrance Miss Park.” The coldness of Hyungwon’s tone is a drastic change compared to the greeting he had given you before.

You cough on the dust trying to catch your breath after the fall.

“Wait, the Park (Y/N)?”

“That depends,” You gasp. “Who’s asking?”

“What are you still doing here? EXO is in the building.”

You find their concern oddly placed as they dodge your question. “You think I haven’t noticed? First why don’t you tell me who the hell you are.” You look to Hyungwon, “You obviously had an ulterior motive for meeting with Henry.” You anger from find the truth about Henry seeps out. You know you should be afraid, that you should probably try and make a run for it. But no one has pulled a gun, none of them have tried to advance on you, or take you down. They actually seem just a stunned by the situation as you are.

The taller, bear like man speaks, “Monsta X, Henry was just our way in, we’re here following a trail of our own..”

Henry seems to be letting a lot of people in lately...“Never heard of you.”

“Ouch.” Retorts one of the members. “You may not have heard of us but our world seems to be fascinated by the anomaly of you. There have been a few rumours...”

“That you don’t give a shit about making money...”

“You care even less about keeping you own.”

“They call you incorruptible.”

You scoff, “Lame nickname.”

They redirect the conversation back to you leaving, “You have to go it’s not safe for you here.”

Why do they want you to flee so badly? Do they not see you as an enemy?

“Actually It’s probably safer for me to stay... with most of EXO outside.” You have several blank stares pointing in your direction.

“But Henry went to find you...”

“He locked me in a closet and lead EXO right to me... that bastard is one of them. I wasn’t crawling around in the ceiling out of convenience. I had to get away from him.” You lash out unable to keep your anger under wraps any longer.

“I knew something was off. Someone hacked us from this location a couple of weeks ago. They wanted us to think it was BTS trying to hack our server. I couldn’t shake the feeling that the style was very similar to...”

“Chanyeol’s?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

You have no immediate plans to divulge that he had hacked you too, Chanyeol must have accessed both systems on the same night. “I created a trace for Chanyeol’s tag it just located Henry’s IP as a past access point. Speaking of which I need to get on to that computer.”

“No way, this was our lead first.”

“And that computer is my property,” As you step towards the computer they start to move on you. You back down realize the stupidity of arguing when outnumbered. “Fine, but if you can’t gain access in two minutes, I’m taking over.” It seems like all they want is the same data that you came for. You’ll have to use this to your advantage, maybe even cut a deal with...

It strikes you, that’s exactly what they want... the reason they are here is the same reason BTS is currently backing up VIXX. They want a deal for the accords, but in order for that to happen they knew you would have evade EXO and escape too. Now this is something you can work with, “Do you have an exit strategy in place now that EXO is here?”

“I’m sure we can figure something out.”

You laugh at their arrogance. “Right... how can we be sure that they don’t know that we’re here right now?”

“Froze the cameras on this floor.”

That’ll give you some time then, you reach for your phone off the floor and proceed to dial the last missed call.

POV IM

Two minutes to hack into this system. A difficult job under the best circumstances but now I have you distracting me too.

I can see you from the corner of my eye as you turn your attention to the phone that had given away your location. The instant you hit dial someone must have picked up on the other end. I listen in while continuing to try to find a backdoor in the system.

“I’m fine, is everyone there okay?... Status...Uhh... It’s a little complicated. I’m still in the building, Henry’s office to be exact.”

You hold the phone away ear anticipating the response, a good call considering it’s so loud that I can hear it easily.

“What the hell are you still doing there? If Henry’s compromised you should be trying to get out!”

“Relax EXO thinks that I’ve already escaped. They’re outside looking for me. They won’t think to look in here. Henry and Chanyeol used this computer, they might have left some valuable information. I can’t let them wipe it.”

You know how to hold your ground I’ll give you that. You turn away from us to whisper the next part into the receiver. I can only vaguely here the name Monsta X. You hold the phone away from your ear again.

“Fire so help me god, you are never leaving the manor again!”

“Well I wouldn’t have crashed into them if someone had just replied sooner.” You seethe back. “Right now we have the same goal.” You turn to Shownu. “Where’s your ride?”

“On a side street two blocks east of here.”

“We are going to need the east side clear. I’ll give you a signal when we’re ready to exit... No it’s better if we go unnoticed, if you send anyone inside they’ll figure out I’m still here... He is?”

You walk over to the window and look to the building opsite.

“No, tell Suga if he takes a single unprovoked shot at them, I’ll make sure that he’ll never be able to afford another bullet.”

I quake a little knowing that your sniper is watching. You turn back to me holding up five fingers, then four.

“I need you to put JK on the line.”

Three fingers, now two.

“Because he is going to walk me through a hack.”

One... You look me dead in the eye. “My turn.”

POV RM

I pass the phone to JK at the back of the SUV. He’s confused at first but as you start speaking his eyes light up and he pulls out a laptop begins to type furiously. We had just dropped off Suga and J-Hope and are now pulling off near your directed exit.

“Everyone keep and eye out EXO is on the ground outside. We’ll clear a path and wait for her signal.”

If anything happens to you... I punch the door next to me hoping to ease my building rage. Jin sits next to me in silence. I expect a comment from him regarding my outburst, but it seems that his concern is overwhelming him too.

V and Jimin had to hold me back from J-Hope when I read your text. Claiming that it wouldn’t help the situation.... I beg to differ. If hadn’t sent him with Suga he would have taken the doors place. Regardless of what you’ve planned, if you aren’t out in fifteen minutes I’m going in there after you.

POV (Y/N)

“JK I need access to Henry’s computer, do you think you can get me on from there?”

“I’ve hacked your foundation once before. This should be easy, it’s my system after all.”

The man next to you speaks up. “It’s not so simple, he's installed an additional login in protocol for a hidden account. If it detects any intrusion it wipes the hard drive”

“Did you hear that JK?’

“Yeah, let me think.”

“What about the main frame? If you send out software and security updates is his computer included?”

“Yes, that might work! I’ll create a dropnet override, that’ll redirect the data elsewhere, catching it, when the system tries to delete it after a forced entry. Once it’s backed up we should have access to it. It’s an easy safety protocol but we’ll only have one shot at this.

You tap your fingers anxiously on the mouse, while waiting for JK to generate the necessary code. Your eyes stay on the screen not wanting to lock eyes with the men currently watching you.

“Update sent, restart the computer and lock it down.”

The process only takes a minute, two failed attempts and the hidden account vanishes.

“The backup file should be in the admin account on that computer now. New password is Foxtrot, Uniform, Hotel, Echo, November, Romeo, Yankee.”

You chuckle at what he spells out. “I’m in thanks JK.” You hang up the phone, and hold out your hand to the man next to you. “Hard drive?”

The man next to you looks at you with frustration.

“Just give it to her Jooheon.” Another scorns. “No need to sulk about it.”

He reluctantly hands it over. The volume of files stored on the computer is surprising low, but you’re more interested in the server connections. It should only take you a few minutes. You lean back in the computer chair watching them discuss their plan of escape.

“Anyone going to introduce themselves while we wait?”

They look taken aback at your ease.

The man who had introduced them as Monsta X takes the responsibility pointing to each member in turn. “I’m Shownu this is Wonho, Minhyuk, and Kihyun. You already know Hyungwon, and the so called hackers next to you are Jooheon and IM.”

“Thanks for the confidence boost Leader...” IM replies.

As the download finishes Jooheon makes a grab for the hard drive, but you beat him to it.

“That’s my hard drive.”

“The contents belong to me and they’re far more valuable than your equipment.” You pull out a wad of bills from your pocket and place them in his outstretched hand. “Here buy yourself a new one.” You tuck the hard drive into your shirt as he lets out a growl to your slight.

“There are seven of us what makes you think you’ll be leaving with that?”

“You could go ahead and try to take it, but I don’t think Suga will be too pleased.” You point to the window. “Let’s make a deal, help me get out of here with this data in one piece and you have my word that you’ll get your contract at the accords.”

“How did you...”

“It’s why you’re here isn’t it? You needed to find something to use as a bargaining chip and prove your use. What do you deal in?”

“Hallucinogens.”

“Party tricks, I would imagine your market isn’t too big then. You need funding don’t you? Let me keep this and I promise you’ll get your deal.”

“We are looking for something a bit longer than an accord, would you be willing to negotiate permanent employment?”

You hesitate but you don’t have much of a choice. “Yes but I need my team to confirm.”

“Are you not their new backer?”

“I’m not about to make a choice that will affect them without their consent.”

“Good, that’s what we wanted to hear.”

Are they really fucking testing you here? Now?! “We need to go they might give up on their search soon.”

They start pulling up black cloth masks over the lower half of their faces. “Keep her in the middle, and let’s do this as quietly as possible.” Shownu directs.

It feels odd walking these halls surrounded by them, your two worlds are colliding again. Nothing about this situation is normal.

You’ve almost made it to the stairs with you come across an unwelcome face. Henry had just turned the corner and you have seem to have taken him by surprise.

“(Y/N) you’re still here?! I was so worried when I went back and I couldn’t find you.” He eyes the men around you and holds out his hand to you. “Thank you for finding her, but (Y/N) you should come with me I think I saw your security team outside.”

It was a bold move, especially when you are surrounded by seven men glaring at him.

You are polite at first, “I’m sorry I made you worry, but tell me...” a darkness creeps into your voice as you continue, “...Were you more concerned that you lost me, or that you had blown your cover?”

He tries to hold on to the lie. “What are you talking about? What have they been telling you?”

You are tired of this pretense,“You didn’t happen to grab those shoes you and Sehun saw out the window, did you? It would be nice to get those back...” You enjoy teasing him about your deception, but it costs you.

The same time Shownu pulls out a gun Henry pulls out a radio. “Objective on the fourth floor.”

Shownu looks to you, asking for confirmation.

With no hesitation you give him the order, “Do it.”

The gun recoils as Henry drops to the floor. You feel no change, no remorse, no ease to your anger, only the drive to continue.

There’s staircase is just around the corner along with numerous incoming footsteps and shouts. Shownu pulls in IM and Wonho whispering to them as you hold tight to the wall.

Wonho rejects whatever plan Shownu has, “I’m not her fucking bodyguard, I’m staying.”

“Wonho!” Shownu hissed.

“Fine.”

“One... Two...”

Minhyuk and Kihyun toss two canisters round the corner. At the same time that Wonho grabs your upper arm pulling you around the corner into a smoke filled hallway. You gasp in surprise foolishly drawing in the fumes. While the others remain in the hall as a distraction Wonho and IM guide you into the stairwell. You gasp for fresh air your lungs burning.

IM pats your back, “Sorry should have warned you about the smoke. Next time we’ll make sure to get you a mask.”

“Next time?!” You sputter.

“Keep moving.” Wonho pushes you along.

You take the stairs as fast as you can. You reach the first floor exit, but someone has jammed it in place. Wonho and IM both throw their shoulders into it but it hardly gives an inch.

Wonho takes your arm again and tugs you down the next flight leading to the basement garage. He stops at the next landing. “IM wait here with her, I think they might be trying to funnel us somewhere.”

He creeps down the last couple of stairs. Crouching as he pushes on the bar of the door, it clicks open. But what he can’t see above him is a lever being pulled from the other side. You crash down the steps after him, “GET DOWN!”

POV Wonho

I feel you collide with my back before I hear your words.

“GET DOWN!”

Fuck...

Your momentum pushes us forward, a wave of heat and pressure is accompanied by a loud bang.

Your weight falls limp on my back. I lift myself up just enough to turn my head to the other side to check on you. Your body is slumped over mine with your head resting on the concrete floor, eyes closed and face relaxed.

“Are you guys okay?”

“I’m fine, she’s out cold, must have hit her head.” I slowly push myself up more catching you as you slide off my back. “Run and get the van, meet us in here. I can’t carry her out there we would be too vulnerable.”

“Someone probably heard that though, it’s not safe to stay here.”

“Then we’ll hide, just go!”

As IM runs off, I pick you up and find a dark spot nestled between two cars. I pull my jacket off and place it around your shoulders before leaning you against the back wall. I crouch down next to you holding up your chin I check your breathing.

Why would you do that huh? Someone should teach you a thing or two about negotiating. You clearly need us as much as we need you. I sigh leaning my head against the car behind me.

I guess I owe you now. Who knows maybe this would work out in the long run, but I can tell keeping you out of trouble will be a difficult task.

“Come on you with me yet?” I pat your face, no response. “Aishh, why were you alone? Where was your team?”

I’ll have to have a chat with them. If you take us on this can’t happen anymore.

The click of footsteps can be heard across the garage. They as they draw closer I pull out my gun ready to defend this spot. A few more seconds and we would be completely unobstructed from their view. I have to stop them before they reach that point. I peak over the car, gun pulled at my target... D.O. stands before me but then dives quickly behind a pillar as I take a few shots.

IM has impeccable timing, crashing through the garage door before D.O. can retaliate. I dart out as the van breaks and drifts presenting the side door. Which is promptly thrown open by a very damp Jooheon. I hold you tight to my chest as I jump in.

“What the hell happened Wonho? IM said that she pushed you out of the way of a blast.” Kihyun rages.

Jooheon wasn’t the only one soaked to the skin, IM in fact is the only dry member in the van.

“Yeah, I fucked up. Didn’t see the trigger, but neither did IM, or at least he didn’t bother trying to save me.”

“BTS is going to be pissed.” Kihyun adds. “Speaking of which find her phone they’ll be calling again soon when they see us drive by.”

Minhyuk is about to check her pockets, I push him away. “Back away drowned rat, you don’t need to add drenched to the list of problems when we drop her off. What happened to you anyway?”

“Jumped from the 3rd floor window into the pool next door. We had no choice we were trapped. Made it to the car the same time IM did.” I guess splitting up worked out in my favour. Even when facing death I probably wouldn’t have the strength to jump.

The phone in my hand starts to vibrate. Shownu takes it and answers it. “Change of plan, there was an accident. We had to get her out in our van. We’re on our way to the Park manor. We have a few things we would like to discuss with you.”

I can hear RM’s stern voice on the other end. “Put her on the phone.”

“She’ll see you there.” Shownu hangs up.

“Are you trying to piss of their leader, fuck Shownu show some tact. We’ll be lucky if we aren’t DoA.” Kihyun scolds him.

Jooheon leans over us from the seat behind, he pokes your cheek with his finger. “Is she still breathing?”

“Yes, and will you quit dripping on her?” I smack his hand away.

“We should try to be a bit more restrained,” Kihyun comments. “We don’t know what we’ll be walking into. She says she’ll help us with the deal now, but what will happen when she’s surrounded by her team?”

“I don’t think she’ll back down on the offer. She probably already has a plan in mind for us.” Why else would you have risked your life for mine?

POV (Y/N)

You wake with a slight sensory deprivation, your ears feel muffled, and your head is pulsing blurring your vision. You find yourself wrapped in a jacket, surrounded by a team that is not your own. What had happened that had lead to this point? It was never part of the plan for you to get in Monsta X’s van. Your instinct screams at you to get out, that maybe they hadn’t been as trustworthy as you had hoped. You lunge, reaching over Wonho for the door of the moving vehicle, willing to take the risk of injury over capture.

“Whoa, where do you think your going?” Wonho grabs you and holds you in your seat before you can even reach the handle.”

“Let me go, this wasn’t part of the deal.”

“Aissh we’re taking you home... We had to improvise we couldn’t get you out without a bit more cover considering you were out cold. Do you even remember what happened?”

“You saved Wonho’s ass, that’s what happened.” Kihyun mutters with a snort.

Right... the snared door. Lifting your hand you rub the newly tender spot on your head. Hoping it will help bring back the all the memories of before you stupidly jumped in front of a fucking bomb. You lean forward to get a good look out the drivers window to confirm his story. The winding road out of the city is one that you have taken many times.

You relax in your seat glancing over to Wonho as his grip lessens. “You made it out okay then?”

Wonho lets go of you completely and click his tongue as if you’ve offended him.

“You took the hit and you’re asking him if he’s okay? The only thing wounded on Wonho is his pride.” Hyungwon explains.

“Why didn’t you just stop and rendez vous with BTS once we were at a distance?”

“We wanted to discuss our deal in a safe location. And the longer we keep around the more we get to tease Wonho.” Minhyuk bumps your side.

“Aiish, you’re soaked!” You notice the same damp appearance on almost all the other members around you. “Why are you all wet?”

“We decided to go for a swim in the hotel pool next to your building. On a somewhat related note you are going to have to replace a window on the third floor.”

“You didn’t, you actually jumped?”

“Had to get out somehow.” Shownu reasons.

As you pull up to the gate you see Namjoon, J-Hope, and Jimin on the other side. There’s a noticeable scowl on Namjoon’s face.

“Looks like they beat us back”

“I think you better let me talk to them first.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right.”

You open up the car door as the gates slowly open. A relief spread across Namjoons face when his eyes meet yours. You can’t get to him fast enough, he obviously feels the same tugging at the gate in an attempt to make it open for you faster.

His arms reach out and wrap around you one of his hands holding the back of your head burying your face into the crook of his neck. You wish you could have stayed like that for a while but Jimin clears his throat bringing Namjoon back to the task at hand. He pulls away holding you at arms length.

“Are you okay?” He expression returns to a scowl as he takes note of the jacket and your bare feet.

“I’m fine what about you? Hope seems really worried when he got your messages.”

“VIXX backed down in time, you should head inside we’ll have a quick chat with this lot.”

“I think it would be better if we all spoke inside.” You urge, “There is a lot we need to discuss.”

“You can’t be serious,” He scoffs.

“I am. We should think about considering them an ally.”

“Maybe we should hear them out RM.” J-Hope speaks up.

“Hope don’t even start, if you hadn’t left her alone we would not be in this mess.”

“If he hadn’t left me we might not have seen Henry’s true allegiance! Monsta X knew something was wrong before we did, you need to hear them out.”

He hesitates, “Fine we’ll listen, but I will make no promises beyond that.”

“That’s all I ask.” You know he’s just looking out for everyone's safety, but you needed to be firm.

Jimin pushes the button opening the gate the rest of the way and waves the van in. Namjoon lifts you up saving your feet from the gravel path. Normally you would argue, but with the pain radiating from several spots on your body you are glad to be spared from the walk. As he takes you back to the manor Jimin spots the scratch on your forehead.

“What’s that, did you get hurt?” He leans in taking a closer look at the cut.

“I’m fine, there was a bit of an accident EXO left an unexpected present.”

“You should get Jin to take a look.”

“And have him scolding me, while fussing over it? No thanks.”

The van had reached the end of the lane long before you, and there they are... in your driveway...fucking changing...

“What the hell? Put your pants back on!” You yell at them.

Namjoon, J-Hope and Jimin don’t seem impressed by the display. You push against Namjoons chest forcing him to set you down on the doorstep

“Sorry we didn’t want to get your things wet.” Wonho smiles slyly exchanging the shirt in his hand for a new one from the trunk.

“Wonho you didn’t even jump in the pool!”

“No but the smokey smell was unpleasant.”

You roll your eyes as Wonho continues to smile.

“Fine just come in when your FULLY dressed. Hope can you override the security system for them?” He nods being unusually quiet.

The second you step in the door Jin is hounding you to make sure you’re okay, state of your forehead doesn’t escape his notice. “What...”

“Later Jin, please?” He huffs and mumbles a few choice words under his breath.

You step over to Suga and JK who are sitting on the stairs, pulling the storage device out of your shirt, you hand it over to JK. “Henry’s computer data, looks like we’ll have a busy couple of days ahead of us.”

He takes the drive, “Looking through another man’s browser history, this should be interesting.”

“I have a more pressing task for you now though. I need you to double check the security footage, Monsta X said that they froze the cameras but I need to be sure.” JK nods and heads upstairs.

You turn to Suga, “Thanks for watching out for me.”

“No problem, it had the added bonus of getting to watching most of them jump out the window.”

“But why are they here now, what do they want?” Jimin asks.

“They want financial backing.”

“Then why not wait until the accords?”

“They’re looking for a long term investor, longer than a year at least.”

“I would like to live in a fantasy world too,” V mutters.

There’s a knock at the door. V lets them in eyeing them up as they enter the foyer.

Jin leads the way to the formal meeting hall. Namjoon starts with questions the second everyone is seated, BTS on one side of the table, Monsta X on the other. “Why were you at the foundation tonight?”

Shownu takes the lead in answering, “Several weeks ago we had someone attempt to take down our distribution server. They used minimal IP protection which was easily decrypted. Too easily... the source was a computer from your building. Someone wanted us to think that you had hacked us. We wanted to find out why. We thought that this information might be useful to you and intended to use it to bargain with. Hyungwon was trying to keep Henry busy and lure him out of the office so we could investigate. We had no idea that (Y/N) or EXO would be there.”

Suga growls, “Don’t speak of her so informally.”

“My apologies, we were hoping that we could come to an agreement with more than a few rivals in common. The problem is with the accords only lasting a year many groups like ourselves often become targeted after having made even more powerful enemies. We don’t want this to happen to us.”

“We’re not interested.” Namjoon answers.

“Wait, you said yourself we need more manpower, what’s wrong with them?” You ask despite being able to guess it was his pride getting in the way. Monsta X knew about Henry before BTS, and Namjoon doesn’t like that.

“Manpower yes. They’re just boys messing about, and getting lucky.”

“RM...” You growl back at him.

“Well these boys just pulled your patron out of a dangerous situation, placed there by someone you thought you could trust. Where were you? If you want to keep her alive you’re doing a piss poor job of it.” Wonho snaps back.

“This is getting us nowhere, pride aside what’s the real reason RM?”

He was not happy with your accusation. “The members of Monsta X have been known for partaking in their own product. Some say they got hooked on their own drug. It makes them unreliable, how can we trust them if they’re just looking for their next high?”

“That was a long time ago, we’ve put it all in our past.” Minhyuk shouts in disagreement.

Wonho elaborates, “If it’s a question of trust let me enlighten you. You might owe your life to her father, but I now owe my life to her.”

You panic realizing he’s going to tell them the stupid stunt you had pulled, knowing you’ll be in so much shit once they find out. Your eyes widen trying to communicate for him to stop, but he continues.

“There was an explosive attached to one of the exits. I was being careless, not thinking about a possible trap. She didn’t have to but she saved me, and she was hurt in the process.”

You hang your head as your team looks to you to confirm the story.

“Which brings me to my next point, she needs medical attention.”

“Glad we can agree on something,” Jin sighs getting out of his chair pulling yours out from the table with you still in it.

“Wait we’re not finished here!” You exclaim.

“If we require anything from you I’ll have someone fetch you. Go with Jin... that’s an order.” You’re unsure of what hurt more Namjoon’s cold words, or the disappointment he holds in his face.

You continue to hesitate, but as Namjoon stares back at you it becomes clear that they wouldn’t continue with you there.

“Are you going to walk or am I going to have to carry you upstairs too?” Asks Jin.

As you stand so does everyone else keeping a formal tone as to not seem bothered by what had just transpired, “Thank you for your services tonight, I hope you can come to an agreement.”

Monsta X bows as you leave the room followed by Jin. He grips your arm and steers you to his office. He doesn’t say word until you are inside. The second the door is shut his aggression melts away, and he pulls you into a hug. “I'm so glad you’re safe. When Hope arrived we thought he had left you safe at the manor. We were so preoccupied we didn’t get a chance to check our phones. I’m sorry we took so long. What happened after he left?”

Jin sits you down on the table and lifts your chin to get a better look at the scratch on your head. You told everything, when you describe the air vent climb he examines your hands clicking shaking his head at the abrasions, he grabs a swab and cleans them.

“May I?” He holds on to the jacket you’re wearing. You nod as he reveals the ripped blouse to find your lower back swollen with scratches. He pats the table asking you to lay down on your stomach. Instead of getting you to take it off he simply rips the already destroyed fabric, tearing the shirt in two to get a clear view. While he rubs ointment in your wounds you continue your story. Your throat cracks when you speak of meeting Henry and how Shonu delivered the final blow.

“So he’s dead?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“See it? Jin I ordered it!”

Jin doesn’t respond as if pretending he didn’t hear you. Giving up on that battle for now you continue on. Your voice completely leaves you when you speak of the explosive, it takes several attempts to explain your actions and reasoning. “I saw it as he was opening the door I... I didn’t think I just ran. He was trying to get me out, if he had died it would have been my fault. My head collided with the pavement as we went down, and then I woke up in the car.”

Jin stars at you in disbelief, “Right, I’ll be back I’m going to go murder Wonho.”

“Jin.”

“I kid.” But there’s no laughter in his voice. “Are you sure you want to work with them?”

“Yes, I think we can rely them. Although the attitude in the room makes it seem like that won’t be happening.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that. RM is just playing with his cards to his chest. He wants to see everything they can offer before we take them on. Life debts are not taken lightly in our line of work and now Wonho owes you his.”

“That’s ridiculous, how is it any different than them helping me escape?”

“Adding you to the escape plan wouldn’t have put them in anymore danger, and you promised them a contract. They were simply doing their job. You on the other hand, had no reason to take the hit from the charge, other than to save his life. That boy now owes you.”

You are scared to ask about the elephant in the room, fearing the answer. “How much did Henry know.”

“Quite a bit, and I’m sure even more than what we told him. JK is probably updating security codes as we speak. We never explained our end game but even if he knew of our plan and told EXO there are ways we can work around it.”

“We’ll need a new lawyer...”

“Might be able to get one through the accords.”

He hands you a fresh shirt of his to cover yourself again as he sits you back up. Jin then begins to shine a light in your eyes checking your responses, and finishes by placing a small bandage on your head.

“Can I go back down now?”

“You should get some rest instead they could be at it for hours.”

With no warning Namjoon bursts into the room.

“I take that back...”

Namjoon looks to be fuming his eyes narrow, chin puffed out, and his hair piled on the top of his head, as if he had been repeatedly running his fingers through it. “Why?! Why did you risk yourself? Do you not realize how important you are?”

“So the other members can risk their life but I can’t?”

“Not for someone you barely know! We’ve lost too much already, I will not lose you too.”

“Would you have risked your life to save Henry?” You know it’s a low blow but you had to get your point across. “We can’t always know how important someone will be to us, sometimes we just have to take that risk. I know that my father would have done the same.”

That does nothing to quell his anger. He places a hand on either side of you on the table and looks straight at you. You look back in defiance.

“You’re benched for now, pull a stunt like this again and it’ll be permanent. I need you... we need you to stay safe.” The slip of his words costs him the validity of his argument, informing you that the demand isn’t for the teams needs, but his. He pulls away taking the jacket that Wonho had given to you, and heads back to the door. “When you’re ready, the return on your risk is waiting outside. He wants to talk to you.” There is a growl in his voice, similar to that of an animal trying to keep possession of what’s theirs.

POV RM

I left Jin’s office slamming the door behind me. Wonho is leaning up against the wall. “She’ll be out in a minute.” He nods and stands a little straighter. I shove his jacket back at him before retiring to my bedroom straight across the hall from Jin’s office.

Your conversation pierces the walls of my room as if to taunt me.

“Wonho... what did you agree upon RM didn’t...”

“A month trial and evaluation after that we’ll renegotiate for a long term deal.”

“Good, I’m glad you were able to reach that.” Your words conflict with your sad tone.

“Any orders for your new crew?”

Silence fills the air for a moment.

“I can’t help them as easily in the field, and with my presence they’ll only make more enemies... Please just watch their backs for them. Keep your ear to the ground and look for those like Henry, he might be dead but I’m sure there's more.”

“Of course. Here give me your phone. This is my number call me if you run into any more trouble, or if you get bored of this lot.” The volume of his voice rises for his last comment, I can only assume for my listening pleasure.

You laugh at the idea. “Thank you, but I don’t think I’ll get bored any time soon.”

Wonho leaves, but there’s no sound of departure from you. Instead there is the distinct thump of you slumping to the floor followed by sobbing breath. I am a mere second away from opening my door when I hear Jin exit first.

“(Y/N) why are you down there... are you crying? Did he say something to...”

“It’s not enough... there’s no way it’s enough,” You whisper.

“Shhh it’s okay, what’s not enough?”

It sounds like Jin’s question is only meet with tears as you continue to weep. It wouldn’t be enough to keep us safe.That was why you shielded Wonho, why you wanted to take Monsta X on so quickly. You risked your life so you could help protect us.

A/N: If you get the chance please check out my master list. I posted an additional POV of Suga from chapter 11 (fundraiser scene) that tumblr decided to hide the tags on when I first posted it. If you like an angsty/angry Suga I highly suggest reading it.

#bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts x reader x monsta x #bts reader insert #bts mafia au #bts gang au #kim namjoon x reader #namjoon x reader #rm x reader #kim seokjin x reader #seokjin x reader #jin x reader #bts hyung line x reader #monsta x cameo #bts under fire series

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gg-astrology · 5 years

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What do you suggest for those who are beginners in astrology? Like how can they improve their learnings more?

Hey there!! 💞💞💞💞 Aaah what a great question!! 💞💞 Thanks so much for asking and giving me opportunity to talk about it!!!! 💞💞This can probably apply to ppl who aren’t beginner-beginner too?? 💞💞It might be good for?? content creators?? as well?? Maybe?? 💞💞

Tips for learning/progressing into astro (maybe??) 🌟

Check the ‘astro asks masterlist’ for stuff on jus… learning astro?? this also for astro, but more/extended??? something you might wanna hear if you’ve been feeling down/demotivated lately or jus need a lil pick me up/kick in the bum – for general stuff, community, things we can do/things we should guard, etc 💞

🚫long post 🚫

Keep an open mind? 💞 It’s easy to get swept up in something/join a set of mentality/believe it’s right because it’s there and people believe it or you have experience™️ that ‘justify’ the thing (‘its what i see so it’s what i believe/know’) Do your research, don’t categorize/group things together, learn to dissect and differentiate. Try not to be prejudice/keep an open heart and mind (it’s not that hard to do, you just gotta ‘check’ yourself for it) 💞💞

What you’re exposed to influences your take on subjects/topics, so be discerning and critical that you aren’t grouping things together or taking it as it is. Learning isn’t just about?? our senses right?? So combine it together (balance it out) and try not to close your opinion/guard yourself up alright (mind v senses v heart v doing stuff v learning things and retaining knowledge)? 💞

There’ll be interpretation that connects with you and those you just ‘take’ as ‘I don’t get it but it seems right’ – make sure to find out why you don’t get it. It’s a hint that there’s a reasoning/way to explain it that rings closer to you. You might be a person who understands certain things explained a certain way, you might not.

Figure out a way to resonate with the hypothesis, because then you understand it and you’re on top of how to interpret it.

If someone proposes a limitation or different interpretation for it, you can adjust and learn how to incorporate it into your understanding better as well (because you get it, you understand it. It’s personal to you now – we have 12 signs in our chart it’s just a matter of connecting that knowledge together and knowing what it means as well) 💞

Find your own way of saying what you mean. Nothing is stagnant as it seems, it’s always like a little buoy in the middle of the sea when it comes to certain subject make sure to express that out and measure where you are on that sea-level as well.

Support others, or at least try not to be a dick to them over things 💞 This is also in-line with reaching out to others and not trying to go through shit alone 💞 How does this relate to learning astro? We might not think we need people but wow does it help a hell lot (and also we do need people?? that’s a– thing?? astrology vs astronomy)💞

Have a good connective system, mutuals, friends. Be open to people and treat others the way you want to be treated 💞 Have someone to support you, catch you out on your shit or help you re-think/brainstorm the way you handle or react to stuff (buddy-system it if you can) 💞

Knowing that someone can give you a second glimpse, double-check and wishes well for you/is in your corner helps tremendously even though logically we might not ‘need it’ (if you don’t want a ‘study buddy’ or ‘group study’ then that’s perfectly ok??💞💞 jus make sure you have someone supportive of you and your interests, people who won’t tear you down if you manifest yourself??

Reach out to others, it helps. But don’t use them for resource?? that’s just– a shitty thing to do with people if you don’t want to have a genuine interaction with them.💞

You’d be surprised at how many people we might hold dear might tear you down?? Don’t wanna scare you so you can skip if you want. But whether they do it consciously or not, make sure to find and genuinely appreciate the things you’re doing, the way you work/think.

If you’re the person who others appreciate the way you work/think/what you’re doing— make sure you aren’t tearing others down. This is a thing?? Whether you’re doing it unconsciously or if you start going ‘maybe I can do this better than them, maybe I can grow/get more appreciated’ — don’t. It’s that kind of egoistical arrogance that’s going to hurt others/your friend.

You’re not supporting, you’re using them. Even if you think you’re bubbling well on your own/minding your own business (there’s a time/place for that)– it’s still a community of people you’re influencing.

Try to be socially responsible, it’s not that bad and it is something you’d rather be safe than sorry about y know (being well-informed socially and using that for the better?)💞

Learn how to appreciate and support, how to let people thrive. Learn how to ‘check’ yourself and stop acting out of your own fears/lashing out onto others as well. Most of the time it’s your own experience (or insecurities) that’s making you push others down like that. You’re going to lose more friends and opportunity if you keep doing it– so make sure to get some motivation, some support (if you need that), use your voice in the community well as well.

Brings us back to the point earlier: treat others the way you treat yourself, if others treat you with appreciation and compliment – give the same energy back?? 💞 Learning astro also depends on the community too right? So how do you want to be treated within the community/how do you treat the community?

It’s not just knowledge, it’s also self-growth. If we want to have self-love/care/help/growth, we gotta learn how to act harmoniously with others as well. Nothing ‘self’ related is ever truly done with just ourselves, it’s how we invest, how we treat others and how others treat us (keep trying even if you fall, keep trying. We got trump but we’re still trying, right? Stop giving up hope.)

Learn how to navigate it, instead of trying to fight it (putting the self first or others first//imbalance) Act with consciousness, the more you’re aware of how you behave/react the more you can learn how to be emotionally intelligent and socially active as well 💞

Your best resources are the people around you as well, sometimes it’s not just books or what you read online. How people conduct, react, how they insert themselves into the narrative/your life will influence what you think about them and how they think about you.

Try to realize that we are bias, because we’re essentially human. Even when we look at things ‘detached from the ego’/well-reasoned we’re still human. No matter how unbiased/knowledgeable we think/know we are, we can’t escape the inevitable nature of our species. So the most we can do is try to keep it together ok and try to be considerate/nice (learn to let others love you/love others, is sometimes harder than learning how to ‘love yourself’)💞

If you’re more of the traditional astrologer type (heavy learning and theory, history, really fun and exciting!) — people are appreciative of things, old or new, it never hurts to keep an open-mind about stuff 💞

Some might not even realize it’s an option, and while people might be (everyone) ‘well thats our/their fault they should’ve researched’ – it’s good to consider that sometimes our modern day life doesn’t always open certain doors up to us all at the same time (we all learn different things at a different time/place in our lives) – so make room for yourself to be curious and to grow, don’t stay stagnant in what you already know and is trying to ‘perfect’ (bc perfection is always improved, more and more as we gain more time/age/perspective as well)💞

Theres always room to grow, there’s always room to learn more. But realizing that you’re over-stepping boundaries and making other people uncomfortable with your interpretation is also a thing.It’s?? something we should consider 💞

Just try to be considerate of others, and be aware of how much you insert/hold yourself back, how you conduct yourself and what your influence does to others as well 💞 Have people you talk to, who can lift you up and encourage you because you deserve it (make sure they’re ok with that too and try not to pile it onto one person ok?) 💞

Don’t stop trying 💞

Low-key that’s kinda like how we behave with politics? Either we ‘dont care either way’ (which is shit for the community/direction we’re going), cares only for the self/personal gain (cough *the 1%* cough), is well-informed and feels shitty about the situation we’re in right now (depressed, suffering, either protesting or lies in bed thinking about giving up) or is just… y know, HOPEFUL but also angry and wanting to be proud of our community and ourselves (prosper/thrive stuff like that) 💞💞

Try to be socially conscious, if you’re down/drained, look out for your happiness/your own health first (pls care for your own health/well-being) 💞 For me, finding a buddy or supportive mutual works. I can’t invest time into everybody but those who I have genuine connections with, I try to keep up as much as tumblr messaging app would tell me I have a notification (it doesn’t sometimes) 💞💞

Tips maybe more specific for beginners/intermediate?? 💞

(might be more relevant? But I’m not sure what type of beginner we are because there’s– a few? But this is the main bulk so maybe give this a read even if you’re not a beginner too)

Premise: Everything below this is after the assumption that we allread up stuff, study about the subject, research things already and is starting somewhere/in the process of starting (already interested in astro)

*I wasn’t thinking about complete COMPLETE beginner who mayhaps might’ve just discovered there’s things beyond the sun-sign (for those that are💞: im sorry ;; I think there’s a post for that too somewhere on my blog maybe skdjnk 💞)

So for those who are beginner astro: Practice 💞Can’t emphasize this enough 💞 We might be self-conscious about our skills, but your biggest critic is yourself and your ego/mood (or lack of it)? 💞Just try practicing it 💞

Theoretical knowledge might get you somewhere, but we also need to know how to apply them 💞 Try to figure out how to read/interpret as you go 💞Sometimes people are like ‘uh oh, red flag. You can’t just let any lunatics out there.’ So this is out of the assumptions that you’ve been a very very theory based person (read a lot of stuff) but haven’t got the time/energy/motivation to start yet.

Balance comes from steady progress in both, so if you dove head deep into doing something. Do your research. If you did research, start working. This is a lab exercise and the more you waste time the more you don’t know how to time-manage yourself into doing both (theory and practical).

We improve when we learn how we work/what we need to work on along the way, but making sure you have substance in both is good for you (so you don’t fuck up the lab exercise and waste your time) 💞

Test yourself and your knowledge? 💞 Find your niche, what you’re interested in 💞 What you might want to figure out or contribute with? 💞 Having a sense of purpose, or having a friend help you check you or hype you up (support you) really helps with motivation 💞

Dont be afraid to ask for encouragement, don’t be too prideful or overthink it too much, we all need that especially when we’re starting out – it can be lonely on your own and even if you can handle it, try to not put that weight on yourself?💞

Jus reach out for people who can give you the time/energy, and help support each other up 💞 It’s much better than being by yourself or feeling shitty about what you do alone. Can’t stress this enough, what’s the point of having a community if you’re going to use them for resources but feels so alienated/alone and like things are passing you by (not feeling knowledgeable enough/forgetting stuff because you don’t hold yourself accountable for applying/putting it out there somewhere so you can ‘practice’ it really)

It also helps with retaining knowledge and intuition, realizing that the things we’re learning are not stagnant and neither should our learning interpretations/methods (we’re all learning as we go so don’t feel bad about contributing or look down on yourself/your knowledge ok?)💞

You learn more if you follow the guides but use that as a jumping board, things are fluid but there are a few certain rules 💞 Don’t feel intimidated by them, find what interests you and research it because you want to (not because you need to in order to be have ‘complete/fair knowledge’ on the subject) 💞

Figure out a way that’s uniquely you, that you can find purpose to and explain it in your own way 💞 We’re talking about the same thing, we’re just doing it in a different way/choosing different parts of the same topic to talk about with each other (sharing is caring, but remember to like..diary entry it out? Sometimes if you push something onto others it can be like uuuuuuh?? cause no one really interprets the same way as each other) 💞💞

Remember that where-ever you are on the spectrum (beginner, intermediate, whatever) it’s not like– a ‘conclusive’ subject. It’s not like we can know all there is to know about something and that’s the be all end all in it.

That’s why we practice as we go, because we always think:

‘If I know a little bit more/feel more stable with my knowledge then I can start interpreting’ — there’s no ‘end’ to the knowledge, you keep learning as you go 💞

What matters is you sharpen yourself and narrow it down to what matters to you, that you yourself progress and grow as an astrologer/person 💞Try practicing as you go otherwise you’ll feel self-conscious about yourself/your own ability forever?? 💞💞💞

Most of the time, we only know what we perceive/interpret 💞While we can look at others and be like ‘wow! fantastic’ at what they do, that doesn’t discredit how you interpret or what you want to talk about💞

Share, contribute, we’re all talking about the same thing just different parts of it 💞Your voice matters, and what you bring to the table even if you think you’re repetitive or being redundant it matters 💞

No one is essentially the ‘boss’ of a subject 💞We’re so scared of criticism when we first begin, even constructive ones are feared too 💞

Closing ourselves down emotionally or detaching the ego from your work doesn’t always help (esp in term of compassion/what you want to produce/contribute or help others with) – learning how to be your own cheerleader does (*be aware of your social influence, how you affect others and what you say as well tho!) 💞

Learning how to grow, have a support system, how to accept emotional hurt instead of deny it or glide past it helps 💞 ‘it aint that deep’ but it is personal and healing to some people, it can be an emotional thing 💞

Don’t dismiss that, learn how to feel comfortable with what you do, check that the way you come across or the way you want the information to contribute is actually having an impact you want 💞

Think of it as growing, editing and manifesting yourself to be the best person? 💞 You’re essentially trying to discover you or have a voice 💞 Whether its in the community or on the subject, learning how you come across on the topic — receiving compliments, criticism– letting it help you and take what you need from it, 💞 Let it help you grow and experience things, discover and learn more about yourself as you do 💞

It’s more than just the subject right? 💞It’s the experience of learning and progressing with your knowledge/ability as well, what it takes to get comfortable/stable enough and to be efficient with it 💞

It’s figuring yourself out 💞 Like learning art, you figure out your own style what you want to do and you have different characteristics from each other 💞 It’s a constant learning progress 💞 So it’s not like, a completely different learning process than art (you can see your progress, no one stays the same when you practice– you’re not the same ‘artist’ or create the same ‘art style’ that you have when you started, with astrology it’s a similar thing– not completely the same but similar)

For beginners, knowing that you yourself is holding you back from doing stuff, starting stuff or criticizing yourself because you’re scared others going to criticize you (and beat down your confidence/happiness/ego) is something we’re going to have to tackle 💞Self-imposed fear, constant watching our back or just being afraid to share (procrastination/putting it off until later) is what’s stopping you the most. 💞

Do something right now, post something. Even if it’s small. It’s a start and it makes a huge difference (what you envision for yourself, how you want to contribute/manifest, what kind of person you want to be– if you’re more of the type to think about your ‘purpose’ as well)

Getting into the habit of doing something because it feels like a relief, like you’re expressing your own knowledge. Like you have more voice or is just confidence in something. Helps. 💞

Even if no one sees it (which is probably what all beginners are praying for skdjn) even if someone yells at you (fear conjured by our own anxiety and wariness of the cancel culture??) you find your own footing and you know your own path. You figure out what you want to do from there because you know you and you know how to write stuff for yourself, alright? 💞

I think for complete beginners getting over this initial fear is hard, like the hardest thing because we might feel we’re essentially ‘putting ourselves out/up there for criticism’ – it’s easy to be cynical/closed-off, it’s harder to be confident/content with ourselves. Learning how to do this for you, to say it with your own voice. The astro community is vast, if your voice isn’t someone’s cuppa tea then they’ll leave? If they like your opinion/want to hear you clarify more, they’ll ask? 💞

Treat others the way you want to be treated?? 💞 That’s the best advice I can give you if you don’t want to deal with what you fear?? How you talk about stuff, what you say and what kind of people you’re talking about matters. If you talk more shit than you actually give back, then you’re going to attract more shit to you as well? It’s in how we conduct ourselves and how we figure us out (*for how to help ourselves, sometimes shit happens and sometimes it’s hard to get over a past experience or let prejudice color our lens) 💞

We grow and learn, and sometimes we’re embarrassed by our past behaviors– so make sure you’re looking out for your future self as well 💞

Sometimes our fears and ‘ill do it later’ is bigger than our happiness and actual knowledge. You undermine yourself, and your own mind and paranoia is sometimes your biggest foe 💞

Who’s the one who double checks everything they write? Who’s the one who doesn’t carelessly make up a post because they don’t like getting backlash? It’s you. You’re your biggest editor but also your biggest push back, learn how to be spontaneous and do things now 💞

Mmmm another thing that might be hard for beginners, but will help them a lot is ‘jumping off’ things (applying knowledge). People like interesting posts right? We like things that are beyond the basics, because we know the basics. That’s the guidelines, and sometimes we look back and see interesting posts there too! 💞

But the point is, you gotta learn how to find your own voice and make posts that personally interests you? 💞 Posts that makes you invested, that makes you feel personal. Posts that gets you to self-express your voice 💞

Applying knowledge isn’t hard, you can do astro-notes for yourself and that’s a pretty efficient and productive start already? 💞 Finding your own methods or what kind of things you want to talk/post about helps too 💞

Doing things for yourself generally helps alot because it’s there to add to your own voice, your own observation and knowledge in something beyond just theoretical. It’s also there to share and contribute with others 💞 The more you notice, the more you learn how to apply 💞

More and more, you learn how to grasps not working so point by point (I’m learning this and then I’ll go learn that) but how to weave them together and how they differentiate? 💞 That’s where you wanna be at right? Where you can talk about some astro philosophy and re-work how you think/interpretate/learn stuff and share that with others as well 💞

Anyways, those are just things that might help. To keep in mind? Just do stuff. Like do things. That’s how you find support and learn about yourself. You’re never not going to like ‘you’ when you start doing something (like going to a dance class for the first time, trying out something you like. You might be nervous/hyper-aware but you come out knowing where you stand with the idea of it continuing)– you’re going to look at yourself and want to edit more and more. So make sure you start, so you can actually do something with it too! 💞

ALSO TO NOTE: Try not to be prejudice. This is an icky subject especially with serious traumas, victims who has their own mind-prison (*is in therapy or need it to help with past experiences) we’re all biased, we said that. For those who are in therapy (experiences that has happened in the past) – work on you, we’re here for you. Take your time, it’s good to even be aware of certain trigger points. Please take care of yourself first 💞

For those who are?? less serious?? honestly it’s jus a fun thing like you can joke but you can also be serious just– if you come to me I’m always gonna be like ‘hey its ok’ and?? jus?? talk about their traits and stuff?? 💞💞

That’s some?? Tips for beginners I think?? 💞💞 I hope it’s useful?? 💞💞💞

#astrology asks #content creators #kpop astrology #bts astrology #svt astrology #seventeen astrology #bangtan astrology #anyways mayhaps this will help #writing #astrolohoee #asks

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peri · 5 years

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🌧️ 💫 ❄️ 🎥

🌧️- favorite thing to do on rainy days?

answered!“cuddle, draw, watch su (specific rainy day episode, obligatory kinnie indulgence; “when it rains”), or listen to music on low while hearing the rain outside”

💫- what is your sun, moon, and rising sign?

sun aries, moon sagittarius, rising aquarius i believe??

❄️- what is your favorite season?

fall!! its just great all around, v comfy

🎥- what show are you currently binging on?

well idk abt binging on anything, i havent been invested in many shows lately / no motivation / no attention span to watch them like that. however! besides su, im watching spop and ........ well i think thats it DJFJDJ im not very interesting in that area

💚send me an emoji 2 ask a sweet n pure question!

#aiden talks to gems #lapiseas #aiden's prompts #its always nice 2 see u around i hope ur doing good!!!!!!!!!!!!

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aliwept · 6 years

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WARNING : MASSIVE TOKOYAMI HC DUMP AHEAD ! part one of ..... many sldkfjds i gotta transfer a lot from old blogs

triggers: body talk, religions mentions, mentions of binding, self hatred and transitioning.

BELIEFS / MOTIVATION:

tokoyami looks at becoming a hero the “wrong” way — or rather, in a way that cripples his success.he doesn’t want to become a hero in and of itself, but to help as many people as he can.

this is usually a good thing, but it is motivated by his extreme guilt and self doubt rather than pure desire, believing that that is the only way to pay for his “sins.” (i.e., the destruction or potential destruction his quirk as/could cause(d).)

he holds himself up to an extremely high standard, (it is impossible to have a totally “pure” motivation,) one of being perfect and disciplined in every way, but he consistently fails to reach that (as any human being would), making it so that he falls deeper into a circle of self-doubt and pity.

he also tends to idealize his friends for their faults, and when those difficult traits show up he gets extremely bothered, then angry at himself for his idealization, then angry for bothering them, & it escalates until he’s simply angry at himself for being what he believes to be a burden.

this is an extremely deeply rooted process, one that even daily actions contribute to, & while the source isn’t completely his parents, it is certainly reinforced by his mother’s abuse & his guilt relating to his father’s death.

PHYSICAL:

he’s not particularly muscled — well, compared to his more muscular classmates. most of his muscle is in his legs & stomach. he does not have a particular training regimen, typically unmotivated unless prompted.

unlike the majority of his classmates, because a lot of his fighting is done with dark shadow moving him (so that it’s harder to predict movements, as well as going from a large range), the majority of the time he’s not challenged physically.

against close attacks, both attacking which he uses his sword for (seen in his dorm room), when allowed. he inherited that sword from his father after his death. he also feels fatigue easily, not so much due to muscles but because of his exhaustion that is his “normal” state, given that dark shadow is nocturnal. (this & his low work ethic. he works a lot harder when training with friends.)

he doesn’t feel the need to bind more than not, given his skinny physique, with his hips being only a little bit wider than the average cis man’s.most of his scars are on his arms, self inflicted from his talons cutting into his skin. parts of his skin are covered in a gel like skin, clear to see the feathers that poke out from them, going much like arm hair down his sides. these are mostly around his shoulders.

most of the feather is underneath skin (though the skin & the feather both have no nerves), visible with the skin being mostly clear (no muscles adding color, only the natural dark pigment) with the rest of the feaher poking out at a low angle to his arm.

HABITS:

he has a diary that he writes in religiously. it’s kept in a hat box under his bed when he returns to the dorm, along with a collection he’s had since he had been able to write.

at times, in nostalgia, he’ll read through his earlier books. he also tends to doodle his classmates in them ! he’s an incredibly private person — especially because his mother ignored his privacy, refusing to let him keep secrets of any kind in ‘fear that he was hiding something’ — but also enjoys putting his thoughts into words.

PAST:

tokoyami was bullied due to his appearance / personality. for someone who was already uncomfortable with his body (not knowing what being trans was at that point) this became the root of deep insecurity regarding his appearance, whether it was as simple as hesitation.

he is autistic !! he stims a lot with his hands, though usually it’s in his hoodie / under his cloak, because he’s very self conscious about it. he also has adhd: inattentive type, bpd, depression & anxiety!

fantasy verse: he’s a witch & i will fight you on this fact. my boy loves the occult. he’s also. in generally he tends to be superstitious, & more than that enjoys different rituals! it probably won’t show up in my rp cause i honestly don’t know much about that type of thing but ! he absolutely adores things like that, not necessarily because he fully believes them but because they’re interesting & he believes that they probably stem if only in part from fact.

now im gonna add some notes here. while he is obviously pretty strong, he has problems with control, considering that not only does he have to react, he has to communicate those thoughts with dark shadow. speed / offense / defense obviously are enhanced w dark shadow, as well as his own abilities (he would still be able to hold his own if he couldn’t use his quirk).

as well, a lot of his stats are basically his stats + dark shadow, which obv makes them higher than they otherwise would be. he also has really high stamina and working out for a long time doesn’t really. make him tired, nor dark shadow, because dark shadow doesn’t get tired & he’s not the one doing a lot of the actual physical stuff. he’s not good w weapons tho in general. note that these are basically during the daytime w/o a huge light source so things change when it’s darker/lighter.

parents: tokoyami’s mother had the ability to call spirits of the dead to her and talk to them, & his father’s was to house things, as in objects, so he cld like. store things inside of his body. it’s real wild.

a quirk that combined with another in tokoyami’s lineage, so one of his ancestors had the ability to shapeshift, specifically with birds & banged w someone who has a quirk similar to aizawa’s, where it basically ‘stills’ the action of .someone’s quirk, if that makes sense? so down the line people wld inherit a birds’ features, but it would switch. in his dad’s case, he got a raptors ‘arms’ & eyes.

i am here to inform you that not only is he really short, he’s also chubby! espcially as a child. while he now has muscle! :tm: ive made earlier posts about how he doesn’t have a good. regimen & shit so. yeah. just like deku, while he may be muscled, (though he’s less muscled than. most of his classmates) he still is v chubby on other parts of his body.

also ! he’s trans & he has. a large bust, which he does not bind most of the time due to fear of asphyxiation. being demiboy, he is bothered at it at times, but dislikes tight clothes as a whole (like binders). this is because he is easily overstimulated by excessive contact with his body, causing sensory overload.the exception is his neck, which his choker is a source of comfort. (though, warning, there are scars underneath that the large choker hides!)

tokoyami. will say/do something & then become embarrassed by it, after the act has already been done. he’ll fuckin melt on the spot.

tokoyami is absolutely someone to leave ppl on read. or respond w several paragraphs w ‘K.’ like. that’s just how it is. he’s lowkey an asshole in that way but he just. he has to think a lot before having a response but he gets distracted & just leaves it.

he has dark fucking brown skin !!!!! people who draw tokoyami w light skin cause he’s a ‘pale goth uwu !!!!’ are weak & will be weeded out by natural selection.

people he trains with most are ,,, mostly kirishima, kaminari, aoyama and momo when they’re available

he’s mix of japanese, native american, and indian!

self knowledge questions: neediness, independence, shyness.

NEEDINESS: being affirmed & nurtured by others is a central requirement for you to feel safe. this means you can be slow to warm up to other people, which is difficult because what you most need from them is their warmth. yet you know how to be vulnerable: to let down your defenses and accept that you need another person. this lack of pretense is a valuable trait, and ultimately more endearing than the macho efforts others make to deny their childlike sides.

INDEPENDENCE: you don’t set out to be different for its own sake; you are more easily guided by what interests & moves you. you are more concerned about what is right for you than about the pressure to fit in. you know the value of selective irresponsibility, of forgetting occasionally about being ‘good’.

SHYNESS: part of you is gripped by the fear that you’ll launch into something and completely mess it up. the upside of this is wise caution: people are indeed often too rash, whereas you know, by instinct, that holding back can save you. probably, you feel shame and self-disgust a bit too much. but when you do feel in your element, you act with a wisdom and sensitivity never found in people with thicker skins.

there’s an au where he’s tamaki’s half brother tamakis hmu

more ramblings cause i lov him so anw. i figure that like. if he had to have a motivator it would be an outside force but basically he’s riding on the fact that he has more physical ability because he doesn’t perform very well in studies. ( bird brain …… )

getting 14th place out of the class on midterms, he’s aware that he’s not motivated & as well as his migraines & other mental illnesses ( adhd, executive dysfunction, etc. ) this means that he doesn’t really reach his “full potential.”

he’s aware of this, though, which causes him to train physically. physically training also allows him to ( a ) feel proud of himself, something that he struggles with ( b ) help him generally, esp with dysphoria ( c ) get his mind off of other things / points of stress.

i still don’t think he’s like. as buff as shouji for example, though part of that is that he’s naturally lean ! & he has trouble motivating himself sometimes but when he stays up late ( due to dark shadow ) it basically wrecks his sleeping patterns, so this gives him something beneficial to do while also exhausting himself, which he hopes will help him fall asleep.

like i know that i said that . . he was skinny / not v muscled ( when compared to his buffer classmates, rather ) but i guess i’ve been proven wrong because it took both Buff McFuck mina and hagakure 2 push him out of the way ( not tht it took that long but that was w them straining / time skips )

so @ this point i Just Don’t Know. he got 9 in the practical which means he’s obv like ?? p good but that was the entrance exam. ( he got 10 rescue my baby !!!! im so proud of him ) & then w aizawa’s exams he started off at 5 & im tryna find the other thing what it ended up as but @ this point i’m just , pretty divided cause i’m not seeing much reason for him to learn to train w/o proper training ( & we kno that he’s not someone who was trained specially like todoroki / momo tho tht doesnt mean it’s not possible & at this point im just ) ya. he’s gotta be able but from what we know he’s not v motivated ? ausdjkfdsfjk we’ll see ig.

tokoyami is a mix of shinto (where his hero epithet comes from), taoist (due to the values), & hindu (again, values). i think for now it’s going to be some mix of that, though i’m going to do some research on shinto values since i don’t know much about it !!!!!

generally, he’s pretty superstitious, just because he knows many myths are based on facts, & the idea of ‘it doesn’t hurt to watch out for them.’ he prefers to avoid possible things that would make him have bad luck.

#dont rb or i manifest in your house n kill you /

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