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#how do ppl like that exist. i can only hope karma hits u like a bus ❤
frecklystars · 9 months
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I miss Starscream. I miss when TF wasn't a goddamn trigger
#looking at RID references for someone's commission#and crying my eyes out :') i want my starlight back#i want my fucking joy back#fuck my abuser how can you give someone ptsd and feel absolutely no remorse#how do you abuse someone relentlessly when you know they're at their worst and not give a shit#how do ppl like that exist. i can only hope karma hits u like a bus ❤#3 years!!! of loving stsc!!! and i FLINCH at him??? i CRY when i see him?? he used to feel so safe and loving#i never felt safer with anyone else!!! and now it's like that safe feeling is so foreign. i just want to get better so bad#im so fucking empty without my special interest i dont know how to function day to day#looking at my loved ones and genuinely wholeheartedly believing they'd betray me and hurt me for my abuser#is the fucking worst feeling in the world and i wish i could go back in time and stop myself from meeting my abuser#i wish i listened to my gut i had such a bad gut feeling abt her CONSTANTLY#and yet i stayed bc she kept insisting she was gonna off herself if i didnt cater to her every emotion#over and over and over and over#i wish i could go back in time and change everything#its so hard!!!! you dont know!!! you dont know how hard this feels im struggling every day!!!!#TF was all i had and now it's gone and self shipping is supposed to be my escape#i just want my life back#i dont care what bad things happen to me if i just had stsc i know i'd get thru it but i cant anymore#everything hurts so bad all the time and im so scared im never gonna feel okay again#vent#delete later
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