#how does this binary manifest in fandoms you actually care about?

[benicebefunny]

It's pretty wild how neoliberalism, particularly social media discourse and thinkpiece journalism, has turned a valuable concept like toxic masculinity into yet another racist gender binary.

Take, for example, Ted Lasso.

As a cultural norm, toxic masculinity does not always require top-down enforcement through physical violence. It's not just the guys at the top of the hierarchy who are beating toxic masculinity into people. People throughout the social hierarchy keep toxic masculinity going through subtler means, like language and organizational structure.

The Ted Lasso fandom (and many journalists covering the show) have simplified this to "toxic masculinity is when lower-status men say mean things."

And because toxic masculinity has become a binary, this means that the only "bad" masculinity resides in mean-saying, lower-status men.

Everyone else is exhibiting "good" masculinity. Even when they're enacting physical violence and call other men bitches.

At the end of the day, what this does is stigmatize characters who are less traditionally masculine--as defined by white norms. And, crucially, it grants a free pass to characters who fulfill the ideals of traditional white masculinity.

And that's how we get this bizarro world where men of color, particularly Nathan and Sam, are hyper-scrutinized for using their words and expressing their emotional needs. And where white characters like Beard and Roy are beloved for bottling up their feelings and threatening/using physical violence.

Roy headbutted Jamie so he could hug him after. If that's not toxic masculinity, I don't know what is. But the fandom doesn't have time to unpack that. It's too busy arguing that Nathan calling Colin a motel painting is somehow worse than Colin physically attacking Nathan everyday for god knows how long.

I'm not trying to reverse the binary here, making Nathan good and Roy toxic. The problem is that we are thinking about masculinity as a good/toxic binary. People--including fictional characters--relate to masculinity in ways that are far more complex than merely good or toxic. We lose so much when we reduce masculinity to just another binary.

Also, the good/toxic binary--like binaries in general--is a tool of white supremacy. So maybe let's knock that shit off.

[arysthaeniru]

✨ and 💢 for botw!!

✨ what draws you towards your hyperfixation? what is interesting about it?

I’m constantly intrigued by the themes of legacy and growth that happen over and over again in Breath of the Wild? The main storyline is filled with themes of legacy, especially since all the Champions (except Teba, because the Rito are woefully incomplete as a section) are in the shadow of the former, dead Champions, and a lot of their story is coming to meet the weight of the past that has marked itself physically into the landscape? Rising to meet the memories and idolizations of martyrs and dead people. That’s basically one of the main basis of my research project as a PhD student: the weight of memory in people, but especially how it manifests in physical locations.

I also think that Link having amnesia is such a fascinating look at legacy of the self. I often feel overwhelmed by the expectations my past self had for me, and of course, Link’s journey is different. He’s literally forgotten who he was before, but I feel like a different person every year, and living up to the weight of your past failures is both daunting and freeing all at once, and Link is a fabulous little exploration of that? I constantly think about the joyless, stern Link we see in the flashbacks, and the stupidity of being the player and trying to find joy in the present? It’s a silliness that comes from knowing failure, and that’s fascinating to me.

It’s also just such a soothing, calming world to explore and filled with little secrets and funny NPCs. The music design is wonderful and minimal, and the scenery is consistently pretty. There’s something very beautiful about the world after the apocalypse in Breath of the Wild, and finding life in the ruins and making something new, just because you must, is such a theme that’s near-and-dear to my heart (which is why Diurnal Ending constantly makes me weep.) 

I find the korok secrets some of the most delightful little motivational goals? In terms of game design, the shots of dopamine come frequently and are usually quite fun to wrangle into place, but unlike other collect-a-thon games, the korok seeds are actually useful for later gameplay. It’s a masterpiece not only of world design in general, but game design too. 

The awe of coming across a dragon for the first time is like nothing else. The whole thing you do on Mount Lanayru is a genuinely breathtaking sequence.  

💢 what do you NOT like about your hyperfixation? is there something you would want to change about it?

As they always do in Zelda games, the Gerudo have...weird, almost racist undertones to everything about them. Their outfits are stupid and overly horny, and the whole sequence of Link finding a disguise to get in is dealing with some BAD trans stuff. The fandom has done their best to make Link chill or make it better by making Link non-binary or trans! But it doesn’t change the fact that the person he gets his Gerudo clothing from,Vilia, is a bad trans stereotype. I also think about the fact that every Gerudo you meet who’s looking for love is actually deeply unsatisfied with whoever they find is awful? It’s get that it’s supposed to be funny, but it’s a weird message about settling that’s only applied to the brown women. Even though I LOVE the two main characters we get, Urbosa and Riju, the rest of it is...questionable. 

In terms of bigger structural problems, I think Breath of the Wild’s main plot is....barebones at best? The Rito and the Gorons are not really fleshed out at all. The Rito especially have been shafted, since you end up knowing NOTHING about the current-day champion, Teba, and his problems. You do nothing in the Rito area in the build-up to fighting the Divine Beast, like you do in the other regions. It’s just often very rote and dull when you get to the plot, which is...sad? It means you just want to get the main plot stuff over with, so you can go back to the good gameplay and world design in the rest of it. 

And even when they try very hard with plot, the Zora area is FILLED with boring, stupid dialogue that’s horribly telegraphed? At one point, one of the old Zora that hates you, Muzu, points out that it’s deeply convenient you get back your memories of fish-wife being in love with you when you’re trying to get him to help you with your mission, and I have to say, I 200% agreed with him! My god. None of the Zora section makes sense! They’re very old and stuck in their ways, everybody there hates Hylians, they can breathe in the water and in the air, because they’re amphibians. Why the FUCK do the Zora care about the dam breaking and the Divine Beast flooding Necluda? The only one that should care should be Sidon, and it should be you and Sidon doing your own thing against the express wishes of the rest of the Zora council. That would contribute to the theme of growing to meet the legacy of the Past Champions: doing the right thing even when it’s hard. This is not a difficult thing to realize, but it’s very clear that the development team did not care very much about the plot of this game. 

I think the memories are repetitive and kind of dull too, and if you think about it too long, make absolutely no sense. How the hell did Zelda take a picture of Kara Kara Bazaar that’s completely empty, it seems to be a bustling world in her time too? When did she have time to take a beautifully serene picture of the Bottomless Swamp as they were running for their lives from the Calamity? Why does Impa seem to pretend that these were carefully selected memories that Zelda left for you, instead of random pictures left over from before that might jog your memories? If Zelda knew you were going to have amnesia after your time of slumber, why the hell is everybody else surprised by it???? 

This game is not perfect by any means. But what it does right, it does INCREDIBLY right, so I just seethe about these things I hate, and try to write fic to fix it xD 

[jadienjaystoriesandart]

A Little Bit More About Myself

Hello!

So, sometimes I get asked questions when I might comment or reblog some things, but never in my inbox. So, I decided today to tell a bit more about myself and what I do.

Somethings on here might be a bit controversial, I’ll try to keep most my political beliefs out of the picture, as I do believe your political self should have no value in you as a person. Even though some people let it, but I will tell you were I lie on the spectrum.

So, first question: What is your Political Spectrum?

Answer: I’m a Moderate, I tend to lean a bit more to the idea that we should be equal though. I believe in rights for LGBTQA, (I think is the spelling for it, I feel like every time I see it another letter is added.), I believe in Pro-choice, and firmly am on the side that your shoulder treat others like decent human beings. However, I also believe that both sides can have their extremists, and both sides can be just as crazy as the other, I’ve seen them both use the same fallacy tactics in arguments, and both can be shitty people if they want to be. (This doesn’t mean I can’t fuck up either, I am human.)

2nd Question: What do you Identify as? (Both sexually and gender based?)

Answer: I tend to go by She/Her pronouns, since, by medical based ideas, I was ‘born’ a girl. However, I also tend to lean towards Non-Binary, they/them, as since I was young I tended to not care if I looked like a boy to other people, what can I say means clothing is WAY more comfortable some some women’s clothing. (Especially jeans) and long hair is a PAIN for me as I get headaches alot. Really I never cared if I was called Male or Female or They. By this point my friends call me all three, and I’m fine with this, it feels right. 

As for my sexuality, I am Biromantic, or in long terms, I am a Bisexual Asexual. Meaning I like both males and females, trans or not, in a romantic sense. I can’t really get behind sex as an action because the idea seems weird, disgusting, a all kinds of ‘ug’ to me. Does this mean I may never have sex? Most likely, but Ace people can still have sex so we’ll see.  I think tend to lean more to females though, as I’ve found when a guy asks me out I get VERY uncomfortable. I dislikes the idea of dating, and always get VERY BAD anxiety when asked out, and even when doing platonic cuddling. Yet I’m find when it’s with friends... so meh?

3rd Question: What is your spiritual belief?

Answer: Really I believe in many gods, I am on the, I guess one could call wiccan belief. In which I think I have two parental figures for gods, to explain it’s the idea that two or more gods take a ‘liking’ to you, and they are you main ones that help you in your spiritual journey.  I do cleansing and tarot card readings, as well as alchemy stones and pendulums. Scarily I’ve been pretty accurate on alot of things in my life uses these methods. So, it’s proof enough for me, but maybe not to others.  I also do believe in spirit animals, more on that next.

4th Question: Spirit Animals?

Answer: There is always this negative idea around belief in ‘spirit animals’ so I’ll elaborate.  No, I am not otherkin, which is the idea in the past you believe your were a fantasy or other creature/animal(at least that SEEMS to be the general idea, the definition I finds changes alot from person to person). Never once felt like I was something else, animal or such, in the past, but I do believe in past lives so whose to say what I was. (I mean, it doesn’t say anywhere in past lives or reincarnation that we WILL be human so...) Spirit animals to me are guides of your inner self, traits that manifest into beings that represent them. For instance one of mine is a Hawk, which means my inner self is very perceptive and careful, which yeah, I am. These guides typically are just reflections of your mind put into form when you meditate. At least, that’s how I see it.

5th Question: Are you anything else you want to share?

Answer: Yes actually, I am a furry. Before you start, no, furry is not always a kink people have. Furry can be just the liking of dressing up as an antro animal. Which I happen to like cosplaying and I like animals with human likeness, I mean we all watched Disney so... I just like dressing up as one.  And for those that want to know, my Fursona is a hybrid, a Bluejay Wolf, her backstory is that she can’t fly as her feathers are woven with fur between them, making it hard for her to fly, she can glide for a short period of time. 

6th Question: What are some of your favorite fandoms?

Answer: That’s hard to say, I like cartoons alot, like Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, lots of late 90′s and early 2000′s ones. I like the comic series of The Arcana, and I also like Sander Sides. Lots of amines too, I am a bucket full of many fandoms and sometimes I tend to for a year just go crazy over one. Not sure why, just do.

7th Question: What do you do mostly on here?

Answer: Mostly I love writing more than drawing, though I can draw I tend to find my mind gets away with me. And where I suck as comic drawing, I find writing to be easier to get them out.  I always seem to be coming up with new ideas for AU’s, like I legit have a Sander Sides RWBY AU I’m thinking about, and another one that is already fleshed out. 

8th Question: You seem to bounce around or repeat yourself alot? Why?

Answer: Guys, I’m VERY forgetful, memory for me isn’t the best. I don’t mean to pester people, it’s not that I’m sending asks because I am annoyed or trying to be. It’s because I forget if I ever did send it to your or not.  I may have done something like this once before, but can’t remember at all. Friends think I have ADHD, the more I live, the more inclined I am to think so too.

9th Question: Are asks open?

Answer: Since starting up AU’s people like, I decided to finally open my ask box. So Yes, they are open. 

10th Question: Any OCs?

Answer: Actually yeah, lots. Jade is my avatar and she has a whole backstory with her. I also have Christopher, my go to guy for most things. Vanitas is my Minecraft OC, yes I be a KH fan what of it? There is also Jackie, my female OC who I use.  I may or may not have came up with my own ‘sides’ out of boredom one day. lol. Lots of OC’s, happy to talk about them if honest.

11th Question: Do you go to college or something?

Answer: Yes, and Covid thanks for killing me with online English and Biology. While my teachers have it put together what they want us to do, still doesn’t help when the deadlines are all over the place. I have a degree in Horticulture, if you have plant raising questions just ask. But I was getting a business degree before my teacher screwed me over after my grandfather died. And I also have a Art Education one that I could transfer with... Not sure yet, we’ll see. 

CLOSING NOTES?

I’m happy to answer anymore if you guys are curious, let me know if you want them private or not. But these is a bit more about myself. 

[junemermaid]

Getting It On, Dragon Age Edition

(or: That Big Fat Sexual Politics Meta)

Listen up, kids and mossbacks, flesh persons and anthropomorphic manifestations, we need to talk about a thing.

First order of business: this is all my opinion, pondering and extrapolation.

You don't care for my ideas, that is grand. I'm not telling you how to fandom. Raising a moral crusade on me will get you the block button. Otherwise, I'd love to talk about this more.

Clear? Clear.

Content warnings: Discussion of homophobia, misogyny, the workings of sex. Brief mentions of rape and sexual slavery. Nothing graphic.

That said, let's go. The thing we need to talk about is this: Thedas and its sexual politics.

I posit for your consideration that sex in Thedas is NOT viewed

like in the modern West

like in the medieval West (meaning roughly Europe).

I speak broadly, of course. There's plenty of difference between Ferelden and Rivain, Orlais and Tevinter. Thedas as we know it is a bundle of worldbuilding by writers who also by and large come from the modern West. They try, albeit imperfectly, to create a late-medieval fantasy world dashed with present-day ideals. Two of these ideals are key to the matter at hand, namely

the lack of systemic misogyny and

the lack of religion-imposed sexual guilt.

(We haven't actually achieved either. For the sake of the argument, these issues aren't supposed to exist in Thedas like they did in Ye Olde Mediaeval Tymes. Another topic, another day.)

Thedas attempts to be a world in which they have that mythical beast, equality of genders, and in which the Chantry doesn't dictate what you're allowed to get up to in the bedroom, or against the wall, or on the kitchen table. I'm mostly talking about Chantry-abiding human (and by extension city elf) cultures here, because the dwarves, the Avvar, the Qun and the Dalish etc. deserve their own posts.

To be clear: I'm also a modern Western person. I'm aware it's very hard, on some level, to conceive of a world that doesn't view everyone not (cis) male as somewhat less than a person, or even a world where sex is not mired in the idea of it as sinful. We have examples of both here on this Earth, but I come to those examples as someone who's not accultured to them.

So.

The writing of the games is not free of misogyny. The writers try. I'm sure they do their damnedest. For our purposes here, let's pretend that Thedas does not systemically and culturally discriminate against women. Let's pretend women aren't viewed as inherently inferior to men. Assume that Thedasian marriages don't confer legal ownership of the wife to the husband. Let's pretend rape is not a gendered crime in Thedas.

This isn't the same as having no prejudice against a certain gender, or that all genders have the exact same social roles or responsibilities. It just means that regardless of their junk or their presentation, everyone's more or less on the same line. (I'm not going to be talking about gender minorities in any great detail here. The intersection of my topics with how Thedasian cultures treat non-binary, trans, etc. people would need another post. Apologies!)

There are other factors that put people in unequal positions. Social class, race, wealth, lineage, the prestige of certain trades and professions, being born a mage, etc. I don't think there's a single known country in Thedas that isn't in some way a class society. Plus, there's stuff like Antivans not having female soldiers (female assassins are apparently a-okay), women having restricted roles in the Tevinter military, the Andrastian Chantry not allowing men into the priesthood, and so on. Gender segregation is a fact of life to some degree.

However, fewer things are going to be coded as explicitly feminine/masculine, and then there's the really important bit: things will not have less value because they're coded as feminine. A phenomenon associated with men won't be more important than a woman-associated one just by virtue of that connection.

Such as: the Chantry clergy is revered and influential because the Chantry is the pillar of most known societies and a strong unifying force (despite its many, many shortcomings). The clergy being female is not the sole deciding factor in this esteem. @serenity-fails kindly pointed out that World of Thedas elaborates on the leading role of women in the Chantry: women are seen as more morally pure, as men are all considered guilty of Maferath’s betrayal of Andraste.

We do see many more male Templars than female ones (possibly because devout men can't become priests and thus find their way into the Order). The Templars are respected by most of the population for their stewardship of the mages. I'm talking on the level of Daveth the Peasant here: the Circles were a rotten system, but the common people most likely viewed them as a good and necessary safeguard against the dangers of magic.

Anyway. Thedasian women are ambassadors, merchants, doctors, military commanders. Their testimony is treated identically to a man's in courts of law. Wives can divorce their husbands of their own initiative. Women wield power in society on equal footing with men. We don't know much about the home lives of the average Thedasian, but you could assume that while women likely handle early childcare while breastfeeding (nobles probably have access to wet nurses, too), there is less of a division into male and female household work. Men can and do take part in child-rearing, and there are few if any professions that are restricted by gender.

All of this means: in Thedas, prestige (mostly) doesn't tie into gender.

But, June, you say, you said you'd talk to us about sex. You've rambled about gender for seven paragraphs.

Glad you asked. Because now we're getting to the point.

So. Sex. Politics, mores, concepts. Power dynamics, notions of modesty, ideas of vice and virtue. A right wondrous mess whatever you do.

We have some notes on the social aspects of sex in Thedas thanks to the DA:I lore entries. We know that among the Orlesian aristocracy, not having a lover or two on the side might be a worse gaffe than appearing at court with the right extramarital paramour. Fereldans don't much care as long as you keep your affairs your affair. Then, of course, Tevinter high society obsesses over bloodlines and lineages, and not gonna lie, I'm going to talk about Tevinter a fair bit here.

First, a detour into the religion aspect.

The Chantry is loosely modelled on the Catholic Church. This is particularly evident in how the Chantry is a social glue for the disparate countries of Thedas. Even Tevinter, with its Imperial Chantry, is linked into a common religious legacy. Not coincidentally, this parallels medieval Europe, where Christianity provided a moral and cultural common ground across a continent.

The Chantry teaches and preaches a defined moral code. It also seems to preside over marriages, as seen in the city elf prologue in Origins and in the wedding scenes in Trespasser. However, it's not clear if the Chantry has the power to validate a marriage, or if this power rests with a secular authority (such as a local lord or judge). A revered mother might be able to bless a marriage/conduct a wedding but not actually make it legal.

Based on Leliana's dialogue in DA:O, clergy members can't marry, and even lay sisters and brothers observe sexual abstinence. Leliana has no problem banging the Warden, though, or committing to a long-term relationship with them. Given that Leliana is a bit of a maverick believer, we could also look at Sebastian Vael as another, more typically devout example, but what I take out of this is that celibacy is a choice rather than a stricture for the lay members. Further, Aveline and Wesley demonstrate to us that Templars can marry, at least in Ferelden. Cassandra's Seeker vows don't prevent her tryst with Regalyan or a romance with the Inquisitor.

All in all, this paints an incomplete but nuanced picture of the Chantry's attitude to sex. Priests commit themselves to the Maker (in emulation of Andraste's heavenly marriage to Him) and so choose celibacy, but not because sex is a sin. Sex is a worldly, sensual thing, a distraction from their calling. The clergy should devote themselves to the faith and the faithful, and thus they abstain from most earthly pleasures. One assumes this list also includes rich foods, luxurious clothing, assorted hedonistic pursuits, personal wealth etc. That would be fairly typical of initiated members of a religious organisation.

It doesn't mean that engaging in those pleasures is forbidden to Daveth the Peasant (insofar as he can on a peasant's budget), or indeed to the rest of lay society.

We don't have an itemised list of what the Chantry does consider a sin. Hubris seems pretty high up there, given the whole Black City debacle. You could round it out with the rest of the classic seven, if the demon classification from the games is any clue. Out of those, lust is the one that springs to mind, but lust and sex aren't one and the same. It would be morally reprehensible to fuck someone else's spouse even if you really wanted to, because that'd lead to broken trust and heartache for someone you swore fidelity to. It might also result in unwelcome out-of-wedlock children in a society that puts a lot of weight on the continuity of (noble) lineages.

Thus, sexual infidelity might be regarded a sin. However, sex itself is never painted as a bad thing in the game lore. The ways in which you have it matter. With whom you have it matters. Between individuals at liberty to have sex with each other, sex is mad fine.

In the medieval West, “individuals at liberty” pretty much meant a married heterosexual couple. In the modern West, this definition is broader, though there are parties who prefer the medieval one, or who condemn sex between same-gender people, or whatever other subsets of humanity that they find immoral.

In our fictional universe of Thedas, the definition hews closer to however many consenting people without conflicting commitments you can find. Tevinter being the big fat exception, most countries that we know don't discriminate against same-gender sex/love/relationships. This suggests to me that in Tevinter, too, the ostracism is cultural, not religious in origin. Even in the Imperium, the church doesn't tell you who (not) to fuck, but society will.

We've never had a Tevinter female character who'd be exclusively into women, but extrapolating from Dorian in DA:I, it's likely women-loving women face similar issues as men who prefer men, especially among the nobility. The general rule is that the more important your lineage is, the more it gets societally policed. The laetan and soporati classes probably don't face the same level of scrutiny of their sexual liaisons as the alti do. The alti have much greater power and wealth to indulge themselves sexually. The price of discovery and the chance of scandal just are correspondingly higher.

However. You remember what I said above about sex and sin. When a society declares a behaviour taboo or undesirable, there's a reason. That reason most often relates to control and its exercise.

For the alti, breeding is everything. They preserve the Dreamer lineages with near-religious fervour (but this fervour doesn't seem to stem from Chantry teachings, which rather denounce Tevinter's ancient magister lords). I'm sure that in Orlais or Ferelden, nobles who prefer their own gender can make arrangements to adopt or foster heirs who aren't their biological children. Tevinter nobles can't resort to this, unless there's a child of matching lineage up for adoption. I don't imagine that happens too often.

Thus control of the bloodline is a major means for a family to maintain its power and prestige. If an heir refuses to marry and procreate, social and economic ruin may well follow. A worthwhile aside: Thedasian marriages aren't assumed to be love unions. They're economic arrangements meant to ensure that lands, titles, and wealth stay intact and pass to properly recognised heirs. They're political plaster to cement alliances and keep the peace. It's preferable that the spouses are amicable, but love may not even be desirable, and it's the duty of noble children to find or agree to a match that suits the interests of their family.

Let's pull this back to Dorian. Dorian pretty much extends a rude hand gesture to his familial obligations, declares that he's going to live free, and then burns his bridges in pursuit of being his genuine self. From a standpoint of personal freedom, self-expression, and general humanity, he does a brave, admirable thing. He refuses to settle and conform, because he believes there's more to be found.

He also makes it clear that it's not that he couldn't find willing sexual partners in Tevinter. The issue is that liaisons between men or between women are not seen as lasting in the Imperium. They're hidden and potentially scandalous, in part because they damage the marriageability of a noble. You're obliged to marry someone you can reproduce with, and clearly magic hasn't answered this question yet.

Dorian's problem is not this. His problem is that what Tevinter offers is not enough. Tevinter is an old, decadent empire, with a ruling class mired in luxuries. They've figured out ways to accommodate people in arranged marriages before Ferelden was even a kingdom. You marry, you have children, and then you amuse yourself with whoever you like—-discreetly. The Chantry probably frowns, but not too loudly. Even so, the problem is the adultery, not the gender of the mentioned extramarital partners.

What I take out of this is: Dorian's sin, in the eyes of his native society, is not wanting and fucking men. His sin is the selfish, prideful disregard of his filial duty that arises from his desires and their rejection by said society. In Tevinter (and more broadly Thedasian) society, a moral, upstanding citizen will place the interest of their family above their own wants. Thus, the blood ritual is Dorian's father's awful last-ditch effort to make his son conform, because Dorian is the last hope of the Pavus lineage, and because his father can't imagine any other way for Dorian to be content than the way of the alti.

Yes, it's hideous. No, I'm not making excuses. I'm prying at the complex and incomplete weave of this fictional society we've only seen in glimpses. Tevinter homophobia is rooted in this conflict between the need for pure-blooded heirs and the free expression of one's sexual/romantic desires. It's useful to try and quash the latter, because the continuity of the society rests on keeping the bloodlines strong and producing skilled mages. This is a rude simplification, but it hopefully illustrates my point.

This is not real-world homophobia. It's likely not religious in origin, it probably hits harder in the upper social classes, and it's missing the misogynistic element that pervades homophobia in our societies.

Here I have to address in-game moments like Gamlen asking an Anders-romancing male Hawke “which of [them] is the girl”. Because yeah, that's misogyny at work. The thing---the saving grace, for me---is that we've had fewer of these jarring moments in each successive Dragon Age game. DA:O is pretty bad. DA2 is a little better. DA:I is again another step forward, and I hope this continues as they refine the writing closer to this ideal version of Thedas where, again, gender equality is broadly supposed to be a thing.

So, let's carry that assumption to its logical conclusion in the issue of how same-gender relationships are viewed.

If this society has no particular tradition of hating and denigrating women, the association of the feminine and the undesirable is broken. In Thedas, a man who prefers men is unlikely to be compared negatively to a woman, because their version of heteronormativity does not include the presumption that the female party (parties) is the weak, lesser or subservient one.

It also breaks the automatic assumption that penetration equals dominance. That getting boned means you submit. That it makes you effeminate, that it's more shameful than sticking your cock in someone because at least when you're doing the fucking, you're on top.

In a world without systemic misogyny, sexual roles and mores reflect this. Women can be full-fledged sexual beings with independent desires. Sex between women is considered actual sex, because nobody needs a penis in there for it to be real. In sex between men, there's no shame in submitting. Gender does not codify sex in the way it does in Western societies, and that leads to comparatively greater freedom to have the kind of sex one wants without guilt or remorse. Roles for men, women and other genders are more fluid; women can assert and control, men can show tenderness and vulnerability, etc. etc.

I might note that there surely are still sexual hierarchies. Power enters the bedroom in other forms, and many of them are ugly. Tevinter nobles keep body slaves, brothels assumably keep slave prostitutes, and this leads to casual abuse that Imperium society condones. Even mutual romantic relationships between humans and elves can be fraught with tensions because city elves aren't full citizens of any country that we know in detail. City elves are otherwise at constant risk of exploitation from the human population. There can be hierarchies of social class or age, even with the gender component removed.

This is a scratch at the surface of a huge, rich, complex issue. I didn't talk about poly configurations! I didn't talk about open marriages, or other religions beside the Chantry, or non-binary or trans people (which topic I'll leave for others to cover in detail), or even very much about the nature of marriage in the medieval world. Maybe, later on, I will.

But. My dudes. My darlings. My dauntless romantics and brave pornographers. Bioware has, however haltingly, imagined for us a world in which all this is possible. Our rules don't apply in Thedas, and we're free to prance. To me, that is what fantasy as a genre is all about. The liberty to imagine better, yes, but also different. To picture how things might be, if we dared to go there.

Let's fucking frolic.