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im-the-punk-who · 4 years

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Hi! I’m new to the fandom and I’m simply curious (not trying to start a feud or anything), why don’t you like Steinberg?

Hello dear anon! And welcome to the fandom!

Oof. That’s a question. xD

I’m going to try and stay as uh. neutral as possible. Because I’ve already written the post I know I failed but, the intent in answering this is also not to start a feud or hurt anyone’s feelings.

Okay, so I got fairly negative in this chilis tonight, so I want to start by saying that even in light of the opinions I’m about to express, Black Sails is one of, if not my number one, favorite TV shows of all time. Certainly in recent memory - I’ve been hyperfixating on this show for 18 months with no sign of stopping, and I have a tremendous amount of respect for everyone who worked on the show - even Steinberg. (The one exclusion is Michael Bay, he can go twist.)

AND I think Stienberg is an incredibly talented writer. Black Sails is one of my favorite shows because it does such a wonderful job of weaving stories, creating characters, and melding things in a way that is both unexpected and makes sense narratively. I have changed as a person because of the show, and they will have to pry James McGraw and Thomas Hamilton from my cold dead knives-attached-to-them hands. None of what I’m going to say is meant to detract from that.

I will also say that a lot of these issues are not particular to Steinberg and are in fact a systemic problem with American TV + Film. And I’m not leaving Robert Levine out of my criticism, it’s just that Steinberg had the biggest hand in the pot(he wrote a full half the episodes) and a lot of what I’ve heard as far as talking about the show comes from Steinberg. So, he gets the brunt. But it isn’t that I think Steinberg was the only problematic element of the show.

Also, these are all my opinions and are colored by how I interact with my fandoms. I am not only a fandom veteran, but I work and pretty much live in the entertainment industry. I work in indie film and theatre and am surrounded by artists and creators of all walks of life, like, constantly. I know what is possible, and when I see something that can be improved, I want to note it because it is important to me to always be striving forward. Like Miranda says about Thomas, this isn’t out of malice, or out of hate. It’s because I genuinely love this show, and I love entertainment as a whole, and I think in order to get to a better, more inclusive industry we have to have hard conversations and look critically at the media we consume, and it is frustrating to me to time and again see the same faces in the room.

But if that isn’t your cuppa, that’s fine! Fandom isn’t meant to be stressful and if all you want to do is watch a show about gay pirates that is your tomato and I applaud you. Have at it you funky motherfucker.

OH! One more. At some point I’m going to talk about Silverflint. When I do, it is NOT meant as a ‘you shouldn’t/cant ship this’ or ‘this pairing is bad’ or any negative attack on the people who ship that pairing. My criticisms in this post are exclusively about what it means for Steinberg as a writer and Black Sails’ representation of gay and mlm men. While it’s not my cuppa, this is a sail your own ship blog.

OKAY! SO!

My main criticisms of Steinberg & Co boil down to:

The homozygosity of the writers and directors shows a complete lack of desire to include marginalized people in the writing of a show that is about them. Which leads to:

The centering of white men while choosing a historical setting and time period that was in fact dominated by people of color and specifically a black woman,

The gratuitous inclusion of violence against women, particularly sexual violence, and again, that the female characters are often sidelined for the central male characters.

SO.

Black Sails is a show centered around queer, female, and black leads, and yet there were only two non white-male directors (one bi-racial man and one white woman) and only 7 female writers - one of whom was Latina. The entire rest of the major creative staff was white men. I’m not going to comment on sexualities but none of the writers or directors are out as queer according to a quick google search.

Let me reiterate the important bit there.

In Black Sails, where the last two seasons specifically feature around a real, actually-happened-in-history event that shaped black history in the Caribbean, there was not a single black writer on the entire show.

This is the main difference between inclusion for inclusion’s sake, and actually centering marginalized voices. Black Sails has a ton of gay, POC, and female rep in front of the camera but practically zero representation behind it, which leads to storylines and implications that Steinberg and his writers, as white men, simply would never realize.

It’s like why Silver and Miranda never realized the true reasons James was waging war on England. They just did not have the life experiences to realize they were missing a piece of the puzzle, and so they filled in their own without even realizing they’d done so.

Because no one in the room of Black Sails was a part of these marginalized identities, nuances get lost or mistranslated, motivations get muddled through a white man’s gaze(or a straight person’s) and implications that someone within those communities might think is obvious won’t even come up.

And again, because there were no writers or directors of color in the last two seasons (the biracial man directed episodes 2x02 and 2x04 - WHICH MAKES SENSE IMO) the entirety of the historical lore that the show bases itself on in its latter half is filtered through a white man’s lens. And so there is no discussion of how changing something changes the meaning, how leaving someone out or changing their role to be more minor might affect people for whom that is their heritage. How the entire story they’re telling might change with one simple exclusion or addition.

So, how does this relate directly to Steinberg, you ask? Well, simply, because it was his show.

Steinberg(and Levine) were involved in every major decision about the show, from its conception, to the script, to choosing the writers and directors. They chose how they wanted the show to look, to think, what stories to tell and how they wanted to tell them. Their decisions(and the biases that formed those decisions) are woven into the show.

And look. I don’t for a second believe any of this was willful or malicious. I don’t think that John Steinberg and Robert Levine sat down one day and said ‘you know what would make the gays really angry? If we locked the only two canonically gay men up in a prison camp.’

But the decisions that were made in the show were based in ignorance in a way that shows more than just simple negligence or laziness(especially given the attention to detail in everything else). The things they leave out or change in the Maroon War plotline for instance are not small details easily missed. They are big, giant waving flags. They are things that are irreplaceable to still have the same events and stories and tell them respectfully.

It shows an insane amount of privilege to, for instance, write a show airing during a time when the Black Lives Matter movement was at the forefront of the American conscience, include black characters and black storylines, and yet not include a single black voice on their creative team.

In a show that centers a gay man’s love and his journey in attempting to process the horrible things done to him and his lover because of it, we are given just forty minutes of the entire show dedicated to their relationship - and just fifteen of those minutes actually feature the lover!

(Relatedly, the entirety of the gay romantic rep is two kisses, and a forehead touch. That’s the entirety of your gay intimacy representation. And yet there are in the first two seasons alone - because that’s all I’ve clocked so far - something like twenty seven minutes of scenes involving a naked or half naked woman. Five minutes of that is explicitly wlw sex.

Again, I just want to reiterate this because it’s important in recognizing bias.

There is fully twice as much female nudity in the first two seasons, as the entirety of the time the two gay characters have together on screen. )

Steinberg is a perfect example of how a lack of understanding why the diversity you are representing is important, matters. I dislike Steinberg because he, just like every other straight white cis man I have known, profited off of marginalized voices without including them or creating with them in mind.

Art does not exist in a vacuum. You cannot create something - especially something as back breakingly, intensely a labor of love as Black Sails - without putting several pieces of yourself into it. But those pieces color your narrative. They will expose things about you that you don’t even realize. And it’s in these places we are weakest, and why a diverse group of writers with a diverse group of experiences can help a piece be stronger. But for whatever reason, John Steinberg thought that he could make art with only people who looked and thought and experienced like him.

The lack of representation behind the camera in Black Sails was evident in front of it and yet Steinberg is out here getting to pretend like he created the most inclusive groundbreaking show that ever existed. It is important to me, personally, to acknowledge that. And that it kind of makes my skin crawl in the way all media made by straight white (cis)men makes my skin crawl. I wish I didn’t have to feel that way about my favorite tv show just because it was created by a man of privilege, but here we are.

SO. I hope that helped? Feel free to take what you want and leave what you don’t!

Below the cut is a more in depth look at things that I think show what I’m talking about, but that up there ^^ is the gist. <3 |D

SURPRISE!

The Maroons and the Maroon War

So the first thing I want to point out is that the Maroon War was a real thing that happened. It lasted ten years, and resulted in the most substantial victory the Maroons ever achieved against the British. Not only that, there was in fact a KICKIN’ badass female leader of the maroons named Queen Nanny, who is to this day honored as a national hero in Jamaica. While they weren’t able to drive the British out, the outcome of this war led to a mostly self-governing Maroon population in Jamaica from the mid 1700s on. This was a long term fight that had a very tangible and real outcome, even if it didn’t end in the destruction of colonialism.

And what is this war turned into in Black Sails? A white ‘madman’s revenge’ that is doomed to failure after six months.

That, my dear pirates, is a problem for me. (And those familiar with my brand of spiceyness know that I do not ascribe to the ‘Flint is a Madman’ trope, but that IS what Steinberg ascribes to, what he seems to have written the show thinking.)

There was no narrative reason to include the Maroon War in the narrative of Black Sails. The Maroon War didn’t happen until a decade after the Golden Age of Piracy, and aside from Silver’s wife being a black woman there is no mention of Silver ever having contact with them. To me, this feels like the choice of a showrunner who found a cool historical event and saw a chance to up the stakes of their white male heroes while getting in some sweet sweet POC rep.

Except that they then took the major events of the Maroon War and gave them to their white characters, Flint and Silver.

Here’s the thing. If you’re going to take a piece of culturally important history and use it for your show, you NEED to have sensitivity writers. You need to have people who are at least familiar with those events and who care about them to do them justice. Have an expert come in and read your script or go over your ideas. Or just like. Hire a black writer. Hire ONE black writer. As a treat.

The important Maroon figures, Nanny, Cudjoe, and Quao, all get sidelined or ‘sexified’ and then used as plot points for the white characters. Nanny gets split into two women - the older mother queen and Madi, the young naive warbent visionary. Quao(Mr. Scott is the closest, or Kofi possibly) gets killed off because the writers realized they didn’t exactly have a place for him in their writing. Cudjoe(Julius) gets a few scenes and one good speech but his entire role in the war gets given to Silver. And THEN. That sexy Queen Madi figure gets used as emotional bait for Silver and then has to learn he has betrayed her and destroyed the hope and freedom she had wanted to bring to her people.

Gross, pirates. Gross.

Anne Bonny/Max/Mary Read - a heads up, this section includes a semi in-depth discussion of both Max and Anne’s sexual assaults. If that bothers you, the paragraphs talking about that begin with a ***

COOL NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT LESBIANS. Words my 20 year old self would never have imagined coming out of my mouth.

Specifically, I want to talk about Max, and Anne, and their backstories both involving extreme sexual trauma at the hands of men. And then Mary Read and the once again sexification of female characters.

(Actually while I’m here another criticism I have of Steinberg is that his writing does not seem to recognize how queer people existed in the past - again, likely because he didn’t have any gay historians to be like ‘actually buddy that doesn’t make sense also why is Anne not dressing as a man? If you want to fuck with anything and insert modern day terminology and ideas into this show, make her non binary and REALLY piss off the hetties.’)

(This same ficitonal gay dramaturg who is definitely not me has also questioned John Steinberg repeatedly about where Mary Read is, unsatisfied with the answer ‘well we wanted her to be hot so we made her a sex worker and then had Anne have to rescue her but then we realized it would be weird not to include her actual character so we gave her a five second cameo at the very end of the series and also made her like 13.’)

Anyway! So my main point in bringing up Anne and Max is the sexual trauma they are exposed to in the show, particularly being that they are the two primary wlw in the show, who Steinberg has said he views as being completely gay, and what THAT whole unexamined idea looks like.

***Max. My dear Max. There was literally no reason to have her be repeatedly r*ped(and for the love of god there was even less reason to make it that gratuitous and graphic). Max being assaulted like that did not add anything to the gravity of Eleanor’s betrayal. The traumatic event was being tossed aside by Eleanor, and that could have been just as emotionally damaging without the sexual assault. And the only reason for her to be continually assaulted was to bring her and Anne together.

***The reason imo that Max’s r*pe plot was added was because it was the only thing these white straight men could come up with that felt emotionally damaging enough to them. The act of betrayal itself wasn’t enough, the act of being thrown away, of having a lover put your life in danger because of her own ambitions wasn’t enough, they needed her to be r*ped to really drive home the point.

***Anne, on the other hand, is never shown being sexually abused, but we are given an explicit account of her own traumatic history and how Jack saved her from this vile beast who was passing her around to his friends.

But here’s the thing pirates - that never happened. According to every account we have of Anne Bonny, she chose her husband, and married him against her father’s wishes. They were probably relatively happy until her husband started being a pirate spy and Anne started cheating on him with Jack.

And yes, when they were found out. Her husband had her beat. That’s not fucking cool, and if they really wanted to go the damsel in distress route they still could have had Jack ‘save’ her from that. But at no point was she sexually abused by her husband(at least not in any accounts I’ve read.)

You know who did likely sexually abuse her or at least manipulate her and Mary for his own benefit? If you guessed our Rat man Jack Rackham, you would be correct, because when he found out about Mary and Anne’s (supposed, but probably real) relationship, it’s implied he extorted both of them into fucking him to keep their secret from the crew.

The addition of sexual abuse to Anne’s past isn’t done to be true to her character and was in fact explicitly untrue. Now of course I don’t know the reasons why they chose to do this, but I can guess. Just as with Max, the most traumatic thing a male writer can think of for a female character is for them to be sexually abused.

And the most disturbing part of this to me? The parallels it has to the real world of why straight men think lesbians exist. These characters who would be called man haters in present day are given these incredibly traumatic man-centered histories. It brings up something very uncomfortable in me about particularly wlw sexuality being viewed as a reaction to trauma at the hands of men. It’s just gross, I dont like it, and honestly there is no fucking excuse for it besides a room full of white straight men writing this bullshit. A room that Steinberg chose, because they fit his ideas.

In Fact heck, the women of Black Sails in general

***I honestly struggle to think of a single female character who I think was treated fairly in Black Sails. Miranda and Eleanor are killed for taking sides and not understanding their partners, Madi is betrayed in the worst way possible, Max is given a pseudo empowering ending but has that fucking terrible start. Idelle ends off fairly well, but tied to a man she may or may not have any actual feelings for, in what is essentially a political marriage. And Anne has her entire identity tied to a man who will be dead in two years as she is robbed of any agency whatsoever without him. (Oh, and the whole r*pe thing. And also her support for Max’s r*pe or death until she started having fee-fees. Who wrote this stuff. >_>)

Even though the characterization of each and every one of these women is PHENOMENAL - and again I will repeat that I absolutely LOVE these characters as they exist in a vacuum. I think they are well rounded, real, feeling people given motivations and drives and FEELINGS and they SHOW THEIR ANGER and i LOVE THEM.

But the show punishes them for it. Miranda is essentially fridged to move Flint’s storyline along, and to make room for Silver. Eleanor is killed for the emotional damage it will cause Rogers. Madi is placed at the center of a conflict she explicitly says she is willing to die for and then not only is her entire cause taken from her, but when she tells Silver to fuck off he - in possibly the most predictable white man move ever - says ‘no i will stay until you change your mind. I will never leave you. I don’t care about your choice in this matter, I will wait forever for you. I’m your biggest fan. I’ll follow you until you love me. papa, - paparazzi.’

And I touched on this before, but I want to talk in more detail about what is possibly my hottest take to date, the sexification of Mary Read and Queen Nanny, as they are presented in the show.

Max is to Anne what Mary Read is, historically. She is the lover that Jack Rackham discovers with Anne, and then he joins them in their bed. They form a triumvirate that upholds Jack at the expense of the women. But for some reason, Steinberg didn’t want to just include Mary Read as an actual character. For some reason he needed to make Anne’s love interest a sex worker who was in need of saving (and who, coincidentally, we never see working the brothel after she becomes lovers with Anne, because she is now a madam. :) Gross.)

And Madi. My dear sweet fucking Madi who didn’t fucking deserve any of this bullshit send tweet.

So, historically, Queen Nanny was the Queen, spiritual advisor, and the military tactician of the Windward Maroons. She would have filled both Madi and the Queen’s character roles(and Flint’s, but who’s counting. A BLACK GAY LEAD? Inconceivable. I digress.) But, I guess, because they were wishy-washing with Silver’s sexuality or felt they needed to give him a female love interest because of Treasure Island, or because they were leaning a bit too hard into the gay shit and needed to backpedal, they took Queen Nanny and split her into a character who is for all intents and purposes powerless in the war and Madi, who is young and naive and does not have any real world experience outside of the Maroon camp.

Because that’s sexy, or something. They could have had the Maroon Queen be a fucking badass lady who works and fights alongside Flint and Silver and one ups them and teaches them shit and has her own ideas about where the British can stick it, but instead they made her into the perfect caricature of a female monarch, letting the big strong men handle the dirty work or something. Because white male power fantasies.

Just let women be powerful and not nubile and let them have character arcs over fucking thirty and let them be CENTERED in their own. fucking. narratives.

God damnit Steinberg.

James Flint, mlm extraordinaire

Oh, my love. My most amazing child. The light of my life. My purest cinnamon roll.

~~And now we’ve come to the dreaded Silverflint criticism part of our programming. Please please know and remember this isn’t a criticism of people who ship Silverflint. As I said up top, Your Tomato Is Not My Tomato and that’s cool. Please don’t take this next part as an attack on Silverflint as a fandom ship.~~

My criticism of Steinberg as it relates to Flint is related to:

What a romantic/sexual relationship with Silver being the basis of the tension and plot means for Flint in particular as a gay or mostly mlm man.

Refusing to confirm Thomas and James being alive at the end and honestly the whole finale in general but like I’ll try and focus.

The major problem I have with Silver and Flint being coded as in love with each other is the implications there in terms of gay men’s relationships to other men.

From every corner, men are inundated with the idea that any close relationship between them must be gay. That intimacy cannot exist unless there are sexual feelings involved. That a relationship cannot be close, deep and soul shattering and life altering, unless one guy secretly(or not so secretly) wants to bone the other dude. That two men cannot value each other as partners or friends or truly know each other unless they are gay.

Seeing both of the meaningful relationships Flint forms with other men be sexually coded feels a bit the same way as Anne and Max’s sexual assault plotlines does vis-a-vis being wlw. (Even with Gates, Flint never spoke about Thomas or his plans - Silver is absolutely the closest person to Flint besides Thomas and Miranda.) And this is just as true for Silver. Having both Flint and Madi - the two people he trusts - both be people he’s in love with also just feels. I don’t know.

It feels like a confusion between male intimacy and male love that is so so familiar to me as a gay man I could choke on it. Where they wanted these men to have a deep and really lasting connection, but could only figure out how to do it if they were in love. Friendship wouldn’t have been enough - only romantic and sexual love is enough for the gay man(or men, at all).

Just because it isn’t queerbaiting doesn’t mean it’s good rep, and I would have liked to see truly deep male friendships that did not center on sexual attraction - particularly for Flint as a confirmed mlm(and Silver too, if you’re counting him. The same arguments for why I dislike Flint being paired with Silver are also true in the reverse.)

Even if both Flint and Silver were confirmed mlm I still would have LOVED to see a platonic relationship between them. In fact I would have loved that EVEN MORE. Men! Who fuck men! Not needing to fuck each other to be important to one another! Who made this. Very delicious.

But because there weren’t any queer writers on the show, writers who understand this kind of struggle that gay and mlm men face, they thought ‘oh, let’s also have them be in love with each other. More gay rep is better gay rep, right?’ False. THOUGHTFUL gay rep is better gay rep.

Okay and here’s my last thing. The fact that Steinberg refuses to say whether or not the explicitly mlm men are alive at the end of the show - that the words he specifically uses are ‘up for interpretation’ is. Fuck, it’s gross, okay? It’s fucking gross.

I have been around enough men, enough people in power, enough people with leverage who also know how to play the field, to know that when someone wants a group’s support but does not agree with them, their go to phrasing is that it is ‘up for debate’ or ‘up for interpretation.’

Say the gays are alive. Steinberg refusing to acknowledge the reality of the ending of his show to maintain his own sense of artistic integrity is what, honestly, really sets me off about him and I don’t care if this is a nuanced take.

Like yes, death of the author. I honestly don’t care if he thinks they’re dead or alive. What I care about is that he thinks he can get away with being clever and leaning hard into a story is true/untrue’ - doesn’t realize what the implications of that are, and didn’t when he was writing, and didn’t have anyone else in the room who would think about it either.

ANYWAY. So this is....my long drawn out explanation for why I do not like Steinberg. Uhhhhh tune in next week for more of my totally unpopular opinions!

#good....fucking lord #i am so sorry #how many opinions can milo fit in one post #i mean i have more but yknow lmao #black sails #behind the black sails #milos black sails meta #long posts #my increasingly devoted attempts to find tumblrs word limit #Anonymous #john steinberg #js critical but the js is jon steinberg

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mirroredfaces · 5 years

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To Toptal Reader(s) and other visionaries...

Part I: Drives and Dreams

On 22 May 2019, I will graduate from Barnard College of Columbia University with a Bachelor’s of Arts in Anthropology and concentration in Archaeology. Through diverse coursework at “Barnumbia,” I have developed an immense appreciation for the entanglements of working with the dead... not to mention their many material remnants.

While the archaeological questions we can explore are limitless, I am most captivated by the mysteries of the Middle to Upper Paleolithic transition in Western Eurasia. Within this diverse field, I am most drawn to the amorphic figures we call “Neandertals” and to questions of their coexistence with modern human populations. Alongside the timeless and noble savage, the figure of the caveman is crystallized in our consciousness in childhood; nevertheless, I am shocked by narratives of our maligned “cousins” as brute quasi-humans, predestined for a swift demise at the onslaught of “modernity”.

Neandertals have gone by many names. Our image of them continues to mutate in academia as well as popular culture, but what does current archaeological evidence indicate of their livelihood? of their treatment in death? How can archaeological findings speak to their figurings of the cosmos? to their ontologies? What of their contemporaneity with modern human populations? What of art? At a more metaphysical level, how do our epistemologies influence our interpretations? How do media interact to craft particular (pre)historic narratives? How should we convey archaeological findings to a wider public, with a semblance of disciplinary accord, nuance and authenticity?

These questions are far from simple. This fall, I will develop the intellectual frameworks and practical skills through which I explore such questions through a Masters of Science in Archaeological Science at the University of Oxford. After receiving this degree, I hope to apply my newfound skills in chronometry, biomolecular studies, and materials analysis in doctoral work on the Middle and Upper Paleolithic of Eurasia. At a theoretical level, I will continue to grapple with concepts of personhood, gender, sexuality, marginality and symbolism.

Though the prospects of a tenured university professorship appear slim, I see my future in academic archaeology. Nevertheless, I will descend the ivory tower to spark and engage in wider public discourse on our shared human history. As I am enthralled by visual portrayals of Neandertals, I will also pursue work in paleoart (e.g. sculptural dermoplasty, experimental reconstruction). One day, I aspire to write a re-imagined Clan of the Cave Bear series (à la Jean Auel), grounded in current archaeological research. While these goals are admittedly idealistic, their realization starts with feet on the ground, an open mind, and a willing attitude. Financial security is also an important ingredient for success, and as a first generation American dependent on a single mother, a Toptal Scholarship would greatly aid this cause.

Beings of the deep past dwell in alterity, in the shadows of our evolutionary tree and the fringe of cultural consciousness. In an era of increasing nationalism, xenophobia, racism and sexism, inclusive archaeologies offer the potential to reflect our shared origins and inspire a more tolerant present. Neandertals are a maligned population construed as an evolutionary dead end or scapegoat for genetic inheritances; but rather than indulge satire of the caveman, or the far more malicious trope of indigenous savagery, why not explore their sophisticated survivorship and contributions to humanity and the earth? Why not try to learn from inter-(sub)species interactions?

I see a future where human superiority is destabilized; where people respect one another, no matter their nationality or religion or gender; where we care for our selves and our planet. While archaeology is an unconventional lens to enact this future, it is the discipline that inspires me each and every day. If I can share the inspiration I draw from the deep past with others, and mobilize a more tolerant and inclusive present, I will change the world one mind at a time. I would be inexpressibly grateful to Toptal for mentorship in accessing non-academic publics and increasing the visibility of my work-- be it literary, scientific, or artistic. Archaeology is a discipline reliant on networks, and unfortunately mine are slim.

At Barnard, I have learned to empower and be empowered by bold women. As I enter a discipline dominated by white men, I will emanate the strength I have built here wherever I go. With support from the Toptal Scholarship, I can travel to Oxford unburdened by fears of ever-increasing financial debt. I can ease the financial strain placed on my mother from my undergraduate education, and launch my own path of independence. It is time to begin my professional career as an empowered female archaeologist. In this constellation of drives and dreams, I am ready to take the next step - onto the stage at Columbia University’s commencement ceremony, into the School of Archaeology at Oxford, and then, well, I suppose time will tell?

Part II: Humble Roots

Education is expensive, especially abroad. I was raised terribly aware of this fact, thanks to my mother’s tales of her early life in the United States. At the ripe age of eighteen, she emigrated from Hungary to attend UC: Berkeley while learning English and painting houses to pay her way through school. She went on to obtain a PhD in Neuroscience and complete postdoctoral work at Stanford University; yet her success was painfully juxtaposed with the sorrow of her (now, late) sister. Jacinta eloped at eighteen, with a young lover turned abusive spouse. She was ultimately stuck in an abusive marriage and in their childhood home, never to travel beyond Hungary’s borders. My first view of Jacinta was her hunched back as she hobbled down the sole paved street in Alsónemesapáti, letters in hand. She worked for the town’s postal service, delivering mail on foot.

I am humbled by my family’s roots, not to mention the courage of my mother—who not only fled Soviet control, but also transitioned to single parenthood whilst battling cancer. As I meditate on Jacinta’s hardships and the alternate realities that could have played out in the Hungarian countryside, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my mother and for the upbringing she sought to provide us. I can never hope to repay her for her sacrifices, or for the hard choices she made to give her children lives of opportunity. I recognize my privilege, and my responsibility to use it for good. I recognize the obstacles—seen and unseen—that lurk in my path. Lastly, I recognize the impact of a Toptal Scholarship on my quest for knowledge and independence.

With a Toptal award, I can cross the ocean to join the university with the strongest archaeology department in the world. Without the stress of loans and debt, I can apply myself whole-heartedly (or rather, whole-mindedly) to my studies. I can do so in an environment of academic rigor that fosters community and originality. Unfortunately, the financial strain of my time at Barnard College continues to burden my mother and I. In fact, the anticipated pressure inspired me to apply credits earned in high school and graduate a year early. A $10,000 Toptal award could be applied directly to my future tuition, or cover my housing and living expenses during my masters.

In sum, a Toptal Scholarship would position me that much closer to academic success and financial independence, whilst releasing my mother from the title’s economic grip. She has spent far too long focusing on others to the negligence of herself. Why prolong her duress, when I can progress? It is time I journey abroad in the pursuit of higher education and the responsibilities and freedoms of adulthood—in a beautiful and ironic iteration of my mother’s own tale. With your goodwill and my steadfast commitment, these reveries can become a reality. Thank you kindly for considering my application.

#dreamit #doit

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growthonthehorizon · 7 years

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On March 22, Growth on the Horizon will bring survivors, students, artists, allies, community organizers, administrators, faculty, staff, and front-line workers together at McGill to participate in arts-based activities that foster exchange and reflection around the reality of sexual and gendered violence on campus, along with individual, collective and institutional forms of healing and care. Interactive activities and art installations will take place all-day in the Arts Building Lobby; while scheduled workshops & presentations will take place across campus. For the full schedule, please visit: https://growthonthehorizon.tumblr.com/schedule This event is free & open to the public. *** WORKSHOPS & PRESENTATIONS [Disclaimer: The following workshops address sexual assault, sexual harassment, and related forms of violence and may be emotionally triggering for some people. Please also note that the schedule may be subject to change due to circumstances beyond our control.] * 10 - 11 AM - A Letter to my Future Self Arts 350 (accessible) Participants will write supportive letters to themselves for a future moment of hopelessness, sadness, or vulnerability. What would help in that moment? How might you be able to achieve your desired state? Facilitators: Chelsey Weir & Hayley Crooks * 10:30 - 11:30 AM - Disclosure Dilemma: Responding to Gendered Violence on Campus. Arts B55, The Moving Image Resource Lab (accessible via theatre elevator; volunteers are on standby to provide directions to students with accessibility needs who would like to attend this workshop – please message [email protected] for more information) Our goal is to explore the complexity and challenges that come with seeking help, disclosing, responding and writing policies in response to sexual aggression. Discussions following the workshop will facilitate an expansion of awareness about rape culture and gendered & sexual violence, exploring the space between what rape culture is perceived to be versus what it is day-to-day. This piece will be of interest to students, teachers, staff and administration, and individuals writing policy. Facilitators: Charlotte Di Berardo, Peter Shaw, Anne-Marie St-Louis, and Brittany Sweet * 11 AM - 1 PM - Speaking our Healing Arts 350 (accessible) What do we do in aftermath of sexual violence? How do we rediscover our voice? How can we begin to express what happened or who we are now? If rape culture demands our silence – is expression the path to our healing? These are some of the questions this workshop seeks to explore. The first half will be spent discussing the importance and the challenge of self-expression for sexual violence survivors; during the second half, participants will be invited to express their thoughts, feelings and/or reflections through the written and spoken word (i.e. letter-writing, poetry, prose, short stories, creative non-fiction, etc.). This workshop is closed to self-identified victims & survivors of sexual violence. This includes those who've experienced sexual harassment as well as sexual assault. Facilitator: Malek Yalaoui Facebook event: https://www.facebook.com/events/2034459930156768 * 11 AM - 12:30 PM - Tender Hearts Work Hard: A zine workshop with Ambivalently Yours Leacock 738 (accessible) Inspired by the idea that talking and making collectively in a safe setting can facilitate and inspire feminist action, artist Ambivalently Yours invites member of the public to join her for a collaborative zine making workshop. This activity will mirror aspects of the artist's online practice, which uses drawing, ambivalence, and anonymity as a means to expand the limits of empathy and feminist discussions. This workshop is open to participants of all ages, gender identities and artistic levels. Facilitator: Ambivalently Yours Facebook event: https://www.facebook.com/events/228633794349818/ * 12 - 2 PM - Herbalism & Trauma: Herbal Support IGSF Seminar Room 3487 Peel St, 2nd Floor (not accessible) This workshop will explore some of the top herbal allies for anxiety, trauma, and mental health. We will take the time to connect with different herbs through our senses and make a personalized blend to take home. RSVP required: mcgill.ca/igsf/herbalism Facilitator: Pamela Fillion Facebook event: https://www.facebook.com/events/106042723570472/ * 12 – 1 PM - Film screening of "Cold Hands" Arts B55, The Moving Image Resource Lab (accessible via theatre elevator; volunteers are on standby to provide directions to students with accessibility needs who would like to attend this workshop – please message [email protected] for more information) This student-made film by Eric Bizzarri tells the story of the protagonist Lucas, who in an effort to make friends in high school finds himself in a position that compromises his safety. In the aftermath, he realizes that the support he seeks is not guaranteed. Facilitators: Bianca Tetrrault & Aliya Nowaczynski * 12 - 1:30 PM - Self-Care Corner: Wellness Through Potting Event Office for Sexual Violence Response, Support & Education, 550 Sherbrooke O., Suite 585 (accessible) For centuries the therapeutic use of plants has been used as a means for healing. Today, this approach helps trauma survivors and people with PTSD develop emotional safety, engage in narrative restructuring of trauma, and practice mindfulness by reconnecting with the earth. The goal of this self-care corner is to promote wellness for individuals on our campus. There is no cost to this event. Plants, soil, pots, hot water, food and cups will all be provided. RSVP required: involvement.mcgill.ca/event/77929 Facilitators: Consent McGill * 1 - 2 PM – Health and Wellness at the Library: Creating an Inclusive Space for Students Research Commons Room A, Redpath Library Building (accessible) Students face a variety of challenges and high levels of stress throughout their time at university, and many spend a significant amount of time in the library while coping with these issues. In an effort to support our students, we have developed resources, spaces, and collections to help make the library a safe, inclusive, and welcoming space. This presentation will highlight the various health and wellness related initiatives taking place at the McGill Library, as well as upcoming projects. It will be followed by a short tour of the library to highlight spaces and resources mentioned during the presentation. Facilitator: Robin Canuel, Head Librarian * 1 - 3 PM - Making Memes: Equity and diversity in STEMM with Women in Physics Leacock 738 (accessible) This workshop will open dialogue about issues related to race, class, gender and ability and their intersection with the under-representation of minority populations in STEMM fields. We'll discuss issues pertaining to the social construction of gender, masculinity and femininity in STEMM, intersectionality, implicit bias, micro-aggressions, work-life balance, stereotype threat and imposter syndrome. We will also examine recent media products including cartoons and memes, and discuss origins and solutions to the problem of under representation. Finally, participants can create some memes to convey their thoughts and feelings on any of the topics! Everyone is welcome! Facilitators: Hannah Wakeling & Dr Rosa Rodríguez * 2 - 3 PM - Disclosure Dilemma: Responding to Gendered Violence on Campus. Arts B55, The Moving Image Resource Lab (accessible via theatre elevator; volunteers are on standby to provide directions to students with accessibility needs who would like to attend this workshop – please message [email protected] for more information) Our goal is to explore the complexity and challenges that come with seeking help, disclosing, responding and writing policies in response to sexual aggression. Discussions following the workshop will facilitate an expansion of awareness about rape culture and gendered & sexual violence, exploring the space between what rape culture is perceived to be versus what it is day-to-day. This piece will be of interest to students, teachers, staff and administration and individuals writing policy. Facilitators: Charlotte Di Berardo, Peter Shaw, Anne-Marie St-Louis, and Brittany Sweet * 2 - 4 PM - Picturing Consent: A Photovoice Workshop Education Building, 3700 McTavish, 1st floor (accessible) This workshop will explore the concept of consent in an academic contexts and university campuses. The audience will use their hands to make symbols and gestures of "consent." They will take pictures using a digital camera, print the photo on site and write a small caption on the meaning of the picture. The pictures will be displayed in the space to show the different meanings of consent and sexual-gender-based violence within an academic context, and will be exhibited in the Art Hive during the event. Facilitator: Milka Nyariro, McGill Art Hive Initiative * 2 - 4 PM - Hands-on, Hands-off: A Textile Workshop Education Building, 3700 McTavish, 1st floor (accessible) As human beings, we rely on our hands for mostly everything we do. We use them as tools to explore the world and transform it, and to connect with each other. This workshop focuses on our hands’ creative and caring potential, but also intends to create awareness about their damaging power. Hands-on, Hands-off encourages participants to share their experiences, thoughts and needs, and invites them to listen, understand and respect those of others. In a safe and supportive environment, participants are invited to use their hands to transform fabric gloves to represent experiences related to gender-based violence that may be hard to express in words. The gloves will be creatively transformed to address and understand gender-based sexual violence and rape culture on campuses, allowing our bodies to become sites for healing, resistance, communication, and commemoration. Facilitator: Maria Ezcurra, McGill Art Hive Initiative Facilitator * 3 - 4:30 PM - Bodily, Walking Into the Woods Lobby of the Education Building, 3700 McTavish Walking is as mundane an activity as it can be challenging. For those of us who have experienced any kind of (bodily/psychological) trauma or live with anxiety or depression, something as simple as "walking" (i.e. putting oneself in the public sphere to get from point A to point B) may not be a source of respite or mental relaxation, rather, a space of confrontation (oneself with one's thoughts; oneself with the world). This guided walk proposes a silent, meditative and embodied experience on Mount-Royal. The act of collectively engaging in this everyday action may hopefully offer even the smallest moment of respite as we walk together, in solidarity (even if in silence), sharing a moment of quietude and natural beauty. Walking is as mundane an activity as it is profound. It also opens a space to process, to focus on breath and time for decompression; even allowing us to let go of our thoughts. Walking is a reclamation of (public) space. When we walk in a place, over and over, that place becomes ours. It recalls our experiences as we rewrite them onto these paths. Facilitator: Victoria Stanton * 3 - 5 PM - Safety Strategies Workshop Leacock 738 (accessible) Using maps of campus and surrounding areas, we will use art to explore our personal experiences of those spaces and discuss accessibility, equity, and safety at McGill. This workshop is an opportunity to celebrate your favourite spaces to hang out and to share with others, or to talk about how you navigate struggles and use safety strategies to get around these spaces. Safety strategies are any tools, resources, or approaches we use in our day-to-day lives to increase feeling of safety (not just physical safety, but comfort, access, ease, etc.) in the spaces around us. The goal of the workshop is to create a personal artwork depicting your unique experience of safety, or lack thereof, on and around campus. With your consent, artwork produced during this workshop will be published as part of a digital art exhibition and zine. Facilitators: Right to Campus McGill * 3 - 5 PM - (Re)-CREATE your Visual Narrative: An Experiential Art Therapy Workshop Arts B55, The Moving Image Research Laboratory (accessible via theatre elevator; volunteers are on standby to provide directions to students with accessibility needs who would like to attend this workshop – please message [email protected] for more information) This experiential art therapy workshop will explore how creating and altering images can help to externalize and reorganize the physical and emotional narrative, increase feelings of power, control, and facilitate the positive reintegration of feelings. Art materials will be provided for use and sharing will be based on each participant’s comfort level and is not an obligation. This workshop is intended for survivors of gendered & sexual violence, and those interested in experiencing the art therapy process and how it may be useful for healing. Facilitators: Marissa Singer (art therapist, MA, ATPQ) & Jessica Gardner (art therapist, MA, ATPQ) * 6 - 8 PM - How to Respond to Disclosures Brown Building, Room 5001 (accessible) Participants will learn about the prevalence of sexual violence at McGill and in the larger community, and the various impacts that sexual violence can have. You will learn how to respond to and support people affected by sexual violence by using appropriate tools and approaches. Participants will then practice these tools and methods they have learned through group activities and case scenarios. The workshop will also explore key terms and discuss common myths and misconceptions about sexual violence that may affect one's ability to effectively respond to and support disclosures. Participants will also learn about the many different support resources available on campus and in the community. Facilitator: Bianca Tétrault, Sexual Violence Education Advisor Activities in the Arts Building Lobby [Note on harm reduction: SACOMSS will provide active listeners in the Arts Lobby throughout the day. The Office for Sexual Violence Response, Support and Education (open all day) also welcomes students in need of confidential, non-judgmental and non-directional support at 550 Sherbrooke O., Suite 585, West Tower 1-11 Elevator. Tel: 514.398.3786, 514.398.4486] *** ACTIVITIES IN THE ARTS BUILDING LOBBY 9 AM - Setting the Intention for the Day Mariana Marcassa works as a solo performance artist who understands sound as an affect that by vibrating within our bodies, connects us with the forces of life. She will lead an interactive performance, using her voice to open the event and offer paths for alternative modes of existence, expression and contact with the forces of the world. * 9 AM – 5 PM - PostSecret McGill Decorate postcards that illustrate "what you need" on campus to feel safer and heal from rape culture and gendered violence. Cards will be displayed as part of a traveling installation on campuses across Montreal and published in Art/iculation magazine. Facilitator: Sofia Misenheimer, Art/iculation magazine * 9 AM – 5PM - Colouring Station Colouring is therapeutic! Stop by for a quick colouring session, or take some of our original colouring pages home for later. Contributing artists include Ambivalently Yours, Cassie Jones, Stephanie Wereley, and Chelsey Weir. * 9 AM – 5 PM - Crea·ture Com·forts Tear up strips of used clothing, personalize them with a message, and then tie them on to a collaborative carpet. The aim is to turn negative memories into positive ones with comforting, and creative potential. Facilitator: Christina Marie Phelps * 9 AM – 5 PM - Bodymapping The Sexual Assault Centre of the McGill Students’ Society (SACOMSS) will offer paper silhouettes, to be coloured in by passersby. By the end of the day, the silhouettes will be filled with affirmations, illustrations, and colours representative of survivor experience, positive growth, healing, emotion, and self-defined wellbeing. This activity will be based around drawing one’s feelings in regard to their own self/experiences, but will be effectuated in a way that allows multiple people to portray their experiences within one work. * 11 AM - 1 PM - IMPACTS Booth The IMPACTS project aims to address sexual violence in all its physical and virtual forms in university contexts. We achieve this through evidence-based research and partnered collaborations to inform policies that protect and support survivors and ensure due process for alleged perpetrators. Facilitators: Dr. Carrie Rentschler, Arianne Kent & Ayesha Vemuri * 11 AM - 1 PM - SWSA Booth Stop by the Social Work Student Association (SWSA) booth to learn more about the importance of degendering bathrooms at McGill, as well as initiatives the sexual violence action committee has developed through action on sexual violence and harassment in field placements for social work students. Facilitators: Jacqueline Ohayon, Vincent Mousseau, Anne-Julie Lozeau * 12 - 3 PM - Screenprinting Bring a shirt, bag, or other item to decorate! Participants will screenprint quotes relating to the theme of empowerment, alliance, and survival. The goal of this exercise is to promote wellness and show support for survivors through clothing. Facilitator: David Rawalia, Machino * 1 - 3 PM - Consent McGill Booth The Office for Sexual Violence Response, Support and Education (Consent McGill) provides confidential, non-judgmental and non-directional support and education to students, faculty and staff of all genders who have been impacted by sexual violence. Sexual violence and its consequences disproportionately affect members of social groups based on their intersecting experiences of oppression. Our work is informed by a survivor-centred, feminist and intersectional lens, and we seek to empower individuals impacted by sexual violence in making informed decisions based on their identified needs. * 1 - 5 PM - Scratch Back Participants will learn the basics of direct animation—animating directly on 16mm film using coloured markers on clear leader, as well as scratching into existing films to “graffiti” the images. With each frame representing 1/24 of an image, direct animation is a meditative and durational process. Participants will be invited to spend as much or as little time as they like, with the goal of producing a collective film edited together from the daylong activity. This work will eventually be projected on locations around campus and re-shot, as an intervention in the public space of campus and as a way to take back the university’s space through messages and images that speak to current conditions around sexual violence on campus, and also imagine a university without sexual assault. Facilitators: Alanna Thain (MIRL & IGSF) & Eric Craven (Atwater Library & Computer Centre) Art Installations in the Arts Building Lobby *** ART INSTALLATIONS IN THE ARTS BUILDING LOBBY Altaring Solitude: Alone, Together This secular shrine will encourage a moment of quiet self-reflection, meditation, and catharsis for passing students, faculty, and staff. Much like a Day of the Dead altar, meant to expel loss while mourning, the shrine will create an immersive space for participants to acknowledge instances of violence and pain, without erasing or suppressing their memories. Additionally, the shrine fosters awareness and understanding around sexual violence and its impact for those who might not have first hand experience or nuanced insight into the impacts of sexual violence on campus. Artists: Cassie Jones & Sofia Misenheimer * Felted Cocoon for the Deep Web A cocoon installation for caring, resting, and healing shame and guilt. From 3 – 4 PM it will host a restorative discussion facilitated by the artists and a small team of queer and inclusive learning practitioners. For more about the project, please visit: aconstellation.space/2018/02/06/felted-cocoon-for-the-deep-web Artists: Goldjian & Wyï * I'm not a Number This art installation questions the process of survivor disclosure to a trusted friend or faculty. What happens in the time between when survivors disclose and the time it takes to potentially phone a help line for resources? How might policy, training and awareness building aid in helping the community to support survivor disclosures compassionately? Come and participate in this interactive installation designed to highlight and provoke discussion about the complexity of disclosure and the need for policy and education that supports survivors disclosures. Artists: Tina Jones & Charlie Jones ***

Poster: Illustration by Cassie Jones Colour & Design by Sofia Misenheimer

#normalizenomore #growthonthehorizon #healing #wellness #McGill #consentMcGill #Montreal #event #endrapeculture

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ssfoc · 7 years

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Hello, Sea. Idk why am i writing it. But feel so bad. About my own feelings. I feel like I'm betraying Louis rn. Because i kind of... can't anymore? His updates make me feel so sad and fucking anxious everytime. And i noticed that i stoped being interesting like at all? I'm in nice safe space with Niall and with Harry especially (i can't wait for concert days). And Liam makes me smile. But everything related to Louis makes me fucking cry. And i hate how i can't enjoy being his fan. 1/2

2/2 And its so fucked up, bc he was my fave for so many years. And i know, i just need to take a break and all that. But it makes me mad at myself. Am i weak? Or what? Louis is going through all that mess rn. Not me. All i can do is support him. But i fucking can’t even look at him. Gosh. I hope you would understand me. And i hpe you will understand. Bc for real i have no one to talk about irl. And i’m so stressed about it? Sorry in advance. But wtf is wrong with me?//___________

Hi!

You’re not weak. You’re human. You’re self-aware. In trying to be more conscious about your decisions, you’re being strong.

We all get very sad when we examine things that make our hearts ache, and feel guilty when we want to turn away. That’s normal. We want justice and we want to help those who need help.

But there are a few things about Louis that are so challenging for the fandom.

1. He has helped so many fans come to grips with their own lives. His acts and words of generosity have brought so much comfort and inspiration. We feel like he’s family. We want him to make it. We want justice.

2. He has been through a lot of turmoil in the past two years. Sometimes there’s nothing that will help. That’s hard to face, but sometimes the grief is for Louis to work through alone.

3. His career seems to have been singled out to be so differently promoted and sold to 1D fans, compared to his bandmates. His promo has been ineffective and blunted, and the media associated with Simon (Sun, DM) have pointedly promoted his private life instead of his musical career. This is puzzling, infuriating, and difficult to witness.

4. Louis should understand the points of narrative that are not working for him, yet he does not / cannot act on them. Eleanor, Freddie, the chav image… these signifiers are poorly understood by non-fans, and by the international audience at large. We can’t “read” the take-away message. Harry’s: be kind, be inclusive, be charming. Liam’s: enjoy being young, life is fun, join me. Niall’s: young hearts get broken, mine was once, but I get to have a full, enjoyable life and I want to share it with you. Louis’: I’m an international celebrity / also an underdog and… sometimes I just disappear. Until my girlfriend / other artists/ Syco / a video game/ a beer needs promo. It’s disjointed and meretricious, and feels fake.

5. I do believe that in spite of it all, Louis does want a successful solo launch; he’s working with collaborators who share the same musical tastes and visions, and he has a definite opinion of what his music should be like. That’s an important thing, maybe THE most important - that he has artistic vision, a goal. Good artists want to create, need to create. They WANT to give to their audience. They know their audience is hungry and waiting, and they also have a craving to show their creative output. And I feel that from Louis. Every time he talks, we can sense his longing to put his music out there.

So my advice is, maybe give him time, and give yourself time. Come back when he has something good to show you. I think he will.

In the mean time, much love to you, hugs and kisses and message me any time.

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synonymsformediocre · 7 years

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i wrote a research paper for my #BlackLivesMatter class and would like to share it with you guys

Forgotten Heroes

When talking about the Black Lives Matter movement, there is one important group of people that always seems to get left out of the conversation. Black LGBTQ+ activists are some of the most important pioneers in fighting for racial equality. The founders of the modern day Black Lives Matter movement are queer black women. Even though they started this hashtag, which influenced a new level of consciousness, they are not credited. This same trend can be seen throughout history. Whether it is James Baldwin, an openly gay African-American author or Bayard Rustin, a gay man who was the chief organizer for the March on Washington in 1963, queer erasure in black history is an ongoing issue.

The stories we hear about the Civil Rights Movement often feature the same figures. The Martin Luther King Jr.s and Malcolm Xs are often the faces we associate with the progress that we have made regarding race, but history often “distorts and suppresses as much as it reveals”. One of the biggest examples of this is the March on Washington. One of the key organizers, Bayard Rustin is left out of the narrative. Even though his “gay identity was understood, [it was] never openly acknowledged in the heterosexual mainstream.” Although his participation in “an early freedom ride campaign, the Montgomery bus boycott, and several demonstrations in Washington, D.C.” made extreme progress in the fight for the rights of African Americans, his sexuality went against the morals and values that many people had and continue to have today. Not only did Rustin have involvement in these major movements, but he also “advocated a shift from direct-action protests to electoral politics and the creation of coalitions of African- Americans, white liberals, and labor unions” which united different organizations to work for the same cause. This is important because with this unity between white liberals and labor unions, the strength of the movement was able to permeate into the political sphere. Bayard Rustin did not stop his fight for civil liberties with the Civil Rights Movement. He also had his voice in “the American Friends Service Committee, protecting property of Japanese Americans forcibly relocated to camps in remote areas of the West…also working against colonialism in Africa and India, protesting South African apartheid, fighting on behalf of Southeast Asian and Haitian immigrants to the United States, supporting freedom for Soviet Jewry, and standing with workers in the Polish Solidarity Movement.” All of this exemplifies Rustin’s outstanding character as a Civil Rights activist.

Although he was not as active in the ways that Bayard Rustin was, James Baldwin used his writing to covey his messages of utter distaste regarding the treatment of African American people. Baldwin got on President Kennedy’s bad side when he “informed Kennedy that—because of the nation’s mistreatment of blacks—he should not expect black men to fight for their country.” Baldwin held a different approach than Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X. His position was that because “the Southern oligarchy which has still today so very much power in Washington, and therefore some power in the world, was created by [African American] labor and [African American] sweat and the violation of [African American] women and the murder of [African American] children” black people should have a place at the table in the house that they helped build. Baldwin’s opinions on the level of Dr. King’s use of love and Malcolm’s use of rage introduced an opposition to the binary thinking going on in the Civil Rights Movement. Baldwin gave people a a less radical activist to follow behind. In his book The Fire Next Time, Baldwin uses his writing to tell black people that they were “born into a society which spelled out with brutal clarity, and in as many ways as possible, that [they] were a worthless human being” because of the color of their skin. He urges black people to continue fighting just how their ancestors did. Baldwin’s writings are important pieces of African American history.

Though these two were essential in the fight for Civil Rights in America, their sexuality caused them to be erased from history. When African-American history is taught in schools, these two figures, like many of their other queer peers and the contributions that they have made are very rarely discussed. This lack of recognition reflects the attitudes that are still held today about non-heteronormative individuals. One of the biggest examples of this is the Black church. The church is an important place for black people because it has been “a formidable presence in the struggle for racial equality, from slavery through the civil rights movement.” The black church and its leaders openly oppose gay marriage and the existence of homosexuality all together. There is a fear of black homosexuality that “some black thinkers and scholars [believes stems from] a psycho-cultural response to the history of white exploitation of black sexuality during slavery and afterward.” This is just one of many explanations, but regardless of the reason, there is no denying the presence of homophobia in the black community.

Even reflected in their heroes, “invisibility, non-recognition and non-acceptance is a constant source of stress for LGBTQ youth of color”. This anti-gay mindset in the black community has detrimental effects on queer students of color in creating safe and inclusive spaces for themselves. Even in HBCUs where every black person should be welcomed with open arms, “historically black colleges and universities (HBCUs) are notoriously perceived as unwelcoming towards lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) students.” Being black and gay is doubly challenging because not only do you face racial discrimination, but “gays have become [one of] the most hated minority groups and have experienced [some of] the greatest increase in hate violence”. These hateful ideologies that are held so tightly in majority of older African American people make it hard for today’s generation to live their lives as openly gay or lesbian or generally queer youth.

There are so many people who use the hashtag Black Lives Matter today, but do not know who coined the term. Three black queer organizers Alicia Garza, Patrisse Cullors, and Opal Tomet created the #BlackLivesMatter movement as a “Black-centered political will and movement building project.” This movement is acts as an intervention in a world where black bodies are systematically oppressed and targeted. The problem that is going on in the #BlackLivesMatter movement is that heteronormative black people have left “women, queer and transgender people, and others either out of the movement or in the background to move the work forward with little or no recognition.” The women of this movement started it as an inclusive push for justice for all African American people “regardless of actual or perceived sexual identity, gender identity, gender expression, economic status, ability, disability, religious beliefs or disbeliefs, immigration status, or location,” but the hashtag has deviated away from that initial goal. With people changing the hashtag to #AllLivesMatter and #BlueLivesMatter and people using the hashtag for profit without the consent of the creators, the work of these queer women of color is being erased. This is a modern day example of black queer erasure.

Integrating queer blacks into the conversations about activism and social change can make “students more comfortable with queer topics and issues.” Some of the internalized homophobia in the black community stems from ignorance. If there is never an open dialogue about the issues facing the queer black community, there is no way to get people to be more accepting. This is true for not just students, but for older black people as well. When asked about Civil Rights activists, queer influencers are never mentioned. Many of them just do not know they exist, and if they do, they are not aware of the contributions that they have made in making the society that they are currently in, more African American friendly.

The work of various queer black activists and influencers goes unnoticed in society and get erased from the narrative of the ongoing fight for racial equality. Reflective of the homophobic and heterosexist ideologies instilled in the minds of people today, queer erasure of people like Bayard Rustin and James Baldwin has detrimental effects on how we handle these issues. By including the narrative of LGBTQ+ African American people, we make being queer normalized. In order for us as a society to reach total equality, we have to be willing to open that up for discussion so that we can form an agreement on how to move forward with making sure everyone is represented and getting the right they deserve.

#blacklivesmatter #p #lgbtq #qpoc #queer and black #mine

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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Wynonna Earp Season 4, Episode 6 Review: Holy War Part Two

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This Wynonna Earp review contains spoilers.

Wynonna Earp Season 4, Episode 6

You can love a narrative choice that a show makes without loving what it means for a specific character. If I knew Wynonna Earp in real life, I, like Doc Holliday, would be seriously afraid for her following her choice to shoot Sheriff Holt in the back, after he agreed to try to work towards ending the long-running feud between the Earps and the Clantons. But, as a fan and reviewer of this show, I love this choice that the Wynonna Earp writing team made. It implies a kind of ambition in this series’ Season 4 storytelling that is all-too-rare in genre TV, and I hope this show finds the narrative time to devote to it. Let’s talk about this bittersweet, amazing, accidental midseason finale…

Doc’s storyline last season was one of the weakest part of an otherwise pretty great Season 3. It wasn’t always clear what his motivations were and the TV show never really justified the decision to turn him vamp. While I’m still worry that turning Doc into a creature of the night was one twist too many for a character who already has a history of delicious knots to untie, his arc in Season 4 has been a good one, especially in the last few episodes as he begins to seriously question if his loyalty to Wyatt Earp, most often proven through killing at Wyatt’s side and in his stead, was worth the pain that it has caused himself and others. Actually, he’s not really wondering at this point. He’s coming to the realization that it was not, just as Wynonna is coming to the assumption that shooting first and asking questions later is the only way to ensure the safety of her family.

These are two characters who obviously love one another, but who can never quite get the timing right. To see them head in different directions again, ones that will presumably keep them from being together in any honest, healthy way for the near future, is both heartbreaking and excellent storytelling. This division works because it is led by their characterization, not by an arbitrary plot mechanic. Do I believe that having the Clantons back in town, a family whom Doc chose to kill for Wyatt all those years ago, adding fire to a war that would continue on for more than a century-long war, has Doc rethinking his past choices? Absolutely. Do I also believe that Wynonna, in the wake of finding out that the Clanton family tried to buy her baby, and after years of fighting to keep her family safe, would shoot Sheriff Holt in the back rather than trust that anything would change, after a lifetime of learning the lesson that bloodshed and betrayal is the norm? Of course.

I understand both of their choices, even as a grieve for Wynonna as she takes a step down a path that will surely lead to more pain, for herself and for others (because the two are always inextricably intertwined, even if our culture of toxic individualism would have us believe otherwise). As we see in the final scene, it already has. Wynonna is crying for the rift in her relationship with Doc, sure. She’s crying because Waverly is so happy, and that’s all she wants for her baby sister. She’s crying because she’s tired, because how could she not be? But you better believe that she is also crying for herself. Because she just shot a (human) man in the back, as he was walking away from her. Because she just chose fear over hope. And that’s a very lonely place to be.

This agonizing middle for Wynonna hits extra hard because it is juxtaposed with a #happymiddle for Waverly and Nicole. After months of being separated and weeks (how much time has passed since the time jump?) of Nicole being terrified that Waverly would reject her after finding out what she had done, these two finally got the timing right in a way that Doc and Wynonna are nowhere close to doing. Waverly kills Margo “Mam” Clanton and it will no doubt stay with her in some traumatizing ways, but it was a very different situation. To save Nicole, a good person and the love of Waverly’s life, Waverly has to kill Margo, a woman who more or less murdered her own, teenage son, has no qualms with letting Nicole die, and has made it her life’s purpose to make the Earps and anyone who loves them suffer. To say that killing someone would ever be an easy choice for Waverly Earp would be oversimplifying the situation, but I don’t think for a minute that Waverly regrets her decision. Not in the way Wynonna seems to.

Earlier in this episode, Wynonna tells Rosita that sometimes the hero has to kill, and, in the context of supernatural TV, I don’t think she’s wrong. Too many shows that have violence as part of their narrative formula, from superhero television to other kinds of high-stakes genre storytelling, pretend that death isn’t often a natural consequence of violence. They pretend that a character presented as a hero, someone like Oliver Queen or Bruce Wayne, could have the kind of god-like control that would allow them to enact violence against those who “deserve it,” but always be able to stop short of death, and that this distinction absolves them of all accountability. This is often done as a way to draw a simplistic line between the “good guys” and the “bad guys,” so that stories that use violence don’t have to dive into a more earnest exploration of the hero’s violent methods and the harm they cause to both themself and others in their doling out of “justice.”

Violence is such an accepted, uninterrogated part of so much of American culture, we often accept its unexamined inclusion in so much of our mainstream storytelling as our status quo. (And, while I know this is a different situation, seeing a character shoot another character in the back as they are walking away has a particularly loaded meaning in American culture right now.) I’m eager to see Wynonna Earp walk a different, more difficult yet more rewarding path when it returns, and to dive into a more complex exploration of what it means for a character like Wynonna, ostensibly our hero, to kill someone outside of the justification of self defense. What a bold storytelling choice. What a way to head into our midseason hiatus.

Additional thoughts.

Peacemaker’s back, baby! (Now I feel conflicted about this, though. I missed Peacemaker and I want Wynonna to have a sense of purpose, but I don’t want her to think that killing is all that she’s good for, you know? Maybe Peacemaker could transfigure into something else besides a weapon and reveal Wynonna’s new purpose as a… something.)

Real talk? I don’t think what Nicole did was so bad, especially as she didn’t ever seem actually willing to hand Doc over to the Clantons.

Last episode, Nicole’s situation was all Ron Weasley in Chamber of Secrets. This week, it’s all Olivia in Fringe.

The Ghost!Nicole/frog shenanigans first part of this episode was fun, but didn’t totally work tonally for me. The episode started out by taking Waverly’s distress over Nicole’s (temporary) death seriously, and then tried to transition into a “goofy shenanigans” vibe. It stressed me out that Jeremy and co. didn’t seem to go through the plan in a little more detail before they, you know, drowned Nicole, and felt out of character for this crew. (Nedley was perfect, though. Never change, Randy.)

That being said, Nicole was a straight-up ethereal ghost. And I loved getting to see Waverly be the hero in this episode, though I hope we see some processing of the fact that she killed Margo in coming episodes.

At first, I was worried that Wynonna Earp was going down the “mean girls” path with Rosita. (I never should have doubted you, show.) While the episode plays with the idea that society wants to pit Rosita and Wynonna against each other in a petty “catfight,” the story eventually subverts that trope, having these two complex women band together to take on Mother Medea, a very scary demon nun. I don’t believe that these two would be friends after what Rosita did, but I also don’t think that Rosita is without complexity or that Wynonna’s soft spot for “scorned women” wouldn’t work in Rosita’s favor in this case. I’m glad the show landed somewhere in the complicated middle, as if so often the case in real life and so rarely the case in mainstream storytelling (written by men).

I hope we get to check back in with Rosita and the nuns in future episodes. As much as their current situation is better than their previous deals, I wouldn’t exactly call it a happy ending to be stuck in this nunnery for all time.

I’m not sure if this show knows what to do with Jeremy as a character. He really did ghost Nicole, and I hope the show delves into that a bit more.

“2 Becomes 1” is a highly underrated Spice Girls song. Yes, I am listening to it right now. Yes, I still know all the words. Yes, I am always here for this show’s subtle agenda to celebrate pop music that is loved by teen girls and therefore derided by “mainstream” culture. Yes, Nedley is the best and canonically loves Pretty Little Liars and Spice Girls. Yes, that demonstrates how at home he feels in his various identities. Yes, this kind of representation is important too.

As painful as it is to see Wynonna make her choice, it is so heartwarming to see Doc choose himself and the healthy path in a way we haven’t seen him do before. Especially because it puts him in a better position to support Wynonna moving forward, should she ask for his help. It has been Doc’s instinct to put his relationship with the Earps before his own sense of morality, and that hasn’t helped anyone really.

It seems redundant at this point to talk about how talented this cast is, but special kudos to Melanie Scrofano and Tim Rozon in that final scene, having to balance the sorrow they were feeling for themselves and one another and the joy they were feeling at seeing Nicole and Waverly so happy and at being part of this family.

See you all on the other side of the hiatus, Earpers. It’s sunnier there.

The post Wynonna Earp Season 4, Episode 6 Review: Holy War Part Two appeared first on Den of Geek.

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thecoroutfitters · 5 years

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hopefulwhisperscollectorstu-blog · 6 years

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Most Noticeable Story Writing Topic

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But you may possess a set of smaller man contrary to particular individual conflicts which may or may not be a portion of the bigger conflict. There is absolutely no replacement a exemplary overall comprehension of your narrative. From the next case, you’re seeing what’s occurring in precise moment.

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shenzhenblog · 6 years

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10 questions to find real meaning at work

First, let’s start with one over-arching question: what is a successful career?

It’s time to move away from the idea of success defined by an organization or your supervisor, to significance defined by us. Relentlessly grasping after the next rung of the ladder doesn’t work, for the following three reasons.

First: If we only value those who have reached the top of the hierarchy, then by definition we’re writing off the other 99.99%. We create a cruel assembly line that produces myriad people who are frustrated and unhappy, who believe – often wrongly – that only those who arrived at the top truly triumphed.

Second: By seeing our careers as a race, we enter a state of constant struggle, pitting “us” against everyone else. Think, for example, about incentive systems: I have seen many and – mea culpa – designed some that are focused on individual performance results, but never based on sharing, cooperation or a sense of purpose.

I believe that stress is not linked solely to the amount of work we have, but rather on the poor quality of the relationships we develop with our colleagues. An organizational climate of “dog eats dog” downgrades our relationships, so they become only transactional and utilitarian, losing any trace of connection between people. This obsession with appearance over substance strips us of our humanity.

Third: we all end up taking part in a rat race. We became so self-absorbed and busy trying to win this race that we forget that even by winning it, we will still remain rats. And not just rats, but vulnerable rats: the chronic economic crisis, corporate restructuring and a whole slew of other circumstances beyond our control can all oust us from our jobs. If corporate success is the only way you define your identity, then that identity can be easily destroyed, with all the emotional and social consequences that result.

Albert Einstein is credited with writing, “If I had an hour to solve a problem and my life depended on the solution, I would spend the first 55 minutes determining the proper question to ask. For if I knew the proper question, I could solve that problem in less than 5 minutes.”

Instead of endlessly rushing through our working lives, we need to stop and consider the questions that will help us truly get the best out of our careers. In my book, “La Bussola del Successo” (the Compass of Success), I have identified 10 powerful questions that, in my view, provide a means to guide yourself to a more meaningful career and will help you to totally redefine what real success means.

1. What is your purpose?

The author Mark Twain once wrote: “the two most important days of your life are the day in which you are born and the day in which you find out why.” You therefore need to ask yourself the following questions. What is your real purpose? Why are you here, doing what you’re doing right now?

A very common mistake is to confuse purpose with objectives or goals. Purpose is, for example, to become great at what you do, while a goal is to be promoted or to accomplish a task. Accomplishing many tasks cannot sum up to a meaningful purpose. Other people and external circumstances can all bulldoze their way through your goals and objectives; but they cannot destroy your purpose. We are all purpose seekers: what is yours? Here’s a hint: a meaningful purpose is one that is bigger than you are, and it is related to a cause and a mission that you deeply believe in. Think about it: do you want to be a missionary or a mercenary? Focus on sustainable impact, not short-terms results.

2. What are your strengths?

After 20 years as Head of Human Resources in several organizations and countries, I have learned that everyone has a talent, a true treasure inside waiting to be discovered. But discovering your talent it is not enough: you need to relentlessly use it and improve it. Talent is overrated; it plays only a minor part in our success.

Flavia Pennetta of Italy celebrates her victory

Image: USA Today Sports

Success means a constant effort to improve and a refusal to tolerate mediocrity. Your real strength is therefore your talent multiplied by the effort you have invested in developing it. As the saying goes, success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration. Think about the athletes at the Olympics: the few seconds or minutes of their performance are only the final reflection of years, if not decades, of efforts, sacrifice and small improvements.

When Flavia Pennetta won the US Tennis open at age 33, a journalist told her: “The last shot was a stroke of genius”. “Genius? I have worked 20 years on thatshot,” she replied. Michael Phelps has entered legend by winning 23 gold medals, a feat of astonishing perseverance that cannot be accomplished by raw talent alone.

3. Can you manage your ego, and build bridges not walls?

Ryan Holiday, the American author and entrepreneur, goes as far as to argue that “ego is the enemy”. So the question is: can you manage, and possibly even kill, your own ego? Can you suppress your pride, your propensity to take credit and your craving for the spotlight? Can you really listen to other views, not because it’s the done thing, but because you actually care? If you keep answering no, you’re afflicted by what the Ancient Greeks called “hubris”: the dangerous overconfidence of being right while everyone else is wrong.

So many political and economic downfalls were built on the faulty bedrock of hubris. If we return to the Greeks, then hubris always led to the unfortunate appearance of Nemesis, or divine retribution. Before disaster strikes in your career, you need to build bridges and destroy walls to constantly connect with other people, as you will never be alone on your journey.

4. What is the opposite of success?

If you answered “failure”, think again. Who is the basketball player who missed thousands of shots in his career? Michael Jordan, reputed as the greatest player of all times. Nelson Mandela once said: “I never lose. I either win or learn.” Re-read this beautiful phrase. I never lose. I either win or learn. Failure is not the opposite of success but rather a key component of it, providing that we learn from our mistakes. Failure is therefore defined in my book not as the absence of learning and reflection. As a Japanese proverb puts it: “Life is falling seven times, and standing up eight.”

5. How can you understand the complexity and the culture of your organization?

You don’t need to be an expert in organizational behavior, but you do need to fully understand the culture of the company we work for. You need to understand its important norms and rules, most of which are not written or explicit. If you do not understand them, you will be eaten by the locals. My book provides simple and practical tools to “decode” organizations. One example: look at the people at the top of your organization. How did they get there? Merit, competence, integrity, results? Or some other factor? You should look at the narrative which unfolds when you observe who gets to the top.

6. How can you build trust?

Building trust is a central theme among people, organizations and societies and it is something you construct with time and hard work. Your reputation is going to be a pillar of your career. So how do you build your reputation? Character, credibility, being there when you are needed, competence, reliability, results, integrity: all of these count. Arrogance and conflicts of interest, whether real or perceived, are both corrosive to trust. Remember: candidates may be recruited for their qualifications, but people are promoted mainly based on trust.

7. How do you handle difficult choices?

In your career, you will have difficult choices to make, what I call “courage of your convictions moments”, when technical skills will not be enough to help you find the right path or the best solution to a thorny problem. It will be therefore be a question of character. History shows us where blind obedience to authority, at its most extreme, can lead, while psychology shows us how hard it can be to say no. The Milgram experiments notoriously revealed that volunteers were prepared to give people electric shocks on command. Refusing to follow orders is a potent asset in your career. You should never lose sight of your convictions. Throughout your career, you will deal with many difficult circumstances: they may not change you, but they will reveal who you are.

8. How many lenses do you use?

I once went to a presentation given by a famous photographer. He showed us some pictures from a Caribbean Island: they were truly nice images but a little bit boring, kind of postcard-style and predictable. Then he showed us some other pictures: they were taken in the same place, but looked totally different: the light, the perspective, the colours, everything. He told us that, in the first set of pictures, he used the same lenses, while he used many different lenses and angles for the second set. This is what diversity means to me. You need different lenses to see reality from different viewpoints, and to avoid the tempting idea that only you have the right perspective, that only your ideology is correct.

Taking the idea of lenses and applying it to the workplace helps you to understand complexity, connect the dots and appreciate different perspectives. This has never been more important, at a time when we need to build bridges of tolerance and inclusion to counter those who seek to build walls between countries, ideas and people. Diversity is an immense wealth. While organisations like the World Bank are finding ways to measure diversity and foster it, countries like Canada see diversity as a crucial part of their culture and a pillar of their prosperity.

9. Are you a learning machine?

Learning never stops. In 1938, Ingeborg Rapoport had just finished writing her thesis in medicine and was about to become a doctor when, because of the odious racial laws passed by the Nazi regime, she was denied the qualification because of her Jewish heritage. She emigrated to the United States, where she continued her studies in medicine, working in many hospitals as a pediatrician and neonatologist before returning to East Germany in her fifties, where she founded the first clinic of neonatology in East Berlin. In 2015, the University of Hamburg decided to remedy the injustice and, after 77 years, she defended her dissertation of 1938, and obtained her degree at the age of 102 years. For her commitment to learning and fighting this injustice she is one of my heroes.

Become a learning machine, enjoy successful failures and don’t stop learning, even when you are 102. Let’s invent the future by investing in our learning. It will be – most of the time – a joyful journey to freedom, as whatever happens in the office, nobody can take away what you have learned.

10. Do you love what you are doing?

A little while ago I was in Antigua, Guatemala, one of my favorite places on the planet. I fell in love with the watercolors of a street artist called Gerardo, who was working around the clock to produce wonderful landscapes. I wanted to buy one of his works of art but he had none left, except the one he was working on, which was unfinished. As I was leaving the country, I could not wait, so I insisted on buying the watercolor and asked him for a discount, since it was not finished yet. Gerardo asked me for twice the price he normally charged. I was surprised and somewhat upset; and asked him why he was charging me double for something incomplete. Gerardo replied: “Because you’re taking away from me the joy of doing something I really love.” I paid him what he asked for, knowing that I got a priceless lesson in life. If someone has to pay you to stop doing something, you really love what you are doing.

I hope that my book will transform your understanding of a successful career, dismantling the idea that there can only be a few winners, and most will lose. A successful career is something profound, meaningful and relevant – for all of us, not just a select few. In the midst of the Fourth Industrial Revolution, in an age of radical transformation and technological upheaval, we need to anchor our working lives and our identity to our values. The Compass of Success helps us to pause and reflect about who we are, what we stand for and how we can have a successful career that is filled with purpose, integrity and passion.

Note : This article was originally published on https://www.weforum.org

Paolo Gallo

Over the last 30 years, Paolo Gallo has been Chief Human Resources Officer at the World Economic Forum in Geneva; Chief Learning Officer at The World Bank in Washington DC; and Director of Human Resources at the European Bank for Reconstruction & Development in London.

10 questions to find real meaning at work was originally published on Shenzhen Blog

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mikeyd1986 · 6 years

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MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 120, September 2018

The challenge of writing about my feelings towards Father’s Day is to not make it sound like a depressing sob story but it most likely will come across that way. I’ve had a very distant relationship with my biological father for many years now. Even after briefly reconnecting with him about five years ago, it really hasn’t done much to strengthen or salvage the relationship. Making an effort with him just feels like a waste of time and energy.

He’s made several attempts at asking me for money and only really texts me whenever he wants something. It’s an emotional time, not just for me but also for my parents who both no longer have their Dads in their lives. It’s felt like a massive void in my life for many years that I’ve had to find masculine energy and strength from other sources. This includes my step-dad, former personal trainer and a current yoga teacher. But sadly these will never completely fill the void or my needs.

So what’s the best way of taking your mind off the fact that it’s Father’s Day today? Switching off all forms of social media. Going to the local community market at Cranbourne Public Hall and having a coffee with Mum at Michel's Patisserie (Cranbourne East, Victoria). Then going out to Village Cinemas Fountain Gate Gold Class to see the latest Mission: Impossible movie. I think that’s more than enough distractions really. I know a lot of people love and embrace Father’s Day but sadly I’m not one of them for obvious reasons.

On Monday night, I went to the Men of Doveton Program held at Doveton College Theatre and Gym. It’s about halfway through the program now and to be honest, I feel like I’ve only just broken through the iceberg. Whenever it comes to social support groups, I always seem to be the underdog, the one lagging behind the others, the one struggling to catch up. It’s probably due to my autistic traits and under-developed social skills plus the fact that I’ve always been shy, introverted and reserved. But I am determined to complete this program and not simply give up due to my low motivation, self confidence and self worth.

Motivation is still something of a barrier for me, especially on Mondays where I typically don’t do much with my day at all. I usually do some housework, reading, check emails, listen to music and lay in bed. And so the Men of Doveton program has in fact given me a reason to get myself out of the house for a couple of hours and that in itself is an achievement for me. It shows that I need all the help and support I can get from this group of guys. https://www.caseystadium.ymca.org.au/whats-on/upcoming-events/event/men-of-doveton-free-health-program-2/2018/07/30

Tonight we started our first week of playing soccer. My initial reaction to this...well at least it’s better than cricket. But that certainly doesn’t make it easier. Learning to dribble, headbutt and maintain control of the ball wasn’t a walk in the park but I gave it a crack. Similarly, my aim was pretty terrible when it came to kicking the ball into the goals but at least I tried.

Hesitation and uncertainty continue to cloud my judgement when it comes to playing team sports games like soccer but it felt good to least least try to get involved. I made a couple of good attempts at passing the ball to a fellow teammate and also did my best to defend. Again this is not something I’m naturally good at but it’s good to see the other guys being supportive and respectful to the ones giving it a go.

After the physical health session, we gathered ourselves into the kitchen area for our cooking class. We divided ourselves up into seven groups and each worked on a different recipe together. These included: berry smoothies, beans and mushroom on toast, spinach, sweet potato and lentil Dhal, Mediterranean bean salad, roasted chickpeas, protein balls and wholemeal banana pancakes.

It honestly got me out of my comfort zone big time being in that kitchen. I don't do a great deal of cooking at home myself, just occasionally do simple dishes like scrambled eggs, omelettes, salads, smoothies, stir fris etc. And it felt good to be able to contribute and get involved in the cooking process. With there being about 25-30 people in the kitchen, it got hectic very quickly.

Of course my autism and anxiety was going off like an alarm, getting myself easily distracted and being unsure of myself. To throw myself into situations where there is little structure and plenty of chaos, that requires a lot of strength. The solution is to perform tasks I know I’m actually good at like chopping up vegetables, heating up some rice and helping to clean up.

The other is to ask others what needs doing but it’s tough when there’s a lot going on stimulation wise. Still even with how busy the environment got, I still enjoyed myself and felt good about using some hands on kitchen skills again. It’s actually pretty therapeutic as it keeps your mind focused and active on that single activity. Plus I was cutting up and crushing chilies, ginger and garlic which are ingredients I don’t eat or use very often.

In terms of social connections, I feel like I’m slowly blending in with the others. Being one of the quietest men in the group, it’s very easy for me to get overlooked and not stand out. Whenever I meet new people, a wall goes up for my own self-protection due to my trust issues from the past and so it takes time for me to begin opening up to other people and gradually bring that wall down. But I could tell that people were there to support me and to make sure that I didn’t feel alone.

Just attending these weekly Men of Doveton sessions is half the battle for me as social awkwardness and fears of being rejected can rear their ugly heads. But everyone is pretty accepting and inclusive in this group hence why I keep coming each week.

On Tuesday morning, I attended the Adults Learners Week pop-up event at Hampton Park Library. Entering the library foyer, I could already feel my cheeks getting flushed with redness, mainly due to the big question: What the hell am I doing with my life? Thankfully there were plenty of free resources here from Hampton Park Community House, Hampton Park Uniting Church, Hallam Community Learning Centre Inc., Chisholm Institute and Casey Cardinia Libraries.

Mum and I both renewed our library membership cards, grabbed lots of programs and brochures and filled out a work/learning goals form. For 16 years, I’ve referred to myself as a Career Counsellor’s nightmare and nothing much has changed today. It would be easier to say what I’m not interested in. I wrote down: creative writing, painting, drawing, reviewing, barista training, hospitality, waiting and bar service, health and fitness, mental health, nutrition just to name a few things. https://www.cclc.vic.gov.au/

But I’m glad I went today as I’ve opened myself up to more potential social outlets and ways to connect with the local community through classes, workshops, activities, functions, events and training courses. Plus finding mental health support groups, social groups and building friendships. All of those things are very important to me. I’m actually highly considering attending a local church group to pick myself up and feel more connected with others. And I’m not even a Christian. https://www.adultlearnersweek.org/learning-in-casey/

On Tuesday night, I attended my RPM class at YMCA Casey RACE in Cranbourne East. I wasn’t exactly feeling energised or alert even after having a regular latte before my class started but I didn’t care. I was determined to jump on that bike and workout hard. It’s been a while since I last did a class with fitness instructor Caroline Dowswell Symmons aka Cas (who also teaches Body Balance and Body Pump) so it was good to see her again. https://www.caseyrace.ymca.org.au/gym/group-fitness

We did a mixture of tracks tonight including Ke$ha - We R Who We R (Release 51), Cascada - San Fransisco (Release 54), Sash! featuring Stunt - Raindrops (Release 50) and Fatboy Slim versus Moguai - Ya Mama “Push The Tempo” (Release 56). Cas has a really entertaining way of accentuating the lyrics and trying to encourage us to increase the resistance a little more especially during the climbing uphill tracks. It certainly makes RPM classes a lot more enjoyable and fun. https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/fitness-classes/rpm/

On Wednesday, my mental health took a turn for the worse. I realised that I’d been carrying a lot of unresolved baggage from Father’s Day last weekend plus lack of sleep, confidence and self-esteem issues, work-related stress, frustration, moodiness, irritability, social isolation. All of it was coming to a head today. I really needed to be pro-active and do something about it.

So I decided to see my GP Dr. Mah Mah Thet for her recommendation. After suggesting that I think I should change my antidepressant medication (I’ve been taking Zoloft/Sertraline for over 18 months now), she agreed and recommended finding a psychiatrist who specialises in mood disorders and sleep problems. The difficult task now is doing my homework, researching and finding a psych who suits my needs, narrowing the options down to one.

On Thursday afternoon, I had my NDIS planning meeting/conversation held at Level 2, Suite 1, 64 Victor Crescent in Narre Warren. I spent this week deliberately distracting myself from thinking about this meeting as I was feeling pretty nervous and uncertain about it. I couldn’t have been more organised with a yellow display folder packed with notes, information brochures, letters, reports and evidence about my mental health condition and disability. With how daunting and overwhelming the NDIS system is, I just couldn’t wait to get this planning meeting over with.

An NDIS representative named Sean ran the meeting today in one of the office spaces. After wasting 5-10 minutes trying to plug the mouse into his computer, we finally got going. Most of it was answering a range of online questionnaires about my family life, social and work environments, living arrangements, what I need help and support with, how my disability impacts on my life, my emotional health, how I want my plan to be managed, my goals and participant statement. I found that the wording of some of the questions was very convoluted and unnecessarily complex that I had to go to Mum or Sean for a second opinion. It was like they were trying to trip me up if I answered the question incorrectly but Sean assured me that this wasn’t the case.

I did notice that Sean would often go off on a tangent and not be mindful enough about the time (we only had 1.5 hours allocated for this appointment). I also found that he’d sometimes try to answer questions for me and I wasn’t exactly comfortable about that. But otherwise he was very easy to get along with. https://www.casey.vic.gov.au/community-services/ndis

Thankfully the rest of it was pretty easy as I already did my homework and pre-filled a lot of information ahead of time. Sean offered the suggestion of doing an aged care or disability services course but I’m not really sure about that right now and I’d rather see an actual careers counsellor about that. I’m sure he meant well by it. Now I just have to wait for the plan to get put together. https://www.ndis.gov.au/participants/firstplan

On Friday night, I went to a boxing small group training session at CinFull Fitness. Considering how low, depressed, overwhelmed, highly strung and stressed out I’ve been feeling this week, I figured that trying out some boxing would be a good way to release those negative emotions and make me feel more energized. It was just the four of us tonight, being joined by Grace, Chloe and Ashlee.

Considering I don’t do boxing classes regularly enough or had much experience, I was pretty rusty at it but the girls were very patient and encouraging with me. We took it in turns in wearing the gloves and the focus mitts, doing a few drills and basic combos. The hardest part for me was learning the co-ordination, mitt/glove positioning and timing of the jabs, hooks, crosses and uppercuts but I was slowly getting the hang of it. https://www.expertboxing.com/boxing-basics/how-to-box/the-beginners-guide-to-boxing

There was a lot of cardio exercise mixed in including walking lunges, plank holds, squats, star jumps, step jumps, jumping jacks, squat jumps and push-ups. The physical fatigue and profuse amounts of sweat was obviously present tonight but I felt like I was managing okay. If I don’t need to have the ambos called from Casey Hospital, you know that I’m not overdoing it and that’s important. I’m aware enough of my limits and if I need to stop and take a breather. I’m sure that Cinamon Guerin doesn’t want to see me keeling over.

“I was like a lead balloon when I couldn't even get up to turn the lights on, the dark was swallowing me. Lord knows you can't trust your head, when you're standing on the edge. I'm breaking down. Lord knows you can't trust your head, when you're hanging by a thread. I was breaking down.” SIA - Footprints (2016)

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growthonthehorizon · 7 years

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Schedule of Workshops and Presentations

[Disclaimer: The following workshops address sexual assault, sexual harassment, and related forms of violence and may be emotionally triggering for some people. Please also note that the schedule may be subject to change due to circumstances beyond our control.]

In addition to all-day activities in the McGill University Arts Building Lobby on March 22; the following workshops & presentations will be offered across campus:

***

10 - 11 AM - A Letter to my Future Self

Arts 350 (accessible)

Participants will write supportive letters to themselves for a future moment of hopelessness, sadness, or vulnerability. What would help you in that moment? How might you be able to achieve your desired state?

Facilitators: Chelsey Weir & Hayley Crooks

10:30 - 11:30 AM - Disclosure Dilemma: Responding to Gendered Violence on Campus

Arts B55, The Moving Image Resource Lab (accessible via theatre elevator; volunteers are on standby to provide directions to students with accessibility needs who would like to attend this workshop – please message [email protected] for more information)

Our goal is to explore the complexity and challenges that come with seeking help, disclosing, responding and writing policies in response to sexual aggression. Discussions following the workshop will facilitate an expansion of awareness about rape culture and gendered & sexual violence, exploring the space between what rape culture is perceived to be versus what it is day-to-day. This piece will be of interest to students, teachers, staff and administration and individuals writing policy.

Facilitators: Charlotte Di Berardo, Peter Shaw, Anne-Marie St-Louis, and Brittany Sweet

11 AM - 1 PM - Speaking our Healing

Arts 350 (accessible)

What do we do in aftermath of sexual violence? How do we rediscover our voice? How can we begin to express what happened or who we are now? If rape culture demands our silence – is expression the path to our healing? These are some of the questions this workshop seeks to explore. The first half will be spent discussing the importance and the challenge of self-expression for sexual violence survivors; during the second half, participants will be invited to express their thoughts, feelings and/or reflections through the written and spoken word (i.e. letter-writing, poetry, prose, short stories, creative non-fiction, etc.). This workshop is closed to self-identified victims & survivors of sexual violence. This includes those who've experienced sexual harassment as well as sexual assault.

Facilitator: Malek Yalaoui

11 AM - 12:30 PM - Tender Hearts Work Hard: A zine workshop with Ambivalently Yours

Leacock 738 (accessible)

Inspired by the idea that talking and making collectively in a safe setting can facilitate and inspire feminist action, artist Ambivalently Yours invites member of the public to join her for a collaborative zine making workshop. This activity will mirror aspects of the artist's online practice, which uses drawing, ambivalence, and anonymity as a means to expand the limits of empathy and feminist discussions. This workshop is open to participants of all ages, gender identities and artistic levels.

Facilitator: Ambivalently Yours

12 - 2 PM - Herbalism & Trauma: Herbal Support

IGSF Seminar Room 3487 Peel St, 2nd Floor (not accessible)

This workshop will explore some of the top herbal allies for anxiety, trauma, and mental health. We will take the time to connect with different herbs through our senses and make a personalized blend to take home. RSVP required: http://www.mcgill.ca/igsf/herbalism

Facilitator: Pamela Fillion

12 - 1:30 PM - Self-Care Corner: Wellness Through Potting Event

Office for Sexual Violence Response, Support and Education 550 Sherbrooke O. Suite 585 (accessible)

For centuries the therapeutic use of plants has been used as a means for healing. Today, this approach helps trauma survivors and people with PTSD develop emotional safety, engage in narrative restructuring of trauma, and practice mindfulness by reconnecting with the earth. The goal of this self-care corner is to promote wellness for individuals on our campus. There is no cost to this event. Plants, soil, pots, hot water, food and cups will all be provided. RSVP required: https://involvement.mcgill.ca/event/77929

Facilitators: Consent McGill

1 - 2 PM – Health and Wellness at the Library: Creating an Inclusive Space for Students

Research Commons Room A, Redpath Library Building (accessible)

Students face a variety of challenges and high levels of stress throughout their time at university, and many spend a significant amount of time in the library while coping with these issues. In an effort to support our students, we have developed resources, spaces, and collections to help make the library a safe, inclusive, and welcoming space. This presentation will highlight the various health and wellness related initiatives taking place at the McGill Library, as well as upcoming projects. It will be followed by a short tour of the library to highlight spaces and resources mentioned during the presentation.

Facilitator: Robin Canuel, Head Librarian

1 - 3 PM - Making Memes: Equity and diversity in STEMM with Women in Physics

Leacock 738 (accessible)

This workshop will open dialogue about issues related to race, class, gender and ability and their intersection with the under-representation of minority populations in STEM fields. We'll discuss issues pertaining to the social construction of gender, masculinity and femininity in STEM, intersectionality, implicit bias, micro-aggressions, work-life balance, stereotype threat and imposter syndrome. We will also examine recent media products including cartoons and memes, and discuss origins and solutions to the problem of under representation. Finally, participants can create some memes to convey their thoughts and feelings on any of the topics! Everyone is welcome!

Facilitators: Hannah Wakeling & Dr Rosa Rodríguez

2 - 3 PM - Disclosure Dilemma: Responding to Gendered Violence on Campus

Facilitators: Charlotte Di Berardo, Peter Shaw, Anne-Marie St-Louis, and Brittany Sweet

2 - 4 PM - Picturing Consent: A Photovoice Workshop

Education Building, 3700 McTavish, 1st floor (accessible)

This workshop will explore the concept of consent in an academic contexts and university campuses. The audience will use their hands to make symbols and gestures of "consent." They will take pictures using a digital camera, print the photo on site and write a small caption on the meaning of the picture. The pictures will be displayed in the space to show the different meanings of consent and sexual-gender-based violence within an academic context, and will be exhibited in the Art Hive during the event.

Facilitator: Milka Nyariro, McGill Art Hive Initiative

2 - 4 PM - Hands-on, Hands-off: A Textile Workshop

Education Building, 3700 McTavish, 1st floor (accessible)

As human beings, we rely on our hands for mostly everything we do. We use them as tools to explore the world and transform it, and to connect with each other. This workshop focuses on our hands’ creative and caring potential, but also intends to create awareness about their damaging power. Hands-on, Hands-off encourages participants to share their experiences, thoughts and needs, and invites them to listen, understand and respect those of others. In a safe and supportive environment, participants are invited to use their hands to transform fabric gloves to represent experiences related to gender-based violence that may be hard to express in words. The gloves will be creatively transformed to address and understand gender-based sexual violence and rape culture on campuses, allowing our bodies to become sites for healing, resistance, communication, and commemoration.

Facilitator: Maria Ezcurra, McGill Art Hive Initiative Facilitator

3 - 4:30 PM - Bodily, Walking Into the Woods

Lobby of the Education Building, 3700 McTavish

Walking is as mundane an activity as it can be challenging. For those of us who have experienced any kind of (bodily/psychological) trauma or live with any variety of anxiety disorder or depression, something as simple as "walking" (i.e.: putting oneself in the public sphere to get from point A to point B) may not be a source of respite or mental relaxation, rather, a space of confrontation (oneself with one's thoughts; oneself with the world). Bodily, Walking Into the Woods proposes a silent, meditative and collective foray onto the path in the grand park that is Mount-Royal. The act of collectively creating a container for this everyday action may hopefully offer even the smallest moment of respite as we walk together, in solidarity (even if in silence), sharing a moment of quietude and natural beauty. 2. Walking is as mundane an activity as it is profound. Not only does it allow a moment of being with our thoughts - a precious time to process events (big and small) - it also opens a space for breath and time for decompression. Or to leave thoughts behind. In this interval-like activity, I have experience some of my most cherished moments of simple joy. Living with chronic low grade depression, I have also noticed how walking, as a practice, has acted like a reset button over and over again. Something about the body connecting with breath, sky, and ground (simultaneously) has repeatedly cleared the cobwebs, making wellness seem like an actual and attainable possibility. 3. When we walk in a place, over and over, that place becomes ours. It recalls our experiences as we rewrite them onto these paths. Walking as reclamation of (public) space.

Facilitator: Victoria Stanton

TBA - Film screening of "Cold Hands"

TBA

A student-made film by Eric Bizzarri that tells the story of the protagonist Lucas, who in an effort to make friends in high school finds himself in a position that compromises his safety. In the aftermath, he realizes that the support he seeks is not guaranteed.

Facilitators: Bianca Tetrrault & Aliya Nowaczynski

3 - 5 PM - Safety Strategies Workshop

Leacock 738 (accessible)

Using large maps of campus and surrounding areas, we will use art to explore our personal experiences of those spaces and discuss accessibility, equity, and safety at McGill. This workshop is an opportunity to celebrate your favorite spaces to hang out and to share with others, or to talk about how you navigate struggles and use safety strategies to get around these spaces. Safety strategies are any tools, resources, or approaches we use in our day-to-day lives to increase feeling of safety (not just physical safety, but comfort, access, ease, etc.) in the spaces around us. The goal of the workshop is to create a personal artwork depicting your unique experience or safety, or lack thereof, on and around campus. With your consent, artwork produced during this workshop will be published as part of a digital art exhibition and zine.

Facilitators: Right to Campus McGill

3 - 5 PM - (Re)-CREATE your Visual Narrative: An Experiential Art Therapy Workshop

This experiential art therapy workshop will explore how creating and altering images can help to externalize and reorganize the physical and emotional narrative, increase feelings of power, control, and facilitate the positive reintegration of feelings. Art materials will be provided for use and sharing will be based on each participants comfort level and is not an obligation. This workshop is intended for survivors of gendered & sexual violence, and those interested in experiencing the art therapy process and how it may be useful for healing.

Facilitators: Marissa Singer (art therapist, MA, ATPQ) & Jessica Gardner (art therapist, MA, ATPQ)

6 - 8 PM - How to Respond to Disclosures

Brown Building, Room 5001 (accessible)

This free 2 hour interactive workshop is available to students, faculty, and staff at McGill. During the workshop, participants learn about the prevalence of sexual violence at McGill and in the larger community, and the various impacts that sexual violence can have on individuals. You will learn how to respond to and support people affected by sexual violence by using appropriate tools and approaches. Participants will then practice these tools and methods they have learned through group activities and case scenarios. The workshop will also explore key terms and discuss common myths and misconceptions about sexual violence that may affect one's ability to effectively respond to and support disclosures. Participants will also learn about the many different support resources available on campus and in the community.

Facilitator: Bianca Tétrault, Sexual Violence Education Advisor

#growthonthehorizon #normalizenomore #cultivatekindness #McGill #Montreal #consentMcGill #bystudents #forstudents #schedule

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