#how's my shitposting? call 1 800 sht post to report on my shitposting

[neon-moon-beam]

Black3White3 but it starts with the player in Gear Station, having been asked by Submas to accompany them into a long-abandoned tunnel. They don't know what they'll find, but they want some backup just in case. They go down slowly on a speeder being powered by Eelektross, the tunnel lit by Chandelure as there's no electrical service in the tunnel anymore. There are signs every so often that say "DANGER: DO NOT ENTER" and "TUNNEL NOT IN SERVICE", and the atmosphere gets creepier and creepier, the music slowly building on itself, speeding up like the prologue music from Tears of the Kingdom.

Finally it all comes together in an open area, revealing

the WiFi train that's been abandoned since Nintendo shut down the DS network. Some other employees moved it there years ago to keep it out of the way.

Cue major sidequest of the player traveling around Unova to find specialized parts long out of production because Submas wants to get the WiFi train redone and up and running again, and because it's a Pokemon game of course a kid between the ages of 10 and 16 has to do all the work. bl*nkshippers dni--I will block you, and dni if you create or otherwise support works depicting Submas as "unhinged", "feral", and/or think them being mentally unwell is entertainment. Those are my boundaries, I have a right to set and enforce them, and I will block you.

[neon-moon-beam]

The Real Reason Submas Is Not In Paldea:

There are no trains. They simply would not want to visit a region without any trains.

[neon-moon-beam]

You know what? Luigi is where it's at.

If you don't think L is real, get off my tumblr.

[neon-moon-beam]

My uncle who works for Nintendo says Ingo and Emmet will be in Scarlet and Violet. If your dragon motorcycle learns a song called “Overture of the Sages”, you’ll be taken to a unicorn fountain where you’ll see Ingo and Emmet obtaining the Triforce. You’ll know it’s the right fountain because it will have a plaque that reads, “L Is Real” and there will be a truck parked next to it with a Mew under it.

[neon-moon-beam]

I try to manually jog Ingo’s memory. I approach him with a salt cake and whip it at him. As it makes impact, it makes the sound of the Taco Bell bell. Ingo only remembers his Taco Bell order, but not that he placed it often at the one in Penn Station.

[neon-moon-beam]

A Cofagrigus outside Gamefreak HQ: Return Ingo! Return Ingo, or suffer my curse! This night you will be visited by three plagues, each worse than the last. Return Ingo.

First plague: *Kyogre makes it rain endlessly*

Second plague: *Some Gen 1 glitch music courtesy of Missingno. or ♀ plays on loop*

Third plague: *Guzzlord shows up, eating everything in sight*

Final Result: *Ingo is returned and the people responsible for sending him to Hisui AND causing the plot of PLA to be dropped, leaving fans hanging are sent to Hisui*

[neon-moon-beam]

Chandelure Party!

Where? Idk just go outside

When? Right now!

Why? CHANDELURE RULES!!!!!!!!

[neon-moon-beam]

Every time I rescue a Pokemon from my PLA save file, Emmet is allowed to delete ableist "angel" art of himself.

[neon-moon-beam]

I do not like her half the gym leaders do not like her she just makes people do things for her (like Penny and the player) and the way she just shoehorns herself into things like the School Battle Brawl and tries to act humble but it clearly conceals an ego also her ace being Poison Type are they saying she's toxic?

Anyway Geeta needs to be fired and Larry needs a paid vacation and the League needs a post-Geeta overhaul because man is she just not good.

I mean, she's probably the easiest and worst Champion ever (also the most vocally disliked by the characters of any game) and yet when defeated she doesn't have to step down? Yes Paldea has multiple Champions but Nemona and the player have canned her ass more than once each!

2023 is the year of Geeta's Downfall

[neon-moon-beam]

I saw Wo-Chien slither into a Wawa and bop the screen of the self-service kiosk to order a cheeseburger and an iced mint matcha.

[neon-moon-beam]

2 da twerp who cooked liek SHIT!!! in my Pokémon camp!!!

i was just tryin 2 have a nice time with my party in teh Dusty Bowl when u showed up with ur little edgelord Hawt Tawpic ensemble an ur shiny Zaraura which, btw when i spoke 2 it, wuz annoyed wit u and scared of or not understanding my Pokemon!! U just stared blankly @ my party who wer enjoying themselves in da dirt n gentle snowfall until u asked me 2 cook. I got the curry ready and U BURNT TEH CURRY AND MADE MY DRAMPA ND FROSSLASS SAD!!1 Tehn u stirred the pot like a freakin blender purees potato leek soup and sloshed teh shit everywhere!! Teh camp wuz a mess nd I'll have u no that my party consists of a few Pokémon rescued from Hisui! They came from a game dat completely FAILED 2 give closure 2 any plot points, had a completely diminished battle system, and had NPCs who treated tehm liek they were horrible and scary! I've been camping wit them 2 help them settle in wit a new trainer nd region and cooking them delicious curries 2 help with emotional damages and u RUINED THEIR CURRY!! I had 2 grab my stuff nd get da heck outta there and make curry a mile away from u 2 get my beautiful camp properly fed!! Never approach teh curry pot of my beautiful camp again!!!

[neon-moon-beam]

It is, however, Wo Chien Wednesday

[neon-moon-beam]

No Nobori Wednesday

This means no Nobori

He's not allowed

[neon-moon-beam]

Wo-Chien seen eating a Big Mac out of the wrapper which was laying on the ground.

[neon-moon-beam]

Encounter rate skyrocketed!

Chargestone Cave is ruined!

[neon-moon-beam]

I can tell you as a New Yorker that Ingo absolutely was not actually being nice or just ignoring Melli’s BS during the Scaling Perilous Heights mission. This is a man who has worked with the public and never forgot his work stuff despite everything else (hence all the train stuff). Ingo is keeping his face neutral while probably internally swearing, and his tone was likely super passive aggressive or sarcastic, particularly when he asks the player to give Melli his regards after watching Melli challenge and insult the player the entire way up. He probably held off from saying/doing more as to not aggravate tensions between the Diamond and Pearl Clans or make the player choose sides.

Also he absolutely was onto Volo and did not want to let on anything he knew. He probably didn’t know Volo was behind everything, but if you’ve grown up in or lived in the city, you can always tell when someone is off, often instantly. Someone being too friendly, smiling too much, it’s often in the way you see someone’s eyes light up or just change if you make contact, or sometimes even just in the way they walk when they approach you. He knew Volo wanted something, and especially when he asked about whether or not his memory loss was caused by the rift. That put up a red flag bigger and fatter than a rat in the 34th St Herald Square station, and he was intentionally vague with his reply.