#however i will definitely end up procrastinating immensely on my work and what better way to do that than by answering asks

[thewhiteroseofvermilion]

Moving Forward

Hello everyone. It’s been a long time since I’ve last spoken to you all, and an even longer time since I’ve last updated this story. Over the months and years, my absence has saddened, frustrated, and even angered many of you. Despite my own valid feelings of how—to put it bluntly—I don’t owe any of you anything as this is something I do for free and in my own free time, I still recognize how it must feel for you all to see something you enjoy so much slowly lose momentum and eventually grind to a halt. Furthermore, my habit of making enthusiastic yet empty statements in between didn’t help either. 

As such, a proper and honest explanation is due, as anything less would be unkind. This will be lengthy, but please bear with me. 

For the past four years, it’s been increasingly difficult to find the time, energy, and motivation for me to properly sit down and write. Seemingly gone are the early days of this story’s life when I was able to publish a new chapter every month or so, or even every two weeks when I was at the top of my game in terms of activeness. Even though I had an immense workload due to being a double major in college, leading me to adopt the best work ethic I’ve ever had, I still led a sheltered lifestyle where I didn’t have to worry about the many looming, inevitable adult responsibilities that were ahead of me.

Those tranquil years of course came to an end when I graduated, and I soon felt immense pressure to shift my attention to finding work, living independently, and working on things that would further my career. While I received support as an aspiring writer from the majority of my family, those being my mother and sister, the both of them commented more frequently as time passed by that my “fanfiction” wasn’t something that I should be spending so much time on anymore. After all, it’s not like I could sell the work as my own, and the fact that despite fanfiction absolutely being a valid artform, it wasn’t something that the world of professional employers cared about. 

Nonetheless, when I did eventually find work as a film freelancer, I still tried to persevere and write on the side. My goal back then was to work in film in order to sustain my pursuit in writing. Film was something I went to school for, greatly enjoyed, and even saw a possible future career for myself in, but it was the writing aspect of it that I was truly after, that being primarily screenwriting. 

After two years of living at home, I felt the need to try and live independently as I outgrew my tiny room and my mom started dating a man that I didn’t particularly like. I knew it wasn’t financially smart of me to do so when my mom allowed me to live with her rent-free. But at the time I thought that it would help me to become more mature and productive, as I would have to force myself to work in order to put a roof over my head and food on the table—as opposed to living a sheltered life at home where everything was taken care of for me. Essentially, I was longing for the lifestyle I had in college, thinking that once I returned to it, I would be able to reacquire that once incredible work ethic I had. 

So, I became roommates with a friend from college and together we rented a townhouse together. Rent wasn’t terribly expensive, but it wasn’t cheap either. Regardless, I was able to make ends meet. My greatest challenge however, was to live up to my family’s spoken and unspoken expectations. On one hand, my mother was sweet and understanding, naturally giving me her full support. My father, on the other, always thought that it’d be better for me to pursue something safer and more lucrative, and to not risk being a starving artist. But the one I had to prove myself the most to was my older sister, who was wildly more successful than I was—financially and professionally. My pay compared to hers was like a drop in a bucket, and I felt both indirect and direct pressure from her to be more “professional” like her. Therefore, I threw myself into my work, which is when things slowly began to go downhill. 

As a film freelancer, my work hours usually averaged between 10-12 hours a day, and with my work taking me all over my home state of Maryland and even into neighboring Washington DC and Virginia, my commute time to and from work ranged anywhere from an additional 1-3 hours. It became incredibly common for me to wake up for work anywhere between 3-6 AM and not get home until 8-10 PM. 

Unbeknownst to me at the time, I slowly slipped into a routine where when I did have the “time” to write, I had zero energy or motivation as my work was so taxing. I reached the point where I had to drink two energy drinks with 300mg of caffeine to get myself to and from work. I saw less and less of my roommate and friends. I spent an alarming amount of money and gained weight from ordering take-out so often because I hadn’t the energy to cook for myself when I got home late from work. There would even be days when I fell into what felt like comas, sleeping up to two days straight at one point. My physical, mental, and emotional health was in serious decline. And yet I didn’t see it that way, as I had become obsessed with trying to prove to my family, my sister in particular, that I wasn’t a failure and that my pursuit of writing wasn’t a hopeless one.

During the first month of COVID-19′s outbreak last year, I finally had a much-needed vacation. This was undoubtedly the best time for me to have returned to writing—but I didn’t. At this point, so much time had passed since my last proper writing session that the few times I did try to write, I found myself completely unable to write anything. I was so out of practice and so out of touch with what I had written. This honestly frightened me, and I soon began to doubt if I could ever be able continue the story with the same quality that so many readers fell in love with. Regrettably, I fled from this revelation long enough for a full month to pass by, and I soon found myself busy with yet another distraction: unemployment. 

I was out of work for about 4.5 months, from the middle of March to the beginning of August. During this time, I had to rely on state unemployment, which earned me great scorn from my older sister. Our relationship had always been uneven since we were kids, but it was becoming increasingly toxic as of late since our college years. I felt so ashamed to tell her how much money I made in a year from my job as a film freelancer, and how I barely managed to move to a better position after four years of work. Riddled with guilt and disappointment in myself, when work became readily available again in August, I frantically threw myself back in harder than ever before. In the past where I had turned down the occasional job to give myself some time to relax or in order to make it to a social outing with friends, I now accepted every job thrown my way, only declining those that would make me double-book myself. I earned a lot of money during those months as a result, and I was so happy to finally distance myself from the stigma of being “unemployed.” However, I once again failed to see that I was yet again sliding back into the lifestyle that had been slowly poisoning me for the past two years. 

After essentially working non-stop from August to March, my body, mind, and soul soon returned right back to the brink of collapse. It wasn’t until then at my lowest point when I finally realized how I initially went from working to sustain myself in order to write, to not writing at all and only working to sustain myself to work even more. It was truly scary to see myself fall victim to a brutal cycle of unfulfilling work that could have trapped me for years to come if I hadn’t broken free first. That’s when I realized that my lifestyle was personally unsustainable, and that something had to change. 

Henceforth, I’ve made the difficult decisions to both transition out of film freelancing and to soon return home to live with my father. At the end of April, the homeowner of the townhouse my roommate and I had been living in for close to three years gave us our 30-days-notice to vacate, as they no longer wished to rent but to sell the property. As my roommate had been planning on finding a place of his own with his girlfriend for quite some time, we split amicably at the end of last month in May and I’ve since moved into a temporary apartment with a friend who has traveled back to Maryland for seasonal work. 

Regarding the change in my career, I’ve been looking into applying for writing positions for something that I’ve grown to enjoy over the past few years, which is to write reviews for media such as film, anime, and videogames. This of course is not what I truly want to do in life, but I think that because it actually involves writing, it would be both good practice in terms of practicing my writing and experience in terms of resume-building. Furthermore, a stable “9-5″ job as such would be good for me, I think, as it would introduce some desperately needed structure back into my life. Being a freelancer was definitely fun as I had the power to choose my own schedule, but it unfortunately fostered a lot of laziness and procrastination when I wasn’t completely burnt out. 

I’ve shared with you all this information, a great deal of it being very personal, in the hopes that it helps you better understand who I am as a person and what I’ve been going through these past four years. 

I understand that my word may be difficult to trust due to my history, but I sincerely wish to let you all know from the bottom of my heart that I do plan on continuing writing The White Rose of Vermilion until it’s completed. My fears and insecurities may have alienated me from that promise, but not once did I ever entertain the idea of fully dropping the story. And I promise you, I never will. It most likely will not further my career in any way, bring any revenue in, and will continue to consume a great deal of my precious free time—yet I still choose to pursue continuing it because I can’t see a future where I don’t finish it.

It is after all my most cherished project; the reason that I was able to truly find my calling as an aspiring writer, its success also ultimately being the proof to my mother that I had some skill as a budding writer, who then gave me her full blessings to pursue it as a career. But most important of all is that it’s the reason why I was able to experience first-hand one of the most important and beautiful discoveries in my entire life. That being the incredible phenomenon of how art is like a beacon—its bright light is powerful enough to reach out and inspire others to create art of their own. From Monty Oum to Nancy Phetchareune to myself, I was blessed enough to see readers create wonderful fanart to show me or tell me in a review that reading my story had inspired them to create something of their own.

I am officially leaving behind my prolonged hiatus and returning to working on The White Rose of Vermilion. While I am extremely hesitant to even estimate when the next chapter will be published, please know that I am genuinely trying to leave behind my habits of old and returning to a more consistent schedule. 

The White Rose of Vermilion will return in:

Arc II, Chapter Twenty-Seven: Stranger in the Night

[koushisatori]

Anniversary

First of all: If you happen to stumble across this, please cut me some slack and be gentle with me. English is not my mother tongue, and on top of that, I got rusty by procrastinating everything (literally) for the last half-year (*μ_μ) I am apologizing in advance if something is weirdly written.

This is also my first ever piece of fanfiction, so I have to get used to that to :(( So if you got ideas or anything, I’ll gladly try to fulfill your wishes to simultaneously improve my writing.

Hmm, is there anything else? I hope not, and if there is, I’ll add it !! 

tendou x f!reader

genre: small bit of angst, fluff

warnings: none

word count: 2.7k

note: /

__________________________________________________________

usually, your relationship with Tendou is smooth sailing, both of you decided to take the step of moving in together relatively early, exceeding the common couples limit by not only doing this barely a year into your relationship but doing so in a different country far from your family and friends

(both of you learning french together to survive a new life in an absolutely foreign country...however, the first months of grocery shopping were disastrous ) 

you both became a couple in your last year at Shiratorizawa, surprising absolutely....well,...no one, honestly

every person just seeing a moment of your interactions with each other would have guessed that you already were dating

Tendou and you were the embodiment of being disgustingly in love - like people see you and feel  s i n g l e wanting to have what you two obviously found with the other

(SemiSemi, to this day, shudders violently thinking about how he caught you two making out in the storage room a week after Tendou finally confessed to you <3) 

anyway

while Tendou followed his dream of becoming a chocolatier, you began to study - enter: stress

after finishing his required training he got a job at a high-class factory (everything his handmade and super expensive?? You’re just so lucky to be his better half and get to taste his creations for free)

they value his skills and invest in him to become better, but that also means that his time for you shrank even more

you understood that, of course, and it's not like you didn’t spend a lot of your times crouching over books either with being close to receiving your first degree

in general, your fights are stressed-induced, and as quickly forgotten as they came up bc...let’s not beat around the bush, both of you are shit at staying mad at the other, especially if it means cutting short the already sparse time you currently have <3

they’re usually about petty stuff, too

recently though it happens more regularly and they ever so slowly started to border on painful

he stays at work for longer to perfect his already otherworldly skills; and your patience is running thin with all the deadlines and exams putting immense pressure on you

both of you are just so unsatisfied and stressed and...so fucking tired

it’s always forgivable though

you don’t mind planned dinner dates turning into movie nights with him falling asleep on you after what feels like seconds

because he’s there, pressing his face into your side or stomach hard enough for you to wonder if he’s trying to suffocate himself, while his long arms are around your waist holding onto you as if his life depends on it

he doesn’t mind being splayed across your lap watching the latest episodes of his series while you type away on your laptop, even though you were supposed to enjoy a nice weekend lazying in front of the tv with him 

a forgotten date hasn’t killed you yet as well, but the amount of times it was currently happening allowed insecurities to have their way with you

both of you always make up for it one way or another (leaving an apology breakfast or even taking it to bed, buying flowers, sharing the sweet kisses you were supposed to enjoy the night before,...) 

but this time, he didn’t just forget to be on time for any date.

he completely missed your anniversary

you spend the whole afternoon cooking his favorite dish for dinner, making yourself all pretty for him, wearing the jewelry he got you for your birthday, it was some kind of tradition by now

just to be stood up, dinner turning cold and your mood sour

no message, no callback

around 11pm he - finally ! - gets in touch with you 

‘‘(Y/N)!! Bunny, did something happen? Did you miss me so much?’’

you could hear the dopey grin he was wearing while teasing you, one you usually loved, one that was contagious

but it didn’t help the pain and disappointment nesting in your heart, right now

he really didn’t remember

was the date so insignificant to him? were you no longer a priority?

you swallow around the lump in your throat, desperately begging your brain to not amplify your insecurities even more

‘’No...it’s...it’s alright, I just wanted to know when you’re home...’’ your attempt to keep the doubts and pain you experienced that second hidden was pointless, because even on the phone, your boyfriend was able to look right through you

‘‘Bunny what’s wrong?’’ he asks worriedly

normally you’d say that it was alright, that you’d speak later or directly say what was bugging you so terribly

this time...you didn’t feel like talking or maybe even fighting, scared that he might confirm your thoughts and leave you

‘’It’s nothing, Tendou,...’’ you hear him wince, you can’t remember the last time you called him that ’’don’t bother with me if it’s not as important to you.’’ 

‘‘Not as...’’ a moment of silence follows, in which he checked the date and, lastly, Tendou understood ‘’Oh. Oh shit, (Y/N),...Bunny, please, wait for me, please, let me explain...’‘

It’s not the answer you wanted (on the other hand, what answer would that be?)

‘‘I waited...and I’m tired,’‘ you add without thinking, hanging up before he even got the chance to answer

while you don’t want things to end...you can’t help but think ‘what if?’ - that thought alone though is enough for the dams to burst

With a soft groan, you blink your burning eyes open, noticing your spine protesting and pop from the uncomfortable position you fell asleep in. A glance at the alarm clock elicited another tired groan, the 4 on display mocking you. 

The burning and overall sluggish feeling controlling your body immediately reminded you of the things that had taken place. That his scent surrounding you arose solely due to his pillow in which you had pressed your face.

While you obviously weren’t on the best of terms right now, a small part of you was still hopeful and reached out across the bed in search for the warmth your red-haired better half usually provided. Unsurprisingly, your hand met a cold bed half.

An annoyed sigh later, you sat up and rubbed over your eyes angrily. You were hurt, which should be understandable, but remembering his overly happy tone even with evident tiredness underlaying it, you guessed that he didn’t stay behind on purpose and that, maybe, something good had happened. So to say, you as well behaved like an idiot.

Suddenly, you remember the last sentence you said. Realizing what it implied, you felt like banging your head against the wall. You wanted to be understood by him. What you didn’t want was to give Satori the time to allow his anxious tendencies to fester while he was alone, foregoing untrue, negative ideas. The fact that he still wasn’t in bed with you, was proof enough which lead to you cursing out loud.

While your last words towards him told something differently, you surely didn’t want to leave him or him to leave you. Both of you could work things out, you always did, and…well, you always hoped that it would stay that way until you had lived a fulfilling life as a couple, with grey hair and wrinkles taking your last breath together wherever life would lead the two of you.

The simple solution was to communicate like the grown adults you are. 

Determined to talk through it the way you should have done earlier and maybe...just maybe get some cuddles afterward, you swung your legs out from under the blankets. After you quickly put on some warm, worn-out socks, you quietly leave the bedroom and tip-toe through the hallway.

You expected the apartment to be silent, to be dark. What you didn’t expect is the soft light coming from your shared kitchen. Or the clinking noises of bowls and pots colliding lightly, lowly muttered, sleepy curses, and even quieter sniffles interrupting the barrage of words from time to time.

Upon hearing those little sounds - no doubt coming from your anxious boyfriend - your heart clenched painfully in your chest. This is your injudicious doing. Straightening your back, you stepped into the kitchen, slightly squinting against the much harsher ceiling lights assaulting your eyes.

The original plan was to offer a heartfelt apology, and follow it up by an honest declaration of love and the proposal to talk about everything. There were a lot of things that needed to be cleared up between you and Tendou. But after entering the kitchen, you came to an abrupt halt.

Your eyes wandered, lingering on cuts, burns, and blisters that blemished your boyfriends' pretty fingers. Slowly, your gaze continued to move up his arms and shoulders, tensed and screaming out his fear of losing you. For a moment, you hesitated, but you eventually lifted your gaze to meet his wide eyes, as red-rimmed and puffy as yours. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. Normally, you would find it adorable and stretch your hands out to cup his cheeks (not to pull him down, definitely not) and press a kiss to his lips...but right now? You really just felt like crying, seeing your Satori so heartbroken over something you said carelessly in the heat of the moment.

Suddenly wincing, Tendou quickly pulls back his hand to his chest away from the hot stove. Yet, he did not dare to break eye contact with you. Seemingly afraid that what he currently saw is nothing but a sleep-deprivation induced hallucination. That you would just vanish if he so much dared to even think of blinking.

The stupor rooting you to the spot though vanished in favor of closing the gap between the two of you to help him.

‘‘Tori...’‘ you croaked worriedly, eyes flickering down to his hands and back up to his watery, sad eyes. ‘‘I’m so sorry,’’ you whispered. Any louder and your voice might break. ’’...let me take care of you.’‘ 

You turned off the stove before you gently tugged Tendou behind you to the bathroom. Making him sit on the edge of the small tub, you gathered everything you needed to patch him up with rehearsed movements.

For a while, both of you were silent. 

You carefully worked on disinfecting cuts and putting special creams on the different wounds and burns, while not hurting him any further. Concentrating on ignoring the thick tension of untold apologies, and fear. Doubt weighing heavy on the two of you. 

Meanwhile, Tendou couldn't help but admire your features. Your soft hair - faintly smelling like peaches and anis - falling into your face, hiding away your pretty (Y/E/C) eyes. He loved to get lost in them. Or how your tongue poked out between your lips in concentration and the little scrunch of your nose when you thought that you could have done better. 

Even in this hazy state of mind, he knew for certain that he would try to hold onto you for as long as possible. That he would do anything to make you forgive him.

After you finished gently wrapping band-aids (silly ones with colorful patterns just the way you both love) around his fingers, on his palm, and back of his hand, he quickly moved them to hold onto yours.

‘‘Don’t leave me.’‘ Tendou's voice is just above a whisper, and if you wouldn't have been that close to him as you were, you would have missed it. But you could hear him, and your eyes immediately met his, filling with tears all over again.

‘‘Satori, I’m-’‘

‘‘(Y/N), please...please, don’t leave me. I’m so sorry. Of course, I care. Our relationship, you...nothing’s as important to me as you are. It was the only thing keeping me sane that last week. I don't know why I forgot about it. I truly feel horrible.'' he started. ''Please, believe me. I love you so, so much. I...I can’t imagine a life without you. I don’t want to.’’ Even with his voice quivering, it was crystal clear just how serious his words were to him. 

He needed to get it out in the open. There was no way in hell that he would allow any doubts about your relationship to fester in your mind.

‘’I was held back to talk about the upcoming Christmas preparations that I’m supposed to be leading this year, and then I was called into the boss’ office and I couldn’t check my phone,’‘ the desperation to explain still evident, Tendou resorted to rambling about the happenings of the day.

‘‘I’m sorry for hurting you, but Bunny, I beg you...I know that we haven't had enough time those last weeks, that we didn't have any if we’re honest. I understand that you must feel neglected. I will change that, give me a chance to make you forgive me, please.’‘ 

It wasn’t like you wanted to cry again, but the tears rolling down your cheeks seemed to have a mind on their own. ‘’ ‘Tori...’’ you sniffled, your voice breaking away at the last syllable. ‘’Can I hug you?’’  

The relief on his face spoke volumes, and before you even got the chance to make good on your words, he already stands tall in front of you, enveloping you tightly.

Securely wrapped up in Satoris’ arms, you feel like coming home after months away. Or like taking in the first gasp of fresh air after holding your breath underwater for too long. With Tendou holding onto you like this, you found the strength to answer.

''I'm sorry, too...I love you so much, and...I know you always have a reason, and it was childish to hang up on you and leave you worrying alone instead of talking to you. And...if you neglected me those last weeks, then I did the same. We both were too busy for each other...'' 

After a short pause, you ask: ''B-but we can work it out, right?’’ Slowly, you looked up to him. ‘’I want to spend my life with you, Satori. Don’t listen to dumb me 5 hours earlier. 5-hours-ago-me was so stupid, and petty, and does not reflect my true wishes,’’ you added. ’’No one of our old friends wanted to put up with me the last week because I’m so head over heels in love with you and all I do is tell them ‘’You should have seen what Tori did for me’’ and what I plan to do for you...I can feel them roll their eyes from the other side of the world!’’

Suddenly aware of your very honest words, you pushed your face against his chest to hide your burning cheeks. Embarrassment painting them in a pretty hue of pink. 

Tendou hadn't realized that he had actually held his breath listening to your words until he chuckled a bit breathlessly. The remaining tension possessing both of your bodies faded away after that, allowing you to relish in the feeling of having the other in your arms again.

After a while, you bravely gazed up at him again, even with your cheeks still set ablaze. ''Come to bed?'' And with a sweet smile, one that reached his eyes and made your heart stutter, he nodded. 

Things between the two of you weren't ideal quite yet, Tendou kknew that much. But they would be. Tomorrow would be a new day. You would hopefully agree to celebrate your anniversary a day later. He hoped, that you would agree to spend it with him from the first second you woke up to the very last before you fell asleep. You will hopefully enjoy the news that his promotion was topped with holidays that allowed you to spend Christmas and New Year's Eve with your families in Japan.

He also hoped for you to say yes when, surrounded by your friends, he would ask you to marry him under the Cherry Blossoms in spring.

Things weren't quite ideal, but watching your peaceful expression while sleeping on his chest, he knew, all the up and downs were worth powering through. He would embrace every hardship if that meant keeping you by his side forever.

[l0chn3ss]

l0chn3ss update

I feel like the last time I ever really active on tumblr was in the year 2016, so i want to address my absence between 2017-2020. Part of it is because I feel like I owe it to my friends and mutuals who I just basically left on read and another part is because I’ve always treated this blog as a personal blog that documents my life and my growth. I put off writing this for a long time but now that I have a huge paper due, now is definitely the time.

You are welcome to skip but I will address a few hard hitting questions I feel should be answered, especially since I feel like I departed like an anti-hero of a bad tv show.

Where I am currently: I am in grad school to obtain a master’s in library and information science. I have a full time job at different middle school libraries, though I work from home now. I also tutor kids on the side to pay for my tuition because I basically make minimum wage. Quarantine messed with my head at first, but now I’m feeling much better and I’m trying to reconnect with friends and close a lot of loose ends.

TLDR: I took an extended break because tumblr mobile sucks and my laptop needed serious repairs. I made a huge migration away from social media in 2018. I prioritized my education and in-person connections, which fell to shit because of my fandom involvement in the past. I did not like the direction of the main fandom I participated in and knew that many of the people I once respected did not respect me in return/ Us versus them mentality. I recognized that I treated my life on tumblr too seriously and took petty drama personally. I am sporadically on tumblr now because I genuinely enjoy the social connection and because I still like running fandom events.

Yes, you can reblog this. I’d love for this narrative to be heard.

Long version: To preface this, this post is being written to give myself closure and because I really am procrastinating on my final big paper of this semester. I’ll be tackling on the points in the tldr in a longer narrative that will appear to be in an expository fashion, which I recognize will be a source of contention, but my intentions are to throw it onto the table so that I can be freed. I can let it go and move on. I’m no longer a 20 years old who cared too much of what other people think and will think; I think differing perspectives are important and I want to give myself a chance to say my piece. That and I recognize that I lost the audience that I once had, so I doubt this will be an issue at all. It’s been 4 or what ever years, let’s just not.

Back in 2015-2016 there was a huge back and forth between three groups of people in the SE fandom. The reason why I’m not listing out the name is because I don’t want this to show up in the tags. I’d say that the three groups could be seen as quite literally the soma shippers (mostly white, demi sexual girls), lgbt centric bloggers (very kid or star oriented, very fed up with soma), and the people who were deemed as alright to soma shippers (c r ona, ste inm arie, jac k im centric people). There was a constant (and understandable) tension between the first two groups while the third was like the weird cousin that everyone in the social circles liked because they sprinkled in soma for the masses. Don’t argue with me on this-- this was literally how the fandom was in 2015 and you know it.

The main issue was that one group felt that they were being inclusive towards identities and sexualities while the other felt that they were not. I remember that one of the arguments was that soma WAS an LGBT ship because people headcanonned the members to be demisexual. However, the other side of the argument was that it wasn’t good representation of a gay pairing. Now that we can look back at this 5 years later, I have two things to say: 1, I now very much understand why the argument broke out because of how heated the topic is, and I do believe that I lean more towards the “other side” now that I’m not wearing rose tinted glasses, but 2, I need to make it clear that demi people are lgbt, but a headcanon is not fact and ship diversity was the main question at hand, not the ship itself. This argument lasted for weeks, destroyed my friendships, and no matter what I felt I did in the moment (which was to mend the fandom), it was taken as an insult.

(Side note: Somethings that I remember was being in someone’s DM’s to encourage them to participate in the large fandom events more, but once they twisted my intentions and rallied their friends, I became their enemy. I also became the mods’ enemy but then again, when was I not? I was made fun of for saying “queergender,” a term that is now currently being widely used, quite openly by someone I wanted desperately to be friends with. I was outwardly mocked by popular users who only apologized behind closed doors but didn’t bother to clear things up with their followers. Adults who were in their 30s quite literally attacked a 19 year old. It was in that moment that I realized I would never become friends with either side, and not because I didn’t want to.)

I bring this up because as I begun to stop writing soma fics, I also begun to see and understand why people moved away from it. It wasn’t the ship itself, it was the culture surrounding it. However, on tumblr we have the ability to connect intensely with the content we produce. Therefore, the ship itself began to be connected with the shippers and their attitudes towards outside pairings-- that attitude being tied into elitism.

I say this with every ounce of love I can because I once had the exact same mannerism. When you become so tied into one pairing to the point where other ships appear to threaten the existence of it and you react negatively towards it, you become rancid. The popular tag “everything is soma” takes a very dark turn. Even if readers consume another pairing’s work, they will be obliged to say “I ship soma more BUT that was cute.” They will read an entirely different topic and wonder why soma wasn’t inserted into it in the background. They will reject pairings that separate the two as if breaking them up is sin and an insult.

The only reason why I stopped writing my soma fics in 2016 was because I saw a real need to fill in the gaps of other pairings. I took what people were saying to heart and I wanted to change my ways and my perceptions. I saw the animosity of the ship culture and rejected it. I wanted to use what little influence I had to make the fandom just a bit more accepting. In 2016, I don’t think the fandom was ready for it. In 2017, they still weren’t ready for it. In 2020, I see hope, but I wonder sometimes if it’s masqueraded pity because of previous treatment.

In the middle of it all, I went from being the soma angst master to becoming the weird person everyone once knew. I was the friend that people excluded from group chats and I just “wasn’t the same.” Cliques grew extremely large in power in 2017 and exclusion hurt like a bitch.

The straw that broke the camel’s back and completely shut me down was in 2017 when I was graduating as a bachelor. There was a fandom event that I decided to go all in to. For context, there used to be a huge debate on how many times a person should enter in an event, but in my mind, the more exposure the better. My graduation and the event took place at the exact same time, which was cool, but what hurt me was what happened after.

I was lucky enough to be accepted into field school (when you travel to do outdoor excavating) for my major. I’m an anthropologist-- it was an honor. I didn’t plan in advance for it, and if anything, I thought that I would be committed completely to the events and my 5 or what ever entries at the time. I’ve always prided myself in communicating with others, so I made sure to let my partners in the event know what was going on. I was so excited to be going on my first ever excavation and no one at the time said anything otherwise, in fact, they all seemed incredibly supportive. 

What I didn’t know was that I would be called out by name in the event feedback response by one person who felt that I didn’t take the event seriously enough and that I should’ve prioritized my time accordingly. Two of the mods let me know because it referred to me directly, though the name of the submitter was not included. It was not only a slap in the face, but a dumbfound moment that reminded me that wow, fandom content really is someone’s life out there. My enforced silence because of lack of internet in the woods actually upset someone and made them believe that I wronged them, because I put my real life ambitions first before a fandom event.

It was then when I woke up and I remember very clearly thinking to myself: I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to treat my fandom life seriously. I want to participate in fandom for fun, not out of duty. I don’t want to prioritize this life because in the end, if I am hated for putting my work and education first, then I don’t want it.

(For context, I suspect that it was the same person who made a 200 note call out on me during the fandom tension. I respected this person immensely, but I also treated them like the flawed person I believe everyone is. I’m sure because of this, I’m pretty much trash in their eyes, which is totally fine. They have really cute cats so they can’t be all too bad. Don’t look into it too deeply.)

Once my month long field school was up, I was already used to not being on the internet or any of my social media accounts. I didn’t play my mobile games for a month. I didn’t read the news for a month. It was like going cold turkey on the internet, which reshaped my habits entirely. The only time that I had online within that time span was during the weekend, but I spent my time working on my projects and catching up with friends instead of being on apps.

I was also completely fed up with tumblr’s mobile app at the time, so one by one, I deleted my apps. Good bye to tumblr, snapchat, what little I used of instagram, twitter, everything. The only thing I kept was facebook, which was because it is the main platform that I use to message my boyfriend. That meant that any friends I retained from the fandom (who I still contact now) were also friends who had the chance to add me on facebook.

This was the cause of my 2 or 3 year hiatus on tumblr, and therefore the fandom. I occasionally checked back every 6 months to do a few fandom events, but I have several unopened messages and notifications that I haven’t been able to get to. I open my instagram for a few days once a year, and I only go onto twitter if my friends tell me (through facebook) that they dm’d me a post there.

When I left my online persona behind, I quickly strengthened my in person connections. New drama that erupted every other day became replaced with starbucks and boba runs. Reality TV shows replaced fanfiction. Text messages replaced the tumblr activity feed (which still doesn’t work on mobile BTW). I study at cafes unironically with friends instead of typing alone in my room. Overall, it opened my world considerably.

I still like making fun of myself and I try not to take myself seriously. I still make self depreciative memes to send to friends but then double up with kermit heart pics. I’m still a plot bunny, I still write my fics, I still watch my anime, I still play video games, I still sleep at 4am, I still take my depression medication, I still love potatoes, I still use my voice for people who can’t find theirs yet. But I think I’m in a much healthier mindset now, even if I still make stupid shifty posts calling out bad behavior.

Nowadays, I’m working on my Master’s degree in secret. My parents don’t know about it because my mom doesn’t like that I want to go out and do unladylike things like getting an education. I tutor kiddos and I’m really good with younger children, but I’m not going to do anything with kids because I just don’t want to. Instead, I want to work at an archive or a museum to bring my library interests and my anthropology background together. If I had my dream job, I would be a marine archaeologist; however I love my boyfriend of 8 years whom you probably all remember and I really came to terms with my grandeur dreams. I’m extremely happy with living in a small town with loved ones now, and I don’t need to move somewhere far away from my parents to be content. It’s a huge realization.

From 2018 to 2020 I got into actual drama in person while I was job hunting. Adult people suck and honestly it’s kind of embarrassing how ill equipped some people are. Even so, I currently work in middle schools as a media assistant. One of those realms is the library, and honestly it’s like fulfilling a prophecy. As much as I love the social aspect, public schools are an absolute train wreck.

I’m going to wrap this up now. This post is meant to help me close the past and move forward because the fandom culture feels different now. Things from several years ago don’t need to resurface. I want to enjoy my life fully, and fandom life is one of those aspects that I truly did enjoy. I’m going to keep using my voice and act like a fool, but I’m also not going to be losing sleep because of this. People are going to talk about you no matter what, whether positively or negatively, and it’s important to not take it personally.

Idk, go enjoy yourselves. Do things for yourself. It’s more fun that way.

[cutietobio]

Hello!! Sorry to bother you but, could you write a scenario with Bokuto in which the reader has had a terrible first week of school? Thank you so much!!

hey, anon! you’re not a bother at all. I hope you enjoy this, thank you for requesting. If your request is based on your experiences I hope that school will get better for you! ❤︎

also, I know the homework scenario might not be all that realistic, but oh well.

BOKUTO

Your first day back to school had been nothing short of terrible and you quickly realized it was due to the fact that you didn’t have Bokuto, your boyfriend, to cheer you up throughout the day anymore. Being a third-year and a year younger than your boyfriend, this meant he had already graduated Fukurōdani Academy, free from the hellish grasps of school. 

You could tell Akaashi missed his presence too, however, the setter wouldn’t admit it. He did speak about how empty it was during volleyball practice, with you nodding in understanding, being able to relate with the emptiness in your heart. It may have seemed a bit pathetic, being dependent on Bokuto like this and allowing his absence to upset you. But during your first and second year of high school, he made it his priority to keep you happy. He wouldn’t allow a frown to remain on your face for too long, and he knew just how to replace it with a genuine smile in a matter of seconds. 

And now, that was gone. Nobody had been able to cheer you up since you walked onto the school grounds that dreaded Monday morning. Akaashi tried, and you were grateful for it, but he just wasn’t Bokuto. Akaashi understood why his attempts at making you smile were failing and he even informed Bokuto of your sad nature through a text he sent his ex-ace during lunch.

The message worried Bokuto, he was unable to visit you due to being on vacation with his family, having already been gone for more than a week, but face-timed you as soon as you got home. Seeing his new sun-kissed face definitely helped and he shared words of encouragement, doing most of the talking. 

“I love you, (Name). Be strong, okay? It’s not long now and then it will be over, we can move in together like we promised!” He excited voice filtered through the speaker of your phone and you grinned at his words, making his eyes light up at the sight of it. Even after both of you hung up and continued chatting through messenger, the smile on your face remained. He helped immensely, and now you felt as if you could take on the world, anything to survive until the end of the school year when both of you could fulfil your promise.

This happiness remained until Tuesday morning, but all came tumbling down throughout the school day as you were given task after task and multiple stacks of homework sheets to complete for the next day. It was hopeless, as you stared at your desk filled with over several things in need of completion for the next day. You knew your third year wouldn’t be easy, but you never expected it to get so stressful only after a day. Bokuto blew up your phone like crazy, concerned as to why you weren’t messaging him back. Your stare remained blank on your over-flowing desk, your procrastination a result of the overwhelming stress. 

You managed to finish everything around two in the morning, deciding you wouldn’t rush through it, no matter how badly you wanted to so you could get it over with. You were adamant at keeping your grades as good as they usually were, even better, if possible. Before heading to bed, in which you would only be able to remain for about four hours, you texted Bokuto, ignoring the multitude of messages he had sent you during the time you were busy. You’d make sure to read them the next morning.

“Heading to bed now, sorry for not replying, busy day. I love you.” Even under your sleep-deprived state, you wouldn’t dare forget to remind him about how much you loved him. With the message sent, you fell right asleep.

Wednesday wasn’t brilliant either, you tried out for (insert sport of choice) club and could already tell you wouldn’t be getting in. Even if you did, there was no way you would become a regular. You wanted to blame it on the equipment or the lack of sleep you had last night but instead blamed yourself. You were the problem, you weren’t good enough. After tryouts, you ended up crying softly in a vacant stall of the empty girl’s bathroom, unable to hold it in until you got home.

Upon arriving home later that day, the only thing your energy-ridden body was able to execute was eating dinner and doing homework, knowing your answers to everything would all be wrong, seeing as you half-assed your way through everything. You didn’t even care at this point, the will to keep your grades up vanished, and fell asleep around seven in the evening, sending Bokuto a small message beforehand. 

Bokuto read your message with a frown, going to bed at seven? He knew something must have happened and decided to call Akaashi, not wanting to wake you, knowing fully well that you must have been in need of the sleep. Especially since you went to bed at around two that morning. Bokuto counted the hours of sleep you would have gotten, and four made his stomach twist in anxiety, bothered by the state of your well-being.

Akaashi was unable to give him a definite reason as to why you weren’t acting your normal self, he just brought up the fact that you missed him and it may have had something to do with the overloading of work that the third-years were given. Bokuto understood, having been there before himself, he supposed it was much easier to get through due to having you by his side every school day (minus the rare occasions you were absent, Bokuto felt like he was dying during those days and would sulk around the whole day. Akaashi hated having to deal with him through it.) Bokuto was beginning to enjoy his vacation less and less, his minds plagued with the thought of you. Were you okay? What were you doing at that exact moment? Had you been…crying? The possibility alone was enough to make him want to do the same.

When you woke up that Thursday morning, it wasn’t to the tune of your alarm but instead your ringtone. Rolling over to grab your phone, you were surprised to find Bokuto calling you so early. You answered the call, mumbling out a sleepy, “Hello?” in greeting and in question.

The uneasy sound of his voice was evident through the speaker, his words jumbled up together at the fast rate he was speaking, with you unable to understand a thing. Eventually, you managed to calm him down and listen to what he had to say.

“(Name), I don’t know what’s going on. I understand you’re busy but I’m here for you angel. I’m worried about you, I couldn’t sleep last night at the thought of you being upset.” Hearing that made you feel worse, you had been burdening him?

“And don’t you dare think you’re a burden!” His voice raised louder this time and your eyes widened, were you speaking out loud or something?

“I know you’re thinking it.” He quickly added in and your rigid shoulders relaxed, your eyes closing as you laughed lightly. He laughed too, but you could tell by the sounds of it that he was still worried.

“Bokuto…” You started and he sighed out,

“I missed your voice, (Name).” His words came out as a genuine, longing mumble and you blushed at the sincerity of them. 

“I miss you.” You said and he was quick to defend himself,

“I miss you too! Not just your voice, I miss you, your everything!” Hearing him frantically correct himself through the phone made you laugh again and he quietened down at the blissful sound.

Silence overcame the both of you, but it was comfortable, you laid with your eyes closed, heart-swelling and lips turned into a smile.

“Skip school tomorrow,” Bokuto spoke up, interrupting the silence. In the background, you could hear the sounds of a zipper. You would have accepted his suggestion, but

“I can’t, Bokuto. You know I can’t,” You sighed, the mentioning of school putting a damper on your mood. It was already ten past six, you would have to start getting ready for the day soon if you didn’t want to wind up being late. A shuffle and the opening of a door sounded through his line, you figured he must have been walking around.

“Fine, I’ll ask your mom.” He stated casually as if your mom would really be open to letting you stay home from school with no valid reason.

You couldn’t help but laugh at his bold statement, “Okay, if she says yes then sure.” You said confidently, knowing fully well that it wouldn’t come to that.

“Great!” He exclaimed, sounding pleased by your words. You shook your head, despite knowing he wouldn’t be able to see you doing so, yet you were proven wrong,

“I sense you shaking your head, don’t doubt my awesome persuasion skills. Plus, your mom loves me!” You couldn’t deny the fact that your mom really loved Bokuto, she would always bring up the topic of marriage when he was around and you would find an excuse to get away from it, wanting to spare yourself the embarrassment.

“We’ll see, also, what are you doing?” You questioned, the constant shuffling of what sounded like clothing beginning to intrigue you. 

“Uh…” Bokuto fell silent, and you could tell he was searching his brain for any excuse he could give, “Nothing!” Wow.

“Anyway, don’t you have to get ready for school? Wouldn’t want you to be late.” He spoke quickly, hoping to change the subject which you quickly noticed was his intention.

“Oh? But you want me to skip school tomorrow, I don’t see the logic.” You smiled at the sound of him sighing out in fake annoyance.

“Don’t worry, I won’t force you to tell me.”

“Good, I’ll see you soon, babe. I love you!”

“I love you to- wait, soon?” Before you could question what he meant, he quickly hung up and you laughed out, finding his actions amusing.

“Oh, Bokuto…” You mumbled to yourself, smiling at your phone endearingly. A message suddenly popped out, it was no surprise that it had been sent by your boyfriend. You read the message and sighed out like a lovesick fool,

“I love you more!”

-

Nothing during that Thursday managed to put you down. Not even the handing out of an important math assignment or being informed that you didn’t become a regular on the club you signed up for. It was fine, there were many other clubs you could sign up for. Maybe you would get into volleyball this year, something your boyfriend suggested continuously, thinking you would be perfect for it. 

The thought of pleasing him with such a decision made you even happier, confusing Akaashi throughout the day.

“Did you say something to (Name)?” He texted Bokuto, barely listening to you drone on about a new TV series you were excited for. Of course, it was one Bokuto had been raving about as well.

“We spoke over the phone this morning, why?” Bokuto sent back quickly, hoping Akaashi would be a bearer of good news.

“She’s much happier today.” Bokuto smiled at the message before locking his phone, his attention returning to the baggage carousel as he awaited the arrival of his luggage.

-

When you arrived home after school that day, you suspiciously found your front door already open. You would check the handle from time to time before using your keys, and were surprised to find out that the door had already been unlocked. Stuffing your keys into your pocket, you glanced at the driveway. It was definitely empty, had your mom forgotten to lock the door that morning?

Cautiously, you stepped inside, wanting to remain as quiet as possible as you made your way down the hall and into the living room. A small yelp left your lips as a figure came popping out from behind the wall, your eyes widening at the feeling of someone engulfing you into a warm hug.

There was no need to pull away in order to distinguish the person, his scent and the way your bodies fitted together so nicely giving away who it was.  

“Bokuto!” You laughed out, arms immediately flying around his neck as you deepened the hug. He had been on vacation for two weeks and he was only supposed to return that Sunday.

“You’re back early!” You exclaimed, pulling away to look at him, only for him to kiss you deeply, unable to hold back at the sight of your face.

“Yeah, I couldn’t wait to see you!” He said breathlessly upon pulling away from the kiss, both of his hands coming up to cup your red face.

“Really?” You questioned out quietly, eyes searching his own.

“Of course! The resort was nice but my princess needed me more!” He grinned, only for it to disappear at the sight of your face conforming into that of sadness, tears escaping your eyes as you pulled him into a gentle hug. You didn’t mean to start crying, all the emotions you were currently feeling overwhelmed you. You hadn’t gotten over the upsetting events of the week and the rough reality that it would only get worse, but with Bokuto here now, you knew he would be able to help you get over it.

“Hey…” he spoke out softly, rubbing your back in comforting circles. His touch was light as if he were afraid you would break at any moment, feeling fragile in his arms.

“Don’t cry.” He mumbled, his chin resting upon your head before both of his arms wrapped around your upper body in a protective manner. The sounds of your quiet sobs and sniffles ached his heart, he felt terrible himself seeing you this way.

“You must have had a bad week, huh?” He questioned light-heartedly, trying to lift your spirits. His frown deepened when the only reaction he got from you was a nod of your head.

“Is there anyone I need to beat up? I’ll call Kuroo to help.” You laughed out weakly, hey, there’s a start.

“You want to talk about it?” He questioned carefully, not wanting to upset you further, but hearing you whisper out a small ‘yes,’ calmed his nerves.

“Okay,” Pulling away from the hug, he looked down at you with a soft smile.

“But then after that, no more crying.” You merely nodded in reply, both his thumbs coming up to wipe away the tears that escaped your eyes.

“Great, we have enough time, seeing as you’re staying home tomorrow.” His eyes glinted mischievously and you stared at him, puzzled.

“You mean…?”

“I told you your mom loves me!” You shook your head in response but ultimately ended up smiling at his excited nature,

“She’s not the only one who loves you.” You said and he blushed at your honesty,

“Yeah? Well, I love you more!” 

The rest of the evening was spent discussing your terrible first few days of school, with Bokuto listening closely and giving his own input on certain things. It saddened him to hear you had suffered without him being there to help. But you shut him down quickly, stating that despite him having graduated and unable to attend school with you anymore, he was still your biggest source of happiness and it would forever remain that way.

So, what started as the dreadful first week of school, ended with tons of cuddling, tears of laughter (the only tears Bokuto would accept from you) and a lot of kisses. Oh, and he may or may not have helped you complete your whole math assignment due for that upcoming Monday. 

[funkymbtifiction]

Hiya, totally new to MBTI and all I am sure of is that I am probably some kind of intuitive person most likely either INTP, ENTP, ENFP, INFP or INTJ. Hoping you can help me narrow down stuff, and oh keep up the great work! I enjoy looking at my favourite fictional characters through your lens of MBTI typing.

Mod note: ENTP.

[Stuff I didn’t comment on removed for length]

Extrovert/Introvert My thoughts change pretty swiftly. I can go seamlessly from one topic to another, and come back to the old topic, occasionally draw connections between the topics on the spot which sometimes even I am surprised by. […] Oh man! I never stick to one decision, and even when I do it turns into like… a game of Chinese whispers where it starts out being one thing and towards the end, it has taken on a different form. With jobs, I do think frequently about quitting in favor of pursuing something way more interesting and fulfilling. I am a bit impractical in the sense that if I want out, I just go ahead and quit without really having a back-up job (even though I know it is good and ideal to do so, but just because it may be ideal to do so, I won’t wait around till it has happened. I can get really antsy when there is a brighter carrot being dangled in front of me and something is holding me back). A big motivator is definitely the promise of a bigger, brighter, something tomorrow. Even if its just vague outlines, it can get me pretty excited but also I can burn with excitement over an idea and if it doesn’t garner sufficient action and encouragement, I can get easily discouraged and drop it, feeling insecure of the merit of the idea or just drop it randomly, no reasons given. I just move on to the next thing, or sometimes I reflect on why that idea didn’t work […]My interests last anywhere between a few days or years, they are many and varied, I can get really caught up in them, investing in them even like this is going to be some lifelong thing. Turns out it is a phase, and I have had quite a few of these phases. Wanting to be an editor, dancer, taking up hospitality management full time, going into law enforcement, film-making, music, writing. The idea of change/recasting myself into a new role-new life is immensely exciting to me but often I find that I am underwhelmed when I do go after what I want. It is like the chase is more exciting, than doing the actual thing. […]I never tend to have singular visions of the future. I have multiple visions or plans that I keep working towards (or not, trusting that the image will keep changing and I will eventually end up adapting) I am okay with not working on all of them at once, as long as I know my chance isn’t shut off. My natural focus is directed towards mental stimulation and constant improvement of (quality and quantity of) interactions. I frequently abandon projects, often before I have even etched them out. I often have an image in my mind that I would like to draw but I have so fully etched it out in my head, and even end up envisioning the final product that by the time I actually take pencil to paper, I no longer want to do the thing. It just feels spent.

Ne-dom.

2. Thinking/Feeling I am far more stable with my relationships though I do tire of people easily. There are days when I don’t wish to talk to my best friend even, and I simply disappear without explanation, preferring to come back later and make sure we are good. It is important to me that we be okay though, because even after pulling something like that, I like to ensure there is some sense of harmony, I don’t like getting into conflict with friends and have never cut one out of my life so far.

Strong feeling function, but could be either Fi or Fe.

My personal understanding of my feelings is crap. I have had to work on it, and have gotten better at it. Usually I misread emotional cues in an environment, say something inappropriate and then kind of beat myself up (this is where my above mentioned social anxiety kicks in) over it till the other person tells me it wasn’t a big deal and that we are cool. I don’t know how they tend to drive me, honestly. Pretty bad at the emotional landscape. How they show up is in unexpected ways, it is like I never have a handle on the emotions especially under stress. It just kind of erupts. It is not that I bottle it up, think of it like a dormant volcano that’s been steadily spewing ash and stuff for sometime, and suddenly it just goes BOOM!

Bolded = likely tert-Fe.

Oh definitely, external validation matters more to me though I really wish I were confident enough from within to ignore those voices.  [...] I am actually pretty articulate and wordy, so I have no trouble expressing how I feel, the way I solve emotional issues is by dissecting it with a friend and working my way through that emotional maze. I don’t always process immediately the intensity of the emotion that I am feeling which is what leads to the earlier dormant volcano kind of scenario because sometimes, even I am surprised by the depth of emotional impact Person/Event XYZ had on me. I realize this days/weeks/months later at times.

Fe.

Work example - When I run into a problem at work, my first instinct is always like that of Hermione Granger. “There must be an answer, I just need to look for it.” So, I then look at the client’s question and try to go beyond the mere wording, see what it actually means, what they want, what the scope of the thing is and I look at it in a lot of different ways. I go in deep while solving it, taking apart and examining for individual components while ensuring the solutions fits as a whole. I look at it in the context of the client’s work, their product and try to see their query as part of a bigger picture, an unsolved puzzle that I then put back together. Also, I am pretty efficient at jumping into their shoes and seeing what they might want and accordingly tweak my answers. I occasionally improv while presenting, and end up ambitiously biting off more than I can chew, which is especially hard for me considering my general poor time management/procrastination.

Ne/Ti.

3. Intuition based questions Vague terms usually, however sometimes I can get incredibly detailed if it is visual things but even then it is like I am describing a memory of it and not the actual thing. My way of looking at the world is like Portrait mode where everything else around can go out of focus, with an unerringly sharp zoom in on the object that I want to focus on.

Bolded = inferior Si / the rest, Si.

When I am in a new situation, I assess what I do know about the situation and how I can go from there. I certainly don’t jump into the situation and take control quickly. I look for cues in my environment to see what I should do next, keep switching gears to adapt, while often mentally reviewing if there was a similar situation ever earlier, or something I read about that could help me in the situation.

Ne/Si.

Inferior functions: Under stress, I comfort eat, I cling to certain things which I know will make me feel good, end up overdoing things or spiral into this dark place where I can never see any hope, or good possibilities ever again. I just keep feedback looping negatively to myself, and I find that I am unable to climb out of the hole dug by myself because of using negative confirmation bias from reliving past evidence of why I am right, why things won’t/can’t change etc.

Inferior Si grip.

Conclusion: ENTP

- ENFP Mod

[tezsaltblogsrhpc]

Fifteenth Bottle of Mike’s, Part 1: Desperate Procrastination

[Note: this post has been placed entirely under the cut because Tumblr’s in-dash display turned parts of the intro into gibberish.

This probably should not have come as a surprise, considering the in-dash display has been converting quote marks and apostrophes into strings of unrelated characters. - The Management]

The hallway leading to the technical difficulties bunker is completely coated in hate-slime. It's a deep shade of purple-black, and drips from the ceiling and down the walls, and the floor is several inches deep in it. In corners, animate blobs of it watch you suspiciously as you approach, with tiny purple flames for eyes.

A sickly violet glow is visible from around the edges of the bunker door, despite the fact that it's supposed to be airtight. The hallway smells of smoke and burnt vanilla.

"Tez...?" you say uncertainly. "The people in the next building over are complaining that gloop is manifesting on their basement wall."

"A͆̓͊͝ŕ̿̃̚e͒͒͒̎ ̓̄̐͗ť̍͋̕h͆̈́̉̚è͛́̚ỹ͠͠͝,̃̓̀͝ ̛̆̑͆ň̈́̽͘ó̄͋͂w͋̊̈́͝?̂͒̆͐" My voice comes from all around, echoed through the sticky voices of the slime.

"Come on, Tez. Yeah, it was bad writing, but it's not the end of the world."

"Ȉ̦̪̱̲̊̑̑ ̢͉͚͗̉̚͘͜n̢͕̞͙͌̊͐̚e̡̗̲̪̿̔͛͝v̡̬̜̰̄̈́̏͠e̢̠͈̹͐̊́̕r̨̲̰͎̽̈́̎̏ ̛̤̗͍͈̈̃͐ş̺̦̗̓͒͒̉a̢̟̖̙̍̒̇̕į̦̩̰̃̍͗̅d̰̹̥̗̈́͛̓͠ ̖̳̜̗̑̂̍͂ḭ̗͓̂̔̍̚ͅt̯̮͇̬̄̑̿̓ ̝̳̟̦͌̿̍̾w̭͖͈̲̿͒̔͠a͔̝̫̳̔̐̌̏s̜͖̆̽̔̿͜ͅ," says my voice.

"Look, I know you're dreading hitting the Skalla scene, but if you're going to finish this, you need to-"

"Ģ̳̲͙̊̀̈́̀į͙̭̱̽͒͝͝v̺͓̣̯̈́͗̆̈́e͚̲̥̻̅̽̂̌ ̬͇͕͎̌̓̑͘t̨̜̤͕̒̑́͋ẖ̝̦͖̅͋͂͑e̗̟̞͗̈́̀̈́͜ ̠͙̫̗͌̾̒̾3͚̥̺̹̋̓̈͊D̖̟̟̗̋͋̈́̚S̞̙̰̤̃̆̄́ ̛̬͉̝͙͂͝͝h̙̞̪̲̀̈́̀ė̢͙͍͚̍̊̓r̬̺̣̺̒̆̌͛e̛͕͎̞̖͐̑͝."

"I can't get the bunker door open. And there's nowhere to put it down that isn't covered in this-" You lift one foot, and it makes an unpleasant sucking noise.

The sigh susurrates around the hallway. Then, the bunker door opens a crack, a blast of deep violet fire escaping from the room beyond, and a line of darkness lashes out across the dozen feet  or so between you and the door. Slick black claws seize the 3DS and then zip back into the hellishly glowing crack.

The bunker door slams shut with a last burst of purple flame.

FUCK YOU AND THE HELL SPIDER YOU RODE IN ON: 10

Let's get that out of the way.

Video game writing is hard even at the best of times. The game industry as a whole is often brutally cruel to its employees, with incredibly long hours, rushed deadlines, immense workloads, and employees being treated as disposable. Game writers have to work around every other department: what art resources are available, what the engine can and can't do, what setpieces and boss fights have already been created, and all the random demands executives and marketing hand down to every other department as well as to their own, and they're often the first people to have their budget slashed when money gets tight.

PC already shows signs of both extensive executive meddling and budget corner-cutting in all sorts of other areas. I wouldn't be remotely surprised if all the new content was written by one or two panicked and underpaid writers who were given an outline from the higher-ups of what they were supposed to include in Nemesia's stuff, a plot summary/lore book, and about two 80-hour weeks to both familiarize themselves with the base game and write every single bit of new stuff.

So just for the record, if that's the case, I'm not laying the blame for how terrible the results are at the feet of the poor bastards who wrote it. I'm blaming the people above them.

(I am, however, definitely blaming the English translator. They could have done less work and produced something as good or better than they did.)

Anyway, ugh, let's watch this terrible cutscene.

(A blob of animate hatred ferries me over another bottle of strawberry lemonade through the flames.)

"I should give you an F... but I'll let you retake it later." I hate you.

Sips++

"Despite this, they also maintained positive relations with the Beastkind." "That seems far better than how we humans treat them now." Thanks, Lieutenant Obvious.

Sips++

"Don't you find it ironic that the technology meant to enrich lives actually ended them?" Wow. What a deep insight. That's some food for thought right there. Really eye-opening. -_-

Sips++

"This ship, the Dunamis, is a remnant of imperial engineering. And with that, class dismissed!" We wouldn't want to talk about anything that's actually NEW INFORMATION or RELEVANT or INTERESTING!

Chug++

Poor Stocke, of course, is still held far too tight in the entity's grip to be able to question her about the trophy she took of a civilization whose children she devoured, despite her taunting him with it.

Nyarlamesia: 20

Incidentally, I just checked, and it looks like all three Noah-related Nemesia quests so far have been connected on the Chronicle menu, which presumably means they're considered in continuity with each other. Yay? I guess? I guess at least that means I can cite all three portrayals when talking about PC!Noah, but the main thing I think it does is raise more questions about how artifacts get where they do and how Nemesia finds them and make it so it would be even more bizarre to the other characters when Stocke asks Raul whether Noah is the one pushing for the war, but-

...Wait.

I guess one other thing it does is make Noah an imperialist who got cold feet when he saw where people took his ideology, but isn't taking responsibility for the role he played in where they went, doesn't it.

In that first speech, he was pushing for an invasion of Granorg. "We must liberate them to bring HAPPINESS and FREEDOM and PROGRESS to the poor benighted souls of this other nation!" is just Hugo's "We must invade because it's our DUTY to bring down that EVIL RULER who is PURE EVIL!" with different wrapping paper; there is literally no difference in the course of action being advocated. Hell, in Alistel-occupied Granorg in AH proper, where Hugo was controlling the narrative the whole way, there are a bunch of Alistellians doing exactly what Noah was saying they should do in that speech: trying to preach Alistel’s beliefs to the Granorgites (who all thought they were weird and annoying, and resented them and wanted them gone).

Noah started this militaristic expansionism, or at the very least fed and supported it. But as soon as people start applying the things he said to other places than the one he wanted to coloni- er, "liberate," it's suddenly totally out of control and ~even he~ can't halt it.

This is an example of what I call the Dumbledore Problem. It's when it's easy to infer a complex, deep, and consistent image of a character that holds up well under scrutiny, and in fact accumulates more evidence the more you examine their actions... but is very obviously not how the author intended you to see them (and, incidentally, usually involves them being a huge dirtbag). The titular example is, naturally, how JKR seems to have meant Dumbledore to be a man who's done awful things because it was the only way he could think of that he had any hope to undoing the results of his past failures, but if you assume he's the kind of cowardly, manipulative slimeball who hoards power for the sake of having it while treating other people as tools to do his dirty work for him, you can explain a hell of a lot more of his actions. (Another excellent example: the entire Jedi Council in the Star Wars prequel trilogy.)

But this makes for something of a minefield for someone like me doing something like this, because it means I have to decide where to draw the line between "PC seems to be expecting me to see Noah as a Reasonable Authority Figure(TM) who has all the right opinions that good guys have, but I think his behavior doesn't match that" and "attacking something that came entirely out of my own head."

So, because of that, I'm going to restrain myself to just one more observation on this for now: if that line about "leaking intel on Raul's location" really does mean "told them Raul was in Celestia and that's why they're attacking"? That would make this whole thing a hundred times worse.

Chug++

Ugh. Okay. Nemesia Nonsense discharged. Back to the main story, and I am ashamed to admit I'm actually hoping for some more stupid changes, because if I can get another three pages on this in time I can cut it off before I hit The Thing.

...Well, okay, I'll probably cut it off when I hit The Thing anyway, because I am going to have a great deal of ranting to do.

Original: "But humans ruin any chance of peaceful negotiation with things like hostages and drugs…" PC: "But humans always ruin any chance of peaceful negotiations…" Stocke's "So that's why your people don't trust humans..." was already dumb and redundant (if nothing else, he'd already been told why the Gutrals don't trust humans), and now it's even dumber, because they didn't even give a good explanation.

Why was this changed? 298

Sips++

It still just magically teleports you to Skalla, I note. Changing that is on the romhack wishlist.

As usual, the graphics issue results in Stocke's sprite being 3/4 covered up by Rosch's.

Sips++

Along with the magical teleportation, can still backtrack the entire way to Forgia in the middle of the mission for no reason! (Incidentally, this is another reason I want to remove the magic teleportation: the Forgia NPCs all actually have programming in to have different dialogue if you talk to them in this chapter but before the Skalla events, but the files are just copy-pastes of their earlier dialogue. You could get some much-needed worldbuilding and characterization for the Gutrals as a group if you just... gave them some more dialogue there.)

There's some equipment changes that you guys don't care about, and I naturally take the time to buy a gazillion Beast Charms. Which I'm probably going to regret doing when Thauma Charms unlock and I want them more than I wanted the Beast Charms because PC has not really discouraged me from my habit of running spellcaster parties and while I'm not broke I'm not drowning in cash either, but oh well.

...Wow, uh, the tile glitch was not kind to the party entering the inn. There really was no plausible deniability that that was anything but sprites layered on top of each other like paper dolls. Also, Gafka is now, like, practically inside Rosch's left shoulder, which seems like it might be uncomfortable. :::PPP

How Do I Graphics: 48

Sips++

Original: "Then we'll need to steal a few uniforms first." PC: "Then we'll need to steal a few uniforms first. ...Without being caught, of course." what wa2 the poiint of thii2?

Why was this changed? 299

Sips++

Original: "Sure, okay. We got it covered." PC: "All right, we've got this." W)(at was t)(e point of t)(is?

Why was this changed? 300

Sips++

Me: *talks to Gafka in inn* Gafka: *angryface* Me: *SNERK*

I still think they made terrible use of their voice budget, but at least voicing damn near every line in the game from characters with faces means I got voice-acted Rosch saying, "Every army's gotta have some idiots."

Original: "The perfect targets, wouldn't you say? No one will see us here, either." PC: "These guys look like perfect targets. Nobody will see us back here, either." The PC translator's vendetta against interesting dialogue continues as usual.

Why was this changed? 301

Sips++

...And, as I guessed from a screenshot way back when this first got released JP-side: "Your clothes. Hand them over." has lost the vast majority of its humor due to ludicrous glareface. This is not actually an intimidating line, PC. This is Stocke defending his title as Weirdest Man on Vainqueur. Either change the translation or don't try to play it seriously. (And even putting aside the effect, it's still a bad choice; he's not angry at these dudes and has no particular grudge against them that would result in him making a "you disgust me" face. They're just the right number of people in the right place at the right time.)

Poor choice of expressions/voice clips/sound effects: 77

Sips++

Incidentally, have I ever mentioned that I Decided(TM) that the reason they had to do it this way instead of Stocke ducking back to Alistel in the past and grabbing his, Raynie's, and Marco's actual uniforms is that Stocke has conveniently "lost" every uniform he was ever issued, Marco couldn't get his size, and Raynie didn't want to say anything about the fact that she was never issued one because then people might expect her to wear it?

(I'm definitely not just bringing that up to fill space so I feel more justified in putting off The Thing for as long as possible, and this explanation is itself TOTALLY not also a way to pad my length/word count.)

The random drunk soldier dudes seem to have gotten even more bizarrely overpowered than they were in vanilla. Before, it was just that their damage output and HP were bizarrely high, and they were one of the only enemy groups in the game with a formation attack where the participants were likely to survive long enough to actually use it, so if your level was on the low side they could wreck you. (Plus Mind Killer is always annoying.) But I'm very high level now, and Raynie with two Crystal Charms, the best spear currently available, and a Thunder Charm is doing double-digit damage on the officer with G-Thunder. Apparently we should be taking their clothes for more than just cutscene purposes, because these jerks are stupidly durable.

...Though maybe I should be glad the Officer is so hard to kill, since he's extremely reluctant to give me that damn sword he's carrying. It took me two 10-turn strings with all Marco's turns Trans-turned to Stocke to get the stupid thing.

Original: "I-I'm gonna leave you two to have at it…" PC: "Uh, you two can handle that." With the blush sprite, because of course it is, it's not like a VETERAN SOLDIER who was an ORPHANED REFUGEE STREET KID would ever have had occasion to see a dude in a state of undress.

Why was this changed? 302

Sips++

I redoubled my decision that what's actually going on in this scene is that Raynie's making crappy excuses to get out of touching the gross smelly drunk dudes (and Marco is going to remember that to get vengeance on her later) out of pure spite at the upcoming event, incidentally.

Original: "You'll pay for that one later, buster." PC: "You'll pay for that one later!" As always, have to make the dialogue more boring and Raynie have less personality.

Why was this changed? 303

Sips++

I always roll my eyes in fond (?) amusement at them conveniently hiding the bodies on a black screen so they never have to show or describe where they hid them.

Original: "A false report? What should it be about?" PC: "What do you want this false report to be about?" wh4t w4s th3 po1nt of th1s?

Why was this changed? 304

Sips++

Original: "Hey, Marc. Come up with something we can leak to 'em." PC: "Sounds like the perfect job for Marco." :33< what was the pawnt of this?

Why was this changed? 305

Sips++

THERE. SEVEN PAGES. THAT THING CAN GODDAMN WAIT.

Tally:

Why was this changed? 305

Changes I Don’t Hate: 135

Poor choice of expressions/voice clips/sound effects: 77

How Do I Art: 48

Oops: 45

Annoying Sound Effects: 37

Handy-dandy gameplay changes: 26

Nyarlamesia: 20

Great budget priorities: 13

Let Stocke Say Ass: 12

The monkey's paw is flipping me off: 12

FUCK YOU AND THE HELL SPIDER YOU RODE IN ON: 10

Save Me From Fanservice: 4