#hu tao caught zhongli climbing out the window and decided to commit to the bit

[nocherrybombs]

Nobody Told Him Part 3: She's a Consummate Professional

Neuvillette: The Traveler suggested that you possess information regarding the whereabouts of the Geo Archon. Would you be so kind as to assist me in locating him?

77th Director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor and Local Menace Hu Tao: Ah. Hmm. That might be difficult.

Neuvillette: Is that so? May I inquire as to why?

Hu Tao: In case you hadn't heard, Rex Lapis no longer numbers among the living. It's unfortunate, but it happens to the best of us... and the worst of us. All of us, eventually.

Neuvillette: I beg your pardon?

Hu Tao: Yep, he shuffled off this mortal coil a few years back. Actually, it's more like he shuffled out of the sky and crash landed on Yujing Terrace. Nearly flattened the Tianquan, too. You should have seen her face!

Neuvillette: I... have no words in response to that. The Geo Archon is dead? Truly?

Hu Tao: Dead as a doornail, by my estimation. So, anything else I can help you with today? If you're a family member of the deceased seeking closure, I ought to tell you that we don't do grief counseling here.

Neuvillette: I am not here for grief counseling, and I resent the implication that Deus Auri and I are in any way related.

Hu Tao: Oh, then you were his lover?

Neuvillette: What? No! Mademoiselle Hu Tao, I apologize if this comes as a shock to you, but I am almost certain that Deus Auri is very much alive and well. Are you sure you've buried the correct god?

Hu Tao: Am I sure?! Aiya, the nerve of some people... sir, with all due respect, who is the expert on death between the two of us?

Neuvillette: ...you are?

Hu Tao: Exactly! And I can guarantee that our operation doesn’t make amateur mistakes like "burying the wrong god"! Wangsheng Funeral Parlor provides only the best service and the highest level of professionalism. As a matter of fact, I had my trusted consultant perform the funeral rites for Rex Lapis himself.

Neuvillette: Might I speak to this consultant of yours?

Hu Tao: Normally I would say yes, but he just went on extended lunch break right before you arrived. Bad timing, eh? Anyways, while we're waiting for him to get back, can I interest you in our limited time promotional offer? Buy two coffins, get the third 60% off!