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#i KNEWWWW it was a lot but i was just thinking id love to pay him back for it somehow
silouvertongues
·
4 months
Text
gotta get up early for class tomorrow im so sleepy but i suddenly felt the urge to calculate how much money's been spent on my post secondary education till now and i literally feel nauseous
#LIKE.... what the fuck .
#and the way my contribution has been minimal how am i ever gonna like . repay my dad for this
#also how does he just .....spend so much . he'll always pay for anything school related w/o saying anything weird
#like why is this genuinely making me crysjrjfjskwkfj
#i KNEWWWW it was a lot but i was just thinking id love to pay him back for it somehow
#so i was like lemme pull up all my undergrad invoices and the current stuff too and i did the math and .....
#LIKE I FEEL SICK obv i have Issues w my dad but sometimes i feel so bad for him his dad passed away when he was 15
#so i feel like he jas that Thing for like being super present in his kids' lives
#and education is like a Biiiiig thing for him bc he had to work and earn and pay for his own (ig his mom helped as much as she could)
#THIS IS MAKING ME SOB IM SO SAD
#and the way i cant even fucking find a job to at least earn SOMETHINGGGG i can help with its so stupid
#anyway idk Whats going on in my brain rn i should sleep god
#like im so grateful but theres so much guilt too ??
#desi culture is insane bc imagine you work your whole entire life and then you have to pay for every one of ur kids' education weddings etc
#OK GOOD NIGHT will i delete this is it too . personal . idk
#h talks
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