#i also cant acquire any mainstream interests.. who tf is gonna be interested in some horror podcast
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i want to get drunk and go to karaoke with someone v_v
#thinking about how the longer i sit in this isolation chamber the harder it is to talk to people v_v and if i want someone to be in my l#life i gotta reach out and talk and keep in touch v_v i dont remember how to do that and i am losing social skills with every year#funny feedback loop#i also cant acquire any mainstream interests.. who tf is gonna be interested in some horror podcast#or огненный ангел . or smth.#i need to be put down#(i dont want to put tremendous amount of effort into something that comes naturally to other people )#actually i want to say something else also: i love being alone i hate trying to talk with people. rare moments when i yearn for contact#are a weakness and i will eliminate it. i feel so much better when im alone i vibe with loneliness. being with people makes me nervous and#sweaty#and after an interaction i mull it over for 1400 years picking it apart and thinking did i express myself well. was i understood correctly#usually the answer is no btw bc human to human communication is garbage you cannot make other people understand you its just not possible!!#you will always be a mystery for everyone around you so get over it#how can people be so social. how. how. how. why don't you get urges to do something violent when anything mildly upsetting happens#how are you all so well adjusted#man why am i so lazy
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