#i also had to read a wikihow on how to ride a motorcycle

[raleighcarrera]

after class

ride or die | colt kaneko x mc (ellie wheeler)

‘part of me wishes things were different. we could’ve met at college… pushed each other in the classroom…’

colt & ellie are classmates at langston. for @rodappreciationweek day 2 (colt day!)

tags: @choicesarehard, @lovehugsandcandy, @pixeljazzy, @theeccentricbibliophile, @troublemakerinspace, @dancingboba, @zigtheeortega 

~10.5k words | M (18+)

colt surveyed the classroom as he stalked through the front door, late, his eyes eventually coming to rest on the last available desk. naturally, it was in the front row of the room, worsening the low level of irritation he already had simmering. 

great. just what he’d been hoping for, at 8:30 in the morning, on the first day of the fall semester. he huffed as he made his way over to it, dropping unceremoniously into the chair. so much for coasting through syllabus week, or sleeping through the morning classes his advisor had recommended. at least he’d made it in before the professor. 

he cut a bored glance to the left and caught sight of the girl sitting next to him. she looked way too perky for the early morning hour, sitting up straight in her seat, notebook already open on her desk. the charms on the bracelet adorning her wrist jangled together when she lifted her reusable water bottle to her lips and sipped from the straw. 

8:30 AM and she wasn’t even drinking coffee? what a weirdo. 

colt’s eyes slid down and lingered on her legs, crossed under the desk. the shorts she was wearing provided ample view of smooth, brown skin, and he smirked at the way she was bouncing her foot before forcing his eyes away. when he looked back up, he noticed she was looking at him, too.

his eyebrows arched, the corners of his mouth quirking upwards. before he could say anything, the professor walked in, pulling the door shut behind her. the girl beside him flushed red all the way to her hairline and averted her eyes guiltily, looking back toward the front of the room as though the lecture had already started. 

colt grinned to himself and leaned back in his seat, pleased as punch. maybe this early class wouldn’t be the worst thing that ever happened to him, after all.

“good morning, everyone,” the professor said, dropping her things on the desk at the front of the room and immediately moving to pass out the syllabus, working her way up and down the rows of desks. “i’m dr. morrell. welcome to law and psychology. the purpose of this class is to examine the ways both industries intersect with each other. over the course of the semester we’ll explore issues relevant to understanding human behavior from the perspective of law and psych and the contributions of psychology as a behavioral science to legal issues.” 

the girl sitting beside him was already taking notes. colt scanned the syllabus as the professor dropped it onto his desk, grimacing when he caught sight of the grading breakdown. two exams, two papers and a group project? surely no hot girl was worth subjecting himself to that.

“i’d like a few of you to provide some examples of where law and psych intersect so that i can get to know you. who wants to go first?”

out of the corner of his eye, colt saw the girl’s hand shoot up. of course.

“go ahead. what’s your name?”

“ellie wheeler,” she answered, “and psychology often intersects with the law when it comes to false confessions. a majority of false confessions occur because of the psychologically manipulative interrogation tactics police use, like the guilt-presumptive reid technique.” 

“very good,” dr. morrell praised. “we’ll be covering the psychology behind false confessions extensively before midterms. anyone else?”

his hand raised before he was even aware of it. “colt kaneko. isn’t ellie ignoring that false confessions are also born from a system that doesn’t take into account dispositional vulnerabilities of suspects? like not requiring a lawyer for juveniles or those with behavioral or personality disorders -- you know, the groups who actually provide a majority of false confessions.”

the professor’s eyebrows raised. colt could feel ellie staring at him in disbelief from where she was sitting beside him. “certainly,” dr. morrell agreed politely, “we’ll be exploring a variety of studies that explain how social pressures, personality traits and potential conduct disorders intersect with police interrogations and confessions. but this is great insight.”

she crossed to the other side of the room to call on another student. colt turned his head and caught ellie’s eye -- she was still glaring at him, looking pissed off and, honestly, even hotter for it. 

when he grinned at her, she huffed under her breath, still obviously annoyed. her gaze snapped back to the syllabus, and though he continued to sneak glances at her for the next ninety minutes, she didn’t look his way again.

she hung back to talk to the professor once they were dismissed, but colt wasn’t about to linger in a lecture hall, even if it meant scoring a chance to talk to the only girl who’d actually captured his attention at college so far. 

the thought of having to wait until thursday to see her again was... unwelcome. as he made his way to his next class, he wondered why he’d never seen her around before. if she was a psych student it seemed strange that they’d managed to go a whole year without having a class together; the program at langston wasn’t that big, and for most of his freshman year he’d seen the same faces, give or take a few, in each of his classes. now, on the first day of his sophomore year, he’d recognized most of the people in law & psych, too. but not her. 

hopefully she’d changed majors and wasn’t just taking law & psych to fulfill a requirement. having her around was going to make the program a lot more interesting -- none of the other people in his courses ever challenged him, and he’d honestly gotten sort of bored picking apart their points all the time. she was a welcome change of pace, and he was surprised to find that he was actually looking forward to her inevitable payback for shutting her down in class. 

colt got to his social psych class with enough time to have his pick of the seats. he slipped into the back row and pulled out his phone, scrolling through the messages he’d missed since last night. a few minutes later, the sound of someone pulling out the chair beside him made him lift his eyes, and a wide grin -- one that he knew well was too obnoxious for even the latter half of the morning -- took over his face when he saw who it was that had sat down next to him.

“hey,” he greeted, nodding at ellie. “looks like you copied my schedule.”

she regarded him with barely suppressed disgust. “my advisor picked these classes. i registered late and got locked out of everything.”

huh. that was exactly what had happened to him, but in all actuality, he’d completely forgotten about the deadline to register for classes. “are you new to the program? why haven’t i had any classes with you before?”

she looked at him like he was insane. “uh, it’s my first day? i just started here.”

okay -- that wasn’t exactly fair. like he was just supposed to assume she was a freshman, when both classes he’d found her in were two-hundred level courses? “shouldn’t you be in intro to psych, then?”

ellie rolled her eyes at him. he watched as she pulled a second notebook from her bag, setting it on the desk next to her water bottle. “i have an accelerated course load,” she explained, “i started over the summer. i’m in the pre-law program? you do undergrad in just three years and then law school for the next three. psych is just one of my minors.” 

so -- she was brilliant. figures. he’d had a feeling.

“well --”

she turned away as the professor walked in. colt rolled his eyes as he started droning on about the course, walking through the syllabus at an agonizingly slow pace. like he gave a shit. the girl sitting next to him was infinitely more interesting.

“...so our first unit will explore social psychology as it pertains to consumer behavior. can anyone name an example of psychology impacting consumer behavior? let’s see... colt. how about you?”

the sound of his name startled him into paying attention again. “uh... packaging? and presentation. grocery store layouts are designed to push certain products so everything from lighting to shelf position impacts consumers on a psychological level.”

“sure,” the professor nodded, “but what about in a social context? anyone else?”

ellie raised her hand. “there are lots of studies that show salesperson interaction can significantly affect consumer behavior. oftentimes the social pressures of the interaction can impact purchasing behaviors significantly.”

“you’re absolutely right. now, if we expand on ellie’s observation...”

colt looked back towards her and found ellie shooting him a smug, self-satisfied smile. well. if that was the way she wanted to kick off the semester, then... color him even more impressed. 

he nodded back at her. game on.

*

tuesday afternoon came around quickly enough. the class pattern at langston meant that most students had the day off on wednesdays, so colt’s roommate was already pregaming when he got back to the dorm, getting ready to go out later that night.

logan tossed him a beer as soon as he took his jacket off. “hey,” he nodded at him, “there’s a party at backyard tonight. wanna go?”

colt shrugged, cracking the tab on the can and lifting it to his lips for a sip. “i guess. who’s living there this year?”

“i think the lacrosse team,” logan answered, though his voice sounded distracted, his eyes were on his phone. “there’s people going to howl too, though.”

“whatever,” he said, dropping down onto his bed, kicking off his shoes, “we could always start at the bar and go to backyard after. i don’t care.”

a thought occurred to him as he drained the rest of his beer, leaning over to set the empty can on his desk. trying to keep his voice casual, he asked, “do you remember where we used to party when we were freshmen?”

logan lifted his head and smirked at him. “we didn’t used to party anywhere. i went out and you sulked in the room.”

colt rolled his eyes. “i wasn’t sulking.” he just hadn’t wanted to be at school. at all. colt spent most of his freshman year trying to figure out how to get kicked out of college and sent home to l.a., not that it had done him much good. 

“if you say so,” logan hummed, setting his phone aside and heading to the fridge for another beer. colt shook his head when logan looked back at him curiously. “why’re you asking, anyway?”

“no reason,” colt answered too-quickly, averting his eyes when logan’s look turned suspicious, “just wondering.”

logan leaned against his desk, his expression morphing into one of disbelief. “dude. come on.”

colt’s jaw clenched as he grit his teeth. then he sighed and said, “fine. there’s a girl in the psych program i wanted to talk to.”

logan’s face split into a boyish, excited grin. “dude,” he said again, but this time he sounded delighted, “seriously? i’ve only been waiting, like, an entire year for this. what’s her name?”

colt rolled his eyes at him. he should’ve anticipated this reaction. “forget it. it’s not a big deal. if we run into her we run into her --”

“colt,” logan sighed, “you know you could just invite her, right?”

“i don’t have her number. and anyway --”

“okay, whatever. we’ll just find her. i think most of the freshmen should be at the rugby party, we can walk there after the bar. dude, this is so awesome. i’ve always wanted to be your wing man.”

“well, can you try to calm down?” he leaned back on the mattress, shrugging his shoulders. “i don’t even think she likes me.”

“yeah,” logan laughed, “i’m sure you were really nice to her.”

“shut up,” colt mumbled, “it was -- whatever. i’m going to take a shower.” 

logan’s enthusiasm didn’t waver; if anything, it only got worse as he kept drinking. he bothered colt about what he was going to wear for twenty minutes until colt finally gave in and let logan pick from his shirts.

fortunately, he was at least moderately buzzed by the time they made it to the bar and met up with the rest of their friends. even more fortunately, logan started talking to a girl as soon as they got there and left him alone to first survey the crowd for ellie -- no luck there -- and then start slamming back shots.

he lost track of time talking to some girl who knew a surprising amount about cars and soon enough it was approaching midnight and he was drunk, waiting until logan came up for air from where he’d been kissing the girl he’d met in a corner of the bar to remind him about the party.

“oh yeah!” logan said excitedly, one arm wrapped around the girl’s shoulders. she was leaning on his chest, giggling drunkenly at nothing. “christina’s a freshman, too, she said she’d bring us by. maybe she knows the girl you like.”

“dude,” colt said, shaking his head, “come on.” the small group of people they’d met up with at the bar walked with them to the rugby house, where the guy at the door recognized the girl logan had been making out with and waved them all in without a second glance.

the house was full of people he didn’t recognize, which probably meant that most of them were freshmen or people on the rugby team; painfully loud music made it almost impossible to hear logan, even when he leaned in and screamed into his ear, “is she here?”

colt looked around, but he didn’t see ellie anywhere in the living room. he shook his head. “i’m gonna go get a drink,” he called, weaving through the crowd of bodies and walking off into the kitchen, alone.

he bypassed the keg and went straight for the bottles lining the counter. he was pouring vodka into a cup he’d already half-filled with tequila when someone bumped into him, jostling his shoulder.

colt turned around and came face-to-face with ellie, who was unsteady on her feet, brushing her hair out of her face where it’d suddenly fallen into her eyes. she looked different than she had in class yesterday -- the top she was wearing was low-cut and lacy, her shorts tight and short enough to show off the same long, tanned legs he’d been eyeing in the lecture hall. 

she smiled when he finally met her eyes. “oh. it’s you. hi!” she chirped cheerfully, her voice loud and over-excited. the fact that she was being so nice to him meant that she’d probably had a few. her eyes were unfocused as she looked him over, though her gaze sharpened when she stopped on his face again. “what’re you doing here?”

he shrugged, leaning against the counter as nonchalantly as possible. “my roommate wanted to stop in.” colt felt his lips pull into a grin despite himself. “didn’t think i’d see a girl like you in a place like this.”

ellie pouted prettily at him. “what’s that s’posed to mean?”

he laughed. of course she had to be a cute drunk. “you’re just such a goody-two-shoes. i’m almost impressed you made it out at all.”

her arms folded under her chest. colt focused all of his energy on keeping his eyes on her face. “i am not a goody-two-shoes.”

colt took a long sip from the cup in his hand. that he was able to swallow the alcohol straight without gagging immediately proved he was probably too drunk for this conversation. “sure you’re not.”

“i’m not,” she insisted, “i’ll prove it. let’s take shots!”

he glanced down at the cup in his hand, mentally judging how much was left. then, he held it out to her with his eyebrows arched. “okay. if you can finish this you’ll officially have impressed me.”

ellie confidently snatched the cup out of his hand, lifting it to her nose. then she wavered, squinting down into it. “what is it?”

colt grinned at her again. “tequila.”

“it smells like vodka.”

he shrugged. “it’s vodka, too.”

“you’ve been standing here drinking vodka and tequila mixed together? without -- without, like, soda? or juice? you’re a sociopath.”

“look, if you can’t handle it, no worries. maybe we can find you a white claw or something.”

ellie huffed, squinting at him before resolutely lifting his cup to her lips and knocking back the liquid left in it in one gulp.

he pursed his lips together to stifle a smile, and then a laugh, once she started coughing.

“ugh! that is awful,” ellie exclaimed, pushing the empty cup back into his hands, “how can you possibly drink that? no wonder you’re like -- how you are.”

his friends found them in the kitchen before he could ask what she meant. logan clapped his shoulder and asked, “hey, are you ready to go? chase and sean are already at backyard.”

the girl he’d brought with him squealed excitedly when she saw ellie, throwing herself into her arms for a hug. “ohmygod, you should totally come with us!” she exclaimed, “i’ll walk you back later. please, el?”

logan’s face lit up. he elbowed colt hard in the side until colt glared at him and stepped purposefully on his foot. 

“sure,” ellie shrugged, “let me just tell my roommate.” she glanced at colt, the corners of her mouth lifting. “i’ll meet you guys outside?”

he nodded, probably faster than he should have. “yeah.” the longer they all stood there, the more likely it was that logan would say something to embarrass him, anyway. 

there were people drinking in the front yard when they went outside, but he felt like he could breathe a little easier out of the crowded kitchen and living room. as soon as christina pulled away from logan, he turned back toward colt and asked, “soooooooo? was that her?”

“yeah,” he admitted begrudgingly, “but don’t say anything.”

logan held a hand to his chest, wounded. “it really hurts my feelings that you think i’d be so uncool. dude, i want you to get laid.”

colt rolled his eyes. “i don’t need any help getting laid.” and it wasn’t like he was looking to sleep with her and never call her again.

“i know, but --” ellie and one of her friends came out the front door, walking over as soon as they caught sight of them. the girl ellie had brought with her started talking to christina as logan led the group down the street, and colt was surprised when ellie hung back and fell into step with him, at the back of the group.

“so -- you been over here yet?” he asked, pushing his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans.

“nope. but riya said all the upperclassmen hang out at backyard.” 

colt snuck a glance over at her and had to suppress a smile again. “that your friend?”

“uh huh,” she nodded, “we’ve been best friends our whole lives. it was, like, a dream come true when we both got in.”

“cool. well -- backyard is usually pretty fun, but the lacrosse team is living here this year so we’ll have to see if they can hang.”

“who’s your friend?” ellie asked abruptly. when he looked over at her again, he saw that she was staring at logan. he’d recognize the look on her face anywhere. he’d seen it on tons of girls’ faces before. 

ellie was biting her bottom lip.

“that’s my roommate,” he answered stiffly. “logan.”

“he’s really hot,” she murmured thoughtlessly, almost to herself. the sound of her voice was soft, each word starting to slur together. 

colt rolled his eyes. he quickened his pace to catch up to some of the other guys.

“hey!” ellie huffed, and he heard the sound of her shoes on the sidewalk as she rushed to be beside him again, “wait up.” 

the off-campus housing that had always been a party spot had gotten the name ‘backyard’ for said impressive feature; the grass was packed with undergrads when colt and everyone else made their way outside. as soon as they found chase and sean, one of them passed him a lit joint, which he accepted gratefully, thinking there were few things he might’ve liked more, at that moment, than being too high to think about any of the things that were bothering him.

ellie appeared beside him suddenly. “you smoke?”

he stared back at her blankly, and then took another hit. “weed? yeah.”

“oh.” she blinked, looking from him to chase and back again. “can i try it?”

chase shrugged at her. “be my guest,” colt said flatly, passing her the joint and leaving her with the group, walking over to the keg.

logan jogged over while he was filling a cup. colt passed him the first one and went to get another. “so? how’s it going?”

he rolled his eyes. “she’d rather talk to you. it’s whatever.”

logan frowned at him. “i’m obviously not going to --”

“i literally don’t care. it’s fine.” colt walked away before logan could continue. he had only a moment to scan the backyard for someone he actually wanted to talk to before ellie popped into his field of vision again.

“are you mad at me?” she demanded, frowning at him. 

“nope.” the girl from howl who’d talked to him about cars for an hour was waving at him from over by the fence. colt pushed past ellie to go talk to her again. “i owe you one,” he grinned when he approached, “you saved me from an unbelievably awkward situation.”

the answering smile she sent his way was wide -- all teeth. “then you should come home with me.”

he blinked. colt racked his brain, trying to remember if she’d told him her name. “do you live on campus?”

she nodded. “in south. but my roommate’ll be sleeping over here with her boyfriend.” 

if she lived in south, she was probably an upperclassman. unfortunately, that didn’t bring him any closer to remembering her name. 

he squinted at her, then ducked his head, as bashfully as he could manage. “i forgot your name.”

admitting as much was a risk, but it paid off -- she only laughed at him, and then said, “olivia. so? you wanna get out of here?”

more than anything. he nodded, reaching down and threading his fingers through hers. “let me just tell my roommate.”

she let him tug her over to where logan was standing with the rest of their friends. “i’m leaving,” he said, clapping logan on the shoulder. logan frowned at him for a moment before he caught sight of olivia, and then he grinned widely.

“nice. see you later.” 

colt nodded at everyone else before they left, pointedly not scanning the crowd for one last glimpse of ellie. 

he was a fucking idiot for thinking he should pursue something there in the first place, probably. whatever dumb little crush he had on her because she’d impressed him a couple of times had to go.

fortunately, he’d already found another way to occupy his time -- even if it was only for tonight.

*

he was late to law & psych again on thursday, and everyone in the room was sitting in the same seats they’d taken on monday -- which meant the only open desk was in the front, again, next to ellie.

she shot him a deeply unimpressed look when he slunk into his seat and dropped his head in his hands. like she had on monday, she seemed wide awake and much too excited; she was drinking water again.

“hi,” she said pointedly, like he was ignoring her or something.

colt arched an eyebrow at her. “hi?”

ellie huffed. “where’d you disappear to on tuesday?”

“uh...” he rubbed at his eyes, still feeling exhausted. “just went back to campus, i guess.”

she looked almost... embarrassed, not that he understood why. professor morrell called everyone to attention before she could say anything, and though he really didn’t give a shit, he still turned back to the front of the room, slumping down in his seat as he went.

he did his best to pay attention for most of class, but found himself zoning out for the next hour -- pretty much sleeping with his eyes open. the only part of the lecture he actually caught was five minutes before class was scheduled to end, when dr. morrell said, “and before we go, i’ll assign the partners and topics for the first project so you guys can get started over the weekend, if you want.”

yeah, that was exactly how he wanted to spend his weekend. he rolled his eyes as she started passing out readings. though he was only half-paying attention, he did realize that she was working her way clockwise around the room... and everything slowed to a stop when she paused in front of his desk and said, “ellie and colt. your topic is false confessions. i look forward to seeing your presentation.”

he probably should’ve seen that one coming. it was par for the course with his life, honestly -- just his fucking luck. 

he flipped absently through the reading she’d given them and then sighed, handing it to ellie. 

“don’t look so thrilled,” she said as she took it from his hands. “come on. we can work out a schedule for when we’re going to work on this.”

they headed toward the building they had social psych together in, side-by-side. ellie kept her eyes on the reading as they went, and he took advantage of the fact that her gaze was averted to study her in turn, analyzing the expression her face calculatingly. 

“i’ve read this study before,” she said finally, “this won’t be that hard. we can split the lit review and then i’ll work on the analysis and you can do the conclusion.”

“okay,” he said, a little startled by the way she seamlessly doled out orders. “sure.”

ellie snuck a glance up at him, then, and he didn’t look away, even when she caught him staring. her cheeks were a little flushed when she drew in a breath and said, “okay. do you want to work on it this weekend?”

“that’s fine.”

they crossed the quad together in silence. as they neared the building their next class was in, she hesitantly started, “so -- your roommate...”

colt tensed, but otherwise didn’t say anything. the expression on his face soured when, a moment later, ellie continued, “is he single?”

try as he might to force his face blank, he could feel his look of distaste twisting further into a scowl. “i guess.” at least he’d been drunk the last time she’d subjected him to this.

ellie either didn’t notice his attitude or didn’t care to comment on it; she breezed right past the dark tone of his voice when she said, “cool, because my friend riya -- from tuesday? -- thinks he’s really cute, and i think they’d be perfect together. but she had this awful breakup last spring and i don’t want to set her up with just anyone, so --”

his sneer cleared as she kept blabbing, and he slowly tuned her voice out in favor of the pounding of his own heart. so she hadn’t been asking for herself.

that was... an interesting development, for sure. for sure.

“colt?” he shook himself from his thoughts and looked back at her. ellie frowned at him, her eyes narrowing. “were you even listening to me?”

“yeah, your friend. bad breakup. high school drama.” he shot her a winning smile as he opened the door for her, following behind her and letting it swing shut in the face of whatever underclassmen were coming in behind them.

“maybe we can all do something this weekend,” she suggested, as they made their way down the hallway to the classroom, “get drinks or something after we work on the project?”

“definitely.” fuck. that answer had probably come too quickly to be considered cool, and it hadn’t gone unnoticed by ellie -- she was looking at him from under her eyelashes, smiling shyly. 

she looked really pretty. fuck. 

she followed him to the back of the room again even though they were right on time today and there were plenty of open seats. he wondered what the fuck she was doing when ellie slid into the same desk she’d sat in on monday; she clearly wasn’t a back of the classroom type of girl. but here she was.

“give me your phone.”

he startled. “what? why?”

“so i can give you my number?” again, the look on her face seemed to suggest he was the biggest idiot she’d ever had the displeasure of talking to. “how else are we going to find a time to work on the project?”

colt passed it over wordlessly, watching while she plugged her phone number in and then texted herself before handing it back. “thanks,” he said stupidly, with no idea why. 

“just try not to ditch me again.” the look on her face had him feeling weirdly guilty, like they’d gone to the party together, or something -- like he hadn’t left her with all of her friends. he suddenly wondered how much she actually remembered, if she saw him leave hand-in-hand with olivia or not. 

try not to act like you want to fuck my roommate, he thought to himself, the words on the tip of his tongue. 

before he could put his foot in his mouth, the professor called class to attention. he sat in silence for most of the next hour and a half, until he answered a question and ellie said --

“actually, colt’s forgetting that schemas related to behaviors are known as scripts, and a widely different concept.”

“they’re actually not a different concept at all,” colt said, before the professor could correct her, “they’re a deviation of the same concept on a technical level but operate in pretty much the same way where modification and therapy are concerned.”

“colt’s correct,” the professor said, shooting them both a strange look before walking back to the board at the front of the room, “which brings us to next week’s reading by abelson. we’ll be discussing chapter four in more detail on monday...”

he turned and smiled smugly at ellie. she looked just as deeply annoyed with him as ever, seething at her desk. 

never one to quite know when to stop, he couldn’t resist leaning in and whispering, “maybe you shouldn’t have skipped intro to psych after all,” gratified by the way her hands clenched into fists and how she stared him down with the dirtiest look she could muster. 

suddenly the semester had gotten fun again.

*

working on their project together went surprisingly well. much better than he had expected it to, given their track record.

but ellie was smart and sharp and witty in a way that felt like something he’d been waiting for without outright searching for it. 

admittedly, he’d caught himself staring at her more than a few times, his eyes mapping the curve of her neck when her head bent low into his textbook, which was used, and therefore free game for her to mark up with highlighter. 

they were probably sitting too close for the library. all the private rooms were taken when they’d first arrived, so they’d found a table in the upper level of the atrium, and though it was sort of secluded in the back corner by the windows they were far from alone. 

but that didn’t stop his mind from wandering. 

“look at this study,” ellie said suddenly, sliding a piece of paper under his nose and forcing him to tear his eyes away from the dip of her cupid’s bow, “what kassin says here about compliance will be an important point for us.”

“god, aren’t you tired yet?” he was almost impressed. it’d been hours. “look around. it’s dark out. you have to at least be hungry.”

ellie’s lips pursed into a thin line. she sighed, but begrudgingly admitted, “okay, i’m a little hungry.” 

his grin widened, toeing the line between obnoxious and charming he so often straddled. “we made really good progress.” well. she had, at least. “let’s call it for tonight. come on, it’s friday.”

she wavered for another minute, but he knew he had her. it still felt like a victory when she finally nodded. “fine. we did make pretty good progress. maybe we can meet up again on sunday?” 

he stared at her as she stretched in her chair, arching her back and raising her arms above her head. “sure. are you going out tonight?”

ellie’s lips twisted into a grimace, and she shook her head. “i wasn’t planning on it. i have a meeting with my advisor early tomorrow morning.”

“on a saturday?” someone sitting at one of the other tables chose that moment to shush them, loudly, and he twisted around to glare at them over his shoulder as ellie packed up her books and stood. he only looked away to follow her out, though she waited until they were in the stairwell to talk again.

“yes, on a saturday. i just want to make sure i’m staying on track.”

colt arched his eyebrows at her as he held open the door to the lobby. “it’s the first week of the semester.”

“well, it doesn’t hurt to be prepared,” ellie huffed, stepping smoothly past his arm and striding to the exit, “school is really important to me.”

“okay,” he said, trying to stifle the smirk that was threatening, “so if you’re such a goody-two-shoes, how’d you wind up missing the deadline to pick classes? doesn’t seem like something that’d just slip your mind.”

ellie’s smile dipped while they made their way back across the lawn. “um.” her voice was suddenly much quieter, and he watched one of her shoulders lift in an unsure shrug before she stiffly continued, “my mom. she’d been sick for awhile, but... over the summer -- she died. i honestly just forgot about registering.”

“fuck,” colt sighed, before he could stop himself and think for a second about what he was saying, “i’m an asshole. i’m sorry, i didn’t --”

“please,” ellie said, already shaking her head, “you couldn’t have known. but... that’s what happened. and i totally had a meltdown when i realized and i seriously almost just deferred a semester to get around it, but i guess everything wound up working out.” 

he was surprised to see her sneaking a glance up at him as they walked. immediately, he averted his eyes. “i guess,” he allowed, decidedly ignoring the strange and unfamiliar feeling that was abruptly squeezing his chest tight, “but, still. that really sucks. i’m sorry.”

“don’t be,” she murmured. her teeth sunk into her bottom lip. ellie cleared her throat, her voice a little brighter when she said, “hey -- do you... want to get dinner? um, if you’re not going out or anything.”

as if. she was the only person who’d been able to get him to go out since he fucking came to this stupid school. “yeah. i mean -- i’m not. so that’d be cool.” maybe he still had a shot at impressing her. “actually, can i show you something? do you like tacos?”

“oh.” she looked surprised, both by his agreement and his suggestion, but despite how floored she seemed she still smiled in a way that lit up her whole face, and he was amazed to notice that she had a dimple he’d somehow never seen before right now. “i love tacos.”

ellie didn’t say another word until they were both sitting down on the edge of the roof, styrofoam takeout boxes balanced in their laps, so he had no idea what her opinion was on any of it. 

she’d remained coy while he led her to his favorite off-campus hole-in-the-wall, quiet when he’d dragged her back to the biology building and forced her up five flights of stairs, silent save for a pointed raised eyebrow when he shoved his shoulder into the door marked roof access - custodial staff only until it popped open and they emerged out onto the roof, easygoing but still a little cautious when he led her over to the edge and sat down with his legs dangling over the side of the building.

now, she had pineapple juice dripping down her thumb as she cradled her al pastor in her hands, giving him carte blanche to stare at her while her own eyes looked out at the city. 

he was desperate to know her take on it all, and frustratingly close to demanding well?! before she eventually spoke up and put him out of his misery.

“this is a great view.”

colt finally diverted his gaze to his own tacos. “don’t tell anyone about it. it’s a secret.”

“that’s a funny way of saying breaking and entering.” 

he rolled his eyes at her, gently shoving his shoulder into hers. “what they don’t know won’t hurt ‘em. besides, we’re not doing anything wrong.”

ellie shrugged her shoulders sheepishly. “i’ve never done anything like this before.”

“we can leave, if you want,” he offered. “i just wanted to show you the city.”

“no.” colt watched her shake her head rapidly, and then ellie leaned in and bumped her shoulder back against his in return. “i didn’t mean it like that. i guess i’m just -- trying to explain. why you think i’m lame.”

he frowned. “i don’t think you’re lame.”

ellie laughed, ducking her head and poking at the styrofoam container in her lap. “you don’t?”

“no. why, because you’re not out tonight? i’m not, either.” in fact, he could probably count all the nights he’d been out since he’d moved in last year on one hand. 

“not only that.” she paused thoughtfully, stopping to take a bite of her taco. “because i take school so seriously, i guess.” 

colt set his food aside to lean back on his palms, looking out over the city. “there’s nothing wrong with wanting to do well. you’d be, like, my parents’ dream child. i’m sure they both wish i’d take this even half as seriously as you do.”

her head turned, and he caught a glimpse of her soft smile out of the corner of his eyes. “did you miss the deadline to register for classes on purpose?”

he nodded. “i’ve been trying to get kicked out since i got here. it’s harder than you’d think.”

ellie laughed. “why would you want to get kicked out? most people would kill to be here.”

“well, i’m not like most people.” colt pushed the toes of his shoes against the loose edge of the roof, silently debating the rest of his answer. “i never wanted to go to college. but shipping me out here so i’d be out of my dad’s way is the only thing my parents ever agreed on.”

“where’re you from, again?”

“los angeles. but i’ve been with my mom ever since my folks split in denver. my dad -- it’s complicated.”

she was quiet. he wondered what she was thinking. after a moment, she said, “i’m from l.a., too.”

colt’s eyebrows arched high. “really? small world.”

“nothing was the same after my mom got sick, though. my dad never let me out of his sight. it got to a point where being home felt like being in prison.” ellie hesitated, her eyes still on the skyline. “part of me was so relieved to come here that i still feel guilty about it.”

“you shouldn’t feel guilty. it’s your life. you should get a chance to live it.” his brow furrowed as he turned to look at her fully, staring at her profile where she was half-lit by the lights dotting their campus. “you deserve to make your own decisions.”

“i know.” ellie closed the container in her lap, then set it aside. she dusted off her hands and finally tilted her head to look at him, a small smile playing at her lips. “that’s the part i’m most afraid of. not -- taking these chances, and doing all this stuff. but -- messing it up. not doing enough, you know? letting... this opportunity to finally be myself pass me by.”

“yeah.” of course he knew what she meant. that was pretty much what he’d spent the last year doing. “well, you should get out more, then. do all the shit you always wanted to do that your dad never let you try.”

“like what?”

he laughed. “fuck if i know. i thought a girl like you would have a list all ready to go.”

“well...” colt glanced down and saw that she was biting at her bottom lip, like she wasn’t sure she wanted to say whatever was about to come out. “i’ve always wanted to learn to drive.”

*

“okay.” his left palm spread over hers from behind, and he fanned his fingers out on top of hers, gently pressing her hand around the lever. “this is the clutch. it’s how you shift gears.”

ellie shifted from where she was straddling the bike in front of him. he felt her fingers wiggle underneath his, and saw her head bob with a nod. “got it.”

his right hand curled over hers, gripping the handlebar. “this is the throttle.” colt shifted their hands to the lever beyond the handlebar. “and this is the front brake.”

she hummed, her bare arms warm against his. the parking lot he’d left his bike in was deserted, except for the two of them -- they were pretty far on the outskirts of campus, tucked away from the hustle and bustle of everyone getting ready to go out on a friday night. “what about the back brake?”

colt’s right foot gently kicked hers. “feel the lever down here?”

ellie’s sneaker fumbled around, the heel of her shoe kicking him in the shin before she found it. “uh huh.”

“basically, the right side of the bike is for accelerating and braking. the left side is just to switch gears.” 

“this seems a lot more complicated than a car.”

“hey, you want to learn to drive, don’t you? this is the best i can do right now.” but maybe if he ever made it back to l.a. with her, he could show her a really good time. “look, i’ll handle changing gears, okay? you just worry about the throttle. and brake when i tell you to.”

“but how will i know when to accelerate?” her voice sounded a little worried, like maybe she was starting to have second thoughts. he kept his right hand held firmly over ellie’s, moving it to the handlebar before pushing his fingers through hers.

“i’ll give you a squeeze. don’t worry, i’m not gonna let anything happen to you.” 

the words left his mouth before he could even think about them. he blinked at her, a long moment of silence stretching between them. ellie leaned her back against his chest, her thumb stroking the side of his hand. 

he had the sudden urge to kiss her.

“you have a helmet, right?”

colt jolted out of his thoughts, then slid off the bike to pull it out for her. “yeah, of course. here.” it was a little big on her, but it did the trick -- he pulled it down over her head with a grin, endeared by the way she posed playfully once it was on. 

“how do i look?”

“like a total babe,” he answered honestly, pulling his jacket off, too, before handing it to her. “here. better put this on, too.”

“why?” she asked, but she was obligingly slipping her arms into it. like the helmet, it was way too big on her, but unlike the helmet, the sight of her inside of it stirred something within him that he had trouble ignoring. he reached out and settled the jacket on her shoulders more firmly. 

“in case you fall. it’ll protect you.”

“i thought you said you weren’t going to let anything happen to me,” ellie hummed, staring at the way the sleeves of the jacket hung down over her knuckles. in the low light of the dark parking lot, it almost looked like she was blushing a little. 

“i’m not, but it doesn’t hurt to have an insurance policy.” colt reached out and slid the face shield on the helmet down, over her eyes. “come on.”

ellie got back onto the bike from the left side, just like he’d showed her. she really was smart -- probably even too smart for this stupid school -- and quick, too. her hands found the handlebars straightaway, and he moved snugly up behind her, his arms keeping her close. 

their joined left hands pulled the clutch. he shifted to thumb the kill switch with his right hand, and the bike jolted to life beneath them, ellie jerking with it. colt leaned in toward her ear even with the helmet in the way. “relax,” he said, raising his voice a little to be sure she’d hear him, “i know what i’m doing.”

she still squeaked a little when he let the clutch out and the bike slowly started to roll forward. “colt --” her voice was panicked. “help, what do i do?”

“just like we talked about,” he encouraged, “put your feet up. then hit the throttle.”

ellie drew in a deep breath. he could feel her along his chest, and squeezed her hand reassuringly. after a moment, she revved the engine, and then they were off -- a little unsteadily, but in a straight line, at least, heading down the length of the parking lot.

“oh my god! oh my god, i’m doing it. oh my god!” 

she was too cute for her own good. the excited tone of voice she had made him grin unabashedly into the air behind her, and he leaned back a little to give her more control, impressed by how smooth her handle on the bike was, for her first time. was there anything she wasn’t fucking good at? 

“okay,” he said finally, once they started to run out of space, “both breaks, then your left foot. you’ve got it.” he pulled down on the clutch for her, and then ellie easily halted the bike to a stop. he exhaled a breath he hadn’t known he was holding, but there’d been nothing to worry about -- she was a natural.

“wow,” she gushed, practically jumping off the bike, turning around to face him and throwing the helmet off, “i can’t believe i just drove a motorcycle! i can’t believe you do that every day.”

“you did pretty good,” he praised, “for your first time. a few more lessons and you’ll be a pro.”

“really?” now her cheeks really were flushed, rosy and delighted as she beamed at him with pride. “you’d let me drive your bike again?”

“if you want.” thank god they were alone. if logan could see them he’d be insufferable. even colt could admit this was wildly out of character for him, but he would’ve given anything, just then, to keep her smiling like that. “you wanna see what she can really do? i’ll take us for a ride. all you have to do is hold on.” 

“definitely,” ellie grinned immediately, pulling the helmet back on. he’d expected to have to convince her a little more, but -- maybe there was more to her than he’d thought. 

a dangerous prospect, given how much he already liked what little he knew. 

he waited until she was secure behind him before tearing out of the parking lot and away from campus entirely, taking empty side streets until they were on the highway that’d lead them out of the city. ellie’s hands stayed warm around his waist, and after a few minutes, she leaned her cheek against his shoulder, too, settling something peaceful in his chest. companionable quiet stretched between them while he drove, as fast as he could, just so she’d laugh with exhilaration like she did when he got them into the triple-digits.

eventually he pulled over in a random, deserted park. there weren’t any streetlights in this part of the city, so it was dark, and he could only barely see ellie when he killed the engine and she pulled off her helmet to look at him curiously.

“so?” he asked, “how was it? everything you’ve been waiting for?”

“totally.” ellie grinned at him, so widely her dimple popped out. “i know it sounds cheesy, but tonight... is the most i’ve ever felt like myself. do you know what i mean?”

he was starting to. everything had felt purposeless before she’d showed up here. he’d wanted nothing more than to coast through the next few years, if he absolutely had to.

now it all felt different. because of her.

she was the piece he’d been looking for, something he hadn’t even known he wanted but now was desperate to make his. ellie was sharp and beautiful and headstrong, all the things he needed to fit into the void he was suddenly hoping she’d actually be interested in filling.

“it’s not cheesy if it makes you happy,” was what he settled on, swallowing some of the sudden intensity that was slowly taking him over. “you’ve held back for long enough. you should do whatever you want.”

“you’re right.” ellie’s eyes slid over to meet his, and she smiled at him through the dark, her expression soft and sweet. 

colt’s heart thumped loudly. that urge to kiss her was back again, stronger than before. he wasn’t usually the sort of person that resisted an impulse, but part of him was terrified of pushing for more than she was comfortable with, scaring her away with his intensity. he knew he wasn’t the kind of guy a girl like her could handle.

but maybe he didn’t know her as well as he thought he did, yet. ellie leaned in and pressed her lips against his, without warning, surprising him still. colt’s eyes went wide with shock before they slid shut and he kissed her back, twisting on the bike to slide an arm around her shoulders and yank her in as close as she could get.

ellie’s arms, still covered by the fabric of his leather jacket, wound around his waist. she kissed shyly, like she was worried she might be bad at it, but let him take the lead -- and eventually her mouth opened up under his and she shivered in his grip and gave back as good as she was getting, until his mind was blank and the only thing he could focus on was her, under his hands.

they both pulled away at the same time, struggling to catch their breath. she was looking at him like he assumed he must’ve been looking at her: in complete shock, her eyes wide. “wow.”

“yeah.” there was a sarcastic quip on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed it in favor of studying her face some more -- her cheeks were as flushed as her red lips, which were slowly starting to curve up into a gentle smile. “you ok?”

“um, that was my first kiss,” she admitted, ducking her head. the few strands of hair that weren’t pulled back into her ponytail fell around her face. “i’m probably not helping on the whole you thinking i’m lame front, huh?”

his brain felt like it was short circuiting. “you -- i -- for real?”

“okay, it’s not like i didn’t have options,” she started defensively, rushing to explain, “it just never felt like the right time, and i was waiting for something special, and -- this felt special to me.” her eyes flashed, as though she was waiting for him to start making fun of her at any moment. that was probably fair -- he’d definitely thought about it. “i like you.”

“i like you, too.” probably more than he should. definitely more than he’d ever set out to like anyone, when he’d packed up all his shit and agreed to give this stupid college thing a try. 

but she was a distraction he felt was worth the risk. 

the expression on her face transformed into something cautiously pleased. “you do?”

“you’re kidding, right? ask logan -- this is the most i’ve left my room in three semesters. i’ve been losing my mind trying to impress you.”

her eyebrows arched. “really? it sure hasn’t seemed that way to me.”

“well -- you were giving me mixed signals.”

he smirked as her expression turned indignant. “i was giving you mixed signals? you went home with that girl!”

colt winced. he was really hoping she hadn’t noticed that. “i thought you were asking me about logan for yourself.”

ellie stared blankly back at him. “oh my god, you’re an idiot.” 

“we’re both idiots,” he corrected, rolling his eyes at her. 

just as she opened her mouth to bite back, a loud roll of thunder cut through the stillness surrounding them. “shit,” colt sighed, “we should --”

rain started to pour down in heavy sheets, immediately soaking his t-shirt through to the skin. ellie yelped, fumbling for her helmet while he quickly started the bike up again, waiting for her to squeeze her arms around him before speeding back to campus as quickly as possible.

*

the foot traffic in his building was minimal -- they’d managed to find the sweet spot in the middle of the night where everyone who’d gone out to party was out already, and it was too soon for people to be coming back, so they had their run of the hallways when they rushed inside. 

they both laughed breathlessly as they raced up the stairs and into his dorm, dripping water all over the floor.

“god, sorry about your jacket,” ellie said, stripping out of it and leaving it on one of the desk chairs, accepting the towel he passed over to her with a smile. 

“it’s fine,” colt said, rubbing his own towel over his hair. “sorry about your -- everything.”

ellie dissolved into giggles that tapered off when he pulled off his soaked t-shirt and flung it into the corner of the room where the rest of his laundry was waiting. 

she was staring.

“see something you like?”

the sound of his voice appeared to startled her into looking away, and she laughed again, more nervously this time. “don’t be a dick. you know you’re hot.”

“maybe, but i wanna hear you say it,” he said obnoxiously, his grin widening. “do you think i’m hot?”

ellie drew the towel in her hands around her shoulders, pursing her lips at him. “i think you’re smug, arrogant, obnoxious and wasting your potential.”

if it were at all possible, his grin grew larger. “and?”

she sighed, rolling her eyes heavenward. “and you’re obviously very hot.”

“thank you,” colt said primly, “was that so hard?”

ellie rubbed the towel around her down her arms again before whipping it off and smacking him gently with it. “your ego doesn’t need any more compliments from me.”

colt caught the towel in his hand and used it to tug her in closer. “maybe,” he allowed, dropping his voice as soon as she came near, “but you’re the only one i actually wanna hear them from.”

she blinked at him. her eyes dropped to his mouth. 

slowly and deliberately, he wound the towel around his hand, pulling ellie in the last few steps it’d take to close the distance between them. she stumbled forward, reaching out and resting her hands on his arms. 

colt locked eyes with her, trying to read her gaze for a sign that he should stop. but there wasn’t one.

he bowed his head and pressed their lips together again, softly at first and then, when she didn’t step on his foot and elbow him in the stomach, a little more boldly, firmly working his mouth against hers. 

ellie slid her hands up his arms and over his shoulders, pushing her fingers into his wet hair and angling him in deeper. for someone who’d only just had her first kiss, she had killer instincts -- something he was already looking forward to exploring. 

if he’d been waiting for a sign that she was the missing his piece his life had needed, this sure felt like it, or something close to it. she was both the type of girl he’d never go after and exactly what he’d been unknowingly wanting for a long time all rolled into one devastatingly sexy and infuriating package. for as long as colt could remember, he’d assumed there was something unsavory about the way he couldn’t bring himself to consider anyone else he met an equal -- like maybe there just wasn’t anyone else as smart, interesting or determined as him, but... ellie somehow managed to be all that and more. 

they had a surprising amount in common. even more surprisingly, that felt like something positive, instead of a curse. 

he settled his hands on the small of her back and pulled her in closer, fascinated by the way his thumbs touched as his hands caged her narrow waist. the urge to get her underneath him on his bed swelled until it was no longer ignorable, though just as he started to walk her back over to it, the door to the room swung open abruptly.

they sprang apart as logan stumbled into the dorm. he looked surprised to see them, but then a wide smile lazily overtook his face and he said, “woah, sorry. i can come back later.”

colt glared at him, but it didn’t stop logan from looking between the two of them with his eyebrows arched meaningfully. “yeah, you should --”

“it’s fine,” ellie said loudly, cutting him off. “is it still raining outside?”

logan blinked, seemingly noticing ellie’s damp hair and colt’s bare chest for the first time. “oh. no.”

ellie squeezed his hand, looking back at him questioningly. “walk me home?”

he exhaled, already nodding as he moved to find a new shirt. “yeah. one sec.”

“good to see you, ellie,” logan nodded, still grinning at the both of them even when colt rolled his eyes and started dragging her towards the door, “come back soon, okay?”

*

ellie shivered the whole way back to her dorm, making him wish he’d grabbed his jacket again before they left. it was mostly quiet while they walked, though the closer they got to the freshmen buildings the louder campus became, with the night getting late enough that people were finally starting to make their way home from the bars. 

“so much for my meeting with my advisor tomorrow,” ellie said when they slowed to a stop outside of her building, her jaw cracking with a wide yawn. he shrugged at her, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

this was new to him. part of his brain was insistent that maybe what they’d just done could technically count as a date, though that thought was admittedly a little uncomfortable to confront. 

he didn’t think he’d ever been on a date like this before, or, at the very least -- not one that he’d cared about quite so much. 

but then she smiled at him, and provided a momentary reprieve from his over-analyzing. “this was fun. maybe next weekend you can help me try something else new.”

colt licked his lips and smirked at her. “i have a few ideas.”

ellie immediately caught on to his implication and flushed pink. the way she smiled softly as she glanced away was almost worryingly cute. “we still have to finish our project.”

“i know. i’m not gonna leave you hanging.” he continued to stare down at her even as her gaze flit around the small section of campus her dorm was tucked away in, looking out over the lawn in front of her building and back to him again.

“you mean that?”

“yeah.” ellie finally looked back at him, then, and caught his eyes. he felt one corner of his mouth lift despite himself into a lopsided smile.

“you’re not gonna get kicked out of school?” something like vulnerability shone in her eyes.

“well -- not before next weekend,” colt answered obnoxiously. 

he was hoping to make her laugh, and she did. she reached up and hit his shoulder. “i’m being serious!”

“i know you are.” he paused. getting kicked out of school had always been step one of the plan. if his fucking parents weren’t going to take him seriously, he was going to have to make them -- that started with putting college in his rearview mirror, one way or another. 

changing course at this point felt like a weakness.

but she looked pretty hopeful.

“look,” he sighed, “what do you want me to say? i can’t predict the future.”

maybe it was crazy to even think about putting everything on hold for someone he’d literally just fucking met, but there was no denying the way his pulse sped up anxiously when she frowned and ducked her head to stare at her toes. 

“i’m not trying to start something that’s just going to set me up to get hurt,” ellie said. 

she had a point. he should probably let her get away now, then -- there was no guarantee he wouldn’t hurt her; in fact, it was probably a safe bet he’d do just the opposite. his life wasn’t structured to accommodate a girlfriend. 

...but maybe it was time he learned to adapt.

there were few things colt could promise her with certainty that he wouldn’t break them, but there was one thing he had absolute control over. “okay. you want me to promise you i’ll stop trying to get kicked out of school? it’s done. i promise.”

ellie blinked. she looked stunned, as though he’d said the absolute last thing she’d been expecting to hear come out of his mouth. “really?”

“sure.” the look on her face was soothing, a reassurance that despite how new all of this was to him, he wasn’t completely bombing. “as long as you’ll keep making it all suck less.”

everything had seemed markedly less annoying since he’d met her, just a week ago. classes were fun again with someone on his level to argue with, someone whose buttons he could press effortlessly and who always reacted so perfectly when he did. weekends were filled with promise, an opportunity to do something other than sulk in his room suddenly on the horizon.

time no longer felt wasted or like it was dragging at a snail’s pace -- at least not when she was around. now he was desperate for it to slow down, so he could spend even just a few more minutes talking to her, learning her viewpoint on anything and everything, figuring out what made her fucking tick.

...getting her to sigh in that sweet way she did when their lips touched.

“i think i can do that,” she smiled, setting an unfamiliar warm feeling loose within him. optimism, his brain helpfully suggested. maybe the rest of the semester won’t be that bad.

maybe this college thing had its merits after all.