#i also told him i have visual snow syndrome

[chowtrolls]

first and foremost my damn eyes hurt from the eye exam. the eye doctor was very very thorough and it hurt. second, i’m buying fucking heart shaped sunglasses and theres not a damn thing anyone can do to stop me

[gragon-b0nez]

Uhhh intro ig

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DNI

• homophobes, xenophobes, you get the point.

• pedophiles, MAPS, necrophiles, zoophiles.

•anti-fur, therian, non-human, alterhuman.

• People who stir up shit to stir up shit.

• people who ask to see peoples ‘barcodes’, tells them to kys, or asks for wrist checks (been in that situation, not funny.)

• hating on me/others for there religious beliefs

• using trauma that you prob don’t have as an excuse to get out of situations.

• making fun of trauma or mental illness.

• racism, discrimination, sexism, and jokes of r@pe will never be tolerated here.

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About me

• I go by she/him/them/it/thing/fae/, but will go by my bug/rain/frog

• I am Apagender! You say I’m a girl? Ok I’m a girl. You say I’m a boy?- alright I’m a boy. You say they/it/thing?? I AM NO GENDER! (And yes, I still use fae/bug/rain/frog because they are a non-binary identity)

• my favorite colors are purple and sage green

• im a self taught artist

• ima furry^^

• I can doodle with both hands :3

• I am a polymorph therian, my theriotypes are Canadian marveled fox, Maine coon, bat, possum, great horned owl, otter, and questioning crow.

• i LOVVEEE spooky stuff, true crime, analog horror, Fnaf, poppy playtime- ext.

• I’m a night-owl, and typically stay up till 7:30 doing random shit

• I have a strong love of goblincore, cottagecore, fairycore, crowcore, and vultureculture. ⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

Songs

• Hansel - Sodikken

• Gretal - Sodikken

• literally anything by Tx2

• modify - Lemon demon

• rät - Penelope Scot

• black parade - My Chemical Romance

• I write sins not tragedies - panic at the disco

• more will be added.

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My Problems-

• i legitimately do not feel hunger or when i get full, when I say im hungry it’s because i know i haven’t ate anything that day

• I probably have autism (I did a crappy test that said I might but I might not and literally every doctor I’ve ever seen has asked if I had autism)

• I have ADHD, Dyslexia, dyscalculia, and visual snow

• I have pica (pie-kuh) and because I’ve been told I need to be more open I also will say I have Bulimia and anorexia (that’s way better then it was a year ago), literally all I can think about when I sit down at a friends house for dinner is about how guilty I feel knowing I’m probably going to throw it up later.

• I have anxiety, depression, and have a bad habit of scratching at my skin or burning myself with the stove fire

• I have problem breathing but my mom said that she had slight asthma when she was younger so it’s prob that.

• I get migraines and terrible tension headaches caused by my scoliosis

• I have nervous ticks and have been mistaken for Tourette syndrome

• I have pretty bad insomnia and have built up the hell of a tolerance for melatonin

• I faint way to often to be considered normal.

• I am slightly color blind with greens and I think it was reds or smthing (it’s not like dramaticly I just can’t see the shades between)

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More will be added

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[living-history-lesson]

Also! I know I've talked about how I have paresthesia from unknown causes. And my neurologist says it may be from my EDS somehow??? I think it may also be related to visual snow? I don't talk about VS much because like its such a normal thing i've lived with my whole life and i never told a doctor i have the symptom. I'm not sure i qualify for visual snow *syndrome* but i've had staticy vision as long as I can remember and I know my dad thought i was weird when I mentioned it to him as a kid. idk. anyways I saw online that Visual Snow Syndrome can also be associated with paresthesia so maybe? IDFK. Whether it's from visual snow or my EDS, either way it's not a treatable thing then so. weeee

[mimzy-writing-online]

How do you handle casual ableism especially ableism that’s said to be “a joke”? I am blind and I get this all the time and it’s so annoying because I can’t win.

If it’s said by someone I know I probably won’t talk to much, if ever again, I just grin and bear it. If I’m invested in this friendship or know I’ll be working with them a lot, then I’ll say something. But I do have some personal pet-peeves.

“Oh, so you’re blind, but not like, blind-blind.” 

Whenever I explain to someone new that I’m visually impaired and what I see, I sometimes get the “oh, so you’re blind, but not like, blind-blind.” and I just... *internal screaming*

I hate it because it reinforces this hierarchy of “who has it worst in the world” that abled society has. It’s like saying, “oh, you’re blind, but at least you don’t have cancer.” That is insensitive to both people who are blind, people who have cancer, and people who have both. 

Everyone is going through their own stuff, and sometimes it feels debilitating and sometimes it feels normal. Undermining someone’s experiences by saying/implying someone has it worse is terrible and even worse is using that idea to say “oh, then you don’t need this accommodation that badly, you’re not disabled-disabled.”

I am blind. Just blind. I have a condition that highly affects my life and just because there are a few settings where I can pass for sighted, does not mean that I am not blind.

And those people feed my internalized ableism and imposter syndrome so that I begin to think “I’m not that blind, people have so much less sight than me” and begin to feel like I don’t deserve any of my accommodations, even my cane when my worst days hit. My cane, that thing I bought myself that affects no one apart from warning them I can’t see them, but means everything to me.

What I would like to say: “I am blind. What I’m describing might sound like no big deal to you, but it affects my life every day and I will never, under any circumstances, see as much as a sighted person. Please stop comparing my disability to other disabilities.”

“Can you use your cane as a weapon?”

It was funny the first 3-4 times I heard it, but strangers say it to me constantly and it’s just like... “oh, them Lakers” or “How’s the weather up there” or some other cliché joke that has been told to death. And these strangers don’t realize how unoriginal it is because they probably never interact with other blind people, but I hear it all the fricken time.

I’ve explained to friends that I don’t like this joke. And I have an example of it in A Witch’s Memory, specifically Ulric’s second chapter. But like, I cannot control what strangers think is funny.

What I would like to say: “I cannot. Canes are much more fragile than you think, and each one has cost me $50 each. And I’ve had... six? Over the years. And they take weeks to ship to me. I would be terrified of my cane getting damaged.”

“I bet you’re looking forward to robot eyes.”

No. I’m not. I’m really not. Leave my eyes the fuck alone.

This was waaaaaay before I was diagnosed with Visual Snow Syndrome, which is a neurological problem, not an eye problem, even if the symptoms that affect me most are visual.

And as for the ableism, there’s soooo so much in that statement:

“Oh, I bet you’re looking forward to getting cured”

“I think being blind is terrible, I would want robot eyes immediately”

And if I said that I didn’t want robot eyes ever, I’d almost always get:

“I bet it wouldn’t be that bad, you’d be a cyborg. How cool is that?”

I said no the first time. Respect that answer. It’s my body, my eyes. I’m so tired of this debate.

The only form of this conversation I will ever accept is from my best friend who admitted that he personally would jump at the chance for cybernetic enhancements, especially something that reduced chronic pain. There are some more personal issues I won’t disclose, but from his perspective I understood and we came to the acceptance that we had very different stances and that was okay so long as we respected each other’s choices.

What I would like to say: “I have considered this and personally decided that under no circumstances would I ever want this kind of surgery done to me. Please respect that choice and don’t joke about experimental surgeries with me.”

“Just consider me your personal human guide dog.”

Only one person has ever said this to me, but he’s said it several times while acting as my sighted guide and I hate it, not because there is any ableism directed at me, but because he’s calling himself less than human and I wish he treated himself better. He deserves better. My solution is just saying nice things to him every chance I get about how much I care about him and how he is good.

“Fuck you! I love you! Don’t you dare call yourself a dog. You’re amazing and I love you.”

“Well you’re able-bodied.”

Said to me by another person with a disability, specifically a chronic illness, while complaining about why I couldn’t do something for him.

It was my father.

and I just...

I have literally never not been disabled in some capacity.

I remember my ADHD affected me from the early age of six years old and how much that affected my self esteem. I started having chronic health problems (mostly due to anxiety) as soon as I entered my teenage years. The worst was when I was 19. And then I went blind.

I am in no way able-bodied. Do not throw this hierarchy of who’s more disabled at me. I physically cannot handle the task you asked me to do without physical pain following me for the rest of the day. It’s either going to have to get done by someone else, or I’m going to need help. Why do I need to be in pain all day for this?

You’re young, therefore you are able-bodied.

You means nothing in terms of disability! Lots of people are disabled, visibly and invisibly. And if your kid needs disability aids to perform normal tasks like walking safely outside, you shouldn’t be calling them able bodied.

What I would like to say: “I am not able bodied. I am far from it. What you’re asking me to do will either risk serious injury to me or will cause me serious, lasting pain. Please respect my physical limitations.”

“And on your right you and hear, smell, taste, touch the ocean.”

It was a joke by a close friend when we were on a road trip. Also, we were in a car on the freeway, literally, none of those things would be possible from that distance because all I would hear and smell would be car fumes. 

Like, okay, I know I can’t enjoy the scenic view the way sighted people can, but I am enjoying this drive in my own way. Even the visuals I can see are nice(ish). It’s stimulation, something different for my brain. I’m having fun listening to the music and your story while we move and there are shapes and faded colors passing us.

I’m experiencing this amazing road trip.

Maybe it’s not the way you would experience or best enjoy it, but I am having fun, don’t spoil it by reminding me that I’m different from you and that my experience “must be less enjoyable.”

I told him: “I don’t like those jokes. They aren’t funny to me. I don’t need to see it to enjoy it.” And he stopped. He never made another one after that drive.

(He’s also one of those people who has serious anxiety around making someone uncomfortable, and me telling him “hey I don’t like this, can we do this instead” actually helps us both, because I’m no longer uncomfortable and he can trust that I would immediately tell him if he ever did something I didn’t like. If I’m not speaking up, then I am good. And I can trust that he will stop as soon as I tell him to, and that I can always speak up if I need to.)

[nananaheyanna]

I HAVE A LOT TO SAY I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN WHAT TO SAY???!!!

Huge Spoilers down

- The movie’s aesthetics and visuals are so beautiful and the animation IMPROVED you get to see our characters making so many expressions and movement (but that’s not a surprise lol dragons 3 did it but Frozen 2 slayed through) I can’t wait for this movie to release digitally every scene are insane (kristoff pedicure tho!)

- A lot of Iduna x Agnarr stuff and answers and I’m v satisfied (actually basically every of my wishes have been granted in this movie)

- I could catch what looked like references to old fanarts 👀

- regarding the previous teasers and knowing that Olaf would have more screen time made afraid he’d annoy me the f- but he was actually funny!! Love him!

- Lt mattias is totally adorable and sometimes a dork!! I wanted to see the anna/mattias dynamic and THEY THREW IT ON THE TABLE

- The interaction between Elsa and Bruni was so adorable. (I though this lizard was going to annoy me but nope) It was so cute seeing Elsa discovering she isn’t the only one with powers (and bruni makes a cute subtle parallel with elsa’s uncontrollable power tho!)

- The Hans mentions are hilarious! Especially the one Santino Fontana was talking about (another explosion of Hans, gif makers we waiting for you to make the parallel with the one in bh6). I wanted to see a true flashback though with actual brand new animation of him and not a white version of his scenes from the first movie. I am sorry to tell the hansdom there are no explanations of his motivations at all (through I think theres nothing to explain, he irredeemable monster and that’s on periodt) there are just some « insulting » mentions

- Elsa goes from snow queen™ to snow goddess™ 💁🏼‍♀️ .

- What to say about Kristoff’s 80’s music video clip omg.. sksksk

- Also, every Kristanna interactions are CUTE. There are a total of 2 Kristanna kisses if you don’t count the brand freshly reanimated flashback kiss from litw

- I thought Kristoff suffered from the calhoun and felix in rbti syndrome til: 1) Anna apologized 2) Kristoff already had an amazing character development in the first movie, all was left was to show him being a dork for Anna and support her when she needs and for that, merci! And 3) He actually the driver (btw there is no sled crash and that’s deceiving)

- I forgot to say that Anna has her periods in this movie

- I never expected they’d show us Elsa being COLD, and actually FREEZING TO DEATH just LIKE ANNA with her hair turning white and stuff (this scene gave me GOOSEBUMPS)

- btw I think Elsa is not immortal since she died. After that she just fixed Arendelle with her magic but it didn’t made her powers evolving at all (through it does evolve since she was born)

- The next right thing was so emotional and strong! Anna was left all alone with the heartbreak of Elsa and Olaf’s death and she managed to STAND UP and save the forest. I call it quality character development.

- Honeymaren totally crushes on Elsa, she’s the one who told Elsa to stay in the forest (their dialogues were cute, we are waiting for the 3rd movie about their love story)

- THAT ICE BROS HUG add it to the collection of rare interactions between Kristoff and Elsa

- Actually, THE VERY FROHANA HUG AT THE ENDING OMG (I want an oil painting!!)

- Anna as Queen, I mean QUEEN ANNA!! We want a sequel!! (Say what you want, think what you think, Frozen II has the best ending for the sisters and their character development, through it kinda means it’s the last movie of the saga) and don’t worry you guys Elsa and Anna are still communicating and Elsa still comes to the castle time to time.

- The moral of the story is so basic but told in a such EPIC way. It was so relatable and got me right in the feels. I don’t want to say it beats the first movie (bc this one is so epic too) but it 1000% match it! We have one of the best wdas movie if not best of all time and the best wda sequel

Edit: i like how Anna is still kinda the protagonist in this movie like in the first one

[monkeyandelf]

New Post has been published on Buzz News from Monkey & Elf |

New Post has been published on https://www.monkeyandelf.com/fade-to-silence-review-early-access/

Fade to Silence review (early access)

This week’s Premature Evaluation sees Fraser swap a regular Scottish winter for an eternal, supernatural winter that has destroyed humanity in survival sandbox Fade to Silence. Festive!

I really should be playing games about sunshine and whimsy with warm colour palettes and chipper NPCs — here, in the depths of winter, it’s gloomy enough as it is. Fade to Silence has huskies though! Well, they’re wolves, but they do pull sleds. Isn’t that lovely? Winter’s not all bad. Yes, Fade to Silence is a relentlessly miserable survival game set in a post-apocalyptic frozen hellscape, but I’ve always wanted to ride a sled, and I like to think that I’m not the sort of person who would let the end of the world stand in the way of his dreams.

The sled was gone. Again. And with it, the wolves. A blizzard had swept in as I searched the area where I left them, blinding, freezing and slowing me down. With snow up to my knees I trudged through the wilderness, hoping that maybe I could get back to the base. I was starving too, of course. I’d foolishly left all the food in the sled. I kept walking, but I was never going to make it back in time. The white void took me.

I’m not going to blame the sled for my demise. Not entirely. Besides, it’s hard to hold a grudge when I have another five lives, or when there are so many other dangers to worry about. Aside from the occasional bird or deer, almost every creature in the game is some sort of mutant-monster-demon-thing that may or may not come from a giant floating chunk of a city, suspended upside down in the air. They look a little like Dead Space’s beasties, but not nearly as sneaky or aggressive. They do sometime pop out of the snow, though. Snow’s the real danger. Well, it’s a byproduct.

The horrendous cold is a significantly greater threat than any monster. Away from a fire, it’s freezing, and it gets colder still when the sun goes down. It’s utterly deadly during a blizzard. Even brief journeys require the occasional stop to find or erect a shelter and then place a campfire. There are a few buildings with steel drums that can serve as temporary camps too, letting you craft and pass the time during a storm or when it’s dark. It’s a constant threat, though.

I wanted to build my sled straight away, obviously, but it quickly became clear that I’d need quite a few resources, probably a follower and definitely a wolf. Since it’s a single-player game, you can’t rely on other players to help you build up a settlement or take on the increasingly tough challenges, but you don’t need to go it alone, either. Fade to Silence’s hook is that it’s a group survival game, not unlike excellent zombie sandbox State of Decay.

Unfortunately this is also one of the least developed parts of the game, with only three recruitable followers. Four people in a hut isn’t even a party, let alone a community. Even so, these followers do shake up the most boring part of the survival cycle: gathering basic resources. Followers can be sent out of the settlement to do tasks like hunting deer or felling trees in specific areas where the flora and fauna haven’t been corrupted, and inside the settlement they can build structures and defences as well as doing a spot of crafting.

While this removes a lot of the drudgery, it also means that you have to make sure that your followers are protected, well-fed and warm. It’s another vulnerability, even if it makes life easier. Too often, survival games conflate inconvenience with challenge, but Fade to Silence feels no less brutal for the loss of that grind. Some of it’s still there; it’s just optional. So you can go out and shoot arrows at deer or chop away at a tree, and there’s loot out there waiting to be discovered, but these activities are a handy way to speed things up in a pinch rather than a constant necessity.

Actually managing these followers is a joyless task. Fade to Silence’s interface is almost as big an obstacle as the weather. When menus do actually work — which they most often don’t — they are slow and frustratingly inconsistent.

When I placed my first hut, for instance, I was told that I couldn’t assign a worker because I didn’t have any. I had one standing right next to it. Then I hit repair and he started building it. With building number two, he started automatically. While that can be done from the settlement menu, you have to physically bring a follower to a resource spot if you want them to start gathering. That worked about 50 percent of the time for me.

Followers can also be brought out on expeditions, helping out in fights. They are largely useless, serving either as a distraction or an occasional increase in damage, when they can hit something. They are also continuously getting stuck on the admittedly very rough terrain. Thankfully, they have something akin to Creepy Watson syndrome, so they do typically appear when they are needed.

I still wish they could do all of my fighting for me, frankly. When you happen across something a bit unfriendly, you can and should lock onto it. If you don’t, you’ll just stagger around like an idiot. The first problem is that this makes the occasional fight against multiple enemies a right pain in the arse, especially when there’s no way to quickly switch targets unless you’re using a controller. Unfortunately, locking onto a target comes with its own problem: a fixed camera that manages to obscure everything. It’s a cinematic angle that’s completely useless for combat.

With tighter controls and an improved camera, the fights would be significantly better than what most survival games offer. It’s what you’d expect from a third-person action game with blocking, dodging, timing your parries and chaining together attacks, light and heavy. It’s simple and the enemies rarely pose a viable threat, but slick animation, kinetic attacks and grotesque monster designs keep things interesting. Compare it to something like Conan Exiles’ poorly animated Skyrim-like flailing and it’s a serious improvement.

My closest brushes with death in a fight have usually been down to performance, despite the dodgy camera. Even on the lowest settings I was rarely getting past 40fps and it never settled. The lowest settings also introduce a whole bunch of visual glitches, so it’s just not worth it.

I persevered however not just because I really wanted that bloody sled, but because Fade to Silence does feel like a genuine attempt to avoid a lot of the more staid traditions of survival crafting affairs. And its goals seem lofty — it’s not just games like State of Decay that it evokes, it’s also reminiscent of bigger, open-world games like Horizon: Zero Dawn, too. It’s a cold, desaturated game, but it’s also hauntingly beautiful at times, and there’s a flashiness there that’s not often seen in early access sandboxes.

A few hours in I did at least have to mute it. Ash, the protagonist, is a pretty quiet, stoic fella, but he’s accompanied by the voice of the terrible nuisance who brought him back from the dead (for some reason). I get the intent and it worked well in The Darkness and its sequel, where Mike Patton (Faith No More, Mr. Bungle, Tomahawk and a million other bands) lent his pipes to the titular antagonist, but here it’s just aggravating. It’s like inviting a toxic League of Legends player to watch you play a single-player game. Despite resurrecting you whenever you die (until his final life is spent), he’ll constantly try to get you to kill yourself. It’s just this relentless, negative voice echoing around in your head and most of us probably have one of those already.

No longer pestered by that disembodied voice, I got back to work, eventually finding some wolves when I cleansed a corrupt totem near one of the bosses. Maybe they were inside it? Anyway, treasure acquired. It had all been building up to this, so I was giddy with anticipation as I made my way back to the settlement to build their pen. It came with a ready-to-go sled, which I promptly jumped on… and which teleported me outside of my base. I stood there and watched as my wolves ran off, leaving me to face an invading force of monsters. It was not great.

My second attempt also teleported me outside of the settlement, but this time I was able to follow the wolves who, as it turned out, were heading towards the sled. So the sled also teleported out of the settlement but to a different place. It was all, and continues to be, incredibly confusing. Much like driving a sled!

Yes, sleds are awful. The worst mode of transport, unless you have flying reindeer. I did not. Like The Witcher 3’s Roach, the wolves sort of have a mind of their own, but it’s even more pronounced. As we sped through the decayed forest, I offered them suggestions about where we might go, and they just did their thing, which mainly involved getting stuck on everything. They got stuck. The sled got stuck. The reins got stuck. Walking would have been faster. Then, finally, I was forced off my sled because the wolves didn’t like the area ahead of us. I got back on to turn them around, but was immediately ejected again.

As I stormed off, leaving my obstinate pets behind me, I couldn’t have known it would be the last time I’d see them. Twenty minutes later I’d be a frozen corpse.

Fade to Silence is out now on Steam for £22.49/$26.99/€26.99.

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