directnyc

[beedreamscape]

This one's going on the first page of the People's Paper...

[rapilne]

Anime Club Membership | Soobin Au

#pairing: soobin x f!reader.

#genre: fluff | #w.c: ~4000+

#synopsis: soobin is in love but has an anime club membership and is convinced this is a problem

#notes: I started this a while ago and it was dying on my notes until I woke up at 3am and couldn't go back to sleep. it's kind of long a not a lot happens but I thought it was cute and it was fun writing it cause im in my soobin feelings era. tbh wanted to make it smutty but I tried once and I realized im horrible at it so it won't happen again. happy reading if you read it :p

Kai is currently struggling to figure out the ramyeon machine at this fancy new convenience store. It's way bigger and flashier than the usual spots they frequent, and the selection is overwhelming—thirty flavors of ramyeon, some he's never even heard of.

“Why are there so many buttons?” Kai whines, exaggeratedly pouting. “Making ramyeon shouldn’t be this complicated. Seriously, there are like a hundred different liquids you can get from this thing. Do you think this one’s for hot water? It’s got a steam drawing on it.”

“You’re the one making it complicated,” Beomgyu says lazily, reaching over and pressing a button. “You can always just push it and find out.”

“Wait—!”

Turns out the steam drawing stands for chai, actually.

Kai’s eyes widen in shock as he watches his ramyeon turn into a chai latte. Beomgyu bursts into laughter, unable to contain himself as he glances at Kai’s horrified expression. “Oh man, I’m so—”

“Tell him something, Soobin!” Kai pleads, desperate for backup.

Soobin, wide-eyed as he stares at the cup in Kai’s hand, opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, the cashier lady shushes them from behind the counter. Kai’s cheeks turn bright red with embarrassment.

“Sorry,” Kai apologizes sheepishly, flashing a lopsided grin that usually works like a charm on the ahjummas in his sister’s apartment building. But this time, he’s met with a blank stare.

Beomgyu struggles not to laugh again, covering his mouth, and Kai briefly considers finally punching him. Instead, he glares at Beomgyu and turns back to Soobin, whispering, “Hyuuung! Do something!”

“What’s he gonna do, exactly?” Beomgyu chuckles, taking the ramyeon cup from Kai’s hands. He sniffs it, scrunching his nose at the smell. It reminds him of that old Play-Doh his cousin dared him to eat when he was eleven. “He literally can’t take me in a fight,” he adds, casually tossing the cup into the trash.

Soobin scoffs, visibly offended, forgetting the ramyeon situation instantly. “I can so take you in a fight.”

“Nu-uh,” Beomgyu replies, sing-songing his words.

“Yeah-uh!”

“Nope.”

“I actually—”

“You know you still have to pay for that, right?” A sudden chilly voice behind them interrupts. They all jump, turning around to face the scary cashier lady. Beomgyu might have squealed a little.

“Yes, ma’am,” the three say in unison.

The lady throws them one last unimpressed look before turning back to the counter, mumbling something that makes Kai’s cheeks flush again.

“This is your fault, Beomgyu. You’re paying for it. After I beat you up,” Soobin says, trying to sound firm.

“Beat m—” Beomgyu laughs out loud, placing a hand on Soobin’s shoulder. “You mean just like how you beat me in LoL? Oh, wait—that never happened.”

“CHOI BEOMGYU, YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I WON THAT MATCH WITH MY—”

“Uh, hear that? It’s the sound of the crowd disagreeing,” Beomgyu interrupts, hand behind his ear, a mocking smirk on his face.

“Actually,” Kai lifts his index finger and then adjusts his imaginary glasses, “I’m the crowd, and I’m on Soobin’s side.” He swiftly interjects on the elder’s behalf, secretly he has his doubts, but he’s also defending his own cause. “Soobin, fight him.”

Soobin watches as Beomgyu lazily plops down onto a nearby chair, already looking bored. Leaning back, Beomgyu rests his head on his interlocked fingers, raising his eyebrows. With a cocky smirk and his tongue poking his cheek, he taunts, “Yeah, Soobie-boobie. Fight me.”

You’d think with Beomgyu sitting down and Soobin standing over him, the younger might feel a bit intimidated, but it’s Soobin who squirms, eyeing Beomgyu’s almost lazy expression. There’s something positively deranged about his look, Soobin thinks.

“Uh, well,” Soobin chuckles nervously, “You know what? I thought about it, and I’m not up for any fighting today. I, uh, recently joined this club where we discuss important stuff. You know, like social issues and, uh, philosophical debates.” He turns to Kai. “The morality of using force on weaker people is something we discussed, so…”

Beomgyu decides to ignore his last jab and straightens up. “Important stuff, huh?” he teases, unable to contain his amusement. “Sounds like code for ‘anime marathon with your nerd friends’ to me.”

It’s been almost a month since Jihoon, his former TA, discovered they share a passion for anime and manga. He invited Soobin to a ‘gathering’ where they discuss their favorite shows, debate the best characters, and organize screenings of new episodes. Beomgyu likes to call it the “ultimate hangout spot for anime nerds.”

“Well, I mean, we do discuss important themes in anime,” Soobin admits with a pout.

Kai chuckles, forgetting his ramyeon mishap. “Hey, nothing wrong with that,” he says, offering a supportive smile. “I also think anime is about important stuff.”

“Thank you, Kai,” Soobin says, dimples showing. “Seriously, it’s all really cool. Beomgyu wouldn’t understand the appeal. It’s not like he’s capable of thinking about anything serious for more than two seconds.”

Beomgyu feigns offense, standing up and placing a hand over his heart dramatically. “Hey now, I’ll have you know I’m a very serious person,” he protests, lips in a full pout, his tone dripping with mock seriousness. “I also understand it’s all very cool. So cool, in fact, that it’s the perfect topic to impress Y/N with, right?”

Soobin’s cheeks go red. He’s always been quick to blush, but this time it’s because Beomgyu’s words hit a nerve.

Ever since he first laid eyes on you in the introductory course, captivated by your pretty smile and blushed cheeks as you introduced yourself to the class, Soobin knew he was a goner. He’s never been one for crushes, not even in high school, so it’s as if fate saved all his affection for you. Looking back, Soobin realizes he’s never appreciated Beomgyu’s loud, extroverted personality more than when his friend boldly approached you to introduce himself—and Soobin too. (Did he already say thank you?) From that moment on, you became friends, and with each passing day, Soobin’s admiration for you only grew stronger.

“Yeah, right,” Soobin mumbles, trying to brush off Beomgyu’s teasing with a weak smile. “Guess that’s really gonna make her swoon.”

The memory of your comments some nights before he heard you exchange with one of your mutual friends about who you find especially attractive, plays in his mind, fueling his insecurities. “Dance majors I guess? Like Yeonjun. You guys are friends, right?” you had said.

Beomgyu sighs, sensing Soobin’s mood shift. “Ah, come on, Soob,” he says, bumping his shoulder gently, his tone softer now, realizing he might have gone too far. “You know I didn’t mean it. It’s not like Y/N’s going to judge you based on your anime club memberships.”

“It’s just one club,” he mumbles in a small voice when Kai chimes in. “He’s right, hyung!” Kai says, smiling brightly as he puts both hands on Soobin’s shoulders. “Besides, who knows? Maybe she didn’t really mean anything by it! Like, I think Soyeon is really hot, right? But I have no interest in actually going for it. She’s scary. So, maybe what Y/N’s really into is people like you!”

Soobin can’t help but let out a nervous laugh at his friend’s attempt to reassure him. “Right, Kai.”

Beomgyu then claps loudly, making Soobin jump. “That’s it, then! No more pouting from you, Mr. Naruto Pokémon,” he says with a grin, making Soobin scoff. “And Kai, I’m sorry about your food. I promise we’ll come back with Taehyun tomorrow to figure this bad boy out. Now let’s get you some tteokbokki from Mr. Kim’s shop,” he adds with a reassuring nod, dragging his friends out of the fancy convenience store.

As the three of them strut out, with Beomgyu complaining nonstop about paying for something he didn’t even eat, Soobin can’t help but overthink—it’s what he does best, after all. People like him, Kai said. No one has ever called him hot. Cute, sure. Sweet, even. And yeah, he knows he’s good-looking—people have told him as much—but he’s also convinced that people like him can’t compete with the Yeonjuns of the world, with their style, dance skills, and effortless coolness. Can he ever be like that?

Deep down, he knows his friends are right. He knows you’re not the type to judge someone for liking anime or joining clubs. But the weight of his feelings for you, combined with the pressure he puts on himself, makes him doubt his worth every time. He’s got to figure out how to be okay with who he is and hope that’s enough for you to notice him—really notice him.

With loud thoughts in his head he kicks a tiny rock, chis foot catches on a crack in the pavement. He trips, and for a split second, he sees the ground rushing toward him.

He looks around and sighs realizing no one notice, but walking along the sidewalk, as he watches kai animatedly explain demon slayer’s plot to a bored looking beomgyu, the nagging doubt keeps lingering in the back of his mind telling him that the gap between friendship to something more is as big as… well, as big as the difference between Tanjiro and a low-level demon, he supposes.

---

The surge of excitement pulses through you as you finally find yourself at the Seventeen concert, a dream come true made possible by Soobin’s miraculous ticket acquisition. You shoot him a grateful look, your smile stretching wider than ever, and Soobin mirrors it, glowing with the same enthusiasm. “I can’t believe we made it!” you shout over the music. “You’re seriously the best ever, Soobin!”

Your entire being radiates with happiness as you look at the stage with wide eyes, hands reaching up and a grin that refuses to fade as you scream the lyrics to a song he vaguely remembers hearing once. He’s always been more of a girl group stan.

Then, as if drawn back to reality, your attention returns to Soobin. “Oh my god, I still can’t wrap my head around how you got these tickets! They were gone in seconds!” you shout to be heard over the music, but Soobin hears you just fine.

“Well, you know how it goes,” Soobin leans closer with a tiny smirk. “The perks of being multi-talented, well-connected, universally adored…” he quips, though the reality of getting those tickets was far less glamorous. His older sister works for a big-shot media company and managed to snag these tickets. He owes her a thousand favors. But for you, it’s worth it, he thinks.

You chuckle. “Always humble, I see.”

“Always…”

“No, seriously,” your tone shifts, “this means the world to me. Thank you, Binnie.” Your sparkling eyes focused on him, and your sincere words send a hint of color to Soobin’s cheeks, subtle and noticeable to only him.

“Enough with that,” Soobin whispers, trying to keep the moment light. “You’ve already thanked me like a hundred times over. You know I would do anything for you.”

Did he—did he really just say that? Was that too intense? Do you now think he’s too intense?

Before he can start overthinking, your radiant smile washes over him once more, and he feels a weight lift from his shoulders. 

“What you need to do now is enjoy the concert,” he says, trying to change the topic. “Or you’ll blink, and it’ll be over.”

“YOU’RE THE BEST!” you yell once again, jumping in place before pointing at the stage. “Look, look! The performance team! I’d miss my own wedding before I miss this. Have you seen Hoshi tonight? He’s so hot, I swear to god…”

He’s well aware of your fondness for the K-pop group’s performance team, particularly Hoshi. You’ve made it clear enough, and Soobin has never given it much thought.

As the concert pulses around him and he watches you scream your lungs out for the dancers in front of you, Soobin’s mind begins to wander, connecting dots he never realized were there. Taemin, Kai, Momo, —your list of biases reads like a who’s who of dancers. He remembers your comments about dance majors like that kid Hyunjin and his own friend Yeonjun. And now, here you are, gushing about Hoshi and the entire performance team with stars in your eyes. He’s never, ever seen you like this.

As the gears in his mind whirl, he reaches for his phone, opening a familiar chat without hesitation.

---

The concert ended about two hours ago, and Soobin is currently looking down at his phone in the stall of the bathroom at the only Thai place opened at this hour. He’s having the best time of his life with you, and it suddenly came to him that he must do everything in his power to get you. Hence why he scrolls until he finds the familiar name. He’s positive he’s never pressed a button faster.

And he is a fast button presser, if you ask him.

“Hey Soob, sorry I didn’t call, just saw your text and—” the line answers after a few rings.

“Teach me how to dance,” he urges as soon as he hears Yeonjun’s voice.

“Hey Yeonjun, how are you? Just peachy, thank you! What about you, my good friend? I’m pretty great too, actually, just happy to say hi to—”

“Hyung!” Soobin interrupts with a yell. “This is a life-or-death situation! No time for this!”

“No time to even say hello? After everything we’ve been through?” Yeonjun’s joke echoes a bit. “By the way, I just put you on speaker, and Tae’s here.”

“I don’t—”

“Why did you just do that?” Taehyun’s voice interrupts Soobin’s from his own side of the phone.

“Did wha—?” Soobin starts, but gets cut off once again. He realizes he’s not talking to him at all as he hears a conversation between his two friends on the other line.

“Why did I do what, Tae?” He hears Yeonjun ask.

“You just let him know I’m on speaker as if you’re warning him.”

“What? What I would warn him about?”

“Exactly!” Soobin hears his friends bicker. “I don’t know what you two don’t want to talk about while I’m here.”

“Are you serious? Taehyunnie, is this what I’m thinking? Because jealousy is not a cute look on you.” Yeonjun laughs. “Well, you know what? It might be—”

“STOP!” Soobin yells into the phone. “If someone needs to be warned about something, it’s me about your flirting.”

“We are not flirting!” Taehyun yells on the line. “Actually, you should be the one who’s flirting. Aren’t you on a date with Y/N right now? Why are you on the phone?”

“It is not a—well, I never specifically said the word date when I asked her to—you know what? It doesn’t matter! What matters is that there’s an emergency!”

“An emergency?” Yeonjun’s voice now sounds closer. “Hyung, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Taehyun continues.

“Yes! An emergency! That’s literally the first thing I said!”

“You never—”

“And no! I’m not okay! I’m the protagonist of a tragedy, and the plot twist? I’m not just ‘not okay’—I’m the complete opposite, like if ‘okay’ ran away and left me stranded in a dumpster fire of chaos.”

“Uh-huh,” Taehyun hums, catching on to Soobin’s melodrama. “If I recall, the very first thing you said was rudely demanding Yeonjun dance lessons. Honestly, Hyung, I don’t know why we keep falling for this kid’s theatrics.” Soobin groans as hears Yeonjun’s light laugh in response, followed by a quiet, ‘you’re right.’ “And seriously, why do you even want to learn to dance? Didn’t you have a strict ‘no dancing’ policy?”

“Well, that is why it’s an emergency. Like I said, a life-or-death situation. I need to revoke this policy and become the best dancer there is.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I don’t know how else to tell you how serious I am. Life or death, Yeonjun!”

“Stop saying that! You’re not dying. Well talk about it later, JUST GET BACK TO HER”

—

Soobin’s mind races as he walks you back to your place after the dinner. He’s hyper-aware of every step, every word that comes out of his mouth. It’s like his brain is stuck replaying moments from the concert, analyzing every little thing you said or did. 

“I still can’t believe how close we were to the stage,” you say, your voice tingling with leftover concert adrenaline. “Did you see the way they moved? Hoshi is unreal!”

There it is again. Hoshi. The name has become a ghost haunting Soobin’s thoughts, a reminder that he’s no dancer. He’s no Hoshi. But then you look at him with that smile, the one that makes his heart do a weird flip, and he almost convinces himself that you might feel the same way. Almost.

“Yeah, he’s pretty good,” Soobin replies, trying to sound casual, but his voice comes out a little too high-pitched, a little too forced.

You glance at him, eyebrows raised in amusement. “Pretty good? Soob, he’s like, one of the best dancers out there!”

He completely understands you’re being a fan and freaking out about seeing your favorite artists — just one week earlier he was crying at the mere sight of KARA performing in front of him (he tells everyone he’s a casual listener. Soobin has never been casual about a single thing in his life.)— but he can’t help but run his mouth.

“Yeah, yeah, I mean… sure. He’s great,” Soobin stammers, “But, you know, dancing isn’t everything.”

You stop walking and turn to face him, your expression shifting to something more serious. Soobin’s heart sinks and he’s two second from permanently loosing it, really.

Why did he say that? What did it have to do with anything? You’re going to think he’s crazy, worse, you’re going to tell him that you wish he were more like Hoshi, more like Yeonjun, that you need someone who can dance and—

“No, you’re right. Dancing isn’t everything,” you say softly, taking a step closer to him. “Soobin.. I..I just wanted to tell you that didn’t come to the concert just for Hoshi or the performance team or the group. I came because I wanted to be there with you.”

His heart skips a beat, and for a moment, hope flares up inside him. But then the little annoying-world ruiner- voice in his head creeps back in. Do you know? Oh my god, you must know he likes you and the stupid ass voice keeps whispering that maybe you’re just being polite, just trying not to hurt his feelings. He’s Soobin, your cute, sweet old friend who’s always there, but never the one you’re actually interested in. 

You chuckle, a light, airy sound that sends a shiver down his spine. “I mean, sure, I appreciate good dancing. But you’re right, you know?”

He thinks that if he opens his mouth nothing good will come out of it, so he just nods and hs mind runs back on his earlier conversation with Yeonjun and Taehyun. The dance lessons. That is it— when learns to dance, he can finally be the kind of guy you’d notice, the kind of guy you’d actually want.

You continue walking, and he falls into step beside you, his body catching up before his brain.

You glance at him out of the corner of your eye, wondering why he seems so distant all of a sudden. 

“Soob,” you start, trying to break through whatever wall he’s put up, “did you have fun tonight?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah! Definitely. It was awesome,” he replies, but even he sounds weird to his own ears. He’s trying hard not to ruin a perfect night more than he already did but at this point he’ll hold a grudge against himself for the rest of his life.

You stop again, this time taking his hand in yours to make him look at you. The warmth brings him back to reality, and he stares at you, wide-eyed and confused.

“Are you sure?” you ask, searching his face for any sign of what’s bothering him.

He opens his mouth to say something, but the words get stuck in his throat. You’re so so close, so so beautiful and all he can think about is how much he wants to kiss you, but he’s convinced you don’t feel the same way. So, instead, he just nods, giving you a small, strained smile. 

You sigh, dropping his hand, and for a split second, he wonders if he really did ruined everything. He might as well just dig a whole and crawl inside it, but you start walking again and he follows.

“Okay, but if something’s bothering you, you know you can tell me, right?” you say, trying to keep your tone light, even though you’re a little frustrated that he won’t open up.

“Yeah, I know,” Soobin mumbles. Once again kicking himself mentally for not being able to just say what’s on his mind and be a normal person.

The rest of the walk is filled with a comfortable silence, but it’s the kind that makes Soobin’s thoughts race even faster. He’s so wrapped up in his own head that he doesn’t notice the way you keep glancing at him, trying to figure out what’s going on.

When you finally reach your door, you turn to him, your heart pounding in your chest. It looks like you want to say something and he hopes is not a revelation that you actually hate him for ruining a perfect night, but all that comes out is a soft, “Goodnight, Soobin. Thank you for everything. It was the best night ever.” 

“Goodnight, Y/N, im really glad” he replies, his voice barely above a whisper.

You hesitate for a moment, then lean in to kiss his cheek. 

“Sweet dreams,” you say with a smile, before disappearing inside.

Soobin stands there, staring at the closed door, mind all fuzzy. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm down, but it’s no use. His critical thinking skills went away with you so he doesn’t know what to think other than to become the best dancer you’ve ever seen. Because he’s that dumb and because maybe, just maybe, if he does, you’ll look at him the way you looked at Hoshi tonight.

----

Somehow Soobin didn’t make you not want to see him ever again so, the next day, you two are back at your place, ready to binge-watch this new drama Soobin’s been waiting to start since Beomgyu said it was the best thing he ever saw, but he’s having real trouble focusing on the screen. Every laugh, every breath, every time you shift closer, sends his heart racing.

You, on the other hand, are trying your best to get his attention. The way Soobin’s been acting lately is nothing less than confusing. One moment he's making dad jokes and making you laugh till your sides hurt, the next, he's lost in thought, as if he’s not even there. 

Halfway through the episode, you stretch your arms above your head, letting out a dramatic yawn as you lean into Soobin’s side, your body brushing against his making his pulse quicken.

Soobin freezes, his eyes widening. "You okay?"

"Yeah," you murmur, nuzzling closer, "Just comfy. Is that alright?"

His heart pounds in his chest. "YEah! Comfy is… good."

“Good.”

A tense silence comes between you two and you can faintly feel the TV in the background, but neither of you really hears it. You’re so close now that Soobin can feel your breath on his neck and he feel to himself that he needs to stop acting like a fourteen year old being alone with a girl for the first time now. He’s convinced this is the moment where you’ll feel how fast his heart’s beating and realize how hopelessly in love he is with you and then you’ll freak out and it’ll all be over and-

“You’ve been acting weird lately,” you say, “Is everything alright?”

Soobin nearly chokes on his own tongue. “Me? Weird? Nope not at all! I’m—uh—totally normal. Just…normal Soobin... behavior.” He clears his throat, trying to play it cool, making you scoff a little.

You raise an eyebrow. “Normal, huh?” You shift even closer, your hand brushing his thigh. Soobin tenses, heat rushing to his face. “Because you’ve been acting like there’s something's going on. Something you’re not telling me.”

“I—” Soobin starts, but you cut him off by placing your hand over his, your fingers lacing together. The simple gesture makes him shiver all over, and suddenly, word vomit is coming out out of his mouth before he can stop them. “You’ve been talking a lot about dancers lately.”

“Dancers?” you repeat, genuinely puzzled.

“Yeah, like Hoshi, and Taemin, and—and Yeonjun,” he says, the last name coming out quieter, almost like he’s embarrassed. But he already started and he’s not sure he can come back from that and from the confused look on your face, he’s sure he can’t sink any lower. So he goes for it… as much as he can, anyway. 

“I just thought—well, I thought maybe you liked them. Like, really liked them. And I’m not, you know, a dancer. So I thought…maybe I should.. that you don’t…”

Your eyes widen in surprise, and then you burst out laughing. Not the reaction Soobin was expecting. “You think I don’t like you because you’re not a dancer?” you manage to say between giggles. “Soobin, that’s-- no! That's ridiculous!”

Soobin’s face turns bright red, and he pulls his hand away turning towards you completely “It’s not ridiculous,” he mutters, pouting slightly. “And it’s not just that, it’s about the whole vibe I bring to the function! I just… I’m trying to be someone you’d actually like.”

You scoot closer, closing the gap he just created. “Soobin, I already like you. A lot. And not because of some dumb reason like dancing. I like you, Soobin.”

Soobin blinks, completely caught off guard. “You…like me? Despite… everything?”

“No, Soobin. I don’t like you despite everything you are, I do exactly because of it. I like pretty much everything about you.”

“Rea…lly? Even the fact that I… have an… anime club membership?”

You roll your eyes playfully, your hand finding its way back to his thigh, your fingers trailing up his inner leg. “Yes, Soobin, I like that too. Honestly, I’ve been trying to get you to notice for weeks now, but you’ve been so oblivious! I was starting to think I’d have to spell it out for you.”

“Well, you kinda do,” he says, still processing your words. “Because I’m clearly not the brightest when it comes to this stuff.”

You grin, your eyes glinting with mischief. “Well, then. How about I show you instead?” You lean in, your lips brushing against his ear as you whisper, “Would that help you understand?”

Soobin’s breath hitches, and he nods slowly. He thinks he might explode any second now. Is this really how he wants to die?

You move to straddle his lap, your hands resting on his shoulders as you look down at him with a playful smile, and the answer is yes.

He stares up at you, his hands hesitating at your waist, not quite believing this is real. “Are you…are you sure?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Positive,” you murmur, your lips inching closer to his. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

And just like that, you kiss Soobin.

He melts right into it and his brain registers it so, so slowly, and once it hits him that you are kissing him, — that he is kissing you,— his arms wrapping around you as he finally lets himself believe that this is real.

As the kiss deepens, you pull back slightly, your forehead resting against his as you both catch your breath. “So,” you whisper, your fingers tracing small circles on his chest, “are you finally convinced?”

Soobin grins, his dimples on full display and his mind full of you. “Yeah,” he says, his voice filled with awe. “I think I am.”

You smile back, leaning in for another kiss, but this time, Soobin surprises you by pulling you even closer, his lips moving against yours with a newfound confidence. The kiss turns more intense, your hands tangling in his hair as his grip on your waist tightens.

When you finally break apart, both of you are breathless, faces flushed with excitement. Soobin looks up at you, “I can’t believe this is finally happening.”

“Believe it,” you say, brushing a strand of hair away from his forehead. “Because I’m not going anywhere.”

Soobin’s breath is intense, his body reacting  to your proximity and your voice.His hands roam up to your back, fingers pressing into your skin as he pulls you even closer, the heat between you growing almost unbearable.

You slide your body against his, your hips grinding slowly, deliberately, as your lips meet his once more in a passionate, fervent kiss. Soobin’s hands grip your hips, guiding you against him with a need that matches your own.

And as for the dance lessons? Well, Soobin might still take Yeonjun up on that offer—if only to keep up with your pace.

[drjoneslabratory]

The Splatoon rant The franchise that won't leave my brain alone: 1 the biggest nitpick/issue I have with this franchise.

(Before you read, this is my opinion and this is just me rambling. Don't take it too seriously, I didn't as there are probably typos and grammar issues but ill fix it later as its lunchtime here and I am hungry.)

Anyways...

Splatoon is one of those franchises where it has something so strong that I can't stop thinking about it/draw ocs/write AU lore for it. I haven't touched it in ages as Its still in a box and I have drift. But I still think about it/listen to music, consume fancontent and still read the lore and think of the gameplay.

For years I had this Splatoon fps game I always wanted to play. I have thought about it, and drawn ocs/enemies/bosses/factions/guns for over seven years. (I am soon to show this wacky fandom one day)

Ever since playing Splatoon 2, the squid-to-kid ink mechanic has fascinated me. It's on the same level as the gravity gun/portal gun and the grappling hook/titans from Titanfall in terms of creative innovation in the shooter genre. Despite me having issues with the campaign and story etc. There is nothing like it (foam stars don't count) The multiplayer (of all games), is the most fun I had with a multiplayer pvp game since Titanfall 2 and I think one of the few multiplayer PVP shooter games that is casual and non-competitive focused. And more importantly not a gritty tactical mil-sim/cod clone or generic "not overwatch/Fortnite clone number 10000" It's its own thing, and it does it really well.

Everything is unlockable in the game, there are no microtransactions. No season passes and once in a while simple updates keep it fresh. and not make it repetitive for a concept that seems it be a trap for boring repetitive gameplay.

There are DLCS, but they are worth the price for the content you get. Octo Expansion/Side orders are full-on expansion packs.

Splatoon brings me back to a time when shooter games were focused on simple fun and had a gameplay loop that people wanted to spend hours on.

Splatoon Proved to me (personally) that those games are still possible. And maybe the issue with modern AAA gaming is that Gamers have unrealistic expectations and developers and publishers trying to find new ways of laundering money/investment to appease stockholders.

(seriously am I the only one who is concerned with hearing new articles about the alleged "Most expensive game ever produced every once and awhile, there is no way that is sustainable, especially with these live service games that keep popping up like fruit flies and then die, or showing signs of decay)

The thing, I think bothers me most about Splatoon, is that, I really, I mean this, don't like the single-player campaigns, more particularly the Main Octo-trooper enemies you fight in every goddamn game. Because they are just so... boring and not fun (To me at least). It pains me, really fucking does as Splatoon is capable of having fun Enimies (the Octoling soldiers (though I think have issues, but they are a solid starting point I wish they expanded on) and Salmonoids (god they are so fucking awesome) and whatever the robo fish bots are called in side order)

My main issue with the octo-troopers is that

Boring that most Octo troopers just kinda stand there and then move around. acting more like turrets than soldiers

not really threatening/poor readability of what you are fighting, I am not saying their being goofy is bad, in fact, the weirdness of Splatoon enemies (all of them) is what I think makes it unique, and what it is, but I feel like there comes A point where they are just "Too Goofy" and I think it can hinder combat encounters and can confuse the player on what enemy you are fighting. An example of Good/bad execution of this is

The Octosniper and Commander are my examples of "Goofy done right" and "threatening enemy you need to pay attention to" They fire their guns out of their mouth and have "out there" proportions and designs, One has cool sunglasses the other a peeping eye. but I also get the idea, that these are trained soldiers who were trained to shoot to kill and won't hold back. So I have to be careful around them or I am a goner.

For goofy done wrong, I think I can make the argument that I think the Octobomber and rocket Octotrooper enemies are A prime example.

I fucking hate these assholes, I moved them around Poorly to prove a point that, I can't tell which one is which from afar and often mistake one for another. doesn't help one has a more powerful attack and takes up more hitpoints. The only thing that separates them is easily missable and I think lazily done addition to their helicopter helmet.

Now back to the examples.

Most don't really use the main gimmick of the games (squid-to-kid ink mechanic The Octostamps and Squee-Gs don't count) What I mean is how the ink mechanic can affect combat encounters and I think (As far as I remember) only a few really "take advantage" of Splatoon gimmicks, I really like the shielded octo-troopers as they capture gimmick you are using ink as your main projectile type. you can blind them and have them freak out giving you an easy shot. The octopods glitch out and fly back causing an explosion of your own ink if defeated, creating huge ink puddles. Octodivers try to flank you by hiding in their own ink.

Most feel like obstacles then actual enemies The Tentakooks are a good example, mostly just item holders and nothing really else. Same with octo ballers. Most just try to cover large areas of ink with their own, which isn't bad, but feels like most enemies, most don't really do much.

Don't feel like A real army or "Bad guys" (I get its lore point, but from a gameplay view, They feel so incompetent compared to the Octoling soldiers and bosses heck I question why Mr Grizz would choose them over the Salmonoids (I, am glad I am not alone with being disappointed with Splatoon 3 campaign)

(this one is gonna rustle some jimmies, but don't take this the wrong way) The fact is all the Octoling soldiers you fight, use the same model and they all look the same and have no differences. I get it everyone loves the lesbian child soldiers but I think it wouldn't hurt if there was a male model (and there was a male model originally) or at least had different skin tones. (at first, I thought they were all clones, but apparently, they are all different people, I am sorry but I find it hard to believe Marina, agent 8, and Acht were in the same army when they all look the same no matter what rank, including 8 if you make yours a guy and not white) But the fact some have different weapons with different combat styles the elite's only difference is their black hair with seaweed.

I am sorry but when I am shooting trying not to die, I don't know which Octoling is holding which, and the fact it's third person really handicaps my focus. At least the elites have glowing green seaweed but if you removed that, you couldn't tell which one is the elite. I am trying my best to not come across as "There needs to be more boys, girls are icky" but I wish there was more diversity/readability for the Octoling soldiers, I really wish they were the main enemies you fought. If I were to do it. Id make them a mesh between the elites from halo or HECU from black mesa and Zombie Marines from doom the Gunners from fallout 4. There is this mod I have for Black Mesa that adds female/more diverse HECU soldiers. its random every time, but it makes combat/readability so much better. If I am in a combat section with them, I can now easily tell witch ones witch, who is holding witch weapon, witch one is coming to get me and how do I respond.

The elites and Marines from Doom are the perfect example of a "Readability" Zombie marines have a rifle and are slow firing meant to pepper you, the Sargent/shotgun zombies are the upper class meant to keep you aware as one shot at low health and your dead, The chain gunners are the beefy "wake up call" as they have a repeating hit scan attack causing players to be aware of how they move in a area and giving them a target to kill before the other demons. For the new ones "The shock troopers" in the recent expansion "Legacy of Rust" are An upgrade from regular Marines having a plasma rifle attack that they can spam blocking areas and keeping people focused. The gunners from Fallout 4 are not really that special they are just reskinned raiders with a military gimmick, but they provide a good example of the thing Fallout 4 I Like, make every human enemy you fight have a rank/variation, and each gunner though having a template/variation, you feel like you are fighting a skilled solider of that rank and they are unique/different enough, you feel like you're not fighting the same enemy over and over again.

The elites are so barebones and simple, but so effective, in CE, the upper-ranked elites are just a color swap with a weapon change at the top.

This a good video on the topic as it does it better than I can ever do I know these are not the types of games, I assume most splat fans play (I'll provide links and context later on if anyone is interested)

I know that this is a Nintendo game and demographics blah blah blah I'll I'm asking for is little more creativity and I wish that the single-player campaign was given more attention and life as the multiplayer I really think the default campaigns are just not really fun to be honest.

I don't wanna say it's bad or mediocre, as when they have their high points and when you fight the bosses the campaigns start to shine. I say this as a Galaxy fan, but I don't like how they're just islands and feel more like tutorials than actual levels and feel more like cut levels from Mario Galaxy than its own thing.

I am not trying to bring up lore or anything as this is going on long enough and I have a lot to say about the lore.

If you read this far, thank you, know, this is my opinion, and you're not invalid for thinking otherwise, I am just a nerd who likes shooter games and I really like Splatoon, and I feel like it can be even better than it is!

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: you're such a twat Janis: 👊🖕😡 Jimmy: bit rude Janis: what's rude is I'm stuck in biology Jimmy: tell 'em there's nowt they can teach you Jimmy: I've already done it, like Janis: gross Janis: but detention would probably beat this Janis: none of the skeleton army would be in there, at least, even if it's one of the less annoying ones Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: not like getting sent out is any sort of challenge Jimmy: or owt you need me for Jimmy: but I'm here without my muse 💔🎻💔 Janis: school trips are forced fun Janis: but I ain't feeling sorry for you Jimmy: come on Jimmy: gimme a bit Janis: get me something from the gift shop and I'll consider it Janis: #peakromance that Jimmy: duh Jimmy: saved my tips for days Janis: 😍😍😍 Janis: buzzin', love keyrings, me Jimmy: funny that 'cause I've never seen you use a key to get in anywhere Janis: exactly, like serial killer trophies for all the houses I've violated Janis: 😈 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: Seriously though Janis: how wank is it Jimmy: what's the scale? Janis: Hmm, good question, boy Janis: assuming we're talking about quality, let's say best case is that weird thing you did that one time that felt so good you're scared to do it again and become a fulltimedeviantTM and worst case is like finishing in a sock you'd already ruined earlier and forgot about Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: real poet you are Jimmy: gonna steal them words for my tripadvisor review in a bit tah Jimmy: it don't matter I still want you to show your face down here for me Jimmy: 🏃 girl 🏃 Janis: always the way Janis: should be making my own art but full time occupation 'inspiring' you Janis: that said, I don't think your teach is so concerned about your art suffering she'll forget I ain't in her class, like Jimmy: you are art baby Jimmy: can't call it a gallery if you ain't hanging around Jimmy: lots of other knobheads are though, get lost in a crowd and find me, barely a challenge Janis: 🙄 you are ridiculous Janis: but I get it, gotta have me on the wall asap Janis: I am really fucking bored Jimmy: direct quote me when you tweet later 💕 Jimmy: the 1 correction being against the wall Janis: performance art Janis: how bold of you 😏 Jimmy: can't let you stay bored Jimmy: ain't #goals Janis: true Janis: move fast in this place Janis: go away for one day and your 👑 is taken like that Jimmy: good thing you're such an athlete then, babe Janis: say I'm thinking about it Janis: I reckon you'd owe me Janis: more than a keyring, like Jimmy: alright Janis: you must really miss me Jimmy: shut up, I said alright Jimmy: are you thinking about what you want or just how you're getting here? Janis: maybe I wanted you to say you miss me sooooooo much and you've really shit the bed there, mate Jimmy: do you? Janis: you're alright Janis: I'm just getting chucked out Jimmy: 🏆💪 Janis: just saying, if I SOS you now, you've got no out 'cos I'm saving you, yeah Jimmy: weren't gonna say fuck off to an SOS anyway, IOU or nah, was I? Jimmy: not very romantic that Janis: 💕 Janis: always nice to use a bit of coercion and control though, however necessary Janis: keeps it fresh, babe Jimmy: 💌 got it in writing there Jimmy: you're saving me, I'll save you right back Janis: so quotable today, you Janis: you're meant to be all visual Janis: 📷=1000 you know Jimmy: keeping it fresh like you said Jimmy: besides Jimmy: [sends her a pic of a half done done drawing of her he's working on instead of what he's meant to be doing] Jimmy: 🎨 = 1000 euros easy, mate Janis: damn Janis: I'm on my way Janis: you didn't have to be actually talented and cute about it Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: don't run too fast I've gotta finish and stick it up on a bit of blank wall first Janis: I won't Janis: even if I'll admit I have missed seeing your face about here, like Jimmy: it's the accent really Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: paddy lingo gets a bit samey when it's not !!!!!!!!!!!! Janis: yeah, your dulcet tones really do it for me Janis: what can I say? nice not having to pretend I can understand what you're chatting Jimmy: I know but tah for putting it on record Janis: you ain't allowed to put that in any sort of review, soz Jimmy: I won't, you can do better Janis: I'd say thanks for the faith but we all know you're just being cocky Jimmy: don't sound like me that Janis: no? Janis: sorry, who am I speaking to again Jimmy: 👻 lad Jimmy: cause of 💀 that brutal bit of #bants Janis: oh right, casper well can you get someone in here who is a bit cocky Janis: no offense but you're too nice for me, like Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: see what I mean Jimmy: so demanding you Janis: yeah and what Jimmy: not part of the deal, were it? Janis: what wasn't? Jimmy: owt #ungoals Janis: do YOU know who you're talking to rn Jimmy: hang on, I'll get it Jimmy: starts with a J? Janis: 🖕 Janis: dickhead 😏 Jimmy: I do miss you Jimmy: no need to get a big head or make it weird but just Janis: I know Jimmy: do you know now's when you say it back Janis: I said it earlier! Janis: weren't you listening Jimmy: and what you're live tweeting? that character limit'll fuck you every time, gutted Janis: just saying Janis: we're even Janis: but I'll say it again if you want me to win, like Jimmy: how's that work? if you say it again I win Jimmy: it's me that wants to hear it Janis: rude that you want me to lose then Janis: but it don't feel like losing to me so Janis: I missed you Janis: more than I should, I reckon Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: nowt personal Jimmy: and I reckon you miss me the decent amount considering, like Janis: it's cool, I get to be #1 best gf ever and you can read about the shit job you're doing in my subtweets, like Janis: and what was that about not getting a big head? 🤔 Jimmy: do as I say not as I do, girl Jimmy: the northern approach to dating there for yous Janis: how's that worked for you so far Janis: #toosoon? Jimmy: 💔💀💀💔 Jimmy: #savage Janis: just sayin' Janis: don't reckon you should be going to your da for that advice Jimmy: too soon for me to be lining up the next girls who might fall for the looking at 'em instead of the paintings bollocks? Janis: 'course not Janis: got your pick of the art hoes, they'll lap it up Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I'll crack on then Janis: I'll go home then Jimmy: I'll meet you there in a bit then Janis: 😑 Jimmy: it's alright save your enthusiasm for the IRL Janis: you're so annoying Jimmy: 💕 Janis: do you want me there or what 'cos I'm out Jimmy: do you wanna be here or what? Janis: obviously Janis: sounds like a blast Jimmy: so come on Janis: don't be a twat Jimmy: join the fun Janis: awh, you think I'm not always a twat Janis: how sweet Jimmy: you might have a couple of decent mins per day Janis: 💕 Jimmy: [snap] Janis: was about to say can't say the same for you but at least you're funny Janis: 😂 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: soz to break up your suck sesh but already on the bus so Jimmy: she'll be done soon Jimmy: no energy Janis: draining yours boy Jimmy: if she ends up swallowing my soul have a word with your god for me Jimmy: weren't my fault Jimmy: 🤞 she'll spit Janis: that's exactly the kinda sentiment that's keeping you out of heaven Janis: I ain't ruining my chances, soz Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: have to keep badgering you for that 💀 death pact, eh, Juliet Jimmy: doing yourself in still a sin, yeah? Janis: last I checked Janis: he's not doing edits still, like Janis: 'less you wanna join one of those weird ones Jimmy: 👌👍 Jimmy: #datenight is still on 🔥💕 Janis: 😂 Janis: got a whole list to get through Jimmy: [sends her a pic of that drawing of her finished and stuck to the wall cos he's a nerd] Jimmy: just wiped my to do one til you get here Janis: Impressed Janis: but only a few minutes away so don't pat yourself on the back too hard yet Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: why would I when I've got you to do it for me Janis: not what I had in mind but alright Jimmy: gotta keep that one track mind of yours on a heavenly track, babe Jimmy: not gonna be your ruin unless you ask for it Janis: but I don't wanna talk Janis: or pray Jimmy: if you look like you're praying that might get the job done Jimmy: try it Janis: boy Jimmy: What? Janis: I'm trying to focus here Jimmy: if you ain't up for the challenge Janis: shut up Janis: 'course I am Jimmy: don't sound like it Janis: you want me to do it now Janis: I was waiting 'til I got there but alright Jimmy: alright, shut up Janis: not really feeling the randoms on this bus but you know Jimmy: hang on, I'll get the orchestra Janis: got a few stops for someone hot to get on Janis: don't cry for me yet Jimmy: but I'm so close to tears Janis: I'll get you there baby Janis: 💕💔 Jimmy: #ultimategoals Janis: you know it Janis: so 🍀 you Jimmy: [tweets something extra about how lucky he is lol] Jimmy: now they know it an' all Jimmy: so welcome you Janis: 😏 Janis: so whipped too but can keep that between us Jimmy: 👍 Janis: right, coming in, where are you lot so I can avoid Jimmy: I'll do a slow mo run to the entrance Jimmy: 1 sec Janis: if anyone asks, I don't know you Jimmy: kissing strangers is fun, don't blame you Janis: try not to let on that you're that bored already Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: can stay between me and you Janis: can't let the fans down, like Jimmy: [appears and kisses her really dramatically only for the fans tho obvs] Janis: [sure guys lmao] Jimmy: [take your excuse to be really extra boy cos the fans are gonna love this can't deny it] Janis: ['hey, stranger'] Jimmy: [😏 and more kisses because always] Janis: ['come on then' like lead the way so we aren't just in the entrance like hello] Jimmy: [casual hand holding moment obvs he leads her to pose with the drawing cos we can pretend that's for the fans but really he wants it off the wall cos don't think its that good, oh boy I feel you] Janis: [such a proud little nerd face] Jimmy: [lowkey can't look at it or the bae so good thing he's 📷] Janis: [looks at the pics and does a 👍 too] Jimmy: [take the pic down and run to another part of this gallery] Janis: [when you're doing your best serious art appreciation impression looking at all the paintings like 🤔] Jimmy: [just loling at her cos you're already having more fun in these few mins than you have the whole time you've been there so far] Janis: [shushing him dramatically, probably making more noise than his lol 'this is a museum, show some respect'] Jimmy: [giving her a look like make me and saying 'or what?' as standard] Janis: [you know those doublesided benches they always have in the middle, casually pushing him down on that for a lap makeout moment] Jimmy: [such a mood, not soz other visitors] Janis: just getting tuts from the random old people who loiter everywhere in the day lmao] Jimmy: [doing the most to annoy them even more when he hears the disapproval cos 100% that bitch] Janis: Same honestly Janis: like don't test 'em lmao Janis: [] Jimmy: [so well suited you two] Janis: ['can I keep it?' the pic, obvs] Jimmy: [takes it out of his pocket and puts it into hers] Janis: ['big head, like' but really you just like it 'cos he did it] Jimmy: [kisses her on the head 'you can pull it off'] Janis: ['nerd' but kisses him back and it's way more soft than before when she was going in] Jimmy: [we love a soft moment] Janis: ['it's so boring when you're not there...and shit' Jimmy: ['should've taken art' gestures around with an unimpressed face 'never boring that'] Janis: ['I can see' 😏 'well if I knew there was gonna be a hot new boy, OBVIOUSLY I'd have picked different'] Jimmy: ['I get it, even a know it all like you weren't gonna see me coming, that #special, like' but kissing her neck as he says it all cos we both know he thinks she's sooo special bye] Janis: ['Obviously, new boy' #intoit and moving his hands to around her waist] Jimmy: [pulling her closer to him 5ever as he carries on] Janis: ['Okay, okay, I really missed you'] Jimmy: [makes a happy sound because can't not] Janis: [kissing his ear so she can whisper not 'cos she gives a fuck about anyone else here, clearly, but 'cos vulnerable so gotta say it quiet if you're gonna, 'it was like before when I didn't know you, or when you weren't here and I hated it'] Jimmy: [probably can't pull her any closer but tries to and holds her really tightly because not going anywhere and just the softest kisses ever] Janis: [shaking her head like pull yourself together bitch and changing the pace] Jimmy: [going with it cos he gets it being vulnerable is shit and hard]] Jimmy: [I can just imagine some art hoe putting them on her stories like she don't even take art!] Janis: [she doesn't even go here, regardless being like 'come on' 'cos take me somewhere we can actually do this] Jimmy: [should we let them actually leave? cos better option than bathrooms and the point of her showing up has been made] Janis: [why not, live ur dreams kids] Jimmy: [getting in trouble together is their thing] Janis: [hell yeah it is, and being talk of the town #standard] Jimmy: [1000% several art hoes saw them going into the bathroom and we know it] Janis: [gossipy hoes, even if none of the actual squad take it, some of their lesser friends blates do for the fashun vibe] Jimmy: [get in the gift shop after and piss about and shade their art hoe aesthetic] Janis: [all the socials lmao] Jimmy: [he steals her a keyring cos not gonna spend money but she's gotta have one] Janis: [💕 tbh] Jimmy: [now go have some actual fun and alone time kids]

[writterings]

hey im nb/ag and my name is alex but anyway i really want to start T but my family is really, really poor and im guessing my insurance doesn't cover that and im also worried that if i start it I won't like it or something but i want a lower voice and to look less like a girl ffffffff dysphoria is my middle name tbh .,..,., ., .

hey alex, i’m so sorry for answering this late!! i’ve been on mobile literally all day yesterday and today and i felt as though this ask needed a longer answer than i was able to type on my phone. 

anyways! dsyphoria sucks major ass, and if it was a physical thing i would punch it for you. HOWEVER, i do have some advice that could possibly help if you’re interested, and some advice on going on T. 

i’ll put that all below the cut:

T Facts:

first things first, some insurances offer coverage for hormones. i suggest you look into company yours is through and to what extent it goes to (basically just google your insurance company’s name along with “hrt” or something like that, you should find answers pretty quick)

next, T does drastically change your body -- but at a gradual pace. if you see something you don’t like happening, it’ll be pretty easy to quit T and that certain effect should wear off after you stop your use. just be warned, if you do continue T beyond that point, that effect will develop however. 

T can cause cystic acne, hair growth all over your body, and clitoris enlargement (bc a penis is actually an overgrown clit tbh -- but that’s just another story), BUT it can also cause vocal cords thickening for a deeper voice, increased body muscles, and your jaw may become squarer. there are also other side effects -- both good and bad -- and if you’re seriously considering going on T i recommend researching it thoroughly. 

the price of T can range tremendously, especially in regards to what type you get (ex: shots vs pills vs patches). i suggest you research that as well and figure out which form of it would be the best for you considering your family’s situation. 

you typically need a gender therapist/a therapist in general to help get you on T. medical doctors want a note saying yes, indeed, you are trans before they give you any hormones. luck with this many vary. 

****disclaimer: please note i am not on T and have not taken it, i’ve just researched it along with my gender therapist a lot considering i am trying to get on it within the next few months/this school year 

Passing/Kicking Dsyphoria’s Ass/Looking Less Like A Girl:

this part is easier and cheaper than going on T tbh. first things first, you’re going to want to work on your mannerisms. to talk the talk, ya gotta walk the walk pretty much tbh. the things below will help you with the whole “appearing less like a girl” thing:

square your shoulders and stand with them back when you walk. this doesn’t have to be all the time, but it makes you look taller, thinner, and more intimidating. guys tend to walk like this, and it could be good for presenting androgynously for when you’re not exactly presenting as a guy.

when walking, look over people’s heads in the direction you’re going in. they’ll subconsciously get out of your way then. guys tend not to move out of the way for people when they’re about to collide when walking at each other, so this will help

spread your legs when you sit

take up as much space as you want when walking/standing somewhere (without being rude)

don’t look people in the eye as much when you talk to them

shake people’s hands when you meet them. and i mean. all the time. especially if it’s a guy. even if you’ve met them before.

now here’s some fashion advice:

get a binder. a good one. i personally recommend getting a gc2b one, directly off their website and ordering a size above the one you would usually wear in shirts. it WILL make you as relatively flat as you need, but will take some breaking in. their binders are about 30$ so if you need to save up, i seriously recommend investing in them. research the risks of binding, also. 

you don’t need a packer. no one cares that much to check down there.

don’t wear button down shirts unless you’re at a formal event. button down shirts call too much attention to you when you’re someplace casual, and people will stare. because they’re staring at you too long, they’ll stare at the parts they shouldn’t be  and then misgender you as a girl. however, they do think they’re properly gendering you, of course -- cis people pride themselves on figuring out people’s “”””Real”””” genders and then calling them she/he despite how the person is not dressed like a she/he. (and they don’t even consider the person is a “they”)

wear t-shirts instead, and one that’s in your proper size. no baggy Ts. regular, fitting ones are lighter and more form fitting so they make you look more attractive and they call less attention to yourself. don’t worry about your breasts or curves showing if you have them -- if you look androgynous or like a guy enough people won’t question them. (and this is coming from someone with double d breasts who just got called a “he” in walmart despite how i was only wearing a sports bra)

cargo shorts are ugly but literally talk to any guy and he owns like ten pairs. also every butch lesbian friend i have loves them as well. they’re a win if you’re aiming for androgyny/looking more masculine. they also have so many pockets. i recommend cargo shorts. 

wear your pants/shorts below your belly. it’s just a guy thing to do. 

TAKE CARE OF YOUR SHOES!!!! AND GET GOOD ONES!!! you’re agender but i don’t know how much you want to look like a guy, but lemme tell ya guys take GOOD CARE of their shoes. literally, once i started passing as a guy all the dudes at my school starting making fun of my shoes because they were a no-name brand and had holes in them. shoes are important. i can understand if you can’t afford jordans or doc martins (bc i sure as hell cant lol) but just take care of what you got. 

grooming/personal care

don’t shave your legs

let your eyebrows grow out

ditch the bangs. bangs are feminizing. (i recommend a fade away tbh -- they’re pretty androgynous haircuts)

tbh i recommend shaving your pits because they get smelly if you don’t

shave your face. everyone naturally has peach fuzz on their face and teenage boys typically start shaving off whatever they got on them when they reach high school. also, it will start growing in more thicker and faster when you do this, if you want a beard. 

voice

you can actually naturally lower your voice without going on T. 

first, you can try speaking at a lower pitch. this will hurt after you do it for a while so i don’t recommend it too much. 

you can also try vocal exercises to warm up to that. i personally use the “bing-bong-king-kong” method, where i say all those words and go down a pitch on each word, and draw out the syllabels so it’s like “oooooong”

singing along to guy’s part’s in songs and trying to match their pitches actually helps a lot! i hope your a musical fan because trying to do “waving through a window” from dear evan hansen has actually helped me a lot

this link should help you

anyways...that’s all the advice i got! sorry if you weren’t actually looking for advice tho lol. i hope this was able to help in some way. if you ever need someone to talk to, my inbox and DMs are always open. good luck, alex.