#i am glad i finally have a monstera now though. i’ve been wanting one for ages and her pot is pretty nice too

[fleshdyke]

my monstera’s best leaves are drooping too low that they’re just under the windowsill 😐

[awolisgone]

5.15.24 11:07am

I woke up later than i wanted to today. Today and tmmr were gonna be my big packing days, so ill have a couple hours today and then i have to get up early tomorrow to pack all day. Ik i can do it though

I DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT im going to florida for a week???? My plants???? Guess they’ll have to be thirsty for a bit lol. Almost all of them are living in water right now so they’re constantly needing watered cuz they drink whenever they need. My tradescantias drink the most. In all reality i should be watering them every day. It’ll be annoying to pack all of them. I think I’ll wrap all their roots in paper towels to keep them moist and fill my mini just with my plants. Still trying to figure out where I’m gonna put Frank lol (that’s my biggest monstera, he was gifted to me from a professor). He’s my most prized plant cuz he comes with pleasant memories. She insisted i had to talk to him, and she put googly eyes on him before she gave him to me. I love him dearly

Tomorrow’s my last day at work. I’ve been counting the days down since like 10 months or something like that. It’s finally here. I hate this job so much. Ever since they brought in other people to help M and S run the dc, everything went to shit. There’s so much stuff i never should have had to have dealt with that i have at this job. I’ve wanted to leave way before A died, but her being gone makes everything feel wrong. I hope D got convincted, but knowing the legal system, nothing happened. I’m just glad he’s gone. I will never work at a job like this again. Part of it is on me because i stayed so long. I’m just ready to leave

Im so excited to tan. Ive been too busy to even go to the pool (is it open?). I love spending time outside, and I've been too busy this far to even be able to enjoy the nice weather. I have had all the windows and my door open to enjoy how nice it feels outside while I pack though.

I skipped my last therapy appointment. I know what you're saying, random stranger on the internet, "What? Why? Therapy is good for you." And yes, I know, but I've been feeling really good recently actually. I think most of my issue with my mood lately is because of work and just the people that live around here. The actions from my past linger around me, and I can't help but think that everyone hates me, and everyone knows what I've done. To be fair, if that was the case, I think I deserve it. I've been doing a lot better since I really started working on myself in october though. It's been 7 months, and I don't think I've blown up once. Definitely had a meltdown or two or ten lol but those were mostly due to stress. I think part of me wants to get out of here because if i leave where I did all these bad things, and start new, then I'm a new person. But, in reality, I am still that person who hurt all those people. I just hope they can all heal from me. Especially because I'll be gone. I think the other part of me wants to leave because it'll just be a better environment for me in general. I've always wanted to move to the city, and I'm finally doing it (granted, I'll be 15 mins out, but I'll move into an apartment eventually). Plus, the people up there are so kind. They're almost like stereotypical canadian kind lol, but that would make sense since michigan borders canada. I've been thinking about learning french cuz a lot of people on the peninsula are from quebec, or travel to quebec, or know people from quebec. Whatever the reason, a lot of people from michigan speak french, and it's offered in highschools up there for that reason. I might find someone who teaches it independently and pay for classes. Or take language through college, one of the two.

Anyways, enough of my rambling, I need to get packing. Until the next time I need to get stuff off my mind

[lilithsmom]

Plants!

Besides my cat and the occasional adventure my plants are one of the few things that seem to bring any joy these days. I’m not a really intense plant person who has over 100, is always trying weird propagations, uses leca, or even wants crazy difficult plants. I have maybe 50 and I’m very happy with that amount. I love the plants I have. I don’t have a wishlist currently. But what I love to do is talk about my plants. If you come over to my apartment all I want to do is show them off and tell you about them. So that’s what I’m going to do here. I realize I have quite a few plants within the same family so I’ll do a little series showing off the plants of each category.

First up is my favorite group, Peperomia.

This is Jordan. He’s a Peperomia Obtusifolia, also known as Baby Rubberplant. I frequently refer to him as my shining star, my pride & joy, and my favorite. He’s one of the first plants I got. I got him at the Mile High Flea Market’s plant vendor. After buying I split him up into two plants, Jordan and Pippen. Jordan stayed in the apartment on the kitchen table with a western facing window. Pippen came to the office with me. With Covid closing the office I brought Pippen home and the growth difference between the two plants was insane. When I finally started naming my plants these two are my tall guys so I wanted a name that would suit that, Michael Jordan and Scotty Pippen. Jordan has been the plant is always growing. There’s always a new leaf coming in and it’s really helped me when I’ve felt like I was a bad plant parent. This year however is the first year he’s flowered. Those green thin stalks at the top those are the flowers for peperomia. I’m so glad he’s so happy that he’s flowering (truly all of the plants are so happy in this new apartment). He’s also the only plant I have that is in a pot with no drainage holes. When I finally got a diamond drill bit I repotted and added holes to so many pots but I decided against doing that to Jordan because he’s doing so well and I don’t want to disturb him. That’s still the case and until I see him not doing so well I will take him out and add holes. I am extra careful of his watering though because of this. But whatever it is I am doing it is working and I adore Jordan so much.

This is Pippen. I’ve given his back story with Jordan’s since they are twins. Pippen did okay in the office but once I brought him home he’s grown so much in the last year. I have to get him a trellis like Jordan now that he’s gotten so tall. I currently have him attached to a chopstick that’s taped to the plant bench just so he stays up. Peperomia are generally trailing plants in the wild so these guys want to fall over but I am too in love with their height as they grow. They don’t have aerial roots like philodendron or monstera so when I put them on a trellis I have to keep them tied up. I recently repotted him since he was in a pot that was feeling way too small for his height. Peperomia have tiny root systems so he wasn’t root bound but his base couldn’t support his height. Pippen hasn’t gotten the flowering memo like Jordan but he’s still a gorgeous boy.

This is Lindsey. Named afternoon Lohan because she too is a hot mess. I got Lindsey from a random Lowe’s one night when I just wanted a new plant and wasn’t aware of the great local plant stores in Denver yet. She wasn’t doing well and I knew that but I had hope for her since she’s also a Peperomia Obtusifolia, but the variegated variety. For the longest time she wasn’t growing but she also wasn’t losing leaves so I didn’t give up on her. Finally one day I saw new growth coming in and now she has so many new leaves. She’s dropped some older leaves which was expected now that there’s new growth. She’s still very short compared to Jordan and Pippen but that’s fine, she’s on her own journey.

This is Cheese. He is also a variegated Peperomia Obtusifolia. I got him from IKEA. I didn’t want a plant, I didn’t want to support big box stores plant sales, but look at that adorable variegation. I hadn’t seen anything like it before and he was $3. Cheese got the memo with Jordan about flowering which is great since I’ve only had him maybe two months so I’m glad he’s happy. Can’t wait to watch him grow.

This is Darcey. Named after D’Arcy Carden from The Good Place. She is a Peperomia Caperata Silver (Frost). I got her from RitualCravt. She’s a different kind of Peperomia than the rest where she’s more tropical and requires more frequent watering. I accidentally did some damage to her roots while repotting her a while back and she lost a lot of leaves. I decided to put her in water for awhile to let the roots grow and in the water she flowered for the first time. It was incredible to see and now that she’s back in soil she’s flowering again. She’s in the pot I made out of clay to sit in the skull ashtray Jesse’s mom gave me for Christmas.

Last but certainly not least, its Peach! She’s a Peperomia Incana. She’s the most “rare” plant I have. I never heard of Incanas until I was watching a plant Youtuber’s video about uncommon plants they love or something like that and immediately fell in love. I have never seen one in stores so I ordered her off Etsy. They’re just like Obtusifolia but they have fuzzy leaves (hence naming her Peach). They are the more succulent variety of Peperomia so I made sure to put her in well draining soil and I give her plenty of light, which she loves and has grown quite a bit since I got her in March. I love her shape so much, the two branches growing in almost opposite directions, so gorgeous. I’m truly obsessed with her.

That’s it for my Peperomias! I do want to grow my collection of them so maybe in the future you’ll see more but for now that’s it.

[mnthpprt]

Chapter 38: Nocturnal

[Am I procrastinating by writing yet another chapter? Yes I am. Pls send help.]

I wake up only a couple hours later to find Arthur is gone. He must have gone back to write in is room. I don something comfortable and pick up my blood soaked clothes from the bathroom floor to wash them. Though Sebastian knows what I did, I don’t want to wake him up in the middle of the night for this. He has done enough already, and I can deal with the stains myself.

I fetch a bucket and a jar of salt from the kitchen and bring it back to my bedroom before filling it with cold water. I then proceed to scrub as much as I can off the clothes inside the shower, using a thick salt paste, and when the water stops running red, I lather them in soap and leave them to soak in the bucket. The stains are fairly fresh, so hopefully they will come out in a day or two.

After drying myself off, I leave to aimlessly roam around the mansion. I need to do something, anything, to keep my mind occupied. I eventually end up in the attic, crawling onto the roof through the dormer window. I am pleased to find Jean is there. I don’t think I could handle being alone with my thoughts.

“Mind if I join you?” I ask, knocking on the window frame. Jean turns to glance at me before shuffling over, making space for me beside him on the edge. “This is becoming a habit, huh?”

“It’s not one I’m opposed to,” he shrugs. I light a cigarillo, and he looks at it disapprovingly. “Unlike that one.”

“Sorry.” Before I can smother the flame on the roof tiles, he holds my hand to stop me.

“I was joking...” he mutters. “I don’t mind if you smoke.”

I... did not think Jean had a sense of humor. His is a lot like Mozart’s, I think, in the sense that it’s hard to tell when they’re kidding. I chuckle and look up at the sky. The sun is still nowhere near the horizon. It must be around 3 in the morning.

After exhaling a cloud of smoke, I glance at Jean to notice him staring at my arm. My sleeves are still rolled up from the laundry, and most of my tattoos are fully exposed.

“Is that some sort of plant?” he shyly asks. I nod.

“A monstera adansonii. I used to work in a flower shop, and this is my favorite plant that we sold,” I explain. Though it is commonly referred to as ‘Swiss cheese plant’, the holes on its leaves have always reminded me of the craters on the moon.

“I own a shop too,” he quietly informs me, catching me by surprise. “I sell weapons.”

“Sounds about right,” I chuckle. His fascination with the objects is evident in his bedroom. “Do you make them yourself?”

“Only some of them. I mostly just make slight alterations.”

“Must be a lot of work, if you also own the place,” I ponder out loud. “No wonder I rarely see you during the day, you must be so busy.”

“Napoleon helps me with the paperwork. I wouldn’t be able to manage without him.” I tilt my head, wondering what he means by that. “I, uh... I can’t read or write,” he explains.

“Oh.” It makes sense, given the time that he lived in. Most people back then were illiterate. I open my mouth when a thought occurs to me, but quickly close it and sink down against the chimney, resigned.

“What is it?”

“I was going to offer to teach you, but I’m not much better off myself,” I chuckle. “I could not spell in French if my life depended on it. I can kind of read it, though. That, I might be able to help you with.”

“... Thank you,” he murmurs after a brief pause, before turning to look at me with his good eye. “I am glad that you are staying here, Anaïs.”

“Yeah, about that...” I mutter. “I think I understand how you felt that night. These baby vampire impulses are... a bit too much to handle. It’s rough.”

Jean nods slowly and looks away from me, as if thinking about something. When he finally speaks again, his voice is even softer than usual.

“You slipped, didn’t you?” His unexpected question makes me tense beside him. I guess he feels it, because he continues. “I was up here when you came back. I saw you.”

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” I sigh. “It was bad. I mean, it was self defence, but that doesn’t make it any less awful...”

“It does,” he declares. “Do you think that person would have died if they hadn’t attacked you?”

“Not really, but-”

“Then they deserved it and their blood is not on your hands,” he cuts me off. “Not literally, at least.”

I hadn’t thought of it that way. The logic in his argument is not exactly airtight, but it’s better than blaming myself for what I did. I helped Jean hate himself a little less, it’s time to let him do the same for me. Satisfied with my new mindset, I bring the cigarillo to my lips and inhale a deep puff.

“... People,” I finally correct him after I blow out the smoke. He looks at me, confusion in his ocean blue eye. “There were two people.”

“And you took them down on your own?” he inquires. I shrug. It’s not exactly something I’m proud of. “Impressive. I didn’t think a frail little woman like you could defeat one, even as a vampire.”

“Hey, I’m stronger than I look,” I laugh. I am still not sure whether he was teasing me or not, but I chose to take it that way. He looks at me before shaking his head.

“Nah, I don’t believe that.” Yeah, he is definitely messing with me this time.

“I am, I swear!” I play along, gently smacking his muscular arm. “Wanna take this to the training room?”

Instead of replying, he gets up and offers me his hand. I take it, letting him effortlessly pull me to my feet, and follow him back inside.

“You know,” I say on the way there, “I’ve been wanting to learn how to fight properly for a while. Ever since I saw you and Napoleon on my first day here.”

“How about I teach you that, and you teach me how to read?” he suggests. I smile.

“I’ll do my best.”

When we enter the training room, Jean turns the switch on the wall, making the lights turn on with a flicker. I wonder how he feels about all this new technology, so unfamiliar to him. He seems to have gotten somewhat used to electricity and running water, at least. Although I’m pretty sure his brain would implode if he saw the things that are common in my time.

He exchanges his rapier for a wooden version of it he takes from the rack in the corner, and hands me another one, identical to his. It’s heavier than I expected. I hold it between my thighs to tie my hair up as Jean expertly waves his sword around with a flourish, getting accustomed to the different handle in his hand. What did I just get myself into? Whatever it is, it’s going to be fun.

“En garde!” He takes a stance, and I try to mimic it, but my thin right arm is unused to the weight of the weapon, so my left hand instinctually joins to support it. “No, use only one hand,” he instructs. “Like this.”

I am surprised to see I can easily hold it up once I get past the mental barrier of what my human body was capable of. I am stronger and more resilient than I have ever been, though I think I’ll need some time to get used to that.

“Alright, I’m going to attack now. Try to block it,” he warns be before lunging forward and thrusting his sword towards my stomach. The movement is deliberately slow to give me time to deflect it, which I successfully do. 

He slashes at me again, stepping closer. I push his sword to the side with my own, but it comes back in full force. I barely manage to block it this time, reeling backwards.

“Focus,” he orders me. “There is more than one way to avoid being hit.”

I nod, taking the hint. When he attacks again, I am quick to dodge his sword, focusing on agility rather than strength. While I struggled significantly to parry Jean’s hits, I can effortlessly jump and twist out of the way without ever having to lift my own sword. His movements accelerate, and I follow along, resulting in a graceful dance between us. It reminds me of waltz with Mozart, how he had spun me around the ballroom until my vision blurred and I struggled to keep up with his quick footwork.

“Ow!” I cry out in pain when Jean’s sword hits my hand, right on my knuckles.

“Désolé! (Sorry)” he apologizes, lowering his weapon. “Not bad, Anaïs. How come you’re so fast? You’ve never trained before.”

I simply point at my skates across the room, the red suede boots having become part of the training room’s vast collection of equipment over time. I started leaving them here, on the floor near a corner, when I realized I could never use them outside of the mansion.

“When you’re falling from a triple spin in the air, you gotta be quick or you end up breaking your leg, or something,” I chuckle. Jean nods, his eyebrows raised, as if he just considered that possibility for the first time. He probably did, but to be fair, he has been watching me skate for a month now. He should know better.

I slowly flex my fingers over the sword’s handle, but wince in pain when I try to move my pinky. It’s too sore for me to continue training.

“Are you hurt?” Jean asks, concerned. I shake my head.

“I’ll be fine, it’s just my pinky,” I brush it off. “It will be healed in a day or so.”

“We should continue another day, then.”

I want to argue, but he’s right. I can barely hold the sword straight. My pinky might have taken the brunt of it, but the dull ache expands through my entire hand.

“Okay, but I’m gonna skate instead, if you don’t mind,” I finally give in, walking to ‘my’ corner of the room, before kicking my shoes off. “I have way too much energy. I fear I’ll end up eating someone again if I don’t get rid of it somehow.”

As I struggle to tie my laces with a semi-numb hand, I remember something. I look up at Jean and stare at him for a few seconds before voicing my thoughts.

“Do you know any songs?”

“Yes, why?” he asks, confused.

“My headphones are dead.”

“Headphones?” He sits on the floor beside me and tilts his head.

“Yeah, you know those little things I wear in my ears sometimes?” I remind him. “They play music. And, well, it’s kinda weird for me to skate without music, so I was wondering if you could sing something...”

“Did I accidentally hit your head?”

I snort at his genuine question. Of course, he seems even more confused by my explanation. It is then that I remember my phone still works. I turned it off after my first night here to preserve the battery. It must be in my room somewhere, along with my wireless earplugs.

“Wait here,” I tell him, quickly pulling off my skates. “I’m just gonna show you. I’ll be right back.”

That said, I jump up and run barefoot out of the training room. I have no idea how I’m gonna explain this to Jean without him thinking it’s witchcraft, but it might be better if I just let him see it for himself.