#i am horrid at this graphic design thing. save me !!!!

[brainrotisseriechicken]

what if death mark was actually named freak mark and instead of

. ignore that i made a yashiki poster for cf

[calliecat93]

ST: TNG S6 Watchthrough Episodes 2-5

Realm of Fear: Barclay’s back! So this time, our favorite anxious officer is dealing with a fear of transporters. Oh good, it’s not just a trait unique to the CMO’s! But seriously, I fully understand Barclay’s (and by proxy McCoy and Pulaski’s) fear of the things though especially with all the incidents we’ve seen with transporters in both series. I mean just a few episodes ago Geordi and Ro essentially became ghosts! But hey Barclay can eventually go through with it… but during the beam back, he sees some kind of lifeform within it. The poor man just cannot catch a break in any of these episodes! He’s convinced that he’s losing it and may have transporter psychosis, a condition that essentially causes hallucinations. Which him asking the computer about it… wow THAT scene aged incredibly well cause let’s face it, we’ve ALL read medical descriptions online and jumped to the conclusion that we had a serious illness without any actual professional conformation. It honestly makes the episode insanely relatable with Barclay’s anxiety, fearing that he has some kind of serious condition, trying to deal with the issue without seeking help which just makes it worst, and just being a walking bundle of nerves… well, more than usual. I… was actually in such a state not too long ago and am lucky to have a therapist mother who calmed me down, so needless to say he hit me like a lead balloon. I do like that once Barclay does come forward about it, the others take it seriously. Picard even notes that considering everything else, a lifeform in the transporter beam is very much a plausible problem that should be looked into. So I guess the lesson here is that if you’re concerned about something or fear that something is wrong with you, get help. But yeah, good episode! I think it’s my favorite Barclay episode~! Plus he got to save the day in the end, good job buddy~! 3.5/5.

Man of the People: Troi is in love… again. Okay, not that I’m against romance, but do we have to do this as frequently as ST does it when we know it’s not gonna last?! Anyways, we have a negotiator, Alkar, and his elderly, very overprotective mother. Troi and Alkar start flirting… but then the mother dies, and Troi begins undergoing some changes. Not only is she becoming more rapidly negative, possessive and clingy towards Alkar, and outright violent, but she starts aging rapidly. It’s pretty much the aging disease from Unnatural Selection combined with the plot of Violations. So yeah, it’s another ’victimize Troi’ plot because we were just dying for more of that! Seriously, can the show just be nice to her already?! But yeah, Alkar is horrible. The reason Troi is acting this way is because he transmitted his negative emotions into her just like he did his ‘mother’ (who is actually a woman he previously did this to) and comes off just as horrid as the bad guy in Violations. While I hate how they keep doing crap like this to Troi, it is disturbing to see her act so completely unlike herself. She’s usually such a nice, comforting, cheerful person and to see her so spiteful, mean-spirited, and vicious even towards her patients is just… so wrong. Fortunately, Alkar got what was coming to him and Crusher manages to save Troi, which thank goodness that they allowed Crusher to be awesome at least. The episode is overall fine. It certainly freaked me out and there’s a message in there about monsters like Alkar who seem all nice but is actually a terrible person who has killed multiple women. That’s certainly still relevant and Picard calling Alkar out is very satisfying especially when he tries using the greater good as an excuse. It’s what helps me not rate this lower than I do… I just wish that they’d quit using Troi as the designated victim and just treat her better whenever she’s in focus. She deserves better. 3/5.

Relics: IT’S SCOTTY! OH MY GOD!!! So Scotty ended up stuck in a transport beam for 75 years... yes, really. But yeah, the TNG crew bring him out of it so he gets to see the Enterprise-D. It’s actually kinda nice since Spock’s guest appearance keeps him on Romulus and while McCoy did go onto the ship (or at least to Sickbay) in his cameo, that was off-screen... kinda sucks that he only got two minutes while Scotty got a full episode and Spock a two-parter tbh. Ah well. There’s also a continuity error cause Scotty assumed that Kirk sent the Enterprise after him... even though he knows that Kirk ‘died’ cause he was there when it happened in Generations. I guess tbf that hadn’t been planned yet and we can just say his brain is scrambled from being in a transporter beam for 70+ years, but still. Because of those said 70+ years, Scotty is completely out of touch with the changed times, and his engineering expertise and knowledge are decades out of date. It’s really just… sad. He wants to help and tries to get used to the way things are, but you can tell that he’s having a hard time with it. He feels like… well, a relic of the past. Especially when he goes into the Holodeck and brings up the image of the TOS Bridge and they used the TOS score, that was just… damn. Seeing it but it being utterly empty as Scotty wanders around and toasts to his old friends, just perfect execution. Heck seeing Picard on the TOS bridge was such a nice image~! This was such a joy to watch. I know that James Doohan had probably just come off The Undiscovered Country so getting back into Scotty likely wasn't hard, but still. He got much, much more than he ever did in either the show or the films tbh and he did an excellent job and I just feel so bad for Scotty throughout. Thankfully he got to prove that he’s very much still got it and a renewed sense of worth, free to explore the galaxy. His interaxtions with geordi were also good and truly feels like a nice, long overdue pasisng the torch moment that Geordi deserved. It was such a great episode and f was so respectful towards TOS as well, showing that despite its age, it is very much still valuable. That is the kind of respect that I appreciate in reboots/spin-offs so thank you TNG. 5/5.

Schisms: Riker is having sleep problems. He can’t fall asleep at night, falls asleep at impromptu times, and still feels tired afterward. It’s okay buddy, I go through that constantly. But more strangeness happens as incidents like Geordi’s VISOR shorting out occurs and many of the crew find that they have an hour gap in their memories, including Data. So what’s going on? As it turns out… alien abduction. Yes, really. Various crew members have been captured/tested by aliens and poofed back as though nothing happened, but with repressed memories such as laying on a surgical table. It kind of reminds me of Conspiracy where we have an alien race plotting who knows what and we get no real resolution concerning them in the end, though like with that one I think that the ambiguousness actually makes the whole thing scarier. Oh and we also don’t have the possession plot and the graphic bits. So it was overall good. Freaky for sure especially with reveals like Riker’s arm got amputated then reattached and he can’t remember any of it. Not much else to say tbh other than that it’s solid. Also loved Data’s poetry, you keep expressing yourself and your love for your cat buddy~! 3/5.

[artyrogue]

Blind Date Gaming: Bugs Bunny Collection

There was a time when Looney Tunes were like one of the staples of cartoons. They acted as an inspiration to other illustrators and paved the way for many of the cartoons we know today. As such, it's easy to understand why they were used in so many video games back in the old times. Nowadays they are more or less relinquished for cash grabs like the new Space Jam movie, but in the past...wait no, they were still cash grabs! Crud! There go my debate points on nostalgia! Well, I guess I at least have a case in point: meet today's blind date, Bugs Bunny Collection.

As it would turn out, this is a Japanese game that combines the thrilling action of a game just called 'Bugs Bunny' and its sequel with a clearly obvious name, 'Crazy Castle II'.

Man, the thumbnails look like they were the TI-83 calculator versions of the games

Oh-ho! A double date! Well, I'm not sure if dating the same-ish game twice counts as a double or not, but who cares! Semantics! Let's start with 'Bugs Bunny'. It's vague enough to be about nearly anything! Does it have to do with anvils? Outsmarting hunters? Understanding correct Google Maps directions to Albuquerque? Only one way to find out!

ok it's hotel mario

In a nutshell, you collect carrots by navigating doors, stairs, and pipes, avoiding enemies and using sparse attacking powerups to defend yourself. Out of a nutshell...uhhh...that's really it. There's no clever additions to the levels to spice things up or anything. About the only changes you get in the game is the count of Looney-Tune-themed enemies that want to walk into you. And sometimes that number is a ridiculous slap in the face (and I ain't talking slapstick, Looney-Tunes-type of slap).

Cats...cats everywhere

You can't tell from screenshots, but the controls are horrid. If you start to move down a staircase, you MUST walk down to the bottom. This makes avoiding foes your main issue. You can try to fight some enemies, but attack powerups are rare and the random items you can push into or onto them to defeat them are usually put in dumb locations that really don't foster their use. Enemies will stand still or gravitate back and forth without changing strategies. That sounds manageable, but they will stand still atop a pipe you need to go up, or other times they will refuse to go down pipes, blocking you off from a carrot you need to finish the level. Oh, and one hit and you die. One level had me racing to get a specific carrot before an enemy went up a specific pipe, as he would be stuck forever up there on a 2-tile wide platform. The saving grace for most of the game is that you can, for whatever logical reason, enter a pipe at the same time as an enemy and navigate through without getting hurt. You'll be using the pipe invincibility to avoid a lot of enemies, so get used to watching slow pipe bulges a lot. (That sentence sounds so gross...)

I'm sure there's some lame pun about getting a hare clog in these pipes, but I am plumb out of good puns

So there are 80 levels of this boring, mind-numbing game with shoddy controls and crappy music. And I, like an absolute goon, sat through them all. Some were ridiculously hard, most were simple. Difficulty wasn't linear either, because of course it wasn't! The cherry on top, though, was the lackluster ending that captured my sentiments of this game perfectly:

Brings tears to my eye. And like I mean that I am crying because I want those 2 hours of my life back, dangit

Ugh. Anyway. Let's go to the next! Maybe the programmers learned from their mistakes and improved their formula for Cah-razy Castle part deux!

This one has a story and cutscenes! Far as I can tell, a big doofy-looking witch kidnapped a duplicate of Bugs in drag and locked her in a castle that really doesn't look particularly crazy to me. False advertising, man. Nothing wacky here, just like ring the doorbell and ask to see her gas meter, then find your femme self and bolt! Well, you WOULD, but the navigation of this castle is apparently bloody terrible.

This looks like a really intense DDR song

Luckily, the programming is a bit better this time for movement, and the graphics look a bit better. The core gameplay...well, it's exactly the same. Okay, you can now cross ropes, use a couple new tools to traverse the map, and utilize jump and warp pads to get around, but you still go in doors, avoid walking enemies, use pipes, and collect junk to finish levels. This time, it's keys instead of carrots (because this witch has like 200 different locks on her doors?). Attacking items are more plentiful now, too, and there are FAR fewer levels. So at least there are better experiences somewhere, right? So we good now?

This castle would never get past any house reseller's inspection with a plumbing layout like that

Of course not! Things are still repetitive. The programming is still clunky at times, like when controlling jump pads (which either launch you into space or gently set you 2 block above your position...on the same jump pad). Enemy AI is still atrocious. The icing on the stale, store-bought red velvet cake is the amazing glitch I somehow triggered that replaced the typical non-skippable 20-second clip of Bugs walking slowly to a door that plays after you beat a level with fragments of his head shooting into the sky like fireworks. Now, that would actually be an entertainment upgrade, but all fun halts since the game was caught in some infinite loop, essentially locking me on the end level screen.

I think I found more than 13 bugs here, fellas

So, I figured I'd earned a break after getting an acme-sized headache from these dumb games and just looked up the password to the last level. It wasn't too bad, actually kind of fun, but still had no new features. However! There was another level afterward, and it was a boss fight! You get to shoot arrows at Gruntilda,but man is she cheap. She's invincible most of the time and clips through walls faster'n Wile E. Coyote.

I feel like that's bad broom posture, but whatever. You look like the mayor from Nightmare Before Christmas.

After some rough-ups, I finally nailed her and got a much better ending than the first game. Though like I still don't know who this love interest is? Also, why are there 2 Cupids, and why do they aim like my teammates in Overwatch? It's cool, it looks like Bugs'll get to go on a date of his own after this one. Take her to Crazy White Castle or something.

I like to think Bugs is actually just doing some soul-trapping stare into the eyes of this poor female rabbit while doing some creepy heavy breathing and profuse sweating

Well dang. That was a big ol' adventure, one that I wish I purge from my mind. I'm actually one of the potentially few people who love collectathon-like games (which I guess this one counts as?), but like...please put the collecting in a decently coded and paced game. The lack of building game mechanics, poor controls, boring level design, and overall shoddiness makes me not want to go on a second date with Bugs here again. Although I know of at least one more Game Boy Looney Tunes game, so no escape here. The corporate overlords demand more money! And you should demand this Sprite of Passage for surviving through my whiny rant on a cruddy 90's portable video game!

someone get that catatonic cat a tonic

[katsitting]

AN: This is my volunteer contribution to the Tomarry Dark Spring Exchange for @darklordtomarry! I saw someone else volunteered and even picked the same prompt! Well, I was already 10k words in so I hope I am not stepping on toes for posting it. Also, because this fic is 56 pages, I will be posting the rest on AO3 and will tag the link accordingly!

I hope you love it as much as I loved writing it :)

Warnings: Graphic depiction of Violence, Gore, Explicit Torture, Manipulation, Character Death

-----------

Harry scrunched his nose when the strong smell of mildew hit him, the stench enough to draw an unwilling sneeze from Harry as he maneuvered his way through the cluttered space. It should not surprise him that the room was in such a state, there was a reason it was called the Room of Hidden Things in the first place.

He could see the towers of junk dwarfing him in their grandeur, sturdy despite the obvious wear and tear of some of the pieces. He could see where moths had eaten through some of the fabric, where termites had nibbled their way into the wooden frames of some dressers he passed as he moved. But it was not at all surprising that the mounds of lost things managed to keep themselves together. It seemed that there was little magic could not do―even for items long since abandoned and forgotten by their owners.

There was something about being lost among these items that gave Harry some sort of peace. Sure, it was chaotic and smelled rather offensive to his nose most of the time, but this room was one of the many that Harry visited when he needed time to himself.

He had found the room when he had been stuck in a particularly prickly situation―out past curfew and Professor Snape hot on his heels. Harry had made the mistake of taking Malfoy at his word when they had agreed to settle their score in the Trophy Room. Only to find that the slimey professor had been waiting there instead of the equally as slimey student of his.

It was a miracle in and of itself that Harry had managed to survive that chase unscathed, but he had lived to tell the tale.

He was quite the survivor when he put his mind to it.

Harry turned his attention back to the bleak room, noting that the room had not changed since the last time he had been there. The same items were still piled on top of one another. The more valuable ones, still very much neglected, but tucked away in their own corners.

The sight of the chaos of the room should have been enough to deter Harry from coming back, but really, it was just so bloody cool and he had the room all to himself really. He had mulled over the idea of telling Ron and Hermione about it, but knowing Hermione, she would most likely tell a professor about his find. He loved her, truly, but she was too by the book at times. It was near impossible to pry her away from her books and from the framework of rules she clung furiously to.

Harry could have told Ron, but Ron was horrid at keeping secrets. The ginger-haired boy tended to shove his foot in his mouth more often than not―so much worse than Harry when was stuck in the same room with Malfoy.

So it was really only Harry’s secret room, even if the room was not ideal.

He paused when he saw something flash at him from a tight corner, the light forcing him to blink furiously to melt away the spots that danced across his vision. Harry was not used to things flashing at him from the dim light of the room―the few once pretty trinkets were so tarnished from disuse that Harry had yet to see anything glimmer.

Until now.

It was curious that there was something in there that still had some light to it, and like a moth to a flame, Harry chased after the source. He almost tripped in his haste to reach it, eager to learn just what the object could be.

After tripping countlessly over some small piles of clutter on the floor, Harry was finally rewarded with the source of the light.

He stood before a flat square object, the width and length of it so grand that Harry had to step back for a moment to take it in completely. It was hidden underneath a gray rag, but there was no mistaking that this was the source. Harry could make out something glittering through the moth eaten holes in the fabric, and he tried to breathe in deeply to calm the excitement he was feeling. He could see something smooth and clear from behind one of the larger holes, and it was with great eagerness that Harry finally tore the offending fabric away from the object of his desire.

He did not know what he was expecting when he unveiled the object, but it was definitely not a mirror. Harry was frozen with disbelief, annoyance quickly overtaking him when he realized he’d almost killed himself tripping over rubbish for a mirror.

Nice job, Harry.

Though admittedly, the mirror was rather beautiful. Its frame looked sturdy, the patterns carved into the wood intricate and unlike anything Harry had ever seen before. He was familiar with runes after spending years training in Hogwarts, but none of those symbols were engraved into the wood―the patterns looked more like squiggles than an actual design. Harry could not help reaching out to touch them, a jolt of something shooting up his arms where his fingers made contact with the mirror.

It felt smooth to the touch, the varnish relatively intact despite how old the mirror had to be. Everything in the Room of Hidden Things looked like it was ready to break to pieces, to melt into tiny puddles of sand if it were breathed on too harshly. But this mirror was nothing like any of the other items in the room.

When Harry tore his gaze away from the carvings on the wood, he was met with his own reflection in the glass. Not a speck of dust to be found.

The glass was immaculate. As if decay was not permitted to touch it.

It made him pause, unsure and pensive as to how this particular piece was left untouched by the atrophy that had consumed every other thing in the room. Golden lanterns and silver jewelry had all been made the home of tenacious bugs and vermin―forgotten by owners long since dead, but not abandoned by the whims of decay.

But the mirror was unspoiled, radiating a kind of elegance that made Harry’s lungs feel tight with awe.

Harry was seized immediately by curiosity, his fingers reaching to touch the glass. He didn’t care that he was most likely going to smudge his dirty fingers on the glass. It was a habit his mother often chastised him for when he could not resist sticking his fingers on all the pretty things at the markets. It was a dangerous habit―one he should have kept in check after one of the girls his year had been cursed when she had found a beautiful necklace. But he could not help himself, there was just something about the mirror that spoke to him.

He sighed at how cold the surface felt against his fingers, the ice of it chilling him to his core. But it did not deter him despite it.

His hand grew numb from the frigidness, but it was hardly a concern for Harry. No one could come upon him and see him touching the mirror. This was a private moment for him to satisfy his own curiosity. And give in to the strange compulsion squirming in his gut.

“Harry.”

The boy jumped, snatching his hand quickly away from the mirror to survey just where in the room the voice had come from. Harry was sure he had been alone; no one knew about the room, save himself. He was absolutely sure of it.

He was tempted to search the room to uncover just where he heard the voice, but there was a nagging in the back of his mind that begged him to remain where he was. It was that strange sensation again, a tingling that reminded him that there was something of interest behind him that he should be more interested in than who could possibly be in the room.

Harry waited with baited breath for the voice to speak again. But the seconds that Harry waited stretched to minutes, and those minutes stretched to an indeterminable amount of time without a single sound. Harry was wary of the room now, distrustful even of the space he had only moments before been savoring.

It left a bad taste in his mouth, but something had said his name.

It was with great reluctance that Harry turned his attention back to the mirror, his own reflection staring back into his own. Harry could see the suspicion in his own eyes, a tenseness to his shoulders that had not been there moments prior.

Harry was afraid to admit that he was unsettled, but he refused to let it show. To let the voice in his mind dictate how he should conduct himself.

Nothing could be dangerous here. Dumbledore had made sure of it when he had defeated Grindelwald and saved the wizarding world from chaos. It only made sense that his protection would extend to the school as well.

Though Harry was not sure that also applied to hidden rooms too.

But that did not mean that Harry was going to leave.

Harry reached out once more, pressing his fingers against the glass as he had been earlier. It still felt cold, but it was somehow warmer? Harry knew there was something different this time, his fingers still felt numb, but the glass was not a glacier.

“That’s odd…”Harry murmured to himself, concentrating on the room reflected by the glass rather than himself. Everything looked the same.

It made Harry wonder if the mirror was somehow enchanted. It had to be if time refused to touch it. In some way, all of the items in the room were magic, so it only made sense that this mirror would retain its own glamour too.

But what kind of power could it have?

“Is there a particular reason you are touching me so? It is quite rude.” Harry froze, snatching his hand back as if he’d been burned. There was nothing reflected in the mirror, but Harry was quite sure he had heard something speak from it. The tone had been soft, curious even, but not one Harry had ever heard before.

“...You can talk.” Harry managed to choke out, but only just. Looking for some sort of person behind the glass, to see his own self speak to him as the enchanted mirrors in Hogwarts often did. Except he had complete control of his own reflection and there was nothing in the clutter reflected that revealed anyone else.

Harry was alone. Or at least, he seemed to be.

After a long pause, the mirror spoke again. It felt like it was trying to gather enough to strength to speak.

“…yes. It has been a long time since I have had the strength. You are the first person to come across me since I came to be here.”

Harry pursued his lips at that, drinking in the rich sound of the man’s voice. It was beautiful, almost like a melody Harry had long forgotten. It was odd though, because Harry was sure he had never heard this voice before, in both his time in Hogwarts and on the radio.

“How did you come to be here?” Harry was curious, plopping his arse on the dirty floor to wait for the mirror to speak. He wanted to hear its story, charmed by the idea of an object somehow retaining some sort of sentiency.

He faintly recalled the warnings of his own parents when he was a young boy, even of the Weasley’s, urging him to steer clear of objects that seemed autonomous. Very rarely did good things come out of it, but what his parents didn’t know would not hurt them.

The mirror was silent for a moment, just as it had been earlier when it answered, before the rich sound from it came again. Harry wanted to close his eyes to listen, but he refrained. It was embarrassing how a voice could make him feel so at peace and intrigued.

What would Ron say to that? Harry almost snorted at that thought.

“…I used to be a student just like you. I had dreams and aspirations. Plans prepared for when I would graduate and set out to explore the world…” Harry’s breath hitched at how sad the voice sounded, the melancholy clinging onto him like a second skin. The mirror had grown silent, but Harry somehow knew that the mirror was not finished telling its tale.

“…I was an avid scholar. I wanted to learn the secrets of the world. But then, I made a mistake when conducting one of the many experiments I did in pursuit of knowledge.” Harry listened avidly, drinking in the words as they were said. He did not understand why he felt so empathetic. It was almost as if he himself had been trapped in the mirror, his own dreams crushed through no will of his own.

“The experiment went wrong. And I somehow ended up here, in this mirror. No one knew I was here…this room was my haven from the prying eyes of my peers.” The mirror’s voice sounded strained at the end his phrase, and Harry felt an unexplainable fear coil in his gut at the prospect of the voice never speaking again. “Lost… forgotten. Until you found me.”

The voice sounded happy then, and Harry could not help smiling in response. Harry was surprised at how much he wanted to help the mirror then. He didn’t know a single thing about this sort of magic, but he had to help. He couldn’t just leave this person trapped in the mirror for Merlin knows how long. He steeled himself for the difficult task and sat up from the floor, careful not to touch the mirror after being admonished for it earlier.

“I’ll help you get out of there.”

Harry spoke with conviction, his eyes staring into the mirror as if to convey just how readily he’d act. He could not help that he was a bleeding heart, often picked on by the Slytherins for his habit of helping those in need. His parents had taught him the importance of helping others, and this mirror was not any different than Neville when Snape was particularly cruel to him.

There was no ifs, ands, or buts. He was going to help even if the mirror did not want it.

“…you would help a perfect stranger? I could be dangerous.” The voice sounded almost amused, and Harry grimaced at the wisdom in the mirror’s comment.

“Stranger or not, you need my help! I can’t just leave you like this.” Harry was stubborn, lifting his chin despite the likelihood that the mirror could not actually see the gesture. “You used to be a person, I'm sure there is a way to bring you back.”

The mirror was silent once more, but Harry knew it would respond. It just had to.

Even if it did not agree, Harry was simply going to help it anyway. He’d get Ron and Hermione here post haste to get started on their plan.

They’d probably call him an idiot, but they’d help him all the same.

“…You’re too kind. It seems that you are bent on helping me regardless of my wishes. Then please, help me. But I have a few conditions.” Harry nodded his head eagerly, pleased that the mirror did not put up a fight.

“You are to tell no one about me…my predicament is one of its kind. I might be carted away to the Ministry to be experimented on, otherwise.” Harry was shocked, understanding dawning at the reality that that would definitely be his fate. The Ministry was at peace now, but that did not mean the same thing for a lot of magical items. Harry recalled the many raids into wizarding homes for dark objects---for things that had been a part of generations of families, to be dissected and never to be returned to their true owners.

Harry did not want that for the mirror. He refused to give it up to the wolves when Harry had only just found it.

“Okay, I won’t.” Harry almost nodded his head before he caught himself, recalling again that the mirror could probably not see him.

“What was your name before you became trapped in the mirror?” Harry almost kicked himself at not asking earlier, feeling rather rude that he had practically forced his help on the object but did not bother to ask the most simplest of questions.

“…Tom Riddle. I was a seventh year…what is the name of my savior?”

Harry melted at the sound, intrigued by the name.

It suited the mirror. It was definitely a riddle.

“My name is Harry Potter, and I am also finishing up my last year here at Hogwarts.”

Harry grinned back at the mirror, entirely too trusting of the mirror he had found.

[giveuselife-blog]

Killer Resumes - 7 Power Resume Tips For Company

New Post has been published on https://giveuselife.org/killer-resumes-7-power-resume-tips-for-company/

Killer Resumes - 7 Power Resume Tips For Company

A tight economy forces a competitive job market. What people are now finding is that they are competing for administrative jobs with over-educated and over-qualified job applicants.

Now is the time to turn up the heat on your resume.

If you haven’t written a resume for awhile, or find yourself in the midst of a layoff, or just need to beef up what you already have then these tips will help give you that opportunity.

My former company received over 200 resumes a day and it was my job to separate the ‘good’ from the ‘bad.’ It is an acquired skill to be able to read a resume by dragging your finger down the middle of the resume page and deciding if it goes into the in-basket or the circular file.

Just as important as they are now, they were also at least that important back then. Key Words. I am talking about keywords, except back then they were known as “Power Words.” Most professional resume readers can make a decision to keep a resume in less than two minutes. Your resume had better be good for that only reason. Right now for every one job opening, there are 100 PLUS resumes and applications being turned in – And those statistics only count if the job is not advertised.

If you have not considered starting your own business by now, then you might give it a toss to see if it would be worth your while. The reason is because this economy is the best to start a business in. You are allowed many more opportunities to see if you can succeed or not. You get more chances to fail in this type of economy and the failure ‘penalties’ aren’t as rigid as they are in a thriving economy.

The best way to succeed is to gain as many failures under your belt as you can. A sure path to success is one failure at a time. Just like my golf instructor told us, “The best game you have is because you are moving forward – Always be moving forward!”

But, for those who are more interested in getting their resume put together (you will need it for your business plan anyway – when you start your own company), here are some killer tips.

1 –

Write great content. No, not story-telling content – Great content! Use words you would use that are descriptive, not dull (boring). If you need help, use some free internet keyword tools like Google Free Keyword Tool.

Write down a list of the things you did for each of your jobs – You’ll want at least four main points per job. Think about what you really did in a way that helped your company. This is your time to shine, so you better make your words count. Words are often the only armor you have to get your foot in the door.

Example: BEFORE

SKILLS:

TEAM PLAYER WORK WITHOUT SUPERVISION WROTE EMPLOYEE MANUALS

Example: AFTER

SKILLS:

Effective Team Director For Multi-Cultural Environment Established Validity in Successful Team Projects Awarded Direct Supervision Of Work Projects To Prosperous Completion Implemented Superior Supervision Techniques Resulting In Completion of Projects On Time And Under Budget, Saving Company Revenues an average of eight percent per project. Streamlined Employee Manuals to Increase Company Efficiency, resulting in 22.3 percent savings in payroll costs.

Don’t make things up – Big “No-No,” and you will get slapped for it in an interview situation. Use statistics whenever you can to make a visually graphic point about how you work. Most resume readers see words in pictures and they like numbers. Can’t think of a word – Look up a synonym on the internet.

TIP –

Market yourself as if you were your own product. If you were in charge of something or someone – Payroll, for instance, then do not say you were a payroll manager. Write your title down in more descriptive terms – Payroll Specialist For 50-employee Technician Unit.

2 –

Resume Design Format must be sharp and consistent. Read your resume over and over and over again to check for typos, and off-alignments in spacing, tabs, holding, dates, consistency. If you say you pay attention to detail and you miss even one of these items – your resume goes in the circular file. You want to avoid the visual clutter that forces the eyes to skip jaggedly along your resume – the read should be clean and easy with no skips to snag the eyes away.

Let another person read your resume before you send it to anyone. The second set of eyes will always catch those things you miss.

Good Example: Good spacing, plus this resume reads well, and is easy on the eye to follow down the page without interruption or changing spacing sequences, or other visual cues.

EXPERIENCE:

Catering Business Owner 2005-2010 Newport, California 1. Job Responsibility 2. Job Responsibility 3. Job Responsibility 4. Job Responsibility

Dog Walking Business Owner 2004-2005 Ensenada, California 1. Job Responsibility 2. Job Responsibility 3. Job Responsibility 4. Job Responsibility

POOR EXAMPLE: Spacing, tabs are jagged, (notice spacing too – see dashes between years – 1 has to space and 1 does not), indents – All are uneven and inconsistent formatting leaves the reader hopping around the page like a bunny. The impression you leave an employer is that you are lazy, unreliable, and high maintenance. Business owners and Human Resource personnel do not have time to decipher sloppy resumes.

EXPERIENCE: (poorly spaced, typos, grammar, punctuation, etc.)

Dog Walking Business Gurl 2004 – 2005 Ensenada, California

1 Job Responsibility -Job Responsibility 3 Job Responsibility

– Job Responsibility

3 –

If you struggle to find the right words then take the job description you have and take the words from that description and duplicate those same words in your resume. Trained eyes are looking for that kind of information.

TIP – State and Federal job applications are especially notorious for using this technique in choosing job applicants to interview.

If you really do not have the experience but have relevant experience that prepared you for that job duty – Put it down.

It is called transferable skills and those skills can keep you in the applicant pool or get you tossed out. If the skills you put down are NOT truly transferable, then you will look ignorant and lack good sense for listing them. It says that you did not read the job description before you applied and if you are sending out a lot of resumes it can be the kiss of death if the same person gets your resume twice for two different jobs.

Example: from the website – 50 state jobs (dot)com:

“Work closely with law enforcement, District Attorneys, Patient Attorneys, public advocate organizations and other DHS agencies throughout the state, and the Oregon State Police, Drug Enforcement Division, whose role it is to enforce the program’s statutes and rules. Monitor, track and/or respond to:”

Buzz words to use from this job description paragraph – “Work closely with,” “role it is” “to enforce the program’s statutes and rules,” “Monitor, track and/or respond to”

4 –

Make sure you match the job description and your bullet points in the same order so that you are using what the employer considers to be important with what you consider to be important – If the job description lists a hierarchy of duties, have your resume bullets in the same hierarchy of importance.

5 –

Sell yourself. Do you truly want a beginning position in a company, or would you be over-qualified, get bored and quit if you had to start at the beginning with those parameters?

Imagine what would happen if you put on your resume that you were, “Seeking management of a company division operating with $50,000 __________ you fill in the blank (in receivable accounts, net sales profit,… ), instead of, “Seeking a starting position with a growing company. Being humble only has openings for mail clerks and messengers.

6 –

Do your homework. Go online and find out what the company you are applying for really does and create more than one resume. Use your research for a better resume. Write a cover letter directly targeting specific niches, specific keywords, specific duties, specific companies and divisions within companies – Know who owns the company and some one thing about that person. Ask for an interview in your cover letter.

Example: “I am available for an interview Monday through Wednesday, _______ (date) from 8:00 am-12:00 noon. Please contact me at ____________ (phone, email) to arrange a date and time to discuss my qualifications and your needs.” “I look forward to hearing from you.”

One woman I know was thrilled to see an opening for a company she just loved and could not wait to apply for the job. With about half an hour of research, she found out that they were horrid to work for and found a better position with one of their competitors in a position she still has and still loves ten years later.

7 –

Call you references AHEAD OF TIME. Make sure you have a current phone number, address and email information on your Professional and Personal reference sheet. You would be so completely surprised how quickly out-of-date these things become and how FEW people bother to check their information for accuracy. This step should be a no-brainer, but sadly it is not.

TIP – Send a copy of your resume to your references so they know what to say on your behalf (coach them).