#i am not immune to giant sun themed women

[beesorcery]

it’s just really tough when your girlfriend’s out of town

[sachertortes]

Congratulations! I'd enjoy some Darcy/Tony, funny meeting at a party theme #1 If you do this, thank you sooo much. Your writing is pretty spectacular.

:D :D :D Thanks so much! Of course, I’ll try my hand at Tony x Darcy (it feels a bit wobbly to me still, but I hope you enjoy!)

Prompt: Funny meeting at a party, #1,  “i was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me”

Pairing: Tony x Darcy

Rating: T

Notes: I gave our girl a PhD in this bc it’s in my power to do so :P *Oprah voice* you get a PhD! you get a PhD!!!

Darcy leaned against the balcony, grateful for the cool night air across the back of her neck. Stark’s parties were always amazing, but sometime around 1am she usually started to feel claustrophobic and too hot. She must be getting old.

She sipped at her candy apple martini (it was bright red, and had gold leaf on the rim because Tony Stark was the least subtle person on the planet) and listened politely as Helen Cho talked about her plans for the rest of the weekend. (Genius geneticist and an avid free climber? She was a madwoman.)

Cho was in the middle of lamenting the cost of proper rock shoes when suddenly, there was giggling from below them.

“But soft! What light through yonder window breaks! It is the east and Darcy is the sun!!” The man called out loudly and flung his arms dramatically to the heavens.

Helen nudged her none too gently and Darcy’s drink sloshed dangerously in its glass. “Darcy, that’s Tony Stark!”

“Oh my god,” Darcy squeaked as Helen threw her head back and cackled with laughter  “What in the world is he doing? How does he even know – ”

“The very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly into your service!” Tony yelled. His tie was loosened, and he was grinning up at her. Bruce Banner stood next to him, pinching the bridge of nose and trying desperately to blend in with a topiary.

“He’s mixing up the plays,” Darcy said, one hand on her hip.

“That’s what you’re getting from this?!” asked Helen incredulously.

She handed her drink off to Helen, then leaned over the railing.

“How drunk are you, Stark?”

“Rude! I was in the middle of a solil – a solay – I was in the middle of wooing the beautiful scientist!”

Darcy rolled her eyes.

Wooing.

Apparently she was being wooed. By Tony Stark of all people.

Okay, so she wasn’t completely immune.

Tony Stark was hot. He was confident. He also had like, a million advanced degrees and Darcy, herself the recent recipient of a PhD, was a person who’d quite inadvertently surrounded herself with geniuses of all disciplines.

Smart was sexy as hell.

But she also knew that Stark’s penchant for going through women like…well, a playboy billionaire, was legendary.

She was understandably cautious.

“So whaddaya say, Lewis?” Tony called out again. “You, me, dinner? Or you, me, Italy? I can have the jet ready tomorrow. Sunbathing on the Amalfi coast, baby!”

“Sleep it off, Romeo!” she yelled back, even as her martini-addled brain was coming up with interesting new ways to break public indecency laws on the beach with Tony. She told her brain to shut up and dragged a pouting Helen back inside.

On Monday morning, Darcy shuffled blearily into the lab before her morning coffee no less, to find a giant unicorn on her desk.

It was pink. Its horn was a glittery purple. It smiled manically at her with big shiny eyes.

“What – ”

“Tony,” Bruce finished for her distractedly, while swiping his way through a holo-screen littered with equations. How he could do advanced mathematics before 9am would always be a mystery to her.

Darcy groaned and picked up the phone.

He answered after the first ring.

“Do you like it?” he asked, sounding a bit breathless.

There was grunting in the background, the sound of machines whirring. Morning workout then. She scrunched her nose. At least she hoped it was a morning workout.

“Stark – ”

“Tony.”

“Tony. Why is there a giant mythological creature on my desk? Before I’ve had my coffee?”

“You don’t like him? His name is Periwinkle. He told me he likes rainbows, and sparkles, and says there’s a reservation waiting for us at Pearl at 7 this Friday if you’re up for it. He says to wear those heels that do that thing that make your ass look – ”

“Tony!”

“Yes, darling,” he purred.

“I am not your darling. No thanks to the dinner.”

“Huh. …And the unicorn?”

She paused. “I’m keeping it,” she said, and hung up on him.

“Is Tony trying to ask you out again?” Bruce asked, a small smile playing on his face.

Darcy shrugged, and ran her fingers through the Perwinkle’s hot pink mane. “I guess.”

“He went straight to the stuffed animals. He likes you a lot.”

“He likes the chase a lot. He likes buying stuff a lot. Jury’s out on whether he actually likes the sarcastic lady who yells at him sometimes.” She took the unicorn off her desk, and petted it a little sadly. “You men are so weird,” she said as Bruce went back to his work, completely oblivious. “I wish Janey was here.”

On Thursday afternoon, there were a shit ton of flowers waiting for her in her apartment.

“Whaaat the fuck,” Darcy stated as she took in the lilies and orchids and roses that were on her sofa, on every surface in her kitchen, the garland (an actual garland!) strung over the doorway to her bedroom. It was as if Tony watched that one scene from The Great Gatsby movie, shrugged, and said, ‘I could do better.’

Tony himself was standing in her living room, holding one single white orchid, smiling hopefully.

He gestured at his surroundings proudly.

“You keep buying things,” she said, simply. “And you broke into my apartment.”

Tony raised one shoulder. “I’m good at buying things. And you keep your key under your doormat.”

“You can be good at other stuff.”

“I’m good at that too,” Tony said waggling his brows.

“So I’ve heard,” Darcy said with a bit more bitterness than she wanted to. Tony’s features softened, and he was no longer leering. She sighed, moved a bouquet of white roses out of the way, and sat down heavily onto her couch motioning for him to join her.

“Actual romance,” she said, after he sat down next to her. “Romance you can’t buy.”

Tony smiled with a gleam in his eyes. She knew that gleam. That was his ‘Challenge Accepted’ gleam.

Oh no.

That Friday, Tony gawped at her.

“I’m sorry, did I hear you correctly? Did you say that you want to drive into Manhattan? On a Friday before a holiday?”

Darcy shrugged. “Not drive. I’m taking the bus.”

Tony made a face like she just suggested he run Windows Vista in his suits. “That’s it. Get your stuff, and meet me in the garage in five.”

For that entire afternoon, Tony gamely followed her around no less than four used book stores and even accompanied her to Zabar’s when she decided that what people really needed at the facility were black and white cookies. No small feat considering the holiday crowds.

Finally, laden down with bags of old books and treats, Darcy called for a break.

“Let’s get something to eat,” she said to Tony, who had seen her purchase of The Long Goodbye and was idly flipping through it in the middle of the cheese section, much to the annoyance of other shoppers.

“Thank god. I’m starving, I’ll just call – ”

“No, no fancy places with reservations. Just…follow me,” Darcy said and took the box of cookies from Tony before he could eat them all.

A bit later, they were sitting on a bench in Riverside Park eating hot dogs. Tony had a spot of mustard at the corner of his mouth.

“You’ve got a…here.” Darcy reached over and swiped at the spot with her thumb, then licked it off her finger.

Tony grinned. “So.” He looked at her with barely contained mirth. “Aren’t we just the cutest – “

Darcy sighed. “Don’t ruin the moment, Tony.”

“Who me? I’d never. I was trying to say that we make a good team. Why, what’d you think I was doing?”

Darcy rolled her eyes but smiled anyways. She nudged the toe of her red Converse to his Oxford. He winked at her then took another bite of his hot dog.

Sunday night, Darcy walked into her apartment to find that it was already occupied.

She was ready to scream at the intruder but then she saw the familiar scarf and the familiar face beneath the knit hat.

“Jane!” Darcy yelled and flung herself into her best friend’s arms. Jane hugged her back, laughing, tightening her arms around the other girl.

“Surprise!” Jane said, voice slightly muffled by Darcy’s hair.

A soft cough alerted Darcy to Tony’s presence. He stood off to the side, hands in his pockets, watching with a pleased look on his face.

“You’ve brought me Jane?!” Darcy grinned.

Jane smiled into the fabric of Darcy’s sweater. She pulled back, flicking Darcy’s nose gently.

“Hey! I brought myself. The conference was a bust anyways. Boring and totally, as you’d say, a sausage fest. Tony did call me and offered to fly me back though.”

“I didn’t pay for it!” Tony interjected, before Darcy could say anything. “I used my frequent flyer miles.”

“You have frequent flyer miles?” Darcy asked.

“I got to sit in First Class. My god, the leg room,” breathed Jane happily. “And they gave me champagne and cookies!”

Tony shuffled a bit, looking as unsure as she’d ever seen him and said, “Alright, Lewis, I’m going crazy here. Did I pass or –“

So Darcy just walked up to Tony Stark and planted one on him. Not to be outdone, Tony kissed her back just as fiercely, grinning all the while and winding an arm about her waist. He was doing things with his tongue that made her feel like her hairs were standing on end.

Vaguely, over the buzzing in her veins, Darcy heard Jane’s voice. “Um. Did I miss something? And why do have so many flowers in here?”