#i am really sick of jess constantly being called on his sins and rory never being called on hers

[frazzledsoul]

I really, really do not understand the argument that Rory would have been "shirking her responsibilities" by spending a summer in NYC with Jess and that somehow it is not abandoning her responsibilities to fuck her married ex twice (the second time after she knows he didn't actually leave his wife), freeze Lorelai out because Lorelai objects to the affair, and spend the summer cavorting around Europe with her grandmother. If Rory had any pressing responsibilities around Stars Hollow, she didn't stay to fulfill them. She got involved in a situation that was far more cruel, destructive, and selfish than running away with Jess would have been, defended her behavior as righteous, and then ran even further away to escape the fallout. Rory is not called out on how terrible and catastrophic her actions actually were, but Jess is forever paying for his sins and viewed as the truly irresponsible one, the destructive force that's going to ruin her life, the truly untrustworthy person whose sins will always, always outweigh Rory's, no matter what kind of damage she causes on her own. Why is he constantly held to task for his irresponsibility and the hurt his actions cause, when Rory is not? There absolutely nothing about her affair with Dean that points to her being responsible, trustworthy, or caring about the effect her actions have on others. Even months later, she still doesn't regret it and ends Dean's marriage by writing him a letter talking about her "special night" that "she isn't sorry happened."

Look, I'm glad she removed herself from the situation and tried to end it and she is not the primary person responsible for what happened. Dean initiated this affair and chose to lie to and mislead both Rory and Lindsey. That doesn't excuse her actions, and her behavior does not at all indicate that she is a more responsible person than Jess or that she's less capable of causing immense damage. Once she had that extramarital affair, she was in no position to lecture anyone else on responsibility or trustworthiness, to say nothing of fairly basic concepts of morality.

Jess made a request and went away once he was asked to. Rory helped destroy someone else's marriage. Their actions are not at all comparable, and he should never be viewed as the more screwed-up person at this juncture in season 4. He would actually never be the more screwed-up person when compared to her ever again.

That said, I'm glad she said no. Jess needed to move on from his high school mistakes and I frankly don't think it's in his best interests to be involved with someone who would do the kind of things that Rory did. If she's that messed-up that she'll cling to this affair in hopes of being affirmed and validated and defend her actions for long afterwards, then Jess does not need to be involved with her until she is able to move on from that and be better. She would have just ended up hurting him again, and probably far worse than she did in season 6. I think the only canon period when I would trust her to be with him and not hurt him would be in season 7 or at some time afterwards, because her stable period with Logan was a time period when she improved and was able to exist in a more mutually nurturing and mature relationship. Even in season 6, when she is responsible and most resembles pre-late S4 Rory, she ends up breaking his heart again while in the midst of trying to hurt Logan, and if she's capable of that kind of vindictiveness (not to mention that she's cheating again) then she's not really someone that he can trust. She should not automatically be assumed as a person who possesses that attribute, especially when she's done so much to hurt him (and others) over the years. That trust isn't automatic after a certain point. It has to be earned.

It would have been nice if Rory had gotten to keep her character development from season 7, but as we see in AYITL she did not. I would support a reunion between them afterwards, but only if Rory settled down, stopped cheating, and had shown she could be someone that could be trusted in a relationship. She should not always be considered the mature, responsible one whose actions should always be deemed as morally superior to Jess's. That Rory mostly ceased to exist after season 4, and her track record ever since has shown that she's the one that needs to prove herself to him.