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thesportssoundoff · 6 years

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The AAF And Why We Should Care About These Teams

Joey

Feb 5th, 2019

Still bummed about the Super Bowl? Well let's get over it real quick! On Saturday, the Alliance of American Football will be the first of THREE (God help us) spring football leagues to take off. THREE. We really needed that many, huh? Doesn't being announced after the XFL, the AAF will launch this spring under the watchful eyes of Dick Ebersol and NFL executive legend Bill Polian and will air across a variety of platforms such as Bleacher Report's online app, the NFL Network, the CBS Sports online app, TNT and CBS itself. Let that be a lesson to those of you who think that sports can't milk every single penny out of today's weird digital/broadcast era. The majority of the pitches for this game feature stuff football fans do seem to want in some capacity although disagreements about HOW to implement them remain. For instance, the AAF is attempting to shave 30 minutes off of the viewing experience by limiting commercials. They're also scrapping pretty much all elements of kicking from the game (two point conversions only, onsides kick have been replaced by a wacky 4th and 10 scenario and there's no kickoffs either) so fans who are obsessive compulsive about kicking get a bit of a break. We've got a college football style "one foot = catch" rule and a reduction of the play clock from the NFL's 40 seconds to a cool 30 seconds. It's an attempt to do somethings differently and I'm at least willing to give it a try.

With just eight teams to choose from for the AAF, I'll just go team by team and list ONE reason why you should care. As much as you wanna just consider it a bunch of has beens and never was' playing out here, there's some intriguing storylines for the AAF. So much so in fact that perhaps you'll find a team so intriguing that you'll follow along this year!

Atlanta Legends

Why: Michael Vick Offensive Coordinator

I wanted to do a larger piece on how the NFL's lack of black head coaches boils down to the NFL's lack of black offensive coordinators (the IN demand spot these days). Instead of writing eight paragraphs about something that could be done in one, let's just look at Michael Vick and his new role as Atlanta Legends offensive coordinator. For starters, the Alliance of American Football being a potential breeding ground for former players to better grasp the coaching game is an A+ decision. We've already seen the offensive coordinator for another team in the Alliance of American Football get the bump up to NFL QB Coach (Jon Kitna went from San Diego Fleet Offensive Coordinator to Dallas Cowboys QB coach) and any opportunity for former players to stay involved in the game is a good one. Michael Vick's name comes with a lot of clout (and plenty of controversy) so right off the jump he's an important get for the AAF. How good he is as an offensive coordinator (be it gameplanning, calling plays or making adjustments on the fly) could determine how quickly he ascends at the position. Vick is a really unique character and a polarizing figure but seeing him in the role of offensive coordinator is going to be a worthwhile experiment. If Vick opens the door for other young out of work players to jump into the coaching game then I for one am all for it. As for the roster, the Atlanta Legends actually have plenty of name value from former Georgia QB Aaron Murray to NC wide receiver Bug Howard to Iowa RB Akrum Wadley to a host of Georgia Bulldogs on defense.

Memphis Express

Why: The "name" QB battle

Let's always be honest about this stuff; your fan interest will only go as far as the QB you have. The Memphis Express may not have GOOD QBs but they have NAME QBs and that's truly what counts. The Memphis Express have Christian Hackenberg and Zach Mettenberger, two "name" QBs who figure to draw in eyeballs if only due to the fact that there's Penn State and LSU involved. Hackenberg was a disaster for two years at Penn State and people excused him for that because the team was bad or the line was bad or the coaching was bad. Turns out Hackenberg was just bad and continued to be bad at the NFL level before getting bounced around by 4-5 different teams. Hackenberg will attempt to resurrect his stock in the AAF, a team that literally named its offensive coordinator in like early January after their original OC bounced. Hackenberg won the job but the back up spot belongs to Zach Mettenberger. I refuse to believe that Hackenberg is a better player than Mettenberger but ALAS! Mettenberger has NFL experience and has thrown actual touchdowns in real football games even if he played like a 6th round pick who was holding onto a roster spot for dear life. He just wasn't that good. Mettenberger and Hackenberg are two guys who share similar traits (big, they throw the ball far) with different reasons (Mettenberger was a problem in college, Hackenberg couldn't really play) that leads to the same development (playing in the AAF to continue their pro football careers). Still a QB BATTEL with name value is STILL a QB BATTEL and here we are. The Memphis Express also have a ton of LSU guys and LSU players don't half ass it so expect a ton of big hits from their defensive which legitimately has an all LSU DL. Also of note, the head coach is Mike Singletary and we can expect plenty of intense coaching gifs and press conference call outs of his own players. That's the finest reality we deserve.

Orlando Apollos

Why: Steve Spurrier is BACK!

Remember the days of Steve Spurrier? Run and Gun? Mr. Click Clack? There ya go. The Ol Ball Coach is back and Spurrier in Florida just feels right. Steve Spurrier's offenses in the mid to late 2000s were some of the funnest things imaginable and I'm curious to see if a few years off to refuel the jets don't bring out the fun in the Run 'N Gun offense. Spurrier's offense is helmed by either Austin Appleby or Garrett Gilbert since apparently nobody knows who the starter is as of this moment. Beyond that, he's also got a trio of name running backs (D'Earnest Johnson from USF was a popular name around draft time plus Akeem Hunt from Purdue and De'Veon Smith from Michigan were interesting dudes) and like twelve WRs who all run really fast. Realistically though I feel like this team is about watching to see if Steve Spurrier turns this gig into another college coaching opportunity soon enough.

Birmingham Iron

Why: TRENT RICHARDSON (and friends)

Unsurprisingly given the whole locales theme, the Birmingham Iron roster is LOADED with dudes from Alabama. The one name who immediately jumps out is Trent Richardson and I'm surprisingly intrigued to see how he looks. It's worth remembering that Trent Richardson had a tremendous rookie season and looked to be on the way to being something before he got big/hurt. Perhaps Richardson will be rejuvenated playing at home in front of what figures to be a primarily loaded Alabama crowd. Also keep an eye on Blake Sims who I figure will win the QB job eventually. In fact keep an eye on every player from Alabama (Auburn, Bama, Troy) because chances are they'll be given ample opportunities to show out at home. They also have the coolest uniforms. Lastly Tim Lewis is a long time defensive coordinator/DB coach getting his first crack at a head coaching gig so I'm curious to see if he can parlay that into another big opportunity down the line.

San Diego Fleet

Why: Mike Martz

Mike Martz is arguably one of the more unfairly judged head coaches in NFL history. He was the coordinator for the Greatest Show On Turf and as head coach of the Rams, Martz had five full seasons---he made the playoffs in 4 of those. Martz' ouster in St. Louis was controversial for a variety of reasons but he WAS successful and deserves to be remembered as such. From that point on Martz never got another head coaching opportunity, bouncing around as a coordinator in Detroit (back to back 4,000 yard seasons for Jon Friggin' Kitna of all things), San Francisco and a disastrous run in Chicago with Jay Cutler. Martz was pretty much cast aside by the NFL at that point and his reputation as a pass happy difficult personality pretty much ensured he would stay out the game. With passing being en vogue (and every QB guru alive being courted for 1,000,000 roles), this might be Mike Martz's last chance to maybe find a place in big time football. The San Diego Fleet roster is relatively bare compared to its contemporaries but Mike Martz almost guarantees to make it as fun as possible given the usual performances of his wacky passing game. Mike Martz making Mike Bercovici look like an NFL level quarterback would probably be his greatest accomplishment ever. Also keep an eye on Nelson Spruce slot WR-ing his way back to the NFL if it's any thing like he was at Colorado.

Arizona Hotshots

Why: Phil Savage and Rick Neuheisel

Phil Savage is in a very weird spot here. Savage had a brief runs as Browns GM and it went about as well as you'd expect it to. He was in, out and done before anybody even knew he was there. Savage re-emerged as a key part of the Senior Bowl process and for the most part, I don't think I ever saw many complaints about Savage's job as the figurehead for the event. Surprisingly at the end of 2018, the Senior Bowl replaced Phil Savage with former scout Jim Nagy. The decision to move on from Savage was not exactly well received at first and it seems like Savage has bounced back well enough with the AAF. Savage should be able to form a damn good roster given that he's probably interacted with and been around most of these players relatively recently as the Senior Bowl's ace executive. Somehow someway Rick Neuheisel has weaseled himself into the picture and into another head coaching job, he of a sparkling 87-59 record in college but a less than sparkling 47-40 from 2000 onward. Plus he's also been pretty much run out of every stop he's had under inauspicious circumstances. Phil Savage should in theory be able to find a competent squad of players (and they have a pretty well known defense with Sterling Moore, Rahim Moore, Will Sutton, Carl Bradford, Scooby Wright and Chunky Clements) and perhaps the time away has rejuvenated Neuheisel. At the very least Trevor Knight will be fun to watch am I right?

Salt Lake Stallions

Why: A Testing Pattern Perhaps?

Utah has one pro sports franchise, the Utah Jazz, which is intreresting when you consider how beloved the Jazz are. It seems like there's a very big supportive fanbase for sports out there in the Pacific Northwest and yet Utah has no football team, no baseball team and no hockey team. PERHAPS this can be a test. The Salt Lake Stallions overall do not have the most appealing roster in this entire deal but they may be the one best situated to draw the biggest audience. Utah is not blessed with a lot of pro sports options and if the Stallions are good then perhaps they can get people into the stadium. They have a weird eclectic mix of former Utes and three former QBs who if memory serves were all in the draft last year. Former Vikings RB and Utah legend Matt Asiata is 31 year and probably cooked BUT he figures to be a popular face for fans.

San Antonio Commanders

Why: An Actually Kinda Decent Deep-ish Team

Really. If you were putting together an all star game in 2017/2018 of pretty decent-ish draft prospects, a lot of these dudes would be here. QB Logan Woodside? Pretty good player! Had some issues but was a super productive small MAC QB type dude. RBs David Cobb and Aaron Green? Kinda intriguing RBs! Tray Williams has been on like 12 NFL teams as a third down back over the past two years even if he never stuck. WRs like Greg Ward, DeMarcus Ayers and Mekale McKay? Some draft buzz there! Some of their OL were late round types who wouldn't have been out of place at an NFL camp this season. The defense has draftnik "names" like Joel Lanning, Keenan Gilchrist, Tyrone Holmes, Austin Larkin, Winston Craig and a secondary featuring Jordan Thomas and Duke Thomas on the back end. It's actually not an awful team assuming you can put the parts together.

#AAF #Football #Sports #san antonio #Orlando #Birmingham #Salt Lake #Utah

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idonthinkyoureadyforinformant · 4 years

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If she wanted to play this game of confidential informant, pretend to be his girlfriend, he was going to make her play the part thoroughly. Pretty whitefish enjoyed plenty of line today, but his hook was still in her. He began reeling her back in, this time setting the drag so she couldn't swim away again as easily. "I think you ready for this, baby, and I can't have my girlfriend living in a bad place. What will people say? Besides, you a target for my rivals and the police. It be the only way. Otherwise we can't be together anymore."

Detective Sanchez told her to stay with him, to 'cultivate' her relationship with him and make sure the drug deal next month occurred. Mia's choice boiled down to pretending to be Reggie's girlfriend or long prison terms for Josh and herself. She observed the bulge in Reggie's slacks grow bigger as he spoke and dreaded what it meant.

Reggie saw where Mia's eyes fell, the horrified expression on her face, and he smirked. He leaned forward and instructed his driver, "Take us somewhere private for a while first -- you know where."

Reggie closed the dark, opaque window separating them from the chauffeur, leaned back with that same smirk on his face, and patted the leather seat next to him. "Come sit here, baby."

Mia wanted to bolt from the limo and flee, but somehow she controlled her impulse and perched herself beside him.

His arm reached around her shoulders and drew her into him. He grabbed her hand and dragged it to his crotch. "I get hard a lot. Rub it for me a while, baby."

Her hand had landed stubbornly on his enormous penis. She didn't want to touch the thing, but how could she get out of this? Fortunately, the alcohol had relaxed her. She quietly ran her palm up and down the tremendous bulge in his slacks.

"Why don't you take it out and play with it?"

It was safer for her if it stayed in his pants. She tried to stall him, the bulge she rubbed becoming harder, bigger. "No, not here and now, Reggie. Let's wait until later when we get back to your place."

"I told you it get hard a lot, baby. It hurt when it hard like this. You my girl and need to relieve it for me."

Relieve it for him? Mia took a deep breath. This was getting worse, she thought. She hesitatingly unfastened his belt, unclasped his slacks, lowered his zipper. She opened his lose trousers, her fingers softly tracing his cock through the tight silk fabric of his briefs, the last barricade keeping his huge organ safely secured and tucked away. She looked up, as if imploring him with her beautiful blue eyes not to make her go further.

"Go on, take my cock out now and play with it. You gonna like it."

She would never like his nasty penis. She looked back down at the tremendous protuberance barely contained in his underwear. The material strained to hold all of him inside it, the stretched fabric perfectly limning his enormous glans. Her fingers followed up the outline of his shaft which reached the outer edge of his hip.

There appeared no way to keep his organ incarcerated longer. She reluctantly pulled back the waistband of his briefs, reached inside them and released his gigantic black penis, which with her help escaped captivity like an uncaged Python.

Her eyes widened. She was familiar with him from last night, yet she still held his gigantic black cock in disbelief.

"Go ahead and play with it now, baby. Start having fun with it."

There would never be anything 'fun' about touching his penis, she thought. But surprisingly, she did find something about how warm, hard, and smooth it felt in her hands intriguing -- how his blood, his very essence filled the huge organ.

The primitive portion of her brain associated the size of his penis with strength and masculinity, while the evolved portion knew better. More manliness didn't make him a better man than Josh. But as she continued touching him, the primal part of her brain gained control and she thought less about Josh. She took in the fragrance of Reggie's cologne as his penis began having an almost trance-like effect on her, and she forgot about everything else.

Reggie's fingers gently passed through her soft golden hair. "Yeah, that's it, baby. You touching it real nice. You wanna kiss it a little?

She didn't want to do any of this with him, she remembered. But Reggie's suggestion echoed in her brain along with Sanchez warning her to stay with Reggie, to cultivate her relationship with him until the drug deal went down and they arrested him. Mia began softly kissing his cock. Her kisses ultimately turned into licks and then oral sex.

"Ah, oh yeah, baby. That feel real good."

His penis was so hard, he had to cum soon, Mia thought.

But Reggie possessed almost god-like self-control. He relaxed and savored the sensations from Mia's mouth, giving her extra time to appreciate his big black cock. It seemed like the longer he allowed her to perform oral sex on him, the more she liked doing it.

Mia noticed herself getting wet for some strange reason. She didn't understand why her body reacted this way. She hated this black thug. He was the enemy.

"Okay, baby, that's good. You ready."

He suddenly pulled her by her hair off his cock and unexpectedly began French-kissing her.

Mia wondered for a moment what he meant by saying she was 'ready' until he reached up her skirt and she suddenly understood. She felt his hand slide into her panties and pull them downward.

She had released his cock from confinement, had been drawn into playing a dangerous game with it. Now he was removing her bikini briefs — the last vestige keeping her sex safe from his monster penis taken away. She had to think of some way to stop him. "Mmm, no, mmm, no, let me finish sucking your cock."

He stretched her panties, almost tore them getting them off her.

All of this was a terrible mistake. Yes, she was giving him oral sex, but somehow she had been coaxed into doing it. In her intoxicated mind, giving him a blow job didn't seem as bad as having intercourse with him. She didn't want his cock in her pussy ever again. She was married to Josh. "Please, just let me suck your cock."

"I'm sorry but I gotta have your pussy, baby. You my girlfriend and you got me all hard."

"B-b-but I can't."

Of course, she couldn't, Reggie thought. She was a married woman, a police informant only pretending to be his girlfriend. She was trying to fool him and help the police bust him and his suppliers to keep her and her husband's asses out of prison. "Why not? I thought you my girlfriend?"

"I am."

Reggie knew all about Mia's situation, but she didn't know he knew. He continued using her predicament to get what he wanted from her. "I don't understand. You told me you loved me last night. Were you lying? What kind of girlfriend gets a guy hard and doesn't let him finish with her, unless she really don't love him? Do you know how much it hurts when a dude's cock gets hard like this and he can't finish? Maybe we should just end things now if you gonna be this way."

Was that true? Did a man's penis hurt when it got hard? Josh never told her that, but maybe Reggie's penis was different because of its size, she thought. She remembered Detective Sanchez' warning. Mia needed to pretend that she wanted to be his girlfriend. "I'm sorry, Reggie. I do love you. I'll help you finish. Just not that."

It was important for him to use the right words with her now. He wanted to fuck her brains out, but saying that was not how he would win this game. "But what you're doing isn't working. It's just making me hornier and making my cock hurt more for you. I need to make love to you, Mia."

She didn't know what to do. She wrestled with a confusing mixture of fear, guilt, and disgust over her unwelcome arousal. She didn't want to have sex with him again, but her options seemed limited. "Do you have a condom we can use?"

She immediately regretted asking him that question. She couldn't have sex with him -- not again. She was married to Josh.

He outplayed her at this game, like a seasoned sexual predator. He cloaked his face in a combination of disappointment and sadness, and carefully used more of the right words. "I'm sorry I didn't get any condoms. They don't make them big enough and they don't fit me right. Besides, it don't feel as good. You my girlfriend and it should be special if we love each other. I just don't understand. You made love with me last night without rubbers. Why you change? Don't you love me? Are you only doing this for the Molly?"

She didn't love Reggie, in fact she disliked him, but she couldn't tell him that. She had to stay with this black gangster, foster their relationship, and make sure the drug deal occurred as planned. Unfortunately, this meant convincing him that she cared for him and wanted to be his girlfriend. "It was different last night. I wasn't thinking clearly because of the Molly."

He was going to soften her up like a stubborn cut of meat in a pressure cooker. "Oh, now you're thinking clearly and you don't want me anymore? I see. I can't believe you just using me to get Molly. Well, maybe I don't want to be used. Maybe we should end this now."

She quickly ran numbers in her head. She was not sure if she was ovulating. But she had to do something to assure him, to reinforce their relationship and make certain that drug deal occurred next month as planned. Sex appeared to be her only tool left to garner his trust. How could things keep coming to this? She searched for the right response, but it just didn't exist. "That's not true. I'm not using you. I do love you."

His silence conveyed his disbelief to Mia; the disappointment in his face told her his friendship was in serious jeopardy over this.

"Okay, I guess if you really want to, we can have sex. But I could get pregnant."

He had successfully reeled-in his pretty whitefish. She knew it was time for him to spear her again, and flopped around trying to avoid it. But he had her right where he wanted and wasted no time lifting her miniskirt up. "I'll pull out of you this time."

He pushed her legs apart and placed the bulky head of his enormous cock against her tight entrance.

She was having second thoughts, but he was moving too fast for Mia and she could not keep up with his arguments. She made another desperate attempt to stop him. "No, you didn't pull out last night, Reggie. This is a bad idea. It's too risky."

Ignoring her, his hands grabbed her hips, jerked her to the edge of the seat and pinned her there. "I told you I'll take it out — I promise."

Mia grabbed his shoulders tightly as his cock began its deep descent inside her. Perhaps she was paying for more than just her and Josh's freedom. Perhaps this was restitution for freedom once denied and distant antebellum ancestors she never knew, selectively breeding superior physical attributes into his race. "No, ah, aah, ooh..."

Although interracial relationships were becoming more common, Mia had remained a holdout until her encounter with Reggie. He was now slowly converting her. Even though she didn't want to like it, he believed she would soon prefer big black cock, like every white girl that tried it. The only time size truly didn't matter was when a girl never experienced it. He was going to make Mia experience it plenty, get her good and spoiled on it. Her husband's small, white cock would always be an unsatisfying disappointment, like the bitter taste of unsweetened chocolate, by the time Reggie finished with her. "Yeah, baby, you real wet. You see how good that feel?"

Mia's mouth hung open in disbelief. He had disregarded her objections. He was inside her for a second night in a row. This was not supposed to happen again. But no matter what she had said to him, somehow he overcame her arguments and got his way...

The driver leaned against the side of their limousine, the end of his cigarette, like a lone firefly on a warm summer night, glowing brighter as he took another drag in the darkness. He calmly watched the rippled reflection of the city's illuminated skyline in the gentle, distant waves of the Jackson River.

He had driven them some distance — across the bridge and outside the city to where they presently were parked. All sorts of things came through this old shipping port at one time, but now it was mostly deserted.

He felt the limo bounce from the passion inside it, and listened to Mia's moans. His boss was always quite a ladies' man, but this girlfriend was by far the prettiest one yet, he thought.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god. No, I'm cumming again, oh god, please," the girl cried.

Mia's fingernails dug into Reggie's back as he kissed her ears, fucked her with his ungodly black cock, and drove her to the brink of insanity.

"Okay, baby, let go now. You still want me to pull out, right? I'm gonna cum soon too."

They had been fucking for nearly two hours and he was finally ready to orgasm? After she had cum a dozen times and was almost ready to do so again?

She hadn't realized she was hugging him. Mia heavily panted and released her unintentional embrace. "Okay, take it out now."

She watched his black cock withdraw from her, so huge it departed her pussy in what seemed like slow motion. He took her hand in his, made her hold his shaft and jerk on it for him.

"Ooh, you're cumming," she murmured, his penis throbbing in her grasp, covering her belly and tits with what seemed like enough of warm jism to put out a large fire.

"Oh, that feel real good, baby. Thank you. I love you."

"Oh, I love you," Mia absently responded, not meaning it, but caught in the heat of the moment. The long wet shaft of his firm penis, held in place by his hand over hers, slid through her palm, up and down against her clitoris as he finished ejaculating. It made her cum once more and with him.

Her mind was in clouds as she looked up into his deep black eyes and released a final sigh. Her long white legs remained wide open for him, hanging from the edge of the seat.

*******************

The din of city traffic carried up from the many stories below them, grew louder as dawn advanced and crept through slits in the blinds. Mia woke up in a comfortable bed, but not the one she had shared with Josh since marriage. Her arm rested across the muscular chest of an increasingly familiar man, but not the man she had loved, slept with since her teen years in high school and married. This was Reggie Johnson, a black man and violent drug dealer. They had spent a second night together. She had successfully deceived him into believing she was his girlfriend, she thought. But she had paid a terrible price. But at what cost to her marriage?

The bed was huge, much larger than her bed at home, yet they remained close together, in each other's arms. They didn't belong anywhere near each other as far as Mia was concerned. She should be lying on the opposite side of the bed, as far from him as possible, she thought. She lifted the sheet covering them and confirmed what she already knew — that they were both naked. Reggie's big black dick looked hard again. But how could that be after they had fucked most of the night, and without any protection? she recalled with guilt. It seemed like he never tired and always wanted more sex.

Why did Josh not listen to her all those times when she had warned him about the dangers of growing pot in their house and begged him to stop? This was all his fault, she thought. Now she was forced to sleep with a real drug dealer. She lowered the sheet and remained still, her hand returning to Reggie's chest and her head to the pillow. She wished there was some way to get out of this horrible mess her stupid husband had put them in.

Mia thought about calling Detective Sanchez and begging to get out of this. She didn't want to remain an informant if it required her to keep fucking this horrible black man, to keep betraying her husband. But Detective Sanchez had warned Mia not to contact her unless Mia's life was in immediate jeopardy or there was a change in Reggie's plans.

She missed Josh, wished she could at least speak with him for a little while. But except for Detective Sanchez and the man she was in bed with now, Mia had followed Sanchez' stern instructions and blocked her phone from other numbers.

Reggie's yawn interrupted Mia's thoughts. "Hey, baby, you have fun last night?"

Mia nodded hesitantly. He had made her cum more than she could remember, but it was not something she wanted to think about, nor was it something she was happy about doing with him.

Reggie smiled, his teeth brightly contrasting with his dark complexion. He pulled back the sheet covering them. "Look at my cock — it hard again and my balls hurt. You keep making it that way, baby."

Even looking at his penis seemed like another act of betrayal. Reggie's monstrous cock appeared even larger and harder than a few minutes ago. He had orgasmed six, maybe seven times with her last night. How could he possibly have another erection? Mia knew what he wanted. It was time to drain those big black heavy balls of his again that produced the infinite supply of sperm he seemed determined to keep sharing with her.

It pained her to keep betraying Josh like this, but she had no choice. Reggie needed to believe she loved him, that she was his girlfriend. It was the only way to avoid prison. Her hand slid from Reggie's chest, down his rippling abs. Her fingers wrapped around his thick shaft. Perhaps she could just masturbate him this time and avoid more intercourse, she thought.

Did her gentle tugs on his penis increasingly convey desire? It seemed like the longer she played with his big black cock, the more she enjoyed touching it. "My balls ache. Play with them too while you doing that," Reggie instructed her.

She sighed and moved down to his muscular stomach, her bare breasts pressing against him, her other hand softly caressing his heavy balls. He said they ached and wanted her to sooth them for him. She remembered how profusely his gigantic black penis had ejaculated last night when he pulled out of her — far more than she thought possible or had ever witnessed from Josh. It was disgusting, yet paradoxically arousing the way it spurted semen all over her body. But was her memory correct?

Reggie noted a change in her technique, definite improvement. "Oh, baby, that feel good."

She noticed herself getting wet again, like last night, only this time she had not been drinking. Touching him triggered something in her she didn't understand and could not control — something she didn't want to feel from a dark, scary place deep inside her. She became angry and disgusted with herself. She was married to Josh; Reggie wasn't her boyfriend. He was a black thug. Why was her body behaving this way with him?

He sat up, grabbed her hands and removed them from his penis. "Okay, baby, let's get you on your hands and knees. I can't have all the fun."

She sat up, realizing where things were going again and that she could not keep doing this to Josh. She had to somehow stop having sex with Reggie, yet she didn't know how to do that while supposedly remaining his girl. "No, it's okay, Reggie. I don't want to have sex now; but I'll make you cum."

She tried touching his penis again, but he pushed her hands away from it.

"What you mean you don't want sex? I love you and wanna make you cum. I wanna be inside you."

She looked down in shame to avoid his eyes. "I know, Reggie, but I can't."

He put his fingers beneath her chin and gently raised her gorgeous Caucasian face to look at him:

"Why you keep saying that? I thought we straightened this out last night. I thought we love each other. Why you keep getting this way? I'm beginning to think you really don't wanna be my girlfriend and are just using me."

Ch. 6

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theworstbob · 7 years

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the thing journal, 4.2.2017

scattered thoughts on the things i took in over the last seven days. this week: matt pryor, boyhood, julien baker, literally show me a healthy person, drake i guess, the goldfinch, the discovery, dave chappelle

1) Memento Mori, by Matt Pryor: i mean yeah, it's an album of acoustic folk songs? so i don't. i'm sure there's a lot that can be said about this album? but i'm so not the person to say those things, i could listen to this album again and again and try my best, but i can't be that person. this is no one's fault but my own, i'm not gonna be like "nyeh, this album sucks" because this happens to be something i don't typically dig, because i'm just not the kind of person that listens to folk. (don't you listen to country?) yeah but in country everyone's drunk and heartbroken, this is, i dunno, adult? yeah too adult for me, and i'm comfortable admitting that. (aren't you 27?) listen.

2) Boyhood, dir. Richard Linklater: So it IS possible to be absolutely dazzled by MOVIE-MAKING MAGIC yet be left kind of cold by the finished product. The story of how this film was made is cool, and you can feel the love and passion for this project oozing from the seams, but this is also a film about how a young boy grew up to become a college student with bad facial hair?, and there's a limit to how engaging I find those types of stories. So it's tough, because this is a film completely unlike anything else before it and an absolute treat to watch and think about (gosh, the pains one must have to go through to shoot a film over 14 years and make the finished product look cohesive!), but also a story I could get literally anywhere else. I thought the overall product was fantastic, but enough other people have been waving their flags hard enough and long enough that I'm okay not adding my own to it.

3) Sprained Ankle, by Julien Baker: This week, Bob! attempts to digest three quiet indie things despite not being all that into quiet indie things! For what it's worth, I know I have to give this a more attentive listen, this sort of music would pair better with list-making than it did with Mario Kart 7. I won a race where I had fewer Mario Kart points than all but one other dude in the field. I won the race with a last-turn pass and only by half a second maybe, and once I saw I took 1st, I shouted at my Nintendo 2DS, "REMEMBER THE FUCKING NAME," while alone in my apartment. The Mario Kart 7 headspace is not condusive to an album in which a young woman sings songs about death. I will say: even spending the first listen shouting at Mario Kart 7, I could still tell there was tremendous depth to be plumbed, so at least this thing was able to permeate the mania. Every now and then I'd hear a lyric ("I'm screaming at myself in public/I know I shouldn't act this way in public") and think "oh fuck, that's me, I need more time with this."

4) literally show me a healthy person, by Darcie Wilder: I don't know that any one thing has had a greater influence on my writing, if not my outlook on life, over the last year or so than the 333333333433333 Twitter account. Darcie Wilder is an absolute master of that form. I deleted my Twitter because the website is exhausting and I couldn't handle it (also real talk I'm just a fucking dude in Minneapolis, why do I need to worry about my brand), but hers is one of select few accounts I still visit on a regular basis because the Posts are just that Good, and her voice is perfectly represented in this book. Lesser writers would have published a compendium of tweets. Wilder presents something between a monologue and a short story collection, a recap of the day's thoughts, her mind bouncing from fun thoughts about rats to THIS IS SOMETHING I DID WHICH I DEEPLY REGRET like a mind actually does. It's dope as hell. It's the best thing I've ever read that I was able to knock out in three and a half bus rides. (Also, there's a passage in this book that is just a two-word sentence, "bob died," and it is my favorite instance of my name appearing in a work of art since Undertale.)

5) More Life, by Drake: I took an Intro to Film course at community college, because I like film AND I liked taking classes to help fill the art credit requirement! I took this class in 2008, so naturally, people were abuzz about some of the classics that had been released late in 2007, like There Will Be Blood. The professor DID NOT like There Will Be Blood. When pressed, he said something along the lines of: "There's no story! Daniel Plainview begins the movie as a monster, and he ends the movie as a monster. What changed? What did we spend two hours of our lives watching?" And while I don't agree with his assessment of the film, his perspective has stayed with me. Why do I bring that up? Who knows! Anyway this is the same album Drake has been making for nearly a decade and listening to it didn't enrich my life in any meaningful way because I already listened to other Drake albums. Also this was fucking 80 minutes long and even if I enjoyed Drake's whole thing, there is no excuse for a feature-film-length album, like calm down, just who the fuck do you think you are even? I spent less time reading literally show me a healthy person than I did listening to More Life. That's stupid and I hate it.

6) The Goldfinch, by Donna Tratt: This was recommended to me by a friend, so that's how I read this story about a young man who gets big into antiquing, and now I'm offering a review where, not only am I out of depth trying to proffer literary criticism, it's not even the sort of book that I'd come to on my own, so now I'm HELLA out of depth. This book is written in this elegant, austere way, and I loved the moments in the book where the author was just describing things, this book is at its best when no one is talking, but it was always somewhat jarring when a reference to modern technology was made. It felt odd and out-of-step with the rest of the novel, to have the odd reference to video games or iPods, like what's technology doing here, get out of here, I wanna read about the chairs this dude's been selling. But overall, I dug this book. It's about grief and the power of art and how decisions you make when you're 13 still influence the rest of your life, all things I’m into, and it was a welcome change of pace from what I usually read. (You mean nothing?) Again, listen:

7) The Discovery, dir. Charlie McDowell: ah just what i need a cloudy-day movie about suicide So like, I remember watching The Happening for a Bad Movie Night and thinking that the worst thing the movie did was squander an intriguing premise. There was a good movie somewhere inside The Happening, a movie about how to keep yourself believing life is still worth living, and it's not a perfect one-to-one translation of course, but The Discovery is pretty danged close to being the film I thought The Happening could be. Maybe it's a matter of scale: it takes this concept, "What would happen if science proved the existence of an afterlife?" and applies it to this small family drama, the son of the man who found the proof and their efforts to find out what the afterlife is. It has an offbeat sense of humor (I never realized how much I needed to see Jason Segel and Jesse Plemmons just hangin' out), and I appreciated the hell out of the final twist (even if I could have done without the Usual Suspectsy montage of moments from earlier which presaged the twist; "Look at all the foreshadowing we did! Aren't we such clever boys?" ugh i mean as someone who once paid enough attention to game of thrones to be able to identify every single white dude with a beard, i find that kind of shit annoying, i KNOW he said those things, i was WATCHING your FILM). I found much to enjoy about this film, even if "enjoy" is a weird word to apply to a film where a suicide counter figures prominently in the background.

8) Deep in the Heart of Texas, Dave Chappelle: I think a lot of what I said about his other Netflix thing applies here. The focus was a bit tighter, but ESPECIALLY here, it felt at times like he was telling jokes he wrote a few years ago that he just really wanted to get on television. He did a run on "Wait (The Whisper Song)." I didn't know people were still talking about that. He attributed "Wait (The Whisper Song)" to 50 Cent. One, you think people are gonna remember "Wait (The Whisper Song)," but won't remember The Yin Yang Twins? Two, you're gonna attribute it to 50 Cent? Come on, man. Say Lil' Jon. Lil' Jon is as current a reference as 50 Cent (moreso, actually, given "Turn Down for What"), that name is at least in the ballpark, and it's an easy applause line for you, like dude, shape up, I know it's not that simple but I'm pretty sure I've nailed it. But this was still more good than bad, and it still provided exquisite shots of white people in the front row who somehow didn't know who they had paid to see. Gosh, you could just smell the "well, actually" on some of those bros. That's the best part of these specials.

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tiard · 7 years

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2017 Through My Eyes

So yea, here we are again, at that time of the year–when moments are merged into memories, and dreams into resolutions. Re-resolutions, to be exact, because those are just the list you told yourself to achieve in the end of the preceding year. And a year before.

This is that time, when the time itself seems like running out of time… if it makes sense.

2017 was hard for me–not gonna lie about that. It wasn’t all stormy, that’s true, I’m not some pathetic character on soap operas whose life is all sorrow anyway. There were many things I’ve been being thankful for about this year as well but still, this year… was hard.

I started this year by being one of the caretakers of an organization. I knew from the first place that it was going to be nowhere near sugar, spice, and everything nice, nonetheless I still accepted the mandate. I can’t say now that it was my best decision, notwithstanding it has taught me oceans. I learned a lot–not only about technical organizing skill, but also… well, other things. I learned how to encounter some particular types of person, how to work in a group–even lead one, how to stay calm under the pressure so you can still get the friggin job done, et cetera. I discovered that somehow people could be so hard by being so different with you yet you still have to professionally interact with them and override your disturbed ego, no matter how bad you wanna slap them in their face. I figured out that something intangible could be tremendously demanding and to overlook those demands is never an option because those are your responsibility. I figured out that it could be unexpectedly relieving when you sincerely put your behalf after other’s; that hiding your own sadness behind a smile is one useful trick to keep the good vibes around–fake a smile until you eventually forget that you’re faking it, they said. Well, somethings are just meant to be faked, I guess.

Not that I want to extend the mandate anytime longer, though. I’ll still have it until the first two months next year–if everything goes well. And that will be enough. I’m so ready to wave this business goodbye and pass my thanks.

Another highlight of my life: I left town for a month and a half, doing my fieldwork–having my first experience of staying out of home in a long period. It took place in Dumai, Riau–in an oil refinery company, under the extremely blazing sun of Sumatera. I wore coverall, safety helmet, and big leather boots everyday, wandering around old iron towers. I was freakin nervous at first, because yea you know, we tend to be afraid of something we don’t know.

It started with a three-day training where all interns from every department were being gathered. Some dudes were nice and friendly, some others were being way too friendly it became irritating–I even had to pretend I was on the phone just to avoid any further conversation with them. I didn’t know which ones were my partners yet at that time but I doubtlessly hope they weren’t the annoying dudes–God heard me.

My partners were two guys from Surabaya and they were far from annoying–they were super fun, exactly the kind of person I need to survive six weeks being in a foreign place with no source of entertainment other than each other. There weren’t so many things to do along the office hour and I’d certainly be bored as hell if they weren’t there. You know, I have never been the type of person who can easily get along with others, but I immediately felt close with them two–something a bit surprising. They taught me how to jump into a pick-up car, how to play whatever-online-game-that-was, how to speak some daily Javanese vocabularies–they even shielded me from the annoying dudes when we accidentally ran into them. Gosh, I miss them so much!

Only a week after I got home from Dumai–exactly seven days later, my dad passed away. It has been more than 4 months by now, but I still remember everything that happened back then–every details. It wasn’t more than 3 am when my mom recited “laa haula walaa quwwata illa bilah” loudly, again and again. I came out of my room and saw my dad laying on his desk–his body was shaking and his eyes half closed. I called for ambulance but there was no answer, so I rode my motorbike with my hands trembling, heading to the nearest clinic which possibly had one–I found nothing. We finally took my dad by our own car–I drove. I’ve never driven as thrilled as that–my hands couldn’t stop trembling, my eyes were burning, but I knew I wasn’t supposed to cry. I wasn’t supposed to be weak at that time–I had to handle everything.

No matter how much I loved my dad, Allah loved him more. He called him that morning, to gave him a better place, to stop him from suffering any further.

I once promised my dad not to cry when he’s gone, but it turned out that I broke the promise. He was my hero, my number one man, how could I be not crying when he’s gone? I still do even until now, it still hurts to realize that he’s not coming back home.

Well–there’s still a lot of things to tell about my 2017, but sometimes pictures tell more than words, so here goes some documentaries about another year that is passing by in my life. Last words, I hope you had a wonderful year and getting a more wonderful one!

(I was in Makkah for Umrah on last year “new year’s eve”–wish I could go back to this holy place again someday.)

(Having upper respiratory tract infection as I came back to Indonesia after Umrah–got hospitalized again 9 months later for the same reason. New record has been made: hospitalized twice in a year! Not a good record, I know.)

(PSDA MBWG, thanks for teaching me how to lead a team–although it turned out that leading isn’t really one thing I can say that I’m good at, but still, thank you–especially to some who’s still sticking until the last time!)

(I took connected flight from Jakarta to Dumai, but because my first flight was delayed for four friggin hours, I was left by my second flight and compensated by a hotel room for one night. This was a mirror selfie in its bathroom.)

((from left to right) Bima & Farid, my fieldwork mates! Thanks for being such fun partners, you two!)

(Battnite! Never a dull moment being in the middle of these people.)

(Being a morning market merchant to make some money–turned out it was fun!)

(Last kulap with Nathaloka Arkana. Given fancy meals and plentiful snacks, what a nice closing for our kulap life!)

(My savior angel of this semester. Really, what would I be without this annoying-sounded human being?)

(October graduation ceremony. I always love the vibes of graduation.)

(BMBC 2017. Got pretty good result–hard work paid off.)

(When I said hard work up there, I meant these people’s.)

(Finishing DTL-I! Those sleepless night ended here. Much thanks to these four who had accepted this way-too-chill self of mine. Couldn’t ask for any better team mates!)

(Visiting Ayah. I know he had never been into flowers, but well–something bright is needed sometimes, am I right?)

(Last belajar bareng for this semester. Couldn’t really nail the exam on the next day, but it doesn’t matter as long as the others couldn’t do it as well^^)

(After the long awaited sidang KP. Received so much love in the form of sweet snacks–I was touched. The next sidang will be thesis defense–oh my God!)

(Last but not least–this guy. Little does he know that he has taught me a lot this year, just as he did the year before, and the year before.)

PS: it was still 2017 when I started writing this but things went a bit longer than I planned–now it’s 2018 already. HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!

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idkitshiro · 8 years

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February 4, 2016 2:49 PM

It’s been so long since I’ve bothered to reopen and post my thoughts, feelings, whatever that surfaces to my mind. Alot of small changes in my mental approach but I’ve been doing alot better recently. God there’s so much I want to talk about now now that I’m started to hit these keyboard keys. Once again I’m trying no to filter my flow of mental thoughts. hehe altho my bad habit kicks in whenever i start thinking of a better more accruate, more cooler wayer of phrasing things lol This quarter I’ve decided to shake my schedule a tremendous amount. I’m taking 4 classes , 2 of which Im really interesed in volleyball and Japanese and the other is my class I failed the firs ttime Accounting, and another upper div class econ 100b.

Its been so much fun playing volleyball. On top of the class times we meet on tuesday and thursdays I practice on monday nights and play games on tuesday and wednesday nights as well. I’ve been coming up with all these smaller goals and my list just keeps growing. It feels pretty good, but sometimes it feels like im putting too much on my plate. but i think i like alot better this way. ive invested in a better microphone because ive been trying out voice overs and other friendly tournaments and i constantly think about if I could one day snag a career opportunity with it. Though my main goal is to finish up school and grab my BME degree, I am really hoping that within the time before I graduate I can find some sort of full time voice acting job. On top of this I’ve been working on this part time job 3 days a week. A small part of me feels this small sense of dread , but Im trying to adjust that work is something I have to learn how to be comfortable and get used to doing, even if its not my number one passion, it creates funds for me to go out and enjoy food and other materials that are awesome. and i have been enjoying using the money im making. I’ve been adding to my wardrobe new clothes !! it feels good to spend money that im legitamately working for, although im constantly working on how to control my spending habits. Being comfortable with using money is one trial, limiting my spending is another. ive been going to JSA weekly and getting to know the people there and its been pretty good. lol anyways, other goals and resolutions ive been focusing little by little each day is building my self - esteem and confidence in other people. ive been slowly learning how to just feel comfortable with my own body in whatever im wearing and whether people are looking at me or not. ive always been super self conscious of my looks , the sides of my body , my face , eyes , lips, hair, how i stand with my shoulders always tense, biting my lower so it does pertrude so much. I’ve been learning to accept the way I look. Loving the body im in, not thinking or worrying about how I look when Im sitting next to the person next to me. Slowly, but steadily ive been taking to time to just love myself.

As with my social intereactions with other people, ive been working on my smile to other people. but i kinda worry that people may take it as a flirtacious way or a smirk like im looking down at people.. i really am not. and never do i want to come off as cocky. I genuinely am trying my best to see people in a more positive light. I really want to be able to open up to people.. every so often I think about how much Ive never got to tell my main group that i hangout with , the bois, anything personal or anything at all of my negative feelings my real struggles with depression , loesliness .. generally all these thing sthat really matter to me ive probably mentioned it in many times somewhere in my collection of thoughts previously , but since then i just have always struggled to really trust in people.. i keep comin to the same corner thinking its easier to not have friends.. but at the same time I deeply long for the deep sense of connection with others.. i hate and love people. even now i havent had a good opportunity to reveal this side with anyone.. but ive learend to adjust and move forward on my own. I really do feel a lot stronger, looking back and seeing how much i keep pushing myself, to keep falling back in love with life, finding the right peace of mind. everyday im feeling a little more happier than the day before, without having a person of interest dangling as a carrot, without having anyone listen to my problems or encouraging me, in the face of my insecurities, and other people who try to convince me that I am worthless or that my opinions are irrevelant . Everyday Im giving nothing less than my best and with that I have the greatest peace in mind, that i can feel satisfied and happy with myself. No one is better or below me and I am neither more important or less signifciant than my neighbor, and it bugs me seeing other people, a lot of guys try to make the ppl around them feel smaller than they really are declaring themselves as alpha. what they say or do is irrelevant to me as I continue to focus on myself. I never want to forget to be kind to others, I truly want to love the people around me. At the core Im still the Christian Ive dedicated my life to be since elementary , and since ive lost faith in the people of my church.. ive never really got to reveal my faith I constantly hold in my heart. what keeps me skeptical of people is how manipulative people can be.. that people will take advtange of your friendliness, your circle of peopel you know to approach girls theyre find attracrtive. that alot of guys dont care about building a friendship or getting to know anything of whats important to me but because their main intention is that theyre thirsty for girls.. i constantly keep seeing this.. and i hate it.. its easier to trust girls because theyre not looking to take your friends but when i think more about it , as soon as they find some1 more attractive they dont care about being your friend or being close at all but rather only interested in being the most liked. agh ik im scrambling all this but geez.. anyways ive been trying to accept people as they are, not forcing my most negative thoguhts of peopel whether their true or not to people I have yet to learn and get to know. the second problem is how do i ward off the ppl I truly get to know as horrible people.. and how do I detach myself in a respectful but loving manner. I already have a bad habit of distancing myself from ppl so learning this could be prove to be even more detrimental but..hm. yea i wanna learn how accept people as who they fully are.. wahaha , im beginning with accepting who I fully am.

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